Hello and welcome to "Marriage in God's Hands." 00:00:20.38\00:00:23.18 I'm Mike Tucker, joined by Gayle Tucker. 00:00:23.22\00:00:25.75 We're the host of Lifestyle Magazine 00:00:25.79\00:00:27.96 and Mad about Marriage. 00:00:27.99\00:00:29.32 The flagship programs of Faith for Today television, 00:00:29.36\00:00:32.03 the oldest religious television broadcast in the world, 00:00:32.06\00:00:34.46 and we are delighted to be here with you today. 00:00:34.50\00:00:37.60 One of the things that we do is have Lifestyle Magazine, 00:00:37.63\00:00:41.74 which is our flagship show as you said. 00:00:41.77\00:00:44.07 And when we have Lifestyle Magazine, 00:00:44.11\00:00:45.87 when we tape that, we bring guest on 00:00:45.91\00:00:47.61 who talk about all kinds of things about life. 00:00:47.64\00:00:50.51 They help us to understand relationships, and finances, 00:00:50.55\00:00:54.88 and all the health issues, all of the things that we have 00:00:54.92\00:00:58.75 and we just talk about life in general. 00:00:58.79\00:01:00.82 But apart of that is Mad about Marriage. 00:01:00.86\00:01:03.69 And Mad about Marriage 00:01:03.73\00:01:05.06 is our segment of Lifestyle Magazine 00:01:05.09\00:01:07.40 where we discuss marriage issues. 00:01:07.43\00:01:09.56 And we begin to ask the question, you know, 00:01:09.60\00:01:11.60 lifestyle life in America is bad for married couples 00:01:11.63\00:01:15.54 most of the time. 00:01:15.57\00:01:16.94 And so we began to ask the question, 00:01:16.97\00:01:18.31 what can we do to help with that? 00:01:18.34\00:01:19.97 And we asked, 00:01:20.01\00:01:21.34 are you madly in love or just plain mad? 00:01:21.38\00:01:23.91 And that's how we came up with Mad about Marriage. 00:01:23.95\00:01:26.11 That's right 00:01:26.15\00:01:27.48 And so, we share principles there on that program 00:01:27.52\00:01:29.52 and we're going to share some of those principles 00:01:29.55\00:01:30.89 with you here today. 00:01:30.92\00:01:32.25 We thought we would start 00:01:32.29\00:01:33.62 first of all by examining God's word. 00:01:33.66\00:01:34.99 What God has to say about marriage and go from there. 00:01:35.02\00:01:37.73 So, we're gonna look at scriptural foundations 00:01:37.76\00:01:39.96 of the marriage today. 00:01:40.00\00:01:41.60 Let's take a look first of all at Genesis Chapter 2. 00:01:41.63\00:01:44.07 And as we're looking at that, you've got a story. 00:01:44.10\00:01:45.87 Well, you know. Recently we took a trip to Australia. 00:01:45.90\00:01:50.34 But we live in a condo in Dallas, Texas. 00:01:50.37\00:01:54.04 And we've not lived in a condo situation, 00:01:54.08\00:01:56.64 usually we've lived in the suburbs 00:01:56.68\00:01:58.38 or something where we had a yard. 00:01:58.41\00:02:00.02 Now, we live in a condo 00:02:00.05\00:02:01.38 and there are 40 units in our building. 00:02:01.42\00:02:04.99 And so, we're kind of getting used to that idea 00:02:05.02\00:02:07.09 of living so close to people. 00:02:07.12\00:02:08.96 And recently when we were getting ready 00:02:08.99\00:02:10.76 to go to Australia, 00:02:10.79\00:02:12.13 we went down to our parking garage 00:02:12.16\00:02:13.80 which is underground. 00:02:13.83\00:02:15.20 And as we were down there, our neighbor came by 00:02:15.23\00:02:18.20 and he was getting ready to go somewhere too, 00:02:18.23\00:02:19.73 and he says, "Oh, where are you going, 00:02:19.77\00:02:21.10 it looks like you're all packed up." 00:02:21.14\00:02:22.90 And we said, "Oh, we're headed to Australia, New Zealand." 00:02:22.94\00:02:25.81 "Oh, that would be wonderful, he said I love to go there." 