Participants: Arthur Nowlin (Host), Dr Kim Logan-Nowlin (Host), Darryl Dixon, Heather Willis, Ryan Willis
Series Code: MIW
Program Code: MIW000013
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00:01 Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin.
00:03 And I'm Arthur Nowlin. 00:04 Welcome to "Making it Work." 00:38 Our topic today "Single Parenting." 00:41 Arthur, can you imagine being in a situation 00:45 where you have to raise your child all by yourself? 00:49 It would be pretty difficult, 00:50 especially during difficult times 00:52 that we're facing now. 00:53 Well, definitely the economic situation. 00:55 Absolutely. Academics. 00:57 Making sure your children are in school learning effectively. 01:00 And most of my children have such a busy lifestyle, 01:04 they're just as busy as we are as adults. 01:06 But definitely, but also their self-esteemed. 01:08 Yes, absolutely. 01:10 When the situation comes out where is dad? 01:12 Why I am not involved with my Father Day or Mother's Day? 01:17 So that's why it would take the parents-- 01:19 both parents to really go a little bit above 01:22 and beyond to stay in contact. 01:24 Well, and that not possible then that mother 01:27 or their single parent has to do both roles. 01:29 Yes. 01:30 Well, today we want to welcome Heather and Ryan Willis. 01:34 Welcome to "Making it Work." How're you doing? 01:37 Good. Excellent. 01:38 Oh, Ryan, tell us how old are you? 01:40 Nine. Nine years old. 01:41 What grade? Fifth. 01:43 Fifth grade. Do you enjoy school? 01:46 It's really good I guess, 01:47 it could be a little bit better. 01:48 How is that? 01:49 How could it be a little better? 01:51 Let's see, a little less homework. 01:54 Oh, but, Ryan, you know, 01:57 the older you get the more homework 01:59 you're gonna have. 02:00 You know, grades get harder and harder. 02:02 Don't scare a young man like that. 02:04 Oh, I'm not scaring, am I, Ryan? 02:05 Because you like, you like hard work don't it. 02:08 You know, you like challenges, don't you? 02:10 I guess you could say that. Okay. 02:13 Well, Heather, you know, 02:14 it looks like you've raised a mighty fine young man he has. 02:17 Yes. Absolutely. 02:18 You know, just tell us your story Heather, 02:20 you know, tell our viewers about Heather Willis. 02:24 Okay, well, I grew up in a ministerial family. 02:28 I am the fourth of five children and I-- 02:32 it's a very close knit family, 02:33 very loving and supportive family. 02:36 And they taught us you know, 02:39 you always put God first, you work hard, study hard, 02:43 you know, strive to be successful in God's will. 02:46 And I went through Christian education. 02:50 You know, my entire career, 02:52 went on to Oakwood College, graduated and well-- 02:56 Oakwood is in Huntsville, Alabama? 02:58 Yes. Okay. 02:59 And I got my bachelors there 03:01 and then went on to graduate school. 03:04 During my time in graduate school 03:06 I got married. 03:08 And I was married for a very short time for whatever reason. 03:13 Yes. That ended. 03:14 Okay. And that time-- 03:16 Was it-- someone there was the Seventh-day Adventists? 03:19 Yes, he was-- he was also a Christian. 03:23 He went to church. Okay. 03:25 I say that lightly. All right. 03:28 But you know, we-- we went our separate ways. 03:32 During that time I went through a period 03:35 where I sort of spiraled out of control because, 03:39 I didn't really know how to function after that-- 03:41 I didn't come from a broken family. 03:44 You know, and I felt like I had-- 03:46 I done everything the right way. 03:48 Sure. So I sort of just spiraled out. 03:52 But as a result my spiraling out of control 03:55 I got the best gift that God could have given me 03:58 and that's my Ryan here. 03:59 Excellent. 04:00 Wow, that beautiful. Look at the smile on. 04:03 He got that right. 04:04 So going back in fact that you came 04:06 from both of you were the same faith 04:09 but yet not of the same vision. 04:11 Right. 04:12 And ended going your separate ways. 04:14 So Ryan was born, 04:17 what and how did this impact your family? 04:20 It was difficult. It was tough. 