The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Hello there.
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Welcome to today's
program, Pure Choices.
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I am your host
Brittany Hill-Morales.
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Today, we have a
really good one for you.
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And here is my
wonderful and awesome panel,
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starting with Myesha Lawson.
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Hello.
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My husband Xavier Morales,
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Myesha's husband Timothy Lawson,
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and Jacques LaGuerre.
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Today, our topic is
going to be about That Word.
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Before we jump
straight into it, let us pray.
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Dear Kind Most Heavenly Father,
today, Lord, we will pray
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that You will be with us
here as part of this panel
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and you'll also be
with the viewers at home
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that Your Holy
Spirit will just guide us,
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in Jesus' name, amen.
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Amen.
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I'm going to start
by reading a poem called
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"That Word" by Cynthia War
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and it goes like this.
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"A word that means so
much can also mean so little.
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A word that stands for
much that can also be so fickle.
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A word that promises excitement
from one particular person,
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a word that destroys your life
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when the wrong card is dealt in.
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I know this
word and it knows me.
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For a long time,
it was my bestie.
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I learnt from it
and it broke me down.
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I wanted to get away from
it, but I didn't know how.
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The cravings, the
cravings, oh, how I loved it.
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They drove me insane
but I couldn't stop it.
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That word, that
word, I couldn't resist it.
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I wanted that
word and it wanted me.
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I started out, learnt
its face, and for a long time
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nothing could take its place
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until I found myself
without self-respect.
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Something I couldn't
believe, I let myself forget.
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This word, this word,
what does it really mean?
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Does it really
promise excitement
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that will last for eternity?
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This word, this word,
it's not what it seems.
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The feeling you get
never last that long,
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it's actually quite fleeting,
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constantly chasing
something I cannot obtain.
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It was then I knew it was
time to stop and try God again.
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That word that meant so much,
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it no longer has its claw on me.
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With God in my life,
I'm finally free to be able
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to walk amongst
others without feeling small,
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knowing we all have problems,
and only God can judge us all.
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That word has been
replaced with something new.
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I think you will
find it quite fitting
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since I know you're
probably looking for it too
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but only God can deliver
it, only He can give it to you,
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that word is love, true
love that only He can bring.
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He will give it to you
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if you bring
flesh as an offering.
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So take your time
and think it through,
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what does that
word mean to you."
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Well, panel, today
that word that our artist
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was just she'd begun with
was basically taking about sex
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and having a sex addiction.
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And I guess my first
question is for you guys,
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what does it mean to
have a sex addiction?
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Well, I feel like for something
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to be
classified as an addiction,
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it needs to lead you
to unhealthy behaviors.
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And so what I
feel like sex addiction
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is any type of
sexual expression that leads
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to unhealthy behavior, you know?
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So if you are missing
work or if you are using
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all this money to
gratify this desire,
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you are not paying your
bills or if it's causing a rift
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between you and your spouse
or your relationship with God,
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anything like that,
I'd say is an addiction.
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Sex addiction to me is something
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that you are constantly doing.
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It's a practice
that can change your life
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or ruin your life and
your mental state as well.
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It is something that
can be overly stimulated,
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and it can affect your
mental and your physical.
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I think the word addiction
in itself is just, you know,
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something that
completely takes over your life
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that you can't function.
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Obviously, we have
heard a different addictions,
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but in relations
to sex addiction,
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you know, it's both...
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Obviously it's sex, and
it's something that, again,
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overwhelms you to the
point where if you don't have it
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for that day, your day
is just going to be off.
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I think an addiction
is something that causes
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imbalance in the
body to the extent
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that it changes
the chemical makeup
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and the brain in such a
way that now that person
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is totally
dependent on this addiction.
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They have to have it,
otherwise they go through
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some type of withdraws
in the mind and the body.
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And in the case of
sex, it would have to do
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with probably the
dopamine receptors
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and the reward
center of the brain.
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I would add, it's more...
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it's an obsessive
compulsive relationship
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that like maybe a person,
an object, or an experience
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for the sole purpose
of sexual gratification.
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So let me just
throw this in here.
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There are some people
who would say, "No, no, no.
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I do not have a sex addiction.
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I just have a
very high sex drive."
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What's the difference
between a high sex drive
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and a sexual addiction?
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Tim?
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Well, I think
the major difference
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is there are some
people who engage in sex
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because they are married.
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They are enjoying their
marriage covenant thing,
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they engage in
it, have it frequently
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and not frequently, they do.
