The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are cautioned
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that some
material may be too candid
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for younger children.
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Hello, welcome to Pure Choices.
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I'm your host,
Pastor Joshua Nelson,
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and we are in for
another exciting topic today
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for this program
and I want to start out
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by introducing
our panel once again.
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To my left, I have
Miss Kimberly Pearson,
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who is the assistant
chaplain at Oakwood University.
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And then we have
Pastor Kory Douglas,
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who is the
pastor at Grand Avenue
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in New Life
Fellowship, there in Missouri.
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And we also have Jeanne Mogusu,
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who is the BSAS President
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and a graduating
seminary student.
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And we also have
Pastor Marquis Jackson,
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who is the pastor of The
Sumter in Manning district
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there in South Carolina.
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So we have an awesome panel
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and we have an
awesome and exciting topic
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because this is a
really important one.
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The title is, "I'm
going crazy waiting."
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And we wanna say,
just to start off that,
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you know, none of
us are sitting here
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as an authority on this
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because we all know
we have made mistakes,
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we have, we're
still attaining to glory.
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Amen. We crossed
this angle. Oh, yeah.
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And we praise God
for mercy and grace.
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But we just wanna open up
the discussion of this thing,
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knowing that we all
are single, waiting,
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if you wanna say waiting,
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we're gonna
talk about that also.
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And in the
struggle, that tension.
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All right, so we're gonna
start out by just reading a,
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an email that
came in for the show.
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And as I pull up my...
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iPhone 5.
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iPhone 5 here.
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I shouldn't advertise for them.
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All right, here's the question.
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So it says, or
here's the scenario here.
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"People always make it seem like
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guys are so
preoccupied with sex,
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but I'm a female and I
think about sex all the time.
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Is something wrong with me?
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I'm not going around
sleeping with a lot of guys,
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but I have been sexually active.
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How do I control my thoughts?
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They say it's better
to marry than to burn.
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What does this verse mean...
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Even mean?
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Do I need to just hurry up
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and get married so
that I'm not lusting?
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I don't know what to do."
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So open up to the panel.
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What would you say to her?
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I would first of all be
curious as to what is, a lot.
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She says she's not sleeping
with a lot of guys, you know.
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By her saying, she
was sexually active,
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I am assuming she is
no longer sexually active
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and I would, then I would go
to the verse that she's quoted
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because I
really do believe that,
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that verse has been
used a lot by people
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to perpetuate a fallacy.
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That, you know,
marriage is a cure for my lust,
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for my sexual desires.
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And I would, I
would say, you know,
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if you cannot
control yourself now,
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you're going to need to control
yourself a whole lot more
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when you're in marriage,
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because then
you've committed your life
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to just one person, you
know, for the rest of your life.
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Right.
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And so to think that
just by getting married,
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all these things will
miraculously disappear
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is, is a myth, at best.
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I like the fact
that she was honest.
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I think we
oftentimes have this myth that,
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all guys think about is sex.
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And all women
think about is marriage.
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And I'm not
saying that y'all don't.
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But, you know, women, we
were designed with urges,
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and feelings, and
desires, just like men, and so,
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it may present
itself differently
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but it's still there.
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And so I honor the
fact that she's like,
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"How do I deal with these
urges and these feelings?"
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And, you know, one
of the things I noticed,
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she said that she's
been sexually active.
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And what happens is,
you know, the Bible says,
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"Do not awaken love
until the time is right."
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Solomon.
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And so when you have
sex outside of marriage,
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outside of the
confines that God created,
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it awakens something in
you that is hard to put out.
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And then when you're bombarded
by images of sex and music,
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there's so many things with sex.
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It's hard not to
think about those things,
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so one of the
things I would tell her
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is to check her environment.
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Is she listening to music
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that perpetuates
sex outside of marriage?
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Is she hanging out
with a lot of friends
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who are maybe engaging in sex?
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Is she still
dating guys or friends,
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with guys who
she's had sex with?
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I would look at those things,
you need to move yourself,
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take a time out.
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Well, I'll just say, you know,
I'll be vulnerable upfront.
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If she is like me,
you'll need to stimulate.
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You just, you know,
it's just, it's just,
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you just think
about sex, you know.
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This is something you
want me to try really,
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anybody doing that now.
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You know, so, I mean, you
know, so, I mean, you know,
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sometimes people wonder,
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"Okay, I have this
urge, so is it bad?
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You know, is it
wrong to have this urge?
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You know, and if I do
have this urge to have sex,
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shouldn't I just act out on it?"
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You know.
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We discussed in a
previous, previous program,
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episodes of program,
the whole affect that,
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you know, sex is a good thing.
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You know, the urge is natural.
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You know, we are made to want
other people to be intimate,
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that's what God
has created us for.
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One of the things that I
think we should address though
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and she mentions it
and you mentioned it,
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is that issue of control.
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"How do I control
myself?" is what she said.
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And, you know, the
question comes about,
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how do you control yourself
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and is it even
your responsibility
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to control yourself?
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You know.
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How do you go about doing that,
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especially from the
Christian perspective?
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Like you were
just saying as well,
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I'm thinking about
when Joseph went up,
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Potiphar's wife came to
him, and he's, you know,
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he had a spiritual
perspective, he said, you know,
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"How can I do this
against, you know, Potiphar,
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and sin against God?"
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And so it's like, when she,
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in encouragement
to the young lady
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and also we're just
encouraging ourselves as well
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and say, in this
procedure, we have to understand
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and to pray that God
will give us that control.
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It is hard.
