Participants: Arthur Nowlin (Host), Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin (Host), Cheryl Bryant
Series Code: MIW
Program Code: MIW000005
|
00:01 Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin. And I'm Arthur Nowlin.
00:04 And welcome to "Making It Work." 00:38 Our topic today 00:40 "Death and Dying, Loss Of A Child." 00:45 Arthur, this is a very sensitive topic 00:48 and I want to share some statistics with you 00:50 that I was able to research. 00:51 Okay. 00:53 This is September 2, 2010, 00:57 "Murders of young black men rise. 01:00 Two killed each week; 01:02 Detroit struggles to curb violence." 01:06 And I want to also share 01:08 "For black males in the city between ages 15 and 24, 01:13 the chances of getting murdered 01:14 has rise rapidly in recent years, 01:18 increasing from 79 in 2005 to 102 last year. 01:24 The number reached a high of 115 in 2008." 01:31 What are they saying? Oh, it's amazing. 01:33 It says there's a lot of tragedy. 01:35 Yes. With our youths. 01:36 Yes. 01:37 In most inner cities because even though 01:39 Detroit was mentioned, we're talking about nationwide. 01:43 Nationwide, nationwide and I-- I did a workshop, 01:48 and I had on the workshop a picture of a graveyard, 01:52 and I said, our, 01:54 our young people are not in church, 01:57 the nightclubs, the libraries, schools, 02:00 not even in prison, 02:01 they were in the graveyard, the cemetery. 02:04 Well, that takes us to our guest. 02:05 I want to welcome, Ms. Cheryl Bryant. 02:08 God bless you. Bless you. 02:11 I don't-- 02:12 you know, I was so touched by your story 02:16 and I know our viewers will be also. 02:18 So we want you to take your time 02:20 and tell us your story. 02:23 Well, I was at work when I found out late 02:28 in the evening my son was in an accident of shooting. 02:34 Okay. 02:35 I didn't know that at the time but I was hysterical at work. 02:42 Once I got a halfway together 02:44 a relative of mine took me to the site where he was 02:49 and they whisked me away. 02:50 They told me, no-- no information. 02:54 They were still checking everything out. 02:56 So at that point I didn't know for sure it was him. 02:59 So I went in to everything is okay now and he was fine. 03:07 There was an error made and I went home. 03:11 And when I got home they said that, 03:13 I needed to go to the police station 03:16 to talk with some people. 03:19 And long story short when I got back home 03:23 the police and the detectives came to my residence 03:27 to let me know that it was indeed my son. 03:31 What was your son's name? 03:32 His name is Brandon. 03:34 And how old was Brandon? 03:35 Brandon was 23. 03:37 Twenty-three-years old. Twenty-three-years old. 03:39 And Brandon he was a good son. 03:41 Yeah. Tell us about Brandon. 03:43 He was a lot of fun, he was friendly, silly, 03:47 always called him a social butterfly. 03:49 Okay. 03:50 When he was in school, 03:52 I didn't have any big problems just he was a talker. 03:56 Okay. 03:57 And he was really just a fine friendly person. 04:00 Was he into sports? 04:02 Yes, he was into sports. He was a basketball player. 04:06 He grew to be the 6 foot 9. 04:08 Six, nine. Six foot nine. 04:10 He is really tall and he had 04:12 the will for the basketball player. 04:15 You also informed me that he had an opportunity 04:19 to play professional basketball overseas? 04:22 Yeah, CDA. 04:24 They had contacted him to go to Lithuania, 04:29 it what's there was someplace that I have never 04:32 even knew anything about tough, yeah. 04:37 Well, tell me about, it was a accidental shooting, 04:40 can you tell us what happened? 04:45 That's told to me by the detectives, 04:47 what happened was my son and a friend of his 04:51 were waiting for a ride and the ride 04:54 that they were waiting on was at the front 04:58 of the development that they were at and they were 05:02 in the mid section of it. 05:05 Okay. 05:06 And while they were waiting on a ride 05:11 the ride was calling back to them to find out exactly 05:14 where to pick them up at. 05:16 Okay. 05:17 Meanwhile another car that was identical to the car 05:20 that they were actually waiting for came up 05:23 and they approached it to get in, 05:26 to get in for the ride. 05:27 My son went to the back driver side door 05:31 and his friend I guess they were like walking up 05:34 from after the side and the person as far as I know 05:39 jumped out shooting and thinking that is something. 