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And there are
some who engage in it,
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we call it fornication.
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They engage in it just
for fun, just for recreation.
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They do it, you know,
they may do it frequently,
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but there's not
necessarily a dependence on it.
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And then there are
some people who engage in it
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and this thing has
control over their lives.
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They have to have it.
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If they do not have it,
they go through withdrawals.
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And so each
category is meeting a need,
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but the person that is addicted
will do anything to get it.
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They go through withdrawals
if they can't have it.
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And they have to
have this need fulfilled
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or almost there is even
anger that comes afterwards.
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Between the two is the addiction
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is you are
never satisfied, okay?
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I watched something on TV once,
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and the woman was married,
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but when she would have
lovemaking with her husband,
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she was never satisfied.
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I mean, she
couldn't sleep even after.
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And then she would
ask her husband like,
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"Are you ready again?"
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And he's like, "Wife, we just,
you know, we just finished."
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And she is like, "Ugh, okay."
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She has an attitude after that.
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And then next, she sees a
guy that she is attracted to,
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and automatically she
has intercourse with him.
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And then she goes to
her husband that night
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and have intercourse with him.
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So she kept going back
and forth, back and forth.
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And so I think those
are the two different...
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She was never satisfied.
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I think, you know,
having a high sex drive
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does not constitute you to,
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you know, go
out and do whatever.
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Having a high
sex drive just means,
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you know, you might...
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Like for example, some men might
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mass produce testosterone,
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so that will
constitute a high sex drive.
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But when you talk
about sex addiction,
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that is just
something that, you know,
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you are allowing
it to control you,
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whereas in high sex drive,
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you can be an acknowledgement
of that sex drive,
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and understand it
and be okay with it.
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But an addiction like
sex addiction, you know,
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you are completely
acknowledging the fact
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that you have an issue but yeah,
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you are just going to
go ahead and do it anyway
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just for
self-gratification purposes.
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Okay.
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I did some research,
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and they were
saying some of the...
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As you guys were
saying, the inability to stop
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despite all the
consequences that happen.
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Being so obsessed that it's like
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your primary coping strategy.
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If you are feeling
sad or overwhelmed,
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the first thing
I'm going to go to
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is sex to get that satisfaction,
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to feel better, to feel
like my life is worth living.
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So what if someone says,
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"Okay, it is
not a sex addiction.
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Trust me, I would know.
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It's just my
natural expression of sex."
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Xavier?
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This is an example,
you know, coping mechanisms
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like you said is not natural.
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It's not natural
because I was addicted
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to pornography for a long time,
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and it would get
to the point that...
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Even as a Christian,
I was still addicted,
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even, you know,
going through seminary,
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part of seminary experience,
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I was still
addicted to pornography.
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And it's an addiction
because my brain, you know,
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my spiritual side, the
Bible, everything was there
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to tell me, "No, this is wrong,"
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but my brain was like,
you know, just do it anyway
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because I got to get
it over with, you know,
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just as something...
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If I did not do
anything about it,
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I would not function properly.
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And so that is where it
comes in where it was just...
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I just had to do it just because
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it was an automatic thing to do,
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especially if I
was sad or depressed.
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I like that thing
about what Xavier said
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that's a highlight
and a key for addiction
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for a person
thinking, "Oh, this is not..."
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Can your life
function regularly and properly
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without this thing?
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And some people say,
"Oh, I can stop it any time."
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Well, stop then, you know,
and see because the addiction,
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a person thinking
they are not addicted,
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they will find out
without this thing,
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they can't function properly,
maybe they can't think properly
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or maybe their
emotions won't be the same
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until they run
back to this thing
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and then that thing
makes them feel secure,
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it makes them feel all right.
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And sin general is very
addictive in its nature.
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And so even if
you take Tim's counsel
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and you try to stop and you can,
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that will just make you a
little bit more comfortable.
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That's not to say
that you should keep going.
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That means you
should stop for good
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because sex
addiction or any addiction,
00:11:31.22\00:11:33.96
it starts off small, you know,
00:11:33.99\00:11:35.76
you just have a drink every
now and then, wine with dinner,
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you can control it, you know,
you got a promotion, you know,
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"Let's have a couple
beers, let's do this,
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I'm just going to watch
pornography a little bit,
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I'm just going to
fornicate once or twice."
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And then you start to
get an appetite for sin,
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and you want more
and more and more.
