The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Hello, and welcome
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to another
edition of Pure Choices.
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I'm your host
Pastor Joshua Nelson
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and we have a
great one for you today.
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We're talking
about 'Two Together',
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talking about relationships
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and really how to navigate
to find a good relationship.
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And so before we
introduce our panel,
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just going to stop
and say a word of prayer.
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Dear heavenly
Father, we just ask
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that as we speak and
talk about relationships
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that You would
lead and guide us,
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and that we would
understand exactly
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what we should do from here on.
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In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
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Amen. All right.
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I'll start with the
gentleman here to my left,
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Pastor Kory Douglas
who is a pastor in...
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He pastors a
church in Grand Avenue
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in New Life
Fellowship in Missouri.
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All right.
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And also we have across
here is Brother Jeremy Anderson
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who is a
Christian author and speaker
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in Madison, Alabama.
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Next to him is his
lovely wife, Traci Anderson
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who is actually the manager
of his ministry, and a CMO,
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so we're happy to have
her with us also of course,
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from Madison, Alabama.
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And next we have, next
to her is James Brandon
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who is a campus chaplain
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at the
University of South Florida,
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there in Tampa, Florida.
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So we have a good panel
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and we're going to just
go ahead and get right into.
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We have our married couple here,
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so I want to start with you guys
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because you are,
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I guess the picture of
what we're all trying to attain
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when it comes to
a good relationship
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or a married relationship
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and speaking about pure choices.
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And so, let's just
speak to the young people,
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let's talk about what does
it look like to have a godly,
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healthy relationship.
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You know, I think, you know,
me and my wife discusses often,
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one thing that's
missing in relationships is God.
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A lot of times people think,
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you know, I should find
someone who is, you know,
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godly or holy that
loves God, to marry them.
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But there is a lot
of importance in finding
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someone of that
stature in your walk
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when you're dating, you know.
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That's why
you're dating somebody.
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It's important to have
someone that believes in God,
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you believe in God so that
you walk and grow together.
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So I think a
lot of relationships
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tend to take the wrong path
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because Christ
is not in the center
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and it's gonna fall apart.
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He is the glue,
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it's the salvation that
holds everything together.
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And so when He's not in
that, it won't last for long.
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So I think, that's why
you see a lot of relationships
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that seem like, they could
be so great on the outside,
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eventually they
end up falling apart
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because Christ
isn't in the center.
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Hasn't been in the
center. Okay, that's important.
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Yeah.
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I also think just to piggyback
on what Jeremy was saying
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that it's also important
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that you start
before you get married.
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It's important to
have a prayer and devotion
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even when you're single just to,
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you know, intertwine God
in every step that you make,
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especially as a Christian woman,
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a young woman,
whether you're old or young.
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And then also to have prayer
and devotion with your husband
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and with your family
when you do get married,
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even before you get married,
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even when you're
in a relationship,
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it's important to establish
those patterns from the jump.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I really
appreciate you saying that
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because that's something
that we need to focus on,
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you know, as trying
to develop ourselves
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not just for to be
in a dating relationship
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but just for marriage,
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you got to develop
yourself as an individual.
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Okay.
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So, now let's get into the
nuts and bolts of relationship
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because many times people say,
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"Well, we're arguing
in our relationships,
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so that means we don't
have a good relationship,
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I mean, are we going
to be able to argue?"
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What type of thing
that you should expect
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to happen in a
good relationship?
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You know, patience
has to be key, you know.
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Even when we're dating
and now that we're married,
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one thing we try
to do is make sure
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that God is in the
midst of our relationship,
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even in our conversation.
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So if I'm having a rough day
or we've talked about something
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that we don't
necessarily agree on it
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that could easily
turn into argument.
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And so we say, "You
know what, let's just pause,
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let's just calm down.
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Let's talk about this later."
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And then we pray about it.
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So whenever she come to
me, she's like, "Let's pray."
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Or if I come to her
and say, "Let's pray,"
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we know we're about to have
a deep conversation, you know.
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But what happens is we
submit ourselves to God
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and we say, "God, we
want to be in control here
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so that we're not
operating in the carnal flesh."
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And I suggest to
people who I've counseled,
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who are thinking
about getting married
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to practice that in
their relationship even now.
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Don't wait till marriage,
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you know, having
Christ in the center
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even as you're dating.
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So that thing is important
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and letting the Spirit
lead in everything you do.
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Yeah, go ahead.
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I think it's okay
to have disagreements,
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you know, maybe it's
not okay to have arguments.
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I don't think that, you
know, arguments are of God
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especially if
you're not in the Spirit.
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But I think it is
okay to have disagreements
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when you're in a relationship.
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Yeah, okay.
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And that's
important for us to hear,
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you know, because, you know,
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I think that in
many relationships
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things can get out of
control with so much anger.
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So talk to us, let's kind
of, maybe go over to James now,
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you know, and talking about
relationships and what not.
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What is wrong with arguing
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or the anger getting the
best of you in a relationship?
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Yeah.
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I think that whenever
there are disagreements,
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I think that when
we put our opinion
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or our desire to be heard
over the actual relationship,
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then you're
really doing a disservice
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and you're really taking
from rather than trying to give.
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So you're giving information
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but the way you're
doing it is not of...
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in a Godly way.
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You're basically trying to rise
over saying, "Okay, I'm better.
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My point is more clear,"
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and this would chump
whatever you're saying.
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But if you go back
to how Christ operated,
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He would always serve.
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So He would take the lower
path and, you know, sit back
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and listen and
then after everything,
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all the emotions and
all of these things go then,
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you know, speak about
the situation and love.
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Okay.
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So I think that's...
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The head to head thing
is not really biblical,
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that's not the way you should
deal with things like that.
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Okay.
