Hi, I'm Arthur Nowlan and Welcome to Making It Work 00:00:01.36\00:00:04.97 ¤ ¤ 00:00:05.00\00:00:35.50 Welcome to Making It Work. Today our program is going to 00:00:35.53\00:00:38.70 deal with brotherly love and it's going to be interesting and 00:00:38.73\00:00:43.94 we ask that you sit back, relax and most importantly listen to 00:00:43.97\00:00:48.61 the dialogue that you will hear here today. Let me introduce 00:00:48.64\00:00:54.08 our guests today. Edward, Tony and Jesse. Can you give us an 00:00:54.12\00:00:59.55 insight on how you guys are related. 00:00:59.59\00:01:02.99 First Jesse, he's my youngest brother, he's the baby, 00:01:03.02\00:01:06.49 everybody loves him. Tony, he's the next guy in line. Tony came 00:01:06.53\00:01:12.37 along later; we'll talk about that later. And I'm the oldest 00:01:12.40\00:01:17.41 We live in Detroit, Michigan. Right now we're in the metro 00:01:17.44\00:01:22.21 Detroit area. We don't live in the inner city anymore. Well I 00:01:22.24\00:01:26.98 do but they don't. In a nutshell that's what it is. 00:01:27.02\00:01:31.85 At one point you were living out of the city, right? I mean 00:01:31.89\00:01:35.59 you were living out of the state. 00:01:35.62\00:01:36.96 No that wasn't me, that was my younger brother Jesse. 00:01:36.99\00:01:39.26 So why don't you give us some insight about that. Where you 00:01:39.29\00:01:44.40 were living. 00:01:44.43\00:01:45.77 I was living in Lexington Kentucky. I went down there 00:01:45.80\00:01:49.97 in 2006 for Toyota. 00:01:50.01\00:01:53.17 I was a robot technician down there. And then I traveled in 00:01:53.24\00:01:57.71 Texas, Canada, Indiana. That's pretty much it for Toyota. Now 00:01:57.75\00:02:04.52 I'm back here, still working with Toyota. I was out in 00:02:04.55\00:02:07.29 Saline, Michigan and I'm a chassis design engineer for them 00:02:07.32\00:02:12.23 now. I work in the wheel group. 00:02:12.26\00:02:14.06 Excellent. Tony what do you do? 00:02:14.10\00:02:16.53 Well I work for Toyota, just as an automotive technician and 00:02:16.56\00:02:21.57 right now I have a four-year- old son who is the love of my 00:02:21.60\00:02:26.34 life and I've got these guys here and that's pretty much 00:02:26.37\00:02:30.85 where we are right now at this current juncture. 00:02:30.88\00:02:33.62 Well Jesse lives with me now but he's about to be 00:02:33.65\00:02:36.25 a proud homeowner here in a couple months. 00:02:36.28\00:02:38.39 Excellent, excellent. 00:02:38.45\00:02:40.12 And Edward what about you? 00:02:40.16\00:02:41.72 I work for Delphi Automotive. I'm actually a paracontractor. 00:02:41.79\00:02:47.60 I work at the Chrysler Tech Center on one of their projects. 00:02:49.43\00:02:54.74 So you guys have a unique situation right? Basically 00:02:54.77\00:02:57.77 all three of you are brothers. You love each other you really 00:02:57.81\00:03:03.78 have a good relationship. So give me some insight about how 00:03:03.81\00:03:09.75 this unity, this unit came together. 00:03:09.78\00:03:14.16 Well it was me and Jesse first of course. Pretty much a lot of 00:03:14.19\00:03:19.43 people that are around us know that. My dad and my mom they 00:03:19.49\00:03:25.43 separated. It was kind of weird for me at first. My dad met my 00:03:25.50\00:03:30.61 stepmother Rita and she had a son Tommy which was awesome. 00:03:30.64\00:03:36.41 I had another brother. I had another guy to play with. To me 00:03:36.44\00:03:42.15 that was the best thing for that to happen. It was weird at first 00:03:42.18\00:03:46.76 but we got along. 00:03:46.79\00:03:48.22 How old were you? 00:03:48.26\00:03:49.59 We were probably around, I would say, 9 or 10. I think 00:03:49.62\00:03:55.56 that's when it was. 00:03:55.60\00:03:57.40 So how was it for you? 00:03:57.47\00:03:59.17 For me it was this new experience. We were into the 00:03:59.23\00:04:04.21 the same things. One thing I can remember very vividly is us 00:04:04.24\00:04:09.24 always playing with Ninja turtles. That was real hot when 00:04:09.28\00:04:14.42 we first met. So we clicked right when we met each other. 