Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin. 00:00:01.06\00:00:03.04 And I'm Arthur Nowlin. 00:00:03.07\00:00:04.22 Welcome to "Making It Work." 00:00:04.25\00:00:05.91 On today's program "Didn't See It Coming," 00:00:36.81\00:00:40.18 Arthur, what comes to mind 00:00:40.21\00:00:41.36 when we talk about not seeing something? 00:00:41.39\00:00:44.63 Basically its like, I'm not prepared for it. 00:00:44.66\00:00:48.48 I didn't expect this thing to happen 00:00:48.51\00:00:50.46 and usually that creates a problem for someone. 00:00:50.49\00:00:53.41 Definitely. 00:00:53.44\00:00:54.47 Well, today we're blessed to have 00:00:54.50\00:00:55.99 Ms. Angela Harris, from Flint, Michigan. 00:00:56.02\00:00:58.51 Welcome to "Making It Work." Thank you. 00:00:58.54\00:01:00.46 How you doing? I'm doing well. 00:01:00.49\00:01:02.10 Lot of things have been happening in your life, 00:01:02.13\00:01:04.22 but let's talk about you for a moment 00:01:04.25\00:01:05.74 before we get to your testimony. 00:01:05.77\00:01:07.68 Tell us about where you were raised 00:01:07.71\00:01:09.20 and your educational background. 00:01:09.23\00:01:11.36 Now, well, I'm was pretty much born in Cassopolis, Michigan. 00:01:11.39\00:01:16.32 And I grew up in Flint, I lived there until 1996 00:01:16.35\00:01:19.97 and move to Nashville with my mom. 00:01:20.00\00:01:23.57 My parents have been divorced in 1990, 00:01:23.60\00:01:25.68 so my sister and I move with my mom to Nashville. 00:01:25.71\00:01:28.80 My dad and his new wife moved to Atlanta, 00:01:28.83\00:01:31.41 so we were back and forth between there. 00:01:31.44\00:01:35.20 I think I was maybe 11, 00:01:35.23\00:01:36.55 I want to live with my grandparents 00:01:36.58\00:01:38.20 and then later the next year 00:01:38.23\00:01:40.26 I moved in with my dad and his wife 00:01:40.29\00:01:41.91 and it was very difficult 00:01:41.94\00:01:43.28 I didn't really have a good relationship 00:01:43.31\00:01:44.55 with my stepmother. 00:01:44.58\00:01:46.49 They ended up having two children, 00:01:46.52\00:01:48.30 so I was blessed with more sisters now. 00:01:48.33\00:01:50.51 Pretty much I was the oldest though-- 00:01:50.54\00:01:53.30 though everything that happened on 00:01:53.33\00:01:54.52 just tried to keep myself together, 00:01:54.55\00:01:56.09 so I can be an example to them. 00:01:56.12\00:01:58.77 Later we moved to Orlando, Florida 00:01:58.80\00:02:00.52 where I graduated from high school. 00:02:00.55\00:02:02.79 But I got a call from my mom after I graduated. 00:02:02.82\00:02:05.01 She wanted me to come to Nashville, 00:02:05.04\00:02:07.87 instead of going to college in Florida, 00:02:07.90\00:02:10.27 where I originally kind of have wanted to go. 00:02:10.30\00:02:13.59 I ended up not going to Tennessee State, 00:02:13.62\00:02:15.57 where she wanted me to. 00:02:15.60\00:02:17.54 But I did go to Nashville Tech 00:02:17.57\00:02:19.42 which is the college down the streets. 00:02:19.45\00:02:21.52 Okay. 00:02:21.55\00:02:22.58 And I-- my goal was to study ultimately forensic pathology, 00:02:22.61\00:02:27.21 so I begin there with biology and I minored in bookkeeping, 00:02:27.24\00:02:31.69 so I took my Bookkeeping courses 00:02:31.72\00:02:34.04 ended up getting employed there. 00:02:34.07\00:02:35.79 I been in Nashville, I went through the police academy 00:02:35.82\00:02:38.65 and I became employed as a 911 dispatcher-- 00:02:38.68\00:02:41.88 Where work for the next couple of years. 00:02:41.91\00:02:44.07 About my first home when I was 19-years-old, 00:02:44.10\00:02:47.56 I went to cosmetology school well, I did not finish, 00:02:47.59\00:02:50.84 however I did a find employment as a manicurist. 00:02:50.87\00:02:53.78 Okay. Okay. 00:02:53.81\00:02:54.96 Where I didn't ask for pretty much 00:02:54.99\00:02:57.67 the whole time I did everything else. 00:02:57.70\00:02:59.29 That's how you made a living. That's how I made a living. 00:02:59.32\00:03:02.42 Anyway in 2008, 00:03:02.45\00:03:08.02 I met my husband through a mutual friend. 00:03:08.05\00:03:11.22 The people from Detroit area 00:03:11.25\00:03:13.08 tend to all be friends down there. 00:03:13.11\00:03:14.76 So-- Okay. 00:03:14.79\00:03:15.83 She was also from Detroit, 00:03:15.86\00:03:17.39 she had a breast cancer and had gotten a-- 00:03:17.42\00:03:21.05 had to get a biopsy on the lump that she found. 00:03:21.08\00:03:24.22 And I agree to take her, but I had some car trouble. 00:03:24.25\00:03:27.11 So she said no worries, you still want to go with me 00:03:27.14\00:03:29.40 that's fine I'll just give us a ride. 00:03:29.43\00:03:31.20 You know, I got a friend that will take us. 00:03:31.23\00:03:33.58 So I waited at my home and he came to pick us 00:03:33.61\00:03:36.13 and he had a most awful looking car, 00:03:36.16\00:03:39.83 I did not even feel comfortable riding in it. 00:03:39.86\00:03:42.15 And once I opened the door and got in 00:03:42.18\00:03:43.59 and it was just so trashy and junky, 00:03:43.62\00:03:45.70 there really wasn't any where for me to sit. 00:03:45.73\00:03:47.22 So I immediately was attracted to him at all. 00:03:47.25\00:03:49.25 Okay. 00:03:49.28\00:03:50.45 But when she introduced us then from the moment 00:03:50.48\00:03:52.36 I looked into his eyes, I was in love with him. 00:03:52.39\00:03:54.89 I just-- I don't know what it was, I just-- I just-- 00:03:54.92\00:03:58.14 You felt that chemistry. I just felt that chemistry. 00:03:58.17\00:04:00.27 So we spent the entire day together. 