Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin.
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And I'm Arthur Nowlin.
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Okay, Arthur, you know being
married and working together,
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it takes a lot of energy.
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Yes.
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Didn't it take a lot of
energy to be married to me?
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Oh, Kim. Why do
you say, oh, Kim.
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I don't have enough energy.
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You know, I like things moving,
I like to keep things going
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and being motivated.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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I think that's,
you know, a wife's job
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to keep her husband going.
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I mean who gave you that job?
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Jesus, in the
name, the Lord said
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submit thyself unto thy husband.
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Ah, no, Kim.
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Don't you think I
submit, do I submit?
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You're taking too
long to answer my question.
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Let's move on from
that subject, yeah.
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Let's move on?
No I want an answer.
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Do you think I am
a submissive wife?
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No. Oh, really?
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Am I difficult?
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You can be, you
know, but you know,
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once again I have to relay back,
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Kim how fortunate you are,
with the type of person I am,
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and with my personality,
I'm able to adjust to you
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as well as get
you to adjust to me.
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So being equally
yoked? Absolutely.
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So that's
important, being equally yoked.
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Willing to be
equally yoked, you know--
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I'm willing.
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Because, being equally yoked,
I'm under the impression that,
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you can think that
you're equally yoked
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but still you
have to work on it.
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It is a daily process.
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It's a constant
process. I'm a work in progress.
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Yes, and I am too, Kim.
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Praise the Lord, I'm
so glad you said that.
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Well that takes
us to our interview.
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You know, with Tina and
Marvin, building a marriage
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that's going to be able
to stand the test of time.
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There's been a lot of ups
and downs in this marriage
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and we've been
counseling them for a long time
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but they are in it to win it.
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And I'm excited about
that, so marriage takes work,
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it takes to being
a submissive partner,
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submissive, that
means the Bible says,
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husbands submit
thyself unto the Lord.
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Amen. Yeah.
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You know, Arthur,
you do, you really do.
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I think at times I've to
say that I give you a hard time
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because I'm not stubborn,
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it's just sometimes I
just like things my way.
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Kim, Kim. What?
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That's not to say
that you're not stubborn,
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I mean, we're talking
about being honest, right?
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Right, right, right.
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We don't want to go
back to the lying stage.
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Well, listen, I want to submit.
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But listen, we're
going to go to the interview
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with Tina and Marvin
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and the
importance of how to stand
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the test of
time, staying married.
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Marvin and Tina Kyle, thank
you for being on Making It Work.
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Let me ask you, how
long you've been married?
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Seventeen years.
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Seventeen years,
where did you meet?
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Well, I was in high
school, I was in the tenth grade
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and my best friend had
told me that she knew a guy
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that was really
nice for me to meet.
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And I met him after school, yes,
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and he was older than I was
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and I've been knowing my husband
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since I was 15 years old,
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he's a little
older than I am but--
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Just a little.
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So we've been-- we've known
each other for a long time.
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Okay and you have
how many children?
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We have three children.
And what are their ages?
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Miranda is 12, no
I'm sorry, Miranda is 16,
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Marvin is 12 and Tovin is 2.
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Okay, so let me ask you,
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what are some of the challenges
you face in your marriage
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and how do you make it work?
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Well, some of the challenges
that we face in our marriage,
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communication, it's
really hard when one partner,
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me being a female
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who communicates
about everything,
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try to communicate with
someone who has a closed mind
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about communicating.
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My husband, he is very
quiet when it come down to
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talking about issues
that need to be discussed
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and so it's really a hard way
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of trying to make it
work and come together
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when we have issues
that need to be discussed,
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just the small things,
because sometimes I forget,
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and he remember more than I do
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but when it comes to dealing
with issues in our marriage,
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that's where we hit the head.
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And, Marvin, when she
discusses issues with you,
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is that like a red flag
for you or something, I mean,
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to the point where you don't
want to share your feelings?
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I don't think it's a red flag,
I just think far as a man, men,
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men normally
keep stuff bottled up.
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I don't know why, I don't
know, we're just wired that way.
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For lots as men
just keep things in,
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we don't want to like
just release everything,
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we want to just get
everything in little increments.
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I think if we did
do more like that,
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we'll have better
relationships out there.
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If you communicate.
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If you communicate
more and understand
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that
communication goes a long way
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and when you don't communicate,
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that's when you can
get things misconstrued,
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change that where people think
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you're saying
one thing you're not.
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And if you go ahead and
communicate with each other
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and fall on the same level
or same page, then you're good.
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Is that something
that you want to do?
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Yes. Okay.
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Why is it that
your wife said that
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that's the problem
in your relationship?
