Good morning and
happy Sabbath saints.
00:01:01.68\00:01:04.74
Nice to be here at
the Michigan Men of Faith
00:01:07.55\00:01:11.21
in Cedar Lake, Michigan.
00:01:11.24\00:01:12.68
I'm glad I'm here.
Are you glad you're here?
00:01:12.71\00:01:14.19
Yes. Amen.
00:01:14.22\00:01:15.62
We have a bevy of
excellent seminars
00:01:15.65\00:01:18.42
that you can attend
today for which we are thrilled
00:01:18.45\00:01:21.59
and two general
sessions, two breakout sessions,
00:01:21.62\00:01:23.80
that I think will be excellent,
00:01:23.83\00:01:25.20
one by Ed Reed, the
other by Carl Ashlock.
00:01:25.23\00:01:27.88
The seminar that you
have chosen to attend
00:01:27.91\00:01:29.70
right now in
this opening session
00:01:29.73\00:01:31.99
is entitled "Growing
your marriage God's way."
00:01:32.02\00:01:36.42
"Growing your
marriage God's way."
00:01:36.45\00:01:38.58
Now this seminar then would
be for three classes of people.
00:01:38.61\00:01:43.15
Three people could come to this
seminar and receive benefit.
00:01:43.18\00:01:47.19
The first class would be
those who are happily married.
00:01:47.22\00:01:50.76
Now I'm not going to
ask you to raise your hands
00:01:50.79\00:01:52.62
but you know if that definition
of marriage fits your marriage.
00:01:52.65\00:01:57.35
Are you happily married?
00:01:57.38\00:01:58.75
I'm not talking about just
a business partnership here
00:01:58.78\00:02:01.29
or a relationship of
tolerance, where you are
00:02:01.32\00:02:04.10
tolerating your wife
and she is tolerating you,
00:02:04.13\00:02:06.86
but a really
genuinely happy marriage.
00:02:06.89\00:02:10.56
I didn't say a
perfect marriage, I said what?
00:02:10.59\00:02:13.48
A happy marriage.
00:02:13.51\00:02:14.88
So that will be the
first class of people
00:02:14.91\00:02:16.28
that could
benefit from this seminar.
00:02:16.31\00:02:17.68
You're already happily married
00:02:17.71\00:02:19.08
but you want to be
more happily married.
00:02:19.11\00:02:21.30
And I don't know of any marriage
00:02:21.33\00:02:22.78
that can not be improved.
00:02:22.81\00:02:24.62
Can somebody say, amen? Amen.
00:02:24.65\00:02:26.53
Even if you have
an excellent marriage,
00:02:26.56\00:02:27.93
this morning it can be improved.
00:02:27.96\00:02:29.33
The second group of people,
that this seminar would be
00:02:29.36\00:02:31.25
a blessing to are those
who are unhappily married.
00:02:31.28\00:02:36.46
Those who are going
through the motions,
00:02:36.49\00:02:37.90
the experience that I
just described a moment ago,
00:02:37.93\00:02:40.64
where your relationship
is not a relationship of love
00:02:40.67\00:02:43.66
and romance and intimacy
and friendship and partnership,
00:02:43.69\00:02:47.35
it's more a
relationship of tolerance,
00:02:47.38\00:02:50.03
sort of a business relationship.
00:02:50.06\00:02:52.18
She tolerates you.
00:02:52.21\00:02:53.58
You tolerate her
etcetera, etcetera.
00:02:53.61\00:02:55.95
If you're
unhappily married here today,
00:02:55.98\00:02:58.42
whether you've been unhappily
for 1 year or 20 years,
00:02:58.45\00:03:01.59
I believe that the
tools you will learn today
00:03:01.62\00:03:04.23
can go a long way in
giving you the assistance that
00:03:04.26\00:03:08.72
you will need to get started
in having a happy marriage.
00:03:08.75\00:03:11.20
Now I want to go on
record, just letting you know
00:03:11.23\00:03:12.73
I'm not a
marriage counselor. Okay?
00:03:12.76\00:03:15.17
I'm also not a
mental health professional.
00:03:15.20\00:03:18.37
But I also believe
that what most marriages
00:03:18.40\00:03:21.53
need is not
professional counseling
00:03:21.56\00:03:24.99
from a mental
health professional.
00:03:25.02\00:03:26.86
What most marriages need
00:03:26.89\00:03:28.45
is a healthy dose
of the Holy Spirit,
00:03:28.48\00:03:30.73
a healthy dose of
the leadership of the man
00:03:30.76\00:03:34.16
in the family and also
submission and surrender
00:03:34.19\00:03:37.59
to one another and
to the will of God.
00:03:37.62\00:03:39.12
Amen? Amen.
00:03:39.15\00:03:40.52
I'm not in anyway discounting
the mental health profession.
00:03:40.55\00:03:43.40
There are many
marriages that do need
00:03:43.43\00:03:44.86
professional counseling
but my experience says
00:03:44.89\00:03:47.32
most marriages
simply do not need
00:03:47.35\00:03:49.25
that in order to get through.
00:03:49.28\00:03:50.65
And even if your
marriage is one of those
00:03:50.68\00:03:52.11
I think you'll receive
benefit and blessing today.
00:03:52.14\00:03:54.14
So the second group would be
those who are unhappily married.
00:03:54.17\00:03:57.47
The third group would be
those who are not married.
00:03:57.50\00:03:59.35
Did any single people
come? I just want to see.
00:03:59.38\00:04:01.31
Anybody here single came?
00:04:01.34\00:04:03.28
Okay good, I'm
glad a few of you did.
00:04:03.31\00:04:05.39
The reason that I think
this is a good seminar is--
00:04:05.42\00:04:09.45
for a single person is that
if you want to head due north,
00:04:09.48\00:04:12.94
how many of your
steps need to be due north?
00:04:12.97\00:04:16.28
Every single step
would have to be due north.
00:04:16.31\00:04:17.76
So if you wanted to
head, say due north,
00:04:17.79\00:04:19.86
let's just say this is north,
00:04:19.89\00:04:21.26
every single step
needs to be due north.
00:04:21.29\00:04:23.79
But if you're going to
walk in a straight line,
00:04:23.82\00:04:25.86
your trajectory begins--
00:04:25.89\00:04:27.26
you're going to
walk in a straight line,
00:04:27.29\00:04:28.68
what would be the
most crucial step?
00:04:28.71\00:04:31.81
Your first step.
That's exactly right.
00:04:31.84\00:04:33.99
Because if you are
off just an inch or two
00:04:34.02\00:04:36.45
on the first step
and your trajectory
00:04:36.48\00:04:38.51
continues in a straight line,
00:04:38.54\00:04:39.95
you'll be off by a
long shot as you get a mile
00:04:39.98\00:04:42.58
two, three, four, down the road.
00:04:42.61\00:04:44.17
And so, for those
of you who have chosen
00:04:44.20\00:04:45.57
to attend this
seminar and are single,
00:04:45.60\00:04:47.06
it will be a benefit to you
because when you get started
00:04:47.09\00:04:50.43
in this beautiful
thing called marriage,
00:04:50.46\00:04:52.32
you can start on the right foot.
00:04:52.35\00:04:54.37
And how many of us are there,
please don't raise your hands,
00:04:54.40\00:04:57.06
who only wish
that we could go back
00:04:57.09\00:04:59.56
and start things differently?
00:04:59.59\00:05:03.11
Just recently I
conducted a wedding
00:05:03.14\00:05:06.04
and I'll tell more about
that in just a little bit,
00:05:06.07\00:05:08.49
but I conducted a wedding
of a good friend of mine,
00:05:08.52\00:05:10.71
two good friends of mine,
and after the wedding ceremony,
00:05:10.74\00:05:14.09
and what you'll be hearing today
00:05:14.12\00:05:15.49
is an expansion
of my wedding sermon.
00:05:15.52\00:05:18.70
After the wedding sermon
two ladies approached me,
00:05:18.73\00:05:21.54
older ladies not elderly ladies
00:05:21.57\00:05:23.47
but they were old and
maybe in their late 50's.
00:05:23.50\00:05:25.72
They approached
me and both of them,
00:05:25.75\00:05:27.39
tears streaming down their eyes.
00:05:27.42\00:05:28.95
They were sisters and
the aunt's of the young lady
00:05:28.98\00:05:31.70
that I had just
married and she said
00:05:31.73\00:05:33.40
if I would have known,
00:05:33.43\00:05:35.53
if I would have
known those five things
00:05:35.56\00:05:37.50
that you went over
today in that wedding sermon,
00:05:37.53\00:05:39.19
which we're going to
talk about this morning.
00:05:39.22\00:05:40.80
She said that may
have saved my marriage.
00:05:40.83\00:05:44.21
Beloved, the reality
is, is that we need to start
00:05:45.75\00:05:48.66
on the right foot and
continue on the right foot.
00:05:48.69\00:05:51.91
Can you say, amen?
Amen. And I believe, beloved,
00:05:51.94\00:05:54.18
you might be 20
years into a bad marriage.
00:05:54.21\00:05:56.14
I believe there's hope for you.
00:05:56.17\00:05:58.21
The two things I want to give
you today are hope and tools.
00:05:58.24\00:06:02.43
Hope and what, everyone? Tools.
00:06:02.46\00:06:04.53
It's not going to
just a ra-ra party.
00:06:04.56\00:06:06.02
I'm not going to
say you can do it,
00:06:06.05\00:06:07.42
get in there, you
can be a good husband.
00:06:07.45\00:06:08.82
No, no, no, if
it's just inspiration
00:06:08.85\00:06:10.83
you could find yourself back
in the very same circumstances.
00:06:10.86\00:06:13.68
What I want to
try and do is give you
00:06:13.71\00:06:15.77
five very easily remembered
tools that I use personally
00:06:15.80\00:06:19.37
in my own marriage that
have helped tremendously.
00:06:19.40\00:06:23.14
And as I said there
in the introduction,
00:06:23.17\00:06:24.54
I want you to know.
00:06:24.57\00:06:25.94
And I make no bones about this,
00:06:25.97\00:06:27.34
I make no apologies about
this, this is not boastful,
00:06:27.37\00:06:30.48
but I can tell you
in the presence of God
00:06:30.51\00:06:32.70
and in the presence
of my wife, and no doubt
00:06:32.73\00:06:34.47
will see this
presentation one day,
00:06:34.50\00:06:36.13
that I have an
excellent marriage
00:06:36.16\00:06:38.67
of eight years that
get's better every single year.
00:06:38.70\00:06:42.58
And I can tell you as
God is my honest witness,
00:06:42.61\00:06:45.04
I'm more in love with my wife,
00:06:45.07\00:06:46.85
I'm more attracted to wife,
and I enjoy my wife more now
00:06:46.88\00:06:51.37
then I did when I married
her nearly eight years ago.
00:06:51.40\00:06:53.82
Can you say, amen? Amen.
00:06:53.85\00:06:55.22
Beloved, you can
have that experience.
00:06:55.25\00:06:56.62
Maybe you're already
having that experience.
00:06:56.65\00:06:58.05
I don't want to
assume that you're not.
00:06:58.08\00:06:59.45
I hate it when I read
one of those marriage books
00:06:59.48\00:07:01.88
that talks to me as
though my marriage is a bad one.
00:07:01.91\00:07:04.89
You ever had that experience?
00:07:04.92\00:07:06.34
I don't want to
have that experience.
00:07:06.37\00:07:07.74
I don't want you to feel
like I'm talking down to you.
00:07:07.77\00:07:09.94
No way.
00:07:09.97\00:07:11.53
It's altogether
possible that you have
00:07:11.56\00:07:13.48
a better marriage than I have,
00:07:13.51\00:07:15.39
that you have an
excellent marriage,
00:07:15.42\00:07:17.04
that is all together
possible and you're attending
00:07:17.07\00:07:18.94
because you want to have tools
to have an even better marriage.
00:07:18.97\00:07:22.48
So don't think that you're being
talked down to, not at all.
