Participants: Mike and Gayle Tucker
Series Code: MGH
Program Code: MGH000079A
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00:20 Hello and welcome to "Marriage in God's Hands."
00:23 I'm Mike Tucker, joined by Gayle Tucker. 00:25 We're the host of Lifestyle Magazine 00:27 and Mad about Marriage. 00:29 The flagship programs of Faith for Today television, 00:32 the oldest religious television broadcast in the world, 00:34 and we are delighted to be here with you today. 00:37 One of the things that we do is have Lifestyle Magazine, 00:41 which is our flagship show as you said. 00:44 And when we have Lifestyle Magazine, 00:45 when we tape that, we bring guest on 00:47 who talk about all kinds of things about life. 00:50 They help us to understand relationships, and finances, 00:54 and all the health issues, all of the things that we have 00:58 and we just talk about life in general. 01:00 But apart of that is Mad about Marriage. 01:03 And Mad about Marriage 01:05 is our segment of Lifestyle Magazine 01:07 where we discuss marriage issues. 01:09 And we begin to ask the question, you know, 01:11 lifestyle life in America is bad for married couples 01:15 most of the time. 01:16 And so we began to ask the question, 01:18 what can we do to help with that? 01:20 And we asked, 01:21 are you madly in love or just plain mad? 01:23 And that's how we came up with Mad about Marriage. 01:26 That's right 01:27 And so, we share principles there on that program 01:29 and we're going to share some of those principles 01:30 with you here today. 01:32 We thought we would start 01:33 first of all by examining God's word. 01:35 What God has to say about marriage and go from there. 01:37 So, we're gonna look at scriptural foundations 01:40 of the marriage today. 01:41 Let's take a look first of all at Genesis Chapter 2. 01:44 And as we're looking at that, you've got a story. 01:45 Well, you know. Recently we took a trip to Australia. 01:50 But we live in a condo in Dallas, Texas. 01:54 And we've not lived in a condo situation, 01:56 usually we've lived in the suburbs 01:58 or something where we had a yard. 02:00 Now, we live in a condo 02:01 and there are 40 units in our building. 02:05 And so, we're kind of getting used to that idea 02:07 of living so close to people. 02:08 And recently when we were getting ready 02:10 to go to Australia, 02:12 we went down to our parking garage 02:13 which is underground. 02:15 And as we were down there, our neighbor came by 02:18 and he was getting ready to go somewhere too, 02:19 and he says, "Oh, where are you going, 02:21 it looks like you're all packed up." 02:22 And we said, "Oh, we're headed to Australia, New Zealand." 02:25 "Oh, that would be wonderful, he said I love to go there." 02:29 And we said, "Well, actually we're going for work, 02:31 we're going to sneak a few days for fun. 02:33 But mostly we're going for work." 02:34 "Oh! Well, what do you do?" 02:36 "Well, we do marriage seminars." 02:39 And he looked at us and he said, 02:40 "You know, I've not seen very good examples of marriage 02:44 among my friends, 02:45 and if it's all like that, I'm not going to do it." 02:49 He says, "I think that's why I've never got married 02:51 because it just seems like, it's a free for all." 02:54 And so, that was his take on this thing 02:57 and you know when we talk to him, 02:58 we began to discover that he's not the only one. 03:02 He is not the only one who feels that way, 03:04 so many people feel like 03:05 marriage is just simply a free for all. 03:07 What do you do? 03:09 How are you supposed to be married 03:10 and how are you supposed to have intimacy? 03:12 People on the outside looking in at marriage 03:14 feel like it's free for all. 03:15 People on the inside sometimes looking out 03:18 feel like it's free for all. 03:19 And I think it's because 03:20 we have failed to follow some basic principles. 03:23 Principles that we find in God's word 03:24 and now the research actually backs up 03:26 the principles of God's word. 03:28 So, we don't, you know, we can look at God's word, 03:30 we can look at the research, it all says the same thing. 03:33 There are certain things we could do 03:34 in order to make our marriages better 03:36 and to make marriage really work. 03:38 Well, God knew what He was doing 03:39 is basically what you're saying. 03:41 Because when we look in Genesis 2, 03:42 we find out what His plan was. 03:45 What He had in mind to begin with. 03:46 Let's take a look at Genesis 2:24 says, 03:49 "For this reason a man should leave his father and his mother 03:52 and be joined to his wife." 03:54 Some translation say cleave to his wife. 03:56 "And they shall become one flesh." 03:59 This idea of leaving father and mother, 04:04 being joined to your spouse and becoming one flesh. 04:09 Those are the three principles here. 04:10 Three things, so leave, 04:12 be joined or cleave, and be one. 04:15 Be one. 04:17 First of all why do we leave? 04:18 Yeah, well, you know 04:20 as the parent of adult children now, 04:22 I'm glad they did. 04:24 They're supposed to leave. They're supposed to leave. 