Participants: Arthur Nowlin (Host), Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin (Host), Genora Jones
Series Code: MIW
Program Code: MIW000049A
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00:01 Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin.
00:03 And I'm Arthur Nowlin. 00:04 And welcome to "Making It Work." 00:37 How you doing, Arthur? I'm fine. 00:39 Kim, what about yourself today? I am good. 00:41 You know, little chilly outside but God is good. 00:43 Yes, yes. 00:44 Now listen-- 00:46 They call it an Arctic frost or something. 00:48 Really? It feels like it. 00:49 Yeah. But you know that's Michigan. 00:51 You never know what takes place. 00:52 Yes. 00:54 You know, but listen, I want to ask you a question. 00:56 You know, you have been a social worker how long? 00:59 Oh, man. I would say at least 28 years. 01:03 All right and your years in the field of social work, 01:07 how have you learned to help people dealing with loss 01:12 and death and dying? 01:13 How have you dealt with that over your years? 01:15 Well, basically we had to get to help them 01:19 to continue to communicate 01:22 about the issues especially when it's someone 01:25 that's really close to them. 01:27 There is a different levels of grief, you know, 01:30 so but when it's really a close relative or someone 01:36 that you really have a good friendship with 01:38 it's a little bit more difficult. 01:40 Why is it difficult for people to come into counseling 01:43 to deal with their grief? 01:44 What is it? 01:45 Well, some of them don't really think about it 01:47 coming into counseling. 01:49 They just think they have to deal the loss themselves 01:52 but you and I know that 01:54 the more you communicate about it, 01:56 the more that you express your feelings, 02:00 the better it becomes 02:01 but it's never to a point 02:03 where you just totally forget about it, 02:05 especially if it's a parent or a real loved one. 02:09 Wow. 02:10 Well, today on Making It Work, we have a very special guest. 02:13 She's been in my life, all my life. 02:16 And she has been a mentor, a big sister to say, 02:22 wonderful person, a role model 02:24 and but she has gone through something 02:26 she has joined us today, 02:28 taking a special time to be with us on Making It Work. 02:31 Let's welcome Mrs. Genora Jones. 02:34 Hi Hi. 02:35 How are you, beautiful? How are you doing? 02:37 I'm doing, I'm doing better. Excellent. 02:39 I'm doing better. 02:40 But, you know, we wanted you to come on 02:42 because over the last few years 02:44 we have been seeing you and watching you. 02:47 Though we were waiting to invite you. 02:49 When we got this opportunity 02:50 you are one of the first persons 02:52 we thought about to interview. 02:55 But the Lord said, "Wait." 02:57 And then I contacted you and you said... 02:59 Yes, I will. 03:01 And we want you to share with our 3ABN 03:03 Dare to Dream family your testimony. 03:06 Can you tell our family and our viewers 03:08 what happened in your life? 03:10 Tell your testimony. 03:12 Well, I did have a very traumatic experience 03:16 with the loss of my husband, David Jones. 03:21 He and I were very close. 03:22 We have been married for ten years. 03:24 Wow. 03:25 And, you know, it is in zip it happened, 03:30 you know, just recently. 03:32 In fact, tomorrow would be the anniversary of his death. 03:35 Really? Yes, it will be. 03:37 What. 03:38 Yeah, he was in an accident 03:42 on January 23, 2006. 03:46 And even though it's been seven years it's still, 03:49 you know, sometimes pretty hard, 03:52 you know, for me. 03:54 I have feelings of loneliness, emptiness sometimes, 04:01 not necessarily bitterness. 04:03 You know, initially I had that feeling but not now and, 04:08 you know, it was just a great loss for me to lose David. 04:14 To tell you what happened, I think it is easier for me 04:18 to talk about it now and before it really wasn't. 04:22 You know, in fact, I think I suppressed 04:25 the whole incident to the point 04:30 where my family was really worried about me. 04:33 You know, it's been seen by psychologist, 04:36 psychiatrist and I was eventually diagnosed 04:40 to severe depression. 04:43 But, you know, when I have to bring it to the forefront, 04:45 you know, as I'm doing now I do remember, you know, 04:49 the morning that had happened. 