Hi, I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin.
And I'm Arthur Nowlin.
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Welcome to "Making It Work."
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Arthur, how are you today?
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I'm fine, Kim. How about you?
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I am good.
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You know, today our
segment is going to talk about
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"Crossroads,"
paths coming together.
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Two lives, two different
backgrounds coming together.
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Right. Let's welcome our guests.
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We want to welcome,
Donald and Bettye Bryant.
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Welcome to "Making
It Work." How are you?
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Good, thank you. I'm fine.
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Good, we want to thank
you for taking some time
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out of your
schedule to be with us today.
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Well, listen, tell us,
how long you've been married?
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Three years. Three years.
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Now we are
going into the third--
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October 18th was our
third year anniversary.
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It's your third
year. Congratulations.
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Newly wed
still, newly wed, okay.
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Well, tell us how
did the two of you meet?
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Well, my version was--
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Oh, you have two different
versions here, all right.
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I'm sure there'll
be but my version was,
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I was brought to the church,
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one of my ladies
that worked the kitchen,
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Soup Kitchen where I stayed.
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Okay.
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And she said, "Well, why don't
you come to church with me?"
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And I was kind of
hesitant of course
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because I had-- she
says it's on Saturday.
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Well, okay I'll come, so I came.
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And I was at a function later
on that evening at the Church.
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And I saw Bettye down
there. And she attracted me.
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Because I kept looking at her
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and she kept looking this
way and I kept looking that way.
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Okay, he was kind cute.
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And she invited me
to dinner to her home.
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Okay, oh that how
soon after you both
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you meet him did
she invited for dinner?
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That day she
invited me to dinner.
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That day. That day.
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Too quite.
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Now that's his
version. Now that's his version.
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Absolutely.
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Okay, well let's
hear your version, okay.
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I remember
meeting him downstairs
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and also remember him
coming back to church.
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And, Mrs. Turner, the
lady who ran that kitchen
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introduce me to him
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and then I
invited him to my home.
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Said sure,
because I felt impressed
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by the Holy Spirit,
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I wasn't about a
physical attraction
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or anything of that nature.
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Although I thought he was cute.
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All right. All right, all right.
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she said that he
wanted to more about the Lord
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and they had been having these
discussions after the dinners
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and they would talk and get
into the deepest discussions.
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I think the one discussion that
was about speaking in tongues.
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And she said he needs
to talk to somebody else
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and so I started
visiting with him
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and I started giving
him Bible studies actually.
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And I would
invite him to church,
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I would go by to
pick him for church,
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he wouldn't be anywhere around.
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That happened a lot of times.
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And I said, you what
Lord, I'm never coming back.
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Forget this he is not interested
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in learning about You.
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And one of his
friends said to me,
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"Don't give up on him."
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And the Holy Spirit
told me, don't give up.
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I had no clue that I would
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actually be
married to him today.
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I truly didn't. All right.
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And God just
continue to work with him
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and work with him and
at one point I said listen,
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when you get yourself
together, you call me.
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All right. Oh, okay.
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Because I'm out. You
get yourself together.
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So you just
ended the relationship?
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I ended everything.
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Where were you when
she came to pick you up?
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Well, I stayed at my own
little apartment at that time.
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And I was waiting
for her all the time,
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I was wondering, I was saying,
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is she gonna
really coming and get me?
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And she came and I was-- I
tried to get myself together
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and get dressed
and so I would be going
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to the church appropriately.
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I thought she was a very
wonderful person at that time.
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I knew there was something
was about her, it attracted me.
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Other that just her,
it was something about
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with the message that
she was bringing to me,
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because I was
searching at that time.
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You were searching?
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I was very--
well, I was searching.
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Now were you-- I'm sorry.
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Were you part of
another church or denomination?
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Yes, I was, I was going to
a church, a Baptist church,
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and I knew I was
in the wrong place.
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But I still wanted to
have the Lord in my life.
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It was something
about, I had to go the Church.
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Somehow the Lord
was kept drawing me,
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although my
lifestyle wasn't that way.
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I wasn't that type of person.
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I was not a Christian
type of guy at that time.
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But I still-- I'm
still trying figure out
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where were when she
was coming to pick you up?
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I'll tell you.
All right, tell us.
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Honey, you can't
do not go let him to.
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Yeah, she can tell.
He won't get it right.
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Okay. All right, all right.
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He was living at this
place where you could come
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and, you know, you
could have room there.
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He was living there.
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This was before he
got himself to a point
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where he wanted a
change in his life.
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He wanted things to be different
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and he did get into a program
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that helped him
with substance abuse
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and all of that kind of things,
which is where he met you, Kim.
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And that's when he
was-- when he finished that
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that's when he got an
apartment but before that time,
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he was out doing
some things that,
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you know, he
wanted, he felt, you know,
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he wanted do at that time.
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And let me say also
that the Lord was good
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because Donald was estranged
from his family for a long time
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and he wouldn't communicate
with anybody in his family
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and once we got
together, somehow, someone--
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an attorney called my house
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and said that they
were looking for him
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and they wanted well,
to get in touch with him
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because of his fathers estate
and that's during the same time
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that he told you to
ask me give him a call.
