The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Hello, and
welcome to Pure Choices.
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I'm your host
Pastor Joshua Nelson,
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and you've tuned in
for a great one today
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because this is the one
that's really talking about
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the main thing, restoration.
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How do you start the
journey towards restoration
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through sex
addiction, through the past,
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you know, the
regret to the past,
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all these type of things that
we struggle with as Christians.
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How do we really get on
this journey to restoration?
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This is going be
a powerful program.
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So let's begin
by a word of prayer.
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Heavenly Father,
we ask that right now
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Your Spirit will
just reside with us,
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cover us right now as
we discuss these issues
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and allow what needs to
come out to come out today,
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in Jesus' name we pray, amen.
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Amen.
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All right, let's
introduce our panel.
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To my left, next to me
we have Vaughn Edmeade,
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who is doing his
master's at Oakwood University.
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Yes, sir.
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I'm very happy to have him here.
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Also from Oakwood University,
we have across the way here,
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Kimberly Pearson, the associate
chaplain there at Oakwood.
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Next to her we
have Brittany Hill,
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who is a recent graduate
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of the Andrews
University Theological Seminary.
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Next to her, we
have Pastor KP Douglas,
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rocking in I pray shirt.
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I pray, I pray.
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Yes, yes, from
southeast Missouri.
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He has a couple of
churches over there.
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So we're happy to have him.
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Of course, I'm Pastor Nelson,
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two churches out
there in South Carolina.
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So here we go,
journey to restoration.
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Where do you start?
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Where do you begin
when you are trying
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to recover from
mistakes of the past
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and also from even addiction?
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Let's just talk about that first
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because a lot of times people
even have a problem admitting
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that they've
been addicted to sex.
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And I think that's really
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where the devil
gets a lot of Christians.
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We always talk
about sin in the church
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and preachers
preach about not sinning,
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but a lot of the sin really
is rooted in sex addiction.
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And so let's discuss that today.
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Wow.
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What are some ways
that you can recover
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from having a sex addiction?
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Well, I was going to say that
the first part like you said
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is identifying
that you have an issue.
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Yeah.
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So often and I've even,
you know, had some students
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or young people come to
me and say "Chaplain Pearson,
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I pray and then right
after I pray, I still fall.
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And I come down
for the altar call
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and after the
altar call, I still fall,
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what's going on?"
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And you know, I
often say to them,
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we need to identify, you know,
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whether or not you
may have an addiction.
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If you're going out of your way
to seek to satisfy those needs,
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I mean, if you're
having addictive behavior,
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I mean, if
you're spending money,
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you know, just
large sums of money,
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the large amount of
your time consumed with sex,
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consumed with some of
these immoral choices,
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you may have an addiction.
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So you need to identify
that you have an addiction
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and then
identify what triggers it.
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Are you feeling lonely?
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Is it thinking about
things from your past?
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Are you just trying to have
a good time and forget things?
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And then once you
figure out, I have a problem,
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here's what triggers
it, they need to seek help.
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Yeah, I mean you have
to be honest with yourself.
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I mean, there are some times
you make mistakes and we sin.
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You know, sometimes
when you're being intentional
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and you know that
you have to be honest
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with yourself
about that and know that,
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"Hey, okay, yeah, I think
that I could stop watching porn.
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I think I can stop
having sex with my girlfriend,
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boyfriend whatever, you know..."
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But you're still doing it.
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And so now maybe
you have to think,
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okay, maybe I have,
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there's
something little stronger
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hold that's on me that I need
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to really do something about it.
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So, Brittany, talks us about
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kind of maybe some of
the steps to get out of it.
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Well, I would also add
that we need to also go to God
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and build that relationship
with Him, it's very important.
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And you can probably also join
a sex addicts anonymous group.
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You can probably find
one on saarecovery.org
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and there are so many
of them in different groups
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that are
usually Christian based,
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you can find them in churches
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because the first
step is to admit that
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you are powerless
over this situation
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and that only God can help
you, it's a 12 step process.
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The next thing is to get
some accountability partner.
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The first issue that we
usually have is we think
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we can do it on our
own, I don't need anybody,
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I'm going to keep it to myself
but that's how you fall more,
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that's how you always
get keep on getting trapped
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over and over and over again.
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Accountability
partners are huge.
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Have someone that you know
is not in the same sin as you,
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so you'll end up
falling with them.
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Probably have
someone of the same sex,
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not someone of the opposite sex
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because that's how
you can trip yourself up.
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So with accountability partners,
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if you are a porn
addict, maybe you need someone
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who can probably put
some blocks on your websites,
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probably someone who
can probably get an email
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with all the websites
that you've recently looked at,
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I mean, in the
past couple of weeks
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so they can be
able to go through it
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and hold you accountable.
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Somehow be able to pray
with you or even ask you,
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"Hey how're you
doing? How is the struggle?"
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And just some basic steps
like those who really help.
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Okay, those are
really good points
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and I appreciate
you bring those out.
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Those are some
really good things,
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you're going to write down,
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you know, and
benchmark their success
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through this process.
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And, Kory, going
on little further
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and talk about the God aspect
and how important is that way.'
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Well, yeah, I kind of feel
like we need to go somewhere
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to the kind of
valve the misconception
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of the whole
process of restoration.
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You know, maybe the
most important thing
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when you finally give it
to God like Kim was saying
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they would say I prayed
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and I still fell is
you really got to trust God
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that He is really
going to change us.
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I know myself, my problem was,
with my issues is I would pray
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and then I would
work to change them,
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and I would do
everything I did thinking that
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because I prayed this one time
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that God is not
going to empower me
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to just do everything,
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you know, but
there's a continual prayer
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and you have to
continually remind yourself
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that I've given this to God,
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you know, and what I do now
is not even me changing myself,
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but because I
know that God promises,
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he's going to change
me, I now do things in honor
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of what I know he's
going to do in my life.
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And you've got to kind
of stop looking at yourself
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and focusing on
getting away from that thing.
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You know, just kinda
live and take your mind
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even off of it some times.
