Participants: Arthur Nowlin & Kim Logan-Nowlin, Tonya Lovette
Series Code: MIW
Program Code: MIW000062A
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00:31 Hi, I'm Doctor Kim Logan-Nowlin.
00:34 And I'm Arthur Nowlin. 00:35 And welcome to making it work. 00:38 It takes a lot of work to make marriages work, 00:41 but today's guest we're talking about 00:44 now accepting the fact that she's facing divorce. 00:48 She did everything she could to work things out 00:51 with her husband, he refused to come to counseling, 00:54 did not want to move in the direction 00:57 of the healing of the marriage because of lack of trust 01:00 and for several other reasons that will be disclosed 01:02 during the interview. 01:04 But Tonya still pressed on 01:06 and continued in her counseling, 01:08 continued to work closely with us and more than that, 01:12 she gave her life to Jesus Christ 01:15 during the counseling. 01:16 What a victory? 01:17 A tremendous victory, and the most important thing is 01:22 that she was willing to make changes 01:25 to improve her lifestyle. 01:26 Oh, yeah. 01:28 Even though that her spouse 01:30 refused to accept anything different. 01:33 He wanted to move on. 01:35 His mind was made up. Yes. 01:36 And in that particular situation, 01:39 once your mind is made up, you know, it's very unfortunate 01:42 but his desire to improve the situation 01:46 or the relationship just dissipated. 01:49 And they met as they were out, 01:53 they were in a motorcycle club together 01:55 and they were drinking, 01:57 and they were indulging in a lot of different behaviors. 02:00 And then she recognized, when she began to change, 02:04 and he no longer wanted to be 02:07 in the same relationship with her. 02:08 It's difficult when you see change happening 02:11 and you're like looking on the outside end, 02:14 and my marriage is falling apart, 02:15 and I cry out for help. 02:17 Well, one of the things that was really important 02:20 is that in the process of the change 02:23 Tonya indicated that he had some anger... 02:28 Oh, a lot of anger. 02:30 Because he wanted her to change rapidly. 02:34 He didn't want it to be a long process, 02:37 and unfortunately, when we talk about changing behavior 02:40 is sometimes can be a process involved. 02:44 Oh, it takes time. Takes time. 02:45 It didn't happen overnight 02:47 and it's not going to change overnight. 02:49 Well, join as we interview Tonya searching for peace. 02:54 Peace that passes all understanding. 02:57 Let's see the interview with Tonya. 03:01 Tonya, I love it. 03:03 You're here at Kim Logan Communication, 03:07 and you've been with us for a while now. 03:09 Yes. 03:10 There's a transformation that, that I've noticed 03:14 from the time that you started and where you are now, I mean, 03:17 it's profound because I see a lot of changes 03:22 going on in your life. 03:23 Give me some insight about what brought you to this point? 03:28 When I came in, I was broken, I felt defeated, 03:32 and was probably on the verge of doing something 03:35 I couldn't have taken back. 03:37 I went through a recent divorce 03:39 or separation I should say at that time. 03:41 Okay. 03:43 And so you were dealing with issues within your marriage? 03:47 That was one factor but yes, 03:48 that was the biggest one at that time. 03:51 But for several years, 03:52 I've been getting knocked down with hard, hard trials 03:55 year after year after year. 03:57 Okay. I just had a... 03:58 When you say knocked down, so I'm on the impression 04:01 you're talking about different relationships? 04:03 Not different relationships, different circumstances 04:05 in my life that caused great pain. 04:07 Okay. 04:08 I can go into that. 04:10 In 2010, I met my now ex husband. 04:13 We married in 2011. 04:15 He became over the road truck driver 04:17 so the separation put tension on the marriage. 04:19 2012, I went in for a simple surgery 04:23 and for 11 months after that I had to fight for my life, 04:27 and doctor said, I would die on many occasions. 04:29 Really? 04:30 Finally got better around April, May, 04:32 around that time, my mother fell deftly ill. 04:36 I buried her in August of 2013. 