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It's a problem,
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but that's
something you've to work out
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and it's not
just with me and her,
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it's with myself
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and I'm going to have
to be able to open up more.
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Open up more, be able
to discuss more things,
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you know, some things, you know,
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you probably
don't want to discuss,
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but you just got to just
let go and just talk about them
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and that's all the way.
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Were you raised
with both your parents?
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No. Okay.
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Started off with both parents
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and then it was
just one and my mother.
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So I think when you don't have
that man figure in the house,
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sometimes you
might go, like, quiet
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though she gotten
more quiet than anything,
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I don't talk a lot,
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I think that has
something to do with it,
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but, you know, with your mom,
she really can't be the father,
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she can want to be
the father and do things
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to try to replace
that role, but she can't.
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So you said that by
the dad not being in home
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left a void with you.
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Mm-hmm.
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Okay, so how do
you overcome that?
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I don't know, do
you really overcome it.
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I think you can--
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Well, if you're stagnating.
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Right, you're stagnating,
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but I think you can
eventually get over it,
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I mean, 'cause you
know you've your own kids
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and things and
you've to learn from that
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'cause your kids
looking to you to be the father,
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you know, to, you
know, have fun with him,
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do everything that
your dad didn't do,
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so you have to
change the way you think.
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And so, I think
it is a possibility
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of what you can be that man,
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that you want to be far
as the father to your kids
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and get past that, so--
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Do you trust sharing
information with your wife?
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Yeah, I trust
sharing information,
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it's just sometimes like I
say, it's just being difficult
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'cause I guess, I won't say
we're bullheaded far as men,
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but we just like
just... ourselves.
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I mean we can
talk to another guy,
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it won't be no problem.
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We will let everything
go in front of another male,
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but when it's talking
to your significant other,
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it's a little different,
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but I think we
just got to understand
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that they are here to help us
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and they are not
there to hurt us.
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And we've got to understand
that, we've got to just let go.
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Do you think
you're both equally yoked?
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You know the Bible speaks about,
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"Be thou not unequally yoked."
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And do you feel
that you're equally yoked
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as far as your personalities,
you likes or dislikes,
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which you know, just overall.
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Do you feel that
you're equally yoked Tina?
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I think we're equally
yoked in terms of our childhood.
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We both come from childhoods
that were very challenging
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and with that said,
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I thought we
were coming together
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with a goal of wanting to create
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that family
environment for our future,
00:09:03.84\00:09:06.81
for our children.
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So in speaking in that term,
I think we're equally yoked.
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But there are times that I think
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that we're
unequally yoked, spiritually,
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because like I
said, I'm more verbally
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and my prayer life is
a little more aggressive
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I would say, than I would say,
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I don't know how often he prays,
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I can't speak for
him but I speak for me.
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I'm more aggressive
with my prayer life with God.
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And I think that if
we'd just come together,
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live more and be one,
on one accord spiritually,
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I think that
would be a challenge
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that we could overcome.
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But that's one of the challenges
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that we face in our marriage
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is not being
able to come together
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and be on one accord
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in terms of
prayer and seeking God.
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What's blocking you
from being on one accord?
00:10:01.66\00:10:05.10
You know, being the husband,
being the spiritual leader,
00:10:05.13\00:10:07.57
is it the work schedule?
00:10:07.60\00:10:09.17
I mean, what is it that keeps
you all from praying together,
00:10:09.20\00:10:12.24
reading the word together,
regular attendance in church,
00:10:12.27\00:10:16.11
tithing together,
what is the block?
00:10:16.14\00:10:20.52
I think it's, I think it's...
00:10:20.55\00:10:22.55
a work of the enemy
00:10:26.45\00:10:27.89
who's trying to tear the family,
00:10:27.92\00:10:30.43
the foundation of our family
down and we allow it to happen.
00:10:30.46\00:10:35.36
We have to make decisions
00:10:35.40\00:10:38.00
in terms of what are
we going to do today.
00:10:38.03\00:10:40.90
Are we going to pray today?
00:10:40.94\00:10:42.27
Are we going to fellowship today
00:10:42.30\00:10:44.31
in terms of reading our
Bible and praying together?
00:10:44.34\00:10:46.84
We have to make that decision,
00:10:46.88\00:10:48.31
but the enemy set a
blocks in our family
00:10:48.34\00:10:51.98
where we're too
tired or we're too busy
00:10:52.01\00:10:54.68
or the kids are pulling at us.
00:10:54.72\00:10:58.02
There's so much
going on everyday,
00:10:58.05\00:11:00.19
when you go to
work, you got homework,
00:11:00.22\00:11:02.19
you got, okay, you
got to take a bath,
00:11:02.22\00:11:03.96
you've got to do
this, you've got to do that.
