The following program
discusses sensitive issues
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related to addictive behavior.
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Parents are
cautioned that some material
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may be too candid
for younger children.
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Welcome to the afternoon program
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and so this is the
program that I really, kinda,
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stayed away from for
a while because it's--
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I thought, you know what I am
learning a lot about addiction,
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I am learning a lot
about that kind of stuff
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but I don't know
if I'm a teacher.
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You know what I mean?
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And so I kind of
stayed away from it.
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And so I wanna say that I--
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I stayed away
from it a long time
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and then decided to go
ahead and present it one time
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and I think it's of
anointed information.
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I think that if you work with
addicts or you are an addict,
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you're gonna be
blessed by what we cover today.
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But I always have to start out
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with just why
it's important to me.
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And so I wanna-- not long ago,
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I got a call and--
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for those who
haven't been to any program,
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I'm a Heroin Addict in recovery.
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I've been in
recovery since 1979.
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How cool is that?
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Yeah, thank you so much,
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one person in the back
is like, "that's great."
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'Cause, you know,
for a lot of us addicts
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we don't think that
we're gonna get a day,
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then we don't think
we are gonna get a week,
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then we get a year and
then we go on and get ten years
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and twenty years and
all that kind of stuff
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it is absolutely
an amazing thing to,
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you know, just get
that time under you.
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And get that, you
know, where all of the sudden
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your struggles are kind
of more normal struggles.
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Like, you know, it's
just kind of a cool thing.
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So anyway, I've been
in recovery a long time
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and I get a call and my
sister is in the hospital.
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And they don't
think she's gonna survive.
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It was just
really an intense time.
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They're not sure,
she's on life support,
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and they called me
to come out and see her.
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And I go out there
and she is a--she's,
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you know, my sister's,
you know, still a striper
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and she's still selling
drugs and she's still, you know,
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involved in all of
that kind of stuff,
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and we're not sure
what happened but she's,
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you know, hooked
up to everything.
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And I go in and I don't wanna
be disrespectful to anybody
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but, you know,
everybody in my family
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is just got their own addictions
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and they're all, kind
of, in the waiting room.
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And my younger
sister, the meth addict,
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is, like, you
know, this kind of thing.
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It's like, I don't think it's
a big deal, actually, you know?
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You know, she's
might be a little bit...
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You know, it's just I'm not
sure what's happening, you know?
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And she just
can't-- she's just a mess
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and she's eighty pounds or less
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and I don't know
what that is in kilos.
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But, I mean, she's
just, like, so thin
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and she's got
canker sores every where.
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She's got
patches of her hair gone.
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She's got Aplastic Anemia
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because she's taken
so much Methamphetamines
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that her body
doesn't produce iron any more
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and you can see that all on her.
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I mean, you could just
see all her addictions.
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My step dad is-- or
my mom's boyfriend is...
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you know, he's
lost in his addictions.
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He is 6'1" and
just dead, you know?
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He smokes weed so
he's always relaxed.
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You know what I mean?
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So she's in the hospital
and he's like, you know,
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"I don't think, you know, it's
just no big deal, you know?"
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And he's just, like, you know,
just kind of relaxed, you know?
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And I'm thinking that, you know,
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somebody it's a
big deal, you know?
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It is a big deal.
This is not a good thing.
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So any how--so we
end up-- we're in there.
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My sister, the
meth addict's there.
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My brother, he's...
Just everybody is there.
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I have an aunt that shows up
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that decides to tell another
family in the emergency room
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that I was coming onto
her husband when I was ten.
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And I'm thinking, we
don't even know this family
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and that's not true, you know?
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And I am just, like, it's
all this crazy dysfunction.
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I go into my sister and she
is hooked up on life support.
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She's got tubes
going down her throat.
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She's got all of
this kind of stuff.
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She's not gonna survive.
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And I go over to her home
and I am doing some things
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because I am
staying at her house.
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And I go over to her
house and I find out that
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she is turning 50 and that
was a stressful time for her.
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I don't know if
anybody's been to a strip club,
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but its hard when you're 50
years old to working in one.
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And so, you know what I mean?
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It's that she's turning 50,
she is getting too old for that,
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she is not
getting the same tips.
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She has had everything
done. She's had her face done.
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Her--I mean everything done.
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And she still knows
that her time is limited.
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But her time is limited
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and nobody has ever
given her any kind of value
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in who she is other
than this, you know?
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And so she's really lost.
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She's looking at her third drunk
driving ticket, her third DUI.
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In the States
you can go to prison
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for long time with
the third of any thing.
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But she's got her third
DUI, she's turning fifty.
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She doesn't know
if she's gonna survive
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and so instead of
dealing with all of it
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she just tries to
kill herself, right?
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So when she
tries to kill herself
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she ends up taking
in over dose of pills,
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it blows a hole in her stomach
and that fills up with acids,
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and the acids burn her
lungs and she cannot breath.
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Her lungs are burnt.
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When you look at the x-rays
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for people that have
worked in that field,
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you look at the x-rays
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and you can literally see
her lungs just been trashed.
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And I go in their
and I am thinking,
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"Man, when's the last time
that I told you I loved you.
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When is the last time that--
you know, have I said that."
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You know, 'cause in my recovery,
as my journey has happened,
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I've really kind of pulled away.
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And not pulled away in a
sense of not loving them.
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But, you know, the only
place I've really relapsed is
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when I go home to my family.
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Because everybody has everything
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and I can stay clean for maybe,
like, three, four, five hours
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but pretty soon I
am doing some thing.
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You know, what I
mean? So I know that.
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So I kind of
didn't-- don't go home a lot.
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So I'm thinking when's
last time I said, "I love you."
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When's the last
time I sat with you.
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And I remember
just wanting to sob.
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Just sitting with her wanting to
sob and say, "man, I love you."
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And when you have that
stuff going on with your lungs
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and all that kind of
stuff, they really put you--
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on top of being in all
of that kind of danger,
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they induce the coma
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'cause they don't want
you pulling that stuff.
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So I go in there, just tell
her, you know, "I love you."
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And she tried to
fight her way out.
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All the bells and
whistles from all the stuff
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that she was
hooked up to went off.
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And the nurse came
running in and said,
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"Are you talking to
her?" And I am thinking.
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I said, "no, no."
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And she knows I was
because she's trying
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to fight her way to answer me.
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She is trying to
fight her way to respond.
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They said we really
don't want her responding
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so you have to be
careful and so she walked out
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and I said, "I do love you."
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And all the bells went on
again. That's like, "Oh, stop."
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But, you know, I'm
like trying to figure out.
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What do I do now?
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You know, when
you're looking at someone
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you love even in--when
they're in their own addictions
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and they're making
the choices themselves,
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doesn't matter at that moment.
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Doesn't matter when
they're on life support,
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all of that kind of
stuff, "I just love you.
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And I am scared for you
and I don't want you to die."
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You know, and I
remember I said something about,
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I'd like to have her anointed.
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You know, does anybody...
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You know, some people would say
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you can't have
stripers anointed.
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And I'm
thinking, she is my sister
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and I want someone
to hear that, you know?
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She's my sister and I'm afraid.
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And she's never,
never had anyone value her.
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Do you know, what
I am saying? Never.
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And I'm like, you
know, I called around
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and I couldn't find anyone
to come and do that for her.
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And all of a sudden
I thought, you know,
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may be I'll do it, you know?
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And if you get
offended by this, I am sorry.
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But I thought that may
be I'll just anoint her.
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And I know I'm
nobody, I'm not ordained
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and I am not
this or I am not that.
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But this is my sister
and I wanna do that for her.
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And I wanna say, "God
please, please touch her,
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please love her,
please heal her."
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And I wanted to
get a gallon of oil.
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You know a big amount.
'Cause where do you anoint?
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I'm like, I'll just pour
it all over your whole body
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and whatever's
the problem, you know,
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physically,
mentally, spiritually
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all that kind of stuff,
we'll just cover everything.
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And I just didn't even care
that totally made sense to me.
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And so my mom or my
sister, my meth addict sister,
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duly found out
that I was gonna go in
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and pray for her and
she just got furious.
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You can't just pray for us.
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We don't believe that, you know?
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Just because we
can't say no to you,
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doesn't mean you
can just pray for us.
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And I remember thinking,
well if you don't believe that
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it's not gonna matter, you know?
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And, you know, I'm
just gonna pray for her.
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And so the family
went to the nurse's station
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and kind of got people
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to bar me from
the room by myself.
00:10:01.32\00:10:05.49
I can't go in there by myself
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without any other family
member because I may pray.
00:10:06.94\00:10:10.93
And--so they're
standing there--seriously
00:10:10.96\00:10:13.21
and I want you
just to see the scene.
00:10:13.24\00:10:15.31
No, no, we have the
right to say that because,
00:10:15.34\00:10:19.20
you know, she is
good I think, you know?
00:10:19.23\00:10:23.84
And they're looking at that
and then they're looking at me,
00:10:23.87\00:10:26.12
like, she's
gonna try to do what?
00:10:26.15\00:10:30.63
She's gonna try to
pray. Well that's legal here.
00:10:30.66\00:10:34.03
You know, what I mean?
And the nurses are saying,
00:10:34.06\00:10:35.98
you know, she could do that.
00:10:36.01\00:10:37.54
And they really
just said, "She can't.
00:10:37.57\00:10:40.20
We don't believe in that."
00:10:40.23\00:10:41.60
So now, I'm
calling Brad, my husband,
00:10:41.63\00:10:45.82
and I'm in the
bathroom sitting on the floor
00:10:45.85\00:10:48.11
just weeping and
calling my husband,
00:10:48.14\00:10:50.05
I don't know how to do this.
I don't know what to do next.
00:10:50.08\00:10:53.08
I am so afraid for her.
00:10:53.11\00:10:55.10
I am so afraid that
she's not gonna make it.
00:10:55.13\00:10:57.73
And I just wanna go in
there and I just wanna pray
00:10:57.76\00:11:00.15
and where all of this craziness
is going on all about that
00:11:00.18\00:11:03.01
and I am crying and
he's trying to soothe me
00:11:03.04\00:11:05.39
and all that kind of stuff.
00:11:05.42\00:11:06.79
And all of a sudden I
get a knock on the door.
00:11:06.82\00:11:09.34
And I am like, "yeah?"
00:11:11.63\00:11:14.14
And it was one of
the nurses, you know?
00:11:14.17\00:11:16.22
And she said, "I
just wanna tell you,
00:11:16.25\00:11:18.72
your family never
stays past, like, eleven.
00:11:18.75\00:11:22.85
Why don't you
take the night shift?"
00:11:25.93\00:11:28.35
And I just looked at this women,
00:11:28.38\00:11:29.94
I just wanted to say thank you,
in a thousand different ways.
00:11:29.97\00:11:33.20
Thank you, so much.
00:11:33.23\00:11:35.07
And so now, I
decided to tell my family
00:11:35.10\00:11:37.56
that somebody has
to be here, you know,
00:11:37.59\00:11:38.96
I just incase something happens
00:11:38.99\00:11:40.36
and I'm just gonna
take the nightshift.
00:11:40.39\00:11:41.76
Everybody was fine
with that and we prayed
00:11:41.79\00:11:43.75
almost all night with this nurse
and myself, almost all night.
00:11:43.78\00:11:47.34
We prayed for her.
We laid hands on her.
00:11:47.37\00:11:49.43
And please, theologically
don't even approach me
00:11:49.46\00:11:52.82
afterwards 'cause
I'll have to shoot you.
