The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Hello, and
welcome to Pure Choices.
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I'm your host
Pastor Joshua Nelson.
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And I'm so happy you
decided to join us again.
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We are talking
about a good topic today
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"Sex on the side."
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Talking about just a
prevalent nature of sex today
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and how can we can
really combat that.
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So we're gonna get
right into our discussion.
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I'm going to introduce the panel
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but, of course,
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let's just pause
for a moment to pray.
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Dear heavenly Father,
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we just ask that
you'll bless us now
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as we talk about
this sensitive topic
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that you would bless us
and guide our conversation.
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In Jesus name we pray. Amen.
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Amen. Amen.
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Okay, let's introduce our panel,
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on the left we
have James Brandon
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who is university
chaplain in Tampa, Florida,
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good to have you here.
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Across we have Kimberly Pearson
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who is the associate
chaplain at Oakwood University
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in Huntsville,
Alabama, very good.
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And then we have my
Brother Kyle, Kyle Scarlett
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who is Oakwood
University theology student.
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All right, it's
good to have you here
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and also another
Oakwood University
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theology student,
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we got Dajanae Maxwell.
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And so I'm so happy
having you all here today
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to talk about this subject.
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This is a very,
very important topic
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because we know that,
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well, let's we're
gonna get right into it.
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We know that sex is a
big, big part of our life.
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But it is also
something that we struggle with
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as young people, especially,
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and when comes
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to try not to have
sex before marriage.
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And so let's
just kind of get right
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into really
defining fornication '
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'cause I think all
people have misconception
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of really what fornication is.
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So somebody wanna start
into just kind of define
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that for us.
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What is fornication?
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I mean,
fornication is having sex
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with someone that
you're not married to.
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Okay. I mean, it's simply that.
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So nowadays,
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you know, this
generation thinks,
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"Its okay to have sex
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with your boyfriend
or your girlfriend,"
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but you're not married to them,
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you're not in a
committed lifelong relationship
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and the Bible
calls that fornication.
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So that's pretty
clear, that's fornication?
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That's fornication.
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And that's a
sin, that's something
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you're not supposed to be doing.
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Exactly.
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So even if
you're in a monogamous,
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committed relationship
with someone for five years,
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James, that's not
okay to do, I mean?
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I mean, based,
based on scripture,
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you pretty much
need to be married
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and the thing that's
so deep about that is
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actually in the Bible,
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you know, that the act of sex
actually validates a marriage.
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So in that sense,
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when you are
having sex with people
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who are not your
husband and your wife,
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you're actually,
in the biblical sense,
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making them your husband or wife
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so then you go
to the next person.
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So you're not only
committing fornication...
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Wow!
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But you're committing adultery.
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Well.
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Because in the eyes of
God, you're union, you're one,
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once you consummate that
that marriage in a sexual act,
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so you're fornicating,
you're committing adultery,
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and it's just a whole
bunch of different things.
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It's not in isolation,
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you can't do things in isolation
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and think they're not
gonna have any ramifications
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that are in line.
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And I'm just saying
that I'm thinking about,
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you know, how
many times the breakups
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and different
relationships are just so bad.
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Is that,
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does that play any
part as I'm having sex
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in those
relationships that are not,
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you know, married relationships,
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does that play a part in that
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those horrible
breakups you think?
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It does because sex is bonding.
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I mean, it connects two people.
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And when you're not
married, it complicates things.
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It's not in the
right timing or place
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when you're not married,
unless you said I do, you know,
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you really shouldn't be
having sex outside of marriage.
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So, yeah, yet it's bad.
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And then, you
know, even, you know,
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from a physiological standpoint,
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you know, when you
have sex with someone,
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the body
secretes certain hormones,
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different chemical
reactions happen in your body,
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and one of them is
the chemical dopamine
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which is similar to like crack.
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Yeah. It's like cocaine.
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And so when you
have sex with someone,
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you are literally
addicting yourself
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to that person.
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And we were created to
bond with one person for life.
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So that's fine in
the context of marriage.
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But when you addict yourself,
or bond yourself to one person,
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and then break up,
and snatch that bond,
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and you addict
yourself to someone else,
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and then snatch that bond
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you're going through divorces
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you know, not just physically,
I mean, not just mentally
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but physically
tearing yourself away.
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And when you keep tearing,
and tearing, and tearing,
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of course, you're
gonna feel broken,
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of course, you're gonna
feel like your world is ending
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'cause essentially it's like
you're going through a divorce.
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Wow.
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Well, you know,
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and that's all
true and I know that,
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you know, many of us
have even maybe experienced
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and felt that,
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you know, wishing that maybe
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you hadn't gone
down a certain path.
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You know, but some
people will say still,
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you know, all right,
you guys, y'all may be
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just a too
little bit too emotional
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about this thing, you
know, it's not that deep for me,
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you know, I can have
sex with this person,
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that person, another
person, tomorrow night,
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and this person
that other night.
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I mean, it's not
really a big deal to me.
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It's just part of the
culture of sex right now.
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This is what
you're supposed to do.
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You know, that's what
we're made to do, right?
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I have this...
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I hear that all
the time like "Dajanae,
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I wanna have sex,
so I'mma out to go
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and have sex with
this random person."
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And even in the sense of now,
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women are
starting to take on that.
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"I can have sex and I
have an emotional time,
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because we're told they
were emotional creatures,
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and I'm not gonna be emotional,
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I'm just gonna have
sex with this random guy.
