The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Hello, welcome to Pure Choices.
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I'm your host,
Pastor Joshua Nelson.
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And I'm your
co-host Pastor John Coaxum.
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And we are talking about
what women want, part two.
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You see our brother
on the co-host this time,
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because we really want to
get down to the nitty-gritty
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and discuss this
thing once again.
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Before we do
get into discussion,
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let's just pause
for a moment of prayer.
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Heavenly Father, we just ask
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that Your Spirit
would be with us now
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as we discuss
these important topics,
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in Jesus' name we pray, amen.
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Amen.
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All right, so you
already know our co-host,
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let's go to the couch here
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and look at the
beautiful ladies we have today.
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We have Brittany here
once again from the seminary
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at Andrews University,
just graduated there.
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We have Kimberly Pearson,
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who is the associate
chaplain at Oakwood University.
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We have Dr. Jeanne Mogusu,
who is also at the seminary,
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she just finished up
their in Berrien Springs.
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And of course, myself,
I'm from South Carolina
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with two churches out there
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and Pastor
Coaxum here is from Ohio
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and he has a church there,
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associate pastor
there at in Cleveland.
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So we're happy that we're here
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and, John, we gonna
really talk these ladies here
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and find out what
women really want.
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Because we have
part one and, you know,
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they were giving us
some cute answers, you know.
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Right. Okay.
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But we're gonna
really get into this so.
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So let's start.
How should a man dress?
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You know, what's the best attire
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as you feel a man
should wear, you know?
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I'm trying to have you all
look at what I'm wearing today
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and what John's wearing today?
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What do you all really attract
to when it comes to what,
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what a man should dress like?
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I'll say...
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All right.
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I say
presentation is key, you know,
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just like you don't
buy a raggedy old car,
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if you don't have to.
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Oh, wow.
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I'm just saying,
you want me to say.
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You wanna make sure
presentation is key.
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For me personally, if you're,
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if I can see any
part of your underwear
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like three
quarters, a half, a quarter,
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I mean really, what, and
for me that just tells me,
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you don't care
enough about yourself.
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And I don't know that I
want to be, "No, I know,
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I do not want to be with someone
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who doesn't care
about themselves."
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You know, I agree
with you wholeheartedly,
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it's really about the
package in the presentation.
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If I was going to buy something,
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say you go to the
store and you have a package
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and it's the same package,
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but one is like
dented and beat-up
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and then it's all tore down,
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you're going to
move that one to the side
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and pick up the one,
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where that's it's
still packaged very nice.
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And I think the same
thing can be said about
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a good looking man,
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who has himself
well put together.
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It doesn't say,
you can have days,
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you just, you
know, I just hanging out,
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but for the most part
that, that plays a huge part,
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we're visual just like
men, maybe not the same way
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but definitely like
a man that looks good.
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Okay.
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As a rule, I
think a man's clothes
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should be able to fit
him, it shouldn't be too baggy
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that is hanging off, or
it shouldn't be too tight
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that it looks
like he's uncomfortable
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and he can't breathe...
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Or move. That's right, or move.
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Yeah.
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It's like the
shuffle one way to another.
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So that's like the basics,
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it has to be able to be
able to move and it's not too...
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Be able to move. Baggy.
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Or tight. Or yeah, tight.
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So, so we just say then,
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me and John have
met the standards here?
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Yeah. You guys did good.
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Yeah, you did good. It's casual.
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Visually we'll
take it, we'll take it.
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You'll take it.
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The package that ain't that bad.
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Okay. We got a raggedy car.
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I know it. We got
to repackage ourselves.
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Okay, so, ladies, I
have a question for you guys.
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All right, what is a good
day for a guy to take you on?
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Oh, wow.
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I would say that, what
would impress me personally is
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for guy who is creative.
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I like to think that
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I am worth putting a
little more time into,
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so anything that shows
that you've actually thought
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about what you, you know,
what kind of a date it is.
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You know, gains you
lots of brownie points,
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like your market value
just shoots through the roof.
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Yeah, I mean, I'm being real.
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And it also depends on where
in the relationship you are.
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If I'm just
starting to know you,
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I may not be
comfortable in places
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where it's just the two of us
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and there's no one
for thousands of miles,
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you know, yeah.
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I don't know, I
don't know you like that.
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Well, I would say, I
mean, anything that can be fun,
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you know,
playful, have a good time.
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So one day, I like to do
is I like to go play pottery,
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so that's
something where you can go,
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you can put your own spin on it,
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you can make something
that you can take with you.
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If you're trying to
leave an impression on her,
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you take it with you, you
got to make this cup or plate.
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You know, go to
something they have like
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the trampoline
houses and just have fun.
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I mean, like she
said, plan it out.
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A woman loves to know
that a man thought it out
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and thought it through.
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That's right.
That's right. There you go.
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I would agree creativity is key,
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but I'm also a simple person.
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So I don't want a guy
to stand over in too much
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'cause I'll be sitting
down then, and I'll be thinking,
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"Why are we eating this
meal, and it's like $200?"
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Wow. "Why are we doing this?"
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It's just over the top,
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something simple maybe
like a home cooked meal,
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I'll be fine with that, or
simply going to play a game,
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maybe bowling or
something, something simple,
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doesn't have to be over the top.
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A walk in the park.
Yes. A walk in the park.
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You know, so you
can be able to just talk
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and communicate and really
get to know each other better.
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Guys underestimate
the walk in the park.
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Yeah. Yes.
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It's true.
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And there's
always this misconception
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that a good day
has to cost money.
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Yeah. It does not
have to cost money.