00:11:52.85\00:11:54.61
Because you know what--
and I want to handle this
00:11:54.64\00:11:57.61
in a better way
but that was my sister.
00:11:57.64\00:11:59.74
Do you know, what I mean?
00:11:59.77\00:12:01.14
And so I know that I
should have got the pastor.
00:12:01.17\00:12:03.36
I know all that.
00:12:03.39\00:12:04.76
So anyhow, so, I end up having
to go like a couple times over,
00:12:04.79\00:12:10.82
over to
Monica's place and do a--
00:12:10.85\00:12:14.27
Monica's a friend of
mine. She lives in California.
00:12:14.30\00:12:16.29
And so we're
gonna do youth event.
00:12:16.32\00:12:17.91
So I jumped over did
the day at the youth event
00:12:17.94\00:12:20.18
and then jump
back to the hospital.
00:12:20.21\00:12:21.59
When I come
back to the hospital,
00:12:21.62\00:12:23.42
I walk in my sister's
room and the bed is empty.
00:12:23.45\00:12:27.14
And I thought,
"Oh, man." You know?
00:12:27.17\00:12:29.51
And then I find out
she's gotten so much better
00:12:29.54\00:12:32.22
they put her in
a different room.
00:12:32.25\00:12:34.34
And I thought, "God,
I love you. I love you."
00:12:34.37\00:12:37.55
You know, how cool are you?
00:12:37.58\00:12:39.61
That none of us
deserve any of that.
00:12:39.64\00:12:42.02
I'm just, like,
how cool are you?
00:12:42.05\00:12:43.54
So I go into the other room.
00:12:43.57\00:12:44.94
And my family is,
like, "don't even say it?"
00:12:44.97\00:12:48.43
And I'm like, "say,
what?" Like, "God healed her."
00:12:48.46\00:12:52.25
Don't even say it, and I am
thinking, "How funny is that?"
00:12:52.28\00:12:55.22
And I looked at
my sister and I said,
00:12:55.25\00:12:57.00
"You know what happened."
00:12:57.03\00:12:58.57
And when I was gone, when
you have tubes in your throat
00:12:58.60\00:13:02.43
and all that kind of stuff
00:13:02.46\00:13:03.83
after about a
certain amount of time
00:13:03.86\00:13:05.41
they have to take them out.
00:13:05.44\00:13:06.81
It trashes your
vocal cords and everything.
00:13:06.84\00:13:08.68
And so what they do
is they take them out
00:13:08.71\00:13:10.18
and put a trachea, you know?
00:13:10.21\00:13:11.58
If they're gonna
keep you on the machines
00:13:11.61\00:13:13.36
and all that kind of stuff,
00:13:13.39\00:13:14.76
they just do it
through a different way.
00:13:14.79\00:13:16.27
And so they were pulling the
tubes out to put the trach in,
00:13:16.30\00:13:18.97
she starts to breath on her own,
00:13:19.00\00:13:20.57
and one thing led to another
00:13:20.60\00:13:22.40
and she now is in
the different room.
00:13:22.43\00:13:24.00
And so I am, like,
just excited, excited.
00:13:24.03\00:13:26.93
And--but she has
an oxygen tube on.
00:13:26.96\00:13:30.27
Do you know, what I
mean? Those nasal things.
00:13:30.30\00:13:32.58
And I'm like thinking, "that's
not gonna work for my sister."
00:13:32.61\00:13:39.16
'Cause, you know,
turning fifty is one thing
00:13:39.19\00:13:40.83
but going to work
with the nasal tube.
00:13:40.86\00:13:42.61
You know, so it's like--
so I am just like wondering,
00:13:42.64\00:13:45.75
what's gonna happen with that.
00:13:45.78\00:13:48.25
And they say, they told to her,
00:13:48.28\00:13:50.43
that she will be on
oxygen the rest of her life.
00:13:50.46\00:13:53.48
The rest of her life,
and not the rest of her life
00:13:53.51\00:13:58.24
with a really cute oxygen tank.
00:13:58.27\00:14:01.09
You know, does
anybody have insurance?
00:14:01.12\00:14:03.11
You can get those
cute little backpacks.
00:14:03.14\00:14:04.73
You can get them
in different colors
00:14:04.76\00:14:06.13
with oxygen tanks on the back.
00:14:06.16\00:14:07.53
If you don't have insurance
00:14:07.56\00:14:08.93
you get a metal tank
that you drag around.
00:14:08.96\00:14:11.49
Do you know, what I mean?
00:14:11.52\00:14:12.89
Does anybody know
what I am talking about?
00:14:12.92\00:14:14.32
It's a whole different
look. Do you know what I mean?
00:14:14.35\00:14:17.12
My sister does
not have insurance.
00:14:17.15\00:14:18.86
She's gonna drag that thing
around for the rest of her life.
00:14:18.89\00:14:21.28
And I am thinking, "oh, man."
00:14:21.31\00:14:23.14
You know, my heart is
just breaking for her.
00:14:23.17\00:14:24.94
I decided that I'm gonna stay
at least a week from the time
00:14:24.97\00:14:28.56
she actually gets
discharged from the hospital
00:14:28.59\00:14:30.58
'cause I need to
teach her to eat, you know?
00:14:30.61\00:14:33.46
Because if she--her
body's gonna heal that all
00:14:33.49\00:14:35.95
she's gonna had to
take care of herself.
00:14:35.98\00:14:37.35
She's gonna have to
learn even to drink water.
00:14:37.38\00:14:39.68
To not drink alcohol,
all that kind of stuff.
00:14:39.71\00:14:42.81
What's a good
breakfast looks like.
00:14:42.84\00:14:44.47
I mean, all of
that kind of stuff.
00:14:44.50\00:14:45.87
So anyhow, so she gets finally
discharged from the hospital.
00:14:45.90\00:14:48.75
We go over her house.
00:14:48.78\00:14:50.15
And so I go to-- I
don't know if you have,
00:14:50.18\00:14:51.90
like Trader Joe's, or say,
00:14:51.93\00:14:53.41
it's a kind of
health market or whatever.
00:14:53.44\00:14:56.62
So I go and I get some
good stuff and she's like,
00:14:56.65\00:14:59.93
you know, I'm just doing
like oatmeal and some fruit
00:14:59.96\00:15:02.88
you know, things
like that and she's like,
00:15:02.91\00:15:04.33
"you're gonna eat all that?"
00:15:04.36\00:15:05.87
I said, "you are going
to eat all that." You know?
00:15:05.90\00:15:08.23
And she's like, let's just have
some coffee and some pastries.
00:15:08.26\00:15:10.94
No, no, no. You know?
00:15:10.97\00:15:12.98
And no offence to
any of that kind of stuff
00:15:13.01\00:15:14.98
but when you're almost
dead don't eat that stuff,
00:15:15.01\00:15:17.02
eat something good, you know?
00:15:17.05\00:15:18.44
And so, like, I'm
doing all that kind of stuff
00:15:18.47\00:15:20.50
and we were trying to
figure how we're going to--
00:15:20.53\00:15:24.83
you know kind of get the
next part of her healing done.
00:15:24.86\00:15:27.32
She's now on a
oxygen tank in her house.
00:15:27.35\00:15:30.00
Well, she's not
going to the store
00:15:30.03\00:15:31.78
with pulling that tank with her.
00:15:31.81\00:15:34.29
She has a big unit in
the house of plugs in it.
00:15:34.32\00:15:36.49
And she's got a 57 foot tube
00:15:36.52\00:15:40.25
that now is hooked up to her.
00:15:40.28\00:15:41.86
When she walks around her house
00:15:41.89\00:15:44.01
she really has to make sure
she doesn't tangle herself up.
00:15:44.04\00:15:47.28
She will be on that
the rest of her life.
00:15:47.31\00:15:49.31
And this is not--I'm
like, praying like crazy,
00:15:49.34\00:15:52.01
God, she's just gonna
take herself out again.
00:15:52.04\00:15:54.29
It's just ridiculous.
00:15:54.32\00:15:55.85
And, you know,
we're talking about that
00:15:55.88\00:15:57.70
and how she's gonna survive that
00:15:57.73\00:15:59.10
and the DUI's and all
of that kinds of stuff.
00:15:59.13\00:16:01.47
My family comes over
to celebrate the fact
00:16:01.50\00:16:03.43
that she lived and they
bring wine and pastries.
00:16:03.46\00:16:07.93
Yeah, what part of DUI,
I don't even understand?
00:16:07.96\00:16:10.05
You know, I'm like,
00:16:10.08\00:16:11.45
I couldn't even
believe that wine and pastries.
00:16:11.48\00:16:13.31
And I am
thinking that--you know,
00:16:13.34\00:16:14.71
I grabbed my sister by the face
00:16:14.74\00:16:16.78
and I said, "Don't drink.
00:16:16.81\00:16:18.66
I love you. Don't drink at all.
00:16:18.69\00:16:20.97
You cannot. You
know, you're alcoholic.
00:16:21.00\00:16:23.94
Listen, If you're gonna heal,
you're gonna have to step away
00:16:23.97\00:16:26.27
from all of this kind of stuff."
00:16:26.30\00:16:27.75
And my family is like,
don't lay that stuff on us
00:16:27.78\00:16:30.65
because we're
not-- we don't believe
00:16:30.68\00:16:32.85
the same thing as you
do all that kind of stuff.
00:16:32.88\00:16:34.81
And I'm not even listening,
I'm just looking at my sister,
00:16:34.84\00:16:37.35
"Don't, I beg
you, you know? Don't."
00:16:37.38\00:16:40.03
And so people
are kinda mad at me
00:16:40.06\00:16:42.39
but she just finally says, okay.
00:16:42.42\00:16:44.24
All right, I won't. We hung out.
00:16:44.27\00:16:48.45
The funniest part
during this whole thing is
00:16:48.48\00:16:51.01
she gets a call
from a friend of hers.
00:16:51.04\00:16:52.96
He's a strip club owner
and he's just a mess, you know?
00:16:52.99\00:16:55.84
And he's at the end of his life.
00:16:55.87\00:16:58.53
And so at the end of his life
00:16:58.56\00:17:01.38
the only person that
likes him is his dog.
00:17:01.41\00:17:03.81
Do you know what I mean?
00:17:03.84\00:17:05.21
Does anybody know
someone like that?
00:17:05.24\00:17:06.61
Family's left and
the kids hate him.
00:17:06.64\00:17:08.02
I mean, the only
person that really is
00:17:08.05\00:17:09.73
still in your
life is your animals.
00:17:09.76\00:17:11.84
And so anyhow, his dog gets sick
00:17:11.87\00:17:13.80
and he's calling my
sister saying, you know what?
00:17:13.83\00:17:15.96
I'm so afraid, you know?
00:17:15.99\00:17:18.46
I think my dog's gonna die.
00:17:18.49\00:17:20.27
And that's a big deal
00:17:20.30\00:17:21.67
'cause that's the
only one that likes you.
00:17:21.70\00:17:23.12
I mean, it's a big deal.
00:17:23.15\00:17:24.52
I know that that is going to
be a traumatic thing for him.
00:17:24.55\00:17:27.60
And so, my sister's
like, I'm just scared
00:17:27.63\00:17:29.46
and I said, well, pray for him.
00:17:29.49\00:17:31.61
And she's like,
really? What do I pray?
00:17:31.64\00:17:34.82
I said pray for the
dog really, you know?
00:17:34.85\00:17:37.02
What do I say?