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So instead of... And
you all can chime in there,
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but instead of
focusing on not doing the thing,
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you're saying focus
on who can help you.
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Yeah, and I
just before I forget,
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the other thing is, you know,
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failure is not
necessarily a bad thing like
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if you pray and you trip up,
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this is not the
end of the world,
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it's a process, okay,
people fall at all the time.
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You know, if I'm an artist,
and any artist will tell you,
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you don't just draw a
masterpiece a first time,
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sometimes you've got
to crumple some papers up,
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sometimes you got
to go back and erase,
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but if you
pray, you got to trust
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that God will take
you through the process
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even when you make
mistakes here in along the way.
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Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
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And to add what
they've already said
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and this might be something
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that we wouldn't
really think about necessarily
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but I think
discipleship actually helps
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with overcoming addictions
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and because I think
part of discipleship
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is you giving of
yourself and we all know
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that is a blessing to give.
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And what that allows us to do
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is when we're
mentoring somebody else
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in the ways of
Christ and when we take
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what we've learned
and we're now beginning
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to pass it on to other
people, it begins to one,
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one re-force it in ourselves,
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you know, but then it also kind,
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it's almost a conviction on you,
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also because it's like
how can I be ministering
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or witnessing to this person,
you know, and showing them
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how to overcome and I'm not,
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I'm being a
hypocrite and not applying
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those same things to my
life to help myself overcome.
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So I think
everything that I would sum,
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I would take everything
they just packaged together
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and say, "Take that and
begin as soon as you can
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to start
ministering to other people
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who may be
struggling with the same
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or similar addictions."
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I really like that one.
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You know, when I
think a lot of times,
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especially in our churches,
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we look at different
people who are older than us,
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who've been in
the church for a while
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and we think, man,
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we came to discuss
these things with them
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or even have to watch this
because they don't struggle
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with these type of things.
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Now if that's really true,
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you know, and we hope it is true
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that people have really
overcome in our churches
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and stuff who are older
men in the church for a while
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then why are they, or
why are we going to them
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to get mentorship or
to be disciple by them
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because, hey, as men
we all know we all gonna,
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we all have struggle with
sex in some form of action.
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So can I go to my older and say,
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well, how did you overcome?
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You know, and while this
conversation is not happening,
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those are
important, go ahead, Kim.
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Well, you know, I think
one of the things there is an,
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because there is
a generational gap
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we turn that into a
spiritual disconnect.
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So just because
I don't understand
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your generation or your culture,
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does that mean that I
have to stop talking to you?
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Does that mean,
I mean, you know,
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the Bible says
nothing new under the sun.
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So the same stuff
that my elder or my deacon
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or pastor may
have struggled with
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are the same thing
that I struggle with?
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We have to remember to not get
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so saved that we
forget the struggle.
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Or forget who we are
and where we came from,
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what we struggle within?
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For me that's a huge thing
and I know that our target,
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you know, our audience
is youth and young adults
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but I would say
to even the older,
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you know,
generation that's listening
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talk about your
process of overcoming.
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Talk about your struggle.
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Don't wait for the
young people to come to you,
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go to them and
pull them to the side
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and say, "Hey, I
know you're struggling.
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The girl is attractive,
I've been where you are
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and let me talk
to you for a second."
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As opposed to the
first conversation
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you have is don't have sex.
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Yeah. Right, right.
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And that's such a powerful point
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because so many times even
with the women in churches,
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now y'all have this
experience where you say,
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"That skirt is too low or
not doing the right thing."
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Well, I mean you've
been there before, right?
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You know sister so
and so, so you know,
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can we not talk in a way
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that's more
restoring then abusing?
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I think that a lot
of older folk honestly
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are just afraid
to relive the past.
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You know, that
they probably feel like
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well I've been
delivered from this stuff
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and they live as if
they've never been there,
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but I think they're
just afraid to relive it,
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you know, but
when I think about it,
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I don't think you
should relive the past,
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go back and really
recount what has happened,
00:10:14.21\00:10:16.31
but at the same
time you should be able
00:10:16.34\00:10:18.08
to bring out the blessings
that happened in the past.
00:10:18.11\00:10:20.48
Don't go back and just
think about the bad stuff.
00:10:20.52\00:10:22.08
Oh, I used to do
this, I used to do that.
00:10:22.12\00:10:23.55
And the wise
says, the only thing
00:10:23.59\00:10:24.92
we have to fear is forgetting
00:10:24.95\00:10:26.29
what God has done
for us in the past,
00:10:26.32\00:10:27.72
and I think that's
where some of the older people
00:10:27.76\00:10:30.56
should kind of
overcome their fear to say,
00:10:30.59\00:10:32.09
it's not about just
saying what I used to,
00:10:32.13\00:10:34.53
you know, 'cause they
may be afraid of people
00:10:34.56\00:10:36.00
looking at me
somewhere, but it's more to say,
00:10:36.03\00:10:37.53
"Well, look what God
has done in my past."
00:10:37.57\00:10:39.67
Right, 'cause
if it was you just,
00:10:39.70\00:10:41.04
you are bare
knuckling and doing it,
00:10:41.07\00:10:42.90
you know, celebrate
you but, I think you know
00:10:42.94\00:10:45.51
it was God doing
it so lets celebrate,
00:10:45.54\00:10:47.41
I mean, in what he's has done.
00:10:47.44\00:10:49.04
Okay, someone, you
want to add to that?
00:10:49.08\00:10:51.05
No, okay. Oh,
go ahead, Brittany.
00:10:51.08\00:10:52.48
I was going to
say I think part of
00:10:52.51\00:10:53.85
it is also some misinformation.
00:10:53.88\00:10:55.78
I don't think the
issue is that older people
00:10:55.82\00:10:57.89
don't want to share
it, probably young people
00:10:57.92\00:10:59.92
don't know the avenues
too actually listen and hear
00:10:59.95\00:11:03.06
to help get
support and recovery,
00:11:03.09\00:11:05.79
that's one thing
that I appreciate
00:11:05.83\00:11:07.16
about support groups,
00:11:07.20\00:11:08.53
whatever it's for
alcoholics anonymous,
00:11:08.56\00:11:09.90
sex addicts anonymous,
when you go to those groups
00:11:09.93\00:11:12.60
you're going to an
atmosphere of confidentiality.