00:11:03.99\00:11:05.33
He come home, he's
tired and by the time,
00:11:05.36\00:11:08.43
at the end of
the day, we're tired
00:11:08.46\00:11:10.87
and we don't have that
time to sit down and say okay,
00:11:10.90\00:11:14.47
let's open our Bible and read
00:11:14.50\00:11:17.61
and let's have prayer,
sometimes it's challenging.
00:11:17.64\00:11:21.14
But what I find
that works for me
00:11:21.18\00:11:25.35
is morning prayer.
00:11:25.38\00:11:27.18
I have to get up
early and that's my time
00:11:27.22\00:11:29.32
that I have with God and
I read my Bible and I pray.
00:11:29.35\00:11:33.89
Everybody don't do that.
00:11:33.92\00:11:35.26
That's not for everybody,
but that works for me.
00:11:35.29\00:11:37.29
But as a family, you know,
00:11:37.33\00:11:40.76
the enemy is out to
tearing up the family.
00:11:40.80\00:11:42.76
There's enemy out
to destroy the family.
00:11:42.80\00:11:45.53
So as a whole, we
have to make that decision
00:11:45.57\00:11:49.10
to come over, to
get over that harm.
00:11:49.14\00:11:52.34
Okay, all right.
00:11:52.37\00:11:53.71
Now hearing what
Tina is saying, you know,
00:11:53.74\00:11:59.65
I would think
that this has come up
00:11:59.68\00:12:01.95
within your marriage
about prayer, you know.
00:12:01.98\00:12:06.32
What are some of the
things that you think
00:12:06.35\00:12:09.32
would change the situation
00:12:09.36\00:12:12.43
and allow you to
provide that aspect
00:12:12.46\00:12:16.80
within your family structure?
00:12:16.83\00:12:19.73
I think you have to make time.
00:12:19.77\00:12:23.20
You have to make
time in some kind of way.
00:12:23.24\00:12:25.74
We make time
for everything else.
00:12:25.77\00:12:27.48
Yes.
00:12:27.51\00:12:28.84
You know, you want
to go to the movies,
00:12:28.88\00:12:30.21
want to watch sports, you know,
00:12:30.25\00:12:31.58
'cause I'm like into sports so
00:12:31.61\00:12:33.82
you make the time
for everything else
00:12:33.85\00:12:36.35
but you don't make time for God.
00:12:36.38\00:12:38.12
and that's the issue.
00:12:38.15\00:12:39.65
I think I we've got to put
some of the things behind us,
00:12:39.69\00:12:42.76
put it to the side.
00:12:42.79\00:12:44.13
If we had the TiVo, TiVo
and record it, watch it later,
00:12:44.16\00:12:47.43
but I think
that's the main thing.
00:12:47.46\00:12:49.53
You have to put things
aside and put God first.
00:12:49.56\00:12:53.47
When you put God second,
that's where the enemy comes in
00:12:53.50\00:12:56.81
and destroys your
family and does everything.
00:12:56.84\00:12:59.31
So I think,
that's what I have to do
00:12:59.34\00:13:01.61
and I'm the head
of the household.
00:13:01.64\00:13:03.61
It's my job to come in,
start praying with the family,
00:13:03.65\00:13:08.58
pull the Bibles
out, start, you know,
00:13:08.62\00:13:11.02
start going in
depth into the Bible.
00:13:11.05\00:13:13.96
And if I don't do it, who will?
00:13:13.99\00:13:17.09
And I cannot wait for her
to do it, I have to do it.
00:13:17.13\00:13:20.53
You know, kids look
up to their dad first,
00:13:20.56\00:13:22.36
it's the father
and then the wife
00:13:22.40\00:13:24.30
so it's up to me to do it.
00:13:24.33\00:13:27.24
I like something that
you all have in place.
00:13:27.27\00:13:29.97
Wednesdays are your days off
00:13:30.01\00:13:32.54
and you get the
children after school
00:13:32.57\00:13:34.51
and you take them out to eat.
00:13:34.54\00:13:36.38
You take them to
some type of activity
00:13:36.41\00:13:38.88
and you really
spend that quality time
00:13:38.91\00:13:41.28
and one of our
exercises was that
00:13:41.32\00:13:43.22
you would pick up
the baby, baby Tovlin
00:13:43.25\00:13:46.29
and you were to go home and cook
00:13:46.32\00:13:47.92
and I think that
night you all had pizza
00:13:47.96\00:13:49.92
and you just enjoyed
watching the television program
00:13:49.96\00:13:53.90
but how did that feel?
00:13:53.93\00:13:55.66
Just letting her go to
work, come home, do nothing,
00:13:55.70\00:14:00.40
all right, she
called me, she says,
00:14:00.44\00:14:01.77
"I not supposed to do anything?"