00:04:14.45\00:04:19.65 There was no bad moments when we first met each other. It was 00:04:19.69\00:04:24.56 like we'd known each other all our life even though we met each 00:04:24.59\00:04:29.46 other later on. 00:04:29.50\00:04:30.97 So it was real comfortable for you. Not real stressed. 00:04:31.00\00:04:35.94 Nobody trying to fight for position or anything like that. 00:04:35.97\00:04:40.91 You just jelled. Yeah. Oh, okay. What about you Tony? 00:04:40.94\00:04:45.01 Well you know being an only child for the first 9 or 10 00:04:45.05\00:04:49.05 years of your life, you would think that you would always be 00:04:49.08\00:04:52.65 somewhat selfish or something like that. But I met these guys 00:04:52.69\00:04:56.19 and it's like Jesse said, we all enjoyed the same things and I 00:04:56.22\00:05:00.56 mean even me myself, it was kind of shocking that we were able to 00:05:00.60\00:05:04.90 put whatever, however we got there aside instantly, like 00:05:04.93\00:05:09.30 there was no okay you know your mom came around. It was never a 00:05:09.34\00:05:13.68 bickering issue as related to our parents' personal life. 00:05:13.71\00:05:16.64 There was always just us and that's the way we looked at it. 00:05:16.68\00:05:20.28 I mean, we lived in a house where we had the whole upstairs. 00:05:20.32\00:05:23.25 I mean there wasn't a bunch of rooms up there. It was just one 00:05:23.28\00:05:26.99 big room upstairs and that was ours. You know in the beginning 00:05:27.02\00:05:31.23 I don't remember when it stopped Like on certain weekends or 00:05:31.26\00:05:34.73 weeks you was with your mom. I mean, I'm there all by myself 00:05:34.76\00:05:38.10 mind you I've always been all by myself, I'm supposed to be 00:05:38.13\00:05:41.07 comfortable, you know, I'm here by myself whereas I wanted 00:05:41.10\00:05:44.27 those guys around. And I think that's why I still like that 00:05:44.31\00:05:47.44 today. So it was difficult with you 00:05:47.48\00:05:50.61 when they were not there. Yeah. So that was something pretty 00:05:50.65\00:05:56.32 strange. You had developed a relationship to the point where 00:05:56.35\00:06:01.99 you expected them to be with you on a consistent basis. 00:06:02.02\00:06:06.09 That's right. But whatever arrangement was going on they 00:06:06.13\00:06:09.26 still had to abide by that. I mean we were all kids. We go 00:06:09.33\00:06:12.77 where we were told to go and things like that. It didn't 00:06:12.80\00:06:16.27 bother me to the point of man I wish they were here. It 00:06:16.30\00:06:19.71 bothered me because I honestly thought that it shouldn't have. 00:06:19.74\00:06:23.45 It's like you've been by yourself all this time. It's 00:06:23.48\00:06:26.61 like now you got two guys you want to be with and now all of 00:06:26.65\00:06:29.75 sudden you feel like you're inseparable. You haven't really 00:06:29.78\00:06:33.15 even known them that long but that's the way kids are. We meet 00:06:33.19\00:06:36.76 each other, oh man, that's my guy and y'all just go from there 00:06:36.79\00:06:40.40 So you guys were able to deal with each other. You guys were 00:06:40.43\00:06:44.40 able to move forward but in the process you two came from a 00:06:44.43\00:06:48.50 relationship that was basically where your mom and your dad 00:06:48.54\00:06:52.97 separated and divorced. Then your dad remarries. So you went 00:06:53.01\00:06:57.91 into that relationship. There was no anxiety, no anger, no 00:06:57.95\00:07:02.78 animosity? 00:07:02.82\00:07:04.15 For me no. Like I say when that happened I was too young to 00:07:04.19\00:07:08.52 really even remember that at the time. So that really didn't 00:07:08.59\00:07:14.00 affect me. At least not to my understanding. 