Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin.
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And I'm Arthur Nowlin.
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Welcome to "Making It Work."
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Arthur, why to continue talking
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about the making
of a catastrophe?
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Can you do a
recap for those who have
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just joined us for part two?
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Well, basically what we
talked about in part one was
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the devastation that
African-American males
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and men in general are
going through at this point.
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The prison system being a place
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where the men are just
overwhelmed with the issues
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of being locked
up and dealing with
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that type of environment.
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The men that's being
that's missing from the home
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and how do we develop
some type of a transition
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to help restore those
men back into the home
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or teach our
young men how to be men.
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So we would talk about
those different aspects.
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Well, we want to continue
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and we want to welcome
back Mr. Steven Barber.
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God bless you.
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Thank you. Thank
you for having me.
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Well, let's go right into it.
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Yes, ma'am.
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You know, and you have
talked about being raised
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as a young child
without your father in home.
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Yes. Yes.
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And seeing it in the church
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where you are attending
here in Detroit, Michigan.
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So let's talk about
some of the concerns
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that you have
about the catastrophe
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that the United
States and around the globe
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they are facing today.
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Fathers and that
being in the home
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whether they're
African-American,
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European-American
where are the men?
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Well, I want to say
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this is not a new
phenomenon that is going on.
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Nowadays we're told in the Bible
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that Christ says take care of
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the fatherless and the widow.
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So fatherlessness it's not
a new thing for the church,
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it's not a new thing
for society or cultures.
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If God decided that he wanted
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to take care of that or
addresses it as such a need
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then it had to
have been a problem
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and that He solved the
problem that fatherlessness
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would have on
not only the children
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but also on the spouse,
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on the family for
generations to come.
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Because when you lose the father
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you're losing a
entire training aspect
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of the next generation.
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You are taking to stopgap out
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and its something
that its such a disconnect
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that Satan try that immediately.
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I like that when you
talk about that stopgap.
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You know, it's my
first time hearing that.
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You know, is that a
term that you came away
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with someone you
learned it or heard the stopgap.
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You know, can you
go into more detail?
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Okay, what I mean
by the stopgap is that
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there is something that,
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you know, something that floats.
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You know, knowledge should flow,
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wisdom should flow, water flows,
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you know, down, down the road
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and things but when you create
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the stop in the gap
everything backs up.
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Everything.
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Everything downstream dies,
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everything
upstream gets convoluted,
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congested and it
forms unnatural bog
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or unnatural swell
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of the things
that we're coming for.
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It's kind of like
when a beaver makes a dam,
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you know, he goes and
he plugs up the stream
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and then people
that have relied on that
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water coming
downstream, well what happened?
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What happened to the water?
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And but he's up there
living in a lap of luxury.
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That you know, and that
not only happens with father
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but it happens in business,
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it happens in the school
system it happens in government.
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You know, we want
certain things to happen
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for everybody
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but certain people want
certain things to happen
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only for them and things
and people that they know.
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So the stopgap
is actually a fault
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or is actually a
devastating effect
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and not let--
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not people but not
let progress, thank you.
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Progress proceeds
further down so that
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other generations
will become better build
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on top of things.
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One of the things
that I was thinking about
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while you're
talking is basically
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and my references
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to
African-American male right now.
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I read a autobiography
of Frederick Douglass
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and what he indicated was
that it was really necessary
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after slavery in
that African-American men
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be protected
because whereas they were
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going out to work in the fields
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in different
environments what the resentment
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had built up against them,
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you know, to the point
where they would be murdered.
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Yes.
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And Frederick
Douglass put out a call
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to indicate that
that the women should work
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and take care of
the African-American men
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until this trend changed,
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until this change will occur
and society would accept them.
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You are right. You are right.
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And to think about it
this is pre-post slavery
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and if you--
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pardon my expression.
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But it was pre--
the pre-time before
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when anti-slavery or
when slavery was abolished
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all that was still new.
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So people were still looking
to hinder that generation,
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because you know
they broke up the homes,
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they took this
man from this family
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and stuck him over
here with this family.
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This man is built very well
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so I'll send him
over there to this farm
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and they'll give him a new wife
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but he has kids and
children and a wife over here.
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But we're still worse
in these kids over here
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because they're
probably build up
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and be just as strong
and big as their father
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and so will sire them.
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You know, we
will have over there
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and we will have him
be a bull as he grows up
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and anything about they
knows anything about farming
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or farming of
animals when you have a bull
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you using them for breeding.
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And that's what they
want, that's what they do,
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you know that's what they did.
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And that affect was
still so raw in that post,
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pre anti-slavery
era that it was--
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people were
still looking out okay,
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well,
government says you're free
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but I'm still gonna do to
you what I want to do to you.
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So men are getting murder.
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Men are getting
grab and taken down south
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to be put into slavery.
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There are still being killed
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or being taken
somewhere to be bred.
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So of course in
order to protect the man,
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the male aspect
women were encouraged to go
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and be a gap or
I will say overlay,
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you know, for the
man to be protecting.
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And what they did
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that caused a not a problem
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but it caused a
protection for the male
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but also caused
empowering of the female.
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Yes, it was
innovative thinking as well
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because one of the
things that we have to remember
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is that this was not something
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that this the
men were custom to.
