We are sharing tools to fix the tough stuff here 00:00:26.86\00:00:30.29 at the Multitude of Counselors today 00:00:30.33\00:00:31.99 and we're so glad you could tune in to our Program. 00:00:32.03\00:00:34.83 The title of our Program today is: Getting Past Panic. 00:00:34.86\00:00:37.63 Let me talk to you a little bit about Panic Disorder. 00:00:37.67\00:00:41.07 It's an Anxiety Disorder characterized by recurrent 00:00:41.10\00:00:44.44 unexpected panic attacks. 00:00:44.47\00:00:46.98 They may include such symptoms as heart palpitations, 00:00:47.01\00:00:51.58 sweating, shaking, shortness of breath, 00:00:51.61\00:00:53.95 numbness, and a feeling of impending disaster. 00:00:54.02\00:00:57.49 Our guest is nodding as I'm saying these things 00:00:57.52\00:01:00.96 because she has experienced this, 00:01:00.99\00:01:02.89 the prevalence for panic disorder 00:01:02.92\00:01:04.76 ranges from two percent to six percent in the United States. 00:01:04.79\00:01:08.26 Panic Disorder often coexists with other disorders 00:01:08.30\00:01:12.03 such as a mood disorder 00:01:12.07\00:01:13.40 which often onsets after the panic disorder 00:01:13.44\00:01:16.14 so the person starts having these panic episodes 00:01:16.17\00:01:18.07 and they think, "My life is falling apart" 00:01:18.11\00:01:19.44 and then they get depressed about it... or whatever... 00:01:19.47\00:01:21.71 so things can build upon one another. 00:01:21.74\00:01:24.01 The cause is pretty much a confluence of factors, 00:01:24.05\00:01:28.12 there's a high degree of genetic heritability 00:01:28.18\00:01:32.22 with all of the anxiety disorders 00:01:32.25\00:01:34.06 so you can blame your family for it, 00:01:34.09\00:01:35.89 there's also congenital factors, 00:01:35.92\00:01:38.93 when the mother is carrying the baby, 00:01:38.96\00:01:40.83 the baby is going to feel the mother's anxiety 00:01:40.86\00:01:42.86 so that can influence you. 00:01:42.90\00:01:44.23 Often, "Home of Origin" factors... 00:01:44.27\00:01:46.50 the behaviors and attitudes you see demonstrated 00:01:46.53\00:01:49.30 by family members... you learn those behaviors 00:01:49.34\00:01:52.01 and we often acquire panic or anxiety because of those things 00:01:52.04\00:01:56.31 and then also, anxiety disorders are very strongly correlated 00:01:56.34\00:02:00.55 with poor bonding in the home of origin... 00:02:00.58\00:02:03.75 I'm not saying all these things are true of our guest... 00:02:03.79\00:02:05.65 it may not be true at all 00:02:05.69\00:02:07.16 but we find that the mother and the father of the child 00:02:07.19\00:02:10.93 really do a lot to build that child's nervous system 00:02:10.96\00:02:14.66 so it's good to remember those things 00:02:14.70\00:02:16.43 when you're raising children 00:02:16.46\00:02:17.80 and also lifestyle choices such as 00:02:17.83\00:02:20.37 using drugs, using alcohol using nicotine and caffeine... 00:02:20.40\00:02:24.54 anything that upsets 00:02:24.57\00:02:26.07 the delicate balance of neurotransmitters 00:02:26.11\00:02:29.31 can trigger or worsen anxiety problems, 00:02:29.34\00:02:31.71 so we want to take care of our brains 00:02:31.75\00:02:34.02 because those neurotransmitters are very delicately balanced 00:02:34.05\00:02:37.09 by the Creator and we need to respect that. 00:02:37.12\00:02:39.32 Well, the good news is that 00:02:39.35\00:02:41.36 even if you do have an anxiety disorder, 00:02:41.39\00:02:43.59 perfect love can ultimately cast out fear 00:02:43.63\00:02:45.76 and we're going to be hearing about that today 00:02:45.79\00:02:47.20 but, often when people go to a physician or to their counselor 00:02:47.23\00:02:51.73 or to a psychiatrist to get treatment 00:02:51.77\00:02:53.87 for an anxiety disorder, 00:02:53.90\00:02:55.50 what we will find is that they will give them either 00:02:55.54\00:02:57.84 antidepressants... which can also help with managing anxiety 00:02:57.87\00:03:01.54 or drugs called: Benzodiazepines 00:03:01.58\00:03:03.71 those are very commonly prescribed. 00:03:03.75\00:03:05.95 My concern with "Benzos" as I call them 00:03:05.98\00:03:07.72 is that they're highly addictive... 00:03:07.75\00:03:09.45 within two weeks, you'll start to experience desensitization, 00:03:09.48\00:03:12.05 have to take higher doses to get the same effect 00:03:12.09\00:03:14.32 so I really prefer... if people are going to use Benzodiazepines 00:03:14.36\00:03:17.49 that they use them only episodically 00:03:17.53\00:03:19.59 and not consistently. 00:03:19.63\00:03:21.03 one of the most important things we can share 00:03:21.06\00:03:24.37 with those that have anxiety disorders 00:03:24.43\00:03:26.20 is how to breath properly, 00:03:26.23\00:03:27.70 we need to learn how to breath properly. 00:03:27.74\00:03:30.41 Ellen White said that students should be taught to breath 00:03:30.47\00:03:34.41 and that implies that we don't know how to breath 00:03:34.44\00:03:37.18 and so, what we do... 00:03:37.21\00:03:38.55 and I think all of us as therapists 00:03:38.58\00:03:39.91 teach people how to breath deep and slow 00:03:39.95\00:03:42.12 which activates the cerebral cortex 00:03:42.18\00:03:44.35 because you're choosing to slow your breathing down 00:03:44.39\00:03:46.45 and when you activate the cerebral... 00:03:46.49\00:03:48.09 frontal lobe of the cerebral cortex, 00:03:48.12\00:03:49.89 it helps to calm your limbic system, 00:03:49.92\00:03:51.63 kind of the way a mother calms a child. 