The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Welcome to Pure Choices.
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I am your host Timothy Lawson,
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and I have brought
some special guests with me.
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I am going to start
right here from the right,
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this is Jacques LaGuerre,
and this is Brittany Morales,
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and this is Xavier Morales,
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and this is my
lovely wife Myesha Lawson.
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And our topic today
is one of my favorite
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because it's something
that I had to go through
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and something I
had to deal with.
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The title is, we'll
see if you can guess it,
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the title is the
honeymoon is over
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but the battle still rages.
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The honeymoon is over
but the battle still rages.
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And what we're
going to be talking about
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is how does experience in
lust or struggling with lust,
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what effects does it
have on the marriage covenant
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after you get married.
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It's excited.
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I am excited about it right now.
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Because going through my life
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and doing a lot of
different things in life
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that I should not have done,
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you know, you pay for
the consequences later
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but praise the God,
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He is a restorer.
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And so on that
note, we are going to pray
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and then we are going to
get right into our discussion,
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so bow your heads
with me if you please.
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Dear kind and gracious
loving heavenly Father,
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we thank You for
gathering us here today,
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we thank You for our viewers,
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and we just ask
that Your Holy Spirit
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will lead us and guide us
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as we discuss
this most sacred topic
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in Jesus' name, amen.
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Amen.
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So today we're going
to be talking about lust
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but we can't talk about
something without defining it.
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I love definitions.
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If you can't define something,
then you don't know what it is.
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So what is lust?
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I think lust is a
schizophrenic view of love.
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Schizophrenic view.
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Okay, explain it.
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Well, you know,
sometimes the definition of love
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in God's standard is beautiful,
you know, it's selfless.
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When I say
schizophrenic view of love
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that's the view that the
world has nowadays where,
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you know, they keep
changing the definition.
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I love you if you do
this, I love you for this,
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I love you for that.
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It's never, you
know, it tends to be,
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you know, just
completely contorted.
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So that's why I say it's
a schizophrenic view of love
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because you never know
which angle it's coming from,
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and what you have to do
to receive it or give it.
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I want to hear
everybody's definition.
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So everybody's
got to chime in here,
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nobody's going to be
able to sit and smile
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and just look nicely,
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everybody's going
to talk, all right.
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So, Brittany, lust versus love.
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My definition of lust
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is desiring what
you don't have in ways
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that you shouldn't have it.
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Explain that one
too? I like that.
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So lust is having a strong
physical attraction to someone
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who is not your
spouse, who isn't the person
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who you are spending
the rest of your life with
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in that marital covenant.
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I see this gorgeous
young man passing by,
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and I am just looking at him,
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and I don't know
if most women do this
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that their
mouth starts watering,
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and you start having images
in your head of all the things
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that could possibly happen
if you could get that person,
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just for one night.
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It's desiring
what you don't have
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in ways that you know
you shouldn't have it.
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Wow, wow, Jacques?
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I think lust could be defined as
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wanting to
satisfy a natural desire
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in a way that it's
not pleasing to God.
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I like that.
Explain that for me?
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Well, God has given us
all desires for communion,
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for deep spiritual, emotional,
and physical communion
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with members of
the opposite sex.
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But He has a special
way and a special time
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that those
desires can be fulfilled.
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And I think it becomes lust
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when I take that
desire that God has given me
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and then I try to
fulfill it in a way
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that He hasn't ordained.
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So I am lusting
after a young woman
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who is not my wife,
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I am lusting after
this, I am lusting after that,
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you can lust after power,
you can lust after success.
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The children of Israel,
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they lusted for
food in the wilderness.
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They didn't want manna,
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they wanted what
Egypt had to offer.
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So I think that
when we understand
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how dangerous lust is,
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then we will flee from
lust as 2 Timothy 2 says.
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The children of
Israel were crazy too,
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I would have ate that manna,
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tasted like
honey the Bible says.
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So lust is a schizophrenic view,
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it keeps changing,
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as it's desiring
something that you want
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but you wanted
at the wrong time,
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you want it in a way
you're not supposed to have it.
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And it could be
something natural
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but you can just take it
to a whole another level.
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Myesha, what do you think?
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Well, lust is,
you're having a desire
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for something
that is forbidden like,
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I like to think
about the Garden of Eden.
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When Eve, she desired to have,
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you know, the fruit that
God forbidded for her, you know.
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And so I like
to think about that
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that something she
is not supposed to have,
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she wasn't supposed to have in.
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Right. It was a
form of disobedience.
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So it's okay to eat fruit
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but God said that
piece of fruit is not yours.
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You know, that
piece right there.
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And when I think of lust, I
always think of selfishness.
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You know, you have to fulfill
your need and your desire
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no matter who it may hurt,
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no matter how you
try to cover it up.
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And so I always
think of selfishness.
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Now, another question,
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can I have lust
inside a marriage covenant?