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And so even if you are not
clinically addicted right now,
00:11:55.98\00:12:00.22
if you keep on
going down that path,
00:12:00.25\00:12:02.05
it's only a matter of time
00:12:02.08\00:12:03.42
until it is a
full-blown addiction.
00:12:03.45\00:12:05.75
So true. So, so true.
00:12:05.79\00:12:08.42
So would you guys say
there are different types
00:12:08.46\00:12:10.56
or maybe even levels of danger
when it comes to sex addiction?
00:12:10.59\00:12:15.60
Definitely. Definitely?
00:12:15.63\00:12:16.97
Well, absolutely.
00:12:17.00\00:12:18.57
What about the...
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Let's list a few
different types of addictions.
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How about the
seductive rule sex addiction?
00:12:23.77\00:12:27.91
Well, yes, in my
former life as being a dancer
00:12:27.94\00:12:32.21
and a working girl,
00:12:32.25\00:12:34.75
I was addicted
to being seductive.
00:12:34.78\00:12:37.45
I mean, the way I
walked, the way I talked,
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the way I dressed,
just everything about me
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was being seductive,
you know, that was my job,
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that's who I
became, that was my life.
00:12:48.66\00:12:53.30
So I was addicted
to all the attention
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that I was getting
to become this person
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of being seductive.
00:12:59.14\00:13:01.14
And what about anonymous sex?
00:13:01.18\00:13:05.21
Well, there's a
certain high you get
00:13:05.25\00:13:06.82
when you engage in
that type of behavior
00:13:06.85\00:13:09.38
because you don't have to
put any of the work of intimacy
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and actually caring
for the girl, you know.
00:13:12.95\00:13:14.92
And in my own
experience as well,
00:13:14.96\00:13:16.62
you just kind of go to a bar,
you go to club, you say xyz,
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you know, you buy
those girls a drink,
00:13:21.30\00:13:22.96
and then you guys
just go and have sex.
00:13:23.00\00:13:26.03
And so that
behavior becomes addictive
00:13:26.07\00:13:27.90
because it's a
rush, it's a high.
00:13:27.94\00:13:31.14
You are doing things
that you've seen on TV,
00:13:31.17\00:13:33.11
you've seen it in movies,
00:13:33.14\00:13:34.48
and now you are
kind of experiencing it,
00:13:34.51\00:13:36.44
and you are like,
"I am movie star."
00:13:36.48\00:13:38.75
You know, and that's what
the devil starts to whisper
00:13:38.78\00:13:41.58
in your ears like the same
lie that he whispered to Eve,
00:13:41.62\00:13:45.95
you know, and to
Adam, "You will be a god."
00:13:45.99\00:13:49.09
And so that anonymous sex,
it makes you feel like a God.
00:13:49.12\00:13:52.93
And you feel worshipped,
but worship's only for God.
00:13:52.96\00:13:56.53
And so that's how
someone can get addicted
00:13:56.56\00:13:58.83
to anonymous sex.
00:13:58.87\00:14:00.20
And how dangerous
is that anonymous sex?
00:14:00.24\00:14:02.04
You are just having
sex with random people,
00:14:02.07\00:14:04.31
you don't
really know their name,
00:14:04.34\00:14:05.81
so if something happens...
00:14:05.84\00:14:08.11
Well, yeah, I mean,
there's STDs as well, you know,
00:14:08.14\00:14:11.78
there's unexpected pregnancies.
00:14:11.81\00:14:14.08
I mean, you don't know
anything about this person,
00:14:14.12\00:14:17.65
not only this person can
have an addiction themselves,
00:14:17.69\00:14:23.12
you never know what it is.
00:14:23.16\00:14:24.49
I mean, they
could be a murderer,
00:14:24.53\00:14:26.83
you know, or a person, you know,
00:14:26.86\00:14:29.40
that goes out and
finds girls and rape them,
00:14:29.43\00:14:32.07
you know, and they could
be just addicted to that.
00:14:32.10\00:14:35.54
And me and my wife,
we watched a documentary
00:14:35.57\00:14:38.01
where a person was
having anonymous sex,
00:14:38.04\00:14:39.57
met somebody over the Internet,
00:14:39.61\00:14:41.34
and went out to see him,
and then come to find out
00:14:41.38\00:14:43.45
the guy was
lying the whole time,
00:14:43.48\00:14:45.75
and he forced the
girl into prostitution.
