Welcome to Pure Choices.
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I'm so glad you
decided to join us again today,
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as we go in and
discuss some hot topics
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concerning how we,
as you, the young adults
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can remain pure in our choices.
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I have my friends
here with me again today,
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Pastor Alfonzo Greene,
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who is here from the
Huntsville First SDA Church,
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glad that you're
here with me, brother.
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I got my brother,
Pastor Michael Polite,
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who is the associate
pastor at the Riverside Chapel,
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SDA Church in
Nashville, Tennessee.
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We have Pastor Lola Moore,
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who is with us
again from the Huntsville,
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Oakwood University
Church in Huntsville, Alabama.
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And then my brother
Pastor Michael Kelley,
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all the way from
California, Riverside area,
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Mt. Rubidoux SDA Church.
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Today, lady and gents,
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we're dealing with social media,
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we're dealing with sexting,
we're dealing with flirting,
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we're dealing with just
that whole kit and caboodle,
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that the world has kind
of, that we've seen come more
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on the world scene.
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You know, over the last, I
would say, maybe ten years.
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You know, social
media has really taken over,
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maybe even
longer than ten years.
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You know, social
media has really taken over
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and with that
we have seen a rise
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in the level of expression,
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illicit expression
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that we see from,
unfortunately a lot of youth,
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young adults and
adults just the same
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and we want to
tackle that issue today.
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In your opinion
where does this whole issue
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of sexting or using
the social media networks
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to really advertise your body
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or really to kind
of promote yourself?
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Where does all that come from?
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Well, let me just say
before even we get there, that.
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You know social media in itself,
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I just want to
make clear that it is,
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there's nothing
wrong with social media
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in and of itself.
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There's nothing
wrong with Facebook,
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Twitter and the other things.
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It's just a platform,
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and it's just what
you do with that platform,
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and so I think it's
important for our...
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I mean, you know, some
people may just kind of go
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to the opposite extreme
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and just kind of
view it as a bad thing,
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but it's what do you do with it.
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And there's just, you know,
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people just kind of want
to get their stuff out there.
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Just want to kind
of draw some attention.
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I know, you know,
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somebody else had
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something else that
you want to win but...
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Well, you know, the
idea with social media
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which ties into,
like I said, you know,
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the world know something,
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a lot of things
about ourselves that,
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sometimes we don't know,
but God has made it very clear.
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We're beings are loved
to be connected to people.
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We love to stay
connected. We love relationship.
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We love fellowship.
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And the social media
gives us a way to do that.
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I don't have to be
in the same state as you
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to be connected to you.
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I don't have to be in
the same country as you
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to even stay in
contact with you.
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Now let's take a
little step further.
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I don't even have to
be in the same room as you
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to experience
you in a sexual way.
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And so it just opens that,
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so it becomes
almost more convenient
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to give of myself
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but then at the same time,
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I don't think I'm
really giving of myself,
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because there's no
physical contact there,
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I'm not touching.
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I'm just, you know,
giving that part of me.
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It's almost like,
that the whole sexting
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is a play off of pornography,
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and you know... Absolutely so.
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What do you think?
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Well, because individuals
who are seeking attention
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are trying to draw
the eye of individuals
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who they don't know.
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So how do I do that best?
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Do I just do that with a
face, a picture of my face?
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Now some people
have a beautiful face
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where they can do that,
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but more often than that
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people are
taking their clothes off
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or doing things.
They got a full body shot.
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Full body shot in
order to draw attention.
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Now people are looking at me,
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which for some who are
not getting proper attention
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will translate into love
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or the feelings that are
associated with the love.
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And what social media doing is,
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it's giving us more
access to each other
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during those lewd times.
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Whether it would be
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my boy in college
had a longtime girlfriend
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talking about, he's going
to get married and everything,
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went up to Canada
for a spring break,
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got up with some chicks there,
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but kept it on the
deal to where, you know,
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he didn't think his
chick would see it later
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and then boom.
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She gets on Facebook
one day, relationship over.
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So it's giving
people that window
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to look at your house
and say, "what's going on?"
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And a lot of
people are loving the fact
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that they have
thousands of people
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looking and watching them.
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Facebook has destroyed
quite a few relationships.
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Absolutely. Absolutely so.
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It's kind of, when you talked
about the lewd times though.
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I mean, you know,
Congressman Weiner...
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I mean, I'm sure like
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when he was caught
at doing his thing...
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Even his name. Right, yes.
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They want. Bumping
up notes, you know.
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I mean, but I don't think...
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I mean, I don't
think those things
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will probably happening like,
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I mean, it was
probably when the mood times,
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you know, he was just
kind of losing himself
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late in the midnight hours.
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You got to be mindful
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that Biblical
principle was done in the dark.
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Will come to
light. Will come to light.
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You hold your
sins, we'll find you out.
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To me is... I don't
even think that, that text.
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If we had to rewrite it today,
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it wouldn't be your
sins, will find you out.
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I mean, we put
our sins out there.
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I mean, we just
lay it out there,
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just for everybody to
see, because we like to do it.
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I mean, a divorce lawyer said
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the best thing
that's ever happened to them
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has been Facebook,
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because people put
their stuff out there.
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And I think
there's something we say,
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we say there's a
window into our lives
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because we like to know that
somebody is interested in me.
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And so the more
interesting things
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I put out there,
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the more
attention I'm going to get.
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I can blog
about, I can talk about.
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I think there are
people who've got movie deals,
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who've got record deals
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because there's something
crazy that they put on YouTube.
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Like a sex video,
something like that?
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You come out with this,
you come out with a sex tape
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and you know, it seems
like that's the way to make it,
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that's how we would.
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That's it. Yeah.
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I mean, from that too
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a boy right here in the backyard
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of Oakwood University,
who got on a TV show.
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News reports say,
"How is your kids?
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How is your wife?"
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You know, that
whole thing blew up.
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And now my girl
can walk to an airport
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and just get
slammed by people who said,
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"I saw you
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because of his thing going viral
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and everybody is watching."