00:14:01.80\00:14:03.14
and I said, "Nothing."
00:14:03.17\00:14:04.51
You know and you
took care of everything
00:14:04.54\00:14:06.41
and she said you did.
00:14:06.44\00:14:07.78
How did that make you feel?
00:14:07.81\00:14:09.14
Felt good, it felt good,
and I know it's my day off
00:14:09.18\00:14:12.81
and I know she
had a hard day's work,
00:14:12.85\00:14:14.68
so sometimes it's
good for her to come home
00:14:14.72\00:14:16.69
and just relax and unwind
00:14:16.72\00:14:18.82
'cause I know being at
work it can be stressful.
00:14:18.85\00:14:21.72
It can be stressful, you know
00:14:21.76\00:14:23.09
who you're dealing with all day,
00:14:23.12\00:14:24.46
you only feed or not,
00:14:24.49\00:14:26.46
it can be
physically, it can be mentally,
00:14:26.49\00:14:28.06
so sometimes it's
good to just come home,
00:14:28.10\00:14:30.60
you know, and be able to
relax and enjoy the family
00:14:30.63\00:14:34.54
instead of warm
up everything to do.
00:14:34.57\00:14:36.50
Okay.
00:14:36.54\00:14:37.87
One of the things that I'm
interested in is finding out
00:14:37.91\00:14:42.34
if you have a
plan for your marriage?
00:14:42.38\00:14:46.35
Does that make sense to you?
00:14:46.38\00:14:47.72
Definitely.
00:14:47.75\00:14:49.08
You know, and what is that plan?
00:14:49.12\00:14:50.89
What's the plan
00:14:50.92\00:14:52.62
for a successful relationship
between the both of you?
00:14:52.65\00:14:57.23
What do you think?
00:14:57.26\00:14:59.13
That's a good question.
00:14:59.16\00:15:00.83
That's the key--
That is so massive.
00:15:00.86\00:15:02.26
That's a good question.
That's a good question.
00:15:02.30\00:15:04.33
I haven't, you know--
00:15:04.37\00:15:05.73
Now and then. Yeah.
00:15:05.77\00:15:07.17
That was good, you know,
I got to borrow that one.
00:15:07.20\00:15:10.47
I don't want you to.
00:15:10.51\00:15:11.84
I will say basically a plan is
basically you should make time
00:15:11.87\00:15:15.78
for each other which date night.
00:15:15.81\00:15:18.21
Have a date on a
certain day, have a family night
00:15:18.25\00:15:21.62
and I think always
keep the family far as
00:15:21.65\00:15:24.72
when it's dinner
time or anything,
00:15:24.75\00:15:26.09
bring everybody to the table.
00:15:26.12\00:15:27.69
It's so easy for, some of
be upstairs, on the phone,
00:15:27.72\00:15:31.09
or on a computer and
everybody is everywhere.
00:15:31.13\00:15:34.10
To bring everybody
together in one place, you know,
00:15:34.13\00:15:37.27
and enjoy each other's company
that's the start of a plan.
00:15:37.30\00:15:40.17
Starting to have that
unity for us as a family
00:15:40.20\00:15:45.17
and for us just
to be in the kitchen
00:15:45.21\00:15:47.04
cooking together, you
know, on a Sunday or something.
00:15:47.08\00:15:50.21
That's something that
is good for the family.
00:15:50.25\00:15:53.52
Even you can bring the kids in
00:15:53.55\00:15:54.88
if you're making
desserts or something,
00:15:54.92\00:15:56.25
bring them in, have
them help, you know,
00:15:56.28\00:15:59.05
I think they'll
love that, you know,
00:15:59.09\00:16:01.22
and besides just try
to always go somewhere
00:16:01.26\00:16:03.29
'cause sometimes
you find can't do this,
00:16:03.32\00:16:05.06
so you always can do
stuff together at the home.
00:16:05.09\00:16:07.43
So I think
that's a start of a plan
00:16:07.46\00:16:09.36
that could bring
everybody together.
00:16:09.40\00:16:11.13
I remember one
night, Tina had accidentally
00:16:11.17\00:16:15.00
taken the keys to both cars
00:16:15.04\00:16:17.11
and so you were
home with the children,
00:16:17.14\00:16:19.27
you told me it
turned out to be just fine.
00:16:19.31\00:16:22.78
In your
interaction with the children,
00:16:22.81\00:16:27.25
when they see you and
mom together, you know,
00:16:27.28\00:16:30.49
what do they see?
00:16:30.52\00:16:31.89
What do they see
between the two of you?
00:16:31.92\00:16:33.92
Well, they just love
us being together, I mean,
00:16:33.96\00:16:36.12
when they see us together,
I mean, that's everything.
