Participants: Arthur Nowlin (Host), Dr Kim Logan-Nowlin (Host), Pr. Cory Jackson Jr.
Series Code: MIW
Program Code: MIW000037
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00:01 Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin. And I'm Arthur Nowlin.
00:03 And welcome to "Making It Work." 00:24 Arthur, when you think about 00:27 someone who has gone through divorce 00:29 and facing divorce, what comes to mind? 00:32 Transition, thinking about a lot of things 00:38 that you have to do. 00:40 And whereas maybe you had a partner 00:42 to assist you in some of those things. 00:44 Now you're faced with doing those things alone. 00:48 I think that companionship 00:50 is not big void in that you think, 00:53 and then also rejection or them feeling at a loss 00:59 with that person no longer there. 01:01 Yes, definitely it's a loss. Its almost like grieving. 01:05 You know, when you think about that, 01:06 you know, divorce is like death and grieving. 01:10 I agree with that. 01:11 Well, today on Making It Work 01:13 we have definitely stepped outside the box. 01:16 Arthur and I, we asked a very dear friend of us 01:19 to join us today, who is not only facing divorce, 01:22 who has gone through it recently. 01:25 But not just that he is a pastor 01:28 of the Burns Seventh-Day Adventist Church 01:30 in Detroit, Michigan. 01:32 Welcome Pastor Cory Jackson. 01:34 Oh, thank you for having me. 01:36 It's a pleasure. 01:37 You know we've been working on this 01:39 for sometime to get you here. 01:40 How're you doing? 01:41 I'm doing well. 01:42 You're doing better? Doing better, healing. 01:45 Healing, that's a good word, healing. 01:48 So what do you do to heal? 01:49 What do I do to heal? 01:53 Well, at first and foremost I'm in counseling 01:55 so that helps a great deal, prayer, 02:00 having a good support group to be around 02:03 and also having sounding boards. 02:05 Excellent. 02:06 And so, and then keep myself busy right now, 02:09 think that's the big thing for me. 02:11 Well you know, we're entitle to show the blind side, 02:13 didn't you see it coming? 02:15 You know, you had no clue 02:17 that your wife no longer wanted to be married to you? 02:21 No, I didn't and I don't think anyone who is in love, 02:24 they start looking to be divorced. 02:27 I think that's why it's a blind side. 02:29 I think if we had spent time arguing, 02:32 being at each others throats, always disagreeing, 02:35 there was some physical involvement, 02:37 but none of those things happened. 02:39 And so you don't tend to think that 02:43 the one you said I do to would eventually says 02:45 I don't want this anymore. So- 02:48 Well listen, why don't we let you tell your testimony 02:51 how it all came about and from the first day 02:55 you read that note until today. 02:58 Well, it happened about 14 months ago. 03:02 September 18th, received a note 03:06 and the note explained that the inevitable is coming, 03:11 which is divorce. I was totally shocked. 03:13 So went upstairs talked about it. 03:15 She already had her bags packed and she left that day. 03:19 And the following month I had divorce papers. 03:22 And I think the most challenging thing is 03:23 really not knowing the real reason. 03:27 It's just, I'm tired of being married, 03:30 tired of being the first lady, tired of being in church 03:32 and that's the service of what you get. 03:36 And so it's a death as you say it 03:38 because it's collateral damage too 03:41 because it affects not only you, 03:43 it affects your children, affects people around you, 03:46 it affects the family, it affects friends, 03:49 you know, it affects even your enemies. 03:52 So we got divorced in March of 2012. 03:58 And it's been the hardest I'll say, it's devastating. 04:03 And I don't think anyone is ever prepared for it 04:06 because of the emotional draining, 04:09 the spiritual draining, the physical draining, 04:12 and then being a father, being a pastor, 04:15 there is still pressure that's on me 04:17 to still be before the people smiling. 04:20 And not showing any signs of weakness 04:21 and then your children are trying to figure it all out. 04:25 Your family is trying to figure it all out. 04:27 Your friends are trying to figure it all out. 04:29 And you're constantly reliving it 04:30 because everybody is asking what happened? 