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So not for another
person walking down the street
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where can I, you
know, be schizophrenic,
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have a natural
attraction to my wife
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and turn it
around a certain way.
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I think that's yes, you can.
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I think about
the Book of Ephesians
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where it talks about the
husband's duty to the wife
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to love her, as
Christ loves His church
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to present her blameless,
holy, without blemish.
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And when you are lusting, again,
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it goes back to the
selfish, you know, method.
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You know, you are really,
you're lusting after your wife,
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you are not looking at her
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in the way God
intended you to look at her.
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You know, as a
beautiful delicate flower
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that you have to present
blameless and without blemish.
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If you are lusting after her,
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you know, you are really
not looking for her heart,
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you are looking for your
own personal gratification
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through her.
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Therefore, you are not
giving, you are receiving
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and that's what you want.
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So it's about you and, again,
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it goes against
what the Bible teaches
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which is to
present her blameless,
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and spotless, and holy.
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And that would
not be accomplished
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if you are lusting
after your own spouse.
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Why do you else have a comment?
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So it's all take and no
give within the marriage
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and that exactly how you
would do with a relationship
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outside the
marriage in the world,
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and that isn't just
not something we should do
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in the marriage covenant.
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I would probably
slightly disagree,
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I don't think in
the marriage covenant
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it's possible to lust
like how it would be for
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if I am lusting after
someone who isn't my spouse.
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Naturally God intended
for us to have sexual desires.
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And, of course, I am
going to look at my husband
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and have sexual desires for him,
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have that sexual
attraction, it's natural.
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And we can be able to express it
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in that element of
'cause we are married.
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But the issue of
taking it too far
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where I am looking
at him, I want him,
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but there is other
stuff that's happening.
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I would say it's more
of being insensitive...
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It's a insensitivity issue
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where the husband is
going to go to his wife,
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want these different types
of sexual performances to happen
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but yet he is not
caring about her desires,
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her needs, what does she want,
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is she being
pleased by me doing this?
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Is she
experiencing the full potential
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of how our marriage
moment is really supposed to be?
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That's more of
insensitivity than lust.
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So if I combine, you
know, these definitions,
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it almost seems like yours is,
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there is nothing
wrong with having
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a strong sexual
desire to your spouse...
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And as Jacques said earlier,
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God gives us
these desires, right?
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But you are saying
it's more of selfishness.
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He is worried
about what he wants
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and you are saying is
insensitive it's insensitivity.
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I really like that, I
really like those things.
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Now does lust
produce any guilt and shame?
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Does anybody think lust
produce any guilt and shame?
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And how does lust
produce guilt and shame?
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I think lust itself
produce guilt and shame.
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I mean, me first being as a guy,
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I remember my
first sexual experience
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and when I was dropping this
young lady off, I felt dirty.
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And it was the
weirdest thing in the world
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because I always
thought in my mind
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that guys aren't
supposed to feel dirty...
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You are supposed to feel cool.
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I supposed to be
cool like I am the man
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like I just had
sex but I felt dirty.
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But the
interesting thing is that
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I silenced that conviction,
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and I never felt
that feeling again.
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I never felt shame
after that one moment.
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And so shame, it
does manifest itself,
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you do feel that guilt
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but then if you
decide to harden your heart
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against the Holy Spirit,
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then you might not necessarily
get that same conviction
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or that same guilt or the
same feeling again and again.
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As you got before.
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You know, lust is
such a tricky thing.
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I say when I am thinking about,
you are looking at a person
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and as soon as you see
them your mind starts going
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and you start playing like
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things that
could possibly happen.
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But it doesn't just stop
there as the day progresses,
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it went through
your mind, again,
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'cause so images are there
what you originally created.
00:10:34.36\00:10:37.73
So the next day comes
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and if you see the person again,
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you remember what
you thought of yesterday
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and then you add
to it again today
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because you are
adding different stuff
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you could probably try.
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And you are
getting more creative
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that you are in this
moment of fantasizing,
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you are
fantasizing about this person
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who isn't...
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They're not yours.
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You shouldn't be
fantasizing about them,
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but yet you are doing it
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and even at those
moments where you don't want to.
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Let's say, you are married
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and you are with your spouse
during that moment of intimacy,
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you're there with them
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but then your mind goes
back to what you fantasized
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earlier about that other person.
00:11:10.97\00:11:12.67
So even though you are
there, you are not connecting,
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you are not
connected it's like...
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And even your spouse feels
it 'cause usually they know
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when you are connected
with them in that moment.
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But at the end it is like,
00:11:22.78\00:11:24.11
"Okay, were you really here
or were you somewhere else?"
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And that makes it
even a bigger issue
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because not only was there
that own guilt of shame of,
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"Yeah, I wasn't
really there with you."
00:11:31.52\00:11:33.56
But now, you've
hurt your spouse.
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You have committed adultery.
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And I got a
question. Perfect time.
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I'm so glad you brought that up.
