Participants:
Series Code: MIW
Program Code: MIW000066A
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00:01 Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin. I'm Arthur Nowlin.
00:03 And welcome to "Making It Work." 00:36 Arthur, today our program is entitled 00:38 "The Second Time Around." Wow. 00:41 You like that? Sounds interesting. 00:43 It's gonna be interesting. 00:45 I want to welcome our guest, 00:47 Mr. and Mrs. Danny and Lori Mann. 00:50 God bless you. Welcome. 00:53 Well, thank you for taking time out 00:54 to come and be with us. 00:56 Well, listen we want you to tell your testimony, 00:58 when we talk about the second time around, 01:00 we're talking about, how they married, 01:03 they divorced and then they remarried. 01:07 And we want them to tell you their story. 01:10 All right, who'd like to start? 01:13 I'll start. I'll start. All right, Lori. All right. 01:16 Well, we were at his father's funeral. 01:20 And I've learned to be obedient when guys speaks to me. 01:24 You have to listen and you have to be obedient. 01:27 And I was sitting in the back table, 01:30 with his cousins and we were talking having a good time, 01:33 and someone told you turn around 01:35 and go ask him to come back home. 01:36 Oh, no I can't do that. Didn't want to do that. 01:40 But I knew it was his sprit speaking to me. 01:43 But again I didn't want to be obedient. 01:47 But he has talked to me two more times 01:50 he said it again. 01:51 So I knew, I had to get up and at the end 01:55 I asked him to come back home, he thought it was a joke. 01:59 But I wasn't joking, I was serious 02:02 and it went from there. 02:05 Wow. 02:06 What was the timeframe from the marriage 02:08 to the divorce to your reconciling, 02:11 you remarried? 02:13 Yes. Okay. 02:14 What was the timeframe, you've been married 23 years-- 02:18 All together now, we were divorced 7. 02:21 You were divorced 7 years? Yes. 02:23 All right, so did you all stay in contact with one another, 02:26 because you have children, you have two children? 02:27 Right. 02:29 So you communicated about the children? 02:31 Not really. No. Not really? 02:32 Okay, Mr. Mann, why was there no communication with you 02:36 about the children? 02:38 Well, there was slightly communication 02:42 about the children. 02:44 We did talk, sometime. 02:50 But it was where one point... 02:56 I decided to just go my way. 02:59 Where you angry? 03:02 What was it making you to make this decision? 03:05 Well, it wasn't anger, it was... 03:12 Bitterness, anger. 03:15 You think so? I think so. 03:16 Why do you say that? 03:18 I think so, I don't know 03:19 maybe because of the way we broke up, 03:21 and things that were going on in our lives and, you know, 03:26 we weren't putting God first in our life sorts of all. 03:29 Were you both attending church at that time? 03:30 No. 03:32 Neither one of you were in the body of Christ? 03:33 No. Okay. 03:34 but since that time you've are in the body of Christ. 03:36 Right. Okay. 03:38 We're talking about selling you a period, 03:42 where the children didn't have their parents together. 03:46 How was that making an impact with you, 03:48 because you were keeping the children? 03:50 Right. 03:52 You know, and you were taking care of your family. 03:53 I knew, I had to get back to basics. 03:55 And I knew, I had to get back to where-- 03:57 Explain your basics, when you say that? 03:59 Foundation, God, 04:02 and I was raised that way and I strayed away. 04:06 And I know, I had to get back for them, 04:08 because I had to lay that foundation for them. 04:11 So I started going to different churches, visiting 04:16 and until I found one where we could join. 04:22 You know, and I had prayed and asked God to direct me. 04:26 And give me strength and put me where he wanted me to be. 04:30 Then after the divorce. 04:31 I mean, what were you feeling, what were you thinking about? 