The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are cautioned
that some material may be
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too candid for younger children.
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Hello and welcome
to "Pure Choices."
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I'm your host
Pastor Joshua Nelson.
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I'm so glad you
decided to join us
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because we have a
good one for you today.
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We're talking
about how to get a mate
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"Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Mo,
Catch a Spouse by the Toe."
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We're gonna talk about
it how you're gonna do,
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how you're gonna catch,
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how you're gonna get
somebody to marry you.
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So before we go into the topic
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I'm gonna introduce
our panel for today.
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We have my good
friend, Jeanne Mogusu,
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she is a
graduating seminary student.
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And actually she
is the president of
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the Black Student
Association of the Seminary.
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So happy have her here today.
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We also have
Pastor Marquis Jackson
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who is the pastor
in South Carolina,
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the pastor of
Berea and Maranatha,
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Seventh-day Adventist Church.
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Glad to have you here.
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We also have
Chaplain Kimberley Pearson,
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who is the Assistant
Chaplain at Oakwood University.
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Good friend of mine.
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And we also have Kean
Baxter, yes, who is also a--
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he graduated
already from the seminary,
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a very educated young brother.
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So we have a good panel today.
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We are gonna get
into this subject
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and before we
really talk about it,
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I want to read this
letter that was sent in
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by a young individual,
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and we want to read
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what their question or scenario,
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what their question is.
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Okay, so let's
hear what it says here.
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It says, "I'm a
freshman in college
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and I've only dated one guy.
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I'm told how
pretty I am all the time,
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but for some
reason guys don't really
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seem to be interested in me.
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I don't think I'm ugly.
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I do think there has to be
something wrong with me though.
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How do I get guys notice
me without dressing skimpy
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and overdoing it on the
makeup and crazy hairstyles?
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I want to get guys' attention
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without doing these
things that are just not me.
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What should I do?"
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So she's in need,
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she wants to know
how to get that mate.
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So what would
you all say to her?
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One thing I will say is
as a lady, your identity,
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when you are comfortable
who you are in yourself
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that eventually
will naturally pull.
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It could be even
good that you don't have
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a whole bunch of guys
trying to come after you
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because if they
started coming after you,
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then it could
start causing to have
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different perspectives
looking at different people.
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But God will set
someone in store for you.
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But continue to be
confident in yourself
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and just rest in the Lord
and just wait till He brings
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what is best and
suitable for you.
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Okay.
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Jeanne, as a woman,
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what kind of words of
advice you can give to her?
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Well, first of all I
would like to comment her
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for not trying to
get the men in, you know,
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more traditional ways
trying to dress skimpy.
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Those are not the kind of people
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that you want to attract.
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You want to
attract for a husband,
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a very serious human being.
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So if he is attracted to you
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because you are dressing skimpy,
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I would say that is definitely
not a husband material.
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You want someone to
fall in love with you
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for who you are--
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the essence of yourself of,
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you know, who you are
and not just because you,
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you know, you dress skimpy
or you look good physically.
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Because those things wear off,
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and you want someone
for a long period of time.
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And I'll also
tell her, you know,
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don't be too
attached to the idea of
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you want to have someone.
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You know, you want
to have your essence,
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your value
placed in much more than
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just having someone next to you.
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Yes. Okay.
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That makes sense.
And another woman here.
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I'm gonna say, I
think what Jeanne said is
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so important that I
think sometimes as women,
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we attach our
identity into having a man.
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And, I think, society, kind of,
puts that on us as well that,
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you know, until you have a
man, until you have a husband
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you're not really a woman
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or if you don't have someone,
something is wrong with you.
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But as a man it's
okay not to have--
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Exactly. A wife.
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It's cool, right. It's cool.
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And so what I hear
in that letter is that
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she really wants
to in a relationship.
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I would ask her why.
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What is the desire behind
wanting to be in a relationship
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and does she value herself
outside of the relationship?
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When we look at
creation, Adam and Eve,
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both had
individual encounters with God
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before they were
brought together as a couple.
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So has she had an
encounter with God?
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What is God's direction
for her in terms of dating?
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She has to know herself. Okay.
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So just gonna kind
of tell us out there
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why do you all think
it takes so much longer,
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and it just seems to me
it takes a little bit longer
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for people to
get married nowadays.
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I remember my parents,
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you know, they
would have been married,
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you know, I'm just now
looking to get married,
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you know, and I shout out
to my fiancee Kimberly does,
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you know, so I'm just
gonna say that right there.
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But, you know I'm
just now getting married.
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You know, and I'm 27,
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you know, my parents
they got married way younger.
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So why is it now it seems
that it's just taking people
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longer to really get married?
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There are, I think a
lot of contributing factors,
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the societal factors
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we are spending
longer in school.
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It's taking more
education to make a living wage.
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As economy getting
worse, it's harder to find jobs.
