Participants:
Series Code: MIW
Program Code: MIW000069A
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00:01 Hi, I'm Arthur Nowlan and Welcome to Making It Work
00:05 ¤ ¤ 00:35 Welcome to Making It Work. Today our program is going to 00:38 deal with brotherly love and it's going to be interesting and 00:43 we ask that you sit back, relax and most importantly listen to 00:48 the dialogue that you will hear here today. Let me introduce 00:54 our guests today. Edward, Tony and Jesse. Can you give us an 00:59 insight on how you guys are related. 01:03 First Jesse, he's my youngest brother, he's the baby, 01:06 everybody loves him. Tony, he's the next guy in line. Tony came 01:12 along later; we'll talk about that later. And I'm the oldest 01:17 We live in Detroit, Michigan. Right now we're in the metro 01:22 Detroit area. We don't live in the inner city anymore. Well I 01:27 do but they don't. In a nutshell that's what it is. 01:31 At one point you were living out of the city, right? I mean 01:35 you were living out of the state. 01:36 No that wasn't me, that was my younger brother Jesse. 01:39 So why don't you give us some insight about that. Where you 01:44 were living. 01:45 I was living in Lexington Kentucky. I went down there 01:50 in 2006 for Toyota. 01:53 I was a robot technician down there. And then I traveled in 01:57 Texas, Canada, Indiana. That's pretty much it for Toyota. Now 02:04 I'm back here, still working with Toyota. I was out in 02:07 Saline, Michigan and I'm a chassis design engineer for them 02:12 now. I work in the wheel group. 02:14 Excellent. Tony what do you do? 02:16 Well I work for Toyota, just as an automotive technician and 02:21 right now I have a four-year- old son who is the love of my 02:26 life and I've got these guys here and that's pretty much 02:30 where we are right now at this current juncture. 02:33 Well Jesse lives with me now but he's about to be 02:36 a proud homeowner here in a couple months. 02:38 Excellent, excellent. 02:40 And Edward what about you? 02:41 I work for Delphi Automotive. I'm actually a paracontractor. 02:49 I work at the Chrysler Tech Center on one of their projects. 02:54 So you guys have a unique situation right? Basically 02:57 all three of you are brothers. You love each other you really 03:03 have a good relationship. So give me some insight about how 03:09 this unity, this unit came together. 03:14 Well it was me and Jesse first of course. Pretty much a lot of 03:19 people that are around us know that. My dad and my mom they 03:25 separated. It was kind of weird for me at first. My dad met my 03:30 stepmother Rita and she had a son Tommy which was awesome. 03:36 I had another brother. I had another guy to play with. To me 03:42 that was the best thing for that to happen. It was weird at first 03:46 but we got along. 03:48 How old were you? 03:49 We were probably around, I would say, 9 or 10. I think 03:55 that's when it was. 03:57 So how was it for you? 03:59 For me it was this new experience. We were into the 04:04 the same things. One thing I can remember very vividly is us 04:09 always playing with Ninja turtles. That was real hot when 04:14 we first met. So we clicked right when we met each other. 04:19 There was no bad moments when we first met each other. It was 04:24 like we'd known each other all our life even though we met each 04:29 other later on. 04:31 So it was real comfortable for you. Not real stressed. 04:35 Nobody trying to fight for position or anything like that. 04:40 You just jelled. Yeah. Oh, okay. What about you Tony? 04:45 Well you know being an only child for the first 9 or 10 04:49 years of your life, you would think that you would always be 04:52 somewhat selfish or something like that. But I met these guys 04:56 and it's like Jesse said, we all enjoyed the same things and I 05:00 mean even me myself, it was kind of shocking that we were able to 05:04 put whatever, however we got there aside instantly, like 05:09 there was no okay you know your mom came around. It was never a 05:13 bickering issue as related to our parents' personal life. 05:16 There was always just us and that's the way we looked at it. 05:20 I mean, we lived in a house where we had the whole upstairs. 05:23 I mean there wasn't a bunch of rooms up there. It was just one 05:27 big room upstairs and that was ours. You know in the beginning 05:31 I don't remember when it stopped Like on certain weekends or 05:34 weeks you was with your mom. I mean, I'm there all by myself 05:38 mind you I've always been all by myself, I'm supposed to be 05:41 comfortable, you know, I'm here by myself whereas I wanted 05:44 those guys around. And I think that's why I still like that 05:47 today. So it was difficult with you 05:50 when they were not there. Yeah. So that was something pretty 05:56 strange. You had developed a relationship to the point where 06:02 you expected them to be with you on a consistent basis. 