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Anything that
allows you to spend
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and women are big on
anything that is like allows you
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to pay attention to them,
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you know, you may not want
to go in a place that's so loud,
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especially when they're
starting to know somebody,
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because then you can't
talk, you're trying to,
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you're struggling to hear
what the person is saying.
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Then someone says one thing
and you hear something else,
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you know, it doesn't go too far.
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I mean, you know,
think it through and that,
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you know, such things
shows that someone has really
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taken the time to
think it through, yeah.
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Okay, so I mean, I'm
getting the general consensus
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obviously is creativity.
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Yeah.
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But what about the first
date 'cause I know you guys talk
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about first impressions
are always, you know,
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very important.
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What should I do,
now I'm directed at me
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if you will, help
a brother out here.
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What should I do if I
want to take a young lady
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on a first date?
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I would always
say, make it neutral.
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Make it a place where
she won't feel uncomfortable,
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I always suggest for first dates
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that you meet at the location,
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so that there's not,
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it can eliminate some
uncomfortable situations
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and awkward moments.
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I always say, don't
make the date too long.
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Leave woman with wanting
to be like, do a little more.
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Let's say, go for
a walk in the park.
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Sometimes I think like
dessert dates are always good,
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it's quick, it's easy,
it's thoughtful, it's sweet.
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Yeah.
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And then you're done,
you don't have to worry about
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spending a lot of
money on a restaurant
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or anything like that.
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So do a little dessert
date, go for a walk in the park,
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give her a little
something or token to remember
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and then see you later.
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Okay. Okay. All right. Yeah.
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You can do something like
a zoo or I mean, you know,
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something that is so that.
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I think the key is,
especially if it's someone
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that you've just
met, it's a first date.
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And if it's someone that
you don't know very well,
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you want to be in a place
where, even if you don't like,
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that if you realize
that you don't like,
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want to spend that
much time with the person,
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that you have an out.
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Yeah.
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So make it really, I'm
just being real, you know.
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Yeah, of course and
it could go either way,
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like maybe the guy
is really interested.
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Maybe you're really interested.
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Then you get there
and you're like, oh, snap,
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I don't want to
spend that much time.
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There's really nothing,
you know, to this person.
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Something that maybe
like an hour, and you know,
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in that way with an
option of we can extend it,
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make it like
early in the afternoon
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or like you know 4 o'clock
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so that if you want to
go somewhere else you can.
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Okay, one more question.
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Should the guy
pay for everything?
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Good one. Mercy.
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Because she, Kim just
said neutral a minute ago,
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so going to a neutral location,
so doesn't that mean also that,
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you know, since we're already
gonna spend our own gas money
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to get there.
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And especially, if you'd
think about college setting too.
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We all have brought
that same amount of money,
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and just 'cause I'm a man,
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don't mean I got a
certain extra money, you know.
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That's right. I'll say, yes.
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I would say on a
first day, definitely.
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Okay.
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Because it shows intention
and then I think from there,
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you guys can have a discussion
about what, what you want,
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I mean, relationship
is about communication.
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But I think it also
sets the precedence of,
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"Hey, I'm interested in
you, I'm putting that effort."
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And like she said, first
dates don't have to be expensive
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if you can be creative,
and if you're not creative,
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there's Google.
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Google has the
answers to everything.
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All right, you
guys have a resource,
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you have a lot of good ideas.
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Phone a friend.
Yeah, phone a friend.
00:10:01.56\00:10:03.06
Yes.
00:10:03.10\00:10:04.43
I think it depends,
I'm going to be like
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the
controversial person on here.
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You don't have to
pay for everything,
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because it's the first date.
00:10:11.91\00:10:14.24
And something
women feel that pressure
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that if he is
paying for everything,
00:10:15.81\00:10:17.55
then that means I have to
be here a little bit longer.
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I have to kind of talk
to you, like kind of have...
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So doesn't have that confidence
if she wants to leave, she can.
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And it also
depends on the woman,
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if we're both college students,
00:10:27.76\00:10:29.42
then obviously I
know that you're not...
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Probably make it.
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No, I personally would say,
"Hey, we can probably split."
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But it will be nice, if you say,
00:10:37.97\00:10:39.87
"Well, you know, I've got this,
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you can push it
a little bit more,
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but doesn't have to be, yes,
I have to pay for everything."
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And we cannot go out
unless I'm paying for it.
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Okay.
00:10:48.94\00:10:50.28
We're going to move
on to something else,
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I was saying, before
that I want to ask you
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real quick about being romantic.
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How should a guy be romantic?
00:10:55.78\00:10:58.15
What is
romantic that a guy does?
00:10:58.19\00:11:00.06
Listen. There you go, one word.
00:11:00.09\00:11:03.26
Listen. Okay.
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There you go. You
gonna leave with that.
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'Cause I'm about to get married,
00:11:07.76\00:11:09.10
I guess it's worth it.
00:11:09.13\00:11:11.07
For me I want
person that likes to see,
00:11:11.10\00:11:13.40
when someone does
stuff with their hands.
00:11:13.44\00:11:16.07
And if you cook for me,
then that's real huge plus.
00:11:16.10\00:11:19.77
If you make
something with your hands,
00:11:19.81\00:11:21.31
maybe a card or
even write a letter,
00:11:21.34\00:11:23.95
that's romantic,
extremely romantic, triple.
00:11:23.98\00:11:27.82
Is there a place
for a man to ask,
00:11:27.85\00:11:29.38
you know, what do you consider,
00:11:29.42\00:11:31.25
coming that may
not be somebody else's.
00:11:31.29\00:11:32.62
Yeah.