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Because they were
really-- they were built,
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I mean they were bred
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and they came to the country
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to work into the cotton
fields so they were workers.
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Yes.
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You know and after slavery
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this was
something that they felt
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that they can continue to do.
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They thought that they
could own their own farms
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and their own land and
with some of them dead but--
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But there were problem. Yes.
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But there were problems.
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And it was that
transition that's going on.
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But now were are
moving up to today.
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Okay.
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You know, well,
we're talking about today,
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I'm thinking more so
about the new plantation
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and new
plantation to me as what?
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New plantation today
is a number of things
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but I'm thinking the workforce.
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And the prison system.
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And the prison system, yes.
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We know because
there's a lot of people
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that's in prison right now
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that are working jobs
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that are very
beneficial to corporations
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and they don't
get paid by change.
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Exactly. Exactly.
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You know so and the
prison system is enormous.
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I mean, it is a business.
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If you there are
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Fortune 500
companies right now buying
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and buying prison systems,
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they are building
prisons for people to come in
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to send their
people or send people to
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so that they can make money.
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Anytime you have a institution
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that is looking
into an investment
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a Fortune 500 company
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one of the richest
companies in the world
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they are looking for investment,
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they only look at one
thing and that's a return on.
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Absolutely.
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They don't care about
the people working for them,
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they want to make sure
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that this is gonna
make money for them
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and they see that prison system
is making money for states,
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it is making money
for counties and cities
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and they want a
piece of that action too.
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So what they're gonna do
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they're privatizing prisons
and they're privatizing jails
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and people can come in--
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if you had a Fortune 500 company
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you can go in and
you can buy a prison
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and you can on
staff it for the people
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who you want to staff.
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Okay, so if you want
this culture to survive
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you place your system
in the middle of that,
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of that culture
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but have your
prisoner to shift in.
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That way you're employing people
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and you're also incarcerating
and putting people away.
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You know, when I'm read that
and saw that I was just upheld.
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I could not believe
that this was being done,
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you now, slavery all over again
and how it's being implemented.
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And these men even
when they need prison
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until they meet with
minimum of what $400, $500
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and they serve 10
or 15 years if that--
00:10:01.06\00:10:03.71
There are some
jobs in a prison system
00:10:03.74\00:10:06.53
will allow them to
have a little bit more
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depending on how
many years they have.
00:10:08.30\00:10:10.49
Because they're different wages
00:10:10.52\00:10:12.32
and different jobs in the system
00:10:12.35\00:10:14.79
but what's even more
devastating is the fact
00:10:14.82\00:10:18.33
we still have this same premise
00:10:18.36\00:10:20.40
where men are being
taken out of the home,
00:10:20.43\00:10:24.19
you know, and being placed
into a different environment,
00:10:24.22\00:10:27.82
taken away from their families.
00:10:27.85\00:10:29.91
Well, we talk
about rehabilitation
00:10:29.94\00:10:32.03
and you know rehabilitation
should be something
00:10:32.06\00:10:34.81
that really is improved
upon to offer an opportunity
00:10:34.84\00:10:39.69
for somebody who
may have made a mistake
00:10:39.72\00:10:42.29
to be rehabilitating
00:10:42.32\00:10:44.96
and to move
forward in their lives
00:10:44.99\00:10:46.86
to developed by
some type of a skill
00:10:46.89\00:10:49.90
or possibly
even get a education.
00:10:49.93\00:10:52.55
But before you can rehabilitate
you have to hub that will take.
00:10:52.58\00:10:56.03
Like when you say
you got to retrain,
00:10:56.06\00:10:57.75
you got to change
the way they think,
00:10:57.78\00:10:59.54
the structure,
their whole mindset,
00:10:59.57\00:11:02.43
then you can begin the
rehabilitation process.
00:11:02.46\00:11:05.54
You know, it's like
before you can construct
00:11:05.57\00:11:08.32
we do deconstruction first
00:11:08.35\00:11:10.59
and then we
reconstruct the whole process
00:11:10.62\00:11:13.41
and we do that in communication.
00:11:13.44\00:11:15.72
So you know let's talk about
00:11:15.75\00:11:17.30
the
rehabilitation of the mindset.
00:11:17.33\00:11:19.24
Yeah, it's funny
that you mentioned that
00:11:19.27\00:11:21.26
because just thinking
about the prison system
00:11:21.29\00:11:23.77
you're taken out of society
and you're put into a system.
00:11:23.80\00:11:27.18
That should be
able to rehabilitate you
00:11:27.21\00:11:30.32
but just listen
to what Dr. Kim say
00:11:30.35\00:11:32.82
and I love her words.
00:11:32.85\00:11:35.30
The habilitation takes place
and basically what you're doing
00:11:35.33\00:11:37.94
is getting indoctrinated
to the prison system
00:11:37.97\00:11:40.56
because it's so
different from the outside
00:11:40.59\00:11:41.96
it taken away
00:11:41.99\00:11:43.05
a majority of
privileges that you have,
00:11:43.08\00:11:45.44
you know, when it comes to
certain times of education.