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Okay, then
let's go, and go ahead
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and talk a little more
about red flags, you know.
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Someone may be in a
relationship right now
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and they think
that this is normal
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maybe because they've
seen these things in other,
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you know,
relationships or whatnot.
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So someone
listening in a relationship,
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dating relationship,
marriage, I mean, you know,
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what are some red
flags that you hate,
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you have a problem you
need to deal with these things
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in your relationship.
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I'll maybe take the couple
and I'll kind of open it up.
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You know, I've seen
in a lot of relationships
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a lot of conflict that happens
early on for like, no reason.
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Some people just have a
certain spirit about it,
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a certain attitude, you know.
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And when you getting to
know someone if you've...
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I'll just like to
tell young people,
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if you find
yourself always arguing,
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if you find yourself hard
trying to explain yourself,
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if you always find
yourself always saying,
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"Okay, okay calm
down, that's not that deep."
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Like those are red flags
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if they're just always
are aargh, aargh, aargh.
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And so, you know,
you want to find someone
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that has a
certain type of spirit,
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you know what I'm saying?
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Someone that's
peaceful, someone that's meek,
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someone that's loving,
someone that's patient.
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You really want to
try to find somebody
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that has those
type of characteristics
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in your relationship,
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and not someone that
comes with a lot of drama,
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a lot of baggage,
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where you always
want to explain yourself.
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You know, you
should be free to be you.
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I know a lot of people right now
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they have a lot of great
things going on for their selves
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but they feel like, they
have to wear a certain mask
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or be a certain
person to be with that person
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but they need
to be their selves.
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Yeah.
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Definitely, definitely.
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And I think at
the end of the day
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what it boils down to,
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and I'm saying this based
on my own personal relationship
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as well as maybe counseling
some folks in marriage
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is that you need to
be in an environment
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where you feel safe.
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And I think anything
outside of safety is a red flag.
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You know, if your
phone rings and you're like,
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"Man, you know,
they're calling me."
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Then it's not a
safe environment.
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You know, do you feel safe,
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now we're just
talking about communication,
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do you feel safe
enough to be able to say,
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"Well, I don't agree with you"?
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Do you feel safe enough to say,
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"I had a bad day,
let's talk about it"?
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Or, "I don't like
the way you treat me,
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let's work through it."
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I believe if
you don't feel safe,
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you know, when that
person comes around,
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how does that make you feel?
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You know, are you, are you like,
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"Ah, you know,
they're back," you know.
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And I've counseled
a couple excuse me,
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where the
female in the situation
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is calling me
saying, "Pastor, you know..."
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And she's telling
me all these stories
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and then when he
comes home, she wants...
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she just get off the phone.
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You know, like, "Oh,
I got to go, he's back."
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That's red flags, you know,
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you have to feel
safe in every avenue,
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you know, spiritually
safe, physically safe,
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and emotionally safe.
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Everything outside
of that are red flags
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as far as I'm concerned.
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Okay.
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So that's kind of the situation
in a lot of relationships
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where there's a lot of
anger, a lot of red flags.
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But one thing
that seems to always,
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kind of, smooth
things over when even though
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it may be angry and
things are going wrong
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and, you know, the
relationship is bad,
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well, the physical is good.
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"We're having, you
know, we're having sex."
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Make up. And
it's, you know, make up.
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And it's, you know,
"Okay, I treat you bad
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but I don't want to, you know,
00:09:36.77\00:09:38.11
lose out on the
physical part of it," you know.
00:09:38.14\00:09:40.08
So in a relationship,
in a dating relationship,
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what is too far when it
comes to this physicality?
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And should that
be even there to heal
00:09:48.58\00:09:50.95
per se a problem
in a relationship?
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I want to just to go back
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and this kind of answers
the question that you just ask.
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I think that the make-up part,
the sexual, the physical part,
00:10:00.63\00:10:05.20
if you make up after
that per se, "The make-up,"
00:10:05.23\00:10:08.67
I think that that is a red flag.
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You know, I don't think
that you should have to make-up
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and it be
something physical, you know.
00:10:14.58\00:10:18.48
I think that...
00:10:18.51\00:10:21.48
Why though?
00:10:21.52\00:10:22.85
I just want to
count why, you know, that,
00:10:22.88\00:10:25.22
I like what you're
saying because I agree.
00:10:25.25\00:10:27.09
But why would that be not good
00:10:27.12\00:10:30.13
to have the make-up
of a disagreement be sex?
00:10:30.16\00:10:34.86
I don't think that, I mean,
that's not a pure relationship.
00:10:34.90\00:10:39.67
You know, you shouldn't even
be thinking about those things
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if you're not marrying.
00:10:45.74\00:10:47.94
You know, of
course that's first off.
00:10:47.98\00:10:52.18
I think that it should
be based on other things,
00:10:52.21\00:10:56.65
you know, worship,
prayer, just having a good time.
00:10:56.69\00:11:01.16
You know, dating that person,
taking them out on dates,
00:11:01.19\00:11:05.63
even if you, you know,
even if you can't afford
00:11:05.66\00:11:07.43
to go out on dates,
00:11:07.46\00:11:08.80
if you watch a movie
at the house, you know...
00:11:08.83\00:11:13.10
With a proper supervision.
00:11:13.13\00:11:15.10
Right, with a proper supervision
00:11:15.14\00:11:16.91
and I will say
this, I'll say this,
00:11:16.94\00:11:18.64
when Jeremy and I
first started dating
00:11:18.67\00:11:20.88
and I finally
came over to his house,
00:11:20.91\00:11:24.88
he had two couches.
00:11:24.91\00:11:26.38
I sat on one couch, he
sat on the other couch.
00:11:26.41\00:11:29.85
And he asked me,
00:11:29.88\00:11:33.09
"Come over here
so you can watch TV."