00:14:45.78\00:14:49.25
And so, you know,
there's all kind of danger,
00:14:49.28\00:14:51.72
I'm sure we can remember
all kind of serial killer cases
00:14:51.75\00:14:55.22
where a guy, you know,
who need a girl and, you know,
00:14:55.26\00:14:58.23
maybe they will sleep
together or prostitute,
00:14:58.26\00:15:00.20
and then he would murder her.
00:15:00.23\00:15:01.56
So there's also real
life-threatening danger
00:15:01.60\00:15:03.77
in that.
00:15:03.80\00:15:05.13
And that's also actually
one type of sex addiction,
00:15:05.17\00:15:07.34
it's called intrusive sex.
00:15:07.37\00:15:09.60
You know, with that...
00:15:09.64\00:15:11.34
As my former life
as a police officer,
00:15:11.37\00:15:14.14
I worked a lot
of cases like that
00:15:14.18\00:15:15.54
where the man was just, he...
00:15:15.58\00:15:18.31
And there's
females like that too.
00:15:18.35\00:15:20.25
It's not just, you
know, just men but obviously,
00:15:20.28\00:15:22.95
predominantly you
see the males, you know,
00:15:22.98\00:15:25.85
for this control
issue, this aggression,
00:15:25.89\00:15:28.56
you know, mixed in with sex.
00:15:28.59\00:15:29.92
They would only
get gratification...
00:15:29.96\00:15:31.56
They wouldn't get gratification
just from regular sex,
00:15:31.59\00:15:33.70
they have to force
themselves, you know,
00:15:33.73\00:15:35.06
and break into the home, and,
you know, it was very graphic.
00:15:35.10\00:15:39.90
And then you also
have their females,
00:15:39.93\00:15:41.44
who were actually
called the black widows.
00:15:41.47\00:15:44.51
You know, that
was the terminology
00:15:44.54\00:15:45.87
that was used
often was black widows
00:15:45.91\00:15:47.44
to the point where there
was, you know, do the seduction
00:15:47.48\00:15:51.05
and they would, you
know, essentially do the...
00:15:51.08\00:15:54.82
They will rape,
they will find a way
00:15:54.85\00:15:56.45
to rape the man by
drugging him or tying him up.
00:15:56.48\00:15:59.49
And so we have both
extremes in society,
00:15:59.52\00:16:03.93
both male and female
that would, you know,
00:16:03.96\00:16:07.06
exert dyscontrol because...
00:16:07.10\00:16:09.43
And they use sex as
a method of control.
00:16:09.46\00:16:13.30
You know, another
type of sex addiction
00:16:13.34\00:16:14.67
is like pain exchange.
00:16:14.70\00:16:16.44
They have the bondage
00:16:16.47\00:16:17.81
and how people
are addicted to that.
00:16:17.84\00:16:19.34
They even have
those special places
00:16:19.37\00:16:20.71
where you can go, and
it's kind of a like a mix
00:16:20.74\00:16:22.34
of anonymous plus pain exchange
00:16:22.38\00:16:25.05
because you can
go in there and...
00:16:25.08\00:16:26.88
Oh, you
something to say, Myesha.
00:16:26.92\00:16:28.85
Yeah, I do. I have experienced.
00:16:28.88\00:16:35.49
Like I said, I
used to be an escort
00:16:35.52\00:16:39.19
and a guy
wanted pain instead of,
00:16:39.23\00:16:44.83
you know, being
entertained in another form.
00:16:44.87\00:16:47.54
But it was odd for me
for him to ask if I could,
00:16:47.57\00:16:54.41
you know, give him pain.
00:16:54.44\00:16:57.28
And I'm like, "I
don't do that, you know,
00:16:57.31\00:17:01.28
that's something
that's not really normal
00:17:01.32\00:17:03.99
to me right now."
00:17:04.02\00:17:05.82
And of course, I left
because it was just something
00:17:05.85\00:17:10.09
I never experienced.
00:17:10.13\00:17:11.86
So it was out of the norm.
00:17:11.89\00:17:13.40
And for some
people, it goes deeper
00:17:13.43\00:17:15.36
because I remember
this girl, you know,
00:17:15.40\00:17:18.20
back in the day
that I was involved with.
00:17:18.23\00:17:20.30
And she had to have
pain mixed with that.
00:17:20.34\00:17:23.74
And then come to
find out, it was because
00:17:23.77\00:17:26.07
her first
experience was painful,
00:17:26.11\00:17:29.58
and there was a rape.