00:04:00.30\00:04:03.11 He's very short 00:04:03.14\00:04:05.15 just not my type not my type at all 00:04:05.18\00:04:07.23 but I just instantly knew that that was the person 00:04:07.26\00:04:09.81 that I was going to marry. 00:04:09.84\00:04:11.27 Let me ask you this, you know, during this whole process 00:04:11.30\00:04:14.41 where you communicating, 00:04:14.44\00:04:15.70 while you were dating with your father 00:04:15.73\00:04:17.77 or your mom about this young man that you'd met? 00:04:17.80\00:04:20.48 I had just began to fix my relationship with my father, 00:04:20.51\00:04:24.68 so we had just started recently communicating again. 00:04:24.71\00:04:27.92 And I did share a little with him, 00:04:27.95\00:04:31.11 but it was a lot that I kept to myself 00:04:31.14\00:04:33.30 because I was kind of embarrassed 00:04:33.33\00:04:34.36 because he wasn't the type of guy 00:04:34.39\00:04:35.74 that I normally dated, so-- 00:04:35.77\00:04:37.43 Okay, and what was the type of guy you normally dated? 00:04:37.46\00:04:40.09 I-- a pretty boy. 00:04:40.12\00:04:42.28 I like people that are very well-groomed and neat 00:04:42.31\00:04:45.62 and would do more for me than I had to do for them, 00:04:45.65\00:04:48.59 so that was the normal for me. 00:04:48.62\00:04:50.14 And he was the opposite of that. 00:04:50.17\00:04:51.20 He was the exact opposite. 00:04:51.23\00:04:53.35 But something again caught you? 00:04:53.38\00:04:55.41 There was something. Okay. 00:04:55.44\00:04:56.76 He just seem to have such a sweet spirit 00:04:56.79\00:04:58.48 and he was a student at Tennessee State, 00:04:58.51\00:05:00.43 so my mom being a housing director there, 00:05:00.46\00:05:02.94 was his dorm director for many years. 00:05:02.97\00:05:04.87 So while he was in school you were in school? 00:05:04.90\00:05:07.80 All right, so you're giving-- 00:05:07.83\00:05:09.23 you know, working towards your degree? 00:05:09.26\00:05:10.99 He earned his degree? Yes. 00:05:11.02\00:05:12.70 He earned his degree. 00:05:12.73\00:05:14.17 What deviated you from getting your degree? 00:05:14.20\00:05:16.87 Well, our relationship move pretty fast. 00:05:16.90\00:05:20.22 We met in April at the end of April and pardon me-- 00:05:20.25\00:05:23.76 What year was this? This was 2008. 00:05:23.79\00:05:25.58 All right. 00:05:25.61\00:05:26.66 By May we just were totally in love with each other 00:05:26.69\00:05:30.56 and totally engrossed in each other 00:05:30.59\00:05:32.43 and I could see that he had a need 00:05:32.46\00:05:34.65 and I just wanted to do 00:05:34.68\00:05:36.31 whatever I had to do to help him. 00:05:36.34\00:05:38.13 It was his last year of college 00:05:38.16\00:05:39.30 and I just thought it was very important for him 00:05:39.33\00:05:41.34 to have whatever he needed to graduate. 00:05:41.37\00:05:43.23 So he had a need and you made a decision 00:05:43.26\00:05:45.68 that you was gonna help him? 00:05:45.71\00:05:46.96 Yes. Okay. 00:05:46.99\00:05:48.34 So, you-- you did that, that mean quitting school? 00:05:48.37\00:05:50.83 I did eventually quit school that year. 00:05:50.86\00:05:54.36 Did he end up to join the moving end together? 00:05:54.39\00:05:57.39 Not exactly, he had apartment with roommates, 00:05:57.42\00:06:00.61 he had a three bedroom apartment with four other guys, 00:06:00.64\00:06:04.07 so you know, I just helped him with his share of the rent 00:06:04.10\00:06:07.36 and his bills and gas and trying to keep 00:06:07.39\00:06:09.35 that proper going for him-- 00:06:09.38\00:06:10.71 So you were dating, you're dating, 00:06:10.74\00:06:12.73 you helping him pay his bill? 00:06:12.76\00:06:13.95 Yes, because that I was-- I had two jobs. 00:06:13.98\00:06:15.84 So you know, I have more income than him, 00:06:15.87\00:06:18.06 he just had a part-time job at Macy's, so-- 00:06:18.09\00:06:20.22 Well, how long did it take for you guys to make a decision 00:06:20.25\00:06:22.68 that you want to be together for the rest of your life? 00:06:22.71\00:06:24.79 Oh, that was within the first week. 00:06:24.82\00:06:26.22 Really? 00:06:26.25\00:06:27.36 I-- I expressed my feelings to him 00:06:27.39\00:06:29.56 the first day that we met and my girlfriend was like a-- 00:06:29.59\00:06:32.74 she's very blunt, that's she serious, 00:06:32.77\00:06:34.57 that what's she means. 00:06:34.60\00:06:35.85 And I probably shouldn't have said anything, 00:06:35.88\00:06:38.25 but later on that evening, 00:06:38.28\00:06:40.82 he told me after he was getting ready to go home 00:06:40.85\00:06:43.67 he said, you know what? 00:06:43.70\00:06:44.89 I could see myself waking up with you 00:06:44.92\00:06:46.47 for the rest of my life 00:06:46.50\00:06:47.54 and that just let me know that there is something 00:06:47.57\00:06:49.34 that we apparently we're gonna decide 00:06:49.37\00:06:51.51 to pursue to be with each other. 00:06:51.54\00:06:53.30 So how long did it take? It was pretty much immediate. 00:06:53.33\00:06:57.67 That day he pretended to accidentally forget 00:06:57.70\00:07:00.15 is earring at my house 00:07:00.18\00:07:01.80 and of course I had to do share of part to get 00:07:01.83\00:07:04.09 since I was so forward about my feelings, 00:07:04.12\00:07:06.38 so I didn't give him my phone number 00:07:06.41\00:07:08.47 and he kept calling my girlfriend 00:07:08.50\00:07:09.96 trying to get in touch with me. 00:07:09.99\00:07:11.42 You know, she wouldn't give out my number 00:07:11.45\00:07:12.83 so after about a week or maybe it was two weeks 00:07:12.86\00:07:15.33 I finally said, okay go ahead and give him my number. 