00:11:40.30\00:11:41.73
But first, when you
feel this guilt and shame,
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how can that affect your
intimacy with your spouse?
00:11:47.34\00:11:51.97
The guilt and shame you
had from before previously,
00:11:52.01\00:11:55.58
how can that now
affect your intimacy
00:11:55.61\00:11:58.61
when now you are
getting intimating your spouse.
00:11:58.65\00:12:02.72
How can you think that effects?
00:12:02.75\00:12:04.69
Like I was saying,
you are not connected.
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Because the reason why
00:12:07.26\00:12:09.32
sex and marriage is so beautiful
00:12:09.36\00:12:11.56
is because of
that intimacy level.
00:12:11.59\00:12:13.56
And that intimacy is achieved
00:12:13.60\00:12:15.13
by being
connected with each other,
00:12:15.16\00:12:17.17
you know, emotionally,
spiritually, socially,
00:12:17.20\00:12:20.24
all those different levels.
00:12:20.27\00:12:21.74
But in that moment because
you had that lust experience,
00:12:21.77\00:12:25.41
and you are thinking about
another person in the same way
00:12:25.44\00:12:29.11
that you would have
expressions with your spouse,
00:12:29.14\00:12:33.21
you are not connected.
00:12:33.25\00:12:34.82
Wow. I think intimacy...
00:12:34.85\00:12:36.95
You know, intimacy in
of itself is mystifying.
00:12:36.99\00:12:40.16
Nowadays,
intimacy is not about sex.
00:12:40.19\00:12:42.76
Intimacy, like
she said, it's about,
00:12:42.79\00:12:45.43
you know, that connection,
and lust completely blocks
00:12:45.46\00:12:49.53
intimacy from happening.
00:12:49.56\00:12:51.87
And, you know,
you are being selfish,
00:12:51.90\00:12:54.70
lust is all about selfishness.
00:12:54.74\00:12:56.27
You are not giving way
00:12:56.30\00:12:58.34
to being
intimate with your spouse
00:12:58.37\00:12:59.71
'cause you are
thinking about yourself.
00:12:59.74\00:13:01.51
So I can have intimacy without
anything physical happening
00:13:01.54\00:13:05.78
but the lust tells me, you know,
00:13:05.81\00:13:07.15
it has to be physical
for you to be intimate.
00:13:07.18\00:13:10.39
I know for
myself what it did was,
00:13:10.42\00:13:14.06
it confused my
intimacy about my wife.
00:13:14.09\00:13:17.49
And so, knowing I
wasn't supposed to lust,
00:13:17.53\00:13:20.36
and knowing how I felt
lusting after women before
00:13:20.40\00:13:24.43
and the guilt and the shame.
00:13:24.47\00:13:26.84
Now when I came into
the marriage covenant
00:13:26.87\00:13:28.80
when I fully
desires about my wife
00:13:28.84\00:13:31.27
it was always like a question.
00:13:31.31\00:13:33.07
Is this genuine?
00:13:33.11\00:13:35.14
Do I really feel love for
her or am I just being selfish?
00:13:35.18\00:13:37.68
And then it
programs you to be selfish
00:13:37.71\00:13:42.38
so you don't feel anything.
00:13:42.42\00:13:43.89
So now when it's time to
be intimate with your wife,
00:13:43.92\00:13:45.92
when it's time to touch,
when it's time to hold hands,
00:13:45.95\00:13:48.86
when it's time to just,
you know, caress each other.
00:13:48.89\00:13:52.76
When I was out in the world,
00:13:52.79\00:13:54.23
you don't have
to do any of that,
00:13:54.26\00:13:55.63
it's all purely physical.
00:13:55.66\00:13:57.60
So you program yourself
00:13:57.63\00:13:59.93
not to be able to
give love like that
00:13:59.97\00:14:02.07
'cause you don't have to.
00:14:02.10\00:14:03.44
And so that's one of
the big problems that I had
00:14:03.47\00:14:07.21
and I went through.
00:14:07.24\00:14:08.64
And what I would add is,
00:14:08.68\00:14:10.01
basically like
what you are describing
00:14:10.05\00:14:12.25
when you have experienced lust,
00:14:12.28\00:14:14.45
it makes you
confuse sexual desire.
00:14:14.48\00:14:17.75
You are supposed to
have a natural sexual desire
00:14:17.79\00:14:19.72
for your wife.
00:14:19.75\00:14:21.09
So now you are wondering,
00:14:21.12\00:14:22.46
is this what I am supposed to
00:14:22.49\00:14:24.73
like you don't, like, it's like,
00:14:24.76\00:14:26.13
'cause you had it
00:14:26.16\00:14:27.50
and because you
like indulge with it,
00:14:27.53\00:14:29.26
you are really confused like,
00:14:29.30\00:14:30.73
"Okay, what is natural
and what is not natural?"