00:07:22.51\00:07:25.57
What I want to give you is hope.
00:07:25.60\00:07:27.39
What, everyone? Hope.
00:07:27.42\00:07:28.92
Hope. Because
marriage is for life.
00:07:28.95\00:07:30.67
Amen. We're
gonna talk about that.
00:07:30.70\00:07:33.14
It's for life.
00:07:33.17\00:07:35.62
So if you're
locked into this thing,
00:07:35.65\00:07:37.73
and you are
locked into it, beloved,
00:07:37.76\00:07:39.16
when you take those
solemn vows before God,
00:07:39.19\00:07:41.15
you are locked into it.
00:07:41.18\00:07:42.73
But if it's a happy marriage,
00:07:42.76\00:07:45.46
it's a great thing
to be locked into, amen?
00:07:45.49\00:07:47.36
So we're gonna
talk about two things,
00:07:48.78\00:07:50.47
hope and how to have tools,
00:07:50.50\00:07:54.03
actual tools
that will assist you.
00:07:54.06\00:07:55.43
Now before we get into that,
00:07:55.46\00:07:56.83
that's just sort
of a broad overview.
00:07:56.86\00:07:58.23
I'm gonna have prayer
00:07:58.26\00:07:59.63
and then we're just
gonna dive right in.
00:07:59.66\00:08:01.03
And I think you're
gonna be very blessed
00:08:01.06\00:08:02.43
by this morning's seminar.
00:08:02.46\00:08:03.83
So let's begin
with the word of prayer.
00:08:03.86\00:08:05.23
Father in heaven, this
morning we come to you as men.
00:08:08.40\00:08:12.63
Father, we want to confess
00:08:14.50\00:08:15.87
before You that
we have failed You.
00:08:15.90\00:08:17.98
We make no bones about
that, no rationalizations,
00:08:19.04\00:08:21.75
we have failed you as fathers,
00:08:21.78\00:08:23.15
as husbands, as Christians.
00:08:23.18\00:08:26.39
Father, we want to begin
by asking for forgiveness.
00:08:26.42\00:08:30.29
And we believe
that what you said
00:08:30.32\00:08:31.69
in 1 John 1:9 still holds true,
00:08:31.72\00:08:34.44
that if we confess
and forsake our sins,
00:08:34.47\00:08:36.79
you will cleanse us
of all unrighteousness.
00:08:36.82\00:08:40.33
Father, we also need strength.
00:08:42.08\00:08:44.85
Give us strength
to not continue making
00:08:44.88\00:08:46.43
the same mistakes that
we may have in the past.
00:08:46.46\00:08:49.65
And, Father, particularly
as relates to us as men
00:08:49.68\00:08:52.50
into our marriages
or our future marriages,
00:08:52.53\00:08:55.09
Father, we need tools, we
need hope, we need confidence.
00:08:55.12\00:09:00.44
Father, we want to
grow our marriage God's way.
00:09:00.47\00:09:02.82
If marriage is a
picture, in microcosm,
00:09:04.75\00:09:07.12
of God's
relationship to the church,
00:09:07.15\00:09:09.45
then surely,
Father, this should be
00:09:10.73\00:09:13.78
the very epicenter of love
in our lives and in this world.
00:09:13.81\00:09:19.65
And yet sadly,
Father, many of our marriages
00:09:19.68\00:09:21.73
are just
relationships of tolerance,
00:09:21.76\00:09:24.06
of putting up with one another.
00:09:24.09\00:09:25.95
Not happy, not intimate,
00:09:25.98\00:09:28.01
not romantic, and
certainly not joyous.
00:09:28.04\00:09:31.41
Father, I want to
pray for that person
00:09:31.44\00:09:32.81
who came this
morning, whose marriage is
00:09:32.84\00:09:34.27
literally falling apart and
is a shackle around his ankle.
00:09:34.30\00:09:39.09
Father, give him hope
today, give him tools today.
00:09:39.12\00:09:43.55
And, Father, for
the glory of Your name
00:09:43.58\00:09:45.77
and for the
good of his salvation
00:09:45.80\00:09:47.52
and his wife's
salvation, rescue all of these
00:09:47.55\00:09:51.84
poor marriages from the despair
00:09:51.87\00:09:55.33
and from the hands of the enemy.
00:09:55.36\00:09:56.79
And, Father, for those of
us who have good marriages,
00:09:58.22\00:10:00.08
teach us how to make
our marriages better.
00:10:00.11\00:10:01.67
Help us, Oh, God in
heaven, as we spend some time
00:10:03.06\00:10:05.14
studying Your word this morning
and going over practical tips.
00:10:05.17\00:10:08.48
For we ask it in Jesus name.
00:10:08.51\00:10:09.88
Let all the saints of
the living God say, amen.
00:10:09.91\00:10:13.08
All right our seminar
is divided into two parts.
00:10:16.15\00:10:18.26
The first thing we're
going to do is talk about
00:10:18.29\00:10:19.96
the main difference
between men and women.
00:10:19.99\00:10:23.07
Okay? That's the first
thing we're going to do.
00:10:23.10\00:10:24.73
There is a cardinal difference
between men and women.
00:10:24.76\00:10:27.89
Now there are many differences
and I'm aware of that.
00:10:27.92\00:10:30.43
There are
significant differences
00:10:30.46\00:10:31.84
in the way that
men conduct themselves,
00:10:31.87\00:10:33.32
the way that women
conduct themselves.
00:10:33.35\00:10:34.86
But I believe there
is one major difference
00:10:34.89\00:10:37.81
that undergirds
the difference between
00:10:37.84\00:10:40.17
a man and the
difference between a woman,
00:10:40.20\00:10:41.81
that's how we're going to begin.
00:10:41.84\00:10:43.21
That will be our
theological setup.
00:10:43.24\00:10:44.78
It will also be
observational and instructional.
00:10:44.81\00:10:47.44
Then we're going to
move in the second part,
00:10:47.47\00:10:49.33
we're going to look at
five very practical principles.
00:10:49.36\00:10:53.00
How many principles, beloved?
00:10:53.03\00:10:54.44
Five. Five practical principles.
00:10:54.47\00:10:56.22
They all start
with the letter "C."
00:10:56.25\00:10:58.15
The five C's of a
successful marriage
00:10:58.18\00:11:00.49
that you can
incorporate just tonight.
00:11:00.52\00:11:03.20
When you return tonight from
00:11:03.23\00:11:04.73
the Michigan Men
of Faith conference
00:11:04.76\00:11:06.40
you can start to put these tools
00:11:06.43\00:11:07.80
to work in your
marriage tonight.
00:11:07.83\00:11:09.20
And I believe you'll see
00:11:09.23\00:11:10.60
immediate positive
results from these five tools.
00:11:10.63\00:11:13.77
So the first part
that we're going to discuss
00:11:13.80\00:11:15.35
is the major difference,
the broad umbrella difference
00:11:15.38\00:11:18.61
under which all
other differences fall.
00:11:18.64\00:11:20.80
That's number
one and number two.
00:11:20.83\00:11:22.20
We'll look at those
five practical points.
00:11:22.23\00:11:24.37
Let's begin by going
to the Book of Genesis,
00:11:26.81\00:11:28.42
that's probably the very
best place for us to start.
00:11:28.45\00:11:30.72
Genesis Chapter 2.
00:11:34.47\00:11:36.24
Now, man, is it
safe for me to say
00:11:39.21\00:11:40.95
and you're hearing that men
and women are very different.
00:11:40.98\00:11:44.48
Are you comfortable
with that, yes or no?
00:11:44.51\00:11:46.72
Yeah, the reason
that we're different
00:11:46.75\00:11:48.12
is that God made us that way.
00:11:48.15\00:11:49.69
I want to underscore that.
00:11:49.72\00:11:51.53
God has constituted
men and women differently.
00:11:51.56\00:11:57.56
Have you ever had a
conversation with your wife
00:11:57.59\00:11:59.78
or perhaps with your
sister or even your mother
00:11:59.81\00:12:02.48
or your fiancé--
thank you Lord Jesus.
00:12:02.51\00:12:05.80
For those of you watching
on 3ABN our in-house sound
00:12:08.57\00:12:11.59
just turned on for
which we are thankful.
00:12:11.62\00:12:14.61
Have you ever been
having a conversation
00:12:14.64\00:12:17.31
perhaps with your
wife or another woman
00:12:17.34\00:12:19.46
and you are not
getting anywhere.
00:12:19.49\00:12:22.47
Have you had one
of those situations?
00:12:22.50\00:12:23.87
And you're
thinking to yourself am I--
00:12:23.90\00:12:25.56
If you're
bilingual you're thinking,
00:12:25.59\00:12:26.96
"am I speaking
English or Spanish?"
00:12:26.99\00:12:30.63
I can't understand a
word this woman is saying
00:12:30.66\00:12:33.27
and all of her logic to me
00:12:33.30\00:12:34.87
sounds like
totally gobbledygook.
00:12:34.90\00:12:36.58
And she is thinking the
very same thing about you.
00:12:36.61\00:12:39.03
You might say things like this.
00:12:39.06\00:12:41.50
"You're crazy. That
doesn't make any sense.
00:12:41.53\00:12:44.80
What you're
saying is nonsensical."
00:12:44.83\00:12:46.82
And she's thinking the
very same things about you.
00:12:46.85\00:12:49.38
It's like you're
speaking two different languages
00:12:49.41\00:12:51.48
trying to carry on a
rational conversation.
00:12:51.51\00:12:53.44
She's speaking in Swahili,
you're speaking in Greek
00:12:53.47\00:12:55.75
and you're just like two
ships passing in the night.
00:12:55.78\00:12:58.12
Men and women are different.
They think differently.
00:12:58.15\00:13:01.45
They speak differently.
They live differently.
00:13:01.48\00:13:03.31
And I believe
there's a very good
00:13:03.34\00:13:04.92
cardinal reason for
that, a biblical reason
00:13:04.95\00:13:07.90
built into the very
fabric of what it means to be
00:13:07.93\00:13:10.03
a man and what it means a woman.
00:13:10.06\00:13:12.07
Something built into
the fabric of masculinity
00:13:12.10\00:13:14.50
and femininity that
makes us essentially different.
00:13:14.53\00:13:17.14
Why are we talking about this?
00:13:17.17\00:13:18.96
Because, men, just understanding
00:13:18.99\00:13:20.58
what this difference is
will radically transform
00:13:20.61\00:13:23.12
the way you
approach your marriage,
00:13:23.15\00:13:24.52
and I mean that, just
knowing this difference.
00:13:24.55\00:13:27.07
Let's look at it.
Genesis Chapter 2 and verse 15.
00:13:27.10\00:13:29.96
What is that difference?
00:13:29.99\00:13:32.67
I don't want to
over-simplify things.
00:13:32.70\00:13:35.63
I don't want to
over-generalize things.
00:13:35.66\00:13:38.93
But I believe that the
majority of the differences
00:13:38.96\00:13:41.78
that separate the female
gender from the male gender
00:13:41.81\00:13:44.72
boil down to
this cardinal point.
00:13:44.75\00:13:47.20
Genesis Chapter 2, what
verse we're in, everyone?
00:13:47.23\00:13:49.09
"Then Lord God
took the man and put him
00:13:51.53\00:13:54.59
in the Garden of
Eden to," what, everyone?
00:13:54.62\00:13:58.73
"To tend it."
00:14:00.10\00:14:02.46
In another version of the Bible
00:14:02.49\00:14:03.86
that I like to read
from, the ESV, it says,
00:14:03.89\00:14:06.58
"That God put him
in the garden to work."
00:14:06.61\00:14:11.17
Why did he put him
in the garden, everyone?
00:14:11.20\00:14:13.58
To work.
00:14:13.61\00:14:15.28
When god put Adam
into the Garden of Eden,
00:14:15.31\00:14:17.85
Eve is not yet
created at this point yet.
00:14:17.88\00:14:19.93
He puts him there and he
says, your job is to work.
