Welcome back.
00:00:01.66\00:00:03.00
We're talking
about Blended families.
00:00:03.03\00:00:05.27
This is a growing
concern within the church
00:00:05.30\00:00:08.00
and with the world in general.
00:00:08.04\00:00:10.04
It is happening
with greater frequency,
00:00:10.07\00:00:12.27
and we really need
to deal with this issue.
00:00:12.31\00:00:14.28
More and more
people in the church
00:00:14.31\00:00:15.64
are experiencing this,
00:00:15.68\00:00:17.01
people in society
are experiencing it.
00:00:17.05\00:00:18.98
Now when we were to break,
00:00:19.01\00:00:20.35
we talked about a couple
that were taking very great care
00:00:20.38\00:00:24.75
to make sure their
marriage was on the right path
00:00:24.79\00:00:26.76
as they blended two families.
00:00:26.79\00:00:28.12
That's right.
00:00:28.16\00:00:29.49
And they got the kids on board,
00:00:29.52\00:00:30.86
but they did
something else as well.
00:00:30.89\00:00:32.23
Well, they made a
pact with each other
00:00:32.26\00:00:33.86
that they would go to
counseling once a month,
00:00:33.90\00:00:36.73
for the first year,
needed or not, you know.
00:00:36.77\00:00:40.07
Regardless of whether
we need it, we're going.
00:00:40.10\00:00:42.54
Because that was the way
they wanted to prioritize
00:00:42.57\00:00:45.21
their marriage to make
sure that it stayed strong.
00:00:45.24\00:00:47.81
And it was interesting
they said, the results,
00:00:47.84\00:00:50.01
because sometimes
some months they would go
00:00:50.05\00:00:52.45
and they would just
spend the whole time
00:00:52.48\00:00:54.22
telling the counselor how
great it was to be married.
00:00:54.25\00:00:55.98
Wonderful.
00:00:56.02\00:00:57.35
How thrilled they were with it,
00:00:57.39\00:00:58.72
and they just
had a wonderful time.
00:00:58.75\00:01:00.29
Sometimes they said they went
knowing that they had an issue.
00:01:00.32\00:01:04.46
Many times they had to
deal with the children,
00:01:04.49\00:01:07.26
but it was some kind of issue
00:01:07.30\00:01:08.63
and they really
needed help with it,
00:01:08.66\00:01:10.33
and so they would
discuss whatever that issue was,
00:01:10.37\00:01:13.17
and they felt that that
was very helpful for them.
00:01:13.20\00:01:15.04
Mm-hmm.
00:01:15.07\00:01:16.40
Sometimes they
said, we went thinking,
00:01:16.44\00:01:17.97
"Oh, you know,
everything's good.
00:01:18.01\00:01:19.87
We're alright."
00:01:19.91\00:01:21.24
But when they got there,
00:01:21.28\00:01:22.61
as they began to talk
they realized, you know,
00:01:22.64\00:01:24.25
there were, there
was something that
00:01:24.28\00:01:25.61
they really did
need to work through,
00:01:25.65\00:01:27.58
and the counselor helped
them to work through issues.
00:01:27.62\00:01:30.72
And so for them,
it was a great help.
00:01:30.75\00:01:33.66
They said, once a
month that whole first year,
00:01:33.69\00:01:35.72
and it really kind of solidified
00:01:35.76\00:01:37.46
their marriage for them.
00:01:37.49\00:01:38.83
I think that's very wise.
00:01:38.86\00:01:40.20
They did this whole thing right.
00:01:40.23\00:01:41.96
They did it prayerfully.
00:01:42.00\00:01:43.33
First of all they
were a Christian couple,
00:01:43.37\00:01:44.70
they did it prayerfully,
00:01:44.73\00:01:46.07
they involved the entire family,
00:01:46.10\00:01:47.44
both families in
the whole process
00:01:47.47\00:01:48.90
so that everyone was on board,
00:01:48.94\00:01:50.64
they worked out the
problems in advance,
00:01:50.67\00:01:54.01
like talked
about all the issues,
00:01:54.04\00:01:55.61
worked through the
third party to make sure
00:01:55.64\00:01:57.18
those issues were covered,
00:01:57.21\00:01:58.65
and then when they got together,
00:01:58.68\00:02:00.82
even then they went to
counseling just to make sure
00:02:00.85\00:02:03.42
that this thing
is going to work.