06:06 That's right. But whatever arrangement was going on they 06:09 still had to abide by that. I mean we were all kids. We go 06:12 where we were told to go and things like that. It didn't 06:16 bother me to the point of man I wish they were here. It 06:19 bothered me because I honestly thought that it shouldn't have. 06:23 It's like you've been by yourself all this time. It's 06:26 like now you got two guys you want to be with and now all of 06:29 sudden you feel like you're inseparable. You haven't really 06:33 even known them that long but that's the way kids are. We meet 06:36 each other, oh man, that's my guy and y'all just go from there 06:40 So you guys were able to deal with each other. You guys were 06:44 able to move forward but in the process you two came from a 06:48 relationship that was basically where your mom and your dad 06:53 separated and divorced. Then your dad remarries. So you went 06:57 into that relationship. There was no anxiety, no anger, no 07:02 animosity? 07:04 For me no. Like I say when that happened I was too young to 07:08 really even remember that at the time. So that really didn't 07:14 affect me. At least not to my understanding. 07:16 When I'm talking about the anger I'm talking about the anger 07:19 toward your parents, towards your dad. Did you feel betrayed 07:23 or anything like that? 07:25 I'd say no. Both our parents, all three of our parents had 07:32 always been a loving atmosphere regardless. They didn't want us 07:38 to see that side of whatever was going on. So it at least to me 07:44 it was weird because it didn't make sense. 07:47 What didn't make sense, what didn't make sense to you at that 07:51 point? 07:52 Basically the breakup. Like why are we splitting, it didn't make 07:57 sense. Regardless if we were with our mother or we were with 08:02 our father we had a good time, we knew we were loved and that's 08:07 what they taught us as well. Then when Tony came along it was 08:13 the same thing. Dad made sure that we weren't at odds and to 08:18 love each other regardless. He didn't have to tell us that, but 08:22 he wanted to make sure we were that way. And there's too many 08:26 families now where you got blood family members, blood 08:29 siblings that don't like each other so... 08:31 To the point of killing each other. 08:33 Which was so strange to us. I don't even know how you fathom 08:37 that. You don't know what they would have to do. I haven't 08:41 experienced anything like that in my life. I mean I think we've 08:44 seen some pretty terrible things whether not in our own personal 08:47 life or on TV, on the news rather, not necessarily TV 08:50 and it's just that brotherly love that you have for your 08:53 brother that the Lord provides you with is something that can't 08:57 be taken away. You know what I mean. When you love somebody 09:00 you love them. All type of love that you have allows you to 09:04 forgive them for things and to see through things that okay 09:07 yeah it seems as though he did something bad to me but he 09:11 probably didn't mean it the way I perceived it. Those types of 09:15 things that keep you in line with just the harmony of the 09:19 situation. Not necessarily being naive or anything like that but 09:23 that ain't the way it is. Maybe I'm just having a bad day as a 09:27 perceiver, if that's what you want to say as opposed whatever 09:30 it was they said. Maybe they were having a bad day and maybe 09:34 I should have went and approached them to see what was 09:36 going on with them as opposed to oh man... You know what I'm 09:41 saying. It never really was like that. 09:42 And you brought up a good point. You said it never was like that. 09:45 So what made it so loving for you? I mean to the point where 09:51 you accepted each other at such an early stage, especially when 09:56 the union came together. What was the motivating factor? 10:01 I think it was the upbringing. We were rooted in church and 10:05 Jesse and I grew up Seventh-day Adventist and Tony did not but 10:11 he still had a level of God- fearing ideals taught to him as 10:18 well. So we all knew God early so that was something that I 10:23 think we just accepted and just knew what to do. I can't really 10:28 explain it. It was natural. 10:29 So that's a good point. It was just natural for you to 10:35 demonstrate love and because of being raised in the church and 10:42 that environment you already knew what it really meant. 10:45 We did get on each other's nerves It wasn't all peaches and cream. 10:52 We never went to bed angry. That was something we were 10:55 taught at an early age, never go to bed angry. And then I mean 10:59 as it relates just to the companionship and camaraderie. 11:01 We did any and everything together. Whether we were 11:03 playing basketball in the neighborhood or winning 11:06 championships in our region, in junior league playing 11:10 together with men worked, I'm not going to say slaved on TV 11:14 but we worked really hard with our stepfather pour concrete. 