00:11:45.47\00:11:48.20
You know, this means that people
00:11:48.23\00:11:49.26
coming to be
doctors and lawyers,
00:11:49.29\00:11:51.41
access to
libraries and computers,
00:11:51.44\00:11:54.51
school system,
all kind of things.
00:11:54.54\00:11:56.18
People will come out
ready to take on the world,
00:11:56.21\00:11:59.00
getting encourage,
00:11:59.03\00:12:00.06
getting
strengthen in their system.
00:12:00.09\00:12:02.40
Martin Luther King, you
know, when he was in jail
00:12:02.43\00:12:04.52
wrote some of
most powerful sermon,
00:12:04.55\00:12:06.16
you know, that in letters
00:12:06.19\00:12:07.92
that you know can come to mind.
00:12:07.95\00:12:09.47
Nelson Mandela
kept his mind sharp
00:12:09.50\00:12:11.82
in the prison system
by writing and contact,
00:12:11.85\00:12:14.69
and keeping in
contact with the men and women
00:12:14.72\00:12:17.19
his people outside
of the prison system.
00:12:17.22\00:12:19.71
But now you have--
we have gang relations
00:12:19.74\00:12:23.94
and we have a system
that is bringing you down,
00:12:23.97\00:12:27.72
whereas before you can go
in and rehabilitate yourself.
00:12:27.75\00:12:31.51
Now you are becoming habilitate,
00:12:31.54\00:12:32.82
so when you come out
you're already used to a system
00:12:32.85\00:12:37.88
and you tend to stay in that
systematic frame of thinking
00:12:37.91\00:12:42.40
and you don't feel comfortable
until you go back in.
00:12:42.43\00:12:45.44
Which also causes us
to look at another issue
00:12:45.47\00:12:51.47
that is very vast and
that does back on black crime.
00:12:51.50\00:12:56.71
Yes it is.
00:12:56.74\00:12:57.77
You know, so we're talking about
00:12:57.80\00:12:59.53
dealing with issues
00:12:59.56\00:13:01.34
where our men are
killing each other you know.
00:13:01.37\00:13:05.25
So we know all these
tragedies are happening,
00:13:05.28\00:13:09.17
how do we resolve this?
00:13:09.20\00:13:10.58
How do we come up
with some viable solutions
00:13:10.61\00:13:13.73
to help our men and
get back into their homes
00:13:13.76\00:13:18.15
and develop the type of children
00:13:18.18\00:13:20.89
that's gonna be
beneficial to society?
00:13:20.92\00:13:23.90
What do we need to do?
00:13:23.93\00:13:25.03
The first thing we need
to do is talk to our men.
00:13:25.06\00:13:28.72
It sound so simple
and, you know, oh well,
00:13:28.75\00:13:30.64
we know we are
the profound thinkers,
00:13:30.67\00:13:32.03
we are the people that that say
00:13:32.06\00:13:33.76
we need to come
up with a program
00:13:33.79\00:13:36.44
and have a afternoon program
00:13:36.47\00:13:38.68
or have a rally or
some different things.
00:13:38.71\00:13:42.71
You can reach so
many different people
00:13:42.74\00:13:44.89
about speaking to
them on a one-on-one basis
00:13:44.92\00:13:47.09
and most men our
one-on-one conversations.
00:13:47.12\00:13:50.53
You can approach
somebody one-on-one
00:13:50.56\00:13:53.85
and just address them
and it starts at a young age.
00:13:53.88\00:13:56.63
You know so if you're in church
00:13:56.66\00:13:58.40
and you see a young
man standing of by self
00:13:58.43\00:14:00.72
just approach that
young man and speak to him.
00:14:00.75\00:14:02.64
You don't have to go and ask
him how his grades are going.
00:14:02.67\00:14:05.10
As you looking at
girls or, you know hey,
00:14:05.13\00:14:07.34
you should be wearing it's--
00:14:07.37\00:14:08.45
I don't go there.
00:14:08.48\00:14:09.80
Speak to them
00:14:09.83\00:14:10.86
and just get to know
them on a friendly basis.
00:14:10.89\00:14:12.59
Hi, how you doing today?
I like what you're wearing.
00:14:12.62\00:14:15.55
I see you held up door
open for Sister Johnson
00:14:15.58\00:14:18.02
as she came and you
know I encourage you in that.
00:14:18.05\00:14:20.60
That is something
that man in training,
00:14:20.63\00:14:22.89
you know, wants to do
and I hope you look forward
00:14:22.92\00:14:25.62
to be coming in reaching
them, that state of manhood.
00:14:25.65\00:14:28.40
Start letting him
and give him expectations
00:14:28.43\00:14:30.88
that he's looking you know,
he want to look forward to.
00:14:30.91\00:14:33.74
You see him running to do
these things after a while.
00:14:33.77\00:14:36.19
He will be
running to be a deacon
00:14:36.22\00:14:37.48
and collect the offering.
00:14:37.51\00:14:38.84
He will be running to
hold the door of Sister Johnson
00:14:38.87\00:14:41.20
but not only to
Johnson but Sister Betty,
00:14:41.23\00:14:42.96
Sister Kyle, Sister Sue.
00:14:42.99\00:14:44.86
Right. Right, right.
