The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Hello, and
welcome to Pure Choices.
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I'm your host,
Pastor Joshua Nelson.
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I'm so glad you
decided to join us today.
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We have a good
one for you today,
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the title is I Know the Game.
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Before we get into
this exciting topic
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I'm gonna pause for a
moment and say a word of prayer.
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So let's pray,
Heavenly Father God,
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we just invite your spirits
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here right now,
speak through us.
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In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.
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Amen.
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Well, before we get
started on the topic
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I like to introduce the panel.
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We have a great panel as usual.
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I got my friend, my boy,
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Pastor KP
Douglas on my left here.
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He's a pastor here,
actually in a Missouri?
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South East Missouri.
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South East
Missouri, there you go.
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So happy to have
him here with us.
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Well, we also have over here,
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the married,
happily married couple here.
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You just got
married right in September?
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Yup. September 1st. Okay.
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We have Brittany Hill-Morales
and her husband Xavier Morales.
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So happy you all here with us.
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And
unfortunately, I had to separate
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the two married couples here.
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But we have Kimberly Douglas.
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All right, and we said your
last name from before, okay.
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So we have a good,
good panel and of course,
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I'm Pastor Nelson, I
have a beautiful wife,
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her name also is Kimberly.
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And
unfortunately, she is not here
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so I'm the odd one out here.
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But we're so
excited about this topic
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and this new season because
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this season we're going to
try to direct lot of our topics
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to the older
generation, if you would.
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We want to talk
more to the adults.
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We understand
that lot of the ones
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before were geared
towards younger people.
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But we want to
talk to the middle age,
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the older who we
know still also struggle
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with making pure choices.
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And so we want to
address these programs to them.
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And so we're gonna get
start today with this topic of
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I Know the Game,
okay, I Know the Game.
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And I kind deal the game because
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I know this is
part of my testimony,
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where God has
taking me from this issue,
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this under culture
of sexual promiscuity
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of just doing
what you feel is right
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as oppose to what
you know the Bible says.
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But first, we want to start
with talking about the culture,
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the culture that exist
today, the sexual culture
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that exist today in our society.
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Let's start there first
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and then we'll go
into a little deeper.
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So let's talk about
what is the culture,
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what is the sexual culture?
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We watch TV, we watch shows,
and hear things on the radio
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wherever the case may be.
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What is the culture,
the sexual culture today?
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I am going to start
with Pastor Douglas.
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Go ahead.
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Well, sex really is the culture.
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I mean, it's in every thing,
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it's been
interwoven into everything.
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Basically, the term goes
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and I'm not sure if you've
heard before, well, sex sells.
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So, you know, right now
it didn't matter what it is,
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a bar of soap,
hamburgers, water.
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Right.
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You know, sex is
some way attached to it.
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And you know, I
am not going to lie,
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sometimes the ads
do kind of make you
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want to buy the stuff a
little bit more, you know.
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But we, we have been inundated
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with just a lot
of sexual material.
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And it didn't
just, it didn't just
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influences us to buy more,
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but it also influences
how we view relationships,
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how will we view
sex, and when to have sex,
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when not to have sex.
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Our whole lives really
are determined by what we,
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what we been watching, media,
television, you know, movies,
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music, everything, so...
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So, let's talk about that,
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with the media and
what you watch on TV.
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How does that create a culture
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for what people do in
their everyday relationships,
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how they act, how they behave
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with their
significant other, you know.
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I want, Brittany,
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if you could talk a
little bit about that.
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Okay, I was gonna say something.
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Media is telling
us that sex is fun,
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you do it if you like a person,
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if you think they're attractive,
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you do it if you
like, like, like them,
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and if you have this inclination
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that you might love them
but you're not there yet.
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Then if you definitely love them
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then you definitely
should be having sex too.
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And only time it really
stops when you get married.
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So it's like, sex is fun,
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you do it in all
these different avenues.
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And our TV shows we watch,
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they having sex in
the big movies to move in,
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and to have more sex,
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and that's what it's
really about right now.
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So we really see
a reversal of really
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how it should be, you know.
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I mean, you're saying
that before you get married,
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you have all the sex, so
when you get married its,
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there's no more sex
anymore, you know, its reversal.
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What you feel about that, Kim?
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I think that because its,
it appears in so many places,
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whether its on TV or
on billboards, in books,
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it's like, no
matter where you go,
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you're seeing this same message,
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it feels good, do it.
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Right.
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Don't think about repercussion,
don't think about anything.
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Just if it feels
good, go ahead and do it.
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And think about,
actually, think about after
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if think about at all.
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You know, I
think it has more than,
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it's more to do
than with then just sex.
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It's more than
just sex in our culture.
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It's like you're saying,
it's just about feeling good.
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You know, whatever
feels good, you know,
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I'm gonna go and do it.
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You know, if I
can kind of testify
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it's not really a bad thing.
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But I am in New York Knicks fan,
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you know, I am be
real, there's some...
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I cannot afford to really
go To New York Knicks game
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but I enjoy the Knicks.
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And so I will work really hard
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to make sure I can
go to a Knicks game
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because I enjoy, you
know, enjoy the Knicks.
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And that is how it is in
every facet of our culture.
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It kind of tells you, you
know, however you like it,
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if you enjoy you
should do it, you know,
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don't let anybody tell
you what can and can't enjoy.
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And so you know,
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we've come to this
culture where, you know,
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sex is an
enjoyable thing, you know,
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it's just one of those
other enjoyable things.