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And I mean, and
really I don't think
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that we desire fame.
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I think we
desire the root of fame
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which is to be known.
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We all want to be
known as we are known.
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So we're all desiring
for people to know us.
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I want people to know
my name when they see me.
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And I mean, all of
us, we are public figures.
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And so sometimes,
there is the little rush
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that happens when somebody says,
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"Hey, I saw you on Pure Choices
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or hey, I saw you at your church
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or I saw you on this
video or that video."
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And I'm thinking that people
who are not public speakers,
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who are not public figures
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are willing to do
whatever in order to be known,
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if it means making a sex tape,
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if it means sending a
lewd picture of myself.
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I just want
people to know who I am
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and the enemy plays into that.
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So we'll find,
what is the ridiculous,
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most outlandish way
to put you on display,
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so that you can be known.
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And then he puts
these ideas in our minds.
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That's a problem.
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I mean, that's...
It's a huge problem.
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That's a problem when you think,
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"Let me, let me compromise
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or let me do, you
know, lower my standard.
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And in their mind, it
might not be a compromise.
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I don't know, in their mind,
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it might not be a
lowering of the standard,
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but just like let me
do whatever I can do,
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so that I can get
where I want to go.
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And remember, we
said in a previous program
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that the enemy
through media has taught us
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that it's really not that deep.
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It's just my body, you
know, everybody has a body,
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it's really not that deep.
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And so with
that lie in our minds
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then exposing myself to
someone is really not that deep.
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We've been
primed through the media
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and now you see
the out birth of that
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with the way people are
taking pictures of themselves
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and the things
that people will share
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about themselves over
Facebook and social media
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which would have
been absolute taboo,
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ten years prior.
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I think that's like
one group of people though.
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There is one group of people
that they're seeking attention,
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they're seeking to be seen.
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But then you do
have some young teens
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that they send that
picture to their boyfriend
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and they just don't think
that, that's gonna get out
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or they just send that
picture to their girlfriend,
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I don't think it's
really their intent
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or they send that message.
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It's not their
intent for it to go out.
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They just don't think that far.
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But, you know, then
I don't jump in today.
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Now I'm gonna say
this to you all at home.
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If you send a
picture to somebody,
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they are showing
to somebody else.
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I mean it's just hands down,
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I don't care how
you slice it, whatever.
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I'm not to say,
"Oh, please, just me."
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And they'll text back,
I don't know how it goes.
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Well, you know, I'm just
gonna keep it for myself.
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No, dog, they
are showing somebody
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because there's
something to be said,
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that yo, I got her picture
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and they keep
folders and albums.
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So you got to know.
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And these are the things
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that will prior
to go side to it.
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If you're going to
point yourself out there
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in that way,
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you got me saying, yo,
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what am I going to be like
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if this thing just
goes all throughout?
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And I just, you know,
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real quick I want
to share of the story.
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It's very bad that
I had to deal with,
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as a pastor.
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Young lady gave oral sex,
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she's in high
school, to a young man,
00:09:50.19\00:09:52.29
he recorded it on his
phone, showed some of his boys,
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and police got involved
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because you have to be
very careful with that.
00:09:57.66\00:09:59.93
There are sexting
laws in different states,
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that if you send
something like that out,
00:10:02.10\00:10:04.90
it could be
considered pornography,
00:10:04.93\00:10:06.53
involving a minor
00:10:06.57\00:10:07.90
and it really gets tricky,
00:10:07.94\00:10:09.27
all those
different kinds of things
00:10:09.30\00:10:10.64
because they were teenagers.
00:10:10.67\00:10:12.01
But the thing that
really made me think.
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You know, I have
two little girls,
00:10:14.31\00:10:15.68
is the father
00:10:15.71\00:10:17.38
in order to confirm
that it was his daughter,
00:10:17.41\00:10:19.05
so they could press
charges, had to watch the video.
00:10:19.08\00:10:21.78
Wow. My goodness.
00:10:21.82\00:10:23.15
And so this girl is
seriously, "Okay, yeah."
00:10:23.18\00:10:25.02
And she knew
she's been recorded,
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that wasn't a thing.
00:10:26.42\00:10:27.76
It was like, yeah, you know,
go ahead, do it, that's fine.
00:10:27.79\00:10:29.69
But she didn't know
her dad was gonna watch it?
00:10:29.72\00:10:31.06
But she didn't know,
but that's the thing.
00:10:31.09\00:10:32.43
They didn't know pop's
is gonna end up watching.
00:10:32.46\00:10:33.80
And can we say that the enemy
00:10:33.83\00:10:35.16
will always
entice you to do things,
00:10:35.20\00:10:36.73
but will never,
never reveal to you
00:10:36.77\00:10:39.17
what the end result would be.
00:10:39.20\00:10:40.70
This young woman, like I said,
00:10:40.74\00:10:42.07
she felt comfortable doing this.
00:10:42.10\00:10:43.61
You know she was
open with her so whatever,
00:10:43.64\00:10:46.14
but in her wildest imagination,
00:10:46.17\00:10:48.48
she would never have thought
00:10:48.51\00:10:49.84
that her father would have
to watch the video through.
00:10:49.88\00:10:53.28
And that's what
the enemy will to do.
00:10:53.31\00:10:54.75
The enemy will
entice us to do things
00:10:54.78\00:10:56.95
but never ever impress
upon us what the end result is.
00:10:56.99\00:11:01.06
And I really feel like building
on social media exploding,
00:11:01.09\00:11:05.26
I think there was a
movement right before it hit
00:11:05.29\00:11:07.93
that really allowed it
to become so important to us
00:11:07.96\00:11:10.57
and that was reality TV.
00:11:10.60\00:11:12.27
Reality TV hits the
track in the late '90's
00:11:12.30\00:11:15.50
and people start seeing
00:11:15.54\00:11:17.14
how powerful it is to
watch compelling story
00:11:17.17\00:11:20.38
as it's happening,
00:11:20.41\00:11:21.81
instead of having somebody
00:11:21.84\00:11:23.18
create this compelling
story that's frictional.