00:02:03.45\00:02:04.79
They continued.
00:02:04.82\00:02:06.15
And they, they've
been very successful
00:02:06.19\00:02:07.52
with blending their family.
00:02:07.56\00:02:08.89
They have.
00:02:08.92\00:02:10.26
That doesn't mean that
it hasn't had challenges.
00:02:10.29\00:02:11.63
No, everyone
will have challenges.
00:02:11.66\00:02:12.99
Yeah.
00:02:13.03\00:02:14.36
But that was a
really good way to approach,
00:02:14.40\00:02:15.73
and especially for them.
00:02:15.76\00:02:17.10
And so I think our first step
00:02:17.13\00:02:18.97
in keeping your
blended family strong
00:02:19.00\00:02:21.24
is to keep your marriage strong.
00:02:21.27\00:02:22.60
Right.
00:02:22.64\00:02:23.97
The second step then is
to sit down and make a plan.
00:02:24.01\00:02:25.51
Let's have a plan.
00:02:25.54\00:02:26.88
Let's do, let's
plan as a couple.
00:02:26.91\00:02:28.24
So, if you plan as a couple,
how you want to handle things,
00:02:28.28\00:02:31.65
you won't know everything
that's gonna come out,
00:02:31.68\00:02:33.68
but you can have some
basic principles lined up.
00:02:33.72\00:02:36.45
And if you've
already blended the family,
00:02:36.48\00:02:38.22
you're already painfully aware
00:02:38.25\00:02:40.19
of what a number
of those issues are.
00:02:40.22\00:02:42.32
That's right.
00:02:42.36\00:02:43.69
So since you know them, now
let's sit down and find a way
00:02:43.73\00:02:47.20
to navigate your way
through these difficult issues,
00:02:47.23\00:02:50.73
and if these are too
difficult to do by yourself,
00:02:50.77\00:02:53.34
get a counselor involved,
00:02:53.37\00:02:54.70
someone who can at
least serve as referee
00:02:54.74\00:02:56.81
as you work through
these terrible issues.
00:02:56.84\00:02:58.41
That's right.
00:02:58.44\00:02:59.77
And then, bring
children in on that plan,
00:02:59.81\00:03:02.21
after you have a
couple plan, you know,
00:03:02.24\00:03:04.45
you can sit down with
the kids, and you can say,
00:03:04.48\00:03:06.31
now mom and dad
have gotten together,
00:03:06.35\00:03:09.35
and we think that if\
we can handle these things
00:03:09.38\00:03:12.09
in these specific ways,
and talk about, you know,
00:03:12.12\00:03:15.56
the logistics of
getting everything done.
00:03:15.59\00:03:17.99
You know,
handling the household,
00:03:18.03\00:03:19.46
talk about
discipline, talk about--
00:03:19.49\00:03:22.20
The rules-- The time.
00:03:22.23\00:03:23.57
And time.
00:03:23.60\00:03:24.93
And you know
talk about the rules,
00:03:24.97\00:03:26.30
all those different
things, and then say,
00:03:26.33\00:03:27.67
here's kind of
what we're thinking,
00:03:27.70\00:03:29.04
but we want your
input, and what do you think,
00:03:29.07\00:03:31.61
so that you begin to
create a family plan.
00:03:31.64\00:03:35.34
And then everybody
is on board with that,
00:03:35.38\00:03:38.35
you can refer back to it,
00:03:38.38\00:03:40.95
you can handle issues
that come up a lot easier
00:03:40.98\00:03:43.79
when you can say, you
know, we had a plan as a family,
00:03:43.82\00:03:47.19
we need to stick with it.
00:03:47.22\00:03:48.56
And I think that the
older your children are,
00:03:48.59\00:03:50.89
the more of those
items on your couple plan,
00:03:50.93\00:03:53.63
you need to be
willing to negotiate.