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And unfortunately, it's also
one of those things a little,
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may be a little bit
harder to shake, you know,
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once you have enjoyed it, so.
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Yeah, It's not
really a thing of you know,
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oh, I shouldn't be
doing this at all, oh,
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this is just part
of what I do, you know.
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And sadly we're looking
today, this is just what you do.
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You have sex with
whoever you want to, you know,
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for a second date,
that's just what it is,
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that's the culture.
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In fact, and you were saying
something about this earlier
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about having your identity
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being attach to
your action as sex.
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As an adult, you know,
you should be having sex,
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that's just what is assumed
that you should be doing.
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You have a boyfriend
or a girlfriend friend for
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n-number of months or years
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or whatever the case may be,
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of course, you're having sex.
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And who would
think not, you know.
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And it's so
permeating that our culture that
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its hard to even talk against it
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because it just seems so odd.
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I mean, you know, you hear
it in the news or you know,
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it's just an actual talk,
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discussion of sex
within a marriage relationships
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is kind of laughed upon now.
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You know, from what I can see.
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X, you want to add
some more to the discussion?
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It's just, you know,
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the culture has
taken it it's effect from,
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you know, gradually,
over time and if it feels good
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then we say, if
it feels good, do it.
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You know, and
they taken a lot of,
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a lot of it from cars like,
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if you going to buy a
car you got to sample it,
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you got to test drive it,
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and you got to check it
before you're going to purchase.
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And I've heard many people
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kind of put the
two and two together
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where if I'm gonna get married,
you know, if I'm gonna see,
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if I'm gonna spend the rest
of my life with this person,
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only having sex
with this one person.
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I got to make sure
it feels good and see,
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because if they are not
good then we can't do any thing.
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Yeah.
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So you base
everything based off of sex?
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Well, I would even take
it may be little bit further
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because I feel like culture now
is saying that even marriage,
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it may be not, it
may not be the best thing
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because marriage
now kind of hinders you
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from living that lifestyle
of doing what you want,
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sampling what you want.
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So what we're
also seeing is that,
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that trend wear people like,
I don't need to get married,
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I don't want to get married
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because marriage
will kind of hold me back
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from enjoying the
things that I want to enjoy.
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You know, we also think about
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marriage as that ball and chain,
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you know, getting tied
down, everything changes.
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Look, what we said that
in the beginning, you know.
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And it's kind of true, you know,
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you know people really
think they're gonna get married
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to have sex all the
time, they are crazy.
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You know, so this
is not gonna happen.
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So just get that
out of your mind.
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Its not gonna
happen all the time.
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But you know, we
have that idea that,
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you know, we
can do what we want,
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and things like
marriage that are so permanent
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will put a stop to that, so...
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Yeah.
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Okay, so you know,
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we talked about the
culture in society now.
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You know, there's a story
that I've always heard of,
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a hotel that reported
their sales of adult videos
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happened at be
during at men's...
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Christian men's
conference, you know.
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So how has the
society sexual culture
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permeating the churches culture?
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Is there a culture of sexual
promiscuity in the church?
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What do you think?
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I definitely think so.
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I definitely think so.
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Yes.
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I think it is, I
think that there,
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I think that, you know,
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there's a lot of sins
that we tend to categorize
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as church and hold up.
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And I think that may be
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the most prevalent sins in
our church is our sexual sins.
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Oh, yeah.
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You know, and, off the record,
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which is not
really possible since,
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but you know that I know places
where couple swing in church.
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You know, for
those who don't know
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what swing means, Google it.
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And you know, and
places where you know,
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the same kind of
daring habits you see outside,
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you also see inside.
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And I think it is in
large in part to the fact that
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we kind of
separate our church life
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from our personal life.
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You know when I think
of the children of Israel,
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in the Bible, God
was in and through
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every facet of life.
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You know, but today,
you're kind of a Christian more
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or so during divine hour,
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if you come to
prayer, meeting, you know,
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whenever there's an
evangelistic meeting,
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whenever there's special days.
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But for the most part,
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the time spend
outside the church,
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you kind of live like you're
outside of church, you know.
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So it think that
that's kind of been, you know,
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influence in this
culture and basically,
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helping it to
permeate the church as well.
00:10:23.49\00:10:25.35
Okay.
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So, the argument core is
making that there is a culture,
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subculture in the church
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and may be it's a
lot more than we think
00:10:31.56\00:10:32.89
of people who
are actually active,
00:10:32.93\00:10:35.56
they've become active
and they just have not
00:10:35.60\00:10:37.83
had the desire to stop,
00:10:37.87\00:10:40.00
and they just
continually, you know,
00:10:40.04\00:10:42.40
dating around the church.
00:10:42.44\00:10:43.77
I mean, I don't know, for
me it's kind of how I always...
00:10:43.81\00:10:45.77
Well, I'll say like this,
00:10:45.81\00:10:47.21
when I begin to
go down that road,
00:10:47.24\00:10:48.58
I began to open my eyes
towards reality out there.
00:10:48.61\00:10:50.75
I mean, people in
the church are having sex
00:10:50.78\00:10:54.38
and it's not big deal, you know,
00:10:54.42\00:10:56.28
its not looked as a big deal,
00:10:56.32\00:10:57.65
it's not looked as this
is what we do, you know.