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And that's when I called him
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and he reconnected
with his family after,
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I don't know how many years.
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He has four daughters,
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a brother and
cousins and everybody.
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Unfortunately his father passed
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before he could
reconnect with him
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but he
reconnected with his family
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as a result of all of that.
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Let me ask now,
so in the process
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you hadn't had any
contact with your daughters?
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I was ashamed of
myself, my lifestyle,
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that's what the
problem really was.
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I was totally ashamed
of how I had an education,
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I had-- my family
was brought me up right,
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then I curved away from that.
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How much is your
education? After my mother died.
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Well, I had got two
years associate degree
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and you know
that much education,
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as far as I was concerned,
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was lot for as far as
our family was concerned.
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It is a lot.
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And at a time, they
were really seriously,
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they loved me and I felt ashamed
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because if my father had
saw me like I was at that time,
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prior to going to
operation get down
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he would have
just shook his head.
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That would have
hurt me right there,
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you know,
because of what he had--
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put invested into me
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and it didn't
turn out the right way.
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So that's why I was
really didn't connect with him.
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And then being out there
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in that type of world of course,
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you might you
about something like that
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how it draws you away
from what you supposed to do.
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And it drew me away from that.
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That's the reason why I
wasn't connected to them.
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And so in the meantime, I
mean, we are still dealing
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with Bettye searching
for you and to encourage you.
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Which I knew nothing about.
I really didn't know that.
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She hadn't
given up on you. Okay.
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During the time that we were
apart, I still prayed for him.
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Okay.
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I still asked the Lord to
bless him wherever he was.
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He moved, he moved to Chicago
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and thought that
that was going to work,
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the Lord brought him
right back to Detroit.
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And through his
searching he went into a program
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and said you know,
I'm gonna change my life,
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things are going to
be different for me.
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He made contact
with you when he came?
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After Kim gave me the massage,
I made contact with him.
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And we stayed in
contact with one another.
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The most
important part there was--
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I remember Kim at the
church when I first came there.
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I remember seeing her
there and Mother Turner,
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you all remember Mother Turner?
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I know Mother Turner.
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She is the one--
and so I used to see you
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there in the choirs and
doing some other things and so.
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When I saw you at the
school I was like flabbergasted,
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I said what in the world.
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And let me tell you a
little about the program.
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I was the clinical psychologist
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and employment
probability trainee
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and speech therapist
and sign language instructor
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at this particular
program for homeless,
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substance abusers and
lot of different aspects.
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So Donald was in my
program and remember Donald,
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I came and one day at
exercise I asked the class
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how do you play
football and Donald,
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you did the
diagram and showed me
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all the players and everything.
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Such smart man, I
looked up at church
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and because I always
witness in my classes,
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always talk about my
church and tithe and offering
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and the Lord Jesus
Christ in all my classes.
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And I looked up at church one
Sabbath on a Saturday at church
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and there was Donald
and I was flabbergasted,
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because you don't know
how the Holy Spirit is working
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through your
works and your actions.
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That's right I could see
you like an angel in my life
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because of the fact that--
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Oh, did you hear
that, he said an angel.
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I didn't mean to hurt you.
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That's so beautiful.
Can you say that again?
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We asked you to maintain focus,
keep it on you and Bettye.
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Okay, all right. He said angel.
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I consider her
an angel because--
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Isn't that beautiful?
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Well, I came here,
I mean I was there.
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Because she the
one that was putting me
00:10:01.92\00:10:05.09
on right path in one
way and in another way
00:10:05.12\00:10:09.46
she was helping
me reclaim my lady.
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Didn't you remember
when I came that day?
00:10:12.35\00:10:14.55
Oh, yes, I do
remember. Am I angel as well?
00:10:14.58\00:10:17.44
You're an angel too.
Okay, put it that way.
00:10:17.47\00:10:19.63
I have to say
Arthur, you were my angel.
00:10:19.66\00:10:24.03
Because when first-- I
became Seventh-day Adventists
00:10:24.06\00:10:28.85
at maybe age 17
and our pastor Joiner
00:10:28.88\00:10:33.11
was the one who baptized
me in Montgomery from a tent.
00:10:33.14\00:10:36.97
I got away from the
church and all of its beliefs lo
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and behold he was in Detroit.
00:10:41.44\00:10:43.70
Yes.
00:10:43.73\00:10:44.76
And when my brother told
me that he was in Detroit,
00:10:44.79\00:10:47.50
I went back to church
00:10:47.53\00:10:49.01
and I gave my
heart to the Lord again.
00:10:49.04\00:10:51.23
And at that time,
00:10:51.26\00:10:52.40
I was struggling
with substance abuse
00:10:52.43\00:10:55.00
and he and Sister Joiner
00:10:55.03\00:10:56.63
was the one who
told me about you.
00:10:56.66\00:10:58.52
And you started me to go
00:10:58.55\00:10:59.58
to Narcotics
Anonymous and I hated that.
00:10:59.61\00:11:03.54
I hated those sessions,
those people were crazy.
