The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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maybe too candid
for younger children.
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Hello and
welcome to Pure Choices.
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I'm your host
Pastor Joshua Nelson.
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I'm glad you
decided to join us today.
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We are talking about
a serious topic today.
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The title is "Abusing the Gift."
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We're going to be
talking about sexual abuse.
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And so we want to
really jump into this topic.
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But before we do and
before I introduce the panel,
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let's just pause
for a moment of prayer.
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Dear, Heavenly
Father, we just ask that
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You will guide
this conversation again,
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that You would be
with us, Heavenly Father,
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that You would allow
us to expose the devil
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for who he is today,
in Jesus name we pray.
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Amen. Amen.
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All right, to my left,
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I'm going to
introduce Donnakaye Scarlett,
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who is one the
directors of a ministry called
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Pure Reality in Miami, Florida.
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It's good to
have you here with us.
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Also I have David Anderson,
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who is an Oakwood
University theological student.
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And so he is here with us.
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Also from Oakwood,
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we have associate
chaplain, Kimberly Pearson.
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All right, and we
also have Dajanae Maxwell,
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who is also an Oakwood
student, theology student.
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I'm sorry. I'm
getting tongue stuck here.
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Happy that she
is with us as well.
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So we have a good panel
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and a very important
topic to discuss today,
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talking about abusing
the gift, sexual abuse.
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And the reality is
this is a major problem.
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Many people do not
want to talk about it,
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they don't want to discuss it,
but the more we keep it hidden,
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the more these type
of things could happen.
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And so we want to
expose these type of things
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and really talk
about this today.
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So I'm going to begin
by asking the question
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just what are the
different forms of sexual abuse
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that are out there.
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I think Donnakaye, can
you start with that one?
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Well, there are many,
many forms of sexual abuse
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starting with just
even simple coercion.
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We have date rape,
we've just stranger rape,
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we've child abuse in the
form of incest and molestation,
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stalking in the form
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of just keeping that
threat there for somebody
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not just in the
violence of physical manner
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but in also sexual manner.
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We have marital rape,
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within marriage a
lot of people think
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that that can't
happen, but it actually does.
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We have pastoral
and leadership abuse,
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anybody that is in
authority at a school
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or even within the workplace.
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And then you also
have the violent acts
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that happen with
kids that get caught
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and are pulled
into sex trafficking.
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And just, you know, the
forms are just so varied.
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The enemy just comes
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with so many
deviant ways to hurt.
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Okay.
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And some of those terms
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we may know,
we're familiar with,
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some of them we may not.
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So let's kind of try
to expose a little more
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on what are some
deviant sexual behaviors
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'cause somebody maybe saying,
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"Well, you know, I'm
going through this thing.
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I'm not really sure
if it's wrong or right.
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I never really
was taught or know,
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you know, this
suppose to happen or not.
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This is just
normal sexual behavior."
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So what are some of the things
that you can say to someone,
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"Hey, this not
supposed to happen"?
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Well, I know a lot
of times in molestation
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it can start off as play,
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it can start of as
explorative touching
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which can be very dangerous
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and is dangerous
and is inappropriate.
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And that can come from a peer,
it can also come from an adult,
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it can come from a
parent, a family member.
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Someone touching
you in a private place
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without your consent
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or using their leadership
or using their authority
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or using coercion
to say, "Let's do this.
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Let me touch you here.
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Let me, you know,
be intimate with you."
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Yeah, even going a
little further than that
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is the fact that
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how kids are taught
to view what sex is.
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It seems like
that we will tell kids,
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"This is your nose,
these are your hands,
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you know, this is your feet."
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But when we come to the
most private areas of our body,
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we as parents and adults
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give kids these
crazy stupid nicknames
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instead of calling
things what they are,
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penis and vagina and bottom.
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And so therefore,
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you start to very
early put a sort of taboo,
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but yet it
becomes very mysterious
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because kids are not
stupid and they wonder
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why everything
else is called proper
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but all of a sudden
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when you come
to your body parts,
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so it's even just that
little stigma that is put.
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And also when it
comes to touching,
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I tell a lot of young people
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if the touch is
not in a private area
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but if it's even in a place
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that makes you
feel uncomfortable.
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If the way person touched you
gives you a type of a feeling,
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trust your gut.
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Yeah.
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And as we talk about that,
I mean going into the fact of,
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you know, on college campuses,
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the drug of one
form of sexual abuse
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that I see happening
more and more and more is,
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you know, not just ecstasy
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but people are being
drugged one way or the other.
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And then they'd be taken
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advantage of against their will.
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Yeah. Well, that...
Yeah, go ahead, Dajanae.
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I like what you
were saying about
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the giving its proper name.
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I remember I had a
teacher in high school
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who was my anatomy
and physiology teacher.
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And she was saying
that even her kindergarten,
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her daughter that was
like five or six years old,
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the teacher
that was teaching her
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pulled my teacher
to the side and said,
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"Your daughter
said vagina in class."
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What they were talking about...
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She was like, "Well,
that's what it's called,
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you know, like I'm not...