00:03:51.66\00:03:53.93 A simple healthy lifestyle can contribute, 00:03:53.96\00:03:56.20 cognitive behavioral therapy 00:03:56.23\00:03:58.30 where you sort through your "thought life" 00:03:58.33\00:04:00.70 and you receive healthy and balanced thinking 00:04:00.74\00:04:03.10 from the Lord Jesus 00:04:03.14\00:04:04.47 can often help set us on a straight path 00:04:04.51\00:04:07.58 and so we want to introduce our guest and our counselors today 00:04:07.64\00:04:11.45 and get into this... this issue because 00:04:11.48\00:04:13.72 so many people have anxiety disorders... 00:04:13.75\00:04:15.92 almost 20 percent of the US population 00:04:15.95\00:04:18.32 will be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder 00:04:18.35\00:04:20.69 at some point in their lifetime 00:04:20.72\00:04:22.39 so you're in good company, having experienced it 00:04:22.42\00:04:24.63 and we're looking forward to hearing from you. 00:04:24.69\00:04:26.83 This is Kessia Reyne Bennett, she is a doctoral student, 00:04:26.86\00:04:32.10 she goes to... what school do you go to? 00:04:32.13\00:04:34.30 Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. 00:04:34.34\00:04:36.44 Jennifer: In Chicago where she lives with her husband 00:04:36.50\00:04:38.94 and her beautiful child, Nika 00:04:38.97\00:04:41.28 because I see her on Instagram all the time. 00:04:41.31\00:04:43.24 Kessia: Yes. 00:04:43.28\00:04:44.61 Jennifer: Yeah and she's beautiful, 00:04:44.65\00:04:45.98 we're so glad you're here today to be honest with us 00:04:46.01\00:04:47.98 about a patch in your life... and it was quite a long patch 00:04:48.05\00:04:51.55 where you wrestled with a pretty serious disorder 00:04:51.59\00:04:54.36 and, by the grace of God, you found some things 00:04:54.39\00:04:57.09 that have helped you and you're able to talk about it 00:04:57.13\00:04:59.33 so, praise God for that and I'm so glad you're here. 00:04:59.36\00:05:02.13 We also have professional Counselor, Shelly Wiggins 00:05:02.16\00:05:04.90 from Michigan, 00:05:04.93\00:05:06.27 she has a private practice in Michigan, 00:05:06.30\00:05:07.64 we have the illustrious, MFT, Paul Coneff from Texas 00:05:07.67\00:05:12.67 and we have professional Counselor, Christina Cecotto 00:05:12.71\00:05:17.81 from Georgia. 00:05:17.85\00:05:19.58 I always think Tennessee... she's right on the border... 00:05:19.61\00:05:21.88 so glad you guys are here 00:05:21.92\00:05:23.65 let's talk about your story, Kessia, 00:05:23.69\00:05:27.16 when did this start and how did it start? 00:05:27.19\00:05:30.76 Yeah, well, I was a convert as a teenager 00:05:30.79\00:05:34.26 and a couple of years into my faith-walk with Jesus, 00:05:34.30\00:05:38.23 I went through a spiritual crisis... 00:05:38.27\00:05:40.30 with a little period of rebellion... 00:05:40.34\00:05:42.30 and that caused some spiritual disruption in my life 00:05:42.34\00:05:45.74 and some spiritual anxiety, 00:05:45.77\00:05:47.11 coming out on the other side of that, 00:05:47.14\00:05:49.58 I started experiencing these 00:05:49.61\00:05:51.71 episodes of just intense anxiety... 00:05:51.75\00:05:55.25 like very strong dis-ease that would move into... 00:05:55.28\00:05:58.75 such an intense place, 00:05:58.79\00:06:00.89 I had a hard time getting out of it. 00:06:00.92\00:06:02.36 I wouldn't have known to call that 00:06:02.39\00:06:03.76 any kind of a panic attack or anything like that 00:06:03.79\00:06:06.83 but I had this overwhelming sense of danger 00:06:06.86\00:06:10.43 and dis-ease and fear 00:06:10.47\00:06:12.53 so that progressed through my teen years... 00:06:12.57\00:06:16.50 I went to college and university, 00:06:16.54\00:06:18.71 I got married and so on 00:06:18.77\00:06:21.14 so that carried me all the way through 00:06:21.18\00:06:22.91 until I was in my mid-twenties 00:06:22.94\00:06:25.11 when the Lord gave me a deliverance 00:06:25.15\00:06:28.75 I couldn't have dreamt of. 00:06:28.78\00:06:30.52 Wow! well that's a very sweeping overview, 00:06:30.55\00:06:33.96 can you unpack a little bit, 00:06:33.99\00:06:35.39 tell us what happened to you 00:06:35.42\00:06:37.69 on a cognitive level and a spiritual level, 00:06:37.73\00:06:39.89 you said you were rebelling so to speak, 00:06:39.93\00:06:42.10 and then this onset occurred so did you connect the dots 00:06:42.13\00:06:46.67 or think that that was because of rebellion 00:06:46.70\00:06:48.50 or what would happen to you? 00:06:48.54\00:06:49.87 Yeah, definitely, I mean, so... 00:06:49.90\00:06:52.11 so, I had misrepresented myself, I'd told a lie 00:06:52.14\00:06:55.41 and I didn't want to go back and un-tell it, you know... 00:06:55.44\00:06:58.25 I didn't want to be embarrassed and face up to that and... 00:06:58.28\00:07:01.08 so I was avoiding it 00:07:01.12\00:07:02.48 and in avoiding it, I just kind of slid right into 00:07:02.52\00:07:06.12 a whole set of behaviors that no one would say is good 00:07:06.15\00:07:11.03 and while I was there, the Lord rescued me 00:07:11.06\00:07:13.96 like a little brand from the burning... 00:07:14.00\00:07:16.83 and set me back on a path to be closer to Jesus 00:07:16.87\00:07:20.20 but I still had this leftover. 00:07:20.24\00:07:21.57 Jennifer: Can you tell us about the behaviors 00:07:21.60\00:07:23.14 or would you rather keep that to yourself, 00:07:23.17\00:07:24.57 it's totally up to you. 00:07:24.61\00:07:26.07 Kessia: I think I'll keep that quiet but the... 00:07:26.11\00:07:30.21 they left this residue with me, right, 00:07:30.25\00:07:34.52 and on the other side of that, 00:07:34.55\00:07:36.38 I felt... although I had made the right... wrong, 00:07:36.42\00:07:39.32 and I had gone through... 