We're admitting our
sketchy histories today
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on A Multitude of Counselors
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because God has
delivered us from defiance,
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in fact, the name of
our Program today is:
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The Deliverance
of a Defiant Teen.
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Let me talk to you a little
bit about a couple of disorders.
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One is called:
Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
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It features
aggression, antisocial behavior,
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impulsivity, irritability,
screaming and self-harm.
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There's another disorder
that's kind of related to it,
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it's called: Conduct Disorder
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but this one is
even more severe,
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it is the childhood antecedent
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to Antisocial
Personality Disorder
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and it is characterized by
really criminal activity that...
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from which a person is like,
bereft of any kind of empathy
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or regard for
the rights of others.
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An Oppositional Defiant Kid is
kind of like an angry young man,
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a Conduct-disordered Kid
is going to be more of like,
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a criminal or a thug, so anyway,
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what's the
prevalence of these disorders?
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The National Center for
Biotechnology Information
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estimates that ODD is at
a lifetime prevalence rate
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of about ten percent
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and then Conduct Disorder
at about five percent...
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so significantly less.
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What are the
causes of these disorders?
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Well, human beings
are imitative creatures...
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we copy
behaviors and so sometimes
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ODD comes as a result
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of a child seeing oppositional
behavior in his parent.
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Also, poor attachment is thought
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to underpin
oppositional problems
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and childhood trauma
can lead to oppositional...
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or loss of some kind can lead
to oppositional behaviors...
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the kid's just hurt... and
then angry out of that hurt.
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So what about
prognosis or treatment?
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Well, you know, there are
some significant brain changes
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during adolescence
involving hormones...
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"raging hormones...
" as we call them...
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and so sometimes... as
that all kind of corrects itself
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as the child matures...
the situation resolves itself.
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If there... if it
continues or if it persists,
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what therapists do is...
they work with the parents
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to help them have consistent,
loving, judicious parenting...
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good boundaries...
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and then
maintaining those boundaries
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so, who we have today
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to talk with us about
Oppositional Defiant Disorder...
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I've kind of
diagnosed you informally
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because I don't think you
were formally diagnosed, right?
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But now that you know that
there is an even worse disorder,
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you should be thankful that
you only get... ODD diagnosis...
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so who we have to talk to
us about that is: Lo-Ammi...
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I'm just learning how
to say your name, right?
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Richardson... from Orlando...
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we're so thankful that
you chose to join us today
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Lo-Ammi: Glad to be here.
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Jennifer: And we have our
Panel of Counselors as well
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David Guerrero,
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Biblical
Counselor from Wisconsin,
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we have Christina Cecotto,
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Licensed Professional
Counselor from Georgia
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and we have Dr. Jean Wright
from my hometown of Philadelphia
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at least until now
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because I've just moved
to Orlando and joined you...
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to keep an eye on you
young man, that's right.
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Lo-Ammi:
Absolutely, to keep me on track.
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David: Don't get defiant now.
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Jennifer: Tell me a little about
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how things
developed in your childhood
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I think you had
some losses, didn't you
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and some difficulties
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as a result of
those losses, go ahead.
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Lo-Ammi: Yeah, I kind of
grew up in an Adventist home...
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mom and dad...
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I grew up in a home
where we had family worship...
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attended church...
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maybe about the age
of 11- or 12-years old,
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the situation at
home wasn't great
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and so mom decided to leave...
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we had a home in Puerto Rico
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and so she decided to
leave to Puerto Rico...
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she... her heart
was always there...
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and... but the
situation at the house
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wasn't as good as she
would like for it to be
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and so, eventually, I kind of...
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in an environment
where we have family worship
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all of a sudden...
there's just my father and I
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and I'm kind of
raised with my father
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and he worked part time,
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he was retired but
then he got a secondary job
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and worked night shifts
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and so, that was kind of my
introduction of independence,
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Saturday
nights... I was by myself...
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during the week
nights, by myself...
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and so, Dad
would work at night...
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when he came home,
he'd fall asleep...
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Jennifer: You had all
kinds of "alone time. "
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Lo-Ammi: Yeah, yeah... a
little bit too much time.
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Jennifer:
Siblings... siblings around?
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Lo-Ammi: Yes, I had
two older brothers...
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three... one of
them passed away...
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and then my older sister.
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Jennifer: Were they
around when you were...
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Lo-Ammi: No, because I was
the only child in the home...
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Jennifer: So, effectively
you were an only child.
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Lo-Ammi: Yeah, so my
parents actually were
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old when they had
me... my dad was 60 plus
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and my mom was
up in her mid-40s...
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so... when they
had me so I kind of...
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was in a home where
there was an age discrepancy
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between my parents and I
so there was really none...
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they came from a
different generation
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than when I was growing up.
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David: And your
siblings were older?
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Lo-Ammi: Yeah, much
older... much older...
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so all my life... I always
hung around older people...
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I never really hung
out with anybody my age.
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Jennifer: One other question...
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did you notice a
conflict between your parents...
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that led to the
separation or... not so much...?
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Lo-Ammi: Oh yeah, I mean...
there was disagreement...
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finances was usually the case...
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even issues within the church...
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my mother was very
spiritual... very religious...
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my father was... I
guess you would say,
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more "works" oriented...
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he was very beloved
and loved by everyone
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but not necessarily
the spiritual mentor
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that you would want
the father figure to be...
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so my mom... was that...
and so there were always issues,
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nothing specific but again,
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my mom always wanted to
move back to Puerto Rico
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because she had a house there,
she was a country girl at heart
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and so... so they owned the home
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and she eventually moved back.
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Jennifer: So what
came into that vacuum?
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You have all this "alone time,"
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things are kind of
difficult at home...
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what came into
the vacuum for you?
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Lo-Ammi: I mean, yes, I mean...
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I started watching
movies, obviously, TV
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you know, music was
kind of introduced...
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I remember purchasing
my first Boyz ll Men CD...
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Mariah Carey... and then it
kind of progressed from there...
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and watching things
that normally you wouldn't...
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wouldn't be able to watch
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but you have free time
and you're alone... so...
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David: No supervision?
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Lo-Ammi: Yeah, no supervision...
so you kind of watch...
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you know... Saturday night...