04:23 My parents were very supportive, 04:26 they made it clear that they did not condone 04:29 some of my choices but they never let me down. 04:32 I lean very heavily on my family 04:35 and I mean till this day 04:38 they've been a great support for me. 04:40 Even my siblings. 04:41 And your siblings also. Yes. 04:43 Now during the time what about your peers, 04:45 your friends and your social network? 04:47 How did that impact-- 04:49 impact their regulation with them? 04:51 My parents always taught us 04:53 that your families are your friends. 04:55 I have select few friends 04:58 that I have known since early on. 05:02 And we are still very close today, 05:04 they are supportive of me, you know, there were times 05:09 when we did sort of drift apart because we have our own lives 05:13 and I was very busy, they're busy. 05:17 And they were married. Yes. 05:19 They were married still and I-- I had to live, 05:23 I had to go on with my life and there were a lot of things 05:25 that they were doing that I could not do 05:27 or I didn't feel I needed to be around you know, 05:32 at certain times because my life 05:35 was in a very different place then there's was. 05:38 So when you had Ryan, you weren't-- 05:39 after Ryan you just weren't dating at that time, 05:42 you focused on the issue with you, 05:44 God and your son. 05:45 Yes. And your family at large. 05:48 So what is your chosen profession? 05:50 I'm a professional counselor. So you're professional-- 05:52 Are you LPC, license professional counselor? 05:55 I'm-- LLPC. 05:56 Limited License Professional Counselor. 05:58 So here you are being a counselor, 06:00 counseling other parents, counseling, helping children. 06:03 Teens. Teens. 06:04 Worked at teen shelter for many years. 06:06 Oh, really? Okay. 06:08 As I know there's been some serious challenges with that. 06:10 Yes. Okay. 06:11 Yes, but I-- I could speak from life experience, you know. 06:15 Ryan, how was it for you, you know, 06:18 not being raised without a father 06:20 having just mommy in the household? 06:22 How was it for you? 06:25 It was okay, I guess. 06:27 But it was pretty hard-- 06:29 well, I didn't even know some other things 06:32 that men do and they don't do. 06:35 Like what for example? 06:38 How they dance I guess. 06:40 Yeah. 06:41 How they dance 06:43 or they what do you mean, how they dance? 06:45 What do you mean? 06:47 Well, kind of personal. 06:50 Oh, it's kind of personal, okay. 06:53 What else, you know, that you think-- 06:55 do you think children need both the mother and father? 06:59 They probably do, 07:00 because it's a really heavy load for parents. 07:05 Excellent. 07:07 And children, they need a mother and a father. 07:12 Now do you get many punishments, 07:16 do you get spankings? 07:17 How does mommy deal with something 07:19 when you misbehave or do you ever misbehave? 07:23 I misbehave every once in a while. 07:25 Once in a while. 07:26 I can believe that, Ryan, every blue moon. 07:29 All right, really, you know. 07:31 How does momma handle that? 07:34 That see is spanking, grounding, no computer. 07:39 No computer. TV. 07:42 Oh, no television, that's hard. 07:44 Is that hard? Very hard. 07:47 What do you like doing-- 07:49 what are some of your favorite activities? 07:51 Let's see, swimming, basketball, 07:54 soccer, reading, eating. 07:58 Of course. 07:59 Is mommy a good cook? Very. 08:02 That's great. That's great. 08:05 Now he just outlined some of the things that he likes-- 08:08 Yes. 08:09 How does that affect your schedule? 08:11 Oh, my. We're busy. 08:13 Yeah, I can imagine. 08:14 We're busy and I invest a lot of time 08:16 into making sure that he gets to do the things 08:20 that would make him more well rounded, 08:23 like I made sure he got to participate in karate 08:26 or he had basketball early on. 08:28 Because I know those are things that I would not naturally do, 08:30 I'm not gonna say, you know, 08:32 hey, let's go to the park and play basketball. 08:34 There were things that I did with him like we would wrestle, 08:37 you know, just like it make sure he was tough, 08:41 even though it's coming on elementary school, 08:42 it's tough and these kids are-- 08:45 Pretty cool and rough, all right. 