00:14:30.77\00:14:34.54
Now you brought up fantasies,
00:14:34.57\00:14:36.27
and we know Matthew, I
think it's 5:28, Jesus said,
00:14:36.30\00:14:39.44
"If you look on to a
woman to lust after her,"
00:14:39.47\00:14:41.48
and you were describing
how you can look at a person,
00:14:41.51\00:14:43.88
and within five minutes
you picturing you guys married,
00:14:43.91\00:14:46.92
and got kids, and
you don't even know
00:14:46.95\00:14:48.28
the person's
last name, you know.
00:14:48.32\00:14:50.29
And so how does
creating these fantasies
00:14:50.32\00:14:53.96
affect you now
when you get married.
00:14:53.99\00:14:55.66
Can you start creating
fantasies about what you think
00:14:55.69\00:14:58.99
your wife should be, and
then when she is not that,
00:14:59.03\00:15:01.26
it affects you
guys' relationship,
00:15:01.30\00:15:03.63
and it messes everything up.
00:15:03.67\00:15:05.13
How does this fantasy
creating when I am lusting
00:15:05.17\00:15:08.20
affect now the
reality of my marriage?
00:15:08.24\00:15:12.04
I think it starts off
with what you are watching.
00:15:12.07\00:15:15.51
You know, it
paints this whole view
00:15:15.54\00:15:18.51
of how marriage
is supposed to be.
00:15:18.55\00:15:20.88
And so it's a
fantasy like you said,
00:15:20.92\00:15:23.22
you know, "Oh, I want
my husband to do this.
00:15:23.25\00:15:25.05
I want my wife to be this way,"
00:15:25.09\00:15:27.06
you know and...
00:15:27.09\00:15:29.22
As for me, I didn't grow up with
00:15:29.26\00:15:31.56
both my parents being married
so I didn't get that example.
00:15:31.59\00:15:36.00
So I think that we should just,
00:15:36.03\00:15:39.07
you know, get that
fantasy out of our mind
00:15:39.10\00:15:42.97
and look towards Christ
00:15:43.00\00:15:44.34
or other relationships that are,
00:15:44.37\00:15:48.21
you know, that
involved God, you know.
00:15:48.24\00:15:51.31
And I love to say
that, I love to look
00:15:51.35\00:15:53.65
at my pastor and my first
lady and how their marriage is,
00:15:53.68\00:15:56.35
and they help us a
lot within our marriage.
00:15:56.38\00:15:59.15
And so I believe that,
you know, you involve Christ
00:15:59.19\00:16:02.39
is the first
person you should involve.
00:16:02.42\00:16:04.86
And then, you can, may be
look at other married couples
00:16:04.89\00:16:09.90
and get, you know, that example.
00:16:09.93\00:16:13.74
Okay, so stop with the fantasies
00:16:13.77\00:16:16.47
and move to the real deal.
00:16:16.50\00:16:18.14
Yes, indeed.
00:16:18.17\00:16:19.51
You know, I am
glad you did that.
00:16:19.54\00:16:20.88
All right, Jacques.
00:16:20.91\00:16:22.24
And me as a single person,
00:16:22.28\00:16:23.61
I had to learn
that lesson myself.
00:16:23.65\00:16:25.68
You know, watching all
these movies they always show...
00:16:25.71\00:16:28.75
Well, the movies
that are geared for men,
00:16:28.78\00:16:32.02
they always show
the women as over sexual
00:16:32.05\00:16:35.29
and, you know, as if she
is just there to please you...
00:16:35.32\00:16:39.53
Like this person,
their whole existence
00:16:39.56\00:16:43.03
is for your pleasure.
00:16:43.06\00:16:45.17
And then when I would watch,
00:16:45.20\00:16:46.53
you know, these
chick flicks with,
00:16:46.57\00:16:48.30
you know, a girlfriend
or something like that,
00:16:48.34\00:16:51.44
you look at the
guy and those movies
00:16:51.47\00:16:53.27
that are geared towards women
00:16:53.31\00:16:54.74
and the man can
read their mind...
00:16:54.78\00:16:57.15
Yes.
00:16:57.18\00:17:00.08
And he does everything
exactly when the women wants it
00:17:00.12\00:17:02.98
and you never have
to explain anything.
00:17:03.02\00:17:05.19
And so when those two people
00:17:05.22\00:17:07.22
God had to show me that
00:17:07.26\00:17:08.59
if I go into marriage
with those expectations,
00:17:08.62\00:17:11.79
and then I am not
communicating my expectations,
00:17:11.83\00:17:15.46
that marriage is
doomed, that marriage is doomed.
00:17:15.50\00:17:18.23
So what we watch,
it really does affect
00:17:18.27\00:17:21.14
our perception of reality.
00:17:21.17\00:17:22.90
And it can create
discouragement, disappointment,
00:17:22.94\00:17:26.51
and also depression.
00:17:26.54\00:17:28.28
I find those three
things always follow
00:17:28.31\00:17:31.48
an unmet expectation.