05:42 So he didn't really-- 05:45 he must have felt some type of fear at that point, 05:48 not-- not your son 05:49 I'm talking about the gentleman that was in the car. 05:51 I'm assuming, yes. Okay. 05:53 Were there other passengers in this car? 05:55 Yes, there were two small children in the back, 05:59 like an infant and maybe a one or two year old. 06:02 Okay. 06:03 And another person in the front. 06:05 My son went to the back driver side door to get in. 06:11 Okay. But I guess 06:13 So he's reaching to get in and the gentleman or father 06:16 who is driving this car thinks that 06:18 someone is trying to carjack him 06:20 or take his children. 06:21 Right. So he gets out. 06:22 Yes. And he gets out shooting. 06:25 Right. 06:26 And he kills your son accidentally. 06:29 So he was, he was there at the scene? 06:32 I think so. 06:33 They wouldn't tell me anything but what I saw was 06:36 a sheet with someone under and that was told to be my son. 06:41 And when you first saw you son under the sheet 06:43 you didn't know at that time that was him. 06:45 No, I didn't I-- 06:47 I put myself in the mind set of it couldn't be him. 06:50 Okay. 06:51 Because my son was really tall and what I could see was-- 06:55 I guess the person crumple up in my mind, 06:59 and they couldn't have been him because he wasn't tall enough. 07:01 Now-- now so you went to the site 07:05 where he had fallen? 07:07 Yes. So okay. 07:09 But they never let you see his face. 07:11 No, they wouldn't let me even go near the-- 07:13 they said it was crime scene, it was being investigated 07:18 and they sent me back, they sent me away. 07:21 So when they called you at what point did you have 07:23 to go down to identify him at the morgue? 07:26 The next morning. 07:28 Okay. 07:29 That must been something extremely difficult for you. 07:32 Very, very so real. 07:35 And now you have a young man who was not selling drugs, 07:39 going to school, going to work, 07:41 doing what he is supposed to do 07:43 and he's a part of the statistics. 07:45 And has a tremendous opportunity for future 07:48 because he was being considered 07:51 to play professional basketball in another country. 07:54 Still. Yes, and still. 07:56 So take us through what happened 07:59 when you went down to the morgue. 08:01 I went down to the morgue, they had me sign in 08:04 and they take you into a room and there is a TV screen 08:10 and the person who you coming to identify shows up 08:13 on the screen and it was my son 08:18 and he looked like he was sleeping. 08:20 Death sleeping. 08:21 What was your first reaction? 08:22 What was going through your mind? 08:24 What happened? 08:25 I barely remember I fell to the floor. 08:27 You fell to the floor. I just I fell to the floor. 08:30 And crying and I kept looking though 08:33 I kept looking at the screen because I don't know, 08:37 I guess I went into a mode of it's a mistake. 08:41 And maybe he'll move, 08:43 and he'll be-- it'll be a mistake. 08:46 So you were waiting for him to move, 08:48 you to confirm that it was a mistake. 08:51 So eventually the people somebody must have 08:54 brought you to the morgue. 08:56 Right. 08:57 Okay, so eventually it-- the decision was made 09:00 to take you back home. 09:02 You know, how did you feel when you got home? 09:06 Numb, I was numb 09:09 and confused just is that-- 09:16 I guess is some type of defense mechanism. 09:20 Angry? 09:23 I wasn't really angry, 09:25 it's like a-- is something 09:29 I can't really be explained as more confusion, denial. 09:35 Denial, that my son is not gone. 09:38 And then you told me earlier that you have spoken 09:40 to your son earlier that day, 09:43 and tell me about that conversation. 