00:11:32.65\00:11:33.99
But does that
'cause guys come over time,
00:11:34.02\00:11:35.36
but there are some general
things that you would say,
00:11:35.39\00:11:36.93
all you know, women
could say or remember anything,
00:11:36.96\00:11:39.43
listening is a
good one you said.
00:11:39.46\00:11:40.80
I think and the reason
why I said listening first is
00:11:40.83\00:11:43.23
because women will tell you,
00:11:43.26\00:11:44.60
how to romance
them if you listen,
00:11:44.63\00:11:46.74
we'll be going to...
00:11:46.77\00:11:48.10
Okay. You can listen more
than just with your ears too.
00:11:48.14\00:11:49.47
Yeah.
00:11:49.50\00:11:50.84
And so, you know,
you're walking somewhere
00:11:50.87\00:11:52.21
she tells "Oh, that's so cute."
00:11:52.24\00:11:54.44
Listen, put a sticky
note in your man brain,
00:11:54.48\00:11:57.55
and stick it somewhere
00:11:57.58\00:11:58.91
where you can remember later on
00:11:58.95\00:12:00.28
when you're thinking,
00:12:00.32\00:12:01.65
what does she like or
remember we were walking
00:12:01.68\00:12:03.39
and she says, she like that.
00:12:03.42\00:12:04.75
Or, you know,
different things like that,
00:12:04.79\00:12:06.12
so listening really helps
you to get to know that woman.
00:12:06.15\00:12:09.02
But I think there's some
simple things like affirming,
00:12:09.06\00:12:11.89
encouraging, so
things that are affirming,
00:12:11.93\00:12:13.70
things are encouraging,
and things that are fun
00:12:13.73\00:12:16.10
that help a woman to feel safe,
00:12:16.13\00:12:17.53
so I think those
are romantic things.
00:12:17.57\00:12:19.30
And also I ask you...
And just because this.
00:12:19.33\00:12:20.67
Yeah, and also
add too, you know,
00:12:20.70\00:12:22.04
finding out what their
love language is, you know.
00:12:22.07\00:12:23.41
Yes.
00:12:23.44\00:12:24.77
How do they respond to
certain things because,
00:12:24.81\00:12:26.14
you know, for you,
00:12:26.17\00:12:27.51
you know, you may be
doing all those things,
00:12:27.54\00:12:28.88
you may be thinking
that, that's romantic
00:12:28.91\00:12:30.95
but really they
respond better just, you know,
00:12:30.98\00:12:33.48
spending time or, you know,
00:12:33.52\00:12:35.12
giving them a hug
or something like that.
00:12:35.15\00:12:36.48
So that's very, that's
very, very key in discovering
00:12:36.52\00:12:39.89
what's romantic for your woman.
00:12:39.92\00:12:41.59
I'm agreeing with what Kim says
with the whole listening thing.
00:12:41.62\00:12:45.16
But I love my fellow
women, but we are not as clear
00:12:45.19\00:12:48.93
as we could be when
it comes to what we want.
00:12:48.96\00:12:52.13
Say that one... Can
you say it one more time?
00:12:52.17\00:12:53.80
You're not clear.
00:12:53.84\00:12:55.17
We can be a
little complicated and...
00:12:55.20\00:12:56.87
A little.
00:12:56.91\00:12:59.64
Wait a minute.
00:12:59.67\00:13:01.01
We can be a little complicated
00:13:01.04\00:13:02.48
and we want to kind of
assume that he should know.
00:13:02.51\00:13:06.01
Some of us, yes,
we're nice and we will say,
00:13:06.05\00:13:08.78
"I kind of like that watch."
00:13:08.82\00:13:11.15
But some woman do like.
00:13:11.19\00:13:14.79
And they just
know. And he's like.
00:13:14.82\00:13:17.63
"What's going
on?" "What's going on?"
00:13:17.66\00:13:19.39
Yeah. You can't just expect.
00:13:19.43\00:13:21.53
I think that needs to
go out to our fellow women,
00:13:21.56\00:13:23.73
you need to make it clean.
00:13:23.77\00:13:26.87
Speak out, 'cause
some men are listening,
00:13:26.90\00:13:29.27
but we're not talking.
00:13:29.30\00:13:31.07
And if you're not talking,
00:13:31.11\00:13:32.44
then how are they
gonna know just like
00:13:32.47\00:13:33.81
we're not mind readers,
they're not mind readers.
00:13:33.84\00:13:35.44
Yeah, yeah.
00:13:35.48\00:13:36.81
And you just gave all
the men how to reach out...
00:13:36.85\00:13:42.08
So listen, there're some men,
00:13:42.12\00:13:44.59
but again it's
unfair for the man
00:13:44.62\00:13:46.25
to have to be
like, "What do you want?
00:13:46.29\00:13:48.22
What do you want?
What do you want?"
00:13:48.26\00:13:50.16
We have to do, we
have to do it 50-50.
00:13:50.19\00:13:53.19
I agree, but at the same time,
00:13:53.23\00:13:55.06
if a woman is being
clear about what she wants,
00:13:55.10\00:13:58.13
I think that is also
important for the men to listen
00:13:58.17\00:14:01.00
to how she says it.
00:14:01.04\00:14:02.37
If she's being clear.
00:14:02.40\00:14:03.74
If, you know, yes,
if she's being clear
00:14:03.77\00:14:05.61
but I also think that, you have
to listen to how a woman talks.
00:14:05.64\00:14:09.34
A women will, I
think women do, we share,
00:14:09.38\00:14:11.95
we tell that we're
far more detail generally
00:14:11.98\00:14:14.52
than men anyway.