00:11:03.57\00:11:05.66
And I said Lord,
you have to get me
00:11:05.69\00:11:07.69
out of this another way.
00:11:07.72\00:11:09.10
And the Lord
just took it from me.
00:11:09.13\00:11:11.54
Whole desire. Whole desire.
00:11:11.57\00:11:13.27
The take out of your whole--
00:11:13.30\00:11:14.98
Yes, I would go for walks,
00:11:15.01\00:11:17.10
so that you know, and
drink plenty of water.
00:11:17.13\00:11:19.98
And, you know, you guys
were very encouraging to me
00:11:20.01\00:11:22.73
because when I
couldn't feed myself,
00:11:22.76\00:11:25.31
I could go to your house
and you would give me fruits
00:11:25.34\00:11:27.02
and vegetables out your garden.
00:11:27.05\00:11:28.93
I'd just go through your freezer
00:11:28.96\00:11:30.64
and just give me
food and whatever
00:11:30.67\00:11:32.34
because I wasn't on my feet.
00:11:32.37\00:11:34.02
I was a nurse at the time.
00:11:34.05\00:11:35.42
I've been a
nurse for over 30 years
00:11:35.45\00:11:37.73
but I was struggling and
the Lord just delivered me.
00:11:37.76\00:11:40.62
So yes, you were my angel.
00:11:40.65\00:11:42.61
I needed to hear
that. Did you hear that?
00:11:42.64\00:11:43.76
Yeah. We have two angels.
00:11:43.79\00:11:44.85
That's a blessing, Arthur.
00:11:44.88\00:11:48.05
I know, I mean, and I
want you to remember that.
00:11:48.08\00:11:50.29
And you know, when
Bettye you would come
00:11:50.32\00:11:51.43
to the house then you became
part of God's Hands of Praise.
00:11:51.46\00:11:55.01
Yeah, it's fun. It is fun.
00:11:55.04\00:11:56.63
You just, you
know, and we still part
00:11:56.66\00:11:58.22
of God's Hands of Praise,
that's my sign language choir
00:11:58.25\00:12:01.09
where we do sign language
00:12:01.12\00:12:02.31
and we've been in
existence now 17 years.
00:12:02.34\00:12:05.57
And Bettye has been a part
of my choir for many years.
00:12:05.60\00:12:08.92
But you know it's a very strange
00:12:08.95\00:12:11.22
because I mean, God
works in many mysterious ways,
00:12:11.25\00:12:14.67
of how He
intertwined our lives together.
00:12:14.70\00:12:18.56
You know, because Donald
00:12:18.59\00:12:21.57
and I, we became
members of the male choirs,
00:12:21.60\00:12:25.26
we were
encouraging to each other.
00:12:25.29\00:12:26.80
We had opportunity to
get to know each other.
00:12:26.83\00:12:29.81
And seeing you thriving,
00:12:29.84\00:12:32.61
I've seen you
evolve to the class,
00:12:32.64\00:12:35.93
you were
represent a classy person.
00:12:35.96\00:12:39.34
Well, thanks. And we
were at your wedding.
00:12:39.37\00:12:41.90
We were so blessed
to be at your wedding.
00:12:41.93\00:12:44.90
Outdoor wedding,
it was freezing cold.
00:12:44.93\00:12:46.76
We were determined.
Yeah, but it was beautiful.
00:12:46.79\00:12:51.36
Reception without
doors it was just beautiful.
00:12:51.39\00:12:54.08
Let's talk about, you
know, the extended family.
00:12:54.11\00:12:56.98
You have nieces and
nephews you have helped.
00:12:57.01\00:12:59.81
How did Donald
accepted your family
00:12:59.84\00:13:02.32
and you helping your nieces
and nephews during this time?
00:13:02.35\00:13:06.17
It was kind of
challenging in the beginning
00:13:06.20\00:13:08.74
because Donald wasn't used
to the family kind of lifestyle
00:13:08.77\00:13:14.20
and it took some
getting used to it.
00:13:14.23\00:13:15.77
I am extremely involved in my
children's lives, very much so.
00:13:15.80\00:13:20.04
And we used to clash about it
00:13:20.07\00:13:22.97
but somehow the Holy Spirit
worked with Donald's heart
00:13:23.00\00:13:26.32
and now he's very
accepting of the children
00:13:26.35\00:13:30.48
and he's very welcoming of them.
00:13:30.51\00:13:32.24
He never showed them that
part but he did show it to me.
00:13:32.27\00:13:36.36
And I knew he
struggled with that.
00:13:36.39\00:13:38.70
And I had to make
some changes also,
00:13:38.73\00:13:41.37
because a lot of my time
was spent with my family.
00:13:41.40\00:13:45.42
Because, you
know, being seasoned
00:13:45.45\00:13:49.27
and getting married,
you know, you're used
00:13:49.30\00:13:51.60
to doing
everything the way you do it.
00:13:51.63\00:13:54.00
You know, and so
it took some adjusting
00:13:54.03\00:13:56.49
and I can tell you for about,
00:13:56.52\00:13:58.78
may be-- I
would say he recently,
00:13:58.81\00:14:02.91
within the last year,
00:14:02.94\00:14:05.01
I was about get
out of this marriage.