00:07:39.35\00:07:40.69 Jennifer: Oh you did go through... 00:07:40.72\00:07:42.06 Kessia: I did, finally... 00:07:42.09\00:07:43.43 Jennifer: That was embarrassing. 00:07:43.46\00:07:44.79 Kessia: Yeah, right, it was. 00:07:44.83\00:07:46.16 Jennifer: But it was worth it. 00:07:46.19\00:07:47.53 Kessia: Yeah, totally worth it, totally worth it, 00:07:47.56\00:07:48.90 of course, on the other side you're always thinking, 00:07:48.93\00:07:50.33 "Why didn't you do that sooner?" 00:07:50.37\00:07:52.13 But on the other side of that, 00:07:52.17\00:07:53.87 even though I had righted the wrong the best way I knew how, 00:07:53.90\00:07:56.54 the anxiety remained so I just kept thinking, 00:07:56.57\00:07:59.97 "Oh, there's something else, there's more I have to do... " 00:08:00.01\00:08:02.11 and so I would, 00:08:02.14\00:08:03.48 I tried every angle to try to kind of purge myself 00:08:03.51\00:08:06.75 from that sin and to right the wrong 00:08:06.78\00:08:08.65 even after it had been righted again and again 00:08:08.68\00:08:11.09 so I couldn't be free from the sense of anxiety 00:08:11.12\00:08:13.36 and I attributed it to, 00:08:13.39\00:08:14.92 "Oh, the Lord's communicating to me that 00:08:14.96\00:08:17.33 that hasn't been taken care of yet. 00:08:17.39\00:08:19.23 Jennifer: Well, what wrongs did you right, I mean, 00:08:19.26\00:08:21.83 you'd already righted the wrong 00:08:21.86\00:08:23.20 so you said, you kept righting the wrong. 00:08:23.23\00:08:25.17 Kessia: Yeah, so I kept thinking, 00:08:25.20\00:08:26.70 "Oh what about these other people? 00:08:26.74\00:08:28.20 That one public presentation, 00:08:28.24\00:08:30.04 and it was to a whole group of people 00:08:30.07\00:08:32.04 and I... can I... 00:08:32.07\00:08:33.88 if I see one of those people on the street, 00:08:33.91\00:08:35.64 do I run up to them or tell them or do I seek them out?" 00:08:35.68\00:08:39.48 Jennifer: You were speaking in public 00:08:39.51\00:08:40.98 so you felt you had to track down everybody that was there? 00:08:41.02\00:08:43.22 Kessia: Yeah and just... "Did I mislead that person? 00:08:43.25\00:08:46.02 Did I say that to that person? 00:08:46.05\00:08:48.06 And I'm kind of searching my mind 00:08:48.09\00:08:50.03 and... in a kind of obsessive way and then I start, 00:08:50.06\00:08:53.73 "Okay, I'm going to re-confess this... " 00:08:53.76\00:08:55.66 I think every Christian's gone through something like that, 00:08:55.70\00:08:58.97 "Oh, I'd better re-confess it 00:08:59.00\00:09:00.47 and really, really repent of it this time" 00:09:00.50\00:09:02.84 so I was just... "I need extra confession... 00:09:02.87\00:09:05.14 extra repentance... extra amends... " 00:09:05.17\00:09:07.44 just trying to keep that anxiety at bay. 00:09:07.48\00:09:09.91 Shelly: It's almost a hyper spirituality 00:09:09.94\00:09:12.28 that was probably bringing the anxiety even further... 00:09:12.31\00:09:15.58 to an elevated level. 00:09:15.62\00:09:16.95 Kessia: Yeah, definitely, I'm one of those people 00:09:16.99\00:09:19.69 who naturally has people-pleasing tendencies, 00:09:19.72\00:09:22.79 I'm conscientious and so to people like me 00:09:22.82\00:09:25.86 commandments and rules and exhortations hit very hard 00:09:25.89\00:09:29.20 so "Oh... " and you know, 00:09:29.23\00:09:31.23 God had used a sense of dis-ease to communicate with me 00:09:31.27\00:09:34.20 that things are not right and they needed to be righted... 00:09:34.24\00:09:37.51 but I was unable to see whether I had turned pathological 00:09:37.54\00:09:40.78 and I had misinterpreted it. 00:09:40.81\00:09:42.28 Did you experience some relief 00:09:42.31\00:09:43.71 when you originally confessed the wrong? 00:09:43.75\00:09:45.68 Okay, so then you thought, "Well, if I keep confessing, 00:09:45.71\00:09:48.32 maybe I'll get more relief" right? 00:09:48.35\00:09:49.95 Yeah, yeah and actually, wonderfully, God, at that time, 00:09:49.98\00:09:53.49 just at that juncture, after I'd righted those wrongs 00:09:53.52\00:09:56.99 and I did experience quite a freedom, 00:09:57.03\00:09:59.09 He introduced me in a deeper way 00:09:59.13\00:10:01.10 to the experience of righteousness by faith 00:10:01.13\00:10:03.23 and gave me the gospel in a deeper way 00:10:03.26\00:10:07.54 and then the panic came, so how do I... 00:10:07.57\00:10:11.77 Were you aware of any of the negative thoughts you had 00:10:11.81\00:10:13.14 behind the panic? 00:10:13.17\00:10:14.51 Panic is a strong feeling, were you aware of any of that, 00:10:14.54\00:10:16.54 what the thoughts were about yourself? 00:10:16.58\00:10:20.12 Oh, about myself... It was more... 00:10:20.15\00:10:22.88 I just felt like I was in spiritual danger... 00:10:22.95\00:10:25.15 I just felt kind of a danger 00:10:25.19\00:10:26.82 so almost like a "spiritual oppression" 00:10:26.86\00:10:28.69 is maybe how I would have characterized it, 00:10:28.72\00:10:31.16 so early on... 00:10:31.19\00:10:32.53 Jennifer: Did you keep thinking, "I'm lost?" 00:10:32.56\00:10:33.90 Kessia: Early on... no... early on it was 00:10:33.93\00:10:35.33 "Okay, I need to pray for spiritual protection 00:10:35.36\00:10:39.60 because I had righted those wrongs 00:10:39.63\00:10:41.30 and I was kind of counting on the grace of the Lord Jesus 00:10:41.34\00:10:44.41 but as they persisted, 00:10:44.44\00:10:45.91 then, that confidence began to wear away 00:10:45.94\00:10:48.84 and then after a while... the most intense season... 