00:17:37.05\00:17:38.96
And I said, just
God help the dog.
00:17:38.99\00:17:42.16
She said, that's it?
00:17:42.19\00:17:43.56
So you can pray and I'm
like it's not my friend.
00:17:43.59\00:17:46.85
I don't even know
the dog, you know?
00:17:46.88\00:17:49.06
And so my
sister's in the kitchen
00:17:49.09\00:17:52.07
and I hear her say
her first prayer ever.
00:17:52.10\00:17:56.09
"God, help the dog." You know?
00:17:56.12\00:17:59.89
And I'm thinking,
00:17:59.92\00:18:01.29
man, that was such an
incredible moment for me
00:18:01.32\00:18:06.10
that watching her--
listening to her prayer.
00:18:06.13\00:18:07.63
And God, you know, I
don't know why God did this
00:18:07.66\00:18:09.81
but the dog got well, you know?
00:18:09.84\00:18:12.34
And so my sister's just like,
00:18:12.37\00:18:14.58
her knees are
kind of shaking, like.
00:18:14.61\00:18:16.50
Do you think He heard me?
00:18:16.53\00:18:18.09
Yeah, I think He did, you know?
00:18:18.12\00:18:19.92
And so, you know,
we hung out together.
00:18:19.95\00:18:22.83
She started to get
better. I could just see it.
00:18:22.86\00:18:26.69
The color and all
that kind of stuff.
00:18:26.72\00:18:28.37
And so we're hanging out,
I eventually have to go home.
00:18:28.40\00:18:31.01
I mean, I have to
get back to my family
00:18:31.04\00:18:33.21
and all that kinds of stuff.
00:18:33.24\00:18:34.70
And I'm getting ready to leave
00:18:34.73\00:18:36.10
and I'm packing up my rental car
00:18:36.13\00:18:37.66
and I start to
turn around to just--
00:18:37.69\00:18:40.47
I'm not even sure
what I was gonna do,
00:18:40.50\00:18:41.87
whether I was gonna
go back in the house
00:18:41.90\00:18:43.28
and do something
or I was gonna hug her
00:18:43.31\00:18:45.58
or I don't even
know, what it was.
00:18:45.61\00:18:46.98
But I turned back
around and she just looked
00:18:47.01\00:18:49.14
almost
frightened and I'm thinking,
00:18:49.17\00:18:54.02
What? You know?
00:18:54.05\00:18:55.42
I'm just in my mind, you
know, what did you just think?
00:18:55.45\00:18:57.66
And then she said out
loud, she said, you know,
00:18:57.69\00:19:00.05
are you gonna pray for me?
00:19:00.08\00:19:03.16
Then I said, can I?
00:19:03.19\00:19:06.05
And I remember just
wanting to weep, you know?
00:19:06.08\00:19:09.01
'Cause it was just that
moment and she said, yes,
00:19:09.04\00:19:11.52
and I just walked over and
I just started to, just cry,
00:19:11.55\00:19:14.91
"God, please show
her how cool You are."
00:19:14.94\00:19:18.97
You know, "Show her
how much You love her.
00:19:19.00\00:19:21.32
Show her that this is not
the life you intended for her."
00:19:21.35\00:19:25.05
You know, just
being able to touch her
00:19:25.08\00:19:27.37
and say those words out loud
00:19:27.40\00:19:28.99
was just the most
powerful thing for me
00:19:29.02\00:19:31.43
with my sister who I love.
00:19:31.46\00:19:33.34
And it was just a brief thing.
00:19:33.37\00:19:35.80
And we just kind of, you know,
00:19:35.83\00:19:37.28
I had to get my car and
I had to go to the airport
00:19:37.31\00:19:39.04
and I get home.
00:19:39.07\00:19:40.44
And I'm just amazed at
what God did and the healing.
00:19:40.47\00:19:43.17
My sister calls me
up in a little while
00:19:43.20\00:19:45.21
and she says, you
know, they're finding out
00:19:45.24\00:19:47.41
I'm breathing better at night
00:19:47.44\00:19:49.00
and I don't have to
wear the oxygen at night.
00:19:49.03\00:19:52.00
I know, I'm
thinking how cool is God.
00:19:52.03\00:19:54.81
I love Him for,
you know, coming in
00:19:54.84\00:19:57.21
and doing that
healing and doing that stuff.
00:19:57.24\00:19:59.41
And then she calls me a
little while later again
00:19:59.44\00:20:01.25
and she says, are
you still praying for me?
00:20:01.28\00:20:03.72
I said, yeah.
00:20:03.75\00:20:05.63
And she sounds
really kinda vexed.
00:20:05.66\00:20:08.73
Then I said, why?
00:20:08.76\00:20:10.79
Then she said, well, I'm
trying to get on disability
00:20:10.82\00:20:16.50
and if I keep getting better,
00:20:16.53\00:20:17.90
I might not be
able to get on it.
00:20:17.93\00:20:19.30
I'm like, did you just say that?
00:20:22.92\00:20:25.08
You know when it's like,
can you just turn it down a bit?
00:20:25.11\00:20:27.37
You know? And I
thought I can't even--
00:20:27.40\00:20:30.69
addictions just baffle
me, I'm baffled by them.
00:20:30.72\00:20:33.82
And I'm thinking, what
are they gonna pay you?
00:20:33.85\00:20:36.09
You know, you're
gonna surrender your lungs
00:20:36.12\00:20:37.54
for $600 a month or something?
00:20:37.57\00:20:39.49
What are they paying
you? It must be huge.
00:20:39.52\00:20:41.63
And anyhow so that's--you
know, my sister with my father.
00:20:41.66\00:20:47.32
Right after that I
get a call from my dad--
00:20:47.35\00:20:49.98
my real dad died in a
crack house and molesting kids.
00:20:50.01\00:20:52.70
I mean, he was just a mess.
00:20:52.73\00:20:54.10
But my step dad or my mom's
boyfriend, I call him my dad.
00:20:54.13\00:20:59.14
He's been in my
life since I was four
00:20:59.17\00:21:00.54
and so, I get a
call and he's dying.
00:21:00.57\00:21:05.06
And they said it's real serious
they put him in the hospital.
00:21:05.09\00:21:07.94
So I again flew
back and I flew back
00:21:07.97\00:21:10.47
and I go into the hospital room
and he just looked horrible.
00:21:10.50\00:21:15.23
He's lying on the
bed, on the hospital bed,
00:21:15.26\00:21:17.55
everybody's kinda aroung him
00:21:17.58\00:21:18.95
and everybody's
kind of a good mood
00:21:18.98\00:21:21.16
but he's just looking bad.
00:21:21.19\00:21:22.84
And I just crawled
up on the bed with him
00:21:22.87\00:21:25.11
and held him 'cause,
you know, when somebody,
00:21:25.14\00:21:27.86
you know, so--6'1" and so thin,
00:21:27.89\00:21:31.69
you know, that as they start
to have different things coming
00:21:31.72\00:21:35.06
they lose more and more weight
and he just looked horrible.
00:21:35.09\00:21:38.14
And, you know, we were talking
and doing all kinds of stuff.
00:21:38.17\00:21:42.28
Then I find out
from the nursing staff
00:21:42.31\00:21:43.94
that they are gonna discharge
my father to hospice care.
00:21:43.97\00:21:48.39
And I--does anybody
know what that means?
00:21:48.42\00:21:51.32
He's gonna die and hospice care
00:21:51.35\00:21:53.84
is where the nurses
come out to your house
00:21:53.87\00:21:55.80
and help your family
deal with your death.
00:21:55.83\00:21:57.95
And I'm thinking,
wait, wait, wait, you know?
00:21:57.98\00:22:02.57
You know what's-- you
know, just the reality
00:22:02.60\00:22:04.69
that it's what's going on.
00:22:04.72\00:22:06.31
He had--his throat was collapsed
00:22:06.34\00:22:07.71
and because of all the cancers
that he was dealing with.
00:22:07.74\00:22:10.56
His addictions are
now catching up with him
00:22:10.59\00:22:12.39
in every sense of the way.
00:22:12.42\00:22:13.79
And they put a
stent in his throat.
00:22:13.82\00:22:15.33
It's just almost like a
plastic tube in his throat
00:22:15.36\00:22:18.66
so he could swallow just
the last few days of his life.
00:22:18.69\00:22:21.82
They didn't even put it in,
that this thing was gonna be
00:22:21.85\00:22:24.28
something that
would just stay in.
00:22:24.31\00:22:25.69
I mean, it was
just to almost help him
00:22:25.72\00:22:27.55
survive the last few days.
00:22:27.58\00:22:29.30
That's how I understand it.
00:22:29.33\00:22:30.70
And so he gets--
he's getting ready
00:22:30.73\00:22:32.77
to discharge with hospice care.
00:22:32.80\00:22:34.63
I'm thinking, you
know, man, I just wanna say,
00:22:34.66\00:22:39.08
oh, man, this is gonna be so
inappropriate, this next thing.
00:22:39.11\00:22:42.24
I'm really close to the
end so if I get fired this--
00:22:42.27\00:22:44.63
I just want one more meeting.
00:22:44.66\00:22:46.30
But my dad was--would be
lying in the hospital bed,
00:22:46.33\00:22:50.70
and he is--has a
little thing on his finger
00:22:50.73\00:22:55.83
that tells his
pulse, right? Yeah.
00:22:55.86\00:22:58.63
And it's also
gives blood guesses
00:22:58.66\00:23:00.39
so it tells how
much circulation it is.
00:23:00.42\00:23:02.61
He put it on his middle finger
00:23:02.64\00:23:04.08
and showed people
when they walked by.
00:23:04.11\00:23:06.27
Does anybody get that?
00:23:06.30\00:23:08.34
It was just like it
was a fourteen year old.
00:23:08.37\00:23:10.51
And that's why I
know when he started using
00:23:10.54\00:23:12.16
but I'm thinking, stop.
00:23:12.19\00:23:13.56
And I know families
were walking by and said,
00:23:13.59\00:23:15.12
did that guy just
give me the finger?
00:23:15.15\00:23:16.58
He did. I'm sorry, you know?
00:23:16.61\00:23:18.38
And I'm like, stop and
he's thinking it's so funny.
00:23:18.41\00:23:20.80
I mean, it was just
that kind of atmosphere
00:23:20.83\00:23:22.69
but he's been
discharged to a hospice care.
00:23:22.72\00:23:24.93
Do you know--so it's
almost like it's so incongruent.
00:23:24.96\00:23:27.89
It's like you can't
figure out what's going on.
00:23:27.92\00:23:29.84
Anyhow he gets
discharged, he gets home.
00:23:29.87\00:23:34.53
Before he got
discharged, they said something
00:23:34.56\00:23:37.35
that every addict wants to hear.
00:23:37.38\00:23:39.49
Is that, he said
to them real serious,
00:23:39.52\00:23:41.78
what about my morphine?
00:23:41.81\00:23:44.69
And the nurse said, you
can have as much as you want.
00:23:44.72\00:23:48.10
Woohoo! How fun is that!
00:23:48.13\00:23:52.24
And it was like--you
can just see my dad like,
00:23:52.27\00:23:54.35
woohoo, that is so cool.
00:23:54.38\00:23:55.75
I didn't know I had to
get to this point to get that.
00:23:55.78\00:23:57.89
But that's so awesome.
00:23:57.92\00:23:59.29
So I can have
some more right now?
00:23:59.32\00:24:01.22
Yeah, yeah.
00:24:01.25\00:24:02.62
Any kind? I can have a shot?