00:17:29.61\00:17:30.95
And so deep-seated in her mind,
she just associated, you know,
00:17:30.98\00:17:34.85
sexual activity with pain
and thought it was normal.
00:17:34.88\00:17:38.99
And, you know,
had to have this pain
00:17:39.02\00:17:42.46
come about, and so
that's how she got her,
00:17:42.49\00:17:45.26
you know, high and things.
00:17:45.29\00:17:47.06
And it's crazy how I
would say the devil works
00:17:47.10\00:17:50.63
that such a painful experience
00:17:50.67\00:17:52.53
that she had
would make her thrive
00:17:52.57\00:17:55.80
and even want to experience
it again and again and again.
00:17:55.84\00:17:58.67
And there are so
many different forms
00:17:58.71\00:18:00.08
of sex addiction.
00:18:00.11\00:18:01.48
We've talked a
little bit about pornography
00:18:01.51\00:18:03.24
and we talked about intrusive...
00:18:03.28\00:18:04.68
There's also like object sex,
being addicted to having sex
00:18:04.71\00:18:08.48
with objects,
and you have people
00:18:08.52\00:18:10.29
who are addicted to
having sex with animals,
00:18:10.32\00:18:12.05
and people who are addicted
having sex with children.
00:18:12.09\00:18:15.99
There's so many different types,
00:18:16.02\00:18:17.79
it's crazy how God
intended for our sexuality
00:18:17.83\00:18:22.13
to a beautiful thing.
00:18:22.16\00:18:24.17
And it has been so distorted
in such a crazy fashion.
00:18:24.20\00:18:29.20
So I guess my next
question is as a Christian
00:18:29.24\00:18:33.54
and we realize,
"Okay, I heard you
00:18:33.58\00:18:35.34
did those different things.
00:18:35.38\00:18:36.91
You are right, it's not
just a natural expression,
00:18:36.95\00:18:40.15
and you are right I don't
just have a high sex drive,
00:18:40.18\00:18:43.18
what should I do as a Christian
who has a sex addiction?
00:18:43.22\00:18:48.76
Should I go to counseling?
00:18:48.79\00:18:50.66
Should I, you know, an
SAA group or should I just,
00:18:50.69\00:18:53.46
you know, stay home in a
corner and try to pray it away?"
00:18:53.50\00:18:59.23
Go ahead.
00:18:59.27\00:19:00.60
I think one of the
cliché answers to that would be
00:19:00.64\00:19:04.67
go home and pray about it.
00:19:04.71\00:19:06.54
But what we talked
about earlier, you know,
00:19:06.57\00:19:09.61
Tim mentioned it
earlier about, you know,
00:19:09.64\00:19:12.41
how much it affects
your brain chemistry,
00:19:12.45\00:19:14.48
your neurological
aspect, and we don't understand
00:19:14.52\00:19:17.72
that
neurologically you're messed up,
00:19:17.75\00:19:20.76
you have a chemical imbalance.
00:19:20.79\00:19:23.09
And while some people
don't believe in medicine,
00:19:23.12\00:19:25.86
modern medicine does
sometimes have to play in that.
00:19:25.89\00:19:29.00
For example, serotonin based
antidepressants that would,
00:19:29.03\00:19:33.70
you know, basically work
with the synopsis of the brain
00:19:33.74\00:19:36.74
to kind of get the brain back
in sync the way it needs to be,
00:19:36.77\00:19:40.11
and that can be,
obviously, in a Christian center
00:19:40.14\00:19:42.74
accompanied by prayer,
accompanied by community,
00:19:42.78\00:19:45.18
accompanied by support.
00:19:45.21\00:19:46.85
But you can't just go home...
00:19:46.88\00:19:48.72
And addiction, you cannot
just go home and pray it off.
00:19:48.75\00:19:51.49
Because it could
be, like you said,
00:19:51.52\00:19:52.85
it could be a
really serious case
00:19:52.89\00:19:54.22
where your brain is just
off, and don't just go and say,
00:19:54.26\00:19:58.83
"May I have this?"
00:19:58.86\00:20:00.20
Probably go to a
counselor and have that
00:20:00.23\00:20:01.56
really checked out
before you just jump on it.
00:20:01.60\00:20:05.30
In my own
experience with recovery
00:20:05.33\00:20:06.67
from sexual addiction,
00:20:06.70\00:20:08.10
I was addicted to
pornography for over a decade.
