Participants: Arthur Nowlin (Host), Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin (Host)
Series Code: MIW
Program Code: MIW000040A
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00:01 Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan Nowlin.
00:03 And I'm Arthur Nowlin. 00:04 And welcome to "Making It Work." 00:38 Well, Arthur, I am so excited. 00:40 I get another chance just talk with you about family life. 00:44 Our the last seven years 00:46 Arthur and I've had the pleasure of serving 00:48 as the family life directors, 00:50 co-directors of the Lake Region Conference 00:53 and the Lake Region Conference is one of the conferences 00:55 with in the North America division 00:58 of the Seventh-day Adventist church. 01:00 But in our conference, the Lake Region Conference, 01:02 we scope five areas or five states, 01:06 Michigan, Illinois, Minnesota, Wisconsin and Indiana. 01:11 So we travel between all those states 01:13 meeting the needs of our churches. 01:15 So we're excited about that 01:17 but we took on a new task this year 01:18 because now we're the family life 01:20 directors also of our home church, the City Temple 01:23 of Seventh-day Adventist Church in Detroit, Michigan. 01:26 So we're caring several hats 01:29 along with our private practice here Detroit also. 01:32 So, Arthur, why don't just talk about 01:34 the impact of family life 01:36 and how it connects to making it work? 01:38 How can our families continue to make it work? 01:42 You know, we're getting ready to move 01:44 into a heavy transition within Obama care, 01:47 a lot of different things are gonna be happening 01:49 and impacting our families. 01:50 So let's talk about family life. 01:52 Well, you said a lot 01:54 and when we talk about family life, 01:57 I guess one of the things that really come to mind 02:00 is some of the issues 02:01 that are associated with family life. 02:06 We're talking about child molestation, 02:10 we're talking about substance abuse, 02:13 areas where infidelity is within the marriage. 02:17 There's a lot of issues 02:18 that are attacking our families today 02:21 that we didn't think about maybe in earlier years. 02:26 Some of these problems that exist now 02:29 are really devastating to the family. 02:31 Child molestation is on the raise 02:33 within our communities. 02:35 Yes. 02:36 The substance abuse problem has always been there, 02:39 but now, it's a lot of attention that is giving 02:42 to the different drugs that the people are adjusting 02:46 and causing themselves to be at a point 02:50 where they loose control of their faculties. 02:52 Well, what do you think is the prime aspect 02:55 or the prime factor, you know, 02:58 do we need to look at family origin, 02:59 we've talked about it before on "Making It Work." 03:02 What is family origin? 03:04 Family origin is the family that you're born into, 03:08 the family that raise you from birth up 03:12 until a recent age with the age in which you decide 03:15 that you will go out and venture on your own. 03:19 Whether it be in college or whether it be in a military, 03:23 but the family origin is the family 03:25 that you're associated with from birth. 03:27 Now, Arthur, how many types of families you know, 03:29 we have the nuclear family, 03:31 with just the mother and father within the home structure. 03:35 What other family structures do we have? 03:37 Well, we have now, we have the single parent family. 03:41 Yes, that's true. 03:42 You know, nuclear family 03:43 which is traditional single parent family 03:45 and we have what people consider to be a foster family. 03:49 All right. 03:51 You know, that's basically when you bring children 03:53 into the home that are not you're biological children. 03:55 All right. And we have the blended family. 03:57 And the blended family. Now what is the blended family? 03:59 The blended family, we're talking about 04:01 two families that were not within the family origin, 04:06 but one parent bringing in children 04:09 from one particular family and another parent 04:12 bringing in their children from a particular family 04:14 and blending it all together to make one family. 04:17 But now we're dealing with another type of family, 04:19 we're dealing with the homosexuality. 