Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan Nowlin.
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And welcome to "Making It Work."
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Thank you for joining us on
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"Making It Work."
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Doing a little twist,
Arthur is not too far away,
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he's over on the
other side of the set.
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But today, I've a
very special guest with me.
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She's like a daughter to me.
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Her name is Nancy O'Neale.
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I've known Nancy
about almost 20 years.
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And she's gonna
tell you how she met me,
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but the program today,
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we want to talk
about knowing your purpose.
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And do you know your purpose?
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What have you been called to do?
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Understanding where do
you fit in, in this life.
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And are you making an impact?
So let's welcome Nancy O'Neale.
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How are you doing Nancy?
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I am good, Dr. Kim, how are you?
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Oh, it's so good
to see you again.
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You, too. Oh my goodness.
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It's been a wonderful
journey these 20 years.
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Almost 20 years
knowing each other.
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Yes, almost 20
years. Oh my goodness.
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So listen, you got
to bring me up to date.
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Well, tell them
how did you meet me.
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How did you meet me?
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I found you on the yellow pages.
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It was after my
freshman year of college,
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and I was having a
difficult time transitioning
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being away from home.
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And I knew that I
needed some guidance,
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so I looked you up and found you
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and we've been glued
together, ever since.
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Truly glued, truly glued. Yes.
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You know, you've
been doing some new things
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and we'll talk about
knowing your purpose,
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and defining your purpose.
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But there's been some tragedies,
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you know, let's talk
about some of the things
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that Nancy
O'Neale has gone through.
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Let's as well as talk about
your educational background
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and what
brought you to Michigan.
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My mother is, she
is an educator today,
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she's retired now.
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But we moved
around several times
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when I was growing up
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because of her
profession and career.
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So she received her
doctorate in Kentucky.
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I'm from there,
we moved to Atlanta,
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she taught at Emory.
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And then she was a chair
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at University of Wisconsin
La Crosse, a women's chair.
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And from there, she was a Dean
of Liberal Arts at MI State.
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So that's how I got to Michigan.
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I see. Wow.
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And you were born
in Seattle, Washington.
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Born in Seattle, Washington.
I left there at very early age.
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And I don't
remember too much about it.
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Okay, siblings, any siblings?
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I have a brother
who is 11 months older,
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sorry, younger than me.
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And I have a sister
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who tragically passed
away from cancer 2 years ago.
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Almost it will be 3 years
ago this upcoming Good Friday.
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How did that impact your life?
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Um, it was a
difficult transition.
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No one in our
immediate family has passed away
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from cancer so just the shock
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of getting the news was
difficult for our family.
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And once she got the news
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it really helped
out with prevention
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because she thought she
had a bladder infection.
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Wow.
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And when she
went to a gynecologist
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once she got the news.
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So I'm a big advocate of
people taking care of themselves
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and giving themselves
checked out at least annually
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because of that
tragedy in our family.
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See that's a good
point, see knowing your purpose
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and understand how
do you make it work,
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you have to understand,
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you have to take
care of your health.
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Yes.
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You know a lot of
women, you know Nancy,
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they don't go
to the gynecologist
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on a yearly basis,
they don't take a mammogram.
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And as you know
if you're over 50s
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you should be
having your colostomy.
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But and again these are things
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that we as women
should take care of ourselves.
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You know, and we tend to say,
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"Well, I'll put it
off, I'll put it off."
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And we tend to take care of
everyone else but ourselves.
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And my sister was
the epitome of that.
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She was the
backbone of our family.
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So my sister is, as you
know my mother was an educator,
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my sister graduated from
the University of Pennsylvania,
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she was working on
her PhD at Wayne State.
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And it was a tragic situation
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but everybody
was in front of her.
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Anybody that needed
help, you know, to go to school
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she was my
backbone too and my support.
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So it was very difficult.
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And with the age gap
aside, I grew up with her.
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I don't remember
life without her.
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So yeah, it has been
a difficult transition
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but you know,
we're getting past at it
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and working through it.
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And I just use that situation
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as an opportunity
to help other people.
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Well, let's see, you know, today
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we're gonna have
a little girl talk.
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We didn't talk about
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the finding our
purpose, all right?
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Yes.
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How do you know what
your purpose is, Nancy?
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What is your
purpose on this earth?
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I believe that my
purpose is helping other women
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and motivating and
inspiring other women.
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I spent probably at
least a good half of my life
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taking care of myself
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and I ended up
not being very happy.
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But I found that when I
was able to give it myself
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and give to someone else is
when I felt really fulfilled.
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And so a lot other
things that was so into,
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trying to make myself
happy, like my education
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and you know, the modeling
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and some other things
that you know about me,
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I still felt like I had a void.
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And the void was that
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I really wasn't
on the exact path
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that Jesus wanted me on.
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And because of that I
had joy lacking in my life,
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which is another reason
somehow I found His will.
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Oh, well, I thank the
Lord for leading you to me.
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We'll talk about not
having that real joy.
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Were you looking for
acceptance because you know,
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were in the
competition of Miss Michigan?
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I was.
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What were you looking for
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and what was
that experience like?
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I grew up with low self
esteem and low self worth.
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And I was looking for people
to validate me on the outside.
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All other women in my family
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had been sexually
abused or molested.
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My mother was raped
when she was 11 years old
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by her step father.
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And my sister was
raped by my natural father.
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And so, you know a
lot of these tragedies,
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like especially
during my teenage years,
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it was just
tragedy after tragedy
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just became like the norm.