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I'm gonna meet up with this
guy and I'mma have sex with him,
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I'm gonna go,"
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and then the guy gets emotions
or and then you start to...
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relationship
issues start to form.
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But I just wanted to have
sex but there's so much emotion.
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You can't stop that emotion,
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like Chaplain P was
saying, there's a chemical bond,
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there's a bonding
that the Bible says,
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you have become one flesh.
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So it can't be casual,
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you can try to make it
as casual as you want to
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but at the end of the
day, you're scarring yourself,
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and you're
scaring that individual.
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And what I think
she said is so important
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because sex will always
do what it's designed to do.
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Exactly.
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Even if we do it out of context,
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it will always do
what it was created to do.
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And so, in those
different contexts,
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it kind of
tears as the partners,
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this kind of new thing
called friendlationships,
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where we're friends,
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but we're in a relationship
that's purely sexual,
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now we just call it
friends with benefits.
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Yeah.
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But it's like
friendlationships or whatever,
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where I can interact
with you as a friend,
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and then get the benefits of sex
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and sexual intimacy from
you without any relationship.
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And that's really big now.
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Yeah, wow. That's serious.
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So basically, we
can't have sex for fun.
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It's not is what
was designed for Him.
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'Cause it's so binding,
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it's something that
connects both souls.
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And so, like she said,
when you tear those apart,
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you're not just
tearing emotions apart
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but you're
tearing soul ties apart,
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things that
connect you more intimately
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than with somebody else
that you just connect with.
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So sex is a deep,
it's a deep, deep thing.
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And that's why God
created to combine two people
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and make them one flesh.
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The word Flesh, it
has a deeper connotation
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than what we would just
think, you know, flesh to flesh,
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it's a mind
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to physical type
of thing that enacts,
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shows that two
people are made up,
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they have made up
minds to be together.
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Okay, okay, makes, make sense.
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You know, and that
is, you know, so true
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but what about someone
who says "Hey, you know,
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I'm attracted
to a lot of people.
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And there's a lot
of people out there,
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you know, a lot
of fishing to see.
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I wanna be able to experience
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all these
different types of flavors,"
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you know, so, I
mean, am I...Is there...
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Are you really meant to
be with one person, you know?
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There's, as far as intimacy
is concerned sexual intimacy
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like was we stated
before on a previous program
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that the intimacy
is not just physical,
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the intimacy is emotional.
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So many women or even
men can't hit that orgasmic,
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you know, high because
that emotion isn't there.
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So, okay, this
person is attractive,
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and that person is attractive,
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but if that emotional oneness
that God wanted to be there
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before the sexual conduct
is being participated in,
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that feeling, that drug
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to receive that
the dopamine high
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will not take place.
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It's the same thing
as if you take drugs.
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You take a little bit,
and then you get a high,
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and then you need more
to get high the next time.
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But if it's, but the way
that our bodies are made,
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if you marry the person
that you're supposed to marry
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and you have sex
with that individual,
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then you won't have to continue
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to get higher,
and higher, and higher
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because your body was
made to be one with that person
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and experience the
sexual act with that individual.
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Right, right.
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But, I think, the
issue is the desensitization.
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That we have become so ingrained
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that it is supposed,
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we're supposed to
sow our royal oats,
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date whoever you want,
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date as many people as you
want before you get married.
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And we've kind of put marriage
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as this ball and
chain, locked down,
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you're never
gonna have fun again,
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sex is gonna be boring.
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And so do whatever you
can, as much as you can,
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before you get married.
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And so even as
women, we tend to turn off
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that thing that God put in
us to be emotional creatures
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and say "I'm just
gone do whatever."
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The issue is when
you do meet the person
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you're supposed to marry,
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you're gonna have to
rip all that stuff off
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in order to have
the kind of marriage
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that God wants you to have.
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And how hard will that be
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when you finally
get to your husband
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and you're like,
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I gave what was
supposed to have been for you
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to all of these
different people.
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Yeah, yeah, that's so true.
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And you'll be further back thing
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you would be hard.
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And even in the relationship,
you may have a lot of issues
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because of what you're
thinking about from the past.
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So, okay, hopefully,
someone has been following us
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and then, you know, watching
a lot of these, these programs
00:10:52.75\00:10:56.12
and maybe they're at the point,
00:10:56.15\00:10:57.75
say, okay, I get it, you
know, fornication is wrong
00:10:57.79\00:11:01.62
but it's just I've started
and it's so hard to stop,
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you know, I'm just, I've kind of
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in a rut, you know.
00:11:05.56\00:11:06.90
What's something
that we could say to say,
00:11:06.93\00:11:08.40
you know, have used
some ways that you can,
00:11:08.43\00:11:09.76
you can kind of stop,
you know, just at this point,
00:11:09.80\00:11:11.83
let's just kind of
talk with that right now.
00:11:11.87\00:11:14.67
Yeah, yeah, I think,
00:11:14.70\00:11:16.84
you know, many of us
have gotten in situations
00:11:16.87\00:11:19.04
and we've gone too far and
we're like, man, how do we,
00:11:19.07\00:11:22.34
how do you roll this thing back?
00:11:22.38\00:11:23.71
How do we kind of get recreated?
00:11:23.75\00:11:25.08
How do we kind of get restored?