04:33 What happened? How did this happen? 04:35 They never say things like not you all. 04:37 You all seemed like the perfect family 04:39 because, you know, whenever I go speak, 04:42 I always say with the Jackson 5. 04:44 But you know I guess I forgot that 04:45 Jackson 5 did split up two. 04:48 No, you didn't. They did. 04:50 So they did split up. So that-- 04:52 How many children? 04:53 We have three children. 04:55 How has this impacted the children? 04:57 Very tough, because you get used to seeing 05:01 mommy and daddy always together, 05:03 doing everything together, 05:04 and now you see them separated. 05:07 And it takes an emotional toll on them more than anything, 05:09 because at this point 05:11 they feel that they don't have a voice, 05:13 because you know what do they say, 05:14 they can't make us stay together, 05:17 they can't keep us together, 05:18 so they just feel like part of its their fault, 05:22 they feel as though no one's come to the rescue 05:25 and then they look at God a little bit different. 05:27 Did you- 05:28 I'm thinking one of the things is children 05:33 basically wait for the results. 05:35 You know, they wait to find out 05:38 what's going to be the final result out of this situation. 05:43 And changes their lives. 05:44 They know that their lives are in a process of change. 05:49 Another thing that you said earlier that 05:52 I want to go back to is a fact that 05:56 you said you didn't see it coming. 05:58 No. 05:59 You know, but I tell you, well a lot of research said 06:05 that is out there in regards to divorce. 06:08 One of the things that they indicate is the person 06:11 who files the divorce had been 06:14 contemplating divorce for a while. 06:17 I agree with that. Yeah. 06:18 Yeah, because she filed on me 06:20 and she had mentioned that she once thought about 06:24 but didn't know how it's going to take place. 06:27 And so I guess she got to a point where, 06:30 you know, it was time for it to happen. 06:32 She did. How old are your children? 06:35 22, 18 and 12. 06:38 I see, so now let me ask you, let's go back a little bit. 06:41 How did you become Seventh-day Adventist 06:44 because you were not born 06:45 and raised Seventh-day Adventist? 06:47 Not at all, I was actually studying 06:49 to be a Black Panther and Black Muslim. 06:51 And then I was working 06:53 at a youth home called St. John's Home. 06:55 And a gentleman by the name 06:56 of Rich Magsby was working there. 06:58 His wife was a Bible worker 07:00 in Lake Region Conference of Seventh-day Adventist. 07:03 And he sort of asked me about Bible studies. 07:06 He asked me about this Jesus and others. 07:08 And so I was fighting out tooth and nail. 07:10 I'm not serving any white Jesus, 07:12 as to white man's religion, 07:14 you know all the sayings that Islam give you. 07:17 And don't let the bowtie fool you. 07:20 I'm not Muslim. 07:22 But he kept, he was persistent 07:24 but he was also a Christian, he is also patient. 07:27 And so eventually, you know, my ex wife and I 07:30 we decided o take Bible studies. 07:32 And she took Bible studies also? 07:33 Yeah, it took us a year and half together. 07:35 And she accepted the message. 07:36 She accepted everything. 07:38 And we got baptized together. March 21st 1997. 07:42 You remember the date. 07:43 I remember the date. 07:44 It wasn't just your influence over her, 07:47 I mean in her heart she had been convicted. 07:49 Yes, yeah. 07:51 As we studied together like 07:52 I said it took us a year and a half 07:53 and that's when we got baptized together. 07:56 So during this process, she is right there 07:58 by your side seeing the relationship grow, 08:01 your relationship with Christ. 08:02 So what happened during the process 08:04 of because you were in Grand Rapids, Michigan? 08:07 Well, I think first and foremost, 08:10 she didn't expect for me to be a pastor neither did I. 08:13 But we usually go out together at the Bethel Church. 08:16 And things were lovely. 08:19 I was a probation officer 08:21 and she was working at a college. 08:23 And so things began to transitioning our lives. 08:27 We already had two children by then 08:29 and so transitions began to happen rapidly. 