00:20:08.14\00:20:11.27
When I gave my life to Christ,
00:20:11.31\00:20:13.17
I used the old and
tried cliché method.
00:20:13.21\00:20:16.68
You know, I was
a soldier stationed
00:20:16.71\00:20:18.41
at Fort Bragg, North Carolina,
00:20:18.45\00:20:20.55
and I decided that
I wanted to be free
00:20:20.58\00:20:23.28
from sexual
addiction and all I had
00:20:23.32\00:20:27.09
and all I needed was prayer.
00:20:27.12\00:20:28.49
You know, I went
on my knees, I prayed,
00:20:28.52\00:20:31.03
I asked God for victory,
00:20:31.06\00:20:32.73
you know, 'cause I
understood that this warfare,
00:20:32.76\00:20:35.66
it was not carnal,
it was not something
00:20:35.70\00:20:37.83
that I could
see, it was spiritual.
00:20:37.87\00:20:39.80
I was fighting against demons.
00:20:39.83\00:20:41.77
And so I asked God to show me
what it is He wanted me to do.
00:20:41.80\00:20:45.94
And through the
course of my recovery,
00:20:45.97\00:20:47.71
God led me into a
lot of different reforms,
00:20:47.74\00:20:50.95
God changed my diet,
God changed the music
00:20:50.98\00:20:54.48
I listened to, God
changed so many things
00:20:54.52\00:20:56.99
that led me to victory.
00:20:57.02\00:20:59.15
Personally, I
never used any medication
00:20:59.19\00:21:02.06
to restore that
chemical imbalance.
00:21:02.09\00:21:06.26
I just used prayer, and fasting,
00:21:06.29\00:21:08.30
and reading the Bible,
00:21:08.33\00:21:09.66
and reading the
Spirit of Prophecy.
00:21:09.70\00:21:12.43
I think that when
God wants to change you,
00:21:12.47\00:21:16.14
He wants to change
you all the way, you know,
00:21:16.17\00:21:17.74
you're mind and your emotions,
00:21:17.77\00:21:19.11
physically, you
know, and spiritually.
00:21:19.14\00:21:21.24
So if you are
addicted, sin affects you down
00:21:21.28\00:21:25.55
to the core of who you
are even in your day and night
00:21:25.58\00:21:29.15
because the Bible talks
about your sinful traits
00:21:29.18\00:21:31.82
can be passed on, you
know, to your offspring.
00:21:31.85\00:21:34.86
And so something like
an addiction to something,
00:21:34.89\00:21:37.96
and a lot of
sins are addictions,
00:21:37.99\00:21:41.53
they can't just be clichéd away.
00:21:41.56\00:21:44.93
You have to really get
help, whatever is causing you
00:21:44.97\00:21:48.07
to do the addiction,
you need to starve that
00:21:48.10\00:21:51.01
so you don't feed
that addictive nature.
00:21:51.04\00:21:53.11
But also there is a reason
why you do this addiction.
00:21:53.14\00:21:56.75
There's some
problem, there's some void,
00:21:56.78\00:21:59.91
there's some
emptiness, and you need to go
00:21:59.95\00:22:02.08
to the correct people
that God will lead you to
00:22:02.12\00:22:05.45
to deal with these issues.
00:22:05.49\00:22:06.82
I don't think
it's something mostly
00:22:06.86\00:22:09.32
that you can
deal with on your own
00:22:09.36\00:22:10.93
because God
works through people.
00:22:10.96\00:22:12.56
We have the Bible
00:22:12.59\00:22:14.46
because God
worked through other men.
00:22:14.50\00:22:16.63
And so you need to
solve all these issues,
00:22:16.67\00:22:19.47
your spiritual, you
know, mental, emotional,
00:22:19.50\00:22:22.70
and your physical,
00:22:22.74\00:22:24.07
and I think that's the
way God's going to hear you,
00:22:24.11\00:22:26.54
and I think those
are the principles.
00:22:26.57\00:22:28.64
But for each
person, God might take them
00:22:28.68\00:22:30.61
through different steps
00:22:30.65\00:22:31.98
because they are
different people as well.
00:22:32.01\00:22:34.48
And I think one
thing to remember...
00:22:34.52\00:22:36.38
What I just recently
learnt is sex arousal
00:22:36.42\00:22:39.22
is neurological and the
body just complies with it.