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You know, sometimes you're
gonna open a piece of candy
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and, you know, you
see the commercial,
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that lady's scantily clad
and says, "Oh, my goodness,
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I can bring you back to that."
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And we have to find,
you know, I have to find,
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we have to find ourselves
in a perspective of saying,
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"Lord, keep me
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in the midst of a very heavily
saturated sexual environment."
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And so, like you
said earlier, you know,
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if it means to
cut off the radio,
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to some of the songs.
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All of the songs that are just
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kind of cut it to perpetuate,
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because the songs do have
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subliminal messages to it, so.
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Well, I mean, you know,
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and what you said
was good about Joseph,
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but, you know,
and the fact is that,
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Joseph said, "I do not
want to sin against God."
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So and that's a
big component of it.
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But, and many times,
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especially our
generation, we say, hey,
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it's about what
I need for myself.
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You know, this is
what I need to do.
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I need to get, I mean,
yeah, God, He still loves me.
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I still love Him.
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But, hey, you
know, I'm not perfect.
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I just got to get mine.
You know, I got to do this.
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You know, so that
kind of seems to be
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one of the big issues too.
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Would you not agree?
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I believe it is a big
issue, but I think one thing
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we need to recognize is that
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of all the things
that were made in creation,
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we were the only
ones made in God's image.
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And I believe with that comes
some sort of responsibility.
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Of all the things,
animals in the animal kingdom,
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we, human beings
are the only ones
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with an innate
ability to have self control.
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When you see an animal in heat,
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all it wants is, I
mean, just be real.
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To put the fire out.
It is put the fire out.
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It cannot control itself
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and so it will,
it will seek a sick,
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you know, sick release.
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And every other animal.
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We are the only
ones, as human beings,
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who can actually, I
guess, control those urges.
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And we are not animals.
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And I think sometimes,
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with looking at how
society has portrayed us,
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as human beings,
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we are literally
portrayed as animals.
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That, "Oh, I want this, so
I gotta have it right now."
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And we live in a
fast food generation,
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where, if I feel it
now, I wanna have it now.
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It's all about me
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and that's not
how we were created
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and so it's no wonder
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we are saturated
with these desires
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and we don't know
what to do with them,
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because that's the
environment we've grown up in,
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and we continue
to perpetuate it.
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But speaking of
desire, you know,
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I think about how do
we control that desire,
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we live in a society that says,
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manufactures things that
help us cure our desires.
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We were made to crave.
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We were designed with desire.
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The problem is we try to
solve those desires with,
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so they say, sin.
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Sin is a illegitimate means
of solving a legitimate need.
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So we have
legitimate needs for intimacy,
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but we try to solve
them in illegitimate ways.
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Illegitimate ways.
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Like, I can be honest, like,
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my love language
is physical touch.
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I like to hug, I like to cuddle,
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like that is my thing.
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And me knowing that,
like, I have to make sure that
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I don't put
myself in a situation
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where that desire
is gonna get ignited.
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But sometimes, as
women we don't realize that,
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it's that we'll compromise,
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I want to hugged, I give up sex,
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in exchange for some
other legitimate need.
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And so that makes it
difficult, the Bible says,
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"How can a
young man remain pure?
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By keeping my mind
on the word of God."
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So when you
meditate on the word of God,
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it tunes you back into
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where to get your
desires and needs met.
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And that helps to
kind of quench the fire.
00:10:02.10\00:10:05.17
Okay, so we have this desire.
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We have to gratify ourselves,
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but, you know, where
do you draw the line?
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I mean, is self, is
trying to gratify yourself,
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is that ever okay?
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Is there ever a time, I mean,
is there a cut off, so, okay,
00:10:17.31\00:10:20.72
well, this is going too far?
00:10:20.75\00:10:23.99
Well, there is a difference.
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I mean, when
you're telling about self,
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there is a, I guess,
differential four letter words,
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love and lust.
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When you look at lust,
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lust is about
getting what I need to get,
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when I need to get it, as
quick as I need to get it,
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with whomever is
gonna give it to me.
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And lust, it builds that up.
00:10:36.60\00:10:37.93
But then there's also another
four letter word called love
00:10:37.97\00:10:40.44
and what love is, is actually
love is not necessary getting
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but is giving.
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And when you give of
yourself, like the Bible says,
00:10:45.37\00:10:47.08
"For God so loved the world
00:10:47.11\00:10:48.58
that He gave His
only begotten Son."
00:10:48.61\00:10:50.68
When God gave,
it showed His love.
00:10:50.71\00:10:52.48
So in the context of a male
and a female in a relationship,
00:10:52.51\00:10:58.75
dating,
relationship, or talking,
00:10:58.79\00:11:01.19
whatever relationship.
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It's the
procedure where they are,
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if they are in true
love, their gonna love that,
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they're gonna
themselves to that other person,
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themselves to hold
back until this time.
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Because we just said,
you know, to wait until,
00:11:12.17\00:11:14.50
as psalmist said, "Do not
stir up love until its time."
00:11:14.54\00:11:17.91
Because when that happens,
00:11:17.94\00:11:19.37
that could
become very dangerous.
00:11:19.41\00:11:20.74
There's a whole lot of people
00:11:20.78\00:11:22.11
giving themselves
to the other person,
00:11:22.14\00:11:23.51
because they love them
00:11:23.55\00:11:25.48
and they use that idea
00:11:25.51\00:11:27.92
of giving yourself
away to love somebody
00:11:27.95\00:11:31.12
as a way of getting
an illegitimate need met,
00:11:31.15\00:11:34.66
so it's kind of
like, I love you,
00:11:34.69\00:11:37.33
so or you love me,
you'll have sex with me,
00:11:37.36\00:11:39.36
or maybe not sex, but
let's do everything else,
00:11:39.39\00:11:42.50
but sex, to show me
00:11:42.53\00:11:44.27
or show the other
person you really care,
00:11:44.30\00:11:46.10
that you really love them.