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I don't give, I don't say,
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I don't tell my child
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that's her pee-pee
or anything like that.
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She knows.
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"I'm an anatomy
and physiology teacher,
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and she knows that's her
vagina and boys have penises."
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So if anybody ever touches her,
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it's not called my private part,
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it's called my vagina.
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"He touched my
vagina. He touched my vagina."
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So now it's more bold.
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So it's the
responsibility of the parents,
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and even the teachers,
and us as leadership as people
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that people look up
to to tell children,
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to teach children,
and to teach parents,
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to teach their
children to give it proper name
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and tell them no one
should be touching you there.
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When the child goes somewhere,
even when they go to school...
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I remember my
grandmother would as me,
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"Has anybody touched you?
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You know, how was school today?"
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You know, and
sometime it would be weird like
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"Whoa, like why
would you think that?"
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But those things are necessary
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because our world is
getting worse and worse
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and children are
getting raped at school,
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children are getting
molested at school, at churches,
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you know, at
functions, at family, houses.
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It's important to ask,
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"Were you touched in
your vagina, your penis?
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Did anybody fondle you?"
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Those things
are important. Yeah.
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And, you know, what you
said about the date rape,
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the drug abuse or sexuality,
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and, you know, even in
popular songs and media,
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you know, Papa Mali.
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And, you know, I remember,
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you know, going on a trip
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with some of the
students from Oakwood
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on one of the mission trips
which was an elementary school.
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And they were just singing,
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it was a
ringtone on their phone.
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And I said, "What is that?"
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And they could
break it down for me,
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they knew the chemical
makeup of a date rape drug.
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And it was entertainment.
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It was seen as
something fun and not dangerous.
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And the danger in
that with abusing sexuality
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is that it's
often not seen as abuse
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when it comes from a peer
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or it comes from something
that is common to them.
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Okay.
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Well, I mean
only get dating here
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'cause I want to talk about,
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you know, on campuses
and what not, you know,
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what are some of the struggles.
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I mean 'cause that
may not really realize
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that these things
are really happening,
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you know, so
what are some things,
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I mean go on at
school and that...
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You kind of touched
on that a little bit,
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date rape and some other things
that we need to watch out for.
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I remember couple of
years back at Oakwood,
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one of my
friends went off-campus
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with some students
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that didn't
necessarily go to Oakwood.
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And they were having...
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It was a kickback,
they were just talking.
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And she asked for
a soda, can of soda.
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And a guy gave her
a can of grape soda.
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And the next thing she knows,
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she is waking up
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and she feels a
tear in her vagina
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'cause she was a virgin.
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And so apparently
that night somebody
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spiked the can of
soda with something,
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raped her, took her virginity.
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And she thought
that she was pregnant.
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So she was like, "Oh,
God, should I get an abortion?
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Should I do this?
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I don't know what to
do, I'm just confused."
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And this is something
that didn't only happen to her
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but is happening on
our colleges, campuses
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across the world, everywhere.
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And so it's really bad.
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And people need
to talk about it.
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People need to put it out there
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because if you
don't talk about it,
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mould grows in darkness.
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That's right.
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That's a very
good way to put it.
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And steeping back, it's
happening unfortunately,
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in the news just the other day,
it happened at a pre-school.
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I mean it wasn't an
incident that involves adults,
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it was all children,
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and it was happening for
over a period of six months.
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Wow. It's happening.
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I got a call last year to
come intervene at a school.
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We're a group of 9th grade girls
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were taken into the bathroom
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by 11th and 12th
grade, mostly girls,
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that were told that
they were going to have
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what's called a rainbow circle.
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And that they had no choice
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but do it or they
were threatening that,
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you know, they would
hurt them after school.
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And these girls really felt
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that even within that
little short period of time
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that they had no choice.
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And so they went to the bathroom
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and the other girls
proceeded to strip them
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and go around doing
these things to them.
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Fortunately, a
coach came by thinking
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that it was a fight
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'cause she saw a few
girls going in the bathroom,
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stepped in, got
the shock of her life.
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And they were able to...
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And even the
parents, their reaction to it,
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you know, not just to the
girls that were victimized
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but the parents
of the girls that
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were doing the victimization,
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you know, the denial
in the face of the act
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that was caught right
there was just really...
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And that's the thing,
that's an important part of it
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is just like David
said, mould grows in the dark.
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And even when things
stare us in the face,
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as even within the church
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when things
stare us in the face,
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we tend to put a
cloud of denial over it.
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Right, yeah, I mean, we
like to hide these things
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and that's kind
of what, you know,
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you talked at
very beginning about
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not naming the certain parts,
00:11:13.60\00:11:14.94
you know, this
is something secret,
00:11:14.97\00:11:16.30
it's your private thing.
00:11:16.34\00:11:17.67
So when that's
being said like that,
00:11:17.71\00:11:19.24
then when someone
comes on and says,
00:11:19.27\00:11:20.78
"Don't tell nobody,"
00:11:20.81\00:11:22.14
it's kind of, "Well, no
one else is talking about it.