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Okay. That's one thing.
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The other thing is--
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if you go back to
100 years, 150 years,
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humans were maturing
very faster emotionally,
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they knew who they were,
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they were able to take on
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responsibility at a younger age,
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not too long after puberty,
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few years they
were able to find a job
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and started a family.
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But I think that
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because of the
degradation of society
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we're taking longer to mature.
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We don't know who we are.
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We are in adolescence
for extended period of time
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till the 20s and late 30s.
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Okay, let me go down
to the economy little bit.
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Okay, it's all right.
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You know, also I'd like say too,
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is, you know, um,
there's a generation now
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that is grown up
to be very skeptical.
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Seeing, you
know, their families,
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their parents be married
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and they get
divorced shortly after.
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Then we also live
the world of media--
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there is, you know,
there should old days,
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you know, that kind of
black and white days TV days,
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they used to
have husband and wife
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they'd be married and
everything will happen,
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the mother, the father,
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the dog and a son and a daughter
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and everything just went well.
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Everything was
perfect. Everything was perfect.
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Yeah. They drank milk--
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they trained
horses all the time.
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Yeah.
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But now the TV
show that come out
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you have the husband and wife
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they always find out each other,
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the children have
respect for their parents.
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And the generation now
is watching these episodes
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and the Bible says by
beholding one becomes changed.
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So when they watch it,
it becomes part of them,
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so this generation has become
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even more
skeptical of relationship
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to see will they work.
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Yeah. Yeah.
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I think, though
in terms of dating,
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you know, we're
trying to find a spouse.
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I think,
sometimes we get caught up
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in the idea of being married.
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We fantasize about
it, like, you know,
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women when we
actually go out with a guy
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we actually give
you the time of the day.
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We've already
decided in our minds
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you are probably
husband material.
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And so we've already, kind of,
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pick you out and so we fantasize
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what our last name would
sound like next to yours,
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and all those things.
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And we romanticize
the ideas, so much--
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Really?
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That without it we feel like,
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we are not whole,
we are not complete.
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There is
something is wrong with us.
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And so I just think
that's very interesting
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why as women do we do that?
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Do we ascribe our
value to being married
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and is there
biblical base behind that?
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It's a question. Yeah.
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I wasn't gonna
answer that question.
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But I was gonna say that
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when you look at the ratio
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of eligible young men
and eligible young women,
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it's in the men's favor
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if you're gonna
look at it that way.
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It's easily, you
know, 80 percent women,
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20 percent men and sometimes,
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you know, 70, 30
somewhere around there.
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So because of that,
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men are playing the
field more especially
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if there are women,
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certain type of
women who are in order
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to get the attention of men
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will dress a certain way
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and allow the man to do
certain things with the woman.
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Sexuality getting,
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physically
intimate before marriage.
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So these are other things
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that are
contributing to the fact
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that men are
just not, stepping up,
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you know, being men.
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Yeah, I'm so
happy you said that.
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They can praise that.
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I mean, you know-- Yeah.
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I mean there are a
lot of options out there
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so hey I don't want to--
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I want to able
take advantage this
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because it's there,
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it's offered to
me, why not, you know.
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And that's really was happening
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and it really goes both ways
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because of the standards
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that we as men may be
are lowering ourselves to
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and the women are
also doing the same thing.
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I truly believe that men
still can lead the household,
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they can still
lead by their actions.
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It is all about
placing value of oneself,
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I remember when I
was in Cincinnati,
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when I used to be in Cincinnati,
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I used to transferring
your gifts stuff and,
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you know, when you get something
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you just eat and you just--
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you don't really have
that kind of appreciation.
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But when you have to set aside
money to purchase something
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and when you
purchase that thing,
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you're going to
take care of that thing.
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I just bought a
car some years ago
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I'm still paying on my car.
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I'm taking care of my car.
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But if it is just given to me
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then I won't necessarily
have that much of value of it.
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So if a young lady comes
and she starts give herself
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and most of the ladies
started to give themselves
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then it makes easy for men
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to not put the
value on the woman
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which is not
God required for us.
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He calls for us
even die for the woman.
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And if I just
pick you back on that
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I would say part of the reasons
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why women are
throwing themselves at guys
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is because society
has given us values
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that are not
necessarily biblical values
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and so you have men who looking
for superficial thing in women.
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You know, like they are I
guess hip to waist ratios,
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you know, and wanting
them to look like models
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when the reality is
that your average woman
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does not look like
your magazine model.
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And so those are
not thing that make
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for valuable long lasting life
long commitments in marriage
00:10:56.70\00:11:02.09
and those superficial standards
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are what translates into
your marriage statistics.
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That's why you have one
in two marriages failing.
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And so when people
look at these things
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they are skeptical
about getting into something
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as sacred as a
marriage commitment.