08:33 From me going to a small missionary school 08:35 called Black Hills Missionary College 08:37 in South Dakota, coming back home. 08:40 And then from there two years after that 08:43 becoming a minister, a full time pastor. 08:46 And then things just kept moving real quickly. 08:49 And, pastor, during that time, 08:50 you never saw her depressed or any anxiety. 08:53 Did she ever come to you and say to you, 08:55 I can't handle this, this is not for me? 08:58 Well, those words were never said, I can't handle it. 09:00 But you can see the anxiety. 09:03 You can see the challenges. 09:05 But you know with anything for me, 09:08 you know, the Lord wouldn't have called us, 09:10 if he hadn't provided a way. 09:12 But it takes two of us to believe that, not one. 09:15 So for a while you were making this transition 09:19 and doing the things that you needed to do 09:24 to get strong in your faith, 09:27 you didn't sense the same type of strength. 09:30 Well, I did because we would have 09:32 Friday night Bible studies at our home. 09:34 We go to prayer meeting together, 09:36 we were at church. 09:37 You know we would study together, 09:38 she would study right in her Bible. 09:40 And so the signs were there, I think the challenge became, 09:44 when she became a first lady 09:45 and the pressure that the church at times put on. 09:50 But also I think 09:52 her personality is not like mine. 09:56 And so because of that I think that added 09:58 some challenges towards her as well 09:59 because church members and I don't blame them, 10:02 they expect the first family to be a certain way, 10:04 act a certain way, do certain things, 10:07 and so sometimes, when you are not meeting that mark, 10:10 it becomes a challenge for some people. 10:13 Did you see that that in the process 10:15 she was feeling extremely uncomfortable with that? 10:19 I mean with that first lady role? 10:21 I've seen it. 10:22 Yeah, so it was almost, the expectations 10:26 that was placed on you and your family. 10:29 When she didn't fulfill it, that gave her more anxiety? 10:32 I believe so initially... how do I put, 10:37 initially we were just regular folk 10:39 and I hope you can follow along. 10:41 And then the Lord began 10:42 to move things up to full change. 10:45 And as you move upward, there's more expectation, 10:50 there's more pressure, success now is around us 10:54 and because of that people now see you in a different light. 10:57 And so you begin to think, hey you know what, 10:59 I didn't sign up for all of this. 11:01 I signed up for this but now my husband 11:04 is preaching here, he is preaching there, 11:06 he didn't grow up in the church. 11:08 Everywhere he goes, you know he is baptizing 11:11 and now the Jackson family is a household name. 11:15 And so with that comes a household attitude, 11:18 a household behavior that everyone expects. 11:21 And for some, it's very challenging to deal with. 11:24 Everybody can't handle the lights and the camera. 11:28 You know some people like to just stay in the background. 11:30 And that's what she is. 11:31 She is very great when it comes to administrative things, 11:35 she is very organized. 11:37 But she is kind of a, she is behind the scene person. 11:39 Okay. 11:40 Did you ever say to her coming in from church, 11:45 you know did you notice anything at church 11:48 when you will be preaching? 11:49 Did you see expressions on her face? 11:51 Did you pick up on anything? 11:53 You know and again forgive me not to offend you pastor. 11:57 But you know you're the pastor, you're the man of God, 11:59 you help in healing families, you are counseling people 12:03 but you are not seeing 12:04 what's going on in your own household. 12:05 How did this happen? 12:08 Well, if I can find out the answer, 12:11 then I can tell you. 12:13 There are things that I saw but not to the point 12:16 that it will catapult us to where we are now. 12:19 So there are small things that I saw 12:22 but they were big. 12:23 And so you talk about it 12:25 and you pray that it will go away 12:28 and it'll get better with the better support group. 12:31 And I think also a lot of the first ladies 12:33 in our churches, unfortunately 12:35 they don't have a support group. 