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all the TV shows cut off at ten
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and then all of a sudden
it's... "Oh, adult cartoons... "
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and... it kind of
progressed from there... so...
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David: And no is there.
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Lo-Ammi: No one is there to
kind of... just... just myself.
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Jennifer: And some
of the music celebrities
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are not the most
savory characters in the world
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if I'm not mistaken.
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Lo-Ammi: No not at all...
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actually one of
the big influences was
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Puffy... Bad Boy... and
that kind of genre of music
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so I was immersed in
hip hop and its culture...
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I was fast forwarding in it
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and kind of
mimicked a lot of my...
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thought pattern and behavior...
and even my world views
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to the things that
I was listening to...
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David: And even the messages
that came into your mind...
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from the music and
what you were watching...
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Lo-Ammi: Oh yeah,
absolutely and part of it is
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because you can
actually relate to it...
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you know, as you
were mentioning before,
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you hear about songs where
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the father is not
home... mom's not home...
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and you can kind of
relate to their experiences
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so you gravitate to... to their
lyrics and their worldview.
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David: And their behavior.
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Lo-Ammi: And
their behavior... so...
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Jennifer: So what did you start
to do, would you act out or...?
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Lo-Ammi: Oh yeah, so
for me... I was just...
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I was always someone who
had to get my point across...
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I had to have the final word
or at least... hear me out...
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and understand what I'm saying,
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and so, you know, my
parents' generation was...
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I was a "why" kid,
"Well, why do I have to do it?"
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"Because I said
so... " "But... why?"
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"Shut up and do what I
said... " you know... and so...
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Christina: Did they
ever give you an explanation
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or they just said,
"Because I said so... "
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Lo-Ammi: Not
necessarily... my mom...
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not
necessarily... it was kind of...
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it was on the rule that
you did what parents did
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and for me... I
just wanted to know
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and so, eventually
when my dad did quit his job
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and he started
being at home much more...
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all of a sudden,
there were rules...
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there was, "I want you to be
at home at a certain time... "
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I'm like, "No,
I'm going out... "
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Jennifer: And you're like,
"I've had freedom up until now,
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what is this... sudden...
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Lo-Ammi: Exactly, so you know...
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now that I'm not young anymore,
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I'm going out to teenage
clubs and going out late nights
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and for the most
part, I was pretty kosher...
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I wasn't doing nothing too
bad, I was just staying out late
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and so, of
course, my dad would say,
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"No thing good
happens after 12 o'clock. "
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"Well, so I'm doing...
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you know the people that
I'm hanging out with... "
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and so there was, now,
this conflict in the home where,
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"I need you to do this... "
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and I'm like, "Oh, you
haven't been there for me to
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know what I needed to do,
I've been doing on my own... "
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and so, that's kind
of... that was kind of where...
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Jennifer: Some resentment.
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Lo-Ammi: Yeah, yeah, yeah...
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some of the stuff
that kind of sprung up...
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I was saying my
parents loved me,
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they raised me the
best way they knew how,
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I just think that because
of that generational gap,
00:08:44.72\00:08:47.56
there was a lot of
misunderstandings and...
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my dad grew up in a generation,
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"You work hard, in 40 years,
you retire and you do what I do"
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and for me, I'm like, "Well,
I want to explore the world
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there's so much
more out there... "
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and so, yeah, that was kind of
the... where it kind of started
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and so, issues with
my father, you know,
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not necessarily... I was
rebelling or I was agitating
00:09:05.17\00:09:08.48
and... going against
his rules and so eventually,
00:09:08.51\00:09:11.75
I got myself in a situation
where the police were called...
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that I got arrested
and... the crazy thing is that
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nobody ever knew what
was going on internally
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because I have no tattoos...
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I'm a pretty
straight forward kid,
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I laugh all the time, I
like to enjoy life but...
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Christina: How old were
you during all this time?
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Lo-Ammi: Oh, this is maybe
around 13... 14... years old...
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and so, at this point
where... mom was gone,
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we went to go visit Puerto Rico
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and lo and behold I find out
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that I'm now going to
be staying in Puerto Rico
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and... at a very
crucial point in my life
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where now I'm introduced
to a whole new culture...
00:09:42.21\00:09:45.08
whole new people and...
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and I felt like, mom
and dad "betrayed" me...
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like, nobody ever sat me down
to talk to me... it was like,
00:09:49.02\00:09:51.22
"I can't deal with
you... these are the issues... "
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and so, that
was kind of where...
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David: So, you
felt betrayed by them?
00:09:54.99\00:09:56.76
Lo-Ammi: Yeah, yeah, I
felt like I was a bouncing check
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because they are retired so
they get a certain income...
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whoever has the custody
of... who has custody of me...
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and so...
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Jean: So there was never a
communication between your dad
00:10:07.77\00:10:10.37
that, "We're going to
have to do something different,
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you're going to go
to Puerto Rico... "
00:10:12.41\00:10:14.34
conversation of any kind.
00:10:14.38\00:10:16.44
Lo-Ammi: There was nothing
communicated, like I said,
00:10:16.48\00:10:17.81
I remember... he had
a two-way plane ticket,
00:10:17.85\00:10:20.15
I had a one-way
ticket and... I asked...
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obviously as a kid like,
"Why do I have one ticket?"
00:10:22.55\00:10:24.52
"Oh, you have the whole
summer to spend there... "
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"All right, cool... "
and so, I'm in Puerto Rico...
00:10:26.79\00:10:28.92
we're
enjoying... my dad leaves...
00:10:28.96\00:10:30.29
and August comes
around, schools are there
00:10:30.33\00:10:32.16
and I'm like, "Hey,
Dad, school's about to... "
00:10:32.19\00:10:34.13
"Oh no, you're staying
there. " I was like, "What?"
00:10:34.20\00:10:36.06
mom knew... and
then mom knows...
00:10:36.10\00:10:37.93
and I'm like, "Oh, you knew... "
00:10:38.00\00:10:39.80
and so, and so this is...
00:10:39.83\00:10:41.87
I felt like, "Okay, nobody
is talking to me about it... "
00:10:41.90\00:10:44.87
and so this
resentment kind of came over me.
00:10:44.91\00:10:46.24
Jean: You felt tricked.
00:10:46.27\00:10:48.21
Lo-Ammi: Absolutely,
absolutely, and so...