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And you know, hence I'm
a very introvert person.
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Yes, you are.
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So that's how I
kind of felt like
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I'll be accepted by society,
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you know, all these
accolades that I'll get,
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you know, another
degree or a pageant
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or winning this and
I like the applause.
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And so I worked very
hard to become successful.
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And again still
felt empty on the inside.
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And it wasn't until I started
giving back to other people
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that I started to
feel joy in my life.
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Now you're single? Yes.
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No children? No children yet.
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Not yet. Wanting to
be. Do want to get married?
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I do, I do.
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It is a desire of
my heart, of course.
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Okay, family.
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What type of family
are you looking to have?
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'Cause when you talk
about where you have come from
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and the tragedies and the things
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that you've experienced,
and the tings that you saw,
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what type of family are
you asking God to give you?
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A family that have peace
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and I grew up in an
extremely unstable environment,
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so stability is something
that is important to me.
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And I just think
a man should provide
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and protect for his family.
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I'm not saying that I
don't want to work at all
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but I would like
to have the option
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of not working if I choose to,
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or not working
outside of the home.
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I hope Arthur just heard that.
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Arthur, if you
see this broadcast,
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did you hear
what Nancy just said?
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Think I should have
an option, you know.
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Yes, we need to have an option.
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Yeah. That's it.
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That's what I'm taught
at the church that I go to.
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And you know,
but I love what I do,
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you know I love what I do.
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I know you love what you do.
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You know, I really enjoy,
so he's right there with me.
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Let's talk about the
aspects of every time
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I called you or you called me.
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You were
starting a new business.
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You were--
Nancy has gone into...
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And this is great though,
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you've got a lot of experiences.
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So let's talk
about how you've evolved
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over these years, 20 years
that I've known you, all right,
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and the businesses
that you've started
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and gone into
real estate license.
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Okay, you take me
through it. Take us through it.
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I don't know if I'm gonna
remember everything I started
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but I started selling candy
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when I was like
9 to 10 years old.
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Is that right?
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Yeah, my dad, he just
went to like a Sam's Club
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and just bought
me a case of Candy,
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and he was like,
you know, "Go for it."
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It seems like I've had
the entrepreneurial spirit
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ever since then.
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And I've done a lot of things
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but what I found
is that from the path
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that I've been on, God has used
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all those
experiences to bring me
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where I am today
with this organization.
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So even though my goal
was to start a non profit
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with the Women Who
Inspire organization,
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non profit is selling a concept,
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and I feel
that's what I'm doing,
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you know, motivating
and inspiring young women.
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Well, I've been a part of it.
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I was your first speaker,
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just you know, and
it was so exciting.
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And being able to see you
grow from this 19 year old
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to this woman today,
and earning your degree,
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and you've got
Bachelors of Science degree,
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Bachelors of Arts in
journalism and Masters?
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In Communication. I
followed in your footsteps.
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You know, to be a role model.
Somebody hand me a tissue.
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You know, 'cause you
think about being a mentor
00:10:01.46\00:10:03.87
and being a
blessing 'cause I'm very--
00:10:03.90\00:10:05.23
People call me all the
time, "Will you be a mentor?"
00:10:05.27\00:10:07.57
But, to me, but it takes
commitment and dedication.
00:10:07.60\00:10:11.57
And I need to see that you're
making steps towards that.
00:10:11.61\00:10:15.14
And you have
definitely made me proud,
00:10:15.18\00:10:17.41
you know, it was
God, it's all God.
00:10:17.45\00:10:19.38
It's all God.
00:10:19.41\00:10:20.75
You know, let's talk about,
00:10:20.78\00:10:22.72
you know, your
father a little bit.
00:10:22.75\00:10:24.52
You know, you said
that he gave you that,
00:10:24.55\00:10:26.59
took you to Sam's Club,
00:10:26.62\00:10:27.96
bought you that
first box of candy to sell.
00:10:27.99\00:10:30.33
Where is dad today in your life?
00:10:30.36\00:10:32.09
I don't know, I have not
heard or spoken to my father
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since my parents divorced
when I was 16 or 17 years old.
00:10:35.86\00:10:39.27
You have not
heard anything from him?
00:10:39.30\00:10:41.20
Have not heard anything,
00:10:41.24\00:10:42.57
he called, my brother was
in a tragic near fatal accident
00:10:42.60\00:10:46.98
about a year after
my parents divorced.
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And he called my
looking for money.
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That's the last time
I've heard from my father.
00:10:52.51\00:10:54.72
How do you feel about
that? How do you doing?
00:10:54.75\00:10:57.45
Um, I'm recovering.
00:10:57.49\00:10:59.42
I used to be sad
every fathers day
00:10:59.45\00:11:01.32
because I was a
daddy's little girl.
00:11:01.36\00:11:03.29
But once I found out what
my father did to my sister,
00:11:03.32\00:11:07.53
I felt like my
whole childhood was a lie.
00:11:07.56\00:11:10.47
And so I have grown
to forgive my father,
00:11:10.50\00:11:16.07
and you know I
have peace and closure
00:11:16.10\00:11:19.41
whether I hear from him or not.
00:11:19.44\00:11:21.58
But I just have to
forgive him and move on.
00:11:21.61\00:11:23.98
You had to forgive. I do.
00:11:24.01\00:11:26.05
And if you don't forgive,
what happens to people, Nancy?
00:11:26.08\00:11:29.45
I just, I would've been bitter.
