Hi, I am Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin.
And I am Arthur Nowlin.
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And welcome to Making It Work.
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Arthur, I have
something to tell you.
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Okay. The word is lying.
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And.
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Did you do something
that I'm not aware of?
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Well, long time ago, remember?
I don't think you remember.
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I told you that I pay
the mortgage and I didn't
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and I took the mortgage
payment and I bought something
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and you were so
nice and calm, but that--
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I was devastated.
Yes. You were devastated.
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But you did in a calm manner.
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Absolutely,
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it's only because of my
relationship with the Lord.
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And I praise God for that,
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but that lie could have
destroyed our household.
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It was on the verge.
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It was on the verge,
really, that one little lie.
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Absolutely.
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Okay, because--
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And, you know, to
be honest with you,
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you are still making it up.
I'm still making it up for you.
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I'm trying to
make it work. Yeah.
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Well, when you
think about lying though,
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it can destroy a relationship.
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It can destroy families, it
can destroy a lifetime of work,
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I remember in high school,
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I attended Adelphian
Academy in Holly, Michigan,
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a Seventh-day
Adventist boarding school
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and under our word
seniors, S-E-N-I-O-R,
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we had to list
different sentences,
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and under I, I
wrote down my irritation
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and it stated that
building relationships
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over a two,
three, four year period
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or lifetime and how
one lie destroys it.
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Well, we want you to visualize
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or go with this
as we talk to Pat.
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You know, Arthur, Satan
is the author of deception.
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Absolutely.
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He is the father of lies,
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but God is the author
and finisher of our faith.
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Yes.
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And in this interview,
we want you to go with us
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as Pat talks
about her relationship
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with her husband and
how lies and desertion
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and all these things
took place in her marriage.
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But also, we want to
talk about her victory.
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Her victory, we do.
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You know, and
that's really important,
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even in the midst of
what Satan may try to do.
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Yes.
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God will help us
to find a resolution
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and be victorious.
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Well, let's join Pat
being a victim of lies.
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Pat, I have been
really very proud of you,
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how you had been moving
forward in your therapy process.
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Let's talk about some of
the changes you have made.
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We talk about
behavior, cognitive behavior,
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changing the way we
think and view our behavior.
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And so, I want us to review.
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What brought you
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to Kim Logan
Communications Counseling
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and can you talk a
little bit about that?
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Yes, Dr. Kim, I
started to process
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'cause I realized
I really need a help.
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I was very
strained in my marriage
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and I was seeking
avenues to find some relief
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and some processes
where we could move forward,
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so I looked in
the regular internet
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and found a
counseling session near my house
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and I went and I--
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I went before
and I request a mail,
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maybe to give me a
different perspective
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'cause I have had
previous counseling before
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regarding the same
issues in the marriage.
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So I said, well,
I'm gonna try it again,
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and I may flip it in try a mail.
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So I went and I
started counseling sessions
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with this particular individual
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and things seems to
be starting really good.
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He was like, I'm doing
assessment, we're gonna,
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you know, workout some things
and I was feeling like really,
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you know, happy
like, promising like,
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thank God, help
is coming, you know.
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Yes, yes, yes.
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And month after month,
you know, I was hopeful,
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just being hopeful every
month and one particular session
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that stood out with
me was when he said okay.
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Okay, hold on, wait a
minute, you know, we have been,
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you know, going
through this for nine months
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and when he said nine months,
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I could have like fell
to the floor, like really,
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like nine months of
my life I have been here
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and you haven't
given me any tool
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to overcome the situation.
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I know it.
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And I was very
quite and I was like,
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well, thank you very much,
and when I left his office,
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I went to my car
and I began to cry.
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I began to cry and I
began to cry, oh, God,
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I said God, I need
help, I can't do this,
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this is, I can't move
any further, I need help.
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I need some tools to get
to my next level of my life
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and I clearly heard the
Lord, clearly said call--
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You had been referred to me
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and I remember someone
talking about you sometime ago.
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And it came back
to my remembrance
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at in the car when I was crying.
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At that moment. At that moment.
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So I scrambled through my phone,
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I was crying
looking through the phone,
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I heard God, I knew it
was God, so I took my phone
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and I'm like, they
say something weird,
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I don't know her name, but
I remember the text, so I--
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It took me like 30 minutes
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to go through
the text to find it.
