We are making our
troubles transparent today on:
00:00:26.45\00:00:30.49
A Multitude of Counselors
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because honesty is the
first step toward healing.
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The title of our
Program today is:
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Keeping Body and
Soul Through Bipolar.
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We want to talk to you a
little bit about Bipolar.
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Bipolar was once
called: Manic Depression.
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It is characterized by
periods of very high energy
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and expansiveness and
confidence called "Mania"
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and then corresponding
extreme lows... or depression...
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these fluctuating
moods can cycle very slowly
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or they can cycle rapidly,
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there is quite a bit of variety
within the spectrum of bipolar.
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The prevalence is about...
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is over
actually... three percent...
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so it is not an
uncommon disorder.
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The causes are
thought to be heritability
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so if you see lots of mood
disorders on your family tree,
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you can blame your relatives...
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it doesn't seem that you
can cause bipolar, per se,
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by lifestyle choices
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but lifestyle choices can worsen
or trigger a manic episode.
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Sometimes I've
noticed that bipolar people
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often do things in a manic phase
that worsens the process...
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they make immoral choices
or choices to spend money
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or use substances that can
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increase the
problem-load in their lives
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such as the depression...
the lows are even lower
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because now they have all
these additional problems.
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So there's something to be said
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for controlling the process
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through lifestyle
choices and so forth.
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Bipolar is not generally
curable but it is manageable.
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The treatments depend,
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kind of on the
severity of the case
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but oftentimes, if
an individual has a
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severe-enough case of bipolar,
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they need
medication to manage it...
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and we're taking the approach
of "It's not either... or...
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it's both... and... "
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because sometimes we
need all of the above
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to manage a case of bipolar.
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So, we have with us today
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the amazing Laura Whidden
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who is not just an
individual with mental illness
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but she's an individual
who is extremely creative
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and extremely warm and...
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I'm going to cry when I
say it but she's loving and...
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especially to
people that struggle.
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She's been a
blessing to loved ones of mine
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and she's a blessing to many
through her music and ministry.
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We also have with us,
Licensed Professional Counselor,
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Shelly Wiggins from Michigan...
I almost said, "Minnesota"
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and we have Marriage
and Family Therapist,
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Paul Coneff from Texas
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and we have Dr. Jean
Wright from Philadelphia,
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so, we're so thankful that
each one of you could join us.
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Let's get into the story here,
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when did this all
start for you, Laura?
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I started showing
signs of depression
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when I was 12-years old...
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we even had some
professionals in our church
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who told my parents,
just from observing me,
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that they believed I may have
some sort of mental disorder
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and at that time, I
was having trouble sleeping
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severe insomnia...
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and I had a lot of shame...
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shame that was
very disproportionate...
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the kind of acts
that I had done...
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I felt guilty about taking a
dime from my dad when I was five
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and I was awake
long hours into the night
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and so, I think it hit a major
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springboard at the age of 16
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when one of my closest friends
was diagnosed with anorexia
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and I had never even heard of it
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and I couldn't understand it
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but I caught myself thinking
the same kinds of thoughts
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that she had described and so,
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within a year I was
also diagnosed with anorexia
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and because I caught it...
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I saw it... before
it happened really...
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before I got to a
very severely-thin weight,
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I went to my parents and said,
"I want to see a therapist"
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and it was a bit of a struggle,
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my parents...
they were so afraid
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that I would carry this
stigma, "Oh, she's in therapy,
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something's
terribly wrong with her... "
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but eventually, I
persisted and said,
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"I really want to
see a therapist... "
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and so, they
took me to a therapist
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and I learned some
coping behaviors...
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I learned how to
accept myself better,
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and then, I met this guy who
just seemed like a dream guy...
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and...
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Paul: How old are you?
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Laura: I am now 18...
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so I had a couple of
years where things were managed
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but I still had
major mood swings...
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I would be so sad for
weeks and not know why
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and then I would be
very... more manic...
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but again, "manic"
never seemed to really
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give people pause... it was...
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Jennifer: You
were so productive.
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Laura: I was extra-productive...
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I was a leader...
I was an actress...
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I was a singer in
all the school plays...
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and in all the stuff...
and I deeply loved Jesus...
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I felt... from the time
of 12 I felt so desperate
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to be what he wanted me to be...
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I was baptized at 12
and I've never regretted it,
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I knew what I wanted...
I knew I wanted Him then...
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and it was true...
it's always been true...
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and I was also a
really well-behaved kid...
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Jennifer: You wanted to please.
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Laura: I wanted to please...
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and I... you know...
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I don't even know how to
describe to you how badly...
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but I was...
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I was the girl who always got
elected for... church pastor...
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a school
pastor... I was a leader...
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I gave Bible Studies...
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I sold books
door-to-door for years...
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I worked at camp...
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and so, one of the
main things that happened...
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I came home from
camp... I had gained some weight
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and I thought the people
around me would say, like,
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"Oh, it's no big
deal... you look fine... "
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and instead... they said,
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"Don't worry, we'll
get you on a diet... "
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All: Laughter...
Jennifer: Here we go... snap...