00:07:14.03\00:07:16.80 When I'm talking about the anger I'm talking about the anger 00:07:16.83\00:07:19.93 toward your parents, towards your dad. Did you feel betrayed 00:07:19.97\00:07:23.04 or anything like that? 00:07:23.07\00:07:25.21 I'd say no. Both our parents, all three of our parents had 00:07:25.24\00:07:32.65 always been a loving atmosphere regardless. They didn't want us 00:07:32.71\00:07:38.72 to see that side of whatever was going on. So it at least to me 00:07:38.75\00:07:44.73 it was weird because it didn't make sense. 00:07:44.76\00:07:47.53 What didn't make sense, what didn't make sense to you at that 00:07:47.56\00:07:51.23 point? 00:07:51.27\00:07:52.60 Basically the breakup. Like why are we splitting, it didn't make 00:07:52.63\00:07:57.87 sense. Regardless if we were with our mother or we were with 00:07:57.91\00:08:02.74 our father we had a good time, we knew we were loved and that's 00:08:02.78\00:08:07.08 what they taught us as well. Then when Tony came along it was 00:08:07.12\00:08:13.36 the same thing. Dad made sure that we weren't at odds and to 00:08:13.39\00:08:18.16 love each other regardless. He didn't have to tell us that, but 00:08:18.19\00:08:22.46 he wanted to make sure we were that way. And there's too many 00:08:22.50\00:08:26.74 families now where you got blood family members, blood 00:08:26.77\00:08:29.90 siblings that don't like each other so... 00:08:29.94\00:08:31.84 To the point of killing each other. 00:08:31.87\00:08:33.74 Which was so strange to us. I don't even know how you fathom 00:08:33.78\00:08:37.45 that. You don't know what they would have to do. I haven't 00:08:37.48\00:08:41.08 experienced anything like that in my life. I mean I think we've 00:08:41.12\00:08:44.29 seen some pretty terrible things whether not in our own personal 00:08:44.32\00:08:47.46 life or on TV, on the news rather, not necessarily TV 00:08:47.49\00:08:50.66 and it's just that brotherly love that you have for your 00:08:50.73\00:08:53.83 brother that the Lord provides you with is something that can't 00:08:53.90\00:08:57.07 be taken away. You know what I mean. When you love somebody 00:08:57.10\00:09:00.74 you love them. All type of love that you have allows you to 00:09:00.77\00:09:04.11 forgive them for things and to see through things that okay 00:09:04.17\00:09:07.58 yeah it seems as though he did something bad to me but he 00:09:07.64\00:09:10.98 probably didn't mean it the way I perceived it. Those types of 00:09:11.01\00:09:15.65 things that keep you in line with just the harmony of the 00:09:15.68\00:09:19.29 situation. Not necessarily being naive or anything like that but 00:09:19.32\00:09:23.43 that ain't the way it is. Maybe I'm just having a bad day as a 00:09:23.46\00:09:27.40 perceiver, if that's what you want to say as opposed whatever 00:09:27.43\00:09:30.93 it was they said. Maybe they were having a bad day and maybe 00:09:30.97\00:09:34.47 I should have went and approached them to see what was 00:09:34.50\00:09:36.40 going on with them as opposed to oh man... You know what I'm 00:09:36.44\00:09:41.04 saying. It never really was like that. 00:09:41.08\00:09:42.41 And you brought up a good point. You said it never was like that. 00:09:42.44\00:09:45.78 So what made it so loving for you? I mean to the point where 00:09:45.81\00:09:50.99 you accepted each other at such an early stage, especially when 00:09:51.02\00:09:56.19 the union came together. What was the motivating factor? 00:09:56.22\00:10:00.96 I think it was the upbringing. We were rooted in church and 00:10:01.00\00:10:05.80 Jesse and I grew up Seventh-day Adventist and Tony did not but 00:10:05.83\00:10:11.67 he still had a level of God- fearing ideals taught to him as 00:10:11.71\00:10:18.21 well. So we all knew God early so that was something that I 00:10:18.28\00:10:23.42 think we just accepted and just knew what to do. I can't really 00:10:23.45\00:10:28.56 explain it. It was natural. 00:10:28.59\00:10:29.92 So that's a good point. It was just natural for you to 00:10:29.96\00:10:35.90 demonstrate love and because of being raised in the church and 00:10:35.93\00:10:42.24 that environment you already knew what it really meant. 