The following program
discusses sensitive issues.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Hello, and
welcome to Pure Choices.
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I'm your host,
Pastor Joshua Nelson.
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And I'm so glad
you decided to join us.
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We have an exciting
program for you today.
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We have a lovely
couple, happily married couple.
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Ketsia and Jonathan
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and they've come all
the way from Miami, Florida.
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And they're with the
Pure Reality Ministry.
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And they just come here today
to talk to us about marriage.
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And I also have here with
me my co-host for this program.
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Go ahead and
introduce yourself, co-host.
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My name is Jeanne
Mogusu and I'm graduating,
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graduating what...
From the Seventh-day.
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From the Seventh-day,
yeah, Seventh-day Adventist
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Theological seminary, so...
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And I must add she
is also the president,
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so we'll call
her President Mogusu.
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President of the
Black Student Association
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there at the seminary,
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so glad to have
her co-hosting today.
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And so we wanted to begin
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with our lovely
married couple here.
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And just wanted to talk
to you all about this man,
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now wait a minute,
we're not married here,
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we're not married.
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We're, you know, I'm engaged,
I'm going to be married.
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But we want to talk
about, yeah, amen, amen.
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We want to talk
about your journey
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and really just
give us the testimony
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on how you all
got to this point,
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how do Pure Reality
Ministry play into that,
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and just share your testimony?
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Well, I can start by saying
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that I was in a
previous relationship
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before I met my wife
and in that relationship
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I was going
through a lot of things
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and basically I prolonged
the relationship longer
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than I was supposed to be
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because we got
into a certain things
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we shouldn't have got into.
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So there are a lot of
emotions, emotions involving,
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didn't want to severe ties.
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But when I actually did,
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when we both went
our separate ways,
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this is when I
just made up my mind,
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I didn't want to be in
any other relationship again.
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I'm gonna be like Paul.
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I'm just gonna go
somewhere overseas
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and do the work of the Lord.
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So I would just
focus on the Lord strictly,
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and then I met my
wife, I think our churches
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were doing pathfinder activities
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with one and other
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and we just became friends...
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Praise for the pathfinders...
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Oh, yes, we just became friends,
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you know, became friends,
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and we were in a mass
guided program together
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and then we started
developing a relationship,
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you know, a friendship.
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Then when I notice,
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I started having
feelings for her,
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I was afraid,
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'cause Lord, I do
not want anything to do
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with any other young lady again
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because I was
living off the past still,
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but I had people to
counsel me to help me out to,
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you know, let go off the
fear and if this is God's will,
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you know, it will, it will work.
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And so, I mean,
we are married today,
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but I mean there's a
lot more to the testimony
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than that a lot more, I
was searching from her side.
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Okay, Ketsia pick it up.
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Oh, well, at the time
that I encountered Jonathan,
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I was a recent
graduate from university,
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and I attended a
secular institution
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and I was really
searching for God
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because I was at
a point in my life
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where I wanted to know
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what, what was
God's purpose in my life
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and a lot of people
around me were in relationships
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and so I was
seeking a relationship
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and I was actually
speaking to this young man
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but it ended off badly
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and so I was
really just disappointed
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and I just made up my mind,
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"Okay God, I just
want to do things Your way,
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and I'll just
wait for the person
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that You have for me."
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But when I encountered
my husband I did not really,
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I wasn't really thinking
that it was going to be him,
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you know, and so it just
came as an unexpected surprise
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when I felt
myself being drawn to him
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and, you know,
by the Christianity
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and the godliness
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that I saw in his
character and so from there,
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you know, I just made it
a matter of prayer and God
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has been leading ever since.
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So, Jonathan,
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what is it about
Ketsia that made you say,
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"This is the
one, this is the one,"
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'cause you're saying
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you were just coming
out of another relationship
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so obviously the
feelings involved
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and now you're starting
to feel those same things.
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What is it about her
that made her different
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from where you just came from?
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Okay, well, I believe
before my intentions of wanting
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to be in a relationship was,
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I just wanted to
be in a relationship,
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you know, and from there
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I just took it upon
myself and I was like,
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"Okay, I want to
be in a relationship
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and I found someone to
be in a relationship with
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but that wasn't a relationship
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that God wanted me to
form with that person.
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And her interest,
the things that she like,
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they
contradicted with the things
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that I liked and
that I wanted to do
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which was really ministry,
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you know, 'cause even
at that time I started,
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you know, inching my
way towards God and so,
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I wanted to get
a God fearing woman
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but I took it into my own hands,
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you know, because in her walk,
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you know, she was
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in a different place
in her walk than I was,
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you know, we
were on our own accord
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but for my life when I,
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you know, when
we started speaking
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and talking
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and, you know, I
can remember a time
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where we were on the phone
for about two and half hours
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and we were just
talking about God,
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you know, and
that's what I wanted
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and at the time I
wasn't thinking about it
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but that's what I really wanted.
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I wanted someone that,
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their heart is for the
Lord first before mine,
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you know, before me,
everything was the Lord for us.