04:22 You know, we have the same gender raising a family. 04:25 Yes. 04:26 And you have children who either been adopted 04:29 or surrogate birth and it's impacting 04:32 and it's impacting the church. 04:35 How do we address this issue coming 04:37 from my traditional stand point and the Word of God 04:41 and what God created, man and woman, Adam and Eve? 04:45 How do we deal with this 04:47 and how we do help these individuals, 04:49 these families become a part of our church? 04:52 Well, you know, at this point, 04:54 we're looking at bringing them into the church, 04:58 they come as they are. 05:00 When I think about a homosexual family 05:04 or gay and lesbian family, I'm thinking 05:07 about this family still has opportunity to come 05:11 into the church and they can make a decision 05:13 after we present our principles. 05:16 Okay. 05:17 And after we offer what is important 05:20 the Word of God, when they make that decision 05:24 then they can look at if their family structure 05:28 is conducive to the principle 05:30 of the Seventh-day Adventist Church 05:32 or of the Christian church, Christian philosophy. 05:36 You do know we have Seventh-day-- 05:38 well, Adventist homosexual churches now. 05:41 Absolutely. 05:42 You know, there were rising up 05:44 all over the country. 05:45 Well, you know, I haven't seen any per say, 05:47 but I've, I've been in California 05:50 where it was indicated to me by other, 05:54 by a pastor that they have a special church 05:57 for homosexual, gay and lesbian. 06:01 Believers. Absolutely, so-- 06:02 Okay, well, let's go back all right, 06:04 you've talked about the family origin. 06:06 Let's talk about some of the other factors 06:09 that are impacting our families today. 06:11 You know, we have abuse, we have substance abuse. 06:15 You know, what causes an infidelity? 06:17 Let's talk about that. What causes a person? 06:19 Infidelity or the substance? 06:21 Infidelity, I want to talk about infidelity 06:23 because prior to the taping I received a phone call 06:26 from a wife and she just found out 06:29 her husband has been unfaithful. 06:31 She's just given birth to her third child, 06:33 she's on the phone crying to me 06:35 and I had to come in and do this taping. 06:37 She said, "Dr Logan, can you call my husband, 06:39 can you call him right now?" 06:41 And I said, "If you give me 30 minutes I'll call him." 06:43 You know, what do I say to this man you know, 06:46 she wants me to you know, make him change his mind, 06:49 don't leave us, don't do this, 06:51 but she went out at 3'o clock in the morning, 06:53 she felt it was the Holy Spirit 06:54 and she found evidence of his infidelity. 06:57 Whether, we're talking about some horrific dynamics 07:01 that's involved with this particular case. 07:04 One other things that she had indicated to me 07:06 was that this man had also expressed to her 07:11 that he didn't want to be with her any longer. 07:13 You know, so, it's pretty difficult 07:17 to convince him otherwise if he makes a statement 07:19 like that and recognizing 07:21 he has three children by this women. 07:23 That's devastating, but it's not to say 07:27 that God can't heal a relationship. 07:29 That's right, that's right. God can do anything. 07:31 That's right. But there has been willingness. 07:33 And that's what the first thing 07:36 that I would recommend to anybody is to meet 07:40 and discuss the situation and see 07:42 if anyone is in favor of changing some behavior. 07:46 This, this cause a major behavior change. 07:49 We're talking about someone that is out in the community 07:54 or who has indicated 07:55 that he didn't want to be with his wife, 07:57 I'd rather be with someone else. 08:00 That's major. 08:01 And it's very major and then finding evidence, 08:03 so let's look at infidelity for a moment. 08:06 Is it premeditated, is it fallout? 08:09 In many cases, yes, you know-- 08:11 Okay, I'm gonna throw something at you, 08:12 do you think more men commit adultery than women? 08:15 Now, why would you even want to go there? 08:17 I just want to know. I mean-- 08:18 I really want to know. 08:20 You know, because it's, it's an issue, 08:22 if it's they say now men commit adultery more than women? 