Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin. 00:00:01.23\00:00:03.14 And I'm Arthur Nowlin. 00:00:03.17\00:00:04.57 And Welcome to "Making it Work." 00:00:04.60\00:00:07.00 You know, Arthur, the Bible says, 00:00:38.72\00:00:40.47 in Psalms 119:133 00:00:40.50\00:00:45.33 "Order my steps in the Lord." 00:00:45.36\00:00:49.30 Order my steps in the Lord. 00:00:49.33\00:00:51.32 And you know, I love that song, I played all the time in home. 00:00:51.35\00:00:53.45 Yes. 00:00:53.48\00:00:54.52 And when you think about God ordering your steps, 00:00:54.55\00:00:56.82 what does that mean to you? 00:00:56.85\00:00:58.57 Keep me aligned with His favorite. 00:00:58.60\00:01:00.87 All right. 00:01:00.90\00:01:01.93 You know, help me to maintain my focus. 00:01:01.96\00:01:05.19 Yes. 00:01:05.22\00:01:06.25 You know, most important He directing my path. 00:01:06.28\00:01:08.71 Directing your path. 00:01:08.74\00:01:09.78 And some of you today may be in a situation 00:01:09.81\00:01:11.70 where you don't know how God is ordering your steps. 00:01:11.73\00:01:14.56 You don't hear from God, 00:01:14.59\00:01:16.39 you don't know what direction to take. 00:01:16.42\00:01:18.73 But God's way is very clear and when He closes one door, 00:01:18.76\00:01:22.32 He open up a window. That's excellent. 00:01:22.35\00:01:24.57 And pour you out of blessing 00:01:24.60\00:01:25.92 you will have room enough to receive it. 00:01:25.95\00:01:27.92 Well, today, 00:01:27.95\00:01:28.98 we are blessed to have a very special guest with us, 00:01:29.01\00:01:31.96 who God is ordering her steps, Daicia Smith. 00:01:31.99\00:01:34.93 Welcome to "Making It work." Yes, welcome. 00:01:34.96\00:01:37.05 Thank you. Thank you. How're you doing? 00:01:37.08\00:01:38.55 I'm doing well, I'm happy to be here. 00:01:38.58\00:01:40.94 Good you're just dynamic. 00:01:40.97\00:01:43.16 I'm so excited. 00:01:43.19\00:01:44.37 You really? You kind of beaming. 00:01:44.40\00:01:46.33 Yeah. 00:01:46.36\00:01:48.19 Good, good, good. 00:01:48.22\00:01:49.74 Well, listen, well, we're gonna just-- 00:01:49.77\00:01:50.85 just turn it over to you 00:01:50.88\00:01:51.92 because and then we will come in 00:01:51.95\00:01:53.07 and ask some questions. 00:01:53.10\00:01:54.32 But tell us how God has ordered your steps? 00:01:54.35\00:01:57.08 Take us back and how God has brought you to this point? 00:01:57.11\00:02:00.05 Okay, I'm going to try to give you the heritage 00:02:00.08\00:02:03.22 for the sake of time, 00:02:03.25\00:02:05.58 but basically I was born and raised Adventist, 00:02:05.61\00:02:09.22 however my parents divorced when I was really young. 00:02:09.25\00:02:13.66 And my father was not Adventist. 00:02:13.69\00:02:17.62 In the beginning I-- 00:02:17.65\00:02:18.69 We were really active in the church 00:02:18.72\00:02:20.29 and I attended Christian education 00:02:20.32\00:02:23.60 from pre-school through sixth grade. 00:02:23.63\00:02:27.78 But during that time there were a lot of challenges, 00:02:27.81\00:02:30.33 my mom had challenges 00:02:30.36\00:02:31.48 because she was going through things 00:02:31.51\00:02:32.75 with my father and you know, 00:02:32.78\00:02:34.59 she was trying to raise my sister and I 00:02:34.62\00:02:37.06 by herself and it became-- 00:02:37.09\00:02:40.07 It just became a lot I believe. 00:02:40.10\00:02:41.99 And she tried to maintain structure 00:02:42.02\00:02:44.96 and keep us focused. 00:02:44.99\00:02:46.57 And I think when I was going to seventh grade 00:02:46.60\00:02:49.57 I was about 12, 00:02:49.60\00:02:51.82 I had a little bit complex in the school 00:02:51.85\00:02:53.99 because I'm little boyish dress, 00:02:54.02\00:02:56.23 so that's to say the least, and very opinionative. 00:02:56.26\00:03:00.26 So sometimes that can come across 00:03:00.29\00:03:02.37 a little strong to others. 00:03:02.40\00:03:03.65 Okay, all right. But you know that? 00:03:03.68\00:03:05.11 I do, I have become very self aware. 00:03:05.14\00:03:07.36 Okay. 00:03:07.39\00:03:08.50 And so at that time I said, 00:03:08.53\00:03:10.28 I don't want to be with these Adventist people 00:03:10.31\00:03:14.24 and I want to go to a public school 00:03:14.27\00:03:16.60 and my mom allowed me to. 00:03:16.63\00:03:18.63 I think she was just like I know, 00:03:18.66\00:03:20.26 I'll just do it. 00:03:20.29\00:03:21.32 I'll just try to make her happy. 00:03:21.35\00:03:22.60 Okay. 00:03:22.63\00:03:23.66 And I did, and that's where I had been 00:03:23.69\00:03:27.78 trying to go a certain direction 00:03:27.81\00:03:29.66 and that this is how your life should go. 00:03:29.69\00:03:31.57 It should progress you got to school, 00:03:31.60\00:03:34.18 you graduate, you go to college, 00:03:34.21\00:03:36.25 but take it hopefully at Adventist collage, 00:03:36.28\00:03:38.38 that was what the path my mom had kind of 00:03:38.41\00:03:40.58 tried to lay the groundwork for-- 00:03:40.61\00:03:42.12 From K through sixth grade. 