00:02:25.84\00:02:29.21 And we said, "Well, actually we're going for work, 00:02:29.24\00:02:30.98 we're going to sneak a few days for fun. 00:02:31.01\00:02:33.28 But mostly we're going for work." 00:02:33.31\00:02:34.82 "Oh! Well, what do you do?" 00:02:34.85\00:02:36.95 "Well, we do marriage seminars." 00:02:36.99\00:02:38.99 And he looked at us and he said, 00:02:39.02\00:02:40.96 "You know, I've not seen very good examples of marriage 00:02:40.99\00:02:44.39 among my friends, 00:02:44.43\00:02:45.86 and if it's all like that, I'm not going to do it." 00:02:45.89\00:02:49.26 He says, "I think that's why I've never got married 00:02:49.30\00:02:51.17 because it just seems like, it's a free for all." 00:02:51.20\00:02:54.44 And so, that was his take on this thing 00:02:54.47\00:02:57.01 and you know when we talk to him, 00:02:57.04\00:02:58.91 we began to discover that he's not the only one. 00:02:58.94\00:03:02.54 He is not the only one who feels that way, 00:03:02.58\00:03:04.28 so many people feel like 00:03:04.31\00:03:05.65 marriage is just simply a free for all. 00:03:05.68\00:03:07.82 What do you do? 00:03:07.85\00:03:09.18 How are you supposed to be married 00:03:09.22\00:03:10.55 and how are you supposed to have intimacy? 00:03:10.59\00:03:11.99 People on the outside looking in at marriage 00:03:12.02\00:03:14.29 feel like it's free for all. 00:03:14.32\00:03:15.72 People on the inside sometimes looking out 00:03:15.76\00:03:18.13 feel like it's free for all. 00:03:18.16\00:03:19.49 And I think it's because 00:03:19.53\00:03:20.86 we have failed to follow some basic principles. 00:03:20.90\00:03:23.16 Principles that we find in God's word 00:03:23.20\00:03:24.70 and now the research actually backs up 00:03:24.73\00:03:26.27 the principles of God's word. 00:03:26.30\00:03:28.20 So, we don't, you know, we can look at God's word, 00:03:28.24\00:03:30.87 we can look at the research, it all says the same thing. 00:03:30.91\00:03:33.58 There are certain things we could do 00:03:33.61\00:03:34.94 in order to make our marriages better 00:03:34.98\00:03:36.61 and to make marriage really work. 00:03:36.64\00:03:37.98 Well, God knew what He was doing 00:03:38.01\00:03:39.35 is basically what you're saying. 00:03:39.38\00:03:41.15 Because when we look in Genesis 2, 00:03:41.18\00:03:42.75 we find out what His plan was. 00:03:42.78\00:03:45.05 What He had in mind to begin with. 00:03:45.09\00:03:46.65 Let's take a look at Genesis 2:24 says, 00:03:46.69\00:03:49.42 "For this reason a man should leave his father and his mother 00:03:49.46\00:03:52.33 and be joined to his wife." 00:03:52.36\00:03:54.56 Some translation say cleave to his wife. 00:03:54.60\00:03:56.93 "And they shall become one flesh." 00:03:56.97\00:03:59.57 This idea of leaving father and mother, 00:03:59.60\00:04:04.61 being joined to your spouse and becoming one flesh. 00:04:04.64\00:04:09.04 Those are the three principles here. 00:04:09.08\00:04:10.51 Three things, so leave, 00:04:10.55\00:04:12.41 be joined or cleave, and be one. 00:04:12.45\00:04:15.62 Be one. 00:04:15.65\00:04:16.99 First of all why do we leave? 00:04:17.02\00:04:18.35 Yeah, well, you know 00:04:18.39\00:04:20.16 as the parent of adult children now, 00:04:20.19\00:04:22.86 I'm glad they did. 00:04:22.89\00:04:24.39 They're supposed to leave. They're supposed to leave. 00:04:24.43\00:04:26.70 And I think you leave 00:04:26.73\00:04:28.06 in order to start something new. 00:04:28.10\00:04:29.93 Otherwise there's a danger of being just swallowed up 00:04:29.96\00:04:33.44 with the family of origin 00:04:33.47\00:04:34.80 because, you know, you and I had years 00:04:34.84\00:04:37.37 to establish our home. 00:04:37.41\00:04:38.94 And we had principles, 00:04:38.97\00:04:40.31 and we had traditions that were part of who we are. 00:04:40.34\00:04:43.81 And now the kids though need their own separate identity 00:04:43.85\00:04:46.45 as a couple to leave, isn't it a important thing. 