00:14:14.55\00:14:15.88
So in those listening, in those
sometimes small conversations,
00:14:15.92\00:14:19.25
we tell men what we want
and what we think is romantic
00:14:19.29\00:14:21.92
and what we like and
so conversations are key.
00:14:21.96\00:14:24.49
Okay.
00:14:24.53\00:14:26.73
All right, well,
hey, that's good.
00:14:26.76\00:14:30.27
Brittany, yes,
Brittany, thank you.
00:14:30.30\00:14:31.93
Thank you. I
really appreciate that.
00:14:31.97\00:14:34.70
Okay, now we could
go on, I don't know,
00:14:34.74\00:14:36.34
do you wanna to go
into the line like,
00:14:36.37\00:14:37.81
how she be approached?
00:14:37.84\00:14:39.17
Yeah, let's do that.
00:14:39.21\00:14:40.54
Ladies, and I think
he's pretty much said it,
00:14:40.58\00:14:42.18
but how should a
guy approach you?
00:14:42.21\00:14:45.55
I mean, you're
all beautiful women,
00:14:45.58\00:14:46.92
and you know, guys are
going to be attracted to you
00:14:46.95\00:14:48.95
and what not and guys are going
to want to get to know you,
00:14:48.98\00:14:51.62
how should, you
know, we as fellows,
00:14:51.65\00:14:53.52
how should we approach you?
00:14:53.56\00:14:54.89
What should we say?
00:14:54.92\00:14:56.26
Not in the mall,
not on the street.
00:14:56.29\00:14:57.63
Not on the street,
and not in the mall.
00:14:57.66\00:14:59.19
Yes. And why do you say that?
00:14:59.23\00:15:00.63
And not other stuff
like. Not other stuff like.
00:15:00.66\00:15:02.63
Not on the highway
driving 55 miles an hour like.
00:15:02.66\00:15:05.87
Yeah. But and why not?
00:15:05.90\00:15:07.90
Yeah, why not? Why not, really?
00:15:07.94\00:15:10.21
I think it just
shows, you know...
00:15:10.24\00:15:13.68
It just shows like how
much thought you put into it.
00:15:13.71\00:15:16.01
If you think I'm
really that, you know,
00:15:16.04\00:15:18.11
seriously anything
that is worth having
00:15:18.15\00:15:22.35
is worth fighting for.
00:15:22.38\00:15:23.89
And it's, you know, it's
worth taking the time to get...
00:15:23.92\00:15:26.62
We're fighting.
00:15:26.65\00:15:28.76
So if you think like,
you like what you see,
00:15:28.79\00:15:32.99
then take the time to come
and say, "Hey, how you doing?"
00:15:33.03\00:15:35.66
But also don't do it enough.
00:15:35.70\00:15:37.07
The approach is always key,
00:15:37.10\00:15:39.77
how, how, how are
you presenting yourself,
00:15:39.80\00:15:41.97
like are you so
callous, "Hey, shorty what's up?
00:15:42.00\00:15:45.87
I mean like
seriously do you think that
00:15:45.91\00:15:49.44
that's what I'm worth like,
00:15:49.48\00:15:51.28
you can't even put
together a proper sentence.
00:15:51.31\00:15:55.95
It's not proper to you,
00:15:55.98\00:15:57.32
but it may be
proper to that guy.
00:15:57.35\00:15:58.69
And something that
he's used to saying it.
00:15:58.72\00:16:00.29
Then we're not compatible.
00:16:00.32\00:16:01.69
I still have a problem...
You are the weakest link.
00:16:05.79\00:16:08.40
I still have a problem though,
00:16:08.43\00:16:10.40
you're saying you can't
meet somebody at a mall or,
00:16:10.43\00:16:14.37
you know, at the park or...
00:16:14.40\00:16:15.74
Okay. While you're driving?
00:16:15.77\00:16:17.84
No, not while you're driving.
00:16:17.87\00:16:19.21
Not while you're driving. No.
00:16:19.24\00:16:20.58
Okay let's throw
that to the wind.
00:16:20.61\00:16:21.94
Seriously like 55
miles per hour is not good.
00:16:21.98\00:16:25.41
We had a stoplight. But
no, not at the stoplight.
00:16:25.45\00:16:28.32
There's nothing more
creative than a guy, you know,
00:16:28.35\00:16:30.69
stopping in the
middle of the highway
00:16:30.72\00:16:32.12
to try to talk to
you or risking life
00:16:32.15\00:16:34.49
and limb to make sure
that he gives you attention.
00:16:34.52\00:16:38.09
Is that not
creative? Is that not creative?
00:16:38.13\00:16:40.63
I have to be kind of honest,
on my birthday I was walking
00:16:40.66\00:16:43.90
and a guy stopped in the street
and all the cars behind him
00:16:43.93\00:16:46.77
were just blowing
and he is like, "Hi..."
00:16:46.80\00:16:48.87
Wow. "How are you?"
00:16:48.90\00:16:50.34
I'm like okay. But you're
looking really beautiful today.
00:16:50.37\00:16:52.84
I said, "Thank you."
00:16:52.87\00:16:54.24
It was caught and
that catch my attention.
00:16:54.28\00:16:56.68
Brittany, we're on
the verge of easing,
00:16:56.71\00:16:58.48
you got a boyfriend...
00:16:58.51\00:16:59.85
But the thing is, I
don't know his name,
00:16:59.88\00:17:02.22
I haven't seen him since.
00:17:02.25\00:17:03.59
Yes. It made an impression.
00:17:03.62\00:17:05.12
Okay. But I remember his face.
00:17:05.15\00:17:06.49
He just didn't follow through.