00:11:46.13\00:11:47.60
We're meant to go and
define everything else,
00:11:47.64\00:11:48.97
but go ahead.
00:11:49.00\00:11:50.34
Well, you know, it's like,
00:11:50.37\00:11:51.71
it goes back to
what she said about,
00:11:51.74\00:11:53.07
"guard the
avenues of your mind."
00:11:53.11\00:11:54.44
You know, the Bible says that,
00:11:54.48\00:11:55.81
"guard the avenues of mind."
00:11:55.84\00:11:57.18
And it also says
00:11:57.21\00:11:58.55
that we shouldn't make
any provision for the flesh.
00:11:58.58\00:11:59.91
You know that while
God is working on us,
00:11:59.95\00:12:01.28
we know He's changing us.
00:12:01.32\00:12:02.65
He can curb the desire,
00:12:02.68\00:12:04.02
but we shouldn't do anything
to make the desire stronger.
00:12:04.05\00:12:05.45
You know, you don't go places
that you know will tempt you,
00:12:05.49\00:12:08.69
you know, those, you
know, okay, if I'm an alcoholic,
00:12:08.72\00:12:10.99
if I was an alcoholic, if I
had to struggle with alcohol,
00:12:11.03\00:12:12.96
someone had that problem,
00:12:12.99\00:12:14.33
you probably wouldn't
wanna go do ministry at a bar,
00:12:14.36\00:12:16.16
after you get baptized.
00:12:16.20\00:12:17.53
You know what I am saying?
00:12:17.57\00:12:18.90
Because you know I
struggle with that.
00:12:18.93\00:12:20.27
So the same thing, I mean,
the same principle applies,
00:12:20.30\00:12:23.00
if you know your
desires are strong, you know,
00:12:23.04\00:12:25.07
don't go somewhere one on one.
00:12:25.11\00:12:26.71
Don't be in a dark room.
00:12:26.74\00:12:28.08
Don't go places
that promote that.
00:12:28.11\00:12:29.91
Don't watch the
things that you know
00:12:29.94\00:12:31.91
will bring up
those desires in you.
00:12:31.95\00:12:34.28
Yeah, God has
given us natural desire
00:12:34.32\00:12:36.58
but don't intensify
that desire to the point
00:12:36.62\00:12:38.62
where you won't be
able to control yourself.
00:12:38.65\00:12:40.96
And also the environments
that we create around us,
00:12:40.99\00:12:43.83
you know, like if I'm a female,
00:12:43.86\00:12:46.73
I'm reading
romantic novels all the time
00:12:46.76\00:12:49.30
that build this
image within my head
00:12:49.33\00:12:51.13
of how I need
to be with someone,
00:12:51.17\00:12:53.34
and he's gonna come
and sweep me off my feet,
00:12:53.37\00:12:55.84
and he's going to
do everything else,
00:12:55.87\00:12:58.07
you know, you know
the romance novels.
00:12:58.11\00:13:00.04
You know, he'll ravage,
he'll ravage you, you know,
00:13:00.08\00:13:03.55
and this list goes on and on.
00:13:03.58\00:13:06.75
And it builds this
superficial idea in your mind
00:13:06.78\00:13:09.78
about what it is,
what your values are to be
00:13:09.82\00:13:12.95
and so when you get
into a relationship,
00:13:12.99\00:13:14.89
because you've filled
your mind with these things,
00:13:14.92\00:13:17.79
you know, the
romantic novels tell you,
00:13:17.83\00:13:20.13
the romantic movies tell you,
the TV shows you're watching,
00:13:20.16\00:13:24.07
they're all telling you,
how, how quick, you know,
00:13:24.10\00:13:26.87
into a relationship,
00:13:26.90\00:13:28.24
you need to get
into all of these things,
00:13:28.27\00:13:30.54
then those are,
that's what you're doing.
00:13:30.57\00:13:32.51
A normal TV show is what?
00:13:32.54\00:13:33.88
An hour.
00:13:33.91\00:13:35.24
In an hour,
you've met the person,
00:13:35.28\00:13:36.61
you've had the say, you
know, you've met a person,
00:13:36.64\00:13:40.02
you've introduced
them to your parents,
00:13:40.05\00:13:41.38
you've gotten
married, you have kids,
00:13:41.42\00:13:42.95
and you live in a
house with a white...
00:13:42.98\00:13:44.32
You have kids and
then you get married.
00:13:44.35\00:13:45.69
Yeah, you know,
oh, yeah, you have...
00:13:45.72\00:13:47.56
Yeah, everything else,
00:13:47.59\00:13:49.02
so it kind of
squeezes your perspective
00:13:49.06\00:13:51.59
to the point where,
00:13:51.63\00:13:52.96
when you actually get
into a real life relationship,
00:13:52.99\00:13:55.80
you're expecting it
to meet the standards
00:13:55.83\00:13:57.73
of your superficial
relationship in your mind.
00:13:57.77\00:14:00.87
And those two
don't go well together.
00:14:00.90\00:14:03.34
Okay, so, I really appreciate
what you all have said.
00:14:03.37\00:14:06.57
Now going back to the
idea of trying to wait,
00:14:06.61\00:14:09.78
trying to resist
this desire, this urge,
00:14:09.81\00:14:12.78
whether it's for
relationship, whether it's for,
00:14:12.81\00:14:15.48
just because I want to have sex.