08:49 Especially when they reach to teenage year 08:51 and you deal with that in that population-- 08:53 Yes. 08:54 There must be something to way out. 08:56 When you say, you counsel teens, 08:58 are you saying that you counsel male and females? 09:01 Okay. 09:02 So-- Yes. 09:03 You know, how does that impact you as a Christian? 09:07 Well, its-- I don't work in a Christian organization, 09:11 so I have learned to use a lot 09:14 of what we know as Bible promises 09:17 and in sort of I guess change them 09:20 to be more public oriented. 09:24 Because in a public organization 09:25 they don't really want to say, oh, God loves you so much. 09:28 You know, but I can't say, 09:29 you know, there's someone who cares for you. 09:31 You know. Promises all right. 09:33 Yeah, you know and-- 09:34 and just making it apply to them in learning 09:37 that they are someone special 09:40 and that God has ordained them for something. 09:42 Specifically for them, you know, 09:45 its-- it's interesting I get pretty creative. 09:47 You know, it's really 'cause we own 09:48 our Christian counseling clinic in Detroit 09:51 and we're able to use terms such as you know, 09:54 God-- that Lord loves you and prayer. 09:57 So I can imagine the times you want that 10:00 to be able to come out but you have to guard yourself 10:03 because you work for a public organization. 10:05 What has it done for you over the years 10:09 as individuals approached you 10:12 and wanted to begin a relationship 10:14 but did you have to put yourself on the back burner 10:17 because it was about Ryan? 10:18 I was very careful about who I brought into my life. 10:22 Because I work with children, 10:24 because I have sort of segued into psychiatric screening, 10:28 I've seen what happens 10:30 when the wrong people get involved with your children. 10:33 And because of that, 10:37 I have limited my interactions with certain people. 10:40 And I've also gotten to the point 10:41 where if I do allow someone into my life I-- 10:44 I place a time limit on it 10:46 'cause I'm a grown women and after-- if you're a grownup 10:49 then you should be able to read people, 10:51 that's what I think. 10:52 You know, what I'm saying? 10:53 So it shouldn't take too long for you to figure out 10:55 or someone to figure out whether or not this person 10:57 is going to be a benefit to you or detriment. 11:01 You know, and if-- if you don't trust them-- 11:04 Yes. Why waste your time? 11:06 Well, that's an such a powerful point 11:10 because I would assume that in the population 11:14 that you work with a lot of the young people 11:17 don't have that ability to really I guess-- 11:22 see in the future with some of the relationships 11:24 that they deal with and that's why they get in trouble. 11:27 So how do you counsel them? What do you say to them? 11:30 Well, I try not to tell them what to do 11:32 because I found that when trying to tell people 11:34 what to do, it might work for you 11:36 but it doesn't work for them. 11:37 So it's important to help them learn 11:40 to build their own skills 11:41 in their own sense of discernment, 11:43 you know, and-- and just teach them 11:45 what are the qualities that you're looking for in a friend. 11:48 What makes a good friend? 11:49 You know, what people like about you, okay, 11:52 when you are interacting with people at school. 11:56 Or if they're involved in church and all. 11:58 You know, who are you drawn to and why? 12:00 So there is a risk involved, a risk involved. 12:03 Various things that, you know, 12:05 we are quite aware of this 12:06 that you are in a relationship now. 12:08 You know, so in that relationship, 12:12 how did it come about? 12:14 I mean, was it a risk involve in dealing with that person 12:17 you gave time frames and-- and how that move forward? 12:22 There's always a risk involved. 12:25 When I met this young man, 12:27 I did not meet him under the pretense 12:30 that we were moving into a relationship, 12:32 we were friends first, he was my guitar instructor 12:36 and the very first day I met him, 12:39 he actually carried Ryan to the car for me 12:41 because it was after church service 12:43 and he was showing me something on my guitar 12:45 but in the meantime Ryan fell asleep. 