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You know, or they translate
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or they bring those superficial
standards into marriage.
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That's why you have
things like prenups,
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I mean, you
know, in biblical times
00:11:27.03\00:11:30.14
they did not have things
like prenups because you went--
00:11:30.17\00:11:32.98
not even too long ago,
00:11:33.01\00:11:34.59
you know in the 50s and the
60s you never really had prenups
00:11:34.62\00:11:39.72
as prevalent as they are now.
00:11:39.75\00:11:43.31
And so, you know, you
are going into your marriage,
00:11:43.34\00:11:46.66
something as sacred
as marriage commitment,
00:11:46.69\00:11:48.83
having kind of like a back door
00:11:48.86\00:11:51.24
and you wonder why
people are divorcing
00:11:51.27\00:11:54.15
left, right and centre.
00:11:54.18\00:11:55.38
You have people
who're married for 72 days.
00:11:55.41\00:11:57.67
And you're wondering, you
know, and you're wondering
00:11:57.70\00:12:00.41
why marriage is not
treated with much respect.
00:12:00.44\00:12:04.15
Because what you said,
actually look at the title
00:12:04.18\00:12:06.01
"Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Mo,
Catch a Spouse by the Toe."
00:12:06.04\00:12:09.25
We have kind of
catch a spouse like you!
00:12:09.28\00:12:13.14
And you know, and
yeah, especially as women
00:12:13.17\00:12:15.52
sometimes we have
ascribed to this idea
00:12:15.55\00:12:17.61
that you see a
man he's a good man,
00:12:17.64\00:12:19.80
you got to grab him,
club him and drag him
00:12:19.83\00:12:21.53
back to your lawyer and,
00:12:21.56\00:12:23.34
you know and try to get him
to marry you as soon as possible
00:12:23.37\00:12:27.57
because he might
be the last ship.
00:12:27.60\00:12:29.61
You know, you better
hurry up and grab this one.
00:12:29.64\00:12:32.18
Because there might not
be any good men left and so--
00:12:32.21\00:12:35.08
I see you are in your 30s.
00:12:35.11\00:12:36.31
Yeah, and I'm 30,
you know, what I mean?
00:12:36.34\00:12:41.16
Call out. Right,
thank you for call out.
00:12:41.19\00:12:43.07
You know, but I
really believe that
00:12:43.10\00:12:47.15
if we take time to allow God to
bring us a mate if you notice,
00:12:47.18\00:12:53.53
Eve was brought to Adam.
00:12:53.56\00:12:55.94
Adam recognized
his need for Eve first
00:12:55.97\00:12:59.46
and too often times we're
trying to go into marriage
00:12:59.49\00:13:01.98
before we've had some maturity
00:13:02.01\00:13:04.17
where the man
recognizes I need a wife.
00:13:04.20\00:13:06.60
When a man recognizes that
he needs a woman in his life
00:13:06.63\00:13:10.01
to help make him, you know,
00:13:10.04\00:13:11.36
better then he is ready
to embrace the marriage.
00:13:11.39\00:13:14.54
When a woman recognizes
00:13:14.57\00:13:15.90
that she was brought to that man
00:13:15.93\00:13:18.22
then there is not that
tension of fighting, you know,
00:13:18.25\00:13:21.75
I have got to marry you.
00:13:21.78\00:13:22.87
She is trying to, you
know, you better wife me,
00:13:22.90\00:13:24.99
if you like you
better put a ring on it.
00:13:25.02\00:13:27.07
Well, I have got
to say this, you know,
00:13:27.10\00:13:29.33
I hear what
you're saying Ms. Kim,
00:13:29.36\00:13:31.42
but I just feel even though
00:13:31.45\00:13:33.41
the options are
in our favor as men
00:13:33.44\00:13:35.82
I do think it is still
hard to find a good woman.
00:13:35.85\00:13:39.48
Now you could argue that it's
also hard to find a good man,
00:13:39.51\00:13:42.05
but I think it's
hard to find a good woman.
00:13:42.08\00:13:45.47
Hold on, say my
brothers, would agree with me?
00:13:45.50\00:13:48.48
No. Yes, I have too, you know--
00:13:48.51\00:13:55.11
But the Bible says,
00:13:55.14\00:13:56.27
"He who findeth a
wife fideth a good thing
00:13:56.30\00:13:58.58
and obtain the
favor from the Lord,"
00:13:58.61\00:14:00.33
that's in Proverbs.
00:14:00.36\00:14:02.67
I have to go with Kim.
Kim actually made my point.
00:14:02.70\00:14:06.34
I think the way
that we approach it
00:14:06.37\00:14:08.56
often is very humanistic.
00:14:08.59\00:14:10.90
You look in the
Bible, the examples,
00:14:10.93\00:14:12.76
God brought Eve to
Adam. You look at Isaac.