00:07:15.36\00:07:17.62 He can call me. 00:07:17.65\00:07:18.68 Tell him, he can come by and pick up his earring. 00:07:18.71\00:07:20.64 So eventually I think, in that second week 00:07:20.67\00:07:23.11 I did allow him to come back over, 00:07:23.14\00:07:25.04 and ever since then we were inseparable after that time. 00:07:25.07\00:07:28.42 How long-- how long before that you-- you were married? 00:07:28.45\00:07:31.00 What year did you get married? 00:07:31.03\00:07:32.07 We did not get married that year, 00:07:32.10\00:07:33.47 but there was a kind of roadblock. 00:07:33.50\00:07:37.50 When he started-- before he started 00:07:37.53\00:07:39.15 back student teaching, 00:07:39.18\00:07:40.57 I guess that we were very close 00:07:40.60\00:07:41.76 and things are moving very fast. 00:07:41.79\00:07:44.31 He was going to do a student teaching that far 00:07:44.34\00:07:46.23 and we were trying to make a plan as to how, 00:07:46.26\00:07:48.14 you know, I will be able to help him do that 00:07:48.17\00:07:50.27 and whether I would be enrolling 00:07:50.30\00:07:51.46 in school again for that far. 00:07:51.49\00:07:53.46 But I wanted to take on some extra hours at work 00:07:53.49\00:07:55.63 so I say, well, once you graduate 00:07:55.66\00:07:57.33 then maybe we can talk about something, 00:07:57.36\00:07:58.96 and he said no. 00:07:58.99\00:08:00.02 Once I graduate in December, 00:08:00.05\00:08:01.80 you're going immediately back to school 00:08:01.83\00:08:03.46 and I'm gonna put you through school. 00:08:03.49\00:08:05.08 You had no reason to doubt him? 00:08:05.11\00:08:06.25 No reason to doubt him, I trusted him. 00:08:06.28\00:08:07.78 So and he seemed to be a man of God, 00:08:07.81\00:08:09.76 he knew the Bible back and front, 00:08:09.79\00:08:11.20 we pray together. 00:08:11.23\00:08:12.27 You attend church together? 00:08:12.30\00:08:13.49 We did, we attended church together. 00:08:13.52\00:08:15.11 He was a member of a-- a very-- 00:08:15.14\00:08:18.27 a very well-known church in Nashville 00:08:18.30\00:08:20.41 and there pastors are very, very godly man 00:08:20.44\00:08:23.12 and you know, I just-- I just trusted in that. 00:08:23.15\00:08:25.67 So you now you're in-- you're in Nashville living? 00:08:25.70\00:08:27.96 Okay, then what? We were in Nashville. 00:08:27.99\00:08:29.41 And I think in August, right August he started school, 00:08:29.44\00:08:34.83 he began his student teaching at a cup-- 00:08:34.86\00:08:37.12 couple of high school and middle school 00:08:37.15\00:08:38.58 there in Nashville. 00:08:38.61\00:08:39.64 He's very excited about that. 00:08:39.67\00:08:41.81 However in a September 00:08:41.84\00:08:44.96 we did have sex before we were married 00:08:44.99\00:08:48.39 and immediately before he finished he said, 00:08:48.42\00:08:52.85 you know, I wanted to have my baby 00:08:52.88\00:08:54.58 and he made that decision for me. 00:08:54.61\00:08:56.62 I don't condone abortion but at that time 00:08:56.65\00:08:59.22 I just did not feel like it was a good decision for us. 00:08:59.25\00:09:01.91 We needed to do damage control 00:09:01.94\00:09:03.80 and I just asked God like what do I do? 00:09:03.83\00:09:05.92 I know, I made a mistake, what do I do? 00:09:05.95\00:09:07.85 And I didn't listen. 00:09:07.88\00:09:09.20 I just pretty much was like you know, 00:09:09.23\00:09:10.78 what I don't want to ask God, I don't know what he thinks. 00:09:10.81\00:09:13.68 I want to have an abortion. 00:09:13.71\00:09:15.25 So I told Roger, like this is what I'm gonna do. 00:09:15.28\00:09:17.48 I'm gonna go to the clinic 00:09:17.51\00:09:18.55 and I'm gonna get this abortion, 00:09:18.58\00:09:19.96 and we're gonna finish our degrees 00:09:19.99\00:09:21.98 and we're gonna just move on. 00:09:22.01\00:09:23.47 And he was very angry, he said, no, I want this child. 00:09:23.50\00:09:26.77 I said, no, I don't because my parents were divorced 00:09:26.80\00:09:29.55 and their marriage did not work 00:09:29.58\00:09:31.02 and I don't want to have 00:09:31.05\00:09:32.52 a separate household for my child. 00:09:32.55\00:09:34.37 Well, we're not married, what if this doesn't work? 00:09:34.40\00:09:36.53 What if you decide to go your own way? 00:09:36.56\00:09:38.26 And then my child is in a single family home, 00:09:38.29\00:09:40.63 single parent home like I was 00:09:40.66\00:09:42.21 and that was not good for me or my sisters. 00:09:42.24\00:09:45.50 And so I-- that was the last thing 00:09:45.53\00:09:47.00 I wanted for my child and I said, no. 00:09:47.03\00:09:48.79 I'm not gonna bring a child in the world to have this. 00:09:48.82\00:09:51.06 And at that moment he promised, 00:09:51.09\00:09:52.65 he said, you know, I love you, I told you, 00:09:52.68\00:09:54.86 I will spend the rest of my life with you. 00:09:54.89\00:09:56.39 Let's just go ahead 00:09:56.42\00:09:57.51 and we'll start planning our marriage, 00:09:57.54\00:09:59.89 and planning our wedding, 00:09:59.92\00:10:01.02 and I will never leave your side. 00:10:01.05\00:10:02.73 I will raise this child with you. 00:10:02.76\00:10:04.44 This we would do this together, 00:10:04.47\00:10:05.84 I will be a father to her 00:10:05.87\00:10:07.23 and I will be a provider for you. 00:10:07.26\00:10:09.21 And at that time we decided to keep the baby. 00:10:09.24\00:10:12.33 I began to get my prenatal care. 00:10:12.36\00:10:14.61 And you know, the whole wedding thing 00:10:14.64\00:10:16.70 started getting pushed to the side 00:10:16.73\00:10:18.21 and you know, he mentioned it less and less 00:10:18.24\00:10:20.33 and I was just wondering like is this still gonna happen? 