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So when I saw
that, her zeal for God,
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her love for kids at her church
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and, you know, it matched mine
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because I was
very, very involved
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in my church
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and so on that
level we connected
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and so with that,
that's what drew me to her.
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That's awesome, that's awesome.
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So, Ketsia, come
on now and tell me
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what was that attracted
you to this tall guy here?
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It's so funny
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because, you know, I was a girl,
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you always grow up
having this ideal in your mind
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of the kind of man
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that you want to be your husband
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and so I had.
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I used to love
reading romantic novels
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and so I had
this hero in my mind
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of and this image
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of who I wanted
my husband to be.
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And so when I encountered him,
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you know, I
didn't really give him
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a second
thought or a second look
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because he did
not match my ideals,
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so therefore he couldn't be
the one that God had for me,
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but and two, because of
the way the way I was raised,
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you know, very highly educated.
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My parents
always pushed education
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and so, I was
just, I was kind of,
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I want to say snobbish
in who I was looking for
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but when I started
becoming friends with him,
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what really touched me
is his care for others.
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He was such a
considerate person.
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He was such a good friend.
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And, you know,
sometimes when girls talk,
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we just talk and talk and talk.
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And, you know, you don't,
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you're not sure that
the guys is listening
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really to what
you're saying or if he just,
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if it's just a means
to an end to getting you,
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but with him I could see
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that it was really
genuine care for me.
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That's awesome, it's beautiful.
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So talking about Pure
Reality in that ministry,
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how did it come into
play in your's relationship
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and even talk to us
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about the whole
key ceremony thing?
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Well, I actually
went to Pure Reality
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before we actually got together.
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Like probably
couple of years before
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and when we got
together in my mind I was like,
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"Okay, I need her
to get to go to this,"
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so I got her and
her younger sister
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to go to Pure
Reality and then from there,
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we made a commitment
that we will stay pure
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and, I mean, we
were already pure
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from the beginning
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because the way we
began, it was with Christ
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and so this kind of
just gave us a little boost
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and so we have a few medallions
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that they give
you at Pure Reality,
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speaking of ladies of virtue
and distinguished gentleman,
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and with these medallions
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we would
exchange at our wedding,
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on a wedding day,
and we also have these,
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this key, that we both have key,
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and with this key here,
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instead of having wedding rings,
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we exchange the keys.
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And we're actually
the first married couple,
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first Pure
Reality married couple
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where we exchanged the
keys and everything and that,
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it was a blessing for us
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because we knew
where we came from,
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you know, and we saw how God
has brought us on the journey
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so when we look at these keys,
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and when we see the medallions,
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we remember, it's
just a remembrance,
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you know, that God
has sought us through,
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you know, He brought
us to where we are today.
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Well, that's
sounds really awesome.
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Can you explain a
little more though
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about what the key
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really
represents and a medallion,
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and how it actually
took place in the ceremony?
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Okay.
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Well, with the key,
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it is something that
you get separately...
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And it comes
within the key ceremony
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after Pure
Reality, after retreat,
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I believe it's probably
like couple of months afterwards
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and it is a vow
that you make there,
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I vow to keep myself pure
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until I meet the
person that God has for me.
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And the medallions,
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they just signify
that I am a virtuous lady,
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you know, I vow
to be a virtuous lady
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and I vow to be
distinguished gentleman.
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And this carries
on your entire life,
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you know, up
until Jesus comes again.
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It's just
something that carries on.
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Wow, that's
beautiful. I like that.
00:10:15.88\00:10:17.45
Yeah, and listening to
that, I feel like asking you,
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where, how do you
think Pure Reality played
00:10:21.82\00:10:25.29
into your
intimacy in your marriage?
00:10:25.32\00:10:30.56
Going to Pure
Reality really set the stage
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for my understanding
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of what marriage
is supposed to be.
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I came from, the
year that we actually met
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was the year
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that my parents
finalized their divorce
00:10:44.31\00:10:46.88
and so they were
really rocky times for me
00:10:46.91\00:10:49.74
and just coming
from a broken home
00:10:49.78\00:10:53.62
and having that fear
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that the pattern was
gonna be repeated in me
00:10:55.22\00:10:58.19
and how is the person
that I'm going to be with,
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how are they gonna
deal with my issues,
00:11:00.36\00:11:02.66
is my baggage going to
cause our marriage to fail.
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And so going to Pure
Reality really helped me to see,
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it allowed me see presenters
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that also dealt with brokenness.
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Whether it was in
their own relationships
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or in their homes
and how it did not,
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the cycle did not
have to be repeated.
00:11:22.54\00:11:24.95
How the blood of Jesus and
the righteousness of Christ
00:11:24.98\00:11:27.65
can really give you a new start.
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And that it's all
about your choices,
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it's all about
making that commitment,
00:11:32.32\00:11:34.62
not just to the
person that you're with
00:11:34.66\00:11:36.49
but also to God
that this is the person
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that you have
entrusted to me God
00:11:39.76\00:11:42.06
and I will stay
faithful to that commitment,
00:11:42.10\00:11:44.50
no matter what happens
for better or for worst.