00:14:12.79\00:14:17.31
Isaac's wife was brought to him.
00:14:17.34\00:14:20.26
And then when you contrast
those two examples with Samson.
00:14:20.29\00:14:26.21
Samson what did
he tell his parents?
00:14:26.24\00:14:28.20
Get her for
because she pleases me well
00:14:28.23\00:14:31.80
and of course it was probably,
predominantly physical.
00:14:31.83\00:14:36.05
So Adam and Isaac
they aligned their will
00:14:36.08\00:14:39.57
with Gods and Isaac of course,
00:14:39.60\00:14:42.66
his parents were--
his father was involved.
00:14:42.69\00:14:46.29
Samson went against his parents.
00:14:46.32\00:14:48.32
He said, I like her
I'm going after her.
00:14:48.35\00:14:51.36
So I think part of the
promise we are humanistic
00:14:51.39\00:14:54.63
in the way we
approach relationships.
00:14:54.66\00:14:56.51
Okay.
00:14:56.54\00:14:57.59
And I think also
to when you look at,
00:14:57.62\00:14:59.52
you know, Adam had a job,
Adam had responsibilities.
00:14:59.55\00:15:01.90
Yes. Jacob I think he--
00:15:01.93\00:15:04.58
Hallelujah.
00:15:04.61\00:15:05.70
Amen. Amen.
00:15:05.73\00:15:07.84
Jacob was-- I think Abraham
sent one his servant to go--
00:15:07.87\00:15:11.71
I think Jacob
was doing some stuff.
00:15:11.74\00:15:13.29
Then, you know, his wife came.
00:15:13.32\00:15:15.99
Samson was suppose
to be function as judge
00:15:16.02\00:15:19.78
and he is leaving
where he supposed to be
00:15:19.81\00:15:21.87
not doing his job and going out.
00:15:21.90\00:15:24.34
And so too many times it's
challenging even for us men,
00:15:24.37\00:15:28.06
we have find it so easy
00:15:28.09\00:15:29.44
not to be doing
our responsibilities
00:15:29.47\00:15:31.86
and just going for a
pleasure for a season
00:15:31.89\00:15:34.51
and it doesn't
built up or boost anything
00:15:34.54\00:15:36.51
to making thing better.
00:15:36.54\00:15:37.80
So as result we're now
trying to keep on finding
00:15:37.83\00:15:40.33
different dibs and dabs.
00:15:40.36\00:15:41.66
And ladies on the other side
00:15:41.69\00:15:44.12
even though the numbers
are 80, 20 or 20, 80 and 30, 70
00:15:44.15\00:15:50.41
ladies it's so important
to continue to show yourself
00:15:50.44\00:15:53.15
and your identity
and the fact of this,
00:15:53.18\00:15:55.81
if every lady shows
herself and don't try to give up
00:15:55.84\00:15:59.62
as some people say the goody bag
00:15:59.65\00:16:02.03
or whatever the cookie.
00:16:02.06\00:16:04.12
If they don't
that then there'll be
00:16:04.15\00:16:06.45
nothing for men to try--
have to get or try to go get.
00:16:06.48\00:16:09.46
That goes both
ways. It goes both ways.
00:16:09.49\00:16:11.33
As long as-- I'm
sorry you just did
00:16:11.36\00:16:13.25
but I don't want
to miss the point,
00:16:13.28\00:16:14.85
because this along the
same lines Adam was asleep
00:16:14.88\00:16:20.24
when God brought Eve to him.
00:16:20.27\00:16:24.13
Same thing-- well,
Isaac wasn't asleep
00:16:24.16\00:16:26.21
but he was in
the field meditating.
00:16:26.24\00:16:28.48
So he was in communion with God
00:16:28.51\00:16:30.13
so he was as a
word, dead to self.
00:16:30.16\00:16:33.78
And he had his eyes closed
and he had his faith was in God
00:16:33.81\00:16:37.84
to bring that woman to him.
00:16:37.87\00:16:39.52
Okay.
00:16:39.55\00:16:40.67
Samson-- get her for me
00:16:40.70\00:16:42.89
because I see her
and I like what I see.
00:16:42.92\00:16:46.04
And this is the result we have.
00:16:46.07\00:16:47.66
So we need to depend
less on self and more on God.
00:16:47.69\00:16:52.12
Okay, and I want to--
00:16:52.15\00:16:53.49
it's really very
good where we are here,
00:16:53.52\00:16:55.05
but I would like to challenge
you all to be practical now.
00:16:55.08\00:16:58.28
What can we really do--
now the girl had this dilemma.
00:16:58.31\00:17:01.31
What can she really do?
00:17:01.34\00:17:02.98
Ladies, what can she
really do to attract a man?
00:17:03.01\00:17:06.58
And men, what could--
00:17:06.61\00:17:07.93
can a men do to really
attract or get the right woman?