00:11:33.12\00:11:34.92
And I told him
that I could see the TV
00:11:34.96\00:11:37.39
just fine from this
other couch over here.
00:11:37.43\00:11:39.69
Right, right.
00:11:39.73\00:11:41.06
So...
00:11:41.10\00:11:42.43
She held her
standards at a high place
00:11:42.46\00:11:45.93
and that's what
made me fall in love.
00:11:45.97\00:11:48.24
I said, "Not
only she is beautiful
00:11:48.27\00:11:49.60
and she's smart but
she knows the value she is.
00:11:49.64\00:11:52.21
She knows the rose that she is."
00:11:52.24\00:11:54.28
And I was used to
just, to be honest with us,
00:11:54.31\00:11:56.68
you know, we're all adults,
I was used to having my way.
00:11:56.71\00:11:59.25
So she said, "No."
00:11:59.28\00:12:00.62
I mean, we did it for months
00:12:00.65\00:12:01.98
and she would
not come to my house.
00:12:02.02\00:12:03.52
And when I finally say,
"Hey, come over for a movie,"
00:12:03.55\00:12:05.52
like, the 10th time, she
finally said, "Okay, cool.
00:12:05.55\00:12:08.19
I'll come over around one."
00:12:08.22\00:12:09.56
I was thinking, "One
o'clock in the morning?"
00:12:09.59\00:12:10.93
She's like, "No,
in the afternoon."
00:12:10.96\00:12:13.19
I'm thinking like,
"Who watches the movie
00:12:13.23\00:12:14.76
at 1 o'clock in the afternoon?"
00:12:14.80\00:12:16.60
But she wasn't playing no
games and once the sunset,
00:12:16.63\00:12:18.90
she was like,
"Okay, I'm leaving."
00:12:18.93\00:12:20.34
So I think that's something
that's really important
00:12:20.37\00:12:22.24
in a lot of relationships.
00:12:22.27\00:12:23.61
So I would tell younger or
old people if you're dating,
00:12:23.64\00:12:26.01
to make sure you get to a point
00:12:26.04\00:12:27.41
where you can have a
relationship with someone
00:12:27.44\00:12:29.64
without the physical part.
00:12:29.68\00:12:31.21
So many relationships
are based upon the sex
00:12:31.25\00:12:33.88
and the physical activities.
00:12:33.92\00:12:35.82
If you take that out,
what substance does it have.
00:12:35.85\00:12:37.92
Yeah, yeah.
00:12:37.95\00:12:39.29
That's so good, I
mean, we need to hear that
00:12:39.32\00:12:40.66
because, you know,
especially in the day,
00:12:40.69\00:12:43.53
this day and age,
we, you know, guys,
00:12:43.56\00:12:45.53
how they are,
they're going to use
00:12:45.56\00:12:47.10
and get away with
as much as they can.
00:12:47.13\00:12:49.20
But at the end day
they're gonna marry somebody
00:12:49.23\00:12:50.60
who they can get away with.
00:12:50.63\00:12:51.97
Oh, yeah.
00:12:52.00\00:12:53.34
There is always
somebody who has high standards,
00:12:53.37\00:12:54.70
that's what we're looking for.
00:12:54.74\00:12:56.07
So we want ladies to
really hold themselves
00:12:56.10\00:12:57.44
up to that standard as well.
00:12:57.47\00:12:58.91
So I appreciate that,
Traci, that's awesome, you know.
00:12:58.94\00:13:01.91
And so definitely
looking at what you just said
00:13:01.94\00:13:05.01
that is a huge red flag.
00:13:05.05\00:13:06.38
You know, make-up sex, no,
you know, just communicate.
00:13:06.41\00:13:10.69
We need communication to be
the focus of our relationships.
00:13:10.72\00:13:14.02
So now let's just be
real also in relationships,
00:13:14.06\00:13:17.99
dating relationships
00:13:18.03\00:13:19.89
you're going to
want to have sex.
00:13:19.93\00:13:21.60
There's going to
be a lot of tension.
00:13:21.63\00:13:23.26
So what do you do?
00:13:23.30\00:13:24.73
How do you deal with that?
00:13:24.77\00:13:26.63
Anybody can answer. Yeah.
00:13:26.67\00:13:29.34
I think that kind of
what we spoke about earlier.
00:13:29.37\00:13:31.64
Society says, a boy and a girl,
00:13:31.67\00:13:34.41
when they get
to a certain level,
00:13:34.44\00:13:36.11
they can start to
explore and it's okay
00:13:36.14\00:13:38.91
because it's just, you know,
a little stuff here and there.
00:13:38.95\00:13:42.98
But the whole package of sex
00:13:43.02\00:13:45.55
was designed for
a married couple,
00:13:45.59\00:13:48.46
a union between a
husband and a wife.
00:13:48.49\00:13:50.99
And it's like, if you,
if you were given a package
00:13:51.03\00:13:53.63
and, you know, it
has a wrapping and a bow,
00:13:53.66\00:13:55.90
think of like a
Christmas present.
00:13:55.93\00:13:57.63
And you get it and someone says,
00:13:57.67\00:13:59.03
"Okay, you can just
open a little corner
00:13:59.07\00:14:02.10
but don't open anymore."
00:14:02.14\00:14:03.74
So you get it and then
you open a little corner
00:14:03.77\00:14:06.57
and, but that, it only
satisfies for a moment.
00:14:06.61\00:14:09.38
You know, at some point
00:14:09.41\00:14:10.95
you're just gonna
rip everything open.
00:14:10.98\00:14:12.35
Yeah. To see the present.
00:14:12.38\00:14:13.72
Yes, see everything.
00:14:13.75\00:14:15.08
So I think that it's
important for us being...