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Laura: Exactly... exactly...
and so I started diet counseling
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and that's when the anorexia
started going out of control...
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is once I was put
in diet counseling,
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when I only was a size 8...
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Jennifer: Oh...
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Laura: So, I think
that's an important thing
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that I would love
to tell my audience...
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moms... dads... friends...
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please don't push
people on weight issues...
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please... if you're
going to say anything,
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you want to do
prayer... like, maybe months...
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before anything
is said... maybe...
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Jennifer: Particularly a
young female in the teens...
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Paul: But she's like...
like, how old... this time?
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Laura: I was 16
when this happened.
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Jennifer: The amount
of body-image pressure
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on young
females is incalculable.
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Laura: I'm
currently a 14... 16...
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and so imagine me an 8...
that's four sizes smaller...
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that's when we
started the diet counseling...
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that's when... I can
remember standing in mirrors
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in the gym... with my friends
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and we were all fantasizing
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about which parts of ourselves
we'd like to cut off...
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All: Oooooh!
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Laura: And one girl said,
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"If I could just
cut off my stomach... "
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I was the girl who said,
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"If I could just cut off
that part inside my thigh,
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how cool would that be!"
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This is... that's how we...
that was "girl-locker-room talk"
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and so,
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I feel like the
anorexia was the major catalyst
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that would take me low
quicker than anything else.
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My body-image would take me
all the way down with no warning
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and so, when I was 18...
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I did everything my
parents had asked...
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I worked so hard in school
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and I felt a lot of pressure
that maybe wasn't even theirs,
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much of it, I believe
I put on myself as well
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and so, I had straight "A's"...
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and... but
suddenly I had friends
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who were not raised the way
I was with all the... you know,
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my family
believed pretty strongly
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in a lot of different
ways to live and dress and look
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and I believed that
people who didn't live and dress
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and look and
behave the way I did,
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were just rebellious people
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who woke up one morning and
said, "I want to have fun...
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so I'm just going to
do terrible things. "
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Like, that's what I
believed about people who were
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doing all the naughty things.
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Jennifer: Where did you
get exposed to these people
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that were not the same as you?
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Laura: Oh, I didn't
get to see the people
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that were not the same as
me until... when I was 18...
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I had a breakdown...
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I was... I had kind of found my
way with the self-concept stuff
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and then I met this guy
who I just thought was...
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he hung the moon...
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and we'd been
together six months
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and I had gained
the "Freshmen 10"
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and I remember
calling him one night
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and I was so insecure...
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and he was... in my opinion,
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extremely
handsome and successful,
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he was in medical
school and I said to him, like,
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"Why are you even with me?"
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Like, "You're so
amazing and I'm just weird... "
00:09:06.91\00:09:09.54
and he said, like,
00:09:09.58\00:09:13.01
"Imagine how much you like me
and that's how much I like you"
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and... and... and... I said,
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"Well, it seems like something's
not all the way there,
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like, do you really like me?"
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And he was like, "I do... "
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and I was like, "Well, it
seems like you're holding back"
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and he said, "Well, you know,
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there's a truth about me
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and I don't know whether
it's Godly to say it or not
00:09:33.34\00:09:35.47
but... I like thin women... "
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and again, I was
maybe a size 10...
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I don't know... 8... 10...
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and I said, "Well,
how thin is thin enough?"
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and he said, "In my opinion,
no woman can ever be too thin. "
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Jennifer: Oh
dear... wow! Jean: Wow...
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Laura: And, within three
months, I was hospitalized
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because I began to
take on this frenetic,
00:09:56.22\00:09:59.93
"I must exercise...
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I'm going to be
a... I'm going to... "
00:10:01.33\00:10:02.70
I wasn't just
going to go exercise...
00:10:02.76\00:10:04.27
I was going to run a marathon
and I started working nights...
00:10:04.33\00:10:07.74
to save up to buy
him a special present...
00:10:07.77\00:10:10.34
and so... off I went...
00:10:10.41\00:10:13.61
and I... one night I
just broke down and cried...
00:10:13.64\00:10:17.28
and everything that
had ever happened...
00:10:17.31\00:10:19.05
every
difficulty... and watching...
00:10:19.08\00:10:22.18
"Well, now I'm at
college and people who act
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and think and look
differently than me...
00:10:24.32\00:10:26.32
still love Jesus...
00:10:26.35\00:10:27.82
and I'm totally
conflicted and confused. "
00:10:27.86\00:10:30.03
Shelly: So you
didn't feel like you fit...
00:10:30.06\00:10:32.19
your paradigm was shifted.
00:10:32.23\00:10:33.86
Laura: Right, and
I also had to wonder
00:10:33.90\00:10:36.13
if my parents were right or not
00:10:36.16\00:10:37.50
and I had to
question everything now...
00:10:37.53\00:10:39.57
I had to question my church,
I had to question... lifestyle,
00:10:39.63\00:10:43.71
I had to question what I wear,
00:10:43.74\00:10:45.37
how... make-up or
no... I don't know...
00:10:45.41\00:10:48.51
is it a terrible
sin? Not sure anymore...