04:35 You know, you thinking 04:37 that this was just the end of your family 04:39 or, you know, 'cause I guess a lot of men get to the point 04:43 where it becomes difficult for them to deal with family 04:46 after a traumatic situation like that. 04:50 Well, honestly 04:54 I tried the single life with many. 04:59 Okay. And it didn't fit me. 05:03 Okay. 05:05 Because-- 05:08 Basically all my adult life, I've been in a marital status. 05:14 Okay. 05:16 Because I was married before we met. 05:20 So she is my second wife. Okay. 05:23 So I got married before so, I got married at the age of 20. 05:27 So I've always been in a marital status. 05:29 And I realized I just couldn't do it, 05:35 you know, that single life. 05:36 So you were going through a lot of pain 05:38 during this separation and divorce and-- 05:42 That's loneliness-- 05:43 Loneliness. Yeah. You know. 05:47 And what was going on through-- 05:48 I was having a good life. 05:50 Lori, you weren't missing your husband? 05:54 No, honestly no. 05:56 Okay, tell us why? I had a good time. 05:57 Tell us why? 05:58 I enjoyed being single, because I like him. 06:02 I didn't get married, he was my first husband. 06:04 and we got, when I married Danny, I was 28. 06:09 So I had lived a single life, you know, 06:13 I went to college and to have my own place and-- 06:18 got out there, you know, 06:20 so it was a new beginning for me to rejuvenate myself 06:25 and find myself again so-- 06:27 Did you redefine yourself after you got divorce? 06:30 I sure did. 06:31 And what was that definition that you could define? 06:33 That I could do it by myself. 06:36 That I didn't need any help, 06:38 and I was proud of myself for that, you know. 06:42 Okay so here we are, you both were separated, 06:46 divorced, you know, you have a good time 06:50 but yet, you get the Holy Spirit talking to you 06:55 about this is not what I want for you. 06:58 Right. 06:59 You know, and it started nagging at you 07:02 I mean, it started becoming more stronger. 07:04 Yeah. 07:05 And it's interesting because 07:07 you weren't in the body of Christ 07:08 or did you become in the body of Christ 07:09 during the separation? 07:11 During the separation. Yes. You joined a church. 07:14 All right, so you and the children 07:15 started going to church? 07:17 Yes. 07:18 You know, was that a difficult transition for them 07:19 to start going to church, 07:21 and where they had not been raised in the church 07:23 were difficult for them? 07:26 Well, when we started going, 07:28 I think my son was about four. 07:33 Oh, so he is very young. Okay. 07:35 He was around four years old. 07:36 So I had to introduce him to going to church 07:40 and how to behave, 07:42 how to sustain and listen that was the job 07:45 you know, I was stuck with it. 07:47 Sure. Yeah. 07:48 So in the midst of all of that you were having a good time, 07:51 you had the children. 07:52 You're working doing your thing, 07:54 so it was not reaching out to him about, 07:57 when you're coming to see the children, 07:59 how are you, nothing? 08:01 Not really, no. Okay. 08:03 Because we had gone according, 08:04 he had shun on DJ for every other weekend. 08:10 Oh, so he saw them so you had parenting time. 08:12 Yes. Okay. 08:14 So even in a process of you've been independent. 08:19 You know, we're still looking at something was driving you, 08:25 you know, to get your marriage back on track. 08:29 And yet you responded. 08:32 'Cause we have to be obedient. Okay. 08:35 And I've learned that, and I've learned that, 08:37 you know really the hard way and when he talks to you, 08:42 you have to do what he says. 08:44 When he says it 08:45 because there is a window of opportunity 08:48 that he is giving you. 08:49 And if you don't take it, you gonna lose it. 08:52 Wow. And you can't get that back. 08:56 So you said, that he at first he thought it was a joke. 08:58 How soon thereafter did he say, are you serious? 