11:17 You know it was always that team atmosphere. 11:22 So basically you're talking about being with your stepdad 11:25 but with their father and you did a lot of work in the 11:28 construction business. You mean, like all summer? 11:33 Uh, it depends. When we were in school, it was pretty much the 11:38 summer. I know when I got to college, it was whenever I had 11:43 time off from school, I went and worked with my dad in 11:47 construction, but I think for me it was a good learning 11:52 experience, just to have the responsibility of having the job 11:55 taking care of money. Because like when I was younger I blew 12:01 my money the first time I got a chance. So doing that kind of 12:06 grounded me in the responsibility of growing up so 12:10 that kind of helped when I left here and went to Kentucky 12:15 because I was scared _ you know not knowing anybody 12:19 when I went down there. But I think that was a good_ 12:25 for me because going down there I actually got closer to God 12:29 down there. I had to depend more on him. I didn't know anybody 12:34 when I first got down there. So when I kind of got comfortable 12:38 with the people in the church and everything you know. A 12:41 couple of my coworkers I got close with them so it kind of 12:46 settled me in. But the first two months definitely I had to 12:50 really kind of get my relationship together with the 12:55 Lord. 12:56 Yeah, that was probably the most monumental thing. You moved in 13:00 to a new environment and here you are a stranger. What you did 13:06 was you extended yourself and found a church that comforted 13:11 you and helped you. So okay now you guys are together. So how 13:16 long did you stay together? I mean I know you're still 13:20 together but how long was it? 13:25 Twenty-three, 24 years, something like that. 13:27 we've been together. 13:28 But before the second breakup with your parents and your 13:32 parents when you guys came together with Tony how long 13:37 was that process? 13:39 Oh you're saying from then? 13:43 From the time that Edward and Jesse came into the household 13:48 and you guys became a unit. 13:51 Oh when they were always there? 13:54 Yeah and then there was a breakup between your stepdad 13:59 and your mom? 14:01 We were already grown by then. Their personal lives hardly ever 14:06 affected us other than the simple fact of like if it got 14:10 that drastic to the point of where they left I knew it was 14:14 probably bad on their end; not like not them but the parenting 14:18 end. I knew it might have been kind of bad but we never really 14:21 explored it. 14:22 Okay. Because that's something that's traumatic within itself. 14:26 And for you guys to tell me that you never really investigated 14:30 or talked; I'm sure you talked about it. 14:33 Amongst each other? 14:35 Yes amongst each other. 14:37 There was so much more better stuff to do; there was just 14:42 better stuff to do. It was like that's their business. Because 14:45 it was like from outside looking in based on the way we were 14:49 together anyway from his parents separating to his dad 14:53 meeting my mom and to now that they're separated, I mean if you 14:58 start hinging your relationship on other things and those other 15:02 things fall to the wayside, your relationship's going to fall to 15:06 the wayside. It's like our relationship was never really 15:09 hinged on our parents. 15:10 Okay, that's a good philosophy but in many cases we recognize 15:15 that there are many people who are unable to handle it like 15:21 that. 15:22 But it happens at different times in those people's lives 15:24 too. I mean if say Edward and Jesse made it to be 18, 19 years 15:29 old and they grew up their whole life like that, then yeah 15:32 that might have been a little harder for them to take. 15:36 Because I mean their grown men, they're stuck in their ways now 15:38 But when you take an 8 or 9 year old kid who really doesn't know 15:40 up from down at that age mentally. I guess you got some 15:45 kids that do understand and other kids that may not 15:48 necessarily pay too much attention to it, but I mean it 15:52 really all deals with the repercussions of the split like 15:55 how bad was it for the kids during the split. You know you 15:58 get some kids they get split and their homes get taken away. 16:01 You know their cars get taken away. Different things. They go 16:05 from eating good to not eating at all. Fortunately for us those 16:08 weren't really any of the things that we really ever had to worry 16:11 about was you know food or shelter, things like that. They 16:15 knew that they had a home to go to. I knew I had a home to go 16:19 to and we knew we all had a place together to come to. 16:22 So there was a sort of uniqueness there that really 16:26 was involved with this situation So let's move to the area of 16:30 marriage. How do you guys feel about marriage? 