04:39 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Thank you. 04:42 Try to get over that, still struggling in divorce 04:45 and in April of 2014, my mother-in-law at the time 04:49 was diagnosed with breast cancer. 04:51 She lived for one month, she died in May 04:54 from complications from chemotherapy. 04:56 And in August my husband left me. 04:59 He made a decision that 05:01 he didn't want to be married anymore. 05:02 Right. Okay. 05:03 Had you had any, I guess pre-understanding 05:09 or something to give you the insight that 05:12 the relationship was not going to work anymore? 05:15 I know on my behalf, 05:16 the year prior to I was considering divorce, 05:20 but being that I was doing everything to be spiritual, 05:23 want to be a Christian. 05:24 I really had no reason to leave him 05:27 because he hadn't done anything to, you know, 05:31 step out on the marriage. 05:32 So I tried, I prayed, I started going to church 05:35 and just no matter how much I tried, you know, 05:37 you have to have two people in the same place. 05:38 Okay. 05:40 So you started going to church 05:41 or you wasn't really participating in Christianity 05:47 or anything like that at that point? 05:48 No, I've always gone to church, was I obedient? 05:51 No. 05:52 Did I go on a regular basis? No. 05:54 But, you know, in all of my situations 05:55 I know that's where my strength come from, 05:57 that's the only thing that have kept me on a good path 06:00 even with all of my mess-ups. 06:01 Okay. 06:03 That's understandable, we all mess up. 06:04 Give me some insight about your family origin, background? 06:09 Born in Detroit, 06:10 mother and father left Louisiana, 06:12 came to Michigan, 06:14 and we moved back to Louisiana in '79. 06:16 All of my family is from Louisiana, Mississippi. 06:19 So that's my Southern heritage that I'm so proud of. 06:22 But I guess the proudness kind of ends there. 06:25 My mother was a alcoholic, father is still a alcoholic, 06:28 he has his bouts with narcotics, 06:30 you know, from occasions 06:32 but I take care of him, he lives with me. 06:33 Okay. 06:35 We moved to Louisiana. 06:37 I know that mind has a way of doing things, 06:39 I don't remember a lot before '79. 06:43 I guess tyranny all my life, 06:45 I started being raped by my father's son 06:48 and it had to be '79 or '80. 06:51 Your father's son, you guys didn't have the same mom? 06:53 No. Okay. 06:55 So around '79 and '80? 06:56 We moved in '79, so we weren't there alone, 06:59 he was living with us. 07:00 And he began raping me, you know, as soon as, 07:04 that I could remember as soon as we got there. 07:05 Oh, man, that's a tragedy. 07:07 Yes, it was. 07:08 So, I mean, how did you deal with that? 07:11 Violence. Okay. 07:13 I heard people say that I kind of changed overnight. 07:16 They didn't understand it. 07:18 Supposedly, I was this sweet young girl 07:20 but I just don't remember, I see pictures, 07:22 I look happy, I appeared, but I couldn't tell you 07:24 where I took those pictures or anything like that. 07:28 So you were angry at that point though? 07:29 Obviously. Okay. And did you... 07:33 Had you talked to anybody about it? 07:34 Did you try to get any type of help? 07:36 No, in the south what happens in your house 07:39 stays in your house. 07:41 You would think that a parent would know, 07:43 but unfortunately my mother was dealing 07:44 with her own demons. 07:46 She had been raped as a kid. 07:48 You know, so unfortunately, even if she knew 07:50 she didn't know what to do to help. 07:52 So I don't think it's a... 07:55 No surprise that she had three daughters 07:57 and all of us were raped. 07:58 All three of you? 07:59 Oh, my goodness, that's a tragedy. 08:01 Yes. 08:03 So how did you go on, I mean, after that point, you know. 08:06 I know you talked about violence, I mean, 08:09 so is that the way you dealt with all the issues 08:11 when you get stressed or anything? 08:13 Pretty much, you didn't even have to do anything to me 08:16 for me to fight, and I was a small person, 08:18 but unfortunately I was a little fierce. 08:21 I took up karate, I took up boxing, 08:23 and the people who after my brother, 08:27 they introduced me to alcohol, 08:29 because I got my first and only DUI at the age of 11. 