09:45 I talked to him because he and his girlfriend 09:48 were going to work and I have a grandbaby 09:50 and they wanted to thank me because I had done 09:55 a few things for them. 09:57 He wanted to thank me and he called to say thank you 10:01 and everything was fine and I will talk to him later. 10:05 Let me ask you now, what about revenge? 10:11 Did you have that feeling? 10:13 For just a little second when I didn't know 10:17 100 percent what happened. 10:23 Its-- it's your baby and you want to get 10:29 at whatever it was that hurt your baby. 10:32 Yes, yes. 10:33 Now you found out later 10:37 the actual circumstances that was involved. 10:41 How did you handle that 10:43 and can you explain how did that come about that 10:46 you found out about those actual circumstances? 10:50 I went to-- after going to the detectives 10:54 I had to wait and I had to wait 10:56 for like a couple of few months it's all-- 11:00 its still a blur, it's all a blur. 11:01 Yes, yes, yes. 11:03 But at the point where I actually went down 11:05 to the Wayne County prosecutor's office 11:08 and they discussed 11:10 what they have found during the investigation. 11:14 That's when I found out what really happened. 11:18 And it's devastating, 11:23 and as a part of you don't want to believe, 11:27 no, they can't be right, 11:30 but then this another part 11:31 you have to rely on the professionals, 11:34 the officials because you not you-- 11:36 you weren't there and I was hurt, just-- and heartbroken. 11:44 The man was carrying a concealed-- 11:46 what the registered weapon, and-- 11:48 He was licensed. 11:49 He was licensed, protecting his family, 11:52 and it was an accident. 11:54 Right. 11:55 Have you and this gentleman spoken face to face? 11:58 No, there's still the unknown part 12:01 that I wish I could address, 12:03 but I'm scared to address it and-- 12:07 Has anyone suggested that to you like the police officer 12:12 or has she tried to contact you or anything like that? 12:15 No. Okay. 12:16 Because it was an accident. 12:18 So is the case closed, 12:19 did they sent you a letter saying the case is now closed? 12:22 Honestly I don't know. 12:23 I assume that it is because I was able to-- 12:27 you know, put him in his resting place, 12:29 but I don't know for sure. 12:31 I'm-- I'm pretty sure it is 12:33 but I still have yet to have a police report. 12:38 And I'm-- I'm kind a scared to get it 12:40 because I don't know-- 12:42 I know what they told me, but I haven't actually read-- 12:46 The police report. Right. 12:48 Now you also have another son. 12:51 Yes. Yes. 12:52 You know, so how has that impacted 12:55 the relationship that you have with him? 12:59 We're always close. 13:04 This made us closer. 13:07 This made me question different things like, 13:10 I've always been a single mother 13:12 and as a single parent you question that the, 13:15 the things that you do with the kids, 13:18 and whether you made the right decisions on down the line. 13:21 But he's okay, he's, 13:23 he's handling things pretty well. 13:28 It's just moving along. He misses his brother also. 13:31 He definitely misses him. 13:33 How are-- how has your days and nights 13:36 I know you're back to work, does that help? 13:39 Yeah, that helps a lot and I didn't in-- 13:43 you kind of know because you try to surround yourself 13:45 with the people who are most like you 13:49 and but I have a extended family the people 13:55 I work with them. 13:56 Cheryl, you have a church family also. 13:58 I have a church family, definitely. 14:01 I mean, everybody really rallied around me and my family 14:06 and had a most respect and support for all of us. 14:11 Now your mother shortly after Brandon's death 14:16 your mother passed away, how many weeks later? 14:19 Two weeks and two days. 14:20 Two weeks and two days you lost your mother. 14:23 And I remember you sharing with me that your mother 14:26 has called and said come get me she was in nursing home. 14:29 And she had opportunity to see Brandon 14:32 before he passed. 14:34 So believing that God was working things in motion, 14:38 now how have you been able to deal with-- 14:42 I know people go on, 14:44 you have to fight your way through this, 14:46 but being able to look at your life today 14:48 and say I've lost my son and I've lost my mother. 