00:14:15.52\00:14:18.52
Are there some other things
that you shouldn't do or is it,
00:14:18.55\00:14:21.09
are we just talking about
the intercourse, you guys?
00:14:21.12\00:14:22.82
I mean, are we just
talking about, just having sex?
00:14:22.86\00:14:26.23
I mean, we're
going there right now.
00:14:26.26\00:14:28.10
So what other
things are included in this
00:14:28.13\00:14:30.40
"waiting period"?
00:14:30.43\00:14:32.90
I keep it real, I think
kissing is a gateway drug.
00:14:32.93\00:14:35.60
I mean, it's a gateway for me.
00:14:35.64\00:14:38.27
You know what I mean?
00:14:38.31\00:14:39.64
Like, you know, you
have to know what your,
00:14:39.67\00:14:42.94
or what things lead
into an environment,
00:14:42.98\00:14:46.15
and so, you know,
00:14:46.18\00:14:48.45
for somebody holding
hands might ignite that flame.
00:14:48.48\00:14:51.45
Start their engine.
00:14:51.49\00:14:52.82
For me, I can hold
your hand and I'm like,
00:14:52.85\00:14:54.32
oh, this is sweet.
00:14:54.36\00:14:55.69
Once we started
kissing, time to go, all right,
00:14:55.72\00:14:59.46
let's call it a night,
thanks, have a good day,
00:14:59.49\00:15:02.63
'cause I already
know, like for me,
00:15:02.66\00:15:04.93
that something that
can lead to a situation,
00:15:04.97\00:15:08.44
that I don't want to get myself
involved in, and so I think,
00:15:08.47\00:15:12.64
we have to
understand that everything,
00:15:12.67\00:15:14.88
a part of intimacy is a lead in.
00:15:14.91\00:15:17.45
And sometimes what happens is,
we get these lead ins and stop,
00:15:17.48\00:15:20.85
lead in and
stop, lead in and stop.
00:15:20.88\00:15:22.98
And it creates these patterns
00:15:23.02\00:15:25.25
that are so
negative physiologically,
00:15:25.29\00:15:27.72
and emotionally,
and psychologically,
00:15:27.76\00:15:29.36
then we take those
things into marriage.
00:15:29.39\00:15:31.09
So are those parts of awakening
that love before it is time?
00:15:31.13\00:15:35.00
Yeah, don't kiss.
00:15:35.03\00:15:36.36
Okay, so, okay, so
Miss Kim said, no kissing.
00:15:36.40\00:15:40.80
For me. For her.
00:15:40.84\00:15:43.20
What are some other
things that you shouldn't do?
00:15:43.24\00:15:45.64
Now, we're not
just talking about
00:15:45.67\00:15:47.11
with someone else.
00:15:47.14\00:15:48.78
We're also
talking about by yourself.
00:15:48.81\00:15:51.05
You know, I would say anything,
00:15:51.08\00:15:53.45
anything that if you were doing,
00:15:53.48\00:15:55.02
because we know all
this in the presence of God,
00:15:55.05\00:15:57.22
anything that you're
doing, that if you knew Jesus,
00:15:57.25\00:16:00.26
if Jesus, 'cause
Jesus is always there.
00:16:00.29\00:16:02.62
You know, if you knew,
00:16:02.66\00:16:03.99
if you saw Him physically there,
00:16:04.03\00:16:05.73
you would not feel comfortable
doing in front of Him.
00:16:05.76\00:16:08.76
I would say, you need
to shut that thing down,
00:16:08.80\00:16:11.13
because that in
itself, the fact that you're,
00:16:11.17\00:16:13.87
'cause we've
already talked about it,
00:16:13.90\00:16:16.44
God is one who invented sex.
00:16:16.47\00:16:18.17
He's the one who created it.
00:16:18.21\00:16:19.54
We are created for relationship.
00:16:19.57\00:16:20.91
And so if the person
who gave me this gift
00:16:20.94\00:16:23.75
will not appreciate me
using the gift in the way
00:16:23.78\00:16:26.11
that I'm using it,
00:16:26.15\00:16:27.48
then that in and of itself
would convey to me the fact
00:16:27.52\00:16:31.62
that I'm not doing
right by them, you know.
00:16:31.65\00:16:34.39
That's a good point.
00:16:34.42\00:16:35.89
And as you were
saying, with self,
00:16:35.92\00:16:38.13
sounds like you were
saying something about self,
00:16:38.16\00:16:40.20
that's even more ultimately,
00:16:40.23\00:16:42.56
even more of a
situation as dangerous
00:16:42.60\00:16:44.80
because, if someone's
saying that they're loving
00:16:44.83\00:16:48.60
and they're trying to
have sex with a female,
00:16:48.64\00:16:50.64
or female with a guy,
00:16:50.67\00:16:52.47
or a person who is having,
who is doing masturbation,
00:16:52.51\00:16:54.91
is having sex with themselves.
00:16:54.94\00:16:56.64
And it's very, it's
a selfish situation,
00:16:56.68\00:16:58.71
it's something
that God did not create.
00:16:58.75\00:17:00.42
If we can look at it, we
have to look at the Bible
00:17:00.45\00:17:02.28
and the creation, that
gives us a great example
00:17:02.32\00:17:04.69
of what God has intended.
00:17:04.72\00:17:06.32
And so for a guy or a girl
to go to their separate closet
00:17:06.35\00:17:09.96
or whatever place they're at,
00:17:09.99\00:17:11.39
and to do whatever
they're doing to self gratify,
00:17:11.43\00:17:14.96
it depletes what
God is trying to do.