00:11:22.18\00:11:23.51
My parents aren't
talking about it either.
00:11:23.55\00:11:24.88
So okay that makes sense,
I shouldn't tell anybody,"
00:11:24.91\00:11:26.25
you know, and so
that keeps going.
00:11:26.28\00:11:27.62
So and what you
mentioned too, David, you know,
00:11:27.65\00:11:29.82
about the
experience with individuals
00:11:29.85\00:11:32.69
in schools of higher learning
of a Christian institution.
00:11:32.72\00:11:38.63
And one thing we have
learnt even from the news
00:11:38.66\00:11:40.13
and what's going on now
00:11:40.16\00:11:41.63
is that this is a
problem everywhere, you know.
00:11:41.66\00:11:44.37
It's not just a problem that's
just out there and it's a way.
00:11:44.40\00:11:47.54
So we definitely
need to be talking
00:11:47.57\00:11:48.90
about this as Christians.
00:11:48.94\00:11:51.17
I think and even amongst men
00:11:51.21\00:11:54.78
because it blew my mind
00:11:54.81\00:11:58.75
when I found out that men
would say that it was okay.
00:11:58.78\00:12:02.45
You know, they are
in elementary school,
00:12:02.48\00:12:03.82
and there was a high school
that took their "virginity,"
00:12:03.85\00:12:06.65
that's molestation, that's rape.
00:12:06.69\00:12:08.96
Like you are how old
and the woman was how old,
00:12:08.99\00:12:13.50
and there was
something even more recently
00:12:13.53\00:12:15.36
that someone
was telling me about
00:12:15.40\00:12:17.07
and there was this high-schooler
00:12:17.10\00:12:18.53
and that girl was maybe
like 21 or something like that.
00:12:18.57\00:12:22.00
And she performed
a sexual act on him,
00:12:22.04\00:12:26.44
and he didn't know what to do.
00:12:26.47\00:12:28.78
And so afterwards, I can only
imagine this young man thinks
00:12:28.81\00:12:32.21
he is big man now.
00:12:32.25\00:12:33.58
He was
uncomfortable at the time,
00:12:33.62\00:12:35.48
you know, he was
younger, she was older
00:12:35.52\00:12:37.62
but they may not be told that,
00:12:37.65\00:12:39.65
you know, they
got an older woman.
00:12:39.69\00:12:41.42
So they don't look
at it as anything wrong.
00:12:41.46\00:12:44.59
Our media, our
society is telling them
00:12:44.63\00:12:47.16
they are being raped,
00:12:47.20\00:12:48.53
they are not being
molested only women
00:12:48.56\00:12:50.43
get raped and
molested because men feel like
00:12:50.47\00:12:52.97
it was something that they
did because they were aroused.
00:12:53.00\00:12:56.34
And that's not true either.
00:12:56.37\00:12:58.07
Like that's wrong, that's
wrong even on the woman's side.
00:12:58.11\00:13:01.71
Yeah. Yeah. Very true.
00:13:01.74\00:13:03.08
And the stats are
showing it because...
00:13:03.11\00:13:06.41
And think about it
if this what's reported
00:13:06.45\00:13:08.48
and you can think about
in your own life the people
00:13:08.52\00:13:10.52
that you know,
00:13:10.55\00:13:11.89
if this what's
reported that one in seven boys,
00:13:11.92\00:13:14.06
is up to just about the
most current stat, are molested.
00:13:14.09\00:13:17.46
But that's reported
and one in four girls
00:13:17.49\00:13:19.59
that is reported.
00:13:19.63\00:13:20.96
I know that at
some of the programs
00:13:21.00\00:13:23.03
that do Pure Reality
00:13:23.06\00:13:24.40
and otherwise large age
groups, 11-13 year olds,
00:13:24.43\00:13:29.20
that's where we get the most,
00:13:29.24\00:13:31.34
you know,
numbers within our church
00:13:31.37\00:13:34.74
that are
reported like right here.
00:13:34.78\00:13:36.61
But just think
about it, that's reported
00:13:36.64\00:13:38.28
and it's one in seven for
boys and one in four for girls,
00:13:38.31\00:13:41.48
what is that really telling us?
00:13:41.52\00:13:42.85
Yeah. Yeah.
00:13:42.88\00:13:44.22
Because that's, you
know... Oh, go ahead, Kim.
00:13:44.25\00:13:46.59
I was just going to
say, you know, a lot of times
00:13:46.62\00:13:48.82
we're told to keep
each other's secrets.
00:13:48.86\00:13:51.46
And we share things
in our circles as women,
00:13:51.49\00:13:54.53
and we talk, we chat.
00:13:54.56\00:13:56.73
But we keep that
with ourselves and as men,
00:13:56.77\00:13:59.00
you know, I'm sure
you guys have guy talk,
00:13:59.03\00:14:01.00
and you guys may talk.
00:14:01.04\00:14:02.37
But not actually
share or confront
00:14:02.40\00:14:06.07
these kinds of issues
because it's so private.