00:11:25.11\00:11:27.52
And many young
people feel that they've,
00:11:27.55\00:11:29.35
you know, they've gone too far
and that they've done too much
00:11:29.38\00:11:32.95
and, you know, they've
had too many women in the past
00:11:32.99\00:11:35.26
or too many men in the past.
00:11:35.29\00:11:38.29
I would just encourage them
00:11:38.33\00:11:40.06
because, I mean,
even in the Bible,
00:11:40.10\00:11:44.23
when you look in
the book of Proverbs
00:11:44.27\00:11:45.80
it talks about how the
just man falls down seven times
00:11:45.83\00:11:50.81
but he gets back up again.
00:11:50.84\00:11:52.17
But the wicked man
falls into destruction,
00:11:52.21\00:11:54.41
so he falls one time
but he never gets up.
00:11:54.44\00:11:57.41
And the just man is just because
00:11:57.45\00:12:00.18
after he gets to rock bottom
00:12:00.22\00:12:01.62
after he, you
know, finishes that,
00:12:01.65\00:12:03.69
you know, that
sexual act like, man.
00:12:03.72\00:12:06.22
I know I
shouldn't have done that,
00:12:06.25\00:12:07.59
or, you know what not,
00:12:07.62\00:12:09.19
he can always contact God
00:12:09.22\00:12:11.23
and ask for
forgiveness, restoration.
00:12:11.26\00:12:14.00
Bible declares it,
if we confess our sins,
00:12:14.03\00:12:16.03
if we're, if we
know that we sinned,
00:12:16.06\00:12:19.67
and then come to Him,
00:12:19.70\00:12:21.04
He's faithful and just
to forgive us and cleanse us
00:12:21.07\00:12:23.27
from all unrighteousness.
00:12:23.30\00:12:24.91
So we just have to believe
that when we come to God,
00:12:24.94\00:12:27.58
He truly can cleanse us.
00:12:27.61\00:12:29.41
Now that does still leave
us with the situation of, okay,
00:12:29.44\00:12:32.51
what am I gonna do next?
00:12:32.55\00:12:34.28
You know, what
about if that girl calls,
00:12:34.32\00:12:36.15
the girl I had sex,
00:12:36.18\00:12:37.89
and that's when we have to,
00:12:37.92\00:12:39.25
I mean, some
things that we can do,
00:12:39.29\00:12:40.82
one having accountability,
having kind of really partner.
00:12:40.86\00:12:44.83
And, you know, just
parameters we can put in place,
00:12:44.86\00:12:47.60
you know, not
looking at your phone,
00:12:47.63\00:12:50.87
or with calling certain hours,
00:12:50.90\00:12:52.70
not having a
person of opposite sex
00:12:52.73\00:12:54.24
over certain hours,
00:12:54.27\00:12:55.80
now putting
yourself in positions
00:12:55.84\00:12:58.67
to compromising positions.
00:12:58.71\00:13:00.51
Yeah. Yeah.
00:13:00.54\00:13:01.88
And not really setting
boundaries for yourself,
00:13:01.91\00:13:03.48
writing the boundaries down,
and then submitting to God,
00:13:03.51\00:13:06.72
and say, God, help me to
stay firm to these boundaries.
00:13:06.75\00:13:10.22
And then I think God will
honor your commitment to that.
00:13:10.25\00:13:12.55
Amen.
00:13:12.59\00:13:13.92
And I appreciate
you sharing those
00:13:13.96\00:13:15.29
because those are
some very practical things
00:13:15.32\00:13:16.66
that people can do.
00:13:16.69\00:13:18.06
Now, I'm gonna
take a little further
00:13:18.09\00:13:19.49
because, let's
say if there's someone
00:13:19.53\00:13:20.86
who is trying to
go down the right path
00:13:20.90\00:13:22.86
and they're trying
to stay dedicated to God
00:13:22.90\00:13:25.00
and doing the things
that you've outlined there.
00:13:25.03\00:13:27.24
And they're in the church now.
00:13:27.27\00:13:28.60
And they're
experiencing trying to,
00:13:28.64\00:13:30.14
you know, get away
from that lifestyle
00:13:30.17\00:13:31.67
they were in the world,
00:13:31.71\00:13:33.04
fornication just
casual sex and whatnot.
00:13:33.07\00:13:35.41
But now they're in the church,
00:13:35.44\00:13:36.78
and they end up
meeting some individuals,
00:13:36.81\00:13:38.15
some friends or whatnot,
00:13:38.18\00:13:39.61
and they realize that
this is in a church, too.
00:13:39.65\00:13:44.59
So now that we've
gotten to this point,
00:13:44.62\00:13:47.32
you know, the reality is
00:13:47.36\00:13:50.06
and I guess I will ask
as, I'll pose it as question.
00:13:50.09\00:13:52.53
Is there an issue of fornication
00:13:52.56\00:13:54.80
in the church, and if so,
how has it really started?
00:13:54.83\00:13:58.27
How it has
crept into the church?
00:13:58.30\00:14:00.77
Well, I definitely
see that there is a issue
00:14:00.80\00:14:02.97
with fornication in the church.
00:14:03.00\00:14:06.31
And it's kind of done
00:14:06.34\00:14:07.94
in a backdoor
closet kind of way,
00:14:07.98\00:14:10.45
where because it's something,
00:14:10.48\00:14:12.41
sex isn't such a
taboo topic in the church,
00:14:12.45\00:14:15.28
we haven't really
talked about it, addressed it,
00:14:15.32\00:14:17.72
we kind of talked about it
from a shunning standpoint,
00:14:17.75\00:14:20.76
instead of
addressing it in a holistic,
00:14:20.79\00:14:23.66
you know, pure way.