00:11:12.63\00:11:15.67
When you go in
there and you're evincing
00:11:15.70\00:11:17.24
and you're talking
about your experience,
00:11:17.27\00:11:19.01
you know that no
one's going to go out there
00:11:19.04\00:11:21.58
and tell other people.
00:11:21.61\00:11:22.94
That's what where we kinda
have to do it in the church.
00:11:22.98\00:11:25.05
If I come to Kim, I'm not sure
00:11:25.08\00:11:27.75
we have that
confidentiality versus
00:11:27.78\00:11:29.75
if I go to the support group
00:11:29.78\00:11:31.32
which I know might
be based in our church
00:11:31.35\00:11:33.36
but if our churches should say,
00:11:33.39\00:11:34.72
"Oh, we have the support
group, you can come here."
00:11:34.76\00:11:36.93
They don't know they
have that place to go to.
00:11:36.96\00:11:39.49
Yeah, yeah.
00:11:39.53\00:11:40.86
I want to
challenge that a little bit.
00:11:40.90\00:11:42.23
I want to
challenge that little bit
00:11:42.26\00:11:43.73
because you know
alcoholic anonymous,
00:11:43.77\00:11:45.77
I know some of
them are faith based
00:11:45.80\00:11:47.27
but I think that the church
has a different job to do than,
00:11:47.30\00:11:50.17
you know, some of
these organization.
00:11:50.21\00:11:51.97
We should be able to
be comfortable to say
00:11:52.01\00:11:53.98
this is what is
going on knowing that
00:11:54.01\00:11:55.98
our brothers and
sisters will not talk about us
00:11:56.01\00:11:58.15
and maybe just the fear
that people will talk about you.
00:11:58.18\00:12:00.55
But I should be able to
know Vaughn is going to XYZ,
00:12:00.58\00:12:03.45
so I can pray for him based
on what he's going through.
00:12:03.49\00:12:05.85
You know, in
alcoholics anonymous,
00:12:05.89\00:12:07.22
you know, I
understand it's a little group
00:12:07.26\00:12:08.92
but in church, you know,
00:12:08.96\00:12:10.36
we got to be more
of a support group
00:12:10.39\00:12:11.73
inside of our church.
00:12:11.76\00:12:13.09
We shouldn't have to say,
let's go outside and get help,
00:12:13.13\00:12:15.96
but I should be able
to have my whole church
00:12:16.00\00:12:18.00
bantering around me
00:12:18.03\00:12:19.37
and praying for me
over this one issue.
00:12:19.40\00:12:21.37
You know, forget about,
you know, and I would be real.
00:12:21.40\00:12:23.17
Some of my things I do
want to hold confidential
00:12:23.20\00:12:25.57
but there's a lot of stuff that,
00:12:25.61\00:12:26.94
you know, you
want to have people
00:12:26.98\00:12:28.31
in your corner
praying for you on...
00:12:28.34\00:12:29.88
Yeah, yeah, okay...
00:12:29.91\00:12:31.25
But I want to go even
further and challenge that
00:12:31.28\00:12:33.35
by saying that a lot of
times young people are waiting
00:12:33.38\00:12:36.45
for the adults in the
church to either approach
00:12:36.48\00:12:40.02
or to create a support group,
00:12:40.06\00:12:42.09
or my church doesn't
have anything for me,
00:12:42.12\00:12:44.86
so start
something for your peers.
00:12:44.89\00:12:46.96
If you need a safe space,
help create that safe space.
00:12:47.00\00:12:50.77
And I want to
challenge our young people
00:12:50.80\00:12:52.87
to create safe spaces
on their college campus,
00:12:52.90\00:12:55.80
and within their churches,
00:12:55.84\00:12:57.17
within their pathfinder
groups, or youth groups.
00:12:57.21\00:12:58.77
So they can
start talking about it.
00:12:58.81\00:13:00.71
If your church
is in a safe place,
00:13:00.74\00:13:02.51
start creating a space,
create your own safe space.
00:13:02.54\00:13:05.31
You don't need any
board approval to start.
00:13:05.35\00:13:06.68
Right.
00:13:06.72\00:13:08.45
I mean that's, you
know, and that's also,
00:13:08.48\00:13:10.79
us as being young pastors
00:13:10.82\00:13:12.15
and we can really
kind of start that
00:13:12.19\00:13:13.52
in our churches as
well, as a challenge to me,
00:13:13.56\00:13:15.66
you know, challenge to
Pastor Kory there as well.
00:13:15.69\00:13:18.23
Okay, so now as we
talk about the ideals,
00:13:18.26\00:13:20.20
let's talk about the degree
00:13:20.23\00:13:21.56
of maybe what
we've gone through.
00:13:21.60\00:13:24.10
And maybe about
how we've recovered.
00:13:24.13\00:13:25.77
So someone who's
listening and they're saying,
00:13:25.80\00:13:27.87
"Look, okay, I want to know
00:13:27.90\00:13:29.47
what do I expect
on this journey?"
00:13:29.50\00:13:30.84
"You know how hard
really was the recovery for you
00:13:30.87\00:13:32.84
and maybe we are recovering
not always totally recovered
00:13:32.87\00:13:36.44
but we're in the process.
00:13:36.48\00:13:37.81
So let's maybe think
of something to share
00:13:37.85\00:13:39.51
with the viewers,
what is the hard part.
00:13:39.55\00:13:42.98
What's the hardest part,
00:13:43.02\00:13:44.35
let's say, of
the recovery process?
00:13:44.39\00:13:46.25
The process... Yeah.
00:13:46.29\00:13:47.76
That's the toughest part.