12:36 They don't have a support group. 12:37 And so because they don't have someone 12:38 they can bend their ear on, a sounding board. 12:42 They don't have those things, 12:44 so now they have to keep all the stuff on the inside. 12:47 And then they have to, you know face the music 12:49 and laugh and smile 12:51 and they're dying on the inside. 12:53 Could they have the shepherdess with us, 12:54 when the pastors' wives get together 12:56 but then they disperse. 12:57 And who's there to help me learn 12:59 how to be in this role 13:01 and how to be able to accept the responsibilities. 13:04 Right because there's no class - 13:05 There is no class - To be a first lady. 13:07 Right. There is no class to - 13:08 They need to offer that at the seminary or something. 13:10 I think so, I think you have such an influence, you should... 13:13 Do something about that. 13:14 We need a class at the seminary, 13:16 how to prepare the pastors' wives for this role. 13:20 It is very important. It's critical. 13:22 But once again we're talking about the more that 13:27 you elevated, the more responsibilities, 13:31 the more in the limelight you became 13:33 and then became more and more uncomfortable. 13:36 Kim brought up a point that, 13:38 you know, you being the pastor and you helping families, 13:44 how did you deal with the fact that 13:46 you were going through this transition yourself, 13:49 and whereas other families probably came to you 13:52 to help them eliminate that? 13:56 Well, it was tough. 13:57 And at one point in time 13:59 I didn't want to offer anybody any help 14:00 because I didn't feel as though, 14:03 you know what can I say now, you know? 14:06 And so I talked to a prominent minister in Detroit area, 14:10 and he said this somewhat thing. 14:11 He said, "A barber still needs his haircut, 14:15 a man who get shoes shine still need to get his shoes shine, 14:20 a car seller still need to buy a car 14:22 and what you're simply standing there, 14:23 even though you are going through this, 14:25 you still can add help to someone else." 14:28 So what I've done now, I've kind of used this, 14:30 what I'm going through to help others 14:33 as a preventative measure. 14:34 How does it make you feel that you're at this point 14:37 where now you're using this 14:40 because you present a workshop 14:44 for the family life retrieval in Lake Region Conference. 14:48 And the reviews were outstanding. 14:50 Praise the Lord. 14:51 And basically because you were honest about 14:54 what had transpired. 14:56 And so I mean how did you feel when it came to a point that 15:04 you know this is me going through this. 15:06 You know what I'm saying. 15:07 It must have hit you like a ton of bricks 15:10 because like you say, it came from the blind side. 15:13 So what was going on through you mind? 15:15 Well, initially I was embarrassed. 15:18 Because the Lord had used me to help save 15:20 so many marriages and then here I am 15:23 on the verge of losing mine and lost mine. 15:26 So I was very embarrassed. Didn't want to talk about it. 15:29 Try to avoid it. Didn't want to deal with it. 15:31 And eventually, the Lord had to bring me to a point 15:34 and say, "This is just a way. 15:35 It's the way it is right now. 15:37 I need you to accept it and trust my leading." 15:41 So when I became comfortable with that, 15:42 I decided then, well, I need to, I need to share this. 15:45 And I was thinking about something. 15:47 You know my first year at Burns, 15:49 the Singles Ministry asked me to preach. 15:51 And so I'm trying to figure out 15:53 why are you asking the married man to preach. 15:57 And so now I guess the Lord is preparing me - 16:02 That's right. 16:03 It was called single gifted and blessed. 16:05 And so as I reflect back, you know people can see me 16:10 and say well, if the pastor can make it, 16:14 not that I'm you know a shiny star or anything, 16:17 but if he can make it in front of all these people 16:20 then there's hope for me. 16:21 That's the best I can get out of it. 16:23 You're taking time to purge yourself 16:25 because I know being a single man in the church 16:28 and the Seventh-day Adventist Church, 16:30 there are situations that come up - women. 16:33 How are you handling that now? 16:36 Well, here's the thing. 