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Finally found
your number and I say,
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I'm just gonna call now,
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and I called and
you answered the phone.
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My Lord.
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And I was very
surprised, I was like, oh.
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And I said, well,
I was just calling,
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I was trying to sound together
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and I was crying
to have an effect
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and I was like, I
just want to know,
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you know, I need to see you
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and to see if you
have any relevancies,
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you know, you said, as
a matter of fact, I do.
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I said, I was just
wondering if you know,
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you had any time today?
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And I felt glad that may be
you heard something beyond that.
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Oh, yes.
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And you said, as a
matter of fact, I do,
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and I left one
counseling session
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to another the very same day.
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My Lord. Yes.
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And it was one
of the best things
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that you ever did, I know
that and because not about me,
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but it was about you.
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Let's talk about you,
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when you had this
situation with your husband
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when you were arrested.
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Yes, so one of
the series of things
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that was
unraveling in my marriage
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and I just kept
having this hope,
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hope that things were
gonna change and I never forget,
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I came home one day
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and I felt the
spirit of darkness,
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I just felt that
when I came to the house,
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it was like
something feels different here,
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and it just turned
bad all of a sudden.
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It was like, he was
in a different place
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and it was like he just blinked.
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There was so much
anger and frustration in him
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and he turned around and he just
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kind of like grab me
and to start to push me,
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bang me on refrigerator
and I felt threatened
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like, okay, it's
something serious here
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and if I don't do
something, something is not,
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then something is gonna turn bad
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and the end result to
make the long story short,
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I called the
police and when they came,
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they looked at him
and they looked at me
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and in my struggle
protecting myself, yeah,
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there was scratch or
something on his face
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and I didn't have anything.
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So they said,
well, ma'am I'm sorry,
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you know, he has a
scratch and you don't,
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so we are taking you
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and it was like I
couldn't believe it,
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like, are you serious?
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This 300 pound man
and look at the scenario,
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we're sorry, and I went to jail
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and it was life
changing situation.
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How many days you
were in jail? A day.
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You were there a day, and
after you got out of jail,
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what did you do?
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I directly went,
I wasn't going back
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and I went to a family's home
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that was vacant, that,
I guess prepared for me,
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for me to, you
know, get myself together,
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so I went straight there
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and started the
process of healing,
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you know, in that situation,
it was very traumatic.
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But in the turn
of events, you know,
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your husband
started to contact you
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after a period of time,
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and he started courting
you and in that, you went back.
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Now, you talk about abuse
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and you hear women all the time,
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being abused but yet
don't go back into it.
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Why did you go back, Pat?
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I went back
because he was convincing
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and I said to myself,
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does he deserve a second chance.
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What happened?
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Did something happen that
he came to the realization
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of what the event
was and he clearly,
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emphatically try
to portray that to me
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that I'm a changed man
and things are gonna be better
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and I mean, all-out
pursuit, like all-out pursuit
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that I have never
seen him in the whole time
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since we're married, so I
was like okay, he is different--
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So you saw a new man.
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Yeah, he was
like a new man, yeah.
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Okay, but at the same time
just lies, deceit, deception.
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It was, it was a strategic,
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I guess plot to draw
me back in to that psycho.
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Why do you think he was
trying to draw you back in?
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Control, I feel it
was a control factor.
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It wasn't genuine,
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the fact that I can
control this situation.
00:10:01.06\00:10:04.10
Yes.
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You know, so
looking in hindsight.
00:10:05.50\00:10:07.14
Oh, yes.
00:10:07.17\00:10:08.50
You know how many
times that we listen
00:10:08.54\00:10:09.87
to different
tapes of your recordings
00:10:09.90\00:10:12.81
you would have with your husband
00:10:12.84\00:10:14.64
and you would bring them
to the therapeutic setting.
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Then one thing that
I am so proud of you
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that changed was the
way you communicated.
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If you were over
arguing, he would argue,
00:10:22.75\00:10:24.89
he would constantly
keep the conversation going
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and he will
say, stop, stop, Pat,
00:10:27.69\00:10:29.59
and 'cause you were
looking for something from him.
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What were you looking for
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before you learned
through this counseling process
00:10:34.33\00:10:37.30
how to change the
way you communicated?