00:03:53.66\00:03:56.13
Obviously, there are some things
00:03:56.16\00:03:57.60
that you will never
negotiate, matters of scripture
00:03:57.63\00:04:00.60
and of principle
and moral issues,
00:04:00.64\00:04:03.20
you're not going to negotiate.
00:04:03.24\00:04:04.87
But there are other
items that you can negotiate.
00:04:04.91\00:04:07.51
And if children feel like
they've had input to the plan,
00:04:07.54\00:04:10.98
and their voice is been heard,
00:04:11.01\00:04:12.61
they're more likely
to abide by the plan.
00:04:12.65\00:04:14.78
Absolutely. And
to embrace the plan.
00:04:14.82\00:04:17.29
They wont feel like
they've been left out,
00:04:17.32\00:04:19.49
you know, again,
the control issue
00:04:19.52\00:04:21.29
that they don't have control
over anything in their lives.
00:04:21.32\00:04:23.73
Now the parents will
have veto power on the plan.
00:04:23.76\00:04:26.53
You know, as your setting it up,
00:04:26.56\00:04:28.00
but the
children's input needs to be
00:04:28.03\00:04:31.33
sincerely accepted and included.
00:04:31.37\00:04:35.90
Included.
00:04:35.94\00:04:37.27
Now let's talk a little
bit more about the children,
00:04:37.31\00:04:38.91
and recognize certain
things about these kids.
00:04:38.94\00:04:42.84
There needs to be
a tremendous amount
00:04:42.88\00:04:44.45
of compassion on
the part of both parents
00:04:44.48\00:04:47.02
toward the children.
00:04:47.05\00:04:48.38
Yours, mine,
ours, it doesn't matter.
00:04:48.42\00:04:50.35
And towards
yourself. And toward yourself.
00:04:50.39\00:04:52.15
So, I think the
big bullet point is,
00:04:52.19\00:04:53.92
'Be compassionate.'
00:04:53.96\00:04:55.59
There's been a lot
that's going on for all of you.
00:04:55.62\00:04:58.26
In order to come to this place,
00:04:58.29\00:04:59.76
so be
compassionate with each other,
00:04:59.79\00:05:02.56
realize that there are
grief issues at play here.
00:05:02.60\00:05:06.77
Because these
children, may be grieving
00:05:06.80\00:05:10.24
what they have lost and
you eluded to that earlier.
00:05:10.27\00:05:13.58
They maybe grieving the
fact that they don't have,
00:05:13.61\00:05:16.41
they've lost the dream
of their parents reuniting.
00:05:16.44\00:05:19.75
Because most children
in a divorced situation
00:05:19.78\00:05:22.45
carry that dream with them.
00:05:22.48\00:05:24.19
One day, mommy and daddy
00:05:24.22\00:05:25.72
are gonna get back together.
00:05:25.75\00:05:27.09
We'll have our
family together again.
00:05:27.12\00:05:28.46
And now, mom is gotten married,
00:05:28.49\00:05:30.56
or dad is gotten
married to someone else.
00:05:30.59\00:05:33.16
So, what happens to the
plan, what happens to the dream.
00:05:33.19\00:05:35.53
It's not going to happen. Yeah.
00:05:35.56\00:05:36.90
So they lose that dream,
00:05:36.93\00:05:38.27
and they have to
grieve the loss of that dream.
00:05:38.30\00:05:39.63
They lost the family,
they have to grieve that,
00:05:39.67\00:05:42.90
and now they lose the
dream of reuniting the family.
00:05:42.94\00:05:47.31
It may have even mean
a move, changing schools,
00:05:47.34\00:05:49.81
changing
communities, changing churches,
00:05:49.84\00:05:52.01
changing friends, more losses
00:05:52.05\00:05:54.28
that they've
experienced along the way.
00:05:54.32\00:05:55.65
Yes, so they've
lost all those things
00:05:55.68\00:05:57.02
they may have lost,
they may grieve the fact that
00:05:57.05\00:05:59.92
they loved their
bedroom that they used to have.