00:14:44.89\00:14:45.92
The whole family,
the whole nine yards
00:14:45.95\00:14:47.59
and because they're hungry
00:14:47.62\00:14:48.84
and they want to do these things
00:14:48.87\00:14:50.08
and it doesn't
stop, it doesn't stop.
00:14:50.11\00:14:52.24
So it doesn't
matter how old they are
00:14:52.27\00:14:53.61
or how young they are
but it's best to start
00:14:53.64\00:14:56.70
with the
foundation is being laid.
00:14:56.73\00:14:58.92
That way they
don't have to go back
00:14:58.95\00:15:00.45
and double check or crossover,
00:15:00.48\00:15:03.28
you know, some of the
things that have been done.
00:15:03.31\00:15:05.07
And that's just for this group.
00:15:05.10\00:15:06.66
Now to reach the older men,
00:15:06.69\00:15:09.49
you speak to one
another but you engage them.
00:15:09.52\00:15:12.10
You challenge them about some.
00:15:12.13\00:15:13.16
I'm not talking about
what happened on the lines,
00:15:13.19\00:15:16.03
not now have what
happened on football game
00:15:16.06\00:15:18.18
or how the prisoners demand,
00:15:18.21\00:15:19.62
you know, that
scratching the surface.
00:15:19.65\00:15:21.62
Give them something
to go back and research
00:15:21.65\00:15:25.62
because men love to work.
00:15:25.65\00:15:26.99
I research everything.
00:15:27.02\00:15:28.43
You know, if I'm gonna go
buy a iPad or phone or something
00:15:28.46\00:15:32.12
I'll get on my computer,
my wife what's you're doing?
00:15:32.15\00:15:33.84
Oh, man, you're over here
researching and doing the same.
00:15:33.87\00:15:36.39
What you are gonna buy?
00:15:36.42\00:15:37.81
I'm buying a digital camera
00:15:37.84\00:15:39.36
so our research about 10 cameras
00:15:39.39\00:15:40.90
and well them down
until I finally decide
00:15:40.93\00:15:42.86
this is the camera I want.
00:15:42.89\00:15:44.00
But when I get the camera
00:15:44.03\00:15:45.06
I want I get the effects I want.
00:15:45.09\00:15:46.80
I get the, I get
what I'm looking for.
00:15:46.83\00:15:49.70
And everybody's like well,
I like the pictures you take.
00:15:49.73\00:15:51.68
That's because
I did my research.
00:15:51.71\00:15:53.49
I did my research
for the school I want.
00:15:53.52\00:15:55.25
I did my research
for the job I want.
00:15:55.28\00:15:57.23
I do my research
for the clothes I want.
00:15:57.26\00:15:59.28
Now I go to the Macy's and get,
00:15:59.31\00:16:00.71
you know, hit
the clearance rack.
00:16:00.74\00:16:02.65
You know but I
know which name brands
00:16:02.68\00:16:06.69
have the better material.
00:16:06.72\00:16:07.78
Oh, yeah.
00:16:07.81\00:16:08.84
Which ties hang lower, you know,
00:16:08.87\00:16:10.38
on me show up better
against my suits and shirts.
00:16:10.41\00:16:15.52
So I know where I want to
go and what I'm looking for
00:16:15.55\00:16:18.53
and there's
nothing wrong with that.
00:16:18.56\00:16:19.90
I mean, that's what men do.
00:16:19.93\00:16:21.36
They challenge themselves
00:16:21.39\00:16:22.91
and we need to
challenge each other
00:16:22.94\00:16:24.14
in society now, you
know, more and more today.
00:16:24.17\00:16:27.56
We talked about
mentoringship on part one.
00:16:27.59\00:16:31.18
You know. Yes.
00:16:31.21\00:16:32.27
And I think that it
has to be mentioned again
00:16:32.30\00:16:36.00
because to me that's vital
00:16:36.03\00:16:38.65
in trying to
resolve some of the issues
00:16:38.68\00:16:40.48
that men are facing.
00:16:40.51\00:16:42.02
They need
someone to take interests
00:16:42.05\00:16:44.71
as what you indicated,
00:16:44.74\00:16:46.39
but they need someone
that they can be able to call
00:16:46.42\00:16:50.63
and talk about their issues,
talk about their problems.
00:16:50.66\00:16:54.09
Lot of men are secretive,
00:16:54.12\00:16:57.47
we don't want to reveal
anything about ourselves
00:16:57.50\00:17:00.95
and it's really difficult.
00:17:00.98\00:17:02.67
So they have to get to a point
where we have to encourage them
00:17:02.70\00:17:06.54
to take a risk to
share their feelings,
00:17:06.57\00:17:09.14
you know.
00:17:09.17\00:17:10.75
And but that comes along
00:17:10.78\00:17:12.27
the lines of the relationship
that you are building.
00:17:12.30\00:17:14.66
It's not gonna happen,
you know, right of the rib,
00:17:14.69\00:17:16.85
you know,
00:17:16.88\00:17:17.91
right of the beginning
when you're say hey, man,
00:17:17.94\00:17:19.89
tell me how you feel?
00:17:19.92\00:17:21.83
Who are you?
00:17:21.86\00:17:22.96
You know, I won't tell you how
00:17:22.99\00:17:25.16
But men are
guarded. They are guarded.