00:13:47.79\00:13:49.12
It's actually
going through the process
00:13:49.16\00:13:51.16
of trying to have your
mind transformed and renewed,
00:13:51.19\00:13:55.40
to have this mentality
00:13:55.43\00:13:57.97
of I'm not going to
place myself in this position.
00:13:58.00\00:14:00.57
When it's
actually about to happen,
00:14:00.60\00:14:02.80
I'm going to actually be
able to say no and stop it,
00:14:02.84\00:14:05.57
that's the tricky
thing about addiction.
00:14:05.61\00:14:07.71
Addictions play on your mind.
00:14:07.74\00:14:09.98
It tells you, "Oh, it's okay,
it's going to be all right.
00:14:10.01\00:14:12.25
You can do it,
just one more time."
00:14:12.28\00:14:14.18
Or, "It's going
to be good this time,
00:14:14.22\00:14:15.55
you never going to do it again."
00:14:15.58\00:14:16.92
Or it's going to say, "Oh,
you really need to do this."
00:14:16.95\00:14:18.85
And that's what's so hard
00:14:18.89\00:14:20.22
trying to
reprogram your mind to say,
00:14:20.26\00:14:22.42
"No, I don't need to do
this, I can do something else."
00:14:22.46\00:14:25.49
I could probably pick
my phone and call a friend.
00:14:25.53\00:14:27.43
I could probably
go and play sports
00:14:27.46\00:14:29.30
or take a cool shower
or something like that.
00:14:29.33\00:14:33.34
And I was going to touch on
one of the things that makes,
00:14:33.37\00:14:35.27
you know, I think
addictions difficult
00:14:35.30\00:14:38.31
is when you find yourself idle.
00:14:38.34\00:14:40.78
Yes.
00:14:40.81\00:14:42.14
You know, when you have
time to be sitting that,
00:14:42.18\00:14:43.51
you know, there
are certain things that
00:14:43.55\00:14:45.35
sometimes I'll go
for months and months
00:14:45.38\00:14:48.55
without lets say doing anything
that I think is necessary been.
00:14:48.58\00:14:51.65
I'll say, how did it happen?
00:14:51.69\00:14:53.02
I'm like, "Oh, because
I didn't even have time
00:14:53.05\00:14:54.59
to think about doing something."
00:14:54.62\00:14:57.03
That I didn't need
to, so I think that's part
00:14:57.06\00:14:59.59
of the problem like
we don't find ourselves
00:14:59.63\00:15:03.26
actually doing things
that are worthwhile enough
00:15:03.30\00:15:06.94
and so all of a
sudden we get bored
00:15:06.97\00:15:08.57
and then all of a sudden
you just start thinking about,
00:15:08.60\00:15:10.14
"Oh, yeah, well, when I used..."
00:15:10.17\00:15:12.67
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know.
00:15:12.71\00:15:14.04
And you know, I was going to say
00:15:14.08\00:15:15.41
the other part of
that is self guilt.
00:15:15.44\00:15:18.35
You know, I believe that
00:15:18.38\00:15:20.42
there is the
conviction of the Holy Spirit
00:15:20.45\00:15:23.95
that leads you to
recognize I have a problem,
00:15:23.99\00:15:27.16
leads you to,
you know, conversion
00:15:27.19\00:15:29.76
and then a conversation with God
00:15:29.79\00:15:32.79
but then sometimes that
healthy guilt turns into me
00:15:32.83\00:15:36.83
beating myself up.
00:15:36.87\00:15:38.30
I messed up again, I
can't get this right,
00:15:38.33\00:15:41.07
I am still
struggling with these thoughts.
00:15:41.10\00:15:42.57
I may not be
doing the action anymore
00:15:42.60\00:15:45.24
but the memories of the
things that I used to do
00:15:45.27\00:15:48.94
or be involved in a struggle
00:15:48.98\00:15:50.35
with are still
replaying in my mind
00:15:50.38\00:15:52.48
if I could just
be very personal.
00:15:52.51\00:15:55.35
And I was
struggling with something
00:15:55.38\00:15:56.72
and it would seem like
every time I go to pray,
00:15:56.75\00:15:59.02
or have devotion,
the images of things
00:15:59.05\00:16:02.09
that I had seen
or expose myself to,
00:16:02.12\00:16:04.33
or to been exposed
to would literally come
00:16:04.36\00:16:06.90
replaying through my mind
00:16:06.93\00:16:09.03
and I would feel so
guilty like I can't pray,
00:16:09.06\00:16:11.63
I can't talk to Jesus right now.
00:16:11.67\00:16:13.54
If God only knew
what I was thinking...
00:16:13.57\00:16:15.64
But the thing is God
knows what I'm thinking
00:16:15.67\00:16:17.74
so that guilt
sometimes put roadblocks
00:16:17.77\00:16:20.51
in the middle of your process
00:16:20.54\00:16:22.51
and, you know,
sometimes you have
00:16:22.54\00:16:24.11
to give God your guilt.
00:16:24.15\00:16:26.08
Yeah, yeah, that's good. Kory?
00:16:26.11\00:16:28.55
Well, my experience is that
00:16:28.58\00:16:29.92
the difficulties
of being twofold.
00:16:29.95\00:16:31.29
Number one, I forget that
God is the one doing the work
00:16:31.32\00:16:35.32
and that's the hardest
thing for me to remember,
00:16:35.36\00:16:38.96
this is God's job, you know,,
00:16:38.99\00:16:40.63
it's very easy to
get caught up saying,
00:16:40.66\00:16:42.06
I got, I got I
got, I got, I got,
00:16:42.10\00:16:44.00
you know, and
even forgetting that
00:16:44.03\00:16:45.43
I'm not the only
one in this fight,
00:16:45.47\00:16:46.84
God is fighting with me.
00:16:46.87\00:16:48.20
And the second one is that
also for me the hardest thing
00:16:48.24\00:16:50.61
is being discouraged easily.
00:16:50.64\00:16:52.71
You know just like what
Kim said with the guilt.