00:16:36.16\00:16:39.29
They don't want us to be apart
00:16:39.33\00:16:41.70
and I think when
they see us together
00:16:41.73\00:16:43.30
that gives them the
calms or sense of security
00:16:43.33\00:16:47.20
that the parents are
going to be together.
00:16:47.24\00:16:49.04
There's no such thing
as leaving each other.
00:16:49.07\00:16:51.77
They're going to be
always be there for us.
00:16:51.81\00:16:53.84
So I think that's a good thing.
00:16:53.88\00:16:55.98
And like you said when I took
them over and had a Wednesdays
00:16:56.01\00:16:59.88
and have fun with
them, they love daddy time.
00:16:59.91\00:17:01.88
They love daddy time.
00:17:01.92\00:17:03.25
They love daddy
time, they love daddy time.
00:17:03.28\00:17:04.62
They can do it
everyday if I could anyway.
00:17:04.65\00:17:07.82
You need to go to work,
you don't need to go to work,
00:17:07.86\00:17:09.49
stay home, you know, play
with us or just talk to us
00:17:09.52\00:17:12.63
and interact with
them and they love it.
00:17:12.66\00:17:15.30
I saw it, I really
did when you came here
00:17:15.33\00:17:18.90
and they were very,
very attached to you
00:17:18.93\00:17:21.57
and they love
mother, oh, definitely
00:17:21.60\00:17:23.30
but usually, you know,
00:17:23.34\00:17:25.24
you don't see the
father and I do commend you,
00:17:25.27\00:17:28.34
anytime I ask you to
come in, and when you do come
00:17:28.38\00:17:30.91
and the children,
what we'd been working on.
00:17:30.95\00:17:33.38
How important is it for
you to have the children
00:17:33.42\00:17:38.09
to have a voice
in your relationship.
00:17:38.12\00:17:39.99
Do they have a voice?
00:17:40.02\00:17:41.86
I think they
should have a voice.
00:17:41.89\00:17:43.53
I think they do have a voice.
00:17:43.56\00:17:45.36
And I think their
voice is very important
00:17:45.39\00:17:49.86
because they see things
that we don't see, you know,
00:17:49.90\00:17:54.54
when you're in a relationship
you don't see the, you know,
00:17:54.57\00:17:59.91
the challenges
that you go through,
00:17:59.94\00:18:02.04
all you know is
that you're in it.
00:18:02.08\00:18:03.75
And sometimes
they may point out,
00:18:03.78\00:18:07.28
you know, things
that I may have said
00:18:07.32\00:18:10.65
that was a little
harsh or something
00:18:10.69\00:18:12.42
that I could've
done a little better.
00:18:12.45\00:18:15.09
And it helps.
00:18:15.12\00:18:17.89
But they have played a big role
00:18:17.93\00:18:23.37
in the survival of our marriage
00:18:23.40\00:18:27.10
because of their voice.
00:18:27.14\00:18:29.44
They are very...
00:18:29.47\00:18:35.68
they have a vary strong feeling
about keeping us together
00:18:35.71\00:18:40.32
and not divide us, you know,
00:18:40.35\00:18:43.52
they do
everything that they can,
00:18:43.55\00:18:44.95
you know, just to
stay out of our way
00:18:44.99\00:18:46.52
and let us be together alone.
00:18:46.55\00:18:48.72
They don't
overstep their boundaries
00:18:48.76\00:18:51.03
in terms of being in our room
too long now I've noticed that.
00:18:51.06\00:18:53.93
Okay.
00:18:53.96\00:18:55.30
But their voice,
yes, it's very important.
00:18:55.33\00:18:58.80
Even though they're children,
like back in the day it was,
00:18:58.83\00:19:02.14
children should be
seen and not heard--
00:19:02.17\00:19:03.51
Not heard.
00:19:03.54\00:19:04.87
And I don't think
that that's the way
00:19:04.91\00:19:06.24
that you would
raise a healthy child
00:19:06.27\00:19:08.28
because their voice is important
00:19:08.31\00:19:09.84
and they need to
learn to express themselves
00:19:09.88\00:19:11.85
especially in, you know,
00:19:11.88\00:19:15.48
when it comes to their
feelings and their emotion
00:19:15.52\00:19:18.29
and being in a
relationship with their parents.