08:33 Really? 08:34 Drinking and driving. You actually had a DUI? 08:37 Arrested, my cousin 08:39 that had been molesting me was in 08:42 'cause he was supposed to be watching us 08:43 when my mother had surgery, she was in the hospital. 08:46 So he took it upon himself to allow me to skip school, 08:49 and buy us some alcohol, and we drove around town 08:52 and he actually fell asleep with his hands in my pants, 08:55 and I got pulled over, I mean, I was evidently, 08:58 you know, speeding and... 09:00 We were arrested taken to a sheriff's jail 09:02 and his mother came, and bailed us out, 09:04 and just asked me not to say anything. 09:07 That must have been heavy, you know, 09:09 as far as not being able to communicate about it, 09:12 having those feelings, you know. 09:15 So how long did you stay there, 09:16 and how long did this continue to go on? 09:19 Up until almost a ripe age of 18, 09:22 I would have said maybe around 17 at that point, 09:24 I really started considering myself dating 09:27 even though I had been sexually active 09:29 from being on all out but it was usually me 09:31 and mostly family members taking advantage of me. 09:35 He introduced me to marijuana, taken valiums, 09:38 and that was their control, it was easier, 09:40 you know, for them that way. 09:43 So tell me when you moved to Detroit back as an adult, 09:48 you know, what happened? 09:49 Well, actually I left Louisiana in '89, 09:52 I was pregnant with my oldest son 09:54 and I stayed in Atlanta until '95. 09:56 Okay. 09:58 And I came back to Michigan which is where I was born, 10:00 but I had gotten in a bad situation in Louisiana 10:03 where I had assaulted a woman while I was pregnant, 10:06 and I couldn't leave until I had my court day. 10:09 So from then I went to Georgia 10:12 where I had, you know, with two sons. 10:15 Jail moment after jail moment, 10:17 fighting after fighting, assaulting. 10:19 Still angry? Very. 10:21 Okay, you know, then you got back to Michigan? 10:24 I got back to Michigan. 10:26 I brought one son with me at the time and, you know, 10:29 attempted to do everything right, 10:30 got back in school, and I was in college in Georgia, 10:32 but I dropped out, it was kind of hard 10:34 going to school pregnant. 10:36 And so I came to Michigan started working, 10:40 got back in school 10:42 but that just wasn't enough I guess to stop the behavior. 10:45 I still continued on with the many men in relationships. 10:48 And my youngest son's father we married didn't last long. 10:55 Many jail visits during that relationship, 10:58 he was supposed to be a pastor, 11:00 and I did everything I thought was right 11:02 but just never really addressed me. 11:04 Was he in the church, I mean, you say... 11:06 Technically, he was supposed to be a minister but... 11:08 Okay, okay. 11:09 Yeah. 11:11 Motorcycles? Mm-hmm. 11:12 Tell me about that? 11:14 Love it. Okay. 11:15 That's my new favorite thing to do. 11:17 I've been riding since 2003, 11:19 and I actually had a scooter when I was 11 11:22 and that was the thing that the cousin was doing 11:24 to take me to go check on my scooter back then. 11:26 So I've been on two wheels for a long time 11:28 but it's my free time, it's my open time. 11:31 I love to do long drives. 11:32 You still ride a lot? Oh, yes. 11:33 You know, and also with the motorcycle 11:38 you get involved with organization 11:41 apparently, right? 11:42 Yes, yes, looking for a family 11:45 being here pretty much alone, 11:46 even though my dad was here, my sons were here 11:48 but I didn't have like any real friends. 11:51 And I think because of my past, 11:52 I kind of gravitate towards men. 11:54 You know, I worked with odd men, 11:56 there may be 10 women out of probably 20,000 men, 11:59 that's just my comfort zone. 12:01 And your job is? And my job? 12:02 A truck driver. Truck driver. 