00:16:52.74\00:16:54.64
And I'm reminded of the verse,
00:16:54.68\00:16:56.01
you know, the kingdom
suffered with violence
00:16:56.04\00:16:57.38
but the violent take it by force
00:16:57.41\00:16:59.18
is something
that you've got to be
00:16:59.21\00:17:00.55
willing to
fight for and die for.
00:17:00.58\00:17:02.85
You know, I'm getting married,
I'm gonna fight for my fiance,
00:17:02.88\00:17:05.75
you're not taking
her from me, you know.
00:17:05.79\00:17:07.42
And that's how
we've got to approach,
00:17:07.46\00:17:09.06
you know, wanting to be
God, we don't want to be God,
00:17:09.09\00:17:11.09
it'll be relation with God,
00:17:11.13\00:17:12.46
we got to really
fight for that thing.
00:17:12.49\00:17:14.20
Yeah. I was gonna, go ahead.
00:17:14.23\00:17:16.23
Okay, sorry, I was
going to add another thing
00:17:16.26\00:17:18.13
that's difficult is realizing
that God still loves you.
00:17:18.17\00:17:22.84
The issues that we kind of face
00:17:22.87\00:17:24.27
when you're
dealing with addictions is,
00:17:24.31\00:17:26.74
you feel so
guilty, you feel like,
00:17:26.78\00:17:28.91
oh, I'm so bad to the point
maybe God doesn't even love me,
00:17:28.94\00:17:31.75
that He's not even
showing me any grace.
00:17:31.78\00:17:33.25
But despite the fact
that you have this issue,
00:17:33.28\00:17:36.15
God still loves you and
He still cares about you,
00:17:36.18\00:17:38.45
and He still wants to
help you and make you better.
00:17:38.49\00:17:40.82
Oh, I'm sorry... Go
ahead man, I like you to go.
00:17:40.86\00:17:42.66
You know, and the Bible
talks about the fact that,
00:17:42.69\00:17:45.23
you know, He that has
begun a good work in you,
00:17:45.26\00:17:48.20
you know, he will complete it,
00:17:48.23\00:17:49.66
you know and it also talks about
00:17:49.70\00:17:51.97
the difference
between the just man
00:17:52.00\00:17:54.70
and the person
who's unjust is just that,
00:17:54.74\00:17:56.60
the just man
decides to pick himself up
00:17:56.64\00:17:58.64
every single time that he falls
00:17:58.67\00:18:00.01
and sometimes we
forget about those things
00:18:00.04\00:18:02.08
because I think like
you said it sounds too easy,
00:18:02.11\00:18:04.95
it sounds too simple like
no, there has to be something
00:18:04.98\00:18:07.78
of my own works
that I have to do
00:18:07.82\00:18:09.85
to accomplish this
being right with God.
00:18:09.88\00:18:13.19
You know, and what God
I think is trying to say
00:18:13.22\00:18:15.06
is "Look you don't have
00:18:15.09\00:18:16.79
the capability to
make yourself right,
00:18:16.83\00:18:19.19
you really don't.
00:18:19.23\00:18:20.56
You really have
to take that burden
00:18:20.60\00:18:22.20
and lay it on my shoulders,
you know, and my yoke is here,
00:18:22.23\00:18:24.93
take my yoke, you know,
let me perform that thing.
00:18:24.97\00:18:27.44
Let me put it in you
both to will and to do."
00:18:27.47\00:18:30.17
You know... Yeah, yeah, okay.
00:18:30.21\00:18:31.87
And I was gonna add for
me, what I've often been in
00:18:31.91\00:18:35.44
and kind of maybe different
what you guys have said,
00:18:35.48\00:18:37.61
y'all said, y'all
felt guilty and stuff,
00:18:37.65\00:18:39.01
my problem have been,
00:18:39.05\00:18:40.38
I don't even
feel guilty sometimes.
00:18:40.42\00:18:41.75
Yeah, we just...
00:18:41.78\00:18:43.12
I'll just be in
the place and I mean,
00:18:43.15\00:18:44.65
I don't want to recover.
00:18:44.69\00:18:46.02
I mean I've gotten so
comfortable with doing
00:18:46.05\00:18:48.29
what I've been doing
and stuck in that rut...
00:18:48.32\00:18:50.83
Compromising and
back slip has become,
00:18:50.86\00:18:52.79
or I just stay back slip.
00:18:52.83\00:18:54.70
I mean, I don't even
progress and I mean sometimes,
00:18:54.73\00:18:56.36
you know, I feel like,
man, I can't even imagine
00:18:56.40\00:18:59.33
getting to the
point where I used to be.
00:18:59.37\00:19:01.00
You know, so where
do you go from there?
00:19:01.04\00:19:03.10
What do you, how do you really
00:19:03.14\00:19:05.61
and I guess, okay,
I'll answer my own question.
00:19:05.64\00:19:07.31
Let me, so I used
to ask some questions.
00:19:07.34\00:19:10.15
For me, you know, it's really
been praying that prayers,
00:19:10.18\00:19:12.18
as the wise talks about
praying for hatred for sin.
00:19:12.21\00:19:14.25
You know, asking and
really recognizing the sin
00:19:14.28\00:19:15.88
that I'm doing even
as bad I hate people
00:19:15.92\00:19:18.62
who, you know, I
don't like people who kill
00:19:18.65\00:19:20.26
and people who rape,
00:19:20.29\00:19:21.72
you know, the sin that
I'm doing is still a sin
00:19:21.76\00:19:23.99
that put Jesus on the cross.
00:19:24.03\00:19:25.43
Recognizing that this
is what God doesn't like
00:19:25.46\00:19:27.90
and He's putting
like Isaiah says, 58 says,
00:19:27.93\00:19:29.56
you know, "Putting a
separation between me and God."
00:19:29.60\00:19:31.97
And I've got to
remove that separation
00:19:32.00\00:19:33.47
so I get closer to him.
00:19:33.50\00:19:34.84
And then let's get back to
what Kory was saying too about
00:19:34.87\00:19:36.67
your relationship with
God being the forefront.