00:14:05.04\00:14:07.04
I said Lord, I can't do
this. I told the pastor.
00:14:07.07\00:14:09.79
Was it because of
the children, what?
00:14:09.82\00:14:10.94
It was just because we
just didn't seem to connect.
00:14:10.97\00:14:14.54
It just wasn't working.
00:14:14.57\00:14:16.17
Different lifestyles,
my different--it was me.
00:14:16.20\00:14:19.51
I'll have to say it was
me, it wasn't Donald it was me.
00:14:19.54\00:14:22.36
I said, you've got to go.
00:14:22.39\00:14:23.75
He said "I'm
not going anywhere."
00:14:23.78\00:14:25.41
He told you
that? He told me that.
00:14:25.44\00:14:27.44
I'm not leaving and
then he did not leave.
00:14:27.47\00:14:29.65
Yeah. As you can see.
00:14:29.68\00:14:31.37
Yeah, praise the Lord.
00:14:31.40\00:14:32.72
And, you know, yes, absolutely
and I had to understand
00:14:32.75\00:14:35.79
and begin to appreciate Donald
00:14:35.82\00:14:37.67
for who he is,
the person that he is.
00:14:37.70\00:14:40.33
And I have seen the Lord
work in his, this man's life.
00:14:40.36\00:14:43.49
And I have seen things change.
00:14:43.52\00:14:45.39
I've seen attitudes
change, the arguing,
00:14:45.42\00:14:48.44
the going back and forth.
00:14:48.47\00:14:49.69
It was like we were
always in competition.
00:14:49.72\00:14:52.53
It's not like that
anymore, we tend to blend.
00:14:52.56\00:14:56.01
Why do you think couples
feel that they need to compete?
00:14:56.04\00:15:00.64
Well, I will give
my version of that.
00:15:00.67\00:15:03.62
I believe that a
man always sticks up
00:15:03.65\00:15:06.57
for being a man, it
was just number one.
00:15:06.60\00:15:11.18
Man wants to be a leader,
00:15:11.21\00:15:13.45
he wants to be the
head of the household,
00:15:13.48\00:15:15.73
he wants to be an
image of his father,
00:15:15.76\00:15:18.28
he wants to do the
things and make the decisions
00:15:18.31\00:15:21.54
and say that that's
what's gonna happen.
00:15:21.57\00:15:24.35
But then when
you run into someone
00:15:24.38\00:15:25.65
that is equally
intelligent or more intelligent
00:15:25.68\00:15:31.40
and you find that they
can make decisions well,
00:15:31.43\00:15:35.00
and do a good job of it,
that causes a little friction.
00:15:35.03\00:15:38.29
Because of that you're
taking out your first place
00:15:38.32\00:15:41.36
that you usually be
sitting in, into second place
00:15:41.39\00:15:44.04
or third place or to say that.
00:15:44.07\00:15:46.88
And that's why a
lot of times we'd clash.
00:15:46.91\00:15:49.33
You know, at a time we
were clashing for that.
00:15:49.36\00:15:51.75
Let me ask you a
question in regards to that.
00:15:51.78\00:15:55.69
You came from
that type back ground
00:15:55.72\00:15:57.61
where your dad was real
influential in the family.
00:15:57.64\00:16:01.31
Yes, he was.
00:16:01.34\00:16:02.39
But you dropped out of it,
00:16:02.42\00:16:04.02
you know, and you
dealt with the pain
00:16:04.05\00:16:06.49
and agony of being
separated from your family.
00:16:06.52\00:16:09.85
Was it also something
that wanted to motivate you,
00:16:09.88\00:16:13.49
once you got into this
marriage you wanted to take one,
00:16:13.52\00:16:16.60
the role of your father?
00:16:16.63\00:16:19.25
Exactly, you hit it on the nail.
00:16:19.28\00:16:21.42
That's exactly what it was.
00:16:21.45\00:16:22.81
My father was
such a stern individual
00:16:22.84\00:16:26.14
and head of the household
and his word was the last word.
00:16:26.17\00:16:30.93
And of course I
had a brother too,
00:16:30.96\00:16:33.34
and we both took that kind of,
00:16:33.37\00:16:35.28
you know, role
that's how we wanted to be.
00:16:35.31\00:16:37.81
We want to emulate my father.
00:16:37.84\00:16:40.34
But see I wasn't his mother.
And that was the problem, see.
00:16:40.37\00:16:43.80
Oh. I'm totally
different from her.
00:16:43.83\00:16:46.19
She would speak
up in those places
00:16:46.22\00:16:47.52
where my mother
wouldn't say anything.
00:16:47.55\00:16:49.11
By the way she was very, very--
00:16:49.14\00:16:51.00
She was very
humble and a nice person.
00:16:51.03\00:16:53.23
Yeah, subservient to him,
00:16:53.26\00:16:55.02
but that's really
the real reason why.
00:16:55.05\00:16:58.17
That's really
the real reason why.