04:52 David-- with my being a nurse, you know, 04:54 I worked odd shifts and David and I were like 04:59 two shifts in the night therefore about a good month, 05:02 you know, and one night I was about to get off duty 05:07 it was around 11 o' clock. 05:10 David called the emergency room where I worked 05:13 and said that he would wait up for me 05:15 because he normally had to get up at three o' clock 05:18 to get ready to go to the work. 05:21 And he said, he would wait up for me this particular night. 05:24 I thought it was rather strange but he did, 05:27 he waited for me and of course we spent time together. 05:31 It was a beautiful time that was spent together and, 05:35 you know, then eventually drifted off to sleep. 05:38 And around three, around four o' clock, 05:43 he was ready for work and the last thing I remember, 05:46 it was, you know, him kissing me goodbye 05:48 and the next I remember it was a knock on my door, 05:55 'cause apparently I had fallen asleep 05:56 right after David left. 05:58 And the knock on the door was so loud 06:01 apparently they had been knocking a while. 06:04 And when I went downstairs, it was the police 06:08 and the first thing I thought, 06:10 you know, of course my son at that time was in Iran, Iraq 06:16 and I thought but that didn't see any soldiers 06:19 or military people 06:21 and I couldn't figure out what, 06:22 you know, what was going on. 06:24 And they-- and I asked them I wouldn't open the door. 06:29 I asked them, you know, "Why are you here?" 06:31 And they said, "Ma'am, please open the door." 06:33 And I said, "No." 06:35 I said, you could have had-- 06:36 of course I was very hysterical. 06:37 I'm being very calm now but they said 06:41 "Well, call 911 and operator will tell you." 06:45 And when I called at 911, I told her who I was, 06:49 where I lived and she said, 06:51 "Ma'am, open the door for the police." 06:54 I opened the door and that's when they told me. 06:57 And it was, 07:02 it was so traumatic for me. 07:05 You know, I really, you know, 07:07 I kind of lost exactly everything that went on 07:12 but I do remember calling family 07:16 and having family members come by and for, you know, 07:19 I can't honestly tell you everything that went on 07:23 but it was very, very traumatic. 07:26 You know, it's amazing if you don't have 07:29 family members or your church family 07:33 I don't think I would have made it through all that. 07:35 You know, even with all the help 07:37 from the psychologist and the psychiatrist 07:40 wanting to put me on medications, you know, 07:43 and I didn't wanted to take the medications of course, 07:46 because being a nurse, you know, 07:47 I know all the side effects of some of those drugs. 07:50 But even with all my family members that rallied around me. 07:55 My sister, Travis, my brother Edward, 07:58 my aunt Rachel Franklin, they were there 08:01 and they are still there for me today. 08:03 You know, I have family members that help me with my finances, 08:07 you know, to get those things arranged. 08:09 I had family members, the Baxter's helping me 08:14 with legal matters. 08:17 If you don't have people in your life, you know, 08:20 there is just no way you can pull it through 08:23 something like that. 08:24 But the one thing that I didn't think of was my spirituality, 08:29 you know, I just, I wasn't there, 08:31 you know, at that time. 08:32 And, you know, there were times 08:36 when I were going to a deep state of depression. 08:41 My family was really worried about me because, you know, 08:43 I was always a very happy-go-lucky... 08:45 Always, always. 08:46 You know, always laughing and joking about everything 08:49 but this experience just totally changed my life. 08:53 You know, I would eat or I would not eat. 08:58 My appetite would be gone, 08:59 or I would eat more than I should. 09:02 There were times when I couldn't get to sleep 09:05 and I was just finally diagnosed as severe depression. 09:11 Were you working at that time? 09:13 I mean, I mean, shortly after the incident. 09:16 How soon did you go back to work? 09:19 It actually took me about six weeks. 