00:05:59.95\00:06:02.32
You know, you don't
know what's in their mind.
00:06:02.36\00:06:04.53
And what does that imply
in their heart, in their mind.
00:06:04.56\00:06:07.33
Mm-hmm.
00:06:07.36\00:06:08.70
So you have to be
compassionate for them.
00:06:08.73\00:06:10.07
And now, are they sharing a
bedroom with a step-sibling?
00:06:10.10\00:06:12.50
I mean, all sorts of
elements are coming to play here
00:06:12.53\00:06:15.10
that we have to be aware of.
00:06:15.14\00:06:16.87
And make sure that
we're compassionate
00:06:16.91\00:06:18.44
with the children, that
we administer to their needs,
00:06:18.47\00:06:20.61
through this whole process.
00:06:20.64\00:06:21.98
If the, if the family,
00:06:22.01\00:06:23.65
if they've lived in a single
parent family for some time,
00:06:23.68\00:06:26.41
they may have had quite a
bit of time with mom or dad,
00:06:26.45\00:06:29.05
whoever they were living with.
00:06:29.08\00:06:30.52
Now mom and dad's
time is divided because,
00:06:30.55\00:06:33.49
they've got this other person,
00:06:33.52\00:06:34.92
you know,
they've got a new spouse.
00:06:34.96\00:06:36.83
And may be other children that
have been introduced, so again,
00:06:37.16\00:06:41.10
we're spreading this
time even more thinly
00:06:41.13\00:06:43.26
across the layer of
children and spouse.
00:06:43.30\00:06:46.50
They may be grieving the
way the holidays used to be,
00:06:46.53\00:06:49.74
you know,
they've had a certain way
00:06:49.77\00:06:51.61
that they've
experienced the holidays.
00:06:51.64\00:06:53.78
They've always
been at Grandma's house,
00:06:53.81\00:06:55.34
or they've always been here.
00:06:55.38\00:06:56.71
Now that becomes
a logistical thing,
00:06:56.75\00:06:58.51
and what are we
doing for the holidays
00:06:58.55\00:07:00.62
They lose some
of their traditions.
00:07:00.65\00:07:02.72
There are a lot of things there,
00:07:02.75\00:07:04.09
so we have to be
compassionate for our children
00:07:04.12\00:07:06.22
and for each other.
00:07:06.25\00:07:07.59
And I think establishing
new traditions about having
00:07:07.62\00:07:09.72
the children be a part
of understanding of planning
00:07:09.76\00:07:12.46
what the new tradition is.
00:07:12.49\00:07:13.83
Mm-hmm. New family.
00:07:13.86\00:07:15.20
Let's see if we can
keep some of the old,
00:07:15.23\00:07:17.10
but maybe there's a need to
do away with some of the old,
00:07:17.13\00:07:20.54
because it just is
not practical anymore.
00:07:20.57\00:07:22.47
Right. Let's do something new.
00:07:22.50\00:07:24.41
What is our new tradition?
00:07:24.44\00:07:25.77
We're gonna do
this year and year out.
00:07:25.81\00:07:27.68
This is a new
tradition for our family,
00:07:27.71\00:07:29.38
and if the children can
be a part of planning that,
00:07:29.41\00:07:31.98
then it helps take care
00:07:32.01\00:07:33.52
of some of the pain
of the loss of the past.
00:07:33.55\00:07:35.55
That's right.
00:07:35.58\00:07:36.92
Um, the word compassion,
00:07:36.95\00:07:38.62
we talked about in another show,
00:07:38.65\00:07:41.22
and one definition for it
is, your pain in my heart.
00:07:41.26\00:07:44.53
So feel the pain of
the other family members.
00:07:44.56\00:07:47.56
This is a
difficult thing for them.
00:07:47.60\00:07:49.50
Be gentle with
everyone in the family.
00:07:49.53\00:07:52.23
I think being
available and just listening,
00:07:52.27\00:07:55.20
listening to what's going on
with them is really important.
