The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Hello, and
welcome to Pure Choices.
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I'm your host
Pastor Joshua Nelson.
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I'm so excited that
you decide to join us today
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because we have a
good one for you today.
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We are talking about,
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is it okay to try
things just once, just a taste?
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You know what I'm talking about.
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I mean, is it okay just to
try a little bit of alcohol
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just once?
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Is it okay to maybe
have sex, just to try it out,
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see if it's good or not?
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Is it okay to
just smoke just once?
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We're talking
about all these things
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because we wanna
challenge and see,
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should we just try things
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or should we
leave something's alone.
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But before we
get into this topic
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that I think it's
gonna be a good on today,
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let's just pause
for a moment of prayer.
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Heavenly
Father, we just ask that
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You would guide
this discussion today.
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Send Your Spirit in
Jesus' name we pray, amen.
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Amen. Amen.
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Let's introduce our panel.
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To my left I have Brittany Hill
who is from Andrews University.
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She's there, she's finished
up there at the seminary.
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We're so happy to
have her with us today.
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Across the way
here on the couch,
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we have Pastor John Coaxum
who is an associate pastor
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at Glenville, SDA
Church in Cleveland, Ohio.
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Happy to have you
here, sir. Thank you, man.
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Then we have
sister, Dr. Jeanne Mogusu,
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my friend there, who is
from the seminary as well,
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just finished there.
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We're happy to have her as well.
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Then we have Pastor KP
Douglas from Southeast Missouri,
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has a couple churches out there,
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so we're happy to have
him and I'm Pastor Nelson,
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I have two
churches in South Carolina.
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So we have a good
panel, good topic,
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and so let's get
right into it, just a taste.
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What do you all think?
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Should we say it's okay to
try things just to try it out
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or should we just
leave things totally alone?
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Well, how big we
taste? It's just a taste.
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It's whole,
little. It's just a sip.
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That's all. That's all.
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We don't want to jump into.
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We're scared, we're
scared, we'll jump into it.
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Yeah.
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Well, I mean, I
think for some things...
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yeah, for
something's it's just not wise.
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Okay.
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It's just not wise
to try something once
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especially when you know,
what the consequences could be.
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I mean, you
basically in a certain sense
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playing Russian roulette
with your life with some choices
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that you decide to make.
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And every single
choice that you make,
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as far as I'm concerned
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is either
pulling you closer to God
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or pulling you
further away from Him.
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Okay.
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I would wanna
jump onto that and say,
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you can't always
live your life safe
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and life is
about calculated risk.
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And when you're
approaching certain things,
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you have to calculate the risk.
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And I'll say
that's the principle.
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Is this going to be worth
it? Is it really worth it?
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So when you're sitting
down, you're thinking about,
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"Okay, alcohol,
should I try it?"
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When you think about
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all the
side-effects and everything,
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you may calculate that
it's not a risk worth taking.
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Well, I mean, and I
like that, as you said there,
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and I would
challenge that though and say,
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well, I don't want to
be an alcoholic, you know,
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I just wanna taste.
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I just wanna try
just a little bit because,
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hey, I mean, there are
some "good things out there".
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Everybody is talking about,
and I just want to try to say
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that I did it
and kind of find out
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what the hype is
about, you know...
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So here is my question.
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Yes, you don't
want to be an alcoholic,
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but you would just
want to taste it once.
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How do you think
the alcoholic started?
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I mean, he didn't just wake
up in one morning and decide,
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"Oh, I'm gonna down four,
five bottles of rum or whisky."
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You see, what I'm saying. Yeah.
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I mean, he started with a taste.
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Right, right, right.
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And it's my understanding
that some of these things
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are an acquired taste.
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So you'll taste it
once, and it's not so bad,
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you taste it again
and it's not so bad
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and you cannot
start, once a fire starts,
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you cannot quench it.
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It's like they tell you,
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I believe
sometimes during the summer,
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there are some places
where it's even illegal
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to have fireworks
because that little spark,
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that little spark
can cause acres...
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Wildfire.
Thousands of acres to burn.
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So why would you want to
put yourself in that risk,
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in that position?
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Okay.
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Yeah, I think it's
difficult to going back to
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what Brittany says
about calculating risk,
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is it worth it?
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Because now you got
to talk about worth it
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according to what?
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And what's your
definition of worth it?
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'Cause I'm trying
to have a good time,
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it may be worth it.
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You know, for me
to have a good time
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so I mean, is sin, sin is sin.
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I think I'll just say
that. Should you try it?
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No, it's sin.
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Unfortunately, we're born in sin
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and shapen in inequity,
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and so there are
certain things that, you know,
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we probably have
tried certain things
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that we have in our system
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even before we're
born or when we're born,
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for instance we
talk about alcoholism,
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there're some people who
are born with that propensity
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because of what
their parents have done.
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You know, but
we're talking about,
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you actually making
a choice for yourself,
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I just think you
should just stay away.
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If you have that ability,
just choose not to do it.
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Yeah.
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You know,
unfortunately the sad truth is
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there are some
lessons we will not learn,
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unless, you
know, we go through it.
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And I think sometimes, you know,
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I think all the time
God gives us a choice,
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He is a God of free will,
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and He allows us to
make our own decisions,
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and we have to
calculate the risk for ourselves
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and see, you know, do
I wanna make this choice?
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But even if somebody
would come to us and tell us,
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"Listen, you don't want to
go down this path, you know,
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there's a pit down here,
don't go down this path."
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Some of us say, "Well, I
don't really believe you,
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I want to try for
myself, and see for myself."
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And the only way
we're going to learn is that
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we go walking down that path
and fall into the same thing.
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Yeah.
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And so I like
that we're going there
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and let's talk about that.
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Because you know, many of
us have made poor choices,
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you know,
instead of pure choice.
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We've made some mistakes
and we're gonna talk about
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little bit of those in
more detail but, you know,
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how come we weren't able
to listen to someone who say,
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"Hey, I've gone down that
road, I've tried that just once,
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just to taste, and
this is now where I am,
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and I have regrets for it."