00:10:48.24\00:10:50.28
Jennifer: How did that...
how did it manifest itself,
00:10:50.35\00:10:53.05
I mean, so far,
you've been staying out late
00:10:53.08\00:10:55.55
but no drugs... no drinking?
00:10:55.58\00:10:56.92
Lo-Ammi: Well, at this point,
00:10:56.95\00:10:58.29
I wasn't doing
any of those things
00:10:58.32\00:10:59.65
but in Puerto Rico...
kind of in a culture where
00:10:59.69\00:11:01.26
it's normal to see teenage
kids drinking at 15 years old...
00:11:01.29\00:11:04.59
and so, we had a bar, literally,
right next door to our house
00:11:04.66\00:11:07.93
and so, you play
pool... you stay out late...
00:11:07.96\00:11:10.70
and before you
know it, you're drinking
00:11:10.73\00:11:12.07
and then, you're smoking...
and then, you're skipping school
00:11:12.10\00:11:14.54
nobody is knowing I'm
doing all of these things
00:11:14.60\00:11:16.40
all of a sudden you're
participating in car robberies
00:11:16.44\00:11:19.34
and, you're... and at this
time, you really don't know...
00:11:19.37\00:11:22.31
there's a language barrier...
the culture is talking...
00:11:22.34\00:11:25.95
for me, there was basketball,
my outlet was music...
00:11:25.98\00:11:28.48
my outlet... and
so... whatever...
00:11:28.52\00:11:29.95
that was kind of my
safe haven... was basketball
00:11:29.98\00:11:32.25
but for the most part,
in order for me to fit in,
00:11:32.29\00:11:34.52
I had to kind of do
what everyone else did
00:11:34.56\00:11:36.59
and so, that was kind
of what I gravitated to.
00:11:36.62\00:11:38.63
Jennifer: Hmmm... you know,
00:11:38.66\00:11:40.00
sometimes you have these
issues with young people,
00:11:40.03\00:11:43.20
and you scratch your head
00:11:43.23\00:11:44.80
because the
parents are so committed
00:11:44.83\00:11:46.97
and there is really no
explanation for what's going on
00:11:47.04\00:11:49.77
but I can see a direct line
00:11:49.80\00:11:51.84
between some of the
things that happened to you
00:11:51.87\00:11:54.54
and the lack of
communication with your parents
00:11:54.58\00:11:57.18
and you acting out...
00:11:57.21\00:11:58.71
so that's good, that
means you're not incurable.
00:11:58.75\00:12:01.95
David: The lack of
attention that a child needs...
00:12:01.98\00:12:05.62
Jean: And the other
thing is developmentally...
00:12:05.65\00:12:06.99
you weren't developmentally
prepared to raise yourself
00:12:07.02\00:12:09.82
and what kid is...
00:12:09.86\00:12:11.19
Jennifer: Yeah, exactly.
00:12:11.23\00:12:12.56
Jean: And so, from a
developmental standpoint
00:12:12.59\00:12:13.93
it was really you
at a disadvantage,
00:12:13.96\00:12:15.36
you were growing up...
there was a parent in the home
00:12:15.40\00:12:17.93
but wasn't
available... sounds like it...
00:12:17.97\00:12:20.00
and then, as a
12-year-old, 13... whatever...
00:12:20.04\00:12:22.00
you're having to
figure these things out...
00:12:22.04\00:12:23.94
and not having a direct
link to the wisdom of an adult.
00:12:24.01\00:12:27.54
Jennifer: Yeah, what
was that Proverb, David?
00:12:27.58\00:12:29.68
that "A child
left to himself... "
00:12:29.74\00:12:32.41
David: It was
Proverbs 29:15 says,
00:12:32.48\00:12:34.58
"The rod and
reproof give wisdom:
00:12:34.62\00:12:36.69
but a... " listen to this...
00:12:36.72\00:12:38.25
"but a child left to himself
brings shame to his mother. "
00:12:38.29\00:12:43.16
Or his parents... he
was left to himself...
00:12:43.19\00:12:46.03
Lo-Ammi: And it's
interesting you say that because
00:12:46.06\00:12:48.36
my mother was known
as a very spiritual lady
00:12:48.40\00:12:51.90
in the church
and in the community
00:12:51.93\00:12:53.77
and so, when I did all
these things, it was kind of...
00:12:53.80\00:12:56.30
Jennifer: A bad
reflection on her.
00:12:56.34\00:12:57.94
Lo-Ammi: Exactly, but I knew
that she was a spiritual lady...
00:12:57.97\00:13:00.24
that she... I mean...
00:13:00.28\00:13:01.61
I dedicate my... all of my
life to that woman, right...
00:13:01.64\00:13:04.01
if it wasn't for her, I
wouldn't be back in the church
00:13:04.05\00:13:06.38
but as the Proverb
says, I did get the rebuke
00:13:06.41\00:13:09.82
and I did get the
chastising but the...
00:13:09.85\00:13:12.59
but because of my behavior,
I did put her to shame.
00:13:12.62\00:13:14.92
I did put my
parents to shame and so,
00:13:14.96\00:13:17.43
even with... my
family... there was...
00:13:17.46\00:13:19.89
all the hurt was that bad...
00:13:19.93\00:13:21.50
but they never took
time to really hear me out
00:13:21.53\00:13:24.03
and even if they did,
00:13:24.07\00:13:25.80
maybe, I didn't
communicate it directly
00:13:25.83\00:13:27.80
but that's...
that's how it kind of...
00:13:27.84\00:13:29.80
David: And like I was saying
00:13:29.84\00:13:31.17
here's a child
that needs to be raised
00:13:31.21\00:13:35.48
and God gives parents the
responsibility to raise a child
00:13:35.51\00:13:38.01
and he is trying
to raise himself...
00:13:38.05\00:13:39.88
and what I heard was happening
00:13:39.91\00:13:42.45
was that there was a lot of
pain that you were experiencing
00:13:42.48\00:13:47.02
because of the absence
of your mother and father
00:13:47.06\00:13:50.19
and you started
to cry out by saying,
00:13:50.23\00:13:53.09
"Hear me out... "
because he was so lonely...