00:07:55.24\00:07:59.27
Acknowledge their pain,
00:07:59.31\00:08:00.78
and facilitate
their grief process.
00:08:00.81\00:08:02.88
Yeah. It's gonna take time.
00:08:02.91\00:08:04.25
It does.
00:08:04.28\00:08:05.61
But, and I think the
other thing is to sit down
00:08:05.65\00:08:06.98
with that child, and help them
to know that you understand.
00:08:07.02\00:08:11.59
And you're not
judging the fact that
00:08:11.62\00:08:13.39
they're sad
about certain things.
00:08:13.42\00:08:15.52
But also help them to
begin to accept the new reality.
00:08:15.56\00:08:20.10
And that's gonna be a process,
00:08:20.13\00:08:21.96
but help them to
accept the new reality.
00:08:22.00\00:08:24.13
This is where we are
now, and these are the things
00:08:24.17\00:08:26.90
that can be joyful about this.
00:08:26.94\00:08:29.10
That's right.
As we move forward.
00:08:29.14\00:08:30.51
And if you're the
step-parent, your role may,
00:08:30.54\00:08:34.28
first of all you may
be hurt by the fact that
00:08:34.31\00:08:36.28
this child is not receiving you
as you wanted to be received,
00:08:36.31\00:08:39.31
it may feel like rejection,
00:08:39.35\00:08:41.08
where as the
child may feel like,
00:08:41.12\00:08:42.45
if I accept this step-parent,
00:08:42.48\00:08:45.02
is that being disloyal
to my dad, or to my mom,
00:08:45.05\00:08:48.99
is that being disloyal to them?
00:08:49.02\00:08:50.99
So they've got
these divided loyalties
00:08:51.03\00:08:52.79
they're worried about.
00:08:52.83\00:08:54.16
Be patient with this.
00:08:54.20\00:08:55.53
Don't accept everything
00:08:55.56\00:08:56.90
as a personal or
front, or rejection.
00:08:56.93\00:08:58.83
Yeah. Be gentle.
00:08:58.87\00:09:00.30
In fact you might not be as
involved with the discipline
00:09:00.34\00:09:03.41
during that time,
it may be that more
00:09:03.44\00:09:04.97
the birth parent
that is handling that.
00:09:05.01\00:09:07.21
Your role may be
simply to be a cheerleader.
00:09:07.24\00:09:10.18
That's right.
00:09:10.21\00:09:11.55
And a
compassionate friend for a time.
00:09:11.58\00:09:13.72
You're there to show up,
to love, to be compassionate,
00:09:13.75\00:09:16.69
to be the cheerleader,
and to just be a companion
00:09:16.72\00:09:20.46
that's there to love them.
00:09:20.49\00:09:21.82
Yeah.
00:09:21.86\00:09:23.19
Be a person who has open arms.
00:09:23.22\00:09:25.33
And yet, don't
push yourself on them.
00:09:25.36\00:09:27.60
Yeah.
00:09:27.63\00:09:28.96
You know, I remember my
dad had a philosophy about
00:09:29.00\00:09:32.87
small children,
you know, he was older,
00:09:32.90\00:09:35.60
he was actually the
age of a grandparent for me
00:09:35.64\00:09:38.87
when I was born, so he
was older, and so he would,
00:09:38.91\00:09:43.28
sometimes kids are
afraid of older people.
00:09:43.31\00:09:45.95
And he had a philosophy when
he was around little children
00:09:45.98\00:09:49.05
he would never try
to push himself on them,
00:09:49.08\00:09:51.39
or go up to
them, or speak to them.
00:09:51.42\00:09:53.39
But he would just
sit back and watch them,
00:09:53.42\00:09:55.52
and he tried to just
catch their eye, now and then.
00:09:55.56\00:09:57.96
You know, and
smile, or maybe a wink,
00:09:57.99\00:09:59.93
and maybe he
would be doing something
00:09:59.96\00:10:01.30
over here that was interesting.
00:10:01.33\00:10:02.66
Yeah. He loved to draw.