Yeah, he didn't follow through.
00:17:06.52\00:17:07.86
There is a thing
creativity is just one part.
00:17:07.89\00:17:12.43
Yeah.
00:17:12.46\00:17:13.80
The other part of that is
there has to be intention,
00:17:13.83\00:17:16.03
behind that.
00:17:16.06\00:17:17.40
Okay, so you can
approach a woman at a mall,
00:17:17.43\00:17:21.00
since that seems to be
your frame of reference.
00:17:21.04\00:17:23.10
All right.
00:17:23.14\00:17:26.88
I would, I would lead with
a non-threatening compliment.
00:17:26.91\00:17:31.65
Okay. Yes, yes.
00:17:31.68\00:17:33.01
And then I would maybe
just be intentional I think,
00:17:33.05\00:17:37.75
you know, you're very beautiful,
00:17:37.79\00:17:39.12
I would like to have maybe
have a conversation with you
00:17:39.15\00:17:40.99
or just get to know you.
00:17:41.02\00:17:42.86
Now, my personal preference,
00:17:42.89\00:17:44.23
I think that if
the guy is approaching
00:17:44.26\00:17:45.63
maybe he can make the
woman feel little safer
00:17:45.66\00:17:47.50
by giving him,
00:17:47.53\00:17:48.86
her I mean, giving
her his number first.
00:17:48.90\00:17:50.97
Saying, you know,
if you're interested
00:17:51.00\00:17:52.33
why don't you just call me.
00:17:52.37\00:17:53.70
But the thing about women is
00:17:53.74\00:17:55.50
the initial approach is
flattering, we like attention.
00:17:55.54\00:17:58.44
I mean, all woman,
you know, if a woman says,
00:17:58.47\00:18:00.28
we don't like
attention, we're lying.
00:18:00.31\00:18:01.98
We like attention,
00:18:02.01\00:18:03.35
but our attention has to
translate into intention.
00:18:03.38\00:18:06.95
So you can give us
attention but it has to go into
00:18:06.98\00:18:09.58
now what are your intentions.
00:18:09.62\00:18:10.95
Okay, I mean, my
concern is for women is
00:18:10.99\00:18:13.52
that they assume that every guy
00:18:13.56\00:18:15.39
that wants to approach them
in the mall or in a public area
00:18:15.42\00:18:17.53
or some guy
that they don't know,
00:18:17.56\00:18:18.89
has some kind of bad
intention or nefarious intention
00:18:18.93\00:18:21.86
and so they, they
prejudge that guy.
00:18:21.90\00:18:24.20
But isn't it possible that a guy
00:18:24.23\00:18:26.00
could come up
to you in the mall,
00:18:26.03\00:18:27.37
or in a public place
00:18:27.40\00:18:28.74
and be a potential
candidate for marriage,
00:18:28.77\00:18:30.71
he could be a good guy, right?
00:18:30.74\00:18:32.07
It's possible. Yeah.
00:18:32.11\00:18:33.58
Unlikely but...
00:18:33.61\00:18:35.58
Oh, unlikely. It's possible.
00:18:35.61\00:18:37.01
I mean, but the
pull, the pull violence.
00:18:37.05\00:18:39.15
Okay, so if, if I want to
if I'm interested in a person,
00:18:39.18\00:18:43.45
I like basketball, like sports
and I'm looking for someone
00:18:43.49\00:18:45.59
who complements
me, more than likely,
00:18:45.62\00:18:47.09
I'd be more willing to
have a conversation with someone
00:18:47.12\00:18:48.72
I meet at a gym
00:18:48.76\00:18:50.09
or a basketball
tournament, whatever.
00:18:50.13\00:18:53.06
If I'm into godly men
00:18:53.09\00:18:55.83
and I'm looking
for a Christian man,
00:18:55.86\00:18:58.03
then I may be
more open to receiving
00:18:58.07\00:19:01.04
an approach from a man
in a Christian setting.
00:19:01.07\00:19:03.57
Like at a church?
00:19:03.61\00:19:05.21
Maybe at
church. Maybe at church.
00:19:05.24\00:19:07.38
That's a whole another...
00:19:07.41\00:19:08.78
Church is
social. Church is social.
00:19:08.81\00:19:12.28
Not the altar call.
Not during the altar call.
00:19:12.31\00:19:14.35
Not during the
appeal. Not during prayer.
00:19:14.38\00:19:16.79
But you're sitting right next,
00:19:16.82\00:19:18.15
you held my hand
during the altar call.
00:19:18.19\00:19:19.95
Seriously.
00:19:19.99\00:19:21.32
'Cause you need
to come to Jesus.
00:19:21.36\00:19:22.69
Yes.
00:19:22.72\00:19:24.06
But you know, but if I'm...
00:19:24.09\00:19:25.43
the mall is
such a wide spectrum,
00:19:25.46\00:19:26.80
I don't know what you're
about, I don't know who you are,
00:19:26.83\00:19:28.83
so I'm gonna have my
guard a lot higher up at a mall
00:19:28.86\00:19:32.40
than I would at a setting
that levels the playing field.
00:19:32.43\00:19:34.84
Okay.
00:19:34.87\00:19:36.20
Introduce yourself
at community service.
00:19:36.24\00:19:38.27
Have mercy. That's good.
00:19:38.31\00:19:41.14
As opposed to
other side of the road.
00:19:41.18\00:19:43.58
You know, orange jumpsuit. What?
00:19:43.61\00:19:46.38
I don't know. Okay.
