The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are cautioned
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that some
material may be too candid
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for younger children.
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Hello, and
welcome to Pure Choices.
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I'm your host,
Pastor Joshua Nelson
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and I'm glad you
decided to join us today.
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I'm here with all ladies today,
we're talking about wise women.
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And we want to talk
about how women can stay pure.
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But before we get into our
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discussion and
introduce our panel,
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let's just pause
for a word of prayer.
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Dear Heavenly Father,
we just ask that right now
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Your Spirit would be with
us and guide this conversation.
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In Jesus' name we pray.
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Amen. Amen.
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All right, well, let's introduce
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our lovely panel today.
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I have my co-host
here, Ms. Donnakaye Scarlett,
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who is the director of Pure...
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One of the directors
of Pure Reality Ministry
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in Miami, Florida.
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And then over here,
we have Traci Anderson,
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who is from Madison, Alabama,
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and she is the
director or the CEO,
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whatever you
say, of her husband,
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Jeremy Anderson's ministries
and so happy to have her here.
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We also have Kimberly Pearson,
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who is the associate chaplain
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at Oakwood University
in Huntsville, Alabama.
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And next to her, of course,
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we have one of
the students there
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which is Dajanae Maxwell,
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who is a theology
student at Oakwood University.
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So we have a great
beautiful panel of women today
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and so we want to get
right into talking about this
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and really honing in on
purity when it comes to women
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and how women should be pure.
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So I'm going to
start with Kimberly.
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What does it mean
for a woman to be pure?
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We have lots of
different phrases,
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you know, keep the
hands off the cookie jar,
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you keep the kitchen
closed, we have lots of,
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you know,
colloquial terms and cliches
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that we use but, you know,
I really think that being pure
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is a mindset that
dictates behavior.
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I think purity
begins with how you think,
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how you view
yourself and how you feel
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and then it
leads into how you act.
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I think actions come
from thoughts and emotions
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and even sometimes our past,
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by being able to process that
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into how we present ourselves
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as young women and young ladies.
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Right, right, okay. Traci?
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I completely
agree it is a mindset.
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I think sometimes we get,
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you know, the two terms confused
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as in being pure and then also,
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you know, just sex in general...
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Okay. I think.
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But purity is also, you
know, what you watch on TV
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and keeping your mind pure.
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It is keeping, you
know, your heart pure.
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It's not just
keeping your body pure
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but, you know,
it's your whole temple,
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your temple in general,
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you know, from
the head to the toe.
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Okay.
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So then let me ask
you, in today's culture,
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today's society, it basically,
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maybe speaks a
little differently,
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so do you think that
purity even has a place
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in this culture and
doesn't have a cost,
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if you decide that
you wanna stay pure?
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I think it does,
it's not the society
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isn't providing a place for it
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but there's
still a place for it.
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We as, you know, my generation,
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we don't look at the
ins and outs of purity.
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It is when we think
of purity, we think,
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"Oh, well, I'm a virgin.
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So I'm pure."
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But it goes beyond the mindset.
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I mean, it goes
beyond the behavior
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like what was stated before.
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But purity, purity
is how I conduct myself,
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purity is how I...
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The people that I
associate myself with,
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purity is what
I put into my soul
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and my body and my mind.
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All right. All right,
so what is the cost then?
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You know, I honestly think that
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the cost often
times of our purity
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is we sell our virtue.
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And we sell it for acceptance
and we sell it for soothing.
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Because a lot of times,
young ladies are hurting
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and so in order to mask that,
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sometimes can
go above and beyond
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in the opposite direction,
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but sometimes the
cost of purity involves,
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sometimes being made fun of,
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being seen as the outsider,
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the strange one,
the holier than thou one
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and so it can come
with being a social outcast
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which is a very
difficult place to be
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when you are a woman
going through that transition
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into young adulthood
and not feeling accepted
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in your sexuality in a culture
that's very overly sexualized,
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very overly simulated.
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Yeah, yeah.
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And especially, you
know, I was a guy, you know,
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looking at the young
men that I try to mentor on
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and a lot of them are
just going after the women
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and really making it
even uncool for them to resist
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and not do the sexual acts,
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you know, making them feel
bad or even less, you know.
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So what would you say to a woman
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who's in that position
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where all the guys
are kind of coming at her?
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It's expected in the circle
that she rides in or whatever,
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that she's supposed
to just do these things,
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even if she may know it's wrong
or, you know, impure to do.
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I believe that a
lot of women know it
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to be wrong like you said,
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a lot of young ladies,
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a lot of a young
girls even because...
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The people,
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children are starting
to be very sexualized.
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Children are starting
to look at men and like,
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"Oh, they have muscles."
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Or the young boys
like, "Oh, they have..."
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You know, very sexual
even in elementary school.
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And so it's
understood that it's "bad,
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" but it needs to be discussed
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as something that
sexuality isn't bad
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but just the way
that it's being portrayed
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in society is bad.
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And so having that
balance first and foremost
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but to the young
woman, it's not necessarily...
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She has to know
who she is. Okay.
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She has to know who
she is first and foremost
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because you can tell her all day
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what you should
and should not do.