00:17:25.19\00:17:26.75
They are very guarded.
00:17:26.78\00:17:27.86
And is nothing psychologically
00:17:27.89\00:17:29.89
we just we're
protective of ourselves,
00:17:29.92\00:17:32.26
of our feelings, of our family.
00:17:32.29\00:17:33.51
Anything that's close to
us we're very protective of.
00:17:33.54\00:17:35.99
And who can be
closer to us than ourselves?
00:17:36.02\00:17:38.84
Then we know especially
if we don't know well,
00:17:38.87\00:17:40.64
God who wants to be there
for us and can be there for us.
00:17:40.67\00:17:44.67
So the best thing
we know is ourselves.
00:17:44.70\00:17:46.90
How we guard ourselves?
00:17:46.93\00:17:48.42
Ever see somebody so
don't mess with my daughter,
00:17:48.45\00:17:50.39
did you hear that?
00:17:50.42\00:17:51.45
You know, don't
mess with my wife.
00:17:51.48\00:17:52.67
You know, don't
mess with my kids.
00:17:52.70\00:17:53.81
Don't mess with my money.
00:17:53.84\00:17:54.91
Right. Right. Or my food.
00:17:54.94\00:17:56.42
My food. That's all right.
00:17:56.45\00:17:58.81
That's why you are more eating.
00:17:58.84\00:18:00.95
You know, not the wife,
00:18:00.98\00:18:03.12
but I'm just-- I mean he did.
00:18:03.15\00:18:06.09
I'm tell other
people not for me.
00:18:06.12\00:18:07.64
Not for me? Not for me.
00:18:07.67\00:18:09.50
He has a whole another show.
00:18:09.53\00:18:11.51
Oh, in another program.
He is delivering message.
00:18:11.54\00:18:13.26
Don't mess with my
food, that's right.
00:18:13.29\00:18:14.94
That's right.
00:18:14.97\00:18:17.23
You trying yourself
being very involved with
00:18:17.26\00:18:21.36
and you have a
daughter and you have a son.
00:18:21.39\00:18:22.94
Yes.
00:18:22.97\00:18:24.00
You know on the
corporal punishment
00:18:24.03\00:18:26.68
where is your stand
on corporal punishment?
00:18:26.71\00:18:28.59
How do you discipline you son?
00:18:28.62\00:18:31.37
I believe in discipline
which is derived from disciple.
00:18:31.40\00:18:37.07
I spank my kids but
there's a difference
00:18:37.10\00:18:40.22
between spanking and beating.
00:18:40.25\00:18:41.71
I don't believe I've
ever gotten past two swats
00:18:41.74\00:18:45.02
with either my children.
00:18:45.05\00:18:46.63
And but they know
that daddy means business,
00:18:46.66\00:18:48.91
you know, when you finishes
and I spank through close
00:18:48.94\00:18:52.16
so its not like stripped-down
let me get to the skin
00:18:52.19\00:18:54.71
or when you just
come out the shower
00:18:54.74\00:18:55.90
and your skin is tender.
00:18:55.93\00:18:57.19
Now you have let them know
00:18:57.22\00:18:59.02
that daddy means
business and you--
00:18:59.05\00:19:01.04
when I spank it's
after I've told you 50 times
00:19:01.07\00:19:06.43
and after I have
taken you and shown you,
00:19:06.46\00:19:08.44
you know this is what I mean.
00:19:08.47\00:19:09.92
This is what I wanted to
00:19:09.95\00:19:11.01
because now it's
becoming that your,
00:19:11.04\00:19:13.04
you know, in your mindset
00:19:13.07\00:19:14.10
daddy knows I
want this to be done
00:19:14.13\00:19:17.52
and I'm not gonna do it
or I forgotten or something.
00:19:17.55\00:19:22.35
So I'm bringing your
attention to the fact
00:19:22.38\00:19:24.63
that this is serious.
00:19:24.66\00:19:27.02
This is serious business.
00:19:27.05\00:19:28.26
This can be a life or
death decision for you.
00:19:28.29\00:19:31.59
This can be a
life-changing decision for you.
00:19:31.62\00:19:34.65
This can be a job
making decision for you.
00:19:34.68\00:19:37.13
If you learn how to keep a home,
00:19:37.16\00:19:39.19
if you learn how
to put your toys away.
00:19:39.22\00:19:41.41
I mean, I can't tell you,
00:19:41.44\00:19:42.82
I mean, somehow
come down stepped on cars
00:19:42.85\00:19:44.61
and dolls and you know,
00:19:44.64\00:19:46.51
naked Barbie's
when I was trying to--
00:19:46.54\00:19:49.08
you know I can't tell you
how times that's happened.
00:19:49.11\00:19:51.68
I'm like put your toys away.
00:19:51.71\00:19:53.07
When you finish your dishes
00:19:53.10\00:19:54.82
go scrape the
refuse in the trash
00:19:54.85\00:19:57.34
if there's any refuse
and put it in the sink.
00:19:57.37\00:20:00.58
And my daughter is
she's Johnny on the spot.
00:20:00.61\00:20:02.71
Is just like me in the
mind and she is like mommy,
00:20:02.74\00:20:06.31
you did put your
plate in the sink.