00:14:23.69\00:14:25.49
So now we have a lot of
young people and young adults
00:14:25.53\00:14:28.60
who are having
sex secretly, quietly,
00:14:28.63\00:14:31.60
and then still
presenting themselves
00:14:31.63\00:14:34.10
as if everything's good,
00:14:34.14\00:14:35.64
but they're secretly
doing what they wanna do it.
00:14:35.67\00:14:37.67
And so, I mean, the
church is a hospital,
00:14:37.71\00:14:40.68
it's a reflection
of different things
00:14:40.71\00:14:42.14
that are happening in the world.
00:14:42.18\00:14:44.11
And so if sex is
an issue in the world,
00:14:44.15\00:14:46.82
unfortunately the
sex is gonna be issue
00:14:46.85\00:14:48.78
in the church, so...
00:14:48.82\00:14:50.25
And I guess
that, I mean, it went,
00:14:50.29\00:14:52.89
you know, it's
okay to that there is,
00:14:52.92\00:14:55.86
that the people are
struggling with things.
00:14:55.89\00:14:57.23
You know, that's okay
00:14:57.26\00:14:58.59
because we know that the church,
00:14:58.63\00:14:59.96
like you said, is a
hospital for sinners.
00:15:00.00\00:15:01.33
But I guess the issue now
00:15:01.36\00:15:02.70
is that there doesn't seem
to be any attack against it,
00:15:02.73\00:15:04.07
doesn't really seem to be
too much being said about it,
00:15:04.10\00:15:06.80
so what would we say about it?
00:15:06.84\00:15:11.31
Well, we say about it,
00:15:11.34\00:15:12.67
I mean, the Bible is
clear about it not being okay.
00:15:12.71\00:15:16.31
All right?
00:15:16.34\00:15:17.68
So we're
Christians and we're supposed
00:15:17.71\00:15:19.05
to stand on the word of God
00:15:19.08\00:15:21.45
and say that what
the Bible says I believe
00:15:21.48\00:15:24.72
and understanding
that we are created beings,
00:15:24.75\00:15:28.86
God created us, God created sex,
00:15:28.89\00:15:30.49
sex is not bad,
00:15:30.53\00:15:31.93
sex is not
yucky, it's not nasty,
00:15:31.96\00:15:34.43
but in its proper
parameters, it's good.
00:15:34.46\00:15:37.73
So just going back to teaching,
teaching our young people,
00:15:37.77\00:15:42.64
teaching even
some of our old people,
00:15:42.67\00:15:44.67
the beauty that sex
is supposed to display
00:15:44.71\00:15:48.48
as creatures of God,
00:15:48.51\00:15:51.45
and with that,
00:15:51.48\00:15:52.81
as I remember
speaking to a married couple,
00:15:52.85\00:15:54.62
well, one woman in particular
and she was telling me
00:15:54.65\00:15:56.85
how when her and her
husband first got married
00:15:56.89\00:15:59.59
and they started having sex.
00:15:59.62\00:16:01.92
She said that she felt,
00:16:01.96\00:16:03.69
she literally felt
the Holy Spirit like
00:16:03.73\00:16:06.63
in the middle of them having sex
00:16:06.66\00:16:08.96
and her husband was
like, "Did you feel that?"
00:16:09.00\00:16:10.40
And she said "Yes."
00:16:10.43\00:16:11.77
And it's something beautiful
00:16:11.80\00:16:13.54
and so just going
back to the understanding
00:16:13.57\00:16:16.60
that it's not limitations
00:16:16.64\00:16:18.94
but it's to let
the cake finish baking
00:16:18.97\00:16:20.88
so that you can enjoy
00:16:20.91\00:16:22.44
instead of just
eating the dough.
00:16:22.48\00:16:23.81
Wow.
00:16:23.85\00:16:25.18
Right, right,
right, and we also have to,
00:16:25.21\00:16:29.12
I guess, make it known
00:16:29.15\00:16:30.79
that it's okay
to go to God with it
00:16:30.82\00:16:33.49
'cause we like to
shun and, you know, attack,
00:16:33.52\00:16:37.46
and for example
David is a big example of,
00:16:37.49\00:16:42.30
you know, fornication.
00:16:42.33\00:16:43.67
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:16:43.70\00:16:45.13
But it says in the Bible,
00:16:45.17\00:16:46.57
he was a man
after God's own heart.
00:16:46.60\00:16:48.44
And he was a man
after God's own heart
00:16:48.47\00:16:49.97
because he went to God
with his sins and it was okay.
00:16:50.01\00:16:53.94
He continually confessed,
00:16:53.98\00:16:56.98
yeah, okay, this
is what I'm doing.
00:16:57.01\00:16:59.28
I do have control over
it, but I knowingly did this,
00:16:59.31\00:17:01.05
but I'm giving this to you.
00:17:01.08\00:17:03.15
And so once we make it
known that it's okay to do
00:17:03.18\00:17:05.65
and that God forgives,
00:17:05.69\00:17:07.02
not that you should
just do it and do it
00:17:07.06\00:17:08.39
because God, you know, forgives.