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All right.
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But if there's no value
that God has placed on her
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because there's not even...
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I need to have high self-esteem
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and I need to have
this high value of self,
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it's not even just that,
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it's I need to have
value of self in Christ.
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So without that in
Christ, I can still be...
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I'm nothing, I'm
nothing without Jesus.
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So, yeah, that's
what I would say,
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that's what I would
try to get her to realize,
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try to culture
into understanding
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that you are the
daughter of Jesus Christ.
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You are the daughter of the one
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who created everything
wonderful and beautiful.
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That's who you belong to.
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So now that you have
that, that self value in Jesus,
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now how do you
respond to the young man
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that try to come to you for sex.
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So then how do you
reconcile that with a culture
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that historically is
very violent towards women?
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With a culture that objectifies
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and says as we're
talking about cost and place
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and objectifies
and as you're saying,
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excellent point,
but what do you say
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when the saturation
or the over saturation
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of this culture says,
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"This is who you are.
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You're not even a
person, you're an object."
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Yeah.
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I think that,
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when you think
about things like that,
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you know, we look at,
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you know, the
media and the magazines
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and we see these supermodels.
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And sometimes we as females,
we look at them and say,
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"Oh, okay, society is
saying that's what's beautiful.
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You need to be in this size.
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You need to wear
this type of makeup
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or you need to have
this type of jewelry,
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this type of clothes
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and if you don't
have any of that,
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then, you know, you're not it."
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Yeah.
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You're not the "It
Girl" or you're not beautiful.
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And I think what we as women
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and as young women need to do
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is to develop that
relationship with Christ
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and by developing that
relationship with Christ
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I think that, you know, just,
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you know, going on
with what Dajanae said that,
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you know, we will
gain our inner worth.
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You know, and not worry about
what everyone else is saying.
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And also I think
that men today...
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Females are developing,
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you know, a lot
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quicker and more
mature these days.
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And males, they
are going after that.
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Okay.
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You know, and...
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So they have to be on...
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The girls got to be
on extra guard because...
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Yes, extra guard. Yeah.
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You know, when I
was in grad school,
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when I was at Andrews,
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I was doing some research
in my youth ministry degree
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and I've read about something
called the "Lolita Effect,
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" where we objectify
women, especially, young girls
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and we take innocence
and make it look attractive
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and sexualized innocence.
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So you'll see images
in pop culture of women
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dressed up like little girls
with pig tails and looking cute
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and licking
lollipops and looking sexual
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as young girls.
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And then we flip that
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and we also look at little girls
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who are with the nails
done and their hair done,
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in the short dresses
and all these things...
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Wow.
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And so we dress up little girls
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and we dress a
woman as little girls
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and sexualize them and then say,
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"Be this person
or look like this.
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Here's the image
that we're selling you."
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And I think part of that is,
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you know, we
assume sometimes that
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just get to Jesus,
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once you get to Jesus,
then everything will be okay.
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But there's a human process
that needs to take place,
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that I think
comes in relationship.
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Sometimes before I
can get you to Jesus,
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I just got to get you.
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So we as women
have to rally around.
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Okay.
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And get to these young women
and say, "Hey, I'm a woman,
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I love God, you
know, I can be beautiful
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and not objectify myself,
now come hang out with me..."
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Yeah.
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"And see how we
can do this together."
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Yeah.
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And then through that
nurturing relationships,
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through that transparencies,
to being able to say,
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"I struggle with
this and this and that.
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And this is how I'm dealing
with it and rectifying it
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and then moving forward."
00:10:46.17\00:10:47.51
So... Yeah.
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As you were saying that, I
just want to just ask then,
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is there a
spiritual war on women?
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Yes, definitely.
Let's talk about that.
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Absolutely.
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Because there is a sense,
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I mean, we would be lying
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if we would say that we
don't want to be attractive.
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Women, men, we all
want to be attractive,
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we want to
attract the opposite sex
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but in that we've been taught
the wrong way on how to do it.
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So me as a young girl,
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people always
said, "You're pretty.
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You're so pretty,
you're so pretty."
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And it became, it
became something bad to me,
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like I looked at it like,
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'cause I would see
women on television
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and the beautiful
woman was the cunning,
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was the evil woman that,
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you know, took the man's money
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or seduced him
and whatever like,
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it was always something bad.
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So I was like, "Okay,
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I'm pretty and not
necessarily want to be."
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And so it was
this battle between,
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yes, wanting to be attractive,
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but not wanting
to be what I've seen.
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And so it was only
through other women,
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explaining to me
that beauty is not bad.
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Me seeing other women
who are also beautiful
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that carry
themselves in a certain way.
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So I don't have to show
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everything that God has given me
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in order for someone
to be attracted to me.
00:12:08.42\00:12:10.46
And so that understanding
00:12:10.49\00:12:12.19
is what caused me personally
00:12:12.23\00:12:14.06
to not want to
just be a pretty face
00:12:14.10\00:12:15.66
or not just want
to be a pretty body.
00:12:15.70\00:12:17.33
So it has to be...