00:17:15.00\00:17:19.07
And so, and some people
with their being by themselves,
00:17:19.10\00:17:23.30
it's very good to
have a good someone,
00:17:23.34\00:17:25.71
a person who you
can be accountable to.
00:17:25.74\00:17:28.38
And that's where it
comes out be invulnerable,
00:17:28.41\00:17:31.31
spiritually
intimate with someone.
00:17:31.35\00:17:33.48
Not saying, you know, you
know, and that kind of manner
00:17:33.52\00:17:35.68
but, a way of saying to
someone that I'm struggling,
00:17:35.72\00:17:38.95
I need you to pray for me.
00:17:38.99\00:17:40.32
So we can have
each other's back.
00:17:40.36\00:17:41.82
Like the Bible
says real quickly,
00:17:41.86\00:17:43.19
it says "Two, two are better
00:17:43.22\00:17:45.03
but a cord of three
is not easily broken."
00:17:45.06\00:17:47.16
When we can get that,
00:17:47.20\00:17:48.53
two people have
each other's back
00:17:48.56\00:17:49.90
and then God comes down,
00:17:49.93\00:17:51.27
then you can
really be in a situation
00:17:51.30\00:17:52.63
where you're not being broken.
00:17:52.67\00:17:54.00
You know what?
00:17:54.04\00:17:55.37
I wanna take it a step further,
00:17:55.40\00:17:56.74
because there's
still other stuff out there
00:17:56.77\00:17:58.11
we have not mentioned, you know,
00:17:58.14\00:17:59.57
we did try to
define sex earlier,
00:17:59.61\00:18:02.24
and I think we had defined
it as penetration, you know,
00:18:02.28\00:18:04.61
penis to vagina,
well, the case is,
00:18:04.65\00:18:06.68
now I will say that if
either sexual organ is involved,
00:18:06.72\00:18:11.09
it's a sexual experience,
00:18:11.12\00:18:12.55
'cause you're gonna have people
who say, "Well, I'm waiting,
00:18:12.59\00:18:15.32
but I'm not having sex.
00:18:15.36\00:18:16.69
You know, I
might perform oral sex.
00:18:16.73\00:18:18.49
Or, you know, there is
other things out there as well."
00:18:18.53\00:18:20.50
You know what I'm saying?
00:18:20.53\00:18:21.86
And I think that if those
organs are involved at all,
00:18:21.90\00:18:24.57
you know what I'm saying?
00:18:24.60\00:18:25.93
Then you should stay
away from that as well.
00:18:25.97\00:18:28.20
And can I just speak back.
00:18:28.24\00:18:29.60
I kind of wanna take
it back a little bit.
00:18:29.64\00:18:30.97
I don't, to the
concept to be that,
00:18:31.01\00:18:32.87
I think that kissing is
bad or kissing is wrong.
00:18:32.91\00:18:35.98
I think that the
intention needs to be there.
00:18:36.01\00:18:39.01
What is the intention
behind you kissing this person?
00:18:39.05\00:18:42.78
You know what I mean?
00:18:42.82\00:18:44.15
And, you know, we have
nice little terms make out
00:18:44.19\00:18:45.75
and all those different things,
00:18:45.79\00:18:47.19
but what is the
intention behind it?
00:18:47.22\00:18:49.19
What is it supposed
to be leading up to?
00:18:49.22\00:18:51.53
What is it leading to?
00:18:51.56\00:18:52.89
And I think that's
where we have to kind of
00:18:52.93\00:18:54.40
define things,
00:18:54.43\00:18:55.76
'cause I don't
want to get the idea
00:18:55.80\00:18:57.13
that it's bad or it's wrong,
which is part of the issue.
00:18:57.17\00:19:00.07
We put all these bad notties
00:19:00.10\00:19:01.90
or taboos on it,
00:19:01.94\00:19:03.27
it's just a matter
of really discussing it
00:19:03.30\00:19:04.87
and understanding,
how does that work for me?
00:19:04.91\00:19:07.08
How does that work for you?
00:19:07.11\00:19:08.44
And who am I accountable to?
00:19:08.48\00:19:10.51
And I think
there's another thing too,
00:19:10.55\00:19:11.88
I mean, in relationships,
we're not saying, you know,
00:19:11.91\00:19:14.52
we're trying to
be purer, you know,
00:19:14.55\00:19:15.88
we're just kind of
going with the flow,
00:19:15.92\00:19:17.25
seeing what happens
00:19:17.29\00:19:18.62
but it really should be upfront,
00:19:18.65\00:19:19.99
okay, we're both Christians,
00:19:20.02\00:19:21.36
how are we really
gonna address this thing?
00:19:21.39\00:19:22.72
You know, and also we're
just in kind of thinking with,
00:19:22.76\00:19:24.63
the title, this,
"I'm going crazy waiting."
00:19:24.66\00:19:27.30
Let's talk about that issue
of what are we waiting for?
00:19:27.33\00:19:30.07
You know, are we
waiting for marriage?
00:19:30.10\00:19:33.27
Waiting just to
be able to have sex?
00:19:33.30\00:19:34.64
I mean, what are we waiting for?
00:19:34.67\00:19:36.00
And is there really a
guarantee you will get married?
00:19:36.04\00:19:40.64
When I was a child, I
remember my great aunt,
00:19:40.68\00:19:43.28
she brought me a
toy for Christmas,
00:19:43.31\00:19:45.41
and I was so
excited to open that toy.
00:19:45.45\00:19:47.65
And she said, "No."