00:10:42.27\00:10:45.34 We did get on each other's nerves It wasn't all peaches and 00:10:45.37\00:10:52.48 cream. We never went to bed angry. That was something we 00:10:52.51\00:10:54.98 were taught at an early age, never go to bed angry. And then 00:10:55.02\00:10:59.12 I mean as it relates just to the companionship and camaraderie. 00:10:59.15\00:11:01.09 We did any and everything together. Whether we were 00:11:01.12\00:11:03.63 playing basketball in the neighborhood or winning 00:11:03.66\00:11:06.83 championships in our region, in junior league playing 00:11:06.86\00:11:09.96 together with men worked, I'm not going to say slaved on TV 00:11:10.00\00:11:13.97 but we worked really hard with our stepfather pour concrete. 00:11:14.00\00:11:17.94 You know it was always that team atmosphere. 00:11:17.97\00:11:21.98 So basically you're talking about being with your stepdad 00:11:22.01\00:11:25.45 but with their father and you did a lot of work in the 00:11:25.48\00:11:28.88 construction business. You mean, like all summer? 00:11:28.92\00:11:33.79 Uh, it depends. When we were in school, it was pretty much the 00:11:33.82\00:11:38.63 summer. I know when I got to college, it was whenever I had 00:11:38.66\00:11:43.40 time off from school, I went and worked with my dad in 00:11:43.43\00:11:47.74 construction, but I think for me it was a good learning 00:11:47.77\00:11:52.01 experience, just to have the responsibility of having the job 00:11:52.04\00:11:55.84 taking care of money. Because like when I was younger I blew 00:11:55.88\00:12:01.32 my money the first time I got a chance. So doing that kind of 00:12:01.35\00:12:06.76 grounded me in the responsibility of growing up so 00:12:06.79\00:12:10.79 that kind of helped when I left here and went to Kentucky 00:12:10.83\00:12:15.36 because I was scared _ you know not knowing anybody 00:12:15.43\00:12:19.90 when I went down there. But I think that was a good_ 00:12:19.93\00:12:25.24 for me because going down there I actually got closer to God 00:12:25.27\00:12:29.44 down there. I had to depend more on him. I didn't know anybody 00:12:29.48\00:12:34.02 when I first got down there. So when I kind of got comfortable 00:12:34.05\00:12:38.55 with the people in the church and everything you know. A 00:12:38.59\00:12:41.59 couple of my coworkers I got close with them so it kind of 00:12:41.62\00:12:46.06 settled me in. But the first two months definitely I had to 00:12:46.09\00:12:50.50 really kind of get my relationship together with the 00:12:50.53\00:12:55.20 Lord. 00:12:55.24\00:12:56.57 Yeah, that was probably the most monumental thing. You moved in 00:12:56.60\00:13:00.94 to a new environment and here you are a stranger. What you did 00:13:00.98\00:13:06.01 was you extended yourself and found a church that comforted 00:13:06.05\00:13:11.35 you and helped you. So okay now you guys are together. So how 00:13:11.39\00:13:16.66 long did you stay together? I mean I know you're still 00:13:16.69\00:13:20.16 together but how long was it? 00:13:20.20\00:13:25.53 Twenty-three, 24 years, something like that. 00:13:25.57\00:13:27.37 we've been together. 00:13:27.40\00:13:28.74 But before the second breakup with your parents and your 00:13:28.77\00:13:32.91 parents when you guys came together with Tony how long 00:13:32.94\00:13:37.81 was that process? 00:13:37.85\00:13:39.18 Oh you're saying from then? 00:13:39.21\00:13:43.35 From the time that Edward and Jesse came into the household 00:13:43.39\00:13:48.72 and you guys became a unit. 00:13:48.76\00:13:51.49 Oh when they were always there? 00:13:51.53\00:13:54.23 Yeah and then there was a breakup between your stepdad 00:13:54.30\00:13:59.93 and your mom? 00:13:59.97\00:14:01.30 We were already grown by then. Their personal lives hardly ever 00:14:01.34\00:14:06.94 affected us other than the simple fact of like if it got 00:14:06.98\00:14:10.45 that drastic to the point of where they left I knew it was 00:14:10.48\00:14:14.95 probably bad on their end; not like not them but the parenting 00:14:14.98\00:14:18.19 end. I knew it might have been kind of bad but we never really 00:14:18.22\00:14:21.42 explored it. 00:14:21.46\00:14:22.79 Okay. Because that's something that's traumatic within itself. 