00:19:18.32\00:19:21.56
I invited your
children to come to counseling
00:19:21.59\00:19:24.49
and I wanted to meet
them and talk with them
00:19:24.53\00:19:26.73
to hear their voice and
truly they do have a voice
00:19:26.76\00:19:31.03
and they are very
open about their feelings,
00:19:31.07\00:19:34.94
what they want and
expect in their home
00:19:34.97\00:19:37.51
and what they want
from you as parents
00:19:37.54\00:19:40.94
and I commend you for that
00:19:40.98\00:19:42.48
'cause some parents wouldn't
have brought their children
00:19:42.51\00:19:44.28
and in counseling it
doesn't mean you're sick
00:19:44.31\00:19:47.08
or you're messed
up or you're insane,
00:19:47.12\00:19:51.25
it means that you're just
asking for some directions,
00:19:51.29\00:19:54.29
you know, 'cause
all we can give you--
00:19:54.32\00:19:55.82
And my husband taught
me this a long time ago,
00:19:55.86\00:19:57.83
his suggestions is up to you
to implement those suggestions.
00:19:57.86\00:20:02.83
Where do you all go from here
to continue to making it work?
00:20:02.86\00:20:07.04
What do you do?
00:20:07.07\00:20:08.40
What are you going to do?
00:20:08.44\00:20:09.77
I'm going to continue praying
00:20:09.80\00:20:12.11
and ask God to give me
the strength to be the mother
00:20:12.14\00:20:16.98
that I need to
be for my children.
00:20:17.01\00:20:19.85
And to give me patience
when they come to me and whine.
00:20:19.88\00:20:24.49
Because there are
times when I want to give up,
00:20:24.52\00:20:27.32
and I want to
quit, and I want to run,
00:20:27.36\00:20:29.72
but I know that,
that's not the answer.
00:20:29.76\00:20:35.96
I want to be
more of caring person
00:20:36.00\00:20:42.04
in terms of-- towards my husband
00:20:42.07\00:20:44.54
there are times when I'm tired
00:20:44.57\00:20:47.31
and I don't feel like
you know giving myself,
00:20:47.34\00:20:52.61
but those are the
times I need to sacrifice
00:20:52.65\00:20:55.15
and be more
sensitive to his need.
00:20:55.18\00:20:58.59
And just be more open, you know,
00:20:58.62\00:21:03.66
be open-minded to what
could be the possibilities
00:21:03.69\00:21:06.76
of making it work.
00:21:06.80\00:21:08.13
All right, great!
00:21:08.16\00:21:09.50
And Marvin?
00:21:09.53\00:21:11.70
You have about a minute left.
00:21:11.73\00:21:13.44
Come one, tell us
what you're thinking?
00:21:13.47\00:21:15.80
It is funny, 'cause I was
just thinking of something
00:21:15.84\00:21:18.24
what she said before,
00:21:18.27\00:21:19.61
'cause she had brought up
to me about men in intimacy
00:21:19.64\00:21:24.28
and we sometimes run from it
00:21:24.31\00:21:27.12
and it don't
always mean physical,
00:21:27.15\00:21:28.95
it can be mentally and I think
00:21:28.98\00:21:31.42
with that long as
you intimate physically
00:21:31.45\00:21:34.26
and mentally with your wife,
00:21:34.29\00:21:36.73
anything is possible, anything.
00:21:36.76\00:21:38.09
You can go everywhere with that
00:21:38.13\00:21:40.30
and I think we just
got to dig deep down
00:21:40.33\00:21:44.37
'cause like I
said we shall shelter,
00:21:44.40\00:21:45.90
we keep everything closed in
00:21:45.93\00:21:47.80
if we release
ourselves to each other
00:21:47.84\00:21:50.77
I think our
marriage can flourish.
00:21:50.81\00:21:52.77
All right.
00:21:52.81\00:21:54.14
I think one of the things
00:21:54.18\00:21:55.51
that I would like
to make a comment on is
00:21:55.54\00:21:57.11
the fact that I see
a lot of sincerity in
00:21:57.15\00:22:00.22
how you are
expressing your feelings
00:22:00.25\00:22:02.75
about your relationship
00:22:02.78\00:22:04.29
and I just encourage you
to focus on the prayer aspect.
00:22:04.32\00:22:11.59
I think that's going
to be very significant.
00:22:11.63\00:22:14.36
So that's my encouragement.
00:22:14.40\00:22:16.83
You just hang in there,
you know, and don't quit.
00:22:16.87\00:22:20.24
And you can't
quit and I have to say,
00:22:20.27\00:22:22.14
when the moment you came
into counseling and to now,
00:22:22.17\00:22:25.71
the effort that you are
giving, you're making it work
00:22:25.74\00:22:27.74
and you're allowing
God to make a change.
00:22:27.78\00:22:29.88
I'm proud of you both,
let's keep going forward.
00:22:29.91\00:22:32.51
Can we do that?
00:22:32.55\00:22:33.88
Yes. Yes.
00:22:33.92\00:22:35.25
All right, thank
you for being with us.