08:25 I would say at this point that we're dealing in a society 08:29 where infidelity is expected in relationships, 08:33 in many relationships. 08:36 So I'm not going to say that-- 08:37 What do you mean expected, what do you mean expected? 08:38 I mean, at some point a men 08:41 will lustor participate in a act 08:45 where it's outside of his marriage. 08:47 Well, I guess so, you know, you're talking about lusting, 08:49 these women walk around here with no clothes on, 08:52 half clothes on, skirts way up to their thighs 08:55 it makes a man vulnerable? 08:57 You have to be rooted 08:58 and grounded in the Word of God. 08:59 So, I'm not going to, I would not say 09:02 that men create an unhealthy relationship more than females. 09:09 I'm thinking at this point 09:11 it would very close to be in 50-50. 09:13 Okay, so you're saying that infidelity is premeditated, 09:16 it's thought out, it's a process, 09:18 you know, these are the one that talk to, 09:20 I met someone at work, 09:21 I met someone at a bowling alley, 09:23 I just met someone and now, this relationship is gone 09:26 from just basic friendship to now, 09:29 we're having lunch, we're calling each other, 09:32 we're texting each other and now we're meeting 09:35 in to be unfaithful to our spouses. 09:37 Absolutely, it's gotten to the point where the, 09:41 the lust or the thought has become so powerful 09:45 that the act is secondary. 09:48 You've all ready created the, 09:51 the major issue within your mind. 09:54 So like the Bible says, 09:56 "So as the man thinketh so is he." 09:57 Absolutely. 09:58 You know, and the Word of God also says, 10:00 "By beholding we become changed." 10:01 Yes. 10:02 So you beholding those type of behaviors 10:04 is going to change your mind set. 10:06 How does a family pull back and make it work 10:08 when their spouses are unfaithful? 10:10 That's major because once again 10:12 we're talking about a behavior change, 10:13 we're talking about the person recognizing 10:16 that this is a problem for them and that at this point 10:20 they have to do something to change this behavior. 10:23 Arthur, quickly. 10:24 You have to tell something quickly. 10:26 And so we're talking about getting to a therapist 10:28 or the pastor and bringing it out in the open 10:32 and recognizing that I have this problem, 10:34 I need to address this problem because its, 10:37 it has cost me and my wife 10:39 to separate mentally and physically. 10:42 It is, it's so stressful and you know, 10:45 we talk about behavior modification all the time. 10:46 Absolutely. 10:48 You know, and we talk about paradigm shift. 10:50 What is behavior modification? 10:51 Basically, when you have one particular behavior 10:54 that you're doing and now you have to come up 10:57 with an alternative to that behavior 10:59 because you've recognized that it's caused some issues 11:01 within your relationship, 11:03 but even beyond the behavior being modified. 11:08 The first and foremost thing is to the need 11:11 to pray about this situation and in many cases 11:14 it's become very difficult 11:16 when you're dealing with situation that is, 11:19 during your marriage or family 11:21 and then someone say, okay let's pray about it. 11:24 So you really have to dig deep down within yourself 11:27 and relay back on you're teachings to get you, 11:30 your Christian belief to get you to a point 11:33 where you can even pray about it. 11:34 Okay, well, let me give you a scenario, 11:36 I don't want to be with you anymore, 11:38 I'm not attracted to you anymore, 11:40 you don't please me anymore, does that give me a reason, 11:43 a excuse to go out 11:44 and be unfaithful to you or even divorce you? 11:46 No, it doesn't give you a reason for it, 11:49 but it leads so many people down that road 11:52 because they had separated, 11:53 they had detached themselves from the family. 11:56 So at this point you feel that what you're doing is justified. 11:59 How does a man leave a wife and three children? 12:02 That's, that's. How that you do that? 12:03 The same a wife would leave a wife-- 12:06 a husband and three children. 12:08 A husband and three children, and it happens. 12:09 Of course, it's happening more and more now than ever before. 12:12 And I think that its deep into the fact 12:13 that I'm no longer attracted to you, 12:15 I don't want to be with you, is to the point 12:16 that I don't want to do this anymore. 