00:17:07.96\00:17:12.40
What are the some
things we can practically say,
00:17:12.43\00:17:14.21
some advice for
individuals, even for ourselves.
00:17:14.24\00:17:17.06
Well, among the first
thing is you need sit down
00:17:17.09\00:17:19.16
and decided what is
that you want to attract.
00:17:19.19\00:17:21.47
Okay.
00:17:21.50\00:17:22.53
You have to
decide what it is you--
00:17:22.56\00:17:24.98
make a list a grocery list
whatever kind of list you want.
00:17:25.01\00:17:29.71
Biblically
based look in the word
00:17:29.74\00:17:31.65
for what the Bible
presents as a godly man
00:17:31.68\00:17:36.08
and look for
those kinds of examples,
00:17:36.11\00:17:38.03
and then give it to God
00:17:38.06\00:17:39.22
and be a batch of
Father's business.
00:17:39.25\00:17:40.56
What you're saying is
00:17:40.59\00:17:41.64
you are looking
at more emotional,
00:17:41.67\00:17:44.70
more personality traits,
00:17:44.73\00:17:46.46
more character
traits not just a physical.
00:17:46.49\00:17:48.89
Right. Okay.
00:17:48.92\00:17:50.41
There is this example
00:17:50.44\00:17:51.71
where one of my
friends was saying that,
00:17:51.74\00:17:53.60
you know, she
really likes carrot cake.
00:17:53.63\00:17:56.66
Because it's good
for your, its healthy,
00:17:56.69\00:17:58.54
it's got carrot and nuts
and all these great things.
00:17:58.57\00:18:00.77
But it always looks
crazy, kind of, you know.
00:18:00.80\00:18:04.45
And then there sheet
cake which is nothing
00:18:04.48\00:18:06.38
but sugar and flour and flour.
00:18:06.41\00:18:08.54
But you can design
it and it's so pretty
00:18:08.57\00:18:10.77
and it looks all
great and it's kind of,
00:18:10.80\00:18:12.50
like where are the
carrot sheet cakes.
00:18:12.53\00:18:15.65
With the character,
the great qualities,
00:18:15.68\00:18:19.43
but they are attractive as well.
00:18:19.46\00:18:21.28
But I think if you look
for the character Bible says,
00:18:21.31\00:18:24.71
you know, man looks at out
but God looks at the heart.
00:18:24.74\00:18:26.91
If you find somebody
with carrot cake character
00:18:26.94\00:18:30.46
then the outside
becomes more attractive to you.
00:18:30.49\00:18:33.29
I don't know
everybody can identify
00:18:33.32\00:18:34.58
with somebody who was fine.
00:18:34.61\00:18:36.68
But their
personality was like man,
00:18:36.71\00:18:39.63
and eventually the
more you got to know,
00:18:39.66\00:18:40.76
then you are like--
00:18:40.79\00:18:41.90
I don't want
anything to do with him.
00:18:41.93\00:18:42.96
So I will say
look for the character
00:18:42.99\00:18:44.90
and then be a batch
of Father's business.
00:18:44.93\00:18:46.64
If you look at
the women in the Bible
00:18:46.67\00:18:49.39
they were about to be
their Father's business.
00:18:49.42\00:18:50.95
So I want to say,
00:18:50.98\00:18:52.01
I want to say so
even if they aren't fine
00:18:52.04\00:18:54.52
you still got to
go for they are fine?
00:18:54.55\00:18:57.28
You know, I mean isn't
that trick to play a part.
00:18:57.31\00:19:01.37
I mean, come on Brother
Kean, come on have yourself.
00:19:01.40\00:19:03.29
I appreciate what Kim is
saying what you are saying
00:19:03.32\00:19:06.44
but I disagree
with having a list
00:19:06.47\00:19:10.32
and trying to attract somebody.
00:19:10.35\00:19:14.70
You will attract who
you are. You focus on God.
00:19:14.73\00:19:19.22
Just like you said
earlier we have to know God,
00:19:19.25\00:19:22.91
we can't know our
selves before we know God.
00:19:22.94\00:19:25.36
First of all
Adam recognized God.
00:19:25.39\00:19:28.10
God formed him breathed
breath of life into him.
00:19:28.13\00:19:31.38
Adam opened his eyes
first thing he saw was God,
00:19:31.41\00:19:34.57
then he knew who he
was in relation to God.
00:19:34.60\00:19:37.64
Once you have that and you,
00:19:37.67\00:19:39.61
God begins to
develop your character
00:19:39.64\00:19:41.60
you will attract
people like yourself.
00:19:41.63\00:19:46.26
So it's not a matter
of trying to attract,
00:19:46.29\00:19:49.57
it's organic, it's natural.
00:19:49.60\00:19:51.88
Okay.