12:48 And so I said, oh, man can you-- 12:51 I have to run this to the car to make two trips, 12:53 so I had to take the guitar to the car, 12:54 he said, no, no, no don't worry about it, I'll carry him. 12:57 I said oh, it's nice. 12:58 You know, I know it in the bottom. 12:59 He just took the initiative. Yes. 13:01 So that the flag right there. That was great. 13:04 You know, well, Ryan, 13:07 mommy is getting really to get married. 13:10 Yes, ma'am. Are you excited? 13:11 Very excited. 13:12 Tell us why? 13:14 Because, there hasn't been a man 13:17 in the house in a long time. 13:19 Wow. All right. 13:20 Okay, now you said there hasn't a man involved, 13:22 you know, so that must mean a lot to you. 13:26 Yes, sir. You know, well, okay, you know. 13:28 So what is some of the things that you have planned 13:31 with when you see this guy that comes to visit your mom? 13:39 Well, I just wrestle with him 13:41 seeing how great his reflexes are. 13:43 Okay, size and level, okay. 13:45 When you first met him though and you know, 13:48 you realize he was more than mommy's guitar teacher, 13:51 Wow, I think he likes my mom, 13:54 were you nervous or were you like protective of mommy? 13:58 I always protecting her. 14:00 Okay, did you ask him a lot of questions? 14:04 Not really. Not really. 14:06 But did you like him first of, you liked him? 14:08 He is pretty cool. He is pretty cool. 14:10 That's important. 14:11 And he still is. And he still is. 14:13 That's great. Well, that is a wonderful. 14:16 Let me ask you, Ryan, 14:18 what is the most important turning point of your life? 14:21 What's the most important thing in your life? 14:26 Well, when I'm met D-dad. 14:30 When you met D-dad, who is D-dad? 14:33 Darryl Dixon. 14:35 Oh, the name. 14:38 That's cute, D-dad that's nice. 14:41 That's great. 14:43 You know, so it sounds like you know, 14:44 things are really at a good point. 14:48 And what stands out even more so is how observant 14:53 and how willing Ryan is as far as to interact with Darryl. 14:59 Oh, that really. 15:00 So that's really a positive-- positive point. 15:03 You know, Heather, I hear Ryan saying, 15:05 yes, ma'am, yes, sir, and he's so articulate. 15:10 Thank you. 15:11 In today's society you know, 15:13 we have many children who speak well, 15:15 communicate well. 15:16 What did you do, 15:18 how did you get into that point to even give him 15:21 I know repetition, you know, but he is like so mannerable? 15:28 That's good thing. That's a good thing. 15:30 How did you get-- what did you do? 15:31 What did you do? 15:32 Tell our viewers, what was your secret? 15:33 What is your formula? We pray a lot. 15:35 You pray a lot. 15:36 No, seriously I feel that if someone knows 15:39 what's expected of them they will do well. 15:42 And so early on you know, 15:45 we-- we talk a lot and I let him know, 15:47 you know, how he's doing 15:49 according to what the standards are 15:51 that we live our lives by. 15:54 And I'm-- we just let him know what's expected of him. 15:57 And I remind him, 15:59 like if I call him and say you know, Ryan, 16:01 I don't hear anything. 16:03 Ryan, huh. What? 16:05 What is that I don't understand, 16:07 huh, what are you saying? 16:08 Ma'am. Yes, ma'am, I'm coming, mum. 16:10 Yeah. 16:11 And that's the way you addressed your parents. 16:13 Yes. And you still do. 16:15 Yes. Train up a child. 16:16 Train up a child in the way he should going he is old, 16:18 he shall not depart. 16:20 Well, listen viewers we have a surprise for you. 16:23 You're going to get a chance to meet Mr. Darryl Dixon. 16:25 D-dad. 16:26 D-dad, D-dad, I like the way that's sound. 16:29 That is so cool did you, did you-- you gave him a name? 16:32 We thought about it. So they were going together. 16:35 Okay, D-dad. 16:36 You want to get some t-shirts sort of thing. 16:37 You know, some t-shirts and some hats. 16:39 First we called him Dr. Pepper. 16:41 Yeah, and now D-dad. D-dad fits though. 