00:14:22.82\00:14:26.33 And for you guys to tell me that you never really investigated 00:14:26.36\00:14:30.67 or talked; I'm sure you talked about it. 00:14:30.70\00:14:33.50 Amongst each other? 00:14:33.54\00:14:35.27 Yes amongst each other. 00:14:35.30\00:14:37.01 There was so much more better stuff to do; there was just 00:14:37.04\00:14:42.11 better stuff to do. It was like that's their business. Because 00:14:42.14\00:14:45.65 it was like from outside looking in based on the way we were 00:14:45.68\00:14:49.15 together anyway from his parents separating to his dad 00:14:49.18\00:14:53.89 meeting my mom and to now that they're separated, I mean if you 00:14:53.92\00:14:58.49 start hinging your relationship on other things and those other 00:14:58.53\00:15:02.40 things fall to the wayside, your relationship's going to fall to 00:15:02.43\00:15:06.23 the wayside. It's like our relationship was never really 00:15:06.27\00:15:09.30 hinged on our parents. 00:15:09.34\00:15:10.67 Okay, that's a good philosophy but in many cases we recognize 00:15:10.71\00:15:15.71 that there are many people who are unable to handle it like 00:15:15.74\00:15:21.25 that. 00:15:21.28\00:15:22.62 But it happens at different times in those people's lives 00:15:22.65\00:15:24.55 too. I mean if say Edward and Jesse made it to be 18, 19 years 00:15:24.59\00:15:29.19 old and they grew up their whole life like that, then yeah 00:15:29.22\00:15:32.69 that might have been a little harder for them to take. 00:15:32.73\00:15:36.13 Because I mean their grown men, they're stuck in their ways now 00:15:36.16\00:15:38.50 But when you take an 8 or 9 year old kid who really doesn't know 00:15:38.53\00:15:40.84 up from down at that age mentally. I guess you got some 00:15:40.87\00:15:45.17 kids that do understand and other kids that may not 00:15:45.24\00:15:48.94 necessarily pay too much attention to it, but I mean it 00:15:48.98\00:15:52.81 really all deals with the repercussions of the split like 00:15:52.85\00:15:55.85 how bad was it for the kids during the split. You know you 00:15:55.88\00:15:58.92 get some kids they get split and their homes get taken away. 00:15:58.95\00:16:01.76 You know their cars get taken away. Different things. They go 00:16:01.79\00:16:05.43 from eating good to not eating at all. Fortunately for us those 00:16:05.46\00:16:08.60 weren't really any of the things that we really ever had to worry 00:16:08.63\00:16:11.73 about was you know food or shelter, things like that. They 00:16:11.77\00:16:15.50 knew that they had a home to go to. I knew I had a home to go 00:16:15.54\00:16:19.21 to and we knew we all had a place together to come to. 00:16:19.24\00:16:22.81 So there was a sort of uniqueness there that really 00:16:22.84\00:16:26.35 was involved with this situation So let's move to the area of 00:16:26.38\00:16:30.29 marriage. How do you guys feel about marriage? 00:16:30.32\00:16:35.89 Well I don't have a problem with it. I think right now it's 00:16:35.92\00:16:41.23 something tough for me to go into because of the situations 00:16:41.26\00:16:46.50 that my parents have had. I want to one day, but I guess my trust 00:16:46.53\00:16:52.44 level right now is not there. 00:16:52.47\00:16:54.71 Are you dating or anything? 00:16:54.74\00:16:56.91 I'm dating no one in particular now. Okay. 00:16:56.95\00:17:00.48 I think that marriage is something that I would take 00:17:00.52\00:17:03.22 very slowly. Okay. I view that to be a sacred union and I want 00:17:03.25\00:17:08.36 it to be better than what I saw and what I see in the world. 