00:19:51.91\00:19:52.98
And Nelson, as you
said that's a good point too
00:19:53.01\00:19:54.95
and what I would
also like to add with that
00:19:54.98\00:19:56.73
is that when Adam--
00:19:56.76\00:19:59.22
now you said when he was
awaken by God he saw God.
00:19:59.25\00:20:02.58
I also heard of,
00:20:02.61\00:20:04.33
pope has said
that for women he said
00:20:04.36\00:20:07.72
"grow so close unto God
that when a man finds you
00:20:07.75\00:20:12.07
its like he is finding a
God, revealed through you."
00:20:12.10\00:20:15.08
And so when Adam
woke up after God says
00:20:15.11\00:20:18.53
it's not good for man
to be alone and after Adam,
00:20:18.56\00:20:20.50
you know, named the
animals and he put them to rest
00:20:20.53\00:20:23.04
and he took a blade of
rib and Eve comes to him.
00:20:23.07\00:20:25.33
When he woke up the next thing
00:20:25.36\00:20:26.40
he saw was
revelation through Eve.
00:20:26.43\00:20:28.25
And so now it's like that.
00:20:28.28\00:20:30.83
So ladies you continue
to grow into God and men,
00:20:30.86\00:20:33.97
we have to grow
into God as well.
00:20:34.00\00:20:35.44
So when it comes
down to what marriage is
00:20:35.47\00:20:37.42
it's a function of God,
husband and wife or man,
00:20:37.45\00:20:39.82
woman they become married
00:20:39.85\00:20:40.90
and they continue
to grow closer to God
00:20:40.93\00:20:42.36
as they closer to each other.
00:20:42.39\00:20:44.14
And I would just
like to add on to that
00:20:44.17\00:20:45.79
and just make it
even more practical.
00:20:45.82\00:20:47.46
I would say for
the young lady keep--
00:20:47.49\00:20:50.75
find out how deeply
rooted you are in God.
00:20:50.78\00:20:54.64
Because it's easy
for, it's easy for us
00:20:54.67\00:20:57.85
especially as
women to be so caught up
00:20:57.88\00:20:59.64
in the idea of
being in a relationship.
00:20:59.67\00:21:02.14
We get to the point of
we are in love with love.
00:21:02.17\00:21:05.74
And so, we are not
necessarily looking for people
00:21:05.77\00:21:08.91
who will complement us in
our relationship with God.
00:21:08.94\00:21:13.99
We just looking for someone
to feel this void in our lives,
00:21:14.02\00:21:18.21
because we are
created for relationship.
00:21:18.24\00:21:20.15
We are created
by God, who is love
00:21:20.18\00:21:22.34
and by extension
we crave that love.
00:21:22.37\00:21:25.32
And so I would tell
her and for anybody else,
00:21:25.35\00:21:29.53
is figure out how your
relationship with God is.
00:21:29.56\00:21:33.22
Let God be the
fulfilling factor in your life.
00:21:33.25\00:21:36.81
And then once you
have the down pack
00:21:36.84\00:21:39.78
then you can be
able to say okay Lord,
00:21:39.81\00:21:42.80
me and You have
that great relationship.
00:21:42.83\00:21:46.30
How about you
feeling this other part of me
00:21:46.33\00:21:49.12
that is lacking, you know?
00:21:49.15\00:21:51.48
You're saying
that a relationship
00:21:51.51\00:21:53.85
actually be an
idol wanting to be
00:21:53.88\00:21:56.26
and the relationship
could overshadow God.
00:21:56.29\00:21:59.59
Oh, it
definitely because I know,
00:21:59.62\00:22:01.15
I know personally
from my experience
00:22:01.18\00:22:03.41
is that there was
a time when I would--
00:22:03.44\00:22:07.15
it's like you think
you have it right with God.
00:22:07.18\00:22:10.39
But as soon as
somebody comes into your life
00:22:10.42\00:22:12.43
somehow you value spending
time more with that person
00:22:12.46\00:22:17.41
than you do with the God
that gave you that person.
00:22:17.44\00:22:20.29
And so, in that
essence-- in that time,
00:22:20.32\00:22:24.46
you know that
person does become an idol
00:22:24.49\00:22:26.51
and it's not until, you
know, you recognize hey,
00:22:26.54\00:22:29.40
God has to take
first place in my life
00:22:29.43\00:22:32.83
to the point where nothing
else can tamper with that,
00:22:32.86\00:22:36.91
you know then I
would say that is the time
00:22:36.94\00:22:39.19
when you're ready
for a relationship.