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Why is it so hard for us
especially, as young people,
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to not be able to
listen to the counsel?
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Or even someone watching now
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not able to listen
to the counsel that,
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you know, we're giving?
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I think it's arrogance.
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I think it just boils
down to pride and arrogance.
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I think that somehow I
am stronger than, you know,
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somebody else in my family
who has, 'cause it's true,
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we have alcoholism
and it runs in our family.
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So I may think that I'm
stronger than the person
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who is a drunk, you know...
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Right.
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So I will decide I
want to take a taste.
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And next thing, you know,
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you are just
like the person that
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who is you detest.
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You know, it
boils down to arrogance.
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We somehow think
that we are stronger...
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An exempt.
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Yeah, an exempt
from the rules of nature
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that govern everybody else.
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We think we kind
of defy ourselves.
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We're too good,
we're not as bad,
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we don't have it
as bad as they do.
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So yeah, I think
that's what it is.
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We wouldn't fall for that.
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We wouldn't fall for
that, we're too bright.
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We're brighter than
everybody else has gone
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before us and fallen down.
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We know better. Yeah. Yeah.
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And, Brittany, go ahead.
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I think I would add this
also the presentation of,
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when my mom told me
not to do certain things,
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she presented some things
better than she did others.
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So it's based on
how you present it.
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If you want to tell
somebody, "Don't drink alcohol."
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"Why not?" "Because I said so."
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That's not really a
good presentation of
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do not do this,
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it all boils down to how
you actually presenting this,
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are you presenting
it in a good way as in,
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do not do this
because of this reason,
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or you're just saying,
"Oh, because I said so."
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Okay.
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And that also plays
into the fact of there
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hasn't been enough of us,
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maybe our age looking at those
who are younger mentoring them.
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Maybe even parents
being vulnerable and saying,
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"Look, you know, I
tried this in my life,
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I tried weed and this
is what happened to me."
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You know, almost trying
to keep that perfect image,
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you know, so that, you know,
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we won't look at
them in a wrong way.
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But that really is not
good because it doesn't give us
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the trueness, or the
realness of the experience
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that happened and
why we shouldn't do it.
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You know, I think that
there are actually many reasons
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why we just don't
listen to the advice
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or learn from the
mistakes of other people.
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One, I would just
thought there as curiosity.
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You know, some
of us, some people,
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we're just curious.
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You know, we want
to experience things
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for ourselves.
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We don't care if you
tell us, or even if, you know,
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something bad happened,
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we want to
experience for ourselves.
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The other thing is
if we're real society,
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kind of trains us
not to listen to people
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who have come before us.
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It tells us that
we are our own people,
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we make our own decisions,
rules are meant to be broken,
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you know, and so...
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YOLO.
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When you told that
into, yeah, YOLO, you know,
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you only live once, so
you might as well try it,
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you know and so, you know,
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would you throw that
kind of stuff in the mix,
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I don't know, you know,
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sometimes we want
to paint it as well,
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we're just being rebellious
but we're kind of trained
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to pave our own path.
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We does,
honestly just want try it.
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Yeah, we just wanna
learn for ourselves.
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Yeah, yeah, that's a good point.
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You want to add something, John?
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No. Okay, okay.
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Well, let me just go
here then because, you know,
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a lot of people
also saying, you know,
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we hear this on talking
about what society talks about,
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it teaches us, you know,
when you're trying to get,
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say in a
relationship with someone
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and you want to
maybe go to further step
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of marrying them, you know,
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it is basically
not even a thought
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in modern society
that you're going to try,
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you gonna have sex
with them, you know,
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before you get married.
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Just to kind of try it out,
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you know and I
think that idea has seeped
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even into the churches.
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I know that, you know,
that's even been, you know,
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my corrupted mindset to think,
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"Okay, well, I don't know
if I wanna be with this person
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because I'm not sure,
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that the sex really going
to be good or you know..."
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Try before you buy it.
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Yeah, try before you buy,
you know, type of mindset.
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So with, where does this
kind of thinking come from?
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You know, let's
just start there.
00:09:59.29\00:10:00.63
You know, and why should it be,
00:10:00.66\00:10:02.00
and why are we even thinking
on those terms as Christians?
00:10:02.03\00:10:04.87
I think, first of all, I think
it comes from the basics of it
00:10:04.90\00:10:08.60
as from an unconverted
mind and an unconverted life
00:10:08.64\00:10:12.91
because if you are
totally sold out for Christ
00:10:12.94\00:10:16.24
and your choices will
automatically be pure.
00:10:16.28\00:10:20.25
And I also think part of
it is a sense of identity,
00:10:20.28\00:10:24.75
you want to make
sure, it's like we,
00:10:24.79\00:10:26.92
some of these
things we want to try
00:10:26.96\00:10:29.12
so at the root of it
00:10:29.16\00:10:31.63
because we want to
have some sort of identity
00:10:31.66\00:10:35.63
that is wrapped
up in this thing.
00:10:35.66\00:10:38.90
I want to try, you know,
maybe I should sleep with
00:10:38.93\00:10:42.84
so and so because
somehow if they value me enough,
00:10:42.87\00:10:47.01
or they like me
enough to sleep with me
00:10:47.04\00:10:48.94
then that means
they must really like me,
00:10:48.98\00:10:50.98
you know, or I
wanna try and drink
00:10:51.01\00:10:54.32
because if I can
drink and hold myself
00:10:54.35\00:10:57.09
and hold it down then, you know,
00:10:57.12\00:10:59.12
I'm some kind of bad, you know.
00:10:59.15\00:11:00.72
Right. Right.
00:11:00.76\00:11:02.09
That kind of... Yeah.
00:11:02.12\00:11:03.69
Okay, okay.
00:11:03.73\00:11:05.06
Well, if I could kinda go back
00:11:05.09\00:11:06.43
in which Jeanne
is absolutely right.
00:11:06.46\00:11:07.80
If I could kinda
go back a little bit,
00:11:07.83\00:11:09.66
society teaches us to try things
00:11:09.70\00:11:11.57
before we buy it.