00:10:57.69\00:10:59.92
And so its easy to find
a Christian girl who will,
00:10:59.95\00:11:03.39
you know, do
whatever even though
00:11:03.43\00:11:04.86
"she is supposed to be
a Christian," you know.
00:11:04.89\00:11:07.23
Is this been
something you all seen as well?
00:11:07.26\00:11:09.20
Definitely.
00:11:09.23\00:11:10.57
I can remember at my school,
00:11:10.60\00:11:13.10
hearing stories about
them having wild sex parties,
00:11:13.13\00:11:16.10
where that's
all they were doing,
00:11:16.14\00:11:17.47
having a huge sex party.
00:11:17.51\00:11:20.14
And even though
like, some of my friends
00:11:20.18\00:11:23.48
that because they
were in relationships
00:11:23.51\00:11:26.01
and they were
strongly convinced that
00:11:26.05\00:11:28.62
they were gonna
end up in marriage,
00:11:28.65\00:11:30.35
they said, "Why not?
00:11:30.39\00:11:31.72
We're gonna get married
anyways, lets have sex."
00:11:31.75\00:11:34.89
I think part of it is people
confuse sex with intimacy,
00:11:34.92\00:11:38.29
so they're
saying, lets be intimate,
00:11:38.33\00:11:39.66
lets be together,
00:11:39.69\00:11:41.03
lets really draw
closer into this relationship,
00:11:41.06\00:11:43.43
and the best way to
do so is to have sex.
00:11:43.47\00:11:46.33
That's not true,
00:11:46.37\00:11:47.74
and that's what is
happening with so many people
00:11:47.77\00:11:51.41
and they end up breaking up
00:11:51.44\00:11:52.77
and then they have
all the heart break
00:11:52.81\00:11:54.14
and the heartache.
00:11:54.18\00:11:55.51
But that's basically
where we're going right now
00:11:55.54\00:11:57.38
where some people
feel that you should do it
00:11:57.41\00:11:59.75
because that's
the intimate from,
00:11:59.78\00:12:01.18
they're going to get
marry, God told them.
00:12:01.22\00:12:03.59
It was in some
sign, in some book.
00:12:03.62\00:12:06.29
Or for other people, it's, okay,
00:12:06.32\00:12:08.62
if I'm gonna marry
you and be with you,
00:12:08.66\00:12:10.36
I need to know if
its gonna be good.
00:12:10.39\00:12:12.46
Because sex has this
level of importance now,
00:12:12.49\00:12:15.66
I would say, that what it is.
00:12:15.70\00:12:17.67
Sex determines if
you are experienced,
00:12:17.70\00:12:21.34
it determines if
you're this, if you're that.
00:12:21.37\00:12:23.71
It has that level
of importance that
00:12:23.74\00:12:26.07
I'm not gonna marry unless
I know I'm gonna be satisfied.
00:12:26.11\00:12:28.61
Yeah.
00:12:28.64\00:12:30.18
And it's everywhere,
we see there everywhere.
00:12:30.21\00:12:32.21
Its talked about every
where else but the church,
00:12:32.25\00:12:34.55
so there is really no,
00:12:34.58\00:12:36.18
you have no parameters of
how you should speak about it,
00:12:36.22\00:12:38.32
how you should feel about it,
00:12:38.35\00:12:39.69
because the church isn't
saying anything about it.
00:12:39.72\00:12:41.66
And so you get what,
you get your conversation
00:12:41.69\00:12:43.73
or vocabulary from the society
00:12:43.76\00:12:45.99
and the movies
you watch, what not.
00:12:46.03\00:12:47.36
And so I believe to me,
00:12:47.40\00:12:48.73
it plays a part
in how we view it.
00:12:48.76\00:12:50.90
Because what
you're saying is all true.
00:12:50.93\00:12:52.27
I mean, you know,
I was there, right?
00:12:52.30\00:12:53.74
I mean, some of us were there.
00:12:53.77\00:12:55.10
I mean, I am not just
the only one, you know.
00:12:55.14\00:12:56.47
I mean, I was
there and I felt like,
00:12:56.50\00:12:58.31
you know, of course,
00:12:58.34\00:12:59.67
the most important thing
is, is the sex gonna be good,
00:12:59.71\00:13:02.08
you know?
00:13:02.11\00:13:03.45
And that become, you
know, really became to consume
00:13:03.48\00:13:06.72
my mind and my life.
00:13:06.75\00:13:08.38
So lets add little
more to this, you know,
00:13:08.42\00:13:10.19
what else is out there,
what else is going on that
00:13:10.22\00:13:13.46
maybe viewers
needs to be aware of
00:13:13.49\00:13:15.32
in terms of the
culture in the church,
00:13:15.36\00:13:17.23
sexual culture in church.
00:13:17.26\00:13:18.59
Kimberley, you go ahead.
00:13:18.63\00:13:19.96
I know some time ago, I
came across this article
00:13:20.00\00:13:22.93
and I don't
remember the title exactly,
00:13:22.96\00:13:25.43
but the gist of it was single,
00:13:25.47\00:13:28.00
saved, and having sex.
00:13:28.04\00:13:31.31
And I mean, the
title says it all
00:13:31.34\00:13:34.51
already that you know, they...
00:13:34.54\00:13:36.98
and then there's something else,
00:13:37.01\00:13:40.82
it was talking about,
00:13:40.85\00:13:42.22
I think it was geared
towards African-American women.