00:10:48.88\00:10:52.71 it turned into... not just "lost" in some vague sense 00:10:52.75\00:10:56.55 but like, "I'm trying to sleep 00:10:56.58\00:10:58.92 and I'm overcome with this panic experience, 00:10:58.95\00:11:01.62 I'm falling into the abyss of God's absence... " 00:11:01.66\00:11:04.26 and then later... God's non-existence... 00:11:04.53\00:11:07.06 Christina: Yeah, sounds like you were relying upon your feelings 00:11:07.10\00:11:09.86 to tell you whether you were okay with God. 00:11:09.90\00:11:11.53 Kessia: Hmmm... hmmm... yeah and I had all of this theology 00:11:11.57\00:11:15.47 to correct me, right, 00:11:15.50\00:11:17.64 so I would move from here to there 00:11:17.67\00:11:20.21 and here to there and so... 00:11:20.28\00:11:21.84 Jennifer: What's the here and there? 00:11:21.88\00:11:23.21 Kessia: From my feelings to my theological convictions, 00:11:23.24\00:11:26.61 and my feelings and my... 00:11:26.65\00:11:27.98 so my feelings were definitely saying, "Doom... " 00:11:28.02\00:11:30.89 my theological convictions... "Well, let's see... 00:11:30.92\00:11:33.86 from what I know, I... this is what's right 00:11:33.89\00:11:36.22 and I did that... and this is what's right... 00:11:36.26\00:11:38.19 and I did that... and God is like this... 00:11:38.23\00:11:39.76 and I depend on Him for that and... " 00:11:39.79\00:11:41.30 Jennifer: Righteousness by works... 00:11:41.33\00:11:42.86 so, there was a conflict between what you believed 00:11:42.90\00:11:46.67 and what you felt? 00:11:46.70\00:11:48.04 Kessia: Definitely, until... 00:11:48.07\00:11:49.57 you know, and in that conflict one of them is going to give 00:11:49.60\00:11:53.58 and my theology started to give... on a personal level, 00:11:53.61\00:11:57.55 I could have easily counseled Shelly 00:11:57.58\00:12:00.02 about God's goodness and grace toward her 00:12:00.05\00:12:02.18 and how righteousness by faith works 00:12:02.22\00:12:03.92 but in my own heart, I thought, "But I... 00:12:03.95\00:12:07.49 God is communicating to me that I am doomed 00:12:07.56\00:12:11.03 and I just cannot figure out what to do to get around it... " 00:12:11.06\00:12:14.60 so I started just avoiding God 00:12:14.63\00:12:16.97 in all the ways that were private. 00:12:17.00\00:12:19.23 I'm still praying publicly, I'm preaching, 00:12:19.27\00:12:21.40 I'm a theology student, I'm giving Bible Studies, 00:12:21.44\00:12:24.27 I'm counseling people in that... in that way lay people do 00:12:24.31\00:12:28.64 and... but in my own private life, 00:12:28.71\00:12:31.11 there was just disaster. 00:12:31.15\00:12:34.22 Jennifer: There were crickets between you and God. 00:12:34.25\00:12:36.89 Kessia: Well, it was more like peals of ominous thunder. 00:12:36.95\00:12:40.96 Jennifer: Okay... 00:12:40.99\00:12:42.32 Christina: Looking back, do you... 00:12:42.36\00:12:43.69 do you still see it as God was speaking to you 00:12:43.73\00:12:46.49 and telling you that you were doomed? 00:12:46.53\00:12:47.86 Kessia: No, no, no, I mean... 00:12:47.90\00:12:49.56 Shelly: You corrected the source of that message? 00:12:49.60\00:12:52.27 Kessia: Yeah, one of the things I didn't realize till later 00:12:52.30\00:12:55.20 was... I had an underlying physical situation happening too 00:12:55.24\00:12:58.11 with my blood sugar, 00:12:58.14\00:12:59.51 so I have a kind of a hypoglycemia 00:12:59.54\00:13:01.74 where it doesn't even immediately get better 00:13:01.78\00:13:05.41 after I eat... it gets worse and then it gets better 00:13:05.45\00:13:08.52 so every time my blood sugar dipped or spiked... 00:13:08.55\00:13:11.59 I would have this physical reaction, right, 00:13:11.65\00:13:14.56 I had a physiological experience but those began to be 00:13:14.59\00:13:18.33 so associated in my mind that once I was on the ramp, 00:13:18.36\00:13:22.06 I just flew down the freeway at panic. 00:13:22.13\00:13:25.13 It's so much, emotional reasoning... 00:13:25.17\00:13:27.24 what we call "emotional reasoning" 00:13:27.27\00:13:29.24 where you look at your feelings and you see them as a source 00:13:29.30\00:13:33.31 of evidence of what's going on 00:13:33.34\00:13:34.78 and then you believe them and then the feelings escalate 00:13:34.81\00:13:38.05 and then you got even more evidence that something's wrong 00:13:38.11\00:13:41.32 and it can snowball so badly 00:13:41.35\00:13:44.12 and this is where someone who understands 00:13:44.15\00:13:46.59 the mind and how these things happen... can get in... 00:13:46.62\00:13:49.56 and... did you reach out to anyone or...? 00:13:49.59\00:13:51.63 Was there nobody that understood or...? 00:13:51.66\00:13:54.80 Kessia: Sad to say, the few times I had made 00:13:54.83\00:13:57.27 overtures to reach out, they just were rebuffed... so... 00:13:57.33\00:14:01.30 a professor of mine that I really trusted 00:14:01.34\00:14:06.17 asked me how I was doing, 00:14:06.21\00:14:07.54 I opened up my heart a little bit to him 00:14:07.58\00:14:09.01 and he said, in essence, "I'm so sorry to hear that, 00:14:09.04\00:14:12.48 imagine how hard it would be for someone 00:14:12.51\00:14:14.78 who's not as close to Jesus as you are... " 00:14:14.82\00:14:16.82 and I thought, 00:14:16.85\00:14:18.49 "Okay, I'll try to imagine that, thanks so much... " 00:14:18.52\00:14:21.06 So it just... 00:14:21.09\00:14:22.92 Paul: Missed the mark by a mile. 00:14:22.96\00:14:24.56 Kessia: Yeah, yeah, it was... it was really hard for me, 00:14:24.59\00:14:27.80 you know, 'cause I'm getting up courage 00:14:27.83\00:14:29.53 to open up and tell someone, "Yeah, my life is unravelling... 