Participants:
Series Code: MIW
Program Code: MIW000074A
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00:01 Hi I'm Dr. Kim Logan Nowlan and I'm Arthur Nowlan
00:04 And welcome to Making It Work. 00:05 ¤ ¤ 00:36 You know Arthur we were so blessed to have a wonderful 00:39 guest with us and he was gracious enough to come back to 00:43 do part two for us. Welcome back Jerrell Shine. 00:46 We have opportunity for you to share your testimony about 00:49 losing your 00:50 mother, your grandmother and your little cousin by gunshots 00:57 by your cousin and we know it's been a difficult time this last 01:03 month or so since February 14th. Around that time around February 01:09 15th. So now your back to talk about with us some of the impact 01:14 I want to know how their lives and them not being in your life 01:19 any more physically has impacted you to change or has it changed 01:25 you? Well yes it's changed for the 01:28 best because I now understand that I have to live for them and 01:32 I cannot let my mother and my grandmother's name go down in 01:37 vain. I must be the person who stands firm and show the world 01:42 that you can lose the key pieces to your life but not lose it 01:47 mentally. When you see me you see a guy that hasn't lost it 01:53 mentally. Because you could have lost it 01:55 at that moment when you saw your grandmother and mother lying 01:59 there and you could have just lost it right then and there. 02:02 Most definitely. But what kept your mind together 02:04 what was it that said not, no? 02:07 I realized everything that my mother always told me, how she 02:12 raised me. She always said well Jerrell if something happens to 02:16 me make sure you take care of your brother and your sisters. 02:20 Take care of your son, take care of your family. She needs me now 02:23 more than ever and this is my time that I have to step up and 02:27 be the man that I've always been. 02:29 How are your siblings responding to you, as being like now the 02:34 leader of the family. 02:37 Well, me and my stepfather are like he's plan A captain. I'm 02:43 like plan B captain. So he's the overseer and I'm right there 02:49 making sure the kids do what he says. But I've always been in 02:54 their lives. I've changed their Pampers and made bottles. 03:00 Me and my mother used to bathe them in the kitchen sink so it's 03:03 not like I'm just now coming into their lives. I've always 03:07 been there. 03:08 Whenever you hear on the news someone has been shot or killed 03:12 what happens to you at that moment? Do you watch the news? 03:16 Previously or now. Now. 03:18 Now I can't watch it. About a few weeks ago the show called 03:24 The First 48 was on and it got to the part where the family 03:29 showed up to the crime scene and got thefallen out and I was able to 03:34 identify with their pain. I started feeling a little weak 03:38 and I had to turn it. It's hard for me to watch because there's 03:43 a lot of violence on every station. 03:45 Every time you turn around there's something happening. 03:49 We're talking about choices if you're just joining us and the 03:53 choices that this young man is now making. What do you do for a 03:57 living? What I do for a living is I'm a 04:00 part time student and I'm a high load truck driver. 04:02 Okay. What does a high load truck driver do? 04:06 You pick up stuff that's too heavy that a man cannot pick up 04:11 himself and drive it from point A to point B. 04:14 Okay. So you do this 8 hours every day. Yes ma'am. 04:18 And then you come back and you go to school. Yes ma'am. 04:20 All right. Then you repeat it every day. Are you in school 04:23 every day? 04:25 No I'm not. I go like three times a week. 04:26 Okay. And we talked about your career choice is mortuary 04:30 science. Yes ma'am. Why that field? 04:32 For one my mom always told me come up with a plan and 04:36 the plan I came up with 04:38 was... I said where can I go to school for that's not going to 04:43 lay off or get slow. And I just come up like medicine, law. 04:47 You know medicine or law so I came up with mortuary science. 04:51 People die every day and I have the heart and the brain and the 04:56 mental capacity to get the job done. 04:58 How about your spirituality. You know how all of this, all the 05:04 things that you've experienced affected you in your 05:08 relationship with God? 05:11 Well affect. I wouldn't use the work affect. It hasn't affected 05:16 me. Now what it has done for me was get me closer to God because 05:21 now I really understand that you got to put some stuff in God's 05:26 hands. You can't get it done by yourself, so to speak. 05:32 With that being said, what about the siblings, your brothers. Do 05:39 you have a brother and sister? 05:42 I have a 17-year-old brother and a 15-year-old sister. 