00:22:39.25\00:22:43.02
So these things like
start with your mind,
00:22:43.06\00:22:45.29
and sex addiction
is one of those things
00:22:45.33\00:22:48.23
that requires a
lifetime to constantly recover
00:22:48.26\00:22:51.03
and deal with
because you may think,
00:22:51.07\00:22:52.93
"Okay, I'm okay," and
then something happens
00:22:52.97\00:22:54.47
and something triggers it
00:22:54.50\00:22:56.17
and you are on the
cycle all over again.
00:22:56.20\00:22:59.67
And something what
another friend has told me
00:22:59.71\00:23:02.64
based on his experience is,
00:23:02.68\00:23:04.21
"Sex addiction
doesn't just stop,
00:23:04.25\00:23:07.05
it builds and
builds and builds."
00:23:07.08\00:23:09.18
You stop for a minute and
then if you go back to it,
00:23:09.22\00:23:11.92
it builds on what
you previously had learnt
00:23:11.95\00:23:13.82
and experienced.
00:23:13.86\00:23:15.19
And I guess for
our viewers out there
00:23:15.22\00:23:17.76
is to really ask yourself,
"Do I have a sex addiction?
00:23:17.79\00:23:21.66
What is going on with me?
00:23:21.70\00:23:23.03
What are the
forms of sex addiction
00:23:23.06\00:23:24.40
am I experiencing or a part of?
00:23:24.43\00:23:26.74
What can I do
to even help others
00:23:26.77\00:23:28.74
in my community to be able
to really deal with this issue
00:23:28.77\00:23:33.04
and not just
hide it under a carpet
00:23:33.07\00:23:35.71
but to really go out
and say, 'You know what,
00:23:35.74\00:23:38.05
devil, we know
you are trying to use
00:23:38.08\00:23:39.88
what God
intended for good for bad,
00:23:39.91\00:23:43.22
but we're going to take it
back and we are going to help
00:23:43.25\00:23:44.82
and support each other.'"
00:23:44.85\00:23:46.96
So I guess
that's another question,
00:23:46.99\00:23:48.62
how can we support
Christian sex addicts?
00:23:48.66\00:23:54.10
What can we do?
00:23:54.13\00:23:55.46
The first thing is
the church needs to become
00:23:55.50\00:23:59.43
a place of
community of acceptance
00:23:59.47\00:24:03.41
and not of the
sin but of the sinner,
00:24:03.44\00:24:06.14
you know, of creating a
support because there is no sin
00:24:06.17\00:24:10.58
greater than another,
and creating, you know,
00:24:10.61\00:24:13.78
this accountability group.
00:24:13.82\00:24:15.32
And I know through
the Adventist church,
00:24:15.35\00:24:17.75
there is such a
community or a faith-based group
00:24:17.79\00:24:20.96
in the church that
they deal with this.
00:24:20.99\00:24:24.16
It's kind of like they
meet up and gather together,
00:24:24.19\00:24:27.83
and they talk
about the addiction,
00:24:27.86\00:24:29.93
they express the addiction,
00:24:29.96\00:24:32.07
and they support each
other through it, you know,
00:24:32.10\00:24:34.07
accountability and
things of that nature too.
00:24:34.10\00:24:36.37
So finding that proper
support group too is important.
00:24:36.40\00:24:40.31
I don't...
00:24:40.34\00:24:41.68
Go ahead, guys.
00:24:41.71\00:24:43.08
No, you can go. Okay.
00:24:43.11\00:24:44.91
I don't sanction anyone trying
to heal the person mentally
00:24:44.95\00:24:49.02
or emotionally if that's
not their field of expertise.
00:24:49.05\00:24:53.86
But what everybody can
do is be there for a person.
00:24:53.89\00:24:58.99
You wouldn't
imagine the benefits it is
00:24:59.03\00:25:02.06
of knowing you can
always call somebody
00:25:02.10\00:25:04.93
and talk to them
and they can listen
00:25:04.97\00:25:07.87
and not judge you and understand
00:25:07.90\00:25:10.71
what you are going through,
and also the spiritual aspect
00:25:10.74\00:25:13.94
of praying with the person
or sending them scriptures
00:25:13.98\00:25:16.54
at a time and
just being somebody
00:25:16.58\00:25:19.71
who's available to that person.
00:25:19.75\00:25:24.65
I'd also say,
also being intentional
00:25:24.69\00:25:26.59
and celebrating
their small victories.
00:25:26.62\00:25:29.09
If you realize
a week is gone by,
00:25:29.12\00:25:31.03
"Hey," send a text message.