00:17:08.42\00:17:09.76
David had suffered
some consequences too.
00:17:09.79\00:17:11.36
Right, right, he did.
00:17:11.39\00:17:12.76
And even his
family, you know, been,
00:17:12.79\00:17:15.56
you know, ended up
getting consequences from that.
00:17:15.60\00:17:20.07
And so, but the
main thing is to allow
00:17:20.10\00:17:23.51
and to make prevalent
00:17:23.54\00:17:25.04
that God forgives
those sins, and, yeah.
00:17:25.07\00:17:28.38
I think, yes. Yeah. Yeah.
00:17:28.41\00:17:29.74
And, you know,
the other thing is
00:17:29.78\00:17:31.11
one this you talks
about, we're talking about,
00:17:31.15\00:17:33.25
God wants to
create us a clean heart.
00:17:33.28\00:17:34.95
He wants to do
a cleansing in us.
00:17:34.98\00:17:36.75
But what would happen if
I tried to cleanse my body
00:17:36.79\00:17:39.75
but only did it halfway?
00:17:39.79\00:17:41.12
So I started working
out, but I didn't eat right,
00:17:41.16\00:17:43.86
I'm only doing one part
of the cleansing process.
00:17:43.89\00:17:46.70
And so you can't,
we can't just say,
00:17:46.73\00:17:48.26
"We'll stop having sex."
00:17:48.30\00:17:49.76
But then were still
ingesting media, and music,
00:17:49.80\00:17:52.77
and all these things
that are feeding that.
00:17:52.80\00:17:54.87
So we've got to
cleanse ourselves
00:17:54.90\00:17:56.24
for most things.
00:17:56.27\00:17:57.61
And the Bible says,
"How can a young man
00:17:57.64\00:17:58.97
keep his way pure by memorizing,
00:17:59.01\00:18:02.04
by meditating on
the Word of God?"
00:18:02.08\00:18:04.78
So now you've gotta
replace those negative things
00:18:04.81\00:18:07.58
with the right
things on the inside
00:18:07.62\00:18:10.35
so that when you get
into those situations,
00:18:10.39\00:18:12.52
instead of your
hormones being the first things
00:18:12.55\00:18:14.42
that answer the door,
00:18:14.46\00:18:15.79
the word of God
is the first thing
00:18:15.82\00:18:17.16
that answers the door.
00:18:17.19\00:18:18.53
And one thing I love my mentor
and one of the other chaplains
00:18:18.56\00:18:20.86
T. Marshall Kelly he says
00:18:20.90\00:18:22.23
"You can't put icing on
cornbread and call it cake."
00:18:22.26\00:18:26.37
And one other thing
00:18:26.40\00:18:27.74
we tried to do
especially in relationships
00:18:27.77\00:18:29.30
when relationships aren't right
00:18:29.34\00:18:30.87
or they're not
going in the right way,
00:18:30.91\00:18:32.61
people put sex on top
to try to make it right,
00:18:32.64\00:18:36.51
you can't put icing on top
of cornbread and call it cake,
00:18:36.54\00:18:39.05
a marriage and sex is supposed
to be in the right context
00:18:39.08\00:18:41.58
so it will taste right
it will be the right way.
00:18:41.62\00:18:43.95
And if you're
gonna be a Christian,
00:18:43.99\00:18:45.89
you got to, you
know, take responsibility
00:18:45.92\00:18:48.42
and stop doing those things,
00:18:48.46\00:18:49.79
you know, you
have to, say I'm gonna,
00:18:49.82\00:18:51.16
it's gonna take some time
00:18:51.19\00:18:52.66
and some really
dedication to say,
00:18:52.69\00:18:54.86
"I'm going to really get serious
00:18:54.90\00:18:56.26
about my walk with Christ,
00:18:56.30\00:18:57.63
you know, and
really do those things".
00:18:57.67\00:18:59.00
Because a lot of times
we don't wanna do the word,
00:18:59.03\00:19:00.90
we don't wanna take the
time to really sit down and say,
00:19:00.94\00:19:03.47
"How can I really
get over this thing?"
00:19:03.51\00:19:04.84
We just wanna
say, "Oh, it's okay.
00:19:04.87\00:19:06.21
I'll keep that on the side,"
00:19:06.24\00:19:07.58
that's why it is
called sex on the side,
00:19:07.61\00:19:08.94
keep it on the side, and
I'll do my thing with God,
00:19:08.98\00:19:10.31
that's kinda on
the side, you know.
00:19:10.35\00:19:11.68
And it's something that,
00:19:11.71\00:19:13.05
it shows like a
lack of trust in God.
00:19:13.08\00:19:15.15
Because I don't trust
00:19:15.18\00:19:17.02
that He'll give
me the right person
00:19:17.05\00:19:18.95
that will please
me, so I'm gonna have,
00:19:18.99\00:19:22.09
I have to sleep with
this person to see first,
00:19:22.12\00:19:24.79
or I have to
live with this person.
00:19:24.83\00:19:26.43
And, you know, I
really like this person,
00:19:26.46\00:19:27.80
we're already having sex,
00:19:27.83\00:19:29.16
you know, and
we're gonna live together
00:19:29.20\00:19:30.53
so I can see if
they're marriage material,
00:19:30.57\00:19:32.60
you're not trusting God,
00:19:32.63\00:19:33.97
you're trying to
test and see for yourself
00:19:34.00\00:19:36.17
instead of letting
Him put it together.