00:10:37.33\00:10:39.33
Because now, you
became to, you got to a point,
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I don't want to do this anymore,
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I don't have to do this anymore,
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but what were you looking for?
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What were you hoping for
00:10:47.54\00:10:48.94
when you kept going
back and forth with him?
00:10:48.98\00:10:52.41
I was looking for acceptance.
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I was looking for him to
genuinely love and accept me
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and I didn't get it
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and I started
learning different tools
00:11:01.96\00:11:04.96
when I started
coming to sessions with you
00:11:04.99\00:11:07.43
and I started view things
in a different prospective
00:11:07.46\00:11:09.66
that I've never had before.
00:11:09.70\00:11:11.53
I mean the homework
assignments you would give,
00:11:11.57\00:11:14.04
the transparency that we shared
00:11:14.07\00:11:16.71
and just the things I
was learning in the sessions
00:11:16.74\00:11:19.97
was life changing.
00:11:20.01\00:11:22.04
And I started to
see the change in me
00:11:22.08\00:11:25.75
and I was like, what,
I just did that for real.
00:11:25.78\00:11:28.42
I learned that in the book.
00:11:28.45\00:11:29.78
I learned that in
the book that they had
00:11:29.82\00:11:31.59
and it was just so
exciting, like, oh, wow,
00:11:31.62\00:11:34.16
finally I can break this
cycle and I can have control
00:11:34.19\00:11:38.16
and I don't have to be drawn
in to that toxic situation.
00:11:38.19\00:11:41.56
Because it was toxic for you,
00:11:41.60\00:11:42.93
because I saw depression,
I saw anxiety, I saw stress,
00:11:42.96\00:11:46.53
I saw many, many
sessions with the tears
00:11:46.57\00:11:49.20
and you are still
searching for that acceptance
00:11:49.24\00:11:51.91
and that approval from him.
00:11:51.94\00:11:53.94
You moved out of the
bedroom, tell us about that?
00:11:53.98\00:11:56.95
Yes, so he was getting
really, getting really heavy
00:11:56.98\00:12:02.48
and I was like, what, I just,
I got to get some reprieve,
00:12:02.52\00:12:04.95
let me just kind of
reevaluate the situation,
00:12:04.99\00:12:07.59
so I moved out to
try to figure out,
00:12:07.62\00:12:09.46
what next move I'm going to make
00:12:09.49\00:12:12.56
and let me see how
he handles this move,
00:12:12.59\00:12:16.26
because he is
not seeing my heart,
00:12:16.30\00:12:17.83
he is not feeling
what I'm trying to say.
00:12:17.87\00:12:20.20
So I moved out of the bedroom
00:12:20.24\00:12:22.60
and you know, I don't
know why I was surprised,
00:12:22.64\00:12:25.97
to my surprise there
were no words exchanged.
00:12:26.01\00:12:28.78
Nothing.
00:12:28.81\00:12:30.15
He got up the next morning like,
00:12:30.18\00:12:31.51
it was just a nice sunny day,
00:12:31.55\00:12:33.18
like, it doesn't mean
nothing, you mean nothing.
00:12:33.21\00:12:35.75
And how did you feel about that?
00:12:35.78\00:12:37.12
How did that make you feel?
00:12:37.15\00:12:40.52
It cut me, it really cut me,
like, you have no value to me,
00:12:40.56\00:12:44.96
not even a
question of, are you okay?
00:12:44.99\00:12:46.93
Why did you move out?
Wait, what's happening?
00:12:46.96\00:12:49.46
You know, he want
always the status quo,
00:12:49.50\00:12:51.50
everything is good.
00:12:51.53\00:12:53.50
And then even after
moving out, you move back in
00:12:53.54\00:12:57.34
and you move back in
to the master bedroom,
00:12:57.37\00:13:01.28
he moved out.
00:13:01.31\00:13:02.64
Yes, he didn't skip a
beat, so I came, he was like,
00:13:02.68\00:13:08.05
you know let's not be like this,
00:13:08.08\00:13:09.65
then come on let's
work it out, let's pray,
00:13:09.68\00:13:12.12
let's get some kind of tool,
let's get counseling together,
00:13:12.15\00:13:15.06
I'm going by myself,
let's just do something,
00:13:15.09\00:13:17.69
nope it's you, and I'm like wow.