00:25:31.06\00:25:32.39
"Congratulations,
it's been a week
00:25:32.43\00:25:33.93
that you have been
free from your problems
00:25:33.96\00:25:36.87
for this week," or
"it's been a month,
00:25:36.90\00:25:38.90
good job.
00:25:38.93\00:25:40.27
Keep on going forward.
00:25:40.30\00:25:41.64
God is going to help you,
just keep on pushing forward."
00:25:41.67\00:25:44.31
And go ahead, Jacques.
00:25:44.34\00:25:45.67
And for those
that are struggling
00:25:45.71\00:25:47.04
with any sorts of
addictions that are fed
00:25:47.08\00:25:49.94
through the Internet
or through the computer,
00:25:49.98\00:25:51.55
or through your smartphone
or anything like that,
00:25:51.58\00:25:54.08
there's a number of
accountability softwares
00:25:54.12\00:25:56.69
that are out there where
you download the software
00:25:56.72\00:26:00.86
on your computer
or on your smartphone
00:26:00.89\00:26:03.29
and then you chose an
accountability partner,
00:26:03.32\00:26:05.19
someone you trust,
like what Tim was saying,
00:26:05.23\00:26:08.23
you know,
someone that you respect,
00:26:08.26\00:26:09.60
someone that you trust,
00:26:09.63\00:26:10.97
someone that you
know won't judge you,
00:26:11.00\00:26:12.43
and you give them
your account information,
00:26:12.47\00:26:15.67
and then every couple
days, it will email that person
00:26:15.70\00:26:18.17
all the websites you
visited and even though
00:26:18.21\00:26:20.38
that's not going
to give you victory,
00:26:20.41\00:26:22.08
having someone else
that you know is there
00:26:22.11\00:26:23.78
for you, praying for you,
and that can account to you
00:26:23.81\00:26:26.95
if you do slip,
that can also help you.
00:26:26.98\00:26:30.92
That is so true, Jacques.
Thank you for sharing that.
00:26:30.95\00:26:34.76
Please remember
that we are talking
00:26:34.79\00:26:36.42
about sex addiction.
00:26:36.46\00:26:37.89
And the Bible does
say in Matthew 5:28,
00:26:37.93\00:26:40.66
"But I say anyone
who even looks at a woman
00:26:40.70\00:26:43.40
with lust has
already committed adultery
00:26:43.43\00:26:45.57
with her in his heart."
00:26:45.60\00:26:47.27
It even goes further and
says that if a man or a couple
00:26:47.30\00:26:50.87
is looking at other things
00:26:50.91\00:26:52.24
or even how they
are engaging in sex,
00:26:52.27\00:26:54.58
seriously you are creating
a connection to individuals
00:26:54.61\00:26:56.75
that you shouldn't be creating.
00:26:56.78\00:26:58.68
And I'm not sure
if you are struggling
00:26:58.71\00:27:01.08
with a sex addiction,
but I do want to remind you
00:27:01.12\00:27:03.95
that you can experience freedom,
00:27:03.99\00:27:06.52
you can be free.
00:27:06.55\00:27:08.22
The question is do
you want to be free
00:27:08.26\00:27:10.86
from this sex addiction.
00:27:10.89\00:27:12.46
Do you really
want to experience God
00:27:12.49\00:27:14.73
and that relationship
with Him on a deeper level?
00:27:14.76\00:27:17.93
You can, you just
have to start the journey.
00:27:17.97\00:27:20.70
And maybe you do have a friend
or even just a church member
00:27:20.74\00:27:24.17
or someone you've seen
who has a sex addiction.
00:27:24.21\00:27:27.18
You can be a support system
as our great panel has said,
00:27:27.21\00:27:30.61
you can pray with
them, support them
00:27:30.65\00:27:32.51
in whatever different
areas that they truly need,
00:27:32.55\00:27:34.98
the support is key
and it is essential.
00:27:35.02\00:27:39.79
Well, that's all we
have for today, folks.
00:27:39.82\00:27:43.12
Thank you so much, guys,
00:27:43.16\00:27:44.49
for sharing
your words of wisdom.
00:27:44.53\00:27:47.43
And again, viewers, again,
00:27:47.46\00:27:49.96
you can be free
from the sex addiction.
00:27:50.00\00:27:53.84
Have a wonderful day,
and please, please remember
00:27:53.87\00:27:57.67
to make pure choices.
00:27:57.71\00:27:59.61