00:19:47.68\00:19:49.22
It was like August,
and she brought me a toy.
00:19:49.25\00:19:51.79
And, you know, I'm like
saying, I'm just frustrated.
00:19:51.82\00:19:53.99
Because I'm waiting for
her, for Christmas to come.
00:19:54.02\00:19:56.99
And I know when I
was young as a child,
00:19:57.03\00:19:59.39
days went by whole lot longer
than the way they go by now.
00:19:59.43\00:20:02.43
So I was sitting
there day by day,
00:20:02.46\00:20:05.13
counting down
till Christmas came,
00:20:05.17\00:20:07.34
and then, four
months or so came,
00:20:07.37\00:20:10.21
and I was finally
able to open that gift.
00:20:10.24\00:20:12.01
I was finally relieved.
00:20:12.04\00:20:13.41
But the problem was with that,
I was so focused on something,
00:20:13.44\00:20:16.64
instead of doing
what I have to do,
00:20:16.68\00:20:18.01
in between that time,
00:20:18.05\00:20:19.38
they didn't
said me, I caught up.
00:20:19.41\00:20:20.75
so, with one person
00:20:20.78\00:20:22.62
finding himself having to
keep on worrying about waiting
00:20:22.65\00:20:26.05
and when it's gonna happen,
00:20:26.09\00:20:27.66
they are depleting them,
00:20:27.69\00:20:29.02
depriving
themselves of the blessings
00:20:29.06\00:20:30.79
of what God wants to
give for them at that moment.
00:20:30.83\00:20:33.33
And they're
missing the greatness,
00:20:33.36\00:20:35.13
that God has a store
for them at that moment.
00:20:35.16\00:20:38.13
And a good question is,
00:20:38.17\00:20:39.50
what are you occupying yourself
with while you're waiting?
00:20:39.53\00:20:42.07
You know, am I so,
'cause it defeats the purpose.
00:20:42.10\00:20:45.64
If I am so caught
up in this idea of,
00:20:45.67\00:20:51.31
I am just waiting to get to,
00:20:51.35\00:20:53.15
just waiting to get
married so that I can have sex.
00:20:53.18\00:20:56.18
You know, it's
like marriage is not,
00:20:56.22\00:20:59.32
you're not gonna have
sex everyday, all day.
00:20:59.35\00:21:01.22
You're gonna have to
go to work, at some point.
00:21:01.26\00:21:03.76
You know, you need a job.
00:21:03.79\00:21:05.19
You have to take, you
have either responsibilities,
00:21:05.23\00:21:07.53
before we, besides
that, and so the idea is,
00:21:07.56\00:21:11.53
what are you occupying
yourself with right now?
00:21:11.57\00:21:13.90
Is that all that is
occupying your mind?
00:21:13.94\00:21:16.74
And if it is, then there's
a larger problem at hand.
00:21:16.77\00:21:20.38
And you're probably not ready
to marry, even if you weren't.
00:21:20.41\00:21:24.21
You know. Yeah.
00:21:24.25\00:21:25.58
And that's what that girl
was saying too in the letter,
00:21:25.61\00:21:26.95
she is saying, you know,
is something wrong with her
00:21:26.98\00:21:28.32
because she's
thinking about sex so much?
00:21:28.35\00:21:30.99
You know, so
and that's something
00:21:31.02\00:21:32.49
we have to think about.
00:21:32.52\00:21:33.86
I mean, is there,
every time we say, okay,
00:21:33.89\00:21:35.52
maybe your mind
is overly sexual,
00:21:35.56\00:21:38.79
you know, is that
even, is that able to have...
00:21:38.83\00:21:41.26
Be sad, I mean?
I don't think so.
00:21:41.30\00:21:43.10
I mean, you know,
people think about sex,
00:21:43.13\00:21:45.00
it's something like we said,
00:21:45.03\00:21:46.37
you're gonna think about it.
00:21:46.40\00:21:47.87
Kind of go back door, I think,
I think one of our promise,
00:21:47.90\00:21:50.61
is how we define waiting?
00:21:50.64\00:21:52.47
You know, do you define waiting
as standing on a long line
00:21:52.51\00:21:56.54
waiting to get into the movies?
00:21:56.58\00:21:58.31
Or, you know, waiting to get
into your favorite restaurant?
00:21:58.35\00:22:01.52
Is that what you
define waiting as?
00:22:01.55\00:22:03.22
Because when you do that,
00:22:03.25\00:22:04.59
you're just
standing on the line.
00:22:04.62\00:22:05.95
Waiting to get to the door.
00:22:05.99\00:22:07.32
Or standing, or
as waiting, you know,
00:22:07.36\00:22:08.79
the journey from point A to B
00:22:08.82\00:22:10.39
that might include
passing and doing other stuff.
00:22:10.43\00:22:12.99
You know, an example would be,
00:22:13.03\00:22:14.96
you know, when
Jacob works for Rachel,
00:22:15.00\00:22:17.37
you know, he's waiting up,
I mean, 14 years he waited.
00:22:17.40\00:22:20.07
He waited. Yeah, that's love.
00:22:20.10\00:22:21.44
You know, but when
he's waiting, he's working,
00:22:21.47\00:22:22.90
he's preoccupied, he's busy.
00:22:22.94\00:22:24.91
It's not like he's not thinking
about what's gonna happen,
00:22:24.94\00:22:27.54
wedding night with, you know,
with Rachel, one of the cases,
00:22:27.58\00:22:29.94
but he has so much
other stuff on his mind.