12:18 Well, we also, we're talking about 12:20 the other circumstances that's involved. 12:23 The inability to communicate 12:25 honestly and openly with each other. 12:27 Okay, all right, let's get to the layers here. 12:28 And we're talking about the inability 12:30 to trust each other, so if I don't trust you, 12:33 I don't want to communicate with you, 12:35 I feel that we don't have anything in common, 12:37 so now I'm detaching myself from you. 12:39 Yeah. 12:40 And so the other person that I work with 12:42 who says those things that I can relate to, 12:45 that are kind things, I tend to start processing the fact 12:50 that may be this person is better than the wife 12:53 that I have or the husband that I have at home. 12:55 Now, you know, we talk about quality time 12:57 and the ingredients that we keep a relationship 13:00 and how to make it work. 13:02 You need quality time together, 13:03 you need to set some clear cut objective, 13:06 goals for your relationship, short term goals 13:09 and then build on them, one at a time. 13:11 And then making sure that the words 13:14 that you speak to one and other are kind, 13:15 and considered and they're loving 13:17 words from the Holy Spirit. 13:19 Let all the Holy Spirit work through you. 13:21 We all get frustrated, we get tried, 13:23 you know, we want to give up, 13:25 have you ever wanted to give up 13:26 in your marriage with me, Arthur? 13:27 Let's put it on the table. 13:29 Yes. Why? 13:30 You know, because I thought you were-- 13:32 were at a point where you were not willing 13:34 to listen to me, not willing to take suggestions from me. 13:37 I got that issue hard, submit thy selves to thy husband, 13:40 that a hard thing for me. 13:41 But I'm growing in grace, I'm growing in grace. 13:44 When are you going to get there, sweetheart? 13:46 God's time, it's not my time. I don't know, I don't know. 13:49 But I'm working, I'm working, I'm working with you. 13:51 I need you to work it out little bit faster. 13:53 I'm making it work. 13:54 You know, well, make it work. 13:55 Some more? Yeah. 13:57 Mercy, but you know, you make a decision 14:01 to say I'm going to stay with Kim. 14:03 Yes, you know, because-- 14:07 it's easy for me to not stay with you. 14:10 If I think about the things that, 14:12 you know would, 14:13 that I feel that your stiff and I'll move along. 14:17 I think that there're negative things 14:18 that would be within our relationship. 14:21 I can say, "Okay, she's not going to change 14:24 and then I can leave." 14:25 Do you think I'm stubborn? 14:26 Of course you are, but you know you're stubborn. 14:28 I know how to think and you know that. 14:30 Yeah, I'm stubborn. 14:31 Do you think you're stubborn at times? 14:33 Sure, I am. Yes. 14:34 You know, and I think that that's really 14:36 what makes it work as to recognize 14:38 that you're stubborn 14:40 and but also that to accept the fact that I'm stubborn. 14:42 And then you got to work on it. 14:43 Consistently. 14:45 Every day you got to work on it. 14:46 You know, it's not easy. 14:47 You're talking about bringing two individuals together, 14:49 with two different personalities. 14:51 Two different personalities. Two different personalities, 14:52 its two different family of origins 14:54 and bringing them together and say, 14:56 "Now, we want to make this work." 14:59 How will you make this work? 15:02 It has to be prayer, it has to be-- 15:04 Oh, Lord Jesus, I want tell you it's been about prays, 15:07 the Word of God, attending church. 15:10 I have to sit next to Arthur can I go here for a minute? 15:13 I want you to go there. 15:14 I'm going to go here, I sat next to Arthur one Sabbath 15:17 or I could have just strangled him, 15:20 but I tell you every time when you feel like 15:22 the flesh takes over, the Word of God 15:24 speaks to the man of God and then I'll reach over 15:27 and take his hand and sometimes he'll, 15:30 you know how you do, give me your hand, 15:31 you know how you do. 15:32 I extend my hand to you. Oh, you need to stop. 15:35 And then when you know-- 15:37 But it changes my heart. 