00:14:15.12\00:14:18.42
trying to be
pure and young people
00:14:18.45\00:14:20.26
who are trying to go
on purity to not even,
00:14:20.29\00:14:23.69
you know, make provisions
for the lust of the flesh
00:14:23.73\00:14:26.70
because the Bible
says, you know, don't even,
00:14:26.73\00:14:28.40
don't even go a little
bit, you know, don't even...
00:14:28.43\00:14:30.83
Yeah.
00:14:30.87\00:14:32.20
You know, when you're
moving down the slippery slope.
00:14:32.23\00:14:37.17
So definitely setting
boundaries and parameters,
00:14:37.21\00:14:41.08
excuse me, and I
think the other person
00:14:41.11\00:14:44.28
if they're
truly on the same page
00:14:44.31\00:14:46.11
and they're truly
thinking biblically
00:14:46.15\00:14:47.62
will accept those parameters
00:14:47.65\00:14:49.95
that you give them in
order to maintain purity
00:14:49.98\00:14:52.75
throughout the relationship.
00:14:52.79\00:14:54.12
So I think another red flag is
00:14:54.16\00:14:55.49
if one of the
individuals is always,
00:14:55.52\00:14:59.16
either they
don't want boundaries,
00:14:59.19\00:15:00.53
or they're always
stepping over the boundaries,
00:15:00.56\00:15:03.20
that's, something
needs to be set for that
00:15:03.23\00:15:05.57
and that would be
a red flag for sure.
00:15:05.60\00:15:07.14
We need to value
the gift then. Yes.
00:15:07.17\00:15:09.80
Value the gift, you
know, that God has given us
00:15:09.84\00:15:12.21
and open that
gift when it is time
00:15:12.24\00:15:13.98
and that's during marriage.
00:15:14.01\00:15:15.34
Just make that
clear, during marriage.
00:15:15.38\00:15:16.71
Yes, yes.
00:15:16.75\00:15:18.08
Go ahead...
00:15:18.11\00:15:19.45
Well, one of the first
thing that came to my mind
00:15:19.48\00:15:20.82
when you asked the
question was a verse,
00:15:20.85\00:15:22.18
you know, "flee youthful lust."
00:15:22.22\00:15:23.55
And I love what you said
00:15:23.59\00:15:24.92
because when we
think flee youthful lust,
00:15:24.95\00:15:26.29
we think about
Joseph and, you know,
00:15:26.32\00:15:27.66
Potiphar's wife
comes and then he flees.
00:15:27.69\00:15:29.76
Probably, flee youthful
lust is also being intentional
00:15:29.79\00:15:32.99
about what you do even before
the situation presents itself.
00:15:33.03\00:15:36.23
You know, and so
don't put yourself
00:15:36.26\00:15:37.83
in the kind of situation
00:15:37.87\00:15:39.20
that you know are
going to bring you to wars,
00:15:39.23\00:15:41.47
making those kind of decisions.
00:15:41.50\00:15:43.00
I know for young men,
00:15:43.04\00:15:44.37
there are certain
times of the night
00:15:44.41\00:15:45.94
when certain
thoughts are natural,
00:15:45.97\00:15:47.58
you know, and so at
certain times in the night
00:15:47.61\00:15:49.24
you probably don't
even want to be awake
00:15:49.28\00:15:50.88
or even with
somebody of the opposite sex
00:15:50.91\00:15:52.81
because that, you know, we
call it the bewitching hours.
00:15:52.85\00:15:54.18
Right, right.
00:15:54.22\00:15:55.55
You know, and there
are just certain things
00:15:55.58\00:15:56.92
that come to your
mind at certain times.
00:15:56.95\00:15:58.29
So at bedtime I don't
want to be talking to a female,
00:15:58.32\00:16:00.59
you know, I don't
want to be around them,
00:16:00.62\00:16:01.96
I want to act, matter of fact
00:16:01.99\00:16:03.32
I want to be in
my bed at that time
00:16:03.36\00:16:04.69
getting to the age now,
I just want to be sleeping.
00:16:04.73\00:16:06.26
What I'm just saying,
we have to be intentional
00:16:06.29\00:16:08.36
about what we do to prevent
those situations from coming
00:16:08.40\00:16:11.63
so that when it
comes to that situation,
00:16:11.67\00:16:13.70
we're not caught
in a compromising,
00:16:13.74\00:16:15.10
you know, "Well,
what should I do now?"
00:16:15.14\00:16:16.60
Yeah.
00:16:16.64\00:16:18.61
And, I mean, what everyone
is saying here is so valid,
00:16:18.64\00:16:21.24
and I think the
key is to make sure
00:16:21.28\00:16:23.38
that you go
into the relationship
00:16:23.41\00:16:24.91
and you have
specific boundaries set up.
00:16:24.95\00:16:27.12
And you say, "Listen, I'm
going to keep my body pure.
00:16:27.15\00:16:29.18
I'm gonna keep my body holy.
00:16:29.22\00:16:30.89
This is the
lifestyle that I'm living."
00:16:30.92\00:16:32.92
And then you
don't find a partner
00:16:32.95\00:16:34.69
but when God
sends you a partner,
00:16:34.72\00:16:36.06
you make sure that
they can appreciate
00:16:36.09\00:16:38.63
your state of mind
there and then move forward.
00:16:38.66\00:16:40.56
Well, I think, a lot of times,
you know, one person may have,
00:16:40.60\00:16:44.03
may say, "Okay, I'm
going to live a certain way,"
00:16:44.07\00:16:46.10
but we date other people
00:16:46.13\00:16:47.84
who don't necessarily
respect that, you know.
00:16:47.87\00:16:50.41
And then they end
up doing what they know
00:16:50.44\00:16:52.67
they shouldn't be doing.