00:04:46.48\00:04:49.15 I heard one guy advice newly married couples 00:04:49.18\00:04:52.05 to live at least 600 miles away 00:04:52.09\00:04:53.82 from the nearest living relative 00:04:53.86\00:04:55.92 for at least the first few years. 00:04:55.96\00:04:57.36 And there's actually something to that. 00:04:57.39\00:04:59.39 Because it helps them to establish the fact 00:04:59.43\00:05:01.56 that they are a family on their own, 00:05:01.60\00:05:03.57 and it helps them to cleave to each other 00:05:03.60\00:05:05.53 when the tough times come. 00:05:05.57\00:05:07.17 There's not somebody else to run to 00:05:07.20\00:05:09.20 and it doesn't mean you forget your parents. 00:05:09.24\00:05:11.71 It means that you make sure 00:05:11.74\00:05:13.07 that you establish a home that's yours. 00:05:13.11\00:05:15.14 There has to be a separate identity, 00:05:15.18\00:05:17.31 a kind of a corporate identity if you will. 00:05:17.35\00:05:20.32 This is who we are, this is what we do. 00:05:20.35\00:05:22.65 And so leaving I think is important 00:05:22.68\00:05:24.22 but that second word cleave or to be joined. 00:05:24.25\00:05:26.69 What does it mean to you? 00:05:26.72\00:05:28.06 Well, you know, we looked it up 00:05:28.09\00:05:29.42 and some of the meanings of the word 00:05:29.46\00:05:31.59 in the original language 00:05:31.63\00:05:32.96 are things like this, to cling, to stick. 00:05:32.99\00:05:37.13 To hold, to cleave 00:05:37.17\00:05:40.24 and I love this one, to follow hard. 00:05:40.27\00:05:42.87 Oh, wow. To follow hard. 00:05:42.90\00:05:44.71 If you're going to follow hard after your spouse, 00:05:44.74\00:05:47.74 that means you're going to say, 00:05:47.78\00:05:49.11 "We're together, no matter what." 00:05:49.14\00:05:51.25 It makes me think of something that David Ring said. 00:05:51.28\00:05:54.38 And David Ring is motivational speaker, 00:05:54.42\00:05:57.42 he's a wonderful Christian man, 00:05:57.45\00:05:59.15 who has cerebral palsy. 00:05:59.19\00:06:01.19 And so, he talks about his marriage. 00:06:01.22\00:06:03.02 He's married to a beautiful woman. 00:06:03.06\00:06:04.39 They have I think four children or something together. 00:06:04.43\00:06:06.63 Yeah, he says, "I've told her, 00:06:06.66\00:06:08.00 if she ever leaves, I'm going with her." 00:06:08.03\00:06:10.93 I think that's how it ought to be, right? 00:06:10.97\00:06:13.13 If you leave, I'm going with you 00:06:13.17\00:06:14.50 is that you're just stuck with me no matter what. 00:06:14.54\00:06:17.11 And again, that means that I'm going with you, 00:06:17.14\00:06:19.64 but I'm going to do my best to make this a situation 00:06:19.67\00:06:23.01 that is so attractive for you that you'd be nuts to leave me. 00:06:23.04\00:06:26.45 I'm going to do my best 00:06:26.48\00:06:27.82 to make this marriage so attractive. 00:06:27.85\00:06:29.55 And have, what we have together so good 00:06:29.58\00:06:31.85 that you don't want to leave. 00:06:31.89\00:06:34.26 But still that follow hard, I think that's what it means, 00:06:34.29\00:06:37.06 it means that I'm going to follow in such a way 00:06:37.09\00:06:39.86 that we're going to work hard to make this thing doable. 00:06:39.89\00:06:43.70 That's right and we're tied together. 00:06:43.73\00:06:45.73 And then the third part says that "We should be one flesh." 00:06:45.77\00:06:49.24 What does that mean to be one flesh? 