Participants: Arthur Nowlin & Kim Logan-Nowlin (Host), Darryl & Heather Dixon
Series Code: MIW
Program Code: MIW000053A
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00:31 Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin.
00:34 I'm Arthur Nowlin. 00:35 And welcome, to making it work. 00:37 Arthur, connected by love. 00:41 I always feel connected to you. 00:43 But do I ever smother you, or you need your space? 00:46 Well, sometimes you do, Kim, 00:47 but it's okay, I've gotten used to it. 00:49 Wait, wait, wait, how do I smother you? 00:52 Yeah, you know. 00:53 There's this thing you, the honey do list. 00:57 Okay. Okay, honey do list. 00:58 And sometimes it could be a little bit. 00:59 It could be a little bit long. It could be a little bit long. 01:01 I mean especially after coming 01:02 from a rough day on a golf course. 01:04 Oh, yes. 01:05 Okay, so that honey do list gets longer and longer 01:08 because you did 18 hours. 01:10 Now, can you imagine? 01:12 Now, I'm talking connected by love. 01:13 Can you imagine? 01:15 Nine holes on the golf course. 01:16 Then it turns to 18, then it's 27? 01:18 Well, Kim. 01:20 They only do is 27 is a rarity, 18 is standard. 01:22 Oh, really? 01:24 But you should understand that, 01:25 I mean you've been with me long enough to know 01:27 that I'm going to do 18. 01:28 That's true and I didn't know. 01:29 So, why do you pile on extra stuff? 01:33 On my honey do list? Yes. 01:34 'Cause I'm connected by love. 01:36 I just need to make sure that those things get done 01:39 and it makes me feel good when we do them together. 01:41 And I understand. 01:43 I guess that's why I try to extend myself to you 01:46 to show that I'm connected by love as well. 01:48 Connected. 01:49 Well, what's some of the things 01:51 that helps couple to stay connected? 01:53 Doing things together, you know. 01:56 You know, I think it's really important 01:58 when couples do find equal medium 02:01 and they enjoy being with each other. 02:04 Okay, almost like a happy medium. 02:05 Yeah. All right. 02:07 So looking at the importance of prayer, 02:10 praying together. 02:11 Man, that's, that's always added pleasure. 02:16 You know, to be able to pray with each other. 02:19 You can get, you can even get excited about it. 02:21 Oh, definitely. 02:23 And what about studying the word of God together. 02:24 That also. 02:26 You know, the Bible says, 02:27 "Study to show thy self approve, 02:29 a workman that need not be ashamed 02:31 rightly dividing the word of truth." 02:33 Well, we are going to talk to two lovely people. 02:37 And we want to welcome Darryl and Heather, 02:41 connected by love. 02:43 And today's society is so hard to stay connected. 02:47 But we know that Darryl and Heather 02:50 have stayed connected in their marriage by love. 02:56 Darryl and Heather Dixon, 02:59 it's so good to have you back here. 03:01 Thanks for having us. Thank you. 03:02 Let's talk about relationship. 03:04 Let's talk about your relationship, 03:06 committed to love. 03:08 Since the last time we saw you, you were engaged to be married. 03:11 You are blended family. 03:12 Some new things have happened. 03:14 Tell us about what's going on in the Dixon family? 03:19 Well, we, we have a new addition to the family. 03:25 My youngest daughter, her name is Maven. 03:28 And so, since she has been here, 03:33 a lot of things have changed and-- 03:38 But I would say that it's been, it's getting better 03:43 and it's been better 03:46 just having, you know, those changes. 03:50 Okay, let's back up a minute. 03:52 You got married. 03:53 When did you get married? 03:55 We got married November 11, 2011. 03:58 And 2011, and the baby was born. 04:00 Yeah. 04:01 And then now, what is different now? 04:03 You've been in the household versus when you were engaged. 04:07 You're there now every day, 04:08 you know, raising two children, married, responsibilities. 04:12 What is different now? 04:15 I don't think there's a big difference 04:18 in relation, relational wise 04:21 but what is different is time management, 04:28 and having, having a new addition to the family. 04:32 The time, we have to use our time more wisely. 04:35 And it's not a whole lot of it, because she consumes 04:39 a lot of my time and Heather's time, so. 04:44 When we talk about connected to love, 04:46 or connected by love, Heather. 