00:12:17.37\00:12:18.70
It's on the
individual and the Holy Spirit
00:12:18.73\00:12:21.00
convicting the
individual, woman,
00:12:21.04\00:12:22.94
young girl that
you are more than
00:12:22.97\00:12:24.57
your appearance,
00:12:24.61\00:12:25.94
that your beauty is
more than skin deep.
00:12:25.97\00:12:28.24
And it's the inner being
00:12:28.28\00:12:29.61
that someone should
first be attracted to.
00:12:29.64\00:12:31.38
Okay, that's awesome.
00:12:31.41\00:12:32.75
But, you know, I
think that women,
00:12:32.78\00:12:34.62
a lot of women do
know we're beautiful.
00:12:34.65\00:12:36.18
We know we're pretty,
00:12:36.22\00:12:37.55
we know you got the
curves and the shape.
00:12:37.59\00:12:40.12
We know, we're told
what beautiful looks like
00:12:40.16\00:12:42.52
and even now
there's a shift in trend
00:12:42.56\00:12:44.96
in culture
where, you know, being,
00:12:44.99\00:12:46.86
you know, heavier is beautiful
00:12:46.90\00:12:49.06
and different
body types and all.
00:12:49.10\00:12:51.20
And embracing your natural hair,
00:12:51.23\00:12:52.73
your curly hair whatever,
00:12:52.77\00:12:54.27
so we're
definitely taking a trend
00:12:54.30\00:12:55.74
towards people being able
00:12:55.77\00:12:57.11
to identify
themselves as beautiful,
00:12:57.14\00:12:58.74
but there's a
hurt that goes deeper
00:12:58.77\00:13:01.61
and that beauty is not
that that person is not valued.
00:13:01.64\00:13:06.25
So even though I'm beautiful,
I'm hurting on the inside.
00:13:06.28\00:13:09.68
So I want to
use this as a weapon
00:13:09.72\00:13:13.49
to either hurt other people
00:13:13.52\00:13:16.12
or to keep
myself from being hurt.
00:13:16.16\00:13:18.46
So now my beauty
becomes a bargaining tool,
00:13:18.49\00:13:21.70
for me to get or
gain or give something
00:13:21.73\00:13:24.40
in order to help myself.
00:13:24.43\00:13:25.93
So then,
00:13:25.97\00:13:27.30
as you're talking
about a beauty being
00:13:27.34\00:13:28.80
more than skin deep
00:13:28.84\00:13:30.41
and one of the
things that I like to say
00:13:30.44\00:13:31.77
is the fact that,
00:13:31.81\00:13:33.38
Eve, before she
could behold Adam,
00:13:33.41\00:13:36.98
she had to behold
and look into the eyes
00:13:37.01\00:13:39.05
of her maker.
00:13:39.08\00:13:40.42
She had to see in
order for it to go,
00:13:40.45\00:13:42.35
when she looked at God
00:13:42.38\00:13:44.09
and she saw the
reflection that came back,
00:13:44.12\00:13:46.35
she saw that she was
beautiful but deeper than that,
00:13:46.39\00:13:48.76
she saw that she was loved,
valued and filled with worth.
00:13:48.79\00:13:53.56
And so therefore,
00:13:53.60\00:13:54.96
she had a
different picture of herself,
00:13:55.00\00:13:56.33
so as I say that, what
I want to know from you
00:13:56.36\00:13:58.43
is thinking about everything,
does flirting, flattery,
00:13:58.47\00:14:03.20
sensuality and sexiness
00:14:03.24\00:14:05.04
even have a
place in pure living?
00:14:05.07\00:14:06.88
I mean, can you be flirtatious?
00:14:06.91\00:14:09.98
Can you be
sensuous, can... You know.
00:14:10.01\00:14:12.71
Is flattery okay?
00:14:12.75\00:14:14.45
I think coming from
00:14:14.48\00:14:16.89
just speaking
as a married woman,
00:14:16.92\00:14:19.55
you have to be very careful
00:14:19.59\00:14:22.92
and there is a
thin line I think,
00:14:22.96\00:14:26.49
that me being
married or even being single
00:14:26.53\00:14:31.50
with being flirtatious and with,
00:14:31.53\00:14:35.47
you know, flattering somebody,
00:14:35.50\00:14:38.24
even especially, of
the opposite sex or even,
00:14:38.27\00:14:40.68
you know, the
same sex these days.
00:14:40.71\00:14:43.04
And I think that you
deep within yourself you know,
00:14:43.08\00:14:49.02
you know, the difference between
00:14:49.05\00:14:50.42
a right and wrong.
00:14:50.45\00:14:51.79
You know that
there is a thin line
00:14:51.82\00:14:53.29
that you can cross...
00:14:53.32\00:14:54.66
Yeah.
00:14:54.69\00:14:56.02
And, you know, coming,
00:14:56.06\00:14:58.26
if an older man
00:14:58.29\00:14:59.86
or even somebody
of the opposite sex
00:14:59.89\00:15:02.23
gives you a compliment,
00:15:02.26\00:15:03.87
you know whether
00:15:03.90\00:15:05.43
you should say something or not,
00:15:05.47\00:15:07.80
especially back to that person,
00:15:07.84\00:15:09.37
you know, a simple thank you or,
00:15:09.40\00:15:11.31
you know, don't
saying anything at all.