00:17:08.39\00:17:14.36 I think that the way that God intended it is not being shared 00:17:14.40\00:17:19.77 or shown to a lot of people. I can't say I haven't seen it in 00:17:19.80\00:17:24.41 my life. My grandparents have been together for many years 00:17:24.44\00:17:28.61 and seeing them together and the love that they show towards 00:17:28.64\00:17:32.75 each other that is something that I would want one day. 00:17:32.78\00:17:38.22 Okay. Tony. 00:17:38.25\00:17:40.76 Yeah, about the same as relates to taking marriage slowly 00:17:40.82\00:17:45.86 because of the different things that can happen involved in 00:17:45.89\00:17:50.50 marriage and me having a four- year-old son now and it can 00:17:50.53\00:17:53.97 happen to them the same way it happened to me. You know I can 00:17:54.00\00:17:58.61 end up maybe separating from his mother and going on to maybe 00:17:58.64\00:18:02.58 another woman or something like that. She has a child and then 00:18:02.61\00:18:06.58 it could be this all over again. I just hope that I would be able 00:18:06.61\00:18:10.59 to have the, what's the word I want to use, the patience and 00:18:10.62\00:18:16.19 the will to protect my children like we were. We were protected 00:18:16.22\00:18:21.20 from their lives. They made it their business to do that, to 00:18:21.23\00:18:25.17 protect us from that and that's what we got from it was how to 00:18:25.20\00:18:29.60 stay strong and how to hold up family as opposed to foolishness 00:18:29.67\00:18:34.44 involved in the relationship or anything else. It was family. 00:18:34.48\00:18:39.25 Excellent. Okay. 00:18:39.28\00:18:41.65 Ah marriage right now. Right now I'm kind of far from that but 00:18:41.68\00:18:46.89 I'm not against marriage. I'm still looking around. 00:18:46.92\00:18:50.49 Are you dating? 00:18:50.53\00:18:51.86 Ah here and there. Not real often but I talk to people here 00:18:51.89\00:18:57.00 and there. I like to get to know people a lot longer than 00:18:57.03\00:19:01.40 _ people or so. It might take me a little longer to 00:19:01.44\00:19:05.57 kind of get to know people because I don't really let 00:19:05.61\00:19:09.71 people know how I feel right away. So it's a longer process 00:19:09.74\00:19:14.85 for me. I look on the marriage thing and how my parents 00:19:14.88\00:19:19.89 situation kind of affected me. I just look towards when it comes 00:19:19.92\00:19:23.93 my turn I'm not going to take it lightly to who I choose to 00:19:23.96\00:19:28.20 get married to because it's a lifelong bond and I take that 00:19:28.23\00:19:33.10 seriously. Now days people get married and like I got an out, 00:19:33.13\00:19:37.47 I can get a divorce. But I don't think of marriage that way. It's 00:19:37.51\00:19:41.84 a bond for you and you and God and your loved one so to get 00:19:41.88\00:19:46.41 married seriously. 00:19:46.45\00:19:47.78 One of the things that I want to bring out is the fact that even 00:19:47.82\00:19:51.95 though you've gone through some of this adversity, and I'm not 00:19:51.99\00:19:56.19 saying it's just really traumatic, you know, it 00:19:56.22\00:20:00.13 prevented you from being strong men, you still managed to be 00:20:00.20\00:20:05.33 responsible, you still managed to look on life with a lot of 00:20:05.37\00:20:11.14 the values that you were taught as youth. What would you say to 00:20:11.17\00:20:15.91 someone that may be experiencing their parents going through a 00:20:15.94\00:20:20.78 divorce. You know some young person, a teenager. How would 00:20:20.82\00:20:25.59 you encourage that person? 00:20:25.62\00:20:26.96 I would tell that teenager to be an optimist. Always try to 00:20:26.99\00:20:30.73 find that the grass is greener on the other side. Try to find 00:20:30.76\00:20:35.00 the positive in whatever negative you're going through. 00:20:35.03\00:20:37.53 The only way you're really going to do that is to make sure God's 00:20:37.57\00:20:41.20 right there with you. Blood's one thing but the blood of 00:20:41.24\00:20:46.64 Christ is another. 