04:48 How are you now more connected to Darryl, 04:50 now that you're married to him? 04:52 Well, I feel like Darryl and I 04:54 have been to the battlefield and back. 04:57 In the first four months of our marriage, 05:00 both of us ended up in the hospital 05:02 and he was diagnosed 05:04 with a major life threatening illness 05:08 and I think that 05:10 probably brought us closer very quickly. 05:16 It's, it was a huge adjustment. 05:20 You know, and you know a lot of people are saying, 05:24 "Oh you know, why are you staying with him, 05:27 you know, there is too much too soon, 05:31 it's too much too soon. 05:32 But like I said, you know, it was like a battlefield 05:36 and going to war together and coming out alive, 05:41 you know, really brought us closer. 05:43 One of the things that I was thinking about 05:46 especially when you were talking, you said, 05:48 "It was getting better." 05:50 You know, can you give me some insight. 05:52 What exactly did you mean it was getting better? 05:55 Well, I think with what Heather is saying 05:58 when, when we first-- 06:00 a lot of the problems that happened 06:03 in the earlier stages of our relationship, 06:05 we didn't anticipate. 06:07 And so, after we got married 06:11 and you know, these things started happening. 06:14 It begin to affect, you know, the relationship 06:18 and probably, probably more than, than we knew. 06:25 You know, but we're just living life 06:26 and trying to make everything work. 06:29 But psychologically, there's things that's happening 06:32 that I'm dealing with, that she's not always aware of 06:35 and vice versa with her, you know. 06:39 And, you know, not even just in our relationship, 06:42 but she deals with a lot of stuff at work too 06:45 that I don't, that she doesn't always talk about. 06:48 I'm out there with things also. 06:51 And I think it all, it all gets mixed in there. 06:56 And then you throw a baby in on top of that. 06:59 And, you know, now we have to be concerned about 07:02 her needs, you know, she gets sick, she's angry. 07:06 And at the same time, see I'm used to having time 07:12 to do what I need to do and a lot of stuff that I do, 07:14 I make a lot of phone calls 07:16 and do a lot of stuff in my free time. 07:19 Well, that free time is no longer there. 07:22 And so, for me emotionally it's kind of hard 07:25 because I feel like, okay, I'm being thrown 07:27 into the position of being sort of like the house mom. 07:31 Whereas before, I'm making phone calls 07:34 and I'm doing stuff, you know. 07:36 But it's been, it's been tough but the thing that I, 07:40 that I would say is that... 07:45 I'm not complaining about that, you know, and I'm not, 07:48 I'm not dishearted to say that, this is too hard, 07:53 I don't want to do this, I want a way out. 07:55 I know that God perfects everything in due season. 07:59 And so, we just you know, some things you have to tough, 08:03 you know make it rough and tough through it 08:06 and just keep going. 08:07 But it sounds like it's like weighing on you. 08:12 You know, just in the conversation 08:14 the way you express yourself. 08:16 Well, that's life. 08:17 You know, so let me ask you. 08:19 He's talking about stress and eustress. 08:21 You know, eustress is a positive stressful thing, 08:24 like we bought a house. 08:26 We had a baby. 08:27 Those are positive things, 08:28 you know, new additions to our life. 08:30 But it comes with stress on its own 08:32 and there's an adjustment period. 08:34 So, what are some of those challenges 08:36 did that you're facing today. 08:38 We're talking about things getting better. 08:40 So, what's going on today, 08:43 you know, besides just a baby for both. 08:46 Well, I've been dealing with a lot of stuff concerning, 08:50 what's really been weighing on me 08:52 is a lot of stuff dealing with my music. 08:57 And, and just today 09:01 I just got affiliated with, 09:04 with HFA which is Harry Fox Agency. 09:08 You can't get paid for writers 09:12 unless you have a publishing company. 09:14 And out of all the years that I've been writing, 09:17 I never signed a publishing deal. 09:20 So, from 2004 until now, all of that publishing 09:26 that I've wrote before it all those years 09:29 has to sit in collections, 09:32 so I've been talking to record companies in China 09:35 and, but the record companies don't really have any answers 09:39 because record companies only, they pay publishers. 09:42 But you still have to have a publishing place, 09:44 so I went out and started my own publishing company. 