04:26 And I think you leave 04:28 in order to start something new. 04:29 Otherwise there's a danger of being just swallowed up 04:33 with the family of origin 04:34 because, you know, you and I had years 04:37 to establish our home. 04:38 And we had principles, 04:40 and we had traditions that were part of who we are. 04:43 And now the kids though need their own separate identity 04:46 as a couple to leave, isn't it a important thing. 04:49 I heard one guy advice newly married couples 04:52 to live at least 600 miles away 04:53 from the nearest living relative 04:55 for at least the first few years. 04:57 And there's actually something to that. 04:59 Because it helps them to establish the fact 05:01 that they are a family on their own, 05:03 and it helps them to cleave to each other 05:05 when the tough times come. 05:07 There's not somebody else to run to 05:09 and it doesn't mean you forget your parents. 05:11 It means that you make sure 05:13 that you establish a home that's yours. 05:15 There has to be a separate identity, 05:17 a kind of a corporate identity if you will. 05:20 This is who we are, this is what we do. 05:22 And so leaving I think is important 05:24 but that second word cleave or to be joined. 05:26 What does it mean to you? 05:28 Well, you know, we looked it up 05:29 and some of the meanings of the word 05:31 in the original language 05:32 are things like this, to cling, to stick. 05:37 To hold, to cleave 05:40 and I love this one, to follow hard. 05:42 Oh, wow. To follow hard. 05:44 If you're going to follow hard after your spouse, 05:47 that means you're going to say, 05:49 "We're together, no matter what." 05:51 It makes me think of something that David Ring said. 05:54 And David Ring is motivational speaker, 05:57 he's a wonderful Christian man, 05:59 who has cerebral palsy. 06:01 And so, he talks about his marriage. 06:03 He's married to a beautiful woman. 06:04 They have I think four children or something together. 06:06 Yeah, he says, "I've told her, 06:08 if she ever leaves, I'm going with her." 06:10 I think that's how it ought to be, right? 06:13 If you leave, I'm going with you 06:14 is that you're just stuck with me no matter what. 06:17 And again, that means that I'm going with you, 06:19 but I'm going to do my best to make this a situation 06:23 that is so attractive for you that you'd be nuts to leave me. 06:26 I'm going to do my best 06:27 to make this marriage so attractive. 06:29 And have, what we have together so good 06:31 that you don't want to leave. 06:34 But still that follow hard, I think that's what it means, 06:37 it means that I'm going to follow in such a way 06:39 that we're going to work hard to make this thing doable. 06:43 That's right and we're tied together. 06:45 And then the third part says that "We should be one flesh." 06:49 What does that mean to be one flesh? 06:51 You know, I think it says, 06:52 "That we're going to have an intimacy. 06:54 That is going to be a closeness of hearts. 06:58 It's going to be physical, it's going to be emotional, 07:01 it's going to be spiritual. We're going to be one." 07:04 You know, one of the things that you hear a lot 07:07 nowadays is the term soul mate. 07:09 And I think everybody wants to have a soul mate, right? 07:12 They want to have that person 07:13 that their hearts are just close. 07:15 And as my dad used to say, "They see eye to eye." 07:18 Eye to eye, that's what your dad said. 07:19 Eye to eye, but, you know, what, 07:20 what is going around in popular, 07:22 popular culture today is a little bit different 07:24 I think than what God had in mind by one flesh. 07:27 Because there's this idea 07:29 that there is some ethereal person 07:33 out there somewhere. 07:34 Someone chanted evening, 07:36 I'm gonna meet that person across a crowded room, right? 07:38 Yes. Yeah. 07:39 And then suddenly we will click. 07:41 And if I can just find that one person 07:42 it's going to be great. 07:44 In fact, I looked up soulmate, in the urban dictionary. 07:47 Now, the urban dictionary is... 07:48 A real source, right? A great authority, right. 07:51 But I looked it up, and here's what people think of 07:53 when they think of soul mate 07:54 according to the urban dictionary. 07:56 "It's a person with whom 07:57 you have an immediate connection 07:59 the moment you meet. 08:00 A connection so strong, you're drawn to them in a way 08:02 you have never experienced before. 08:05 As this connection develops overtime, 08:07 you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, 08:10 you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved 08:12 anyone prior. 08:14 And your soul mate understands 08:15 and connect with you on every level every way. 08:18 You have a sense of peace, and calmness, and serenity 08:20 when you're around them. 08:21 And if you're not around them, you cannot possibly be happy. 08:24 You know my question... Amazing. 08:26 Amazing. Amazing. 08:27 My question is, can we ever find a human being 08:30 that would measure up to that. 08:31 No. 08:33 Or could we possibly... 08:34 I mean you're close but not, yeah, come on. 08:36 Can we possibly expect one single person 08:39 to bear that much responsibility 08:41 for our happiness, 08:42 another person to bear that responsibility? 08:44 No. 08:46 So, I think we get mixed up on what soul mate really is. 08:49 A soul mate is someone with whom you make a choice 08:52 to be one. 08:54 And that's the key here, I think is making the choice. 