00:20:06.34\00:20:08.08
She is like okay
well, I'll put it in.
00:20:08.11\00:20:09.87
No daddy want's you to
put that plate in the sink.
00:20:09.90\00:20:12.36
And my son wants to go
to church with a tie on
00:20:12.39\00:20:15.20
because daddy goes
to church with tie on.
00:20:15.23\00:20:17.41
And it's the nonverbal
that we see and that we do.
00:20:17.44\00:20:20.50
Seeing by example.
00:20:20.53\00:20:22.02
Exactly. Seeing by example.
00:20:22.05\00:20:23.34
Now some will say
corporal punishment is like
00:20:23.37\00:20:26.66
we tell our daughter
is, is the time we don't--
00:20:26.69\00:20:30.01
she's doing really well now.
00:20:30.04\00:20:31.08
She's older,
00:20:31.11\00:20:32.14
she's 12 by there was a
time attitude adjustment thing.
00:20:32.17\00:20:36.25
You know, I never
remember a pastor say that,
00:20:36.28\00:20:38.30
he give his
children attitude adjustment.
00:20:38.33\00:20:40.92
You know, he helps them
to rise to a higher level.
00:20:40.95\00:20:43.68
You know, with the switch
00:20:43.71\00:20:45.59
or I used to get the
switch back in the day
00:20:45.62\00:20:48.24
or you know but that
term remember back in my day--
00:20:48.27\00:20:51.19
you are younger than I am Steve,
00:20:51.22\00:20:52.47
but you know, Kim Janice,
00:20:52.50\00:20:55.29
and you just, you
just freeze, Kim Janice.
00:20:55.32\00:20:57.76
Don't let my mom or my
dad to say it twice, you know.
00:20:57.79\00:21:01.28
They used to
beat you or assault.
00:21:01.31\00:21:02.99
Yes, Arthur, its
before your time.
00:21:03.02\00:21:05.40
Man, I cannot imagine--
00:21:05.43\00:21:06.83
I got the
switch, I got the belt,
00:21:06.86\00:21:09.21
I even got the
extension cord, you know what--
00:21:09.24\00:21:12.70
My mommy, my choice is big
bush outside of the Obans church
00:21:12.73\00:21:19.00
and they have the best switches.
00:21:19.03\00:21:21.06
Oh, my goodness time you
get them going into the church.
00:21:21.09\00:21:24.76
I think they missed a few--
00:21:24.79\00:21:25.85
No, no, no.
00:21:25.88\00:21:27.09
You know, that's how--
00:21:27.12\00:21:29.04
But again I was heart
hated and my mom was--
00:21:29.07\00:21:32.19
That's why I said
they missed a few spanks.
00:21:32.22\00:21:33.68
But my mom said listen,
don't let me call you twice.
00:21:33.71\00:21:37.14
You know, we would hear the
term you'll be six feet under.
00:21:37.17\00:21:39.61
Okay.
00:21:39.64\00:21:40.67
Or get out of
grown folks business.
00:21:40.70\00:21:42.59
You know,
because children today,
00:21:42.62\00:21:44.54
you know, you know we
have children having children.
00:21:44.57\00:21:47.43
We have our young girls
becoming grandmother at 25, 35.
00:21:47.46\00:21:51.86
Oh, in their 38.
Thirty eight, grandmother.
00:21:51.89\00:21:54.09
Thirty five well,
its no time and you know
00:21:54.12\00:21:55.61
because it's chance, you know.
00:21:55.64\00:21:57.24
You know and they will--
well baby raising babies.
00:21:57.27\00:22:00.32
I had a manager at a
job that was 30-years-old
00:22:00.35\00:22:02.66
had a 15-year-old
daughter who just had a baby.
00:22:02.69\00:22:04.86
And is when I
was in high school.
00:22:04.89\00:22:06.11
Okay.
00:22:06.14\00:22:07.18
I was sitting there
look at that I was like,
00:22:07.21\00:22:08.99
so I'll think about it
now I was 15 I'm 42 now
00:22:09.02\00:22:13.52
so when I turned 30 I said
00:22:13.55\00:22:16.07
I'm wondering if the
generational iniquity
00:22:16.10\00:22:19.32
has passed on and
now is she at home
00:22:19.35\00:22:23.30
or 45-year-old
great-grandmother.
00:22:23.33\00:22:25.46
Well, it will pass on
unless she has made a decision
00:22:25.49\00:22:30.34
to take the risk
00:22:30.37\00:22:31.95
and hear a different
way of living her life.
00:22:31.98\00:22:35.37
You know, because
just like for many of us
00:22:35.40\00:22:38.99
who been in a
family with other siblings
00:22:39.02\00:22:42.88
and I had been in a
family where our parents
00:22:42.91\00:22:45.14
may have done certain
things we have to recognize
00:22:45.17\00:22:48.69
that does things
that may have been
00:22:48.72\00:22:51.32
detrimental to the
family are things that
00:22:51.35\00:22:54.26
we don't want to carry
into our home families.
00:22:54.29\00:22:57.86
So we have to
really, really be mentored
00:22:57.89\00:23:00.89
and understand what's important
and what's not important.