00:13:17.73\00:13:20.40
So, I have thought maybe, okay,
well, maybe if I just show him,
00:13:20.43\00:13:23.57
you know, when he
comes back from work,
00:13:23.60\00:13:24.93
I'll be just be back in the room
00:13:24.97\00:13:26.57
like, let's just talk it
out or let's come together
00:13:26.60\00:13:30.21
and I never forget that
day, like another cut he came in
00:13:30.24\00:13:34.08
and he felt
that I was in a room,
00:13:34.11\00:13:35.74
he cut on the
light to double check
00:13:35.78\00:13:37.55
and he see me, he look
and he cut off the light
00:13:37.58\00:13:40.45
and slammed the door
and he never came back,
00:13:40.48\00:13:44.39
so I was like wow,
okay, this is a new thing,
00:13:44.42\00:13:48.99
so I will come to
counseling sessions
00:13:49.02\00:13:50.66
and get more information.
00:13:50.69\00:13:52.26
How to deal with
another disappointment,
00:13:52.29\00:13:55.30
another situational rejection.
00:13:55.33\00:13:58.07
'Cause I didn't want
you to have a setback
00:13:58.10\00:13:59.53
because again, it was so easy
00:13:59.57\00:14:01.40
to just go back into
that level of depression,
00:14:01.44\00:14:04.64
that we have been pulling
so hard to get you out off.
00:14:04.67\00:14:07.68
I even bought my husband
into as part of one of the tools
00:14:07.71\00:14:11.11
to help you to be able talk
about from a male perspective.
00:14:11.15\00:14:14.48
How did that help you?
00:14:14.52\00:14:15.85
That was pivotal for me
00:14:15.88\00:14:18.52
to not only get a
perspective from a woman,
00:14:18.55\00:14:22.06
but yet that male perspective
that I was looking for
00:14:22.09\00:14:25.09
when I initially went
00:14:25.13\00:14:26.46
to the other
counseling session, it worked.
00:14:26.49\00:14:29.90
It's like he heard my heart,
00:14:29.93\00:14:33.87
it's like he felt what my
husband was going through,
00:14:33.90\00:14:36.57
but yet he allowed me
00:14:36.60\00:14:38.97
to kind of process
my thoughts to say,
00:14:39.01\00:14:41.84
well listen, you
know, there comes the time
00:14:41.88\00:14:44.11
that you have to make a decision
00:14:44.15\00:14:47.12
and if that was real
and it was very really well
00:14:47.15\00:14:49.25
like, you know,
00:14:49.28\00:14:50.69
he doesn't wanted to
as you can't make anybody.
00:14:50.72\00:14:52.75
No, you can't.
00:14:52.79\00:14:54.12
You know, you can't
make anyone love you,
00:14:54.16\00:14:56.22
you can't make anyone,
you know, get the tools
00:14:56.26\00:14:59.09
and anything in
life to be successful,
00:14:59.13\00:15:01.73
too much is
given much is required.
00:15:01.76\00:15:03.47
That's it. Let's assess
some of your tools, okay?
00:15:03.50\00:15:06.37
Your tools are
how you communicate
00:15:06.40\00:15:08.10
with yourself now?
00:15:08.14\00:15:10.31
How you listen to yourself now?
00:15:10.34\00:15:12.34
How important does that
play a role in your life now
00:15:12.37\00:15:14.74
in your healing?
00:15:14.78\00:15:16.11
It's absolutely essential,
like I'm not scared of--
00:15:16.14\00:15:20.52
Sometimes I'll be scared
00:15:20.55\00:15:21.88
to listen to the
voice inside of me
00:15:21.92\00:15:24.42
'cause I was
such in a bad place,
00:15:24.45\00:15:26.82
I was hurting so much
like, how do I get out of this?
00:15:26.86\00:15:32.09
And now I can sit in a
room with total silence
00:15:32.13\00:15:37.03
and have such joy
and peace and I was like,
00:15:37.07\00:15:41.10
I was telling you one
session before I said,
00:15:41.14\00:15:43.64
Dr. Kim, I sat in the room
00:15:43.67\00:15:45.84
with tears coming
down my face of joy.
00:15:45.87\00:15:49.61
I hadn't felt that
in such a long time.