00:13:42.25\00:13:45.59
And the gist of
that piece was you know,
00:13:45.62\00:13:50.16
we've been in the
church, we go to church,
00:13:50.19\00:13:52.79
we can't find mates,
00:13:52.83\00:13:55.76
and so we're just
going to be single
00:13:55.80\00:13:59.03
and we're going to
be sexually active,
00:13:59.07\00:14:01.30
but we're still going to church.
00:14:01.34\00:14:03.61
And you know, that's to
me that's the danger of it,
00:14:03.64\00:14:07.01
or one of the dangers
when you began to rationalize
00:14:07.04\00:14:10.85
'but I'm still in
church', you know.
00:14:10.88\00:14:13.55
So that its definitely
there, the undercurrent is there
00:14:13.58\00:14:17.99
but I think that because
there's that rationalization
00:14:18.02\00:14:22.56
it leaves it at the, you know,
00:14:22.59\00:14:24.46
as in undercurrent as
oppose to being addressed by,
00:14:24.49\00:14:28.10
you know, church.
00:14:28.13\00:14:29.46
So lets...
00:14:29.50\00:14:30.83
Xavier, I want to transition,
we came to the danger,
00:14:30.87\00:14:32.20
I like what you're saying there.
00:14:32.23\00:14:33.57
The dangers of this culture,
00:14:33.60\00:14:36.24
what are the
issues that can arise
00:14:36.27\00:14:37.94
from this type of
mentality, you know?
00:14:37.97\00:14:40.68
What are the pit
falls, if you would,
00:14:40.71\00:14:43.08
of an individual
who just saying, look,
00:14:43.11\00:14:44.61
I know the game, man, I
know how it is, I got this.
00:14:44.65\00:14:47.68
I've had sex before,
it's nothing to have it again,
00:14:47.72\00:14:50.15
you've already
started on this road.
00:14:50.19\00:14:51.95
We're gonna get married anyways,
00:14:51.99\00:14:53.32
you know, so why not?
00:14:53.36\00:14:54.69
What are the dangers of this?
00:14:54.72\00:14:56.06
I think like, you know, for me,
00:14:56.09\00:14:57.43
I've had a past too, you know.
00:14:57.46\00:14:59.63
And sex feels good, sex is good.
00:14:59.66\00:15:02.40
Hallelujah.
00:15:02.43\00:15:03.77
Finish?
00:15:03.80\00:15:05.13
But the thing is
we don't understand
00:15:05.17\00:15:07.27
or we choose not to understand
00:15:07.30\00:15:09.34
the biblical
principles behind that.
00:15:09.37\00:15:11.17
And that they're not in
place just to hinder you
00:15:11.21\00:15:14.18
but they are there
because it does cause,
00:15:14.21\00:15:15.88
if you doing, you know,
00:15:15.91\00:15:17.25
doing the things in a
way you shouldn't been doing,
00:15:17.28\00:15:18.71
it does cause a physiological
00:15:18.75\00:15:20.08
and psychological damage to you.
00:15:20.12\00:15:22.22
You know, your
connect, you essentially,
00:15:22.25\00:15:24.29
even scientist have shown
that chemically, you change,
00:15:24.32\00:15:28.39
interchange
chemicals where piece of views
00:15:28.42\00:15:29.99
within that
person and vice-versa.
00:15:30.03\00:15:32.16
You know, you're essentially
causing more harm to yourself
00:15:32.19\00:15:35.90
just to feel good, you know.
00:15:35.93\00:15:37.50
And the thing is you
can't just do it once,
00:15:37.53\00:15:39.77
if it feels good once
you got to keep on doing it.
00:15:39.80\00:15:42.64
And it turns into other
addictions like pornography.
00:15:42.67\00:15:45.61
You know, just the ramifications
00:15:45.64\00:15:48.41
out of that one time
that just may feel great,
00:15:48.44\00:15:51.95
the ramifications are endless
00:15:51.98\00:15:53.92
and it isn't until
you hit a wall that,
00:15:53.95\00:15:57.29
and some people
don't ever hot a wall.
00:15:57.32\00:15:58.65
They're walking, come,
you know, as something else.
00:15:58.69\00:16:00.82
But I personally hit a wall,
and I understood that you know,
00:16:00.86\00:16:04.49
these things are causing
me more damage than good.
00:16:04.53\00:16:07.13
And while waiting
for the right person
00:16:07.16\00:16:09.66
was extremely
difficult, it was well worth it.
00:16:09.70\00:16:14.00
And I love that
because of course, that's what,
00:16:14.04\00:16:16.00
it says in the Song of Solomon,
00:16:16.04\00:16:17.97
not to awaken
love before it's time.
00:16:18.01\00:16:19.87
And I think that for me now,
00:16:19.91\00:16:21.64
I realize that if I
can plea with someone else
00:16:21.68\00:16:24.65
who is struggling, you know,
00:16:24.68\00:16:26.95
that going down that road,
00:16:26.98\00:16:28.32
or those who even
have gone down that road,
00:16:28.35\00:16:31.35
to not even to continue
00:16:31.39\00:16:32.92
because it is hard
to close that door.
00:16:32.95\00:16:35.72
Once it's been opened it
is hard to close that door.
00:16:35.76\00:16:39.06
I like to say, it's
hard to stop the engine
00:16:39.09\00:16:40.80
once you start it, you know,
00:16:40.83\00:16:42.16
it's hard, it's hard, it's hard.