00:06:49.27\00:06:51.14 You know, I think it says, 00:06:51.17\00:06:52.51 "That we're going to have an intimacy. 00:06:52.54\00:06:54.81 That is going to be a closeness of hearts. 00:06:54.84\00:06:58.18 It's going to be physical, it's going to be emotional, 00:06:58.21\00:07:01.42 it's going to be spiritual. We're going to be one." 00:07:01.45\00:07:04.79 You know, one of the things that you hear a lot 00:07:04.82\00:07:07.09 nowadays is the term soul mate. 00:07:07.12\00:07:09.82 And I think everybody wants to have a soul mate, right? 00:07:09.86\00:07:12.26 They want to have that person 00:07:12.29\00:07:13.73 that their hearts are just close. 00:07:13.76\00:07:15.43 And as my dad used to say, "They see eye to eye." 00:07:15.46\00:07:18.00 Eye to eye, that's what your dad said. 00:07:18.03\00:07:19.37 Eye to eye, but, you know, what, 00:07:19.40\00:07:20.74 what is going around in popular, 00:07:20.77\00:07:22.24 popular culture today is a little bit different 00:07:22.27\00:07:24.67 I think than what God had in mind by one flesh. 00:07:24.71\00:07:27.48 Because there's this idea 00:07:27.51\00:07:29.51 that there is some ethereal person 00:07:29.54\00:07:33.31 out there somewhere. 00:07:33.35\00:07:34.68 Someone chanted evening, 00:07:34.72\00:07:36.05 I'm gonna meet that person across a crowded room, right? 00:07:36.08\00:07:38.29 Yes. Yeah. 00:07:38.32\00:07:39.65 And then suddenly we will click. 00:07:39.69\00:07:41.02 And if I can just find that one person 00:07:41.06\00:07:42.86 it's going to be great. 00:07:42.89\00:07:44.23 In fact, I looked up soulmate, in the urban dictionary. 00:07:44.26\00:07:47.30 Now, the urban dictionary is... 00:07:47.33\00:07:48.66 A real source, right? A great authority, right. 00:07:48.70\00:07:51.03 But I looked it up, and here's what people think of 00:07:51.07\00:07:53.47 when they think of soul mate 00:07:53.50\00:07:54.84 according to the urban dictionary. 00:07:54.87\00:07:56.20 "It's a person with whom 00:07:56.24\00:07:57.57 you have an immediate connection 00:07:57.61\00:07:59.11 the moment you meet. 00:07:59.14\00:08:00.48 A connection so strong, you're drawn to them in a way 00:08:00.51\00:08:02.84 you have never experienced before. 00:08:02.88\00:08:05.25 As this connection develops overtime, 00:08:05.28\00:08:07.65 you experience a love so deep, strong and complex, 00:08:07.68\00:08:10.29 you begin to doubt that you have ever truly loved 00:08:10.32\00:08:12.65 anyone prior. 00:08:12.69\00:08:14.29 And your soul mate understands 00:08:14.32\00:08:15.66 and connect with you on every level every way. 00:08:15.69\00:08:17.99 You have a sense of peace, and calmness, and serenity 00:08:18.03\00:08:20.26 when you're around them. 00:08:20.30\00:08:21.63 And if you're not around them, you cannot possibly be happy. 00:08:21.66\00:08:24.67 You know my question... Amazing. 00:08:24.70\00:08:26.33 Amazing. Amazing. 00:08:26.37\00:08:27.70 My question is, can we ever find a human being 00:08:27.74\00:08:30.57 that would measure up to that. 00:08:30.61\00:08:31.94 No. 00:08:31.97\00:08:33.31 Or could we possibly... 00:08:33.34\00:08:34.68 I mean you're close but not, yeah, come on. 00:08:34.71\00:08:36.61 Can we possibly expect one single person 00:08:36.64\00:08:39.78 to bear that much responsibility 00:08:39.81\00:08:41.38 for our happiness, 00:08:41.42\00:08:42.82 another person to bear that responsibility? 00:08:42.85\00:08:44.65 No. 00:08:44.69\00:08:46.02 So, I think we get mixed up on what soul mate really is. 00:08:46.05\00:08:49.36 A soul mate is someone with whom you make a choice 00:08:49.39\00:08:52.66 to be one. 00:08:52.69\00:08:54.03 And that's the key here, I think is making the choice. 