00:13:53.13\00:13:55.70
and when you tried to
say, "Hear me out... "
00:13:55.73\00:13:58.23
either by saying those words
00:13:58.27\00:14:00.64
or by behavior
that wasn't acceptable
00:14:00.67\00:14:03.54
what was happening was,
they were trying to squash you
00:14:03.57\00:14:05.47
and say, "No, be quiet
and we're going to control you
00:14:05.51\00:14:07.38
and we're going to
tell you what to do... "
00:14:07.41\00:14:08.74
the then other
thing that I saw was,
00:14:08.78\00:14:10.11
your father... and
we do this as fathers...
00:14:10.15\00:14:12.05
because I'm a father
and I have children...
00:14:12.08\00:14:14.25
is that, oftentimes that
I will begin to regret...
00:14:14.28\00:14:20.46
or a man will begin to regret
of the things that he didn't do
00:14:20.52\00:14:22.76
so then he'll
overcompensate by saying,
00:14:22.79\00:14:24.49
you know, "I'm
going to control you
00:14:24.53\00:14:26.16
so I'm going to be a good father
00:14:26.19\00:14:27.53
and you're going
to do this and do that
00:14:27.56\00:14:29.20
so that things
will turn out right... "
00:14:29.23\00:14:30.93
but doing that actually
does not help... it hurts...
00:14:30.97\00:14:36.24
and you have
the opposite effect.
00:14:36.27\00:14:37.81
Jennifer: Well,
what if you are a parent
00:14:37.84\00:14:39.17
and you all
actually haven't really been
00:14:39.21\00:14:40.54
boundaried enough with your kids
00:14:40.58\00:14:41.91
or you haven't been involved
enough... what do you do?
00:14:41.94\00:14:43.65
Do you go to them
and admit it and say,
00:14:43.68\00:14:46.08
"I want to try to
change things... " or... what?
00:14:46.11\00:14:48.18
David: Part of
that is, is... "Yes... "
00:14:48.22\00:14:49.68
honesty... you're sitting
down with your children...
00:14:49.72\00:14:51.79
I've had to do that and
say, "You know, Son... "
00:14:51.85\00:14:53.89
or... to my
daughter... "I was wrong...
00:14:53.92\00:14:56.29
these are the things that
I have done that really...
00:14:56.32\00:14:58.86
I shouldn't have done...
00:14:58.89\00:15:00.56
and can you forgive me?"
00:15:00.60\00:15:02.10
And the second thing...
00:15:02.13\00:15:03.57
and I do counsel parents
all the time... is I say,
00:15:03.60\00:15:05.60
"You know, start trying to build
a relationship with your child
00:15:05.63\00:15:08.44
but do it slowly...
00:15:08.47\00:15:09.80
don't try to jump into their
space and say, 'I'm here... '
00:15:09.84\00:15:12.54
but slowly try to
build the relationship...
00:15:12.57\00:15:15.24
maybe take them
out for... to lunch...
00:15:15.31\00:15:17.91
or dinner... or to start
doing some things with them...
00:15:17.95\00:15:20.48
start building a
relationship with one another
00:15:20.52\00:15:23.39
so that it can gain
your trust and vice versa. "
00:15:23.42\00:15:26.25
Christina: I think
it's important to note
00:15:26.29\00:15:27.82
that there are two
absences... if I can say that...
00:15:27.86\00:15:30.89
physically... your
parents weren't there...
00:15:30.93\00:15:33.16
and then, also emotionally...
00:15:33.19\00:15:35.26
and that's the one
that I'm hearing a lot...
00:15:35.30\00:15:38.00
even though, I think you said...
00:15:38.03\00:15:39.37
and you'll have to
correct me if I'm wrong...
00:15:39.40\00:15:41.20
but that your mother
was there in Puerto Rico...
00:15:41.24\00:15:43.10
it's not that she had a
night job or anything...
00:15:43.14\00:15:44.94
and was sleeping during the day,
00:15:44.97\00:15:46.31
but yet, that emotional
connection wasn't there
00:15:46.34\00:15:50.11
so it wasn't the
emotional intimacy...
00:15:50.15\00:15:51.88
Lo-Ammi: Right, so my
mother was always the one who...
00:15:51.91\00:15:53.52
"Here, come
here, sit on my lap...
00:15:53.55\00:15:54.88
let me do... hug
and kisses and... "
00:15:54.92\00:15:56.25
and I'm like, "I'm a grown man,
00:15:56.28\00:15:57.62
stop doing that... " right...
00:15:57.65\00:15:58.99
and my father was well... "I
provide... I gave you this...
00:15:59.02\00:16:01.06
this is... " you
know... and so...
00:16:01.09\00:16:02.46
David: They were doing
the best that they could...
00:16:02.49\00:16:03.83
that they understood...
00:16:03.86\00:16:05.19
Lo-Ammi: From what they
understood and once I got older,
00:16:05.23\00:16:06.83
I appreciated my
dad for who he was
00:16:06.86\00:16:08.46
and my mother... how
they could love me...
00:16:08.50\00:16:11.30
the only way they knew how...
00:16:11.33\00:16:12.90
but I was just
thinking about this... like,
00:16:12.93\00:16:15.00
I didn't even
call my dad, "Dad... "
00:16:15.04\00:16:16.74
until, maybe, I
was ten years old.
00:16:16.81\00:16:18.44
because everyone
called him "Uncle Sonny... "
00:16:18.47\00:16:20.08
that was his nickname...
and so I called him Uncle Sonny,
00:16:20.11\00:16:22.68
so, when I did say
"Dad" for the first time,
00:16:22.71\00:16:24.85
I was like, "This is
weird... it's dad... "
00:16:24.88\00:16:27.25
but that was kind of
that transition where
00:16:27.28\00:16:29.58
he was... he did what he could
00:16:29.65\00:16:32.49
but there was that
disconnection that was there...
00:16:32.52\00:16:34.79
there wasn't that
father... son... relationship,
00:16:34.82\00:16:37.06
I knew he loved me
and he respected me,
00:16:37.09\00:16:38.53
but that... again that emotional
connection that you would need
00:16:38.56\00:16:41.86
was kind of absent because
my mom was in Puerto Rico
00:16:41.90\00:16:44.53
and so, that...
I did receive it...
00:16:44.57\00:16:46.27
but it was... it
was long distance.