00:19:36.71\00:19:38.97
If you're craving after God
00:19:39.01\00:19:40.41
and wanting a
relation with Jesus,
00:19:40.44\00:19:42.21
you can do all you can
to get rid of the things
00:19:42.24\00:19:44.35
that separates you from Him.
00:19:44.38\00:19:46.51
Yeah, I was going
to, I mean, just say that
00:19:46.55\00:19:49.48
because I hear that
so much, what do you do
00:19:49.52\00:19:52.42
if you don't want
to do the right thing?
00:19:52.45\00:19:53.92
That's right.
You know, it's bad...
00:19:53.96\00:19:55.49
You know it's an
addiction but you just,
00:19:55.52\00:19:57.89
you're not ready to give it up.
00:19:57.93\00:19:59.49
you're not ready to
let it go because you know
00:19:59.53\00:20:01.36
what kind of change
that's going to have,
00:20:01.40\00:20:03.87
you know, in your
life and I think sometimes
00:20:03.90\00:20:05.67
you've got to get to
the point where you're just
00:20:05.70\00:20:07.04
just sick and tired
of being sick and tired.
00:20:07.07\00:20:08.40
You are just
tired, you want to change
00:20:08.44\00:20:13.11
or you want better for yourself
00:20:13.14\00:20:15.34
more than you
want that addiction,
00:20:15.38\00:20:18.71
or more than
you want that thing.
00:20:18.75\00:20:20.42
But it's a tough place to get,
it was a hard to place to get
00:20:20.45\00:20:23.49
to when you know,
what's wrong but you like it.
00:20:23.52\00:20:26.05
Yeah, exactly.
00:20:26.09\00:20:27.42
Vaughn go ahead as
I'm looking at Kory.
00:20:27.46\00:20:30.03
I think, you know, a man
named Jim Rome says something
00:20:30.06\00:20:34.06
that's very
interesting and he says,
00:20:34.10\00:20:36.33
"Disgust is one of
the most powerful emotions
00:20:36.36\00:20:39.93
that you can ever have
00:20:39.97\00:20:41.30
when it's in the right context."
00:20:41.34\00:20:42.67
You know, and
there's nothing like
00:20:42.70\00:20:44.04
when you finally
get to a point in life
00:20:44.07\00:20:45.41
where you are actually disgusted
00:20:45.44\00:20:47.04
and fed up to go to
what you were saying,
00:20:47.08\00:20:49.31
you know, with
what your situation is
00:20:49.34\00:20:51.91
and when you do
come to that point,
00:20:51.95\00:20:53.28
that's when you begin
to turn things around,
00:20:53.31\00:20:55.42
you know, and I
forgot my second point.
00:20:55.45\00:20:57.95
Sorry.
00:20:57.99\00:20:59.32
That's all right,
Kory pick it up from there.
00:20:59.35\00:21:00.69
I would say, you
know, in a mindset
00:21:00.72\00:21:03.16
you've got to pray
for change of mindset,
00:21:03.19\00:21:05.33
and you've got to really change,
00:21:05.36\00:21:06.70
you've got to change your mind,
you know, that's everything.
00:21:06.73\00:21:09.70
I have a member
and I bless her heart.
00:21:09.73\00:21:11.70
She's so energetic, man,
when I started to preach,
00:21:11.73\00:21:13.70
she would actually do
laps around the church
00:21:13.74\00:21:15.07
and other places,
but she's so energetic
00:21:15.10\00:21:16.91
and sometimes we
look down on that,
00:21:16.94\00:21:18.27
but I envy her
because her faith is not,
00:21:18.31\00:21:21.11
you know, rooted in XY
and rules and regulations,
00:21:21.14\00:21:24.51
I'll put it that way.
00:21:24.55\00:21:25.88
But when I'm preaching,
she'll yell out just one thing,
00:21:25.91\00:21:28.68
"It's already done,
Pastor, it's already done."
00:21:28.72\00:21:31.15
No matter what
I'm talking about.
00:21:31.19\00:21:33.05
You know, God can
we stop, she's like,
00:21:33.09\00:21:34.42
"It's already done."
00:21:34.46\00:21:35.79
You know, and that's a
mindset that you have to live
00:21:35.82\00:21:38.16
because she'll be
the first to tell you
00:21:38.19\00:21:39.53
about the struggles in her
life but in the same breath,
00:21:39.56\00:21:42.90
she'll be like
it's already done.
00:21:42.93\00:21:44.50
You know, I'm
reminded of the story
00:21:44.53\00:21:45.87
where the ten
lepers come to Jesus
00:21:45.90\00:21:48.70
and Jesus says to them,
00:21:48.74\00:21:50.31
"Go show
yourself to the priest."
00:21:50.34\00:21:52.71
You show yourself to the priest
00:21:52.74\00:21:54.11
after you're
whole in that culture.
00:21:54.14\00:21:55.71
You don't show
yourself to the priest before
00:21:55.74\00:21:57.15
but Jesus is telling the lepers,
00:21:57.18\00:21:58.51
while they're still lepers,
00:21:58.55\00:21:59.91
go show yourself to the priests.
00:21:59.95\00:22:01.75
So when they leave
Jesus, they now have to go
00:22:01.78\00:22:04.29
to the priest with
a mindset that says,
00:22:04.32\00:22:06.96
"I'm healed, or I believe
that healing is possible."
00:22:06.99\00:22:10.73
And I think that
we have to sometimes
00:22:10.76\00:22:12.86
force ourselves to
live as if we believe
00:22:12.89\00:22:16.33
that Christ can
heal us or even to live
00:22:16.36\00:22:18.50
as if we're already healed.
00:22:18.53\00:22:19.93
You know, expecting saying,
00:22:19.97\00:22:21.34
"Listen, I have
the kind of faith
00:22:21.37\00:22:22.70
that says God will heal me,
00:22:22.74\00:22:24.14
I'm just gonna go live my life."
00:22:24.17\00:22:25.51
Right.
00:22:25.54\00:22:26.88
Right, okay and
then, okay, you got it?
00:22:26.91\00:22:28.64
You got it?