09:47 So that I could get connected to Harry Fox 09:49 and now, all of that publishing can come back to me. 09:52 So, how as and Heather, you've been a therapist. 09:56 How do you step outside of that domain 09:59 and be able to support each other. 10:01 How do you will communicate about the stresses, 10:04 about the overall in and out of the relationship? 10:07 How do you communicate? 10:08 How do you do that? 10:10 Several times a day, I pray. Yes. 10:14 About how to address certain things. 10:17 Darryl's brother died last year. 10:20 His oldest daughter had a baby. 10:23 And I know that, he's going through a lot. 10:26 And he is, he's my nanny, he stays at home with the baby. 10:30 So, I can keep working. 10:32 You know, and I know that he has a lot of responsibility. 10:35 So, I really focus on trying to be sensitive to his needs 10:40 and understanding where he is on a day to day basis 10:43 so I can kind of pick up on his tone. 10:45 You know, eye contact, if he goes into his man cave. 10:49 And he's got a music room downstairs, 10:51 so if he is in the music room 10:53 and the amp is on ten or whatever 10:57 and he's, he's rocking out to his guitar 11:00 then I know this, I'm going to give him his time. 11:03 It's important to recognize the signs. 11:07 You know, he's got subtle signs he might not even know, 11:11 you know. 11:12 Now, it's a good time to talk about certain things 11:14 and now, is you know, let's put it on home time. 11:17 Picking your battles, knowing when to pick those battles. 11:20 Yes. 11:21 You know, how does God plays a role in your relationship, 11:24 you know, this overall impact 11:26 of spirituality in your lives together? 11:29 I would say work 11:32 and I'll just mention this to my wife 11:35 yesterday I believe that I realize 11:40 the value of staying connected to God in prayer 11:44 and just be insensitive and aware of his presence. 11:50 And when I do that personally 11:53 it, it, 11:57 he, he controls 12:01 my outlook on things. 12:04 And is, is it's kind of hard to explain 12:07 but I'm more patient and I'm more sensitive, 12:10 when I'm close to him. 12:12 Oh, yes. 12:13 And, it affects the way I treat her, 12:15 and I actually took notice of that. 12:17 You know, and God is, 12:22 He is the center of everything 12:24 and especially, you know, in our relationship, 12:27 I think you know he is, we got to have him. 12:30 So, when you say, when you're close to God. 12:36 Are you also saying then, then there's a period 12:39 where you are challenged to the point where you know? 12:43 I think, I think... 12:48 I think there are times when it's not 12:51 that God is not always first in my life, 12:54 but I think that there's a time 12:55 whether it's through busyness or through whatever 12:59 that, that sometimes 13:01 He's not in the forefront of our minds, 13:03 and we're just going about 13:04 our daily lives and doing stuff. 13:06 And it's almost like we lose a sense 13:09 that He is there, even though He said, 13:11 "He would never leave us nor forsake us." 13:13 But we become distracted by the things of the world, 13:16 and things that are going on in our lives. 13:19 And you know, I'll say my life, I make it personal and-- 13:24 But God always, 13:28 He's always that still small voice, 13:31 you know, and usually for me, 13:33 it happens when I turn everything off, 13:36 and when my wife and children are asleep. 13:38 And sometimes I'm just up, 13:40 sometimes I'm playing my guitar. 13:42 And I'll just sense his presence. 13:44 And it literally breaks me down, 13:46 I'll sometimes I'll just tear up 13:48 for no reason at all, 13:49 because I know that He's that close to me. 13:51 Heather, you said that there were, 13:54 there were times when you can read your husband 13:58 and determine what's going on with him, 14:00 you know, and how to approach him. 14:04 How do you maintain that communication with him 14:09 especially when you recognize that there is some difficulties 14:13 that may be existed, you now, 14:14 he may be dealing with some personal stressors 14:17 whatever, wherever it may be happening. 14:19 Sometimes, I'm just quiet. 14:21 And I give him time to really center himself 14:26 to figure out where he is, 14:28 because I've found that if I come at him 14:31 at certain times, 14:32 if he's not ready, it's a disaster. 14:34 You know, and where we're yelling 14:36 and, you know, going in separate directions. 