00:24:02.65\00:24:04.04
I can have the
stuff in my tongue.
00:24:04.07\00:24:05.58
I could have
the patch. Anything.
00:24:05.61\00:24:06.98
As much as you want.
00:24:07.01\00:24:08.38
When somebody's dying they
don't check the addictions.
00:24:08.41\00:24:09.99
Who cares, you got a
couple of days, you know?
00:24:10.02\00:24:12.27
And so they really said you
can have as much as you want.
00:24:12.30\00:24:14.57
And you know
that I'm exaggerating.
00:24:14.60\00:24:16.00
He didn't jump and
down and said yahoo.
00:24:16.03\00:24:17.75
But, I mean, just
when you looked at him
00:24:17.78\00:24:19.22
that's the kind of
sense that I got instead.
00:24:19.25\00:24:22.10
Almost like the
celebration in his mind
00:24:22.13\00:24:24.66
that he could have
as much as he wants.
00:24:24.69\00:24:26.09
He was so thrilled.
00:24:26.12\00:24:27.49
And I'm like, so now
he's gonna be so high
00:24:27.52\00:24:30.65
that I can't even
say goodbye to him.
00:24:30.68\00:24:32.57
I just wanna say
goodbye. I love you.
00:24:32.60\00:24:35.60
I can see you in
there. You know what I mean?
00:24:35.63\00:24:37.60
And so he gets
discharged, he goes home.
00:24:37.63\00:24:39.86
I go back to my house.
00:24:39.89\00:24:41.59
Fly back to my house
'cause I'm gonna go back
00:24:41.62\00:24:43.59
and I'm going to, I'm going to
just get some things to pack up
00:24:43.62\00:24:49.76
incase I have to stay longer
or this whole thing lasts longer
00:24:49.79\00:24:54.16
I just need to get
some stuff and come back.
00:24:54.19\00:24:56.38
My husband at this
time is a new Christian
00:24:56.41\00:24:59.57
and he wants to come
back to my family's house
00:24:59.60\00:25:01.93
with me to pray for my father.
00:25:01.96\00:25:05.86
Don't even do that.
00:25:05.89\00:25:07.41
I mean, it's just, they're gonna
get really mad at us for that.
00:25:07.44\00:25:11.36
You know, you can't pray.
00:25:11.39\00:25:12.83
Have you ever
seen new Christians,
00:25:12.86\00:25:14.29
they're kinda ridiculous.
00:25:14.32\00:25:15.69
They'll pray for anybody.
00:25:15.72\00:25:17.09
Postman delivers a packet,
00:25:17.12\00:25:18.76
would you like
prayer for anything?
00:25:18.79\00:25:20.50
No, I'm just
delivering your packet.
00:25:20.53\00:25:22.27
You know, my husband,
his hairdresser he prays for.
00:25:22.30\00:25:25.35
His hairdresser
he prays for so much
00:25:25.38\00:25:27.30
he knows more about her
than I think of her best friend.
00:25:27.33\00:25:30.47
I mean, he just covers
her in prayer, talks with her.
00:25:30.50\00:25:33.63
You know the bank person,
00:25:33.66\00:25:35.03
I mean, he just
will pray for anybody.
00:25:35.06\00:25:36.43
And if he knows that
you don't like prayer,
00:25:36.46\00:25:38.54
he just hovers
over you, you know?
00:25:38.57\00:25:40.72
And I know when he hovers
over you, he's praying for you.
00:25:40.75\00:25:43.07
So I'm like at
that point in his life
00:25:43.10\00:25:44.98
he just was
praying for everybody.
00:25:45.01\00:25:46.47
So anyhow so he is
now wanting to fly back
00:25:46.50\00:25:49.51
and pray for my family.
00:25:49.54\00:25:52.52
And I'm thinking, man, they're
not gonna do it, you know?
00:25:52.55\00:25:57.63
And I'm stressed, you know?
00:25:57.66\00:25:59.47
So please stop saying all this
kind of stuff, I'm stressed.
00:25:59.50\00:26:03.19
And he said,
you know, I have to.
00:26:03.22\00:26:06.69
And he actually
had some devotions
00:26:06.72\00:26:08.97
and he really believes
00:26:09.00\00:26:10.37
that God just
said, go pray for them.
00:26:10.40\00:26:12.42
And my husband flies in with me,
00:26:12.45\00:26:14.48
finally I just say
okay, you know, but be careful
00:26:14.51\00:26:16.92
'cause it's not
gonna go over well.
00:26:16.95\00:26:18.32
We fly in to my parent's house.
00:26:18.35\00:26:20.39
We're there, everybody's there.
00:26:20.42\00:26:22.53
My sister's a stripper,
meth addict sister, methadone,
00:26:22.56\00:26:25.09
I mean Methamphetamine addict.
00:26:25.12\00:26:28.51
My dad had two other
sons that were alcoholic.
00:26:28.54\00:26:31.95
One was dying of liver
disease and was thrashed
00:26:31.98\00:26:34.34
so everybody is there.
00:26:34.37\00:26:35.84
Everybody's just in this
kind of atmosphere that's odd.
00:26:35.87\00:26:39.23
We're in a house,
where the blinds were shut
00:26:39.26\00:26:41.04
and it's the house I grew up in
and it's just not healthy and,
00:26:41.07\00:26:45.20
you know, and I'm
thinking I'm gonna have to say
00:26:45.23\00:26:47.51
goodbye to him
during all this time.
00:26:47.54\00:26:48.94
And it was just a really,
00:26:48.97\00:26:50.60
it was just really
kind of difficult and stuff.
00:26:50.63\00:26:53.44
And my younger
sister gets up and she says,
00:26:53.47\00:26:57.76
I think I'm, I think
I'd like to make some tacos
00:26:57.79\00:27:04.21
because dad loves tacos.
00:27:04.24\00:27:06.39
And I'm thinking, he
can't even swallow, you know?
00:27:06.42\00:27:09.70
I mean, he really can't--
he's just--he can't swallow.
00:27:09.73\00:27:12.76
Hasn't eaten for, I
don't know how long.
00:27:12.79\00:27:14.60
I mean, most of the stuff
he's getting, he's getting--
00:27:14.63\00:27:17.78
he got in the
hospital by intravenous staff
00:27:17.81\00:27:20.32
and so-- anyhow so he--
00:27:20.35\00:27:22.16
she's gonna go and make tacos
and she goes into the kitchen
00:27:22.19\00:27:24.77
and she starts to
cook up these tacos.
00:27:24.80\00:27:27.67
And the meat is so
rotten that in the lounge room
00:27:27.70\00:27:32.61
I'm almost like ah.
00:27:32.64\00:27:35.30
That, you know, you
almost wanna be sick
00:27:35.33\00:27:37.35
'cause it just smells so bad.
00:27:37.38\00:27:38.90
And I look at Brad,
he thinks he's a chef.
00:27:38.93\00:27:40.70
I mean, my husband
just loves to cook,
00:27:40.73\00:27:42.38
loves to watch food channels,
00:27:42.41\00:27:43.78
loves to try different things.
00:27:43.81\00:27:45.18
I said, Brad, go
help her, you know?
00:27:45.21\00:27:46.64
'Cause it just smells bad.
00:27:46.67\00:27:48.12
So he goes there and he says,
00:27:48.15\00:27:50.48
you know, do you
think that meat is okay?
00:27:50.51\00:27:53.40
And she's like, yeah, yeah,
yeah, it's good, it's good.
00:27:53.43\00:27:56.23
And so maybe it
needs some spices though.
00:27:56.26\00:27:59.08
And so he says, I
can help you with that
00:27:59.11\00:28:00.96
and she walks out of the kitchen
00:28:00.99\00:28:02.45
he starts doing these spices
and I don't know if you ever--
00:28:02.48\00:28:06.01
if you eat meat,
but if you cook it
00:28:06.04\00:28:07.56
sometimes if it's
just ready to go rotten
00:28:07.59\00:28:09.50
you can kinda just cook
it out and eat it anyway.
00:28:09.53\00:28:12.87
Anyway. So he's thinking
may be that's what he can do.
00:28:12.90\00:28:18.05
But as it was cooking
it just wasn't cooking out.
00:28:18.08\00:28:21.30
And he looked at
the package in the trash
00:28:21.33\00:28:23.48
and it was about a month old
00:28:23.51\00:28:24.88
and it wasn't in
the refrigerator,
00:28:24.91\00:28:26.28
it wasn't in the freezer.
00:28:26.31\00:28:27.68
So, I mean, it was really bad.
00:28:27.71\00:28:29.08
And so he calls my mom
in and he says to my mom,
00:28:29.11\00:28:32.12
just really nicely, he says,
I don't wanna offend Jonnie
00:28:32.15\00:28:37.66
but I think this
is rotten, you know?
00:28:37.69\00:28:40.14
And my mom just
fell in love with him.
00:28:40.17\00:28:42.19
I mean, it was a
really interesting thing
00:28:42.22\00:28:44.10
just to see what happened,
is she fell in love with him.
00:28:44.13\00:28:46.80
And I was watching
that saying, you know,
00:28:46.83\00:28:48.82
my mom is very closed off
to people, doesn't do that,
00:28:48.85\00:28:51.62
doesn't open up,
doesn't show her heart much
00:28:51.65\00:28:53.67
but just showed her
heart in that moment.
00:28:53.70\00:28:55.46
And what I got from that
moment, I think from God,
00:28:55.49\00:28:58.17
is that nobody has shown a lot
of respect to my little sister
00:28:58.20\00:29:01.31
ever 'cause she's been
this addict for so long
00:29:01.34\00:29:03.47
and she's been
really in bad shape
00:29:03.50\00:29:05.65
and Brad showed a little
respect to my mom's little girl
00:29:05.68\00:29:10.46
and it just won her heart.
00:29:10.49\00:29:12.56
And so anyhow, so I said to
Brad at that point, is that,
00:29:12.59\00:29:15.89
why don't you go to the store
00:29:15.92\00:29:17.29
get all kinds
of stuff for tacos.
00:29:17.32\00:29:18.69
And so she decides
to go to the store,
00:29:18.72\00:29:20.78
she's gonna get all
this kind of stuff for tacos
00:29:20.81\00:29:22.87
and he buys everything.
00:29:22.90\00:29:24.63
He buys avacados and fresh
everything and brings it home.
00:29:24.66\00:29:28.91
And when he brings it
back into my mom's house,
00:29:28.94\00:29:31.70
he walks in and gives
everybody jobs, you know?
00:29:31.73\00:29:36.39
Can you guys
come in and help me?
00:29:36.42\00:29:37.79
He opens the
windows, he opens the blinds,
00:29:37.82\00:29:39.74
he has everybody in the
kitchen chopping up cilantro
00:29:39.77\00:29:43.17
and doing avocados and, I
mean, everybody had a job.
00:29:43.20\00:29:46.69
And I thought, what did
you just do to my whole family.
00:29:46.72\00:29:49.12
I felt like it was
like a Martha Stewart show.
00:29:49.15\00:29:51.07
I mean, I was just like,
00:29:51.10\00:29:52.47
I walk in and
everybody's healthy.
00:29:52.50\00:29:54.38
And I'm thinking
how ridiculous is this,
00:29:54.41\00:29:56.45
you know, it felt like
00:29:56.48\00:29:58.14
the Holy Spirit was
there. God was there.
00:29:58.17\00:30:00.11
That everything was--it
was just the most amazing thing
00:30:00.14\00:30:02.95
and Brad is in there
just loving on everybody.