00:16:42.20\00:16:43.53
Because once you
start down that road
00:16:43.57\00:16:45.03
you had actually done
some physiological things
00:16:45.07\00:16:47.84
where you have not
connect to yourself
00:16:47.87\00:16:49.27
literally with somebody else.
00:16:49.30\00:16:51.44
So let's add a little more,
00:16:51.47\00:16:52.81
let's talk about
the dangers of this.
00:16:52.84\00:16:54.88
I will probably also add
that you have this danger of
00:16:54.91\00:16:58.18
if you're Christiana and then
you're Christian couple, like,
00:16:58.21\00:17:00.18
maybe it's your first
time you guys have sex.
00:17:00.22\00:17:02.58
Now you feel this pressure of,
I have to work things through
00:17:02.62\00:17:05.69
and stay with this person.
00:17:05.72\00:17:07.62
There could be so many red flags
00:17:07.66\00:17:09.72
but because you
guys have had sex like,
00:17:09.76\00:17:12.26
I have to be with person
00:17:12.29\00:17:13.63
because if break
up with this person,
00:17:13.66\00:17:15.36
I mean, someone have to
sleep with someone else.
00:17:15.40\00:17:17.50
And that means I'm gonna be
adding numbers to the table.
00:17:17.53\00:17:21.44
So you have this
pressure of, okay,
00:17:21.47\00:17:23.47
I have to figure out how
to stay with this person.
00:17:23.51\00:17:26.57
And that's the
pressure that you don't want
00:17:26.61\00:17:28.68
during the daring stage.
00:17:28.71\00:17:30.61
The daring stage
should just be fun,
00:17:30.65\00:17:32.75
without that extra tie
of frustration of okay,
00:17:32.78\00:17:36.62
I know he hit me
but he has my virginity,
00:17:36.65\00:17:39.92
so we should
probably stay together.
00:17:39.95\00:17:42.16
Or even for, I'm the guy,
yeah, what if this happens,
00:17:42.19\00:17:47.43
I have to be with
her, I have to do this.
00:17:47.46\00:17:49.60
There's that
struggle in the relationship
00:17:49.63\00:17:53.47
that doesn't need to be there
00:17:53.50\00:17:55.14
and that's a huge danger
because I know a few friends
00:17:55.17\00:17:58.14
who've had that pressure,
00:17:58.17\00:17:59.51
we have to work it out,
we have to figure it out,
00:17:59.54\00:18:01.28
we have to do something.
00:18:01.31\00:18:02.64
And don't had, having a
baby in the midst of that.
00:18:02.68\00:18:04.91
I was just,
00:18:04.95\00:18:06.38
I was just thinking
that because, I mean,
00:18:06.41\00:18:09.98
the child is the blessing,
yes, but then when that child,
00:18:10.02\00:18:13.76
you know, has to
potentially grow up in the home
00:18:13.79\00:18:17.19
where mom and dad, you know,
00:18:17.23\00:18:20.60
it was just the
one night thing or it,
00:18:20.63\00:18:22.46
was just the casual
relationship, and you know,
00:18:22.50\00:18:25.13
we just had sex.
00:18:25.17\00:18:26.50
There's no depth,
no foundation to that.
00:18:26.53\00:18:29.40
Now, not only are
you affected by that
00:18:29.44\00:18:32.27
but you're also
affecting this child.
00:18:32.31\00:18:36.58
X, you want to say something?
00:18:36.61\00:18:37.95
Oh, yeah, I think too,
00:18:37.98\00:18:40.15
because if we
compartmentalize God,
00:18:40.18\00:18:42.72
it remove the sin
aspect of certain elements.
00:18:42.75\00:18:45.79
You know, sex is beautiful,
sex was created, you know,
00:18:45.82\00:18:48.49
we have been gifted as humans
00:18:48.52\00:18:52.16
to be able to partake
in the creation process
00:18:52.19\00:18:54.66
by we producing.
00:18:54.70\00:18:56.03
And we're therefore,
00:18:56.06\00:18:57.40
taking the sin element out of it
00:18:57.43\00:18:59.17
because we find justification
in the Bible say, hey,
00:18:59.20\00:19:02.44
God created sex,
00:19:02.47\00:19:03.81
or look at the Song
of the Solomon, you know.
00:19:03.84\00:19:05.31
We twist certain aspect
of scripture to be able to,
00:19:05.34\00:19:08.38
to feel better about
ourselves, when the reality,
00:19:08.41\00:19:10.38
the damage is within us
not the actual act of sex.
00:19:10.41\00:19:13.42
And therefore, you know
we've taken something beautiful
00:19:13.45\00:19:15.98
that is meant to create
masterpieces, works of art...
00:19:16.02\00:19:18.92
Complete the
image of God, really.
00:19:18.95\00:19:20.29
Yeah, and just
completely decimate it into
00:19:20.32\00:19:23.66
something that feels good.
00:19:23.69\00:19:26.80
I think another rescue we run.
00:19:26.83\00:19:29.46
Well, I put it this way,
I think everything in life,
00:19:29.50\00:19:31.83
success in any part of life
is about balancing expectations,
00:19:31.87\00:19:35.57
which is what you definitely
learn about relationship.
00:19:35.60\00:19:37.71
Relationships work
00:19:37.74\00:19:39.17
when expectations
are balanced and met.
00:19:39.21\00:19:41.78
You know my wife
expects something of me
00:19:41.81\00:19:43.24
and I don't do it, you know,
she's just not going to happy.