00:11:23.21\00:11:25.58
Yes, so there's social
media hits on the scene
00:11:25.61\00:11:27.88
and now it's like, "Oh,
I don't just depend on ABC,
00:11:27.92\00:11:31.05
NBC, CBS to show me real life.
00:11:31.09\00:11:34.06
I can watch it for myself."
00:11:34.09\00:11:35.46
A matter of fact, I can make
my own life a reality TV show.
00:11:35.49\00:11:40.73
And you know they had a study,
00:11:40.76\00:11:42.10
you know, the
pornography industry,
00:11:42.13\00:11:43.57
a hundred billion,
00:11:43.60\00:11:44.93
I think it's, you
know, billions of dollars
00:11:44.97\00:11:46.53
something crazy
like that a year.
00:11:46.57\00:11:48.30
And they were
able to break down,
00:11:48.34\00:11:49.87
what is it that
people are watching the most
00:11:49.90\00:11:52.81
and it's not the
once that are "Stage"
00:11:52.84\00:11:56.11
and all those kind of
things, it's the reality ones.
00:11:56.14\00:11:59.51
These are the ones
that are more real,
00:11:59.55\00:12:01.15
because I can put
my, I can you know,
00:12:01.18\00:12:02.72
put myself, you know, in there,
00:12:02.75\00:12:04.35
as opposed to
something that's so,
00:12:04.39\00:12:05.82
you know, far outlandish.
00:12:05.85\00:12:08.32
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
00:12:08.36\00:12:09.69
And it's like when you
watch the reality TV shows,
00:12:09.72\00:12:11.26
it's almost like there,
00:12:11.29\00:12:12.63
it's a reality show
00:12:12.66\00:12:14.16
but, you know, it's a puppet.
00:12:14.20\00:12:16.36
You know there's a
puppet master behind it.
00:12:16.40\00:12:17.73
And we don't know that.
And we don't realize that.
00:12:17.77\00:12:19.10
It's a reality show
00:12:19.13\00:12:20.47
that is not so
much showing us reality,
00:12:20.50\00:12:22.27
but it's trying to
teach us unreality.
00:12:22.30\00:12:24.61
So, when you watch reality, say,
00:12:24.64\00:12:25.97
"Oh, that's how
I'm supposed to act
00:12:26.01\00:12:27.34
or that's what a
good time looks like
00:12:27.38\00:12:29.21
or there's nothing
wrong with being this crazy
00:12:29.24\00:12:31.45
or this wild, whatever."
00:12:31.48\00:12:32.81
And so then we become informed
00:12:32.85\00:12:34.75
based on the reality
TV that we're watching.
00:12:34.78\00:12:36.85
Yeah, but I think
00:12:36.89\00:12:38.22
there's something
deep with that though.
00:12:38.25\00:12:39.59
If I think something is reality,
00:12:39.62\00:12:41.52
but at the end of
the day it's really not.
00:12:41.56\00:12:43.43
Think about what that does
00:12:43.46\00:12:44.93
to my concept of
what real really is.
00:12:44.96\00:12:48.56
Because I'm
sitting and say, "Okay.
00:12:48.60\00:12:50.30
That's how you kind of
handle that situation."
00:12:50.33\00:12:52.90
This situation comes up
00:12:52.93\00:12:54.27
because it just
naturally happened with them
00:12:54.30\00:12:55.64
on the TV show having no idea.
00:12:55.67\00:12:57.54
I actually know some people
00:12:57.57\00:12:59.51
who have been on reality TV
00:12:59.54\00:13:01.04
and while they're doing
the take, that's reality.
00:13:01.08\00:13:04.15
They say, cut, no, we need
you to do it like this again
00:13:04.18\00:13:06.92
and that's not real.
00:13:06.95\00:13:08.28
But when I think it's real,
00:13:08.32\00:13:09.65
that does something,
you know, to the mind.
00:13:09.68\00:13:11.05
And they have done studies,
00:13:11.09\00:13:12.42
they have done
studies on the reality TV.
00:13:12.45\00:13:13.79
And have shown that
they intentionally make sure
00:13:13.82\00:13:15.69
that there's a lot of
liquor, a lot of alcohol,
00:13:15.72\00:13:17.86
they make sure that
the party keeps on going,
00:13:17.89\00:13:20.30
you know, and so they
really want to juice it up.
00:13:20.33\00:13:22.56
They have to make it
enticing for people to watch it.
00:13:22.60\00:13:25.00
And we have to understand
that they are stakeholders,
00:13:25.03\00:13:27.54
who actually
fund reality TV shows.
00:13:27.57\00:13:30.81
I mean, it seems like
the more outlandish it is,
00:13:30.84\00:13:33.68
the more crazy it
is, we watch more.
00:13:33.71\00:13:35.81
You know there's
a reality TV shows,
00:13:35.84\00:13:38.18
several of them
about housewives.
00:13:38.21\00:13:40.05
And the ones that we watch
00:13:40.08\00:13:42.02
are not the ones
that are just you know,
00:13:42.05\00:13:43.62
presenting up, you know.
00:13:43.65\00:13:45.15
They're going to blow.
00:13:45.19\00:13:46.52
These little ones
we want to see the ones
00:13:46.55\00:13:47.89
going to blow, the ones,
00:13:47.92\00:13:49.26
who are just out of
their mind going crazy.
00:13:49.29\00:13:51.56
There's something about
us that's drawn to the more
00:13:51.59\00:13:54.20
you know, crazy, more extreme
00:13:54.23\00:13:57.33
and it's shaping, as he
said, it's shaping our reality.
00:13:57.37\00:14:00.87
Now you have
people who in real time
00:14:00.90\00:14:03.61
will do with someone
scripted on television
00:14:03.64\00:14:06.24
and we have to be
careful with that.
00:14:06.27\00:14:07.61
Very much so, not only
do we have to be careful,
00:14:07.64\00:14:09.61
but it's feeding into
00:14:09.64\00:14:12.21
ever since the Garden of Eden,
humanity has had a problem.