00:14:29.56\00:14:33.20 I'm not sleeping or eating or speaking... correctly... 00:14:33.23\00:14:38.87 my relationships are a mess, 00:14:38.94\00:14:41.14 my internal life is in complete disarray, 00:14:41.21\00:14:43.24 I'm failing my classes from straight 'A' student to 'F'" 00:14:43.28\00:14:46.61 I mean, I was on the verge of dropping out of college, 00:14:46.65\00:14:49.92 breaking up with my... now husband, 00:14:49.98\00:14:52.15 I mean, leaving the Faith, maybe, 00:14:52.19\00:14:54.32 because I just... 00:14:54.36\00:14:55.69 Shelly: So it was serious affecting your ability 00:14:55.72\00:14:57.39 to function on a daily basis. 00:14:57.43\00:14:58.76 Kessia: Yes, absolutely... work, school, relationships, 00:14:58.79\00:15:03.13 physical health, I mean... the main thing was, 00:15:03.16\00:15:06.87 I couldn't sleep because at night, 00:15:06.90\00:15:08.57 that's when... I mean, as I lay in the dark... 00:15:08.60\00:15:11.94 I would stay up as late as I could... 00:15:11.97\00:15:14.24 just... I would stay up till 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning 00:15:14.28\00:15:17.45 and people would be like, 00:15:17.51\00:15:18.91 "What are you... why are you doing that?" 00:15:18.95\00:15:20.45 And I'd be like, "Well, I have so much to do, 00:15:20.48\00:15:21.95 I'm a double major and... I work these hours... and... " 00:15:21.98\00:15:24.69 Shelly: You were probably pushing yourself 00:15:24.72\00:15:26.52 to the point of exhaustion so you could sleep. 00:15:26.55\00:15:28.32 Kessia: Exactly... that's exactly it 00:15:28.39\00:15:29.79 because I didn't want to be awake for five seconds 00:15:29.82\00:15:32.29 when I entered that dark place. 00:15:32.33\00:15:33.70 Jennifer: And then sleep is so essential 00:15:33.73\00:15:35.50 to restoring the nervous system, so you're not getting any sleep 00:15:35.53\00:15:38.13 so your nervous system is even more raw 00:15:38.17\00:15:39.83 and you've totally spiritualized the problem 00:15:39.87\00:15:41.90 to where you think it's about you and God and really it's... 00:15:41.94\00:15:44.54 it's more about what's happening in your body 00:15:44.57\00:15:48.48 with the hypoglycemia and a very common disorder, 00:15:48.51\00:15:51.98 "nervous system fluke" that a lot of people suffer from 00:15:52.01\00:15:54.78 did you eventually find out about Panic Disorder? 00:15:54.82\00:15:57.65 Kessia: Yes and it was such a relief. 00:15:57.72\00:15:59.29 Shelly: Where did you find the definition? 00:15:59.32\00:16:01.52 Kessia: Well, I think it was Teen Vogue. 00:16:01.56\00:16:03.49 Shelly: It wasn't on Google? 00:16:03.53\00:16:05.03 Kessia: Yeah, it wasn't on Google, 00:16:05.06\00:16:06.43 this was... I was working as a receptionist 00:16:06.49\00:16:09.16 and they had a whole stack of magazines... 00:16:09.20\00:16:11.23 there was nothing happening in the lobby 00:16:11.27\00:16:13.27 so I picked one up, so I was looking through it 00:16:13.30\00:16:15.80 and there was... I can still picture the page 00:16:15.84\00:16:19.01 just very brief vignettes from three young women 00:16:19.04\00:16:21.78 who had experiences with different mental illnesses 00:16:21.81\00:16:24.51 and one woman... in two paragraphs... 00:16:24.55\00:16:27.98 described my life and I thought, "What?" 00:16:28.02\00:16:31.39 that was... yeah, that was a game changer 00:16:31.45\00:16:34.76 then I started reading about panic attacks and panic disorder 00:16:34.79\00:16:38.56 I talked with my family about that... 00:16:38.59\00:16:40.33 saw... "Oh, this relative and that relative... " 00:16:40.36\00:16:42.96 then these people in my nuclear family. 00:16:43.00\00:16:44.93 Jennifer: You had it all over your family tree. 00:16:44.97\00:16:46.30 Kessia: Yes and then I... so having that named was so... 00:16:46.33\00:16:51.17 because now, I have permission to say, 00:16:51.21\00:16:53.48 "Oh, you're not telling me the true feelings... 00:16:53.54\00:16:55.34 I'm just experiencing this. " 00:16:55.38\00:16:57.28 Jennifer: Exactly, now you can sort of re-identify... 00:16:57.31\00:16:59.88 this isn't who you are, this is something you have. 00:16:59.91\00:17:02.45 Paul: It seems you have more choices now. 00:17:02.48\00:17:04.32 Shelly: Facts and feelings... "Who's going to run the show? 00:17:04.35\00:17:08.42 Or can we find that middle ground and begin to decipher 00:17:08.46\00:17:12.49 and integrate that whole process... " 00:17:12.53\00:17:14.46 because God an speak to us through our emotions, 00:17:14.50\00:17:16.97 He can prompt us and say, "This isn't right... " 00:17:17.00\00:17:19.93 you pay attention to that feeling... for a reason 00:17:19.97\00:17:23.71 but don't want it to drive the entire being... 00:17:23.74\00:17:26.88 Kessia: Yeah, just separating fact and feeling... 00:17:26.91\00:17:29.98 that was the first helpful step and as Paul was saying, 00:17:30.01\00:17:32.88 having choices now, 00:17:32.91\00:17:34.25 "Oh, is this experience because of A or B or C or D?" 00:17:34.28\00:17:38.35 And now I've got more tools to be able to say, 00:17:38.39\00:17:40.96 "This isn't the voice of God speaking doom to my soul 00:17:40.99\00:17:43.73 and letting me in on the spiritual realities... 00:17:43.79\00:17:45.93 this is something else that needs to be addressed. " 00:17:45.96\00:17:48.16 Was that the beginning of your turnaround... 