00:22:39.22\00:22:41.63
When you are so
grounded in God that nothing,
00:22:41.66\00:22:45.25
not a job, not a person,
00:22:45.28\00:22:46.84
not anything can come between
you and your relationship
00:22:46.87\00:22:49.92
that would be the
time I would say that you--
00:22:49.95\00:22:51.97
And I want to say this and
I appreciate what you said,
00:22:52.00\00:22:54.50
you know, but I'm thinking
00:22:54.53\00:22:55.59
about this whole
relationship thing
00:22:55.62\00:22:57.34
and thinking
about trying to find
00:22:57.37\00:22:58.72
or trying to wait for
someone to come everyone say,
00:22:58.75\00:23:01.71
isn't it that fear that
you're gonna have to settle?
00:23:01.74\00:23:05.24
You know, to settle for--
00:23:05.27\00:23:07.41
which is because
the statistics are,
00:23:07.44\00:23:08.78
you know, and may be
God brought him to me
00:23:08.81\00:23:10.48
may be He didn't but maybe
00:23:10.51\00:23:11.54
just because someone
came to me that I just,
00:23:11.57\00:23:13.65
you know, I got to just take,
00:23:13.68\00:23:15.13
take advantage of it because
I'm right there, you know.
00:23:15.16\00:23:16.74
How you keep from settling?
How do you define settling?
00:23:16.77\00:23:19.28
Well, I mean settling
could be this was not my ideal
00:23:19.31\00:23:23.11
but I'm going to go ahead.
00:23:23.14\00:23:25.24
Again, I think that's,
00:23:25.27\00:23:27.43
the conventional humanistic way.
00:23:27.46\00:23:32.00
Any guy comes along, you know,
00:23:32.03\00:23:33.52
I take him because he
might be the last one.
00:23:33.55\00:23:36.01
That's the confidence
in what I can see what my--
00:23:36.04\00:23:39.66
I can see around me
my ability to attract
00:23:39.69\00:23:43.18
and to keep a man.
00:23:43.21\00:23:44.69
When you, what it is a
shift from self to God,
00:23:44.72\00:23:49.13
there is no settling.
00:23:49.16\00:23:51.28
There is not even, you know,
00:23:51.31\00:23:52.78
you even lose the need
to tell God what you need
00:23:52.81\00:23:56.15
because you know
that God wants for you
00:23:56.18\00:23:59.17
what's best for you.
00:23:59.20\00:24:01.45
And even what better than
what you want for yourself.
00:24:01.48\00:24:04.34
So you God-- you
would understand God--
00:24:04.37\00:24:06.49
you created me for relationships
00:24:06.52\00:24:08.52
and I know that You will
fulfill this in Your time.
00:24:08.55\00:24:13.61
So I think that kind of--
00:24:13.64\00:24:15.74
Okay but-- okay, that
was good but I mean...
00:24:15.77\00:24:17.76
You know...
00:24:17.79\00:24:18.82
No that's good. It's good.
00:24:18.85\00:24:20.13
I just want to
challenge you more because,
00:24:20.16\00:24:21.37
I mean, now I'm sitting here
00:24:21.40\00:24:22.54
and saying I want
to find someone okay
00:24:22.57\00:24:24.57
and I'm going to wait for God,
00:24:24.60\00:24:26.35
but how do I
really find the right one.
00:24:26.38\00:24:29.23
How do I, how do I-- you know,
00:24:29.26\00:24:30.83
because I could think that
because this person is decent
00:24:30.86\00:24:34.03
that God has
brought him into my life.
00:24:34.06\00:24:35.64
But how I really
find the right one?
00:24:35.67\00:24:37.85
What are some
things that we could do?
00:24:37.88\00:24:39.98
Well, one of the
things that I would ask, is,
00:24:40.01\00:24:42.78
are you constantly keeping
yourself in communion with God?
00:24:42.81\00:24:45.71
Because one thing that
Bible has consistently shown us
00:24:45.74\00:24:47.76
is that God is in
constant communion with us.
00:24:47.79\00:24:51.30
He is willing. He
wants the best for us.
00:24:51.33\00:24:53.43
He's always
willing to lead and guide
00:24:53.46\00:24:55.59
and so even and
more so in a decision
00:24:55.62\00:24:59.22
that is as important as marriage
00:24:59.25\00:25:01.59
God designed for
marriage to be life long.
00:25:01.62\00:25:04.16
And so, to imagine that you have
00:25:04.19\00:25:06.09
the rest of your
days in front of you
00:25:06.12\00:25:09.07
God wants to be a
part of that decision
00:25:09.10\00:25:10.79
and He will guide
to the right person,
00:25:10.82\00:25:13.41
if you're willing to
listen to, to what He has to say
00:25:13.44\00:25:17.07
and to surrender your
will, you know, for His.
00:25:17.10\00:25:21.01
And what I think so
great about suppose your will,
00:25:21.04\00:25:22.99
you know, the Bible talks
about we commit our way to God.
00:25:23.02\00:25:26.24
He will give us the
desires of our heart.
00:25:26.27\00:25:28.85
But the first part
is committing our way,
00:25:28.88\00:25:30.73
giving ourselves to
God and we become like God.