00:14:12.25\00:14:15.68
I want to be the
director of my film.
00:14:15.72\00:14:19.05
I want to direct my film.
00:14:19.09\00:14:20.76
I want to be the
master of my ship.
00:14:20.79\00:14:22.39
So reality TV is
showing how people can direct it
00:14:22.42\00:14:26.36
and we don't
know, they don't know,
00:14:26.39\00:14:27.73
there's a director
behind them that says, cut.
00:14:27.76\00:14:29.73
You know this is the
direction we want to go.
00:14:29.76\00:14:32.27
And now so I get on
my social media medium,
00:14:32.30\00:14:36.07
whether it be Facebook,
my cell phone or whatever
00:14:36.10\00:14:39.11
and I'm seeing the opportunity
now to direct my own show.
00:14:39.14\00:14:42.24
And I want to hit on also that,
00:14:42.28\00:14:43.95
it's not all about reality.
00:14:43.98\00:14:45.95
People will also
uses social media
00:14:45.98\00:14:47.95
to create an alternate reality,
a new person, very much so.
00:14:47.98\00:14:53.79
So now it gives me a chance
00:14:53.82\00:14:55.72
to be a Dr. Jekyll,
Mr. Hyde type of feel,
00:14:55.76\00:14:58.46
to where during the
day this is what you see,
00:14:58.49\00:15:00.46
but when you get
on my Facebook page,
00:15:00.50\00:15:02.30
on My Space, or
you get on my Twitter,
00:15:02.33\00:15:04.80
where you see
some of the pictures
00:15:04.83\00:15:06.27
I'm putting out there.
00:15:06.30\00:15:07.64
Now you see Mr. Hot.
00:15:07.67\00:15:09.00
Yeah, I mean, I
think it, you know,
00:15:09.04\00:15:11.01
speaking about Mr.
Hollywood just said over there.
00:15:11.04\00:15:14.54
I got to praise
that. I got to pray that...
00:15:14.58\00:15:16.34
Now you talk about...
You're such a do reality star.
00:15:16.38\00:15:18.81
You're like...
00:15:18.85\00:15:21.35
How much Hollywood been here?
00:15:21.38\00:15:22.72
You're right, right.
00:15:22.75\00:15:24.09
My main job there.
00:15:24.12\00:15:25.45
That's my boy.
00:15:25.49\00:15:26.82
But, yeah, I mean, you know,
00:15:26.86\00:15:28.19
but I think, you
know, it kind of, you know,
00:15:28.22\00:15:29.56
it kind of does speak
to the whole, you know,
00:15:29.59\00:15:30.99
that there's an
emptiness inside.
00:15:31.03\00:15:32.53
And I think really, you know,
00:15:32.56\00:15:33.90
just even trying
to seek attention,
00:15:33.93\00:15:35.66
even the whole
reality moving all the stuff.
00:15:35.70\00:15:37.60
It's a desire, is an
attempt to fill the void.
00:15:37.63\00:15:41.74
Just trying to, trying
to feel something inside.
00:15:41.77\00:15:43.94
And you think I may
be getting attention
00:15:43.97\00:15:45.77
or you know, for the reality,
of the stuff that they do,
00:15:45.81\00:15:47.88
you're trying to fill that void.
00:15:47.91\00:15:49.64
You know you're still my boy.
00:15:49.68\00:15:51.01
Of course, man.
00:15:51.05\00:15:52.38
I've done all reality shows.
00:15:52.41\00:15:53.92
I got real life,
that's the reality.
00:15:53.95\00:15:55.32
But who knows
reality star? There you go.
00:15:55.35\00:15:57.29
But, no, but, you know, I think
the thing that we talked about
00:15:57.32\00:16:00.76
I think Seth, you
really mentioned it.
00:16:00.79\00:16:03.09
You know, to send
something of yourself,
00:16:03.12\00:16:06.56
whether it's naked, to
place yourself out there,
00:16:06.59\00:16:09.56
speaks to the fact
that you just don't,
00:16:09.60\00:16:11.17
you haven't found who
you are in Christ yet.
00:16:11.20\00:16:13.64
Because when you understand
that you're a valuable person,
00:16:13.67\00:16:16.47
I'm just not gonna let anybody,
you know, get that picture.
00:16:16.50\00:16:20.11
And the thing that
hurts me a lot of times
00:16:20.14\00:16:21.88
with some of
the young people is,
00:16:21.91\00:16:23.68
it's not even a matter of
having to wait before they get.
00:16:23.71\00:16:26.58
They would have to work.
00:16:26.61\00:16:27.95
They'll talk a
little bit on the phone.
00:16:27.98\00:16:29.32
And like you said, you
will send me a body shot?
00:16:29.35\00:16:30.69
Okay, cool.
00:16:30.72\00:16:32.05
And I'm going to
a mirror and do it.
00:16:32.09\00:16:33.42
And it just seem,
you got to feel it to,
00:16:33.46\00:16:34.89
to who you are in Christ
00:16:34.92\00:16:36.66
and know that I'm more valuable
00:16:36.69\00:16:38.69
than you being able to see this.
00:16:38.73\00:16:40.80
This is His temple.
00:16:40.83\00:16:42.70
It belongs to Him
00:16:42.73\00:16:44.17
and the only person He wants
me to share it with in any way
00:16:44.20\00:16:47.47
is the person I'm eventually
gonna be connected with.
00:16:47.50\00:16:49.10
You know, they say no
more free milk, you know.
00:16:49.14\00:16:51.27
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
00:16:51.31\00:16:52.64
You know, no
free milk here. Yeah.
00:16:52.67\00:16:54.01
Don't give yourself,
00:16:54.04\00:16:55.38
don't sell yourself shorter
00:16:55.41\00:16:56.75
than what
you're worth, you know.
00:16:56.78\00:16:58.11
Yeah, and that,
my question would be,
00:16:58.15\00:17:00.48
if I could survey a
hundred people, you know,
00:17:00.52\00:17:03.39
how many people
have marry someone
00:17:03.42\00:17:05.99
whose relationship started
with them through sexting?