00:15:11.34\00:15:12.87
I think... Okay.
00:15:12.91\00:15:16.04
And so as you say that, I
know that within our culture,
00:15:16.08\00:15:20.48
you know, a lot of guys have
that tendency to just call us
00:15:20.52\00:15:23.95
out of our name,
as we like to say.
00:15:23.99\00:15:26.25
And so as you're
talking about that,
00:15:26.29\00:15:27.82
answering back and the
flattery and the flirting
00:15:27.86\00:15:30.13
and all of that,
00:15:30.16\00:15:31.96
how do we let young ladies know
00:15:31.99\00:15:35.20
that the standard is
00:15:35.23\00:15:37.63
you may not know my name
00:15:37.67\00:15:39.00
but there's a way
that you address me?
00:15:39.03\00:15:40.74
As we're
talking about the whole,
00:15:40.77\00:15:42.50
you know, aura that we give off.
00:15:42.54\00:15:45.37
Well, can I have a question...
00:15:45.41\00:15:46.74
'Cause I was going to say,
00:15:46.78\00:15:48.11
you know, a lot of
that responsibility,
00:15:48.14\00:15:50.21
we talk about
women and nurturing women
00:15:50.25\00:15:52.45
and women to women,
00:15:52.48\00:15:53.82
but there is a role
for men, especially,
00:15:53.85\00:15:56.42
Christian men in our
society to take responsibility.
00:15:56.45\00:16:00.09
Like if I look at Boaz and Ruth,
00:16:00.12\00:16:02.32
Boaz took responsibility
for protecting Ruth's virtue.
00:16:02.36\00:16:06.83
When she came in
and laid by his feet,
00:16:06.86\00:16:09.36
he said, "Okay,
00:16:09.40\00:16:10.73
you can stay but
you need to leave
00:16:10.77\00:16:12.50
early enough so
that nobody sees you
00:16:12.53\00:16:14.14
and think something
harmful or wrong of you,
00:16:14.17\00:16:17.27
so why don't you
go ahead and leave,
00:16:17.31\00:16:19.04
so that no one...
00:16:19.07\00:16:20.41
This situation
doesn't look suspect."
00:16:20.44\00:16:22.68
Boaz took
responsibility for Ruth's virtue
00:16:22.71\00:16:26.18
as much as she
took responsibility
00:16:26.21\00:16:27.55
for her own.
00:16:27.58\00:16:28.92
So I think there is a
level of responsibility
00:16:28.95\00:16:30.39
on a man to say,
00:16:30.42\00:16:31.75
"If I value you,
I'm going to show you
00:16:31.79\00:16:33.12
I value you by..."
Chivalry can't be dead.
00:16:33.15\00:16:36.42
It has to be...
Still alive, yes.
00:16:36.46\00:16:37.79
Brought back to
life, it's still alive.
00:16:37.83\00:16:40.00
And so I think
00:16:40.03\00:16:41.36
there is a certain
level of responsibility
00:16:41.40\00:16:43.63
that we have to
deprogram ourselves
00:16:43.67\00:16:46.74
because you watch,
00:16:46.77\00:16:48.10
you know, you listen to
some of the popular music
00:16:48.14\00:16:50.07
and you're a bad, you know,
00:16:50.11\00:16:53.24
insert word, you know.
00:16:53.27\00:16:55.14
And then so we associate
and you put bad in front of it,
00:16:55.18\00:16:58.91
it means good
00:16:58.95\00:17:00.32
but if you just
say the word by itself,
00:17:00.35\00:17:03.05
"Oh, don't disrespect me."
00:17:03.08\00:17:04.65
And so we have to be careful
00:17:04.69\00:17:06.45
what we allow
ourselves to answer
00:17:06.49\00:17:08.12
to but we can't do that
00:17:08.16\00:17:10.06
until we know
what we're originally
00:17:10.09\00:17:11.66
supposed to be called.
00:17:11.69\00:17:13.03
Yeah. Right.
00:17:13.06\00:17:14.40
So I had a question, I mean,
just as the only guy in here,
00:17:14.43\00:17:16.13
you know.
00:17:16.16\00:17:18.07
Is it okay for a guy
to compliment a lady,
00:17:18.10\00:17:22.20
I mean, if he does then, I mean,
00:17:22.24\00:17:24.14
how do you all
view that, you know?
00:17:24.17\00:17:26.24
I mean, I just want to know
for us, for some of the guys,
00:17:26.27\00:17:28.14
you know, also for the
girls how should you respond
00:17:28.18\00:17:30.81
if a guy does, you
know, really like practically,
00:17:30.85\00:17:32.58
how should you respond if a guy
00:17:32.61\00:17:34.12
does something that
might be disrespectful?
00:17:34.15\00:17:35.48
I believe it's in
a sense situational,
00:17:35.52\00:17:37.22
because the way that I...