00:19:46.41\00:19:51.02
Anyway I think
that from this point
00:19:51.05\00:19:54.16
I wanna like to
ask these questions
00:19:54.19\00:19:55.79
it's gonna be
getting me in trouble,
00:19:55.82\00:19:57.16
but why do women like
to play so many games.
00:19:57.19\00:20:00.03
Oh, yes, Josh. I mean.
00:20:00.06\00:20:02.53
Good. Why do you play games?
00:20:02.56\00:20:03.90
Just tell what you want
and do what you wanna do
00:20:03.93\00:20:05.73
and say what you wanna say.
00:20:05.77\00:20:07.10
I don't think women play
any more games than men do.
00:20:07.14\00:20:08.67
Hallelujah.
00:20:08.70\00:20:10.04
I was about to say, y'all play
a lot of, a whole lot of games.
00:20:10.07\00:20:12.77
I mean the whole
idea and, you know,
00:20:12.81\00:20:15.04
it boils down to communicate,
communicate, communicate,
00:20:15.08\00:20:17.58
communicate, and if I haven't
said that enough, communicate.
00:20:17.61\00:20:20.82
Okay.
00:20:20.85\00:20:22.78
Why are we supposed
to know what you want.
00:20:22.82\00:20:24.79
A guy shows up, and
he just makes himself,
00:20:24.82\00:20:27.56
he literally puts
himself in the friend zone.
00:20:27.59\00:20:30.29
He may be trying to
get to know you better,
00:20:30.33\00:20:32.36
but he will stay
in the friend zone
00:20:32.39\00:20:34.66
until he comes up
and says something.
00:20:34.70\00:20:37.33
Now he may be
nice and do everything
00:20:37.37\00:20:39.77
that would probably
give him brownie points,
00:20:39.80\00:20:43.41
his market value
may shoot like way high,
00:20:43.44\00:20:46.64
but dude you've put yourself
solely in the friend zone.
00:20:46.68\00:20:50.31
So how am I supposed to know?
00:20:50.35\00:20:51.68
As far as we're concerned,
he's just not into you,
00:20:51.71\00:20:54.15
he's not just that into you,
00:20:54.18\00:20:55.88
if he's not making an
effort to get with you.
00:20:55.92\00:20:58.45
Games.
00:20:58.49\00:20:59.82
I don't think that women,
I don't think that women...
00:20:59.85\00:21:01.86
Okay, a woman who's ready
today will not play games.
00:21:01.89\00:21:05.29
Yes. A girl plays games.
00:21:05.33\00:21:06.66
A girl plays games.
00:21:06.70\00:21:08.03
A woman, a woman,
00:21:08.06\00:21:10.40
sometimes I think men mistake
our complexity for games.
00:21:10.43\00:21:15.20
Guess we're complex
and I could be honest
00:21:15.24\00:21:17.44
when I say,
sometimes we know what we want,
00:21:17.47\00:21:19.41
sometimes we
don't know what we want.
00:21:19.44\00:21:21.01
There are times when
we're very clear about it,
00:21:21.04\00:21:24.88
and then there are, and then
00:21:24.91\00:21:26.28
and a month later our
preferences can change.
00:21:26.31\00:21:28.22
Right.
00:21:28.25\00:21:29.58
So communication is key in that,
00:21:29.62\00:21:31.52
but I think that a woman
who knows what she wants,
00:21:31.55\00:21:34.12
who knows what
she wants in her life
00:21:34.16\00:21:35.52
and is ready to
move in that direction,
00:21:35.56\00:21:36.93
is not gonna
play games with you,
00:21:36.96\00:21:38.49
unless you're playing games.
00:21:38.53\00:21:39.86
Yes.
00:21:39.89\00:21:41.23
Okay, but don't all
girls play playing hard to get,
00:21:41.26\00:21:43.97
don't all girls do that?
00:21:44.00\00:21:45.33
I mean I've dated a lot of girls
00:21:45.37\00:21:46.94
that I would say are
mature, they're women,
00:21:46.97\00:21:48.94
but I've heard
girls say, you know,
00:21:48.97\00:21:50.67
amongst their friends,
"Oh, yeah I do like him.
00:21:50.71\00:21:52.67
Well, then why
don't you call him back?
00:21:52.71\00:21:54.04
Oh, I'm just
playing hard to get."
00:21:54.08\00:21:55.41
Like what you're talking
about. Do you like me or not?
00:21:55.44\00:21:57.48
You guys don't want
us to play hard to get
00:21:57.51\00:21:59.88
but you wanna chase and conquer.
00:21:59.91\00:22:01.25
That's like saying I
wanna play hide and seek,
00:22:01.28\00:22:02.75
but I want you
to stand in front.
00:22:02.78\00:22:04.12
Yeah.
00:22:04.15\00:22:05.49
You can't have it...
00:22:05.52\00:22:06.86
You can't have it both way.
00:22:06.89\00:22:08.22
You can't have your
cake and eat it too,
00:22:08.26\00:22:10.06
either you want some
pursue, which means as women
00:22:10.09\00:22:12.36
we have to put up boundaries
00:22:12.39\00:22:13.90
and not always
make everything so easy,
00:22:13.93\00:22:16.60
I don't think unintentionally.
00:22:16.63\00:22:18.20
But at the same time,
you guys got to come with it.
00:22:18.23\00:22:21.47
Can you at least make yourself
a little bit of available,
00:22:21.50\00:22:23.94
I mean, you know,
which is tough, man.
00:22:23.97\00:22:26.78
I think some
women do make themselves
00:22:26.81\00:22:28.54
a little bit available.
00:22:28.58\00:22:29.91
But the issue is, if
you've been hurt before,
00:22:29.94\00:22:32.21
you don't want to
get attracted to a guy
00:22:32.25\00:22:35.08
that is just gonna hurt
you a few years down the road.
