The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are cautioned
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that some
material may be too candid
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for younger children.
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Hello, and
welcome to Pure Choices.
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I'm your host
Pastor Joshua Nelson.
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So glad you
decided to join us today.
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You're in for good one today.
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The topic is
entitled, "Spin the Bottle."
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That's right, but before we
get into this exciting topic,
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let's pause for
a moment of prayer.
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Heavenly Father God, we invite
Your Spirit to be with us now
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as we discuss this topic
in Jesus' name we pray, amen.
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Amen.
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All right, let's go
and introduce our panel.
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To my left I have
chaplain Xavier Morales.
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Good to have
you here my brother.
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And his wife,
Brittany Hill-Morales,
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good to have you as well.
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And we have to
separate the married couples,
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for we have
Kimberly Douglas on the left.
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On the right we
have Pastor K.P. Douglas.
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So we are here
for this discussion.
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Experimental, that's
what we're talking about,
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experimenting with sex.
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Spin the Bottle, so
what does that mean?
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What is that?
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What are we talking about
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when we say
experimenting with sex?
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Brittany, why
don't you help us out?
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While experimenting with sex
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can start from little
simple stuff like kissing,
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and then kissing at
different parts of the body.
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Or maybe some heavy patting,
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touching each other
a little bit too long,
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hugging a little bit too tight
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and then slowly progressing
to doing different things.
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Okay, they're experimenting,
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getting little
bit too close, okay.
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Someone else
wants to add to that?
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Well, when I think
of spin the bottle,
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I think of the game.
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You know, obviously
that kids used to play.
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I'm not really sure, if
we're played in the bottle.
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Maybe once or
twice, but I know was that.
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You know, maybe Truth or
Dare were more accurate for us
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but spin the bottle is that,
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it's just that
idea of being curious
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about what goes on,
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you know, is what I
see on television real.
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You know, do I want to feel.
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You know, what,
what they look like
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they're feeling on
television, it must be real,
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television really
does hype it up high some.
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But, you know, it's
just that, just that idea of,
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you know, not
necessarily what you're doing
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but just the thought
process of getting intimate
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or what we consider
intimate with someone else.
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Sure, and of course you
know, a lot of young boys there,
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even young girls,
if you're watching
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or looking at adult videos
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that they shouldn't be watching,
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that's gonna cause them to
want to try these things out
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that they're seeing, you know.
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So, what else, let's
talk a little more about that?
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I think too, you know,
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experimenting is just
that experiment to your--
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You're trying to see what,
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what good essentially are
you really doing is just trying
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to hit the pleasure
center of your brain
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you know, getting, you know,
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getting
pleasure out of something
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and things that are reserved
you know for the marital bed
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or something in that nature.
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And a lot of kids nowadays,
they do things like, you know.
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I don't think they
do spin a bottle anymore
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what I've heard of.
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Actually, a lot of them do
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what they do,
they go into closet
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for about 30, 30 seconds or more
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you know, whoever long in,
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the longest that
sits in the closet
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with the girl wins.
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So, there's
different types of, you know,
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there's games and
things like that and you know.
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Now, nowadays people come
up with the craziest things
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to experiment
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with certain
things of their body
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to see what feels
good, what feels right.
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Let's just try
and talk little more
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maybe to college students,
or even those older who are
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who want to experiment with sex.
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Why would they,
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let's talk about the
reasoning of the root.
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Why would they want
to experiment you think?
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We talked a little--
We've said a couple of things,
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you want to add to that.
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Because sex is good,
I mean, it's enjoyable.
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And you know, if you're,
if you have close friends
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who you know
might be sexually active
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and they're telling
you about their exploits
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and it's like, well, you
know what am I missing out on.
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So, that's you know
that's one possibility.
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And so, there is no
type of, oh, I'm not married
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so I can't do these stages.
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I'm not saying that's
the case for all people.
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But you know, for some
though, I'm not married
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thought comes into
play maybe after the fact.
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Sex and then marry.
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I want to, I wanted to..
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Oh, I'm sorry there
are married couples here.
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And I think also in college
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you have that element
of that slippery slope
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where, okay, I'm not
with my parents anymore,
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I don't have dad, you
know, down my neck say,
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"Boy, go home..."
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You're there, and you
have that more opportunity
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be able to be alone,
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so kissing goes a
little bit longer than usual.
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And then before you know,
your hands are making movements
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then, that's how it
starts with those little things
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because you don't really know
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what boundaries to have
in college is not really set.
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So, experimenting sometimes
happens unintentionally.
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Yeah, and lot of times it cause,
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it goes pretty extreme.
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Stories I've heard, lot
of extreme experimenting to,
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you know, to high degree.
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You gonna add to that.
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I think one thing to add
to what was said just now
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is that one popular thing to
do is to avoid the attachment,
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you know, so called,
you know, commitment.
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They have the, in
college in adults,
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you know, beyond that have
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what they call
friends with benefit.
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You know, you're not married.
You're not in a relationship.
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You know, you don't,
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you don't have to
worry about the attachment,
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about the commitment
because you're just friends,
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you're friends with benefits.
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And I think that's
one of the more dominant
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or pre-dominant
things that we see on T.V
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and we see in
society today as well.
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Yeah.
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I know for me, I
didn't, I didn't know
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what masturbation
was till eighth grade
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when some of my
friends were talking about it.
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And now I am
oldest, it's kind of weird
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that they were talking
about it with each other.
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And then of
course, there's also that,
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you know, peer pressure,
social, you know, social media,
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television kind of
portrays that at certain ages
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you should have
done certain things.