00:10:48.54\00:10:51.61
and that left me
completely destabilized
00:10:51.65\00:10:54.98
and so, my parents
took me to a psychiatrist,
00:10:55.02\00:10:59.95
the psychiatrist...
let me say first...
00:11:00.02\00:11:02.96
I have had three amazing
psychiatrists in my life...
00:11:02.99\00:11:06.26
who changed my
life... saved my life...
00:11:06.29\00:11:09.43
these men have been
a beautiful thing...
00:11:09.46\00:11:12.33
so please remember there are
amazing practitioners available.
00:11:12.40\00:11:16.37
This particular practitioner
00:11:16.40\00:11:18.37
was struggling
herself... I found out later,
00:11:18.41\00:11:20.48
and so, she
listened to me for 20 minutes
00:11:20.51\00:11:23.45
and said, "You're going to
start taking Lithium today...
00:11:23.48\00:11:25.78
and you're going to be taking
it the rest of your life. "
00:11:25.81\00:11:28.08
I was already aware
that Lithium has some...
00:11:28.12\00:11:31.32
if you take it for 30 years,
you'll probably lose a kidney...
00:11:31.35\00:11:34.62
Jennifer: Right, it
does have side-effects.
00:11:34.66\00:11:36.83
Laura: It's
right there in the DSM
00:11:36.86\00:11:38.19
and that's all I knew about it
00:11:38.23\00:11:39.56
I didn't know that it
could take away all the drama...
00:11:39.59\00:11:42.60
or a lot of it...
I didn't know that...
00:11:42.63\00:11:44.60
all I knew was the dangers
00:11:44.63\00:11:45.97
and so, for the
first time in my life,
00:11:46.00\00:11:48.80
my biggest
rebellion... was to say,
00:11:48.87\00:11:51.74
"No, I will not put
this pill in my mouth... "
00:11:51.77\00:11:53.54
and what ended up happening is,
00:11:53.58\00:11:56.88
my parents, because
they were so afraid...
00:11:56.91\00:11:59.21
they said, You can go
to the mental hospital
00:11:59.25\00:12:01.48
or you can take
the medication... "
00:12:01.55\00:12:02.88
and I chose the mental hospital
and I read all the fine print
00:12:02.92\00:12:06.62
and nowhere in there had I
agreed to take the medication.
00:12:06.65\00:12:10.53
So then, my next
psychiatrist who...
00:12:10.56\00:12:14.16
both of these poor
psychiatrists anyway...
00:12:14.20\00:12:17.93
there are
things very wrong there
00:12:17.97\00:12:19.73
which have since
been confirmed...
00:12:19.77\00:12:21.44
so, if you have questions
about your practitioner,
00:12:21.50\00:12:24.41
it's okay to ask the
nurses at your local place...
00:12:24.44\00:12:27.74
it's okay... people will
help you maneuver through...
00:12:27.78\00:12:31.08
find the right person for you.
00:12:31.11\00:12:33.55
Jennifer: And it's okay
to move on to someone else
00:12:33.58\00:12:35.08
if you're not comfortable?
00:12:35.12\00:12:36.45
Laura: It's totally...
it's okay to move on...
00:12:36.48\00:12:38.62
once you find somebody
you love, hang in there...
00:12:38.65\00:12:40.96
Jennifer: But I think you're
bringing out an important point
00:12:40.99\00:12:44.06
because sometimes we're so
paralyzed by an authority figure
00:12:44.09\00:12:47.10
we feel like we have
to submit to this person
00:12:47.13\00:12:49.86
because they're a doctor
00:12:49.90\00:12:51.23
so we can't...
00:12:51.27\00:12:52.60
we don't realize that
it's really a business...
00:12:52.63\00:12:53.97
can I say it that way?
00:12:54.00\00:12:55.34
And you can choose who
you're comfortable with
00:12:55.37\00:12:57.81
and who's a better fit for you,
00:12:57.87\00:12:59.34
is that kind of what
you were going to say?
00:12:59.37\00:13:00.78
Paul: Who's going to
listen to you? Jennifer: Yeah.
00:13:00.81\00:13:02.14
Jean: And the most
important part of that
00:13:02.18\00:13:04.25
is the therapeutic alliance,
00:13:04.28\00:13:05.61
I mean, that's the
whole purpose of therapy,
00:13:05.65\00:13:07.52
is to make sure
you have a match,
00:13:07.58\00:13:09.18
and so, if you have that match,
00:13:09.22\00:13:10.75
that really is a springboard
for you getting better
00:13:10.79\00:13:13.86
because that's the
very basic interaction...
00:13:13.92\00:13:15.66
that
relationship is so important.
00:13:15.69\00:13:17.19
Laura: Very much.
00:13:17.23\00:13:18.56
Jennifer: It's
the delivery system.
00:13:18.59\00:13:19.93
Jean: Absolutely, absolutely.
00:13:19.96\00:13:22.63
Shelly: When we were talking
just briefly before hand...
00:13:22.66\00:13:24.67
you mentioned being
understood, feeling safe,
00:13:24.70\00:13:27.34
that someone was aligned
with you and on your side...
00:13:27.40\00:13:30.24
made the world of
difference for you.