00:03:42.15\00:03:43.80 However my life is a good different path. 00:03:43.83\00:03:46.19 And when I was 12 and enter a public school 00:03:46.22\00:03:50.59 it was very different for me. 00:03:50.62\00:03:52.53 That was a time I believe now that between 00:03:52.56\00:03:54.99 12 and 13 children really-- 00:03:55.02\00:03:58.32 They can go either way. 00:03:58.35\00:03:59.80 You can go on what you know, 00:03:59.83\00:04:01.39 what you been taught 00:04:01.42\00:04:02.46 or you can be introduce to something else. 00:04:02.49\00:04:04.71 And I was introduced to other things 00:04:04.74\00:04:06.69 and that lead me 00:04:06.72\00:04:08.07 into a very different path of substances, 00:04:08.10\00:04:14.22 smoking, drinking, 00:04:14.25\00:04:17.11 sex just anything you could name, 00:04:17.14\00:04:19.90 the faith in my body just anything you could name. 00:04:19.93\00:04:23.33 And then while I was in high school 00:04:23.36\00:04:25.52 I met a guy thought I was in love, 00:04:25.55\00:04:28.25 it was just great, I thought it was great. 00:04:28.28\00:04:30.79 Again going against my mom's wishes 00:04:30.82\00:04:34.79 and at that time I was able to drive a little bit, 00:04:34.82\00:04:37.20 so I-- 00:04:37.23\00:04:38.48 I was at that time where she would say, 00:04:38.51\00:04:39.68 well, you don't have to go to Sabbath school 00:04:39.71\00:04:40.74 if you don't want to. 00:04:40.77\00:04:41.80 So of course I just didn't 00:04:41.83\00:04:43.63 and I just got into this relationship. 00:04:43.66\00:04:45.86 I thought it was wonderful, it was very abusive. 00:04:45.89\00:04:50.20 I thought it was great 00:04:50.23\00:04:51.38 because I thought he loved me more than anything else, 00:04:51.41\00:04:53.24 but it was very abusive. 00:04:53.27\00:04:54.39 He started controlling me, 00:04:54.42\00:04:55.45 didn't want me to be around my family, 00:04:55.48\00:04:57.87 said a lot of things. 00:04:57.90\00:04:58.93 You're still in high school during this time? 00:04:58.96\00:05:00.27 Yes, I was in high school. 00:05:00.30\00:05:03.17 And so during this, this is a lot of things 00:05:03.20\00:05:06.32 so I ended up just from being in that crowd 00:05:06.35\00:05:09.38 and that scene I got into a fight 00:05:09.41\00:05:13.78 and was suspended from school. 00:05:13.81\00:05:15.80 And well, indefinitely to school. 00:05:15.83\00:05:20.48 You were terminated? 00:05:20.51\00:05:21.54 Yes, they then said, 00:05:21.57\00:05:22.61 maybe we can try again next year. 00:05:22.64\00:05:25.60 And so I said, well, I don't want to-- 00:05:25.63\00:05:28.86 You know, miss school but-- 00:05:28.89\00:05:30.06 But I just I didn't know what do? 00:05:30.09\00:05:31.23 So I just didn't go to school for little bit snuck 00:05:31.26\00:05:33.98 and ain't go to school. 00:05:34.01\00:05:35.35 My mom didn't know. 00:05:35.38\00:05:36.41 She didn't know? She didn't know. 00:05:36.44\00:05:37.94 So I would get up everyday like I was going to school, 00:05:37.97\00:05:39.89 but I wasn't. 00:05:39.92\00:05:42.43 And make a just-- 00:05:42.46\00:05:43.76 I'm trying to make it better. 00:05:43.79\00:05:44.93 You are okay, go ahead. 00:05:44.96\00:05:46.31 But, yes. 00:05:46.34\00:05:47.45 I hid a lot of things from my mom 00:05:47.48\00:05:48.85 and I think it was because she was working a lot 00:05:48.88\00:05:50.67 and trying to provide 00:05:50.70\00:05:52.18 and it was very easy for me to just kind of pretend 00:05:52.21\00:05:55.36 one way at home, 00:05:55.39\00:05:56.73 but as soon as I walked out of the door 00:05:56.76\00:05:58.28 I was going in my own directions 00:05:58.31\00:06:00.33 and doing what I wanted to do 00:06:00.36\00:06:02.41 or what I thought I wanted to do. 00:06:02.44\00:06:04.62 And so I was really afraid, I wasn't gonna graduate. 00:06:04.65\00:06:08.06 When my mom found out that I was suspended 00:06:08.09\00:06:10.64 because she ended popped up at the school 00:06:10.67\00:06:12.00 because she was a good mom. 00:06:12.03\00:06:13.06 So she came. 00:06:13.09\00:06:14.68 So she would just come and periodically check in, 00:06:14.71\00:06:16.84 you know, so she came in and they told her she doesn't-- 00:06:16.87\00:06:20.32 I didn't go there anymore. 00:06:20.35\00:06:21.77 Oh, my, Lord. 00:06:21.80\00:06:22.83 So she found me, 00:06:22.86\00:06:25.84 and that was not a good day to say the least. 00:06:25.87\00:06:28.62 But she had-- 00:06:28.65\00:06:29.68 She said, she just couldn't do it anymore. 00:06:29.71\00:06:32.46 So she tries to get me to my father 00:06:32.49\00:06:34.46 and my father couldn't do it either, 00:06:34.49\00:06:38.03 he hadn't been in my life, I was 16 at the time, 00:06:38.06\00:06:41.55 he hadn't been in my life. 00:06:41.58\00:06:43.97 It was very difficult for him to try to 00:06:44.00\00:06:45.78 just step in and be a father. 00:06:45.81\00:06:47.15 But did you go there and you are spending your time? 00:06:47.18\00:06:49.43 No. Okay. 00:06:49.46\00:06:50.49 No contact at all? 00:06:50.52\00:06:51.83 No, not from when I was like four until I was 16. 00:06:51.86\00:06:54.67 I may have seen him five times in that whole time. 00:06:54.70\00:06:57.32 And then when I was 16 she knew where he was, 00:06:57.35\00:06:59.34 so she dropped me off with him and that didn't work. 00:06:59.37\00:07:03.26 So he dropped me off at the bus station and said, 00:07:03.29\00:07:07.39 I can't-- I can't do it. 00:07:07.42\00:07:08.84 So I got on the bus came-- 00:07:08.87\00:07:11.13 went back to Ypsilanti, he was in Battle Creek. 00:07:11.16\00:07:13.93 Came back to Ypsilanti 00:07:13.96\00:07:15.58 and as just started be with my boyfriend 00:07:15.61\00:07:19.21 and was basically homeless for-- 00:07:19.24\00:07:21.86 From then and for about a year. 00:07:21.89\00:07:23.99 You were homeless. 00:07:24.02\00:07:25.08 Homeless, not basically, literally homeless. 