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I think though that
at the end of the day,
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you know, God
created us as sexual beings.
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As beings who seek and want
intimacy and to some degree,
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it's natural for us
to want to be intimate.
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Right.
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You know, that desire I
believe God has placed in us.
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Of course, you know, our
desire should be for God.
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But even if you think about it,
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you know, know the average girl,
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you know gets her first visit
from on flow around with 12.
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You know, guy,
you know, young men,
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I know for me the
thoughts came into,
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you know, that came to my
head around may be nine or ten.
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You know so, you
really got to deal with,
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with, with those
urges from an early age.
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You know, and
then on the other side,
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society says, well, you're
not really an adult or 18.
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So, I'm struggling from 9 to 18
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what do I do
with these feelings.
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And sort of the
minute I have, you know,
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that like she says, "I
get that opportunity to go out
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and do what I want."
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You know, I'm gonna, I'm
gonna want to experiment and see
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well what can I do
with these feelings.
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You know, how I
can play them out.
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Can I enjoy the way
that I've seen and enjoy?
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Yeah, a lot of
times you experience,
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you know, you're
listening about the folk,
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you're experimenting with sex,
you know, because that because,
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your focus as opposed
to experimenting with,
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you know relationships or love,
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you know that,
that's not your focus.
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Your focus is you want to
just feel good about yourself.
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So that's, that's a
really interesting dynamic
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that we have now.
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The other thing I want
to talk about with this,
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we talked about college ages
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but what about
someone who's past that age,
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someone who is
maybe 25, 24, 25 who said
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and even older than that
who say, "I've been good.
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I have not done anything
you know, I didn't do anything,
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messed up in college.
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I, you know, kept
myself, things are going good."
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But you know, this
is kind of played out.
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I mean how long
do I got to wait.
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I mean everybody else is
married, they all had sex.
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I just want to, you know,
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at least just
try it out, you know.
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Is that the kind of do
you, do you all see that ever
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and we know anybody like that?
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Yeah, I mean we see
it, in society you see it.
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It's not only in
church, you know.
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And there are
individuals like that.
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I happen to think that,
you know, if you have waited
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that long like the years
to mess up and do silly stuff,
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you've kind of pass those years.
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Because, you know, as
we were saying before,
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there are all
these repercussions
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of having sex with
the wrong individual.
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We haven't mentioned any health.
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You know, anything that
can go wrong health wise.
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And, you know,
there's just so many areas
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where, you know,
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if you're just
striving for that Christian walk
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and you find
that you're 25, 35, 45
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and, you know, you
haven't fallen so far.
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It's hard but I would
encourage that you hold strong.
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Yeah. Brittany, you
want to add to that?
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Yeah, I was going to
say if we can be honest.
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As all married people
that sex isn't always great.
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As in sex isn't always
only about the technique.
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And sometimes people say,
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"Okay, let me
just try it as once."
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But if you don't have a
connection with that person,
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and you try it
once and let's say,
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they don't have that
technique or whatever,
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you may end up
being very unsatisfied
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by end of the time
and then it wasn't great.
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You see there is more to
sex than just the technique
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and if this is
done and that is done.
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There is so much more to it.
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And I know some of my
friends, who are like,
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you know, "I'm just
going to try it once",
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they tried it once
and I guess, I don't want,
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I don't want say that the guy
didn't know what he was doing
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or the girl didn't
know what she was doing.
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They just didn't
have that connection,
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there is so much more
to sex than just doing it.
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Right. Right.
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And then for, if I can
just add on for females
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it's not just for in.
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Not all situations, but in most
cases for females, it's not a--
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I'm just going to
have sex once and move on.
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You know, there are
emotional attachments
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that go with that too.
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And because it,
you know just imagine,
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you know, kitty
sneakers with the Velcro.
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Imagine just pulling apart.
You know those two pieces.
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There are parts of you
that get left on the other,
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on the other side and
so, it's, it's a very,
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it's a very
dangerous thing to think.
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You know, I'm just
going to do this once,
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it's not going to affect me,
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it's not going
to be that serious.
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And I'm going to be
able to walk afterwards.
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So, we moved on to definitely
00:10:14.88\00:10:16.75
the why you
shouldn't experiment.
00:10:16.78\00:10:19.31
So, let's talk little
more about that, you know,
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Kory want to say something.
00:10:20.72\00:10:22.05
If what I would say is,
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you know, as it pertains to sex,
00:10:23.45\00:10:25.85
do not believe the hype.
00:10:25.89\00:10:27.96
I don't know how to
say, don't believe the hype.
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You know I was, I
was watching the show
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not too long
ago, maybe four weeks.
00:10:32.23\00:10:34.53
And it showed this
girl, she was a virgin,
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and she lost her
virginity to this guy.
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And it looked like the
most enjoyable sex session ever.
00:10:39.30\00:10:43.57
I'm saying to myself.
You sure she was a virgin?
00:10:43.61\00:10:46.51
Because what I understand,
you know, for male or female
00:10:46.54\00:10:49.51
the first time we
have sex is usually,
00:10:49.54\00:10:51.88
you know, you know, you're
not like shooting for the moon,
00:10:51.91\00:10:54.02
you're not gonna
get like a grand prize.
00:10:54.05\00:10:55.78
You know, it's usually a
serious learning experience,
00:10:55.82\00:10:57.92
a serious learning curve.
00:10:57.95\00:10:59.35
You know, when
you're experiencing with sex
00:10:59.39\00:11:01.76
and what I know is
that a lot of women
00:11:01.79\00:11:03.12
actually end up not liking sex
00:11:03.16\00:11:05.63
based on their first experience,
00:11:05.66\00:11:07.46
you know, because they go
in with all these expectations
00:11:07.50\00:11:09.76
thinking, "Oh,
it's gonna be wonderful,
00:11:09.80\00:11:11.17
it's gonna be great."