00:13:30.27\00:13:33.01
Laura: That's how I
felt when a Practitioner...
00:13:33.27\00:13:35.64
a therapist or a psychiatrist
00:13:35.68\00:13:38.35
which I see
both... on a regular basis.
00:13:38.38\00:13:41.12
Sometimes six
months out of the year,
00:13:41.15\00:13:43.85
I'm in individual
therapy and group therapy
00:13:43.89\00:13:47.09
and then, quarterly,
I see my psychiatrist
00:13:47.16\00:13:50.33
unless... unless
things get weird...
00:13:50.36\00:13:52.09
and things get weird sometimes.
00:13:52.16\00:13:53.53
Jennifer: So you
don't see your psychiatrist
00:13:53.60\00:13:56.06
when things get weird?
00:13:56.10\00:13:57.43
Laura: I do... yes, I'm sorry...
00:13:57.47\00:13:58.83
I see him more than quarterly
if things aren't going well.
00:13:58.87\00:14:04.47
Jennifer: Because,
doesn't the medication
00:14:04.51\00:14:05.97
need to be adjusted sometimes?
00:14:06.01\00:14:07.51
Laura: Sometimes it
needs to be adjusted.
00:14:07.54\00:14:10.48
It can be
affected by so many things,
00:14:10.51\00:14:14.08
sleeping well,
eating... stress...
00:14:14.12\00:14:16.75
my stress level
and my outside life...
00:14:16.79\00:14:19.35
and yeah, where
shall we go next?
00:14:19.39\00:14:23.12
Shelly: You mentioned
having to go in-patient...
00:14:23.19\00:14:26.66
and then things shifted
and you were court ordered
00:14:26.70\00:14:30.13
to take the medication
00:14:30.17\00:14:31.67
but you said...
00:14:31.73\00:14:33.07
being around a different
eclectic group of people
00:14:33.10\00:14:36.74
was also
life-changing for you...
00:14:36.77\00:14:38.11
can you tell us more about that?
00:14:38.17\00:14:39.51
Laura: Very much...
I believe my whole life
00:14:39.54\00:14:42.38
that people were either
crazy or they weren't, you know,
00:14:42.41\00:14:46.55
that people were just...
"This person was born crazy...
00:14:46.61\00:14:50.72
and they're crazy... "
00:14:50.75\00:14:52.09
and so when I elected to
go to the mental hospital
00:14:52.12\00:14:55.49
instead of
taking this medication
00:14:55.52\00:14:56.86
that I had already
put my foot down...
00:14:56.89\00:14:58.23
I wasn't going to take it,
00:14:58.26\00:14:59.59
so I went to the
hospital and one by one
00:14:59.63\00:15:01.06
every person in there
began telling their stories
00:15:01.10\00:15:04.33
and it was...
there are people...
00:15:04.37\00:15:09.17
and the people who
seemed the most "unwell"
00:15:09.20\00:15:13.48
were the ones who had the
longest... most painful stories
00:15:13.51\00:15:17.48
of abuse and neglect and
people taking advantage of them
00:15:17.51\00:15:21.88
and I believe that even though
my parents were terrified...
00:15:21.92\00:15:26.45
a doctor told my parents that
if I did not take the medication
00:15:26.49\00:15:30.43
I would be a prostitute on
the street within three months.
00:15:30.46\00:15:34.33
Beloveds... I was a virgin...
00:15:34.36\00:15:36.46
I loved Jesus... I
was so well-behaved...
00:15:36.50\00:15:39.80
and so my parents were terrified
00:15:39.83\00:15:42.47
so they took the
side of my doctor
00:15:42.50\00:15:44.41
who had been to
Harvard and said,
00:15:44.44\00:15:46.24
"She needs... she needs
to take the medication... "
00:15:46.27\00:15:47.71
they took me to court...
00:15:47.74\00:15:49.08
32 of my closest
friends were subpoenaed
00:15:49.11\00:15:52.21
and they all kind
of stood up and said,
00:15:52.25\00:15:55.32
"She has been acting weird. "
00:15:55.35\00:15:56.72
Jennifer: Literally 32 of
your friends were subpoenaed?
00:15:56.79\00:15:58.19
Laura: Yes,
she... my poor little...
00:15:58.22\00:16:00.46
that woman was
assigned to me by the State...
00:16:00.49\00:16:03.83
she had a pile
this big on her desk,
00:16:03.86\00:16:05.89
so when she asked me,
00:16:05.93\00:16:07.50
"Who might say
something nice about you?"
00:16:07.53\00:16:10.43
I gave her a
huge list... I was...
00:16:10.47\00:16:12.13
I was very much a noticeable
figure in Berrien Springs...
00:16:12.17\00:16:17.14
I went up front a
lot... I was a Leader...
00:16:17.17\00:16:20.14
I was a Spiritual Leader...
00:16:20.18\00:16:22.01
so there wasn't
a mental hospital,
00:16:22.04\00:16:25.38
I refused this medication
00:16:25.41\00:16:26.82
and I really believed that
00:16:26.85\00:16:28.18
God allowed this
to happen for me...
00:16:28.22\00:16:30.55
because I believe I
was headed toward...