00:17:31.51\00:17:33.21
And especially if
you have a fantasy,
00:17:33.25\00:17:36.55
you know, and that expectation
00:17:36.58\00:17:37.95
is really going
to be hard for you
00:17:37.99\00:17:40.06
to deal with the
reality of who this person is.
00:17:40.09\00:17:42.36
And like you guys
said, really be intimate
00:17:42.39\00:17:44.06
like get to know that
person and appreciate that
00:17:44.09\00:17:46.83
'cause you have this
other desire in your head.
00:17:46.86\00:17:49.56
Now lust we said
it's selfishness, right?
00:17:49.60\00:17:53.80
And so I want you to touch
on this a little bit, Xavier.
00:17:53.84\00:17:56.24
How can...
00:17:56.27\00:17:57.94
If I didn't deal with
lust and now I got married,
00:17:57.97\00:18:00.34
how can it really make me
selfish towards my spouse?
00:18:00.38\00:18:03.61
Well, lust is a drug.
00:18:03.65\00:18:05.61
Lust is a drug meaning that...
00:18:05.65\00:18:07.82
And I had
experiences in the past
00:18:07.85\00:18:09.25
where you don't want your
needs are meant for that night,
00:18:09.28\00:18:12.89
you know, you are trying to go
00:18:12.92\00:18:14.26
on to the next thing.
00:18:14.29\00:18:15.62
You are trying to
go on to the next one,
00:18:15.66\00:18:16.99
you know, it gets
boring, it's tedious like
00:18:17.03\00:18:18.39
'cause society
programs you were to lust.
00:18:18.43\00:18:20.90
The society
programs you in that,
00:18:20.93\00:18:22.26
you know, you can
marry to one woman,
00:18:22.30\00:18:24.50
you are having sex with
one woman your whole life,
00:18:24.53\00:18:26.10
that's boring doing that.
00:18:26.13\00:18:27.47
How you're going
to do that? Exactly.
00:18:27.50\00:18:28.84
So essentially, lust is a drug
00:18:28.87\00:18:30.64
in a way it
trickles into your marriage
00:18:30.67\00:18:32.74
and the way it
works with that, you know,
00:18:32.77\00:18:35.31
you essentially
look at yourself,
00:18:35.34\00:18:36.78
you know, you are
thinking about yourself
00:18:36.81\00:18:38.38
and your wife
wants that intimacy
00:18:38.41\00:18:40.45
but because lust
defines intimacy and you're,
00:18:40.48\00:18:43.15
in lot of times, in
your own world view,
00:18:43.18\00:18:45.35
then you are projecting that
into your spouse meaning that,
00:18:45.39\00:18:48.62
"Okay, you want me to help you."
00:18:48.66\00:18:50.73
And guys are very physical.
00:18:50.76\00:18:53.43
So you are like, you
know, a woman tells you,
00:18:53.46\00:18:55.23
or your wife tells you,
00:18:55.26\00:18:56.60
you know, we are going to
be intimate, you automatically,
00:18:56.63\00:18:58.33
you know, you start undressing
that's what you think.
00:18:58.37\00:19:00.54
But in reality she wants
00:19:00.57\00:19:01.90
to make that connection with you
00:19:01.94\00:19:03.27
that emotional connection,
but you won't see that.
00:19:03.30\00:19:05.67
And that like,
Jacques was saying early,
00:19:05.71\00:19:07.24
you know, that when it
trickles into your marriage,
00:19:07.28\00:19:09.11
it can cause a very detrimental
damage to your marriage
00:19:09.14\00:19:12.28
because you're only
thinking about yourself.
00:19:12.31\00:19:14.72
You are not really, you know,
00:19:14.75\00:19:17.32
your wife wants you
to tap into her heart,
00:19:17.35\00:19:19.62
not just her body.
00:19:19.65\00:19:21.16
She wants to make sure that,
you know, you are engaging her.
00:19:21.19\00:19:23.66
And same thing with the husband,
00:19:23.69\00:19:25.03
you know,
eventually, you want to find out
00:19:25.06\00:19:26.59
that emotional
fulfillment as well.
00:19:26.63\00:19:29.86
Let me get a
women's perspective.
00:19:29.90\00:19:31.27
Myesha or Brittany?
00:19:31.30\00:19:33.30
Brittany is cheesing.
00:19:33.34\00:19:37.04
Are you okay, Brittany?
00:19:37.07\00:19:38.57
I am sorry, repeat the question.
00:19:38.61\00:19:42.68
I have experienced
lust before my marriage
00:19:42.71\00:19:44.81
and it made me selfish.
00:19:44.85\00:19:46.41
How does that now affect
my intimacy during marriage
00:19:46.45\00:19:49.72
when I be selfish
about it, you know?
00:19:49.75\00:19:54.29
I wouldn't say that
00:19:54.32\00:19:55.66
it affects you
makes you selfish.