00:16:46.30\00:16:47.70
Jennifer: So you're
there... you're in Puerto Rico,
00:16:47.74\00:16:50.54
you're starting to
act out criminally...
00:16:50.57\00:16:52.01
you come to a breaking
point, something happens...
00:16:52.04\00:16:55.44
Lo-Ammi: Yeah, so they...
00:16:55.48\00:16:56.81
my sister and my mother wanted
to send me to, like a boot camp
00:16:56.85\00:17:00.25
and kind of
straighten me out and...
00:17:00.28\00:17:01.65
and... and I've watched...
00:17:01.68\00:17:03.25
Jennifer: When you say
boot camp... you mean like,
00:17:03.28\00:17:04.62
therapeutic
boarding school places.
00:17:04.65\00:17:06.25
Lo-Ammi: Yeah, Military
School or... you know...
00:17:06.29\00:17:08.46
I watched Maury and
all of these TV shows...
00:17:08.49\00:17:10.59
and the Sergeant is drilling
the kid and making sure that...
00:17:10.63\00:17:13.63
David: In your face...
00:17:13.66\00:17:15.00
Lo-Ammi: Yeah,
yeah... I'm in Puerto Rico
00:17:15.03\00:17:16.36
and it's bad
over there and so...
00:17:16.40\00:17:18.40
Jennifer: The Boot
Camp would be there?
00:17:18.43\00:17:19.77
Lo-Ammi: Yeah so...
00:17:19.80\00:17:21.14
Jennifer: And the Boot Camps
there are even more extreme
00:17:21.17\00:17:22.50
than they are here...
00:17:22.54\00:17:23.87
Lo-Ammi: Than in the
States... and I was like,
00:17:23.91\00:17:25.24
"All right, let me straighten
out my act... a little bit... "
00:17:25.27\00:17:27.21
and so, I did the right things
00:17:27.24\00:17:29.44
but... so eventually I
did move back to Orlando
00:17:29.48\00:17:32.15
but that behavior
never necessarily changed...
00:17:32.18\00:17:34.25
David: With the heart...
00:17:34.28\00:17:35.85
Lo-Ammi: Yeah, it
was a heart change...
00:17:35.88\00:17:37.22
I grew up in the
church, I went to church...
00:17:37.25\00:17:38.59
if you've ever been
to a black church...
00:17:38.62\00:17:39.95
you're in church
all day long right...
00:17:39.99\00:17:41.32
all throughout the week...
00:17:41.36\00:17:42.69
and so, church didn't "save" me
00:17:42.72\00:17:44.13
but it was the
relationship with Christ
00:17:44.16\00:17:45.83
that ultimately saved me.
00:17:45.86\00:17:47.20
Once I had that
realization, it was...
00:17:47.23\00:17:48.73
and the Bible states...
00:17:48.76\00:17:50.17
"Raise up the child
in the way he should go
00:17:50.20\00:17:51.63
and when he gets old...
he won't depart from it. "
00:17:51.67\00:17:53.84
So, there were a lot of
principles that my family
00:17:53.90\00:17:56.04
embedded in me,
right, when I was younger
00:17:56.10\00:17:58.54
that when I got older,
00:17:58.57\00:18:00.18
I had that
experience with Christ...
00:18:00.21\00:18:01.54
it all made sense and it came
in the context of a relationship
00:18:01.58\00:18:04.25
with God and
understanding that... you know,
00:18:04.31\00:18:07.48
"Wow! this is... this is who I
missed out on all these years. "
00:18:07.52\00:18:11.25
Christina: How
did that change you?
00:18:11.29\00:18:12.89
Lo-Ammi: It
changed me for the...
00:18:12.92\00:18:14.42
I mean, it was funny
with my mom always believed...
00:18:14.46\00:18:16.83
my pursuit of basketball
was like my goal... right...
00:18:16.86\00:18:19.83
I wanted to go
back to Puerto Rico
00:18:19.86\00:18:21.46
and play
semi-professional basketball
00:18:21.50\00:18:23.06
and my mom said,
00:18:23.10\00:18:24.53
"You know, I see you as being
00:18:24.57\00:18:26.03
the next Doug
Batchelor... Mark Finley... "
00:18:26.07\00:18:27.54
I'm like, "Okay,
Mom, yeah, all right... "
00:18:27.57\00:18:28.94
and so, she used to
pray radical prayers... like,
00:18:28.97\00:18:30.71
when I was rebellious...
00:18:30.77\00:18:32.11
"You have to break that
boy's leg Lord, do it... "
00:18:32.14\00:18:33.88
and I'm like,
"Lord, I need my legs... "
00:18:33.91\00:18:35.74
David: Or now, she'll do it...
00:18:35.78\00:18:37.58
Lo-Ammi: She'll do
it... right... right...
00:18:37.61\00:18:39.05
"I need my legs
Lord... " you know...
00:18:39.08\00:18:40.95
and anytime she
prayed and I prayed,
00:18:40.98\00:18:42.75
she always won those
prayers and so... eventually...
00:18:42.78\00:18:44.82
Jennifer: Wait a
minute... she always won?
00:18:44.85\00:18:47.72
Her prayers always won?
00:18:47.76\00:18:49.09
Lo-Ammi: Yes, she always
won. David: Did your legs break?
00:18:49.12\00:18:50.46
Lo-Ammi: No, I'm still good...
my knees hurt a little bit
00:18:50.49\00:18:53.23
but they're still
attached... but, you know,
00:18:53.26\00:18:55.50
but for overall... like her...
00:18:55.53\00:18:57.87
she would pray things out
of my life and it would happen
00:18:57.90\00:19:00.70
and it was so frustrating
00:19:00.74\00:19:02.34
because eventually, what the
Lord was doing was breaking me
00:19:02.37\00:19:05.37
and so, when I did
finally get to a position
00:19:05.41\00:19:07.74
where I was
ready to accept Christ,
00:19:07.81\00:19:09.61
she ultimately won
that as well, you know,
00:19:09.64\00:19:12.98
and long story short...
00:19:13.01\00:19:14.35
I was able to share my
testimony in Orlando...
00:19:14.38\00:19:15.98
in the city where I
did all my dirt in...
00:19:16.02\00:19:18.19
and I was able to
share my testimony at GYC
00:19:18.22\00:19:20.46
in front of thousands
of people on 3ABN and...