16:45 D-dad, I like D-dad. That's a good name. 16:48 Well, stay tuned and we'll be right back. 17:11 Want to welcome you back to "Making it Work." 17:14 I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin. And I'm Arthur Nowlin. 17:16 And join us is Heather Willis and Darryl Dixon. 17:20 Welcome, Darryl. Thank you, nice to be here. 17:22 Well, listen wedding bells are around the corner. 17:26 We're excited for you. 17:28 Now I want to know how did this relationship come together 17:31 because after all that Heather told us on part one, 17:35 meeting you, coming together 17:37 and how God has blessed her life 17:40 and having you now to be her future husband. 17:43 Tells us about this meeting. 17:45 Well, I met Heather at a church service, 17:50 they was-- there was this church Oakland County. 17:54 And they were have the service at the Embassy Suites. 17:58 And Heather was singing on the praise team, 18:01 the first time she sang, 18:04 I was out of town that weekend 18:05 and then I think the following weekend I came-- 18:09 Was a few weeks? 18:10 A fee weeks, that's when I met her. 18:12 And she walked up to me and asked me 18:14 if I could teach her to play guitar. 18:15 Okay. And I said, I'm sure, I will. 18:19 And didn't really take too much notice 18:23 on how cute she was but in the back of my mind, 18:26 you know, that it crossed my mind. 18:28 But, you know, so that's how-- that's how we met. 18:32 All right. 18:33 Now how many guitar lessons did you have, Heather, 18:36 before this relation went into this romance? 18:40 Well, it didn't go into a romance 18:43 it went to friendship 18:44 but I probably only had like three. 18:46 Okay, you had three lessons, all right. 18:48 You did that three lessons, okay. 18:51 And you said, something is important, 18:53 it went into a friendship. 18:54 Okay. 18:56 So how long have you all known each other 18:59 and how long before you propose and where did you propose? 19:04 Well, I've known her, therefore at least two years? 19:08 Three-- three years. 19:10 You know, what is out with guys who keeping up with these days? 19:13 You know, there is something with all men. 19:14 Hey, we got a lot going though. You got a lot going on. 19:17 Okay, all right, I'm gonna let you go. 19:18 Until the day he was really-- 19:21 Well, you know, it just, you know, 19:22 I meet a lot of men who can't remember dates, 19:24 so go back to that, Darryl, all right? 19:26 I remember every date. What day did we get married? 19:29 I forgot that one. 19:31 March six, all right. Okay. 19:33 All right, you have some, so go on. 19:37 Yes, so I proposed to her. 19:39 I took her to this Italian restaurant 19:41 that I used to go to when I wasn't dating at all, 19:45 well, I just like the food there 19:46 and I decided to take her there 19:50 and that's where I proposed to her. 19:51 Excellent. 19:53 And now I-- we-- we became close as friends. 19:59 And I-- you know, when you get older, 20:04 you kind of know faster, you know, 20:06 what you're looking for and what's good for you. 20:09 And I'm so-- you know, it was that time. 20:13 That was great. 20:14 But you know, Heather, 20:15 he wasn't of your same faith of your same denomination. 20:19 Was that a concern for you? 20:21 It was. Okay. 20:22 It was and anybody who knows me knows 20:26 that I'm very particular. 20:29 I'm very particular and we discussed it. 20:33 But Darryl since I've known him, 20:36 you know, I met him in the church, 20:38 you known, for some people that might not mean anything 20:40 but he has shown himself to be someone 20:43 who loves God and who is committed to doing 20:45 what God wants him to do. 20:47 And as he spent time with me, I would invite him come, 20:51 well, actually my brother is the one 20:53 that started it a few months after we met. 20:56 He says, oh, you got a friend who plays a guitar. 20:58 Have him come on over here 21:00 you guys do special music at Barn's church. 21:02 So that's how we actually started singing 21:06 and ministering together. 21:08 But as he would come around he would ask questions, 21:12 you know, why-- what is this? 21:14 Why do you guys do that or whatever? 21:16 And he eventually started accepting more biblical-- 21:22 biblically based truths. 