00:17:37.25\00:17:39.32
The way that you
will compliment me
00:17:39.35\00:17:40.96
as a single woman
would not be the same way
00:17:40.99\00:17:43.93
that you would compliment
because she's a married woman.
00:17:43.96\00:17:46.19
Okay.
00:17:46.23\00:17:47.56
And so even if say you would,
00:17:47.60\00:17:49.86
if you do give us
the same compliments,
00:17:49.90\00:17:52.13
my response should be different.
00:17:52.17\00:17:53.64
Her response
should be different.
00:17:53.67\00:17:55.70
And there is a sense, you
know, if I'm very flirtatious
00:17:55.74\00:17:59.57
which I used to really, really,
00:17:59.61\00:18:01.18
really be when I
was in high school.
00:18:01.21\00:18:03.28
I receive all the compliments
that you're giving me
00:18:03.31\00:18:06.75
if I like you or not, but
then now a woman in Christ,
00:18:06.78\00:18:09.82
I have to understand
00:18:09.85\00:18:11.19
that I can't
receive that the same way,
00:18:11.22\00:18:12.82
even if it's a pure,
00:18:12.85\00:18:14.32
you know, "Oh, you
look very nice today."
00:18:14.36\00:18:17.46
But the very,
you know, says a lot.
00:18:17.49\00:18:19.83
So it's like, "Okay, thank you."
00:18:19.86\00:18:21.23
And keep going
00:18:21.26\00:18:23.20
whereas, if you're
someone that I'm attracted to
00:18:23.23\00:18:25.70
and you're saying,
"You know, you're beautiful.
00:18:25.73\00:18:27.34
I like what you have worn today,
00:18:27.37\00:18:28.70
you know, you look
bright, whatever today."
00:18:28.74\00:18:32.04
Oh, you know, then
I'll say thank you,
00:18:32.07\00:18:33.78
I'll say thank
you in a different way
00:18:33.81\00:18:35.58
but you have to be...
00:18:35.61\00:18:37.11
It's situational, that's my...
00:18:37.15\00:18:38.58
It is, 'cause we even,
I mean, me and my friends,
00:18:38.61\00:18:40.42
we joke all the time
about how you go to church,
00:18:40.45\00:18:42.38
talk about the Sabbath hug.
00:18:42.42\00:18:44.02
A hug from the side or... Right.
00:18:44.05\00:18:47.26
And we talk
about the Sabbath hug
00:18:47.29\00:18:48.89
and being appropriate
and that kind of thing
00:18:48.92\00:18:51.53
because I think
charisma or sexuality
00:18:51.56\00:18:55.66
has been sold as charisma.
00:18:55.70\00:18:58.30
And so what's seen
as, hey, how you're doing?
00:18:58.33\00:19:02.04
You know, that kind of thing,
00:19:02.07\00:19:03.57
it's a flirtatious and
the lines get so blurred
00:19:03.61\00:19:06.84
and so I think a man can say,
00:19:06.88\00:19:08.24
"You look very
nice today, but the..."
00:19:08.28\00:19:09.94
"You look very
nice today." Right.
00:19:09.98\00:19:11.31
You didn't need to do all that.
00:19:11.35\00:19:12.68
Yeah, that was unnecessary.
00:19:12.71\00:19:15.08
I mean, tone,
intonation, all of those things,
00:19:15.12\00:19:18.45
I think we just need to
stop lying to ourselves.
00:19:18.49\00:19:20.82
You know what
you mean when you say
00:19:20.86\00:19:22.19
what you mean
and how you say it.
00:19:22.22\00:19:23.96
We are intelligent human beings
00:19:23.99\00:19:26.70
who are able to
communicate effectively
00:19:26.73\00:19:30.23
without "communicating."
00:19:30.27\00:19:32.27
Right.
00:19:32.30\00:19:33.64
Let's do some little bit
of discernment here then.
00:19:33.67\00:19:35.64
So as we're
talking about womanhood
00:19:35.67\00:19:38.57
and wise women
and being pure then,
00:19:38.61\00:19:41.04
does your appearance
00:19:41.08\00:19:42.41
and I'm not just
talking about your clothing,
00:19:42.44\00:19:44.05
your appearance,
00:19:44.08\00:19:46.21
does that have
anything to do with
00:19:46.25\00:19:48.18
all of what we're
talking about right now?
00:19:48.22\00:19:50.29
The way that I walk,
00:19:50.32\00:19:52.29
the way that my chaplaincy said,
00:19:52.32\00:19:54.49
the way that I hug you,
the way that I communicate...
00:19:54.52\00:19:57.96
'Cause me
personally when I speak,
00:19:57.99\00:19:59.53
I'm a touchy person
00:19:59.56\00:20:01.23
but I have to watch that
00:20:01.26\00:20:02.73
especially when it
comes down to the opposite sex
00:20:02.76\00:20:05.23
because for me,
00:20:05.27\00:20:06.60
I'm looking at
you as my brother,
00:20:06.63\00:20:07.97
I'm just talking,
I'm just very animated.
00:20:08.00\00:20:09.90
Whereas, but you may
receive it a certain way.