00:14:06.11\00:14:09.28
"Oh, you got molested?
I was molested too, okay."
00:14:09.31\00:14:13.21
And then that's it,
you just keep going,
00:14:13.25\00:14:15.15
and we're taught
to press through that,
00:14:15.18\00:14:19.29
"It's okay,
you'll grow out of it."
00:14:19.32\00:14:21.72
Or let's say for instance,
00:14:21.76\00:14:23.49
you know, the issues
that happen in the church,
00:14:23.53\00:14:26.13
"You know, the pastor will leave
00:14:26.16\00:14:27.53
or this elder
will go somewhere else,
00:14:27.56\00:14:29.76
you will grow up,
you will move on,"
00:14:29.80\00:14:31.63
when we need to be
teaching our young people,
00:14:31.67\00:14:34.70
these are the
secrets you don't keep.
00:14:34.74\00:14:37.67
These are the secrets we
have to talk about and tell
00:14:37.71\00:14:40.64
and share on behalf of
our sisters and our brothers.
00:14:40.68\00:14:43.88
Yeah, so that's talking about
00:14:43.91\00:14:45.71
the responsibility of
the family and the church.
00:14:45.75\00:14:48.95
What if you witness
something like this take place,
00:14:48.98\00:14:51.59
you know, in your
home or even at church,
00:14:51.62\00:14:53.86
you know, what should you do?
00:14:53.89\00:14:55.86
What would you say?
You want to take that one?
00:14:55.89\00:14:58.16
I believe that you
should first of all,
00:14:58.19\00:15:01.06
go to the father.
00:15:01.10\00:15:02.43
Like that's the
first thing you need to do.
00:15:02.46\00:15:04.30
Then you need to find
someone safe to talk to,
00:15:04.33\00:15:09.10
someone who you trust.
00:15:09.14\00:15:11.61
Well, at the same time,
00:15:11.64\00:15:13.14
someone you trusted
could have done this to you.
00:15:13.17\00:15:15.74
So you need to go somewhere safe
00:15:15.78\00:15:19.28
and then report it
to authority, cops,
00:15:19.31\00:15:22.95
wherever it
needs to be reported.
00:15:22.98\00:15:24.82
Expose it. Expose it.
00:15:24.85\00:15:26.59
Because I know a lot of
people that I've grown up with,
00:15:26.62\00:15:30.53
a lot of people
00:15:30.56\00:15:31.89
that I'm best friends with
have been touched as a child.
00:15:31.93\00:15:35.06
And they are just now
coming to flourishing with that,
00:15:35.10\00:15:39.03
they are like,
"Okay, wow, I'm 20-something
00:15:39.07\00:15:41.64
and I can
finally accept the fact
00:15:41.67\00:15:43.04
that I was touched as a child."
00:15:43.07\00:15:45.27
And that's really sad.
00:15:45.31\00:15:46.64
And with males,
00:15:46.68\00:15:48.98
they start to totally disregard
00:15:49.01\00:15:52.68
like sex as an emotional act
00:15:52.71\00:15:55.08
but as a physical act now.
00:15:55.12\00:15:56.69
Like as a man,
"I'm not emotional,
00:15:56.72\00:15:59.35
I'm not trying
to connect with you,
00:15:59.39\00:16:00.72
I just have to do this."
00:16:00.76\00:16:02.09
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
00:16:02.12\00:16:03.49
And as you talk about it,
00:16:03.53\00:16:06.66
as far as leadership
within my own personal story,
00:16:06.70\00:16:09.10
I was abused by
leadership in the church
00:16:09.13\00:16:11.30
starting with my dad
00:16:11.33\00:16:12.67
who was a leader,
and then a first elder,
00:16:12.70\00:16:15.14
and then just it was a
pattern of abuse as a child.
00:16:15.17\00:16:18.74
And one of the
things that you said about
00:16:18.77\00:16:20.58
telling is like you said,
00:16:20.61\00:16:21.94
here is this whole trust
cycle, most abuse and incest,
00:16:21.98\00:16:26.01
when it comes to incest
00:16:26.05\00:16:27.38
and molestation
does occur between...
00:16:27.42\00:16:30.55
Overall, as a matter of fact,
00:16:30.59\00:16:31.92
when you talk
about sexual abuse,
00:16:31.95\00:16:33.29
the highest number
of cases are people
00:16:33.32\00:16:35.82
that you're familiar with.
00:16:35.86\00:16:37.19
And so one of
things that I can encourage
00:16:37.23\00:16:39.09
just thinking about my own story
00:16:39.13\00:16:42.06
and stories of
others that I have talked to
00:16:42.10\00:16:44.67
and that have come to me
00:16:44.70\00:16:46.53
is that you've
got to keep on talking
00:16:46.57\00:16:48.64
until somebody listens
00:16:48.67\00:16:50.24
because sometimes,
00:16:50.27\00:16:51.87
the chain of command
would seem very simple.
00:16:51.91\00:16:55.74
I mean, we went as far as to
00:16:55.78\00:16:58.08
have the
outside authorities call
00:16:58.11\00:17:01.42
but adults can
always overtalk a child.