00:14:19.96\00:14:23.78
That's why he was there,
as the New King James says,
00:14:23.81\00:14:27.21
"To tend it and keep it."
00:14:27.24\00:14:29.27
That was Adam's purpose.
00:14:29.30\00:14:31.78
That was his what, everyone?
00:14:31.81\00:14:33.26
Purpose. Purpose.
00:14:33.29\00:14:34.66
Look at verse 18,
"And the Lord God said,
00:14:34.69\00:14:36.18
'It is not good
that man should be alone,
00:14:36.21\00:14:38.24
I will make him a,'" what?
00:14:38.27\00:14:41.00
Helper, or the Old
King James a help meet.
00:14:41.03\00:14:43.34
"I will make him a helper."
00:14:45.98\00:14:49.73
Now, look at verse
20 of the same chapter.
00:14:49.76\00:14:52.60
"So Adam gave
names to all the cattle,
00:14:52.63\00:14:54.72
to the birds of the air,
and to every beast of the field.
00:14:54.75\00:14:57.42
For Adam there was
not found a," what?
00:14:57.45\00:15:01.47
"A helper or a help
meet comparable to him."
00:15:01.50\00:15:05.51
Why did God put Adam
in the garden? Remind me.
00:15:08.12\00:15:10.27
Why was it that
he put Adam in there?
00:15:10.30\00:15:12.10
To work. To work.
00:15:12.13\00:15:13.50
Why was Eve created,
according to what we've read?
00:15:13.53\00:15:17.01
To help him.
00:15:17.04\00:15:18.43
Eve was created to help
Adam. What was Adam's job?
00:15:20.89\00:15:23.49
To tend and to keep
the garden, to work.
00:15:23.52\00:15:25.94
Look at Genesis
Chapter 1 in verse 28.
00:15:25.97\00:15:28.79
Genesis Chapter 1 in verse 28.
00:15:30.45\00:15:33.27
"And God said, 'see I
have give you every herb,"
00:15:33.30\00:15:36.19
of verse 28 that's 29.
00:15:36.22\00:15:37.77
"And God blessed
them and said to them
00:15:37.80\00:15:39.27
be fruitful
and," what? "Multiply.
00:15:39.30\00:15:42.45
Fill the earth and subdue it.
00:15:42.48\00:15:44.12
Have dominion over
the fish of the sea,
00:15:44.15\00:15:45.57
and over the birds of the air,
00:15:45.60\00:15:46.97
and over every living
thing that moves on the earth."
00:15:47.00\00:15:50.41
God here defines the roles
of Adam and Eve before sin.
00:15:50.44\00:15:56.43
Before what, everyone? Sin.
00:15:56.46\00:15:59.00
And if we
wanted to boil it down,
00:15:59.03\00:16:00.40
it's really quite simple.
00:16:00.43\00:16:01.83
Adam's job was to
work and to tend the garden
00:16:03.36\00:16:07.11
and Eve's job was help him
to do that and to bear children.
00:16:07.14\00:16:11.67
Are we all in the
same page, yes or no?
00:16:11.70\00:16:13.70
That's Genesis 1 and 2,
00:16:13.73\00:16:15.10
that is before
the entrance of sins
00:16:15.13\00:16:16.58
or if we wanted
to distill this down.
00:16:16.61\00:16:18.64
Adam's job is to work.
00:16:18.67\00:16:20.70
Eve's job is to be an assistant
00:16:20.73\00:16:22.60
or a helper to Adam
and also to bear children.
00:16:22.63\00:16:26.76
Okay, so far so good,
00:16:26.79\00:16:28.16
are we all in the
same page, yes or no?
00:16:28.19\00:16:29.63
Now look at what
happens after sin.
00:16:29.66\00:16:31.27
Many people
don't understand this.
00:16:31.30\00:16:32.67
But look at what
happens in Genesis Chapter 3.
00:16:32.70\00:16:35.42
After sin, when the so called
00:16:35.45\00:16:37.44
curses are
pronounced, they were actually
00:16:37.47\00:16:39.32
blessing more than curses.
00:16:39.35\00:16:40.90
In Genesis Chapter 3,
pick it up in verse 17.
00:16:42.72\00:16:46.71
"Then to Adam he said."
00:16:46.74\00:16:48.11
God's speaking to Adam,
00:16:48.14\00:16:49.51
the fall has
transpired we know the story.
00:16:49.54\00:16:52.24
"Because you have
heeded the voice of your wife,
00:16:52.27\00:16:53.85
and have eaten from the
tree of which I commanded you,
00:16:53.88\00:16:55.95
saying, 'You
shall not eat from it,
00:16:55.98\00:16:57.35
' Cursed is the
ground for your sake,"
00:16:57.38\00:16:59.33
that's why it was a
blessing, "for your sake."
00:16:59.36\00:17:01.92
"In toil you will eat of
it all the days of your life.
00:17:01.95\00:17:05.12
Both thorns and thistles
it shall bring forth for you;
00:17:05.15\00:17:07.10
and you shall eat
the herb of the field.
00:17:07.13\00:17:09.05
In the sweat of your
face you shall eat bread,
00:17:09.08\00:17:11.53
till you return unto the ground,
00:17:11.56\00:17:13.20
for out of it you were
taken, for dust you are,
00:17:13.23\00:17:16.32
and to dust shall you return."
00:17:16.35\00:17:19.74
Now look at verse 14
of the same chapter--
00:17:19.77\00:17:22.30
verse 16 of the same chapter.
00:17:22.33\00:17:24.31
"To the woman He
said," God's speaking to Eve.
00:17:24.34\00:17:27.35
"I will greatly multiply
your sorrow and your," what?
00:17:27.38\00:17:32.40
Conception or your childbearing.
00:17:32.43\00:17:35.78
Second part of the verse,
00:17:35.81\00:17:37.18
"In pain you shall
bring forth children,
00:17:37.21\00:17:39.64
your desire shall
be for your," what?
00:17:39.67\00:17:43.29
"Your husband, and
he shall rule over you."
00:17:43.32\00:17:48.27
Now this is fascinating.
00:17:48.30\00:17:50.33
This is God articulating
the rules post sin, right?
00:17:50.36\00:17:56.59
What were the roles pre-sin?
00:17:56.62\00:17:58.01
Adam's job was
what, primarily, everyone?
00:17:58.04\00:18:00.13
To work. To work.
00:18:00.16\00:18:01.53
And Eve's job was to
help and to bear children.
00:18:01.56\00:18:05.12
That's pre-sin.
00:18:05.15\00:18:06.52
Now post sin, God
rearticulates the roles
00:18:06.55\00:18:09.52
and what does He say
Adam's role is post-sin?
00:18:09.55\00:18:12.90
To work., it's the
very same thing, isn't it?
00:18:12.93\00:18:14.69
Except there is
an element of pain
00:18:14.72\00:18:16.48
and bitterness attached to it.
00:18:16.51\00:18:17.88
Do you see that, yes or
no? The roles didn't change.
00:18:17.91\00:18:21.79
All that changed
was that now when Adam
00:18:21.82\00:18:24.00
went out to work
the fields instead of
00:18:24.03\00:18:26.45
a sinless earth
easily bountifully
00:18:26.48\00:18:29.17
putting forward the things
that Adam and Evez were to eat,
00:18:29.20\00:18:31.82
now he would have to toil
for it by the sweat of his brow.
00:18:31.85\00:18:34.54
His job
description didn't change,
00:18:34.57\00:18:37.00
he was still a worker.
00:18:37.03\00:18:38.75
What about
Eve's job description?
00:18:40.44\00:18:42.49
Does it change?
00:18:42.52\00:18:43.90
It does not change,
beloved, look at it.
00:18:45.81\00:18:47.59
Is she still to bring
forth the children, yes or no?
00:18:49.06\00:18:52.02
Was that part of her
pre-sin job description?
00:18:52.05\00:18:54.44
Except, there's an element
00:18:54.47\00:18:55.84
in the post sin job
description, what is it?
00:18:55.87\00:18:58.09
There is pain
associated with it.
00:18:58.12\00:18:59.76
And then he says,
your desire will be
00:18:59.79\00:19:01.86
for your husband and
he shall rule over you.
00:19:01.89\00:19:05.05
Now in this
politically correct society
00:19:06.62\00:19:08.94
in which we live today,
these are not popular versus.
00:19:08.97\00:19:11.55
But let's just unpack
what's being articulated here.
00:19:11.58\00:19:14.73
What God is saying is that
Eve will derive her purpose,
00:19:14.76\00:19:19.80
listen carefully to these words,
00:19:19.83\00:19:21.38
Eve will derive her
purpose and her meaning
00:19:21.41\00:19:24.44
and her reason for
existence from what Adam does,
00:19:24.47\00:19:27.94
that's what it means.
00:19:27.97\00:19:29.85
Your desire will
be for your husband.
00:19:29.88\00:19:32.62
That's very much the
same way it was pre-sin,
00:19:32.65\00:19:35.32
except now the element
of ruler-ship is introduced,
00:19:35.35\00:19:38.18
which we're not going
to unpack this morning.
00:19:38.21\00:19:40.98
Now you say, what is
the big difference here?
00:19:41.01\00:19:42.79
Please listen.
00:19:42.82\00:19:44.19
Understanding this
one central difference
00:19:45.46\00:19:48.01
will assist us enormously
in making our marriage a happy,
00:19:48.04\00:19:50.59
healthy, and holy
one, and here it is.
00:19:50.62\00:19:54.73
Men--now this is not
a hard and fast rule,
00:19:54.76\00:19:57.67
it's not like
one plus one is two.
00:19:57.70\00:19:59.53
But this is a
broad biblical principle.
00:19:59.56\00:20:04.17
It's a what did I say, everyone?
00:20:04.20\00:20:05.57
A broad biblical principle.
00:20:05.60\00:20:08.56
Because invariably when you
00:20:08.59\00:20:09.96
start talking about
rules, somebody's gonna say,
00:20:09.99\00:20:11.76
"Well, that
doesn't apply to me."
00:20:11.79\00:20:13.42
Sure, there are
exceptions to the rule
00:20:15.49\00:20:17.75
but broadly
speaking we can learn
00:20:17.78\00:20:20.19
a very important truth
here, a very important truth
00:20:20.22\00:20:23.61
in Genesis 1 and
2 and that is this.
00:20:23.64\00:20:26.61
Man derives, as a general rule,
00:20:26.64\00:20:28.99
I'm talking about man
right here, masculinity.
00:20:29.02\00:20:32.94
Derives his meaning,
his reason for existence
00:20:32.97\00:20:37.45
and his fulfillment
and satisfaction in life
00:20:37.48\00:20:40.00
from what he
does with his hands.
00:20:40.03\00:20:42.90
Are you with me?
00:20:44.18\00:20:45.55
He's a worker.
00:20:47.48\00:20:49.30
That's what he was in
Eden, that's what he is today.
00:20:49.33\00:20:51.43
For a man to be a
failure he would have to be
00:20:53.37\00:20:56.57
thinking thoughts like this,
00:20:56.60\00:20:57.97
"I haven't
accomplished anything."
00:20:58.00\00:20:59.58
Right? Does that make sense?
00:21:01.22\00:21:02.59
If you felt like I have
not accomplished anything.
00:21:02.62\00:21:05.07
Here I'm 40 years old,
I've not accomplished anything,
00:21:05.10\00:21:07.63
I'm a failure,
that's the way men think.
00:21:07.66\00:21:11.36
We derive a significant
part of our self-worth,
00:21:11.39\00:21:14.71
our value, our meaning in
life based on what we have
00:21:14.74\00:21:17.88
accomplished and
what we have done.
00:21:17.91\00:21:19.68
We'd like to
build the dog house,
00:21:19.71\00:21:21.18
step back and say
that's a mighty fine dog house.
00:21:21.21\00:21:23.43
Look at the quality,
00:21:23.46\00:21:24.83
look at the
architecture of this dog house.