00:11:44.53\00:11:47.20
And so Pure
Reality really gave me
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the chance to see
the realness of marriage
00:11:48.84\00:11:51.14
because, of
course, as young ladies,
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we have this idealized view
00:11:53.48\00:11:55.34
of what marriage
is gonna be like.
00:11:55.38\00:11:56.71
We're gonna go on dates,
we're gonna go on vacations.
00:11:56.75\00:11:59.45
We're gonna just
have fun all the time.
00:11:59.48\00:12:01.42
But Pure Reality
helped me to see that
00:12:01.45\00:12:03.89
there are issues
00:12:03.92\00:12:05.25
that we're gonna have
to deal with as a couple
00:12:05.29\00:12:06.99
because of our past,
00:12:07.02\00:12:08.42
the things that
we're bringing with us
00:12:08.46\00:12:09.79
into the marriage,
00:12:09.82\00:12:11.16
they're gonna
have to be dealt with
00:12:11.19\00:12:12.53
and that's part of
the character growth
00:12:12.56\00:12:14.56
that takes
place within marriage.
00:12:14.60\00:12:17.17
That's awesome.
00:12:17.20\00:12:18.63
All right, and
really going back to,
00:12:18.67\00:12:20.97
looking at the key
ceremony, that's really,
00:12:21.00\00:12:22.54
that really is awesome to me.
00:12:22.57\00:12:24.87
The symbolism there
and then you're talking
00:12:24.91\00:12:26.94
about your experience,
00:12:26.98\00:12:29.44
you know, was it
hard to stay pure?
00:12:29.48\00:12:32.28
You know, is
someone's out there watching,
00:12:32.31\00:12:34.08
I'm about to give you myself,
00:12:34.12\00:12:35.45
you know, give us some advise
00:12:35.48\00:12:37.39
or even how you
are able to do it
00:12:37.42\00:12:40.62
and, you know, get to that point
00:12:40.66\00:12:42.79
of marriage and being pure?
00:12:42.82\00:12:44.66
Well, it was
definitely difficult.
00:12:44.69\00:12:49.06
It was not an easy thing,
I can't, I can't stand here
00:12:49.10\00:12:53.07
and say or sit here and say,
00:12:53.10\00:12:54.44
"It was easy, it was
definitely difficult,"
00:12:54.47\00:12:56.04
because,
00:12:56.07\00:12:57.77
especially in your
mind when you know that,
00:12:57.81\00:12:59.64
"Okay, this is the
person that God has for me,"
00:12:59.67\00:13:02.34
like it's
solidified in your mind.
00:13:02.38\00:13:04.48
But what the enemy does,
he takes that, you're like,
00:13:04.51\00:13:06.05
"Well, you know,
00:13:06.08\00:13:07.42
since you already know
this person, why don't you,"
00:13:07.45\00:13:09.28
you know, that's
what will start to happen,
00:13:09.32\00:13:11.39
you know, we will go
out on dates and then,
00:13:11.42\00:13:14.46
you know, we're very matured
in our relationship already,
00:13:14.49\00:13:16.59
we were about two years,
two and a half year already,
00:13:16.62\00:13:19.49
already dating, and
she would drop me home
00:13:19.53\00:13:22.76
and we'll kind of
linger for little bit talking
00:13:22.80\00:13:25.20
into late that night and our,
00:13:25.23\00:13:26.57
right there, so like,
00:13:26.60\00:13:27.94
"Okay, you're going
a little bit too far,"
00:13:27.97\00:13:29.57
then you know,
00:13:29.60\00:13:30.94
so we had to
start making boundaries.
00:13:30.97\00:13:33.51
And we broke those boundaries
00:13:33.54\00:13:35.68
and, you know, we
had to revisit it again,
00:13:35.71\00:13:37.05
"Okay, this is what we
said we're going to do,
00:13:37.08\00:13:39.51
and we're going
to stick with it,"
00:13:39.55\00:13:41.65
so that we do not cross
that, because it's like,
00:13:41.68\00:13:45.12
once I proposed, the
flood gates opened up.
00:13:45.15\00:13:48.89
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:13:48.92\00:13:50.26
They opened up
and it's inevitable.
00:13:50.29\00:13:52.59
Any person that
has ever been married
00:13:52.63\00:13:54.73
will tell you the same thing.
00:13:54.76\00:13:56.10
If they don't,
they're lying to you.
00:13:56.13\00:13:57.77
'Cause it happens,
00:13:57.80\00:13:59.13
it happens 'cause you
just, you want that closeness,
00:13:59.17\00:14:01.20
the intimacy,
00:14:01.24\00:14:02.57
you know that's the
person God has for you
00:14:02.60\00:14:03.94
and you just want to be closer.
00:14:03.97\00:14:05.31
So you have to
set the boundaries.
00:14:05.34\00:14:08.11
So do you think that
now that you're married
00:14:08.14\00:14:10.35
you're cured of that,
00:14:10.38\00:14:12.28
I guess, the lust that comes
00:14:12.31\00:14:14.05
with wanting
something that you don't,
00:14:14.08\00:14:16.99
you can have because you're not
00:14:17.02\00:14:18.62
within the confines of marriage?