00:17:06.02\00:17:09.46
You know, like
did you marry a woman
00:17:09.49\00:17:11.53
who originally sent
you her photo over phone?
00:17:11.56\00:17:14.93
You know what I
mean? I would want to know?
00:17:14.96\00:17:16.56
And I'm realizing, you know,
00:17:16.60\00:17:17.97
as I would speak to my
friends and you all are married,
00:17:18.00\00:17:20.50
and I am, and I am, I
would be willing to bet,
00:17:20.54\00:17:23.37
if I were a better,
00:17:23.41\00:17:24.94
that none of you
would be comfortable
00:17:24.97\00:17:27.48
if your wife had naked photos
00:17:27.51\00:17:29.68
that she has
sent with someone else
00:17:29.71\00:17:31.08
and you knew about it.
00:17:31.11\00:17:32.45
You know, what I mean?
00:17:32.48\00:17:33.82
And so, so knowing
that, it's like, we realize,
00:17:33.85\00:17:36.18
okay this person
has seen me naked
00:17:36.22\00:17:39.15
or whatever like
that through sexting,
00:17:39.19\00:17:40.99
but they
recognize that this person
00:17:41.02\00:17:42.82
and all of their friends
will ex me off of their list
00:17:42.86\00:17:45.99
for a person who is
desirable to be married.
00:17:46.03\00:17:48.26
You know, imagine if your boy,
00:17:48.30\00:17:49.83
you know, walked
up to you and say
00:17:49.86\00:17:51.20
here, you know, here's a picture
00:17:51.23\00:17:52.57
and you realize
that it was your wife,
00:17:52.60\00:17:53.94
like are you kidding?
00:17:53.97\00:17:55.50
You know, that's ground floor...
00:17:55.54\00:17:58.17
Of course, some
serious percussions really,
00:17:58.21\00:17:59.54
you know, what I mean?
00:17:59.57\00:18:01.54
I got copies in the phone.
00:18:01.58\00:18:02.91
And you want to know, is
that, when it gets out there...
00:18:02.94\00:18:06.55
It stays out
there. It's out there.
00:18:06.58\00:18:08.82
My uncle when, right
before I got married,
00:18:08.85\00:18:12.05
just two days before my wedding,
00:18:12.09\00:18:13.42
he was my best, my best man
00:18:13.46\00:18:15.62
and we were
walking around in the mall.
00:18:15.66\00:18:17.79
And so, he says,
listen, my gift to you
00:18:17.83\00:18:20.13
is going to seem like a
little bit, maybe kinky,
00:18:20.16\00:18:24.57
but here you go.
00:18:24.60\00:18:26.70
And he hands me this
disposable Campbell camera.
00:18:26.74\00:18:29.47
So I'm like uncle,
00:18:29.50\00:18:30.84
what in the world
is this for, right?
00:18:30.87\00:18:33.44
And he says, I want you
always to keep this camera,
00:18:33.48\00:18:36.91
but never take pictures on it,
00:18:36.95\00:18:38.78
because you're never to
take pictures of your wife
00:18:38.81\00:18:42.52
of intimate times that
you guys have together.
00:18:42.55\00:18:45.29
And this camera is
here to remind you of that.
00:18:45.32\00:18:48.72
That intimacy that you
share is between you two.
00:18:48.76\00:18:52.49
It's such an awesome gift
00:18:52.53\00:18:53.86
that only you two
should have access to.
00:18:53.90\00:18:56.23
Don't ever let a picture
of her get on this camera
00:18:56.26\00:18:59.17
and I still have
the camera today.
00:18:59.20\00:19:00.54
Yeah, I mean,
that's why the Bible says
00:19:00.57\00:19:01.90
the marriage bed,
you know, is holy.
00:19:01.94\00:19:04.07
You know, it
should be undefiled.
00:19:04.11\00:19:05.44
And even the stuff
you're doing before
00:19:05.47\00:19:06.81
and this is why it's important.
00:19:06.84\00:19:08.18
Like you said, you know,
00:19:08.21\00:19:09.54
when you're in a
situation years down the road
00:19:09.58\00:19:12.95
and someone brings a
picture or it's still out there.
00:19:12.98\00:19:15.18
I mean, you just really just
don't want that stuff out there
00:19:15.22\00:19:17.99
because it does affect
your relationship in the future.
00:19:18.02\00:19:20.96
Let me ask you this question.
00:19:20.99\00:19:22.32
What is it...
00:19:22.36\00:19:23.69
what is the whole
realm of flirting?
00:19:23.73\00:19:26.16
You know, we talk a
little bit about that earlier,
00:19:26.19\00:19:27.63
but let's deal with
that just a little bit.
00:19:27.66\00:19:29.06
When you have
people who are, you know,
00:19:29.10\00:19:30.73
because sexting is
a form of flirting,
00:19:30.77\00:19:32.50
you know, when
you're flirting, right?
00:19:32.53\00:19:34.04
At the core, what is
this whole movement or thing
00:19:34.07\00:19:36.60
when it comes to flirting?
00:19:36.64\00:19:37.97
And, you know, it's
just lie, it's just playful
00:19:38.01\00:19:40.11
but is this kind of like a
little tease here and there,
00:19:40.14\00:19:42.31
whether it's verbal, whether
it's through the sexting,
00:19:42.34\00:19:44.51
whether it's
through text messages.
00:19:44.55\00:19:46.58
What's underneath all of that?
00:19:46.61\00:19:47.95
You know, I'm glad you said that
00:19:47.98\00:19:49.32
because we've been talking a lot
00:19:49.35\00:19:50.69
about pictures
and videos and stuff
00:19:50.72\00:19:52.05
but there are
things that we say,
00:19:52.09\00:19:53.42
that are very inappropriate
in that kind of flirting.
00:19:53.46\00:19:56.52
And I think a lot
of it, what it is,
00:19:56.56\00:19:58.63
especially in the texting,
00:19:58.66\00:20:00.20
is it gives me an idea
of how far I can go with.