00:23:00.92\00:23:04.81
You know, another thing is that,
00:23:04.84\00:23:08.42
you know, in
solutions, you know,
00:23:08.45\00:23:11.65
how do we get to the point
00:23:11.68\00:23:13.49
where I'm trying to
change their behavior
00:23:13.52\00:23:17.26
or the thinking
pattern of someone
00:23:17.29\00:23:19.69
that's been on in the streets,
00:23:19.72\00:23:21.72
you know, been on their own
00:23:21.75\00:23:23.63
because of
whatever tragedy thing had
00:23:23.66\00:23:26.47
in their
families they don't feel
00:23:26.50\00:23:28.70
connected to their families.
00:23:28.73\00:23:30.71
What should we do I
mean, in order to win them over
00:23:30.74\00:23:34.67
or get them to
think it different way?
00:23:34.70\00:23:37.14
Well, we will
follow Christ method.
00:23:37.17\00:23:39.06
Christ would go in and find
out what is meaningful to you.
00:23:39.09\00:23:42.97
What you're hungry for?
What you're thirsty for?
00:23:43.00\00:23:45.16
Somebody that hasn't
been raised in a church
00:23:45.19\00:23:47.09
or is
disconnected with the family
00:23:47.12\00:23:48.81
my see a family that is
close and that is connected.
00:23:48.84\00:23:51.59
So what Christ would do,
00:23:51.62\00:23:52.70
He would go and
ask that person hey,
00:23:52.73\00:23:54.93
what's up with
that family over there?
00:23:54.96\00:23:56.76
You know, how are they able
to talk and speak so fluently
00:23:56.79\00:23:59.73
not bringing
attention to your own family,
00:23:59.76\00:24:01.93
or to your own situation.
00:24:01.96\00:24:03.57
But bring attention
to where you want to be.
00:24:03.60\00:24:06.68
You know, he wants
you to lay in the well.
00:24:06.71\00:24:08.45
Hey, I can vive you
water that you know,
00:24:08.48\00:24:10.08
will never thirst again.
00:24:10.11\00:24:11.50
He's addressing her situation.
00:24:11.53\00:24:13.50
He's not, He's not
even addressing the fact
00:24:13.53\00:24:15.51
that she may be thirsty.
00:24:15.54\00:24:17.12
But, hey, I can give you
00:24:17.15\00:24:18.18
something that you
don't think I have.
00:24:18.21\00:24:20.44
And she is like
where can I get this water?
00:24:20.47\00:24:22.60
Where can I get this?
00:24:22.63\00:24:23.85
So with dialogue
that's when it comes onboard.
00:24:23.88\00:24:26.42
He encouraged the
disciples when He,
00:24:26.45\00:24:28.49
when He approached them.
00:24:28.52\00:24:29.89
Someone says I
can't follow you know now,
00:24:29.92\00:24:31.67
I have, I have
a money situation,
00:24:31.70\00:24:34.49
I have to pay taxes.
00:24:34.52\00:24:35.73
He's says go over
there and catch a fish.
00:24:35.76\00:24:37.69
And when they catch the
fish, look in his mouth,
00:24:37.72\00:24:39.23
look this now
quarter pay your taxes.
00:24:39.26\00:24:41.04
Come on follow Me.
00:24:41.07\00:24:42.26
That's what I'm saying He
will address your situation
00:24:42.29\00:24:44.72
just right off the bat,
00:24:44.75\00:24:46.42
right of the rib but
He wants you to come in
00:24:46.45\00:24:48.59
and follow Him
and take you in a row
00:24:48.62\00:24:51.11
that you will never see coming.
00:24:51.14\00:24:52.74
Who know to go look in a
fish's mouth for some gold?
00:24:52.77\00:24:55.46
Gold. Gold.
00:24:55.49\00:24:57.11
You know, who
knew to go looking for
00:24:57.14\00:24:59.12
at a whale for
finding living water.
00:24:59.15\00:25:01.83
Who knew to go do that?
00:25:01.86\00:25:02.89
You better preach see, you see.
00:25:02.92\00:25:05.77
And that's so relevant
because we're in a time now
00:25:05.80\00:25:11.44
where we need to find the fish,
00:25:11.47\00:25:14.37
we need to go to the
whale and get the living water.
00:25:14.40\00:25:17.68
Thus we need our men,
00:25:17.71\00:25:19.35
we need to do
whatever is necessary
00:25:19.38\00:25:21.89
to bring them
back to their family,
00:25:21.92\00:25:23.80
to help them recognize
that is important for them.
00:25:23.83\00:25:28.33
Steve, what's
happening now with media
00:25:28.36\00:25:31.48
and with all the distractions
that are out there they men--
00:25:31.51\00:25:36.07
young men and some men
who I have been dealing with
00:25:36.10\00:25:40.49
at difficult situations
feel that there is no hope.
00:25:40.52\00:25:44.17
Yes, they do. You know so--
00:25:44.20\00:25:45.29
That they are told that.
00:25:45.32\00:25:46.45
Yeah, we need to find
a way to let them know
00:25:46.48\00:25:49.85
just by listening to you,
00:25:49.88\00:25:51.43
you are
motivated to go out there
00:25:51.46\00:25:55.23
and to tell them
there's a different way.