00:14:18.65\00:14:23.16
I think that,
00:14:23.19\00:14:24.89
it's kind of the
same way with baptism.
00:14:24.93\00:14:27.86
Your baptism does
not make you immune
00:14:27.90\00:14:30.63
to the pull of
the lust of the flesh.
00:14:30.67\00:14:34.10
When you get baptized,
00:14:34.14\00:14:35.47
it is not a cure
all for your weaknesses.
00:14:35.50\00:14:39.97
Same thing with
marriage, it's not a cure
00:14:40.01\00:14:43.08
for whatever
issues you struggle with.
00:14:43.11\00:14:45.71
It's a commitment
00:14:45.75\00:14:47.22
that has to be renewed every day
00:14:47.25\00:14:49.52
and I think that something
00:14:49.55\00:14:52.25
that a lot of
people don't realize
00:14:52.29\00:14:54.19
is that the
temptation does not stop,
00:14:54.22\00:14:56.99
your life does
not become perfect
00:14:57.03\00:14:58.86
when you get married.
00:14:58.89\00:15:00.33
You enter
00:15:00.36\00:15:01.70
into a whole new level
of relationship with God
00:15:01.73\00:15:05.23
and with this person
00:15:05.27\00:15:06.60
that you're with so it requires
a deeper spiritual life,
00:15:06.63\00:15:10.54
it requires more prayer,
00:15:10.57\00:15:12.14
it requires you to
be in the Word more
00:15:12.17\00:15:14.71
and it also requires
a level of transparency
00:15:14.74\00:15:17.95
with your partner
00:15:17.98\00:15:19.31
so that you can
be on the same page
00:15:19.35\00:15:21.38
as far as your
struggles are concerned
00:15:21.42\00:15:22.95
and kind of keep
each other accountable,
00:15:22.98\00:15:26.76
and help in the
struggle with each other
00:15:26.79\00:15:29.02
and pray for one another.
00:15:29.06\00:15:30.69
And you just even go
a little further like,
00:15:30.73\00:15:34.06
women never stop looking good,
00:15:34.10\00:15:36.70
and even for her men
never stop looking good.
00:15:36.73\00:15:39.40
So you have to be able to
filter all those things out
00:15:39.43\00:15:42.87
even, you know, to a
degree talk about it,
00:15:42.90\00:15:44.87
of course, you
bring it to the Lord
00:15:44.91\00:15:46.57
but you make it plain like,
00:15:46.61\00:15:47.94
"Okay, you know, we both know,
00:15:47.98\00:15:50.45
okay, you're
attracted to this type,
00:15:50.48\00:15:52.31
I'm attracted to that type."
00:15:52.35\00:15:53.92
And, but those type of things
00:15:53.95\00:15:55.32
can't be the governing
force of your relationship,
00:15:55.35\00:15:58.92
'cause those are lust,
00:15:58.95\00:16:00.29
you know, every day
you'll see somebody,
00:16:00.32\00:16:01.66
you'll be a different
thing but what we have together
00:16:01.69\00:16:05.43
is more than just
looks, it's deeper,
00:16:05.46\00:16:07.06
you know, we understand,
00:16:07.10\00:16:08.43
that's where the
key and the medallion,
00:16:08.46\00:16:09.80
all these things come
into play because we remember
00:16:09.83\00:16:11.80
how God
solidified our relationship
00:16:11.83\00:16:13.37
and why He brought us together,
the vision that He has for us
00:16:13.40\00:16:16.17
as a couple it goes deeper than,
00:16:16.20\00:16:17.97
you know, lust of flesh,
00:16:18.01\00:16:19.34
but those things never
leave, they're always there,
00:16:19.37\00:16:22.01
we just have to die to
those things every day.
00:16:22.04\00:16:24.91
And that's a good
word for anyone who thinks,
00:16:24.95\00:16:26.61
"Hey, I'm getting married
00:16:26.65\00:16:27.98
to cure my
sexual urges and stuff,"
00:16:28.02\00:16:29.42
and then we have to
tell the plan going into it.
00:16:29.45\00:16:31.55
So let me ask or
get you something?
00:16:31.59\00:16:33.86
This is about before
you all got married, okay.
00:16:33.89\00:16:36.52
Did it take a little
while for Jonathan to ask you,
00:16:36.56\00:16:38.83
were you kind of
waiting for him maybe?
00:16:38.86\00:16:40.40
Yes, I was actually
getting impatient for it.
00:16:40.43\00:16:45.77
We started and,
00:16:45.80\00:16:47.57
we started our
courtship in 2007 and...
00:16:47.60\00:16:51.97
Pull that dates.
00:16:52.01\00:16:54.24
And so by 2009 I felt like,
00:16:54.28\00:16:58.85
"Okay, we've been
together long enough for us
00:16:58.88\00:17:03.02
to take that next step."