00:11:11.60\00:11:12.93
When you go to
the car dealership,
00:11:12.97\00:11:14.30
you can test drive the car.
00:11:14.34\00:11:16.00
I mean, I'm talking
about down to frozen yogurt.
00:11:16.04\00:11:18.37
When I go to FroYo,
I can taste the yogurt
00:11:18.41\00:11:21.14
before I buy it.
00:11:21.18\00:11:22.51
You know, this is
how we've been taught
00:11:22.54\00:11:24.38
which whereas way back in a day,
00:11:24.41\00:11:26.05
you just wore
what was given to you.
00:11:26.08\00:11:27.65
You just did what
was expected of you.
00:11:27.68\00:11:29.42
You know, now you go to school
00:11:29.45\00:11:30.79
and you can go
through a whole semester
00:11:30.82\00:11:32.85
before you declare you're major
00:11:32.89\00:11:34.42
because you get a
chance to kind of test
00:11:34.46\00:11:36.12
and try everything out.
00:11:36.16\00:11:37.49
And everywhere we
look television, you know,
00:11:37.53\00:11:40.23
all and I don't want
to do any shows like that,
00:11:40.26\00:11:42.26
I can't name any shows.
00:11:42.30\00:11:43.63
Right.
00:11:43.67\00:11:45.00
But there are
shows that literally say,
00:11:45.03\00:11:46.37
"Well, you need to
have sex with people to see
00:11:46.40\00:11:48.40
which person would
suit you best for life.
00:11:48.44\00:11:50.74
Because having sex is
such an important thing
00:11:50.77\00:11:53.11
and you've got to make sure,
you know you're gonna enjoy it,
00:11:53.14\00:11:55.48
you know, before
you choose the partner."
00:11:55.51\00:11:56.85
Yeah.
00:11:56.88\00:11:58.21
And so you know,
when we're steeped
00:11:58.25\00:11:59.58
in that kind of
culture, you know,
00:11:59.61\00:12:00.95
we're gonna tend to go that way.
00:12:00.98\00:12:02.32
At the heart though, I
believe that that's just
00:12:02.35\00:12:03.69
who we naturally are.
00:12:03.72\00:12:05.05
We are people
00:12:05.09\00:12:06.42
who are looking
out for ourselves.
00:12:06.45\00:12:07.79
Right.
00:12:07.82\00:12:09.16
You know, if we go down
to the hard with the man,
00:12:09.19\00:12:10.53
carnal man wants
to please himself.
00:12:10.56\00:12:12.49
Yeah.
00:12:12.53\00:12:13.86
And that's why we want
to have that just a taste.
00:12:13.90\00:12:16.56
You wanna please ourselves,
00:12:16.60\00:12:17.93
you want to experience
something from ourselves.
00:12:17.97\00:12:20.04
Yeah, I think Korey and
Jeanne make a very good point
00:12:20.07\00:12:22.24
when they talk
about the unconverted mind
00:12:22.27\00:12:23.87
as well as, you know,
try before you buy it.
00:12:23.91\00:12:25.77
That's the mindset
of the world today,
00:12:25.81\00:12:27.84
but that's not
God's mindset at all.
00:12:27.88\00:12:29.21
Neither does that fit
00:12:29.24\00:12:30.58
with biblical or
spiritual things.
00:12:30.61\00:12:32.38
God teaches us that
we have to walk by faith
00:12:32.41\00:12:34.38
and not by sight.
00:12:34.42\00:12:35.75
So that means
when we decide to marry
00:12:35.78\00:12:37.45
somebody based on,
00:12:37.49\00:12:38.82
you know, this is the
person God wants me to be with,
00:12:38.85\00:12:40.66
we have to trust that
the sex is gonna be good
00:12:40.69\00:12:42.89
because God put us together.
00:12:42.92\00:12:44.26
We have to trust
that all the resources
00:12:44.29\00:12:45.69
and the finances are
gonna be taken care off,
00:12:45.73\00:12:47.50
and our social life
is going to be well.
00:12:47.53\00:12:49.00
And I think God
wants us to enjoy life,
00:12:49.03\00:12:51.30
we don't have to
secure a good life
00:12:51.33\00:12:53.70
before we finally
make that commitment.
00:12:53.74\00:12:55.57
Yeah, that's so true. I
mean, it's a powerful point.
00:12:55.60\00:12:57.84
God is not
sitting there and saying,
00:12:57.87\00:12:59.37
"I don't want you to
experience the good things
00:12:59.41\00:13:01.04
that I have for
you in this life."
00:13:01.08\00:13:03.04
You know, He
wants us to be happy
00:13:03.08\00:13:04.61
and so we have to trust that
if we're making pure choices,
00:13:04.65\00:13:07.38
making the choice
that He has for us
00:13:07.42\00:13:09.28
that our life
still want to be good
00:13:09.32\00:13:10.69
even if we don't
try that one thing.
00:13:10.72\00:13:14.16
Was someone else gonna chime in?
00:13:14.19\00:13:15.52
Okay, I want to go to
the next thing and that is,
00:13:15.56\00:13:18.99
let's just talk about ourselves,
00:13:19.03\00:13:20.36
have we made some mistakes?
00:13:20.40\00:13:21.73
Have we lived a life or
we maybe had some regrets
00:13:21.76\00:13:24.97
that we wish we hadn't done?
00:13:25.00\00:13:26.60
And in saying that maybe
share some of those things
00:13:26.63\00:13:28.84
and what advice would
we give to someone else
00:13:28.87\00:13:31.41
who is thinking about
tasting and trying something.
00:13:31.44\00:13:35.04
Well, who wants to
be brave and start...
00:13:35.08\00:13:38.01
Well, I mean, honestly,
I've tried a lot, you know,
00:13:38.05\00:13:41.32
try not as much as other people.
00:13:41.35\00:13:43.49
But, you know,
00:13:43.52\00:13:44.85
I give all
credit and glory to God,
00:13:44.89\00:13:46.89
you know, for
bringing me through.