14:52 What is going through your mind? 14:55 I have had so many different thoughts, 14:58 I've had heart filled, I have had-- 15:03 it was a test on my faith, 15:06 but in my mind I know I passed it 15:09 'cause I know God is-- I know He is real. 15:12 There's no way in the world that I could get through 15:14 something like this without Him. 15:16 It is just no way. I had to be really strong. 15:20 The night I found out my son got killed because my mother 15:24 her health was not that good, her heart and, 15:29 and she actually pass from a heart attack in her sleep. 15:33 And but at that point it's like I had to hold myself together 15:38 because I didn't have anyone at home with me at that point. 15:41 At that point. So 15:43 Let me ask you, what is your family like 15:48 when you were growing up? 15:51 Very loving, very God fearing, healthy, 15:58 we had fun, we had a lot of fun. 16:00 They were-- 16:02 I came from a family of nurturers, 16:04 true nurturers and aunts, 16:07 uncles, my mother's only child, 16:10 but all of my family have a big family, 16:13 and caring, loving. 16:15 Caring. 16:16 Do you still receive that now? 16:19 More so now than ever. 16:21 Okay, has your family been pressuring you 16:24 to find out what's in their police report 16:26 or have they really kind of just 16:27 backed away from that aspect? 16:30 Here and there is a little bit of both, 16:33 it's a little of both. 16:35 Let me-- let me ask you-- you told me, 16:37 you shared with me, 16:38 how the day you mother passed away, 16:40 she wanted to go to church. 16:42 Tell us about that. 16:44 We went to church and she had a beautiful day 16:46 it was 80 degrees out, it was really pretty, 16:51 and she said, I want to go to church, 16:53 and so I got her together, I helped her, 16:57 kept her bath, and dressed, 16:59 and we went, she was in a wheelchair, 17:02 and at church she wanted to stand up, 17:04 she wanted to get up and she wanted to-- 17:07 she wanted to praise, 17:09 she wanted-- she just was a powerful, 17:13 just a power pack that day. 17:16 And that's what she did. 17:18 We went and she sang and she had a good time. 17:21 She really enjoyed it. 17:23 So you both came home, went to dinner and came home, 17:26 and she took a nap, and she passed away? 17:29 That day. My, my, my. 17:31 That's powerful, liking this, you know. 17:35 You know, Cheryl, I look at you and you know, 17:37 you look like pillar strength 17:39 but are there still some dark days and tearful nights? 17:44 I think, over time I guess it'll get better. 17:48 I'm know it'll get better, it will get better 17:50 but was something like this losing someone 17:54 so close to you and you know, 17:58 my son and my mother just I go back and forth, 18:00 my baby, my mom, I go back and forth but like I say, 18:07 my faith is strong and I know who to count on 18:12 and I know that-- that He is real. 18:15 Every time I have anyone of those 18:17 down times and they're frequent. 18:19 Yeah. 18:20 They're very frequent, but that's what pulls me out 18:24 'cause I know I don't walk along. 18:26 And I know I have a lot of support. 18:29 Some of the tools we recommend in our counseling 18:31 clinical of course is being 18:34 able to have someone to talk to, 18:36 being able to seek counseling, 18:38 being able to use tools 18:39 such as keeping yourself active, 18:42 being able to release the pain 18:45 because that's like a heavy load 18:46 to have to carry by yourself 18:48 and you need to understand viewers, 18:50 you're not alone. 18:51 You know, when you lose a loved one, 18:53 no one knows what that feels or means to you 18:56 because you're going through it, 18:58 and we always see I know how you feel, 19:00 I know what you're going through 19:02 unless you walked in my shoes, 19:04 but we're all experience death 19:07 and we are experiencing a loss, you know, the grief. 19:11 I think another important step that I didn't hear you say, 19:14 I think needs to be said, 19:16 is accepting what transpired you, 19:21 you have to accept a whole situation 19:24 and that's important for us to move forward 19:28 and to overcome some of the difficulties 19:30 that we do experience. 