00:17:03.05\00:17:05.05
And so I remember one summer,
00:17:05.09\00:17:06.55
he had gone on a mission trip
to Malawi, Africa and I just,
00:17:06.59\00:17:11.86
I was at home
waiting and I just felt,
00:17:11.89\00:17:14.70
"Okay, he's gonna propose
to me when he comes back."
00:17:14.73\00:17:17.10
This is the perfect time.
00:17:17.13\00:17:18.73
And so, I started practicing
my domestic skills a lot more,
00:17:18.77\00:17:23.44
I was cooking and
when he came back,
00:17:23.47\00:17:26.61
I made sure he was eating
at my house three times a day.
00:17:26.64\00:17:30.15
Feeding him, cooking for
him, and I was just waiting,
00:17:30.18\00:17:33.35
and waiting and
the summer was going by
00:17:33.38\00:17:35.62
and I was just like,
00:17:35.65\00:17:37.19
"What is he waiting for?"
00:17:37.22\00:17:39.39
And finally one night
we were together on a date,
00:17:39.42\00:17:43.26
and he said,
00:17:43.29\00:17:44.63
"You know, I hope
you're not expecting me
00:17:44.66\00:17:47.26
to purpose to you
00:17:47.30\00:17:48.63
before I go and leave
for Oakwood in the fall?"
00:17:48.66\00:17:52.80
And I was like,
00:17:52.83\00:17:54.17
"Well, wait a second,
why not, why wouldn't you?"
00:17:54.20\00:17:58.34
And, you know, he explained
that he just felt like the Lord
00:17:58.37\00:18:02.81
had not given him the
green light yet and so,
00:18:02.84\00:18:05.81
that I think that,
00:18:05.85\00:18:07.18
something that all
ladies struggle with is,
00:18:07.22\00:18:10.19
"Okay, we have a
committed relationship,
00:18:10.22\00:18:12.52
let's just get married."
00:18:12.55\00:18:14.59
So, in your mind he was taking
a little bit too long, Yeah.
00:18:14.62\00:18:18.39
You know, come on man,
00:18:18.43\00:18:20.86
but I understand you,
man, I understand you.
00:18:20.90\00:18:23.03
So explain your side of it.
00:18:23.06\00:18:24.40
You know, why and even for,
you know, people are watching,
00:18:24.43\00:18:27.87
females are watching,
00:18:27.90\00:18:29.24
why does it seem to
take so long for us men
00:18:29.27\00:18:31.24
to pop the question?
00:18:31.27\00:18:32.71
Well, when you
find a God fearing man,
00:18:32.74\00:18:36.34
you know,
00:18:36.38\00:18:37.71
I guess you just want to
have everything in place.
00:18:37.75\00:18:39.71
A man just want to
have everything in place,
00:18:39.75\00:18:41.08
you want to make sure finances,
00:18:41.12\00:18:43.59
your security,
there are so many things
00:18:43.62\00:18:46.25
that you just want to have there
00:18:46.29\00:18:48.36
before you move
into that next level,
00:18:48.39\00:18:51.43
because for me it was like,
00:18:51.46\00:18:53.23
this is going
to be a major step.
00:18:53.26\00:18:56.06
So first and foremost,
00:18:56.10\00:18:57.43
my mind has to be
right with the Lord
00:18:57.47\00:18:59.00
because I do not want to
take any steps backwards.
00:18:59.03\00:19:03.57
Once I proposed, that's
it, and we're moving forward.
00:19:03.61\00:19:06.81
So I just want to make sure
00:19:06.84\00:19:08.18
that everything
is in line with that.
00:19:08.21\00:19:09.94
Of course, first with the Lord
and your finances like I said,
00:19:09.98\00:19:13.82
they are involved and it was,
00:19:13.85\00:19:15.78
I guess everybody's
journey is different,
00:19:15.82\00:19:17.99
you know, she was out of school,
00:19:18.02\00:19:19.42
I was just
beginning my bachelor's degree
00:19:19.45\00:19:22.02
and so those things
play a part in my life.
00:19:22.06\00:19:23.99
How are these things,
00:19:24.03\00:19:25.36
and how is it
really gonna work out?
00:19:25.39\00:19:26.73
But the end of the day,
you know when it was time,
00:19:26.76\00:19:29.36
the Lord was
like, "Okay, it's time."
00:19:29.40\00:19:30.90
And it's crazy because
I found that it was time
00:19:30.93\00:19:33.40
when I was
actually on a mission trip,
00:19:33.44\00:19:35.00
you know, by praying,
00:19:35.04\00:19:36.37
you know, I guess when
you are on a mission trip,
00:19:36.40\00:19:37.74
you're seeking God a lot more,
you know, you're abstaining
00:19:37.77\00:19:40.08
from certain
things in the world.
00:19:40.11\00:19:41.48
So I heard God's
voice clearly like,
00:19:41.51\00:19:43.41
"Okay, when you get
back home on the break,
00:19:43.45\00:19:45.95
it's time to propose."