09:03 Well, about a week later, week or so later. 09:07 About a week later? Yes. 09:08 Almost two weeks. Almost two weeks? 09:11 So it was, but in the mean time you're thinking that, 09:14 this might be able to be something 09:16 that you wanted to do. 09:18 Well, you know exact I prayed only myself. 09:22 You know, ask Lord, you know, for help me. 09:28 I was sad, didn't like this single life. 09:30 Tried it and it just wasn't me. 09:34 I'm a type of person that-- 09:39 enjoy a curfew. 09:42 That's a good way. 09:43 I can't be outrageous all night long. 09:47 And I just can't do it. 09:50 So, I guess I prayed on it, and she asked me to come home. 09:57 I just said, do you think it serious? 10:02 And just had to make sure she was since she-- 10:05 Well, how did you make sure? 10:10 Well, I just waited it out really, just waited out. 10:13 We talk, we said and we talk with the kids. 10:17 And I asked them how do they feel about it 10:20 and made my decision from there. 10:23 So what was the response from the children, you know, 10:25 when you sat down and talk to them 10:27 and telling your intentions? 10:30 They was-- 10:33 My son was happy about it, 10:36 my daughter, she was okay. 10:41 Because she was old and she probably saw more, 10:43 she heard more. 10:44 Right. 10:46 Okay, so in that transition, you know, the pain 10:49 or holding on to something was difficult for her, 10:52 because you were reminder of that pain. 10:54 Right. Probably, so yes. 10:56 All right. 10:58 She might have been a little angry 10:59 about the divorce in the first phase 11:01 about how it ended. 11:03 Right. 11:04 So that might be one of the things 11:06 that may have come across. 11:08 How's your relationship with her now? 11:11 It's good, it's really good. What makes it good now? 11:14 Well, we talk about it, 11:17 and spend a lot of time together. 11:20 Do you think it's important that fathers and daughters 11:22 have their quality time together? 11:25 I think they should have more, because see it... 11:34 Shows the child-- 11:38 What it means for us supposed to do 11:41 and they are like and how again how I was gonna treat them. 11:48 Well, I want to go back to what caused divorce 11:51 in the first place? 11:54 What caused the divorce in the first place, 11:57 first of all break down in communication 11:59 and alcoholism. 12:03 Okay. 12:05 And whose part was the alcoholism? 12:08 Danny's. 12:09 So that impacted the entire family? 12:12 Yeah. 12:13 It caused the dynamics of the entire family household. 12:19 Did your husband come home intoxicated? 12:22 Yes. Was he abusive? 12:24 No. Never violent, no. He never abused? Never violent? 12:26 He wasn't violent, we didn't fight, 12:29 he didn't jump on me, didn't none of that. 12:32 It was just not doing what he was supposed to do 12:36 as the man in our household. 12:38 He was working during that particular time? 12:40 Oh, yeah. 12:41 So functioning, would you consider him alcoholic 12:43 or that he just indulged? 12:45 He was a functioning alcoholic. 12:47 You know, a function alcoholic. Yes. 12:49 All right, Danny, you know, I like some feedback from you. 12:53 You know. I find it funny. 12:57 Okay. 13:00 I drunk a lot, I will admit that. 13:06 Why did you drink so much? 13:10 I've seen miscommunication-- 13:17 The communication just wasn't clear enough in the household-- 13:20 Okay. In my opinion. 13:22 Okay, so you're telling me that the communication 13:26 you using that as a reason why you drank? 13:28 Yes. 13:30 So are you blaming your wife that you drink? 13:32 No I'm not, I don't point a finger. 13:34 And like I told her and I always told her. 13:36 I'm not accusing you or blaming you for anything. 13:41 But what I'm saying to you, 13:43 you're the reason for my drinking 13:46 is because of your behavior. 13:49 Now how long you gonna stand that 13:52 or I can bring it down any further-- 13:56 Okay, so you're telling about the behavior of your wife. 14:00 And how you responded to that was drinking. 