00:10:20.36\00:10:23.03 And I'm still managing the bills for home 00:10:23.06\00:10:25.68 and the bills for his living 00:10:25.71\00:10:27.25 and I was getting kind of frustrated. 00:10:27.28\00:10:28.93 So when I was thinking my house had four bedrooms, 00:10:28.96\00:10:31.99 so I chose the bedroom for my nursery 00:10:32.02\00:10:33.90 and I begin to panic and you know, 00:10:33.93\00:10:35.68 try to prepare for the baby. 00:10:35.71\00:10:36.92 It was early but I was-- 00:10:36.95\00:10:38.08 I had begun to be very excited about it. 00:10:38.11\00:10:40.31 So I suggested to him like well, 00:10:40.34\00:10:42.06 what's the timeline for his marriage? 00:10:42.09\00:10:44.32 You know, what are we gonna do? 00:10:44.35\00:10:45.55 Because you know, it will save a lot of money 00:10:45.58\00:10:47.51 and we just began to save more money for the baby, 00:10:47.54\00:10:49.82 if we didn't have two households 00:10:49.85\00:10:51.60 to take care of, two sets of bill. 00:10:51.63\00:10:54.69 And he made a proposal to me and not "B" proposal, 00:10:54.72\00:10:58.14 but "A" proposal. 00:10:58.17\00:10:59.86 He said, that I got a job in Mississippi 00:10:59.89\00:11:02.22 at Jackson State University, 00:11:02.25\00:11:04.20 and I'd like us to go to Mississippi 00:11:04.23\00:11:07.08 and on this job 00:11:07.11\00:11:08.63 I will be making good money and have benefits 00:11:08.66\00:11:11.49 and I don't want you to have to work. 00:11:11.52\00:11:14.01 I want you to be able to be a mom, 00:11:14.04\00:11:15.60 spend time with this baby, 00:11:15.63\00:11:17.10 and then when the baby gets old enough then, 00:11:17.13\00:11:19.97 I will put you back in school. 00:11:20.00\00:11:21.25 And then we'll go from there and so-- 00:11:21.28\00:11:24.18 You went to Mississippi? I went to Mississippi. 00:11:24.21\00:11:25.97 You sold your house, packed up and you went? 00:11:26.00\00:11:29.08 So we get there and we moved in with my sister-in-law, 00:11:29.11\00:11:32.84 and her husband and two boys, 00:11:32.87\00:11:34.20 and you know, I-- I began to care for them 00:11:34.23\00:11:36.99 because we didn't pay them rent 00:11:37.02\00:11:38.30 so I began to be a nanny to my nephews. 00:11:38.33\00:11:41.03 Okay and you still not married? We still not married, yet. 00:11:41.06\00:11:43.96 There is something always there something 00:11:43.99\00:11:45.92 that's putting it off, it's not time 00:11:45.95\00:11:47.45 yet, you know, we don't have enough money for wedding. 00:11:47.48\00:11:50.17 And I have a problem with anxiety, 00:11:50.20\00:11:52.05 so I really want to have a wedding anyway. 00:11:52.08\00:11:54.69 So I was kind of pushing for let's just go get our license 00:11:54.72\00:11:57.22 and have a have a court house marriage 00:11:57.25\00:11:58.98 and let's just do that. 00:11:59.01\00:12:00.19 But he wanted this big wedding, 00:12:00.22\00:12:01.86 so I'm waiting, 00:12:01.89\00:12:03.23 you know, okay, I'm gonna wait this is what he wants, 00:12:03.26\00:12:05.38 I'm gonna wait for this. 00:12:05.41\00:12:06.76 So get down if I doubt he did not have that job. 00:12:06.79\00:12:10.43 He didn't have a job? No, he did not have a job. 00:12:10.46\00:12:12.95 Oh, my, the plot thickens. 00:12:12.98\00:12:15.84 Yes, so I continued to care for the boys 00:12:15.87\00:12:17.99 and run house for my sister-in-law cooking, 00:12:18.02\00:12:20.27 clean, take care for house and-- 00:12:20.30\00:12:21.88 So you were like the housekeeper? 00:12:21.91\00:12:23.43 I prefer in so many times. 00:12:23.46\00:12:25.80 And nanny. Amen. 00:12:25.83\00:12:27.51 If you want to use that-- that term. 00:12:27.54\00:12:29.11 Well I don't spare this man. 00:12:29.14\00:12:31.58 Yes, and I do continue to do that, 00:12:31.61\00:12:34.15 but once the baby was born in April 00:12:34.18\00:12:36.44 my daughter was born on April 2nd of 2009. 00:12:36.47\00:12:40.11 My grandparents are retired and left 00:12:40.14\00:12:42.06 when they moved Arkansas. 00:12:42.09\00:12:43.64 So that was only three and a half hour 00:12:43.67\00:12:46.12 away from Jackson, Mississippi, 00:12:46.15\00:12:47.34 where we were staying. 00:12:47.37\00:12:48.40 And so I had a conversation with them and ask them 00:12:48.43\00:12:50.84 if-- you know, my baby with two weeks old at the time. 00:12:50.87\00:12:53.40 And I say, well, can I-- can you watch my baby for me 00:12:53.43\00:12:56.81 and care for her, so I can get a job, 00:12:56.84\00:12:58.65 for this-- just a temporary positions 00:12:58.68\00:13:00.59 to save for deposit on apartment 00:13:00.62\00:13:02.56 for Roger and I and Robin the baby. 00:13:02.59\00:13:05.12 And they agreed. 00:13:05.15\00:13:06.21 So, let me ask you, how long before you get 00:13:06.24\00:13:08.49 moved out of your sister-in-laws house 00:13:08.52\00:13:10.56 into your house and then married? 00:13:10.59\00:13:13.27 At the end of that month, we did move into our apartment. 00:13:13.30\00:13:16.78 And that was-- that was in May of 2009. 00:13:16.81\00:13:21.54 And then, when? 00:13:21.57\00:13:22.62 And we finally got our marriage 00:13:22.65\00:13:24.23 certificates on April-- in April, 00:13:24.26\00:13:26.85 I mean in August of 2009 and in December 00:13:26.88\00:13:30.61 we finally had our wedding. 