14:40 I know eye contact even tone. 14:43 You know, making sure that we, 14:46 I guess keep our cool especially around the children. 14:50 How long did it take you to recognize, that 14:52 I mean you've been married now for three years, right? 14:55 We're still working on it. 14:56 Okay, it's important you know because it's not, 15:00 it's not something that just happens. 15:03 No, no, and we've actually called in third party help. 15:08 I'm a therapist 15:10 and I'm not afraid of counselors, you know, 15:11 I'm not afraid of asking for help when we need it. 15:14 And especially after we had the baby, 15:17 we're tired and we never planned to have a baby. 15:20 You know, 15:22 that wasn't in our plan in the big scope of things. 15:25 So, we never talked about infancy 15:29 and you know raising in discipline 15:32 and because Ryan was older. 15:34 You know, and it was, it was easier with him, 15:36 because he was already established. 15:38 But it's really interesting to find out, 15:40 you know how different we are. 15:43 And even how, he was raised and how I was raised. 15:45 Like I like, I put posters on the wall. 15:47 Like I go to the Teacher store and I put posters on the way, 15:50 I have all these little words, 15:51 these sight words that I put up. 15:53 He is still like, "What are you doing? 15:58 You know, so there was an adjustment there 16:00 but if we keep our finger on the pulse 16:05 of each other's hearts, you know, it works out better. 16:09 I like that keeping yourself connected to the pulse 16:12 of the heart. 16:14 Heather, let me ask you a question, 16:15 your me time, you, you know, where is your time? 16:18 At work. At work? 16:19 Yes. That's where you escape. 16:21 Yes, I've been blessed with a job 16:24 that I really enjoy. 16:26 And I do have downtime at work. 16:30 And I have my Sabbath school lesson. 16:32 In my desk at work, I keep my Bible there. 16:35 When I'm at home I do worship with the children. 16:39 So, I'm reading, 16:41 you know, Jr. Early Teen devotional, 16:42 I'm reading the Toddler devotional, 16:45 we're singing baby songs 16:46 or whatever but when I actually get 16:49 to connect with God in my own time 16:51 is when I'm in the office, I close my door. 16:54 You know, and that's when I have my me time. 16:56 Because, when I come home, 16:57 he is so tired having to work with a baby all day, 16:59 his hands are off. 17:00 I fix dinner and then go to bed. 17:02 So my question is 17:04 with the me time for the couple, the relationship. 17:07 Where do you all get rejuvenate your life, 17:09 your marriage, your love, your sexuality, 17:12 where does it come in? 17:13 Come on top. 17:15 We used to have date night, 17:16 but that's not really on the agenda anymore. 17:21 It's there somewhere. 17:22 But we laugh and joke a lot. 17:25 Lean in bed, being silly. 17:28 All right. All right. 17:29 And then you both are musicians, 17:31 you know, so that, is there a time 17:33 where you both can possibly get on the same page. 17:38 It's almost like a challenge we're going to know, 17:40 so you have those musician differences. 17:43 He gives me a hard time 17:45 because musically he doesn't like 17:47 to practice with me. 17:49 I thought you were playing my guitar today. 17:50 I did play your guitar today. 17:54 Yes. Okay. But, he doesn't. 17:57 He doesn't like to rehearse that much with me. 18:02 Well, that bring to me another question today. 18:05 Let's look at drive. 18:06 As far as you're driving your husband's drive, 18:09 you know, are you saying that your drive is more motivating, 18:14 more intense than your husband's? 18:17 It depends on what you're talking about. 18:19 Because he is very passionate. 18:21 Okay. Just differences. 18:23 And he's a, he's a musician. 18:24 so he's very sensitive, he feels things deeply 18:27 and he's very opinionated, you know. 18:30 And I think for her music 18:33 is something that she loves to do. 18:34 For me, it's my bread and butter. 18:37 So, when I do it, it's a whole different dynamic. 18:40 You know, in terms of intensity and... 18:45 But I'm thankful, I'm glad that she is. 18:47 So, are you more critical because of that, 18:50 because you're looking in. 18:51 I'm not critical because I understand that 18:53 different people are on different levels 18:55 and I accept that. 18:57 You know, I don't, I don't challenge her 18:59 to be as intense as I am, 19:01 because she don't have too, 19:03 she's a psychologist. 