05:43 So do they attend church with you or do they go on a regular 05:48 basis? Yes they go on a regular basis 05:50 and my sister, she's praise team choir. My brother he just sits 05:55 there and listens to the music. But my sister, she's very 06:00 involved, she's very involved. 06:02 So how were you there for them knowing the tragedy that 06:06 occurred. I mean how did you support them? 06:09 Okay, well. Honestly at first I would say it was hard for me 06:14 to support them because I had my own issues that I was dealing 06:19 with. I believe the way I was coming off was probably a 06:24 little scared for them because they never saw me emotional. 06:28 They never saw me cry, they never saw me fall down on the 06:32 floor. They've never seen me like that because they always 06:35 saw me as their big brother, the guy they could turn to for 06:39 strength and at that point of time I believe they saw a weak 06:43 man and not really realizing that I was just frustrated and 06:47 just hurt and confused. 06:49 Was that for a period of time because we're talking about 06:54 something that happened. Did this expression of emotions 06:58 occur like over months or was... 07:04 Well honestly it's gotten better At first I couldn't control it. 07:09 I just could not control it. I would sit up and sit there and 07:14 I would hear a song, Marvin Gates song, I Want You and 07:19 that's one of my mother's favorite songs and it was just 07:23 hard for me and my brother actually to listen to it, you 07:26 know, her music. 07:28 Your aunt, your mother's sister, was planning to get married 07:32 during that time when you lost your mom and grandmother and 07:36 she recently got married. Yes ma'am. And you attended the 07:40 wedding. Yes I did. How is your aunt doing because she lost 07:44 a mother and a sister and a niece. How's she doing? 07:50 Well she doing. I can't say she's doing great. Like I said 07:53 about everyone in my immediate family but that best thing about 07:57 her getting married was she got married April 5th. That was the 08:01 weekend we were all supposed to be in Montego Bay together. But 08:05 that was the first day since February 15 that I had a 08:09 genuine smile. I had a genuine like ahh, like a sigh of relief 08:13 when I saw her and her husband come through that door for the 08:17 first time. I said, thank God, there is a God. Now we finally 08:22 have some type of hope and uplifting type of event besides 08:25 a funeral. Because at that point we had been to three funerals 08:31 in a matter of six weeks. So you know I'm completely numb. 08:36 So after experiencing that lift did you kind of transfer 08:42 emotions to your aunt because you lost your mom, you lost your 08:48 grandmother? So do you transfer some of those feelings towards 08:53 your aunt be try to put her in the role of your mom or your 08:59 grandmother? Well honestly, my mom and my 09:04 grandmother they're like their own type of people. I could 09:08 never replace my mother and my grandma with an aunt but what 09:13 I can do is build our relationship, make it stronger 09:16 and hopefully 09:18 we can just be one again. Because the family will never 09:22 be the same, never, ever, ever. 09:25 Are you angry at your other Aunt, your cousin Dee's mother 09:31 when you see her and you saw her at your cousin's funeral. Was 09:34 she at the wedding? 09:35 Yes she was. 09:37 What's your relationship with her? 09:39 Well my relationship with her is we still have a relationship 09:43 like I said. She's always been a second mom to me. She's never 09:47 made me feel unwanted, unappreciated. Every Christmas, 09:51 every birthday, every graduation every good deed in my I life 09:56 that I as involved in, she was there with my mother. So I can't 10:00 just turn my back on her because she still has a place 10:06 in my heart. I'm going to always love her. I'm going to always 10:10 love her. 10:12 Do you know if she's seen her son, your cousin? 10:14 I'm not for sure. 10:15 But you haven't asked or anything like that? 10:18 I don't inquire about anything that has to do... 10:20 But you stated that you will attend the trial. 10:23 Oh, yes indeed, yes indeed. Only to make sure justice prevails 10:28 Do you think he will speak at the trial? 10:30 I don't know what he will do. 10:32 No you if they ask for that. 10:34 Oh most definitely. Yes indeed. I'm going to speak. See when I 10:38 speak I'm speaking for my mom, my grandma and my seven-year- 10:42 old cousin. If anyone says Jerrell Shine, can you speak on 10:46 the subject of your mother, your grandmother and your baby cousin 10:49 yes I'll jump up and I'll speak in front whoever. 