00:16:30.59\00:16:33.19
I was so well
behaved... I... you know...
00:16:33.25\00:16:35.79
most of the time I was
slender and good looking
00:16:35.82\00:16:38.09
I had this long blond hair
that everybody commented on
00:16:38.13\00:16:42.00
and I chose not to
do "naughty things"
00:16:42.06\00:16:47.90
and so, I was a good person
00:16:47.94\00:16:49.97
and the other people were
just rebellious and evil...
00:16:50.01\00:16:52.27
and I believe that God used
the time in the mental hospital
00:16:52.31\00:16:54.94
three weeks there...
00:16:55.01\00:16:56.34
to show me that
nobody is just evil...
00:16:56.38\00:16:59.41
that people don't choose naughty
things for the fun of it...
00:16:59.48\00:17:02.55
that's rarely really
what people are doing...
00:17:02.58\00:17:04.85
people choose
detrimental behaviors
00:17:04.89\00:17:08.02
based on the
holes in their lives
00:17:08.06\00:17:11.09
that's why...
that's when we choose...
00:17:11.13\00:17:13.53
Jennifer: There are ineffective
ways of dealing with pain.
00:17:13.56\00:17:15.30
Laura: There are so many...
00:17:15.33\00:17:16.97
sin is usually
just an ineffective way
00:17:17.00\00:17:19.27
to deal with pain and so,
00:17:19.30\00:17:21.47
that was a real
relief to learn that
00:17:21.50\00:17:23.00
and so when I came out
of the mental hospital,
00:17:23.04\00:17:26.11
I took the medication regularly,
00:17:26.14\00:17:27.54
and the rest of my life
has been this adventure of...
00:17:27.58\00:17:33.92
the highs really are
beautiful, I get a lot done,
00:17:33.95\00:17:38.92
when I'm on stage...
00:17:38.95\00:17:40.29
Jennifer: Do you still get highs
and lows on the medication?
00:17:40.32\00:17:42.59
Laura: I still get highs
and lows on the medication.
00:17:42.62\00:17:44.39
Jennifer: So
they don't put it...
00:17:44.43\00:17:45.76
they don't medicate you enough
to where you're totally flat?
00:17:45.79\00:17:47.13
Laura: No...
00:17:47.16\00:17:48.50
Jennifer: Do they try to
00:17:48.53\00:17:49.86
keep the medication at the
lowest dose that you can be on
00:17:49.90\00:17:51.63
and still control the symptoms?
00:17:51.93\00:17:53.27
Laura: Absolutely...
that was my fear...
00:17:53.30\00:17:54.90
when I went into
the mental hospital,
00:17:54.94\00:17:56.64
I remember a friend saying,
00:17:56.67\00:17:58.01
"Oh no, you're going to be
catatonic... this is so scary. "
00:17:58.04\00:18:01.04
Jennifer: You're
definitely not catatonic girl...
00:18:01.08\00:18:03.11
Laura: Right...
that's what we believe...
00:18:03.14\00:18:04.85
I've seen it in movies,
00:18:04.88\00:18:06.48
they go into the mental hospital
and they go like this...
00:18:06.51\00:18:07.92
and sit there for weeks...
00:18:07.98\00:18:10.25
not true... not true...
00:18:10.29\00:18:11.75
so even my doctor who is
kind of a messy individual
00:18:11.79\00:18:15.06
was able to help me
start taking medication
00:18:15.12\00:18:17.49
and... and so... since then...
00:18:17.53\00:18:21.06
I've had up to a year
where I took no medication
00:18:21.10\00:18:24.50
but that was a year where
things were just kind of awesome
00:18:24.53\00:18:27.70
I had a job I loved,
00:18:27.74\00:18:29.60
things in my life
were just really good
00:18:29.64\00:18:32.21
and one day they
weren't good anymore
00:18:32.27\00:18:34.78
we moved... and there
were some huge stressors
00:18:34.81\00:18:37.25
and so, my husband put me in
a car and took me to the doctor
00:18:37.28\00:18:41.22
and what I believe more than
anything about mental illness,
00:18:41.28\00:18:45.19
is that we must treat it
from every possible angle.
00:18:45.22\00:18:48.49
Jennifer: So could you
give us some other things
00:18:48.52\00:18:51.76
that you include in your program
00:18:51.79\00:18:54.10
that augment the medication.
00:18:54.13\00:18:56.50
Laura: Right, so, I
take medication every day,
00:18:56.56\00:18:59.53
twice a day
00:18:59.60\00:19:01.14
and that medication is sometimes
changed by my practitioner
00:19:01.17\00:19:04.27
if things are going well...
00:19:04.31\00:19:06.14
or if things are going
really well, I can ask him,
00:19:06.17\00:19:09.04
"Can I go to a lower dose?"
00:19:09.08\00:19:10.41
and sometimes we'll do that...
00:19:10.45\00:19:11.78
and if things are going poorly,
00:19:11.81\00:19:13.15
he'll up a dose or
change a medication
00:19:13.18\00:19:15.05
and it's always hilarious
because the depression tells me
00:19:15.08\00:19:18.65
the doctor isn't
going to be able to help...