00:30:02.98\00:30:05.55
My dad's in the other
room, I go in and see him
00:30:05.58\00:30:08.62
and it was just the
life-- and I have to share
00:30:08.65\00:30:12.03
this one thing with you,
is that with my dad I said,
00:30:12.06\00:30:15.73
do you remember the
first song you ever taught me?
00:30:15.76\00:30:17.84
And raise your hand if
you've ever heard this song,
00:30:17.87\00:30:19.45
it's a really old one.
00:30:19.48\00:30:20.85
But he said, no,
I don't remember.
00:30:20.88\00:30:22.91
And I said it was,
"Trailers for sale a rent,
00:30:22.94\00:30:26.76
rooms to let, fifty cents."
00:30:26.79\00:30:28.59
And it's about a hobo
looking for a cigarette butt.
00:30:28.62\00:30:32.66
"Ain't got no
cigarettes, ah, but..."
00:30:32.69\00:30:34.92
And so I'm like
this little girl going,
00:30:34.95\00:30:37.06
"Ain't got no
cigarettes, ah, but..."
00:30:37.09\00:30:39.82
And so we start singing that,
it was just kind of a fun thing
00:30:39.85\00:30:42.68
and I watched
from that moment on
00:30:42.71\00:30:45.75
there was a number
of things happened,
00:30:45.78\00:30:47.15
but I watched
from that moment on
00:30:47.18\00:30:48.55
I watch God just
put my dad in a place
00:30:48.58\00:30:51.54
where he ends up
not using the drugs
00:30:51.57\00:30:54.25
that he so freely was given.
00:30:54.28\00:30:56.41
For him to come
out and say, like,
00:30:56.44\00:30:58.44
his goodbyes to a number of us.
00:30:58.47\00:31:01.23
For him to do all
that kind of stuff.
00:31:01.26\00:31:03.17
Brad went in there and told him
00:31:03.20\00:31:04.74
what he felt God had asked
him to come and pray for him
00:31:04.77\00:31:08.02
and ask him if he
wanted to give his life to God.
00:31:08.05\00:31:11.82
If he wanted to, kind of, make
things right, during this time.
00:31:11.85\00:31:14.65
My dad said, yes. I don't
know what that conversation was.
00:31:14.68\00:31:18.25
I don't know what
happened in that room
00:31:18.28\00:31:21.07
but it was just the
most incredible thing that,
00:31:21.10\00:31:23.67
here is somebody
that doesn't even know
00:31:23.70\00:31:26.12
that you're are not
supposed to pray for people
00:31:26.15\00:31:27.77
when people say no and yet
he brings my father to Christ
00:31:27.80\00:31:31.06
before he dies, which
was an amazing thing to me.
00:31:31.09\00:31:33.98
And so to me, I had to repent
00:31:34.01\00:31:36.07
about walking away from them.
00:31:36.10\00:31:38.07
I mean, I walked into the church
00:31:38.10\00:31:39.47
and I felt away from
them not realizing that,
00:31:39.50\00:31:42.18
you know, in God's heart,
He not only wants to save me
00:31:42.21\00:31:44.96
but every family member.
00:31:44.99\00:31:46.46
He wants me to
hang in there for them
00:31:46.49\00:31:48.16
and all that kinds of stuff.
00:31:48.19\00:31:49.56
And so when I
teach about addictions,
00:31:49.59\00:31:51.26
I teach about addictions
00:31:51.29\00:31:52.66
because I have family
members that are so lost.
00:31:52.69\00:31:55.07
But that's not that
they are bad people,
00:31:55.10\00:31:56.75
they are just lost.
00:31:56.78\00:31:58.25
They have-- they
have been trashed.
00:31:58.28\00:32:02.77
Most of them have
died in their addictions.
00:32:02.80\00:32:05.05
But you know
what? Now a few of them
00:32:05.08\00:32:06.66
are actually coming to Christ,
00:32:06.69\00:32:08.08
even if it's on their death
bed and now I just feel amazed.
00:32:08.11\00:32:10.48
And I'm gonna go
through this addiction teaching.
00:32:10.51\00:32:13.30
I don't know how far
we're gonna get through this
00:32:13.33\00:32:16.13
but, you know, I pull a
lot of stuff from Greg Nakken
00:32:16.16\00:32:19.33
because I just think
he's an amazing teacher
00:32:19.36\00:32:21.48
as far as addictions.
00:32:21.51\00:32:22.88
But we're gonna
talk about addictions
00:32:22.91\00:32:24.28
in a whole different
way because I wanna show you
00:32:24.31\00:32:26.89
almost why people do
the things that they do,
00:32:26.92\00:32:30.00
not education
about the drug itself.
00:32:30.03\00:32:33.03
Because I think
we've been over-educated
00:32:33.06\00:32:34.74
about all that kind of stuff.
00:32:34.77\00:32:36.14
So understanding addictions
and addictive process.
00:32:36.17\00:32:38.66
Addiction is a
process, over the years
00:32:38.69\00:32:41.07
the addict has been described
in many different ways...
00:32:41.10\00:32:43.63
A moral weakness,
a lack of will power,
00:32:43.66\00:32:46.53
an inability to face the
world, a spiritual illness.
00:32:46.56\00:32:49.42
And so when you
talk about addictions,
00:32:49.45\00:32:51.18
a lot of people look at
addictions or the addict
00:32:51.21\00:32:54.84
and to try to describe it.
00:32:54.87\00:32:57.63
And sometimes they
describe it in this way,
00:32:57.66\00:32:59.37
if you have
addicts in your family,
00:32:59.40\00:33:01.09
you may describe it
in a more colorful way.
00:33:01.12\00:33:03.63
But, you know, this is
kind of how they describe it.
00:33:03.66\00:33:06.37
Everybody wants to feel normal.
00:33:06.40\00:33:10.18
You know what I mean? Everybody.
00:33:10.21\00:33:11.70
When I was a little
girl I wanted to feel loved.
00:33:11.73\00:33:13.97
I wanted to feel
normal. I wanted to fit in.
00:33:14.00\00:33:15.94
I wanted to belong. I
mean, all that kinds of stuff.
00:33:15.97\00:33:18.33
And it's just innate in us.
00:33:18.36\00:33:20.99
And so if--so just know that
most of us want to feel normal.
00:33:21.02\00:33:24.40
Most of us, when we're born,
00:33:24.43\00:33:26.03
we know that life
has cycles, you know?
00:33:26.06\00:33:28.72
Sometimes
things are good, right?
00:33:28.75\00:33:31.38
Sometimes things are not.
00:33:31.41\00:33:33.87
If you have a good foundation
00:33:33.90\00:33:36.12
you deal with those cycles.
00:33:36.15\00:33:37.90
If you don't
have a good foundation
00:33:37.93\00:33:39.92
they seem very
traumatic, you know?
00:33:39.95\00:33:43.01
When things are
good, everything's fine.
00:33:43.04\00:33:45.54
When things are bad
I have to desperately
00:33:45.57\00:33:48.12
make them good again.
00:33:48.15\00:33:49.57
You know what,
does that make sense?
00:33:49.60\00:33:51.12
That I'm not able to do
the cycles in a normal way.
00:33:51.15\00:33:55.66
So addiction in the basic sense
00:33:55.69\00:33:57.64
is an attempt to
control those cycles.
00:33:57.67\00:33:59.91
Addiction on it's most
basic level is to control
00:33:59.94\00:34:03.73
and fulfill the
happiness that we're just trying
00:34:03.76\00:34:05.85
to be normal or
just trying to be happy.
00:34:05.88\00:34:07.68
Addiction is a process,
undergoes continuous change,
00:34:07.71\00:34:11.08
it will never stay the same.
00:34:11.11\00:34:13.12
I always say at this
point, raise your hand
00:34:13.15\00:34:14.74
if you have a sexual
addiction, but, you know,
00:34:14.77\00:34:17.09
I'm not really
meaning raise your hand.
00:34:17.12\00:34:18.65
But even those addictions
they never stay the same.
00:34:18.68\00:34:21.30
Things that you do
today are not things
00:34:21.33\00:34:23.51
that you're gonna do next week
or next year or the year after.
00:34:23.54\00:34:26.49
Sometimes
people end up in places
00:34:26.52\00:34:28.35
that they think,
how did I get here?
00:34:28.38\00:34:30.35
You know how did I get here
00:34:30.38\00:34:31.75
'cause I would have
never thought this is who I am.
00:34:31.78\00:34:34.92
But addiction
will always progress.
00:34:34.95\00:34:38.24
It never ever stays the same.
00:34:38.27\00:34:40.17
My most
favorite is the last one.
00:34:40.20\00:34:41.57
Addiction is a pathological
love trust relationship
00:34:41.60\00:34:44.45
with an object or event.
00:34:44.48\00:34:46.50
And that object or
event it's a big deal
00:34:46.53\00:34:49.13
that I'm using
something to get a mood change
00:34:49.16\00:34:53.03
because I wanna feel, what?
00:34:53.06\00:34:55.94
Happy. Normal.
00:34:55.97\00:34:57.34
So I'm gonna use
something for that mood change.
00:34:57.37\00:34:59.10
Doesn't matter what it is.
00:34:59.13\00:35:00.50
But it usually is
not a live person.
00:35:00.53\00:35:03.08
Well, unless you're--
00:35:03.11\00:35:04.93
Usually it's an
object or an event.
00:35:04.96\00:35:06.78
So we're gonna cover
some of that kind of stuff.
00:35:06.81\00:35:08.66
And it's
pathological and it will change.
00:35:08.69\00:35:11.28
I'm gonna show you some
different kinds of addictions
00:35:11.31\00:35:13.82
'cause I think
sometimes what really bothers me
00:35:13.85\00:35:15.98
when we talk about addictions
00:35:16.01\00:35:17.38
is people think
drugs and alcohol.
00:35:17.41\00:35:18.97
They think the
Heroin addict on a street.
00:35:19.00\00:35:21.53
And that let's a
lot of us off the hook
00:35:21.56\00:35:23.33
but it also keeps a lot
of us in bondage, you know?
00:35:23.36\00:35:25.93
So we're gonna look
at different addictions
00:35:25.96\00:35:28.24
and the mood change
that people are looking for.
00:35:28.27\00:35:31.67
So the first one is alcoholic.
00:35:31.70\00:35:33.70
Alcoholic
experiences a mood change
00:35:33.73\00:35:35.34
when he goes into the pub.
00:35:35.37\00:35:36.74
When he's drinking with friends,
all that kind of stuff, right?
00:35:36.77\00:35:39.27
But let's say that
during the week, the alcoholic,
00:35:39.30\00:35:42.32
I'm stressed and I only
tend to drink on the weekend,
00:35:42.35\00:35:46.01
but I've been--the
work is been just tough.
00:35:46.04\00:35:49.43
And you know what?
My boss, he's horrible.
00:35:49.46\00:35:51.96
And, you know, I'm just
tired of not getting respect.
00:35:51.99\00:35:55.57
I don't even get paid
enough to deal with this
00:35:55.60\00:35:57.87
and going through all that.
00:35:57.90\00:35:59.27
But Wednesday night I
decide, you know what?
00:35:59.30\00:36:01.34
On Friday I'm
gonna go into the pub,
00:36:01.37\00:36:03.52
I'm gonna get off my face.
00:36:03.55\00:36:05.86
So when does my
mood change happen?
00:36:05.89\00:36:09.68
As soon as I say that.