00:20:46.68\00:20:49.28 I would want to let them know to hold on to the love that they've 00:20:49.31\00:20:54.82 shown toward you that will help get you through and also 00:20:54.85\00:21:00.02 develop a relationship with God yourself because he's our 00:21:00.06\00:21:04.19 heavenly Father and that's someone you can also talk to as 00:21:04.23\00:21:08.50 well. He will give you insight. It would definitely help. You 00:21:08.53\00:21:14.20 got to just listen. I spent many nights not listening and I can 00:21:14.24\00:21:19.84 say now that I'm trying to listen more. 00:21:19.87\00:21:21.58 I would say definitely don't be selfish. Selfishness begets 00:21:21.61\00:21:28.58 anger. I would just say enjoy the love that they both show 00:21:28.62\00:21:34.49 toward you. Because one thing for sure if you allow it as a 00:21:34.52\00:21:38.79 child that love will still be there. It might not be all 00:21:38.83\00:21:42.23 there at the same time but you'll know that when you're 00:21:42.26\00:21:45.57 with your mom, you're with your mom. And when you're with your 00:21:45.63\00:21:47.90 father, you're with your father. The only difference is that you 00:21:47.94\00:21:50.21 may not be with them together again but who knows the Lord 00:21:50.24\00:21:53.51 might spin it back around and you'll be right back together 00:21:53.54\00:21:56.75 but as it relates to right now if you're going through a 00:21:56.78\00:21:59.11 separation situation 00:21:59.15\00:22:00.62 I mean, I'm not going to say let it be like I guess just let it 00:22:00.65\00:22:05.92 be but try to be a passenger and not a driver in this 00:22:05.95\00:22:08.82 situation. 00:22:08.86\00:22:10.19 I heard each one of you talk about God in your relationship 00:22:10.23\00:22:14.46 with God and I know that being brought up in the church that 00:22:14.50\00:22:18.93 made a major impact. But we're losing so many of our youth 00:22:18.97\00:22:23.47 and young adults are turning away from God. So what would 00:22:23.51\00:22:27.74 you say to them to encourage them to really continue to 00:22:27.78\00:22:31.98 develop their relationship with God? 00:22:32.01\00:22:35.45 I guess you have to start with where they started from and 00:22:35.48\00:22:40.36 where they are now because there's so many things you can 00:22:40.39\00:22:44.69 actually go through your life and see how did I make it 00:22:44.73\00:22:48.96 through this, how did I make it through this, how did I make it 00:22:49.00\00:22:51.40 through this. If you can actually tally up those things 00:22:51.43\00:22:54.57 that you know 00:22:54.60\00:22:55.94 that you shouldn't got out of I mean that's testimony itself 00:22:55.97\00:22:59.67 so I mean that's a starting point. You can start from seeing 00:22:59.71\00:23:03.51 where God has led even though things might not be looking good 00:23:03.55\00:23:07.62 at that point, you're still here today, so that's a starting 00:23:07.65\00:23:11.65 point for me. 00:23:11.69\00:23:13.02 I mean just like Job. Everything was taken away from him but he 00:23:13.05\00:23:18.23 still loved and respected the Lord. You know some people ask 00:23:18.26\00:23:22.96 for things that honestly the Lord doesn't necessarily want 00:23:23.00\00:23:26.63 them to have and then they get angry with God when they don't 00:23:26.67\00:23:31.21 get it. Ask for things that are good and wholesome. Worry about 00:23:31.24\00:23:35.71 going straight and narrow as opposed to wide and deep and all 00:23:35.74\00:23:40.02 kinds of other ways. Don't ask the Lord to help you hit the 00:23:40.05\00:23:43.45 lottery or something like that. Just ask the Lord to bless you 00:23:43.49\00:23:46.86 with maybe something 00:23:46.89\00:23:48.22 to eat that day. Let's not go as far as going to be mad at God 00:23:48.26\00:23:52.06 because you didn't hit the lottery. A lot of people they go 00:23:52.09\00:23:55.93 your God is who your God is, how come this isn't happening. You 00:23:55.96\00:23:59.80 a lot of that when you believe in God. 00:23:59.83\00:24:01.80 So your relationship with God seems pretty deep. So do you ask 00:24:01.87\00:24:07.14 him to help you to make the changes that's going to improve 00:24:07.18\00:24:12.41 your life on a consistent basis? 