00:17:48.20\00:17:50.63 when you were able to define it, give it a name... 00:17:50.67\00:17:52.93 and sort of separate yourself from it a little bit? 00:17:52.97\00:17:55.30 That was a huge help, definitely a turnaround... 00:17:55.34\00:17:59.61 my coping strategies became coping strategies 00:17:59.67\00:18:02.41 instead of just survival strategies, 00:18:02.44\00:18:04.28 now I'm able to do things like the breathing regulation 00:18:04.31\00:18:08.32 that you mentioned at the start, 00:18:08.35\00:18:10.85 I'm able to... to have activities 00:18:10.89\00:18:13.29 that I can kind of go into default mode... 00:18:13.32\00:18:15.02 so, something for me... I would walk and count my steps 00:18:15.06\00:18:18.23 just trying to get my brain out of that... that loop... that... 00:18:18.29\00:18:21.56 Jennifer: Could you break that down a little more? 00:18:21.63\00:18:22.96 So you'd do something to distract yourself. 00:18:23.00\00:18:25.50 Kessia: Yes, distraction was really crucial for me... 00:18:25.53\00:18:28.87 just to take me out of that downward spiral... 00:18:28.90\00:18:32.17 just step out of it... so I would go on long walks... 00:18:32.21\00:18:35.84 I would count and breathe so maybe I'll count up to five 00:18:35.88\00:18:39.45 and then hold it and then count down to five 00:18:39.48\00:18:41.85 or I'll just count my steps to 800 00:18:41.88\00:18:44.45 or I'd read a really boring tax book I had at my house, 00:18:44.52\00:18:48.26 just trying to convince me of that. 00:18:48.29\00:18:50.56 Christina: Bringing yourself back to reality... 00:18:50.59\00:18:52.29 Shelly: Going for those long walks... 00:18:52.33\00:18:53.66 I don't know if anyone ever explained it to you 00:18:53.70\00:18:56.16 but you actually activated three different levels of coping. 00:18:56.20\00:18:58.87 Kessia: Tell me. 00:18:58.90\00:19:00.24 Shelly: Okay, by walking... just the right and left process 00:19:00.30\00:19:05.01 you're triggering the right and left brain 00:19:05.04\00:19:06.44 so sort of like, taking an issue and shifting it back and forth 00:19:06.47\00:19:10.25 reason... feelings... your thoughts... feelings... 00:19:10.28\00:19:13.72 until it kind of shifts out... 00:19:13.78\00:19:16.22 Jennifer: You're bilateralizing your brain... 00:19:16.28\00:19:17.95 Shelly: Processing while walking... 00:19:17.99\00:19:19.52 talking with a friend... praying and walking... 00:19:19.55\00:19:21.72 very therapeutic... 00:19:21.76\00:19:23.56 so you tapped into something you didn't even know you were doing. 00:19:23.59\00:19:26.63 Kessia: That explains why walking 00:19:26.66\00:19:28.00 is still my favorite therapy, I love that, thank you. 00:19:28.03\00:19:30.07 Jennifer: It's super therapeutic... 00:19:30.10\00:19:31.70 super therapeutic... that's how I feel. 00:19:31.73\00:19:33.27 Kessia: Yeah, so, that... that was super helpful for me, 00:19:33.30\00:19:35.17 now I could start coping in these kinds of ways. 00:19:35.20\00:19:37.14 Jennifer: But... so you're saying that you're... 00:19:37.21\00:19:39.07 the spiritualization of the problem caused you to lead 00:19:39.11\00:19:44.55 in order to sort of decompress from the problem 00:19:44.58\00:19:47.95 you needed to un-spiritualize, 00:19:47.98\00:19:50.02 so you needed to ground yourself which is physical reality... 00:19:50.05\00:19:53.05 and whether it be a boring tax book or a walk... 00:19:53.09\00:19:55.12 just get into normalcy mode... 00:19:55.16\00:19:58.03 but I'm really interested in the spirituality aspect of this 00:19:58.06\00:20:03.23 because we know that everything's connected, right, 00:20:03.26\00:20:05.23 but sometimes those connections go bad... 00:20:05.27\00:20:07.17 we're really into the spirituality of mental health 00:20:07.20\00:20:09.70 but sometimes things go awry with that process 00:20:09.74\00:20:13.41 and we can get overly spiritual, in a way, about things 00:20:13.44\00:20:16.81 isn't that kind of what was going on with you? 00:20:16.85\00:20:19.01 Kessia: Yeah, definitely, 00:20:19.05\00:20:20.38 one of the ways I think about it for myself was... 00:20:20.42\00:20:24.02 God's move in my life... and I think all of our lives 00:20:24.05\00:20:27.82 is to get us into better and better touch with reality 00:20:27.86\00:20:31.59 and so, I had to make a distance for myself, 00:20:31.63\00:20:34.76 when I was in the panic attack, from spiritual things... 00:20:34.80\00:20:37.80 because I couldn't receive them in a real way... 00:20:37.83\00:20:41.74 I couldn't understand them truly... as they truly are... 00:20:41.80\00:20:44.37 so, to pray, for instance... 00:20:44.41\00:20:46.34 would intensify my sense of panic 00:20:46.37\00:20:48.84 so prayer... instead of being a refuge... 00:20:48.88\00:20:50.55 is now an unsafe place, 00:20:50.58\00:20:53.15 so I do have to pray and read Scripture 00:20:53.18\00:20:55.52 when I'm not in a panic mode 00:20:55.55\00:20:57.42 but because of the way that my mind was thinking, 00:20:57.45\00:21:00.59 I had to say, "You know what? 00:21:00.62\00:21:02.76 Scripture tells me God is like this... 00:21:02.79\00:21:04.46 righteousness is like this... the gospel is like this... 00:21:04.49\00:21:07.30 so, I need to take... just trust that... 00:21:07.33\00:21:11.23 put that over here... " and then, as you said Jennifer, 00:21:11.27\00:21:13.97 ground myself in the physical... 00:21:14.00\00:21:15.50 to keep myself from misunderstanding 00:21:15.54\00:21:17.87 and misapplying... 00:21:17.91\00:21:19.24 Christina: It sounds like... not that she was being 00:21:19.27\00:21:26.15 overly spiritual but that 00:21:26.18\00:21:27.52 you were misunderstanding spirituality... 