00:21:24.86\00:21:28.71
We put new
cabinets in the kitchen,
00:21:28.74\00:21:30.82
we didn't hire somebody
from home depot to come do it,
00:21:30.85\00:21:33.02
we saved ourselves
$1200, sure the cabinets
00:21:33.05\00:21:35.01
don't look quite
like they could have
00:21:35.04\00:21:36.54
but look at those cabinets.
00:21:36.57\00:21:38.72
Fine pieces of
architectural beauty,
00:21:38.75\00:21:41.89
aren't they, sweetie? Sweetie?
00:21:41.92\00:21:43.89
More often then not,
men become workaholics,
00:21:51.80\00:21:55.32
more than women.
00:21:55.35\00:21:56.92
It's not that a woman
can't become a workaholic.
00:21:56.95\00:21:58.91
In fact, in the
society in which we live today,
00:21:58.94\00:22:01.43
it is increasingly
true that women are being
00:22:01.46\00:22:03.45
pushed, pushed, pushed
00:22:03.48\00:22:04.85
into the carrier
mold, the carrier mentality.
00:22:04.88\00:22:07.12
But as a general
rule, it's the man
00:22:07.15\00:22:09.44
that spends too
much time at work.
00:22:09.47\00:22:11.23
Are you hearing me?
Now, you're gonna say,
00:22:11.26\00:22:13.87
"oh, that's because
my boss is driving me.
00:22:13.90\00:22:15.50
That's because we have
this project to get done.
00:22:15.53\00:22:17.17
That's because--."
00:22:17.20\00:22:18.57
No, no, no, the
reason is, whether you would
00:22:18.60\00:22:20.85
admit it or not, to
some greater or lesser degree
00:22:20.88\00:22:23.76
we are driven by
what we're doing.
00:22:23.79\00:22:27.24
If we've done a good job
then we have succeeded as a man.
00:22:27.27\00:22:30.40
Are you with me, yes or no?
00:22:33.38\00:22:35.30
God has built that into
the fabric of your being,
00:22:35.33\00:22:36.99
you'd better
come to grips with it.
00:22:37.02\00:22:38.39
Now, there is the man
that is the exception.
00:22:39.88\00:22:42.61
Sure you might be
that exception, I doubt it.
00:22:42.64\00:22:46.13
Most men derive at least
some part of their self worth,
00:22:46.16\00:22:49.39
their reason for
existence from what
00:22:49.42\00:22:51.30
they have accomplished,
what they have done.
00:22:51.33\00:22:54.17
Doesn't always have to
be work related either.
00:22:54.20\00:22:56.13
I just went on a
fishing trip this last week,
00:22:56.16\00:22:58.57
two day fishing trip.
00:22:58.60\00:23:00.99
And we drove, I can't believe
00:23:01.02\00:23:03.85
I'm telling you this
publicly, we drove from Troy
00:23:03.88\00:23:07.26
all the way to
Sault Sainte Marie, right?
00:23:07.29\00:23:09.74
And we left at 9
o'clock at night,
00:23:09.77\00:23:11.96
after church board
meeting, we drove due north.
00:23:11.99\00:23:13.86
Well, that's about 6
hours from where I live.
00:23:13.89\00:23:16.10
We drove through the night
and we got across the boarder
00:23:16.13\00:23:18.49
there into
Canada, we switched on
00:23:18.52\00:23:20.20
the Canadian side and
it was 2:30 in the morning,
00:23:20.23\00:23:23.48
we didn't have a place to sleep
00:23:23.51\00:23:25.12
and so we went and
slept in a city park.
00:23:25.15\00:23:28.20
No, no joke.
00:23:28.23\00:23:29.80
Nathan and I we just
pulled out our sleeping bags
00:23:29.83\00:23:32.33
and went and found a dark
place behind a city park bench
00:23:32.36\00:23:34.55
and we just went to
sleep in the city park.
00:23:34.58\00:23:36.02
We hoped no
policemen showed up, right?
00:23:36.05\00:23:37.42
Can you imagine saying,
"No, we're pastors. Really.
00:23:37.45\00:23:39.04
We are pastors
sleeping in this park."
00:23:39.07\00:23:41.81
This was three days ago.
00:23:41.84\00:23:43.22
Now the reason we did that is
we didn't want to get a hotel,
00:23:43.25\00:23:44.78
'cause we needed
to be up at the first,
00:23:44.81\00:23:46.18
you know, little hint of
dawn and so three hours later,
00:23:46.21\00:23:48.34
you know, we could just
start to see the hint of dawn,
00:23:48.37\00:23:50.19
so we woke up and getting
all our fishing gear ready,
00:23:50.22\00:23:52.07
we were gonna go
fishing in the Saint Mary's.
00:23:52.10\00:23:54.06
Okay, we're fly
fishing in the Saint Mary's.
00:23:54.09\00:23:55.57
Anybody here ever been fishing
in the Saint Mary's river?
00:23:55.60\00:23:58.39
Terrifying, okay.
Absolutely terrifying.
00:23:58.42\00:24:01.45
The water is just, you
know, pouring through there,
00:24:01.48\00:24:04.27
we're in our waders and
you start to wade across
00:24:04.30\00:24:07.19
and the long and short of it is,
00:24:07.22\00:24:09.04
if water starts
into your waders,
00:24:09.07\00:24:10.64
it's a very bad situation, okay?
00:24:10.67\00:24:13.12
Especially in torrential
rapids and every one of us,
00:24:13.15\00:24:17.20
Scott, myself, and Nathan,
we're calling on the name of
00:24:17.23\00:24:20.03
the Lord Jesus
that we didn't die
00:24:20.06\00:24:21.80
in these rapids
trying to catch a silly fish.
00:24:21.83\00:24:24.96
But here's the point
we're there for 6 hours
00:24:24.99\00:24:27.20
fishing,
fishing, fishing, fishing,
00:24:27.23\00:24:29.03
and guess how
many fish we caught.
00:24:29.06\00:24:31.06
Zero, not one fish,
not one bite, nothing,
00:24:34.33\00:24:37.40
all of that for nothing.
00:24:37.43\00:24:39.07
So I got to call my wife on
the way home that night right?
00:24:39.10\00:24:42.10
Okay, sweetie,
how are you doing?
00:24:42.13\00:24:43.50
You know I've
not slept very much
00:24:43.53\00:24:44.90
and I'm on my
way back home and--
00:24:44.93\00:24:46.87
Oh she says, how
was the fishing trip?
00:24:46.90\00:24:48.78
What do you mean by that?
00:24:53.46\00:24:54.83
Right? What
she's asking is, what?
00:24:58.05\00:25:02.60
Did you catch any
fish? To which I respond.
00:25:02.63\00:25:06.98
"Well, nobody was
catching any fish."
00:25:07.01\00:25:08.90
That trip was a failure. Right?
00:25:13.28\00:25:16.79
It was fun, it was a good
time to go sleep in the park,
00:25:16.82\00:25:18.82
that was fun but
the trip was a failure,
00:25:18.85\00:25:20.66
we didn't accomplish anything.
00:25:20.69\00:25:22.06
It felt like it was a
waste of time and energy.
00:25:22.09\00:25:24.85
Whether its recreation
or work or any such thing,
00:25:24.88\00:25:28.24
men tend to
derive their meaning,
00:25:28.27\00:25:30.16
their significance, and
part of their self worth
00:25:30.19\00:25:32.34
from what they
have accomplished.
00:25:32.37\00:25:33.74
If a man--if you find a
man who says I'm a failure
00:25:33.77\00:25:36.97
usually that will have
something to do with the fact
00:25:37.00\00:25:39.07
that he doesn't feel
like he's accomplished
00:25:39.10\00:25:40.54
what he could have accomplished
at that point in his life.
00:25:40.57\00:25:42.56
I failed.
00:25:42.59\00:25:43.96
Or if a man has
succeeded, "oh, that man?
00:25:43.99\00:25:45.81
He's got his own business.
00:25:45.84\00:25:47.91
Oh, he has his own business
with 300 employees, they do,
00:25:47.94\00:25:50.21
you know, 2.4 million dollars
00:25:50.24\00:25:52.14
in business a
year, oh he's a success."
00:25:52.17\00:25:54.56
Now what about Eve?
00:25:56.52\00:25:57.89
Based on both the pre and post
sin descriptions of eve's roles
00:25:59.72\00:26:03.43
and don't miss this,
men, this is critical.
00:26:03.46\00:26:07.10
Just as a man
derives a significant
00:26:07.13\00:26:08.85
part of his
existence and his self worth
00:26:08.88\00:26:11.67
from what he
accomplishes with his hands,
00:26:11.70\00:26:13.57
a woman's self worth
existence and meaning in life
00:26:13.60\00:26:16.88
is tied not to what she
does but to her husband.
00:26:16.91\00:26:20.25
Do you see that, yes or no?
00:26:22.21\00:26:23.58
Pre-sin, what was her
job description, pre-sin?
00:26:23.61\00:26:27.79
She's a helper.
00:26:27.82\00:26:29.19
What did God say
about her role post-sin?
00:26:29.22\00:26:31.91
Your desire will
be for you're, what?
00:26:31.94\00:26:35.18
Husband. Now,
beloved, don't miss that.
00:26:35.21\00:26:37.89
If a woman derives,
in this case, your wife,
00:26:39.46\00:26:43.67
if she's deriving a
significant part of her worth,
00:26:43.70\00:26:46.24
her self worth her
value and the reason for her
00:26:46.27\00:26:48.26
existence from you,
and that is not going well
00:26:48.29\00:26:53.89
or you're working too much
00:26:53.92\00:26:55.29
or you're an absentee
husband and an absentee father.
00:26:55.32\00:26:58.26
If her meaning for
life and existence for life
00:26:58.29\00:27:00.95
and reason for
existence is tied up with you.
00:27:00.98\00:27:03.68
This is going to
be very determinative
00:27:05.62\00:27:08.24
for how your relationship
will work itself out
00:27:08.27\00:27:11.21
on a day-to-day basis because
here's the thing, friends,
00:27:11.24\00:27:14.35
you're not gonna
like this very much.
00:27:14.38\00:27:15.75
I'm gonna say it anyway.
00:27:15.78\00:27:17.65
If a marriage is falling apart,
00:27:17.68\00:27:20.81
I get myself into
trouble when I tell this to men
00:27:20.84\00:27:22.93
but I'm going to say it anyway.
00:27:22.96\00:27:24.33
If the marriage
is falling apart,
00:27:24.36\00:27:25.73
it is always at
least 60% the man's fault.
00:27:27.92\00:27:33.37
Now I'll put an asterisk there
and say in the rare occasion
00:27:37.83\00:27:42.69
such is not the
case, the rare occasion,
00:27:42.72\00:27:46.43
less than one in a thousand.
00:27:46.46\00:27:48.96
I want to repeat it, if a
marriage is falling apart,
00:27:48.99\00:27:51.97
it is at least 60% the
man's fault, usually more.
00:27:54.68\00:28:02.43
Now you're
sitting there thinking,
00:28:04.80\00:28:06.17
perhaps this preacher is crazy.
00:28:06.20\00:28:10.36
He doesn't know my wife.
00:28:12.14\00:28:13.66
Right?
00:28:16.99\00:28:18.54
If he knew my wife, he
would change that silly
00:28:18.57\00:28:22.33
theory of his in
two seconds flat.
00:28:22.36\00:28:24.45
Beloved, listen to me.
00:28:27.18\00:28:28.55
Your wife is
taking cues from you.
00:28:31.24\00:28:33.61
You hear me?
00:28:35.82\00:28:37.42
If a marriage is
falling apart it is largely
00:28:37.45\00:28:39.63
because a man has not created
00:28:39.66\00:28:41.24
the spiritual
familial environment
00:28:41.27\00:28:43.64
in which a woman can feel safe
and secure in that marriage.
00:28:43.67\00:28:48.71
Amen.
00:28:50.53\00:28:52.86
Now that stings a little bit.
00:28:52.89\00:28:54.26
I'm not here to
discourage you. Why is that?