16:35 Well I don't have a problem with it. I think right now it's 16:41 something tough for me to go into because of the situations 16:46 that my parents have had. I want to one day, but I guess my trust 16:52 level right now is not there. 16:54 Are you dating or anything? 16:56 I'm dating no one in particular now. Okay. 17:00 I think that marriage is something that I would take 17:03 very slowly. Okay. I view that to be a sacred union and I want 17:08 it to be better than what I saw and what I see in the world. 17:14 I think that the way that God intended it is not being shared 17:19 or shown to a lot of people. I can't say I haven't seen it in 17:24 my life. My grandparents have been together for many years 17:28 and seeing them together and the love that they show towards 17:32 each other that is something that I would want one day. 17:38 Okay. Tony. 17:40 Yeah, about the same as relates to taking marriage slowly 17:45 because of the different things that can happen involved in 17:50 marriage and me having a four- year-old son now and it can 17:54 happen to them the same way it happened to me. You know I can 17:58 end up maybe separating from his mother and going on to maybe 18:02 another woman or something like that. She has a child and then 18:06 it could be this all over again. I just hope that I would be able 18:10 to have the, what's the word I want to use, the patience and 18:16 the will to protect my children like we were. We were protected 18:21 from their lives. They made it their business to do that, to 18:25 protect us from that and that's what we got from it was how to 18:29 stay strong and how to hold up family as opposed to foolishness 18:34 involved in the relationship or anything else. It was family. 18:39 Excellent. Okay. 18:41 Ah marriage right now. Right now I'm kind of far from that but 18:46 I'm not against marriage. I'm still looking around. 18:50 Are you dating? 18:51 Ah here and there. Not real often but I talk to people here 18:57 and there. I like to get to know people a lot longer than 19:01 _ people or so. It might take me a little longer to 19:05 kind of get to know people because I don't really let 19:09 people know how I feel right away. So it's a longer process 19:14 for me. I look on the marriage thing and how my parents 19:19 situation kind of affected me. I just look towards when it comes 19:23 my turn I'm not going to take it lightly to who I choose to 19:28 get married to because it's a lifelong bond and I take that 19:33 seriously. Now days people get married and like I got an out, 19:37 I can get a divorce. But I don't think of marriage that way. It's 19:41 a bond for you and you and God and your loved one so to get 19:46 married seriously. 19:47 One of the things that I want to bring out is the fact that even 19:51 though you've gone through some of this adversity, and I'm not 19:56 saying it's just really traumatic, you know, it 20:00 prevented you from being strong men, you still managed to be 20:05 responsible, you still managed to look on life with a lot of 20:11 the values that you were taught as youth. What would you say to 20:15 someone that may be experiencing their parents going through a 20:20 divorce. You know some young person, a teenager. How would 20:25 you encourage that person? 20:26 I would tell that teenager to be an optimist. Always try to 20:30 find that the grass is greener on the other side. Try to find 20:35 the positive in whatever negative you're going through. 20:37 The only way you're really going to do that is to make sure God's 20:41 right there with you. Blood's one thing but the blood of 20:46 Christ is another. 20:49 I would want to let them know to hold on to the love that they've 20:54 shown toward you that will help get you through and also 21:00 develop a relationship with God yourself because he's our 21:04 heavenly Father and that's someone you can also talk to as 21:08 well. He will give you insight. It would definitely help. You 21:14 got to just listen. I spent many nights not listening and I can 21:19 say now that I'm trying to listen more. 21:21 I would say definitely don't be selfish. Selfishness begets 21:28 anger. I would just say enjoy the love that they both show 21:34 toward you. Because one thing for sure if you allow it as a 21:38 child that love will still be there. It might not be all 21:42 there at the same time but you'll know that when you're 21:45 with your mom, you're with your mom. And when you're with your 21:47 father, you're with your father. The only difference is that you 21:50 may not be with them together again but who knows the Lord 21:53 might spin it back around and you'll be right back together 21:56 but as it relates to right now if you're going through a 21:59 separation situation 22:00 I mean, I'm not going to say let it be like I guess just let it 22:05 be but try to be a passenger and not a driver in this 22:08 situation. 