19:04 You know, I'm a professional musician. 19:08 That's what I do so. 19:09 But one thing I will say about our relationship. 19:15 I don't always see how things are working between us. 19:21 But when I look at the results of our lives, 19:25 and what we're actually doing together. 19:27 I can see it from, when I stand back and look. 19:31 You know, when we got, when we were dating, 19:33 I was legally blind. 19:36 And I wasn't driving, 19:37 I haven't driven for more almost six years, 19:39 while we were dating. 19:41 I think, I remember you talking to me 19:42 about that once. 19:43 And now, you know, I had a surgery 19:45 so I can see now. 19:46 I'm driving, I got my license 19:47 and you know, we, 19:49 we own our own house, you know. 19:52 We have a brand new child, 19:53 so I can see how God is adding on to us, 19:56 even in the midst of the tribulations 19:59 and the trials and the struggle. 20:01 There are still good things that are happening within that. 20:04 And you don't always, 20:06 you do always appreciate it but I love my wife dearly. 20:11 And I appreciate everything that she is. 20:14 And, I'm not supposed to look at you all. 20:18 But, I really do she, she, she is everything to me. 20:22 You're a blended family though, right? 20:25 You know, so, what are some of the challenges with that? 20:28 I think the challenge is including everybody. 20:32 Sometimes it's, sometimes we don't think 20:34 about my daughter is that her living with, 20:38 you know, living out in Canton, 20:40 living with their parents. 20:42 And sometimes, it may not be as much as guilt on her 20:45 as it is for me. 20:46 But I think about them when sometimes when, 20:49 when you know, me and Maven and Ryan go out to eat. 20:55 And we're enjoying each other, I think about you know, 20:58 where are my other children, 20:59 I feel like I'm investing a lot of time into them 21:02 and not in my other children 21:03 and we've actually talked about that. 21:06 And I let them know, look, we think, 21:08 everything that I do include all of my children 21:11 even if you don't see it right away, 21:13 you're going to benefit from it. 21:15 And it includes all of you. 21:16 Listen, we want to thank you both for being a part 21:19 of making it work once again and connected by love. 21:24 Truly this has been a journey and the journey will continue. 21:27 And the legacy now through your children, 21:30 through your grandchild, through your music, 21:32 through you work. 21:34 God has truly blessed you both and I just want to say, 21:37 how proud I am of you. 21:38 I have known you both for very long time. 21:40 Arthur and I, and we will continue to allow 21:44 this relationship to grow. 21:45 We want to thank you for being a part 21:47 of making it work. 21:48 Thank you for having us. God bless. 21:50 God bless. 21:53 Arthur, that was a wonderful interview. 21:56 Heather and Darryl have gone through 21:58 a lot of experience in life. 21:59 Let's talk about some of the issues 22:02 of the interview. 22:03 They are a blended family being able to adjust, 22:07 they recently had a new baby girl. 22:09 Yeah. 22:10 And also Darryl's relationship with his son. 22:13 So, let's talk about some of the things 22:15 that you and I observed doing this interview. 22:18 Well, you know I guess 22:20 well, it was really impressive to me 22:22 was the fact that Darryl seems 22:24 really committed to the relationship. 22:27 Okay. 22:30 Once again, being in a blended family environment, 22:33 it takes a lot of work 22:35 and it's really important that you accept the fact 22:39 that this child is not a stepchild, 22:42 it's your child. 22:44 I have a saying how many steps do I have 22:46 to take for their child to be mine. 22:48 So, we need to get rid of the labels, 22:50 stepchild, stepmother, stepfather, 22:53 we are a blended family. 22:54 We're family. And Darryl accepted that. 22:58 But, you know, another thing that was 23:00 really impressive to me is Heather 23:03 and how she assisted Darryl in dealing with 23:06 his debilitating disease that he had. 23:09 I mean he was going through a really dramatic situation 23:14 and she helped him through that. 23:15 And that was right after they were married. 23:17 Absolutely you know. 23:19 Can you imagine being a new bride, 23:21 and you're expecting things to go one way 23:23 and things go another way. 23:24 And you have to allow the Holy Spirit to help you 23:27 to be able to step in 23:29 and be that perfect person, or that good person. 