00:19:36.20\00:19:38.44
Okay, so I'm gonna go a little
00:19:38.47\00:19:39.81
further also and
talk a little more about
00:19:39.84\00:19:42.21
other forms of sex on the side,
00:19:42.24\00:19:43.58
you know, obviously,
there's the one we talked about
00:19:43.61\00:19:45.28
where you're kind
of maybe in the church,
00:19:45.31\00:19:46.65
you're just kind of having sex
00:19:46.68\00:19:48.02
and not really
caring about that whatever
00:19:48.05\00:19:50.29
but also there's
another form of sex
00:19:50.32\00:19:52.75
and that's
called sexting, right?
00:19:52.79\00:19:54.99
And all sorts of forms of like,
00:19:55.02\00:19:57.26
you know, Face book and Skype
and all these different things.
00:19:57.29\00:19:59.49
So first of
all, what is sexting?
00:19:59.53\00:20:02.23
Someone wanna
define that for us?
00:20:02.26\00:20:03.60
What is it? What is it?
00:20:03.63\00:20:05.50
You looking at me?
00:20:05.53\00:20:08.37
I don't know what it is.
00:20:08.40\00:20:10.77
I mean, sexting from
what I understand is,
00:20:10.81\00:20:15.84
I guess, taking
pictures of yourself,
00:20:15.88\00:20:20.68
I guess, with your camera phone
00:20:20.72\00:20:22.18
and your cell phone
or something like that,
00:20:22.22\00:20:24.32
and sending it to
people who you're interested
00:20:24.35\00:20:27.76
or them sending pictures back
00:20:27.79\00:20:29.72
so it's kind of like
a visual stimulation.
00:20:29.76\00:20:33.73
I think, essentially
00:20:33.76\00:20:35.10
it's sexual
intimacy through media.
00:20:35.13\00:20:36.77
Yeah. So...
00:20:36.80\00:20:38.13
They're actually
being there in the part.
00:20:38.17\00:20:39.50
Yeah, exactly, so that can
be in a lot of different ways,
00:20:39.53\00:20:41.20
for instance,
you'll be taking a picture,
00:20:41.24\00:20:42.57
it could be, you know, Skype
00:20:42.60\00:20:44.07
it can be, you know,
lots of different things
00:20:44.11\00:20:45.94
but essentially
it's sexual intimacy
00:20:45.97\00:20:48.68
through media,
00:20:48.71\00:20:50.05
exposing myself
or allowing myself
00:20:50.08\00:20:52.15
to be sexually viewed by you
00:20:52.18\00:20:54.82
or intimately viewed by somebody
00:20:54.85\00:20:57.82
who is not maybe
not necessarily present
00:20:57.85\00:20:59.95
or I mean, people would
be in the same room and sext.
00:20:59.99\00:21:02.69
So, you know, what I mean?
00:21:02.72\00:21:04.06
It's just
another form of intimacy
00:21:04.09\00:21:06.19
through media.
00:21:06.23\00:21:07.56
Yeah.
00:21:07.60\00:21:08.93
So why... I mean, go ahead.
00:21:08.96\00:21:10.30
No, I was gonna
say in the media,
00:21:10.33\00:21:11.67
the media supports it like
00:21:11.70\00:21:13.07
there's a numerous
amount of songs out there
00:21:13.10\00:21:15.24
that support, you know, sexual,
00:21:15.27\00:21:17.57
you know,
talking, having phone sex,
00:21:17.61\00:21:20.88
you know, or sending
pictures and things like that.
00:21:20.91\00:21:23.35
And it's not
looked at as anything bad,
00:21:23.38\00:21:25.91
it's looked at as, you know,
00:21:25.95\00:21:27.32
it's safe because
we're not really doing it,
00:21:27.35\00:21:29.68
you know, we're just, yeah,
and that's not true at all.
00:21:29.72\00:21:35.46
Or even that sexting is a way
to enhance your relationships.
00:21:35.49\00:21:39.59
Or if you're in a
long distance relationship,
00:21:39.63\00:21:41.33
you can sext and that's not sex,
00:21:41.36\00:21:43.77
so it's okay.
00:21:43.80\00:21:45.13
So, you know,
00:21:45.17\00:21:46.50
it's kind of pushed in that way.
00:21:46.53\00:21:47.87
So, "Is that
something that people may use
00:21:47.90\00:21:49.24
to say, okay, I'm
not really having sex
00:21:49.27\00:21:50.61
but, you know,
00:21:50.64\00:21:51.97
this is
something in place of it.
00:21:52.01\00:21:53.34
You know, so it's okay?"
00:21:53.38\00:21:54.71
In order for you to
have, in order for you,
00:21:54.74\00:21:57.65
'cause at most of the
time this is, can I say this?
00:21:57.68\00:22:00.82
Most of the
time, when you do that,
00:22:00.85\00:22:02.98
you're in some kind
of way masturbating,
00:22:03.02\00:22:05.45
or you're making
yourself mentally have an orgasm
00:22:05.49\00:22:09.16
and is that sin?
00:22:09.19\00:22:10.66
Like does God look at that
and say, "Oh, that's okay."
00:22:10.69\00:22:14.10
You know, or is he
looking at that and saying,
00:22:14.13\00:22:16.43
whatever if you
think it in your mind
00:22:16.46\00:22:18.97
it's fornication to
you, it's sin for you.