00:19:45.98\00:19:47.32
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
00:19:47.35\00:19:48.68
Now that you gave
God the whole process,
00:19:48.72\00:19:51.69
it looks like God has truly been
00:19:51.72\00:19:53.56
in your
relationship up until now.
00:19:53.59\00:19:56.19
Do you find that
your marriage is easier,
00:19:56.22\00:19:58.89
I mean, what are
your favorite things
00:19:58.93\00:20:00.26
about marriage,
00:20:00.30\00:20:01.63
now that you're in it
00:20:01.66\00:20:03.00
and you've
clearly given it to God?
00:20:03.03\00:20:05.20
I would say,
00:20:05.23\00:20:07.04
the level of intimacy
that we have right now
00:20:07.07\00:20:10.27
is something that I
see a lot of couples
00:20:10.31\00:20:13.58
that did not take
that route of staying pure
00:20:13.61\00:20:18.48
the whole way have
yet to achieve, you know.
00:20:18.51\00:20:22.08
Everybody has, of
course, their own struggles,
00:20:22.12\00:20:24.65
but I think that
giving it to the Lord
00:20:24.69\00:20:27.66
from the beginning
saves you a lot of heartache,
00:20:27.69\00:20:30.63
it saves a lot of confusion,
00:20:30.66\00:20:33.40
and I also think
that it just makes it all
00:20:33.43\00:20:36.26
the more sweeter in the end,
00:20:36.30\00:20:38.27
knowing that I kept
myself from my husband,
00:20:38.30\00:20:40.77
he knows that I am his
truly in every sense of the word
00:20:40.80\00:20:45.27
and also just that
spiritual commitment
00:20:45.31\00:20:48.04
that we have to each other
that it's not just about looks,
00:20:48.08\00:20:51.11
that I know that
on my worst days,
00:20:51.15\00:20:54.78
we can look at each
other and we can say,
00:20:54.82\00:20:57.42
"I still love you
because I see Christ in you,
00:20:57.45\00:21:00.86
and even on the days when
I don't see Christ in you,
00:21:00.89\00:21:04.03
I want to strive
to show Christ to you
00:21:04.06\00:21:07.53
and reflect that love to you."
00:21:07.56\00:21:09.43
And so, just
giving it all to God
00:21:09.46\00:21:11.33
just gives you a
different perspective
00:21:11.37\00:21:12.97
in your marriage
00:21:13.00\00:21:14.34
so that when you do
tackle those problems,
00:21:14.37\00:21:16.54
it's you do it God's way.
00:21:16.57\00:21:18.84
Yeah. That's awesome.
00:21:18.87\00:21:20.21
And I got to touch on that
00:21:20.24\00:21:21.58
because what you are explaining
about your relationship,
00:21:21.61\00:21:24.71
this sounds like intimacy to me.
00:21:24.75\00:21:27.68
But to someone else
watching they may say,
00:21:27.72\00:21:29.52
"Well, that's
not really intimacy."
00:21:29.55\00:21:30.89
Intimacy is, you know,
just sex or just maybe,
00:21:30.92\00:21:34.62
when you see attractive
guy and you guys hook up.
00:21:34.66\00:21:36.93
That's intimacy, you know,
that's what Hollywood says,
00:21:36.96\00:21:39.59
right, that's what
you see on TV and whatnot,
00:21:39.63\00:21:42.26
and if that doesn't work out,
yeah, just divorce, you know.
00:21:42.30\00:21:44.77
So explain to us,
what does intimacy means?
00:21:44.80\00:21:47.04
What does it really
look like and explain
00:21:47.07\00:21:49.94
that a little bit more for
us who are not married here?
00:21:49.97\00:21:52.27
Well, I would say intimacy is,
it has to do a lot more than,
00:21:52.31\00:21:57.11
you know, the physical,
that plays a part in it
00:21:57.15\00:22:00.18
but from what I'm
learning in our marriage
00:22:00.22\00:22:03.25
is that everything outside
00:22:03.28\00:22:06.19
of the physical
drives the physical.
00:22:06.22\00:22:08.79
Like, you know, I love
the fact that I can be myself,
00:22:08.82\00:22:12.13
you know, I like to
joke, I like to play around,
00:22:12.16\00:22:13.93
sometimes I act much
younger than I already am,
00:22:13.96\00:22:16.06
and she is fine with that.