00:07:25.11\00:07:27.37 Stand from friend to friend-- 00:07:27.40\00:07:28.69 Because your mom didn't want you back in house? 00:07:28.72\00:07:30.50 I didn't know how to go back to mom and I had-- 00:07:30.53\00:07:32.95 And she had told me if this is the life 00:07:32.98\00:07:34.82 you're gonna live you can't-- 00:07:34.85\00:07:36.26 Come back here? Live here-- 00:07:36.29\00:07:37.32 You can't do it here. 00:07:37.35\00:07:38.39 So I kind of just said, 00:07:38.42\00:07:40.53 I probably could have gone back home, 00:07:40.56\00:07:41.93 I don't know, I didn't ask. 00:07:41.96\00:07:43.76 You never ask. 00:07:43.79\00:07:44.98 I just continued to do what I wanted to do. 00:07:45.01\00:07:47.43 Then when it got really hard I did go back home 00:07:47.46\00:07:50.94 and asked her can I come back home? 00:07:50.97\00:07:53.22 And she allowed me to-- 00:07:53.25\00:07:54.97 When you said things got hard, the abuse? 00:07:55.00\00:07:57.15 The abuse be it-- I was literally in a-- 00:07:57.18\00:08:00.43 In a place that didn't have any water, 00:08:00.46\00:08:03.13 light, gas, it was cold, he was just to be a ridicules, 00:08:03.16\00:08:08.78 I still stayed with him, 00:08:08.81\00:08:10.61 but at that moment I was tired and I wanted to go home. 00:08:10.64\00:08:14.51 And I wanted to be at home with my mom. 00:08:14.54\00:08:16.47 And but then once I got comfortable again at home, 00:08:16.50\00:08:21.03 I said, I was just keep-- 00:08:21.06\00:08:22.84 You and he was still in the background 00:08:22.87\00:08:24.63 kind of in my years life-- 00:08:24.66\00:08:25.74 So when you got comfortable you would, 00:08:25.77\00:08:27.43 you would get an urge and run-- runaway? 00:08:27.46\00:08:30.91 Runaway back. 00:08:30.94\00:08:31.99 Were you still doing the drugs, alcohol? 00:08:32.02\00:08:34.06 You still doing all that lifestyle, you know-- 00:08:34.09\00:08:37.00 So how old were you at this point at this-- 00:08:37.03\00:08:39.14 Seventeen. 00:08:39.17\00:08:40.20 Did you finish high school? 00:08:40.23\00:08:41.45 I did finish high school on time 00:08:41.48\00:08:45.04 by the grace of God because it's-- 00:08:45.07\00:08:47.41 It's funny because I think 00:08:47.44\00:08:49.87 I had a foundation that was built, 00:08:49.90\00:08:51.95 so I had some sense to say, okay, this isn't right, 00:08:51.98\00:08:54.77 I had to find a school. 00:08:54.80\00:08:56.09 So I went to alternative school for year 00:08:56.12\00:08:58.45 and then when I went back home, 00:08:58.48\00:09:00.80 my mom got me back into my regular high school. 00:09:00.83\00:09:03.63 I see. So that could graduate. 00:09:03.66\00:09:04.96 So I did graduate on time. Praise God. 00:09:04.99\00:09:07.90 Okay, now you at a point now you're back and forth, 00:09:07.93\00:09:11.89 he still in your ear having this control, 00:09:11.92\00:09:14.41 you are at home with mom and now what? 00:09:14.44\00:09:16.49 And then I was preparing to go to college. 00:09:16.52\00:09:18.82 Okay. 00:09:18.85\00:09:19.88 And I found out I was pregnant. 00:09:19.91\00:09:22.97 So you're 17 and you're pregnant. 00:09:23.00\00:09:24.71 Seventeen and I'm pregnant 00:09:24.74\00:09:26.24 and ready to move into the dorm. 00:09:26.27\00:09:28.04 And in this-- 00:09:28.07\00:09:29.10 This young man who was abusive was the father? 00:09:29.13\00:09:30.99 Yes. Okay. 00:09:31.02\00:09:32.31 And so at that point and then again my mom said, 00:09:32.34\00:09:36.23 I can't-- I can't do this. 00:09:36.26\00:09:38.49 My grandparents say, we can't do it either, 00:09:38.52\00:09:41.60 we can do a little bit but we really can't do it. 00:09:41.63\00:09:45.38 So they did help move into my dorm. 00:09:45.41\00:09:47.96 How long were you been? It's kind of funny. 00:09:48.71\00:09:51.05 Some-- About a semester, but it was-- 00:09:51.08\00:09:53.56 I mean, as you can imagine being pregnant, 00:09:53.59\00:09:55.86 being alone, 00:09:55.89\00:09:57.61 but with him and he will come to my dorm 00:09:57.64\00:09:59.30 and just beat-- 00:09:59.33\00:10:01.02 I tried to leave him because had hit me 00:10:01.05\00:10:03.28 while I was pregnant and that was when I was like, 00:10:03.31\00:10:07.80 okay, I don't know how long this is gonna work, 00:10:07.83\00:10:10.29 but I still stay because I didn't-- 00:10:10.32\00:10:12.35 I didn't feel like I had a choice. 00:10:12.38\00:10:13.80 I was 17, 00:10:13.83\00:10:15.11 I couldn't get an apartment because I wasn't 18. 00:10:15.14\00:10:18.08 I couldn't-- 00:10:18.11\00:10:19.24 They wouldn't let me a family housing yet 00:10:19.27\00:10:21.17 because they didn't have any space and I wasn't 18. 00:10:21.20\00:10:23.66 Where were you going to school? 00:10:23.69\00:10:25.06 East Elementary School. Okay. 00:10:25.09\00:10:27.31 And so I just-- 00:10:27.34\00:10:28.45 One day, I just picked up and just walk, 00:10:28.48\00:10:31.39 left out of campus. 00:10:31.42\00:10:32.46 I left all my stuff there. 00:10:32.49\00:10:33.70 And just walked away? And I just walked away. 00:10:33.73\00:10:35.23 And that's because I felt like 00:10:35.26\00:10:36.31 I had to figure out what to do for my-- 00:10:36.34\00:10:38.57 For my child before he was born. 00:10:38.60\00:10:41.70 And so he said, he would you know, 00:10:41.73\00:10:43.57 try to help me get a place finally. 