00:19:20.49\00:19:22.62
Jennifer: Wait a minute,
you skipped the part about
00:19:22.66\00:19:24.06
when you did give
your heart to the Lord,
00:19:24.09\00:19:25.56
so when did that happen?
00:19:25.59\00:19:26.93
Lo-Ammi: Yes, so,
prior to that was,
00:19:26.96\00:19:28.30
lot of rough
patches in my life...
00:19:28.33\00:19:29.66
finances was dwindling...
00:19:29.70\00:19:31.73
the cars that I had
were breaking down...
00:19:31.77\00:19:33.57
the "fame and the fortune" and
everything that I was pursuing
00:19:33.60\00:19:37.07
was kind of diminishing and...
00:19:37.11\00:19:38.97
and so, it got me
to a point when I was,
00:19:39.01\00:19:41.68
I was kind of
broken... I was like...
00:19:41.71\00:19:44.31
all of these things
that I identified my...
00:19:44.38\00:19:46.08
that identified with...
my music... the alcohol...
00:19:46.11\00:19:48.88
that allowed me to
have fun and be free and...
00:19:48.92\00:19:51.95
the smoking of marijuana
and the selling of drugs
00:19:51.99\00:19:54.92
and all of these things that
kind of made me a man, right,
00:19:54.96\00:19:57.79
I established myself...
00:19:57.83\00:19:59.76
I didn't really have
to answer to anybody...
00:19:59.79\00:20:02.00
I was making it on my own...
00:20:02.03\00:20:03.43
those things were
kind of being removed...
00:20:03.47\00:20:05.73
and so, I got a
phone call from my sister
00:20:05.77\00:20:07.97
saying that I got
sponsored to go to this event...
00:20:08.00\00:20:11.21
this GYC thing...
00:20:11.27\00:20:12.61
Jennifer: Who sponsored you?
00:20:12.64\00:20:13.98
Lo-Ammi: My mother...
Jennifer: Hmmm... hmmm...
00:20:14.01\00:20:15.34
David: She was
answering her own prayer...
00:20:15.38\00:20:16.71
Lo-Ammi: And she knew...
00:20:16.75\00:20:18.08
my sister knew that if
my mother would have...
00:20:18.11\00:20:19.45
if I would have
known it was my mother,
00:20:19.48\00:20:20.82
I wouldn't have
gone... and so...
00:20:20.85\00:20:22.18
Jennifer: And what
was the name of the event?
00:20:22.22\00:20:23.55
Lo-Ammi: GYC...
Generation of Youth for Christ.
00:20:23.59\00:20:24.92
Jennifer: So it's
the Youth Congress.
00:20:24.95\00:20:26.29
David: Which year...
Which year did you go?
00:20:26.32\00:20:27.66
Lo-Ammi: It was 2009...
2009... transitioned to 2010...
00:20:27.69\00:20:30.56
and it's
interesting... and now...
00:20:30.59\00:20:32.29
a lot of my friends who
I've met now... within ministry,
00:20:32.33\00:20:36.16
it was around that time...
00:20:36.23\00:20:37.57
from that they all
got converted as well,
00:20:37.60\00:20:39.27
and so, I lost a
lot of worldly friends
00:20:39.30\00:20:41.10
but then, God replenished it
with so many spiritual things...
00:20:41.14\00:20:43.47
I'm still friends
with to this very day...
00:20:43.51\00:20:45.77
and I remember, when
I shared my testimony,
00:20:45.81\00:20:47.98
it was a real moment
where I'm exposing myself...
00:20:48.01\00:20:51.38
I'm being
vulnerable to the world...
00:20:51.41\00:20:52.95
I'm in the City
where I did all my dirt
00:20:52.98\00:20:54.85
and probably the
biggest stage of my life
00:20:54.88\00:20:56.69
and I remember
contacting my mother
00:20:56.72\00:20:58.82
the only thing she
could say was like,
00:20:58.85\00:21:00.86
"And who told you how to...
combine your tie with your suit,
00:21:00.89\00:21:03.59
you look good, boy... "
00:21:03.63\00:21:05.39
it wasn't like this,
00:21:05.43\00:21:07.00
"Oh, I'm so
proud of you and I... "
00:21:07.03\00:21:09.20
it's almost like she
had this self-confidence
00:21:09.23\00:21:11.83
in knowing that "The Lord is
going to answer my prayer... "
00:21:11.87\00:21:13.77
Jennifer: So she never
doubted it for a moment...
00:21:13.80\00:21:15.90
Lo-Ammi: Not one
bit... not one bit... and...
00:21:15.94\00:21:18.11
Jennifer: Your
parents are both gone right?
00:21:18.14\00:21:20.21
Lo-Ammi: They are gone... my dad
did suffer from a heart attack
00:21:20.24\00:21:22.54
and then... my mother
died from colon cancer
00:21:22.58\00:21:25.35
and so, one of
the benefits of...
00:21:25.38\00:21:27.12
one of the blessings
that I was able to...
00:21:27.15\00:21:29.18
we prayed for my
dad... my dad wasn't...
00:21:29.22\00:21:31.19
we felt wasn't where he
needed to be spiritually...
00:21:31.22\00:21:33.29
and we always
labored for my father
00:21:33.32\00:21:35.42
especially... now we're all
in a... more spiritual terms...
00:21:35.46\00:21:39.93
and so, right before
my father passed away,
00:21:39.96\00:21:43.47
my mother... I was
actually at a school
00:21:43.53\00:21:46.07
called: LIFE Lay
School for Evangelism
00:21:46.10\00:21:48.20
four-month evangelism...
00:21:48.24\00:21:49.57
David: In Florida?
Lo-Ammi: Yeah, Florida
00:21:49.60\00:21:51.07
and I received a
phone call from my mother,
00:21:51.11\00:21:52.77
and my mom was so calm,
she was telling me the story,
00:21:52.81\00:21:56.38
she was like, "You
know how your father is?
00:21:56.44\00:21:57.85
he does... da...
da... da... da... da...
00:21:57.91\00:21:59.25
and he passed away...
and so, I'm in the... "
00:21:59.31\00:22:01.48
Lo-Ammi: I'm like,
"What... what did you say?"