00:19:18.69\00:19:20.16
nothing's going to help...
00:19:20.19\00:19:21.52
nothing's going to
help... and I get to the doctor
00:19:21.56\00:19:23.12
and he changes my prescription
00:19:23.16\00:19:24.93
and in a week I'm
like, "La... la...
00:19:24.96\00:19:26.43
I feel so much better... "
00:19:26.46\00:19:27.83
so there's that
temptation not to get help
00:19:27.86\00:19:30.73
when you're very low.
00:19:30.77\00:19:32.33
Jennifer: When
you need it the most.
00:19:32.37\00:19:33.70
Laura: Or when I'm very high.
00:19:33.74\00:19:35.07
Jennifer: Do you have
people around you saying,
00:19:35.10\00:19:36.44
"Laura, come on,
get in the car...
00:19:36.47\00:19:38.61
we're going to the
doctor... " that will help you?
00:19:38.67\00:19:41.04
Laura: I think that that
may even be the number one thing
00:19:41.08\00:19:44.31
people need most is a
community of people you trust
00:19:44.38\00:19:47.52
and that can be three
people, it can be five people
00:19:47.55\00:19:50.19
it can only be one
person... that's all you have.
00:19:50.22\00:19:52.35
Jennifer: How do
you find them Laura,
00:19:52.39\00:19:53.72
how do you find the people,
do you just ask for them?
00:19:53.76\00:19:55.96
Laura: It's Jesus... I mean...
Jesus landed me with Cory
00:19:55.99\00:19:58.29
because I dated a lot of men...
and this is what's interesting,
00:19:58.33\00:20:01.20
I was drawn to men who hated the
same things about me that I did.
00:20:01.23\00:20:04.07
"I think I'm
fat... oh, you do too...
00:20:04.10\00:20:06.60
great... we agree...
00:20:06.63\00:20:07.97
I think I'm too
odd... so do you... "
00:20:08.00\00:20:10.01
so, by some miracle...
00:20:10.04\00:20:12.24
I married a wonderful man
00:20:12.27\00:20:14.44
and... who was
willing to get help himself...
00:20:14.48\00:20:16.85
and willing to help me to help
00:20:16.88\00:20:18.38
so he is my number one
champion and he's also...
00:20:18.41\00:20:21.55
he has permission
to take me to a doctor
00:20:21.58\00:20:24.75
if I get silent... he
told me very early on...
00:20:24.79\00:20:27.72
"Laura, you... I will never take
away your right to choose...
00:20:27.79\00:20:30.93
the way that the
System did back then...
00:20:30.96\00:20:32.89
unless you stop talking.
00:20:32.96\00:20:34.60
If you stop talking...
00:20:34.63\00:20:36.20
I'm going to take you
where I want to take you
00:20:36.23\00:20:38.03
and do what I want to do... "
00:20:38.07\00:20:39.40
and I get tempted...
00:20:39.43\00:20:40.77
Jennifer: So you know
where that boundary is.
00:20:40.80\00:20:42.14
Laura: I know
where that boundary is...
00:20:42.17\00:20:43.51
I get tempted to get quiet and
sullen and close off completely
00:20:43.54\00:20:47.71
and not tell him what's
going on inside my brain...
00:20:47.74\00:20:49.88
Jennifer: But you know
you're effectively signing off
00:20:49.91\00:20:51.91
on going to the
doctor when you do that.
00:20:51.98\00:20:53.68
Laura: Great... so I speak...
00:20:53.72\00:20:55.45
and I tell him when I'm...
when I'm feeling depressed
00:20:55.48\00:20:59.25
and... so... yeah... I
wished, from the time I was 12
00:20:59.29\00:21:03.02
I remember wishing...
I had just not been born
00:21:03.06\00:21:05.13
Jennifer: We're
so glad you were.
00:21:05.16\00:21:07.00
Jean: Amen.
00:21:07.03\00:21:08.80
Shelly: Do you remember being 12
00:21:08.83\00:21:10.77
and actually feeling the
highs and lows way back then?
00:21:10.80\00:21:13.30
Laura: Yes.
00:21:13.34\00:21:14.67
Shelly: You said there was
a psychiatrist at your church
00:21:14.70\00:21:17.27
that kind of picked up
on a little bit of something
00:21:17.31\00:21:19.71
but, kind of,
for whatever reason
00:21:19.74\00:21:21.44
waited... it
wasn't the right time
00:21:21.48\00:21:23.41
and... but you
could feel that...
00:21:23.45\00:21:25.28
Laura: Oh, I felt it...
Shelly: Something was off...
00:21:25.31\00:21:27.52
Laura: But I didn't know that
I was more off than anyone else
00:21:27.55\00:21:30.39
I didn't know... but yes...
00:21:30.42\00:21:33.22
definitely started
showing signs at 12...
00:21:33.25\00:21:35.22
Shelly: But you loved
Jesus. Laura: I loved Jesus.
00:21:35.26\00:21:38.53
Shelly: So it was okay
for Christians to get help
00:21:38.56\00:21:41.80
for mental health.
00:21:41.83\00:21:43.16
Laura: Absolutely...
it's more than okay...