00:16:58.20\00:16:59.29
My parents were--
00:16:59.32\00:17:00.81
I wasn't
anything like his mother.
00:17:00.84\00:17:04.65
My mother wouldn't--
he said to me one day,
00:17:04.68\00:17:07.25
"If someone rings the
door bell, who answers?"
00:17:07.28\00:17:11.93
I looked, I was
perplexed I said,
00:17:11.96\00:17:14.31
"Anybody who gets to it first."
00:17:14.34\00:17:16.26
He said, "Not in my house.
00:17:16.29\00:17:17.47
My mother never
answered me to do
00:17:17.50\00:17:20.26
and my father
always answered the door."
00:17:20.29\00:17:22.67
I was like, really?
00:17:22.70\00:17:24.32
And that was the fact
00:17:24.35\00:17:26.44
because he was
really the protector,
00:17:26.47\00:17:28.53
you know, in that
instance he was saying that
00:17:28.56\00:17:30.83
whatever is out there,
who's ringing the bell,
00:17:30.86\00:17:33.05
let m deal with it not you.
00:17:33.08\00:17:35.31
You know in that
instance, that's what he was.
00:17:35.34\00:17:38.43
Did you come from a
Christian background?
00:17:38.46\00:17:40.00
Yes, I did.
00:17:40.03\00:17:41.22
Okay, so your
father was Christian,
00:17:41.25\00:17:42.88
your mother was a Christian.
00:17:42.91\00:17:43.95
Yes, he was a Baptist
and my mother was a Baptist.
00:17:43.98\00:17:45.49
Okay, and so it was a
heavy impact on your life.
00:17:45.52\00:17:50.78
So how high
have you compromised,
00:17:50.81\00:17:52.53
because I've heard you
and Bettye indicate you guys
00:17:52.56\00:17:55.20
have come together
now, that is much better.
00:17:55.23\00:17:58.35
So what things were
done to make it better?
00:17:58.38\00:18:00.60
Well, let me tell you
the most important thing
00:18:00.63\00:18:02.51
that was done, is me praying
00:18:02.54\00:18:06.51
and asking the Lord
to bless this marriage.
00:18:06.54\00:18:10.81
Even though we
have difficulties, Lord,
00:18:10.84\00:18:13.82
that we have similarities
00:18:13.85\00:18:15.74
and we have difficulties
and differences, Lord, show me.
00:18:15.77\00:18:20.93
Work through me, Lord.
00:18:20.96\00:18:22.24
Let me be humble to
where I'm not humble.
00:18:22.27\00:18:25.54
Let me show my wife
what I can do better than
00:18:25.57\00:18:28.07
what I have done before.
00:18:28.10\00:18:30.02
And those prayers were
answered to a large extent.
00:18:30.05\00:18:33.79
Now also being married,
you have blended family,
00:18:33.82\00:18:38.45
okay let's talk
about the blended family.
00:18:38.48\00:18:41.40
How many
children you have, Donald?
00:18:41.43\00:18:43.34
I have three girls,
set of twins and an older--
00:18:43.37\00:18:47.39
Four. Four I'm sorry.
00:18:47.42\00:18:48.58
Four children. Four children.
00:18:48.61\00:18:49.75
Okay. I have an older girl.
00:18:49.78\00:18:52.45
And then I have two twins
and I have younger daughter.
00:18:52.48\00:18:56.47
And one child is
hearing impaired.
00:18:56.50\00:18:58.58
Yes, the granddaughter.
00:18:58.61\00:19:00.80
The granddaughter
is hearing impaired.
00:19:00.83\00:19:02.30
I've met few
occasions at the concerts.
00:19:02.33\00:19:04.91
You know, now Bettye,
do you have any children?
00:19:04.94\00:19:07.75
No children?
Never married before?
00:19:07.78\00:19:10.13
Yes, actually I
was married before.
00:19:10.16\00:19:11.19
You were married
before? I was married before.
00:19:11.22\00:19:12.82
So this is your second marriage?
00:19:12.85\00:19:13.88
Yes, it is.
00:19:13.91\00:19:14.98
And Donald, this is
your second marriage?
00:19:15.01\00:19:16.40
No, this is my third.
This is your third marriage?
00:19:16.43\00:19:19.15
And people tend to stay away,
00:19:19.18\00:19:20.60
you know, say
the antennas go up,
00:19:20.63\00:19:22.54
the signals go
up, the flags go up,
00:19:22.57\00:19:24.71
third marriage,
you know, why should I,
00:19:24.74\00:19:27.96
but you still married.
00:19:27.99\00:19:29.72
I was not looking for a husband.
00:19:29.75\00:19:32.53
You were not
looking for husband?
00:19:32.56\00:19:33.60
I honestly was not
looking for husband.
00:19:33.63\00:19:35.71
You weren't looking for husband?
00:19:35.74\00:19:36.84
No, I was not.
00:19:36.87\00:19:38.08
I was perfectly
satisfied being single,
00:19:38.11\00:19:41.33
having my family around me
00:19:41.36\00:19:43.01
because I was
involved with the children.