00:19:43.28\00:19:46.75
It's gonna be a problem for me.
00:19:46.78\00:19:48.12
But you know that they wanted,
00:19:48.15\00:19:49.48
the issues
about pre-marital sex,
00:19:49.52\00:19:51.49
you know, even
this culture of sex,
00:19:51.52\00:19:54.32
sexual perversion is that
00:19:54.36\00:19:55.79
it creates
unrealistic expectations.
00:19:55.82\00:19:58.53
Same thing as if you know,
once you gets into pornography,
00:19:58.56\00:20:01.20
once you have
multiple partners, you know,
00:20:01.23\00:20:02.93
multiple people are
liking, you have this person
00:20:02.96\00:20:05.23
who's more
experience, that person is not.
00:20:05.27\00:20:06.84
And by the time you
get married, you know,
00:20:06.87\00:20:08.80
you not have to
balance those expectations,
00:20:08.84\00:20:11.07
you're now gonna have
unrealistic expectations
00:20:11.11\00:20:13.27
with someone
knows, you know and...
00:20:13.31\00:20:15.61
That's when you
gonna start trying
00:20:15.64\00:20:16.98
about to make sure
it's gonna be the same.
00:20:17.01\00:20:18.58
And I don't know the
numbers but I believe, you know,
00:20:18.61\00:20:20.78
most divorces happen
because first, finances,
00:20:20.82\00:20:23.49
and then if I'm not mistaken,
the second reason is usually
00:20:23.52\00:20:26.02
for you know,
not having pleasure
00:20:26.05\00:20:27.52
or not be
satisfied sexually, you know.
00:20:27.56\00:20:29.86
And so, you know,
00:20:29.89\00:20:31.49
that's basically
one of the danger,
00:20:31.53\00:20:33.26
we put this
unrealistic expectations
00:20:33.29\00:20:36.70
on each other and ourselves.
00:20:36.73\00:20:38.07
Okay, so lets go and talk
about some of the solutions,
00:20:38.10\00:20:41.10
some things we can do to help
to not go down that same path,
00:20:41.14\00:20:46.88
to kind of go
against the culture,
00:20:46.91\00:20:48.78
go against the grain.
00:20:48.81\00:20:50.15
What are some
things that we can say
00:20:50.18\00:20:52.38
and what something that
00:20:52.41\00:20:53.75
we would like to been said to us
00:20:53.78\00:20:55.25
for those of us who have
been struggling with this,
00:20:55.28\00:20:56.62
I said that me, I
was one, I was one.
00:20:56.65\00:20:59.62
I was in there.
00:20:59.65\00:21:01.22
So what some
things that we could say
00:21:01.26\00:21:03.29
to those who are struggling?
00:21:03.32\00:21:05.79
Go ahead, go ahead, take
it on that, take a start.
00:21:05.83\00:21:08.16
First of all we
got to acknowledge
00:21:08.20\00:21:09.53
the spiritual that is
just the spiritual problem.
00:21:09.56\00:21:12.53
It's not something we're
just going to be able to say,
00:21:12.57\00:21:14.70
here's 10 steps, walk
yourself in this thing.
00:21:14.74\00:21:17.37
I think at the root of it,
00:21:17.41\00:21:18.84
it's definitely
an identity issue.
00:21:18.87\00:21:21.71
And our identity as human beings
00:21:21.74\00:21:23.41
are no longer wrapped up in God.
00:21:23.45\00:21:25.31
That's the bottom line.
00:21:25.35\00:21:26.68
If we're, we said in
the beginning, you know,
00:21:26.72\00:21:28.75
its all about pleasing
ourselves being selfish,
00:21:28.78\00:21:30.99
this is exactly
what Satan says to Adam
00:21:31.02\00:21:33.69
and Eve to go to Eve
really in the garden.
00:21:33.72\00:21:35.59
He says, listen, you
can make yourself a God.
00:21:35.62\00:21:38.16
You think about all the movies
we've watched about the Gods,
00:21:38.19\00:21:41.06
who are not God,
00:21:41.10\00:21:42.56
their number one thing is to
be worshiped and to be pleased.
00:21:42.60\00:21:46.43
And I believe that
every time we, you know,
00:21:46.47\00:21:49.00
we indulge in his
identity of being these Gods
00:21:49.04\00:21:52.47
that we will set
out and rule our lives
00:21:52.51\00:21:54.31
basically trying
to please ourselves.
00:21:54.34\00:21:56.11
And this is
something that we have to admit
00:21:56.14\00:21:57.48
that we have a problems
as humans that is spiritual,
00:21:57.51\00:22:01.15
where we want to be
God, we want to be pleased.
00:22:01.18\00:22:04.69
We can at least start
there that we began to at least
00:22:04.72\00:22:07.89
give that over to
God and say, listen,
00:22:07.92\00:22:10.06
I want my identity first
of all to be wrapped up in you
00:22:10.09\00:22:12.86
and I realize you're a pure
God and because you're pure God,
00:22:12.89\00:22:16.03
I can make pure choices.
00:22:16.06\00:22:19.67
I think, I wanted to
jump off of that, I think to,
00:22:19.70\00:22:22.14
one of the
things, you were saying,
00:22:22.17\00:22:24.37
just admitting to yourself,
you know, been okay with it.
00:22:24.41\00:22:28.18
One thing that my parents
always taught be growing up
00:22:28.21\00:22:30.21
that I didn't
follow, that's why I made
00:22:30.25\00:22:32.35
not so pure choices that I made,
00:22:32.38\00:22:35.22
was the fact of
dating in groups.