21:24 Wow. That's excellent. 21:25 And recently you are baptized? Yes, ma'am. 21:27 Into the Seventh-day Adventist Church. 21:28 Yes. Congratulations. 21:30 The most important thing I guess 21:32 is brother's friendship was developing. 21:35 You-- it's easy to sense 21:38 that he has a real calm spirit about himself. 21:41 And that must've been really refreshing for you, 21:44 you know, to see that-- 21:45 That he is very layback? 21:46 Yeah, He is layback? It's something. 21:48 Yeah. 21:50 Because I'm high energy. 21:52 You are. Exactly. 21:53 I mean, if you are high energy and he is a little layback 21:57 that's to have balanced in there. 21:58 That balance, you know. 22:00 Now, Darryl, you have two daughters. 22:02 Yes. 22:03 And with Ryan you have a blended family. 22:06 How do you get along with the-- 22:07 his daughters and how do you get along with Ryan? 22:09 Because Ryan loves to wrestle, you are D-dad, all right? 22:12 Yeah, I'm-- Ryan is awesome, 22:15 awesome kid and a great guy. 22:18 And I can-- I see potential greatness in him 22:25 and now he come from a-- from a strong family. 22:29 Yes. And the thing that I-- 22:31 That I really love about Ryan is-- 22:33 is his conviction and his passion 22:36 for God at a young age and-- 22:42 you know, as coming into his life 22:45 that's something that I want-- 22:47 I feel like it's my responsibility 22:49 to make sure that he loves God with everything that he has. 22:53 And you know-- That's excellent. 22:55 Do you all pray together? Yes. 22:57 So what about the relationship 22:59 that your daughters have with Ryan? 23:01 How's that? Oh, they love each other. 23:03 They get along really well. Really? 23:04 It's really well? Yes. 23:06 That's great. That's great. 23:07 So everything seems to be falling into place. 23:09 At a place. Well, we're so happy for you. 23:12 I want to hear your ministry, 23:15 would you sing and play something for us? 23:17 Sure. 23:20 Is this song something you wrote? 23:22 I did not write this. 23:23 This is a song by a praise and worship leader Tommy Walker 23:27 and it's just one of my favorite songs. 23:31 Because there are times 23:32 when I didn't feel like I was alone and I mean, 23:36 I was never a drug addict, I was never, 23:38 you know, walking the streets or anything like that, 23:41 but it was always good to know that God was with me. 23:44 Excellent. Beautiful, beautiful. 23:53 I have a Maker 24:03 He formed my heart 24:12 Before even time began 24:20 My life was in His hands 24:31 And He knows my name 24:40 He knows my every thought 24:50 And He sees each tear that falls 24:58 And He hears me when I call 25:06 Jesus hears me when I call 25:17 He hears me when I call 25:27 Oh, that was beautiful, absolute beautiful. 25:30 This is amazing, you know, that's great. 25:33 Bringing these two ministries together. 25:35 And I know God has a tremendous blessing. 25:39 Children, do you want more children? 25:42 It's a negotiation. 25:45 Well, you know, it's been a joy. 25:48 Single parenting brings a lot of challenges. 25:52 Yes. 25:53 But if you just holdout and wait, and don't settle. 25:56 Wait for what God has for you 25:59 and God will bring you a beautiful ending, 26:02 not to the story but a new beginning. 26:05 Darryl and Arthur, would you take us out? 26:08 Well, you know, before we do that, 26:10 I just want to say that it's been a pleasure. 26:12 Definitely a pleasure. 26:13 And I think that if the Lord has a special blessing 26:17 in store for you and your family. 26:19 Yes, and we're glad to be a part of the village. 26:21 Yes. Amen. 26:22 And but we want you to come back after the honeymoon, amen. 26:25 Would you do that? For sure. 26:26 We will. Thank you. 26:27 Well, Darryl and Arthur, would you-- 26:29 take us out, can I say-- can I say-- no, okay, okay, 26:33 I leave that to Heather, all right. 26:34 Well, what you all gonna do? 26:36 Take us out. 26:37 Well, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin. 26:39 And I'm Arthur Nowlin. 26:40 Thank you, for being with us on "Making it Work." 26:43 All right, guys take us out. 26:44 Let's try Swing Low. 26:45 Swing Low, all right. |
Revised 2015-06-04