10:53 What about the communication that you have your aunt? Is it 11:01 difficult for you to communicate with her? 11:07 It's not difficult but that's his mother so you know it would 11:14 just difficult to know someone for 29 years and then all of a 11:21 sudden you just can't talk to them. 11:25 But Jerrell, come on, let's be real you know if I could just 11:29 go there with you. This woman is your aunt. Her son killed 11:33 your grandmother, your mother, your baby cousin, which is his 11:37 own child. The anger, the rage you know, I want to take it out 11:42 on somebody, but your not. I mean I look at you, you're cool, 11:47 calm and collected as if nothing has happened. Where's all this 11:52 restraint coming from? 11:54 Is that really how I look? 11:55 That's how you look. 11:57 It looks like you are really, really in control of everything. 12:01 Everything in your life is well and I don't have a problem in 12:05 the world. 12:06 No, that's not how I look, you know. Someone other they said 12:09 well you're looking good, you look good. In order to look like 12:13 this, you got to go through a lot of heartache and pain. You 12:17 got to really hit the floor a couple of times. If your knees 12:20 give out you can't stand so you're only going to hit the 12:25 floor so... I'm in control. I feel like we all have choices 12:30 that can be made. Like I said once before just because someone 12:36 kills your mother, your grandmother and your baby cousin 12:39 doesn't mean you have to lose your mind because they lost 12:41 theirs. Now that makes a lot of sense 12:45 yes. I really respect that answer. That takes a lot of 12:51 strength for you to even say that. But we're still dealing 12:57 with the fact that your mom and your grandma and you baby cousin 13:04 were murdered by someone and you really don't have an answer to 13:11 why it was done even though there may be some things said, 13:16 or speculations, but you really don't 13:19 have that answered and you seem to be 13:22 dealing with all this in a way. I would attribute to you being 13:28 able to communicate of why your dealing with these things to 13:33 your relationship with God. That would be my first thought. Yes. 13:38 I don't know if there's any other motivation behind this. 13:44 Motivation. I have a three-year- old son, okay, I have a three- 13:49 year-old son. My biological father went to prison when I was 13:55 three years old. Okay. He got out when I was eighteen. 13:58 I refuse 14:00 to leave my son out in this world with just his mom and 14:04 extended family because when you're dealing with a child no 14:08 one would love a child like their mother and their father. 14:13 And that's my motivation and I hear my mom. My mom raised me 14:18 under strict discipline. That's how come I'm able to be 14:22 disciplined in a time like this. Not turning my anger and rage 14:28 towards anyone else in society. My mother just raised me to be 14:34 a disciplined, responsible, independent young man and 14:37 why hopefully the world will be able to see that. 14:41 Jerrell, you never got in trouble when you were in 14:44 elementary school, middle high school. Did you ever go to jail 14:47 or juvenile. I never been to juvenile but 14:50 yes, yes I went to jail before. 14:52 Can I ask you for what reason? 14:54 Yes you may. I went to jail for fleeing and eluding in 2004, April 15:00 7, 2004. What did your mother do to you? 15:03 Well what my mom did was first of all she never supported me. 15:08 Ever since I was little my mother and my grandma said if 15:13 you go to jail, don't call me. That's how my family operates 15:17 because they were letting me known as a child that you can't 15:21 just get away with doing any and everything and think we have 15:25 your back because we're not. So what did my mom do? My mom, 15:29 she never came to court, I paid my own way out of that. 15:34 She never put anything on nothing. My mother was about 15:38 the right thing, not the wrong thing. Because if your involved 15:42 in something wrong Sayonara. But if it's a good deed I'm your 15:45 number one fan. I'm rooting for you baby, I'm rooting for you. 15:48 But something bad, she'd turn her back. 15:49 So how did you rebuild her trust in the relationship? At that 15:55 time how old were you? 15:57 I was 20, I was 20. 15:59 So how did you rebuild her trust with you. Mom, I hear you mom 16:02 and I'm going to turn this around. Mom please don't close 16:06 the door on me. What did you do? 16:08 What did I do? Um, I believe I became a man. I believe I became 16:14 a man. It's not about chronological age. It's about 16:19 mental capacity. I believe I became a man. I just grew. I 16:26 made the decision to go back to school. Made a decision never 16:32 to implicate certain actions in front of my younger brother so 16:37 it would entice him to do certain things. Just always 16:41 guiding my brother and my sister in the right way. I used 16:46 to say Mom you know, when I graduate college you know that's 16:49 my way of repaying you back for whatever I've done bad as a 16:53 child. And she would say, you wasn't a bad kid. I'd say well 16:57 mom you know I got in trouble and she's like real... 17:00 I worked for the prison system. You're not a bad kid. I know bad 17:05 children. She was just like you're just a young man. You had 17:09 to find your way and thank God you found it. 17:12 So she wasn't trying to be your friend. She was actually being 17:15 a parent. Your mother parented you. 17:16 My mother was my mother. I got to make this clear. My 17:21 mother's a million percent heterosexual. My mother was my 17:25 mother, my uncle and my father all in one meaning she wasn't 17:29 oh you want 17:30 some more supper let me... She was get in there and do what I 17:33 told you to do. Do it right the first time and you won't have 17:37 to do it again. Very stern, very stern. 