00:15:49.64\00:15:52.28
Years of hoping,
years of rejection,
00:15:52.31\00:15:54.68
years of, you know,
condense any words in,
00:15:54.72\00:15:58.65
you know, just so
many years of that
00:15:58.69\00:16:01.26
and to just be able to
have the strength to come out,
00:16:01.29\00:16:04.46
you know, this is exciting.
00:16:04.49\00:16:07.76
I know you had to--
00:16:07.80\00:16:09.33
you made a decision
to move out of your home
00:16:09.36\00:16:12.07
and he even helped
pack your things up.
00:16:12.10\00:16:15.54
Let's talk about that?
00:16:15.57\00:16:16.91
Yes, so I made a
clear decision to move out.
00:16:16.94\00:16:19.37
The Lord spokes to me
clearly and I caught him
00:16:19.41\00:16:24.05
and I told him, you
know what my decision was.
00:16:24.08\00:16:26.82
I said, you know, I understand
that you are doing some things
00:16:26.85\00:16:29.68
that you feel that you
need to do with your life
00:16:29.72\00:16:32.15
and I just want to let
you know I'm doing the same,
00:16:32.19\00:16:34.56
so when you get
back, I won't be here.
00:16:34.59\00:16:36.93
And his response was, okay girl!
00:16:36.96\00:16:39.93
Okay girl. Okay girl!
00:16:39.96\00:16:41.43
Like...
00:16:41.46\00:16:42.80
Like you're just
pals. Yeah, pals co-worker.
00:16:42.83\00:16:45.80
And I was like, okay.
00:16:45.83\00:16:47.60
And when I came to get
the remainder of my things,
00:16:47.64\00:16:51.64
he had already had it
all packed and ready for me
00:16:51.67\00:16:55.04
and I was like, wow, thank you.
00:16:55.08\00:16:57.65
And I took my things
00:16:57.68\00:16:59.65
and I knew that there
was turning of events,
00:16:59.68\00:17:01.55
there was the end.
00:17:01.58\00:17:03.72
Have you seen him since? No.
00:17:03.75\00:17:05.82
Okay. No communication?
Not a call, not anything.
00:17:05.85\00:17:09.56
Not anything.
00:17:09.59\00:17:10.93
When you look at
your communication process
00:17:10.96\00:17:12.96
or your counseling process
and you look at him today,
00:17:12.99\00:17:16.90
what do you see in his behavior!
00:17:16.93\00:17:19.50
You know, avoidance, denial--
00:17:19.53\00:17:22.27
Yes, absolutely.
00:17:22.30\00:17:23.64
Do you see those
type of characteristics
00:17:23.67\00:17:25.57
and the behavior itself,
00:17:25.61\00:17:27.28
when we talk about
cognitive behavioral therapy?
00:17:27.31\00:17:30.61
Would you recommend
therapy for your own husband
00:17:30.65\00:17:33.18
to say you need some help?
00:17:33.21\00:17:34.95
Absolutely. Why?
00:17:34.98\00:17:37.79
Because that behavior
will have an end result,
00:17:37.82\00:17:42.76
a repetition of the
things that may be his core fear
00:17:42.79\00:17:48.36
of being abandoned
00:17:48.40\00:17:50.87
and you are actually
making that repetition
00:17:50.90\00:17:53.94
by your behavior and not seeing
the end result of your behavior
00:17:53.97\00:17:57.21
is causing these
things to happen,
00:17:57.24\00:17:58.91
it's not just
happening and you have to,
00:17:58.94\00:18:01.18
you know, have
accountability for your actions.
00:18:01.21\00:18:03.04
Yes, accountability.
00:18:03.08\00:18:04.41
Yes, and unfortunately
that was a challenge for him.
00:18:04.45\00:18:07.75
Okay. Are you depressed now?
00:18:07.78\00:18:11.35
Absolutely not. I
have joy unspeakable.
00:18:11.39\00:18:14.76
Are you angry? Not at all.
00:18:14.79\00:18:17.56
Are you disappointed in
the way your life has turned
00:18:17.59\00:18:20.40
and the direction
it's going in now?
00:18:20.43\00:18:24.00
I'm actually humbled by it.