19:32 That's the hardest part. 19:33 Yeah, I know. 19:34 Because you don't know-- 19:36 you don't know when its gonna happen 19:38 and I use to tell my son, I told Dr. Kim, 19:41 I used to tell him as he was 19:44 going up different things when-- 19:45 when there was time that death is a part of life, 19:50 and as soon as you were born you will-- 19:53 death-- death will come. 19:55 It's just I didn't set myself up at all to-- 19:59 to know or to acknowledge even when this surround you 20:03 and you see it happening to other people-- 20:08 people younger than my son and the-- 20:11 and the people who've lost their babies and-- 20:13 and all that, I still never, 20:16 never not one time prepare myself-- 20:19 you can't prepare yourself for some. 20:20 No. You cannot. 20:21 It's not preparation, that thing accepting is-- 20:25 is something that you have to really search down deep to do 20:29 because that's one of the first steps in trying 20:33 to deal with the grief process. 20:37 Another thing I know you indicated that right now, 20:42 your-- your relationship with your son, 20:44 your-- your next son, 20:45 is he the oldest or the youngest? 20:46 He is the oldest. 20:47 The oldest son is good and protective I would assume. 20:52 What about the grandson that your son left behind 20:55 how's that relationship? 20:57 Very good, that's my little pumpkin. 21:00 He-- he's a busy body and he's just-- 21:05 just another Brandon, his name is Brandon Jr. 21:09 But he's just like him, he's got mannerisms like him, 21:13 things that you can't pick up, he just turned two. 21:17 He just turned two. 21:18 So there is certain things that that he can do 21:21 or he'll do that are just like his dad and his-- 21:25 he's just something to see. 21:26 You've saved clothes and other items for him 21:29 as he gets older for you to share 21:31 with him about his father, that's really beautiful. 21:34 Cloths and pictures I try to make sure that get like 21:37 a few people who have pictures just to make sure 21:40 he can see that that his dad 21:42 really loved him and so he can see. 21:44 One another things I'd like to ask, 21:47 what are you doing for yourself now? 21:48 Okay, you're involved with this process and you know, 21:52 now you'd lost your son over the summer 21:55 when was it, it was early something. 21:56 Early it was March, so-- 21:58 Okay, so it was like in spring. 22:00 And it's not something easy to overcome, 22:05 but what is important is you have to 22:08 find a way to bounce back. 22:11 What are you doing for you? 22:13 A lot of different things. 22:14 I have quite work helps, 22:19 I love to shop. 22:23 Okay, we could have to cut that part out. 22:27 I'm trying to be around my family and my friends a lot. 22:31 I talk to them often. 22:34 Just I'm trying to tap back into the things 22:35 that I used to enjoy doing. 22:37 Good. 22:39 This shopping is good, I mean, 22:40 specially being in the mall so-- 22:42 Social. Yeah. 22:44 It would be relaxing. It is relaxing. 22:46 I think it is very relaxing, very relaxing. 22:50 Sometimes too relaxing for you? 22:52 No. But very relaxing, you know. 22:55 Let me ask you as holidays our people tell me 22:59 holidays are the most difficult time. 23:01 Tell me why? 23:04 Because you miss them, 23:05 you miss what they bring to your life, 23:10 you just miss I'm-- 23:11 I'm looking forward to the holidays 23:14 but I see myself like kind of, I feel kind of-- 23:23 I don't know like not shaky but I just, 23:27 it's a hard way to put it but-- 23:29 You are going to participate with the family members, 23:31 you will go and be a part? 23:33 I feel anxious. Okay, that's the word. 23:36 Do they all come together and like-- okay, 23:39 so you'd like you had to cook a special plate. 23:42 What's your special plate? 23:44 I have a few back. 23:46 Like you see because I have nice dishes. 23:48 I'm not a cook here. Yeah, okay. 23:50 I love dressing. Okay. 23:52 My aunt and my cousin, they-- they're the cooks, 23:55 they taught me how to cook, so-- 23:56 Okay. And they do good. 23:57 I know how to fix all of his holiday. 