17:41 And that's how she raised you? Yes. 17:42 Let me ask you about your relationship with your 17:46 biological dad. He was in prison from four up until age eighteen. 17:52 Three to 15 years. 17:54 Okay and how is your relationship with him now? 18:00 Well my father passed in 2010. July 20th, 2010. 18:06 So how was the 18:07 relationship when he finally came out of the prison? 18:14 Honestly it was sort of like the same of being in prison. 18:19 Really. So you didn't get a chance to really develop a 18:24 sincere relationship with him. No sir. 18:27 Okay. What about his relatives? Did you deal much as far as 18:33 interacting with them? 18:34 I'll be honest with you. My father's family believe it or 18:40 not by me never being able to have a relationship with my 18:44 father, I feel like my father's side of the family has always 18:49 compensated for that. My grandma ...?, I credit her and my 18:54 grandfather Johnny Wilson, Jr. for me having this yes ma'am, 18:59 no ma'am, no sir, yes sir thing about myself. 19:02 So repeat that again. So you say yes sir, and no ma'am, you use 19:07 that even now to this day as a young man? 19:10 Yes ma'am. 19:12 I want to thank you. I believe in that same theory. I don't 19:16 know what has happened to our society where we can say yeah, 19:20 naw, uh-huh to our parents. What has happened. And even to my 19:24 mother to this day it's yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir. Even 19:28 I don't care where I am I give that respect. I think that's a 19:33 good characteristic to have. 19:34 Of course it is. I think it's really important and then coming 19:39 from a young black man who's being raised up with some 19:46 challenges and you still was able to hold on to that dynamic 19:53 that you got from your grandparents. That's really 19:56 important. But you never had an opportunity to really sit down 20:02 and talk to your biological dad about your feelings. 20:07 No, no I haven't. 20:10 Is that something that you wanted to do? Did you ever have 20:13 a desire to do it or were you angry about the fact that he 20:16 was locked up? 20:18 Well honestly I can't sit before you just so to speak dog my 20:27 father on. It was a two-way street. The day I got the call 20:37 from my daddy stating that Jerrell, your father, had a 20:41 heart attack in his house. That's the day, July 20th it was 20:46 like 2:30 p. m. 2010. I was coming from Sports Authority 20:50 with my younger brother and that's the day that all of a 20:53 sudden all those negative feelings had just left my body. 20:58 It was like oh Jesus, now at first I had a choice whether I 21:02 could call him or not. I'm not going to call, not going to call 21:06 just because I had a choice but when I got that call saying that 21:10 your father has passed, I was so devastated and hurt that I had 21:15 been being selfish. I was a grown man just like my father 21:19 was at that time. You know, I could have took the initiative 21:23 to call him. I had his phone number. He had mine. You know 21:27 I would call him ever so often but we never got a chance to 21:31 develop a relationship and I look just like my father, just 21:35 like him, just like him. 21:38 And that's also your motivation for you not to be placed in a 21:42 situation where you would be incarcerated. 21:45 Yes, yes, yes. I remember how it felt as a young boy. 21:52 That's really important. 21:53 Do you think you had a fear when you got in trouble that you 21:56 you were going in the same direction as you father? Did she 21:59 ever talk about that. You cannot do this. 22:04 We never talked about that. Okay We never talked about me 22:08 following in the footsteps of my father because I didn't have the 22:12 desire to be like him. I wasn't a kid who ran in and out of 22:17 jail. I wasn't like that. I made one or two choices, one or two 22:21 bad mistakes and paid the consequences for it. I moved on. 22:27 It's not cool. It's not fun. It's not nothing to be glorified 22:32 to go to jail or prison. There's nothing interesting about 22:38 about standing in a courtroom and your fate is in other 22:43 people's hands. That's not hip. It's much more hipper to go to 22:48 college, get a Ph. D. get masters bachelors whatever whatever 22:53 degrees you can. That's cool to me. That's what I want to tell 22:56 the young guys standing at the gas station with their pants 23:00 down to here. You know, I know how they think. I used to think 23:04 like them but I told my mother, I say mom if I can go back to 23:08 college and graduate any one of these young guys can. From 23:12 Lynnwood, from Bright more, Flint all over the east side 23:16 of Detroit. 