00:22:19.00\00:22:21.37
That's what my Bible says.
00:22:21.40\00:22:22.74
So you can't think that,
oh, I'm not touching the person
00:22:22.77\00:22:28.48
but I'm having an
orgasm by this person
00:22:28.51\00:22:31.25
or with the
thought of this person
00:22:31.28\00:22:33.05
with this visual
picture of this person
00:22:33.08\00:22:35.18
but I'm not
sinning, there's we make up,
00:22:35.22\00:22:38.15
man makes up all
these technological,
00:22:38.19\00:22:40.62
you know, advances and
we think oh, we can use that
00:22:40.66\00:22:43.02
in place of what God
really wanted to happen
00:22:43.06\00:22:45.96
and that's not okay.
00:22:45.99\00:22:47.33
Yeah, so this would be also
another form of fornication?
00:22:47.36\00:22:50.27
You know what I saw,
there's actually a new thing
00:22:50.30\00:22:53.13
where if I'm in a long
distance relationship with you,
00:22:53.17\00:22:55.67
it's like I can buy lingerie
00:22:55.70\00:22:58.17
that has touch
sensors on the lingerie
00:22:58.21\00:23:01.71
and so while you wear
you're at, we can exchange,
00:23:01.74\00:23:05.01
and I can touch,
it's like a keypad,
00:23:05.05\00:23:07.55
and I can sexually stimulate you
00:23:07.58\00:23:09.85
from wherever I am,
00:23:09.88\00:23:11.52
even that's crazy.
00:23:11.55\00:23:13.39
And so...
00:23:13.42\00:23:14.76
Someone don't need to hear that.
00:23:14.79\00:23:16.12
Right, so the world is coming up
00:23:16.16\00:23:17.63
with ways for
people to be intimate
00:23:17.66\00:23:21.06
outside of the natural way
that God has created it to be.
00:23:21.10\00:23:25.73
And if we don't guard ourselves,
00:23:25.77\00:23:28.40
if we're not cautious
and aware of the things
00:23:28.44\00:23:31.61
that easily be set us,
00:23:31.64\00:23:32.97
'cause that's what
sex on the side is,
00:23:33.01\00:23:34.34
it's the pet sin.
00:23:34.38\00:23:35.71
The sin you keep
in your back pocket
00:23:35.74\00:23:37.45
because you know
it's gonna be work
00:23:37.48\00:23:39.01
to let go of or you know that
00:23:39.05\00:23:41.08
if you have to get
out of that relationship
00:23:41.12\00:23:42.68
to keep from having sex,
00:23:42.72\00:23:44.05
people will look at you funny
00:23:44.09\00:23:45.42
or, you know, you just don't
want to have to tackle that.
00:23:45.45\00:23:47.46
And that's what
it is. Yeah, wow.
00:23:47.49\00:23:49.42
I mean, what you
described there it sounds,
00:23:49.46\00:23:51.09
I mean, like a lot of addiction,
00:23:51.13\00:23:52.46
a lot of obsession going on.
00:23:52.49\00:23:53.83
So, I mean, why
is it so popular,
00:23:53.86\00:23:55.66
I mean, you know, I
wanna talk to Kyle here,
00:23:55.70\00:23:57.47
you know, and even Dajanae
00:23:57.50\00:23:58.83
being on the
university campus right now.
00:23:58.87\00:24:01.00
I know this thing is becoming,
00:24:01.04\00:24:02.84
talk to us a little bit about
00:24:02.87\00:24:04.31
maybe how it is
on the campus maybe
00:24:04.34\00:24:05.97
and maybe why it's popular,
00:24:06.01\00:24:08.41
you know, why is it
such a big craze right now.
00:24:08.44\00:24:11.35
The popularity would be
00:24:11.38\00:24:12.85
because we want
what we want now.
00:24:12.88\00:24:16.99
And so instead of...
00:24:17.02\00:24:20.09
Not even that, you should,
00:24:20.12\00:24:21.46
fornication
shouldn't be done, period.
00:24:21.49\00:24:22.82
Yeah.
00:24:22.86\00:24:24.19
But because things,
00:24:24.23\00:24:25.56
because of technology in the way
00:24:25.59\00:24:26.93
we want instant thing
this way and that way,
00:24:26.96\00:24:29.66
it's a selfish thing.
00:24:29.70\00:24:33.10
It comes down to
"I want what I want.
00:24:33.13\00:24:35.70
And if I can't have it this way,
00:24:35.74\00:24:37.17
then I'll find a
way to get it that way."
00:24:37.21\00:24:38.94
So I think
that's why it's popular.
00:24:38.97\00:24:40.31
Yeah, yeah.
00:24:40.34\00:24:41.68
It's a sense of pre-exposure,
00:24:41.71\00:24:44.01
a lot of us especially as,
you know, time, time increases
00:24:44.05\00:24:49.18
or whatever have you,
00:24:49.22\00:24:50.55
we are pre-exposed,
children are pre-exposed
00:24:50.59\00:24:54.99
to sexual relations and
images and things like that.
00:24:55.02\00:24:58.39
So when you get to a
certain age, it's like...
00:24:58.43\00:25:01.06
It's normal.
00:25:01.10\00:25:02.43
You know, even
though we're told,
00:25:02.46\00:25:04.00
you know, in church one thing.