00:22:35.25\00:22:37.59
You know, acknowledging
the fact that you know,
00:22:37.62\00:22:40.19
I like sex, and
left with a woman,
00:22:40.22\00:22:43.96
I might, you know,
make some mistakes.
00:22:43.99\00:22:45.93
So rather than give way to
that give the devil a foot hold,
00:22:45.96\00:22:49.83
you know, step back and just,
you know, go out, hang out,
00:22:49.86\00:22:51.97
you know.
00:22:52.00\00:22:53.34
And the beautiful
thing about it is that
00:22:53.37\00:22:54.70
if you both have
the same kind of friends
00:22:54.74\00:22:56.10
or the same friends,
you can all go together.
00:22:56.14\00:22:58.67
And you know, have a great time
without need of feeling guilty
00:22:58.71\00:23:03.88
by yourself or
feeling you know like,
00:23:03.91\00:23:05.98
probably I should
have done it differently.
00:23:06.01\00:23:07.95
But I'm just group dating,
you know, you out in groups
00:23:07.98\00:23:10.79
and hang out
having, going bowling.
00:23:10.82\00:23:12.19
Whatever it may be but just
00:23:12.22\00:23:13.79
I will say that's
what worked for me.
00:23:13.82\00:23:15.66
Okay, I like that.
00:23:15.69\00:23:17.03
And we're actually
running out the time,
00:23:17.06\00:23:18.39
we have to do a part two.
00:23:18.43\00:23:19.76
But this is good.
00:23:19.79\00:23:21.46
You want to add to
that? Go ahead, go ahead.
00:23:21.50\00:23:23.10
Okay.
00:23:23.13\00:23:24.60
As a adult the main thing
for adults, what do you do.
00:23:24.63\00:23:28.47
I would say two
things, know you reason
00:23:28.50\00:23:31.47
and make a decision
too and stick with it.
00:23:31.51\00:23:34.34
What helped me not to
have sex by teenage years was
00:23:34.38\00:23:38.78
I knew that I
didn't want to get pregnant
00:23:38.81\00:23:40.78
and so I make sure that
despite all the handsome guys
00:23:40.82\00:23:43.75
that came through,
00:23:43.79\00:23:45.12
I was not gonna engage with them
00:23:45.15\00:23:46.49
because I don't
want to get pregnant.
00:23:46.52\00:23:48.29
And then with Xavier,
00:23:48.32\00:23:50.23
I didn't want to be the
person that cause them to fall.
00:23:50.26\00:23:53.46
I knew my reason
00:23:53.50\00:23:55.10
and despite how close we
got in certain situations,
00:23:55.13\00:23:57.80
yes, I'll put on some glass,
00:23:57.83\00:23:59.33
I said no because I
didn't want to be that person
00:23:59.37\00:24:02.17
that made his
relationship with God struggle.
00:24:02.20\00:24:04.11
So whatever your reason
is, that's the first thing,
00:24:04.14\00:24:07.08
if you want to make a
decision to abstain from now on
00:24:07.11\00:24:09.98
not have sex,
know what the reason is
00:24:10.01\00:24:12.45
and make a
decision to stick with it
00:24:12.48\00:24:14.48
despite what
temptations come through.
00:24:14.52\00:24:16.25
Yeah.
00:24:16.28\00:24:17.62
And I'll be honest
with you, you know,
00:24:17.65\00:24:19.75
it was a tough you know,
engagement time was tough,
00:24:19.79\00:24:22.29
you know, it
was hard to hold out
00:24:22.32\00:24:23.96
because you say, hey, we
gonna marry anyways, you know.
00:24:23.99\00:24:26.86
But... Yeah.
00:24:26.90\00:24:28.83
But I mean, you know,
this is what we have to do
00:24:28.86\00:24:31.33
to keep ourselves
pure before God's eye.
00:24:31.37\00:24:34.80
And you know, some people could
be watching us, saying, well,
00:24:34.84\00:24:37.54
you guys are
married now so you know,
00:24:37.57\00:24:39.24
of course, you all
can talk like this now.
00:24:39.27\00:24:40.84
But its hard when
you are not and it is,
00:24:40.88\00:24:43.35
and we were, you
know, just there.
00:24:43.38\00:24:44.71
I mean, I just got
married a year ago,
00:24:44.75\00:24:46.08
you got, Kory got
married few months ago.
00:24:46.11\00:24:47.58
So we know the struggle.
00:24:47.62\00:24:50.99
So this is another
question I want to ask
00:24:51.02\00:24:52.79
and I know we're
getting towards the end.
00:24:52.82\00:24:56.73
Can God really
take away those urges?
00:24:56.76\00:25:00.10
I believe He can.
00:25:00.13\00:25:02.16
I think that and
this less, you know,
00:25:02.20\00:25:04.13
this not just about
sex, we're not saying this.
00:25:04.17\00:25:06.80
I believe that, you know,
we have a wrong view of God,
00:25:06.84\00:25:10.91
when we even ask questions like,
00:25:10.94\00:25:12.81
can He take away the urge?
00:25:12.84\00:25:14.61
God's main goal
00:25:14.64\00:25:18.05
is to save my soul,
to get me to heaven.
00:25:18.08\00:25:20.02
So He can, of course, He
can take it away, you know.