00:13:30.64\00:13:31.95 So you're living in-- in Mississippi. 00:13:31.98\00:13:34.99 Mississippi, yes. 00:13:35.02\00:13:36.12 Okay, so now you married, 00:13:36.15\00:13:38.74 you have this child in Mississippi. 00:13:38.77\00:13:41.87 Then another child comes, 00:13:41.90\00:13:43.95 and wait and then the whammy comes. 00:13:43.98\00:13:48.29 Okay, and things began to change? 00:13:48.32\00:13:51.63 Yes. 00:13:51.66\00:13:52.74 But at that time there was so much tension between us. 00:13:52.77\00:13:55.13 He was not a very good parent. 00:13:55.16\00:13:57.57 He had some allegations of abuse 00:13:57.60\00:13:59.48 made by neighbors when I wasn't home, 00:13:59.51\00:14:01.69 and I didn't want to believe it, 00:14:01.72\00:14:03.33 but ultimately I knew that the things 00:14:03.36\00:14:05.05 that he was accused of had happen. 00:14:05.08\00:14:08.57 That's-- that was in April I just-- 00:14:08.60\00:14:11.55 So you are in-- and sorry to interrupt you, 00:14:11.58\00:14:13.19 but you never saw this coming? 00:14:13.22\00:14:15.41 I've never, any of it, 00:14:15.44\00:14:16.56 he was such a loving person in the beginning 00:14:16.59\00:14:18.06 I never thought that he could do 00:14:18.09\00:14:19.17 anything to hurt our children. 00:14:19.20\00:14:20.60 I definitely didn't think 00:14:20.63\00:14:21.68 he would do anything to hurt me. 00:14:21.71\00:14:24.23 So when-- when I started getting wind of the allegations 00:14:24.26\00:14:26.81 that were made against him I became very, very angry. 00:14:26.84\00:14:29.49 We began to have physical altercations 00:14:29.52\00:14:31.80 and this was in April of last year, 00:14:31.83\00:14:34.39 when all it-- everything start happening. 00:14:34.42\00:14:36.70 There was no more income in the house 00:14:36.73\00:14:38.60 and we just became very overwhelmed with everything. 00:14:38.63\00:14:41.19 Then you found out that your husband has filed for divorce? 00:14:41.22\00:14:43.94 Yes, actually before all that happened, 00:14:43.97\00:14:45.70 I found out that I was pregnant and that I didn't know 00:14:45.73\00:14:50.26 until I was having a miscarriage 00:14:50.29\00:14:52.27 on my bathroom floor. 00:14:52.30\00:14:53.33 With your third child? Yeah, with my third child. 00:14:53.36\00:14:55.37 And I did not know because I have put it all behind me 00:14:55.40\00:14:58.27 that back in April of that year my husband had raped me. 00:14:58.30\00:15:04.18 How were you feeling at that time? 00:15:04.21\00:15:06.41 Just how are you feeling? 00:15:06.44\00:15:08.20 Making all these transitions in your life right now, 00:15:08.23\00:15:11.25 everything hit you at one time? 00:15:11.28\00:15:13.03 And his decision not to be with you anymore? 00:15:13.06\00:15:16.67 At that point when he moved out of the house, 00:15:16.70\00:15:18.70 he move in with his sister and said, 00:15:18.73\00:15:20.41 go figure it out, I wanted to die. 00:15:20.44\00:15:22.66 You just wanted to die? 00:15:22.69\00:15:23.73 The only reason that I continued to live was 00:15:23.76\00:15:26.45 because I wanted to be a mother to my children. 00:15:26.48\00:15:30.17 You know, I sort of try to connect the pieces. 00:15:30.20\00:15:33.57 I just want to know, where was God in all of this? 00:15:33.60\00:15:37.53 You know, and why didn't you see it coming? 00:15:37.56\00:15:40.47 You know, growing up with my family being, 00:15:40.50\00:15:44.38 religious-- a lot of people in my family, 00:15:44.41\00:15:47.52 my grandparents, my maternal and paternal, 00:15:47.55\00:15:51.55 my parents they were all spiritual people, 00:15:51.58\00:15:53.92 God fearing people. 00:15:53.95\00:15:55.50 And I think that 00:15:55.53\00:15:57.08 my understanding of a relationship with God 00:15:57.11\00:15:59.55 was just doing what you were told 00:15:59.58\00:16:01.33 and doing what you have been taught. 00:16:01.36\00:16:03.17 So and you know, pursuing the path 00:16:03.20\00:16:07.57 that eventually led to my marriage, 00:16:07.60\00:16:09.50 I just was pregnant 00:16:09.53\00:16:11.26 and I was in love with the person 00:16:11.29\00:16:13.36 so I say, well, you know the Bible says, 00:16:13.39\00:16:15.86 that you shouldn't be having children 00:16:15.89\00:16:17.26 and not be married. 00:16:17.29\00:16:18.34 And I said, well, I want to marry this man. 00:16:18.37\00:16:20.50 He says, he want to marry me. 00:16:20.53\00:16:22.22 So to correct the problem, 00:16:22.25\00:16:23.55 we just go ahead and get married. 00:16:23.58\00:16:24.77 And I thought that-- that would solve everything. 00:16:24.80\00:16:27.93 So at the time I was just acting 00:16:27.96\00:16:29.50 on having the knowledge of God, 00:16:29.53\00:16:31.41 but I didn't realize it, 00:16:31.44\00:16:32.76 but I did not ever have a relationship with God. 00:16:32.79\00:16:35.14 No relationship, and that's the key. 00:16:35.17\00:16:37.19 A lot of people have a religion, 00:16:37.22\00:16:40.12 but they don't have a relationship. 00:16:40.15\00:16:42.11 You know, now going back to something 00:16:42.14\00:16:43.79 did you seek premarital counseling 00:16:43.82\00:16:46.14 did you your husband have counseling? 00:16:46.17\00:16:48.68 We did, however he was not necessarily cooperative. 00:16:48.71\00:16:52.94 One other things that-- that I think about 00:16:52.97\00:16:55.25 is that you went to all the trials and tribulations, 00:16:55.28\00:16:59.53 but how did you get through? 