00:10:43.60\00:10:46.86 He said that. But he didn't really help me. 00:10:46.89\00:10:49.63 He made me think he was helping me, 00:10:49.66\00:10:51.00 but he wasn't really helping me. 00:10:51.03\00:10:52.50 I was doing it on my own 00:10:52.53\00:10:53.83 but he was just acting like he was a person that do it. 00:10:53.86\00:10:57.09 And so at the end of getting apartment 00:10:57.12\00:11:00.41 when I turn 18, 00:11:00.44\00:11:02.05 I gotten an apartment and subsides housing. 00:11:02.08\00:11:05.03 And obviously I had dropped out of school, 00:11:05.06\00:11:07.69 had my daughter, went through a lot of abuse-- 00:11:07.72\00:11:10.70 A lot of abuse. 00:11:10.73\00:11:11.80 One particular time which was the worse 00:11:11.83\00:11:16.20 and when I said I couldn't do it anymore. 00:11:16.23\00:11:18.60 That was a wake up call. That was my wake up call. 00:11:18.63\00:11:20.45 I had surgery for my gallbladder and he-- 00:11:20.48\00:11:25.12 When I came back from surgery, 00:11:25.15\00:11:26.21 I had staples in my stomach 00:11:26.24\00:11:27.33 and I had a feeding tube in my arm and he said, 00:11:27.36\00:11:30.82 he was gonna kill me. 00:11:30.85\00:11:31.88 Let-- Just let out. 00:11:31.91\00:11:34.16 First he whip me, 00:11:34.19\00:11:35.58 he said he was gonna whip me with a belt 00:11:35.61\00:11:37.51 and it was so hard, when I left the house, 00:11:37.54\00:11:40.90 I had to leave my baby in the house 00:11:40.93\00:11:42.54 and I left with no cloths on. 00:11:42.57\00:11:45.30 And that's was when I just-- 00:11:45.33\00:11:46.74 I just couldn't-- 00:11:46.77\00:11:48.25 I just couldn't do it anymore. 00:11:48.28\00:11:49.92 So at last and that was kind of-- 00:11:49.95\00:11:52.14 That was when I was just earning, 00:11:52.17\00:11:55.07 again trying straight up the story. 00:11:55.10\00:11:56.69 It's all right. 00:11:56.72\00:11:57.75 But at that point I did felt like okay I have-- 00:11:57.78\00:12:01.44 I have to go to my mom 00:12:01.47\00:12:02.53 and again and they were there for me through that. 00:12:02.56\00:12:06.63 I ended up moving-- 00:12:06.66\00:12:08.75 I ended up going to jail one day. 00:12:08.78\00:12:11.04 What took you to jail? 00:12:11.07\00:12:13.61 Because I-- Not being out the-- 00:12:13.64\00:12:14.78 But I said I was in but it really wasn't in 00:12:14.81\00:12:18.60 and because I can't say you had but I was doing. 00:12:18.63\00:12:20.73 In my mind I knew I was done. 00:12:20.76\00:12:22.28 With him? With him. 00:12:22.31\00:12:23.34 I said I was done 00:12:23.37\00:12:24.40 but it wasn't that easy to get him out. 00:12:24.43\00:12:26.80 So while we were going through court process and things 00:12:26.83\00:12:28.92 he just wouldn't leave. 00:12:28.95\00:12:30.60 So we ended up getting into another physical altercation 00:12:30.63\00:12:34.53 and when the police came I was viewed at-- 00:12:34.56\00:12:39.24 Because I was defending myself 00:12:39.27\00:12:41.36 I was viewed as a aggressor and I went to jail. 00:12:41.39\00:12:44.77 They arrested you? They arrested me. 00:12:44.80\00:12:46.96 So that's the problem with these laws. 00:12:46.99\00:12:48.44 The person who has the most marks 00:12:48.47\00:12:50.26 or whatever tend end up being the one to say well, 00:12:50.29\00:12:53.55 she did this to me. 00:12:53.58\00:12:54.61 Was the place where you stay was still in your name? 00:12:54.64\00:12:57.53 Yes. 00:12:57.56\00:12:58.60 And yet they took you to jail 00:12:58.63\00:13:00.82 because he was not on the lease or the-- 00:13:00.85\00:13:03.88 But they knew that he lived there so they-- 00:13:03.91\00:13:07.30 It was recently at the other situation 00:13:07.33\00:13:10.07 but the police said they just had to, 00:13:10.10\00:13:12.08 they had to make arrest and take me. 00:13:12.11\00:13:13.85 They had to take one person to jail? 00:13:13.88\00:13:15.49 Yeah. But it was a blessing though. 00:13:15.52\00:13:16.99 It was a blessing because I went to jail 00:13:17.02\00:13:18.93 and I met a girl who was abu-- 00:13:18.96\00:13:22.89 Who addicted to crack I believe 00:13:22.92\00:13:26.99 and I watched her going through these drugs and I did not, 00:13:27.02\00:13:31.24 I never knew that I was as bad of as I was. 00:13:31.27\00:13:33.87 I thought I was still okay because I was better than-- 00:13:33.90\00:13:36.76 You know, I just addicted still at the place that I was. 00:13:36.79\00:13:40.05 And when I saw that young lady we were of the same age 00:13:40.08\00:13:43.73 and I was only like 20 then and I'm like, 00:13:43.76\00:13:46.70 that could be me. 00:13:46.73\00:13:48.12 Like surely that could be me 00:13:48.15\00:13:49.34 and she was going to prison for murder. 00:13:49.37\00:13:51.56 And I'm like, if I don't stop that's going to be me. 00:13:51.59\00:13:55.66 And I called my mom and I said mom, I'm done. 00:13:55.69\00:13:59.60 I have to do something different 00:13:59.63\00:14:00.94 and I wanted to go to back to college. 00:14:00.97\00:14:02.82 So I went back to college but and I went through college 00:14:02.85\00:14:05.50 and I got my masters degree 00:14:05.53\00:14:07.14 and I still would dibble and dabble 00:14:07.17\00:14:09.63 in different things 00:14:09.66\00:14:10.69 but because I was doing a little bit on the right path 00:14:10.72\00:14:13.39 like I was walking on two roads, 00:14:13.42\00:14:14.87 I guess I would say. 00:14:14.90\00:14:16.16 I was on two roads, 00:14:16.19\00:14:17.26 on one way I was doing all these things 00:14:17.29\00:14:18.89 I was supposed to do but I really wasn't, 00:14:18.92\00:14:22.57 really wasn't committed to be in a-- 00:14:22.60\00:14:24.92 Be in a different person. 