08:56 I have the opportunity to choose to become one 08:59 with my spouse. 09:01 I've chosen to become one with you. 09:03 That means that we have chosen to be soul mates. 09:06 Doesn't mean that we're perfect in every way, 09:08 we're not perfectly matched. 09:09 But we have decided to have 09:11 as close to a perfect marriage as we can 09:13 because we've decided that we are going to connect 09:15 in every way possible 09:17 and have one focus, one purpose for marriage. 09:21 And I think choice is a key word there 09:23 because we can choose that, the reason we know that 09:26 is because the people to whom the Bible was written, 09:29 then the audience at the time were all in arrange marriages. 09:33 They didn't go out and find that person in a crowded-- 09:35 across the crowded room. 09:37 A crowded room, yeah. 09:38 They did not, they were in arranged marriages. 09:40 Their parents basically said, "You will be married." 09:43 And yet the Bible says, "Those two can be one." 09:47 They can be one flesh that Genesis talks about it, 09:50 it's talked about throughout the Bible. 09:51 So, two strangers basically coming together, 09:54 and now the Bible says, "You're going to be one flesh." 09:57 So, how do you make that happen? 09:58 You choose. 10:00 You make it happen by the choices that you make. 10:01 And you also add someone else to this mix and that is God. 10:05 God is going to help you make this, 10:06 this something special. 10:08 Let's take a look at another passage of scripture, 10:10 it's found in Ephesians 5:25. 10:13 And tell you what, 10:15 we can read it from a paraphrase version 10:19 or maybe I can use 10:21 the New American Standard Version. 10:23 Yeah, I like some of the things here 10:25 in the paraphrase. 10:26 Okay. Go ahead with that. 10:27 Let's start first of all with the New American Standard, 10:29 this is a more traditional reading of this is, 10:32 "Husbands, love your wives, 10:33 just as Christ also loved the church 10:35 and gave Himself up for her." 10:37 Now, again that's, that's the type of language 10:39 that we're used to hearing with this 10:40 and that makes sense to me. 10:42 I buy into that but there's a paraphrase of this. 10:44 Well, it's not even a paraphrase, 10:46 it's a New Living Translation. 10:47 Okay, so it's a looser translation. 10:49 And it's more in the language that we would use today 10:52 it says, "Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives..." 10:55 Oh, I like that. 10:57 "Exactly as Christ did for the church." 10:59 And that really is what this is talking about, 11:01 I'm going to go all out in my love for you. 11:04 That means that I have to go all out 11:05 in demonstrating to you that I do love you, 11:08 that I cherish you, that I adore you. 11:10 And then it says, "A love mark by giving, 11:13 not getting." 11:14 We are very mixed up on that in marriage today. 11:17 And I think that's a lot of the reason 11:19 for many divorces, 11:20 because we come into marriage feeling like 11:23 this is going to fulfill me, 11:24 this is going to give me what I've been looking for. 11:27 I'm going to have my vision met, my expectations met, 11:32 I will feel good because of this marriage. 11:34 And we both do a lot of marriage counseling 11:36 and when people come in, 11:38 they're usually focused on their pain. 11:40 You know, he's not doing this for me 11:42 or she's failing to do this for me. 11:44 And we become very myopic, 11:45 we only think about what the other person 11:47 is not doing for us. 11:49 But the idea of marriage 11:50 is for me to be focusing on what I can give to you. 11:53 I'm going to go all out 11:55 in meeting your needs in this relationship. 11:58 I want to go out and give to you 12:00 rather than keep a record of what you're giving to me. 12:02 And it's a matter of focus, isn't it? 12:03 It is. 12:05 It's a matter of saying this person is my family. 12:08 You know, we know that we're stuck with our blood family, 12:11 right. 12:12 And in a way I think, 12:13 sometimes we put our spouse in a different category. 12:16 We have our family here and then our spouse here. 12:20 But what we need to realize 12:22 is that our family is our spouse. 12:24 This person will be with me forever 12:27 and therefore I want to make it the very best I can. 12:29 Adam said of Eve "You are bone of my bone 12:31 and flesh of my flesh." 12:33 We share a common blood system as Christians. 12:35 You and I both are Christians, 12:37 so we share a common blood system 12:38 and that is the blood of Jesus Christ. 12:40 We are in every sense family. 12:42 We are together and God has ordained 12:44 that they should be together forever. 12:46 And not just that we're stuck with each other, 12:48 but we're going to cleave to one another, 12:50 and follow hard after one all hard, 12:52 and make this about what I can give to you, 12:55 what you can give to me, 12:56 not just what I'm getting out of this. 12:58 But what I give in order to make you feel fulfilled 13:00 in this relationship. 13:01 Well, we need to take a break now. 13:03 All right All right. 13:04 So, we're going to take a break. 13:06 We'll be right back right after this. |
Revised 2016-04-04