00:11:29.48\00:11:31.75
It would've
destroyed me as a person.
00:11:31.79\00:11:33.46
I don't think I would be,
had I not forgiven my father
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I wouldn't be the
woman that I'm today.
00:11:36.32\00:11:38.19
I don't think that my
mother has forgiven him.
00:11:38.23\00:11:42.86
And as a result of that,
00:11:42.90\00:11:44.67
I think it's been
detrimental to her health,
00:11:44.70\00:11:46.94
emotionally,
physically, mentally.
00:11:46.97\00:11:50.94
But you know, we
still have to keep,
00:11:50.97\00:11:53.07
you know, family's
really all we have,
00:11:53.11\00:11:54.54
we have to keep
our family together.
00:11:54.58\00:11:56.61
So we couldn't let something
that happened in our past
00:11:56.64\00:11:59.81
stop us from our future.
00:11:59.85\00:12:01.78
And I think in terms
of knowing your purpose,
00:12:01.82\00:12:06.09
one of the
reasons why some people
00:12:06.12\00:12:07.56
never find their purpose
00:12:07.59\00:12:08.92
is because they're
stuck in their past.
00:12:08.96\00:12:10.99
And you know that Satan
has a plan to destroy us
00:12:11.03\00:12:14.90
before we find out
what our purpose is
00:12:14.93\00:12:16.67
and I really think
that was what his goal
00:12:16.70\00:12:18.67
was with our family.
00:12:18.70\00:12:20.04
But we have to persevere. Yeah.
00:12:20.07\00:12:22.00
And I have had times
00:12:22.04\00:12:23.41
when I wanted
just give up and quit
00:12:23.44\00:12:25.87
and God has sent people
across my path like you,
00:12:25.91\00:12:30.08
who had just told me,
you know, "Just keep going.
00:12:30.11\00:12:32.11
You know, keep
doing what you're doing
00:12:32.15\00:12:33.68
and love what you do,
and just get out there
00:12:33.72\00:12:35.12
and keep going, keep fighting."
00:12:35.15\00:12:36.48
keep fighting. So that's--
00:12:36.52\00:12:37.85
I know you've
made me feel so good
00:12:37.89\00:12:40.66
when you said
that when you saw me
00:12:40.69\00:12:42.06
and it's been a while
since we got together,
00:12:42.09\00:12:44.19
just this past week
you said I looked the same.
00:12:44.23\00:12:46.63
You did. I just love you.
00:12:46.66\00:12:48.00
Did you hear that?
Yes you do look the same.
00:12:48.03\00:12:50.87
Oh, you're so sweet.
00:12:50.90\00:12:52.23
And I recognized you
right away, you know.
00:12:52.27\00:12:53.87
That led me know
that your self worth,
00:12:53.90\00:12:55.60
your self esteem and
the things we were dealing
00:12:55.64\00:12:57.41
with in therapy
had come to you know,
00:12:57.44\00:13:00.58
it's fullness had eveolved.
00:13:00.61\00:13:02.98
And I watched you
doing the seminar,
00:13:03.01\00:13:04.98
being the
coordinator, being the founder.
00:13:05.01\00:13:06.78
I was so proud sitting
in the back of the room
00:13:06.82\00:13:09.08
looking at my little Nancy.
00:13:09.12\00:13:11.05
And it brought tears to my eyes,
00:13:11.09\00:13:12.42
it really did, I
was just praising God.
00:13:12.45\00:13:14.32
You know, let's
talk about real estate.
00:13:14.36\00:13:17.79
Now, you even got
your real estate license,
00:13:17.83\00:13:20.73
and insurance license
00:13:20.76\00:13:22.33
and you know,
talk to us about this.
00:13:22.36\00:13:24.17
'Cause see, ladies,
there's nothing God can't do.
00:13:24.20\00:13:26.50
Don't tie God's hands.
00:13:26.53\00:13:27.87
No, no, not at all. Okay.
00:13:27.90\00:13:32.01
Well, once I
graduated from college
00:13:32.04\00:13:34.41
I wanted to be an
international journalist.
00:13:34.44\00:13:37.68
And it was the same year
00:13:37.71\00:13:43.18
as the free press and
the Detroit news strike.
00:13:43.22\00:13:49.09
And so there
literally was not...
00:13:49.12\00:13:50.46
I was a print journalism major
00:13:50.49\00:13:53.09
and there wasn't a whole
lot of opportunity in Michigan.
00:13:53.13\00:13:55.46
I wanted to be home
with my family at the time
00:13:55.50\00:13:58.03
so I took the-- out of the
jobs that I was interviewed for,
00:13:58.07\00:14:01.90
I took the one that I
thought was the best fit for me,
00:14:01.94\00:14:04.21
which was at a
non-profit organization.
00:14:04.24\00:14:06.88
And one other
things that college really
00:14:06.91\00:14:09.98
doesn't prepare you for is
inter personal relationships
00:14:10.01\00:14:14.35
in dealing with people
that you don't agree with
00:14:14.38\00:14:17.32
or you know, you come
from a different backgrounds.
00:14:17.35\00:14:19.72
And so I felt very
unprepared in my first job.
00:14:19.75\00:14:24.16
And it really
threw me for a curveball
00:14:24.19\00:14:26.39
and I was, you
know, I was disappointed,
00:14:26.43\00:14:28.36
I was discouraged
'cause I liked the accolades.
00:14:28.40\00:14:31.07
I didn't feel appreciated.