00:24:12.45\00:24:13.95 You have to. You have to seek him. If you don't and you do 00:24:14.02\00:24:19.29 what you want to do you end up in positions and places where 00:24:19.32\00:24:23.93 you didn't expect to be or you don't want to be. I would rather 00:24:23.99\00:24:28.56 be in those positions seeking His guidance and knowing that 00:24:28.60\00:24:32.87 he'll get me through and that I'm just going through trials 00:24:32.90\00:24:37.34 and not opposed to doing my own thing and going through stuff 00:24:37.37\00:24:41.78 and not put stuff upon myself. 00:24:41.81\00:24:43.14 How do you encourage young men, especially young men 00:24:43.18\00:24:47.38 because our young men are definitely going through some 00:24:47.42\00:24:50.42 trials and tribulations. 00:24:50.45\00:24:51.89 So how do you encourage young men that God is the answer, that 00:24:51.92\00:24:56.59 he will assist you, he will provide for you and what would 00:24:56.62\00:25:00.90 you say to them? 00:25:00.93\00:25:02.26 Sometimes kind of share some experiences you've been through 00:25:02.30\00:25:06.63 to kind of let them know that you've been through stuff too. 00:25:06.67\00:25:10.94 Let them know that they're not alone going through problems. 00:25:10.97\00:25:15.01 I shared some stuff with my friends, stuff that I've been 00:25:15.04\00:25:20.32 through but they need that time so sometimes they need to 00:25:20.35\00:25:25.85 know that they're not the only ones that have problems, so 00:25:25.89\00:25:31.33 that kind of helps people out to know that I'm not alone in the 00:25:31.36\00:25:34.70 struggle. 00:25:34.73\00:25:36.06 I agree with that because I've gone through some things and I 00:25:36.10\00:25:38.73 asked God why, I don't understand. And then the moment 00:25:38.77\00:25:42.20 I share that with someone else that went through something then 00:25:42.24\00:25:46.54 I understand. I said we have to go through it to help others. 00:25:46.57\00:25:53.52 Man that's pretty powerful. So here you are as brothers, 00:25:53.55\00:25:57.19 you know, on the verge of moving to another level 00:25:57.22\00:26:02.99 and climbing the scale, you've worked real hard. 00:26:03.02\00:26:06.29 What are your goals for the future now? 00:26:06.33\00:26:09.30 Well I would say that I do want to push forward in finding that 00:26:09.33\00:26:13.77 someone for me. I do want to be married so. 00:26:13.80\00:26:16.04 You do want to be married. 00:26:16.07\00:26:17.51 Yes. And through my success I want to make sure that I have a 00:26:17.54\00:26:23.45 background to help my family out when it comes. 00:26:23.48\00:26:26.98 Excellent, excellent. 00:26:27.02\00:26:28.85 Um just to move forward as positively as I can. I mean I 00:26:28.88\00:26:34.42 understand that things might not all be peaches and cream but 00:26:34.46\00:26:38.06 just to be as positive as I possibly can and continue moving 00:26:38.09\00:26:41.83 forward. You know the positive mentality begets positive things 00:26:41.86\00:26:45.53 Two seconds. 00:26:45.57\00:26:46.90 My goal is just to be able to continue to help family and 00:26:46.94\00:26:49.80 friends and then whoever else is in need. That's all I 00:26:49.84\00:26:53.44 try to do is to help when I can. 00:26:53.48\00:26:55.48 It's been great. We really appreciate you taking the time 00:26:55.51\00:26:58.51 on your busy schedules to come and really give some insight on 00:26:58.55\00:27:02.28 our program. I really enjoyed talking to you and you've given 00:27:02.32\00:27:07.16 me some wisdom as far as how to live in some of the areas where 00:27:07.19\00:27:11.89 our young men are experiencing some difficulties and yet going 00:27:11.93\00:27:16.56 through the difficulties you guys have indicated that God 00:27:16.60\00:27:20.30 is the way to handle those difficulties and I think that's 00:27:20.34\00:27:23.97 really important. So I appreciate you being on our 00:27:24.01\00:27:27.81 program and I appreciate you for listening to Making It Work. 00:27:27.84\00:27:31.78 Thank you and God bless 00:27:31.81\00:27:34.48