00:11:11.20\00:11:12.53
And then they
feel, feel you know,
00:11:12.57\00:11:13.90
realize that you know because
of the choices our fore parents
00:11:13.94\00:11:16.84
made in the Garden of Eden
00:11:16.87\00:11:18.21
and there's also a lot of things
00:11:18.24\00:11:19.57
that come with it,
you know, and so on.
00:11:19.61\00:11:21.71
And so, it is very dangerous
because what ends up happening
00:11:21.74\00:11:24.31
is that meant you
experiment with somebody.
00:11:24.35\00:11:26.28
And by the time you get married,
00:11:26.31\00:11:27.98
you would be
completely turned off to sex
00:11:28.02\00:11:30.05
because of your
first experience,
00:11:30.09\00:11:31.62
and your spouse is
going to have to deal
00:11:31.65\00:11:33.36
with those consequences.
00:11:33.39\00:11:34.79
Yeah, yeah and let's
go talk more about that,
00:11:34.82\00:11:36.52
I mean spouse,
00:11:36.56\00:11:37.96
if you're trying to get married,
00:11:37.99\00:11:39.33
you're just
experimenting with someone
00:11:39.36\00:11:40.70
who you know is not
going to be your spouse,
00:11:40.73\00:11:42.06
then you're mess,
you're gonna mess it up
00:11:42.10\00:11:43.97
for what you
really ultimately want.
00:11:44.00\00:11:45.73
You know, is someone who,
you know, a good relationships
00:11:45.77\00:11:48.04
and you're causing more
baggage to your life, more pain.
00:11:48.07\00:11:51.87
So, you know, especially
if you've waited this long
00:11:51.91\00:11:54.14
you're 25 or over.
00:11:54.18\00:11:55.51
You know, he might
as well get it right
00:11:55.54\00:11:57.45
and make sure it's what
God wants you to do, you know.
00:11:57.48\00:12:01.32
You know, I think to,
add it to what Kory said,
00:12:01.35\00:12:04.49
you know, people
don't realize the issues,
00:12:04.52\00:12:06.52
the repercussions
that come with it you know.
00:12:06.55\00:12:09.66
Speaking from
somebody who has a past
00:12:09.69\00:12:11.96
is the fact that you know.
00:12:11.99\00:12:13.56
A lot of people you build,
00:12:13.60\00:12:15.23
you're building
upon a broken foundation.
00:12:15.26\00:12:17.93
You know, and
initially like his wife said,
00:12:17.97\00:12:21.47
you know, you're ripping
00:12:21.50\00:12:22.84
and you're living
pieces of yourself,
00:12:22.87\00:12:24.21
so essentially when you go
00:12:24.24\00:12:25.57
get married to the right person,
00:12:25.61\00:12:26.94
you're coming
with little pieces,
00:12:26.98\00:12:28.84
and hoping that
between you and God,
00:12:28.88\00:12:30.58
it cannot be put back together.
00:12:30.61\00:12:32.21
You know, you build
up abandonment issues,
00:12:32.25\00:12:34.28
security issues, jealousy,
00:12:34.32\00:12:36.25
you know you build all
these issues over time.
00:12:36.28\00:12:38.85
Because you're just, you
know, you're experimenting,
00:12:38.89\00:12:41.22
you're doing things
with the wrong person,
00:12:41.26\00:12:42.92
or with the wrong people.
00:12:42.96\00:12:44.96
And because you can't, you
don't, you don't even know,
00:12:44.99\00:12:46.83
you don't just stop with one.
00:12:46.86\00:12:48.73
If sex wasn't
good with this person,
00:12:48.76\00:12:51.53
well, let me experiment
with the other one to see,
00:12:51.57\00:12:53.34
if I'm not choosing
the right individual.
00:12:53.37\00:12:55.57
You know, and you go through
a whole repertoire of people
00:12:55.60\00:12:59.54
so it's a matter of,
you know, really focusing
00:12:59.57\00:13:03.14
on what's and just waiting,
00:13:03.18\00:13:04.88
it's, there's
nothing wrong with that.
00:13:04.91\00:13:06.95
Yeah, let me stop
talking like I don't know
00:13:06.98\00:13:08.58
what there's something
he is talking about either
00:13:08.62\00:13:10.39
because I
definitely have been there,
00:13:10.42\00:13:12.25
and I know firsthand
that, you know, it is tough.
00:13:12.29\00:13:16.69
And it is hard to break away
00:13:16.73\00:13:18.09
from those, those
connections that you have made.
00:13:18.13\00:13:20.96
You know, it truly is a
glue that God has given us.
00:13:21.00\00:13:23.87
And so, when you have
that with multiple people,
00:13:23.90\00:13:26.13
you, your mind is not.
00:13:26.17\00:13:27.70
I don't care you
know, how many times
00:13:27.74\00:13:30.64
I was taken back to
previous situations.
00:13:30.67\00:13:33.11
My mind is taken
back at other individuals.
00:13:33.14\00:13:35.24
I remember even
having to go to counseling,
00:13:35.28\00:13:37.38
even having to go to
different classes and sit,
00:13:37.41\00:13:39.95
you know, in different
meetings or what not just,
00:13:39.98\00:13:41.72
just to reprogram my mind.
00:13:41.75\00:13:43.59
To get my mind off of,
00:13:43.62\00:13:44.95
you know the addiction
really that had been caused
00:13:44.99\00:13:47.22
because of indulging so much.