00:19:43.04\00:19:45.93
I didn't really had
time for all of that
00:19:45.96\00:19:48.01
but I didn't mind
sharing my faith with someone.
00:19:48.04\00:19:51.61
But, you know, after you
grow, you're around somebody
00:19:51.64\00:19:53.98
so long you grow to
appreciate that person
00:19:54.01\00:19:56.38
and care about that person
and I grew to love Donald,
00:19:56.41\00:19:59.89
you know especially
after he took the time
00:19:59.92\00:20:03.54
to get himself together.
00:20:03.57\00:20:05.47
And then when I contacted him,
00:20:05.50\00:20:08.48
he still talked
about us being together.
00:20:08.51\00:20:11.80
And I have to say that I
know my husband loves me.
00:20:11.83\00:20:17.07
I know this because
what I put him through,
00:20:17.10\00:20:20.35
those few months
when I was giving up
00:20:20.38\00:20:23.90
on the marriage he was
praying for the marriage
00:20:23.93\00:20:25.70
I was praying to
get out of the marriage.
00:20:25.73\00:20:27.68
So I was not pleasant
at all. I was not pleasant.
00:20:27.71\00:20:30.80
And when the Holy
Spirit-- I looked,
00:20:30.83\00:20:32.82
I took one good look
at my husband one day
00:20:32.85\00:20:35.47
and I saw how I was hurting him.
00:20:35.50\00:20:37.94
And how he was just declining
00:20:37.97\00:20:41.50
and the Holy
Spirit spoke to my heart
00:20:41.53\00:20:43.94
and said "That is not why I
put the two of you together.
00:20:43.97\00:20:47.85
This is not it."
00:20:47.88\00:20:49.40
And I went to him in tears
00:20:49.43\00:20:51.21
and I asked to him to
forgive me for the way
00:20:51.24\00:20:53.67
that I have
treated him, and he did.
00:20:53.70\00:20:56.19
And there have been no
repercussions, nothing,
00:20:56.22\00:20:58.91
he hasn't said to me one time
00:20:58.94\00:21:00.50
well, I remember
when you did this.
00:21:00.53\00:21:02.25
He never brought up?
Never, ever brought it up.
00:21:02.28\00:21:04.93
And let me say
this to my audience.
00:21:04.97\00:21:07.30
That it's so
important about healing.
00:21:07.33\00:21:09.24
Now if you're going
to forgive your spouse,
00:21:09.27\00:21:11.93
a child, a
neighbor, then you have
00:21:11.96\00:21:14.82
to leave it there.
00:21:14.85\00:21:16.71
You can't bring that up
again and bring it up again
00:21:16.74\00:21:19.78
because when you're saying
to me not only if you have
00:21:19.81\00:21:21.67
not forgiven you
haven't forgotten.
00:21:21.70\00:21:23.46
We ought to throw
things the Bible saying to us,
00:21:23.49\00:21:25.82
"sea of forgetfulness."
00:21:25.85\00:21:27.45
And how many times
Arthur, does God forgive us?
00:21:27.48\00:21:29.55
Seven times seventy.
00:21:29.58\00:21:30.62
Seventy, seventy,
over and over again
00:21:30.65\00:21:33.59
and if we're unable
to forgive each other,
00:21:33.62\00:21:36.42
God will not forgive us.
00:21:36.45\00:21:38.21
So that's beautiful
because people tend,
00:21:38.24\00:21:40.94
and we see it in
our counseling practice
00:21:40.97\00:21:42.92
where you keep bring
this, you keep throwing
00:21:42.95\00:21:45.28
that in my
face, how can a person
00:21:45.31\00:21:47.05
get passed it, they can't.
00:21:47.08\00:21:49.20
He never spoke about it.
00:21:49.23\00:21:50.79
So now what type of
things do you do for yourself?
00:21:50.82\00:21:55.33
I mean, not individually,
I mean, as a couple.
00:21:55.36\00:21:57.93
I mean, because to me,
that helps the relationship
00:21:57.96\00:22:01.20
get stronger and stronger.
00:22:01.23\00:22:02.84
So what're some of the
things that you do together?
00:22:02.87\00:22:05.57
We pray to together.
00:22:05.60\00:22:08.28
I like going for walks. Okay.
00:22:08.31\00:22:10.63
Maybe he'll come
with me sometimes.
00:22:10.66\00:22:11.70
That's nice.
00:22:11.73\00:22:12.77
Getting little cold now
so, I don't know if we'll be
00:22:12.80\00:22:14.23
walking too much more.
00:22:14.26\00:22:15.46
All right.
00:22:15.49\00:22:17.31
I'd like to go to
the shopping center.
00:22:17.34\00:22:20.32
Sometimes I can get him
to go, sometimes I can't.
00:22:20.35\00:22:22.76
I have to go to
Home Depot with him,
00:22:22.79\00:22:25.41
when he goes to Home Depot.
00:22:25.44\00:22:26.47
I love Home Depot.
00:22:26.50\00:22:28.22
It's all right, if
I'm not looking at that,
00:22:28.25\00:22:30.48
then I'm looking at tools.