00:14:31.10\00:14:32.43
I was usually the
first person at work
00:14:32.47\00:14:33.80
and last person to leave.
00:14:33.84\00:14:35.40
And I realized you know,
the world cannot give you
00:14:35.44\00:14:37.27
the accolades
that you're seeking,
00:14:37.31\00:14:38.64
like I said it really
comes from the inside.
00:14:38.67\00:14:40.08
That's right.
00:14:40.11\00:14:41.44
And you know, I felt discouraged
00:14:41.48\00:14:43.58
when I wasn't praised
for the work that I had done.
00:14:43.61\00:14:47.08
And some times they
do, some times they don't
00:14:47.12\00:14:48.68
but you just have to.
00:14:48.72\00:14:50.05
First of all, we
work unto the Lord.
00:14:50.09\00:14:51.42
And we're not working
for man. That's right.
00:14:51.45\00:14:53.19
And so that was the lesson that,
00:14:53.22\00:14:55.52
that was hard for me to learn.
00:14:55.56\00:14:57.13
So once I left that
position, I went back to school
00:14:57.16\00:15:00.00
and I just, you know, I said
00:15:00.03\00:15:01.40
I didn't want to
work for somebody again.
00:15:01.43\00:15:03.57
I ended up giving my
masters in communications,
00:15:03.60\00:15:05.83
coming out in lo and behold,
00:15:05.87\00:15:07.97
I ended up at
another non profit.
00:15:08.00\00:15:10.01
So I kind of went
through the same process over
00:15:10.04\00:15:12.21
and I'm like, "That's it.
00:15:12.24\00:15:14.08
I'm not gonna
work for anybody else."
00:15:14.11\00:15:15.54
And that's how I
ended up by saying
00:15:15.58\00:15:17.51
I want to be a business
owner and I went forward
00:15:17.55\00:15:21.32
and obtained my
real estate license.
00:15:21.35\00:15:22.95
Wow. You are just amazing.
00:15:22.98\00:15:25.65
Now with the
real estate license,
00:15:25.69\00:15:27.99
where are you with that now?
00:15:28.02\00:15:29.36
You know, what are you
doing in that field now,
00:15:29.39\00:15:31.63
in the market?
00:15:31.66\00:15:32.99
Yes, I'm no longer
practicing real estate.
00:15:33.03\00:15:35.23
I've put my license into escrow.
00:15:35.26\00:15:38.20
And I went into the
insurance business after that.
00:15:38.23\00:15:41.34
What do you mean put
your license into escrow?
00:15:41.37\00:15:42.80
What does that mean?
00:15:42.84\00:15:44.17
It just means that
you're not practicing
00:15:44.21\00:15:45.54
real estate anymore.
00:15:45.57\00:15:46.91
Okay, but it's still
valid if you chose to practice?
00:15:46.94\00:15:50.31
Yes, if you continue
your education with it,
00:15:50.35\00:15:52.88
you have to take,
continue your education classes,
00:15:52.91\00:15:55.28
you can either opt to not
to continue with the license.
00:15:55.32\00:16:00.22
Okay, so now,
what are you doing?
00:16:00.26\00:16:02.99
Um, at the moment I'm
selling insurance full time.
00:16:03.02\00:16:06.43
My goal is to really
launch into Women who Inspire
00:16:06.46\00:16:10.60
and be doing that
full time shortly.
00:16:10.63\00:16:13.64
Well, it's
gonna happen. I agree.
00:16:13.67\00:16:15.54
And I feel like
desperately where God wants me.
00:16:15.57\00:16:18.87
You know, in life
we go through a path.
00:16:18.91\00:16:22.34
And sometimes you know,
00:16:22.38\00:16:23.75
it's supposed to
be a straight path.
00:16:23.78\00:16:25.18
Sometimes we do our own
thing and we get off the path.
00:16:25.21\00:16:29.08
But like I said before,
00:16:29.12\00:16:30.45
God can use all those
experiences to bring you,
00:16:30.49\00:16:33.05
you know, to first
of all, give Him glory
00:16:33.09\00:16:35.12
and bring you to really
where you're supposed to be.
00:16:35.16\00:16:37.13
No doubt.
00:16:37.16\00:16:38.49
Now you remember when
Arthur, of course, you do
00:16:38.53\00:16:40.06
because you are
the one who initiated
00:16:40.10\00:16:41.56
and invited us to come.
00:16:41.60\00:16:43.73
Nancy invited
Arthur and I to come
00:16:43.77\00:16:45.17
to Madison, Wisconsin.
00:16:45.20\00:16:47.10
I said, "Where is
Madison, Wisconsin?
00:16:47.14\00:16:49.74
And it is cold, all right?"
00:16:49.77\00:16:51.37
It's cold, yes. It's cold.
00:16:51.41\00:16:53.21
And she invited us to be
speakers for organization
00:16:53.24\00:16:56.38
that she was again in charge of.
00:16:56.41\00:16:59.11
And she was a little devastated
00:16:59.15\00:17:01.48
because she didn't get the crowd
00:17:01.52\00:17:02.85
that she wanted but I said,
00:17:02.88\00:17:04.22
"No, where two
or three gathered,
00:17:04.25\00:17:05.59
Lord in the midst."
00:17:05.62\00:17:06.96
And we went forward
and we did that seminar,
00:17:06.99\00:17:09.66
that conference and we had
a wonderful time in Madison.
00:17:09.69\00:17:13.43
And it was like a
whole another world.