00:13:47.26\00:13:49.49
And so, I know that for
me, you know, it was a painful,
00:13:49.52\00:13:53.46
spiritual and
emotional time for me,
00:13:53.50\00:13:54.86
to have to go through all
that before I got married.
00:13:54.90\00:13:56.90
And to bring that into
my marriage with my wife,
00:13:56.93\00:13:59.53
you know, I just
think about all the time
00:13:59.57\00:14:00.90
how just a shame I
have felt and guilt,
00:14:00.94\00:14:03.51
because of what I've done.
00:14:03.54\00:14:05.51
And I should have
waited and saved it for her.
00:14:05.54\00:14:07.94
You know, but I was impatient
and I didn't trust God enough.
00:14:07.98\00:14:10.51
You know, to believe
that he could just give me
00:14:10.55\00:14:12.45
what I needed,
what he had for me.
00:14:12.48\00:14:15.52
And so, you know I
remember being in counseling.
00:14:15.55\00:14:18.02
And the counselor
told me to, you know,
00:14:18.05\00:14:21.29
write down those who I
have experimented with,
00:14:21.32\00:14:23.32
those who I have
harmed in a way sexually.
00:14:23.36\00:14:25.63
And to literally
go back down each name
00:14:25.66\00:14:28.06
and ask God for
forgiveness, you know.
00:14:28.10\00:14:29.80
And you know, I did
that and it was powerful
00:14:29.83\00:14:31.77
because at least from
that spiritual standpoint,
00:14:31.80\00:14:35.40
I was able to see who
I was in front of God,
00:14:35.44\00:14:37.84
and break myself away
from them in a spiritual sense.
00:14:37.87\00:14:40.44
You know, and we're
just trying and I think that,
00:14:40.48\00:14:41.81
you know, the
reason of this whole topic
00:14:41.84\00:14:44.21
is trying to save someone
00:14:44.25\00:14:45.58
from having to
go down that road.
00:14:45.61\00:14:47.38
Because you know,
I can plead with you
00:14:47.42\00:14:50.02
until you know, until I go crazy
00:14:50.05\00:14:53.15
but you know,
00:14:53.19\00:14:54.52
people are still going
to do what they want to do.
00:14:54.56\00:14:55.89
We're hoping that
somebody will listen to this,
00:14:55.92\00:14:58.06
and say you know, "I
don't want to go down that road,
00:14:58.09\00:15:00.16
I want to do what
God is called me to do
00:15:00.20\00:15:02.13
and stay pure until God
brings that person for me."
00:15:02.16\00:15:05.77
And I think we need to
remember that the desire
00:15:05.80\00:15:08.37
to be with another
individual, it's not unnatural.
00:15:08.40\00:15:12.04
You know, as Kory
said, yeah exactly
00:15:12.07\00:15:14.51
it's not sin as Kory said,
00:15:14.54\00:15:16.71
you know we're created
with this need for intimacy.
00:15:16.75\00:15:20.75
And so, if you find yourself
at I don't know 45 or 35
00:15:20.78\00:15:25.82
and you're having these desires.
00:15:25.85\00:15:28.49
It's about how you direct,
00:15:28.52\00:15:31.36
you know,
whatever you are feeling.
00:15:31.39\00:15:34.16
I like, I like what Josh said.
00:15:34.20\00:15:37.00
You're not trusting in God,
because at the end of the day,
00:15:37.03\00:15:39.87
it's a spiritual,
it's a spiritual battle.
00:15:39.90\00:15:42.44
You know, and I think
that the problem is that,
00:15:42.47\00:15:44.14
most people turn it
into a physical battle.
00:15:44.17\00:15:46.61
You know, they're saying,
00:15:46.64\00:15:47.98
I'm 35, I'm 40,
I don't have time,
00:15:48.01\00:15:51.21
my clock is ticking.
00:15:51.25\00:15:53.01
I don't know, if I'm
going to be ready, I don't know
00:15:53.05\00:15:55.18
if I'm going to be
good, let me find out.
00:15:55.22\00:15:57.22
But what they're really
focusing on is on them self.
00:15:57.25\00:15:59.35
And what they will be
capable of not realizing,
00:15:59.39\00:16:01.96
you know that, you don't
really have to experiment.
00:16:01.99\00:16:04.59
Because experiment,
you know, basically,
00:16:04.63\00:16:07.73
experiment basically
says, "I don't know the answer."
00:16:07.76\00:16:11.63
Which is the
truth. You don't, yeah.
00:16:11.67\00:16:13.00
'Cause experimenting means
you're seeking out the answers.
00:16:13.03\00:16:14.74
But in the terms of marriage,
00:16:14.77\00:16:16.24
God has already
given the answer.
00:16:16.27\00:16:18.07
And so you, you aren't
really supposed to know,
00:16:18.11\00:16:20.48
you know, until
God answers it for you.
00:16:20.51\00:16:22.68
You know, and so I
when we talk about,
00:16:22.71\00:16:24.78
we're reminded for those
people who are being impatient.
00:16:24.81\00:16:27.32
You know, Isaiah says,
"If you wait upon the Lord,
00:16:27.35\00:16:29.25
you know you shall
renew your strength."
00:16:29.28\00:16:30.62
Hallelujah.
00:16:30.65\00:16:32.35
You know, it's like I can
testify towards the marriage.
00:16:32.39\00:16:36.56
I like that, I like that.
00:16:36.59\00:16:38.86
You all gonna
say something or...?
00:16:38.89\00:16:40.23
Okay, I might add on to this.