00:17:01.45\00:17:03.65
Do you see what
I'm saying, especially
00:17:03.69\00:17:05.02
if they are respected adults.
00:17:05.05\00:17:06.39
So the encouragement
would be to keep on talking
00:17:06.42\00:17:08.66
until somebody listens.
00:17:08.69\00:17:10.23
Yeah. Yeah. That's so true.
00:17:10.26\00:17:13.43
And I want...
00:17:13.46\00:17:15.03
I mean I don't want to skip past
00:17:15.06\00:17:16.40
but just going to move on
to a different part of this.
00:17:16.43\00:17:17.83
But I wanted to also talk
about another prevalent thing
00:17:17.87\00:17:20.47
which is sex trafficking.
00:17:20.50\00:17:22.14
Okay, so let's
define sex trafficking.
00:17:22.17\00:17:25.44
Sex trafficking is
a layered violent act
00:17:25.47\00:17:28.61
in which someone is
taken against their will
00:17:28.64\00:17:31.31
and forced to
perform violent sexual acts
00:17:31.35\00:17:36.38
that they just have no choice.
00:17:36.42\00:17:38.95
Oftentimes, people
are kept locked up.
00:17:38.99\00:17:40.96
They don't see the light of day
00:17:40.99\00:17:42.72
except for when they go
out to perform this act.
00:17:42.76\00:17:46.93
And the threat and coercion
00:17:46.96\00:17:48.43
that goes on with this
is very, very damaging.
00:17:48.46\00:17:52.23
Currently, there
are 200 million children
00:17:52.27\00:17:55.20
that are involved in the
sex trafficking industry.
00:17:55.24\00:17:57.91
In the United States
you'd be really surprised
00:17:57.94\00:18:00.11
to know that right
in our own backyards,
00:18:00.14\00:18:02.98
you know, it's happening.
00:18:03.01\00:18:04.35
In the city that
I live in Atlanta,
00:18:04.38\00:18:05.81
we are the number
three state in America
00:18:05.85\00:18:07.98
for children being
pulled into sex trafficking
00:18:08.02\00:18:10.82
and it's not, you
know, we used to think that,
00:18:10.85\00:18:13.46
a lot of people get
it mixed up that the
00:18:13.49\00:18:14.82
human trafficking
and sex trafficking
00:18:14.86\00:18:16.19
are the same
thing, and they are not.
00:18:16.22\00:18:17.69
And what happens is that
00:18:17.73\00:18:19.06
it's not somebody coming
00:18:19.09\00:18:20.70
from a foreign country
or a third world country,
00:18:20.73\00:18:23.33
it's your friend next
door, it's the person,
00:18:23.37\00:18:27.04
the child that goes to
school down the street.
00:18:27.07\00:18:29.40
It's not just runaways.
00:18:29.44\00:18:31.17
People are
actually just snatched up
00:18:31.21\00:18:32.97
and taken one minute.
00:18:33.01\00:18:34.84
And what happens is
because this crime is one
00:18:34.88\00:18:39.38
in which we know that
the percentage of joints
00:18:39.41\00:18:42.68
that participate in it
00:18:42.72\00:18:45.82
are from higher income brackets
00:18:45.85\00:18:47.32
and are some of the movers
and shakers within communities.
00:18:47.36\00:18:51.13
It is a very hard crime to stop.
00:18:51.16\00:18:53.16
Wow.
00:18:53.19\00:18:54.53
So, you know, this
is a very serious thing
00:18:54.56\00:18:55.90
and like you said,
I was very surprised
00:18:55.93\00:18:58.33
when I found out
that this something
00:18:58.37\00:18:59.70
that's happening
a lot in America,
00:18:59.73\00:19:01.97
the United States.
00:19:02.00\00:19:03.51
And many people who
maybe watching this, they say,
00:19:03.54\00:19:06.07
"Well, that will
never happen to me."
00:19:06.11\00:19:07.44
You know, that can never happen.
00:19:07.48\00:19:09.91
Talk to me,
David, a little bit about
00:19:09.94\00:19:11.28
you know, that
mentality of, you know,
00:19:11.31\00:19:12.65
"It can't happen to me,
00:19:12.68\00:19:14.02
you know, can that
happen to anybody?"
00:19:14.05\00:19:15.38
I believe it can
happen to anybody
00:19:15.42\00:19:17.42
if your guard's not up.
00:19:17.45\00:19:19.35
I will take that statement,
00:19:19.39\00:19:21.02
what she said is very true
and I'm going to bring it home,
00:19:21.06\00:19:24.16
where people are
manipulated into it also.
00:19:24.19\00:19:27.23
We see on our music
channels, music videos,
00:19:27.26\00:19:31.73
these women who
are not necessarily
00:19:31.77\00:19:35.14
going and having sex,
00:19:35.17\00:19:37.34
but that's a form of
sex trafficking in itself
00:19:37.37\00:19:40.68
because they are
sexual icons now.