00:22:30.51\00:22:31.94
And we do that, you know,
and one thing I have to say
00:22:31.97\00:22:36.15
about him, we share the
household responsibilities.
00:22:36.18\00:22:40.00
But every time I
wash our clothing,
00:22:40.03\00:22:44.57
he always thanks me
for washing his clothes.
00:22:44.60\00:22:46.95
Okay, I got to
stop you right there.
00:22:46.98\00:22:48.42
Oh, my goodness,
thank you very much
00:22:48.45\00:22:50.54
I needed to hear that.
00:22:50.57\00:22:51.93
Did you hear that? I had.
00:22:51.96\00:22:54.02
How powerful that
was? That was powerful.
00:22:54.05\00:22:55.79
Did you hear this is--
00:22:55.82\00:22:57.63
I want to say to my viewers,
many times I've said Arthur,
00:22:57.66\00:23:01.56
I'll do some work, he
says "why should I say please
00:23:01.59\00:23:03.69
or thanks, you're my wife."
00:23:03.72\00:23:04.97
It's just courtesy.
00:23:05.00\00:23:07.15
It is so good to
hear that another man
00:23:07.18\00:23:09.78
can say thank you
when his wife does--
00:23:09.81\00:23:11.27
Kim. Yes, dear.
00:23:11.30\00:23:12.68
Did I not say
thank you this morning?
00:23:12.71\00:23:15.68
And you know,
what and yesterday--
00:23:15.71\00:23:17.78
I mean, now you can't say
00:23:17.81\00:23:19.53
that this is a
ongoing practice for me.
00:23:19.56\00:23:21.14
It is not, but I
reiterated to him,
00:23:21.17\00:23:24.60
how it makes feel when
he does says thank you.
00:23:24.63\00:23:26.79
He thanks me for
the meals that I cook.
00:23:26.82\00:23:28.18
Anything when he
cooks? He thanks when I cook.
00:23:28.21\00:23:30.24
I don't thank
when he cooks a lot.
00:23:30.27\00:23:31.93
Well, Arthur does
thank me for cooking.
00:23:31.96\00:23:33.41
But he thanks me for cooking.
00:23:33.44\00:23:34.47
I think because it's so
rare, I mean, it's like--
00:23:34.50\00:23:37.30
And I think that's probably why.
00:23:37.33\00:23:39.42
Because the
Lord put in my heart,
00:23:39.45\00:23:41.27
the things that you should do
are things that make her happy.
00:23:41.30\00:23:45.01
That's beautiful.
00:23:45.04\00:23:46.09
That's' what the
Lord put that in my heart
00:23:46.12\00:23:47.23
so that was there.
00:23:47.26\00:23:48.31
See even though
we're the experts here
00:23:48.34\00:23:50.43
at "Making It Work,"
00:23:50.46\00:23:52.84
I think it's so
important to know
00:23:52.87\00:23:54.48
that we can
still grow as a couple.
00:23:54.51\00:23:56.80
So I'm going to
continue to say thank you.
00:23:56.83\00:23:59.23
And honey, I appreciated that--
00:23:59.26\00:24:01.14
Are you gonna
wash my clothes for me?
00:24:01.17\00:24:02.69
No, I gave up
washing Arthur's clothes
00:24:02.72\00:24:06.11
many, many years
ago, 11 years ago.
00:24:06.14\00:24:07.61
When I gave birth to
his beautiful baby girl
00:24:07.64\00:24:10.10
and I just something said
you know, I can't do that.
00:24:10.13\00:24:13.93
Do you know how
significant that is?
00:24:13.96\00:24:15.34
Oh, that's a whole another show,
00:24:15.37\00:24:16.64
so we'll bring
that back, all right.
00:24:16.67\00:24:18.88
Again Donald, what are
some of the things you like
00:24:18.91\00:24:20.74
to do, you know, your hobby.
00:24:20.77\00:24:21.91
Well, I'm a hands on
person. You're hands on person.
00:24:21.94\00:24:24.74
I go and fix this, you
know, what I was doing at that
00:24:24.77\00:24:27.60
place when I was there?
00:24:27.63\00:24:28.68
Yes. You're very,
very-- I'm a drywaller.
00:24:28.71\00:24:30.40
I'm fixer, I'm a fixer.
00:24:30.43\00:24:31.69
I just fix some
stuff the other day.
00:24:31.72\00:24:34.07
I was going to buy
a new stove he said
00:24:34.10\00:24:36.12
"I'll get the parts--
00:24:36.15\00:24:37.48
And I'll fix it and I
fixed it. And it's repaired.
00:24:37.51\00:24:39.61
Oh, so you don't
need buy a new stove?
00:24:39.64\00:24:40.79
No. That's great. Okay.
00:24:40.82\00:24:43.05
He can fix almost
anything, in the house.
00:24:43.08\00:24:44.95
Well, Donald, there's
a part out of my stove
00:24:44.98\00:24:48.14
but want a new stove.
00:24:48.17\00:24:51.62
That's a blessing. Now
that's a real blessing.
00:24:51.65\00:24:53.46
Good, it really is.