00:16:40.26\00:16:42.23
I just see the married couple
00:16:42.26\00:16:43.80
making some
eyes with each other,
00:16:43.83\00:16:45.17
so I'm kind of...
00:16:45.20\00:16:47.04
A lot of, lot of dynamic
is going on the set, you guys.
00:16:47.07\00:16:49.94
Anyway, what if there
someone who says, listen,
00:16:49.97\00:16:52.94
I'm not going
to be that serious,
00:16:52.97\00:16:54.38
you know, passing
those in a marriage
00:16:54.41\00:16:55.74
that you had a past,
00:16:55.78\00:16:57.11
Chaplain Xavier
understand he had a past
00:16:57.15\00:16:58.91
but, I'm not that
guy, I'm not that girl,
00:16:58.95\00:17:00.98
I'm not gonna go that far.
00:17:01.02\00:17:02.35
You know, I just want to
try couple of things out,
00:17:02.38\00:17:04.02
just, you know,
just here and there,
00:17:04.05\00:17:05.39
because I don't
want to look foolish
00:17:05.42\00:17:07.52
when I get married,
or get that situation.
00:17:07.56\00:17:09.66
I kind of want to know
what's going on, you know.
00:17:09.69\00:17:11.96
I can handle myself.
00:17:11.99\00:17:13.33
You know, that they may say,
00:17:13.36\00:17:14.70
I've heard
people say this to me.
00:17:14.73\00:17:16.06
You know, what
we'll say to them.
00:17:16.10\00:17:17.93
The pastor title is
nice and everything.
00:17:17.97\00:17:20.14
But when you started,
00:17:20.17\00:17:21.54
did you think you
would have gotten that far?
00:17:21.57\00:17:23.64
Never, in fact, I
always said to myself.
00:17:23.67\00:17:26.71
I would, I knew for
sure. You don't know.
00:17:26.74\00:17:28.44
I would be a
virgin when I get married.
00:17:28.48\00:17:29.81
I just knew it. I knew it. Yeah.
00:17:29.84\00:17:31.41
There was no way.
Yeah, yeah. You don't know.
00:17:31.45\00:17:34.38
So, it's a, it's
a dangerous thing
00:17:34.42\00:17:36.38
to think that you have
enough self-control to say,
00:17:36.42\00:17:40.69
I'm going to start
and go but this far.
00:17:40.72\00:17:43.49
You don't know.
Yeah. It's a good point.
00:17:43.53\00:17:45.49
I think to, you
know, we have to understand
00:17:45.53\00:17:47.36
that the spiritual warfare
is a battle for the mind.
00:17:47.40\00:17:50.90
You know, you have no
control over God or the devil.
00:17:50.93\00:17:53.17
You don't even have control
00:17:53.20\00:17:55.17
over sort of physiological
aspects of yourself.
00:17:55.20\00:17:57.77
You know, to say that you're
going to be strong enough,
00:17:57.81\00:18:00.28
I would call that ridiculous.
00:18:00.31\00:18:01.94
You know, because I
said that to myself.
00:18:01.98\00:18:04.81
I wouldn't be strong
enough to drink yet I drink.
00:18:04.85\00:18:06.65
I wouldn't be
strong enough to do this,
00:18:06.68\00:18:08.02
I did it, you know.
00:18:08.05\00:18:09.38
I thought I was strong enough
not to have sex before marriage
00:18:09.42\00:18:11.89
and I did, and I did it.
00:18:11.92\00:18:13.82
I wasn't strong
enough, you know,
00:18:13.86\00:18:15.19
you always say these things to,
not because you think you are,
00:18:15.22\00:18:18.46
it's just to kind
of lie to yourself,
00:18:18.49\00:18:20.20
and make yourself
reassure that you can
00:18:20.23\00:18:22.10
but in reality by saying,
by repeating it to yourself,
00:18:22.13\00:18:25.20
that means
you're that much weaker.
00:18:25.23\00:18:26.97
Sure, there is a way
that seems right into a man,
00:18:27.00\00:18:29.20
but in the end it
leads to destruction
00:18:29.24\00:18:30.61
and death, that's right.
00:18:30.64\00:18:31.97
Okay.
00:18:32.01\00:18:33.64
So, clearly
00:18:33.68\00:18:36.14
you know there's no way
that you can know yourself,
00:18:36.18\00:18:38.48
you know, there's no
way you can really tell.
00:18:38.51\00:18:40.62
But I'm gonna ask this,
00:18:40.65\00:18:41.98
throw a little
monkey wrench in this thing.
00:18:42.02\00:18:43.72
Is there any other any--
00:18:43.75\00:18:45.09
is anything you can't do?
00:18:45.12\00:18:46.49
You know, is there
any things you can't do,
00:18:46.52\00:18:48.06
you know, it's
like no kissing at all.
00:18:48.09\00:18:49.89
I mean I know, we talk about
these in some other programs
00:18:49.92\00:18:52.93
but, you know, in this context
of this experimental thing,
00:18:52.96\00:18:55.83
I can try anything.
00:18:55.86\00:19:00.04
It sounds nice to
throw out the three steps to,
00:19:00.07\00:19:04.74
you know, recovery or
the four steps to whatever
00:19:04.77\00:19:07.88
but it doesn't work
that way for everybody.
00:19:07.91\00:19:12.05
What might work for me,
or what I might be strong on,
00:19:12.08\00:19:16.72
Brittany might not be.
00:19:16.75\00:19:18.09
What she might be strong
on, I might be terrible at.