12:04 Hauling cars, yes. Okay. 12:05 But with the motorcycle, I met some people 12:07 and it was supposed to be family, 12:08 the husbands and the wives and the children, 12:10 and it didn't take me long to realize 12:12 that wasn't the case. 12:14 But one night we all went out and we do drink, you know, 12:19 to oblivion as I would describe it, 12:21 and went out and in my mind we are family 12:24 so there should be no fraternizing, 12:26 no sexing each other up and they followed me home. 12:30 That was a rule with a single lady 12:32 somebody had to make sure she get home. 12:33 And one of the club guys asked me to use my restroom, 12:36 I don't remember this unfortunately. 12:39 And I went in evidently let him use the restroom 12:42 and I began getting phone calls the next day saying, 12:44 "What's going on with you? 12:46 That's not like you." 12:48 And the guy came out and told me that 12:49 we've had this wonderful five minutes of sex 12:52 and that's how long I guess he was in the house 12:55 and it took me about two months before I ran into him 12:58 I guess for lack of better words 13:00 and I ended up in jail. 13:02 You were in jail because? 13:05 It was altercation. Okay. 13:06 I destroyed his motorcycle 13:08 along with a couple other people, 13:10 trying to get to him. 13:12 Luckily I had on high heels, I couldn't catch him per se 13:14 but I got into a lot of trouble. 13:17 Okay. Yeah. 13:18 So you went to jail and that was the last time 13:20 you were in jail? 13:21 Yes. Okay, you know. 13:24 So then you met your husband eventually somewhere 13:26 down the line and then, now you and your husband 13:30 are officially divorced, is that... 13:31 Yes. 13:33 It's almost two weeks. Okay. 13:34 So the marriage only lasted, what? 13:36 We married in 2011 13:38 and the beginning of this year we were divorced. 13:40 I mean, there was no way of reconciling that situation? 13:42 I hoped, I wished, I prayed, I begged, 13:46 but somebody was not on the same path spiritually, 13:50 actually they all think I have literally lost my mind 13:53 because I'm so focused on God 13:56 and that's what's keeping me, you know, where I am now. 13:59 Okay, you've gone through all that chaos, 14:03 all that craziness 14:05 and here you are, you're sitting up here 14:06 and you're talking to me about God. 14:08 Yes. 14:09 You know, so what's the motivation? 14:11 What got you to this point? 14:12 And why do you feel that your relationship with him 14:15 is so demanding or important? 14:19 One I believe, I was chosen. I was brought up in the church. 14:22 My mother's mother was a minister. 14:24 My mother parted to her past and she became a minister. 14:27 I just believe it's in my DNA, I know what I'm supposed to do, 14:31 unfortunately, I do like most people 14:33 and I get away from what I know is right. 14:36 Then every time when I come back, 14:37 the pain is greater and greater. 14:40 And I just made up my mind this time 14:42 that I don't want to have to experience that 14:44 that I can't control myself 14:45 going through these ups and downs. 14:48 All of my so-called friends, they don't deal with me 14:50 and that's okay. 14:52 So called people who said they love you, we're a family. 14:54 They don't deal with me, but that's okay. 14:57 I've never felt so low at the same time being 15:00 so alone but that's okay. 15:02 Okay. Yeah, that's okay. 15:04 Alcohol, no more alcohol? 15:05 Had no drinking, to say I won't go out 15:07 and hang out with my friends, I'm not going to say that 15:09 'cause I do have some people 15:11 that we have some things in common but no. 15:14 I brought back alcohol from Casa Mill 15:17 and it's still sealed in, you know, 15:19 that would have never happened in my past. 15:21 But I'm okay with not drinking, I know that was my issue. 15:25 You just completely... You just stopped? 15:26 I have to. I have to. 15:28 You have no assistance, no recovery centers 15:31 or not AA or anything, AA, 15:35 Alcohol Anonymous 12 step program? 15:37 No. You just stopped? 15:38 I had to. It was bad on my life. 15:40 Okay. 15:42 You came to the realization that 15:44 if you didn't stop you would die. 15:47 If nothing else, I probably would have 15:48 killed somebody else. 15:50 Okay, okay. 15:51 That was how deep my pain was. Okay. 15:54 And alcohol was my backbone, I guess, 15:57 not that I really needed one with my past 15:59 but with some of the things that I was going through, 16:02 I was using that to guide me. 16:04 So how did your children, you know, 16:07 see you as you were going through this turmoil? 