00:19:40.71\00:19:42.88
A lot of people who are in
the music industry, the icons,
00:19:42.91\00:19:47.72
they started out their
career with innocent faces,
00:19:47.75\00:19:51.82
innocent looks, innocent videos.
00:19:51.85\00:19:54.12
And later on in their career
00:19:54.16\00:19:56.19
you see their skirts
come up a little more,
00:19:56.22\00:19:58.89
the makeup get a little darker,
00:19:58.93\00:20:00.90
the hair get a little
crazy, and stuff like that.
00:20:00.93\00:20:03.00
And they start to
do the dances of...
00:20:03.03\00:20:04.97
And so they are trying to
manipulate our young people,
00:20:05.00\00:20:08.07
our old people,
everybody into being used
00:20:08.10\00:20:11.51
to seeing sexual
stuff on the media.
00:20:11.54\00:20:15.64
You know, what
you said is so true
00:20:15.68\00:20:17.61
and I would just like
to add that a lot of times
00:20:17.65\00:20:19.55
we think of sex trafficking
00:20:19.58\00:20:21.68
as something that's
happening in a brothel
00:20:21.72\00:20:23.99
or, you know, children in cages.
00:20:24.02\00:20:26.86
And while that is the majority
of how things can happen,
00:20:26.89\00:20:31.26
when sex trafficking begins
with coercion or manipulation,
00:20:31.29\00:20:34.63
that can happen
at a house party,
00:20:34.66\00:20:36.53
that can happen within a
group of friends to where hey,
00:20:36.56\00:20:39.83
you know, a boss is soliciting
or manipulating you for sex
00:20:39.87\00:20:45.51
or, you know, "I'm going
to take these pictures of you
00:20:45.54\00:20:47.94
and if you don't
commit this sexual act with me
00:20:47.98\00:20:50.65
or my friends or
someone else that I know,
00:20:50.68\00:20:53.21
I'm going to send
these pictures to someone
00:20:53.25\00:20:54.85
or I'm going to,
you know, blackmail you
00:20:54.88\00:20:56.35
or manipulate you, so
do these sexual acts,"
00:20:56.38\00:21:00.02
you know, and it
turns into this slavery.
00:21:00.06\00:21:03.29
And that can be very,
very harmful and very scary.
00:21:03.32\00:21:06.63
And oftentimes, you
cannot pick out somebody
00:21:06.66\00:21:09.26
who' been or is a
part of sex trafficking.
00:21:09.30\00:21:11.93
They don't have a
look, they don't necessarily
00:21:11.97\00:21:14.47
have a
particular, you know, effect.
00:21:14.50\00:21:18.77
It can be
somebody in your class,
00:21:18.81\00:21:20.94
it can be
somebody that you know,
00:21:20.98\00:21:22.44
it can be a child that's,
00:21:22.48\00:21:24.05
you know, going
to school every day.
00:21:24.08\00:21:26.25
And so I think
that we have to be aware
00:21:26.28\00:21:29.05
of some of the initial tools
00:21:29.08\00:21:30.95
and initial ways that
sex trafficking can begin,
00:21:30.99\00:21:34.22
and also not be afraid
00:21:34.26\00:21:36.09
to be vocal about
the thing that we say.
00:21:36.12\00:21:38.19
When you see that red
flag, it's red, it's not pink,
00:21:38.23\00:21:41.66
it's not
orange, it's a red flag,
00:21:41.70\00:21:43.73
and it's something a child,
a friend says something to you
00:21:43.77\00:21:47.34
that seems
off-putting, call it what it is.
00:21:47.37\00:21:50.27
Yeah, 'cause some
people are really scared
00:21:50.31\00:21:51.64
for their lives
in these situations
00:21:51.67\00:21:53.01
and, you know, to speak out,
they may be afraid to do so.
00:21:53.04\00:21:56.44
And the blackmail thing
is that's crazy, seriously.
00:21:56.48\00:21:58.75
But we need to be like you're
saying looking and watching
00:21:58.78\00:22:01.85
and so we can
protect our friends
00:22:01.88\00:22:05.62
or anyone who might be
involved in something like this.
00:22:05.65\00:22:07.02
We might even know it, you know.
00:22:07.06\00:22:08.59
Can I just jump in
and say... Yeah, go ahead.
00:22:08.62\00:22:09.96
That we have to
be really careful,
00:22:09.99\00:22:11.33
especially on
our college campuses
00:22:11.36\00:22:13.09
of the bartering of sex
for things, especially...
00:22:13.13\00:22:18.40
And sometimes I see
underaged young ladies
00:22:18.43\00:22:21.27
who want to drink alcohol
and so older men will say,
00:22:21.30\00:22:24.67
"I will provide the
alcohol once you come over here,
00:22:24.71\00:22:28.88
you provide the sexual favors."
00:22:28.91\00:22:31.11
As you touched on that point,
that is an excellent point
00:22:31.15\00:22:33.55
because what is prevalent
00:22:33.58\00:22:35.85
and what is one of
the number one things
00:22:35.88\00:22:37.82
that shows a trend
into sex trafficking
00:22:37.85\00:22:40.02
is an age difference.