00:22:35.28\00:22:36.62
God bless you both.
00:22:36.65\00:22:37.99
God bless.
00:22:38.02\00:22:39.35
Thank you. Thank you, Tina.
00:22:39.39\00:22:40.96
Yeah.
00:22:40.99\00:22:43.39
Arthur, how do we
stand the test of time?
00:22:43.43\00:22:46.39
You know, there
are lot of marriages
00:22:46.43\00:22:47.86
really going through,
00:22:47.90\00:22:49.40
people holding on by a
thread to stay married.
00:22:49.43\00:22:52.87
How do we do this?
00:22:52.90\00:22:54.24
How?
00:22:54.27\00:22:55.60
You have to take a
risk to give up the old ways
00:22:55.64\00:22:58.87
and do what everything
that's required for you
00:22:58.91\00:23:01.44
to keep your marriage together.
00:23:01.48\00:23:03.08
I see.
00:23:03.11\00:23:04.45
You know, if
sometimes one person
00:23:04.48\00:23:06.72
is a little bit more
sensitive than the other person
00:23:06.75\00:23:09.98
and sometimes
that sensitive person
00:23:10.02\00:23:13.19
has to say okay,
yes, I was wrong.
00:23:13.22\00:23:17.89
Yes, that I felt
that I was disrespected,
00:23:17.93\00:23:21.66
but I'm going to work
on my relationship anyway,
00:23:21.70\00:23:24.40
I'm going to try
to resolve our issues.
00:23:24.43\00:23:26.97
Just like me, I'd be the
first one to say I'm sorry.
00:23:27.00\00:23:30.27
Kim. I apologize.
00:23:30.31\00:23:32.44
Arthur, okay I
just got to tell you
00:23:32.47\00:23:34.74
what happened today.
00:23:34.78\00:23:36.34
I was cooking breakfast
00:23:36.38\00:23:38.15
and I was cooking
some eggs in the microwave
00:23:38.18\00:23:41.18
and I was going into a
discussion with Arthur,
00:23:41.22\00:23:44.79
we're going to keep it
real here on making it work,
00:23:44.82\00:23:47.06
so I was looking
for an apology from him
00:23:47.09\00:23:50.03
and he said, "I didn't hear it."
00:23:50.06\00:23:52.36
I took the plate of the eggs out
00:23:52.39\00:23:54.30
and it exploded in my face
00:23:54.33\00:23:56.70
and the eggs was in my eyes,
00:23:56.73\00:23:58.40
it was everywhere
and he ran to help me,
00:23:58.43\00:24:01.30
and my face was
swollen, my neck,
00:24:01.34\00:24:03.37
but still God blessed us to
do the taping, to do this today.
00:24:03.41\00:24:07.91
But again recognizing
that I was willing to submit,
00:24:07.94\00:24:12.91
but I think if I had to just
let it go and I focused in on
00:24:12.95\00:24:15.98
what was going on
with the microwave,
00:24:16.02\00:24:17.52
I don't think that would
have happened to me today.
00:24:17.55\00:24:18.89
So you said two
things right there though,
00:24:18.92\00:24:20.92
may be it is same thing
as occurring with the Kyles,
00:24:20.96\00:24:25.46
you know, they had a discussion.
00:24:25.49\00:24:28.83
The Kyles constantly
were having disagreements,
00:24:28.86\00:24:32.87
you know, and yet your
frustration and your anger
00:24:32.90\00:24:37.74
made you take those
eggs out of the microwave.
00:24:37.77\00:24:39.34
I wasn't
watching, I wasn't watching.
00:24:39.37\00:24:40.84
Well I was paying
attention, you know--
00:24:40.88\00:24:42.21
Right, right.
00:24:42.24\00:24:43.58
And so how many times has
that happened in other areas,
00:24:43.61\00:24:45.65
you have not paid attention,
00:24:45.68\00:24:47.32
I will tell you to do something
and you'd not pay attention.
00:24:47.35\00:24:50.02
So I'm telling you,
you know, once again,
00:24:50.05\00:24:53.19
if you don't follow my lead,
00:24:53.22\00:24:54.96
you may have
experiences like that.
00:24:54.99\00:24:57.33
Oh my goodness, you know, again,
00:24:57.36\00:24:59.23
that's where we
needs to just be humble,
00:24:59.26\00:25:01.66
humble thyself onto the Lord.
00:25:01.70\00:25:03.40
I tell you-- but I thank you,
00:25:03.43\00:25:05.40
I thank God that you
were there to help me
00:25:05.43\00:25:07.60
through that
difficulty but with the--
00:25:07.64\00:25:09.20
I got over my frustration,
00:25:09.24\00:25:11.71
my anger and I
ran to your rescue.