00:18:24.03\00:18:26.70
You know, just, when I
actually just stepped out on God
00:18:26.74\00:18:30.64
and knowing that
He was speaking to me,
00:18:30.67\00:18:33.64
it was like a
new door, it's like,
00:18:33.68\00:18:35.14
I just had a visual of
like doors flying open,
00:18:35.18\00:18:39.01
you know, it's just,
00:18:39.05\00:18:40.38
you know, it just
started to change immediately
00:18:40.42\00:18:45.15
when I just stepped out.
00:18:45.19\00:18:46.82
Yes.
00:18:46.86\00:18:48.19
And I just really believe that,
00:18:48.22\00:18:49.56
that's what God was waiting for.
00:18:49.59\00:18:51.13
Where do we go
now in your opinion
00:18:51.16\00:18:53.33
'cause this is about you
in your counseling process?
00:18:53.36\00:18:56.56
Where would you like to go next,
00:18:56.60\00:18:58.40
because we had a long journey
00:18:58.43\00:19:00.40
getting you from
that first day to today?
00:19:00.44\00:19:03.74
What's next for
Pat? A continuation.
00:19:03.77\00:19:06.41
I mean, you
still need the counsel
00:19:06.44\00:19:10.08
'cause it's still a process
00:19:10.11\00:19:12.85
and you have to
walk out the process.
00:19:12.88\00:19:15.22
And, you know, you
can't get too zealous,
00:19:15.25\00:19:17.19
you have to continue to see God,
00:19:17.22\00:19:19.15
seek the counsel of
the God puts before you,
00:19:19.19\00:19:21.72
so that you can continue
in the things that God wants.
00:19:21.76\00:19:24.19
And I am there
like, it's not into him,
00:19:24.23\00:19:26.80
like, Dr. Kim, I am calling you
like, when is my next session,
00:19:26.83\00:19:30.67
it does not end here, like,
you know, it's been such a--
00:19:30.70\00:19:33.27
You would go but
we are connected.
00:19:33.30\00:19:34.77
Yes. We are connected.
00:19:34.80\00:19:36.14
Well, I have to say
that, do the process,
00:19:36.17\00:19:38.27
both my husband and I know,
we are so proud of you, we,
00:19:38.31\00:19:40.98
you know, the
light is in your eyes,
00:19:41.01\00:19:42.61
the glow is in your voice.
00:19:42.64\00:19:45.55
The way you speak
about your relationship
00:19:45.58\00:19:46.92
with Jesus Christ,
being your all in all.
00:19:46.95\00:19:49.58
What would you say
to someone going through
00:19:49.62\00:19:52.22
what you have come out of?
00:19:52.25\00:19:53.69
What would you say?
00:19:53.72\00:19:55.06
I would say to anyone
that's going through a situation
00:19:55.09\00:19:59.73
that's dark, that
you cannot see your way.
00:19:59.76\00:20:02.43
I will say to you, if
you can just turn your face,
00:20:02.46\00:20:06.50
if you can just
your face to the one
00:20:06.53\00:20:09.04
that can give you that
path, the path of righteous,
00:20:09.07\00:20:12.57
that path that you
can see a brighter day.
00:20:12.61\00:20:15.94
And lot of people are
scared because they don't know
00:20:15.98\00:20:18.28
what that unknown is
and it's very, it's real.
00:20:18.31\00:20:21.25
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's real.
00:20:21.28\00:20:22.62
But when you can
just turn your face
00:20:22.65\00:20:24.65
and believe that
things are gonna get better,
00:20:24.69\00:20:28.16
that's what I will say.
00:20:28.19\00:20:29.52
It will. It will, it will.
00:20:29.56\00:20:30.89
Well, Pat, as we
continue the journey
00:20:30.93\00:20:33.06
and in counseling
is, events will happen,
00:20:33.09\00:20:36.13
things will come up
and you have my commitment,
00:20:36.16\00:20:39.53
you have our commitment here,
that we will be there for you
00:20:39.57\00:20:43.41
and now as we
close out this process
00:20:43.44\00:20:45.51
of going into the divorce,
00:20:45.54\00:20:47.18
we will go to
divorce care counseling
00:20:47.21\00:20:49.18
and I will be here for you.
00:20:49.21\00:20:50.98
I wan to thank you for
sharing your testimony,
00:20:51.01\00:20:53.28
your story and
letting people know,
00:20:53.31\00:20:56.05
that God will see you through.