00:36:09.71\00:36:11.97
So Wednesday, when
I say Friday's coming,
00:36:12.00\00:36:15.67
I'm going get off my face, I
start to get that mood change.
00:36:15.70\00:36:19.37
So it's not just the alcohol,
00:36:19.40\00:36:21.06
it's the whole kind of
mood change that happens
00:36:21.09\00:36:23.93
'cause that's
what I'm looking for.
00:36:23.96\00:36:25.67
The alcoholic will use
alcohol but they also--
00:36:25.70\00:36:28.86
what they're
chasing is that mood change.
00:36:28.89\00:36:31.71
I don't wanna be
stressed, angry or disrespected.
00:36:31.74\00:36:34.42
I don't wanna deal
with all that kind of stuff.
00:36:34.45\00:36:36.29
Soon as I think that
I'm gonna be in the pub,
00:36:36.32\00:36:38.07
I'm gonna be happier.
00:36:38.10\00:36:39.47
I'm gonna start to
have that mood change
00:36:39.50\00:36:40.92
and that's my addiction.
00:36:40.95\00:36:42.32
If I just deal with the alcohol,
00:36:42.35\00:36:43.86
when I'm dealing
with an alcoholic,
00:36:43.89\00:36:45.26
and don't deal with
those mood change things
00:36:45.29\00:36:46.66
I would be ineffective.
00:36:46.69\00:36:48.06
And so, what do you think
Thursday's gonna feel like
00:36:48.09\00:36:50.19
for this guy or this girl?
00:36:50.22\00:36:52.82
Even better. I'm
closer to Friday, right?
00:36:52.85\00:36:55.60
And when they say I'm
gonna get off my face,
00:36:55.63\00:36:57.26
I'm gonna get so drunk
that I'm not even gotta know
00:36:57.29\00:36:59.89
how I get home.
00:36:59.92\00:37:01.32
I'm gonna, you know,
00:37:01.35\00:37:02.72
and they're gonna
start feeling better.
00:37:02.75\00:37:05.37
The food addict, mood change
happens by bingeing or starving.
00:37:05.40\00:37:08.87
But even for a
food addict, you know,
00:37:08.90\00:37:10.72
there's very ritualistic stuff.
00:37:10.75\00:37:13.36
You know we--if I'm bulimic
I'm going to different stores.
00:37:13.39\00:37:18.11
I'm buying large
amounts of groceries.
00:37:18.14\00:37:19.62
I don't want the
same person to see
00:37:19.65\00:37:21.06
the amount of
stuff I buy, you know.
00:37:21.09\00:37:22.62
So the mood change happens
with all of that kind of stuff.
00:37:22.65\00:37:24.99
With some anorexics,
they will eat a half a pea
00:37:25.02\00:37:29.19
three times a day.
00:37:29.22\00:37:31.54
And it has to be on
their fork in a certain way.
00:37:31.57\00:37:33.74
Has to hit their
mouth in a certain way.
00:37:33.77\00:37:35.21
Everything--there're some
ritualistic stuff about that
00:37:35.24\00:37:37.90
and so it's being able
to say that the mood change
00:37:37.93\00:37:41.92
it's not just not
about the starving,
00:37:41.95\00:37:44.20
it's not just
about the bingeing,
00:37:44.23\00:37:45.82
it's not just
about the image stuff,
00:37:45.85\00:37:47.90
and it's all about everything
and--does anybody know
00:37:47.93\00:37:51.20
what the person
with eating disorders,
00:37:51.23\00:37:53.46
what their addiction is?
00:37:53.49\00:37:57.82
When you feel control
is part of the mood change,
00:37:57.85\00:38:01.23
the addiction is
the bio-chemical release
00:38:01.26\00:38:04.92
of some of your own stuff
00:38:04.95\00:38:06.66
that produces almost
a valium like effect.
00:38:06.69\00:38:11.28
So most of us, we're not
gonna get addicted to an apple.
00:38:11.31\00:38:15.45
Do you know what I mean?
Don't you wish you could?
00:38:15.48\00:38:17.52
You know, I'm stressed,
I'm gonna go have an apple.
00:38:17.55\00:38:21.58
But, you know,
you have to have--
00:38:21.61\00:38:22.98
there's an addictive
quality to whatever we choose.
00:38:23.01\00:38:26.25
And with food addictions,
when your body feels like
00:38:26.28\00:38:28.74
it's dying, when your body
is stressed and releases stuff
00:38:28.77\00:38:32.67
that are addictive, you know?
00:38:32.70\00:38:34.97
Same with cutters.
00:38:35.00\00:38:36.66
When somebody cuts,
the same kind of thing
00:38:36.69\00:38:39.07
as your body says,
"Oh, man," and releases,
00:38:39.10\00:38:41.67
like a natural pain killer
00:38:41.70\00:38:43.25
and we actually get
addicted to ourselves.
00:38:43.28\00:38:45.58
The best way to do
some of those things
00:38:45.61\00:38:47.35
is to actually
get into a program
00:38:47.38\00:38:49.83
that looks at addiction
with these two disorders,
00:38:49.86\00:38:53.29
cutting and food.
00:38:53.32\00:38:54.69
But the addictive gambler.
00:38:54.72\00:38:56.69
I love this girl
or this guy because
00:38:56.72\00:38:59.14
they will walk in the
room and they're just loud.
00:38:59.17\00:39:01.56
It's really funny
'cause to me I wanna be seen.
00:39:01.59\00:39:05.14
I wanna be able to pull out
a roll of hundred dollar bills
00:39:05.17\00:39:09.24
and just say I bet
you a thousand bucks
00:39:09.27\00:39:11.12
on whatever the footie game is
or whatever--whosever playing.
00:39:11.15\00:39:14.69
But I wanna be able to bet.
00:39:14.72\00:39:16.35
I wanna throw out the cash
and wanna do all kind of stuff.
00:39:16.38\00:39:19.05
I wanna be known as that person
00:39:19.08\00:39:20.90
even though I probably
spending the mortgage payment.
00:39:20.93\00:39:24.02
I'm probably spending
way more than I need to
00:39:24.05\00:39:26.80
but I am doing-- I
want to be that person.
00:39:26.83\00:39:29.57
So the gambler
actually feels good
00:39:29.60\00:39:31.34
about how he's dressed or
she's dressed, how they look,
00:39:31.37\00:39:34.49
the ability to bet
on things, you know,
00:39:34.52\00:39:38.02
going through the
newspaper and finding out
00:39:38.05\00:39:40.48
the stats of games and
all that kind of stuff.
00:39:40.51\00:39:42.62
And even as
somebody says, you know,
00:39:42.65\00:39:44.02
I'm not gonna
gamble for two weeks,
00:39:44.05\00:39:45.72
well, that's fine except
for when you see a sure bet.
00:39:45.75\00:39:49.38
Does anybody
know what I'm saying?
00:39:49.41\00:39:51.27
Well, but, what if I miss that?
00:39:51.30\00:39:53.60
No, that's a sure bet, you know?
00:39:53.63\00:39:55.98
So, you know, I gotta do that.
00:39:56.01\00:39:57.38
It would be irrisponsible.
You know what I mean?
00:39:57.41\00:39:59.54
If I didn't do that,
00:39:59.57\00:40:00.99
and they feel that
until the team loses.
00:40:01.02\00:40:02.82
But even with the gamblers,
00:40:02.85\00:40:04.22
it's not about
winning or loosing
00:40:04.25\00:40:05.80
it's about the mood change.
00:40:05.83\00:40:07.22
Because if it was
about winning or loosing
00:40:07.25\00:40:09.01
when somebody won
they would stop, right?
00:40:09.04\00:40:12.08
But it's not about that.
It's about the mood change.
00:40:12.11\00:40:15.67
And the next one, shoplifter.
00:40:15.70\00:40:17.92
You have to think
about what you're gonna wear,
00:40:17.95\00:40:19.92
how you're
gonna go to the store,
00:40:19.95\00:40:21.60
what you're gonna steal,
how you're gonna put them,
00:40:21.63\00:40:23.74
where you're gonna put them,
and all that kind of stuff.
00:40:23.77\00:40:25.96
But a shoplifter
doesn't just get the mood change
00:40:25.99\00:40:28.73
when they pick something up.
00:40:28.76\00:40:30.67
The mood change happens through
the whole process, you know?
00:40:30.70\00:40:33.62
Some people take baby
do you call them prams?
00:40:33.65\00:40:37.02
Or strollers? Prams.
00:40:37.05\00:40:38.78
Take prams in the store
and just stuff things in.
00:40:38.81\00:40:41.94
I mean they--you
know they--the poor baby's
00:40:41.97\00:40:44.43
just like sitting on an
I-pod, you know it's like
00:40:44.46\00:40:47.49
you know, you have to think
about all that kind of stuff.
00:40:47.52\00:40:50.55
And it's really interesting
is that you wanna know,
00:40:50.58\00:40:53.99
like, for a lot of addicts
00:40:54.02\00:40:55.52
we have a really
difficult time staying present.
00:40:55.55\00:40:58.78
You know, we just do.
00:40:58.81\00:41:00.18
You know, we're trying to
get away from how we really feel
00:41:00.21\00:41:03.08
and we're trying to
get that mood change.
00:41:03.11\00:41:04.48
So staying
present is really tough.
00:41:04.51\00:41:06.11
But when you're
stealing something out of store
00:41:06.14\00:41:08.75
and you know
there's cameras around.
00:41:08.78\00:41:10.59
You know that
you could get busted.
00:41:10.62\00:41:12.32
You know that all
that kind of stuff,
00:41:12.35\00:41:13.82
you are more present at
that moment than any other time.
00:41:13.85\00:41:16.73
And there's an excitement,
your heart is pounding,
00:41:16.76\00:41:18.67
all of that kind of stuff.
00:41:18.70\00:41:20.07
And when you talk
about mood changes,
00:41:20.10\00:41:21.47
it is so seductive.
00:41:21.50\00:41:22.87
The mood change and
what happens is intense.
00:41:22.90\00:41:25.98
When you walk out
the store and you think,
00:41:26.01\00:41:28.07
does anybody--raise your
hand if you felt like this
00:41:28.10\00:41:30.09
when you walked
out of the store.
00:41:30.12\00:41:31.49
You got things in your pocket
and you know at that moment
00:41:31.52\00:41:35.15
that's when you
could be caught, right?
00:41:35.18\00:41:37.30
You gotta to see
if you get to the car.
00:41:37.33\00:41:39.80
But at that moment you
are very present, you know?
00:41:39.83\00:41:42.47
You're looking at
everybody around you.
00:41:42.50\00:41:43.87
They all look like, you
know, security, you know?
00:41:43.90\00:41:46.98
With shoplifters
that's the same kind of thing.
00:41:47.01\00:41:48.90
It's not just the stealing.
00:41:48.93\00:41:50.30
A lot of addictions
have shoplifting in it,
00:41:50.33\00:41:52.24
or stealing in it, even
for people that have money.
00:41:52.27\00:41:55.02
But it's the mood change
that happens around that.
00:41:55.05\00:41:57.70
Sex addict, same kind of thing.
00:41:57.73\00:42:01.61
You know it's not
just about--you know,
00:42:01.64\00:42:04.78
I don't wanna be--don't
want to be inappropriate.
00:42:04.81\00:42:08.89
I think I'm
always inappropriate.
00:42:08.92\00:42:10.62
But with the sex addict,
the act itself last for minutes,
00:42:10.65\00:42:14.96
it's everything that happens
00:42:14.99\00:42:16.36
around that
stuff is a mood change.