00:20:00.23\00:20:04.03
It's an invitation. Yes.
00:20:04.07\00:20:05.73
Because if I say
something to you in the text
00:20:05.77\00:20:08.47
and you don't respond
like, yo, that's inappropriate,
00:20:08.50\00:20:11.24
but maybe you send back lol...
00:20:11.27\00:20:13.27
Or a smiley
face. Or a smiley face.
00:20:13.31\00:20:15.48
Okay, I felt like timing that.
00:20:15.51\00:20:16.85
That's what it's all about.
00:20:16.88\00:20:18.21
I'd know she is
down. She is down.
00:20:18.25\00:20:19.95
What is going down?
00:20:19.98\00:20:21.95
I know, she's insane.
00:20:21.98\00:20:23.59
She is quite very young
lady, you know, I have to be...
00:20:23.62\00:20:26.69
you know, we need
to be open with them
00:20:26.72\00:20:28.29
and say, you know, this
stuff is never innocent.
00:20:28.32\00:20:30.73
If someone is
saying these things to you
00:20:30.76\00:20:32.79
or they're making, you know,
innuendo and things like that,
00:20:32.83\00:20:35.16
they are trying you out.
00:20:35.20\00:20:36.80
They want to see
what you're all about.
00:20:36.83\00:20:39.50
And I know as a young
woman who is in a field
00:20:39.53\00:20:42.70
where there's
lots and lots of men,
00:20:42.74\00:20:44.21
you know, you
know, the minority,
00:20:44.24\00:20:47.58
people will say things to
you and the... what shall I say?
00:20:47.61\00:20:51.78
The challenge is,
not wanting to seem like,
00:20:51.81\00:20:54.35
like I'm mean,
00:20:54.38\00:20:56.32
not wanting to seem like
I'm a prude or, you know,
00:20:56.35\00:20:58.49
I want to be
cool, I want to be in.
00:20:58.52\00:21:00.76
So, you know, how...
what should my response be?
00:21:00.79\00:21:03.93
You know so, I'm still
learning and still feeling not,
00:21:03.96\00:21:08.03
but I realize that
people are testing you out
00:21:08.06\00:21:10.17
to see what they
can get away with.
00:21:10.20\00:21:12.73
So it's never,
it's never something
00:21:12.77\00:21:14.47
that people are doing because
they're trying to be friendly.
00:21:14.50\00:21:16.81
It's not, and you know,
it's not, it's not innocuous.
00:21:16.84\00:21:19.57
They are always
trying to test you out.
00:21:19.61\00:21:20.98
Bottom line, the
youth of our church
00:21:21.01\00:21:24.75
and that's including myself,
00:21:24.78\00:21:27.78
we really get uncomfortable
00:21:27.82\00:21:29.32
with that whole
be peculiar thing.
00:21:29.35\00:21:31.82
You are peculiar... Set apart...
00:21:31.85\00:21:33.72
We're set aside.
00:21:33.76\00:21:35.09
We're supposed to be different,
00:21:35.12\00:21:36.46
that thing is never really
settled for us comfortably.
00:21:36.49\00:21:39.73
In a world that try to
cause us into conformity.
00:21:39.76\00:21:42.06
Very much so.
00:21:42.10\00:21:43.43
We'll try to convince you, Seth,
00:21:43.47\00:21:44.90
that by rocking
that you're different.
00:21:44.93\00:21:46.87
But then when you go out there,
00:21:46.90\00:21:48.24
you see hundred
other people rocking in,
00:21:48.27\00:21:50.31
you're not so
much different anymore.
00:21:50.34\00:21:51.97
And I think we're also
worried about, you know,
00:21:52.01\00:21:54.28
what all of us are saying that
when someone is inappropriate,
00:21:54.31\00:21:57.41
they either
being peculiar, see...
00:21:57.45\00:21:59.31
I don't want to seem
like the person is being rude
00:21:59.35\00:22:01.98
or oh, you can't take the joke.
00:22:02.02\00:22:03.92
But I've got to emphasize
this, you have to almost...
00:22:03.95\00:22:07.92
it's better to be
looked upon as rude.
00:22:07.96\00:22:11.59
And I will rather the
reputation of somebody,
00:22:11.63\00:22:13.80
young ladies for example,
'cause it's usually that away.
00:22:13.83\00:22:15.70
But nowadays
00:22:15.73\00:22:17.07
the ladies will call in
this or call in the other way,
00:22:17.10\00:22:19.03
that when
someone is inappropriate,
00:22:19.07\00:22:21.14
make it so
uncomfortable for them
00:22:21.17\00:22:24.07
that the rumor goes out, yo...
00:22:24.11\00:22:25.44
Don't mess with her.
00:22:25.47\00:22:26.81
Don't even go that way with her
00:22:26.84\00:22:28.18
because she's going
clown or he's going clown.
00:22:28.21\00:22:30.25
But when you kind of...
00:22:30.28\00:22:31.61
even though
you're uncomfortable,
00:22:31.65\00:22:32.98
when you laugh and
smile, oh, stop being so silly.
00:22:33.01\00:22:35.72
No, at least your face
needs to change in the mirror.
00:22:35.75\00:22:38.35
Yo, if you're
flirting with me...
00:22:38.39\00:22:39.85
This is appropriate.
This is appropriate.
00:22:39.89\00:22:41.29
I heard a pastor
once say to his church.
00:22:41.32\00:22:43.76
If you flirt with me I will
call you out from the pulpit,
00:22:43.79\00:22:46.26
you know, do not flirt with me.
00:22:46.29\00:22:47.63
Wow.
00:22:47.66\00:22:49.00
He put it out like, if
you try to get close to me,
00:22:49.03\00:22:50.90
you know, he had a
large congregation.
00:22:50.93\00:22:52.27
He said, if you're
trying to get close to me,
00:22:52.30\00:22:53.64
I'm gonna put you on
blast from the pulpit.
00:22:53.67\00:22:55.00
Wow. So don't
even go there with me.