00:21:27.55\00:21:29.75 that kind of sounds like that's what was going on. 00:21:29.78\00:21:34.29 Jennifer: But it's amazing how many church members go through, 00:21:34.32\00:21:36.66 people that were involved in religion... left... you know. 00:21:36.69\00:21:39.03 Paul: It's like, the Holy Spirit does bring conviction 00:21:39.06\00:21:41.36 along with encouragement... blessings... 00:21:41.40\00:21:43.33 but it sounds to me like 00:21:43.37\00:21:44.70 it moved from conviction to condemnation... 00:21:44.73\00:21:46.87 so that's not from God... that's from the enemy... 00:21:46.90\00:21:50.77 and so, to me, you're learning how to separate out... 00:21:50.81\00:21:53.91 like you said, "Okay, this isn't true about God... 00:21:53.94\00:21:57.41 and now as I realize that... this isn't about God... 00:21:57.45\00:22:00.85 this is about distorted thinking coming from the enemy... " 00:22:00.88\00:22:03.92 and then, you can go for a walk and help in... 00:22:03.95\00:22:06.32 and get more grounded in who God is 00:22:06.35\00:22:08.52 and a personal relationship with Him... 00:22:08.59\00:22:10.69 because that move from conviction to condemnation 00:22:10.73\00:22:12.99 really gets a lot of people 00:22:13.03\00:22:14.66 and then, the natural progression is 00:22:14.73\00:22:16.67 "If God's condemned me, that's not a good feeling... 00:22:16.70\00:22:20.27 so now, I got to move farther away from that 00:22:20.30\00:22:22.74 which moves me farther away from God. " 00:22:22.77\00:22:24.14 Kessia: Yeah, and I think that distorted thinking is that 00:22:24.17\00:22:28.04 a perfect description of it, 00:22:28.08\00:22:29.48 so, having just to, kind of, cast my faith on... 00:22:29.51\00:22:33.01 "Okay, whoever comes to me, 00:22:33.05\00:22:34.92 I will never... for any reason cast away" 00:22:34.95\00:22:37.45 or something like that, "Okay, that's sure and certain, 00:22:37.49\00:22:40.76 now I'm going for a walk... I'm going to read a tax book 00:22:40.79\00:22:43.99 or I'm... " whatever... 00:22:44.03\00:22:45.36 to kind of disentangle myself from that. 00:22:45.39\00:22:48.56 You know what you're doing as well 00:22:48.60\00:22:50.13 which is really interesting is you were moving the... 00:22:50.17\00:22:52.50 from EQ to IQ... 00:22:52.53\00:22:55.10 when you read a tax book, for example, 00:22:55.14\00:22:57.54 or when you go outside... 00:22:57.57\00:22:58.91 so that emotional level was lessening 00:22:58.94\00:23:01.94 because you were bringing in the intellectual side 00:23:01.98\00:23:04.31 and so, that's one of the things 00:23:04.38\00:23:06.25 that seemed to be able to help you to come back to reality... 00:23:06.28\00:23:09.05 you'd be able to reason through what was going on 00:23:09.08\00:23:10.85 and understand it. 00:23:10.89\00:23:12.25 Plus just the calming effect of adrenal glands 00:23:12.29\00:23:18.76 and what's going on inside the brain... 00:23:18.79\00:23:20.73 we see something in the grass 00:23:20.76\00:23:23.23 and we assume it's a snake and flail arms going... 00:23:23.26\00:23:27.40 we're flooded with adrenalin and then we go, 00:23:27.44\00:23:30.27 "Oh it's just the hose... " 00:23:30.31\00:23:31.71 well, the adrenalin is still in your body... 00:23:31.74\00:23:34.94 you have to flush that out somehow 00:23:34.98\00:23:36.61 so again, by walking, 00:23:36.64\00:23:37.98 you gave yourself the best therapy 00:23:38.01\00:23:40.68 that you could have ever done 00:23:40.72\00:23:42.05 and that probably was just God prompting you... 00:23:42.08\00:23:43.45 you didn't even know it. 00:23:43.49\00:23:44.82 Christina: And literally, the Cortisol comes out 00:23:44.85\00:23:47.56 through our sweat glands, 00:23:47.59\00:23:48.96 I mean, that's what's so incredible 00:23:48.99\00:23:50.36 the new studies have found that the sweat... 00:23:50.39\00:23:52.53 literally the Cortisol hormone... 00:23:52.56\00:23:53.93 the stress hormone can come out through our sweat. 00:23:54.00\00:23:55.93 Jennifer: So when you exercise, it helps manage stress. 00:23:55.96\00:23:58.13 Christina: Right, and same with tears 00:23:58.17\00:23:59.50 but imagine... maybe we can just exercise a little bit more 00:23:59.53\00:24:01.90 and then we won't have to have those breakdowns and... 00:24:01.94\00:24:03.51 Jennifer: But the breakdowns are good for you. 00:24:03.54\00:24:05.51 Christina: Right, sometimes they are good, 00:24:05.54\00:24:07.48 sometimes they can be really bad. 00:24:07.51\00:24:08.84 Paul: And that Cortisol keeps us up at night 00:24:08.88\00:24:10.61 that's why we physically can't sleep. 00:24:10.65\00:24:12.55 Jennifer: Oh... so, working out during the day 00:24:12.58\00:24:15.58 helps get rid of excess Cortisol... 00:24:15.62\00:24:17.39 it might help you sleep... or crying... 00:24:17.42\00:24:19.22 Christina: Definitely, that's number one. 00:24:19.25\00:24:21.02 Jennifer: Now I have an excuse to cry. 00:24:21.06\00:24:22.76 Shelly: I got to share the "onion" thing real quick... 00:24:22.79\00:24:25.69 they did a chemical study of the tears... 00:24:25.73\00:24:29.06 when you chop an onion, you know, crying... 00:24:29.10\00:24:32.40 Jennifer: It paralyzes you. 00:24:32.43\00:24:33.84 Shelly: Yeah, temporarily... 00:24:33.87\00:24:35.20 but the genetic composition of tears... 00:24:35.24\00:24:37.81 when we have an emotional release... 