00:19:55.69\00:19:57.49
I think it goes back
to the previous point
00:19:57.53\00:19:59.06
of you are not connected
00:19:59.09\00:20:01.20
because the way how women are,
00:20:01.23\00:20:03.47
we like to be connected
on all the different levels.
00:20:03.50\00:20:07.04
We want to have a
nice one conversation
00:20:07.07\00:20:09.34
probably before even after.
00:20:09.37\00:20:11.94
We do want to be
able to hold hands,
00:20:11.97\00:20:13.58
we want you to pray
with us and have that...
00:20:13.61\00:20:17.21
We want you to be the priest
and take us to God with you.
00:20:17.25\00:20:20.02
We want all
those different levels.
00:20:20.05\00:20:22.08
So when it comes to sex
00:20:22.12\00:20:25.22
and if my mind is on some
other guy that I saw yesterday,
00:20:25.25\00:20:29.46
maybe he was playing basketball,
00:20:29.49\00:20:31.19
and he was really
running up and down
00:20:31.23\00:20:32.56
those courts really well.
00:20:32.59\00:20:34.00
And my mind is there then
when I am with my husband,
00:20:34.03\00:20:39.27
I am going to
start not appreciating
00:20:39.30\00:20:40.74
different things about him.
00:20:40.77\00:20:42.54
"Okay, you don't have
as much energy as this guy,
00:20:42.57\00:20:45.41
I think would have if
he was here and not you.
00:20:45.44\00:20:48.51
You are not going the places
I think you should be going
00:20:48.54\00:20:52.01
but if he was here, he probably
would have been going there."
00:20:52.05\00:20:54.78
So that was moments
those things where is probably,
00:20:54.82\00:20:58.05
you know, Xavier's
true expression of his love
00:20:58.09\00:21:00.66
and being intimate with me,
I am taking them for granted
00:21:00.69\00:21:04.29
because in my
mind this other guy
00:21:04.33\00:21:07.66
who I don't really know,
I just think he looks fine.
00:21:07.70\00:21:11.53
I am thinking he is
going to do X, Y, and Z
00:21:11.57\00:21:13.67
so I want him
here and not the person
00:21:13.70\00:21:15.94
who actually does love me,
who actually does care for me,
00:21:15.97\00:21:19.11
who actually will listen to
me when I am may be depressed
00:21:19.14\00:21:22.68
or just had a bad
conversation with my mom,
00:21:22.71\00:21:24.65
who actually
want to pray with me
00:21:24.68\00:21:27.12
and sit down and
read a scripture with me.
00:21:27.15\00:21:29.58
I am not
appreciating this person
00:21:29.62\00:21:31.09
who truly does love me
00:21:31.12\00:21:32.75
because I am thinking
about some other guy who,
00:21:32.79\00:21:35.22
you know, was just fine.
00:21:35.26\00:21:36.59
Was just fine.
00:21:36.62\00:21:37.96
I think that was beautiful.
00:21:37.99\00:21:39.93
It seemingly like
what you were saying is
00:21:39.96\00:21:42.33
that what it can do now is
because I'm in this fantasy,
00:21:42.36\00:21:46.50
because I am in this lust room,
and I want these fake things,
00:21:46.53\00:21:48.70
I don't get to really
experience the real thing
00:21:48.74\00:21:51.87
and how beautiful it is,
and how like you were saying,
00:21:51.91\00:21:54.38
connected it is,
00:21:54.41\00:21:56.14
and I am going into with
all these different ideas
00:21:56.18\00:21:58.51
like you were saying earlier.
00:21:58.55\00:22:00.22
And there is a beautiful
book, you touched on something
00:22:00.25\00:22:03.28
and it's called 'Is
God in Your Bedroom?'
00:22:03.32\00:22:06.42
And what it talks about is,
00:22:06.45\00:22:08.42
the title almost
makes people like,
00:22:08.46\00:22:10.66
"God don't need to be
in my bedroom," you know?
00:22:10.69\00:22:12.79
You don't think about
it but what you said is
00:22:12.83\00:22:15.00
praying
afterwards, and being a priest,
00:22:15.03\00:22:17.83
and, you know, asking
God to bless you guys union.
00:22:17.87\00:22:22.47
And that's how I think something
00:22:22.50\00:22:23.84
that a lot of
couples really miss.
00:22:23.87\00:22:25.74
And one of the ways
I think they miss it
00:22:25.77\00:22:27.44
is they bring
things into the marriage
00:22:27.48\00:22:30.58
that they were
experiencing before
00:22:30.61\00:22:32.55
that should not be in there,
00:22:32.58\00:22:34.52
which brings me
to my next question
00:22:34.55\00:22:36.62
about lust and sex
practices or fetishes
00:22:36.65\00:22:40.66
because we know that
lust has different degrees.
00:22:40.69\00:22:43.22
You grow when you are in lust,
00:22:43.26\00:22:46.63
you start one thing and
it kind of gets perverted,
00:22:46.66\00:22:48.73
it changes your...