00:16:59.56\00:17:01.94 What was the motivation for you to continue 00:17:01.97\00:17:04.59 to move forward with your life? 00:17:04.62\00:17:06.25 And what was the turning point that turned you around, 00:17:06.28\00:17:09.47 to put a smile back on your face? 00:17:09.50\00:17:11.24 Well, after all of this happened 00:17:11.27\00:17:12.80 I was filled with so much hate, 00:17:12.83\00:17:14.65 I hated him, I was bitter, I was unhappy. 00:17:14.68\00:17:18.50 And my children I started to see that they weren't happy. 00:17:18.53\00:17:22.40 And I was talking to my cousin 00:17:22.43\00:17:24.70 and she said, you can't be like this. 00:17:24.73\00:17:27.34 Okay. She took me to church. 00:17:27.37\00:17:29.47 I didn't know those people from Adam, 00:17:29.50\00:17:31.15 I didn't want to go that church, but I went. 00:17:31.18\00:17:33.90 And the minister just started preaching on my story, 00:17:33.93\00:17:38.88 my feelings, my anger, my hate, my bitterness, 00:17:38.91\00:17:41.89 and how no matter what people had done, 00:17:41.92\00:17:44.00 what we felt that they had done to us, 00:17:44.03\00:17:46.06 we felt victimized we are responsible for our behavior 00:17:46.09\00:17:49.39 and we still have to take responsibility for our part. 00:17:49.42\00:17:52.79 And I began to see how I contributed 00:17:52.82\00:17:55.84 to the things that had happen. 00:17:55.87\00:17:59.00 I finally realize that, 00:17:59.03\00:18:00.70 oh, I played a part in this and a big part. 00:18:00.73\00:18:03.66 I realized that instead of putting God first, 00:18:03.69\00:18:06.49 just going through the motions, 00:18:06.52\00:18:07.94 instead of having a relationship with him 00:18:07.97\00:18:09.83 and saying, okay, God first, husband second. 00:18:09.86\00:18:12.11 I made my husband my God 00:18:12.14\00:18:14.39 and I was manipulating my situation giving, giving, 00:18:14.42\00:18:18.13 giving to try to receive love from him 00:18:18.16\00:18:20.70 instead of doing what I need to do to receive love from God, 00:18:20.73\00:18:23.86 and to be satisfy with Him first 00:18:23.89\00:18:25.52 and to let Him guide my life. 00:18:25.55\00:18:27.29 Its so important and not to interrupt you 00:18:27.32\00:18:29.77 but its so important as we see how God can turn us around, 00:18:29.80\00:18:33.51 when we don't see things coming 00:18:33.54\00:18:35.73 that we have to--- first of all admit, 00:18:35.76\00:18:38.15 that there is a problem, 00:18:38.18\00:18:39.22 recognize a problem, admit the problem 00:18:39.25\00:18:41.37 and get some help to turn that problem around. 00:18:41.40\00:18:44.21 And that's the only way 00:18:44.24\00:18:45.42 that God can really save us and help us 00:18:45.45\00:18:48.43 if we're open to Him turning us around. 00:18:48.46\00:18:51.19 Because we can focus on being bitter and anger, 00:18:51.22\00:18:54.33 and angry and we're just we-- we're not moving into it. 00:18:54.36\00:18:58.25 Yes, why-- you know, that's really important 00:18:58.28\00:19:01.31 what you just said, we become stagnated. 00:19:01.34\00:19:04.81 I think what also is important 00:19:04.84\00:19:07.30 is the children suffer from all of this. 00:19:07.33\00:19:11.08 You know, here we go, we have another father 00:19:11.11\00:19:14.63 that's out of the home and you have to compensate. 00:19:14.66\00:19:18.06 But one of the things that you indicated to me 00:19:18.09\00:19:20.06 is that you're support system is strong. 00:19:20.09\00:19:22.38 Very, very strong. 00:19:22.41\00:19:24.09 And they didn't sugarcoat anything, 00:19:24.12\00:19:26.04 they didn't baby me, they just said, 00:19:26.07\00:19:27.99 well, you know what to do, you need to look to God. 00:19:28.02\00:19:30.56 So that day in church he spoke my story 00:19:30.59\00:19:34.48 and he said I don't know who it is in this home today 00:19:34.51\00:19:39.25 I don't know this person, 00:19:39.28\00:19:40.83 I don't know anything about her, 00:19:40.86\00:19:42.92 but God has told me that she's in need. 00:19:42.95\00:19:45.63 And he took up and offering and he gave my number to-- 00:19:45.66\00:19:49.51 when after the service he gave my to number 00:19:49.54\00:19:51.35 to everyone in all the women in the church. 00:19:51.38\00:19:53.68 And everyone called, everyone prayed for me, 00:19:53.71\00:19:56.81 specifically for my children specifically, 00:19:56.84\00:19:59.29 and that is how I begin to see the power of God. 00:19:59.32\00:20:02.54 For the first time I experienced the Holy Spirit, 00:20:02.57\00:20:05.05 and it was a feeling like no other 00:20:05.08\00:20:06.37 and I knew that He was there. 00:20:06.40\00:20:08.40 So all the time that I have been relying on myself, 00:20:08.43\00:20:11.92 I had not been relying on Him because, I did not know Him. 00:20:11.95\00:20:15.03 And so I called on His name and every time 00:20:15.06\00:20:18.00 something would happen my son found out 00:20:18.03\00:20:19.86 that he had epilepsy in January. 00:20:19.89\00:20:21.81 He was having seizures, grand mal seizures back to back 00:20:21.84\00:20:24.48 in the ICU back to back. 00:20:24.51\00:20:26.33 Had nobody but my family and I caught on God, 00:20:26.36\00:20:29.09 even when nobody was there and I realized He's here. 00:20:29.12\00:20:31.28 God is here. 00:20:31.31\00:20:32.36 I can feel Him now. Oh, yes. 00:20:32.39\00:20:33.79 Before I couldn't feel Him, all like a feel was me. 00:20:33.82\00:20:36.46 And do you think for one minute, 00:20:36.49\00:20:38.58 that God took you through all of this, to get in-- 00:20:38.61\00:20:41.68 God doesn't want us to be in sorrow. 00:20:41.71\00:20:43.90 But, some time God says, "Hello, hello." 