16:38 Anybody who approaches me, I let my heart to heal first. 16:42 You know my children are important, 16:44 they have to accept. 16:46 My children and my children are at the point, 16:48 where they are ready to see daddy with anybody else. 16:51 And so my focal point 16:53 is basically my children and ministry. 16:56 And so you know and then, there's a gentleman at church, 16:59 he stays with me, keeps me protected, 17:02 keeps his eyes on me. 17:04 And you know because people want to be married 17:08 and they think, well he is single now, 17:10 he is available, he is a preacher, 17:12 blah, blah, blah, blah whatever. 17:14 And so my focal point is really just being the healer. 17:17 Did you ever think about 17:18 during this process to leave pastoring? 17:23 I did, initially I did because at this point 17:26 I felt I'm not worthy 17:28 and how do I preach to individuals. 17:31 And here I am broken myself. And so I wanted to leave. 17:36 Let me ask you this, I mean your background 17:40 is from the streets of Chicago you know. 17:44 Okay, and as thinking about being a Black Panther 17:49 that's where, who's the one at the headquarters 17:52 so, the Black Panther is that correct? 17:54 Black Muslim. Oh, black Muslims. 17:56 And Black Panther. And Black Panthers. 17:58 You know so did you have a response to the point 18:02 where how dares you take advantage of me like this? 18:06 The anger is what I'm looking at. 18:07 Did you have that anger where you went to retaliate? 18:11 Well, not necessarily retaliate, you feel used, 18:15 you know, because you've put 18:16 in all this time, energy, emotion 18:20 and you feel trampled upon, you feel used. 18:23 But you know that's love you know. 18:25 And, you know, you think about Christ same way. 18:28 He went to many towns to heal folk, 18:30 folks still didn't follow Him. 18:32 And so I care to - 18:33 Wait a minute, wait a minute, you mean to tell me 18:35 you didn't want to beat up nobody. 18:37 No, I mean I don't want to, 18:39 no, I don't want to be admitting to that. 18:41 Was I angry? Of course. 18:43 But for me violence wasn't going 18:45 to get me anywhere you know. 18:47 And so you know I was angry with the Lord. 18:51 I can't hit Him, I can swing, 18:54 but not going to make any connection. 18:56 And so and then at the same time 18:57 my children are watching me. 18:59 So I have to maintain a level of integrity. 19:03 And so when I'm about by myself, 19:05 did I want to hit the bed, I did in prayer. 19:08 You know did I express myself? 19:09 Not necessarily in a volatile, aggressive 19:13 and where I'm cursing? 19:14 No, but I am asking the Lord why? 19:16 Did you do a lot of crying? 19:18 I cried all the time. Did you? 19:20 In the pulpit, at home, 19:22 listening to music, cry, cry, cry. 19:25 I was like Jeremiah, the weeping prophet. 19:26 The weeping prophet. 19:27 And so it has got to a point 19:29 I didn't cried anymore, I've accepted. 19:31 And I think because I was going 19:33 through those stages of grief, you know I was in denial. 19:36 Did you think she was going 19:37 to change her mind in few months, 19:39 perhaps she is going to comeback? 19:40 I did, and everybody was telling me that. 19:42 Oh, she's just trying to get your attention. 19:44 I am like no I don't think so 'cause in my mind, 19:47 I am like, it's a possibility, but it didn't happen. 19:51 Well, you maintain your composer really well you know. 19:55 And let's talk about the counseling? 19:59 You know and what it's been doing for you? 20:04 It's been a challenge. 20:05 You know, it's allowed me to deal with some things 20:09 that ordinarily I don't talk about. 20:11 It allows me to be in a close setting, 20:14 where I can be myself and express however they feel. 20:18 And to address things that I haven't addressed before 20:22 because I've them baggage 20:23 that I've carried into the relationship 20:26 that I didn't know how to deposit, 20:28 and so or get rid of. 20:30 And so, it's been a great help to me, 20:33 because it's making me see things that, 20:36 you know, you don't want anyone want to see. 20:38 And when those things happen, it makes you a better person. 20:41 I don't feel as aggressive as I did, 20:44 I don't feel as angry as I did, 20:45 I don't feel as sad as I used to or as lonely. 