00:22:35.12\00:22:37.85
And there are a lot of
men that pretend to be nice,
00:22:37.89\00:22:40.56
they can win Oscars,
Grammys 'cause they are perfect
00:22:40.59\00:22:44.96
at just pretending to
be a good quality man,
00:22:44.99\00:22:48.43
who's going to
take care of them,
00:22:48.46\00:22:49.80
who's going to love them
till death do them apart,
00:22:49.83\00:22:53.07
and then when they
get married, he's abusive.
00:22:53.10\00:22:56.34
Yeah.
00:22:56.37\00:22:57.71
He's abusive, he
hurts the children,
00:22:57.74\00:23:01.24
he hurts her, he separates
her from not only her family
00:23:01.28\00:23:04.85
but her friends
and her loved ones.
00:23:04.88\00:23:06.41
You watch that
happen so many times
00:23:06.45\00:23:08.08
that women wants to
put up those extra barriers
00:23:08.12\00:23:09.92
to protect her heart.
00:23:09.95\00:23:11.29
Yeah.
00:23:11.32\00:23:12.65
You don't wanna just
give your heart to anybody
00:23:12.69\00:23:14.02
and they just break
in and they shatter it.
00:23:14.06\00:23:15.39
Yeah.
00:23:15.42\00:23:16.76
I think it's
important to recognize
00:23:16.79\00:23:18.13
that we're all
afraid of rejection.
00:23:18.16\00:23:20.36
It's every human being
is afraid of rejection.
00:23:20.40\00:23:22.90
We want to be wanted. We
want to be in relationship.
00:23:22.93\00:23:26.57
We're built for relationship.
00:23:26.60\00:23:28.17
So we're not going to put
ourselves in positions that
00:23:28.20\00:23:31.11
will give anyone
that ability to reject us,
00:23:31.14\00:23:35.58
any more than a man would do it.
00:23:35.61\00:23:38.31
So I think it's also
and that I would say,
00:23:38.35\00:23:42.22
is why you need to build up
to, you know, your approach,
00:23:42.25\00:23:46.49
your conduct, how
you carry yourself,
00:23:46.52\00:23:49.09
integrity, you know,
00:23:49.12\00:23:51.29
if you show yourself
as a person of integrity,
00:23:51.33\00:23:53.60
you'll always win...
00:23:53.63\00:23:55.43
I believe you'll always win.
00:23:55.46\00:23:56.87
I know they say, good
guys, you know, finish last,
00:23:56.90\00:23:59.87
but I don't believe that.
00:23:59.90\00:24:01.24
When the Bible
says, guard your heart.
00:24:01.27\00:24:02.60
Yeah.
00:24:02.64\00:24:03.97
And I think that
we can't be offended
00:24:04.01\00:24:05.87
when or I don't think men
should be necessarily offended
00:24:05.91\00:24:08.71
when a woman guards her heart.
00:24:08.74\00:24:10.25
If she guards
her heart, I can say,
00:24:10.28\00:24:12.61
if you're really
interested in her,
00:24:12.65\00:24:14.35
then that will
even add value to her
00:24:14.38\00:24:16.38
because you know
she's not the person
00:24:16.42\00:24:17.75
that just give
everything to every man.
00:24:17.79\00:24:19.12
Yeah.
00:24:19.15\00:24:20.49
And that's true, but we
don't want to push too hard too,
00:24:20.52\00:24:22.16
you know, because of
sometimes you all, I mean,
00:24:22.19\00:24:24.86
you're not gonna be honest too,
00:24:24.89\00:24:26.23
sometimes you really
don't want the guys to just know
00:24:26.26\00:24:27.60
so you're
really kind of playing,
00:24:27.63\00:24:29.13
you don't want them to
talk to you at all, you know.
00:24:29.16\00:24:31.13
So I mean, you know, I
think there is a happy medium
00:24:31.17\00:24:33.03
that we have to all find,
you know, and saying okay,
00:24:33.07\00:24:36.00
just be honest and say
00:24:36.04\00:24:37.37
what you really
want or you know,
00:24:37.41\00:24:39.24
so you don't have anything
to do with the guy, you know.
00:24:39.27\00:24:40.98
Yeah.
00:24:41.01\00:24:42.34
Yeah, I feel also
though that, you know,
00:24:42.38\00:24:43.71
it's like conundrum in
the mind of a man right now.
00:24:43.75\00:24:46.08
It's like, I
don't know what to do.
00:24:46.11\00:24:47.45
You want me to be direct,
you want me to be creative
00:24:47.48\00:24:49.15
and come another
route, you want me to be vague
00:24:49.18\00:24:51.19
and then kind of follow you in?
00:24:51.22\00:24:53.05
What do you want me to do?
00:24:53.09\00:24:55.56
All of the
above. All of the above.
00:24:55.59\00:24:58.06
And these are answers
that I'm accustomed to getting,
00:24:58.09\00:25:00.23
and hence reason why
most men are confused today.
00:25:00.26\00:25:02.56
I don't know if
there's an answer.
00:25:02.60\00:25:03.93
Exactly.
00:25:03.97\00:25:05.30
I think the issue is,
you can't put us in a box,
00:25:05.33\00:25:07.80
we're not all the same.
00:25:07.84\00:25:09.77
Every woman is different,
00:25:09.80\00:25:11.37
I'm sorry but
every woman is different.
00:25:11.41\00:25:13.94
And you have two word.
We all just want two things.