00:16:52.71\00:16:54.61
And so I think that's real key,
00:16:54.64\00:16:55.98
setting those
boundaries up from the beginning
00:16:56.01\00:16:57.68
and holding strong to them,
00:16:57.71\00:16:59.51
you know, because eventually,
you'll get to a point
00:16:59.55\00:17:02.28
where you'll be tested
00:17:02.32\00:17:03.65
and so well, you
want to make sure
00:17:03.69\00:17:05.02
that you are strong as possible.
00:17:05.05\00:17:06.39
Another thing is what you watch,
00:17:06.42\00:17:07.76
like that's real big.
00:17:07.79\00:17:09.12
So if you're
watching certain shows,
00:17:09.16\00:17:10.79
they have a lot
of sexual activity
00:17:10.83\00:17:12.83
and different things going on,
00:17:12.86\00:17:14.20
you're watching that.
00:17:14.23\00:17:15.56
You think, you know,
00:17:15.60\00:17:16.93
just 'cause you're
not getting arousal,
00:17:16.97\00:17:18.30
it's doing
something to your brain here.
00:17:18.33\00:17:19.67
So you are going to watch
what you put into your brain.
00:17:19.70\00:17:21.04
Our brains are
like a computer man,
00:17:21.07\00:17:22.40
kind of, watch
the tempo, exactly.
00:17:22.44\00:17:24.21
And so I think that's
really important as well.
00:17:24.24\00:17:26.24
Okay.
00:17:26.27\00:17:27.61
And I want to get back
to Traci because, you know,
00:17:27.64\00:17:29.88
your husband there showed
00:17:29.91\00:17:31.25
that you were
holding the standards
00:17:31.28\00:17:32.61
then and everything.
00:17:32.65\00:17:33.98
And just want to know, I
mean, young people watching,
00:17:34.02\00:17:36.75
I mean, "So we
can't do anything?"
00:17:36.79\00:17:38.35
I mean, what is, you know,
what is, you know, there Jay,
00:17:38.39\00:17:41.56
you're talking
about the packages though
00:17:41.59\00:17:43.39
and "I'd open the corner of
it, I can't open the corner?
00:17:43.43\00:17:45.49
I just got to see
what color it is."
00:17:45.53\00:17:47.26
I mean, you know, what
is the color, you know.
00:17:47.30\00:17:49.86
I mean, what is the limit?
00:17:49.90\00:17:51.33
I mean, should
we not hold hands,
00:17:51.37\00:17:54.07
I mean, should we
not kiss, no hugging,
00:17:54.10\00:17:56.71
what do you think
would be standard maybe,
00:17:56.74\00:17:59.94
you know?
00:17:59.97\00:18:01.31
I don't know.
00:18:01.34\00:18:02.68
I think you have
to set your standards
00:18:02.71\00:18:05.18
based on what
you're comfortable with.
00:18:05.21\00:18:07.32
You know from the
get go what is too far
00:18:07.35\00:18:11.95
and, you know,
00:18:11.99\00:18:14.39
what you can handle as a person.
00:18:14.42\00:18:17.36
You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
00:18:17.39\00:18:19.23
Even as a female you
just need to be careful
00:18:19.26\00:18:24.53
and just, I can't
stress enough to just pray
00:18:24.57\00:18:28.37
even before you go
into the relationship
00:18:28.40\00:18:30.71
just to know God
will send you a partner.
00:18:30.74\00:18:35.01
Don't go looking for a partner.
00:18:35.04\00:18:38.41
I didn't go looking,
you know, for my husband,
00:18:38.45\00:18:40.62
looking for Jeremy.
00:18:40.65\00:18:41.98
But luckily she found me. Right.
00:18:42.02\00:18:44.12
Lucky you've found her.
00:18:44.15\00:18:45.99
Right, right.
00:18:46.02\00:18:47.36
Lucky for her.
00:18:47.39\00:18:48.79
Right, looking for you.
00:18:48.82\00:18:52.43
So I think that,
you know as a female
00:18:52.46\00:18:55.70
what's your
boundaries are, what's too far,
00:18:55.73\00:18:59.83
and you know within
your heart, within yourself.
00:18:59.87\00:19:02.50
Yeah.
00:19:02.54\00:19:03.87
If a girl or man doesn't
have those boundaries set.
00:19:03.91\00:19:07.71
They need to start
getting their boundaries set,
00:19:07.74\00:19:09.54
you know, because again,
00:19:09.58\00:19:11.85
we're talking
about making pure choices
00:19:11.88\00:19:14.08
and fleeing from fornication,
00:19:14.12\00:19:17.05
which is sex
outside of marriage.
00:19:17.09\00:19:19.89
So, you know, anything that
can lead you down that path,
00:19:19.92\00:19:22.82
you need to flee from.
00:19:22.86\00:19:24.43
You know, even on
that note and you know,
00:19:24.46\00:19:26.06
it kind of reminds me
because while we're here,
00:19:26.09\00:19:28.13
you know, we're not just saying,
00:19:28.16\00:19:30.17
"Do these great things
00:19:30.20\00:19:31.53
because it's just
the best thing to do."
00:19:31.57\00:19:33.23
What our
testimonies are is that,
00:19:33.27\00:19:34.90
even if you didn't
do those great things,
00:19:34.94\00:19:36.97
there still is restoration.
00:19:37.01\00:19:38.47
You know, you still can
from today make pure choice,
00:19:38.51\00:19:40.74
and I think
that's something that,
00:19:40.78\00:19:42.11
you know, the
viewers really need to hear.
00:19:42.14\00:19:44.28
You know, yes, we do,
we may fall, we may sin,
00:19:44.31\00:19:47.22
but the Bible says, "We
still have an advocate."