16:10 Did they ever talk to you about it, especially now, 16:12 since you're not involved in that type of lifestyle? 16:14 You know what? 16:16 I really protected my children 16:17 to say they didn't witness anything 16:19 but I'll guarantee you none of them know 16:20 outside of maybe family members talking. 16:23 They were not aware that was I was in jail 16:24 even when I was in jail. 16:26 Really? I've never done stance. 16:27 I'm talking about maybe the weekend 16:29 but going through bouts with court and courting, 16:32 and unfortunately my anger 16:33 I went to a stance with my oldest son. 16:36 We had an altercation he's a really big guy, 16:39 you know, I take full responsibility for it 16:41 but I was in the system with him for years 16:43 because I guess I'm back about, I assaulted him. 16:48 I felt, you know, he was doing unfortunately 16:50 what teenagers do when me with my background is, 16:53 "No, you don't stand up to me" and you know 16:55 it caused me to really go overboard with him. 16:58 Okay. 16:59 And, you know, I regret that to the day I die, 17:01 but we have a great relationship. 17:04 But, you know, my path that I was on, 17:06 it was either me or them, I guess is the best way, 17:08 and I'm talking about people coming into my presence 17:12 that could have been harmed. 17:13 So the relationship is good now between you and your son? 17:17 Oh, with all of my sons, it's good. 17:18 Now, you always have one you feel that will call you 17:20 a little more often but the oldest son, 17:23 he's really in contact with the now ex-husband, 17:25 so I think he kind of, you know, 17:27 I don't know if he feel alliance 17:29 but you know I have no problem with that. 17:31 Okay. 17:32 So tell me when I say family to you, 17:36 what do you think about? 17:37 God. Okay. 17:39 So God is your family? 17:40 Yes. Explain? 17:41 That's the only place I found my peace. 17:44 When I go to family, nothing there. 17:46 Okay. 17:47 Once again people that knew me, 17:50 I even had a young lady who tell me, you don't need 17:52 to be going to church like the way you do, 17:54 you just need to be the person that you were, 17:55 that's who your husband fell in love with. 17:58 And it took everything in me not to tell, 17:59 if I stayed with the person that I was, 18:00 he will be dead because I was that hurt, 18:03 I feel that betrayed. 18:04 So people would never know me. 18:07 I've tried to get that young lady to go to church, 18:09 but she is in her own battle with the devil 18:11 as I say it and, you know, 18:13 they just think I've lost it and that's okay. 18:16 I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing 18:18 because this is working for me. 18:19 So that anger and that deep anger 18:22 that you had, you know, right now you don't have it? 18:25 Mm-hmm. And I'm tested daily. I pray and I mean that... 18:28 How are you? How? 18:30 Things that normally would have just set me off 18:32 and unfortunately, it didn't take much 18:34 and that's not good being a female 18:36 but I started a new job just for the one 18:38 I'm tired of being outside and I get confronted daily. 18:44 I'm not a thief or, you know, I'm a very upfront person, 18:48 I always have somebody accusing me of something 18:51 or, you know, making it seem like 18:53 I'm doing something against somebody. 18:55 And time before it would been, 18:58 would have given me cause to, you know, attack somebody. 19:02 So now you're not at that point? 19:05 And people that knew I would cuss and fuss, 19:07 they really think I have lost my mind 19:09 because I don't do it. 19:11 So what's your plans for you 19:13 in your way of walking now and way of thinking? 19:17 Straight. Okay. 19:19 Peaceful. 19:21 I know, I still have some ways to go 19:23 because I find myself sometime like, 19:25 "Okay, five years ago..." 19:28 Now when I can stop saying that, 19:30 I know I have arrived but I do find myself just, 19:34 you know, saying thank God. 19:35 Okay. 19:36 So now you're at a point where you actually trust 19:41 in the Lord, Proverbs 3:5-6, 19:45 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart 19:46 and lean not on our own understanding." 