00:25:30.76\00:25:33.79
So, our desires
become His desires
00:25:33.82\00:25:36.79
and His desires for
us become our desires.
00:25:36.82\00:25:38.93
So as we get to
know someone else
00:25:38.96\00:25:41.55
we desire what He wants.
00:25:41.58\00:25:43.43
So we are then
allowed to come together
00:25:43.46\00:25:46.57
with not catch but meet, engage,
00:25:46.60\00:25:50.12
get to know the person
that God has for our life
00:25:50.15\00:25:53.24
and I think that has to do
00:25:53.27\00:25:54.79
also with some
self introspection,
00:25:54.82\00:25:56.56
examining your relationship,
your parent's relationships,
00:25:56.59\00:25:59.67
looking at some of
those different things
00:25:59.70\00:26:02.11
maybe they didn't do so well,
00:26:02.14\00:26:03.53
looking at the things
that they did really well,
00:26:03.56\00:26:05.38
looking at what are
you normally attracted to
00:26:05.41\00:26:08.02
are those healthy qualities,
are those good qualities.
00:26:08.05\00:26:11.01
And really thinking,
doing some self inspection
00:26:11.04\00:26:13.82
and that combined
with getting our desires
00:26:13.85\00:26:17.04
align with God's desires
00:26:17.07\00:26:18.91
will help you
find the right person.
00:26:18.94\00:26:20.08
It's not just jumping forward,
getting wherever you want.
00:26:20.11\00:26:22.50
Like just where they come
in front of you just like,
00:26:22.53\00:26:24.87
you got to actually
think about this thing.
00:26:24.90\00:26:26.54
And if want to get the out come
00:26:26.57\00:26:27.67
that you want you got to
really think about it, okay.
00:26:27.70\00:26:29.61
We use this
scripture so many times
00:26:29.64\00:26:32.29
and in sad situations a
lot of times as a pastor
00:26:32.32\00:26:34.55
people use and
read it during funerals
00:26:34.58\00:26:37.39
but when we look at
Palms 23 it says that
00:26:37.42\00:26:39.96
the "Lord is my Shepherd,
I shall not be in want."
00:26:39.99\00:26:42.33
And if we just come
to the perspective of God
00:26:42.36\00:26:45.07
being a Shepherd,
00:26:45.10\00:26:46.30
as when I was little
boy I used to even my dad,
00:26:46.33\00:26:49.30
you know, I be with my
dad and you know my dad,
00:26:49.33\00:26:51.18
I'm taller to my dad now
00:26:51.21\00:26:52.35
but when I was
little boy, my dad was like,
00:26:52.38\00:26:54.72
the tallest man in the world.
00:26:54.75\00:26:56.35
And everything he
did, I replicated,
00:26:56.38\00:26:58.59
I tried to follow
all the things he did.
00:26:58.62\00:27:01.89
So with those the situations,
00:27:01.92\00:27:04.29
I used to follow him and
just trust my dad and if,
00:27:04.32\00:27:07.89
because my dad
was like a shepherd.
00:27:07.92\00:27:10.24
In our situation we
just have to look at God
00:27:10.27\00:27:12.66
and trust Him as
we could to be in God
00:27:12.69\00:27:15.73
to know that He is a Shepherd.
00:27:15.76\00:27:16.83
And since we know
that He is a Shepherd
00:27:16.86\00:27:17.93
and He is gonna lead
us to the right place
00:27:17.96\00:27:19.51
that we don't have to worry.
00:27:19.54\00:27:20.57
We don't have to worry
00:27:20.60\00:27:21.67
because we know that God
will supply all our needs
00:27:21.70\00:27:23.28
according to His
riches and glory.
00:27:23.31\00:27:24.74
That's beautiful.
00:27:24.77\00:27:25.83
We are gonna
wrap it up with that.
00:27:25.86\00:27:27.13
Bible does say,
00:27:27.16\00:27:28.38
"Whosoever findeth a
wife findeth a good thing,
00:27:28.41\00:27:32.04
and obtaineth favor of the Lord"
00:27:32.07\00:27:34.19
and I think we can add
husbands in there as well.
00:27:34.22\00:27:36.37
The reality is that God
wants you to find favor with Him
00:27:36.40\00:27:39.52
and He has someone
specially designed just for you.
00:27:39.55\00:27:42.75
And so remember,
despite all the difficulties,
00:27:42.78\00:27:45.06
despite all the mess
00:27:45.09\00:27:46.39
that's going on in
your life with the things,
00:27:46.42\00:27:47.94
its hard for
you to find someone,
00:27:47.97\00:27:49.17
know that God
has someone for you.
00:27:49.20\00:27:50.96
So that's our program for today.
00:27:50.99\00:27:52.14
Just you remember
to make pure choices.
00:27:52.17\00:27:54.93