00:20:56.08\00:20:57.85
Thank you sweetheart.
00:20:57.89\00:20:59.22
God bless you. Thank you.
00:20:59.25\00:21:00.59
Thank you.
00:21:00.62\00:21:02.82
Arthur, all the things
that Pat has gone through.
00:21:02.86\00:21:05.99
Wow.
00:21:06.03\00:21:07.36
But God is bringing her through.
00:21:07.40\00:21:08.83
God is a good God.
00:21:08.86\00:21:10.90
Her relation, you know,
Pat continued to demonstrate
00:21:10.93\00:21:14.57
a sense of
commitment to save her marriage
00:21:14.60\00:21:18.07
more than anything else.
00:21:18.11\00:21:19.74
She found us and
she wanted to make sure
00:21:19.77\00:21:24.01
she was doing everything
that she could possibly do
00:21:24.05\00:21:26.85
to assist in trying to
resolve the differences.
00:21:26.88\00:21:30.45
She was committed.
00:21:30.49\00:21:31.82
Oh, she was more than committed.
00:21:31.85\00:21:33.19
She loved her husband,
but he didn't love her.
00:21:33.22\00:21:36.26
He became confused
about something and you know,
00:21:36.29\00:21:39.69
we are talking about a
man that showed commitment
00:21:39.73\00:21:43.50
towards the
people that he work with
00:21:43.53\00:21:46.84
and sensitivity towards
the people that he work with,
00:21:46.87\00:21:50.17
but when he came
home, he became ice cold.
00:21:50.21\00:21:53.31
He disconnected
totally from Pat.
00:21:53.34\00:21:54.78
Yes.
00:21:54.81\00:21:56.14
And then, she
didn't even see it coming.
00:21:56.18\00:21:57.51
No.
00:21:57.55\00:21:58.88
You know, how does that
happen, you live with someone
00:21:58.91\00:22:01.08
and you don't even
recognize the signs
00:22:01.12\00:22:04.32
that they are about
to move out of the home
00:22:04.35\00:22:07.06
or divorce you?
00:22:07.09\00:22:08.42
Well, you know, it,
it can happen that way
00:22:08.46\00:22:11.93
because you feel
comfortable with who you are.
00:22:11.96\00:22:16.20
You know that you are
doing the right things,
00:22:16.23\00:22:18.83
so you may not see it coming.
00:22:18.87\00:22:21.14
But what really stands
out is the fact that this man
00:22:21.17\00:22:25.81
made a decision that he
want to leave the bedroom.
00:22:25.84\00:22:29.01
He didn't want to be involved
with her in anyway whatsoever.
00:22:29.04\00:22:32.85
He wanted to cut her
off as far as financially.
00:22:32.88\00:22:36.25
You know, so it
was really something
00:22:36.28\00:22:38.75
that caused a lot of tension
and frustration and mostly--
00:22:38.79\00:22:44.29
well, we have
to look at the fact
00:22:44.33\00:22:45.96
that she didn't
know how to handle it.
00:22:45.99\00:22:47.86
She didn't.
00:22:47.90\00:22:49.23
You know, I
remember when I got a call,
00:22:49.26\00:22:50.87
I got a call from her
00:22:50.90\00:22:52.60
and I was in the
office by myself that day
00:22:52.63\00:22:55.47
and Pat was crying and she said,
00:22:55.50\00:22:58.14
"She was sitting in her
therapist's parking lot."
00:22:58.17\00:23:01.78
And she says, "I need help."
00:23:01.81\00:23:04.28
She said, "I need Jesus Christ."
00:23:04.31\00:23:06.92
She says, "I have a therapist
who does not pray with me
00:23:06.95\00:23:09.85
and I was
referred to you, Dr. Kim,
00:23:09.88\00:23:12.35
I was referred to
you and your husband."
00:23:12.39\00:23:14.42
That day, I had an opening,
00:23:14.46\00:23:17.13
normally I don't have
an opening in my schedule
00:23:17.16\00:23:19.76
and the Lord
interceded on her behalf
00:23:19.79\00:23:22.56
and the Lord
allowed her to come.