23:17 Any one of them can. When they look at me they're looking at 23:20 themselves actually. 23:21 I think the relationship with God stands out. That to me is 23:25 the motivation for you to continue to do the things that 23:28 you're doing in the positive manner. Yes Sir. You're 23:32 relationship with 23:33 God as you have expressed those feelings here today and also in 23:39 the last segment that we completed with you that stands 23:44 out even more. Your desire to be successful, that stands out. 23:50 I think what was said about why you do the things you do is 23:54 really, really important. I think there are some young men 23:58 that may be looking at this program right now that needed 24:02 to hear that from you because you are a success story. I don't 24:08 know all the dynamics that were involved in you being raised the 24:15 way you were and the circumstances that happened in 24:18 your life but I know God has his hand on you and I know that with 24:24 your desire to be successful, your desire to maintain your 24:30 relationship with him you have accomplished some mighty, mighty 24:33 things in your life. 24:34 Jerrell, can you look at that camera. We're just going to let 24:38 you talk to the young men and young people out there and let 24:42 them know that you can make it, they can make it with God's help 24:45 Just talk into that camera. 24:48 Okay well I've actually been waiting on this chance to spread 24:51 the word to the younger generation. I'm 29 years old. I 24:56 was born in 1983 in Detroit, Michigan. I've been here ever 25:01 since 1983. I moved to Alabama in the early 1990s and came back 25:06 I've witnessed a lot of things from the so called street life 25:12 glorifying drug dealers, seeing them shot down and killed. I've 25:18 witnessed family turn on family. So what I'm trying to say is we 25:23 all have choices. When you've seen the things that I've seen 25:29 there was a point of time in my life 10 years ago I wouldn't 25:33 be carrying myself like this. I would be carrying a gun trying 25:38 to hurt someone because of my inner pain dealing with what I'm 25:43 dealing with but if I can stand up anybody can. Put the guns 25:48 down, pick up a book, pick up a college catalog book, go to 25:53 the college, talk to an academic advisor and move on with your 25:57 life. There's nothing cool about getting 30, 40 years in prison 26:02 by the age of 22. There's nothing fun about being in a 26:08 prison facility and 30 guys can bang your head in and do 26:13 whatever they want to do to you. That's not cool. So stop 26:19 throwing stones at the penitentiary. Pick up a book, 26:22 pick up a pen, a pencil, start writing down your goals, your 26:25 short term goals, long term goals for five years, 10 years 26:29 even 15 years. Take care of your kids if you're having kids. Even 26:32 if you got four different kids by four different women, take 26:38 care of them in each household. That's what real men do. And I'm 26:43 glad I had the chance to speak to you all. 26:47 You know what, I think about the challenges that we're all facing 26:50 today in these last days. But the most important book that we 26:54 all can pick up is the word of God and be able to spread the 26:57 message. There's hope, there's love and there's healing in the 27:01 name of Jesus. To you right now all you have to do is call upon 27:05 the name of Jesus and he is there to help you through 27:08 whatevere you're going through. I just want to thank you, 27:12 Jerrell for God blessing you to place you in my life, in my 27:16 classroom and for something you saw in me and I prayed every day 27:20 that's it's Jesus Christ that my students see and that we 27:23 continue to go forward. I want you to know you have a link 27:26 and a support system with my husband and I and we thank God 27:29 for you. I really, really admire the fact 27:31 that you're here and representing your generation 27:36 and you have the desire to do the things that are right. With 27:41 your education it's going to be an asset. So if your listening, 27:47 listen to this young man and try to model yourself after 27:51 some of the things that are really being shown by the 27:55 demonstration of his character. 27:57 Well we want to think all of you I'm Dr. Kim Logan Nowlan 28:01 I'm Arthur Nowlan. Continue to make good choices. 28:04 God bless. |
Revised 2018-02-19