00:19:18.12\00:19:21.56
And so, I would really say,
00:19:21.59\00:19:24.13
spend some time
getting to know you,
00:19:24.16\00:19:27.33
know what you can
handle and what you can't.
00:19:27.36\00:19:30.27
And be honest with yourself,
because it's so easy to say,
00:19:30.30\00:19:36.04
like you said, you
know, I'm not going to,
00:19:36.07\00:19:38.64
I'm never going to do this
00:19:38.67\00:19:40.38
and very quickly
that never turns into,
00:19:40.41\00:19:44.15
"Oh, boy, where did I go wrong?"
00:19:44.18\00:19:45.71
Sure.
00:19:45.75\00:19:47.08
And I really asked that question
00:19:47.12\00:19:48.45
because there's a lot of
peer pressure involved in this.
00:19:48.48\00:19:50.49
Lot of people will expect
you to have done certain things
00:19:50.52\00:19:53.82
especially at a
certain age you know.
00:19:53.86\00:19:55.22
There was a T.V.
program I just watched.
00:19:55.26\00:19:59.06
Reality show and the guy
00:19:59.09\00:20:01.20
was talking
actually to some pastors,
00:20:01.23\00:20:02.70
a pastor and his
wife about his situation.
00:20:02.73\00:20:04.67
He was sharing with them.
00:20:04.70\00:20:06.03
And he was 40 years old,
00:20:06.07\00:20:07.40
and he had never
even kissed the woman.
00:20:07.44\00:20:11.51
And so, they were like,
they were so shocked by that.
00:20:11.54\00:20:13.98
The pastor and
his wife were shocked.
00:20:14.01\00:20:15.34
Yeah, they were shocked,
and they were so surprise like,
00:20:15.38\00:20:18.31
"Oh, I can't believe.
00:20:18.35\00:20:19.68
What is wrong with you?"
00:20:19.71\00:20:21.05
You know, there were
saying, I'm like really
00:20:21.08\00:20:22.42
so, let's talk
about that you know.
00:20:22.45\00:20:23.99
You know, even from
a spiritual standpoint
00:20:24.02\00:20:28.02
a lot of people will
say, there's something wrong
00:20:28.06\00:20:29.62
if you have not experimented.
00:20:29.66\00:20:30.99
So, why is it, why is it within
the culture, within the church.
00:20:31.03\00:20:33.86
And why don't we encourage
those who have held out.
00:20:33.90\00:20:37.53
Because with that
kind of mentality,
00:20:37.57\00:20:39.13
people often can feel pressured
to want to go and experiment.
00:20:39.17\00:20:43.20
So, what would you
say to someone like that?
00:20:43.24\00:20:46.37
I think with being a Christian,
00:20:46.41\00:20:48.54
that's kind of an
anomaly in society,
00:20:48.58\00:20:50.61
it's not kosher.
00:20:50.65\00:20:52.28
I mean it's kosher
to be Christian by title
00:20:52.31\00:20:54.35
but not by walk.
00:20:54.38\00:20:55.95
And that's the
issue we run into that.
00:20:55.98\00:20:57.75
You know, being a Christian
doesn't make you perfect.
00:20:57.79\00:21:01.02
It just makes you
realize your brokenness,
00:21:01.06\00:21:02.56
and how much more
you need God and I think,
00:21:02.59\00:21:05.03
one of things is you
come to a self-realization
00:21:05.06\00:21:07.13
of where your weaknesses lie.
00:21:07.16\00:21:09.13
You know, if I can be
honest you know, with--
00:21:09.16\00:21:12.23
When my wife and I were dating,
00:21:12.27\00:21:13.60
you know, there are
certain things that we wish
00:21:13.64\00:21:14.97
we refrained from doing.
00:21:15.00\00:21:16.34
Not because it
was something for her,
00:21:16.37\00:21:18.44
it's something for me
and she respected that
00:21:18.47\00:21:20.71
because it can
lead me, you know.
00:21:20.74\00:21:23.01
And that's the
thing to, you know,
00:21:23.04\00:21:24.38
how much do you value yourself,
00:21:24.41\00:21:25.75
how much do you respect yourself
00:21:25.78\00:21:27.12
to be able to
just restrain yourself
00:21:27.15\00:21:28.98
and understand
that sex is awesome,
00:21:29.02\00:21:31.25
it's great.
00:21:31.29\00:21:32.62
But when you do
with the right person,
00:21:32.65\00:21:34.49
with the one that
you're married too
00:21:34.52\00:21:36.09
it is even that much greater,
it's much more satisfying.
00:21:36.12\00:21:39.46
You know, mate, when we,
00:21:39.49\00:21:41.00
when we consider the possibility
00:21:41.03\00:21:43.40
of trying something
here, try some there,
00:21:43.43\00:21:46.50
and maybe being
able to make it through
00:21:46.53\00:21:48.50
my flesh wants to
say, "It's impossible."
00:21:48.54\00:21:51.84
You know, I know for me.
00:21:51.87\00:21:53.54
You know, you can
say, "Well, can we kiss?"
00:21:53.58\00:21:55.11
and I'm like,
"Maybe you can kiss."
00:21:55.14\00:21:57.31
And yes, you know,
one size and fit all.
00:21:57.35\00:22:00.05
But we know we just said also
00:22:00.08\00:22:01.72
that you never
know what'll happen.
00:22:01.75\00:22:03.59
You know, based on what you do.
00:22:03.62\00:22:05.12
And I know for me, if
I, if I start kissing,
00:22:05.15\00:22:06.79
you know, not to
try and kiss you.
00:22:06.82\00:22:10.16
I think that you know,
my, my spirit also says,
00:22:10.19\00:22:13.29
"That anything is
possible with God."