Just remember, right.
00:22:28.68\00:22:30.88
So one of the
things that I think
00:22:30.91\00:22:33.68
Kim kinda
brought this out is that
00:22:33.72\00:22:35.18
sometimes we do
get to this point,
00:22:35.22\00:22:36.55
or you brought this out also
00:22:36.58\00:22:37.95
where we don't
feel sorry for our sins.
00:22:37.99\00:22:41.52
And the thing about is
that, God already knows that,
00:22:41.56\00:22:44.93
you know, and God
is still loving to you
00:22:44.96\00:22:46.59
and saying, "All
I need for you to do
00:22:46.63\00:22:48.70
is to admit that
to me, you know."
00:22:48.73\00:22:50.77
Don't try to make
yourself feel a certain way
00:22:50.80\00:22:53.37
because, just be real
with the feeling that you have,
00:22:53.40\00:22:56.14
your feeling right now is that
00:22:56.17\00:22:57.51
I don't feel like
doing the right thing, God.
00:22:57.54\00:22:59.87
And God is saying,
"I can overcome anything
00:22:59.91\00:23:02.51
if you are willing
to admit that to me,
00:23:02.54\00:23:03.88
then let's go to work."
00:23:03.91\00:23:05.45
And I can say as a
pastor, as a pastor, Josh,
00:23:05.48\00:23:07.95
and I don't know
if you want to share
00:23:07.98\00:23:09.45
this kind of sentiment too,
00:23:09.48\00:23:10.82
there's some Sabbaths
I may not want to preach.
00:23:10.85\00:23:13.39
I'm just being
real, where I don't even,
00:23:13.42\00:23:15.26
I mean I don't
want to go to church,
00:23:15.29\00:23:16.62
there's some nights where
I do not want to pray to God.
00:23:16.66\00:23:18.59
There's sometimes
when I'm angry with Him
00:23:18.63\00:23:20.10
and I would, if He
was in front of me,
00:23:20.13\00:23:21.76
I would literally yell at
God, that's how I feel sometimes
00:23:21.80\00:23:24.53
because of the hard press
of the struggle of the process,
00:23:24.57\00:23:28.47
but I tell Him
that, when I get alone,
00:23:28.50\00:23:30.67
I say God I don't want
to talk to you right now
00:23:30.71\00:23:32.34
which is crazy
'cause I'm talking to Him
00:23:32.37\00:23:33.78
and telling Him I don't
want to talk to you right now...
00:23:33.81\00:23:35.61
But it's just
like you are saying,
00:23:35.64\00:23:36.98
at least just
staying contact with God
00:23:37.01\00:23:38.35
and be honest with Him and say,
00:23:38.38\00:23:40.05
"You told me you would change me
00:23:40.08\00:23:41.42
and it's not happening.
00:23:41.45\00:23:42.78
I need some kind
of encouragement,
00:23:42.82\00:23:44.15
I need something to happen."
00:23:44.19\00:23:45.52
You know, so... Yeah.
00:23:45.55\00:23:46.89
Well, we have a few videos,
we're gonna go to in a second
00:23:46.92\00:23:48.26
but I do want to
ask this question,
00:23:48.29\00:23:50.23
and you want to in fact
you want to say something,
00:23:50.26\00:23:51.86
you may want to factor this
in, but I do want to ask you,
00:23:51.89\00:23:53.70
we're all kind of saying that,
00:23:53.73\00:23:55.06
we're all in this
set, we're recovering,
00:23:55.10\00:23:56.80
we're trying to recover.
00:23:56.83\00:23:58.83
We're trying to
get over the story.
00:23:58.87\00:24:01.04
Okay, the question is,
00:24:01.07\00:24:02.87
do you ever
look back on the past
00:24:02.90\00:24:05.17
and say, man, I kind of
miss how things used to be?
00:24:05.21\00:24:07.74
You know, you should
be honest, you know...
00:24:07.78\00:24:09.11
Yeah, I think that
happens every now and then,
00:24:09.14\00:24:10.48
not that you miss it
00:24:10.51\00:24:11.85
but just because of the feeling
00:24:11.88\00:24:13.21
that certain things brought you,
00:24:13.25\00:24:14.58
you know, 'cause you
know what that feels like,
00:24:14.62\00:24:16.58
you know, you know...
00:24:16.62\00:24:17.95
Well, I mean the
Bible says is always the war
00:24:17.99\00:24:19.42
between the
flesh and the spirit.
00:24:19.45\00:24:20.79
So my flesh,
misses some flesh stuff...
00:24:20.82\00:24:22.99
Maybe won...
00:24:23.02\00:24:24.36
And this is some
flesh thing, but my spirit,
00:24:24.39\00:24:27.03
my spirit longs to be
like Christ and stuff for me,
00:24:27.06\00:24:30.77
that's where the
struggle comes in
00:24:30.80\00:24:32.13
and I just got
to kill the flesh.
00:24:32.17\00:24:33.50
Kill the flesh.
Envy the spirit...
00:24:33.54\00:24:35.14
You know the path
you're on is bare...
00:24:35.17\00:24:36.54
Yeah, and really, and
this time a little bit
00:24:36.57\00:24:39.24
I was going to say that,
00:24:39.27\00:24:40.61
you know, we have to be honest
with our emotions with God
00:24:40.64\00:24:42.78
and even say to
God, I missed that thing.
00:24:42.81\00:24:44.91
Well, I'm still
struggling with that thing.
00:24:44.95\00:24:46.31
God is bigger than our emotions,
00:24:46.35\00:24:48.15
He created us with them,
00:24:48.18\00:24:49.52
so He's doing
enough to handle them.
00:24:49.55\00:24:50.89
Yeah, amen. Okay,
now go ahead, Brittany.
00:24:50.92\00:24:52.25
When I think about addiction,
sometimes we have to realize
00:24:52.29\00:24:54.56
that addiction
doesn't only affect you,
00:24:54.59\00:24:56.69
it's not always only
hurting me situation,
00:24:56.73\00:24:59.29
it's hurting the people
around you, your loved ones.