00:28:56.15\00:28:58.87
Why is it the case
that it is primarily
00:28:58.90\00:29:00.50
the man's fault
whenever a marriage falls apart?
00:29:00.53\00:29:02.37
It's because the women's
self worth, not entirely,
00:29:04.55\00:29:08.28
but largely is tied up
with you, with who you are.
00:29:08.31\00:29:12.20
If you create a good environment
00:29:12.23\00:29:13.60
you'll have a
good marriage, period.
00:29:13.63\00:29:16.80
Are there exceptions to that?
00:29:16.83\00:29:18.20
Sure, sure there
are always exceptions.
00:29:18.23\00:29:20.72
But on the whole, you
create a spiritual healthy,
00:29:20.75\00:29:24.37
wholesome, romantic
environment in your home,
00:29:24.40\00:29:26.66
you proactively do that,
your wife will respond to that.
00:29:26.69\00:29:29.95
She will take her cues
on how she responds to you
00:29:29.98\00:29:32.48
from the way you
conduct yourself.
00:29:32.51\00:29:34.95
You're the leader, she
derives much of who she is
00:29:34.98\00:29:37.98
from you, not
from what she does,
00:29:38.01\00:29:39.57
that's not the way
a women's mind thinks.
00:29:39.60\00:29:40.97
It's not that she
goes and does things
00:29:41.00\00:29:42.55
and therefore she's a success.
00:29:42.58\00:29:43.95
She's taking her cues from you.
00:29:43.98\00:29:46.35
If you set the
tone she will follow.
00:29:46.38\00:29:48.60
You set a negative
tone she will follow
00:29:48.63\00:29:50.22
and then you have problems.
00:29:50.25\00:29:51.62
Are you hearing me, yes or no?
00:29:55.11\00:29:57.11
Now, beloved, just understanding
00:29:57.14\00:29:58.51
that one difference
you can literally remove
00:29:58.54\00:30:01.92
a women's reason for existence,
00:30:01.95\00:30:04.10
you can shatter her entire
world by being a workaholic.
00:30:04.13\00:30:10.07
Right? You can shatter
your wife's entire world
00:30:10.10\00:30:14.71
by spending more time with
your friends than with her.
00:30:14.74\00:30:18.03
Right? There's not
a man in the planet
00:30:18.06\00:30:20.61
probably that doesn't
have that wrestling tension
00:30:20.64\00:30:24.03
sometimes with
his wife about time
00:30:24.06\00:30:26.61
with the guys or time with you,
00:30:26.64\00:30:28.67
time with the
guys or time with you
00:30:28.70\00:30:30.08
and that's always
hard for us to understand
00:30:30.11\00:30:31.73
but friends, it's
not hard to understand
00:30:31.76\00:30:33.82
if we can begin to remember
that you are the whole reason,
00:30:33.85\00:30:37.59
the whole--I don't want to speak
here in over generalizations
00:30:37.62\00:30:41.13
but I'm going to speak that way
00:30:41.16\00:30:42.53
just so we can get
the point into our minds.
00:30:42.56\00:30:44.29
You are a
significant part of the reason
00:30:44.32\00:30:46.03
that your wife exists.
00:30:46.06\00:30:48.16
She's taking her cues
from you and if she feels like
00:30:48.19\00:30:50.60
she is just the
caboose in your marriage.
00:30:50.63\00:30:52.60
If she is just a
part of your life
00:30:52.63\00:30:55.20
and you are the
whole reason for hers,
00:30:55.23\00:30:57.20
this will crush her out.
00:30:57.23\00:31:00.71
Are we on the
same page, yes or no?
00:31:00.74\00:31:03.47
You are the engine
that drives her life,
00:31:03.50\00:31:05.57
her reason for existence.
00:31:05.60\00:31:07.20
She is taking her cues from you
and if you're wife feels like
00:31:07.23\00:31:10.42
she is only one
part of your life,
00:31:10.45\00:31:12.50
one helping among the salad bar,
00:31:12.53\00:31:14.55
then she'll feel crushed out
00:31:14.58\00:31:15.98
and you will have
an unhappy marriage.
00:31:16.01\00:31:17.54
Friends, if you
have an unhappy wife
00:31:17.57\00:31:18.94
you'll have an unhappy marriage.
00:31:18.97\00:31:20.92
You might be
thinking to yourself, man,
00:31:23.98\00:31:25.35
that this guy
doesn't know my wife,
00:31:25.38\00:31:26.88
he just doesn't know my wife.
00:31:26.91\00:31:28.54
I'm gonna say it publicly
and you're not gonna like it.
00:31:28.57\00:31:31.14
If your marriage is a wreck,
I believe in the sight of God,
00:31:31.17\00:31:37.62
could the holy scales that show
00:31:37.65\00:31:40.80
who's at fault and
who isn't at fault,
00:31:40.83\00:31:42.36
could those holy
scales be removed,
00:31:42.39\00:31:43.88
could the veil be torn
back, I think you would discover
00:31:43.91\00:31:46.92
that in God's sight the vast
majority of the responsibility
00:31:46.95\00:31:50.13
for your marriage falling
apart, rest's on your shoulders,
00:31:50.16\00:31:53.55
even if you
don't like to hear it.
00:31:53.58\00:31:56.84
It's true.
00:31:56.87\00:31:59.56
Does that mean that are
not errant women that go off
00:31:59.59\00:32:02.89
and do things and a godly man
00:32:02.92\00:32:04.82
like Hosea of
old-- sure that happens.
00:32:04.85\00:32:09.63
But on the whole, the
fault rests with men, it does.
00:32:09.66\00:32:15.03
Think about it this way.
00:32:18.57\00:32:19.94
If a churchgoes into apostasy,
00:32:29.11\00:32:34.30
say your church.
00:32:34.33\00:32:37.22
And your church
goes into apostasy
00:32:37.25\00:32:39.34
because you're unfaithful
pastor is preaching apostasy.
00:32:39.37\00:32:45.47
Will God hold the
church responsible, yes or no?
00:32:45.50\00:32:51.71
Will God hold the
church responsible
00:32:51.74\00:32:53.48
if the church
falls away, yes or no?
00:32:53.51\00:32:55.22
Now let's think that through.
00:32:58.23\00:33:00.29
Let's say you have
a church of 100 people
00:33:00.32\00:33:02.08
and you have a
pastor that stands up
00:33:02.11\00:33:03.48
and preaches
some craziness, right?
00:33:03.51\00:33:06.35
And let's say that 70
members in that church fall away
00:33:06.38\00:33:09.12
and go after the
pastor's nonsense.
00:33:09.15\00:33:11.54
Will God hold those
70 members accountable
00:33:11.57\00:33:14.02
for going after the
pastor's nonsense, yes or no?
00:33:14.05\00:33:17.26
Come on,
beloved, of course. Why?
00:33:17.29\00:33:20.75
Because every one of those has--
00:33:20.78\00:33:22.60
every one of
those 70 has a brain
00:33:22.63\00:33:24.23
and a Bible that can
think for themselves.
00:33:24.26\00:33:25.90
They don't have to go along
00:33:25.93\00:33:27.30
with what some
charismatic leader says.
00:33:27.33\00:33:28.70
Does God hold
them responsible? Yes.
00:33:28.73\00:33:30.95
But who does he hold
more responsible? The leader.
00:33:30.98\00:33:35.53
Now if we as men can say,
with almost unanimity here
00:33:35.56\00:33:39.39
with what no doubt be unanimity.
00:33:39.42\00:33:40.79
If we can say here
that in that circumstance
00:33:40.82\00:33:43.36
the pastor is more accountable
than the parishioners.
00:33:43.39\00:33:46.63
Are the
parishioners accountable?
00:33:46.66\00:33:48.03
We all say what? Yes.
00:33:48.06\00:33:50.01
But who is more
accountable? The pastor.
00:33:50.04\00:33:52.28
And we say, "Well,
why that's not fair.
00:33:52.31\00:33:53.69
How come the pastor
is more accountable?"
00:33:53.72\00:33:55.22
Because he's the leader.
00:33:55.25\00:34:00.36
Now if we can
say with objectivity
00:34:00.39\00:34:03.28
that that is true
in a church situation
00:34:03.31\00:34:05.68
then we need to say
with equal objectivity
00:34:05.71\00:34:07.79
that it is true in
a marriage situation.
00:34:07.82\00:34:10.00
If God has called
you to be the leader
00:34:10.03\00:34:11.60
and the whole thing has
gone to hell in a hand basket.
00:34:11.63\00:34:15.39
Do all the other members of
that family have responsibility
00:34:15.42\00:34:18.18
and a burden to bear,
is their culpability there?
00:34:18.21\00:34:20.36
Sure there is. But where does
most of the culpability lie?
00:34:20.39\00:34:23.87
With you.
00:34:23.90\00:34:27.52
Amen? Amen.
00:34:27.55\00:34:30.95
Now let's move
from that difference.
00:34:30.98\00:34:34.56
I'm gonna continue to
unpack that difference
00:34:34.59\00:34:37.23
but men, that alone I tell you.
00:34:37.26\00:34:40.54
Just
understanding that your wife--
00:34:40.57\00:34:46.73
even if you're a bad husband
00:34:46.76\00:34:48.13
that's the
amazing thing about women.
00:34:48.16\00:34:50.90
Even if you have been a pathetic
husband, like a bad one,
00:34:50.93\00:34:56.45
if you will turn
around, your wife will love you
00:34:56.48\00:35:00.11
just as if you have been a
great husband all those years.
00:35:00.14\00:35:04.24
God has put into
the heart a willingness
00:35:04.27\00:35:06.80
to forgive in
the heart of a woman
00:35:06.83\00:35:08.42
if and when the man
can step up to the plate
00:35:08.45\00:35:10.81
and be what God
has called him to be.
00:35:10.84\00:35:13.35
Just knowing that one
central difference alone,
00:35:13.38\00:35:16.56
that your wife is going
to take her cues from you
00:35:16.59\00:35:19.05
as to how she
conducts herself in a marriage,
00:35:19.08\00:35:21.12
that alone can
help you tremendously.
00:35:21.15\00:35:25.66
Now I have married
people I think 10 times
00:35:25.69\00:35:28.58
since I've been a pastor,
10 or 11 wedding ceremonies.
00:35:28.61\00:35:32.83
And every time I
do a wedding ceremony
00:35:32.86\00:35:36.29
I preach the same sermon.
00:35:36.32\00:35:39.66
I don't know why they
keep asking me to marry them.
00:35:39.69\00:35:41.46
I always peach the
same sermon, every time.
00:35:41.49\00:35:44.55
They know what they're
gonna get. I tell them,
00:35:44.58\00:35:46.04
"I'll preach the same
sermon that you heard today."
00:35:46.07\00:35:47.83
"Oh, that's the one I want."
00:35:47.86\00:35:50.69
Okay?
00:35:50.72\00:35:52.09
So here's my wedding sermon,
I'm gonna give it to you.
00:35:52.12\00:35:55.32
What I do is I stand up front
00:35:55.35\00:35:56.72
and I say, "listen,
your carnal nature, Satan,
00:35:56.75\00:36:02.13
and this society are all warring
00:36:02.16\00:36:04.73
against you having
a successful marriage.
00:36:04.76\00:36:06.60
But I can
guarantee you here today,
00:36:06.63\00:36:08.21
that if you will follow
these five simple principles,
00:36:08.24\00:36:10.47
you will have a
successful marriage.
00:36:10.50\00:36:11.87
That's what I say to
the newly weds. Okay?
00:36:11.90\00:36:14.12
And I'm gonna make it
very easy on you newly weds
00:36:14.15\00:36:15.95
because it's going to be hard
for you to remember anything
00:36:15.98\00:36:17.62
I say because all you
can think about right now
00:36:17.65\00:36:19.59
is looking longingly into
your future spouse's eyes.
00:36:19.62\00:36:23.72
I'm gonna make it very
simple for you to remember.
00:36:23.75\00:36:27.58
Five C's.