09:22 For one thing, I couldn't drive because what happened to David 09:27 was that and it took exactly, it didn't even take a minute 09:31 for it to happen from the time he left our porch to the time 09:35 the accident happened 09:36 because someone timed it for me. 09:39 Just to tell me how far they got, you know, 09:44 to the accident site. 09:46 But what happened was there were some robbers 09:50 that had robbed at 7-Eleven, coming out Bradford 09:53 and they took Lahser all the way through, 09:57 you know, to Southfield. 09:59 And by the time they got to nine mile in Lahser, 10:02 David was turning up in to a gas station. 10:05 There were no headlights on the police car, 10:07 there were no sirens 10:09 because apparently they had caught up 10:11 with the young man that had robbed the store. 10:15 And just as the police approached their car, 10:18 they took off. 10:19 So the police without thinking just took off back to them 10:22 and that's why that David wasn't aware 10:25 that these cars were coming 10:27 because they were going at high speed but no lights 10:31 which was brought up in court 10:34 but that's, you know, another story. 10:37 So was it the robbers that hit David or was it the police? 10:40 The robbers. The robbers hit David. 10:42 Yes, and the passenger, 10:43 the young man that was the passenger in the car, 10:46 he was killed. 10:47 He died too. 10:49 There were two families affected by this, mine. 10:52 And David was killed instantly? David was killed. 10:54 He lasted, according to the reports, 10:59 he lasted two minutes. 11:02 Two minutes. 11:04 And so they probably knocked a mile and I guess, you know, 11:10 about two minutes according to the coroner, 11:13 he lasted about two minutes. 11:15 So the police officers didn't have their warning lights 11:19 or police lights on? 11:20 No, they didn't. 11:21 So when you said to go back to driving, 11:24 you couldn't drive to work because of... 11:26 Oh, yeah. 11:27 This connection to David's death. 11:29 Yes, that's exactly. 11:32 At least that's what the psychiatrist is telling me 11:34 because I couldn't drive 11:36 and I am very nervous right now, 11:38 so you have to forgive me. 11:39 You are doing fine. You are excellent 11:43 He-- I couldn't drive for about may be two or three weeks 11:47 and to this day, I can't go to the site, 11:51 you know, once I was in, 11:54 I think it was friend who was driving me some place 11:57 and they accidentally turned left towards nine miles 12:01 instead of right, towards to, 12:04 and I went into a panic that you wouldn't believe. 12:07 And they didn't know why all of a sudden 12:09 I was grabbing them and telling them 12:12 you've got to stop this car. 12:14 You know, and that's how severe it was for me. 12:17 I'm not quite that bad now, I'm not that bad at all now 12:20 but I still cannot go to the area 12:26 and after about five years, 12:28 I finally moved. 12:29 My sons were telling me I needed to let, you know, 12:32 to sell the house and get out of the area, and so I did. 12:36 So I'm no longer in the area but I don't forget. 12:42 No. You really don't forget. 12:46 You know, as I was saying in the beginning 12:49 weren't that for my family, 12:52 my immediate family and my church family, 12:56 believe it or not they still rally around. 13:00 Sometimes it's still very lonely, 13:02 even with all the people that come to me, 13:04 that have been so very comforting, 13:07 it's still a very, very lonely time for me, 13:12 you know, not to have him. 13:14 You know, long days and even longer nights. 13:17 You know, because my nights were the best time 13:21 because that was the time 13:23 that David and I would come together, 13:25 you know, until I started working these weird shifts 13:28 and then, you know, he having to get up at three, 13:32 you know, it kind of took away but evening time was our time. 13:37 Someone said the Holy Spirit-- 13:39 well, we know it was the Holy Spirit 13:41 to have David stay awake and awake for you 13:45 because God knows beginning to end 13:48 and to a comfort you are doing that time 13:50 to have those memories 13:52 those last memories of him, you know. 13:54 Oh, yeah. 13:55 And thinking about, you know, the church family, 13:58 how has your spirituality grown from this situation? 14:03 Where are you now with the Lord? 14:06 I'm still on that journey to getting better spiritually 14:11 and I realize that, you know, 14:14 my journey is not just one step, 14:16 its several steps to my destination 14:20 and my destination is to be saved. 