00:20:43.93\00:20:48.16 And then we don't listen, 00:20:48.19\00:20:49.72 He has to expose us to the point 00:20:49.75\00:20:52.64 where there's nothing left for us to 00:20:52.67\00:20:55.43 but to look up and find God. 00:20:55.46\00:20:57.46 Well, I think what happens is He allows things to happen. 00:20:57.49\00:21:01.21 Yes, He allows things, but He gives us a choice. 00:21:01.24\00:21:02.94 Yes, He does. Yes, you know. 00:21:02.97\00:21:04.02 He does and we have a choice. 00:21:04.05\00:21:05.29 Because along the way, 00:21:05.32\00:21:07.33 you-- we were given signs to indicate, 00:21:07.36\00:21:12.95 this is not for you and because we took over, 00:21:12.98\00:21:18.20 our will took over we didn't allow 00:21:18.23\00:21:22.18 those signs to make a impact on our lives. 00:21:22.21\00:21:24.41 So everything keeps paying off. So we just kept moving forward. 00:21:24.44\00:21:26.38 They do well. So what is Angela doing now? 00:21:26.41\00:21:28.83 All right, tell us what she is doing now? 00:21:28.86\00:21:30.50 I have learned a lot. 00:21:30.53\00:21:31.75 I can say that when I say it and like the topic 00:21:31.78\00:21:35.29 that we discussed and "Didn't See It Coming" 00:21:35.32\00:21:37.75 I can no longer find any ignorance. 00:21:37.78\00:21:39.82 I had to said, God, why did You shock me with this? 00:21:39.85\00:21:42.43 Oh, God, why would You put this on me? 00:21:42.46\00:21:45.11 This just blindsided me. 00:21:45.14\00:21:46.77 And I realize, like Mr. Arthur was saying, it did not. 00:21:46.80\00:21:50.80 He gave me the signs, I just didn't see it. 00:21:50.83\00:21:53.18 So there's no, I didn't see it coming. 00:21:53.21\00:21:55.63 He always will show You, 00:21:55.66\00:21:57.15 and you just have to be open to listen. 00:21:57.18\00:21:59.43 So now all things are still happening that are bad. 00:21:59.46\00:22:02.77 This morning my husband said, people to repossess my car. 00:22:02.80\00:22:06.18 And they did, but you know what I didn't shed one tear. 00:22:06.21\00:22:09.58 You did not. 00:22:09.61\00:22:10.64 I did not cry one tear 00:22:10.67\00:22:11.71 because I said, God, you got this. 00:22:11.74\00:22:14.34 And I was not able to do that before, 00:22:14.37\00:22:16.22 but had I been able to, 00:22:16.25\00:22:17.48 maybe my marriage could have been saved. 00:22:17.51\00:22:19.16 I was served with divorce papers last-- last week, 00:22:19.19\00:22:23.08 I went all the way to Mississippi 00:22:23.11\00:22:24.44 to go to child support court, 00:22:24.47\00:22:26.01 he had an attorney serve me that day 00:22:26.04\00:22:28.14 and only have to pay $167 a month 00:22:28.17\00:22:30.74 for both of my children. 00:22:30.77\00:22:32.18 But my family was there, and when I wanted to loose it, 00:22:32.21\00:22:35.03 they say, where you supposed to look? 00:22:35.06\00:22:37.08 And I looked and I can feel His hand of comfort on my shoulder. 00:22:37.11\00:22:40.19 You felt the power of God? I felt it. 00:22:40.22\00:22:41.71 So now you just received your certificate. 00:22:41.74\00:22:44.19 And now you got your certificates 00:22:44.22\00:22:46.12 and as a manicurist-- 00:22:46.15\00:22:47.18 Yes, I'm a licensed manicure in the state of Michigan. 00:22:47.21\00:22:48.98 All right, congratulations. 00:22:49.01\00:22:51.05 Now you also have desire to go back to school. 00:22:51.08\00:22:53.78 To get your degree in what area? 00:22:53.81\00:22:55.89 Forensic Pathology. 00:22:55.92\00:22:56.96 You still, that is still your dream. 00:22:56.99\00:22:58.80 And you-- are you gonna see it through? 00:22:58.83\00:23:00.60 I'm gonna see it through. 00:23:00.63\00:23:01.86 I put it my application to Wayne State 00:23:01.89\00:23:04.36 and although it seems impossible no car, 00:23:04.39\00:23:06.40 two babies I know that what He's done for me, 00:23:06.43\00:23:09.26 so far He has more than proven himself. 00:23:09.29\00:23:11.42 Oh, yeah. And I know that He can do this. 00:23:11.45\00:23:13.58 So-- but your car was repossessed, 00:23:13.61\00:23:17.12 you know, and you had to go to court 00:23:17.15\00:23:19.80 and you only receive $167 in child support. 00:23:19.83\00:23:23.91 And, you know, where that could knock you down to your knees, 00:23:23.94\00:23:28.18 your family was supportive again by keeping you focused 00:23:28.21\00:23:32.09 and thinking about the Lord, that was really is major. 00:23:32.12\00:23:35.56 That is and you know, and when you don't again as-- 00:23:35.59\00:23:38.35 as we said, you don't see things coming 00:23:38.38\00:23:39.98 because you don't look for the sign, 00:23:40.01\00:23:41.62 God is always speaking to us. 00:23:41.65\00:23:42.68 Absolutely. 00:23:42.71\00:23:43.74 He's always communicating through His word, 00:23:43.77\00:23:46.30 He sends people to minister to us, to speak to us, 00:23:46.33\00:23:50.28 but it is up to us to receive 00:23:50.31\00:23:52.34 what God is trying to get us to do. 00:23:52.37\00:23:54.12 Turn around, don't keep going down that road 00:23:54.15\00:23:57.77 where it's gonna be a disaster. 00:23:57.80\00:23:59.63 And then you look up and you-- 00:23:59.66\00:24:01.21 you put yourself two years backwards. 00:24:01.24\00:24:04.13 Well, Angela Harris has decided to go forward in her life. 00:24:04.16\00:24:08.19 She's no longer holding on to the ex-husband soon to be, 00:24:08.22\00:24:12.34 God will provide for her children, 00:24:12.37\00:24:14.30 she's going to earn her degree 00:24:14.33\00:24:16.40 and she's gonna be able to have a testimony-- 00:24:16.43\00:24:18.28 well, she has a testimony. 