00:22:29.98\00:22:32.38
You know, he's
working, he's doing, I mean,
00:22:32.41\00:22:33.92
he's preoccupied.
00:22:33.95\00:22:35.28
You know, and
what is your waiting?
00:22:35.32\00:22:36.85
Is it just sitting around,
tooling your thumbs like,
00:22:36.89\00:22:39.49
"You know, God, when are
you going to bring him to me?
00:22:39.52\00:22:41.12
When are you going
to bring her to me?"
00:22:41.16\00:22:42.49
Or is it, you know, let me work,
00:22:42.52\00:22:43.89
but let me also remember
00:22:43.93\00:22:45.26
that the
experiences I have from A to B,
00:22:45.29\00:22:47.43
God uses those experiences
to shape me into the person
00:22:47.46\00:22:50.57
that that person that I'm gonna
be ready for needs to meet.
00:22:50.60\00:22:53.97
I just wanna say,
00:22:54.00\00:22:55.37
he waited seven years
and then he got, got married,
00:22:55.40\00:22:58.37
just in case somebody
wanted to know on the show.
00:22:58.41\00:23:00.04
But anyway he had to
work another seven years
00:23:00.08\00:23:01.41
but, that's a good point.
00:23:01.44\00:23:02.78
Seven, fourteen. Yeah.
00:23:02.81\00:23:04.15
But, you know, also, in
this whole issue of waiting,
00:23:04.18\00:23:06.38
I'm gonna let you say
00:23:06.41\00:23:07.75
when Jeanne finishes this on
time, about this waiting thing.
00:23:07.78\00:23:09.12
Go ahead, go ahead.
00:23:09.15\00:23:10.49
Yeah, I'm gonna say that
00:23:10.52\00:23:12.09
with Rachel,
with Rachel and Jacob,
00:23:12.12\00:23:16.49
the situation was
that, he was, you know,
00:23:16.52\00:23:20.10
to piggy back on
what you're saying,
00:23:20.13\00:23:21.60
he was preparing
for her, you know,
00:23:21.63\00:23:24.93
so the waiting period was not,
00:23:24.97\00:23:26.70
we have this notion
of our waiting period
00:23:26.74\00:23:28.80
is a dead period.
00:23:28.84\00:23:30.17
It's a...
00:23:30.21\00:23:31.54
Punishment. It's a punishment.
00:23:31.57\00:23:32.91
It's a season of
barrenness if you will.
00:23:32.94\00:23:35.84
But if I, if I do believe in God
00:23:35.88\00:23:39.28
and have a vibrant
relationship with God,
00:23:39.31\00:23:41.75
then I have to
know, and I understand
00:23:41.78\00:23:44.45
that God has
promised that no good thing
00:23:44.49\00:23:47.59
will He withhold from me.
00:23:47.62\00:23:49.46
You know, and that
when the time is right,
00:23:49.49\00:23:51.39
in the fullness of
time, He will bring, you know,
00:23:51.43\00:23:54.23
that person into my
life, into your life.
00:23:54.26\00:23:57.00
Then I have to know that
00:23:57.03\00:23:58.43
my waiting
period is not a period,
00:23:58.47\00:24:00.90
is not a dead period.
00:24:00.94\00:24:02.30
It may, others may
look at it as a dead period,
00:24:02.34\00:24:04.81
but my hope is not
in them, it's in Christ.
00:24:04.84\00:24:07.41
And so He has a
way of preparing me
00:24:07.44\00:24:10.85
in this waiting period.
00:24:10.88\00:24:12.25
I know for myself,
00:24:12.28\00:24:14.88
I thank God that I
did not get married
00:24:14.92\00:24:17.55
before I was ready, you know,
00:24:17.59\00:24:20.09
because, I recognized
that God is still preparing me.
00:24:20.12\00:24:25.36
You know, I would
feel, I, in Rachel's place,
00:24:25.39\00:24:28.36
I would feel sorry for any
man who I would be, you know,
00:24:28.40\00:24:32.10
married to,
00:24:32.13\00:24:33.47
because he would be
getting God knows what.
00:24:33.50\00:24:36.74
You know, because I
would not have experienced
00:24:36.77\00:24:39.07
my period of
preparedness with God.
00:24:39.11\00:24:42.24
And that is the important part,
00:24:42.28\00:24:44.45
we tend to skip over that
and try to get into things
00:24:44.48\00:24:48.28
that we have no
business getting into.
00:24:48.32\00:24:50.22
Okay, so, and as you
said it very well, you know,
00:24:50.25\00:24:53.15
you said about the fullness
of time, thinking about God,
00:24:53.19\00:24:57.19
and the fact that He waits.
00:24:57.23\00:24:59.83
He waits, I
mean, He waited to...
00:24:59.86\00:25:03.57
Like Jesus coming,
He's even waiting now
00:25:03.60\00:25:05.10
for Christ to coming in.
00:25:05.13\00:25:06.53
He's always constantly
waiting, and as Christians,
00:25:06.57\00:25:08.44
I think we have to
put aside ourselves
00:25:08.47\00:25:10.71
and recognize that,
00:25:10.74\00:25:12.07
Christianity is a
religion of waiting.
00:25:12.11\00:25:15.84
You're waiting on Him.
00:25:15.88\00:25:17.91
It's never, it's
not always immediate,
00:25:17.95\00:25:20.08
we're in this,
this is battle still.
00:25:20.12\00:25:22.25
We're still in the fight.
00:25:22.28\00:25:23.62
We're still waiting, you know,
00:25:23.65\00:25:24.99
and that has a lot
to do with the fact,
00:25:25.02\00:25:26.35
if we don't realize,
00:25:26.39\00:25:27.72
it has a lot to do
with the selfishness
00:25:27.76\00:25:29.09
that we still really have.