14:22 You know, but I had to really think 14:25 in terms of my spirituality 14:27 and since all this has happened 14:29 and since I'm beginning to come around again 14:33 I think my walk with the Lord is even closer now. 14:37 I depend on Him for everything. 14:39 I mean, even minor things, you know. 14:42 And when I see, you know, the lost keys or, you know, 14:45 Lord, direct me to this place or that place. 14:48 And then major things of course, 14:50 because I was along with the church 14:52 pray for my son to make it back from Iraq or Iran and he did. 14:59 Praise God. 15:00 Yeah, he did and-- 15:02 It was a point though at early on during this grief process 15:08 that you felt that God had abandoned you 15:14 or that He was responsible to some extent. 15:19 I mean, these are feelings that occur when people go 15:23 to tremendous loss such as yourself, you know. 15:27 How did you stay connected 15:29 or did you feel that He abandoned you? 15:34 Well, when I think in terms of my spirituality 15:37 initially at that time, you know, 15:40 I was too numb to even think along those lines. 15:44 But I do remember hearing 15:47 different people in the area around me 15:49 asking that question, "Why did God let this happen?" 15:53 But I never thought like that. 15:54 I don't know if it was because of the numbness 15:57 or the shock from the trauma or what, 16:00 but I never really thought along those lines 16:04 that the Lord had abandoned me. 16:06 Because when I started thinking in terms of my spirituality, 16:09 I was really on the road to recovery. 16:12 And I wanted to have that closeness with the Lord. 16:16 And when I feel that loneliness, you know, 16:19 I do call on Him. 16:21 And I have asked the question, "When will this pass? 16:26 When will I get through these feelings, you know?" 16:30 It's not as traumatic for me now, you know, 16:34 the weight from what I was feeling at that time 16:38 has lifted somewhat but, you know, 16:43 it's still there and I think with it being there 16:46 it has been a humbling experience. 16:50 I know that other women have experienced the same thing 16:54 that I have. 16:55 I have joined a group called "Women of Wisdom" 17:00 and they were all widows and, you know, 17:03 they expressed some of the things 17:05 that they went through 17:07 and fortunately it was a Christian group. 17:09 So, you know, they were right in line with what I felt 17:15 or wanted to feel spiritually, and that helped me a lot. 17:19 And I would recommend groups like that 17:22 for women that are going through, 17:24 you know, the loss of a mate or the loss of anyone close. 17:29 But the loss of a mate, I would suggest a group there 17:33 if you sort to speak 17:35 but we just talked, just talked. 17:37 And I think it's really important that you, 17:42 as you referred to earlier, your family got you through 17:47 the experience and then your church family. 17:50 I think that's so significant because a lot of times 17:55 we don't know which way to turn and like you said, 17:57 your family stepped in and took care of legal matters, 18:01 financial matters. 18:03 Sometimes, you know, you are going through 18:06 such a traumatic experience, you can't do it alone 18:10 and your family recognized 18:12 that they didn't want you to feel alone. 18:15 Right. So that was very significant. 18:17 Yes. Praise the Lord. 18:19 So now what's in the future for Genora? 18:22 What's going on now? You know, dating? 18:25 You think you are ready to get back out there? 18:28 Where are you with that? 18:31 You know, I knew you should ask that. 18:33 You know, I go for that, you don't question that tough. 18:36 I know it's coming out now. 18:38 I think I'm ready now, you know. 18:42 Not that I need someone to buffer, you know, 18:45 necessarily what I have gone through 18:47 because this happened 18:49 and that's something that I can't change 18:51 but I do think that I'm ready 18:54 for relationship or companionship, 18:58 but it's something I think I would probably 19:02 just not jump into. 19:05 You know, there are so many women 19:07 and I have heard this happen before. 