15:38 When you sit next to me, you know, 15:40 because you've done something wrong, 15:42 it is difficult for you to sit next to me 15:45 because I'm such the kind hearted person, you know-- 15:48 Why you want to give this, folks thing 15:50 that I'm Mr. Nice guy, you are a nice guy. 15:54 I'm, I'm-- 15:55 Kim, it's only to a point where you push me 15:59 that I'll show the other side. 16:00 That's true, that's true. 16:01 You know, but, but you know, God is good, 16:03 you know, because I've recognized that through Him 16:07 that He will ease my burden. 16:10 He will give me what I need 16:12 and he will help me to maintain my focus 16:16 and not just give up and say 16:18 that the marriage cannot work any longer 16:20 because of you're stubbornness. 16:22 But you love me, that's a key component. 16:24 Love has to be involved. Right. 16:26 You know, and I have a family with you. 16:28 You have a family. You know-- 16:29 That's very important to you. 16:31 Family is everything. 16:33 Why is that thing everything? 16:35 Because, without the family we have nothing. 16:38 Without the family we have no church-- 16:40 Then we lose the whole generation. 16:41 We lose, and that's the problem, 16:43 that its, we are dealing with at this point. 16:46 I really seriously believe that with family 16:50 we can overcome our problems and our difficulties. 16:52 I agree. 16:53 Without family we have no self worth, 16:56 we have no self esteem, we have nothing 16:58 to judge our character by, you know, 17:02 and it's very important that we maintain our relationship 17:05 with family and even if you have to create a family 17:09 when I say create a family I mean, 17:11 you're sibling may be gone, or you're parents maybe gone, 17:16 but you could through the church 17:17 there are the people that will extend themselves. 17:20 And the church needs to extend themselves more 17:23 for our family, you know. 17:24 Well, this is good. 17:26 Okay, let me ask you this then, 17:27 the component we've talked about, 17:29 substance abuse on our program. 17:31 We're gonna have other guest dealing with that, 17:33 you know, where is, where are we now 17:35 with the present system and those going 17:38 into the legal system and you know, 17:40 in fragmenting our families? 17:42 I think in our society today 17:44 we are in dire need of recognizing 17:47 that we have to hold on to our understandings 17:52 of traditions and respect for each other. 17:55 Yes, yes. 17:56 We're at a point now where our present, 17:58 present system is being overwhelmed 18:01 because a lot of people, 18:03 a lot of our youth are under impression 18:05 that going to prison, prison is like a badge of courage. 18:11 I've gone through, I can handle going through 18:13 this process and unfortunately because of our-- 18:18 the times that we live in it's more exciting 18:23 and intriguing to do things that are against our rules, 18:27 our laws and to get away with it. 18:30 Do you find second, third generations going into prison, 18:33 into the legal system? 18:34 I find all generations going into prison 18:36 from every aspect, from white color crime 18:40 and from the selling of drugs and the-- 18:46 the crime that comes along with being in the drug world, 18:51 murder different things. 18:53 Armed robbery, all of this attached. 18:55 All of it. 18:56 All of it, and even with the women. 18:58 Talk a little bit about that, how women get involved 19:01 with these men or men get involved 19:02 with the women and they become accessory 19:05 or associated with the crime 19:09 and they end up going into prison also. 19:10 I had a friend that called me recently, 19:14 may be about a couple of days ago and he was telling, 19:19 I talked to him over the holidays 19:20 and he said that he basically 19:22 he wanted to talk to me about something, 19:24 so he called me again. 19:26 Oh, I made contact with him a couple of these days ago 19:28 and he said, "I have to tell you something, 19:30 I'm really going through some difficulties." 19:33 He said, "my daughter who's 24 years old 19:36 is now facing a charge," where's a mandatory to, 19:39 with a, with a gun, that was found in the car 19:44 that she was driving with two other gentlemen 19:46 that had shot at the state police 19:50 with automatic weapons. 