00:20:09.94\00:20:11.87
And so I can't touch her leg,
00:20:11.91\00:20:13.41
I can't touch a
man's leg when I'm talking.
00:20:13.44\00:20:14.78
That's that,
that... You can't do that.
00:20:14.81\00:20:16.14
No, no.
00:20:16.18\00:20:17.51
And so you have
to first of all know,
00:20:17.55\00:20:19.11
you have to know yourself,
you have to know what you do,
00:20:19.15\00:20:21.08
how you communicate and
how that can be looked at
00:20:21.12\00:20:24.39
on as outsiders,
00:20:24.42\00:20:26.12
so, yes.
00:20:26.15\00:20:29.36
With men, but even right now
00:20:29.39\00:20:32.73
because we're in today's culture
00:20:32.76\00:20:34.30
with women.
00:20:34.33\00:20:35.83
Yeah, I agree
and especially being,
00:20:35.86\00:20:38.57
you know, in a relationship
or even being single,
00:20:38.60\00:20:41.54
you know what not to wear,
00:20:41.57\00:20:43.41
that short skirt
is not necessary,
00:20:43.44\00:20:46.41
that low top is not necessary.
00:20:46.44\00:20:49.74
People without showing too much,
00:20:49.78\00:20:53.21
you know, they can
know you as a person.
00:20:53.25\00:20:55.55
Let them get to
know you as a person
00:20:55.58\00:20:57.85
before you show
all of your goods,
00:20:57.89\00:21:00.06
I guess, as you say.
00:21:00.09\00:21:01.56
And I want you to
go speak more on that
00:21:01.59\00:21:03.79
because, I mean, as
the only ambassador here
00:21:03.83\00:21:06.16
I'm trying to be careful here.
00:21:06.19\00:21:09.80
I mean, we always say,
00:21:09.83\00:21:11.27
you know, help
us out a little bit,
00:21:11.30\00:21:12.63
you know.
00:21:12.67\00:21:14.00
I know that of course,
00:21:14.04\00:21:15.37
you know, we talk to the
guys about being respectful,
00:21:15.40\00:21:16.74
how you're looking
and what you're saying
00:21:16.77\00:21:18.11
and what not.
00:21:18.14\00:21:19.47
But I think it
does, I mean, as a guy,
00:21:19.51\00:21:20.84
it does say something to me
00:21:20.88\00:21:22.21
when I see a girl
wearing a short...
00:21:22.24\00:21:23.58
A certain way. Right.
00:21:23.61\00:21:24.95
It does speak to how they are.
00:21:24.98\00:21:26.31
And if they're
trying to be a wise woman,
00:21:26.35\00:21:27.68
then how should they
really, you know, dress?
00:21:27.72\00:21:29.05
You know, I definitely think
00:21:29.08\00:21:30.42
that there is a
balance that can be there.
00:21:30.45\00:21:31.79
You can be beautiful.
00:21:31.82\00:21:33.15
You can be fashionable
and you can still love Jesus.
00:21:33.19\00:21:36.42
You know what I
mean, I think sometimes
00:21:36.46\00:21:38.03
we get it confused and we say,
00:21:38.06\00:21:40.33
"If you love Jesus,
only your eyes can show,
00:21:40.36\00:21:43.03
you know."
00:21:43.06\00:21:44.40
And it doesn't
necessarily have to be that way.
00:21:44.43\00:21:47.40
That comes in with asking God
to participate in your choices.
00:21:47.44\00:21:51.41
When you go shopping,
say, you know, asking God,
00:21:51.44\00:21:54.51
you know, God is my friend,
00:21:54.54\00:21:56.54
"Does this look good on me, God?
00:21:56.58\00:21:57.91
Do you... Is this
something that I can wear?"
00:21:57.95\00:21:59.68
You know what I mean.
00:21:59.71\00:22:01.05
And having that
dialogue with God
00:22:01.08\00:22:03.08
and then as God
starts to transform you,
00:22:03.12\00:22:05.75
as you start to
develop that relationship,
00:22:05.79\00:22:07.36
as the Holy Spirit
and you start to be able
00:22:07.39\00:22:09.19
to discern His voice,
He'll tell you, "Uh-uh.
00:22:09.22\00:22:12.76
No, no, bubu.
00:22:12.79\00:22:14.13
You shouldn't
wear that, no, no."
00:22:14.16\00:22:15.90
You're going this
way, that is not for you.
00:22:15.93\00:22:17.27
Exactly, exactly,
00:22:17.30\00:22:19.37
and so we have to relate
00:22:19.40\00:22:20.74
I think as women
that we are billboards,
00:22:20.77\00:22:22.64
that we are
walking advertisements.
00:22:22.67\00:22:24.11
Here you go.
00:22:24.14\00:22:25.47
And whenever we leave our homes,
00:22:25.51\00:22:27.71
whenever we go out, we
are advertising something.
00:22:27.74\00:22:31.11
That's right.
00:22:31.15\00:22:32.48
Now the question is,
what are you selling?
00:22:32.51\00:22:34.88
What are you
selling? That's true.
00:22:34.92\00:22:36.25
What are you selling?