19:09 They are so lonely that, you know, 19:13 and they would want to come along 19:14 they are just ready to get in a relationship, 19:17 whoever he is, he has to be God fearing. 19:21 He has to be God fearing because I don't want to be lost 19:25 and whoever the Lord bless me with, 19:30 I want to be saved 19:32 and I want him to be saved as well. 19:34 So, to answer your question, yes, I think I am ready. 19:38 And that's something I prayed about it 19:40 and asked the Lord to guide me in that. 19:45 What about internet dating? 19:46 What do you think about that today? 19:47 Wow. Kim, why? 19:49 What? 19:50 You know we have the SGA, internet, you know, dating. 19:55 They have the Christian dating online. 19:57 You know, two of our Lake Region pastors 19:59 met their wives on the internet. 20:01 Oh, great. Yes. 20:02 So, you know, what is your opinion of that? 20:05 Well, you know, I think you have to be very careful 20:10 with something like that, 20:11 even with Christian internet type dating 20:15 because the devil is so busy and, 20:19 you know, I want the Lord to lead me. 20:21 You know, even if He were 20:23 to lead to me to internet dating, 20:25 you know, I want Him to be in the forefront 20:29 and guide me through whatever channels 20:31 I have to go through to get there. 20:34 But, you know, but just to be on any of website, you know, 20:39 I think-- sometimes I feel like it's dangerous 20:42 because you don't know the individuals 20:44 on the other side of that screen. 20:46 That's right. 20:48 Yeah, so that's why 20:49 before I would even venture out with that 20:52 there's something I would really have to pray about 20:55 and ask for guidance. 20:56 Yeah, you know, He would. 20:58 I would for anything, you know, I don't know-- you know, 21:00 we talked about this in other program. 21:01 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 21:03 What's the matter? 21:04 Why can't it happen to you before it happened to me? 21:06 Listen, wait, hold there. 21:07 You know, we don't want to get there, okay. 21:10 But, you know, we talked about it on another program, 21:12 you know, just excuse him, you know, 21:15 and we talked about it and as I say, 21:19 I saw your picture, 21:20 would I say, Mmm, and you saw my picture, what did you do? 21:24 I would say, mmm. 21:27 Would you just let me-- what did you say? 21:29 I think you said in the last broadcast. 21:31 That's a possibility but, you know, 21:33 we have to see what the competition is. 21:35 What? 21:37 Do you see that, did you see that? 21:39 Knowing what you know now you can get right answer. 21:42 You know, I would see you at, you know, 21:45 we talked and it's the same college in Detroit 21:49 and you would always, you know, give me a hug or smile. 21:53 You were always, you have been the same, the same. 21:55 She's been the same. Same. 21:56 Same. 21:58 But listen, I knew her first though. 21:59 Yes, you I did but ever since I have been in church 22:02 you and David have really reached out to me 22:04 and I must say I really, really appreciated it. 22:10 How kind and how supportive you were of me 22:15 when I first came into this church. 22:17 And that was last and David and I, 22:20 we were just like brothers 22:22 'cause we always really greeted each other 22:25 in enthusiastic and motivating way. 22:30 So... Oh, so glad to hear that. 22:32 Weren't you teaching him to play the harmonica? 22:35 Yeah. Yes, I remember that. 22:37 Yes, yes. Right. 22:38 I remember. He brought one. 22:41 Yes, he did. He would play and play. 22:44 And play and play. Yes. 22:48 But what I want to say though is that 22:51 I really appreciate both of you. 22:54 I mean you are God's gift to man, I tell you. 23:00 And you haven't changed at all. 23:03 You are just as sweet as you want to be. 23:05 And then both of you together, 23:06 I could tell that you love each other 23:08 and that's, you know, 23:11 that's a testimony in itself to those 23:14 that are trying to make their marriages work and, 23:17 you know, just love each other and I'm telling you, 23:20 love each other and nonstop because you just never know. 23:25 Well, I appreciate that. You never know. 23:27 I tell Kim that all the times. 23:29 You know, cancel your golf trip and stay home with me. 23:32 I love you from that far. 23:36 He's got his golf trip, I given him those golf trips. 