00:36:27.61\00:36:30.64
Beloved, I'm gonna
go so far as to say
00:36:30.67\00:36:32.17
that if you
practice these five C's
00:36:32.20\00:36:33.88
it is impossible for
you to have a bad marriage.
00:36:33.91\00:36:37.89
Seriously. If you
practice these five C's
00:36:37.92\00:36:41.07
you cannot have a bad marriage
00:36:41.10\00:36:42.67
and I'll go even
further than that.
00:36:42.70\00:36:44.07
If you presently
have a bad marriage
00:36:44.10\00:36:45.47
and you earnestly and
sincerely and meaningfully
00:36:45.50\00:36:48.69
put these five
C's into practice,
00:36:48.72\00:36:50.52
your bad marriage will
become a good marriage. Okay?
00:36:50.55\00:36:53.80
You want to know what
the five C's are, yes or no?
00:36:53.83\00:36:55.86
Yes. First one, conversion.
00:36:55.89\00:36:59.20
Men, listen to me,
00:37:03.51\00:37:05.33
99% of any marriage's
success is the conversion
00:37:05.36\00:37:13.27
of the
participants in that marriage.
00:37:13.30\00:37:16.53
Do you hear me
clucking, yes or no?
00:37:16.56\00:37:19.59
You can not take
two converted people.
00:37:19.62\00:37:23.41
What kind of people
did I say? Converted.
00:37:23.44\00:37:25.41
You cannot take two converted
people who have totally,
00:37:25.44\00:37:28.60
completely dedicated
and surrendered their lives
00:37:28.63\00:37:30.44
to the Lord Jesus and
put them into a marriage
00:37:30.47\00:37:32.44
and have them get
divorce, that can't happen.
00:37:32.47\00:37:35.91
That is impossible.
00:37:35.94\00:37:38.60
Because a
totally converted person
00:37:38.63\00:37:40.24
is totally
surrendered to the will of God
00:37:40.27\00:37:42.39
and the Bible
says, God hates divorce.
00:37:42.42\00:37:46.49
The most important
factor in your marriage
00:37:46.52\00:37:49.09
is your daily
conversion, your surrender
00:37:49.12\00:37:52.35
to the Lord Jesus
Christ and his word.
00:37:52.38\00:37:54.19
That includes praying
in your closet by yourself.
00:37:54.22\00:37:56.67
That includes studying
the Bible for yourself.
00:37:56.70\00:37:58.62
That includes
praying with your wife.
00:37:58.65\00:38:00.37
That includes being
involved actively and witnessing
00:38:00.40\00:38:03.07
and reaching out to
people in your community, amen.
00:38:03.10\00:38:06.15
If you are
converted and your wife
00:38:06.18\00:38:08.05
is converted you
can't get a divorce.
00:38:08.08\00:38:10.85
And some people
aren't gonna like that.
00:38:13.92\00:38:15.69
Because they're
gonna say, "oh, preacher,
00:38:15.72\00:38:17.74
I was converted
and I got a divorce."
00:38:17.77\00:38:19.82
Really?
00:38:23.54\00:38:24.91
If you weren't
divorced on biblical grounds
00:38:27.64\00:38:30.67
and it wasn't entirely
your wife that was pushing it,
00:38:30.70\00:38:34.42
then I would strongly
question your conversion.
00:38:34.45\00:38:39.32
I believe because the
Bible solemnly declares,
00:38:39.35\00:38:44.56
if any man be in
Christ he is a new creature.
00:38:44.59\00:38:47.81
Old things are passed away,
00:38:47.84\00:38:49.21
behold all
things will become new.
00:38:49.24\00:38:50.61
If you take two genuinely
converted, what did I say?
00:38:50.64\00:38:54.56
Genuinely converted Christians,
biblically informed Christians,
00:38:54.59\00:38:57.74
and you put them
in a marriage together
00:38:57.77\00:38:59.44
they can not get divorced
as long as they stay converted.
00:38:59.47\00:39:05.57
If you're having
problems in your marriage,
00:39:05.60\00:39:08.37
you come to me for
marriage counseling,
00:39:08.40\00:39:09.77
the very first
question I will ask you is,
00:39:09.80\00:39:11.78
"are you converted?"
00:39:11.81\00:39:16.09
And if you say to
me, "yes." I'm gonna say,
00:39:16.12\00:39:17.49
how much time did you spent
in Bible study this morning.
00:39:17.52\00:39:22.52
If you say, "well, I was
a little busy this morning."
00:39:22.55\00:39:24.26
I'll say, "okay,
00:39:24.29\00:39:26.46
how much time did you
spend yesterday morning?"
00:39:26.49\00:39:29.08
"Ten minutes."
00:39:29.11\00:39:32.59
"How about the morning before?"
00:39:32.62\00:39:33.99
"I was busy that morning, too."
00:39:34.02\00:39:37.60
"How much time did
you spend in prayer?"
00:39:37.63\00:39:39.00
I'll ask you
the tough questions.
00:39:39.03\00:39:40.98
You can tell me with
your mouth you're converted
00:39:41.01\00:39:42.93
but, beloved, if
we're not doing the things
00:39:42.96\00:39:44.87
that converted people do,
00:39:44.90\00:39:46.33
we're only making the
profession of conversion.
00:39:46.36\00:39:48.46
Can you say, amen? Amen.
00:39:48.49\00:39:51.27
You come to me for
marriage counseling?
00:39:51.30\00:39:52.79
Sure, I'll give you
marriage counseling.
00:39:52.82\00:39:54.19
And the very first question
I will ask in that session,
00:39:54.22\00:39:56.71
I will look to the
man and I will say,
00:39:56.74\00:39:58.28
"are you converted?"
00:39:58.31\00:40:00.42
And if you say no,
00:40:00.45\00:40:01.82
I'll say your marriage
doesn't have a hope anyway.
00:40:01.85\00:40:03.31
Second question, I
turn to the woman and I say,
00:40:06.42\00:40:07.88
"Are you converted?"
00:40:07.91\00:40:09.28
If I get a yes from the
man and a yes from the woman
00:40:09.31\00:40:11.23
then you know what I do.
00:40:11.26\00:40:12.63
I turn to the woman and
I say, "Is he converted."
00:40:12.66\00:40:14.28
You hearing me?
00:40:20.76\00:40:22.66
Don't worry, the woman
gets her just dues as well,
00:40:22.69\00:40:24.43
I turn to him and I
say, "is she converted?"
00:40:24.46\00:40:26.35
Beloved, would you agree with me
00:40:29.07\00:40:31.32
that the hardest place to
be a Christian is in your home?
00:40:31.35\00:40:33.37
Yes. You want to know
00:40:33.40\00:40:34.84
where are the easiest
place to be a Christians is?
00:40:34.87\00:40:37.28
In church.
00:40:37.31\00:40:38.68
Oh, man, it's so easy to
be a Christian in church.
00:40:38.71\00:40:40.72
You just wear the right
clothes and don't speak up.
00:40:40.75\00:40:43.32
Amen?
00:40:46.24\00:40:47.92
But I tell you,
you get into your home
00:40:47.95\00:40:49.67
and that's where it's
tough to be a Christian.
00:40:49.70\00:40:53.97
But, beloved, if you can
be a Christian in your home
00:40:54.00\00:40:55.66
and you can be a
Christian anywhere.
00:40:55.69\00:40:58.00
If you can be a
Christina in your home,
00:40:58.03\00:40:59.40
you can be a Christian
in the torture chamber.
00:40:59.43\00:41:01.77
You can be a
Christian in your home,
00:41:01.80\00:41:03.17
you can be a
Christian when you're standing
00:41:03.20\00:41:04.57
before military
tribunal at the end of time.
00:41:04.60\00:41:08.08
If you can be a
Christian in your home,
00:41:08.11\00:41:09.79
you can be a Christian anywhere,
00:41:09.82\00:41:12.29
even in solitary confinement.
00:41:12.32\00:41:14.26
There is no place where it
is harder to be a Christian
00:41:14.29\00:41:16.37
then when you have exposed
00:41:16.40\00:41:18.10
yourself in total
vulnerability to another person
00:41:18.13\00:41:21.51
who gets to see you
at your best and worst.
00:41:21.54\00:41:24.16
Now I can say to the
glory of God in heaven,
00:41:26.47\00:41:28.63
if you put my wife, Violeta,
00:41:28.66\00:41:30.03
this morning right your on
the stage and you say to him,
00:41:30.06\00:41:31.82
okay, here we go, here
it is the $64,000 question,
00:41:31.85\00:41:35.17
"is he converted?"
00:41:35.20\00:41:36.57
She would say,
"yes, he's converted."
00:41:36.60\00:41:38.18
Now if you said, "is
he a perfect husband?"
00:41:38.21\00:41:39.65
She'd say, "No.
But he's a Christian."
00:41:39.68\00:41:41.74
You don't have to
be a perfect husband
00:41:44.57\00:41:46.03
in order for your wife to see
00:41:46.06\00:41:47.68
that you are making strides
toward the kingdom of God.
00:41:47.71\00:41:52.47
Conversion, that's the first C.
00:41:52.50\00:41:54.88
If you're not converted
and your wife is not converted
00:41:56.93\00:41:59.34
then you barely have a chance
00:41:59.37\00:42:01.67
at all to
preserve your marriage.
00:42:01.70\00:42:03.68
However, if you
can get converted
00:42:03.71\00:42:06.16
or stay
converted and your wife--
00:42:06.19\00:42:08.07
and you say,
"what about my wife?
00:42:08.10\00:42:09.47
I'm converted
and my wife isn't."
00:42:09.50\00:42:11.08
Okay, that's a
legitimate objection.
00:42:11.11\00:42:14.90
If you're totally converted
00:42:14.93\00:42:16.30
and your wife
isn't then your job
00:42:16.33\00:42:18.15
as a man is to
create an environment
00:42:18.18\00:42:20.56
in which she
wants to be converted.
00:42:20.59\00:42:23.51
That's what God was trying
to teach Hosea about his people.
00:42:25.17\00:42:27.81
He said, "Hey,
Hosea, I got this nice lady
00:42:27.84\00:42:29.50
I want you to
marry." "Oh, yeah? Really?"
00:42:29.53\00:42:30.95
"She's a whore.
She's a prostitute.
00:42:30.98\00:42:34.31
You're gonna love it." "What?"
00:42:34.34\00:42:37.27
Now you will know how
I feel about my people.
00:42:37.30\00:42:39.71
Friends, I believe that if
the man is totally converted,
00:42:41.66\00:42:44.45
even if the
woman is out to lunch,
00:42:44.48\00:42:46.81
that marriage has a
good chance of survival.
00:42:46.84\00:42:49.99
Because the woman, remember,
takes her cues from, who?
00:42:50.02\00:42:54.12
From the man. That's what Paul
says in I Corinthian Chapter 7.
00:42:54.15\00:42:56.37
Well, he says, If you
have an unbelieving wife,
00:42:56.40\00:42:58.29
stick it out, man
because the unbelieving wife
00:42:58.32\00:43:00.40
will be sanctified by the
Godly deportment of the husband.
00:43:00.43\00:43:03.80
Conversion.
00:43:03.83\00:43:05.98
If your marriage is
falling apart you have to ask
00:43:06.01\00:43:07.62
yourself the hard questions.
00:43:07.65\00:43:09.02
Are you really converted?
00:43:09.05\00:43:11.66
If you're not willing to
ask yourself the hard questions,
00:43:11.69\00:43:13.18
let me ask you.
00:43:13.21\00:43:14.58
How much time do you
spend in Bible study a day?
00:43:14.61\00:43:17.02
How much time do you
spend reading the Bible a day?
00:43:17.05\00:43:19.50
How much time do you
spend watching television a day?
00:43:19.53\00:43:21.74
How much time do you
spend in prayer a day?
00:43:21.77\00:43:23.60
When was the last time you won
00:43:23.63\00:43:25.00
somebody to the
Lord Jesus Christ?
00:43:25.03\00:43:27.85
I'll ask you the hard questions.