00:17:13.46\00:17:15.96
You know, it's not
important to be open,
00:17:16.00\00:17:18.37
to be willing to allow the Lord
to plant your feet and places,
00:17:18.40\00:17:22.87
where it may not be as popular,
00:17:22.90\00:17:25.31
you know, or
comfortable, all right
00:17:25.34\00:17:28.01
but at the same time
00:17:28.04\00:17:29.38
it's the work of the
Lord, "So send I you."
00:17:29.41\00:17:31.75
You know, have those skills
00:17:31.78\00:17:34.18
as I saw there I can
answer this question.
00:17:34.22\00:17:37.02
Those same skills have
followed you today as a leader
00:17:37.05\00:17:40.16
and your leadership
role with individuals.
00:17:40.19\00:17:42.49
Now what are the challenges
00:17:42.52\00:17:43.86
that you're
facing being single today
00:17:43.89\00:17:45.59
and being a
Christian woman, you know?
00:17:45.63\00:17:47.73
You jump from one to the
other but, you know, sometimes,
00:17:47.76\00:17:50.53
you know, when you
talk about leadership,
00:17:50.57\00:17:51.90
sometimes those
gifts are dormant,
00:17:51.93\00:17:53.47
if we don't use the
gifts that God gives us
00:17:53.50\00:17:55.97
and we try to do other things,
00:17:56.00\00:17:57.94
trying to please man
or our parents or whoever.
00:17:57.97\00:18:02.18
You know, God doesn't
really get glory out of that
00:18:02.21\00:18:04.18
'cause that's not
why He created us to be
00:18:04.21\00:18:05.71
and ultimately we
are not gonna be happy.
00:18:05.75\00:18:07.55
That's right.
00:18:07.58\00:18:08.92
So I just wanted to piggy-back
00:18:08.95\00:18:10.29
on what you've asked
about coming to speak to us.
00:18:10.32\00:18:12.55
There was a young lady there
who, shortly after you left,
00:18:12.59\00:18:16.62
maybe one or two
months she became pregnant
00:18:16.66\00:18:18.76
and I remember when
you came and spoke to just
00:18:18.79\00:18:21.33
this small group of
women that attended,
00:18:21.36\00:18:24.30
and you were very
graphic in your conversation.
00:18:24.33\00:18:26.74
I don't know if you remember it,
00:18:26.77\00:18:28.10
some of the things
that you talk about
00:18:28.14\00:18:29.94
and Arthur was, I thought
00:18:29.97\00:18:31.31
he's gonna fall
out of his chair.
00:18:31.34\00:18:32.81
He always falls out when I deal
with that sex issue, sex issue.
00:18:32.84\00:18:36.24
Yes, well, I said, you know,
00:18:36.28\00:18:39.18
there's some reason
why she's going here.
00:18:39.21\00:18:41.18
I, well, you
through me for a loop too
00:18:41.22\00:18:42.78
'cause I wasn't expecting
you to go there either.
00:18:42.82\00:18:45.05
But I believe
that you really came
00:18:45.09\00:18:46.59
for that one person
and she can't say that
00:18:46.62\00:18:49.09
nobody told her 'cause she knew.
00:18:49.12\00:18:51.53
And the reason I tied in with,
00:18:51.56\00:18:53.03
you know, your leadership
skills with being single,
00:18:53.06\00:18:55.73
because the of the fact
that being single in this time,
00:18:55.76\00:19:00.47
and being a
Christian young woman,
00:19:00.50\00:19:02.47
you're an attractive
woman very well poised,
00:19:02.50\00:19:05.24
educated, you
have your own business.
00:19:05.27\00:19:07.71
The challenges that you
face, you know, meeting someone
00:19:07.74\00:19:11.18
and saying that,
"Will you remain celibent?
00:19:11.21\00:19:14.48
Will you give in?"
00:19:14.52\00:19:15.88
Yes, you no matter what
you're gonna remain celebent?
00:19:15.92\00:19:18.05
Oh, of course.
00:19:18.09\00:19:19.42
You're going to be
remained faithful Lord?
00:19:19.45\00:19:20.79
That is not even an option?
00:19:20.82\00:19:22.39
That's not a option.
Why is that not an option?
00:19:22.42\00:19:23.89
Because today even
with the peer pressure
00:19:23.93\00:19:25.59
of social media,
everything we see on television,
00:19:25.63\00:19:28.33
the music, everything,
00:19:28.36\00:19:30.03
you know, it says
we are to step out
00:19:30.07\00:19:31.93
and not have to
wait for marriage.
00:19:31.97\00:19:33.30
It's okay. Right.
00:19:33.34\00:19:34.80
Have a child before
you're married, it is okay.
00:19:34.84\00:19:37.17
You know, we're
not judging anyone.
00:19:37.21\00:19:38.54
We're not here to
judge. Right, right.
00:19:38.57\00:19:39.91
Well, you have said,
00:19:39.94\00:19:41.28
it is not an
option, tell us why.
00:19:41.31\00:19:42.64
It's really not.
00:19:42.68\00:19:44.01
Well, when you
have been in a situation
00:19:44.05\00:19:47.28
where you've
been sexually abused
00:19:47.32\00:19:49.32
or you've seen a
close family as you can,
00:19:49.35\00:19:52.05
as I've already told you has
ran rampant through my family,
00:19:52.09\00:19:55.02
so you really ought to
just protecting your own heart,
00:19:55.06\00:19:59.66
it's just you know
that it's not a good idea.