00:25:13.98\00:25:17.78
And not all men
are the same either,
00:25:17.81\00:25:19.21
but every woman is different
00:25:19.25\00:25:21.45
and you're gonna
have to realize that,
00:25:21.48\00:25:23.85
while you're approaching her,
00:25:23.89\00:25:25.75
that if she's
guarding her heart,
00:25:25.79\00:25:27.92
then you need to be the man
00:25:27.96\00:25:29.36
that she knows
will protect her heart.
00:25:29.39\00:25:31.63
Sometimes you have
to prove yourself...
00:25:31.66\00:25:32.99
Okay.
00:25:33.03\00:25:34.36
You may not want to
do it, but you should,
00:25:34.40\00:25:36.10
it shouldn't be something
that you have to tell us
00:25:36.13\00:25:38.27
or I have to prove myself that
I'm gonna protect her heart.
00:25:38.30\00:25:40.40
It should be who you are
00:25:40.44\00:25:41.87
and it just shines out that
overtime she's looking like,
00:25:41.90\00:25:45.77
okay, I don't need to
protect my heart from him.
00:25:45.81\00:25:48.41
Okay. He
actually cares about me.
00:25:48.44\00:25:49.78
And was it Jacob
worked for like 14 years.
00:25:49.81\00:25:52.98
Exactly. Put them working.
00:25:53.01\00:25:55.15
And you all got
to have in 14 days.
00:25:55.18\00:25:58.75
I was to think
about it again or yeah.
00:25:58.79\00:26:01.16
I mean, he least knew he
was already going to get her,
00:26:01.19\00:26:03.26
he's talk to them...
00:26:03.29\00:26:04.93
Anyway, okay, I heard, I
see what you're pressing for.
00:26:04.96\00:26:06.70
Confidence. Okay.
00:26:06.73\00:26:08.93
We don't really have a time,
00:26:08.96\00:26:10.30
I want to have you
all share experience
00:26:10.33\00:26:11.83
you thought was
really good to share,
00:26:11.87\00:26:13.20
man may have done
for you that was really
00:26:13.23\00:26:14.80
or some man has done
for you that's really good.
00:26:14.84\00:26:16.50
Some real quick, if
you share an experience?
00:26:16.54\00:26:19.07
Okay. Go ahead.
00:26:19.11\00:26:21.14
Okay.
00:26:21.18\00:26:22.51
When my fiancee first met me,
00:26:22.54\00:26:24.05
I was talking to
another girlfriend,
00:26:24.08\00:26:26.01
and we were
having a conversation,
00:26:26.05\00:26:27.38
he just jumped
into the conversation
00:26:27.42\00:26:29.38
and that's how I met him.
00:26:29.42\00:26:31.09
Basically, he jumped in
00:26:31.12\00:26:32.45
and I remember
him since then, yeah.
00:26:32.49\00:26:34.26
And that worked
for us. Direct, huh.
00:26:34.29\00:26:36.79
He said, what he wanted, okay.
00:26:36.83\00:26:38.46
Yes, got one
more, go ahead. Yeah.
00:26:38.49\00:26:41.06
A guy that I was
dating previously,
00:26:41.10\00:26:42.50
I was really, really sick
00:26:42.53\00:26:43.87
and I just was not
feeling well at all
00:26:43.90\00:26:45.60
and so he comes
over with like every
00:26:45.63\00:26:48.57
like medication on the counter,
00:26:48.60\00:26:51.01
you know, Nyquil
and just everything
00:26:51.04\00:26:53.01
and just sets it up,
00:26:53.04\00:26:54.38
you know, just and has
some flowers there with it.
00:26:54.41\00:26:57.35
And so it just was such
a thoughtful gesture that,
00:26:57.38\00:27:00.28
you know,
you're not feeling well
00:27:00.32\00:27:01.88
and usually women are the
ones that take care and nurture.
00:27:01.92\00:27:04.19
But it was just such a sweet
thoughtful gesture that he got,
00:27:04.22\00:27:06.62
I don't know what
medication she want,
00:27:06.65\00:27:07.99
so I just got the whole shelf.
00:27:08.02\00:27:09.36
And then here are some
flowers just to remind that
00:27:09.39\00:27:11.16
even though you don't
feel beautiful right now,
00:27:11.19\00:27:14.10
I want you have
something beautiful to look at.
00:27:14.13\00:27:15.46
Wow, that's nice.
00:27:15.50\00:27:16.83
Medication cost
little more money
00:27:16.87\00:27:18.20
but that was good gesture.
00:27:18.23\00:27:20.84
Okay. That's good.
Well there are some things.
00:27:20.87\00:27:23.81
What we've learned, we
learned some things today, John.
00:27:23.84\00:27:25.17
I think so.
00:27:25.21\00:27:26.54
I think we've
learned some things,
00:27:26.57\00:27:27.91
I mean still have to
workout a few things,
00:27:27.94\00:27:29.28
still we've learned some things.
00:27:29.31\00:27:30.65
And the text says
in Ephesians 5:25,
00:27:30.68\00:27:34.42
"Husbands, love your wives
just as Christ loved the church
00:27:34.45\00:27:38.89
and gave himself up for her."
00:27:38.92\00:27:41.16
So men, we have a duty
00:27:41.19\00:27:43.32
and it starts
with being like Jesus.
00:27:43.36\00:27:46.09
And that's really when
you begin to learn really
00:27:46.13\00:27:47.86
what a woman wants, someone
who will sacrifice for her.
00:27:47.90\00:27:51.47
And hey, guys, if nothing else,
00:27:51.50\00:27:53.30
always remember
make Pure Choices.
00:27:53.34\00:27:55.50
God bless.
00:27:55.54\00:27:56.87