00:13:46.92\00:13:48.39
And what I would say to
someone as a word of advice is,
00:13:48.42\00:13:52.09
you can try to be
like the prodigal son
00:13:52.13\00:13:53.93
and go out into a far
country but the sad truth is
00:13:53.96\00:13:57.17
unfortunately some
people don't make it back
00:13:57.20\00:13:59.87
from the choices
that they make in life.
00:13:59.90\00:14:01.90
The prodigal son is
the exception to the rule.
00:14:01.94\00:14:04.27
He was able to come to
himself, realize where he was,
00:14:04.31\00:14:07.18
and then go back home
00:14:07.21\00:14:08.54
and his father was
waiting there for him.
00:14:08.58\00:14:09.91
Where some people
don't make it back
00:14:09.94\00:14:11.31
and sometimes some choices
could even cost your life.
00:14:11.35\00:14:13.48
Yeah, yeah.
00:14:13.52\00:14:14.85
And I'll say that too, you know,
00:14:14.88\00:14:16.42
that many of the
decisions and choices
00:14:16.45\00:14:18.55
I've made in trying
something's just once has led me
00:14:18.59\00:14:23.19
to really live with a
compromised state of being
00:14:23.22\00:14:26.49
where I just kind
of don't see things
00:14:26.53\00:14:28.53
as deep as they used to be.
00:14:28.56\00:14:30.23
You know, when I was younger,
00:14:30.27\00:14:31.60
I would never think
of doing certain things.
00:14:31.63\00:14:32.97
You know, I just
stop for sure, you know,
00:14:33.00\00:14:34.34
certain things would just
be, you know, not in my life.
00:14:34.37\00:14:36.81
But as I kept doing
things or try things,
00:14:36.84\00:14:40.48
now things didn't seem
as bad anymore, you know,
00:14:40.51\00:14:42.71
and I would say to
someone who's watching
00:14:42.74\00:14:45.51
that you may think
you can just try it out,
00:14:45.55\00:14:48.05
but as you go down that path,
00:14:48.08\00:14:49.68
you may start
seeing that your morals
00:14:49.72\00:14:52.05
and your ethics begin to change,
00:14:52.09\00:14:53.59
you know, because of you're
trying something, you know.
00:14:53.62\00:14:56.73
Jeanne, go ahead.
00:14:56.76\00:14:58.09
And I'll too, I
would tell someone
00:14:58.13\00:14:59.46
who wants to try
right now that it's not,
00:14:59.49\00:15:03.40
sometimes it looks
like when people tell you
00:15:03.43\00:15:05.37
not to do something and
everybody else is saying
00:15:05.40\00:15:07.27
how great and
awesome it is to do it...
00:15:07.30\00:15:09.70
It just feels like
00:15:09.74\00:15:11.07
you're getting
contradictory messages,
00:15:11.11\00:15:13.74
but I would say don't
try and do something today
00:15:13.78\00:15:16.85
that tomorrow
you're gonna look back
00:15:16.88\00:15:18.51
and think, "Why did I do that?"
00:15:18.55\00:15:20.78
'Cause there're sometimes,
00:15:20.82\00:15:22.15
like you don't want to get into,
00:15:22.18\00:15:23.75
you know, that
someone is bad for you,
00:15:23.79\00:15:26.15
you've heard
everything about them
00:15:26.19\00:15:29.12
and even your
personal experience
00:15:29.16\00:15:31.36
with that person
has been such that
00:15:31.39\00:15:33.80
they're not good for
you but somehow you think,
00:15:33.83\00:15:36.16
"Oh, wow, I just want to..."
00:15:36.20\00:15:37.93
You know, there's
something about them
00:15:37.97\00:15:39.33
that just drives you.
00:15:39.37\00:15:40.70
And at the end of the
day you don't want to be
00:15:40.74\00:15:42.07
ducking people in the hallways
00:15:42.10\00:15:43.81
because, you know, you
don't want to cop to the idea
00:15:43.84\00:15:48.41
that you actually
fell for this person
00:15:48.44\00:15:51.65
or you did this
thing that made you,
00:15:51.68\00:15:54.65
like why would you go
and get yourself dead drunk?
00:15:54.68\00:15:57.42
You know, or now
I hear people are
00:15:57.45\00:16:00.16
even trying this
strangulation thing because,
00:16:00.19\00:16:03.22
why would you do something
that would put you in a position
00:16:03.26\00:16:05.19
where you could hurt yourself?
00:16:05.23\00:16:07.16
Yeah. Yeah. Or worse
yet hurt other people?
00:16:07.20\00:16:09.36
You know, there's no one
who wakes up in the morning
00:16:09.40\00:16:11.37
and says, "Hey, I wanna
go and kill somebody today
00:16:11.40\00:16:14.70
'cause I'm drunk."
00:16:14.74\00:16:16.07
But there are
people, but they're crazy.
00:16:16.10\00:16:17.44
Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.
00:16:17.47\00:16:18.81
Yeah, no person in their
right mind that should say,
00:16:18.84\00:16:21.28
in their right mind.
00:16:21.31\00:16:22.64
You never know what will happen,
00:16:22.68\00:16:24.01
what things will lead to...?
00:16:24.05\00:16:25.38
What those things
will lead to? Yeah.
00:16:25.41\00:16:26.75
And I know, what you're
saying, you know, I know that,
00:16:26.78\00:16:28.12
you know, when I
was, I guess in college
00:16:28.15\00:16:30.95
there was this girl that
everybody was talking about
00:16:30.99\00:16:32.55
and I want to be
with that person so bad,
00:16:32.59\00:16:34.26
you know and I
remember all my friends saying,
00:16:34.29\00:16:37.16
"Don't give with this
girl, you know, she's not,
00:16:37.19\00:16:38.69
she's, you know, she's about
nothing only to be with her."
00:16:38.73\00:16:41.16
But others were saying,
"No, you know, she's bad,
00:16:41.20\00:16:43.20
you know, you
need to be with her."