00:08:54.06\00:08:56.73 I have the opportunity to choose to become one 00:08:56.77\00:08:59.90 with my spouse. 00:08:59.93\00:09:01.50 I've chosen to become one with you. 00:09:01.54\00:09:03.91 That means that we have chosen to be soul mates. 00:09:03.94\00:09:06.27 Doesn't mean that we're perfect in every way, 00:09:06.31\00:09:08.11 we're not perfectly matched. 00:09:08.14\00:09:09.71 But we have decided to have 00:09:09.74\00:09:11.48 as close to a perfect marriage as we can 00:09:11.51\00:09:13.48 because we've decided that we are going to connect 00:09:13.52\00:09:15.88 in every way possible 00:09:15.92\00:09:17.62 and have one focus, one purpose for marriage. 00:09:17.65\00:09:21.06 And I think choice is a key word there 00:09:21.09\00:09:23.56 because we can choose that, the reason we know that 00:09:23.59\00:09:26.39 is because the people to whom the Bible was written, 00:09:26.43\00:09:29.66 then the audience at the time were all in arrange marriages. 00:09:29.70\00:09:33.44 They didn't go out and find that person in a crowded-- 00:09:33.47\00:09:35.94 across the crowded room. 00:09:35.97\00:09:37.31 A crowded room, yeah. 00:09:37.34\00:09:38.67 They did not, they were in arranged marriages. 00:09:38.71\00:09:40.54 Their parents basically said, "You will be married." 00:09:40.58\00:09:43.61 And yet the Bible says, "Those two can be one." 00:09:43.65\00:09:47.52 They can be one flesh that Genesis talks about it, 00:09:47.55\00:09:50.39 it's talked about throughout the Bible. 00:09:50.42\00:09:51.79 So, two strangers basically coming together, 00:09:51.82\00:09:54.76 and now the Bible says, "You're going to be one flesh." 00:09:54.79\00:09:57.13 So, how do you make that happen? 00:09:57.16\00:09:58.83 You choose. 00:09:58.86\00:10:00.20 You make it happen by the choices that you make. 00:10:00.23\00:10:01.86 And you also add someone else to this mix and that is God. 00:10:01.90\00:10:05.17 God is going to help you make this, 00:10:05.20\00:10:06.53 this something special. 00:10:06.57\00:10:08.37 Let's take a look at another passage of scripture, 00:10:08.40\00:10:10.37 it's found in Ephesians 5:25. 00:10:10.41\00:10:13.58 And tell you what, 00:10:13.61\00:10:15.88 we can read it from a paraphrase version 00:10:15.91\00:10:18.98 or maybe I can use 00:10:19.01\00:10:21.12 the New American Standard Version. 00:10:21.15\00:10:23.08 Yeah, I like some of the things here 00:10:23.12\00:10:25.05 in the paraphrase. 00:10:25.09\00:10:26.42 Okay. Go ahead with that. 00:10:26.45\00:10:27.79 Let's start first of all with the New American Standard, 00:10:27.82\00:10:29.16 this is a more traditional reading of this is, 00:10:29.19\00:10:32.03 "Husbands, love your wives, 00:10:32.06\00:10:33.40 just as Christ also loved the church 00:10:33.43\00:10:35.36 and gave Himself up for her." 00:10:35.40\00:10:37.33 Now, again that's, that's the type of language 00:10:37.37\00:10:39.40 that we're used to hearing with this 00:10:39.43\00:10:40.77 and that makes sense to me. 00:10:40.80\00:10:42.14 I buy into that but there's a paraphrase of this. 00:10:42.17\00:10:44.87 Well, it's not even a paraphrase, 00:10:44.91\00:10:46.24 it's a New Living Translation. 00:10:46.27\00:10:47.61 Okay, so it's a looser translation. 00:10:47.64\00:10:49.51 And it's more in the language that we would use today 00:10:49.54\00:10:52.71 it says, "Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives..." 00:10:52.75\00:10:55.82 Oh, I like that. 00:10:55.85\00:10:57.19 "Exactly as Christ did for the church." 