00:10:02.70\00:10:04.03
He was great at drawing.
00:10:04.07\00:10:05.40
So, he would just start drawing
pictures and pretty soon,
00:10:05.43\00:10:08.37
they would get interested,
and he would draw them
00:10:08.40\00:10:10.84
in not by
pushing himself on them,
00:10:10.87\00:10:13.51
but by them being
interested in what he was doing,
00:10:13.54\00:10:16.31
and showing that he
was just friendly and open.
00:10:16.34\00:10:18.38
Then he would take
the time to teach them,
00:10:18.41\00:10:20.02
or let them
participate with him,
00:10:20.05\00:10:21.95
and whatever it
was that he was doing.
00:10:21.98\00:10:23.52
Yeah. Have you ever drawn a dog?
00:10:23.55\00:10:24.89
Yeah. Can you draw a dog?
00:10:24.92\00:10:26.25
You know, then
he would show them,
00:10:26.29\00:10:27.62
and I think that's good
advice for a step-parent.
00:10:27.66\00:10:30.63
Mm-hmm. You're there.
00:10:30.66\00:10:32.49
You are, you know,
you catch their eye
00:10:32.53\00:10:34.93
you let them know I'm warm,
00:10:34.96\00:10:36.30
I'm accepting,
I'm caring about you.
00:10:36.33\00:10:38.20
Right.
00:10:38.23\00:10:39.57
And, and draw
them into something
00:10:39.60\00:10:41.14
that they might
be interested in.
00:10:41.17\00:10:42.94
Another part of
that is just simply
00:10:42.97\00:10:44.54
to be a Godly example to them.
00:10:44.57\00:10:46.17
Absolutely.
00:10:46.21\00:10:48.24
If indeed they have gone
through a difficult divorce,
00:10:48.28\00:10:51.35
they may not
have seen much of God,
00:10:51.38\00:10:53.38
in their parents
during that time of arguing,
00:10:53.42\00:10:57.85
that facilitated the divorce.
00:10:57.89\00:10:59.92
Now they need to see someone
who is a calm, gentle presence,
00:10:59.95\00:11:04.26
that loves Jesus with
all his heart, or her heart,
00:11:04.29\00:11:07.96
and is fully devoted to
him, and actually typifies
00:11:08.00\00:11:12.73
the characteristics
from the life of Christ.
00:11:12.77\00:11:15.04
If they can see that in you,
00:11:15.07\00:11:16.77
eventually
they'll be drawn to it.
00:11:16.81\00:11:18.47
And it may take time
so you have to be patient.
00:11:18.51\00:11:19.87
It does take time. Yeah.
00:11:19.91\00:11:21.54
Patience is big.
00:11:21.58\00:11:23.11
Focusing I think, on meeting
the needs of your children.
00:11:23.14\00:11:26.11
Yeah.
00:11:26.15\00:11:27.48
More than on the rules,
now rules are important.
00:11:27.52\00:11:30.02
Yes.
00:11:30.05\00:11:31.39
You've got to
have some guidelines
00:11:31.42\00:11:32.75
in to keep your
family out of chaos.
00:11:32.79\00:11:34.12
Or you'll have chaos. Chaos.
00:11:34.16\00:11:35.66
But focus more on meeting
the needs of the children.
00:11:35.69\00:11:39.09
And what are the
needs of these children?
00:11:39.13\00:11:41.06
They're the same as the needs
of any child, only more so.
00:11:41.10\00:11:44.73
They're on
steroids now. That's right.
00:11:44.77\00:11:46.74
And the needs of any
child, you know, to be loved,
00:11:46.77\00:11:49.80
to be nurtured, to be accepted,
00:11:49.84\00:11:51.77
to know that they have
a place, and they're safe.
00:11:51.81\00:11:54.58
That they are
cherished. That's right.
00:11:54.61\00:11:55.98
That they're a
part of the family.
00:11:56.01\00:11:57.38
That they belong. Mm-hmm.
00:11:57.41\00:11:58.88
That they are of significance
to people in that family,
00:11:58.91\00:12:01.92
and there's a place for
them to be nurtured and to grow,
00:12:01.95\00:12:05.19
and to be all that they can be.