19:52 And you know, he saying, 19:55 "I didn't raise my daughter like this." 19:57 And he said, "I gave her good home, 19:59 sent her to good school and then she convinced me 20:04 that wanted to go back her school 20:06 where she had a relationship with a young man." 20:08 While this young man was one of the gentle men's 20:10 that was in the car with the sub-machine gun, Kim. 20:13 A sub-machine gun? 20:14 It was two of them in the car and they decided that, 20:18 she had traffic violation and they encouraged her 20:21 to keep driving because they didn't want to be caught 20:24 with the guns in the car. 20:25 Well, they turn out, 20:27 and they were under an impression 20:29 that they could turn around and shoot at the state police. 20:32 This happened over the Christmas holidays. 20:34 My goodness. Now, she's facing prison. 20:37 And she's 24 years old, 20:38 where she's facing up to 20 years, right now. 20:42 My, 20 years? Twenty years? 20:44 Mandatory of two, two years mandatory 20:47 with the guns in the car 20:49 that she was driving. 20:50 My, my, my. 20:52 Along with the other gentlemen that was in the car as well. 20:54 I mean, so we're talking about circumstances of women 20:58 being used as or what they called mules 21:00 to carrying drugs from place to another. 21:02 Yes. 21:04 Getting caught and being incarcerated. 21:05 Yes. 21:07 And we're talking about crimes of violence 21:09 because of passionate groups. 21:11 Yes, crimes of passion. Yes, yes. 21:13 You know, so this all impacts our families. 21:16 Absolutely. 21:18 You know, when we think about 21:19 how do we continue to make it work day in and day out. 21:23 We have to again go back to our traditions, 21:26 the root, the Word of God, the power of prayer. 21:29 Raising our children, like you said you're friend said, 21:31 he didn't raise his daughter like this. 21:32 No, he didn't. 21:33 But it still comes down to choices that people make. 21:37 Let's talk about that. 21:38 Choices, that why the Word of God 21:40 and our Christian belief is so important. 21:44 It is in, it is necessary for us to recognize 21:48 that everything that's being done today, 21:51 everything that we, we do or we participate in 21:55 is things that have all ready happened. 21:57 Yes. 21:58 If you read the word then the word tells you, 22:02 you know, this happened today, 22:04 this happened to other prophets. 22:06 And yet they got through it 22:08 because of their belief in that, 22:10 they had a true sense of, of forgiveness. 22:17 They wanted to be forgiven. 22:18 Right, David was the apple of god's eye. 22:20 That's why the sincerity-- 22:21 Absolutely, participated in murder. 22:23 Yes, he murdered Uriah, yes. 22:24 Participated in adultery, you know. 22:26 Yes, adultery. Sin after sin, but he repented. 22:29 Paul participated in murder and torture. 22:32 Yes, yes. 22:34 You know, but yeah, he cried out 22:37 and God reached him 22:38 and they were forgiven for their sins. 22:41 So even though I may participate in something, 22:45 if I have a true sense of asking 22:48 for forgiveness the opportunity is there. 22:51 Oh, yes. 22:52 God will forgive me, 22:53 but I still have to pay for what I've done. 22:55 Yes, you have to, you know, 22:57 that's because you reap what you sow, 22:58 but God's grace in mercy. 23:00 Absolutely. 23:01 And God, for His grace in mercy. 23:03 So as you look at what's going on 23:05 with individuals in our society. 23:08 Every aspect impacts a family. 23:11 Every aspect, trainable child. You know. 23:13 And the way she go, 23:15 when is older she'll not depart. 23:16 So, I mean, we have to work with our children, 23:19 continue to encourage them, 23:21 let them know what they are dealing with. 23:23 Our children are really being faced 23:26 with a tremendous amount of devastation regarding, 23:31 you know, the things they watch, 23:33 the things they participate in. 23:35 I mean, Satan has tricked a lot of our families. 23:38 Oh, yes, he has. 23:39 Now, you know, I want to talk about something. 23:41 In a couple of months our daughter 23:43 is going to be turning 13. 23:44 Wow. 23:46 We will have another teenager, you know, 23:49 because we have adult children and then our little one. 23:52 So are you ready? 