22:10 I heard each one of you talk about God in your relationship 22:14 with God and I know that being brought up in the church that 22:18 made a major impact. But we're losing so many of our youth 22:23 and young adults are turning away from God. So what would 22:27 you say to them to encourage them to really continue to 22:32 develop their relationship with God? 22:35 I guess you have to start with where they started from and 22:40 where they are now because there's so many things you can 22:44 actually go through your life and see how did I make it 22:49 through this, how did I make it through this, how did I make it 22:51 through this. If you can actually tally up those things 22:54 that you know 22:55 that you shouldn't got out of I mean that's testimony itself 22:59 so I mean that's a starting point. You can start from seeing 23:03 where God has led even though things might not be looking good 23:07 at that point, you're still here today, so that's a starting 23:11 point for me. 23:13 I mean just like Job. Everything was taken away from him but he 23:18 still loved and respected the Lord. You know some people ask 23:23 for things that honestly the Lord doesn't necessarily want 23:26 them to have and then they get angry with God when they don't 23:31 get it. Ask for things that are good and wholesome. Worry about 23:35 going straight and narrow as opposed to wide and deep and all 23:40 kinds of other ways. Don't ask the Lord to help you hit the 23:43 lottery or something like that. Just ask the Lord to bless you 23:46 with maybe something 23:48 to eat that day. Let's not go as far as going to be mad at God 23:52 because you didn't hit the lottery. A lot of people they go 23:55 your God is who your God is, how come this isn't happening. You 23:59 a lot of that when you believe in God. 24:01 So your relationship with God seems pretty deep. So do you ask 24:07 him to help you to make the changes that's going to improve 24:12 your life on a consistent basis? 24:14 You have to. You have to seek him. If you don't and you do 24:19 what you want to do you end up in positions and places where 24:23 you didn't expect to be or you don't want to be. I would rather 24:28 be in those positions seeking His guidance and knowing that 24:32 he'll get me through and that I'm just going through trials and not 24:37 opposed to doing my own thing and going through stuff and not 24:41 put stuff upon myself. 24:43 How do you encourage young men, especially young men 24:47 because our young men are definitely going through some 24:50 trials and tribulations. 24:51 So how do you encourage young men that God is the answer, that 24:56 he will assist you, he will provide for you and what would 25:00 you say to them? 25:02 Sometimes kind of share some experiences you've been through 25:06 to kind of let them know that you've been through stuff too. 25:10 Let them know that they're not alone going through problems. 25:15 I shared some stuff with my friends, stuff that I've been 25:20 through but they need that time so sometimes they need to 25:25 know that they're not the only ones that have problems, so 25:31 that kind of helps people out to know that I'm not alone in the 25:34 struggle. 25:36 I agree with that because I've gone through some things and I 25:38 asked God why, I don't understand. And then the moment 25:42 I share that with someone else that went through something then 25:46 I understand. I said we have to go through it to help others. 25:53 Man that's pretty powerful. So here you are as brothers, 25:57 you know, on the verge of moving to another level 26:03 and climbing the scale, you've worked real hard. 26:06 What are your goals for the future now? 26:09 Well I would say that I do want to push forward in finding that 26:13 someone for me. I do want to be married so. 26:16 You do want to be married. 26:17 Yes. And through my success I want to make sure that I have a 26:23 background to help my family out when it comes. 26:27 Excellent, excellent. 26:28 Um just to move forward as positively as I can. I mean I 26:34 understand that things might not all be peaches and cream but 26:38 just to be as positive as I possibly can and continue moving 26:41 forward. You know the positive mentality begets positive things 26:45 Two seconds. 26:46 My goal is just to be able to continue to help family and 26:49 friends and then whoever else is in need. That's all I 26:53 try to do is to help when I can. 26:55 It's been great. We really appreciate you taking the time 26:58 on your busy schedules to come and really give some insight on 27:02 our program. I really enjoyed talking to you and you've given 27:07 me some wisdom as far as how to live in some of the areas where 27:11 our young men are experiencing some difficulties and yet going 27:16 through the difficulties you guys have indicated that God 27:20 is the way to handle those difficulties and I think that's 27:24 really important. So I appreciate you being on our 27:27 program and I appreciate you for listening to Making It Work. 27:31 Thank you and God bless |
Revised 2018-02-12