00:12:05.22\00:12:06.76
And like you mentioned earlier,
00:12:06.79\00:12:08.42
sometimes those
kids are not gonna be
00:12:08.46\00:12:09.96
all warm and fuzzy towards you.
00:12:09.99\00:12:11.33
No, they are not.
00:12:11.36\00:12:12.69
So I think it's also
important to remember that
00:12:12.73\00:12:14.23
you are the adult,
you are the parent,
00:12:14.26\00:12:16.53
don't react to them in kind.
00:12:16.56\00:12:18.80
When they are, you
know, when they're prickly.
00:12:18.83\00:12:22.10
Instead you have maturity
in the way you approach them.
00:12:22.14\00:12:26.01
One of the symptoms of grief
in children is they act out.
00:12:26.04\00:12:28.88
Mm-hmm. And they
regress in behavior.
00:12:28.91\00:12:31.08
They used to tie their
shoe, they can't do it anymore.
00:12:31.11\00:12:33.68
They quit wetting the
bed, they may start again.
00:12:33.72\00:12:36.22
And so regressive behavior,
it's important to see that,
00:12:36.25\00:12:39.39
and be patient with
it, be gentle with it,
00:12:39.42\00:12:41.26
but see it for what it is.
00:12:41.29\00:12:42.82
This is a grief reaction,
and we're gonna be patient,
00:12:42.86\00:12:45.29
and love you
through this whole process.
00:12:45.33\00:12:47.30
And I think the last
thing is to focus on joy.
00:12:47.33\00:12:50.63
Let this be a home
that has joy and laughter.
00:12:50.67\00:12:53.87
Smile, laugh, we're
creating an atmosphere here,
00:12:53.90\00:12:58.51
that will create memories
that will be good ones for you.
00:12:58.54\00:13:02.21
The joy means even
being willing to accept,
00:13:02.24\00:13:04.91
to laugh at yourself, to
laugh at the circumstances,
00:13:04.95\00:13:09.05
and to find
happiness in everything you do.
00:13:09.08\00:13:11.59
We're a mess aren't
we? Oh, we are such a mess.
00:13:11.62\00:13:13.89
We're gonna
laugh about it anyway.
00:13:13.92\00:13:15.26
Yeah. Go forward.
00:13:15.29\00:13:16.62
And when you accept
yourself with your own foibles
00:13:16.66\00:13:20.06
and faults, children are
more willing to do the same.
00:13:20.10\00:13:22.96
They'll accept you as well,
and accept themselves as well.
00:13:23.00\00:13:25.47
I think we have to be
in more than survival mode.
00:13:25.50\00:13:28.30
You know, and this is
true for all families,
00:13:28.34\00:13:30.11
not just blended families.
00:13:30.14\00:13:31.91
We have to be in
more than survival mode.
00:13:31.94\00:13:34.48
Instead we want to be in
the mode of joy and contentment,
00:13:34.51\00:13:38.65
and that comes by
being intentional.
00:13:38.68\00:13:40.95
Nothing of value is
ever established by accident.
00:13:40.98\00:13:43.95
That's right.
00:13:43.99\00:13:45.32
It always takes a plan.
00:13:45.35\00:13:46.69
It took a plan
to create the world,
00:13:46.72\00:13:48.96
it took a plan to create you,
00:13:48.99\00:13:50.99
and now it takes a plan
to create a healthy family
00:13:51.03\00:13:53.73
with healthy children.
00:13:53.76\00:13:55.13
But the best part is to remember
00:13:55.16\00:13:56.77
that you're not
doing this alone.
00:13:56.80\00:13:58.30
Absolutely.
00:13:58.33\00:13:59.67
Jesus has
promised to be with you.
00:13:59.70\00:14:01.24
He will guide you
through this process.
00:14:01.27\00:14:03.10
We urge you to
include him in your plans,
00:14:03.14\00:14:05.64
because we want you to
be madly in love forever.
00:14:05.67\00:14:09.04