00:22:48.76\00:22:50.10
So what about now
because I am married,
00:22:50.13\00:22:53.34
what about some things
00:22:53.37\00:22:54.70
that I used to do
outside of marriage,
00:22:54.74\00:22:57.21
you know, that the
world tells me is okay
00:22:57.24\00:22:59.51
or that is regular,
you know, sexual activity.
00:22:59.54\00:23:03.14
Is it okay now that I am
married to bring those things
00:23:03.18\00:23:06.25
inside my marriage?
00:23:06.28\00:23:08.32
I think people understand
that we are habitual creatures.
00:23:08.35\00:23:13.25
You know, you are now tampering
with your neurological senses.
00:23:13.29\00:23:16.86
You are tampering with
your mind, your framework.
00:23:16.89\00:23:19.46
You know, you are
creating these habits
00:23:19.49\00:23:21.20
they are bringing
into the marriage.
00:23:21.23\00:23:23.23
And once those,
you know, that perhaps
00:23:23.26\00:23:26.84
even are against
God's Word are fulfilled
00:23:26.87\00:23:29.47
you're going to
go into the next day,
00:23:29.50\00:23:31.04
and that's where a lot of
these deviant behavior happens
00:23:31.07\00:23:33.68
where you have people,
00:23:33.71\00:23:35.04
you know,
husbands killing spouses
00:23:35.08\00:23:36.81
and things of
that nature, you know?
00:23:36.85\00:23:38.61
Because once that need is met,
00:23:38.65\00:23:41.15
you want to try to go
through the next thing,
00:23:41.18\00:23:42.85
and the next
thing, it escalates.
00:23:42.88\00:23:44.55
It's a monster. It
escalates, you know?
00:23:44.59\00:23:47.09
You want to have that
fulfillment somewhere somehow,
00:23:47.12\00:23:49.29
that's why a lot of
people as you seen in the media
00:23:49.32\00:23:51.89
and everything
like that, they go from,
00:23:51.93\00:23:53.63
you know, just having sex to,
00:23:53.66\00:23:55.60
you know,
something like a torture
00:23:55.63\00:23:57.60
and, you know,
bondage and all that
00:23:57.63\00:23:59.70
because it has to escalate.
00:23:59.73\00:24:01.80
It's that sense of I need
to feel something from it,
00:24:01.84\00:24:04.51
that's what lust
creates inability to feel.
00:24:04.54\00:24:07.21
That's why it's
different when God says
00:24:07.24\00:24:08.84
make love not just have
sex, there's a difference.
00:24:08.88\00:24:12.21
And we see that the devil wants
those practices to be normal.
00:24:12.25\00:24:16.79
He has even
made a movie about it
00:24:16.82\00:24:18.15
and he's put it out
00:24:18.19\00:24:19.52
and people are also
watching these things.
00:24:19.55\00:24:23.49
From female perspective,
00:24:23.53\00:24:25.26
is it okay now for me to bring
these things into my marriage?
00:24:25.29\00:24:27.86
Is it not okay? Is
it not even a big deal?
00:24:27.90\00:24:30.33
What do you think?
Oh, no, it's not okay.
00:24:30.37\00:24:33.03
I mean, you are out
there fornicating for one,
00:24:33.07\00:24:35.90
that's a big no.
00:24:35.94\00:24:37.31
You know, you are
already doing certain practices
00:24:37.34\00:24:39.41
that are against the God's Word,
00:24:39.44\00:24:41.51
that's another no.
00:24:41.54\00:24:43.11
So now that you have been...
00:24:43.14\00:24:45.01
Now that you are a new creature
00:24:45.05\00:24:46.48
and you're
doing things God's way
00:24:46.51\00:24:48.52
what He ordained.
00:24:48.55\00:24:49.98
No, of course, not, you can't
just come into the marriage
00:24:50.02\00:24:52.72
with things that
you've done that are perverted
00:24:52.75\00:24:54.86
and bringing it
into your marriage.
00:24:54.89\00:24:56.62
God would not
bless you that way.
00:24:56.66\00:24:58.66
And there will be consequences
to pretty much sinning.
00:24:58.69\00:25:03.37
Right, right. That's right.
00:25:03.40\00:25:04.73
So does it bring
confusion, Brittany, and so why?
00:25:04.77\00:25:08.30
I think it does bring confusion
00:25:08.34\00:25:11.81
because we have to
remember that two things,
00:25:11.84\00:25:14.28
sex is worship.
00:25:14.31\00:25:16.95
You could be
either worshipping God
00:25:16.98\00:25:18.31
or you could be
worshiping the devil.
00:25:18.35\00:25:19.88
And based on
whatever the practices
00:25:19.91\00:25:21.48
that you may have been
lusting over or desiring,
00:25:21.52\00:25:24.65
you're coming
into the marriage bed
00:25:24.69\00:25:27.72
and you are bringing them in,
00:25:27.76\00:25:29.19
and they are not bringing
praise and glory to God,
00:25:29.22\00:25:31.59
they are not honoring Him.