00:25:04.03\00:25:05.83
Sometimes in the homes
00:25:05.87\00:25:07.20
we're not being
told the same thing.
00:25:07.24\00:25:08.57
Or let's say we
are, like we said,
00:25:08.60\00:25:10.44
the conversation is so taboo.
00:25:10.47\00:25:12.51
Not so many
people, not so many parents
00:25:12.54\00:25:14.84
speak to their
children about sex
00:25:14.88\00:25:16.75
so they come to college
00:25:16.78\00:25:18.11
and they're gonna
experience for themselves.
00:25:18.15\00:25:20.35
Or let's say they have
spoken to them about sex,
00:25:20.38\00:25:22.85
but not in the proper way
like, it's bad, don't do it.
00:25:22.88\00:25:26.55
And then you go to college
and other people are doing it,
00:25:26.59\00:25:28.96
"Well, let me experience"
00:25:28.99\00:25:30.46
and this is the time
that you find yourself.
00:25:30.49\00:25:32.99
And there's a
lot of encouragement
00:25:33.03\00:25:34.86
through media,
through peer pressure
00:25:34.90\00:25:36.87
to live your life to the fullest
00:25:36.90\00:25:39.87
and, you know, "Yolo"
00:25:39.90\00:25:41.67
and do what you can now
00:25:41.70\00:25:43.64
because, you know, you
don't want to get old and can't,
00:25:43.67\00:25:46.41
you know, perform or whatever.
00:25:46.44\00:25:47.98
And it's foolishness.
It's absolute foolishness.
00:25:48.01\00:25:51.28
And there's the sense
00:25:51.31\00:25:52.65
of we all are
emotional relational beings.
00:25:52.68\00:25:57.59
We want to be close
to someone, we want that.
00:25:57.62\00:26:02.36
But there's, you,
the mindset what...
00:26:02.39\00:26:05.23
I used to work in the
dorm, in the freshman dorm,
00:26:05.26\00:26:08.20
and one thing that
I would tell my girls
00:26:08.23\00:26:10.50
is that you have to trust
God that He'll take care of you,
00:26:10.53\00:26:15.57
and you do not need
to be in a relationship
00:26:15.60\00:26:18.21
with anybody if that's not
what God is calling you to do.
00:26:18.24\00:26:21.98
Because it will
mess up the thing
00:26:22.01\00:26:23.71
that God is preparing you for,
00:26:23.75\00:26:25.61
God is preparing a
young man somewhere
00:26:25.65\00:26:28.08
and He is
preparing you right now.
00:26:28.12\00:26:30.29
And if you bond with someone
that you're not supposed to,
00:26:30.32\00:26:33.66
when you finally
do get your blessing,
00:26:33.69\00:26:35.56
when you finally do
walk into a promise land
00:26:35.59\00:26:38.76
or what have you,
00:26:38.79\00:26:40.13
you won't be able to
enjoy what's in that land
00:26:40.16\00:26:43.13
because you've
already picked at it,
00:26:43.16\00:26:46.13
and messed it up, and
tore stuff apart from it.
00:26:46.17\00:26:48.70
So you won't be able to
enjoy, so wait be patient.
00:26:48.74\00:26:51.34
Yeah, yeah, you
know, that's which,
00:26:51.37\00:26:53.31
I mean, there's
so many forms of sex,
00:26:53.34\00:26:56.28
you know, that's not,
00:26:56.31\00:26:57.65
you know, not just talking
about having just intercourse.
00:26:57.68\00:27:00.38
You can do the media,
00:27:00.42\00:27:02.02
I mean, through
various mediums and whatnot,
00:27:02.05\00:27:03.79
you know, so
there's so many things
00:27:03.82\00:27:05.15
that we have to be careful
00:27:05.19\00:27:06.52
and watch out for as
young people are trying to,
00:27:06.55\00:27:09.42
you know, survive
right now, trying to,
00:27:09.46\00:27:11.56
you know, avoid this stuff,
00:27:11.59\00:27:13.09
fornication that the
devil is really trying to use
00:27:13.13\00:27:15.10
to really bring us down.
00:27:15.13\00:27:16.50
So and we're
about, our times about up,
00:27:16.53\00:27:18.87
and I just wanna
read this text here
00:27:18.90\00:27:20.24
in I Thessalonians 4:3-5.
00:27:20.27\00:27:22.84
It says, "It is God's will
that you should be sanctified,
00:27:22.87\00:27:26.78
that you should
avoid sexual immorality,
00:27:26.81\00:27:29.28
that each of you should
learn to control his own body
00:27:29.31\00:27:32.28
in a way that is
holy and honorable,
00:27:32.31\00:27:34.42
not in passionate
lust like the Heathen,
00:27:34.45\00:27:38.29
who do not know God."
00:27:38.32\00:27:39.75
And so we wanna hold
ourselves to high standards.
00:27:39.79\00:27:41.56
We wanna make sure
that we understand,
00:27:41.59\00:27:42.99
that we are
children of the King,
00:27:43.02\00:27:44.56
that we have a duty
to uphold our standards
00:27:44.59\00:27:47.60
and our morals
to a high standard,
00:27:47.63\00:27:49.23
and that God is
wanting us to honor Him
00:27:49.26\00:27:52.03
and even in our bodies.
00:27:52.07\00:27:53.40
So that's it,
00:27:53.44\00:27:54.77
remember to make Pure Choices.
00:27:54.80\00:27:56.50