00:43:27.88\00:43:29.88
I continue to believe
that we should make membership
00:43:29.91\00:43:32.59
in the Seventh
Day Adventist Church
00:43:32.62\00:43:33.99
contingent upon everybody
00:43:34.02\00:43:35.39
winning at least
one soul per year.
00:43:35.42\00:43:39.04
I believe that
should be a membership
00:43:39.07\00:43:40.60
requirement in the
Seventh Day Adventist Church.
00:43:40.63\00:43:43.07
If we say, you have
to abstain from pork
00:43:43.10\00:43:45.34
and is that
important, yes or no?
00:43:45.37\00:43:47.37
Is that part in parcel of
being a Christian, yes or no?
00:43:47.40\00:43:50.93
Listen, if somebody
steps on the, steps on the--
00:43:50.96\00:43:53.40
the platform there
of my church and says,
00:43:53.43\00:43:55.05
"I want to be a
Seventh Day Adventist."
00:43:55.08\00:43:56.58
And I say, "will you abstain
from eating unclean meats?"
00:43:56.61\00:43:58.80
And they say no, I'll say,
"you can keep coming to church
00:43:58.83\00:44:00.88
but you can't join my church."
00:44:00.91\00:44:03.29
What is a more important
part of being a Christian,
00:44:03.32\00:44:05.68
abstaining from bacon or sharing
the good news of the gospel
00:44:05.71\00:44:08.66
with those around you?
00:44:08.69\00:44:10.65
Yeah, you know what it is.
00:44:10.68\00:44:12.72
So if we're going
to make abstinence
00:44:12.75\00:44:14.46
from pork a contingency for
participation in this church
00:44:14.49\00:44:18.12
then why not soul
winning as an actual requirement
00:44:18.15\00:44:21.94
for being a member in
the Remnant church of God.
00:44:21.97\00:44:24.37
Amen? Amen.
00:44:24.40\00:44:25.86
You say, "That sounds radical."
00:44:28.54\00:44:29.91
It's totally radical.
And it's totally biblical.
00:44:29.94\00:44:32.64
If you're not winning
souls, you're not a Christian.
00:44:32.67\00:44:34.57
You don't like that, I'm sorry.
00:44:37.08\00:44:39.60
The Desire of Ages,
"every true disciple is born
00:44:39.63\00:44:42.66
into the kingdom
of God a missionary."
00:44:42.69\00:44:45.13
You're not a missionary,
00:44:47.21\00:44:48.58
you're not a
true disciple, right?
00:44:48.61\00:44:50.67
David Asscherick didn't
say it, the red book said it.
00:44:50.70\00:44:54.67
Number one, conversion.
00:44:54.70\00:44:57.38
Ask yourself the hard questions.
00:44:57.41\00:44:59.26
Number two, commitment.
00:44:59.29\00:45:02.82
I was recently counseling
with a pastor and his wife.
00:45:02.85\00:45:05.43
They were talking
about getting divorced.
00:45:05.46\00:45:06.92
He had his bags packed,
00:45:06.95\00:45:08.32
he was on the way out the door.
00:45:08.35\00:45:10.01
A pastor had his bags
packed, ready to leave his wife.
00:45:10.04\00:45:14.85
On biblical grounds, no, no, no.
00:45:14.88\00:45:16.66
They couldn't get a law.
00:45:16.69\00:45:18.47
Said, "hey we're
in a dire situation.
00:45:18.50\00:45:19.87
You need to come
over. We need help."
00:45:19.90\00:45:21.98
So we, my wife and
I, we went over there.
00:45:22.01\00:45:23.58
We sat right on the
couch and sure enough,
00:45:23.61\00:45:25.63
bags were packed,
waiting at the door,
00:45:25.66\00:45:27.03
and this thing is over.
00:45:27.06\00:45:28.43
Married more than 10 years,
game over, I'm out of here.
00:45:28.46\00:45:31.52
Sick and tried of putting
up with this crazy woman.
00:45:31.55\00:45:33.47
I'm sick and tired of putting
up with this crazy man, done.
00:45:33.50\00:45:36.94
I said, all right.
00:45:36.97\00:45:39.92
I looked that man in
the eye and I said to him,
00:45:39.95\00:45:41.94
"is divorce an option?"
00:45:41.97\00:45:44.81
"Well, you know..."
00:45:47.07\00:45:48.95
I said, "Listen,
don't talk that way.
00:45:48.98\00:45:50.94
I just want a yes or no answer.
00:45:50.97\00:45:52.61
Is divorce an option?"
00:45:52.64\00:45:55.53
Remember they didn't
have biblical grounds.
00:46:01.45\00:46:05.07
He didn't want to answer.
00:46:05.10\00:46:08.00
All right. I'll ask you.
00:46:08.03\00:46:09.53
Turned to the woman,
"Is divorce an option?"
00:46:09.56\00:46:12.43
[indistinct] No, that's not--
00:46:14.28\00:46:16.99
you don't have to
tell me the whole--
00:46:17.02\00:46:18.39
I don't want to hear the story.
00:46:18.42\00:46:21.77
I want to know if
divorce is an option.
00:46:21.80\00:46:23.79
They didn't want to answer.
00:46:27.07\00:46:28.93
Beloved, listen to me,
00:46:28.96\00:46:30.33
if divorce is an
option you'll get a divorce.
00:46:30.36\00:46:33.65
Do you hear what I said?
00:46:33.68\00:46:36.05
If divorce is an option,
00:46:36.08\00:46:37.68
and I'm talking about
on non biblical grounds.
00:46:37.71\00:46:39.24
If you could just say
that you just can't tolerate
00:46:39.27\00:46:40.65
that crazy woman anymore.
00:46:40.68\00:46:43.37
If divorce is an
option you'll get a divorce.
00:46:43.40\00:46:47.29
If divorce is not an
option then guess what?
00:46:47.32\00:46:50.23
You won't get a divorce.
00:46:50.26\00:46:52.51
You have to settle
that in your mind right now,
00:46:52.54\00:46:54.78
is divorce an option.
00:46:54.81\00:46:57.10
Commitment, number two.
00:46:57.13\00:46:59.28
Listen, I was
gonna run a marathon.
00:46:59.31\00:47:00.68
Anyone here ever
ran a marathon before?
00:47:00.71\00:47:02.51
Okay, I gave up
before even started.
00:47:02.54\00:47:03.99
God bless you guys.
00:47:04.02\00:47:06.20
I bought the
book, I bought the book.
00:47:06.23\00:47:08.72
How to run your first marathon
00:47:08.75\00:47:10.22
and I started thumbing through
that thing and I thought,
00:47:10.25\00:47:14.02
"Lord have mercy, training
schedule, training regiment.
00:47:14.05\00:47:16.79
You know, I
think I'll run a 5 K."
00:47:16.82\00:47:20.69
You know what though,
you know what the book said,
00:47:20.72\00:47:22.85
actually I got-- I had
that book and another one
00:47:22.88\00:47:25.05
and both books said the
same thing in the introduction.
00:47:25.08\00:47:27.01
They said a marathon
is run between the ears.
00:47:27.04\00:47:30.43
You know where a marathon
is run? It's not run here.
00:47:30.46\00:47:33.45
A marathon is
run between the ears.
00:47:33.48\00:47:35.93
You have to decide when
you take the first step.
00:47:35.96\00:47:38.33
If not finishing
the race is an option
00:47:44.19\00:47:47.78
you're not
gonna finish the race.
00:47:47.81\00:47:50.43
If you take the first step
and you're thinking to yourself,
00:47:50.46\00:47:52.52
"you know, I'm
gonna see how it goes.
00:47:52.55\00:47:54.53
You know, if I'm
feeling good at 12 mile
00:47:54.56\00:47:56.71
I'm gonna keep it up.
00:47:56.74\00:47:58.32
If I'm feeling good at
mile 22 I'm gonna keep it up."
00:47:58.35\00:48:00.32
If you're thinking,
I'll see how things go
00:48:00.35\00:48:02.87
and as long as things
go well I'll stay with it,
00:48:02.90\00:48:05.76
you're not
gonna finish the race.
00:48:05.79\00:48:07.81
Both books said, in order to run
a marathon for your first time,
00:48:07.84\00:48:12.20
especially if
you're a little older,
00:48:12.23\00:48:13.60
you have to say
with the first step,
00:48:13.63\00:48:15.00
"I will finish this race."
00:48:15.03\00:48:17.98
Walking out of this race
prematurely is not an, what?
00:48:18.01\00:48:22.08
Option. It's not an option.
00:48:22.11\00:48:25.53
Number two, commitment.
00:48:25.56\00:48:26.93
Are your committed
to your wife for life.
00:48:26.96\00:48:31.43
Listen, if the
answer to that is no,
00:48:31.46\00:48:34.91
then you'll get a divorce,
00:48:34.94\00:48:36.53
because it will
just take circumstances
00:48:36.56\00:48:38.31
that are just dire
enough, bad enough,
00:48:38.34\00:48:39.95
and austere enough
to get you out of there.
00:48:39.98\00:48:42.50
Number two, commitment.
00:48:42.53\00:48:43.90
Are you committed
to that woman for life?
00:48:43.93\00:48:45.32
Did you mean it
when you swore before God
00:48:45.35\00:48:47.99
that you would
stick it out with her?
00:48:48.02\00:48:49.41
Now, even on biblical grounds,
00:48:49.44\00:48:50.85
and I've got to
throw this in very quickly.
00:48:50.88\00:48:53.59
I've got to be so
careful how I tell this story.
00:48:53.62\00:48:56.66
A man that I know, a pastor,
gonna tell it to you quick,
00:48:56.69\00:49:02.23
comes home, "honey, I'm home."
00:49:02.26\00:49:05.30
She was home too
with the Elder in bed.
00:49:05.33\00:49:09.72
Okay? What does he do?
00:49:09.75\00:49:11.12
Goes into the bedroom, says,
"sweetie, get your clothes on.
00:49:11.15\00:49:13.34
Please, sir, get your clothes on
00:49:13.37\00:49:14.74
and I want to meet
you in the living room."
00:49:14.77\00:49:16.14
They get their clothes
on, comes into the living.
00:49:16.17\00:49:17.54
This is a true story.
00:49:17.57\00:49:18.94
Sits down in the living room,
00:49:18.97\00:49:20.34
gives them a
Bible study on the grace
00:49:20.37\00:49:21.74
and forgiveness of
God, sends the man home.
00:49:21.77\00:49:23.45
Three years
later, "Honey, I'm home."
00:49:32.28\00:49:37.04
She was home too
with the Elder, same guy.
00:49:37.07\00:49:42.01
"Get your clothes on, sweetie.
Get your clothes on, please.
00:49:42.04\00:49:44.37
I'd like to see you
in the living room."
00:49:44.40\00:49:46.01
They meet in the living room,
00:49:46.04\00:49:47.41
sits down, gives them a
Bible study on the love,
00:49:47.44\00:49:48.85
grace, and
forgiveness of God. See ya.
00:49:48.88\00:49:52.09
Still married.
00:49:52.12\00:49:55.30
Five years later,
00:49:55.33\00:49:56.70
so eight years in the
first time this happened.
00:49:56.73\00:49:58.50
And this is just
when she was caught.
00:49:58.53\00:50:01.77
Different church,
different district,
00:50:01.80\00:50:03.52
"Honey, I'm home." Same man.
00:50:03.55\00:50:07.96
Hundreds of miles away.
00:50:07.99\00:50:12.61
"Sweetie, get your clothes
on. Can you get clothers on?
00:50:12.64\00:50:14.25
I'd like see you
in the living room."
00:50:14.28\00:50:15.65
Living room,
Bible study on the love
00:50:15.68\00:50:17.30
and forgiveness of
God, have a goodnight.
00:50:17.33\00:50:21.05
She divorced him.
00:50:21.08\00:50:23.84
She couldn't take
it. Is divorce an option?
00:50:27.50\00:50:33.38
Listen, even when
you have biblical grounds
00:50:33.41\00:50:36.19
Jesus didn't say
you had to get divorced.