23:32 Because no one is perfect but God. 23:34 You know, but even in that, 23:37 you can see that it was a trying situation, 23:41 and it really caused 23:42 both of them to really dig down deep. 23:45 And to really try to be supportive 23:48 of the whole situation that had occurred, 23:51 it came out of nowhere, boom, you know. 23:53 So, being in support of, of course always first of all, 23:56 we have to seek God's will. 23:58 "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God. 24:00 And all things will be added onto thee." 24:01 Then of course, 24:03 praying without ceasing as a relationship. 24:05 But the support that needs to be shown, 24:07 and not separating the fact that 24:09 we are both parents in this relationship. 24:11 Where Darryl cannot discipline his son, 24:14 and no, Heather saying, "I will take care of that." 24:17 But he says, "I am a part of this family. 24:20 So, we work together." 24:21 Because there was a concern at one point. 24:24 But now, they have a new addition to the family. 24:28 So that even, that connection even grows even more. 24:32 And they're excited, you know. 24:34 But I think what's really important 24:36 is another thing is that they both have recognized 24:40 they have a talent. 24:43 They are creative, and they work together. 24:45 And they really both of them are excited, 24:49 and they write, they sing, they play. 24:52 Yes. So, that's another connection. 24:54 And there's no competition. 24:56 You know in some marriages, 24:57 it's like, I'm in competition with you, 24:58 but why are we in competition shouldn't we be a team, 25:02 you know, and that's a concept, that's a solution. 25:04 We must think like a team, act like a team, 25:07 work like a team. 25:08 And be a team for God. 25:10 And it's working on being equally yoked, 25:14 even though you may not be equally yoked 25:15 when you come into a relationship, 25:17 you know, there's a lot of things 25:19 that can enhance your relationship. 25:23 You know, work on being equally yoked, 25:26 finding things that's going to make you stay together. 25:29 Now, you know another thing I want to add is that when. 25:33 I have a weakness, you help me, you hold me up. 25:36 And when you're weak, I hold you up. 25:38 And so, we compliment one another you know, 25:41 I think complimenting 25:43 one another is a definite solution to say that 25:46 I don't have to wait for someone else 25:47 to pat me on the back. 25:48 I'm going to encourage you, I'm going to strengthen you, 25:51 I'm going to help you, I'm going to pray for you. 25:53 I'm going to be there for you and be by your side. 25:57 So, as we look at the relationship 25:59 between Darryl and Heather, 26:00 we have the commitment. 26:02 Yes. 26:03 We have prayer, we have seeking God 26:06 on a consistent basis. 26:07 So, you can't just pray to God every now and then. 26:10 It means communicating with God 26:12 on a daily basis two to three times, 26:14 four times a day. 26:16 Absolutely and that's really something 26:17 that you have to understand. 26:19 And like you said, the commitment has to be there, 26:22 and that's waking up in the morning 26:23 and praying together, 26:25 praying together, throughout the day, 26:26 praying together in evening. 26:29 That helps you because, 26:31 even though you may have some disagreements, 26:33 there's a way out. 26:34 You can recognize that through the disagreements 26:38 that we may have 26:39 but if we pray, and we support each other, 26:42 we can overcome these things. 26:44 You know, I think what's important also 26:45 is to be kind, be nice, be sensitive. 26:49 You know, support one another through 26:51 the way you greet each other. 26:53 In the morning, just greeting each other 26:55 helps you to have a better day. 26:57 And you want to come home that evening 27:00 to greet that person. 27:01 Well, I am excited what God is doing 27:03 for Darryl and Heather and their beautiful children. 27:06 And what is coming next for them. 27:09 Great ministries are ahead. 27:11 I'm excited to come, 27:12 because I think God has done a great thing for you. 27:15 But he has made me your life soul. 27:19 I'm excited that 27:20 Arthur is in my life and I'm in his life. 27:23 Well, I'm Dr Kim Logan-Nowlin. I'm Arthur Nowlin. 27:25 And thank you for joining us on making it work. God bless. |
Revised 2016-04-04