00:22:16.10\00:22:17.43
She accepts me for who I am,
00:22:17.47\00:22:18.80
and she, and I
accept her for who she is,
00:22:18.83\00:22:20.94
but we hold each
other to a standard where,
00:22:20.97\00:22:23.30
you know, we want
to grow into Lord,
00:22:23.34\00:22:25.37
and that's the best thing for me
00:22:25.41\00:22:26.74
that when I can
look back and I'm like,
00:22:26.78\00:22:28.94
"Man, you know,
I'm not the same person
00:22:28.98\00:22:31.31
I used to be
because of my wife,"
00:22:31.35\00:22:34.32
you know, I'm thinking
of doing certain things
00:22:34.35\00:22:36.35
because she is in my life
00:22:36.38\00:22:37.79
and I probably
wouldn't think of trying
00:22:37.82\00:22:39.52
to reach these heights
00:22:39.55\00:22:40.89
if it wasn't for her in
my life and so intimacy,
00:22:40.92\00:22:44.49
it covers more
than just the physical,
00:22:44.53\00:22:48.30
and I think how
the enemy has played it
00:22:48.33\00:22:51.13
in the world today
is all about physical,
00:22:51.17\00:22:53.94
just meeting that urge
00:22:53.97\00:22:55.94
but when you come
and counter with Christ,
00:22:55.97\00:22:58.77
He will bring that person to you
00:22:58.81\00:23:00.21
and you'll start to see
00:23:00.24\00:23:01.58
what intimacy
is in grander scale
00:23:01.61\00:23:03.35
because it really
starts with the Lord,
00:23:03.38\00:23:05.51
it really starts with the Lord.
00:23:05.55\00:23:06.88
Yeah. Yeah.
00:23:06.92\00:23:08.42
So the world says,
fulfill your desires,
00:23:08.45\00:23:12.82
it's all about
self gratification.
00:23:12.85\00:23:14.66
So there is no place
for that in intimacy.
00:23:14.69\00:23:17.39
You really like Christ selfless
00:23:17.43\00:23:20.26
and really trying to
please the other person
00:23:20.30\00:23:22.83
and as beautiful
that you all have that,
00:23:22.86\00:23:25.53
you have a happy
marriage, you know.
00:23:25.57\00:23:28.77
You know, really want to
know just ask you about someone
00:23:28.80\00:23:31.11
who is watching who says,
00:23:31.14\00:23:32.47
"Hey, you know,
I've made some mistakes,
00:23:32.51\00:23:34.04
I'm not pure, I
don't have the key,
00:23:34.08\00:23:35.68
you know, I don't
have the medallion,
00:23:35.71\00:23:37.18
I'm just doing other things.
00:23:37.21\00:23:38.55
I hear you all
speaking and I do want to change
00:23:38.58\00:23:41.08
but, hey, you know,
I've already messed up,
00:23:41.12\00:23:43.39
you know, so
what's the point of me
00:23:43.42\00:23:46.02
even trying to stop, you know?"
00:23:46.05\00:23:48.42
What would you say to them?
00:23:48.46\00:23:49.79
Man, I would say
that devil is the liar.
00:23:49.82\00:23:53.16
And this is the
thing with the devil,
00:23:53.19\00:23:54.53
he tries to bog us
down with guilt and shame.
00:23:54.56\00:23:57.47
And I was having a
conversation with her sister
00:23:57.50\00:24:01.24
the other day and I was saying,
00:24:01.27\00:24:02.80
you know, she
just feel bad about
00:24:02.84\00:24:04.17
a lot of things
that she had done.
00:24:04.21\00:24:05.54
She's not close to
God as she wants to be.
00:24:05.57\00:24:07.61
And when I'm telling, I'm like,
00:24:07.64\00:24:08.98
"Look, if God didn't
want you in the kingdom,
00:24:09.01\00:24:12.68
if He didn't want us,
00:24:12.71\00:24:14.05
why will He send
Jesus to die for us?"
00:24:14.08\00:24:15.98
And so that's what
the enemy tries to do,
00:24:16.02\00:24:17.42
he tries to get
us and believe that,
00:24:17.45\00:24:18.85
"Okay, we have no more hope,
00:24:18.89\00:24:20.72
it's over for
us, we can't go back,
00:24:20.76\00:24:23.36
you know, we can't do, we
can't be pure," but we can,
00:24:23.39\00:24:26.76
because the blood of Jesus,
00:24:26.80\00:24:28.53
it not only
strengthens but it purifies us.
00:24:28.56\00:24:31.13
Amen. Amen.
00:24:31.17\00:24:32.50
It purifies us and so,
00:24:32.53\00:24:34.64
I'm glad that our
marriage can be that example
00:24:34.67\00:24:37.37
because we're about
around a bunch of young people
00:24:37.41\00:24:40.44
at Oakwood University
00:24:40.48\00:24:41.91
and it makes me feel
so good when they say,
00:24:41.94\00:24:44.48
"Man, we really
look up to you guys,
00:24:44.51\00:24:46.18
because you guys are real,
00:24:46.21\00:24:48.58
you know, you speak about issues
00:24:48.62\00:24:49.95
that are for real in marriage
00:24:49.98\00:24:51.32
and we see that you
guys really love each other
00:24:51.35\00:24:53.25
even though we
have a few differences.
00:24:53.29\00:24:54.92
You know, they see the
realness in our marriage
00:24:54.96\00:24:56.29
and they see that,
00:24:56.32\00:24:57.66
okay, you don't have to
be perfect to be married
00:24:57.69\00:24:59.69
or you're not supposed to look
00:24:59.73\00:25:01.06
for that perfect
person to be married.
00:25:01.10\00:25:03.23
What, you're not?