19:48 I'm getting from you that you actually really feel this. 19:51 This is something that's really important to you? 19:54 I've always felt that I've never lived it... 19:56 Okay. Fully. 19:57 But now I feel like I have no other choice. 19:59 Oh, okay. 20:01 Even if I die now, I have no doubt that 20:03 I've turned a corner and I've done everything right. 20:06 So what could you say to somebody 20:09 that may have experienced something 20:10 or be into that type of lifestyle 20:13 that you have had struggled with for so long? 20:16 Just close your eyes and imagine 20:18 you walking a few of those steps 20:20 that I've done and look at me now. 20:23 I think I'm just God's witness of what success looks like. 20:26 Not money, but to be able to overcome all of that 20:30 and still have positive thoughts, 20:33 this is great for me. 20:35 Okay, as motivation? Almost, definitely. 20:37 You know, you feel like you won something? 20:40 Do you feel like celebrating and excited? 20:42 Oh, yes. Oh, yes. 20:44 I mean, I get, I'm getting excited 20:46 just thinking about where you came from, 20:49 and where you are now, and your desire, 20:51 and your motivation to maintain this lifestyle, you know? 20:56 I feel like I have no choice. 20:57 I have one son left to get out, go to college, 21:01 and I thought I was living before 21:03 but I am ready to live now. 21:06 I'm ready to live a good life. 21:07 Wow, yeah. 21:09 You just came back from a cruise as we know? 21:10 Yes, and it was wonderful. 21:11 And before that you were on... 21:13 Went on a vacation with some friends, 21:15 is that correct? 21:17 I came to see you all in Alabama. 21:20 Alabama, that's right. 21:21 Yes, for the funeral unfortunately but... 21:22 You drove all the way down there? 21:24 Yeah. That was a good experience. 21:25 Yea, so the cruise I drove to New Orleans, you know, 21:27 was out with my friend who had got married 21:29 and then we want on the cruise after that. 21:31 But I was by myself and I loved it. 21:34 Because you like the road, you like to travel? 21:36 Oh, I love the travel. 21:38 I'm on my way to Atlanta now with the niece that I've come 21:40 and making contact with for years, 21:42 so I'm gonna see her in a couple of weeks. 21:44 Excellent, excellent. 21:45 So we have one minute left, is there anything 21:49 that you would like to say that, you know, 21:51 you would like to leave with listening audience? 21:54 Everybody won't turn towards God 21:56 if you were not brought up that way. 21:58 But just know that you can overcome it, 22:02 you can get through it, 22:03 you have to find people who believe in you, 22:05 anybody that says anything negative, 22:07 you have to remove those people from your life. 22:09 Mm-hmm. 22:11 Because they cannot do anything for you 22:12 and if they tell you anything negative, 22:13 they are not for you. 22:15 They want to see you in the same position 22:16 that you were, 22:18 and you have to be strong enough 22:19 not to stay there. 22:21 That's powerful. Thank you. 22:22 Thank you for being here, we appreciate it. 22:24 Thank you. 22:25 You know, you've done an excellent job. 22:26 I'm very proud of you. Thank you. Thank you. 22:29 God bless you. Same to you. 22:30 Okay. Okay. 22:32 You know, Arthur, during this interview 22:34 Tonya decided to think about Proverbs 15:1, 22:38 "A soft answer turns away wrath." 22:41 She had to walk away. 22:43 Well, you know, let's look at it at a point 22:48 where it's not so much she had to walk away. 22:51 She recognized that at the point 22:55 between her husband and herself 22:58 that there was no more love. 23:00 That it was nothing else that could be done 23:02 to resolve the situation, 23:05 and so she had to find herself. 23:08 She had to get to a point 23:11 where whatever was required for her to save herself, 23:15 that is what she had to do. 23:17 So I'm sure she would have really appreciated 23:20 if her husband had said, "Okay, let's try this one more time." 23:23 Right, right. 23:24 You know, but she fought for it, 23:26 she was trying to resolve it and he refused it. 23:30 Oh, he did. He didn't want to reconcile. 