14:05 The reason why I did, well I did. 14:08 Okay. All right. 14:09 Was the communication to a point 14:10 where you just couldn't talk about the problems 14:14 or the issues that were going on in the household? 14:18 We didn't talk about it. Okay. 14:21 Did your wife ever approached you 14:23 and tried to talk to you about? 14:24 No, we didn't had that type of relationship. 14:29 At one particular time, it was all funny game, 14:34 we enjoyed, we hate, we always enjoyed one another 14:38 but for a serious conversation 14:42 on feelings never came about. 14:48 Lori, during this time did you drink? 14:50 Yeah, I indulged. 14:52 Did you indulged together? 14:53 Sometimes, yes. Okay. 14:55 So when did the change happen 14:57 when the alcohol was no longer fun 14:58 or it was impacting the family, because you both were drinking? 15:05 That's hard to say. 15:07 So did you stop, and your husband didn't stop? 15:11 I wasn't a functional drinker. 15:13 I didn't, not gonna drink and go to work. 15:15 So I wasn't drinking on a daily basis, 15:19 weekend yes. 15:21 You partied on weekends? Okay. Yes. 15:23 Yes, and we partied with each other, you know. 15:28 But, things just started getting in a way 15:32 and bills weren't getting paid. 15:36 And we weren't communicating 15:37 and it just started going down here from there. 15:40 Why do you think the communication didn't work? 15:46 Because we didn't try to make it work. 15:48 We didn't try to talk to each other. 15:50 And again still the main thing is that we weren't in church. 15:55 We weren't going. 15:57 And we both were raised in church, 15:59 so we both move better. 16:03 I can't, excuse me, baby. 16:04 But I can say this though. 16:08 Without God in your life, you're lost. 16:13 It is a Bible line, you're lost. 16:15 And you came to that conclusion. 16:18 After things fell apart. Yes. Right. 16:23 So you had to go to your bottom line, 16:26 you know, hit your bottom 16:27 and then trying to work yourself with backup. 16:29 Right. 16:31 Well, how has it been now the second time around, 16:33 you know, the happier times, you know, coming back together, 16:38 you know, no longer the alcohol, 16:40 you no longer drinking Mr. Mann? 16:41 No. 16:43 Okay, and both of you are attending churches. 16:45 Now this is interesting. 16:47 They attend two different churches, 16:51 and that has been a dynamic 16:52 or variable in the relationship. 16:55 You know, but lately something has happened, 16:57 tell us about that? 16:59 We have come to a compromise 17:01 that we will attend each others churches. 17:05 He will come to mine once in month, which he did, 17:07 this morning great church service 17:09 and me and the kids will go to his church once a month. 17:13 Okay. So, that's working out. 17:16 And guess what, and the reason 17:17 you're in two different churches 17:19 is because of your responsibility 17:20 that you each have 17:22 and you have two different churches. 17:23 Now, were you into different churches when you remarried? 17:26 Yes. 17:28 I see and so that's something, you know, and then bringing it, 17:32 and making a decision about joining one church. 17:36 Is that on the table now, 17:38 looking at there is a possibility? 17:40 And we're taking just one step at a time. 17:42 One step at a time. 17:44 The loving prayer. All right, all right. 17:45 But you love your church, and you love your church. 17:48 Okay, all right. 17:49 There is another show in this stepping, another program. 17:52 Let me ask, you know, 17:53 about how your relationship is now? 17:58 You know, I mean, you know, the communication was a issue. 18:02 How have you progressed from that? 18:05 Do you talk on a regular basis, you know, 18:08 the family meetings, what's going on? 18:11 Well, let me answer it. Sure. 18:12 At first, it was a little difficult. 