00:25:03.26\00:25:04.93
I mean, you can't live
with that perfect person,
00:25:04.97\00:25:06.60
so you need to get married,
00:25:06.63\00:25:08.04
you're not gonna
find the perfect person?
00:25:08.07\00:25:09.60
You're not gonna
find the perfect person,
00:25:09.64\00:25:10.97
but the point
is to find a person
00:25:11.01\00:25:12.87
that's willing to grow in
Christ, that's what it is.
00:25:12.91\00:25:15.44
Okay. So here is the question.
00:25:15.48\00:25:18.51
You're not gonna
find the perfect person
00:25:18.55\00:25:19.95
but there is this notion
that there's always the one,
00:25:19.98\00:25:23.79
God has a
specific person for you.
00:25:23.82\00:25:26.39
How do you feel about that?
00:25:26.42\00:25:27.76
Does God have...? How do you...?
00:25:27.79\00:25:29.72
Does God have a person
specifically in this world,
00:25:29.76\00:25:32.69
your soul mate so to speak?
00:25:32.73\00:25:35.53
You know, if you don't
find that person in this world,
00:25:35.56\00:25:37.93
then it's over for you.
00:25:37.97\00:25:39.30
You'll never really
achieve, you know...
00:25:39.33\00:25:41.67
Intimacy.
Intimacy, is that true?
00:25:41.70\00:25:44.01
Is it not? What are your views?
00:25:44.04\00:25:45.74
The way I look at it is
00:25:45.77\00:25:47.91
if God took His
time to form Adam
00:25:47.94\00:25:52.21
with His own
hands, and then say,
00:25:52.25\00:25:55.18
"It is not good
that man is alone
00:25:55.22\00:25:57.02
and He took a rib from his side
00:25:57.05\00:25:59.25
and fashioned Eve to
be his exact compliment.
00:25:59.29\00:26:03.89
He didn't bring
an array of women
00:26:03.93\00:26:06.26
before Adam and say,
00:26:06.29\00:26:07.76
"Here, choose one,
whichever one you like,"
00:26:07.80\00:26:09.76
but He gave him one
specific person for him,
00:26:09.80\00:26:13.90
then why would it be
any different for us.
00:26:13.94\00:26:18.54
God's plan is
for our restoration
00:26:18.57\00:26:22.01
and God knows the
point of our character,
00:26:22.04\00:26:24.78
our points of
weakness and I like to think
00:26:24.81\00:26:27.45
that He brings people together
00:26:27.48\00:26:31.35
that can complement
one another whatever
00:26:31.39\00:26:34.06
I'm struggling with,
you can help me with it,
00:26:34.09\00:26:36.26
whatever you're struggling with,
00:26:36.29\00:26:38.09
I can help you with it.
00:26:38.13\00:26:39.46
And so I do believe that
there is a specific person
00:26:39.49\00:26:42.23
that God intends for you.
00:26:42.26\00:26:43.83
Of course, you know,
00:26:43.87\00:26:46.77
we can never know
all of God's sovereignty,
00:26:46.80\00:26:50.01
you know,
everything that He knows
00:26:50.04\00:26:52.01
but God can take bad choices
that we've made in the past
00:26:52.04\00:26:56.64
and He can turn
them around for good,
00:26:56.68\00:26:58.78
so I would say,
00:26:58.81\00:27:00.22
especially to
someone who maybe has made,
00:27:00.25\00:27:03.42
you know, the wrong
decisions in the past,
00:27:03.45\00:27:04.99
maybe they're in
a relationship now,
00:27:05.02\00:27:06.96
where they know that God,
00:27:06.99\00:27:08.32
you know, does not want
them to be in that relationship
00:27:08.36\00:27:10.76
and they despair,
00:27:10.79\00:27:12.33
"Am I ever gonna
find the right one?"
00:27:12.36\00:27:14.13
God has someone
specifically intended for you
00:27:14.16\00:27:16.56
because we are set
apart by divine design.
00:27:16.60\00:27:19.43
Yes, we are, you know,
00:27:19.47\00:27:20.80
and that's a beautiful
note to really conclude on
00:27:20.84\00:27:24.01
because, you know,
people out there may be saying,
00:27:24.04\00:27:26.34
you know, a lot
of people wondering,
00:27:26.37\00:27:27.71
who is the person for me,
you know, will I find the one,
00:27:27.74\00:27:31.15
you know, but, you know,
God has someone for us and God,
00:27:31.18\00:27:34.52
God really sees everything
that we need and He's there,
00:27:34.55\00:27:37.32
He's looking, He's searching
00:27:37.35\00:27:38.92
and He knows
exactly what we need so,
00:27:38.95\00:27:40.79
we really appreciate
you all coming on the show.
00:27:40.82\00:27:43.02
Your marriage is
beautiful, congratulations.
00:27:43.06\00:27:46.03
Keep on doing the right thing
00:27:46.06\00:27:47.40
and we'll be
continuingly praying for you.
00:27:47.43\00:27:49.20
So that's our program.
00:27:49.23\00:27:51.20
We hope you enjoyed
it. Remember, stay pure.
00:27:51.23\00:27:54.50