00:19:47.25\00:19:48.85
You know, we still have someone
we can go to in that time
00:19:48.88\00:19:51.49
and He can restore us
00:19:51.52\00:19:52.95
so that even though we may
have made impure choices before,
00:19:52.99\00:19:55.79
He can still restore
us, excuse me, to purity.
00:19:55.82\00:19:58.59
So I just thought, you know,
we should mention that too.
00:19:58.63\00:20:00.26
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:20:00.30\00:20:01.90
And so in saying
that, you know, Kory,
00:20:01.93\00:20:04.40
looking at the fact
that a lot of us are broken,
00:20:04.43\00:20:06.33
lot of us have
made poor decisions,
00:20:06.37\00:20:07.80
we made, again,
poor choices, you know.
00:20:07.84\00:20:10.44
How do you then go
into relationship now?
00:20:10.47\00:20:13.07
Should you wait
until you become,
00:20:13.11\00:20:14.81
"Whole," before you
get into a relationship?
00:20:14.84\00:20:19.51
Well, you know,
that's hard to make,
00:20:19.55\00:20:22.55
but I think that, you know,
the most important relationship
00:20:22.58\00:20:25.12
to get in
without sounding cliché
00:20:25.15\00:20:26.96
is relation with God.
00:20:26.99\00:20:28.32
You know, we've said this before
00:20:28.36\00:20:29.69
but if your goal is for a
relation between man first
00:20:29.72\00:20:33.09
and that's what
you go after first
00:20:33.13\00:20:34.46
and you've already
started on the wrong foot.
00:20:34.50\00:20:36.63
You know, God calls
us and has, you know,
00:20:36.67\00:20:38.37
into relation with himself
and if we don't start there,
00:20:38.40\00:20:41.30
you know, then, I mean,
there is no good relationship
00:20:41.34\00:20:44.37
you're going to find.
00:20:44.41\00:20:45.74
You know, you may
find someone attractive,
00:20:45.77\00:20:47.11
you may find someone compatible,
00:20:47.14\00:20:48.48
but you're not
going to find the person
00:20:48.51\00:20:49.84
who God wants for you.
00:20:49.88\00:20:51.21
And so you've got
to start out with God
00:20:51.25\00:20:52.61
and as He is leading you,
00:20:52.65\00:20:54.38
you just know who to talk to,
who not to talk to, you know.
00:20:54.42\00:20:57.42
But don't go out just
looking for somebody saying,
00:20:57.45\00:20:59.19
"Well, I'm ready to get married.
00:20:59.22\00:21:00.56
Let me just start
looking for a person."
00:21:00.59\00:21:02.02
Yeah.
00:21:02.06\00:21:03.63
You know, when God made
Adam, Adam was complete,
00:21:03.66\00:21:08.66
he was whole, he had
everything going on and then...
00:21:08.70\00:21:11.43
And he was at one with
God and he was at peak...
00:21:11.47\00:21:13.60
It was God that said,
00:21:13.64\00:21:14.97
"It's not good
for man to be alone."
00:21:15.00\00:21:16.57
So it's not like, Adam said,
00:21:16.60\00:21:17.94
"God, I want, I want
a female version of me."
00:21:17.97\00:21:20.68
He was one with God.
00:21:20.71\00:21:22.18
And so I just...
00:21:22.21\00:21:23.55
I have a, make a habit
of telling young people
00:21:23.58\00:21:26.11
to like, get connected with God.
00:21:26.15\00:21:27.72
Be the best you, you can be.
00:21:27.75\00:21:29.55
Be the best Josh you can be,
be the best Kory, you can be.
00:21:29.58\00:21:32.55
And then when you
become the best you,
00:21:32.59\00:21:34.02
then God says, "Now I can
trust you with my daughter.
00:21:34.06\00:21:36.96
I can trust you with my son."
00:21:36.99\00:21:39.03
So as long as we
keep our mind on God,
00:21:39.06\00:21:40.73
I want you to be
who you want me to be
00:21:40.76\00:21:42.73
and then we have
to trust and know
00:21:42.76\00:21:44.43
that He doesn't
want us to be alone
00:21:44.47\00:21:45.90
and that He's
somewhere working on our spouse
00:21:45.93\00:21:48.04
just like He's working on us.
00:21:48.07\00:21:49.40
Yes, yes, it's a good point.
00:21:49.44\00:21:51.11
And I definitely
agree, it's really awesome
00:21:51.14\00:21:54.44
we have two
people, man and woman
00:21:54.48\00:21:56.18
who are just on this crazy
relentless pursuit of Christ
00:21:56.21\00:22:00.18
and then God
says, "You know what?
00:22:00.22\00:22:02.02
I can honor you
with someone else now
00:22:02.05\00:22:03.95
because I know that if
I put you guys together,
00:22:03.99\00:22:06.59
you're not going to
make each other your idol."
00:22:06.62\00:22:08.02
Wow, praise God.
00:22:08.06\00:22:09.39
So having God that
foundation, that cornerstone,
00:22:09.42\00:22:12.46
and just
focusing on Him in even,
00:22:12.49\00:22:17.20
you know, to where
if there are people
00:22:17.23\00:22:19.97
who come up here and there,
you're not even about that,
00:22:20.00\00:22:23.30
you know, and so God
says, "Okay, this is the one."
00:22:23.34\00:22:26.07
And then He
makes that connection
00:22:26.11\00:22:29.14
and then you
know for a fact that
00:22:29.18\00:22:31.31
that person
doesn't complete you.
00:22:31.35\00:22:33.42
You know, that person is just
00:22:33.45\00:22:36.85
supplementing
already the relation
00:22:36.89\00:22:38.72
that you have with God
and that's a beautiful thing.