00:22:01.52\00:22:03.65
she said, "Dad passed
away" and so, for the first time
00:22:03.69\00:22:06.65
I just talked to him
not even a few days ago
00:22:06.72\00:22:08.92
and for the first time I'm
so... I'm like, "Dad is gone!"
00:22:08.96\00:22:13.60
because you look at
your parents as invincible...
00:22:13.63\00:22:17.47
especially...
because he was much older
00:22:17.50\00:22:19.70
but he was young at
heart and people loved him
00:22:19.73\00:22:22.00
and so... but one of
the things that really...
00:22:22.07\00:22:24.31
really struck a
chord that I knew
00:22:24.34\00:22:25.81
that the Lord was
answering her prayer was that...
00:22:25.84\00:22:27.48
she's like... "But
one of the things, Lo-Ammi
00:22:27.51\00:22:29.31
that I want you to
remember is that...
00:22:29.34\00:22:30.68
I saw him praying
00:22:30.71\00:22:32.05
before he went to the ambulance,
before he passed away...
00:22:32.08\00:22:34.35
what that prayer
is... we don't know
00:22:34.38\00:22:35.88
but we know that...
00:22:35.95\00:22:37.55
I believe that was a
prayer of repentance...
00:22:37.59\00:22:39.15
and you know what I'm saying
00:22:39.19\00:22:40.52
and then two years after that...
my mom got diagnosed with cancer
00:22:40.56\00:22:43.53
and then... it progressed...
00:22:43.56\00:22:44.89
for that... it
was a little harder
00:22:44.93\00:22:46.26
because you see, the
life being taken away
00:22:46.29\00:22:48.63
the energy that
she had and the...
00:22:48.66\00:22:50.77
for the first time, I remember,
00:22:50.80\00:22:52.60
I share this in my testimony
00:22:52.63\00:22:54.57
that we tried to bring
her back from Puerto Rico
00:22:54.60\00:22:57.54
back to Orlando,
and... but she...
00:22:57.57\00:23:00.51
her health could not
allow her to get on the plane
00:23:00.54\00:23:03.35
and so my sister was like,
00:23:03.38\00:23:04.71
"You have to take the first
flight down to Puerto Rico... "
00:23:04.75\00:23:06.65
and... I'm
like... "All right... "
00:23:06.68\00:23:08.08
so, of course, as a young adult
you have all of these questions,
00:23:08.12\00:23:13.82
you realize how
rebellious you were,
00:23:13.86\00:23:15.66
how bad you were
00:23:15.69\00:23:17.03
and all the times I
wished my mother was dead...
00:23:17.06\00:23:19.19
and all of these things
and... and I just remembered...
00:23:19.23\00:23:21.76
yeah, just remember
walking through the door,
00:23:21.80\00:23:23.73
I felt so guilty... so
like... I just felt horrible...
00:23:23.77\00:23:27.37
and I remember opening that door
00:23:27.40\00:23:28.84
and my mom had... like,
the biggest smile on her face,
00:23:28.87\00:23:31.61
and she was like, "Come
here, give me a hug boy"
00:23:31.64\00:23:33.11
and it was
like... this moment where
00:23:33.14\00:23:35.54
she always saw what I
could be and not who I was...
00:23:35.58\00:23:38.88
Christina: Wow! David: Amen.
00:23:38.91\00:23:40.25
Lo-Ammi: And that, for me
was something that I was...
00:23:40.28\00:23:42.52
even now... in my experience...
00:23:42.55\00:23:44.29
growing in my
Christian experience...
00:23:44.32\00:23:47.02
I'm like, "Man,
I'm on my own again...
00:23:47.06\00:23:48.92
but I have this
assurance where...
00:23:48.96\00:23:50.69
though I lost my earthly
mother... my earthly father...
00:23:50.73\00:23:53.56
I have a heavenly Father that
kind of looks out for me... "
00:23:53.60\00:23:56.40
and I'm still
working on that relationship
00:23:56.43\00:23:59.00
because I realize
that the rebellious nature
00:23:59.03\00:24:01.60
is still not completely...
00:24:01.64\00:24:03.14
you know, when God
tells me to do something...
00:24:03.17\00:24:05.17
I'm like, "No, I'll do it on my
own... I have been doing it... "
00:24:05.21\00:24:06.81
and so, "My child can you
listen to me and trust me?"
00:24:06.84\00:24:09.18
and so, my
experience growing up...
00:24:09.21\00:24:11.28
allowed me to really
see God for who He was
00:24:11.31\00:24:14.28
and it was through my parents.
00:24:14.32\00:24:15.82
Christina: And I want to
point out something you said
00:24:15.85\00:24:17.19
because it sounds like,
00:24:17.22\00:24:18.55
instead of your
mother shaming you,
00:24:18.59\00:24:19.92
she believed in you...
and by her believing in you...
00:24:19.95\00:24:24.66
that belief was internalized
00:24:24.69\00:24:26.86
which then
probably helped motivate you
00:24:26.90\00:24:29.30
to actually be a
better person... incredible!
00:24:29.33\00:24:31.60
Lo-Ammi: It was funny
because you always talk about...
00:24:31.63\00:24:33.94
I was always a talker...
people know me... I was always
00:24:33.97\00:24:36.20
as people know me,
they know I talk a lot...
00:24:36.24\00:24:38.77
I like to conversate
and God utilized that to
00:24:38.81\00:24:41.31
now be able to
have the privilege
00:24:41.34\00:24:43.08
of sharing His Word to others
00:24:43.11\00:24:44.45
impacting other people's lives.
00:24:44.48\00:24:45.81
Jennifer: So what do you do?
00:24:45.85\00:24:47.18
Lo-Ammi: I'm a
full-time evangelist...
00:24:47.22\00:24:48.55
I work for SALT...
00:24:48.58\00:24:49.92
Jennifer: So you
talk for a living.
00:24:49.95\00:24:51.29
Lo-Ammi: I do talk for a living
00:24:51.32\00:24:52.65
and the majority of people
that I talk to are youth...
00:24:52.69\00:24:54.16
and what's more important
is... Adventist Youth who...
00:24:54.19\00:24:57.13
who struggle with the same
experience that I struggled with
00:24:57.16\00:25:01.16
who are gravitating to the world
00:25:01.20\00:25:03.33
and want to know what
the world has to offer
00:25:03.37\00:25:05.73
and I come from a
real experience...