00:16:43.23\00:16:44.57
And so, you know,
weighing options but I decide,
00:16:44.60\00:16:46.90
"I'm just gonna try it out."
00:16:46.94\00:16:48.27
And went ahead
and talk to this girl,
00:16:48.30\00:16:49.64
dated this girl, and ended up
00:16:49.67\00:16:51.07
being a very, very bad
relationship, you know.
00:16:51.11\00:16:53.41
So bad that even
in that relationship
00:16:53.44\00:16:55.04
I was trying to keep
the relationship so much
00:16:55.08\00:16:56.95
that I was willing to compromise
00:16:56.98\00:16:58.61
and I remember I
tried for the first time,
00:16:58.65\00:17:00.48
I tried alcohol when
I was with this person,
00:17:00.52\00:17:02.75
you know, went to, you
know, parties and clubs.
00:17:02.78\00:17:04.89
I've never done that before
00:17:04.92\00:17:06.25
but because I was
with this individual,
00:17:06.29\00:17:07.72
I was trying to
live up to this image.
00:17:07.76\00:17:09.12
Yeah.
00:17:09.16\00:17:10.53
You know, and it kind of
destroyed me in later on.
00:17:10.56\00:17:12.73
Even now to where I'm thinking
that my morals and values,
00:17:12.76\00:17:16.06
I look back and say,
"Wow, they've really changed
00:17:16.10\00:17:17.90
but it's because of
decisions like that."
00:17:17.93\00:17:20.34
That my choices now
have even been skewed
00:17:20.37\00:17:22.40
and I had to pray
to get myself back
00:17:22.44\00:17:24.54
to where I need to be.
00:17:24.57\00:17:25.91
Wow.
00:17:25.94\00:17:27.28
I would also add to that,
00:17:27.31\00:17:28.64
that this whole calculated risk,
00:17:28.68\00:17:30.01
there're some things you
just can't really calculate.
00:17:30.05\00:17:31.91
Yeah.
00:17:31.95\00:17:33.28
And these are a few things
where you just should just
00:17:33.31\00:17:34.68
toss it aside and
not even think about it.
00:17:34.72\00:17:36.92
Looking back at my own life,
right now I have to go through
00:17:36.95\00:17:39.85
the process of
trying to recover from this,
00:17:39.89\00:17:42.09
Oh, I'm just
gonna try this once.
00:17:42.12\00:17:43.46
Wow.
00:17:43.49\00:17:44.83
And the recovery is not easy
which makes this not worth it.
00:17:44.86\00:17:47.76
It's hard having to recalculate
your mind, reprogram it,
00:17:47.80\00:17:52.20
trying to figure out,
"Okay, how do I approach this?
00:17:52.23\00:17:54.84
How do I approach that?"
00:17:54.87\00:17:56.20
It's more complicated now
that I've just tried it versus
00:17:56.24\00:17:59.64
if I never tried it, I
would never have to think
00:17:59.67\00:18:02.08
or ask the
questions that I now ask.
00:18:02.11\00:18:03.55
Exactly. Exactly.
00:18:03.58\00:18:04.91
Yeah, the danger with,
00:18:04.95\00:18:06.28
first of all trying it
is such an arbitrary thing.
00:18:06.31\00:18:09.05
There are
things that I've tried,
00:18:09.08\00:18:10.42
then there's things that I did.
00:18:10.45\00:18:11.79
Just gonna put it that way.
00:18:11.82\00:18:13.15
There's things that
I wasn't trying to do,
00:18:13.19\00:18:14.52
they just kind of happen.
00:18:14.56\00:18:15.89
You know, what I'm saying.
00:18:15.92\00:18:17.26
So I think it's
dangerous just to go on say,
00:18:17.29\00:18:18.76
"I'm gonna try something."
00:18:18.79\00:18:20.13
That's very dangerous. Yeah.
00:18:20.16\00:18:21.86
You know, as I look
back, it's so dangerous
00:18:21.90\00:18:24.07
'cause as John
said I know people who,
00:18:24.10\00:18:25.90
We used to go to the club,
00:18:25.93\00:18:27.27
where they had died
right outside the club,
00:18:27.30\00:18:28.84
take that shot outside the club.
00:18:28.87\00:18:30.21
I know people who, you
know, I used to smoke with,
00:18:30.24\00:18:33.64
who graduated from
marijuana to cocaine,
00:18:33.68\00:18:39.21
from cocaine to meth.
00:18:39.25\00:18:40.72
Some people like John
said, "Don't make it back."
00:18:40.75\00:18:42.92
It's is very, very dangerous,
you know, to just say,
00:18:42.95\00:18:46.55
"Well, I'm just
gonna do a little bit."
00:18:46.59\00:18:47.92
Because honestly you don't know
00:18:47.96\00:18:49.29
what kind of
effect it has on you.
00:18:49.32\00:18:50.66
You don't know
your physical makeup,
00:18:50.69\00:18:52.09
you don't know someone in
your family used to struggle
00:18:52.13\00:18:53.90
with some of these
things and that you're enabling,
00:18:53.93\00:18:55.86
you know, generational curses,
you just never know, you know,
00:18:55.90\00:18:58.80
what you're gonna
get yourself into,
00:18:58.83\00:19:00.17
and so it is always
best to stay away from it.
00:19:00.20\00:19:02.90
You know, and like I
said, I have friends, you know,
00:19:02.94\00:19:04.81
we all went to, most of
us went to school together.
00:19:04.84\00:19:06.37
I have friends, I
started Oakwood University with
00:19:06.41\00:19:08.84
that did not graduate with me.
00:19:08.88\00:19:10.48
Yeah.
00:19:10.51\00:19:11.85
I have friends that started
00:19:11.88\00:19:13.21
Oakwood full Arise scholarships,
00:19:13.25\00:19:14.58
they lost their scholarships
after their first year.
00:19:14.62\00:19:16.38
They're still trying
to get out of school.