00:25:29.12\00:25:30.46
You know, I love the
verse In Isaiah that says,
00:25:30.49\00:25:32.19
"They that wait on the Lord
shall renew their strength."
00:25:32.23\00:25:34.66
And we always envision it
as they that wait, sit down,
00:25:34.70\00:25:37.63
relax, chill,
00:25:37.67\00:25:39.53
but there's another
meaning for the word,
00:25:39.57\00:25:41.27
wait, like a waiter.
00:25:41.30\00:25:43.00
So I look at it, as
they that wait on Lord,
00:25:43.04\00:25:45.74
serve the Lord,
00:25:45.77\00:25:47.11
they that are
ministering to the Lord,
00:25:47.14\00:25:50.25
shall renew their strength.
00:25:50.28\00:25:51.78
So while you're
serving the Lord,
00:25:51.81\00:25:53.98
God renews your strength,
00:25:54.02\00:25:55.35
He'll give you
something to hold on to
00:25:55.38\00:25:57.39
and you develop
this intimacy with God,
00:25:57.42\00:25:59.75
you start to find
out your skills and,
00:25:59.79\00:26:01.92
you know, you have
time to learn and figure out
00:26:01.96\00:26:04.16
the things in your character
that need to be worked on,
00:26:04.19\00:26:06.86
to not waiting on the
Lord, but waiting on the Lord.
00:26:06.90\00:26:11.23
And what you're
saying is so true,
00:26:11.27\00:26:12.60
came about the issue of
waiting on the Lord, you know,
00:26:12.63\00:26:15.30
and really
serving Him, you know,
00:26:15.34\00:26:17.17
you have to spend
that time with Him.
00:26:17.21\00:26:18.54
And I was thinking like,
how can you expect to find
00:26:18.57\00:26:20.71
the one that God has for you
00:26:20.74\00:26:22.71
if you haven't spent
the time to know Him?
00:26:22.74\00:26:24.78
You know, you have to
really get to know Him.
00:26:24.81\00:26:26.15
I think if I can just be open
with my experience, you know,
00:26:26.18\00:26:29.38
I didn't really take
the time to know God.
00:26:29.42\00:26:31.32
And so, I was now meeting people
00:26:31.35\00:26:32.89
who I thought were for me
00:26:32.92\00:26:34.26
but, they weren't because, hey,
I didn't even know who God was.
00:26:34.29\00:26:36.76
And it was until I took the time
00:26:36.79\00:26:38.13
to really get to
know Jesus for myself
00:26:38.16\00:26:39.49
and really have a
deep relationship with Him,
00:26:39.53\00:26:41.36
my eyes were
opened and I realized, oh,
00:26:41.40\00:26:42.73
this is the one for me.
00:26:42.76\00:26:44.10
You know, the girl
that I am dating now
00:26:44.13\00:26:45.47
is the one that God has for me
00:26:45.50\00:26:46.84
and I just
recognized Jesus in her.
00:26:46.87\00:26:48.90
Well, you now believe
God can make it happen,
00:26:48.94\00:26:50.64
'cause he is God, you know,
00:26:50.67\00:26:52.01
if you are
supposed to be married,
00:26:52.04\00:26:53.38
you're gonna be married.
00:26:53.41\00:26:54.74
You know, but at the same time,
00:26:54.78\00:26:56.11
this is why we
shouldn't tell people,
00:26:56.14\00:26:57.48
you know, see that you're
married and you're burned.
00:26:57.51\00:26:58.85
You shouldn't have to
choose between the two.
00:26:58.88\00:27:00.78
You know, and you might
solve the immediate problem,
00:27:00.82\00:27:02.62
you might get married
00:27:02.65\00:27:03.99
and your sexual
urges might die down,
00:27:04.02\00:27:06.05
you know, at least, you'll
have that one person, you know,
00:27:06.09\00:27:08.16
that you can, you know,
act out all your desires with,
00:27:08.19\00:27:10.96
but, I can guarantee
you in the marriage context,
00:27:10.99\00:27:13.36
you might face other issues,
you know, that will come above,
00:27:13.40\00:27:16.56
because you weren't
ready to get married.
00:27:16.60\00:27:18.37
So like Kim says, "Serve God,
you don't get your charger out,
00:27:18.40\00:27:21.70
put your bow tie
on, get your napkin out,
00:27:21.74\00:27:23.17
and serve Him."
00:27:23.20\00:27:24.54
"And then allow Him to enter,
00:27:24.57\00:27:25.91
work out His plan in your life."
00:27:25.94\00:27:27.54
Amen.
00:27:27.58\00:27:28.91
And that's a good
way to end it out.
00:27:28.94\00:27:30.28
And that's where we
end our program with today,
00:27:30.31\00:27:31.68
and I just wanna end
just by reading Psalms 37:34,
00:27:31.71\00:27:34.52
it says, "Wait on the Lord,
00:27:34.55\00:27:36.42
and keep His way,
and He shall exalt you."
00:27:36.45\00:27:40.69
And so I just wanna encourage
everyone who is watching,
00:27:40.72\00:27:42.42
just to wait on Christ.
00:27:42.46\00:27:44.36
He will exalt you in due time.
00:27:44.39\00:27:46.49
So that's our program for today,
00:27:46.53\00:27:48.06
I know you enjoyed it.
00:27:48.10\00:27:49.43
Until next time,
remember to make pure choices.
00:27:49.46\00:27:52.10