00:25:55.26\00:25:58.24
I've been
through some stuff man,
00:25:58.27\00:25:59.46
I mean every and I
can say that for every man
00:25:59.49\00:26:01.96
that is watching, you know,
00:26:01.99\00:26:03.17
right now we have
been through some stuff
00:26:03.20\00:26:05.39
and I'm quoting everybody.
00:26:05.42\00:26:06.93
We have been through some
stuff or society gets us down.
00:26:06.96\00:26:11.13
You know, we're
told we're no good.
00:26:11.16\00:26:12.84
They labelled us
dogs, they say we're lazy,
00:26:12.87\00:26:15.60
we can't do, we
can't hold a job.
00:26:15.63\00:26:17.42
These are things that
are meant to discourage us.
00:26:17.45\00:26:20.40
What we have to do is,
we have to look to our boss
00:26:20.43\00:26:23.51
and as our boss
is not the people
00:26:23.54\00:26:25.67
pulling and tugging at us,
trying to throw jeers at us.
00:26:25.70\00:26:29.07
Well, our boss is
God and we have to
00:26:29.10\00:26:31.01
and God will look at
us say you're My son.
00:26:31.04\00:26:33.76
You are My son.
00:26:33.79\00:26:35.06
You are prince oh, you know,
00:26:35.09\00:26:36.12
you are my chief steward
over everything I've given you.
00:26:36.15\00:26:38.77
That house, that
family, that home,
00:26:38.80\00:26:41.82
oh your community
your chief steward
00:26:41.85\00:26:43.60
and I want to
hold you accountable
00:26:43.63\00:26:44.75
but I'm going to equip you above
00:26:44.78\00:26:46.75
and beyond
anything you can imagine.
00:26:46.78\00:26:48.83
And He's gonna be
putting you through everything
00:26:48.86\00:26:50.87
that he's putting you
through in your life right now
00:26:50.90\00:26:52.97
I want to courage everybody,
00:26:53.00\00:26:54.25
everything that God
is putting you through
00:26:54.28\00:26:56.09
is destined to be the strength
00:26:56.12\00:26:59.15
and the building
block that you gonna stand
00:26:59.18\00:27:01.64
on to preach His word.
00:27:01.67\00:27:03.14
I guarantee you that
00:27:03.17\00:27:04.63
because life is made
up of choices and things
00:27:04.66\00:27:08.71
and God is the
one that is going to--
00:27:08.74\00:27:12.52
He is setting up
and orchestrating
00:27:12.55\00:27:15.07
your pre-eminence or your--
00:27:15.10\00:27:18.46
not discipleship
but your greatness
00:27:18.49\00:27:22.10
and your
structure over everything
00:27:22.13\00:27:23.81
that He has set
you over and then well,
00:27:23.84\00:27:25.53
He turns you loose.
00:27:25.56\00:27:27.56
When He turns you loose
you're gonna have so much with,
00:27:27.59\00:27:30.87
some so much now that people
gonna come to you and say,
00:27:30.90\00:27:33.07
well, how can I
loose and went back
00:27:33.10\00:27:34.48
to the same
situation ten years ago.
00:27:34.51\00:27:36.21
That's right. That's right.
00:27:36.24\00:27:37.52
Ten years ago and you're
able to mentor to this brother.
00:27:37.55\00:27:39.89
You able to
mentor to this sister.
00:27:39.92\00:27:41.66
You are able to encourage
00:27:41.69\00:27:42.72
that husband to
be a better husband.
00:27:42.75\00:27:44.35
Encourage that son
to be a better son.
00:27:44.38\00:27:46.50
Tell them boys to
pull their pants up.
00:27:46.53\00:27:48.20
You can just do
that off the rib.
00:27:48.23\00:27:49.95
You know, you got to be
out there working on and on--
00:27:49.98\00:27:51.93
All right, I got
to stop you guys.
00:27:51.96\00:27:53.86
You know, our time
is up, our time is up.
00:27:53.89\00:27:56.29
Is that so?
00:27:56.32\00:27:57.80
I want one more hour to talk to.
00:27:57.83\00:27:59.96
I can't believe
it. Something happened.
00:27:59.99\00:28:03.57
Something went missing, Steve.
00:28:03.60\00:28:05.66
Listen, we ask
that God be with you
00:28:05.69\00:28:08.74
and your family
and greatness has come,
00:28:08.77\00:28:11.26
we didn't get
chance to talk about it
00:28:11.29\00:28:12.43
but I know God is--
00:28:12.46\00:28:13.74
He is prepared
you on the foundation
00:28:13.77\00:28:15.81
and where he will
be leading your life.
00:28:15.84\00:28:17.29
God bless and your family.
00:28:17.32\00:28:19.00
Listen, you don't
have to have a catastrophe,
00:28:19.03\00:28:21.78
we can work it out
together with prayer and God.
00:28:21.81\00:28:25.52
I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin.
00:28:25.55\00:28:26.92
I'm Arthur Nowlin.
00:28:26.95\00:28:27.98
Continue to make it work.
00:28:28.01\00:28:29.27
God bless. God bless.
00:28:29.30\00:28:30.74