00:19:16.42\00:19:18.02
You know, friends,
that died at, you know,
00:19:18.05\00:19:19.79
in school because of decisions
that they made, you know,
00:19:19.82\00:19:23.43
and we may think that, you know,
00:19:23.46\00:19:24.99
just because it's trying it
that the effect of the decision
00:19:25.03\00:19:28.26
will last as
long as the decision,
00:19:28.30\00:19:30.80
but the effects
are sometimes lifelong.
00:19:30.83\00:19:32.93
Yup. Yeah, it's so true.
00:19:32.97\00:19:34.30
And I mean, you know,
and that's kind of, you know,
00:19:34.34\00:19:37.27
the scary part about it.
00:19:37.31\00:19:38.64
You know, you don't know
where it's gonna take you
00:19:38.67\00:19:40.01
but somebody may say,
00:19:40.04\00:19:41.38
"You know, hey, I'm
not gonna go that far.
00:19:41.41\00:19:42.74
You know, I'm not
gonna go that far."
00:19:42.78\00:19:44.11
And that's exactly what I said.
00:19:44.15\00:19:45.48
Yeah. You know.
00:19:45.51\00:19:46.85
And really I didn't,
never really went that far
00:19:46.88\00:19:49.72
I would say, you
know, to the extreme
00:19:49.75\00:19:51.09
where I could have been
00:19:51.12\00:19:52.45
because I always try to keep
my Christianity still intact.
00:19:52.49\00:19:54.96
So it still looks
like I wasn't that far,
00:19:54.99\00:19:56.52
but the worse thing
is when you know inside,
00:19:56.56\00:19:59.09
your war against the
image you created outside
00:19:59.13\00:20:01.83
and that's the thing
that really kills you
00:20:01.86\00:20:03.26
because you are now
having to live a life
00:20:03.30\00:20:06.53
that you don't even really
belief yourself, you know.
00:20:06.57\00:20:08.97
And you began to live
this life and you think,
00:20:09.00\00:20:10.61
"Oh, I'm not going that far."
00:20:10.64\00:20:11.97
But inside you're
not saved, you know,
00:20:12.01\00:20:14.14
inside your mind
is gone, you know.
00:20:14.18\00:20:16.28
They say our greatest
battle is with ourselves.
00:20:16.31\00:20:19.31
Yeah.
00:20:19.35\00:20:21.02
You know, especially
in the Christian walk,
00:20:21.05\00:20:23.08
we always used to say,
00:20:23.12\00:20:24.45
"Oh, the devil is
trying to get me..."
00:20:24.49\00:20:26.45
The devil doesn't have a
lot of more anymore ammunition
00:20:26.49\00:20:30.66
than what you've
already given yourself.
00:20:30.69\00:20:33.43
You know, you
battle with yourself,
00:20:33.46\00:20:35.46
your inward person...
00:20:35.50\00:20:36.83
Right.
00:20:36.87\00:20:38.20
That part of you
that wants to do right,
00:20:38.23\00:20:39.57
and that part of you
that wants to do wrong are
00:20:39.60\00:20:42.87
what are ultimately clashing.
00:20:42.90\00:20:44.71
Right.
00:20:44.74\00:20:46.07
And for the person who says,
"Oh, YOLO, you only live once."
00:20:46.11\00:20:49.04
I'll ask them, how do you
think the person who said,
00:20:49.08\00:20:51.95
"I'm gonna try sex
for the first time?
00:20:51.98\00:20:53.92
And for just once
'cause I love this guy
00:20:53.95\00:20:56.89
and ended up having AIDS
00:20:56.92\00:20:58.95
and now they have to
live with it for decades.
00:20:58.99\00:21:02.12
You know, their whole
livelihood is compromised.
00:21:02.16\00:21:05.33
They can't have kids. Right.
00:21:05.36\00:21:06.73
They can't, or if they do,
00:21:06.76\00:21:08.60
they have to take a
lot more precautions than,
00:21:08.63\00:21:11.10
you know, their
whole life perspective...
00:21:11.13\00:21:13.64
Is changed, yeah.
00:21:13.67\00:21:15.00
Is changed because of
that one, you only live once.
00:21:15.04\00:21:17.67
So how, you know,
there are some risks,
00:21:17.71\00:21:20.98
yes, you can calculate
but there are some risks
00:21:21.01\00:21:23.45
that no matter what kind
of mathematician you are,
00:21:23.48\00:21:26.65
the math just does not add up.
00:21:26.68\00:21:28.42
Yeah, yeah.
00:21:28.45\00:21:29.78
You only live once but you got
to consider the quality of life
00:21:29.82\00:21:31.79
you gonna have once
you make that decision.
00:21:31.82\00:21:33.79
Yeah, that's right. Okay.
00:21:33.82\00:21:36.93
Well, now, you
know, what I wanna do is,
00:21:36.96\00:21:38.76
is I really want to allow
us to be little open, you know,
00:21:38.79\00:21:41.73
those who are watching and
really share some experiences.
00:21:41.76\00:21:43.90
I know Korey, he had experience,
00:21:43.93\00:21:45.47
he wants to
share with the viewers.
00:21:45.50\00:21:48.00
Well, I've kind of alluded
to my testimony, you know,
00:21:48.04\00:21:50.87
with the whole smoking
00:21:50.91\00:21:52.27
and growing into
something bigger.
00:21:52.31\00:21:54.04
But I'm gonna go a
little bit further.
00:21:54.08\00:21:55.98
You know, I just
recently got engaged
00:21:56.01\00:21:58.18
and I'm not a virgin and
so what is that doing for me
00:21:58.21\00:22:01.32
and I wanna say, unfortunately,
I'm not a virgin...
00:22:01.35\00:22:03.82
I really wish in
hindsight that I was.
00:22:03.85\00:22:07.26
My fiance is a virgin, you know.
00:22:07.29\00:22:09.42
And for me, I mean, that
thing we are not married yet,
00:22:09.46\00:22:13.63
but I can
already feel the pressure
00:22:13.66\00:22:16.36
that is putting on
her that I'm not a virgin.
00:22:16.40\00:22:18.87
I mean, that's, you
know, that I'm not a virgin
00:22:18.90\00:22:20.90
and also even those
moments that you had,
00:22:20.94\00:22:24.44
you will live those.