00:42:16.39\00:42:18.42
All of that kind of stuff
and I could get into detail
00:42:18.45\00:42:20.98
about this one but we
have to many different ages,
00:42:21.01\00:42:25.05
but the sex addict
again, in their mind
00:42:25.08\00:42:28.03
they set themselves up,
they go to the same place,
00:42:28.06\00:42:30.30
they get the same magazine,
they go to the same online stuff
00:42:30.33\00:42:33.53
they do all that kind
of stuff and it usually is,
00:42:33.56\00:42:36.40
even if somebody in
recovery when they are triggered
00:42:36.43\00:42:39.25
and they are
triggered by different things.
00:42:39.28\00:42:41.09
It could be by the
way someone's dressed,
00:42:41.12\00:42:43.09
but it usually is
by, how they're treated
00:42:43.12\00:42:45.81
or disrespected or nothing's
going right or whatever
00:42:45.84\00:42:48.45
and they trigger
into the addiction
00:42:48.48\00:42:49.85
that works for them.
00:42:49.88\00:42:51.25
The pathological love
trace love-trust relationship
00:42:51.28\00:42:53.96
with an object or event
00:42:53.99\00:42:55.60
and they will
actually start acting out.
00:42:55.63\00:42:57.21
But it's not
just the sexual stuff,
00:42:57.24\00:42:59.44
it is the entire
mood change that happens
00:42:59.47\00:43:02.80
and they just
use that addiction.
00:43:02.83\00:43:04.90
With the sex addict, they can do
00:43:04.93\00:43:07.71
a pet scan of the
brain, both men and women,
00:43:07.74\00:43:11.26
when you are
involved in your addiction
00:43:11.29\00:43:13.31
your brain lights up as
if you are a coke addict.
00:43:13.34\00:43:15.61
As if you just
did a line of coke.
00:43:15.64\00:43:17.57
The bio chemical
reaction looking at an image
00:43:17.60\00:43:20.39
and whatever else
you're doing at the time
00:43:20.42\00:43:23.05
is the same as
somebody with a coke addiction.
00:43:23.08\00:43:25.77
And so the addictive process
00:43:25.80\00:43:27.41
that happens to
your body is the same.
00:43:27.44\00:43:29.89
You get strung out on yourself,
that's the only difference.
00:43:29.92\00:43:32.75
The addictive spender,
I know you're out there.
00:43:32.78\00:43:38.66
The addictive
spender is funny, you know?
00:43:38.69\00:43:40.66
When our mood
change we'll get dressed,
00:43:40.69\00:43:42.27
we'll do some
makeup, we'll go to the mall,
00:43:42.30\00:43:44.00
we'll buy things and sometimes
00:43:44.03\00:43:46.04
we don't even take
the price tag off of them.
00:43:46.07\00:43:48.89
There're in our closet
00:43:48.92\00:43:50.29
it's not about
spending, you know?
00:43:50.32\00:43:52.86
We have things in our drawer
00:43:52.89\00:43:54.26
that still have
the price tag on it.
00:43:54.29\00:43:55.66
It's about
wanting that mood change.
00:43:55.69\00:43:57.06
I want to feel
connected, I want to feel alive,
00:43:57.09\00:43:59.28
all that kind of stuff.
00:43:59.31\00:44:00.91
Don't have to raise your hands,
but our credit card payments--
00:44:00.94\00:44:04.24
bills are
usually high, you know,
00:44:04.27\00:44:06.16
We're paying of stuff
that we don't even hardly wear
00:44:06.19\00:44:08.82
or need and all
that kind of stuff.
00:44:08.85\00:44:10.67
And those are some
really more nicer addictions.
00:44:10.70\00:44:13.69
All the husbands are smiling.
00:44:13.72\00:44:15.52
You should be up here
with me, it's really funny.
00:44:15.55\00:44:17.64
It's like--but
anyhow, so that addiction
00:44:17.67\00:44:22.25
it's really interesting
'cause we want that mood change
00:44:22.28\00:44:25.08
and to get the mood
change for a lot of us
00:44:25.11\00:44:27.15
that don't have
any darker addictions
00:44:27.18\00:44:28.74
or couldn't ever see
ourselves as drug addicts,
00:44:28.77\00:44:31.24
but we could do
this spending stuff.
00:44:31.27\00:44:33.80
The workaholic
and now the husbands,
00:44:33.83\00:44:35.86
now the women
you can nudge back.
00:44:35.89\00:44:37.77
Well, the workaholics
are somebody that goes out
00:44:37.80\00:44:40.22
and they're
doing one more project,
00:44:40.25\00:44:41.98
they are doing one more thing.
00:44:42.01\00:44:43.38
And they're doing, you know,
00:44:43.41\00:44:44.78
they're working too many hours
and their family is just saying
00:44:44.81\00:44:47.34
we actually want you home,
or the family stop saying that.
00:44:47.37\00:44:50.80
And why do the
workaholic work so hard
00:44:50.83\00:44:53.13
because they are
looking for one thing.
00:44:53.16\00:44:55.25
That one thing is somebody
to say, "wow, good job."
00:44:55.28\00:44:59.03
But it doesn't even
have to be anybody I know.
00:44:59.06\00:45:01.74
You know, just
anybody say good job.
00:45:01.77\00:45:04.14
And so one more
project, one more thing,
00:45:04.17\00:45:06.67
one more success,
one more I'm putting
00:45:06.70\00:45:08.48
not this
together, that together.
00:45:08.51\00:45:10.11
There's a thing in
Japan, that you could actually,
00:45:10.14\00:45:12.47
your wife could get
a plaques and I wish
00:45:12.50\00:45:16.20
I could remember the name
of this, but in a book called,
00:45:16.23\00:45:18.75
"Thrilled to death"
there's a whole chapter on this,
00:45:18.78\00:45:20.65
this award that they do in Japan
00:45:20.68\00:45:23.09
and your wife
could get a plaques,
00:45:23.12\00:45:24.49
if her husband dies on
the job from working too hard.
00:45:24.52\00:45:28.60
You actually get a
little increase in your pension.
00:45:28.63\00:45:30.95
What's it called? Karoshi.
00:45:32.27\00:45:33.91
Karoshi is the term. And I
just think it's just so funny.
00:45:33.94\00:45:39.12
So the workaholic is
a whole different thing.
00:45:39.15\00:45:41.90
Some cultures
really-- look at the church,
00:45:41.93\00:45:44.60
you get one person that
does a lot in the church,
00:45:44.63\00:45:47.14
that person could
die doing everybody's job
00:45:47.17\00:45:50.16
and everybody's like, "good job,
I like the way you do that."
00:45:50.19\00:45:52.91
You know, what I mean?
00:45:52.94\00:45:54.31
But that, the workaholic
is looking for a mood change.
00:45:54.34\00:45:56.68
Self mutilators, are the
same is that they tend to use
00:45:56.71\00:46:00.30
the same blades or they
burn themselves in the same way,
00:46:00.33\00:46:02.91
all that kind of stuff
but they really are looking
00:46:02.94\00:46:05.29
for a mood change and addicted
to there own bio-chemistry.
00:46:05.32\00:46:08.65
I'm gonna quickly go over--
00:46:08.68\00:46:10.91
all those objects are different,
all those events are different,
00:46:10.94\00:46:14.60
all those
addictions are different
00:46:14.63\00:46:16.14
but there's one thing
that's the same about them.
00:46:16.17\00:46:18.47
And the one thing
that's the same about them.
00:46:18.50\00:46:20.82
Let me just ask
you to do it this way,
00:46:20.85\00:46:22.52
do it with an example.
00:46:22.55\00:46:23.92
There's a name--a
whole lot of names of cancer,
00:46:23.95\00:46:27.06
different types of cancer.
00:46:27.09\00:46:29.49
Breast, colon, bowel, ovarian,
00:46:29.52\00:46:34.00
brain cancer, lung
cancer's, you've got,
00:46:34.03\00:46:38.00
you know just, you
can go from one thing
00:46:38.03\00:46:40.56
to another to another and
all these cancers are different.
00:46:40.59\00:46:43.26
We could go on--there's
prob-- we could go on and on,
00:46:43.29\00:46:46.44
all these cancers and
they all gonna be different,
00:46:46.47\00:46:48.26
but there's one thing
that's same about all of them
00:46:48.29\00:46:50.23
is there's a cell
that's out of control. Right?
00:46:50.26\00:46:53.26
And all cancers is you break
it down to that bottom line.
00:46:53.29\00:46:56.10
Addiction is the same.
00:46:56.13\00:46:57.50
There's three types
of highs on the planet.
00:46:57.53\00:47:00.65
And we're all
searching for one of those highs
00:47:00.68\00:47:02.46
for the mood change.
00:47:02.49\00:47:03.86
So we're gonna
go over these highs,
00:47:03.89\00:47:05.49
please think about
yourself not your spouse.
00:47:05.52\00:47:08.17
What category would you
tend to fall into? Okay?
00:47:08.20\00:47:12.45
Types of highs. First
one is an arousal high.
00:47:14.52\00:47:17.24
Second one is a Satiation high,
third one is a fantasy high,
00:47:17.27\00:47:21.08
every addiction will
fall into these categories.
00:47:21.11\00:47:23.51
So now we're gonna break
them down a little bit more.
00:47:23.54\00:47:25.89
With arousal and
satiation there are cunning,
00:47:25.92\00:47:28.70
baffling and powerful highs.
00:47:28.73\00:47:31.38
It's hard, I think outside
of a relationship with God
00:47:31.41\00:47:34.33
I think to even heal
completely from these.
00:47:34.36\00:47:38.26
The arousal high
comes from amphetamines,
00:47:38.29\00:47:40.94
cocaine, ecstasy, and the
first few drinks of alcohol,
00:47:40.97\00:47:44.01
and from behaviors
like gamble, gambling,
00:47:44.04\00:47:46.19
sexual addictions,
spending, stealing, and so on.
00:47:46.22\00:47:49.39
The arousal high is
someone that wants to be seen.
00:47:49.42\00:47:54.65
I want you to see
me, I want to be loud,
00:47:54.68\00:47:57.21
I want to walk in with
the roll of $100 bills,
00:47:57.24\00:47:59.89
with the methamphetamine addict.
00:47:59.92\00:48:01.57
I want to run for president.
00:48:01.60\00:48:03.82
I'm taking this
drug and I feel so good,
00:48:03.85\00:48:05.80
I don't even, you
know, I'm, like, off my tree,
00:48:05.83\00:48:08.98
but I wanna be seen.
I'm loud. I'm in your face.
00:48:09.01\00:48:11.98
Gamblers, the same thing.
Sexual addicts, the same thing.
00:48:12.01\00:48:14.74
Is that we really
do want to be seen,
00:48:14.77\00:48:16.84
somebody that is acting
out with the arousal, um, high.
00:48:16.87\00:48:20.65
With the arousal high,
causes a sensation of intense,
00:48:20.68\00:48:23.70
raw, unchecked power
00:48:23.73\00:48:25.10
and gives the
feeling of being untouchable.
00:48:25.13\00:48:28.93
You know what I mean?
00:48:28.96\00:48:30.33
I can actually go
for that sense of power,
00:48:30.36\00:48:34.67
directly to that sense of power.
00:48:34.70\00:48:36.62
Arousal high
makes the addict feel
00:48:36.65\00:48:38.16
that they can achieve happiness,
safety and fulfillment.
00:48:38.19\00:48:40.78
So the mood changes, I can
achieve it myself, you know?