00:23:22.60\00:23:24.67
The Bible says in, John 14:1,
00:23:24.70\00:23:27.60
"Let not your
heart beat troubled,
00:23:27.64\00:23:29.44
if you believe in
God, believe also in me,
00:23:29.47\00:23:32.37
for in my Father's house
there are many mansions."
00:23:32.41\00:23:35.61
So, she trusted God
00:23:35.64\00:23:37.48
and, Arthur, your
favorite scripture.
00:23:37.51\00:23:38.91
Proverbs 3:5. Yes.
00:23:38.95\00:23:42.68
And we are talking
about trusting in the Lord
00:23:42.72\00:23:44.92
with all thy heart
00:23:44.95\00:23:46.39
and most
importantly acknowledge him.
00:23:46.42\00:23:48.52
That's right. And he
would direct your path.
00:23:48.56\00:23:50.39
And so the key is, Pat
did not lean on herself,
00:23:50.43\00:23:53.09
she leaned on God.
00:23:53.13\00:23:54.60
Let's talk about the solutions.
What did we advise Pat to do?
00:23:54.63\00:23:57.30
What can we do
to help our couples?
00:23:57.33\00:23:58.67
We told Pat that we wanted her
00:23:58.70\00:24:00.44
to look at how to get
with herself and most--
00:24:00.47\00:24:06.34
and recognize
that she can only do
00:24:06.37\00:24:08.61
what she can do to
improve the relationship,
00:24:08.64\00:24:11.21
but don't lose who
she is as an individual.
00:24:11.25\00:24:14.35
That's excellent.
00:24:14.38\00:24:15.72
Also holding herself accountable
00:24:15.75\00:24:17.09
to get busy in her own life.
00:24:17.12\00:24:18.52
She had a beauty salon,
00:24:18.55\00:24:20.19
been able to motivate
herself to become more creative.
00:24:20.22\00:24:23.43
And most of all
00:24:23.46\00:24:24.79
she never
stopped worshiping God.
00:24:24.83\00:24:26.73
She didn't stop worshiping
God, but she also continued
00:24:26.76\00:24:30.10
to reach out to her husband
and she kept getting rejected.
00:24:30.13\00:24:33.60
Right.
00:24:33.64\00:24:34.97
And therefore she
had to move forward.
00:24:35.00\00:24:36.50
Do you know they
attend the same church?
00:24:36.54\00:24:37.97
They attend the same church.
00:24:38.01\00:24:39.34
They still
attend the same church.
00:24:39.37\00:24:40.71
Yes, they do. You know.
00:24:40.74\00:24:42.08
And so I--
00:24:42.11\00:24:43.45
and helping her not
to hate and be angry.
00:24:43.48\00:24:44.81
You cannot hate anyone.
00:24:44.85\00:24:47.32
You must forgive,
because in order for God
00:24:47.35\00:24:49.22
to forgive you, we
must forgive others.
00:24:49.25\00:24:51.69
You know, what was
another ironic thing
00:24:51.72\00:24:53.72
that had occurred
with that relationship,
00:24:53.76\00:24:56.02
was in fact that,
when he made a decision
00:24:56.06\00:24:58.69
or when Pat made a decision
to move out of the house,
00:24:58.73\00:25:01.36
he assisted her.
00:25:01.40\00:25:02.73
Yes, he did.
00:25:02.76\00:25:04.10
He helped her pack,
00:25:04.13\00:25:05.47
he helped her
get everything out,
00:25:05.50\00:25:06.84
he was nice, he was
kind and she said thank you.
00:25:06.87\00:25:10.31
Now, she has moved
into her own new place
00:25:10.34\00:25:13.17
and she has no regrets because
she knows she did everything
00:25:13.21\00:25:16.11
that she could do.
00:25:16.14\00:25:17.48
And her business is
thriving. It is thriving.
00:25:17.51\00:25:20.38
Again, "Trust in the
Lord with all thine heart,
00:25:20.42\00:25:22.92
and lean not unto
thine own understanding.
00:25:22.95\00:25:24.75
In all thy ways acknowledge Him,
00:25:24.79\00:25:27.32
and He shall direct your path.
00:25:27.36\00:25:29.29
I'm Dr. Kim
Logan-Nowlin. I'm Arthur Nowlin.
00:25:29.32\00:25:31.76
God bless.
00:25:31.79\00:25:33.13