23:39 I see. 23:40 And I was in labor, he was still going around. 23:42 Thank God I had the baby after his golf trip. 23:45 But, you know, I really appreciate it and I thank you 23:47 because again, and David and I were friends, you know, 23:52 coming out to camp meeting and his sister, Jill 23:56 and then you lost your sister-in-law. 23:58 Yes. Yes. 23:59 You know, David's sister. Right, his oldest sister. 24:02 Yeah, Jill. 24:03 Right, and I do, you know, I do feel for his mom 24:07 because she's lost her oldest child 24:10 and her youngest child, you know. 24:12 But she's a God fearing woman as well. 24:15 Beautiful. What about your sons? 24:17 How did they respond to the situation 24:22 and I know they were out of the state 24:25 and think you have one that's in California. 24:27 Yes. Is he still in California? 24:29 Yes, he is still in California. 24:31 Actually two of them live in California 24:33 but one is in Texas right now going to school, finishing up. 24:37 I do have one here the son that went overseas. 24:41 He's here and Christopher is still in California. 24:44 But it was devastating for them as well. 24:48 You know, they were just beginning to get adjusted 24:50 to the fact that, you know, their mom had, you know, 24:55 David in their life, in my life 24:57 and so they saw how happy, 25:00 you know, he made me. 25:02 I mean, you know, we had the typical marriage. 25:05 You know, you have your ups and downs 25:07 but they were very accepting. 25:09 You know, it was difficult for them at first 25:11 because David was so young and they had to adjust 25:17 but they did and when I lost David, 25:21 I had to have Red Cross in for Andre and they did. 25:25 They brought him home and it was devastating for them 25:28 but I think it was even more devastating for them to see 25:31 how the whole thing affect, how it affected me. 25:36 And so that's where their concern was, you know, 25:39 for me and my well-being. 25:42 Did you get a lot of rhetoric, you know what, 25:47 to support your friends and family 25:49 'cause David was younger than you in the beginning. 25:52 Did you get any of that? 25:54 Yes, I did. 25:56 You were then. Yes. 25:58 I did, I did because David was 12 years younger than I am. 26:05 And there were times when people even said, 26:09 "Oh, is this your son?" 26:11 You know, so and it was, okay. 26:13 I said. "No, this is my husband." 26:15 And then eventually people saw that, 26:18 they really went in just to look at us 26:20 they said they couldn't really see the age difference. 26:22 Right, right, right they couldn't? 26:23 You know, but yes, I did experience that 26:26 with a lot of people, 26:27 especially those that grew up with David 26:31 and those who grew up with me, you know. 26:33 They thought it was different but it was okay 26:36 because I felt blessed. 26:37 I want to say how much we appreciate you coming 26:40 and we are gonna be praying for you. 26:41 Most definitely. 26:43 We are going to continue to love you. 26:44 And we will continue to keep an eye on you and I know, 26:47 you know, we will be eating cake 26:49 at your next wedding, I know that. 26:51 How God has blessed you 26:52 and He is gonna bless you again. 26:54 One final thing. 26:55 What would you say to someone 26:56 who has gone through those experiences? 27:00 Well, I think the main thing that I would say, you know, 27:04 of course bring-- when something is traumatic 27:07 you don't think it as clearly as you should 27:11 but, you know, we can't afford to push Christ out of our life. 27:15 He never moves, we are the ones that's moving. 27:18 And I feel that as long as we are doing things 27:21 according to His will 27:23 and making Him a part of our life, 27:25 He will guide us through whatever difficulties 27:29 we are going through. 27:31 I couldn't say that at first but I believe that now 27:34 and He is still guiding me. 27:36 He's my counselor, He's my friend 27:39 and He sympathizes with me. 27:41 Sister White says that. Amen. 27:43 And it's so true. 27:45 Well, I thank you for those closing remarks. 27:48 I know it's going to help heal many souls. 27:50 Well, thank you for joining us here on Making It Work. 27:53 I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin. 27:55 I'm Arthur Nowlin. 27:56 God bless. |
Revised 2015-10-15