00:24:59.33\00:25:01.70
So when I think
back of events and times,
00:25:01.73\00:25:04.73
it didn't just affect me,
it affected my loved ones.
00:25:04.77\00:25:07.60
So even though yeah,
kind of miss certain things,
00:25:07.64\00:25:10.57
but when you
think of the affect that
00:25:10.61\00:25:11.94
it had not only on the
development your growth,
00:25:11.97\00:25:14.28
and even now your relationships
00:25:14.31\00:25:15.74
even for the
future relationships,
00:25:15.78\00:25:17.35
it affects everyone...
00:25:17.38\00:25:19.01
Yeah. Sex addiction is serious.
00:25:19.05\00:25:20.38
Yeah, it's true.
00:25:20.42\00:25:21.75
Well, that's a
pleasure we're gonna have stuff.
00:25:21.78\00:25:23.25
But now we're gonna
look at a couple videos
00:25:23.28\00:25:25.69
where I asked them the question,
00:25:25.72\00:25:27.06
how can a young person be
pure and this is what they said.
00:25:27.09\00:25:31.26
I would say have an
accountability partner.
00:25:31.29\00:25:33.26
Find somebody who
you trust in completely,
00:25:33.29\00:25:35.36
someone who you see
God hand and tell them,
00:25:35.40\00:25:38.63
you know, I'm
struggling with this
00:25:38.67\00:25:40.37
and because I
sense your spirituality,
00:25:40.40\00:25:42.90
I trust you that you can help me
00:25:42.94\00:25:45.61
gain my relationship
with God to the next level.
00:25:45.64\00:25:49.74
Whenever you
feel that type of way,
00:25:49.78\00:25:51.68
call them, pray with
them, do whatever it takes.
00:25:51.71\00:25:54.12
Go for a walk, just
do whatever it takes.
00:25:54.15\00:25:57.52
Right from the
Oakwood student, right?
00:25:57.55\00:26:01.19
So have accountability partner.
00:26:01.22\00:26:03.89
Oh, Lord, that was my
student. That's right.
00:26:03.93\00:26:06.90
We've mentioned
that, we've discussed that.
00:26:06.93\00:26:08.26
I think it's one
more we're going to watch.
00:26:08.30\00:26:09.66
I'll say keep
yourself very productive.
00:26:12.53\00:26:14.74
Keep yourself very busy.
00:26:14.77\00:26:16.27
If you're always doing
something then the chances
00:26:16.30\00:26:19.91
of you sinning will shrink.
00:26:19.94\00:26:22.18
Idle mind is the
devil's workshop,
00:26:22.21\00:26:24.71
people say it all the time.
00:26:24.75\00:26:26.08
So you always
got to be productive.
00:26:26.11\00:26:27.45
Look at Jesus, He
was always productive,
00:26:27.48\00:26:29.38
He always has something to do
and that stretches everywhere,
00:26:29.42\00:26:33.15
socially, mentally,
physically and spiritually.
00:26:33.19\00:26:36.36
So always be productive.
00:26:36.39\00:26:39.19
That's good, being
productive. Go ahead, Kim.
00:26:39.23\00:26:40.56
That's good, I was going
to say when he talked about
00:26:40.60\00:26:42.13
holistic restoration,
so often we try to heal
00:26:42.16\00:26:45.50
or get healed in isolation
00:26:45.53\00:26:47.10
just Lord help me fix
sex, or help fix this...
00:26:47.14\00:26:49.80
But God wants to just
not heal one part of you,
00:26:49.84\00:26:51.94
He wants to heal all of
you. You've got to preach.
00:26:51.97\00:26:54.08
He start to
working on your emotions,
00:26:54.11\00:26:55.64
or yours sin, or your
lust or whatever it is,
00:26:55.68\00:26:58.15
He wants to work
on all your mind,
00:26:58.18\00:27:00.72
your health, your
body, your thoughts,
00:27:00.75\00:27:02.68
your emotions all
of you so... Yeah.
00:27:02.72\00:27:04.65
I love that, you
know, that point.
00:27:04.69\00:27:06.02
That's beautiful.
00:27:06.05\00:27:07.39
We don't have too much time
but we want to discuss about
00:27:07.42\00:27:09.92
what the Bible and prayer
00:27:09.96\00:27:11.39
has to do with your restoration.
00:27:11.43\00:27:13.63
And I'll just say
that, in my experience,
00:27:13.66\00:27:15.53
you know, having that
early morning devotion,
00:27:15.56\00:27:17.60
having that time with God,
00:27:17.63\00:27:19.20
discipline myself to do that
as much as I was disciplined
00:27:19.23\00:27:21.50
to do other things
and watch other things,
00:27:21.54\00:27:23.24
do other things,
discipline myself
00:27:23.27\00:27:25.01
to stay focused on that
00:27:25.04\00:27:26.37
really became a big
part of my recovery.
00:27:26.41\00:27:28.24
And I believe
that when you do that
00:27:28.28\00:27:29.84
God really works with you
in those disciplines to honor
00:27:29.88\00:27:33.72
what you said you would do.
00:27:33.75\00:27:35.28
This is 2 Corinthians
5:17, and it just says,
00:27:35.32\00:27:39.79
"Therefore, if
anyone is in Christ,
00:27:39.82\00:27:41.29
he is a new creature.
00:27:41.32\00:27:42.92
The old is has
gone, the new has come."
00:27:42.96\00:27:45.63
How well this verse
puts in, it is beautiful.
00:27:45.66\00:27:48.46
The new has come.
00:27:48.50\00:27:49.83
We have to believe
that you are restored
00:27:49.86\00:27:51.83
through Jesus Christ,
He's done it, He's finished.
00:27:51.87\00:27:54.20
Just like
you're... It's already done.
00:27:54.24\00:27:56.27
It's already done.
00:27:56.30\00:27:57.87
Remember to
always make Pure Choices.
00:27:57.91\00:27:59.44
God bless.
00:27:59.47\00:28:00.88