00:14:24.95\00:14:26.47 And recently I decided I said, there is something, 00:14:26.50\00:14:29.11 there is something missing. 00:14:29.14\00:14:31.67 I have everything, you know, I have a house, 00:14:31.70\00:14:33.39 I have a car and my daughter. 00:14:33.42\00:14:35.08 I kept my daughter in church even when I didn't go, 00:14:35.11\00:14:37.77 I never went but I was in her. 00:14:37.80\00:14:40.56 And I said, well, what is wrong? 00:14:40.59\00:14:42.81 And my mom just say 00:14:42.84\00:14:43.88 I'm just gonna keep praying for your relation, 00:14:43.91\00:14:45.20 I'm just gonna keep praying for you. 00:14:45.23\00:14:47.09 I met a old high school friend, 00:14:47.12\00:14:49.90 somebody that was my friend when I was young like 12, 00:14:49.93\00:14:52.31 and I started seeing him and his family 00:14:52.34\00:14:55.51 and the way that they worshipped, 00:14:55.54\00:14:57.80 and the way that they felt about God and I was-- 00:14:57.83\00:15:00.50 I really had never experienced that. 00:15:00.53\00:15:02.60 I had been in charge of my life and I knew what I believed in 00:15:02.63\00:15:06.68 and I knew completely like our doctrine 00:15:06.71\00:15:10.79 and things like that 00:15:10.82\00:15:11.85 but I had never really felt a personal relationship. 00:15:11.88\00:15:15.30 Relation with God? With God ever. 00:15:15.33\00:15:16.73 And outpouring of His Holy Spirit on you to be alive? 00:15:16.76\00:15:18.60 Yes. Yes. 00:15:18.63\00:15:19.68 I never, I never do that and I knew, 00:15:19.71\00:15:21.91 I believed Him and I had faith in Him 00:15:21.94\00:15:24.22 and I knew that He had brought me through some 00:15:24.25\00:15:26.10 very, very challenging things because I knew, 00:15:26.13\00:15:28.99 because I knew about God. 00:15:29.02\00:15:30.64 Let me stop you right there, and I interrupt you. 00:15:30.67\00:15:32.63 When we talk about a relationship with God 00:15:32.66\00:15:37.50 it means as if you are in that 00:15:37.53\00:15:41.17 personal state of mind with him. 00:15:41.20\00:15:43.62 I was told once that when you read the Word of God 00:15:43.65\00:15:46.43 you are in the mind of God because you are studying 00:15:46.46\00:15:48.70 what He is guiding you or in your steps. 00:15:48.73\00:15:51.22 But we are so tuned into 00:15:51.25\00:15:54.12 a religion versus a relationship 00:15:54.15\00:15:57.88 and you were looking for that relationship. 00:15:57.91\00:16:00.31 Yes. Okay. 00:16:00.34\00:16:01.47 I needed that relationship. You wanted that relationship? 00:16:01.50\00:16:03.73 Yes, I needed relationship and I did not know 00:16:03.76\00:16:07.38 how to get it and I wasn't sure 00:16:07.41\00:16:10.78 but I started with a 40 days fast and pray. 00:16:10.81\00:16:14.66 Did you? 00:16:14.69\00:16:15.72 And I dated with people who weren't Adventist 00:16:15.75\00:16:18.55 but you know, 00:16:18.58\00:16:19.61 because I was just seeing other people and I'm like, 00:16:19.64\00:16:21.59 you got as much as the Lord has done for me 00:16:21.62\00:16:23.84 because I was clear about that. 00:16:23.87\00:16:25.04 There is no way you can go from being, 00:16:25.07\00:16:27.39 tenth grade somebody beating you 00:16:27.42\00:16:29.48 when you are a child really literally, 00:16:29.51\00:16:32.14 expelled from school to having a masters degree 00:16:32.17\00:16:34.65 within less than three, that doesn't happen. 00:16:34.68\00:16:37.80 So there had to be nothing but God, right? 00:16:37.83\00:16:40.58 So I knew that but I didn't really understand 00:16:40.61\00:16:43.12 well, why don't I have that feeling about God? 00:16:43.15\00:16:46.00 When I see people like moved, I want to, why don't I feel it? 00:16:46.03\00:16:50.92 So I started with the 40 day fast and prayer and I just, 00:16:50.95\00:16:55.45 I just took the time to get to know Him, 00:16:55.48\00:16:57.69 just for myself and He opened my eyes to 00:16:57.72\00:17:02.43 so many things. 00:17:02.46\00:17:03.49 Praise God. 00:17:03.52\00:17:04.55 And I have just changed in so many different ways 00:17:04.58\00:17:09.72 and every little thing that He puts in my step 00:17:09.75\00:17:12.11 so I go into the women's retreat, 00:17:12.14\00:17:14.36 you know, the girls retreat. 00:17:14.39\00:17:15.42 The girls retreat. 00:17:15.45\00:17:16.48 And learning about being a vitreous woman 00:17:16.51\00:17:19.03 and being a private study woman and I just-- 00:17:19.06\00:17:22.30 I feel like, some days I feel like 00:17:22.33\00:17:24.58 how did I not know all these stuff? 00:17:24.61\00:17:26.94 And it's like I knew it? 00:17:26.97\00:17:28.02 You know, I have read that stuff before 00:17:28.05\00:17:30.16 but it's very different when you take it 00:17:30.19\00:17:32.71 and you can talk to Him like He is your, 00:17:32.74\00:17:36.14 He is your friend. 00:17:36.17\00:17:37.25 He is my Father, He is my man, 00:17:37.28\00:17:39.30 He is everything now and it just, 00:17:39.33\00:17:41.93 it has changed my life so much. 00:17:41.96\00:17:44.27 Now, okay, now you jumped ahead. 00:17:44.30\00:17:45.73 Oh, no. 00:17:45.76\00:17:46.79 That's all, no, no, no, no, 00:17:46.82\00:17:47.85 you have mentioned a masters degree. 