00:22:55.04\00:22:56.37
Right.
00:22:56.40\00:22:57.74
I mean, is there a distinction
that we need to make?
00:22:57.77\00:23:00.94
I'm thinking of there,
sometimes a person might flirt
00:23:00.98\00:23:04.15
but it's not inappropriate.
00:23:04.18\00:23:05.58
You know, what I mean?
00:23:05.61\00:23:06.95
Like a person might be
fond of you and in a...
00:23:06.98\00:23:08.85
like is there a,
is there a distinction
00:23:08.88\00:23:10.49
that we need to make between
00:23:10.52\00:23:11.85
what is
appropriate, inappropriate?
00:23:11.89\00:23:13.66
You know if a person is
not saying anything lewd to me,
00:23:13.69\00:23:16.66
but you know,
they're smiling at me
00:23:16.69\00:23:18.06
or I can see them
across the room waving.
00:23:18.09\00:23:19.69
You know what I mean?
00:23:19.73\00:23:21.06
Like what's the
line that we draw
00:23:21.10\00:23:23.43
where it's
appropriate, inappropriate?
00:23:23.47\00:23:24.93
I think a pattern.
00:23:24.97\00:23:26.30
I think, you know, you
know, and I think, you know,
00:23:26.33\00:23:28.17
because sometimes, you
know, someone will be friendly
00:23:28.20\00:23:30.04
and he'd be like and you know,
00:23:30.07\00:23:31.41
you can kind of
tell when a pattern is
00:23:31.44\00:23:33.38
kind of setting in.
00:23:33.41\00:23:34.74
And then you can
kind of get an idea,
00:23:34.78\00:23:36.38
okay, this is where this
person is kind of heading to.
00:23:36.41\00:23:39.05
Because they gonna be kind of
00:23:39.08\00:23:40.42
starting to move
a certain direction.
00:23:40.45\00:23:42.32
I think it's, it's...
you have to be careful
00:23:42.35\00:23:43.85
to not make snap
judgments on things.
00:23:43.89\00:23:45.72
You know, sometimes you might,
00:23:45.75\00:23:47.09
okay, I really wonder where
he or she was going with that?
00:23:47.12\00:23:50.49
Just kind of, in the
course of a relationship
00:23:50.53\00:23:52.29
look and see over time,
00:23:52.33\00:23:54.83
what is the consistent pattern
of this person's behavior?
00:23:54.86\00:23:57.40
Very much.
00:23:57.43\00:23:58.77
And I think you
also have to look at...
00:23:58.80\00:24:00.27
I agree definitely
with the personality types.
00:24:00.30\00:24:02.64
I mean, the same ones more
of a touchy feely type person.
00:24:02.67\00:24:05.37
And the same with my
DJ or something like,
00:24:05.41\00:24:07.44
hey, you know, maybe
something, you know like that
00:24:07.48\00:24:10.35
is a little different
that you know someone.
00:24:10.38\00:24:11.88
You know, what?
They're reaching out.
00:24:11.91\00:24:13.68
But I think you
also have to discover
00:24:13.72\00:24:15.18
where your personal space is.
00:24:15.22\00:24:16.55
Yeah. What you
feel comfort with.
00:24:16.58\00:24:17.92
Right. Exactly.
00:24:17.95\00:24:19.29
And if someone's invading that,
00:24:19.32\00:24:20.66
I think there are
very specific things
00:24:20.69\00:24:22.02
that someone should not say.
00:24:22.06\00:24:23.39
There's a difference between
saying, you look nice today.
00:24:23.43\00:24:24.93
Oh, you look real nice
today sis, like that or...
00:24:24.96\00:24:27.50
You're looking good today.
Oh, you just look pale, yo.
00:24:27.53\00:24:29.33
You know, what I'm saying?
00:24:29.36\00:24:30.70
That change tones of voice.
00:24:30.73\00:24:32.13
I think if you dictate that
body language is another thing.
00:24:32.17\00:24:35.30
It's... I don't
think it's just one,
00:24:35.34\00:24:36.67
it's a holistic thing.
00:24:36.71\00:24:38.17
And also let's, let's not
leave out the Holy Spirit.
00:24:38.21\00:24:42.08
The Holy Spirit let
you know... That's true.
00:24:42.11\00:24:44.25
When I think when that
person is... you know, what?
00:24:44.28\00:24:48.08
And they tell you that.
00:24:48.12\00:24:49.45
And you... And I think
that's why it's so important
00:24:49.48\00:24:51.22
for us to be in tune
with the Holy Spirit,
00:24:51.25\00:24:53.05
so we don't chalk
it up to something else
00:24:53.09\00:24:55.06
and say, no, no, God is
trying to tell me something.
00:24:55.09\00:24:56.56
And I'm going to add to
your list the time of day.
00:24:56.59\00:25:01.03
I've been dealing with a lot
of young ladies at my church,
00:25:01.06\00:25:05.93
who have been able
to see a correlation
00:25:05.97\00:25:08.34
between the text
messages they receive.
00:25:08.37\00:25:10.71
Yeah. That's good.
00:25:10.74\00:25:12.07
Between hours of 10 and 7
00:25:12.11\00:25:14.34
and how that thing kind
of changes at about 8 pm
00:25:14.38\00:25:17.65
and the text
messages that roll through,
00:25:17.68\00:25:19.88
they're like, you know,
pastor, I always find myself
00:25:19.91\00:25:22.45
by 10:30 in this
conversation via text
00:25:22.48\00:25:25.42
that's just inappropriate.
00:25:25.45\00:25:26.82
And I said, man, you have to be
able to set up your boundaries.
00:25:26.86\00:25:29.82
It could be anything.
00:25:29.86\00:25:31.63
But bottom line is once God,
00:25:31.66\00:25:33.33
the Holy Spirit
identifies it for you,
00:25:33.36\00:25:35.86
you got to obey,
you put up that wall.
00:25:35.90\00:25:37.73
I want to say this, you
know, and that's very good.