24:01 So this gonna be a wonderful gathering. 24:04 This will be the first holiday without your son? 24:07 Right. 24:08 Yes, so it's gonna be a little different. 24:09 And your mother. And your mom, okay. 24:13 You have come up with this great idea, 24:16 tell our viewers about this idea, 24:17 just a little bit because we still 24:19 got to work on this pet, you know. 24:22 Yeah, I have-- it's a product that would help 24:29 when you're out in public or, 24:32 or just if you're at the beach or wherever you are 24:36 something that will help you keep things clean 24:39 as when you use in public restaurants 24:42 and that type of things. 24:44 Sometimes you may not have all the necessities there. 24:47 And I have a little package that would be 24:51 ideal for women and men to-- to you know, 24:55 be-- be keep it clean and keep everything-- 24:58 To take to those strange bathrooms 25:00 you get your own stuff. 25:02 Oh, that's nice. 25:03 Well, I'm going to be looking forward 25:04 you coming back to show us the finished products of this 25:07 because I think it's gonna be a part of your healing. 25:11 You know, the healing is so important 25:14 and also being able-- well, the people at work, 25:17 were they supportive to you? 25:18 They are. 25:19 They-- they were, they came out to the services 25:22 and so she is been back to work. 25:24 Caring still. 25:25 You also say, you write, you know, 25:28 that like a journal or a poems or short stories. 25:32 Right now, I'm on a book. 25:34 I'm-- I have so many different experiences, 25:39 this one is a big one and just a lot of other 25:42 like different experiences that I've had. 25:45 And here and there that's what I do, 25:47 I write, I write poetry, 25:49 that's something else that keeps me. 25:51 I've always done it but it is really something more-- 25:54 more on a serious level. 25:56 Because it is something I have to say. 25:59 Well, you have to write a poem for our show, 26:01 you know, so we can read it 26:03 and have you come back and read it. 26:05 It's one of the things about our program is that we have-- 26:08 it's about healing and helping 26:11 and so that's what it's all about. 26:14 We will be right back to share 26:16 little more information on "Making It Work." 26:29 Cheryl, I want to ask you a question, 26:32 your grandson's mother 26:35 the last thing she did with your son 26:38 they had argument and how is she doing? 26:41 How she coping? 26:42 She's coping pretty well all things considered. 26:46 She had a hard time with that, but I did let her know that, 26:50 that's not the only thing, 26:52 you all didn't expect it to happen 26:54 and you loved each other, 26:57 you had a beautiful son and it will be just fine in time. 27:02 So you've been doing grief counseling with her? 27:05 Yeah, little bit. Yeah, little bit. 27:06 What I get is take your time. 27:08 Oh, listen that's great. 27:10 Cheryl, I want to thank you for being 27:12 a part of "Making It Work," 27:14 and we're gonna be praying for you 27:16 and we're looking forward you to coming back. 27:18 Yeah, it's definitely. Thank you for having me. 27:20 In all the things that you have gone through, 27:23 if you had to say something to a mother, 27:25 a parent going through this right now, 27:27 what would you say? 27:28 The first thing I will say is you're-- 27:31 you're definitely not alone, 27:35 God is always-- He is-- 27:38 He is always present, 27:40 take it all to Him and He will take care of you. 27:44 You know, right. 27:45 That's the truth. That's powerful. 27:47 And that is the true. 27:48 Well, we want to thank our viewers 27:50 and we look forward to seeing you again Ms. Bryant. 27:53 You're beautiful. You look great. 27:55 Thank God for the years you had with Brandon and your mom. 27:57 Yes. 27:59 And I know there are beautiful people. 28:00 To all of you hope is around the corner. 28:04 Hope is always available through prayer and your faith. 28:08 I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin. 28:10 I'm Arthur Nowlin. 28:11 Let's keep "Making It Work." |
Revised 2015-05-21