00:22:13.33\00:22:15.03
You know, and yes as
you know, I don't know,
00:22:15.06\00:22:16.90
if everything is
not for everyone.
00:22:16.93\00:22:18.60
In fact I can share, you know,
00:22:18.63\00:22:19.97
testimonies of friends
of mine who got engaged.
00:22:20.00\00:22:22.30
And had a lengthy engagement,
and made a pact with each other
00:22:22.34\00:22:25.57
that we would even,
they wouldn't even kiss,
00:22:25.61\00:22:27.91
until they, till
they got married.
00:22:27.94\00:22:29.88
And they didn't do it.
00:22:29.91\00:22:31.45
You know, as far
as I'm concerned,
00:22:31.48\00:22:32.81
I weren't with them,
you know, to confirm.
00:22:32.85\00:22:35.12
But they said
they wouldn't do it
00:22:35.15\00:22:36.48
and they didn't do it, I
think that in a relationship,
00:22:36.52\00:22:38.82
there has to be
that intentionality
00:22:38.85\00:22:40.59
that's with their
communication from the beginning
00:22:40.62\00:22:42.52
that says listen,
00:22:42.56\00:22:43.89
"There's some
values I'm going to have,
00:22:43.93\00:22:45.66
and if you're not
down with those values,
00:22:45.69\00:22:47.66
then we don't even
need to engage in anything,
00:22:47.70\00:22:49.76
not even conversation."
00:22:49.80\00:22:51.33
You know, and so it
will be a little easier
00:22:51.37\00:22:53.23
if you're engaged in
a relation with someone
00:22:53.27\00:22:54.90
who has the same values,
or that will respect your,
00:22:54.94\00:22:57.67
you know,
respect your values so.
00:22:57.71\00:22:59.14
And let's value,
the values you know,
00:22:59.17\00:23:00.61
let's value the individuals
who have held their value.
00:23:00.64\00:23:03.28
You know, those who
have actually pressed forward
00:23:03.31\00:23:05.21
and said, I'm
not going to do this,
00:23:05.25\00:23:06.92
you know, we've
got to encourage those
00:23:06.95\00:23:08.28
and make sure it
becomes part of the norm.
00:23:08.32\00:23:11.29
Let's make that be a subculture
in the church, you know.
00:23:11.32\00:23:13.32
People who have pressed on it
00:23:13.36\00:23:15.72
and not give into
temptation you know.
00:23:15.76\00:23:17.66
And even though,
they may be used to think
00:23:17.69\00:23:19.69
they should be, they're
old, they should be married
00:23:19.73\00:23:21.06
and this and that.
00:23:21.10\00:23:22.43
You know, praise God for that,
00:23:22.46\00:23:23.80
praise God for
those individuals who are,
00:23:23.83\00:23:25.37
who are striving to do
what is right, you know.
00:23:25.40\00:23:28.04
You know, it's
kind of like Daniel.
00:23:28.07\00:23:30.04
Yeah.
00:23:30.07\00:23:31.41
And when he was
faced with trouble
00:23:31.44\00:23:34.28
pretty much on every side.
00:23:34.31\00:23:36.31
So, the Bible says that
"He purposed in his heart
00:23:36.34\00:23:38.51
that he would not sin."
00:23:38.55\00:23:41.48
You know, and I
think it's the same mindset
00:23:41.52\00:23:47.59
that has to take place whenever
you're in this situation.
00:23:47.62\00:23:52.39
I guess just
putting myself out there.
00:23:52.43\00:23:56.90
Before Kory and I got
married, we didn't have sex.
00:23:56.93\00:24:00.47
I'm not saying it
was easy. Mercy Lord.
00:24:00.50\00:24:03.87
I'm not saying it was easy,
and I was that 25 year old,
00:24:03.91\00:24:09.31
you know, who
hadn't had sex before.
00:24:09.34\00:24:12.05
And I'm not saying that
the temptations don't come.
00:24:12.08\00:24:15.48
But at the same time,
you know I just like I said,
00:24:15.52\00:24:18.39
I thought to myself,
"Well, if you're 25 now
00:24:18.42\00:24:20.86
and you haven't
done anything yet,
00:24:20.89\00:24:23.99
then why not continue
to wait for that individual
00:24:24.03\00:24:27.66
that God has prepared for you.
00:24:27.70\00:24:29.93
And like I said, it's not easy.
00:24:29.96\00:24:32.23
And I'm only putting
my business out there
00:24:32.27\00:24:34.64
because I am a
very private person.
00:24:34.67\00:24:37.64
I'm only putting it out
there because, you know,
00:24:37.67\00:24:40.04
there might be that one
person watching who is like,
00:24:40.08\00:24:43.31
you know, what this is real,
00:24:43.35\00:24:44.81
and you guys are
making it sound so easy.
00:24:44.85\00:24:47.35
Yeah, yeah.
00:24:47.38\00:24:48.72
I acknowledge, it is
not easy, it wasn't easy.
00:24:48.75\00:24:52.52
But I think that the rewards
00:24:52.55\00:24:55.62
that come when you
do wait are amazing.
00:24:55.66\00:24:59.56
I also think that the principles
00:24:59.59\00:25:01.70
that you exercise and cultivate
00:25:01.73\00:25:04.43
as you're waiting just help you
00:25:04.47\00:25:07.10
in so many other areas of life.
00:25:07.14\00:25:08.54
I mean I was a
teacher in the classroom
00:25:08.57\00:25:10.44
for eight years high school.