00:19:59.69\00:20:02.70
And I'm a woman of God.
00:20:02.73\00:20:05.30
I faithfully attend
church, and not only that,
00:20:05.33\00:20:07.54
I'm in the public eye so,
you know, one of the traps
00:20:07.57\00:20:10.67
that the enemy uses
is to see leaders fall
00:20:10.71\00:20:14.51
and I have women that, you
know, that I'm a role model
00:20:14.54\00:20:19.25
to just like
you're a role model for me
00:20:19.28\00:20:21.55
and you know,
what are they gonna do?
00:20:21.58\00:20:22.92
'Cause if they're like,
00:20:22.95\00:20:24.29
"Well, I can do it
if Nancy can do it."
00:20:24.32\00:20:25.75
If I fall what's gonna
stop them from falling?
00:20:25.79\00:20:28.82
So I do attend.
00:20:28.86\00:20:30.49
I'm a member of a Word
church which is very important.
00:20:30.53\00:20:33.09
Okay.
00:20:33.13\00:20:34.46
And I mean, its
scriptural and biblical
00:20:34.50\00:20:35.90
that it says to save
yourself for you spouse.
00:20:35.93\00:20:38.33
So I'm not going to,
you know, be, I, here
00:20:38.37\00:20:41.84
and be a hypocrite,
be like, "You know what?
00:20:41.87\00:20:43.87
I can't do it but you need
to do what the Bible says."
00:20:43.91\00:20:46.31
So I think the God needs
00:20:46.34\00:20:48.64
men and women in
this world today`
00:20:48.68\00:20:51.31
that can say, "You can do this.
00:20:51.35\00:20:52.75
It is possible."
00:20:52.78\00:20:54.85
But I think when, you
know, in terms of talking about
00:20:54.88\00:20:56.72
the pressure,
the best way to avoid
00:20:56.75\00:20:58.75
that is to be in public places
and not even get to that point.
00:20:58.79\00:21:02.12
Don't get to that
point where you know,
00:21:02.16\00:21:03.49
your clothes are
about to fall off.
00:21:03.53\00:21:04.89
Yeah, right.
00:21:04.93\00:21:06.29
You know, keep your hands
to yourself, it is possible.
00:21:06.33\00:21:09.10
I did date a
young man at my church.
00:21:09.13\00:21:11.47
We were attending
a premarital course,
00:21:11.50\00:21:14.44
I actually did.
00:21:14.47\00:21:15.80
We haven't really
caught up too well.
00:21:15.84\00:21:17.24
But we started
attending premarital classes
00:21:17.27\00:21:19.77
and he ended the
relationship twice and then...
00:21:19.81\00:21:22.21
after that I said, "You
know, I have to know my purpose
00:21:22.24\00:21:24.65
and my self worth and I'm
not worth getting dumped."
00:21:24.68\00:21:28.75
So we left that.
We just left it alone.
00:21:28.78\00:21:31.82
But we still go
to the same church.
00:21:31.85\00:21:34.12
So you say you don't have
00:21:34.16\00:21:35.49
to just find
yourself in a situation
00:21:35.52\00:21:37.29
where you got to beg and crawl.
00:21:37.33\00:21:39.13
No, no, no.
00:21:39.16\00:21:40.50
It's okay to be
in your own space.
00:21:40.53\00:21:41.86
Right, right. And
know your purpose.
00:21:41.90\00:21:43.37
Exactly.
00:21:43.40\00:21:44.73
And I say that in my
therapy sessions all the time
00:21:44.77\00:21:47.87
Arthur is not
responsible for my happiness.
00:21:47.90\00:21:51.47
I am not
responsible for his. Right.
00:21:51.51\00:21:53.44
We compliment
each other's happiness.
00:21:53.48\00:21:54.98
You have to,
yeah. I know my purpose.
00:21:55.01\00:21:56.95
He knows his. Right.
00:21:56.98\00:21:58.31
You know, in the previous
program we talked about him.
00:21:58.35\00:22:00.85
He's getting ready
to go play golf, Nancy.
00:22:00.88\00:22:02.55
Okay. For a whole week, girl.
00:22:02.58\00:22:04.25
I'm so happy I
don't know what to do.
00:22:04.29\00:22:06.15
Well, you see my
face, I know I'm--
00:22:06.19\00:22:08.06
You just lit up.
00:22:08.09\00:22:09.42
I lit up because it's
like his whole space, okay.
00:22:09.46\00:22:14.66
You know, and I get a
chance to bond with Aaron
00:22:14.70\00:22:17.43
and I'll have my own
going to the gym doing whatever.
00:22:17.47\00:22:19.30
Right, right.
00:22:19.33\00:22:20.67
But knowing my
purpose as a person, first,
00:22:20.70\00:22:24.51
a child of God,
as a person, a wife,
00:22:24.54\00:22:27.08
a mother, a mentor, or friend.
00:22:27.11\00:22:29.71
You know, because all of
this is about God's glory.
00:22:29.74\00:22:33.11
It is, and if I don't know
my purpose as a single person,
00:22:33.15\00:22:37.12
why would I attach
myself to someone else
00:22:37.15\00:22:40.26
and you make a mere mess?
00:22:40.29\00:22:41.82
That's it.
00:22:41.86\00:22:43.19
Again you lose
your own identity.
00:22:43.22\00:22:44.56
Yes, you do.