00:25:31.63\00:25:33.06
So that's the first
thing you need to wonder,
00:25:33.09\00:25:35.10
is this act
really going to honor God
00:25:35.13\00:25:38.30
and bring worship to Him?
00:25:38.33\00:25:40.50
'Cause there are some
things that are actually
00:25:40.54\00:25:41.87
also harmful to your spouse
00:25:41.90\00:25:44.01
like bondage, that's harmful.
00:25:44.04\00:25:45.84
Because you may
think, "Oh, I am having fun,
00:25:45.87\00:25:48.24
I am going to choke her."
00:25:48.28\00:25:49.68
But then you can't realize that
you are actually hurting her
00:25:49.71\00:25:52.81
and the next thing
is being insensitive.
00:25:52.85\00:25:54.85
Again, you are
bringing these desires in
00:25:54.88\00:25:58.12
but it may not be actually
what the spouse wants to do.
00:25:58.15\00:26:01.19
Right.
00:26:01.22\00:26:02.56
So you're
associating pain and pleasure
00:26:02.59\00:26:05.26
in a way that's perverted.
00:26:05.29\00:26:06.96
So, Jacques, do you think
it puts things that are unholy
00:26:07.00\00:26:10.33
on the same
level with holy things?
00:26:10.37\00:26:13.57
I would have to totally agree
00:26:13.60\00:26:14.94
with that if you are
doing things that are unbiblical
00:26:14.97\00:26:18.34
when you are in the world,
00:26:18.37\00:26:20.18
you need to
stop those behaviors.
00:26:20.21\00:26:22.88
But then at the same time,
00:26:22.91\00:26:24.71
God made sex to be
enjoyed between a man and a wife
00:26:24.75\00:26:27.12
and so I think we
have to be careful
00:26:27.15\00:26:29.22
not to just try to
prohibit everything
00:26:29.25\00:26:32.32
in an attempt to try to be holy
00:26:32.35\00:26:33.72
because I don't
think that pleases God
00:26:33.76\00:26:36.02
because God is saying, "This
is the fruit I am giving you,
00:26:36.06\00:26:39.39
and you are rejecting it.
00:26:39.43\00:26:40.76
You are supposed to
reject the forbidden fruit."
00:26:40.80\00:26:43.50
But then the things
that are pleasing to God
00:26:43.53\00:26:46.63
and you can study
that throughout the Bible,
00:26:46.67\00:26:48.97
go to Leviticus 18,
to find the prohibitions.
00:26:49.00\00:26:52.57
You go to the Song of Solomon
and see how sex is celebrated.
00:26:52.61\00:26:56.71
And anything that you
think is pleasing to God
00:26:56.75\00:27:00.05
and that makes
you and your spouse
00:27:00.08\00:27:02.75
feel love and comfortable,
00:27:02.78\00:27:04.35
then that should be allowed
in the marriage covenant.
00:27:04.39\00:27:06.72
Okay, Xavier?
00:27:06.76\00:27:08.16
Yeah, it's just a matter
of, again, just our feeling.
00:27:08.19\00:27:11.33
You are not doing what
God wants you to do, you know.
00:27:11.36\00:27:14.50
And you are not
respecting your wife's body so.
00:27:14.53\00:27:17.83
So we see that it can
have a profound effect
00:27:17.87\00:27:21.54
on your marriage afterwards,
00:27:21.57\00:27:23.61
and it can really
bring in confusion,
00:27:23.64\00:27:26.27
it can bring in
practices that are unholy.
00:27:26.31\00:27:28.98
And if you are struggling
with any of these things,
00:27:29.01\00:27:31.38
we would just want you to know
as always that there is hope.
00:27:31.41\00:27:35.95
It's better for you to deal
with lust before your marriage
00:27:35.98\00:27:38.59
but if you didn't,
00:27:38.62\00:27:40.06
and if you are now
in a marriage covenant
00:27:40.09\00:27:41.72
and you are experiencing lust,
00:27:41.76\00:27:43.09
I am here to tell
you as a living witness
00:27:43.12\00:27:44.59
that God can still change it,
00:27:44.63\00:27:46.56
He can still purify,
00:27:46.59\00:27:48.06
and He can give you those
good thoughts and emotions
00:27:48.10\00:27:50.90
and have you have a beautiful
00:27:50.93\00:27:52.73
spiritual
relationship with your spouse
00:27:52.77\00:27:54.50
where God is in your bedroom.
00:27:54.54\00:27:57.37
Well, we thank you for
watching our program today.
00:27:57.41\00:28:00.78
And as always, I
am Timothy Lawson,
00:28:00.81\00:28:02.84
and we want you
to make pure choices.
00:28:02.88\00:28:04.71