18:18 I mean we were just trying to put it together, 18:21 it was a little difficult, 18:23 so what we decided to do and that was, 18:26 come see what you've all got. 18:30 And you all open up, 18:36 a gateway for us. 18:37 I just say that, where we have fun together now. 18:44 We talk all the time, discuss everything, 18:48 laugh and joke about many things. 18:49 The whole family? 18:50 It was to a point where I'll sit 18:53 and watch TV with her now. 18:56 What's your favorite program, Danny? 18:59 Lena Hall. 19:03 Okay. All right. 19:07 But it's been a beautiful thing. 19:09 Excellent, so how has it been for you? 19:12 It's a lot better, lot better, 19:14 and communication is a lot better. 19:17 We both listen to each other instead of, you know, 19:22 trying to over talk each other. 19:24 Don't forget our morning prayer. 19:25 Oh yeah, we pray together now every morning. 19:28 Praise the Lord. 19:31 On Mondays, I don't work on Mondays, 19:34 so we make that our day to go out 19:36 and do something together. 19:38 We go to the show, go for lunch. 19:40 You have a date day? Yeah. 19:42 Nice. Okay. 19:44 And, you know, it's been great. Oh, that's impressive. 19:48 Are you enjoying your date day, Danny? 19:50 Love it. 19:52 Well, I have a question, wanted to know, 19:55 how did you quit drinking, 19:58 you know, it's very hard for individuals 20:01 who use alcohol as a substance, what did you do? 20:09 I gave it to the Lord. And I prayed on it. 20:14 And I asked Him to take that taste 20:18 out of my mouth. 20:19 Okay. 20:23 He's still strong on his word and he did it. 20:28 That's all-- You were ready? 20:30 I was ready. Yeah. 20:31 I was tired and I was ready. Yeah 20:34 So that's important to bring out the fact 20:36 that when you get to a point 20:38 and you're ready to stop drinking 20:41 that God will give you this extra burst of strength 20:45 to resist. 20:46 I commend you for that. 20:48 But let me ask you this follow up question. 20:52 When you stop drinking, 20:53 a lot of times when people recognize 20:55 that they have a problem drinking 20:57 and they stop drinking because of whatever reason, 21:00 because of family or health. 21:02 Sometimes they get to a point where they become angry, 21:06 because they had to stop drinking. 21:09 Did you get to that point? Angry? 21:14 I didn't think so. 21:16 She always tell I was angry, but I don't think I was angry. 21:21 Maybe I was, I don't know. 21:23 Did you notice the difference? He was obeying. 21:26 Okay. He was obeying. 21:29 But did not hurt me any anymore. 21:30 Okay. 21:31 So when you come home from work now, you know, 21:34 that down there was a husband who is completely different? 21:36 Yes. And that's nice. 21:38 It's peace. Peaceful. 21:40 That's fine to know. Yeah. 21:42 What do the children saying now about you two 21:45 and your new found love in relationship? 21:48 They don't says much 21:50 but, you can tell that they're better too. 21:52 Oh, that's beautiful. They're better also. 21:54 How was that first day when Danny came to church 21:59 and joined you all at church, 22:00 you know, what was the reaction, 22:02 did they know he was coming? 22:03 Sure, no one did. 22:05 I don't think they knew that he was coming. 22:07 So he surprised them. Yeah. 22:09 Okay. But it was nice. 22:11 They were happy and proud. That's a blessing. 22:14 Let me ask, what are some of the goals 22:15 that you have for your family now? 22:17 Yes. 22:18 You know, certain goals that you have 22:19 for your relationship? 22:22 Right now my goal is-- 22:27 I have four years to retire and I'm just, 22:30 I want to work towards retiring 22:33 and before I was moving out of state. 22:36 Okay. 22:38 That's what my goal is to us right now. 22:40 And seeing Charnel finish school 22:45 and getting DJ off 22:46 and me and Danny just enjoying ourselves. 22:50 I mean that's where I'm. That's right. 