00:25:11.74\00:25:14.14
You did. Just like
a good husband would.
00:25:14.18\00:25:16.24
Okay, but look at
the fact that the Kyles,
00:25:16.28\00:25:19.21
how they wanted to give up,
00:25:19.25\00:25:21.18
how they wanted to not
be there to help each other,
00:25:21.22\00:25:24.12
like you were
there to help me today.
00:25:24.15\00:25:25.49
So, you know, when you
say they wanted to give up.
00:25:25.52\00:25:28.52
Let's look at that because
did they really want to give up
00:25:28.56\00:25:31.73
because if they
really wanted to give up,
00:25:31.76\00:25:34.83
they would not come to
seek some type of intervention,
00:25:34.86\00:25:39.07
you know, and they
had a desire to do that
00:25:39.10\00:25:40.94
and they've been
with us for a while now.
00:25:40.97\00:25:42.70
Oh, definitely.
00:25:42.74\00:25:44.07
You know so they're
fighting for their relationship
00:25:44.11\00:25:46.24
but once again they understand
00:25:46.27\00:25:48.41
that there are some barriers
within their relationship.
00:25:48.44\00:25:50.45
That's it, there
are some barriers.
00:25:50.48\00:25:51.81
That they had to get over
00:25:51.85\00:25:53.18
and it's usually
family origin issues.
00:25:53.21\00:25:56.42
Her issues is dealing with
how she was raised as a child
00:25:56.45\00:26:00.36
and his is the same way.
00:26:00.39\00:26:01.99
He has expectations of
how she's supposed to act.
00:26:02.02\00:26:05.99
All right, so
give us some solutions.
00:26:06.03\00:26:07.36
What do we need to do,
00:26:07.40\00:26:08.73
first of all you
said we have to--
00:26:08.76\00:26:10.10
I told you earlier,
00:26:10.13\00:26:11.47
one of the things is a
person has to take a risk--
00:26:11.50\00:26:12.83
Take a risk. To make a change.
00:26:12.87\00:26:14.24
Okay, we have to take
a risk to make a change.
00:26:14.27\00:26:16.40
A paradigm shift.
00:26:16.44\00:26:18.04
Oh, I like that paradigm shift.
00:26:18.07\00:26:19.67
So while I'm on one
freeway and it's shut down,
00:26:19.71\00:26:21.84
I'm not going to sit
there if I see a way or exit.
00:26:21.88\00:26:24.68
I'm taking that exit and
getting off that freeway.
00:26:24.71\00:26:28.18
So I won't stay stagnated.
00:26:28.22\00:26:30.32
You're going into a
different direction.
00:26:30.35\00:26:31.82
I'm going into a new direction?
00:26:31.85\00:26:33.19
You expect a different solution.
00:26:33.22\00:26:34.99
All right, now what else?
00:26:35.02\00:26:36.69
The second thing
is that you understand
00:26:36.73\00:26:39.86
that it may not
work the first time,
00:26:39.89\00:26:42.96
but I don't stop trying.
00:26:43.00\00:26:45.17
Did you hear that?
00:26:45.20\00:26:46.53
You don't stop trying
00:26:46.57\00:26:47.90
even though you don't
see an instant release.
00:26:47.94\00:26:49.90
Lot of people look
for instant gratification.
00:26:49.94\00:26:52.37
Absolutely. It's
not going to happen.
00:26:52.41\00:26:54.44
The behavior
didn't occur overnight
00:26:54.48\00:26:56.54
and it's not going
to change overnight.
00:26:56.58\00:26:58.88
So we have to be patient.
00:26:58.91\00:27:00.38
I think patience is a
great avenue to use, you know,
00:27:00.42\00:27:02.98
an asset to use, okay.
00:27:03.02\00:27:04.35
Patience is excellent.
00:27:04.39\00:27:06.05
You know and beyond
all of those solutions,
00:27:06.09\00:27:09.72
primary thing is that
00:27:09.76\00:27:11.89
they have to come
together through prayer.
00:27:11.93\00:27:13.66
Prayer, prayer.
00:27:13.70\00:27:15.03
I'm telling you,
without the power of prayer
00:27:15.06\00:27:17.63
and the Holy Spirit,
you just can't do anything.
00:27:17.67\00:27:21.80
You need God to lead you.
00:27:21.84\00:27:23.47
Arthur, I just want to say
God is leading, He's moving,
00:27:23.51\00:27:27.44
and remember, with God I can
do all things through Christ.
00:27:27.48\00:27:31.55
God bless you. I'm
Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin.
00:27:31.58\00:27:33.42
I'm Arthur Nowlin. God bless.
00:27:33.45\00:27:35.22