20:49 You know I had a hard time sleeping in my bed 20:51 because I've been used to sleeping next to someone. 20:53 So it's helping me cope 20:55 but not only cope but to go, to move on. 20:58 Why didn't you leave the ministry? 21:01 Lord wouldn't let me, as plain as that. 21:04 I tried- 21:05 He is a free will God. 21:06 He is but He also will close certain doors 21:11 because I, you know, when I--, 21:13 before I became Seventh-day Adventist, 21:16 I wanted to be a lawyer. 21:17 I was on my way to Brown University. 21:20 And, you know, we had our first daughter 21:22 so you know, stay close to home. 21:24 And I never pursuit being a lawyer, 21:27 instead I went to criminal justice, 21:29 same kind of path. 21:30 But then when these things start happening, 21:32 I took a trip down to Detroit. 21:35 And they have external law program. 21:38 Met with the counselor, got my packet, 21:41 got the Elsa was going to study for the test, 21:43 the application and the books 21:45 are on my couch for three months. 21:46 Every time I walked near it, 21:48 it's like it was some blocking me from grabbing it. 21:51 And so after certain amount of time threw it away. 21:53 And then my support group really helped me 21:56 to stay focused, and some of them, 21:59 majority of them were like, well, you can't leave. 22:01 Even individuals who are not in the church 22:03 who are friends of mine, they said, look, 22:05 you can't leave ministry. 22:07 And so I tried you know, said, "Lord I'm done with this. 22:10 How can I speak? How can I tell people?" 22:13 And so He wouldn't let that happen. 22:15 So do you know why today 22:18 that your wife left you and divorced you? 22:20 Do you know why? 22:21 Do I know why? Do you have that answer? 22:23 I know what she told me. You know what she told. 22:25 That's all I can do about it. 22:26 And then when you preach that 22:27 and we don't want to affront upon that 22:29 but when you preach 22:31 and you share this message with your congregation, 22:35 your child, your youngest child is sitting 22:37 in the congregation, what happens to him? 22:40 Well, I don't talk about it often 22:42 but it breaks him down, you know, emotionally. 22:45 He starts crying because he starts thinking 22:46 about the times mommy and daddy at church, 22:49 the seating arrangement, 22:50 you know, where they used to sit at. 22:52 So it brings back memories for them. 22:54 And so I try not to talk about it 22:57 especially when they are present. 22:58 So do you have the children 23:02 the majority of time or custody of them? 23:04 Split half an hour. 23:05 Okay, okay. 23:06 The 12 year old and so we share custody. 23:10 Okay, you know- 23:11 And that's very important for you 23:12 to have his mother in his life. 23:14 Yes, yes just because his parents didn't make it 23:17 from a marital standpoint 23:19 don't mean that you know he has to have one or the other. 23:21 He still needs both of us. 23:23 That's a good point that you've brought up, 23:25 and it probably needs to be elaborated on. 23:28 One of the things that seems to be a problem 23:30 when people are going through separation 23:32 and divorce is the fact that we're talking about the anger, 23:36 you know, and we're talking about 23:37 the inability to really work together. 23:40 That wasn't difficult for you. 23:42 No, actually the lawyer said this was the best divorce 23:46 that they've ever seen. 23:47 Wasn't any argument, we determined the custody, 23:51 we determined child support, 23:53 we basically determined everything. 23:55 And I told and I said, 23:56 "I don't want this thing to be ugly 23:59 because God's name still needs to be vindicated 24:01 in front of everybody." 24:03 And I said, "Just because we didn't make it as a couple 24:06 don't mean we can't make it 24:07 as friends, as parent most of all." 24:09 And so somebody has to take the high role, 24:12 and I decided to take the high role, 24:13 even though I'm the one who was served papers. 24:16 So- So are you friends? 24:18 Yeah we are, require to. 24:22 You're trying to be friends. 24:23 Well, you know, I don't think the friendship ever left. 24:26 I think because of the situation, 24:30 we're not as close as we used to be 24:32 because many times people tend to think that 24:35 you'll talk about it and constantly being reminded. 