00:22:38.75\00:22:40.52
I love that, mate,
'cause that sounds like,
00:22:40.56\00:22:42.16
kind of part of your testimony.
00:22:42.19\00:22:43.53
Yeah. Can you share it?
00:22:43.56\00:22:44.89
Absolutely.
00:22:44.93\00:22:46.26
I mean, also
part of mine as well.
00:22:46.29\00:22:47.63
I mean, when I kind of dwells
in that, I mean, little bit,
00:22:47.66\00:22:49.16
I mean, you're going down
the paths like I am now, so...
00:22:49.20\00:22:51.87
Absolutely, absolutely.
00:22:51.90\00:22:53.23
So I'm getting
married next month.
00:22:53.27\00:22:54.60
I met my fiance actually at GYC,
00:22:54.64\00:22:57.74
Generation of Youth for Christ.
00:22:57.77\00:22:59.31
And both her and I
00:22:59.34\00:23:00.68
were just on this crazy
relentless pursuit of God
00:23:00.71\00:23:02.68
like I said,
00:23:02.71\00:23:04.05
where when we even encounter
each other in the lunch line,
00:23:04.08\00:23:06.35
in the cafeteria
line, it was kind of,
00:23:06.38\00:23:08.78
I mean, we were just talking
and having a good conversation
00:23:08.82\00:23:11.79
and we ended up, you
know, at GYC, you know,
00:23:11.82\00:23:13.96
it's a huge conference,
everyone is everywhere
00:23:13.99\00:23:16.26
and we actually
ended up exchanging numbers
00:23:16.29\00:23:20.60
because she had to go out,
and after she got her food,
00:23:20.63\00:23:24.93
she had to go
out somewhere else.
00:23:24.97\00:23:26.30
And I thought
we'll just gonna sit down
00:23:26.33\00:23:27.67
and finish this conversation.
00:23:27.70\00:23:29.04
But even we exchange
numbers, and it's just funny
00:23:29.07\00:23:30.41
because it's kind of like,
00:23:30.44\00:23:31.77
"Hey," it's
kind of awkward like,
00:23:31.81\00:23:33.14
"Hey, kind of, want to
finish this conversation
00:23:33.17\00:23:35.48
but I don't want you to think
that I'm trying to talk to you
00:23:35.51\00:23:41.12
and try to date you."
00:23:41.15\00:23:42.48
It was really like,
both of us were like that.
00:23:42.52\00:23:44.55
Though kind of like,
we still had our guards on
00:23:44.59\00:23:46.69
because we were
just on that journey,
00:23:46.72\00:23:48.59
like, "Man, I
don't wanted to distract
00:23:48.62\00:23:49.96
but, you know, seemed
like a real cool person.
00:23:49.99\00:23:51.56
Maybe we could just finish
the conversation over lunch."
00:23:51.59\00:23:53.60
And that's it, we
weren't thinking anything else.
00:23:53.63\00:23:56.30
It last very
short, we lost contact,
00:23:56.33\00:23:59.63
we didn't actually meet
00:23:59.67\00:24:01.37
over the duration
of the conference.
00:24:01.40\00:24:03.27
We never linked up again.
00:24:03.30\00:24:05.01
And then a couple years later,
I got a random text message.
00:24:05.04\00:24:08.54
Two years later? Yeah, uh?
00:24:08.58\00:24:10.18
That's a couple years later.
Yeah, a couple years later.
00:24:10.21\00:24:12.18
It's about a
year and a half later
00:24:12.21\00:24:13.78
that she had sent me a
text message on accident,
00:24:13.82\00:24:16.62
I didn't have her number in
my phone anything like that.
00:24:16.65\00:24:18.79
But from that time, we
were both on this pursuit
00:24:18.82\00:24:22.72
and then it's just like,
God just worked that thing out
00:24:22.76\00:24:25.09
and He just
connected us again from there.
00:24:25.13\00:24:27.50
But it was clear that
00:24:27.53\00:24:28.86
we weren't trying to
make each other guys,
00:24:28.90\00:24:30.23
we weren't even interested
00:24:30.27\00:24:31.93
in severing
that super connection
00:24:31.97\00:24:34.27
that we have with God.
00:24:34.30\00:24:35.64
We're just
trying to build on that.
00:24:35.67\00:24:37.01
And I think once God
saw that, He honored it
00:24:37.04\00:24:39.31
and connected us again.
00:24:39.34\00:24:40.68
Brought you guys back together
just by making random text,
00:24:40.71\00:24:43.01
brought you back together.
00:24:43.04\00:24:44.38
Exactly, exactly.
00:24:44.41\00:24:45.75
At some point, you
know, God is going to ask you,
00:24:45.78\00:24:47.12
He's going to say,
"Who do you want more?"
00:24:47.15\00:24:49.02
Yeah. "Who do you want more?"
00:24:49.05\00:24:50.75
You know, and I've seen, He had
asked me that number of times,
00:24:50.79\00:24:53.02
you know, because oftentimes
00:24:53.05\00:24:54.39
we'll make a
decision of relationship
00:24:54.42\00:24:56.26
because of what we want,
00:24:56.29\00:24:57.63
'cause of what we desire versus
what God is having for us,
00:24:57.66\00:25:00.03
and that's a beautiful testimony
00:25:00.06\00:25:01.86
how God brings together.
00:25:01.90\00:25:03.23
Praise God. It's awesome.
00:25:03.26\00:25:04.60
Yeah.
00:25:04.63\00:25:05.97
I also think that
what's interesting,
00:25:06.00\00:25:07.57
I don't remember who said it,
00:25:07.60\00:25:09.00
I think it was maybe Kory said
something about being whole.
00:25:09.04\00:25:13.58
And it's important, you know,
just to bring it back up that,
00:25:13.61\00:25:17.25
you know, James and his fiance
were both whole, you know.