00:25:10.47\00:25:12.47
You know, I was able to--
00:25:12.51\00:25:13.84
Well, kids
didn't know my details
00:25:13.88\00:25:15.21
but now they probably
do if they're watching.
00:25:15.24\00:25:17.88
You know, I was able
to share practical things
00:25:17.91\00:25:20.58
with my students,
00:25:20.62\00:25:21.95
because that was my
situation and that was my story.
00:25:21.98\00:25:25.75
You know so, I think that
it is definitely possible.
00:25:25.79\00:25:29.76
It's not popular,
but it's possible.
00:25:29.79\00:25:32.46
And I appreciate
you for sharing that.
00:25:32.49\00:25:34.30
You know, people need
to hear various examples
00:25:34.33\00:25:38.00
and to be able to
see themselves in us,
00:25:38.03\00:25:39.93
and that, you know, we've
been there or are there now.
00:25:39.97\00:25:42.54
And we're not perfect
by any means, you know.
00:25:42.57\00:25:44.81
We're struggling
through this, and trying to,
00:25:44.84\00:25:46.84
to still hold on
to Jesus to get us,
00:25:46.88\00:25:48.64
get us by, get us through.
00:25:48.68\00:25:50.15
We're able to see things
in a different perspective
00:25:50.18\00:25:52.71
maybe but, but, we still
know the struggle is real.
00:25:52.75\00:25:55.55
You know, it's tough out there.
00:25:55.58\00:25:58.35
So, let's go
and talk also about,
00:25:58.39\00:26:01.62
just give some
more encouragement.
00:26:01.66\00:26:02.99
Let's do this with
more encouragement.
00:26:03.02\00:26:04.43
I want to speak to someone
who is right now, you know
00:26:04.46\00:26:07.36
struggling, wondering
why does it even matter.
00:26:07.40\00:26:09.96
You know, I'm not
really trying to go that far,
00:26:10.00\00:26:12.07
but I'm just trying to
little, little bit here.
00:26:12.10\00:26:13.44
But let's give some
more encouragement to them
00:26:13.47\00:26:15.17
about what, what
we would say to them,
00:26:15.20\00:26:18.51
they were sitting
right here with us,
00:26:18.54\00:26:20.61
and encourage them to get by
00:26:20.64\00:26:21.98
to make it
through to be faithful?
00:26:22.01\00:26:23.45
I think two
things that I would say.
00:26:23.48\00:26:25.51
I would encourage
those who have tried.
00:26:25.55\00:26:28.62
And want to restore
their purity to themselves
00:26:28.65\00:26:30.99
to really, really pray
and really harness God.
00:26:31.02\00:26:33.86
Because it can happen,
it happened to me in India,
00:26:33.89\00:26:36.39
the thing is just to those
that are, trying to experiment.
00:26:36.42\00:26:39.49
Persist, it's not
easy, but it's worth it,
00:26:39.53\00:26:42.00
it's very much worth it.
00:26:42.03\00:26:44.17
And I can only
speak from experience,
00:26:44.20\00:26:45.73
not from anything else.
00:26:45.77\00:26:49.37
Well, I know for me.
00:26:49.40\00:26:51.27
I've actually
fought a long time before,
00:26:51.31\00:26:54.98
before I experimented with sex
or I had sex and it was hard.
00:26:55.01\00:26:58.65
And even in
going to church school,
00:26:58.68\00:27:00.88
just about all my
friends that had sex.
00:27:00.92\00:27:02.92
And it was extremely,
extremely hard I think.
00:27:02.95\00:27:05.69
When I finally hit the
pressure cooker of college,
00:27:05.72\00:27:08.26
you know, it kind of,
things kind of boiled over.
00:27:08.29\00:27:10.96
But with as much as
you may joke around,
00:27:10.99\00:27:13.36
you know, you
know back in the day
00:27:13.40\00:27:14.90
we guys about this
girl and that girl.
00:27:14.93\00:27:17.13
You know, in
hindsight, you know,
00:27:17.17\00:27:19.03
I can't, you
know, I wish I didn't.
00:27:19.07\00:27:20.67
You know, and what
I gain from having sex
00:27:20.70\00:27:23.77
before marriage honestly,
00:27:23.81\00:27:26.17
and if I can say,
I gained anything.
00:27:26.21\00:27:27.98
It wasn't worth it.
00:27:28.01\00:27:29.34
It definitely wasn't
00:27:29.38\00:27:30.71
especially after being married.
00:27:30.75\00:27:32.08
There's absolutely nothing
that I learned, you know,
00:27:32.11\00:27:34.52
from any
previous sexual encounter
00:27:34.55\00:27:36.28
that could have helped me so.
00:27:36.32\00:27:38.02
Yeah, I agree, I agree
00:27:38.05\00:27:39.39
I feel like if I hadn't
been in that predicament,
00:27:39.42\00:27:41.46
that I place myself in I
would never even had sex,
00:27:41.49\00:27:43.63
I hadn't experimented, you know.
00:27:43.66\00:27:45.43
So, hopefully this can be
some good discussion topics
00:27:45.46\00:27:47.90
as youth groups.
00:27:47.93\00:27:49.26
Talk about this a lot more.
00:27:49.30\00:27:50.63
Please don't experiment.
00:27:50.67\00:27:52.27
Know that you can
just trust in God,
00:27:52.30\00:27:53.77
and He will see you through.
00:27:53.80\00:27:55.24
Well, that's it for today.
00:27:55.27\00:27:56.60
Remember to
always make pure choices.
00:27:56.64\00:27:59.74
God bless you. Have a good one.
00:27:59.77\00:28:01.94