00:22:40.06\00:22:41.62
And that is for, you
know, not just high school
00:22:41.66\00:22:45.66
but also in
colleges, usually a 10-year,
00:22:45.69\00:22:48.30
that is the state,
00:22:48.33\00:22:49.66
a 10-year age difference
00:22:49.70\00:22:51.03
of someone that
wants to manipulate someone
00:22:51.07\00:22:53.64
into sex is very predatory.
00:22:53.67\00:22:55.57
And so when you see
these big huge age differences,
00:22:55.60\00:22:58.17
watch out.
00:22:58.21\00:22:59.54
That is definitely a red
flag. And there is that...
00:22:59.57\00:23:03.61
You were talking
about the alcohol thing
00:23:03.65\00:23:06.11
but there's also things
00:23:06.15\00:23:07.55
such as just
taking me to the store.
00:23:07.58\00:23:09.75
Guys, I've had friends
come and tell me that they did
00:23:09.78\00:23:13.79
this whatever guy
00:23:13.82\00:23:15.86
because they took
them to a grocery store.
00:23:15.89\00:23:19.43
And I was like, "What!"
00:23:19.46\00:23:21.33
Like, "But he took
me, I was in his car,
00:23:21.36\00:23:23.50
he said, so I did."
00:23:23.53\00:23:25.73
And it was like, "That's crazy!"
00:23:25.77\00:23:28.54
But it's
happening on our campuses.
00:23:28.57\00:23:31.17
And there is also
the sense of within
00:23:31.21\00:23:34.48
even some of those people,
00:23:34.51\00:23:36.14
there's a pre-exposure
to sexual molestation
00:23:36.18\00:23:41.28
or rape that
causes the sexual act
00:23:41.32\00:23:44.72
not to be as
sensitive as it should be.
00:23:44.75\00:23:48.69
So there is desensitization,
we always hear that term.
00:23:48.72\00:23:51.79
That's why. No, that's good.
00:23:51.83\00:23:53.63
And that's what
we want to talk about
00:23:53.66\00:23:55.20
next is a really
the complying behavior
00:23:55.23\00:23:58.83
that sometimes
happens in relationships
00:23:58.87\00:24:00.44
or maybe not a relationship.
00:24:00.47\00:24:02.40
But you feel that,
"Okay, this person took me out
00:24:02.44\00:24:04.84
or they did this thing for me,
00:24:04.87\00:24:06.21
this is my boyfriend
or my girlfriend now.
00:24:06.24\00:24:08.54
And this is what I owe to them."
00:24:08.58\00:24:10.05
You know, and you
were touching on that.
00:24:10.08\00:24:11.41
So let's talk a
little more about that.
00:24:11.45\00:24:12.78
You know, I mean if
you're in a situation
00:24:12.81\00:24:15.05
where someone's expecting you
00:24:15.08\00:24:17.35
to give them a sexual
favor, what do you do?
00:24:17.39\00:24:22.52
Well, you know, I want to say
that you owe no one anything,
00:24:22.56\00:24:27.66
especially not your body.
00:24:27.70\00:24:29.36
Your body belongs to you.
00:24:29.40\00:24:30.97
Your body, it's
not a debit card,
00:24:31.00\00:24:33.80
it's not a purchasing system,
00:24:33.84\00:24:37.11
your body is a gift,
it's a precious gift.
00:24:37.14\00:24:40.01
And the Bible talks about
not giving pearls to swine.
00:24:40.04\00:24:44.08
You know, not
just giving anything
00:24:44.11\00:24:45.98
just because
somebody gives you something,
00:24:46.01\00:24:47.72
and so being very
cautious about that.
00:24:47.75\00:24:50.22
And also, protecting yourself,
if you want to go to Walmart
00:24:50.25\00:24:53.02
or you want to go to a store,
take your girlfriend with you,
00:24:53.05\00:24:54.92
take a friend with
you, take somebody with you.
00:24:54.96\00:24:57.13
Accountability,
where are we going,
00:24:57.16\00:24:59.03
what time are we coming back,
00:24:59.06\00:25:00.40
letting somebody else
know where you're going.
00:25:00.43\00:25:02.30
And sometimes
that could be seen as,
00:25:02.33\00:25:03.67
"Oh, well, you
just want to control me,
00:25:03.70\00:25:05.03
or my parents
want to know where I am
00:25:05.07\00:25:06.53
or what I'm doing all the time."
00:25:06.57\00:25:08.04
But those are some of
the boundaries and parameters
00:25:08.07\00:25:10.07
that we can put up
to help keep us safe.
00:25:10.11\00:25:12.37
And at any point if
you feel uncomfortable,
00:25:12.41\00:25:15.61
you are not
obligated to do anything
00:25:15.64\00:25:19.25
for anybody for any reason
00:25:19.28\00:25:21.48
even if at one
point, you said you would.