23:32 Even after talking with him, 23:34 I had several phone conversations with him, 23:36 and she was in the office during the time, 23:40 and he kept saying that it was her responsibility, 23:42 it was her fault, and I just can't do this anymore. 23:45 And she says, "I recognize I made mistakes 23:48 but where is the forgiveness. 23:50 Where is the forgiveness in relationships? 23:52 Why do relationships end in divorce?" 23:54 Well, as forgiveness if a person is willing 23:57 to move on and try to resolve the differences, 24:01 but what's really important once again is that 24:04 this man made a decision that he wanted to move on, 24:07 and that was his focus, 24:10 he wanted to move on no matter what. 24:13 Now let's be real. Okay. 24:16 A situation had occurred 24:18 where this man inherited some money. 24:21 Yes. Right? 24:22 Yes, a great deal of money. 24:24 You know, and when he and Tonya met 24:28 his bank account was... 24:30 On zero. 24:32 He didn't have any money, any credit, nowhere to live, 24:36 he was living with his parents, 24:38 and then he meets Tonya and moves into her home. 24:41 Because Tonya was vulnerable... 24:43 Yes. And willing... 24:45 Yes. 24:46 She saw something where well maybe, you know, 24:48 "Maybe this man and my family, we can come together." 24:53 Right, right, right. 24:55 You know, but after he received the money 24:59 then he made a decision, "I didn't need Tonya anymore." 25:02 Right, and you see that happening a lot. 25:04 That's reality. Mmm. 25:06 You know, it's unfortunate but that's why I say, 25:09 let's look at it from the real perspective. 25:13 I personally believe that when the money came, 25:16 he decided he wanted to go. 25:18 So he made this decision way beforehand... 25:20 Absolutely. 25:21 He was just waiting for a way or the money to come. 25:23 Yes. 25:25 You know, searching for peace, how do we find peace? 25:27 And I know my peace comes from Jesus Christ. 25:31 A peace that passes all understanding, 25:33 but what are people looking for in their marriages? 25:36 What are they looking for today? 25:38 They're looking for... 25:40 As one of my clients indicated, 25:43 she just wanted somebody to be nice to her. 25:45 Okay. 25:46 You know, people who want to feel like 25:49 somebody really care, and supportive, and being nice. 25:53 For me the best thing in the world... 25:55 You can really deal with a whole lot of issues, 26:00 but if you've got the support at home 26:02 and you got somebody that's right there 26:04 who has your back. 26:05 Oh, yeah. 26:07 You know, then that means success, 26:09 that whatever the outside world wants to do come on with it 26:12 because I have my refuge in God and my spouse. 26:17 You know, you always used to talk about, 26:19 "Kim, I need you to have my back." 26:21 That was very hard for me, you know, 26:23 in the middle of our marriage, you know, 10th, 12th year 26:26 having your back 'cause it was a trust issue. 26:29 And I trusted you but it was more 26:31 so just really showing you 'cause I was more so concerned 26:35 about having my own back. 26:37 Of course, and, you know, let's look at the dynamics 26:39 that's involved there, you know. 26:42 We're talking about from a disrupted home 26:45 and being at a point where you didn't want to feel 26:49 under any circumstances 26:51 that you couldn't take care of yourself. 26:53 That's right. You wanted to be in charge. 26:55 And they're controlled. Absolutely. 26:57 Even if they're controlled, but I thank God 26:58 that Tonya did realize that she could be a better person, 27:01 and behold through Christ Jesus, 27:04 she's involved in a nonprofit organization 27:06 that she started. 27:08 A serious relationship with church. 27:09 And she's very active in our church 27:11 and she loves God, 27:13 and she is now completed her counseling process, 27:16 and we thank the Lord that she has found her peace. 27:18 Yes. 27:20 Well, I thank God for peace again 27:22 that passes all understanding. 27:24 Yes. 27:25 You can find your peace also through Christ. 27:26 I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin. 27:28 I'm Arthur Nowlin. 27:29 God bless. |
Revised 2017-10-16