00:17:47.88\00:17:49.79 So you had your child, you went to jail, 00:17:49.82\00:17:52.94 you get out the situation with this man, 00:17:52.97\00:17:55.81 now how do we get to your college-- 00:17:55.84\00:17:57.61 The situation went the man, that's that during I want it. 00:17:57.64\00:18:01.12 You want to know what happened? Yeah. 00:18:01.15\00:18:02.19 I removed him right up out of my life. 00:18:02.22\00:18:04.09 Okay. 00:18:04.12\00:18:05.35 We-- 00:18:05.38\00:18:06.53 He ended up, he is in prison. 00:18:06.56\00:18:08.78 He's been in prison for the past six or seven years 00:18:08.81\00:18:12.79 and not because of he did serve jail time 00:18:12.82\00:18:15.69 because of our situation 00:18:15.72\00:18:17.15 but because of the things that he was doing to me 00:18:17.18\00:18:20.33 even just without me being knowing it 00:18:20.36\00:18:24.13 he is incarcerated for it. 00:18:24.16\00:18:25.57 And we don't know when he is getting out. 00:18:25.60\00:18:28.06 Things that was directed towards you. 00:18:28.09\00:18:31.45 He went to jail for things that were directed 00:18:31.48\00:18:33.11 towards me but other things he did to other women, 00:18:33.14\00:18:38.49 I mean, he's just an abuser, 00:18:38.52\00:18:39.69 just all the way around and I think that's what-- 00:18:39.72\00:18:44.30 And now he is praying the price. 00:18:44.33\00:18:46.15 So and tell us about your daughter 00:18:46.18\00:18:48.15 and her relationship with him? 00:18:48.18\00:18:50.36 It is not. 00:18:50.39\00:18:51.56 She really loves her father a lot 00:18:51.59\00:18:54.58 and they really had a good-- 00:18:54.61\00:18:56.37 They had a really good bond when she was young. 00:18:56.40\00:18:59.30 So she really doesn't understand the dynamics 00:18:59.33\00:19:02.49 of being in a abusive relationship 00:19:02.52\00:19:04.91 because I can't tell her. 00:19:04.94\00:19:05.97 Yeah, he was great to me too at first. 00:19:06.00\00:19:08.12 He made me feel like 00:19:08.15\00:19:09.18 I was the only person in the world 00:19:09.21\00:19:10.97 but once I didn't want to do-- 00:19:11.00\00:19:14.14 If I didn't fit exactly what he wanted me to do 00:19:14.17\00:19:16.49 at that moment he could not take it. 00:19:16.52\00:19:18.80 And so, I mean, 00:19:18.83\00:19:19.86 he may have started to do that to my daughter 00:19:19.89\00:19:22.02 when she got of age. 00:19:22.05\00:19:23.66 Who knows but I know the Lord removed him 00:19:23.69\00:19:26.95 from her life and because she was struggling with. 00:19:26.98\00:19:29.47 She loves it, 00:19:29.50\00:19:30.53 she wants to be with her dad 00:19:30.56\00:19:31.59 but now that he is gone she is able to kind of-- 00:19:31.62\00:19:35.25 I mean, she deals with it 00:19:35.28\00:19:36.42 but she is able to keep going without feeling like, 00:19:36.45\00:19:39.87 you know-- 00:19:39.90\00:19:41.46 Whether she write to him or talk to him? 00:19:41.49\00:19:43.36 She used to, not anymore. 00:19:43.39\00:19:44.44 No communication at all? 00:19:44.47\00:19:46.43 All right, so now going back to 00:19:46.46\00:19:48.71 where did the bachelors degree, masters degree come in? 00:19:48.74\00:19:52.73 The day I left from jail I literally that day 00:19:52.76\00:19:55.10 I went to the community college and enrolled 00:19:55.13\00:19:58.04 and complete in associates degree 00:19:58.07\00:20:00.05 and it was a program lets you to go straight 00:20:00.08\00:20:01.83 to the university and I went straight 00:20:01.86\00:20:04.49 and got in five years and did not stop. 00:20:04.52\00:20:06.93 What community college? I had a goal. 00:20:06.96\00:20:08.05 It was Washtenaw Community College. 00:20:08.08\00:20:09.50 You went to Washtenaw? He went to Washtenaw. 00:20:09.53\00:20:10.76 Oh, really. 00:20:10.79\00:20:11.93 Washtenaw Community College is in the area 00:20:11.96\00:20:14.74 outside of Michigan in one of the-- 00:20:14.77\00:20:15.80 Ypsilanti. 00:20:15.83\00:20:16.86 Ypsilanti area, you know. And your degree is? 00:20:16.89\00:20:20.32 In social work. I knew that. 00:20:20.35\00:20:22.70 Social work, social work, all right. 00:20:22.73\00:20:24.75 Yes. Yes. 00:20:24.78\00:20:25.81 Because I had a goal that 00:20:25.84\00:20:26.87 I wanted to finish my masters degree 00:20:26.90\00:20:29.62 before my daughter went to first grade. 00:20:29.65\00:20:31.81 And you did it? And I did it. 00:20:31.84\00:20:33.10 Isn't that wonderful? 00:20:33.13\00:20:34.65 So now are you dating now, you know, 00:20:34.68\00:20:37.47 what's going on now personally? 00:20:37.50\00:20:39.04 Well, now I'm-- 00:20:39.07\00:20:41.37 Because of all of these things 00:20:41.40\00:20:42.91 and not having a relationship with God 00:20:42.94\00:20:45.47 even when I met someone that I probably could have 00:20:45.50\00:20:47.78 a really possibly relationship with them we try, 00:20:47.81\00:20:50.38 I didn't know how to have a relationship. 00:20:50.41\00:20:53.24 So right now I'm continuing 00:20:53.27\00:20:54.78 into build my relationship with Christ 00:20:54.81\00:20:56.91 so that I can be the woman 00:20:56.94\00:20:58.72 that you are supposed to be towards the end. 00:20:58.75\00:21:00.75 How important is that-- 00:21:00.78\00:21:01.90 I tell women, who say, Dr. Kim, 00:21:01.93\00:21:04.83 what did you do while you are waiting on the Lord 00:21:04.86\00:21:07.38 to bless you with Arthur and truly he is a blessing. 