22:52 That's where we are. He is there where I am. 22:54 Okay. 22:55 Any particular location that you like to move to? 22:58 I like to go out west. 23:00 Really? Yeah. 23:02 No more snow and cold weather. 23:04 I want to swim in pool in the backyard. 23:07 You want a swimming pool? Yes. 23:08 You don't miss the snow. I don't care. 23:13 Well, that's where my goal, our goal is. 23:16 Yes, that's beautiful. 23:17 And so you go along with that, didn't you? 23:19 Oh, yeah. No, problem. 23:22 You know, when you think about the goodness of Lord 23:24 and all He has been to you, you know, 23:27 of all the scriptures in the Bible, 23:29 is any particular scripture that comes to mind 23:31 that helps you over those hurdles everyday? 23:34 "My help cometh from the Lord." 23:38 "And look to the hills, from whence cometh my help." 23:41 My help comes from the Lord, 23:42 Danny, is there a favorite scripture that you use? 23:46 There is one that I wake up on every morning 23:51 and that goes, 23:54 "This is the day that Lord have made, 23:57 let us rejoice and be strong in it." 23:59 Yes. 24:01 And I take that and just carry out my day with it. 24:05 Wow. Praise the Lord. 24:06 How important is the power of prayer 24:08 in your relationship now? 24:10 It's very important. Why? 24:12 Because as I just mentioned before, 24:16 we need the Lord in our life to guide our steps, you know, 24:20 to guide our tongue, to guide our ears, 24:23 open our ears to hear one another, you know, 24:29 so when she speak, you know, I listen and vice-versa. 24:35 And with our prayer, 24:37 that morning prayer we pray for one another every morning, 24:41 you know, so as a day go on 24:44 we just, just enjoy one another. 24:47 I just want to say, that I think you both 24:50 are so motivating, you know, you have truly a story to tell. 24:55 And I just see the Lord 24:56 using you in a mighty, mighty way 24:58 as you continue to get stronger in health. 25:02 I mean it's such an uniqueness in your story. 25:05 Oh, yes. 25:06 And the Lord has truly, truly blessed you. 25:09 So we'll keep you in our prayers 25:12 and we're gonna maintain our relationship with you. 25:15 All right. 25:16 I want to be able to say that 25:18 I know that God allowed this second time around 25:21 because He has a ministry for you to do. 25:23 Yes. 25:24 He has a work for you to do, and you're doing it right now. 25:26 Can you look at that camera 25:28 and tell another couple going through, 25:32 who's may be dealing with what you've dealt with. 25:34 How they could continue to make it work? 25:38 You can make it work by being obedient, 25:41 and listen to God when He speaks. 25:43 Do what He says, give Him His time, 25:47 and be faithful and honorable. 25:51 And He'll work it out, He worked it out for us, 25:53 I know if He worked it out for us, 25:55 so He'll do it for you too. 25:56 Amen. That's right. 25:58 And Danny? 25:59 Just keep the Lord in the forefront of your lives 26:02 at all the time. 26:04 Amen. Amen. 26:05 Oh, that's so beautiful. 26:07 You know, Arthur I really enjoy, you know, 26:11 being in private practice together here in Detroit, 26:14 being able to counsel people like you. 26:16 And then seeing, you know, the beginning to the end 26:20 and what God can do. 26:22 You know, and we want to just continue 26:24 to be a part of your lives, you're part of ours. 26:26 And how and what God is yet to do 26:29 for the two of you. 26:30 And you just don't have any idea 26:32 how He's gonna uplifts you, 26:33 He has a mighty work in store for you. 26:36 He just want you to come to one church. 26:41 Oh, one day at a time. One day at a time. 26:46 You know, so to our viewers, second time around can be good. 26:51 You have devastation, there's hurt, 26:52 there're problems in all our lives. 26:54 But I can do all things through Christ 26:57 who strengthens me. 26:58 And no matter what God can see us through, 27:02 I'm Doctor Kim Logan-Nowlin. I'm Arthur Nowlin. 27:04 Continue to make it work. 27:05 God bless. |
Revised 2016-07-18