00:24:37.84\00:24:40.38 had endorphins in it. 00:24:40.44\00:24:42.21 The tears that you cry when you're cutting an onion 00:24:42.24\00:24:45.08 does not have the God-given endorphins 00:24:45.11\00:24:46.98 that calms and relaxes the body 00:24:47.02\00:24:48.92 so tell me if God is not involved 00:24:48.98\00:24:51.42 when we need to cry in release... 00:24:51.45\00:24:53.89 Paul: And grieve our losses. 00:24:53.92\00:24:55.56 Shelly: A lot of people do a disservice, 00:24:55.59\00:24:58.06 whether it's in church or other settings, 00:24:58.09\00:25:00.50 where they're just trying to hush down the problem 00:25:00.53\00:25:03.06 maybe that's just actually the healthiest process 00:25:03.13\00:25:05.63 a person can be having. 00:25:05.67\00:25:07.10 Paul: It seems like a lot of the Psalms... 00:25:07.14\00:25:08.77 there are a lot of cries and pleas to God... 00:25:08.80\00:25:11.81 where they're processing directly with God 00:25:11.84\00:25:14.81 but like you're saying, Kessia... 00:25:14.84\00:25:16.71 it's not always possible to do that 00:25:16.75\00:25:18.68 so God meets you in the tax book, 00:25:18.71\00:25:20.42 He meets you as you're walking. 00:25:20.48\00:25:22.12 Shelly: Or sitting on the floor just trying to breath 00:25:22.15\00:25:25.49 in your nose and out your mouth 00:25:25.52\00:25:27.06 to get yourself to calm down 00:25:27.09\00:25:28.52 and to think clear... to make the next decision. 00:25:28.56\00:25:31.69 Kessia: Right... and you mentioned the Psalms... 00:25:31.76\00:25:34.66 and those became really helpful for me too 00:25:34.70\00:25:37.03 because I wanted to stay in touch with spiritual things 00:25:37.07\00:25:39.53 even in my panic... because, I mean, ideally... 00:25:39.57\00:25:42.27 it's like, "Oh, I prayed through it" right, 00:25:42.30\00:25:44.54 that would have felt very righteous to me 00:25:44.57\00:25:46.61 but I really wasn't able to do that 00:25:46.64\00:25:49.14 and God did give me the wisdom to say, 00:25:49.18\00:25:51.61 "If this is pushing you farther 00:25:51.68\00:25:53.28 into a false understanding of the world, 00:25:53.31\00:25:56.28 take a step back... " 00:25:56.32\00:25:57.65 but I started memorizing the Psalms 00:25:57.69\00:26:00.59 and then when panic would come 00:26:00.62\00:26:02.76 and I wanted the assurance of Scripture... 00:26:02.79\00:26:04.89 I wanted that comfort... 00:26:04.96\00:26:06.29 I could repeat those words 00:26:06.33\00:26:07.66 without having to think about them 00:26:07.70\00:26:09.03 but they're holy words... I'm repeating them back to Jesus 00:26:09.06\00:26:12.10 but I'm not having to engage in the sense of pleading 00:26:12.13\00:26:15.30 that could just increase my feelings of stress and anxiety, 00:26:15.34\00:26:19.17 that was really very helpful. 00:26:19.21\00:26:21.41 Paul: Instead of hoping against hope 00:26:21.44\00:26:22.81 that somehow prayer is going to change you... 00:26:22.84\00:26:24.75 that you're going to change God... 00:26:24.78\00:26:26.11 you're getting... your focusing more on 00:26:26.15\00:26:27.48 what God's Word has already said. 00:26:27.52\00:26:28.85 Kessia: Exactly, because once I realized, 00:26:28.88\00:26:30.99 "Oh, I'm living... I'm living with these feelings 00:26:31.05\00:26:34.26 that are out of line with the truth of God and Scripture... 00:26:34.29\00:26:37.66 I need to get my mind to get around this 00:26:37.69\00:26:41.00 so even if my feelings never do, 00:26:41.03\00:26:42.60 I know I can rely on that and I can know, 00:26:42.63\00:26:45.77 this will pass... 00:26:45.80\00:26:47.14 it will not be forever, God is still God... 00:26:47.17\00:26:49.74 you are still His daughter. 00:26:49.80\00:26:51.14 Shelly: The only thing that goes with that... 00:26:51.17\00:26:53.98 and I teach this to people is, 00:26:54.01\00:26:55.71 to remind yourself that 00:26:55.74\00:26:57.55 a panic attack is not going to last for a month, 00:26:57.58\00:27:00.28 it's not going to last for a day, 00:27:00.32\00:27:01.88 it's not probably even do an hour's kind of limit... 00:27:01.92\00:27:07.16 it's minutes... 00:27:07.19\00:27:08.72 we can survive minutes of things 00:27:08.76\00:27:10.63 and it just kind of brings it into more manageable place 00:27:10.66\00:27:14.90 but you know, that's time and skills and practice. 00:27:14.93\00:27:17.57 Kessia: Yeah, and realizing for me that my greatest fear 00:27:17.60\00:27:21.97 wasn't this or this or this that I was getting panicked about, 00:27:22.00\00:27:24.81 it was the fear of fear... 00:27:24.84\00:27:26.44 Shelly: Exactly, so that adrenalin 00:27:26.47\00:27:28.41 was flying through your body and you didn't know it 00:27:28.44\00:27:30.01 and you didn't know what to do with it. 00:27:30.05\00:27:31.38 Kessia: Yeah, but God delivered me... hallelujah. 00:27:31.41\00:27:33.58 Shelly: Yeah... amen. 00:27:33.62\00:27:35.18 Well, we could go on and on about this topic, 00:27:35.22\00:27:38.75 one in... almost one in five people 00:27:38.79\00:27:41.52 are diagnosed with an anxiety disorder 00:27:41.56\00:27:44.29 at some point in their lifetime, 00:27:44.33\00:27:45.73 that's how common these things are 00:27:45.76\00:27:47.10 and so you're in good company if you struggle with anxiety, 00:27:47.13\00:27:50.37 there's lots of us out there... 00:27:50.40\00:27:51.73 you're also in good company with a loving God 00:27:51.77\00:27:54.57 who is big enough for this, who can show you the way out 00:27:54.60\00:27:57.54 even if somehow it got associated with Him 00:27:57.57\00:28:00.08 and your religious experience was challenged... 00:28:00.11\00:28:02.11 courage... 00:28:02.14\00:28:03.51