00:25:21.52\00:25:24.55
If you say, "No, I don't
want to have sex with you",
00:25:24.59\00:25:27.46
even if you text
about it all day long,
00:25:27.49\00:25:29.89
even if you talked about
it, even if you got in the car,
00:25:29.92\00:25:32.76
and said, "After you
dropped me off at Walmart,
00:25:32.79\00:25:35.40
I'll do whatever for you."
00:25:35.43\00:25:36.77
And you say, "I
don't want to do that",
00:25:36.80\00:25:38.13
you don't have to do it.
00:25:38.17\00:25:40.24
No is no at any point
00:25:40.27\00:25:42.77
in the
relationship or interaction.
00:25:42.80\00:25:44.51
And you need to be careful
00:25:44.54\00:25:45.87
if you're doing
something like that
00:25:45.91\00:25:47.24
because again
what we talked about
00:25:47.28\00:25:48.61
before is when you put
yourself in these positions,
00:25:48.64\00:25:49.98
you know, it is hard to get out.
00:25:50.01\00:25:51.35
So like you
said, protect yourself,
00:25:51.38\00:25:52.71
bring somebody with
you, and don't even have
00:25:52.75\00:25:54.08
those
conversations in the beginning
00:25:54.12\00:25:55.45
about certain
things. Go ahead, David.
00:25:55.48\00:25:56.99
Yeah, I think one good thing
00:25:57.02\00:25:58.35
for everybody
to do is from jump,
00:25:58.39\00:26:00.99
if a male or if a
female is offering you
00:26:01.02\00:26:03.99
something out of
pure niceness, ask them,
00:26:04.03\00:26:07.03
"What are your intentions?
00:26:07.06\00:26:08.66
Are your
intentions to be my friend,
00:26:08.70\00:26:10.87
to really help out
or is your attention?
00:26:10.90\00:26:13.27
Because if your
intentions anything other than
00:26:13.30\00:26:16.44
to just be a nice person
00:26:16.47\00:26:17.84
and really
genuinely help me out,
00:26:17.87\00:26:19.31
then we don't need to be
having a relationship at all."
00:26:19.34\00:26:22.44
And then let's take it
even a step further back.
00:26:22.48\00:26:25.85
As a young lady, as a young guy,
00:26:25.88\00:26:29.05
if somebody is 7, 8, 9,
10 years older than you,
00:26:29.08\00:26:33.22
offering to do
certain types of things
00:26:33.25\00:26:36.06
that's not in any way closely
connected to related to you,
00:26:36.09\00:26:39.79
you need to question that.
00:26:39.83\00:26:41.20
And also when
we're talking about,
00:26:41.23\00:26:42.56
you know, Kim, you
talked about the fact
00:26:42.60\00:26:43.93
that our body is
ours but for people,
00:26:43.97\00:26:45.67
you know, that
have been violated,
00:26:45.70\00:26:48.24
you know, God tells us
that our bodies are His temples.
00:26:48.27\00:26:51.44
Yes.
00:26:51.47\00:26:52.81
And so taking a
step back to think
00:26:52.84\00:26:54.51
now that I think
that my body is mine,
00:26:54.54\00:26:56.61
but when you're violated,
00:26:56.64\00:26:57.98
when predatory behavior happens,
00:26:58.01\00:27:01.55
what happens to
the victim is that
00:27:01.58\00:27:03.42
you feel as if
there is a disconnect,
00:27:03.45\00:27:05.99
and you feel as if your
body is not even your own,
00:27:06.02\00:27:09.36
so how can I even think about it
00:27:09.39\00:27:10.89
that it's the temple of God.
00:27:10.93\00:27:12.26
But what I would say to you
is that remember like you said,
00:27:12.29\00:27:16.33
you don't owe anybody anything.
00:27:16.36\00:27:18.90
Yeah. Yeah.
00:27:18.93\00:27:20.27
Well, that's how
we're going to end it.
00:27:20.30\00:27:21.67
I want to read this
verse in Matthew 18:10.
00:27:21.70\00:27:24.57
It says, "Seeing
that you do not look down
00:27:24.61\00:27:27.68
on one of these little ones,
00:27:27.71\00:27:29.44
for I tell you that
there are angels in heaven
00:27:29.48\00:27:31.98
always see the face
of My Father in heaven."
00:27:32.01\00:27:34.98
You know God always has justice
for those who are being abused.
00:27:35.02\00:27:37.29
He is always wanting to protect.
00:27:37.32\00:27:38.65
And remember that
through any situation
00:27:38.69\00:27:40.86
you're going through
or have gone through,
00:27:40.89\00:27:42.22
God is with you.
00:27:42.26\00:27:43.59
And you need to
ask the question,
00:27:43.63\00:27:44.96
"Where was God?
Where is He right now?"
00:27:44.99\00:27:46.33
He is there with you.
00:27:46.36\00:27:47.70
He will never leave you
and will never forsake you.
00:27:47.73\00:27:49.06
So I challenge you to be aware
00:27:49.10\00:27:51.80
and always to
know what is going on
00:27:51.83\00:27:53.77
and always to make pure choices.
00:27:53.80\00:27:55.94