00:21:43.20\00:21:45.40
I believe this is the
body of Christ at work
00:21:45.43\00:21:47.67
so, the number one thing is
00:21:47.70\00:21:49.77
when we see
someone really struggling
00:21:49.80\00:21:52.27
and we have to see
each other first...
00:21:52.31\00:21:54.68
like, you have to
look around at church...
00:21:54.71\00:21:57.01
you have to ask the questions...
you have to... to...
00:21:57.05\00:21:58.98
Jennifer: You
have to know people.
00:21:59.01\00:22:00.55
Shelly: Be real... at church...
00:22:00.58\00:22:01.92
Laura: You have to be real or
you won't get the help you need
00:22:01.95\00:22:04.09
and I think...
00:22:04.12\00:22:06.79
something else I love for
the Viewers to understand is...
00:22:06.82\00:22:09.72
my parents were
afraid that if people knew
00:22:09.76\00:22:11.69
that I'd been to
the mental hospital...
00:22:11.73\00:22:13.56
that I was taking medication...
that I wouldn't be trusted...
00:22:13.60\00:22:15.66
that I wouldn't be
able to get a good job...
00:22:15.70\00:22:18.03
and strangely, the
opposite has been true,
00:22:18.07\00:22:20.30
I sit down with potential
employers and tell them,
00:22:20.34\00:22:23.37
"Look, I'm ill... I do
this and this to be well"
00:22:23.41\00:22:25.91
and they say, "Oh,
thanks for letting me know
00:22:25.94\00:22:28.41
you sound like
you're really healthy...
00:22:28.44\00:22:30.55
you take care of it
so great... thanks... "
00:22:30.58\00:22:32.35
and then they hire
me, I mean, this is...
00:22:32.38\00:22:34.08
it's so strange that we think
we have to hide from people
00:22:34.12\00:22:37.79
but instead... when we
tell who we really are,
00:22:37.82\00:22:40.02
people feel safe... because
they know what to expect.
00:22:40.06\00:22:43.09
Paul: There's some
authenticity there...
00:22:43.12\00:22:44.59
builds trust and credibility.
00:22:44.63\00:22:45.96
Shelly: I think a
great message is that
00:22:45.99\00:22:48.13
mental health is manageable,
00:22:48.16\00:22:49.50
it doesn't have to
be a death sentence
00:22:49.53\00:22:51.00
because you have a diagnosis.
00:22:51.03\00:22:52.37
All: Hmmm...
hmmm... hmmm... hmmm...
00:22:52.40\00:22:54.64
Laura: So yes... I
choose healthy people
00:22:54.70\00:22:57.17
who can speak into my life.
00:22:57.21\00:22:59.27
If there is a time when I am out
of touch with my own reality,
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I let someone else tell me,
I take medication every day,
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I see my psychiatrist regularly,
therapy has been a game changer.
00:23:05.48\00:23:09.55
Jennifer: You mean
"Counseling" right?
00:23:09.58\00:23:10.92
Laura: Counseling...
00:23:10.95\00:23:12.29
Jennifer: Because "therapy"
can kind of be a broad term
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so I'm just
clarifying for the Viewers.
00:23:13.69\00:23:15.02
Laura: Yes, talk therapy...
00:23:15.06\00:23:16.56
talk counseling
with a Counselor.
00:23:16.62\00:23:19.33
My therapist is
my number one ally,
00:23:19.39\00:23:22.03
and I've now been
with six amazing therapists
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in the different
States that I've lived
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and that... that is where
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I believe the rubber meets
the road for me... biggest...
00:23:30.01\00:23:33.31
is that time in
the office every week
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with someone to check in
to remind me that I'm valuable
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to help me know how
to take care of myself
00:23:39.11\00:23:42.68
so yeah, and
then... I mean... there's...
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there's the broader
and harder things...
00:23:46.15\00:23:48.39
of trying to eat well...
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which is a struggle for
me... that's a tough one, but...
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Jennifer: Join the club...
00:23:54.23\00:23:55.80
Laura: Great...
I try to eat well,
00:23:55.83\00:23:57.27
exercise is so helpful
whenever I can get out and do it
00:23:57.30\00:24:00.67
I mean, you know, so...
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Jennifer: How much does your
creativity impact your wellness?
00:24:02.34\00:24:05.07
Laura: Oh, the
creativity is huge...
00:24:05.11\00:24:06.54
when I'm really low, it's
very hard to write music...
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it's almost
impossible to book...
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to do the booking I
need to deal with...
00:24:14.65\00:24:16.18
I'm a singer... song
writer... a touring musician
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and when I'm low...
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the hardest parts of my ministry
are virtually impossible
00:24:20.16\00:24:23.86
but the "high"
always comes back...
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it always comes back... the
functionality always returns
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and so, we just
kind of wait it out
00:24:31.90\00:24:34.87
and I think
another thing that's...
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that's hard for most
people to understand...
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but that we have made a
huge priority... is my sleep...
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and I have trouble
getting to sleep at night,
00:24:43.01\00:24:45.18
I even take medication with
it but I have trouble with that
00:24:45.21\00:24:47.98
and the day that my husband
came home one day and said,
00:24:48.02\00:24:50.75
"Laura, what if
we let you sleep...