24:38 So you need space. 24:40 So you know we're laughing, joking, all that good stuff. 24:43 Let me ask you a question, 24:44 you know from a woman's perspective, 24:46 if she says to you, if God opened the door 24:49 for you to be reconciled. 24:52 You know is your heart at a place 24:53 where you would say, I'll be obedient to you Lord. 24:57 Of course. 24:58 It is because I don't know what the Lord may do. 25:01 You know He may need us 25:02 to separate to grow to come back. 25:05 You know I don't know Lord's plan. 25:07 And so I always have to leave it open. 25:10 What would you, you know, 25:12 we have a couple of minutes pastor. 25:14 What would you tell somebody going through 25:16 what you're going through right now 25:17 or contemplating divorce? 25:20 Talk to our viewers. 25:21 Now I mean we're trying to send a question 25:22 to a person getting divorced or being divorced. 25:25 Going through just going through 25:26 or they've been contemplating, what would you say? 25:29 I think they should really think about it. 25:31 I think they should consult as many people 25:34 who are unbiased to their situation as possible 25:37 and try to work that thing out, because it's collateral damage. 25:41 You know it doesn't just affect one person. 25:44 It affects the circle that we come in contact with. 25:48 And I think anything can be reconciled unless, 25:53 unless there's no hope. 25:54 But I believe that anything can be reconciled. 25:58 And if you do go through it, 26:00 you need a strong support group 26:01 and your faith needs to be strong. 26:04 And you need somebody to be there for you. 26:06 Has your faith increased? Has it grown? 26:09 It's growing back. It's growing back. 26:11 That's a good answer. 26:12 You know because people need to know sometimes that 26:17 even though you may have a particular status in life 26:22 that you still go through 26:23 and you still experience the same pain. 26:26 You know so people need to know that, 26:29 that's really good, it's admirable. 26:31 As people think pastors have a superman on their chest 26:35 and so I tell, I'm clark kent right now. 26:37 You was clark kent. 26:39 I'm clark kent, on the side I'd be superman 26:41 but I'm clark kent six days a week. 26:44 And it's tough, you know, for pastors 26:46 because number one it's already a lonely position, 26:49 you know, and we don't have the support 26:51 and if you come from dysfunctional family, 26:53 it makes it even worse. 26:55 And so you have to find yourself surrounded 26:58 by the right group of folk 27:00 who has the best interest for you. 27:03 How did you and their mother break the news to the children? 27:08 How did you break the news to them? 27:09 What we decided is to call the family meeting 27:12 and when we called the meeting, 27:15 she told them what she was doing. 27:18 And so we broke it that way. 27:19 So then they can ask any question 27:21 she wanted, they won't excuse me. 27:23 And that's what happened. 27:24 And so I stood at their support. 27:27 And so, you know, she said I'm divorcing your daddy 27:31 and here's the reason why. 27:34 And then they quit asking questions 27:36 and of course began crying and things of that nature. 27:40 But we did it together. 27:42 It's still painful for you. 27:44 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. 27:45 No, no one wants to see their children hurt. 27:48 And I think it's even harder when we're around people 27:51 and they're married couples and they see that. 27:54 But you know the other thing is when they see us together 27:57 and they see us joking around, 27:58 my youngest kid extremely excited about that. So-- 28:02 It's like the hope-- 28:04 Yes, it's right. It is-- 28:05 Well, keep hope alive. 28:07 Keep hope alive. 28:08 Well listen Pastor Jackson, 28:09 we want to thank you so much for being with us here today 28:11 and being so transparent. 28:13 May God continues to bless you 28:14 in your ministry and your family. 28:16 I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin. I'm Arthur Nowlin. 28:19 Thank you for joining us on Making It Work. 28:20 God bless. |
Revised 2015-05-14