00:22:36.28\00:22:37.62
And that's something that
00:22:37.65\00:22:38.99
I have started to understand
00:22:39.02\00:22:40.99
maybe like two
or three years ago.
00:22:41.02\00:22:43.02
Whereas, okay, my beauty
doesn't have to be dangerous,
00:22:43.06\00:22:45.96
that Christ gave me my beauty
so I can use it to glorify Him.
00:22:45.99\00:22:49.96
Okay, so people are
attracted to me and for a while,
00:22:50.00\00:22:54.04
I didn't really like
people to be so attracted to me
00:22:54.07\00:22:57.07
and so but, okay,
people are attracted to me,
00:22:57.11\00:22:58.97
so now I can draw them to Jesus.
00:22:59.01\00:23:00.34
So when they
come, like you said,
00:23:00.38\00:23:01.91
before they even know
that I stand for Christ,
00:23:01.94\00:23:04.78
I have a lot of guy friends,
00:23:04.81\00:23:06.95
they respect me
because the way I hold myself,
00:23:06.98\00:23:09.88
because of what I
allow them to call me,
00:23:09.92\00:23:12.15
by how I allow
them to touch me or to,
00:23:12.19\00:23:15.09
you know, if I give a
hug or whatever it may be,
00:23:15.12\00:23:17.89
and so because of that I
can now minister to them.
00:23:17.93\00:23:21.63
But if I hold
myself very flirtatious
00:23:21.66\00:23:23.60
and every time they
give me a compliment,
00:23:23.63\00:23:25.13
you know, testing the waters,
00:23:25.17\00:23:26.80
I receive it,
then it's hard for me
00:23:26.84\00:23:29.44
to be an ambassador for Christ.
00:23:29.47\00:23:31.37
Yeah, yeah.
00:23:31.41\00:23:32.74
So I guess we're
talking about boundaries.
00:23:32.77\00:23:35.54
What we need to
give our young ladies,
00:23:35.58\00:23:37.61
you know, is boundaries
and so from everything
00:23:37.65\00:23:40.88
that we're saying,
00:23:40.92\00:23:42.25
we're just basically... Yeah.
00:23:42.28\00:23:43.95
Letting
everybody know that purity,
00:23:43.99\00:23:46.45
a lifestyle of purity,
00:23:46.49\00:23:47.82
wise women, are we boring?
00:23:47.86\00:23:49.22
Are we stiff?
Are we, you know...
00:23:49.26\00:23:52.76
That'll be uninspiring.
00:23:52.79\00:23:54.63
No, no, I think that,
00:23:54.66\00:23:57.40
you know, all of us
here were different.
00:23:57.43\00:23:59.10
We all have personalities
that are different.
00:23:59.13\00:24:01.60
God gave us
personalities for a reason.
00:24:01.64\00:24:03.74
You can be who
God created you to be
00:24:03.77\00:24:06.37
in your purpose as yourself.
00:24:06.41\00:24:08.84
And that's okay,
00:24:08.88\00:24:10.21
you know, and so
boundaries are important.
00:24:10.25\00:24:12.78
You can say,
this is my boundary,
00:24:12.81\00:24:15.52
you don't need
to come any further.
00:24:15.55\00:24:17.35
But I think what we
struggle with as women,
00:24:17.39\00:24:19.35
is our
boundaries have been crossed
00:24:19.39\00:24:21.89
so often, especially,
00:24:21.92\00:24:23.69
as young girls, as young women,
00:24:23.73\00:24:25.49
our boundaries
are crossed physically
00:24:25.53\00:24:28.10
through sometimes molestation,
00:24:28.13\00:24:29.86
abused as children
00:24:29.90\00:24:31.23
and then our
boundaries are crossed mentally
00:24:31.27\00:24:33.37
to what we see and
what we're introduced to
00:24:33.40\00:24:35.40
and to different
things like that and then,
00:24:35.44\00:24:37.44
you know, so
boundaries are crossing
00:24:37.47\00:24:38.87
all of these different ways.
00:24:38.91\00:24:40.24
And so you get so used to people
00:24:40.28\00:24:42.18
coming into your boundaries
00:24:42.21\00:24:43.75
that we no longer
hold up a standard.
00:24:43.78\00:24:46.18
So you can hold up
a standard as yourself
00:24:46.21\00:24:49.88
and I think that makes
Christ even more attractive.
00:24:49.92\00:24:51.85
Right. Yeah.
00:24:51.89\00:24:53.22
But I also wanna
say that God restores.
00:24:53.25\00:24:54.69
Yes.
00:24:54.72\00:24:56.06
Even after those
boundaries have been crossed.
00:24:56.09\00:24:58.79
Yes.
00:24:58.83\00:25:00.16
And regardless of what
happened in your situation.
00:25:00.20\00:25:03.80
You know, you can set
those boundaries back up.
00:25:03.83\00:25:06.40
And God restores everything.
00:25:06.43\00:25:09.27
That's been, 'cause
that's exactly what was...