00:24:53.49\00:24:54.96
I pray on a daily
basis, and I think
00:24:54.99\00:24:57.65
that's the key right there.
00:24:57.68\00:24:59.46
The prayer.
00:24:59.49\00:25:00.54
My prayer is the daily
thing, is always praying.
00:25:00.57\00:25:05.04
Well, listen, we're
going to come right back
00:25:05.07\00:25:07.27
with "Making It Work"
and more from the Bryant's.
00:25:07.30\00:25:10.01
Welcome back to
the "Making It Work."
00:25:21.17\00:25:23.41
I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin.
00:25:23.44\00:25:24.73
And I'm Arthur Nowlin.
00:25:24.76\00:25:25.81
And today our guests
Donald and Bettye Bryant,
00:25:25.84\00:25:28.09
have been married
three and half years.
00:25:28.12\00:25:30.79
Three and half
exciting years. Yes.
00:25:30.82\00:25:34.27
You know, gone through
some trials and tribulations.
00:25:34.30\00:25:36.41
I don't know too many marriages
that have not gone through
00:25:36.44\00:25:39.06
any trials and tribulations.
00:25:39.09\00:25:40.44
But the key is like Donald said,
00:25:40.47\00:25:42.32
prayer-- and he said
"I'm not going anywhere."
00:25:42.35\00:25:46.58
He was determined through
the prayers of the righteous
00:25:46.61\00:25:48.73
are very much.
00:25:48.76\00:25:49.90
You know that is
so powerful for you
00:25:49.93\00:25:52.95
to say that
because a lot of times
00:25:52.98\00:25:55.19
when we get people
that coming to our office--
00:25:55.22\00:25:58.23
They are on the verge of saying,
00:25:58.26\00:26:00.14
I can't take it anymore.
00:26:00.17\00:26:02.00
Similar to you Bettye, you know,
00:26:02.03\00:26:03.82
and what really stands
out is the fact that you made
00:26:03.85\00:26:08.76
a decision that this your
home and you wanted to be a man
00:26:08.79\00:26:13.88
and a wife-- your
relationship to thrive
00:26:13.91\00:26:17.56
because of husband and wife.
00:26:17.59\00:26:20.01
So it's really
important that you've come
00:26:20.04\00:26:22.75
to that decision
and that you guys
00:26:22.78\00:26:24.38
are at a point where you
want to increase your territory.
00:26:24.41\00:26:29.07
Absolutely.
00:26:29.10\00:26:30.14
Continue to thrive
in your relationship.
00:26:30.17\00:26:32.63
Absolutely. Exactly
00:26:32.66\00:26:33.69
So now with
everything that's going on
00:26:33.72\00:26:36.23
in your relationship,
where do you go from here,
00:26:36.26\00:26:40.27
your marriage?
00:26:40.30\00:26:41.37
Well, we're going to continue
00:26:41.40\00:26:43.80
doing the same
and we're going to--
00:26:43.83\00:26:45.55
I'm investing
00:26:45.58\00:26:46.87
in some other type
of business right now,
00:26:46.90\00:26:49.25
to get some more
different income.
00:26:49.28\00:26:51.09
And I think Bettye was,
what you said you was gonna do?
00:26:51.12\00:26:55.19
Well, I'm looking
into grant writing.
00:26:55.22\00:26:56.92
All right.
00:26:56.95\00:26:57.98
I wanted to learn
how to write grants.
00:26:58.01\00:26:59.12
You want to write grants?
00:26:59.15\00:27:00.18
And I want help those
people who are who want to start
00:27:00.21\00:27:02.95
a business and they
don't have the funds to do it.
00:27:02.98\00:27:06.64
You know, and to get grants,
00:27:06.67\00:27:08.49
government grants to help people
00:27:08.52\00:27:10.39
who would like to
have a-- you know,
00:27:10.42\00:27:12.54
to have a better
life for themselves
00:27:12.57\00:27:14.22
and their children.
00:27:14.25\00:27:15.29
I saw that when we were passing
00:27:15.32\00:27:16.80
by some of our
churches in the community
00:27:16.83\00:27:18.35
and in our church,
00:27:18.38\00:27:19.42
we're also giving
out boxes of food,
00:27:19.45\00:27:21.66
that grants were the
lot of those opportunities.
00:27:21.69\00:27:24.64
Absolutely.
00:27:24.67\00:27:25.72
Well, listen
there's so much more--
00:27:25.75\00:27:26.96
will you come
back be with us again?
00:27:26.99\00:27:28.29
Certainly. Sure.
00:27:28.32\00:27:29.56
Well, we truly appreciate
you. Let me keep you updated.
00:27:29.59\00:27:31.77
I just want to say
that in a relationship,
00:27:31.80\00:27:34.42
there's going to be crossroads,
00:27:34.45\00:27:35.50
going to be different paths
but it's up to you to decide
00:27:35.53\00:27:38.87
what you want in
your relationship
00:27:38.90\00:27:40.97
and you can make it work.
00:27:41.00\00:27:43.20
I'm Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin.
00:27:43.23\00:27:44.72
I'm Arthur Nowlin. God bless.
00:27:44.75\00:27:46.25