00:25:17.28\00:25:21.32
And that's just, you
know, if you're not whole then,
00:25:21.35\00:25:25.52
you know, you're not...
00:25:25.55\00:25:26.89
I don't think that you can find,
00:25:26.92\00:25:29.56
I guess a whole person.
00:25:29.59\00:25:30.93
Yeah.
00:25:30.96\00:25:32.29
Do you know, you kind of...
00:25:32.33\00:25:33.70
Attraction.
Yeah, yeah, attraction.
00:25:33.73\00:25:36.23
It actually reminds me,
00:25:36.26\00:25:37.60
because I was going to say
this earlier, I totally forgot.
00:25:37.63\00:25:39.43
I think one of the things
is when you are out there,
00:25:39.47\00:25:41.64
we have to remember
we attract who we are.
00:25:41.67\00:25:43.94
You know what I'm saying?
00:25:43.97\00:25:45.31
And that's
something I have found out
00:25:45.34\00:25:46.68
especially in
dealing with my young people,
00:25:46.71\00:25:48.04
you know, they're
like, "Well, pastor,
00:25:48.08\00:25:49.41
why don't these
guys keep coming up?"
00:25:49.44\00:25:50.78
Same guys.
00:25:50.81\00:25:52.15
And I'm like, "Well, I
mean, you know, no disrespect,
00:25:52.18\00:25:53.82
look how you carry
yourself, look how you talk,
00:25:53.85\00:25:55.48
look how you act."
00:25:55.52\00:25:56.85
You know, if we want
to be with good people,
00:25:56.89\00:25:59.35
holy people then
we have to be holy
00:25:59.39\00:26:00.89
and as we've been saying,
00:26:00.92\00:26:02.26
we don't make ourselves holy,
00:26:02.29\00:26:03.63
God makes us holy and so
we pursued that, you know.
00:26:03.66\00:26:05.76
Then God will hook us up...
00:26:05.79\00:26:07.13
Will naturally attract
what we already are in God.
00:26:07.16\00:26:08.50
Exactly.
00:26:08.53\00:26:09.86
We got to think about,
00:26:09.90\00:26:11.23
you know, where
we come from too.
00:26:11.27\00:26:12.60
A lot of us attract
those who we've seen,
00:26:12.63\00:26:13.97
we think we should be with
00:26:14.00\00:26:15.34
because that's
who maybe our parents
00:26:15.37\00:26:16.71
are with or whatever.
00:26:16.74\00:26:18.07
But you have to again
find your identity in Christ,
00:26:18.11\00:26:19.44
who you are,
become a whole person
00:26:19.47\00:26:21.48
and let God retrain you really.
00:26:21.51\00:26:23.55
Be able to seek after
someone who is like Him
00:26:23.58\00:26:26.35
because a lot of
times our trainers,
00:26:26.38\00:26:27.72
our mentors, you
know, unbeknownst to them,
00:26:27.75\00:26:30.59
or people who are not
positive in our lives.
00:26:30.62\00:26:33.25
So we really have
to stay focused on God,
00:26:33.29\00:26:38.99
making ourselves whole,
00:26:39.03\00:26:40.40
and really
looking for that person.
00:26:40.43\00:26:44.43
We want to talk a little bit...
00:26:44.47\00:26:45.80
We have a few minutes
left, but we want to talk about
00:26:45.83\00:26:48.10
how long should a
dating relationship last,
00:26:48.14\00:26:50.87
we have time for that.
00:26:50.91\00:26:52.24
But someone, how long you think
00:26:52.27\00:26:54.11
that a dating
relationship should last?
00:26:54.14\00:26:55.48
How do you know when
it's time to move forward?
00:26:55.51\00:26:56.85
You know, it depends on where
00:26:56.88\00:26:58.28
because they could be
in middle school right now
00:26:58.31\00:26:59.71
and they may be going,
00:26:59.75\00:27:01.08
"Well, how long should I
fight for my relationship?"
00:27:01.12\00:27:02.75
Look, middle school,
high school, college,
00:27:02.78\00:27:06.69
you talk to God,
but I think that,
00:27:06.72\00:27:08.72
you know, as you grow,
00:27:08.76\00:27:10.09
when you're really looking
for someone serious like,
00:27:10.13\00:27:12.69
I fell in love before I met
my wife probably three times
00:27:12.73\00:27:16.50
and I just knew
I was in deep love
00:27:16.53\00:27:18.63
and I knew this is the
one and God will say, "Uh-uh."
00:27:18.67\00:27:20.94
So I would just say, man,
you know, when you meet people
00:27:20.97\00:27:23.37
and you date them,
just get to know them.
00:27:23.41\00:27:25.57
Just have fun, you
know, we're so quick...
00:27:25.61\00:27:27.68
We dated for months and
months and just hung out
00:27:27.71\00:27:30.45
before anything
physical took place.
00:27:30.48\00:27:32.18
And so I would just say,
just date, have a good time,
00:27:32.21\00:27:34.85
don't take it really
serious, pray for your spouse
00:27:34.88\00:27:37.55
and when God wants that
thing to really mature and grow,
00:27:37.59\00:27:40.09
it'll blossom and grow.
00:27:40.12\00:27:41.46
That's it, that's it.
00:27:41.49\00:27:42.82
Well, that's how we're
going to finish it out.
00:27:42.86\00:27:44.19
The Bible says in Genesis 2:24,
00:27:44.23\00:27:46.66
"And the two
shall become one flesh."
00:27:46.70\00:27:50.27
God desires us to be
happy in a happy relationship.
00:27:50.30\00:27:53.50
So just remember to
always make pure choices.
00:27:53.54\00:27:56.54