00:25:05.77\00:25:07.87
I know that...
what the Lord has...
00:25:07.90\00:25:09.90
what my parents taught
me when I was younger...
00:25:09.94\00:25:13.04
are valuable principles
00:25:13.07\00:25:14.94
but at the same time,
I'm honest in telling them
00:25:14.98\00:25:17.65
that there are things in
the world that are enjoyable
00:25:17.68\00:25:19.68
but they're never
going to fulfill you
00:25:19.71\00:25:21.55
like a
relationship with God was...
00:25:21.58\00:25:23.42
I always looked at myself...
00:25:23.45\00:25:25.09
David: Passing
pleasures of sin...
00:25:25.12\00:25:26.45
Lo-Ammi: Exactly... exactly...
00:25:26.49\00:25:27.82
and so, for me...
I always wanted...
00:25:27.86\00:25:29.19
there was this nickname that
00:25:29.22\00:25:30.69
my friends
jokingly always gave me...
00:25:30.73\00:25:32.16
oh... "The Prince of Orlando"
00:25:32.19\00:25:33.53
and the reason I was a prince
was because a king has his queen
00:25:33.56\00:25:35.63
I never had that, right,
00:25:35.66\00:25:37.00
never was married
or had a relationship
00:25:37.03\00:25:38.37
so it was like, "The Prince... "
00:25:38.40\00:25:39.73
every time I'd go downtown
Orlando... everybody knew me
00:25:39.77\00:25:41.40
and now, the Lord is like...
00:25:41.44\00:25:43.44
Jennifer: And now you're feeding
the homeless in the same place.
00:25:43.51\00:25:46.27
Lo-Ammi: Exactly...
and all of the things...
00:25:46.31\00:25:48.28
all of the dirt that I was
doing in the city of Orlando...
00:25:48.31\00:25:50.58
I'm undoing it now
with the words of...
00:25:50.61\00:25:52.48
with the blessing of the
talents that He has given me
00:25:52.51\00:25:55.12
but, most importantly, for me,
I limited myself to Orlando...
00:25:55.15\00:25:58.62
now, all of a sudden God says,
00:25:58.65\00:26:00.06
"Well, let me
expand your territory...
00:26:00.09\00:26:01.42
how about you travel here,
00:26:01.46\00:26:02.79
how about you go on 3ABN and
share your testimony," right...
00:26:02.82\00:26:04.16
David: Amen!
00:26:04.19\00:26:05.53
Lo-Ammi: I limited
myself in... in saying,
00:26:05.56\00:26:07.36
"Well, I just want to be
the Prince of Orlando... "
00:26:07.40\00:26:08.73
and God says,
00:26:08.76\00:26:10.10
"Well, you... you're a
child of the Prince of Kings...
00:26:10.13\00:26:11.97
and I want to use you
for a greater territory. "
00:26:12.00\00:26:14.37
David: Earlier, you
asked a question, you said,
00:26:14.40\00:26:16.74
"What can a parent do?"
and he actually shared that...
00:26:16.77\00:26:19.07
a parent can pray...
00:26:19.11\00:26:20.68
and then he said something
that was really powerful,
00:26:20.71\00:26:22.84
we need to look beyond
our children's faults...
00:26:22.88\00:26:26.15
and treat them as
what they're going to be
00:26:26.18\00:26:29.45
and not who they are.
00:26:29.48\00:26:30.95
Christina: Which is what
Jesus does to us... right...
00:26:30.99\00:26:32.92
and that's how we
are able to overcome...
00:26:32.95\00:26:34.72
is because Jesus in believes
us and it's so empowering
00:26:34.79\00:26:37.66
but I'm wondering,
emotionally... like,
00:26:37.69\00:26:40.00
I'm wondering, what would you
say to maybe fathers out there
00:26:40.03\00:26:43.60
I'm going to pick on
your dad a little bit...
00:26:43.67\00:26:45.00
to be able to build that
emotional intimacy... that bond.
00:26:45.03\00:26:49.34
Lo-Ammi: Take time to listen,
check to see how they're doing,
00:26:49.37\00:26:53.98
at times, you kind of
gravitate to how I express love
00:26:54.01\00:26:58.65
but try to figure out
how is the best way...
00:26:58.68\00:27:00.98
and what's the best
way to receive that love,
00:27:01.02\00:27:02.95
what's the best way to
communicate that love...
00:27:02.98\00:27:04.85
and for parents out there whose
children are out in the world...
00:27:04.89\00:27:07.92
your prayers...
00:27:07.96\00:27:09.29
I'm a testimony to
answered prayers...
00:27:09.32\00:27:11.49
so don't ever
give up on your kids.
00:27:11.53\00:27:13.90
All: Amen... amen... amen...
00:27:13.93\00:27:15.50
Jennifer: We're told
that "If anyone is in Christ,
00:27:15.53\00:27:17.50
he's a new creature:
00:27:17.53\00:27:18.87
old things are passed away;
00:27:18.90\00:27:20.24
behold, all
things are become new. "
00:27:20.27\00:27:21.60
God doesn't see us
as we are at our worst,
00:27:21.64\00:27:24.54
God sees us as
who we will become...
00:27:24.57\00:27:26.88
in fact, who we are
becoming in Christ...
00:27:26.91\00:27:29.68
God is taking the
life of this young man
00:27:29.71\00:27:32.41
who could have been diagnosed
00:27:32.48\00:27:34.68
with
Oppositional Defiant Disorder
00:27:34.72\00:27:36.65
or God
forbid... Conduct Disorder
00:27:36.69\00:27:38.29
at some point in his life
00:27:38.32\00:27:39.65
but God transformed
him... he was born again...
00:27:39.69\00:27:42.42
and he experienced a
renewal of the Holy Ghost
00:27:42.46\00:27:45.19
and his life is transformed
00:27:45.23\00:27:47.60
and now instead of preaching
the doctrine of darkness,
00:27:47.63\00:27:50.87
he is preaching the
gospel of the Kingdom.
00:27:50.90\00:27:53.03
God is able to transform you,
00:27:53.07\00:27:54.67
in fact, He has already put
the wheels in motion to do that.
00:27:54.70\00:27:57.44