00:48:40.81\00:48:43.94
I could just take it.
00:48:43.97\00:48:45.72
Gives the addict the
feeling of omnipotence
00:48:45.75\00:48:47.50
while it subtly drains
away all of their power.
00:48:47.53\00:48:50.10
And for a lot of us
we've had people in our lives
00:48:50.13\00:48:53.14
that at the end of the addiction
00:48:53.17\00:48:54.61
nobody even
listens to them anymore.
00:48:54.64\00:48:56.35
They can be loud. They can
do whole puffer fish thing.
00:48:56.38\00:48:58.64
They can do all
that kinds of stuff,
00:48:58.67\00:49:00.15
but nobody is paying attention.
00:49:00.18\00:49:01.78
And that is the
saddest thing for somebody
00:49:01.81\00:49:04.22
that's lost in
these kind of addictions.
00:49:04.25\00:49:06.13
Getting more power
means returning to the object
00:49:06.16\00:49:08.23
or the event and
causing a dependency on that.
00:49:08.26\00:49:11.75
Then the arousal high I
think, what's sad about that,
00:49:11.78\00:49:16.20
or what's interesting about--
let me try to get back to that.
00:49:16.23\00:49:19.57
What's interesting about that?
I got back too far didn't I?
00:49:19.60\00:49:24.17
What's interesting
about that, is that,
00:49:24.20\00:49:25.95
when somebody is lost
in this arousal addiction,
00:49:25.98\00:49:28.63
or this, you know, that
sense of searching for power,
00:49:28.66\00:49:31.09
usually it's somebody that has
felt powerless in their life.
00:49:31.12\00:49:34.43
Does that make
sense? You know, some--
00:49:34.46\00:49:36.29
a child is been beat in their
life, bashed in their life.
00:49:36.32\00:49:39.18
They'll get to a certain
point about 13, 14 years old,
00:49:39.21\00:49:42.12
they'll turn around and say
00:49:42.15\00:49:43.52
you will never
touch me again, right?
00:49:43.55\00:49:45.36
That whole turn thing, somebody
that has been powerless,
00:49:45.39\00:49:48.38
or not hurt when they
get into these addictions,
00:49:48.41\00:49:50.89
they feel a sense of control.
00:49:50.92\00:49:52.94
Like, I can control that.
00:49:52.97\00:49:54.72
Whether they run away,
whether they get violent,
00:49:54.75\00:49:56.90
whether they get angry, there
in and out of jail or whatever.
00:49:56.93\00:49:59.89
Some of you do
nicer addictions than that
00:49:59.92\00:50:03.51
but when you get into this
what's really interesting is
00:50:03.54\00:50:05.90
if I'm into amphetamines,
and somebody calls me on that,
00:50:05.93\00:50:10.68
and I'm an arousal
addict, I can move to stealing.
00:50:10.71\00:50:16.48
It looks like
I've cleaned up, right?
00:50:16.51\00:50:18.24
'Cause I'm not
doing amphetamines,
00:50:18.27\00:50:20.67
but now I'm stealing,
somebody calls me on that,
00:50:20.70\00:50:22.88
I can move from
that to gambling,
00:50:22.91\00:50:24.68
I can move from that
to sexual addictions.
00:50:24.71\00:50:26.82
But unless I go into recovery,
unless I turn this over to God
00:50:26.85\00:50:31.31
I can bounce around and somebody
will say, "you know what?
00:50:31.34\00:50:34.60
I think he or she is in recovery
00:50:34.63\00:50:37.50
but the same
behaviors are happening."
00:50:37.53\00:50:40.00
Well, I have not
jumped into recovery yet.
00:50:40.03\00:50:42.57
I've just changed addictions
00:50:42.60\00:50:44.07
because you've
been on my case, right?
00:50:44.10\00:50:46.88
But my love-trust relationship
00:50:46.91\00:50:48.74
is with this high,
with these objects,
00:50:48.77\00:50:51.65
with these events
and I will bounce around
00:50:51.68\00:50:53.98
but I'll stay in this
addictive personality.
00:50:54.01\00:51:00.09
The next one is my favorite,
a Satiation Association high.
00:51:00.12\00:51:06.29
Satiation high is the addict
feel full and beyond pain.
00:51:06.32\00:51:10.49
That's Heroin, alcohol,
Marijuana, Valium, Oxycontins,
00:51:10.52\00:51:14.71
overeating, watching
T.V., playing slot machines
00:51:14.74\00:51:17.12
all produce that
sense of being full.
00:51:17.15\00:51:19.83
And I want to just
say there's--you know
00:51:19.86\00:51:22.36
I have the
gambling on the first one
00:51:22.39\00:51:23.76
and I have slot
machines on the second one.
00:51:23.79\00:51:26.61
I gotta tell you the
difference with that.
00:51:26.64\00:51:28.93
Gambling, I am
actively walking in,
00:51:28.96\00:51:31.20
I'm at the black-jack
table I'm at the roulette play,
00:51:31.23\00:51:34.35
I'm gambling at a
game, I'm at a footie game,
00:51:34.38\00:51:36.80
I'm going to soccer, I'm
doing all that kind of stuff,
00:51:36.83\00:51:38.89
I read, I know
about all the sports
00:51:38.92\00:51:40.47
and all that kind of stuff.
00:51:40.50\00:51:41.87
Slot machines, I'm
sitting in front of something,
00:51:41.90\00:51:44.22
pushing a button
over and over and over,
00:51:44.25\00:51:46.32
a point a slot,
over and over and over.
00:51:46.35\00:51:48.28
It's a different kind of
high. I want to get lost here.
00:51:48.31\00:51:50.89
I don't wanna be
seen here, you know?
00:51:50.92\00:51:53.24
When I swam
Heroin I could not off
00:51:53.27\00:51:55.59
for the next ten
hours and that's a good day.
00:51:55.62\00:51:58.35
You know what I mean?
00:51:58.38\00:51:59.75
It's like you really
do want to just fill up.
00:51:59.78\00:52:02.10
You wanna-- you don't wanna,
00:52:02.13\00:52:04.63
you know, you don't wanna hurt.
00:52:04.66\00:52:06.03
You don't wanna feel angry.
You don't wanna deal with stuff.
00:52:06.06\00:52:09.02
A lot of molested kids, a
lot of people that have been in,
00:52:09.05\00:52:13.31
really kinda injurious
or dysfunctional places
00:52:13.34\00:52:15.88
will choose some of
these things, you know?
00:52:15.91\00:52:18.20
And there is a lot of
reasons where somebody would
00:52:18.23\00:52:20.08
wanna disappear
and be without pain
00:52:20.11\00:52:22.61
but that's this
kind of addiction.
00:52:22.64\00:52:26.04
The next--Satiation
High is attractive
00:52:26.07\00:52:29.01
to certain types of
addicts because we wanna
00:52:29.04\00:52:31.04
get out of this
sensation of pain and distress.
00:52:31.07\00:52:34.57
The Trance high or fantasy
high is the third type of high.
00:52:34.60\00:52:39.17
And with that type of
high it's really interesting,
00:52:39.20\00:52:42.07
it's the feeling of
detachment of separation.
00:52:42.10\00:52:44.43
The arousal high says,
that I want to be seen,
00:52:44.46\00:52:47.01
I want to be heard, I
want you to pay attention to me
00:52:47.04\00:52:49.36
and I'm going to take
that power for myself.
00:52:49.39\00:52:51.81
Satiation high,
says I wanna disappear,
00:52:51.84\00:52:53.76
and I wanna be
filled, and I wanna do,
00:52:53.79\00:52:55.93
I just don't wanna be hurt.
00:52:55.96\00:52:57.60
This one says, I
don't wanna be myself,
00:52:57.63\00:53:00.58
I don't wanna, there
some deep shame of whom I am,
00:53:00.61\00:53:04.78
not what I've done but who I am
00:53:04.81\00:53:06.93
and I wanna detach from that.
00:53:06.96\00:53:08.39
I'll put different mask on,
I'll try to disappear in that,
00:53:08.42\00:53:11.57
you know, I'll be anything else.
00:53:11.60\00:53:13.43
Sometimes you work
with somebody in recovery
00:53:13.46\00:53:15.26
and they'll tell you
I don't know who I am.
00:53:15.29\00:53:17.22
But they put a
thousand different masks
00:53:17.25\00:53:18.98
on throughout their life.
00:53:19.01\00:53:20.38
And that's this
high, the fantasy high.
00:53:20.41\00:53:21.93
And this is the toughest one
00:53:21.96\00:53:24.52
because there's a really
deep sense of shame in this one.
00:53:24.55\00:53:28.18
The trance allows a addict
to detach from pain and guilt
00:53:28.21\00:53:30.78
and shame and the
shame that they feel about
00:53:30.81\00:53:33.10
not what they
done, but who they are.
00:53:33.13\00:53:34.79
Who their family is? What
has happened in their lives?
00:53:34.82\00:53:37.47
The addict
views, that trance state
00:53:37.50\00:53:38.95
as a solution to
all their problems.
00:53:38.98\00:53:40.99
So when you come to
take that stuff away from me.
00:53:41.02\00:53:44.54
How am I gonna react to you?
00:53:44.57\00:53:46.72
These are my solutions
to this underlying stuff.
00:53:48.15\00:53:52.95
And you know what's
really interesting is
00:53:52.98\00:53:55.02
I have a pathological love-trust
relationship with various things
00:53:55.05\00:53:59.20
I can bounce around
and all that kind of stuff
00:53:59.23\00:54:01.18
but I have this relationship
and you are the enemy
00:54:01.21\00:54:04.09
as you tried to take it from me.
00:54:04.12\00:54:06.30
But if you speak to my pain
00:54:06.33\00:54:10.18
I can then
surrender this stuff to God.
00:54:10.21\00:54:12.45
So for all of
these different things,
00:54:12.48\00:54:14.20
when you see somebody that lost
in arousal or lost in satiation
00:54:14.23\00:54:17.96
or lost in
fantasy and you start--
00:54:17.99\00:54:19.83
I believe as a Christian,
start speaking to their pain
00:54:19.86\00:54:22.94
not the behaviors and not
the drugs, not the addiction
00:54:22.97\00:54:25.99
but maybe the underlying thing.
00:54:26.02\00:54:28.08
The powerlessness
from somebody with arousal,
00:54:28.11\00:54:30.97
the distress or injury
of somebody with satiation
00:54:31.00\00:54:34.68
and the shame of
somebody with this kind of high,
00:54:34.71\00:54:37.00
you start addressing
that instead of the behaviors
00:54:37.03\00:54:39.57
and I think we
can change the world.
00:54:39.60\00:54:41.33
And I think with my family,
00:54:41.36\00:54:42.73
that's what I want
start teaching people is,
00:54:42.76\00:54:44.53
don't look at people as addicts,
00:54:44.56\00:54:46.03
they are not addicts,
they are injured in someway
00:54:46.06\00:54:48.31
and they chose to deal with
injury in these kind of ways.
00:54:48.34\00:54:51.75
Addiction takes and
takes, and takes some more.
00:54:51.78\00:54:54.73
They're never gonna get free
until they heal in this area.
00:54:54.76\00:54:59.29
And I believe they're
never gonna fully heal
00:54:59.32\00:55:01.12
until they know
the heart of God.
00:55:01.15\00:55:03.08
And I think the only
way they're gonna know
00:55:03.11\00:55:05.67
the heart of God is
that somebody tells them.
00:55:05.70\00:55:07.77