00:21:07.41\00:21:10.76 I said, I worked on me. 00:21:10.79\00:21:12.63 I worked on who I am, what I wanted to do, 00:21:12.66\00:21:15.03 went back to school got another degree, 00:21:15.06\00:21:17.98 got involved with the church 00:21:18.01\00:21:19.15 because you are involved with the church now. 00:21:19.18\00:21:22.28 You are back at that church where you ran from. 00:21:22.31\00:21:24.97 Isn't that something? Yes, I'm. 00:21:25.00\00:21:26.84 You are very involved. 00:21:26.87\00:21:27.90 And I will say that to, 00:21:27.93\00:21:28.96 I think that's another thing that helped me 00:21:28.99\00:21:30.48 get involved with churches. 00:21:30.51\00:21:32.03 One year they asked me to-- 00:21:32.06\00:21:34.14 I heard you think about 00:21:34.17\00:21:35.20 you are the nominating committee. 00:21:35.23\00:21:36.43 One year someone asked me to be on a committee 00:21:36.46\00:21:39.19 and I was like me? 00:21:39.22\00:21:41.28 Me? You want me on the committee? 00:21:41.31\00:21:43.44 But they asked me to and I did it and I served 00:21:43.47\00:21:46.44 and it made me become closer to my church family. 00:21:46.47\00:21:49.80 So they want-- 00:21:49.83\00:21:50.86 I had so once I started to build that relationship 00:21:50.89\00:21:53.88 that I had never really knew I could have 00:21:53.91\00:21:56.85 and then having a relationship with God. 00:21:56.88\00:21:58.53 Now I can be the church member that I'm supposed to be. 00:21:58.56\00:22:01.49 So now they are coming, 00:22:01.52\00:22:02.55 they want to me three different positions. 00:22:02.58\00:22:04.30 Where much is given much is required. 00:22:05.84\00:22:08.35 Absolutely. 00:22:08.38\00:22:09.42 You didn't say the church, what church? 00:22:09.45\00:22:10.94 I'm from Ypsilanti Seventh-day Adventist. 00:22:10.97\00:22:12.45 Okay. Seventh-day? 00:22:12.48\00:22:14.00 Oh, yes. 00:22:14.03\00:22:15.23 Now when we talk about nominating committee 00:22:15.26\00:22:16.95 for those who are-- 00:22:16.98\00:22:18.01 Some of our viewers 00:22:18.04\00:22:19.07 who are not Seventh-day Adventists 00:22:19.10\00:22:20.72 we meet every two years 00:22:20.75\00:22:22.83 and we have body of the church to come together 00:22:22.86\00:22:25.56 to select the officers of the church. 00:22:25.59\00:22:27.64 That's called the nominating committee. 00:22:27.67\00:22:29.82 You know, you and your daughter, 00:22:29.85\00:22:31.25 you know, we got about five minutes left. 00:22:31.28\00:22:32.86 You and your daughter, 00:22:32.89\00:22:33.93 tell us about your relationship. 00:22:33.96\00:22:35.39 It has gotten a lot better in the last year. 00:22:37.56\00:22:41.12 Initially I knew I need to be provider, 00:22:41.15\00:22:43.81 that's what I was taught, you be a provider, 00:22:43.84\00:22:45.64 you put things in place. 00:22:45.67\00:22:47.18 But I did not realize the importance of having 00:22:47.21\00:22:49.77 a intimate relationship with your child. 00:22:49.80\00:22:52.09 And I was more be in the responsible party 00:22:52.12\00:22:56.93 the kind of thing. 00:22:56.96\00:22:58.01 This is what you need the delegate to say. 00:22:58.04\00:22:59.55 You need to do this, you need to do that. 00:22:59.58\00:23:01.15 But now I understand that she just needs me to be there 00:23:01.18\00:23:04.35 for her to have that person that she feels like 00:23:04.38\00:23:06.87 she can come to no matter what she does, 00:23:06.90\00:23:09.59 no matter what mistake she has that I'm gonna be there for her 00:23:09.62\00:23:12.92 every step of the way. 00:23:12.95\00:23:14.59 And Lexus-- 00:23:14.62\00:23:15.65 Wait a minute, and Lexus, 00:23:15.68\00:23:17.13 who goes around comes around, is she you all the very again? 00:23:17.16\00:23:21.84 But she is a little bit more than me I think. 00:23:21.87\00:23:24.81 When people are telling me now that 00:23:24.84\00:23:26.58 she is just like me but I'm not-- 00:23:26.61\00:23:28.47 I was-- 00:23:28.50\00:23:29.53 Never like that. 00:23:29.56\00:23:30.99 Yeah, that's about they are so. 00:23:31.02\00:23:32.74 But she is a very, she is very outspoken. 00:23:32.77\00:23:34.77 I love that about her. 00:23:34.80\00:23:35.83 She is aggressive, she speaks her mind. 00:23:35.86\00:23:38.10 Every forum that I have been in with Lexus 00:23:38.13\00:23:41.14 she will stand up, 00:23:41.17\00:23:42.20 she is not gonna wait on the crowd. 00:23:42.23\00:23:43.98 This is how I feel, 00:23:44.01\00:23:45.08 this is the way I look at something. 00:23:45.11\00:23:46.93 She is going to be that leader of our next generation. 00:23:46.96\00:23:50.07 I'll see that. 00:23:50.10\00:23:51.13 Let me ask you a question about you 00:23:51.16\00:23:54.27 not having a relationship with your father. 00:23:54.30\00:23:57.02 How did that really upset you as you were, 00:23:57.05\00:23:59.61 you know, growing up and maturing? 00:23:59.64\00:24:01.33 I thought it didn't but now to this date like 00:24:01.36\00:24:04.30 now I realize that it makes me not really understand 00:24:04.33\00:24:08.57 how to have a relationship with the man 00:24:08.60\00:24:10.71 and to not know that you should expect a man 00:24:10.74\00:24:14.40 to treat you like he treats the church 00:24:14.43\00:24:17.40 and to love you in that manner. 00:24:17.43\00:24:19.15 So I would just accept anything and now I know that now 00:24:19.18\00:24:25.12 and if you can't give me that love 00:24:25.15\00:24:27.31 or if you are not gonna treat me in that way 00:24:27.34\00:24:29.65 then there is really no room for you in my life. 00:24:29.68\00:24:32.81 Okay. Amen. 00:24:32.84\00:24:34.36 And with we have about three minutes to go. 00:24:34.39\00:24:36.42 Okay. Okay. 00:24:36.45\00:24:37.50 Another thing that I was interested in, 00:24:37.53\00:24:40.56 you know, how would you encourage your daughter, 00:24:40.59\00:24:44.00 you know, being that she doesn't have a relationship 00:24:44.03\00:24:46.61 with her father, you know at this point? 