00:22:44.59\00:22:45.93
And this is why
so many individuals,
00:22:45.96\00:22:47.30
men and women they
don't know you know,
00:22:47.33\00:22:49.43
"How did I get
in this situation?"
00:22:49.46\00:22:50.80
Right.
00:22:50.83\00:22:52.17
"What happened to
10 years in my life?"
00:22:52.20\00:22:53.54
Exactly, and I
think women especially
00:22:53.57\00:22:54.97
because we want to, you know,
00:22:55.00\00:22:56.81
the Bible talks
about us being a help meet.
00:22:56.84\00:22:58.94
But it doesn't
say that the woman
00:22:58.97\00:23:00.31
does not have to do anything
or have a purpose for herself
00:23:00.34\00:23:03.21
because we look
at the Proverbs 31
00:23:03.24\00:23:05.88
woman as an example.
00:23:05.91\00:23:07.25
She was a business woman. Yes.
00:23:07.28\00:23:09.55
She sold in the city
and so there's no reason
00:23:09.58\00:23:12.59
why we still can't have our
own identity like you've said,
00:23:12.62\00:23:15.42
and still support
our husbands as well.
00:23:15.46\00:23:17.53
Right. Our future husbands.
00:23:17.56\00:23:18.89
When you met me
I wasn't married,
00:23:18.93\00:23:20.90
I had, oh, yes, I was.
00:23:20.93\00:23:23.06
Yes, you've been
married longer than you thought.
00:23:23.10\00:23:27.67
I've been married
forever. You were married.
00:23:27.70\00:23:30.14
Yeah. You know.
00:23:30.17\00:23:31.51
Happily
married, happily married.
00:23:31.54\00:23:32.87
I'm still happily married.
00:23:32.91\00:23:34.24
You know, did you
hear that, Arthur, happily?
00:23:34.28\00:23:36.31
You know, so
making it work for us,
00:23:36.34\00:23:39.55
being able to know my purpose,
00:23:39.58\00:23:41.12
and Arthur allows
me that opportunity.
00:23:41.15\00:23:43.52
Yes, he does. He's
such a good man of God.
00:23:43.55\00:23:45.75
Yes.
00:23:45.79\00:23:47.12
And he has never
tried to push me back.
00:23:47.16\00:23:49.66
He has this thing, "Girl, go on
00:23:49.69\00:23:51.03
and make that paycheck, go
on and make that paycheck."
00:23:51.06\00:23:53.33
Keep him in a lifestyle
he's accustomed to, you know.
00:23:53.36\00:23:56.06
But being able to
enjoy and be able to know,
00:23:56.10\00:23:59.43
and he knows his
purpose and compliments.
00:23:59.47\00:24:02.04
And so I could bless him. Yes.
00:24:02.07\00:24:03.41
That could be a issue, too
when you have a strong woman
00:24:03.44\00:24:06.24
such as yourself,
some men are intimidated
00:24:06.27\00:24:08.54
and feel, they
can become insecure
00:24:08.58\00:24:11.08
and I think that's been
one of my issues as well.
00:24:11.11\00:24:14.28
Some of the men that
I've dated, first of all,
00:24:14.32\00:24:17.15
some of the men I've
dated I should never have dated
00:24:17.19\00:24:18.95
'cause they
didn't put God first.
00:24:18.99\00:24:21.02
They weren't
looking to get married,
00:24:21.06\00:24:24.33
and they really didn't
care what my purpose was,
00:24:24.36\00:24:27.16
they wanted me to a trophy wife.
00:24:27.20\00:24:28.93
And that's why it didn't work.
00:24:28.96\00:24:30.30
You know, because as you
know that's just not my mold.
00:24:30.33\00:24:33.27
No, that is not your
mold, you're like whoa...
00:24:33.30\00:24:35.30
So I still would've been unhappy
00:24:35.34\00:24:37.11
and, you know, I'm not
saying not to serve your husband
00:24:37.14\00:24:40.38
or be a help me
or support for him.
00:24:40.41\00:24:43.11
But I still have to be myself.
00:24:43.14\00:24:44.48
I have to be true to myself
00:24:44.51\00:24:45.85
and I have to have
my own identity as well.
00:24:45.88\00:24:47.45
And I'm so glad you're
holding on to that identity.
00:24:47.48\00:24:50.19
Well, what's next for Nancy?
00:24:50.22\00:24:51.82
You know, taking, you
know, knowing your purpose,
00:24:51.85\00:24:54.56
and inspiring
women, would you like to go
00:24:54.59\00:24:56.73
on the lecture circuit,
get out there, write a book?
00:24:56.76\00:25:00.50
I have written some books,
00:25:00.53\00:25:01.96
they are related
to Biblical prosperity
00:25:02.00\00:25:05.27
and I gave them away.
00:25:05.30\00:25:07.30
But I think right now,
00:25:07.34\00:25:08.67
my goal is to focus
on the organization.
00:25:08.70\00:25:13.61
And so I'm really
pouring my heart into that.
00:25:13.64\00:25:16.01
And so, you know,
I can't say you know,
00:25:16.04\00:25:18.85
exactly when I'm
going to get married
00:25:18.88\00:25:21.12
because the Bible says,
00:25:21.15\00:25:22.68
"He who finds a
wife finds a good thing."
00:25:22.72\00:25:24.62
So I don't know exactly
when that time is coming.
00:25:24.65\00:25:27.29
I feel like as our hope
in prayer is coming soon.