00:24:18.31\00:24:19.82 And I think that's what is really important here. 00:24:19.85\00:24:22.53 We need to recognize that through the trials 00:24:22.56\00:24:25.18 and tribulations that we experience a testimony 00:24:25.21\00:24:28.77 is coming out of our successes. 00:24:28.80\00:24:31.65 God wants us to share our testimony 00:24:31.68\00:24:34.10 in every possible way, 00:24:34.13\00:24:36.27 so that other people who maybe going through. 00:24:36.30\00:24:39.05 Some of the experiences 00:24:39.08\00:24:40.12 that you're going through can benefit, 00:24:40.15\00:24:42.44 they can-- they can find out and recognize 00:24:42.47\00:24:44.83 that God will pull them through if they open their heart. 00:24:44.86\00:24:48.26 If they say, okay, God, you take over 00:24:48.29\00:24:50.74 because everything that I've done has not worked. 00:24:50.77\00:24:54.01 You know, that's a powerful thing. 00:24:54.04\00:24:55.40 Everything that I've done has not worked, 00:24:55.43\00:24:57.69 so I need You to take over now. 00:24:57.72\00:24:59.35 You have to keep eyes on Christ. 00:24:59.38\00:25:01.49 You have to listen and watch for the signals 00:25:01.52\00:25:05.04 that God sends us through His word. 00:25:05.07\00:25:06.53 And you can't do it. Let me tell you something. 00:25:06.56\00:25:09.38 You have to steady your Word every day, 00:25:09.41\00:25:11.82 no matter what you're going through, no money, 00:25:11.85\00:25:14.65 don't know how you're gonna pay your bills, 00:25:14.68\00:25:16.34 don't know where it's coming from, 00:25:16.37\00:25:17.41 if you stay faithful to God, He is faithful to you. 00:25:17.44\00:25:21.66 He sends us test, to see whether or not 00:25:21.69\00:25:24.96 we're gonna trust Him or we're going to doubt Him. 00:25:24.99\00:25:28.03 Another thing is, you have to be able to listen to God. 00:25:28.06\00:25:32.64 Listen to God. 00:25:32.67\00:25:33.71 That's really paramount and we tend not to listen 00:25:33.74\00:25:38.35 because we get trapped in our own personal self gratification 00:25:38.38\00:25:43.14 and we say well, this is how I wanted to be, 00:25:43.17\00:25:45.64 this is what I need to do. 00:25:45.67\00:25:47.27 But you can't turn your back on the Lord 00:25:47.30\00:25:50.24 and not hear what He is saying to you, 00:25:50.27\00:25:53.44 not be observant of the signals that He sent it to you. 00:25:53.47\00:25:57.81 That's-- that's mandatory. 00:25:57.84\00:25:59.59 You know, even the hamburger, that's being for-- 00:25:59.62\00:26:02.74 Okay, you can leave that alone. 00:26:02.77\00:26:04.16 Lord say, you know, this man is not clean, 00:26:04.19\00:26:07.66 this man is not somebody that I will want you to have 00:26:07.69\00:26:10.86 and that's important. 00:26:10.89\00:26:12.37 And you gonna be able to recognize, 00:26:12.40\00:26:14.44 when this is time to walk away. 00:26:14.47\00:26:17.53 The one thing, the most important thing 00:26:17.56\00:26:19.12 that I can say 00:26:19.15\00:26:20.25 is to seek the Lord first before anything else, 00:26:20.28\00:26:23.11 before all others and all other things. 00:26:23.14\00:26:25.67 Because if you don't you can think 00:26:25.70\00:26:27.19 that you know your Bible, 00:26:27.22\00:26:28.74 you can think oh, I was raised in a church 00:26:28.77\00:26:30.65 I know what to do, but you don't. 00:26:30.68\00:26:32.62 And to say I didn't see it coming, 00:26:32.65\00:26:35.44 you would have seen it coming, 00:26:35.47\00:26:37.09 had you asked God and listen to Him. 00:26:37.12\00:26:39.07 There you go, now you are in any relationships now? 00:26:39.10\00:26:42.47 No, I'm not and I don't plan on it unless, 00:26:42.50\00:26:46.41 you know, until I have gotten close enough to the Lord 00:26:46.44\00:26:49.18 and He feels that I'm ready for a relationship. 00:26:49.21\00:26:52.28 If He sends a husband 00:26:52.31\00:26:53.60 and another father for my children 00:26:53.63\00:26:55.89 then I thank Him for it, 00:26:55.92\00:26:56.96 but if He is the only father that my children have, 00:26:56.99\00:26:59.63 I can accept that and be thankful for that as well. 00:26:59.66\00:27:02.31 We appreciate you being so transparent, 00:27:02.34\00:27:04.96 you know, you-- you has so much energy inside of you 00:27:04.99\00:27:08.19 and we did hear how God turn this around for you. 00:27:08.22\00:27:12.35 And God turned it around. 00:27:12.38\00:27:14.58 Well, listen, we hope that you have gained something 00:27:14.61\00:27:17.64 because I truly have to keep my eyes 00:27:17.67\00:27:20.10 and stay focus on the Lord. 00:27:20.13\00:27:22.00 What about you, Arthur? His eyes are on the sparrow. 00:27:22.03\00:27:25.95 And I know He watches over me. 00:27:25.98\00:27:29.85 I'm telling you, 00:27:29.88\00:27:31.12 if you're gonna take care of the sparrow, 00:27:31.15\00:27:33.35 He can take -- He can take care of you. 00:27:33.38\00:27:34.44 I'm about to preach. Okay. 00:27:34.47\00:27:35.68 I'm about to preach. 00:27:35.71\00:27:36.74 He can take care-- all right, but I'm not going to preach. 00:27:36.77\00:27:38.52 But listen, I'm to out-- I mean-- 00:27:38.55\00:27:41.03 Praise the Lord. All right. 00:27:41.06\00:27:42.09 I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin. I'm Arthur Nowlin. 00:27:42.12\00:27:44.47 And thank you, for watching another program. 00:27:44.50\00:27:48.55 Of "Making It Work." God bless you. 00:27:48.58\00:27:50.15 God bless you. 00:27:50.18\00:27:51.47