00:24:46.64\00:24:49.60 What would be an encouragement to her 00:24:49.63\00:24:52.03 and do to-- 00:24:52.06\00:24:53.09 What would you do? 00:24:53.12\00:24:54.16 I'm trying to help her understand 00:24:54.19\00:24:57.16 that she can have a relationship with God 00:24:57.19\00:25:00.32 and help her understand 00:25:00.35\00:25:02.30 how God's word can apply to everyday life, 00:25:02.33\00:25:05.31 the issue she is dealing with right now. 00:25:05.34\00:25:07.18 When I was younger I read Bible verses 00:25:07.21\00:25:09.47 but I don't feel like I ever understood 00:25:09.50\00:25:11.66 how it could apply right then, so I couldn't internalize it. 00:25:11.70\00:25:15.86 So I'm trying to help her do that 00:25:15.89\00:25:17.34 and then I try to make sure that 00:25:17.37\00:25:18.82 she doesn't have identify people 00:25:18.85\00:25:22.45 that are going to be there for her, 00:25:22.48\00:25:24.31 that she know she can go to if she needs to. 00:25:24.34\00:25:26.85 Man, do I have believe our Christian man. 00:25:26.88\00:25:30.03 She has people in her life that are there for her. 00:25:30.06\00:25:33.28 She can call them and they are there for whatever 00:25:33.31\00:25:36.07 and we have that type arrangement. 00:25:36.10\00:25:38.89 And it doesn't always work as you may heard her say, 00:25:38.92\00:25:42.05 "I don't want other people tell me what to do. 00:25:42.08\00:25:44.18 I miss my dad." 00:25:44.21\00:25:45.68 But you know, 00:25:45.71\00:25:47.50 that's what I do in the mean time. 00:25:47.53\00:25:48.93 What-- 00:25:48.96\00:25:50.01 One final question is 00:25:50.04\00:25:51.62 and I know we don't have a lot of time. 00:25:51.65\00:25:53.86 But your mother asked you to leave 00:25:53.89\00:25:58.49 when you didn't respond to her. 00:25:58.52\00:26:01.21 How would you handle that situation with your daughter? 00:26:01.24\00:26:04.69 I have told her that the only way 00:26:04.72\00:26:07.63 she is leaving me is through death. 00:26:07.66\00:26:09.80 Okay. 00:26:09.83\00:26:11.10 And that sure say 00:26:11.13\00:26:12.16 because I want her to know that 00:26:12.19\00:26:14.53 she always has me 00:26:14.56\00:26:15.98 and that's what I feel like parents. 00:26:16.01\00:26:17.51 And I think my mom would have chosen 00:26:17.54\00:26:18.80 a different route if she had the choice now. 00:26:18.83\00:26:21.21 But I feel as parents we have to emulate God. 00:26:21.24\00:26:23.92 God never leaves me, 00:26:23.95\00:26:25.39 I can't ever leave you 00:26:25.42\00:26:27.27 and that's just the bottom line. 00:26:27.30\00:26:28.54 And I tell that in a way you dealt 00:26:28.57\00:26:29.92 with each other again on other side 00:26:29.95\00:26:32.31 but as I have to be what God is to me here. 00:26:32.34\00:26:36.06 He doesn't leave me. 00:26:36.09\00:26:37.12 He has never left me one step of this way 00:26:37.15\00:26:40.02 through this whole journey I've been on. 00:26:40.05\00:26:42.59 While I was doing everything wrong, 00:26:42.62\00:26:44.32 He never ever left me. 00:26:44.35\00:26:46.13 So I can't leave her either. 00:26:46.16\00:26:47.71 So what's your job in social work? 00:26:47.74\00:26:50.40 Right now I'm an instructor at Eastern Michigan University 00:26:50.43\00:26:54.97 and I also I'm a field unit director 00:26:55.00\00:26:57.23 so I supervise social work. 00:26:57.26\00:26:58.63 Okay. Okay. That is so vivid. 00:26:58.66\00:27:00.75 You know how God orders your steps 00:27:00.78\00:27:03.02 and I know that your family is very proud of you. 00:27:03.05\00:27:06.34 Praise God. And we are proud of you. 00:27:06.37\00:27:08.30 You know, I thank God for being God in your life 00:27:08.33\00:27:11.34 and as you grow in your relationship. 00:27:11.37\00:27:12.86 Let me ask final question. 00:27:12.89\00:27:15.36 Your mom, I know she is proud of you. 00:27:15.39\00:27:17.20 Yes, she is. 00:27:17.23\00:27:18.31 She is extremely proud of me and my accomplishments 00:27:18.34\00:27:20.87 and the things that I do with my daughter 00:27:20.90\00:27:22.51 but we talked there other day and what she shared is that, 00:27:22.54\00:27:26.11 she is most proud of my relationship with Christ 00:27:26.14\00:27:29.35 and how I've grown as a woman in God 00:27:29.38\00:27:32.82 and that's what she is most proud of. 00:27:32.85\00:27:34.75 Praise God. 00:27:34.78\00:27:36.25 Well, we are proud of you 00:27:36.28\00:27:37.49 and you continue to do the work you are doing to help 00:27:37.52\00:27:39.37 so many people to help them. 00:27:39.40\00:27:41.51 Just stay on the path and God has ordered your steps. 00:27:41.54\00:27:44.97 God bless you. Thank you. 00:27:45.00\00:27:46.57 I want you to know as parents 00:27:46.60\00:27:47.71 we can never give upon your children, 00:27:47.74\00:27:49.15 on our children. 00:27:49.18\00:27:50.38 Don't ever think is too late for God 00:27:50.41\00:27:53.35 to turn your life around. 00:27:53.38\00:27:55.02 I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin. 00:27:55.05\00:27:56.86 And I'm Arthur Nowlin. 00:27:56.89\00:27:58.04 God bless. 00:27:58.07\00:27:59.12