00:25:09.30\00:25:10.84
That was exactly
what was in my mind
00:25:10.87\00:25:12.51
because for many
young ladies it's like,
00:25:12.54\00:25:14.61
it's hard for me to do that
00:25:14.64\00:25:15.98
because they already
know me to accept this.
00:25:16.01\00:25:18.48
So I've accepted
this kind of response
00:25:18.51\00:25:20.45
for so long that now,
00:25:20.48\00:25:22.62
you know, if I
put up a boundary,
00:25:22.65\00:25:24.72
people say, "Oh,
you're being fake.
00:25:24.75\00:25:26.65
Oh, you're acting brand new."
00:25:26.69\00:25:28.32
But in reality,
no, I'm just, I'm just,
00:25:28.36\00:25:30.63
I'm just setting
my standard higher.
00:25:30.66\00:25:32.66
And, okay, I didn't
have that boundary before
00:25:32.69\00:25:34.83
but I'm growing.
00:25:34.86\00:25:36.20
I'm growing in Christ.
00:25:36.23\00:25:37.57
I'm growing as a person
and now that boundary is there,
00:25:37.60\00:25:39.60
so make sure you see it.
00:25:39.63\00:25:40.97
Right. Wow.
00:25:41.00\00:25:43.17
So talk and last
00:25:43.20\00:25:44.97
we have only a
few more minutes left,
00:25:45.01\00:25:47.01
so I want you to talk
to the young ladies now
00:25:47.04\00:25:48.51
and of course, we're
talking about wise women.
00:25:48.54\00:25:51.11
And what would be something
then for you to say to them,
00:25:51.15\00:25:53.38
"Look, when you're
making pure choices,
00:25:53.42\00:25:54.92
as a wise woman
you should do..."
00:25:54.95\00:25:58.79
I think that...
00:25:58.82\00:26:01.42
there is a lot
of things going on
00:26:01.46\00:26:03.12
and I just want to touch about,
00:26:03.16\00:26:04.59
you know, what's
going on in the media
00:26:04.63\00:26:06.90
and what's on television today.
00:26:06.93\00:26:08.26
Yeah.
00:26:08.30\00:26:09.63
There are so many reality shows.
00:26:09.66\00:26:12.20
There are so many dramas on TV.
00:26:12.23\00:26:16.74
You know, even
without giving any names
00:26:16.77\00:26:19.14
or anything in
particular that...
00:26:19.17\00:26:22.18
Without giving any
names in particular,
00:26:25.88\00:26:28.38
that there is
this particular show
00:26:28.42\00:26:31.15
that is on TV and she is,
00:26:31.19\00:26:37.09
Mm-hm.
00:26:37.13\00:26:39.23
She's doing some...
00:26:39.26\00:26:40.93
Right. Not so good stuff.
00:26:40.96\00:26:42.30
Not some good thing.
00:26:42.33\00:26:43.67
And Christian
women are embracing it.
00:26:43.70\00:26:45.03
Yes.
00:26:45.07\00:26:46.40
I think you know
what she's talking about.
00:26:46.43\00:26:48.40
Embracing it.
00:26:48.44\00:26:49.77
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:26:49.80\00:26:51.14
That's so true, I mean,
you gotta be careful what you,
00:26:51.17\00:26:52.74
what you watch, you put in to
00:26:52.77\00:26:54.11
and the woman you're
really looking up to.
00:26:54.14\00:26:56.24
And I will also say, you know,
I would challenge young ladies
00:26:56.28\00:26:59.48
to be honest.
00:26:59.51\00:27:01.65
If somebody has hurt
you, has touched you,
00:27:01.68\00:27:04.85
has abused you, has
raped you, get help.
00:27:04.89\00:27:08.72
Yeah.
00:27:08.76\00:27:10.09
Seek help in a
pastor or a spirit,
00:27:10.13\00:27:13.66
someone you can confide
in, talk to your parents...
00:27:13.70\00:27:16.83
Yeah, counseling.
00:27:16.87\00:27:18.20
A counselor, get
help for yourself.
00:27:18.23\00:27:20.90
But then also
remember that God restores.
00:27:20.94\00:27:23.51
And that even if you mess
up, even if you mess up tonight,
00:27:23.54\00:27:27.28
tomorrow, you can
get back up again,
00:27:27.31\00:27:29.14
you can ask for forgiveness.
00:27:29.18\00:27:30.51
Amen. Well,
we're at the end here.
00:27:30.55\00:27:32.58
The Bible says,
00:27:32.61\00:27:33.95
"Your beauty should not
come from outward adorning,"
00:27:33.98\00:27:35.32
And it says,
00:27:35.35\00:27:36.69
"Instead it should be
that of your inner self,
00:27:36.72\00:27:38.69
the unfading beauty of
a quiet and gentle spirit
00:27:38.72\00:27:41.26
which is of great
worth in God's sight."
00:27:41.29\00:27:43.89
As I Peter 3:3 and 4.
00:27:43.93\00:27:45.63
So remember, ladies,
make those wise choices.
00:27:45.66\00:27:48.83
Thank you, ladies, for
being on the program with me
00:27:48.86\00:27:51.57
and remember always
to make pure choices.
00:27:51.60\00:27:54.24