00:25:20.05\00:25:22.88
But it's when
will He take it away,
00:25:22.92\00:25:24.82
how will He take it away.
00:25:24.85\00:25:26.42
I believe that
even of the things
00:25:26.45\00:25:28.26
we can do to kind of
help ourselves along the way
00:25:28.29\00:25:30.99
is may be not to think
so deeply about the problem
00:25:31.03\00:25:35.46
and how God's gonna
solve the problem, you know.
00:25:35.50\00:25:38.20
When I say to God, I want my
identity be wrapped up in you,
00:25:38.23\00:25:40.94
I want to give
myself over to you,
00:25:40.97\00:25:42.34
doing your thing
on a daily basis,
00:25:42.37\00:25:44.41
I don't go outside
and start thinking,
00:25:44.44\00:25:46.94
oh, my gosh,
00:25:46.98\00:25:48.31
I'm a sex addict,
what I'm I gonna do today?
00:25:48.34\00:25:50.21
Because I'm really said to God,
00:25:50.25\00:25:52.01
I want you to
take this situation.
00:25:52.05\00:25:53.88
You know, what I am saying?
00:25:53.92\00:25:55.25
And so, yeah, God has the power.
00:25:55.28\00:25:56.62
The question may be is
like, do you have the power
00:25:56.65\00:25:59.15
or do you have the
ability, the faith to say,
00:25:59.19\00:26:01.82
I'm just gonna relax
and let God do exactly
00:26:01.86\00:26:05.09
what He says,
and I know He can do.
00:26:05.13\00:26:07.23
Can God take away sexual sin?
00:26:07.26\00:26:09.50
Can God part Red Seas?
00:26:09.53\00:26:12.20
Can God you know,
rain manna from heaven?
00:26:12.23\00:26:15.24
You know what I am
saying? Of course, He can.
00:26:15.27\00:26:17.54
The question is not
about what God can do,
00:26:17.57\00:26:19.31
it's about what are you
willing to allow God to do.
00:26:19.34\00:26:21.81
Okay, and I wanted to
take another side of that,
00:26:21.84\00:26:23.45
I know I'm kind of
asking some question.
00:26:23.48\00:26:24.81
But I feel like
00:26:24.85\00:26:26.18
sometimes God will allow
you to go through the urges
00:26:26.21\00:26:27.92
because he wants you
to suffer through it.
00:26:27.95\00:26:29.98
You know, he said to Paul,
my grace are efficient for you,
00:26:30.02\00:26:31.75
you know, even in
Steps to Christ, you know,
00:26:31.79\00:26:33.66
he talks about the
power of the will, you know,
00:26:33.69\00:26:36.02
us deciding to make a
change and pressing forward.
00:26:36.06\00:26:40.96
So that you know that's
where I will count with that,
00:26:41.00\00:26:42.33
I believe you can but
also I believe that sometimes
00:26:42.36\00:26:44.17
if just because its
not, you still have the urge,
00:26:44.20\00:26:46.03
it doesn't mean you
suppose to act on it.
00:26:46.07\00:26:47.77
It still means
there's allowing for power
00:26:47.80\00:26:51.17
that God is
giving you to exercise
00:26:51.21\00:26:53.01
to fight against
the, those urges.
00:26:53.04\00:26:54.58
Or just that side.
Let your wife talk, man.
00:26:54.61\00:26:57.31
Absolutely.
00:26:57.35\00:26:58.68
No, I was just going to
say the beautiful thing about
00:26:58.71\00:27:01.38
how God works too is that,
look at us sitting here now,
00:27:01.42\00:27:07.29
you know, we're not
just talking based on theory
00:27:07.32\00:27:10.63
or some good
thing that we've heard
00:27:10.66\00:27:13.09
but we are speaking
based on experience.
00:27:13.13\00:27:15.73
And so God is able to take
the struggles that we've had.
00:27:15.76\00:27:19.17
Because imagine, if he
took away the struggles
00:27:19.20\00:27:20.94
and you didn't
have to, you know,
00:27:20.97\00:27:22.44
goes through any thing
00:27:22.47\00:27:23.81
then you have no story to share.
00:27:23.84\00:27:25.97
And then the people watching,
00:27:26.01\00:27:27.81
God knows what
they would be watching
00:27:27.84\00:27:29.54
because it wouldn't be
based on anything substantial.
00:27:29.58\00:27:32.48
So because of the trails,
you know, there is substance.
00:27:32.51\00:27:35.75
And in reality, there
are still struggles even now,
00:27:35.78\00:27:38.25
as we're married.
00:27:38.29\00:27:39.62
And we're going to have to
talk about that little more,
00:27:39.65\00:27:40.99
I think that this
is a good subject.
00:27:41.02\00:27:42.36
We haven't got to talk to even
00:27:42.39\00:27:43.79
a lot of what we wanted
to discuss on this topic
00:27:43.83\00:27:46.83
but I think that
at the end of today,
00:27:46.86\00:27:49.76
you have to fight hard to do
what God has called you to do.
00:27:49.80\00:27:53.10
He's called us to be pure,
00:27:53.13\00:27:54.47
he's called us to
make pure choices.
00:27:54.50\00:27:56.64
And so I hope that
you've liked this discussion,
00:27:56.67\00:27:58.84
continue to discuss it even more
00:27:58.87\00:28:00.21
in your
churches, in your groups.
00:28:00.24\00:28:01.58
God bless.
00:28:01.61\00:28:02.94