00:50:36.22\00:50:38.36
Amen? Amen.
00:50:38.39\00:50:40.04
Now, friends, let me
tell you, that's a true story.
00:50:40.07\00:50:41.44
I know the man that
did that. Let me tell you.
00:50:41.47\00:50:43.14
You think that would
takes him guts, yes or no?
00:50:43.17\00:50:45.45
Yes. Come on, men.
00:50:45.48\00:50:47.51
I tell you, my respect for
that man rivals the respect
00:50:47.54\00:50:50.37
that I have for
any man on this planet.
00:50:50.40\00:50:52.98
Today he's happily
married to another woman,
00:50:53.01\00:50:54.40
she left him,
biblical, great husband.
00:50:54.43\00:50:59.65
Number two, what's
number two everyone?
00:50:59.68\00:51:01.33
Commitment. Commitment.
00:51:01.36\00:51:02.74
Is divorce an option? No.
00:51:02.77\00:51:06.35
If divorce is not an option
then guess what you won't do?
00:51:06.38\00:51:09.93
You won't get divorced.
00:51:09.96\00:51:14.25
Number three, compassion.
00:51:14.28\00:51:16.58
There is so much
that could be said, here.
00:51:20.14\00:51:23.69
Men, you've got to be sweeter.
00:51:23.72\00:51:26.40
How many men
here like having sex?
00:51:29.49\00:51:31.26
Did the to the pastor
just say that on 3ABN?
00:51:33.84\00:51:36.09
I didn't see the hands
there, you are too timid.
00:51:41.44\00:51:45.92
Listen, man, God invented sex.
00:51:45.95\00:51:47.37
Amen? Amen.
00:51:47.40\00:51:49.61
He invented it. He
made it pleasurable.
00:51:49.64\00:51:51.40
It's better than a hand
shake and He made it that way.
00:51:51.43\00:51:53.48
There's no shame in it.
00:51:53.51\00:51:55.66
Amen? There is no shame in it.
00:51:55.69\00:51:57.78
Amen. Right?
00:51:57.81\00:51:59.18
I refuse to let this
society get the victory
00:51:59.21\00:52:01.80
over something that God
has created to be enjoyed
00:52:01.83\00:52:05.51
within the confines of
a marriage relationship.
00:52:05.54\00:52:07.46
Amen. There's no shame in this.
00:52:07.49\00:52:10.68
Listen, beloved,
00:52:10.71\00:52:12.08
you want a good sex life
with your wife, it's possible.
00:52:12.11\00:52:15.55
And here's what I
tell young couples
00:52:15.58\00:52:16.95
and here's what I'm telling you.
00:52:16.98\00:52:18.88
If you
concentrate on the compassion,
00:52:18.91\00:52:21.47
the passion will
take care of itself.
00:52:21.50\00:52:25.69
I want to say that again.
00:52:25.72\00:52:27.09
You concentrate
on the compassion
00:52:27.12\00:52:29.70
and the passion
will take care of itself.
00:52:29.73\00:52:33.02
I don't need to tell
you that sex is different
00:52:37.10\00:52:38.72
for a man than
it is for a woman.
00:52:38.75\00:52:41.28
For a woman it's about security,
00:52:41.31\00:52:43.98
it's about relationships,
it's about how the day went,
00:52:44.01\00:52:48.05
it's about how
the marriage is going.
00:52:48.08\00:52:50.08
You worry about the compassion,
00:52:50.11\00:52:51.98
the tenderness, the
sweetness, the kindness.
00:52:52.01\00:52:54.42
Do you hear the
words I'm using, men?
00:52:54.45\00:52:56.54
The romance.
00:52:56.57\00:52:58.59
You worry about the compassion
00:52:58.62\00:53:00.01
and the passion
will take care of itself.
00:53:00.04\00:53:03.39
No marriage was ever
built on a good sex life,
00:53:03.42\00:53:08.83
but every good
marriage will eventually
00:53:08.86\00:53:11.54
produce a good
sexual intimate experience.
00:53:11.57\00:53:15.80
Are you hearing
me, yes or no? Yes.
00:53:15.83\00:53:17.74
If we think that our marriage
00:53:17.77\00:53:19.14
is gonna be happy based
on a good sexual experiences,
00:53:19.17\00:53:21.78
is that part of the
marriage? Yes it is.
00:53:21.81\00:53:23.18
But friends, we are putting
the cart before the horse.
00:53:23.21\00:53:25.07
Your job as a
man-- your job as the man
00:53:25.10\00:53:27.64
is to worry
about the compassion,
00:53:27.67\00:53:29.90
the tenderness, the kindness,
the sweetness, the roses,
00:53:29.93\00:53:32.07
the flowers, the dates.
00:53:32.10\00:53:36.19
Not just what you say
but in the way you say it.
00:53:36.22\00:53:38.99
Put a tenderness in your voice,
00:53:39.02\00:53:40.39
put a sweetness into your voice.
00:53:40.42\00:53:43.80
There is not a day that goes by
00:53:43.83\00:53:45.27
that my wife, Violeta does
not hear at least five times
00:53:45.30\00:53:49.03
that she is the most
beautiful woman in the world.
00:53:49.06\00:53:52.67
You think she
knows I believe that?
00:53:52.70\00:53:55.00
Listen, I've sold it
to her every single day
00:53:55.03\00:53:56.65
since we've been married
that we've been together,
00:53:56.68\00:53:58.58
she hears it every day
00:53:58.61\00:53:59.98
and she's gonna keep hearing it.
00:54:00.01\00:54:01.38
I want her to know that
I am madly in love with her
00:54:01.41\00:54:04.28
and absolutely,
totally attracted to her.
00:54:04.31\00:54:07.72
Amen? Amen.
00:54:07.75\00:54:09.21
Sweet things, compassion.
00:54:09.24\00:54:13.67
I could say more
there, but I'm going to stop.
00:54:13.70\00:54:16.28
Number one,
what was the first C?
00:54:16.31\00:54:18.38
Conversion. Conversion.
00:54:18.41\00:54:19.78
What percentage of
your marriages is that?
00:54:19.81\00:54:21.70
99%, conversion. That's 99%.
00:54:21.73\00:54:24.36
What was the second C?
00:54:24.39\00:54:25.76
Commitment. Commitment.
00:54:25.79\00:54:27.16
What's the third C? Compassion.
00:54:27.19\00:54:28.83
Fourth C, Compromise.
00:54:28.86\00:54:31.94
Oh, men, you're
stubborn, aren't you?
00:54:31.97\00:54:35.75
You've got to learn
the art of compromise.
00:54:35.78\00:54:39.31
Now, we do not compromise--
00:54:39.34\00:54:40.71
by the way if you
guys are planning on coming
00:54:40.74\00:54:42.11
to this seminar
later you have to go out,
00:54:42.14\00:54:43.51
because now you're gonna think
00:54:43.54\00:54:44.91
you're getting two
for the price of one.
00:54:44.94\00:54:46.31
These are the guys
waiting in the back.
00:54:46.34\00:54:49.13
Compromise.
00:54:49.16\00:54:51.56
But the stuff
before this has been
00:54:51.59\00:54:53.02
really good,
hasn't it, guys? Yes.
00:54:53.05\00:54:54.91
So you got to come. Compromise.
00:54:54.94\00:54:57.71
Beloved, never
compromise in principle
00:54:57.74\00:54:59.40
but you have to learn to
compromise in preference.
00:54:59.43\00:55:03.59
If you want the red car
00:55:03.62\00:55:04.99
and she wants the black
car you get the blue car.
00:55:05.02\00:55:09.17
Amen? Amen.
00:55:09.20\00:55:13.00
Compromise is essential.
00:55:13.03\00:55:14.62
You have to let go of
some of your stubbornness.
00:55:14.65\00:55:17.66
You have to learn that not
every hill is a hill to die on.
00:55:17.69\00:55:22.29
Amen? Amen.
00:55:22.32\00:55:23.69
There will be
things that your wife
00:55:23.72\00:55:25.09
does that gonna
drive you absolutely,
00:55:25.12\00:55:26.83
totally insane and crazy.
00:55:26.86\00:55:28.90
Let it go.
00:55:28.93\00:55:31.83
Amen? Amen.
00:55:31.86\00:55:33.81
There are more things in
you that drive her crazy.
00:55:33.84\00:55:37.74
Compromise. Learning
the art of compromise.
00:55:37.77\00:55:42.33
How to reach an
agreeable conclusion
00:55:42.36\00:55:45.57
when two
parties are in conflict?
00:55:45.60\00:55:48.94
And last but not least,
Last one, communication.
00:55:48.97\00:55:53.27
E, communication.
00:55:53.30\00:55:56.42
Conflict resolution
skills and communication.
00:55:56.45\00:55:59.26
Men, I'm gonna
give you a tool here.
00:55:59.29\00:56:01.19
When your wife says something
00:56:01.22\00:56:02.59
that's driving you crazy
and you think to yourself,
00:56:02.62\00:56:04.02
"Did that crazy women just
say what I think she said?"
00:56:04.05\00:56:07.37
Don't say anything.
Don't respond and say...
00:56:07.40\00:56:10.28
Don't do that.
Here's what you do.
00:56:14.30\00:56:17.29
Here's a tool. Here's a tool.
00:56:17.32\00:56:19.77
Your wife says
something crazy and you say,
00:56:19.80\00:56:23.76
"say, sweetie,
00:56:23.79\00:56:25.95
what I heard you
say was that and so.
00:56:29.78\00:56:33.70
Is that what you said?"
00:56:33.73\00:56:36.62
And nine times of
of ten she'll say,
00:56:36.65\00:56:38.46
"no, that's not
what I said it at all.
00:56:38.49\00:56:40.89
What I said was thus and so."
00:56:40.92\00:56:43.98
And then you'll say, "Well,
that's just as crazy anyway."
00:56:44.01\00:56:46.21
But then, don't respond to that.
00:56:46.24\00:56:49.58
Say, "sweetie, here's
what I'm hearing you say.
00:56:49.61\00:56:54.67
Is that what your saying?"
00:56:54.70\00:56:56.62
"No, that's not
what I'm saying."
00:56:56.65\00:56:58.02
And you're gonna learn
00:56:58.05\00:56:59.42
that you are an
absolutely terrible listener.
00:56:59.45\00:57:02.08
"Well, what are you saying"
00:57:02.11\00:57:03.48
And then finally, after
about four or five bouts
00:57:03.51\00:57:05.76
of that you're gonna get it.
00:57:05.79\00:57:07.32
And what she was
actually trying to say
00:57:07.35\00:57:08.86
is very different than
what you originally thought
00:57:08.89\00:57:10.71
she was saying.
00:57:10.74\00:57:12.28
If you find yourself
reacting to that first thing
00:57:12.31\00:57:14.50
you are just sure she said
00:57:14.53\00:57:15.90
and men you're
gonna let her have it,
00:57:15.93\00:57:17.41
not physically of course,
00:57:17.44\00:57:18.81
but you're gonna let
her have with the mouth.
00:57:18.84\00:57:21.98
You find that
you start responding,
00:57:22.01\00:57:23.55
not to what you think she said,
00:57:23.58\00:57:24.95
but trying to discover
what she's actually saying
00:57:24.98\00:57:28.40
and have her give
you the same courtesy.
00:57:28.43\00:57:30.22
If you say something
stupid and I know you're men,
00:57:30.25\00:57:31.89
so never say anything stupid.
00:57:31.92\00:57:34.53
Have her say to
you, "Now, Honey,
00:57:34.57\00:57:36.00
this is what
I'm hearing you say.
00:57:36.03\00:57:37.40
Is that what you're saying?"
00:57:37.43\00:57:38.80
"No, that's not
what I'm saying."
00:57:38.83\00:57:40.20
This simple
communication device.
00:57:40.23\00:57:42.81
Simple what, everyone?
00:57:42.84\00:57:44.63
Communication
device. Communication device.
00:57:44.66\00:57:46.11