23:55 Well, I'm ready as I can be, but, I mean-- 23:58 You know, because I'm trying to understand 23:59 what everyone is saying because I didn't go, 24:01 we didn't go through Jason and Micha, 24:03 but Erin is a little different because we're older 24:08 and raising her, but, you know, do you have any concerns 24:12 that you have about her turning 13? 24:14 Well, you're right. 24:15 Being a teenager? 24:17 You're old, Kim, so, you know, I mean-- 24:21 That's funny. Yeah, yeah, real funny. 24:23 But raising a teenager, I mean... 24:26 Is raising a child. 24:28 The essence to all of this 24:30 is being able to give them the love and understanding 24:34 and the nurturing that's required 24:36 to help them reach their full potential. 24:38 Yes. 24:39 You know, I mean, I may want my daughter, 24:41 I want Erin to be the best as she can be, 24:44 but Erin will have to make the final choice 24:47 of what she wants for her life. 24:49 I can try to be a good role model 24:51 to listen to hear, to encourage her 24:54 because being a teenager in today's society 24:57 is definitely a difficult process. 24:59 If they are there alone but God will provide us 25:05 with the steadfastness and the ability 25:10 to do what's ever required to offer her a good lifestyle. 25:14 I think its very important that, you know, 25:16 she has the balance of both you and I, 25:17 but a relationship with you, you know, 25:20 talk about the importance of having 25:22 a father daughter relationship 25:24 and how do you make it work with Erin? 25:26 How do you make it work with Erin? 25:28 I don't want her to search for love 25:29 in all the wrong places because I don't 25:32 or I have not given her the love that she requires. 25:36 I want her to understand a relationship 25:38 between a man and a woman, 25:40 the sensitivity that a man should offer her, 25:43 the nurturing that a man 25:45 should provide to her and the support. 25:49 So, you know, being a father 25:51 where I can offer these things to her at this age 25:54 and teach her that she doesn't had to accept anything that, 25:59 that is substandard 26:01 or she doesn't have to search for someone. 26:03 Or substituted, you know. 26:05 Yes, you know, I'm so-- 26:07 Try to validate who she is. 26:08 Well, we will realize that when men are not in the home, 26:12 I mean, that's devastating to the family. 26:15 And right now, being a single parent 26:18 is a double duty for a man or a woman. 26:21 There are more and more men now being a single parent. 26:24 Being a single father's, yes. 26:25 You know, not just females anymore. 26:26 That's right, that's true. 26:28 So, I mean, it's really important that we try to offer 26:32 the support from both perspectives, 26:35 but once again we have to deal with 26:37 what is really important that is, 26:41 to maintain a family unit as best we possibly can. 26:45 That's really powerful, Arthur. 26:47 You know, balancing your marriage with me, 26:50 you're of three children, you have, you know, 26:53 our business, you have, you know, 26:55 the work you do with the half way houses, 26:57 your golf, you know. 26:59 You can rage on the golf trip. Oh, I'm so happy. 27:02 Love that goal trip. 27:03 I know you, you have but-- you know, 27:05 I'm gonna tell you why I'm so happy 27:06 because I believe in making it work, 27:08 you need your own me time. 27:10 You know, you need quality time and, 27:12 so he get's to go for a week and I get to be 27:14 at home with Erin and nothing moves, no pillows, 27:18 no nothing, you know, nothing moves in my house. 27:21 Listen, you know, we're down to our last few minutes. 27:23 Arthur, the family, you said that we have to take it 27:26 back to the root of prayer, communion with God 27:30 and we have to take our family to church. 27:33 We need to be more responsible and we need to more inclusive 27:36 of what's going on the household. 27:37 And if you're a single parent, you know, try to find mentors. 27:41 You know, to cover the areas 27:43 that maybe you need some assistance. 27:45 Yes, definitely. 27:47 Well, listen, we want to thank you for joining us 27:48 on "Making It Work" and we hope we gave you 27:50 some tools and things to think about 27:52 and begin to making it work 27:54 and keep it together within your family. 27:57 I'm Dr Kim Logan Nowlin. 27:58 And I'm Arthur Nowlin. 27:59 Keep making it work, God bless. |
Revised 2015-09-28