00:22:24.47\00:22:26.14
You think about that stuff,
00:22:26.17\00:22:27.51
you can't get rid of
those pictures in your head.
00:22:27.54\00:22:28.88
Yeah.
00:22:28.91\00:22:30.25
And unfortunately,
00:22:30.28\00:22:31.61
I'm having to battle myself
holding my fiance to a level,
00:22:31.65\00:22:36.65
you know, of experience
that she does not have
00:22:36.69\00:22:39.79
because I have that
level of experience.
00:22:39.82\00:22:41.62
Yeah, yeah.
00:22:41.66\00:22:42.99
You know, and I can
already see how it's,
00:22:43.02\00:22:44.93
it's not causing
a riff but you know,
00:22:44.96\00:22:46.93
there is tension and
we're not married yet,
00:22:46.96\00:22:49.03
you know, and I
don't know exactly
00:22:49.06\00:22:50.40
how it's gonna to play
out when we get married.
00:22:50.43\00:22:52.00
You know, but that
is the danger, you know,
00:22:52.03\00:22:54.20
you just don't know the effect
00:22:54.24\00:22:55.57
that these things
are gonna have on you.
00:22:55.60\00:22:56.94
Yeah, yeah, and I
want to add to that
00:22:56.97\00:22:59.24
because me now being married,
being in the same situation
00:22:59.27\00:23:02.44
that you were in
a few months ago,
00:23:02.48\00:23:04.05
where, you know, I'm
looking at the things and say,
00:23:04.08\00:23:06.31
"Hey, I'm not a virgin either."
00:23:06.35\00:23:07.78
You know, and
saying, "Man, you know,
00:23:07.82\00:23:09.38
how do I deal
with this my wife now?"
00:23:09.42\00:23:11.49
Praise God.
00:23:11.52\00:23:12.85
Who, you know, was a
virgin and saying, you know,
00:23:12.89\00:23:15.09
how do I, you know, I'm
almost feeling upset at myself
00:23:15.12\00:23:18.19
like, you know,
she was able to wait
00:23:18.23\00:23:19.89
but I can't wait for her.
00:23:19.93\00:23:21.26
You know, and it's a
horrible place to be in
00:23:21.30\00:23:23.16
and exactly what you're
saying trying to say, okay,
00:23:23.20\00:23:25.40
I got to definitely pray really
00:23:25.43\00:23:28.14
and ask God to wash my
brain to totally erase them
00:23:28.17\00:23:31.87
and things so I don't
have to go into this thing
00:23:31.91\00:23:34.54
with expectations or, you know,
00:23:34.58\00:23:37.11
that ever bring back images
from the past and whatnot,
00:23:37.15\00:23:39.51
you know, and really having this
00:23:39.55\00:23:41.08
be a pure marriage, you know.
00:23:41.12\00:23:42.45
And that really I think has been
00:23:42.48\00:23:43.82
the most horrible thing
that I had to look at and say,
00:23:43.85\00:23:46.55
"Wow, I wish, you know,
00:23:46.59\00:23:49.29
I hadn't made those poor choices
00:23:49.32\00:23:51.49
so that I wouldn't be
in the situation I am now."
00:23:51.53\00:23:54.30
And I want to share some more
00:23:54.33\00:23:55.66
but I do want John
wanted to chime in about
00:23:55.70\00:23:57.23
some kind of how the media plays
00:23:57.27\00:23:59.00
into some of this as well.
00:23:59.03\00:24:00.74
Yeah, it's interesting,
man, Paul says in Romans 12:2,
00:24:00.77\00:24:03.71
"Be transformed by the
renewing of your mind."
00:24:03.74\00:24:06.84
And I was looking
at this text, you know,
00:24:06.88\00:24:08.41
I was wondering to
myself why did he say that?
00:24:08.44\00:24:10.18
Why your mind?
00:24:10.21\00:24:11.55
And I think any psychologist,
you know, any psychiatrist,
00:24:11.58\00:24:13.65
any counselor would
tell you the same thing.
00:24:13.68\00:24:15.15
Listen, if you want
to change your life,
00:24:15.18\00:24:16.58
you have to change
the way that you think.
00:24:16.62\00:24:18.35
It just so happens that
00:24:18.39\00:24:19.72
when we're
consuming so much media,
00:24:19.75\00:24:21.19
and we're
watching so many movies
00:24:21.22\00:24:22.56
that have so much action,
00:24:22.59\00:24:24.03
we're watching all
these reality shows
00:24:24.06\00:24:25.39
where people
are sleeping around,
00:24:25.43\00:24:26.83
I mean, they're being
physical with one another
00:24:26.86\00:24:28.53
and it seemingly there
is no real consequences,
00:24:28.56\00:24:30.73
and if there are consequences
they're easily solved.
00:24:30.77\00:24:32.93
So each of us has this
mental picture in our mind
00:24:32.97\00:24:35.74
or in a sense
we're being desensitized
00:24:35.77\00:24:37.74
or we're being callous
to certain things in life.
00:24:37.77\00:24:40.38
We're not realizing
that consequences come
00:24:40.41\00:24:42.18
as a result of these
things that we would do.
00:24:42.21\00:24:44.85
So media plays a huge
part in all of the decisions
00:24:44.88\00:24:48.28
that we're making.
00:24:48.32\00:24:49.65
I don't care who
you are, where you are,
00:24:49.68\00:24:51.55
there's
advertisements everywhere.
00:24:51.59\00:24:53.29
You're constantly
being influenced by media
00:24:53.32\00:24:55.29
when you're
driving down the highway,
00:24:55.32\00:24:56.83
when you're on your cell
phone, Instagram, Twitter.
00:24:56.86\00:24:59.13
I mean, you
just you're inundated
00:24:59.16\00:25:01.46
with so much stimuli
till your senses get dealt.
00:25:01.50\00:25:05.47
And I think for me in my
life, man, I mean, my parents,
00:25:05.50\00:25:08.07
I was raised in
a Christian home.