00:25:27.32\00:25:30.13
But you know, I
believe that God brings
00:25:30.16\00:25:33.56
a wife to a husband just
like God brought Eve to Adam
00:25:33.60\00:25:38.57
when the time was right.
00:25:38.60\00:25:39.93
So I think there is a
season for everything.
00:25:39.97\00:25:41.90
Well, the Bible says,
"God's time, it's not ours."
00:25:41.94\00:25:44.97
No, it's not. His
ways, his thoughts.
00:25:45.01\00:25:46.41
That's for sure.
00:25:46.44\00:25:47.78
You know, I have remembered
00:25:47.81\00:25:49.14
when I became
pregnant with Aaron,
00:25:49.18\00:25:51.75
and we were at a conference,
and were trying to conceive.
00:25:51.78\00:25:55.38
And we were in Toledo,
Ohio. And I was the speaker.
00:25:55.42\00:25:59.29
And they said that someone here
00:25:59.32\00:26:01.02
who is trying to
conceive and I'm like...
00:26:01.06\00:26:04.56
And he said God's
going to open your womb.
00:26:04.59\00:26:07.53
And Arthur was
like, "When? When?
00:26:07.56\00:26:09.80
When Lord?"
00:26:09.83\00:26:11.17
And the minister said,
"God's time, it's not ours."
00:26:11.20\00:26:13.07
Yes, that's true.
00:26:13.10\00:26:14.44
And 18 and half years
later she came forward.
00:26:14.47\00:26:17.34
God will fulfill his
promise. Yes, he will.
00:26:17.37\00:26:19.27
If you are faithful to
God, God is faithful to you.
00:26:19.31\00:26:22.98
He is not slacked when
it comes to His promises.
00:26:23.01\00:26:25.21
That's true.
00:26:25.25\00:26:26.58
But we must hold fast to
what He has told us to do
00:26:26.61\00:26:29.85
and not get discouraged.
00:26:29.88\00:26:31.22
And we have to
separate ourselves
00:26:31.25\00:26:32.62
from negative influences,
negative surroundings,
00:26:32.65\00:26:35.62
and put yourself
in an environment like
00:26:35.66\00:26:37.43
the organization
Nancy has started,
00:26:37.46\00:26:39.79
women inspiring women
and then being able to say
00:26:39.83\00:26:43.57
to yourself, "I am,
I do have self worth.
00:26:43.60\00:26:45.50
I value myself." Of
course, you have to.
00:26:45.53\00:26:48.04
You know, and 'cause
when you value yourself,
00:26:48.07\00:26:49.94
you're not gonna
let anyone hit on you.
00:26:49.97\00:26:51.91
Right, right. All right.
00:26:51.94\00:26:53.27
Or abuse you, or
misuse you. Or abuse you.
00:26:53.31\00:26:55.01
That's right.
00:26:55.04\00:26:56.38
And that's all
abuse is, is just misused.
00:26:56.41\00:26:58.81
All right.
00:26:58.85\00:27:00.18
And sometimes, you know,
00:27:00.22\00:27:01.62
when we don't know our
purpose or value ourselves,
00:27:01.65\00:27:03.75
we allow
ourselves to be mistreated.
00:27:03.79\00:27:06.19
So I mean, it's just everything.
00:27:06.22\00:27:08.72
You have to know
what you're here for,
00:27:08.76\00:27:11.39
and we do need affirmation
00:27:11.43\00:27:14.13
but we don't have to
receive it from the...
00:27:14.16\00:27:15.90
I was looking for
affirmation from the world,
00:27:15.93\00:27:17.47
we don't have to
have it from the world.
00:27:17.50\00:27:19.50
Everything that we
need is on the inside of us
00:27:19.53\00:27:21.24
and then God
brings people across
00:27:21.27\00:27:22.87
our path like
yourself, to affirm us.
00:27:22.90\00:27:26.07
Well, I actually appreciate.
00:27:26.11\00:27:27.94
We're down to
our last few minutes
00:27:27.98\00:27:29.48
and I just want to--
That time went by so fast.
00:27:29.51\00:27:30.85
It went so fast.
00:27:30.88\00:27:32.51
We got to do
the girl talk again.
00:27:32.55\00:27:33.88
Let's do girl talk again, okay,
00:27:33.92\00:27:35.28
I'm gonna take it
up with my producers
00:27:35.32\00:27:36.75
and I think they're
gonna like that, all right.
00:27:36.79\00:27:38.75
Well, listen, Nancy, I
appreciate you, I love you.
00:27:38.79\00:27:41.56
And I just want to let to know,
00:27:41.59\00:27:42.92
you've got to know your purpose.
00:27:42.96\00:27:44.53
You have to know
where you're heading.
00:27:44.56\00:27:46.43
But it has to be
with God. It has to be.
00:27:46.46\00:27:48.56
You can't do without
God, not as a Christian.
00:27:48.60\00:27:50.47
You cannot, you have to pray,
and fast, and seek God's word.
00:27:50.50\00:27:54.54
And you have to,
and He will direct you.
00:27:54.57\00:27:56.84
"Trust in the Lord." Amen.
00:27:56.87\00:27:58.21
"And He will direct your
path." I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin.
00:27:58.24\00:28:01.54
I want to thank Nancy
O'Neal for being with us.
00:28:01.58\00:28:04.21
You are welcome, and I love you.
00:28:04.25\00:28:05.85
I love you, too.
Continue to "Making It Work."
00:28:05.88\00:28:07.78
God bless.
00:28:07.82\00:28:09.15