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until you wake
up... every day...
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how different
would our lives be?"
00:24:54.46\00:24:57.39
And that seemed
so shameful to me...
00:24:57.43\00:25:00.30
"I'm an American... I
should have a 9 to 5...
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or I should be
working 60 hours a week
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if I'm very virtuous... " right?
00:25:05.07\00:25:06.70
And to say, like, "I'm going
to sleep to 10 if I need to... "
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and when I'm really low, I
sometimes sleep to 2 or 3...
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and then I go
back to sleep again...
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and this is the hardest
one for me to protect...
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is my rest... because
most people don't get it
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most people are like,
00:25:23.05\00:25:24.39
"Well, I tried to call you
at 9:00... where were you?"
00:25:24.42\00:25:26.49
"I was asleep... "
00:25:26.52\00:25:28.02
but in my life...
00:25:28.06\00:25:29.52
I did another filming...
talking about the same thing...
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I got home and I got a
call from a man in Alabama
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and he said, "I'm so
glad you said that out loud
00:25:36.10\00:25:38.97
on that TV Program,
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because I've had to
sleep-in my whole life...
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I'm a Minister... and I
was always ashamed of it
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but I had to... " and...
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Jennifer: So, sleeping is free
the last time I checked, so...
00:25:47.58\00:25:50.55
Shelly: Yeah, you
don't need a script for it,
00:25:50.58\00:25:52.75
you need permission...
to get proper rest...
00:25:52.78\00:25:56.15
Laura: Sure, and
it's okay to do your life
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on your life's terms...
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I can't live my life
on someone else's terms.
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Jennifer: You
can't compare yourself...
00:26:03.53\00:26:04.86
I think a big part of this is...
you were really inclined to
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compare yourself
with other people
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and try to live up to
an unrealistic standard
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and you've learnt, Laura,
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"Laura is unique... and
Laura has to do Laura...
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Laura can't do
someone else... " amen...
00:26:17.37\00:26:20.18
Laura: Amen.
Shelly: Permission granted.
00:26:20.21\00:26:22.54
Jennifer: You are
powerful... I love Laura's music
00:26:22.58\00:26:25.65
because, in the
middle of her stuff
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she'll be playing
the piano and talking...
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and I don't know
how you do that...
00:26:29.32\00:26:30.65
I am a piano player... I
don't know how you do that...
00:26:30.69\00:26:32.15
and she's
talking and she's saying,
00:26:32.19\00:26:34.16
"Look, I have bipolar
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and I'm, by the grace
of God, managing it... "
00:26:36.49\00:26:39.33
and she talks
about it a little bit...
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and she says, "Call
me if you need help,
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I like to minister
to broken people... "
00:26:43.13\00:26:45.60
and you invite people
to come into your life
00:26:45.63\00:26:48.07
and to help them...
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and that is so
unusual for a public figure
00:26:49.47\00:26:51.47
because they're usually like,
00:26:51.51\00:26:52.94
trying to get away
from people calling them
00:26:52.97\00:26:54.54
and always
wanting a piece of them
00:26:54.61\00:26:55.94
but you just open
yourself wide to that
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and I love that about
you... the generosity...
00:26:57.55\00:27:01.55
Paul: What I like too is...
bipolar is not your identity...
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it's a part of your life
but it's not your identity...
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it's not who you
are as a person...
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and I really appreciate the
way that's coming through...
00:27:11.16\00:27:13.23
Shelly: Hmmm...
hmmm... Jennifer: Yeah.
00:27:13.26\00:27:14.60
Laura: It was huge
for me to have to realize
00:27:14.63\00:27:17.93
that everything about
my life is changeable...
00:27:17.97\00:27:21.10
my looks... "Okay, I
have a pretty face... "
00:27:21.14\00:27:24.21
I could be in an accident
tomorrow... I could lose that
00:27:24.24\00:27:26.24
but the only thing
about me that never changes
00:27:26.27\00:27:28.71
is my value in Christ.
00:27:28.74\00:27:30.28
All: Amen.
00:27:30.35\00:27:31.68
Laura: That I
was created by Him,
00:27:31.71\00:27:33.05
redeemed by Him...
00:27:33.08\00:27:34.52
and I am now being
changed into His image
00:27:34.55\00:27:37.12
and the truest
me... is the best me...
00:27:37.15\00:27:38.99
Jennifer: And
we're going to have to...
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we're going to have
to... unfortunately...
00:27:40.92\00:27:42.56
because there's so
much more that you could say
00:27:42.59\00:27:45.09
but that is a
powerful resolve cord for us...
00:27:45.13\00:27:47.40
we just want to
say to those of you
00:27:47.46\00:27:49.33
that have been able to
listen to what Laura had to say,
00:27:49.36\00:27:52.47
we're so thankful you were here
00:27:52.50\00:27:54.34
and may God bless you and...
00:27:54.37\00:27:56.14
it's... it's...
it's never hopeless...
00:27:56.17\00:27:58.84
while there's
life... there's hope.
00:27:58.87\00:28:01.48