00:25:08.10\00:25:09.44
My parents did an excellent
job in raising me, you know,
00:25:09.47\00:25:11.87
if I can say myself,
00:25:11.91\00:25:13.24
they told me all of the things,
don't do this, don't do that.
00:25:13.27\00:25:14.61
Right.
00:25:14.64\00:25:15.98
I knew the word, I
understood, memorized scripture
00:25:16.01\00:25:17.55
and all this kind of stuff,
but somewhere along the line,
00:25:17.58\00:25:19.68
man, when I saw, you know,
00:25:19.71\00:25:21.05
people on TV
having so much fun...
00:25:21.08\00:25:22.55
Yeah.
00:25:22.58\00:25:23.92
Enjoying their
lives, I was like, yo,
00:25:23.95\00:25:25.85
basically let me
get some of this too.
00:25:25.89\00:25:27.62
And try that out, yes.
00:25:27.66\00:25:28.99
And let me try
it before I buy it.
00:25:29.02\00:25:30.36
And essentially, you
know, that's what I did.
00:25:30.39\00:25:31.73
And in my mind right now
00:25:31.76\00:25:33.13
I realized how much
I have doled my senses,
00:25:33.16\00:25:36.36
and how much I want to
progress past these things
00:25:36.40\00:25:39.47
but it's very hard for me now
00:25:39.50\00:25:41.47
because all of these
mental images are in my mind
00:25:41.50\00:25:43.61
and I still have
these experiences
00:25:43.64\00:25:44.97
that I've allowed
myself to get into.
00:25:45.01\00:25:46.34
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good stuff.
00:25:46.37\00:25:47.81
Jeanne? Yeah.
00:25:47.84\00:25:49.18
And I think
there's a perception that
00:25:49.21\00:25:52.45
when you're a
Christian making pure choices
00:25:52.48\00:25:55.18
that you don't have
fun, that life is not good,
00:25:55.22\00:25:58.65
that somehow you're missing out
00:25:58.69\00:26:01.62
but I would like to say that
00:26:01.66\00:26:04.39
it is by being
freed that you get,
00:26:04.43\00:26:08.40
you know, it's kind of
like you rein in your choices
00:26:08.43\00:26:13.70
by making pure choices.
00:26:13.74\00:26:15.07
Right.
00:26:15.10\00:26:16.44
But because you've done that,
00:26:16.47\00:26:17.81
you expand your
possibilities to things
00:26:17.84\00:26:20.78
that you would
never have thought of.
00:26:20.81\00:26:22.84
You know, it's like,
00:26:22.88\00:26:25.05
I'm trying to
find a good analogy.
00:26:25.08\00:26:27.42
It's like the elephant
that you put on a leash,
00:26:27.45\00:26:33.36
you know, that can
only go a certain distance.
00:26:33.39\00:26:37.13
You know, I'm trying...
00:26:37.16\00:26:38.49
But when you take the leash off.
00:26:38.53\00:26:39.93
I'm sorry.
00:26:39.96\00:26:41.30
But when you take the leash off,
00:26:41.33\00:26:42.66
it only can, only
stay within that distance.
00:26:42.70\00:26:44.97
I know what
you're talking about.
00:26:45.00\00:26:46.33
Yeah.
00:26:46.37\00:26:47.70
You're talking about the analogy
00:26:47.74\00:26:49.07
where the
elephant, when it's small,
00:26:49.10\00:26:50.44
they put a leash
around so every time
00:26:50.47\00:26:51.81
he tries to move
he can't break free.
00:26:51.84\00:26:54.08
Because he's so
small, but then he grows up
00:26:54.11\00:26:55.94
and grows up
with that same leash,
00:26:55.98\00:26:57.31
even though he is big
enough to break free from it,
00:26:57.35\00:26:59.98
he can't because he's
already been programmed
00:27:00.02\00:27:02.82
that he won't be
able to break from it.
00:27:02.85\00:27:04.22
Exactly. Thank
you, thank you so much.
00:27:04.25\00:27:05.92
No problem.
00:27:05.95\00:27:07.29
Yeah, and that's
exactly what I'm saying.
00:27:07.32\00:27:09.22
So we grow up with all these
media and we don't recognize
00:27:09.26\00:27:12.69
that we have been
leashed in essence.
00:27:12.73\00:27:14.56
Yeah.
00:27:14.60\00:27:15.93
And what God wants to
do is cut us off the leash
00:27:15.96\00:27:17.77
and free us to enjoy,
to transform our minds
00:27:17.80\00:27:21.14
and free us to enjoy life
like he has created us to enjoy.
00:27:21.17\00:27:23.91
Wow.
00:27:23.94\00:27:25.27
That's so beautiful, you know,
00:27:25.31\00:27:26.64
and I think that for me
in my experience right now
00:27:26.68\00:27:28.68
being married now
and thinking, man,
00:27:28.71\00:27:30.65
didn't wanna get married
00:27:30.68\00:27:32.01
because I felt I
could be tied down whatnot,
00:27:32.05\00:27:33.52
but realizing now
that actually marriage is
00:27:33.55\00:27:35.75
actually very liberating.
00:27:35.78\00:27:37.12
We're doing things
what God wants you to do.
00:27:37.15\00:27:39.49
I want to end
with a scripture text
00:27:39.52\00:27:41.82
on Ephesians 5:3 it says,
00:27:41.86\00:27:44.86
"But among you there must not be
00:27:44.89\00:27:46.36
even a hint of
sexual immorality,
00:27:46.39\00:27:48.43
or any kind of
immorality, or greed,
00:27:48.46\00:27:50.50
because these are
improper for God's holy people."
00:27:50.53\00:27:53.50
Saying that to say,
not even a hint God says.
00:27:53.54\00:27:56.00
So don't even
try because God knows
00:27:56.04\00:27:57.57
what's best for you.
00:27:57.61\00:27:58.94
Remember to
always make pure choices.
00:27:58.97\00:28:00.48
God bless.
00:28:00.51\00:28:01.84