00:10:57.22\00:10:59.09 And that really is what this is talking about, 00:10:59.12\00:11:01.16 I'm going to go all out in my love for you. 00:11:01.19\00:11:04.23 That means that I have to go all out 00:11:04.26\00:11:05.89 in demonstrating to you that I do love you, 00:11:05.93\00:11:08.60 that I cherish you, that I adore you. 00:11:08.63\00:11:10.80 And then it says, "A love mark by giving, 00:11:10.83\00:11:13.20 not getting." 00:11:13.23\00:11:14.87 We are very mixed up on that in marriage today. 00:11:14.90\00:11:17.51 And I think that's a lot of the reason 00:11:17.54\00:11:19.47 for many divorces, 00:11:19.51\00:11:20.91 because we come into marriage feeling like 00:11:20.94\00:11:23.58 this is going to fulfill me, 00:11:23.61\00:11:24.95 this is going to give me what I've been looking for. 00:11:24.98\00:11:27.32 I'm going to have my vision met, my expectations met, 00:11:27.35\00:11:32.19 I will feel good because of this marriage. 00:11:32.22\00:11:34.89 And we both do a lot of marriage counseling 00:11:34.92\00:11:36.79 and when people come in, 00:11:36.83\00:11:38.16 they're usually focused on their pain. 00:11:38.19\00:11:40.93 You know, he's not doing this for me 00:11:40.96\00:11:42.53 or she's failing to do this for me. 00:11:42.56\00:11:44.53 And we become very myopic, 00:11:44.57\00:11:45.90 we only think about what the other person 00:11:45.93\00:11:47.50 is not doing for us. 00:11:47.54\00:11:49.20 But the idea of marriage 00:11:49.24\00:11:50.67 is for me to be focusing on what I can give to you. 00:11:50.71\00:11:53.78 I'm going to go all out 00:11:53.81\00:11:55.61 in meeting your needs in this relationship. 00:11:55.64\00:11:58.05 I want to go out and give to you 00:11:58.08\00:12:00.08 rather than keep a record of what you're giving to me. 00:12:00.12\00:12:02.32 And it's a matter of focus, isn't it? 00:12:02.35\00:12:03.69 It is. 00:12:03.72\00:12:05.05 It's a matter of saying this person is my family. 00:12:05.09\00:12:08.39 You know, we know that we're stuck with our blood family, 00:12:08.42\00:12:10.99 right. 00:12:11.03\00:12:12.36 And in a way I think, 00:12:12.39\00:12:13.73 sometimes we put our spouse in a different category. 00:12:13.76\00:12:16.77 We have our family here and then our spouse here. 00:12:16.80\00:12:20.34 But what we need to realize 00:12:20.37\00:12:22.00 is that our family is our spouse. 00:12:22.04\00:12:24.81 This person will be with me forever 00:12:24.84\00:12:27.14 and therefore I want to make it the very best I can. 00:12:27.18\00:12:29.31 Adam said of Eve "You are bone of my bone 00:12:29.34\00:12:31.68 and flesh of my flesh." 00:12:31.71\00:12:33.68 We share a common blood system as Christians. 00:12:33.72\00:12:35.82 You and I both are Christians, 00:12:35.85\00:12:37.19 so we share a common blood system 00:12:37.22\00:12:38.55 and that is the blood of Jesus Christ. 00:12:38.59\00:12:40.36 We are in every sense family. 00:12:40.39\00:12:42.39 We are together and God has ordained 00:12:42.42\00:12:44.39 that they should be together forever. 00:12:44.43\00:12:46.73 And not just that we're stuck with each other, 00:12:46.76\00:12:48.56 but we're going to cleave to one another, 00:12:48.60\00:12:50.10 and follow hard after one all hard, 00:12:50.13\00:12:52.53 and make this about what I can give to you, 00:12:52.57\00:12:55.10 what you can give to me, 00:12:55.14\00:12:56.47 not just what I'm getting out of this. 00:12:56.50\00:12:58.11 But what I give in order to make you feel fulfilled 00:12:58.14\00:13:00.28 in this relationship. 00:13:00.31\00:13:01.94 Well, we need to take a break now. 00:13:01.98\00:13:03.31 All right All right. 00:13:03.35\00:13:04.68 So, we're going to take a break. 00:13:04.71\00:13:06.05 We'll be right back right after this. 00:13:06.08\00:13:07.42