00:25:37.77\00:25:39.40
I'm glad that
you brought that out.
00:25:39.43\00:25:40.77
You know, I think
women, men, young adult, youth,
00:25:40.80\00:25:43.91
we also need to
realize our value in Christ
00:25:43.94\00:25:46.07
and you kind of hit on it,
00:25:46.11\00:25:47.44
recognizing that
I am a child of God,
00:25:47.48\00:25:49.71
I'm a child of the King.
00:25:49.74\00:25:51.08
And this is not
just another female.
00:25:51.11\00:25:52.65
This is my sister in Christ.
00:25:52.68\00:25:54.38
And I need to treat her as such.
00:25:54.42\00:25:56.55
My Father has tried to instill,
00:25:56.58\00:25:57.92
He tried to
instill that into me,
00:25:57.95\00:25:59.75
when I was coming up.
00:25:59.79\00:26:01.12
Let me give you example.
00:26:01.16\00:26:02.49
You know, I was coming
up and sagging my pants,
00:26:02.52\00:26:04.16
it was like the
thing that I did.
00:26:04.19\00:26:05.53
I walk out the house
00:26:05.56\00:26:06.90
and my pants would be
like halfway down my butt.
00:26:06.93\00:26:08.76
And my dad, what he did,
00:26:08.80\00:26:10.70
was he made it a point
to do a sad check, you know.
00:26:10.73\00:26:15.30
So whenever I left the house,
00:26:15.34\00:26:16.67
he will maybe come
to the living room,
00:26:16.71\00:26:18.04
pull up my shirt to see
where my pant level was.
00:26:18.07\00:26:20.78
And if it was too
low, he's like, listen,
00:26:20.81\00:26:22.14
you're not leaving
the house like that.
00:26:22.18\00:26:23.51
Now granted I'll do this,
00:26:23.55\00:26:24.88
I'll pull them up
before I left the house
00:26:24.91\00:26:26.75
and then pulled them
down when I left the house.
00:26:26.78\00:26:28.55
The Holy Spirit
finally dealt with me.
00:26:28.58\00:26:30.25
But point being is my dad
was trying to instill in me
00:26:30.29\00:26:32.35
that listen, you're Yelorda,
00:26:32.39\00:26:34.26
you just don't leave this
house in any of your ways.
00:26:34.29\00:26:37.19
Wow. You're different.
00:26:37.23\00:26:38.86
Don't look like everybody else.
00:26:38.89\00:26:40.63
This is not how we treat...
00:26:40.66\00:26:42.33
this is not how we, how
we deal with one another.
00:26:42.36\00:26:44.53
And I think that as young
people we have to understand
00:26:44.57\00:26:47.24
and the
audiences should understand
00:26:47.27\00:26:48.60
that I'm a child of the King.
00:26:48.64\00:26:50.34
I can't just be
having these conversations,
00:26:50.37\00:26:52.21
where these little conversations
00:26:52.24\00:26:53.58
around the people.
00:26:53.61\00:26:54.94
I just can't be
talking to individuals
00:26:54.98\00:26:56.31
this way or that way.
00:26:56.34\00:26:57.68
I can't send these
naked pictures of myself.
00:26:57.71\00:26:59.35
You know, I'm valuable
00:26:59.38\00:27:01.72
and I want to carry
myself and conduct my self
00:27:01.75\00:27:04.12
in such a way
where God will be proud.
00:27:04.15\00:27:06.86
I mean, just
imagine, you know just imagine
00:27:06.89\00:27:09.46
Satan coming to God saying,
00:27:09.49\00:27:11.76
yo, these are your children
acting a fool down here.
00:27:11.79\00:27:14.00
These are your children sending
naked pictures of themselves
00:27:14.03\00:27:16.93
to one another.
00:27:16.97\00:27:18.30
Yo, God says,
yo, you're my child,
00:27:18.33\00:27:19.67
you got to be better than that.
00:27:19.70\00:27:21.04
I was gonna say just real quick
00:27:21.07\00:27:22.40
and I know we got to wrap it up,
00:27:22.44\00:27:23.77
that, you know,
one thing about texting
00:27:23.81\00:27:25.31
and sending messages though is
00:27:25.34\00:27:26.68
you just think well,
I'm just sending words.
00:27:26.71\00:27:28.44
But remember that Jesus said,
that lust begins in the heart.
00:27:28.48\00:27:31.58
And so, you know, just
the modus and the things.
00:27:31.61\00:27:33.82
You know, if we're
trying to seek purity
00:27:33.85\00:27:35.42
and not just being
technical in what we do.
00:27:35.45\00:27:38.05
We've got to be
careful even in the language,
00:27:38.09\00:27:40.62
in the words that we send,
00:27:40.66\00:27:41.99
because it's not living up
to what Jesus calls us to do.
00:27:42.02\00:27:44.69
Listen, now this
was a good conversation
00:27:44.73\00:27:46.46
and I'm glad we hope we had it.
00:27:46.49\00:27:47.83
I hope that for
our viewers out there
00:27:47.86\00:27:49.90
it was edifying,
it was educational,
00:27:49.93\00:27:52.53
that you learn
something from this.
00:27:52.57\00:27:54.07
You are a child of the King,
you are precious in God sight
00:27:54.10\00:27:56.74
and we want you to
value yourself as such
00:27:56.77\00:27:58.41
and value other people as such.
00:27:58.44\00:28:00.41
Don't forget to
follow us on Facebook,
00:28:00.44\00:28:02.48
go to Facebook and
type "Pure Choices".
00:28:02.51\00:28:03.91
We love to hear from
you, to dialogue with you,
00:28:03.95\00:28:06.01
give any questions or comments.
00:28:06.05\00:28:07.42
We look forward to
seeing you next week.
00:28:07.45\00:28:08.78
Be blessed, have
a wonderful week,
00:28:08.82\00:28:10.29
same time, same
place, next place, next week
00:28:10.32\00:28:12.55
we will see you soon.
00:28:12.59\00:28:13.92
Bye-bye.
00:28:13.96\00:28:15.29