Hello and welcome to
"Marriage in God's Hands."
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I'm Mike Tucker,
joined by Gayle Tucker.
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We're the host of
Lifestyle Magazine
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and Mad about Marriage.
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The flagship programs of
Faith for Today television,
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the oldest religious television
broadcast in the world,
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and we are delighted
to be here with you today.
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One of the things that we
do is have Lifestyle Magazine,
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which is our
flagship show as you said.
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And when we have
Lifestyle Magazine,
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when we tape
that, we bring guest on
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who talk about all
kinds of things about life.
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They help us to understand
relationships, and finances,
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and all the health issues,
all of the things that we have
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and we just talk
about life in general.
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But apart of that
is Mad about Marriage.
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And Mad about Marriage
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is our segment of
Lifestyle Magazine
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where we
discuss marriage issues.
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And we begin to ask
the question, you know,
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lifestyle life in America
is bad for married couples
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most of the time.
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And so we began
to ask the question,
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what can we do
to help with that?
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And we asked,
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are you madly in
love or just plain mad?
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And that's how we came
up with Mad about Marriage.
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That's right
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And so, we share
principles there on that program
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and we're going to
share some of those principles
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with you here today.
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We thought we would start
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first of all by
examining God's word.
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What God has to say about
marriage and go from there.
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So, we're gonna look
at scriptural foundations
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of the marriage today.
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Let's take a look first
of all at Genesis Chapter 2.
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And as we're looking at
that, you've got a story.
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Well, you know. Recently
we took a trip to Australia.
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But we live in a
condo in Dallas, Texas.
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And we've not lived
in a condo situation,
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usually we've
lived in the suburbs
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or something
where we had a yard.
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Now, we live in a condo
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and there are 40
units in our building.
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And so, we're kind of
getting used to that idea
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of living so close to people.
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And recently when
we were getting ready
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to go to Australia,
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we went down to
our parking garage
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which is underground.
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And as we were down
there, our neighbor came by
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and he was getting
ready to go somewhere too,
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and he says, "Oh,
where are you going,
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it looks like
you're all packed up."
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And we said, "Oh, we're headed
to Australia, New Zealand."
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"Oh, that would be wonderful,
he said I love to go there."
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And we said, "Well,
actually we're going for work,
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we're going to
sneak a few days for fun.
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But mostly
we're going for work."
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"Oh! Well, what do you do?"
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"Well, we do marriage seminars."
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And he looked at us and he said,
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"You know, I've not seen
very good examples of marriage
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among my friends,
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and if it's all like
that, I'm not going to do it."
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He says, "I think that's
why I've never got married
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because it just seems
like, it's a free for all."
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And so, that was
his take on this thing
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and you know
when we talk to him,
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we began to discover
that he's not the only one.
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He is not the only
one who feels that way,
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so many people feel like
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marriage is just
simply a free for all.
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What do you do?
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How are you
supposed to be married
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and how are you
supposed to have intimacy?
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People on the outside
looking in at marriage
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feel like it's free for all.
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People on the inside
sometimes looking out
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feel like it's free for all.
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And I think it's because
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we have failed to
follow some basic principles.
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Principles that
we find in God's word
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and now the
research actually backs up
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the principles of God's word.
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So, we don't, you know,
we can look at God's word,
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we can look at the research,
it all says the same thing.
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There are certain
things we could do
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in order to make
our marriages better
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and to make
marriage really work.
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Well, God knew what He was doing
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is basically what you're saying.
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Because when we
look in Genesis 2,
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we find out what His plan was.
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What He had in
mind to begin with.
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Let's take a look
at Genesis 2:24 says,
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"For this reason a man should
leave his father and his mother
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and be joined to his wife."
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Some translation
say cleave to his wife.
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"And they shall
become one flesh."
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This idea of
leaving father and mother,
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being joined to your
spouse and becoming one flesh.
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Those are the
three principles here.
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Three things, so leave,
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be joined or cleave, and be one.
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Be one.
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First of all why do we leave?
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Yeah, well, you know
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as the parent of
adult children now,
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I'm glad they did.
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They're supposed to leave.
They're supposed to leave.
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And I think you leave
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in order to start something new.
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Otherwise there's a danger
of being just swallowed up
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with the family of origin
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because, you know,
you and I had years
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to establish our home.
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And we had principles,
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and we had traditions
that were part of who we are.
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And now the kids though
need their own separate identity
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as a couple to leave,
isn't it a important thing.
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I heard one guy
advice newly married couples
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to live at least 600 miles away
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from the nearest living relative
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for at least
the first few years.
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And there's
actually something to that.
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Because it helps
them to establish the fact
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that they are a
family on their own,
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and it helps them
to cleave to each other
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when the tough times come.
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There's not
somebody else to run to
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and it doesn't mean
you forget your parents.
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It means that you make sure
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that you establish
a home that's yours.
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There has to be a
separate identity,
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a kind of a
corporate identity if you will.
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This is who we
are, this is what we do.
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And so leaving I
think is important
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but that second word
cleave or to be joined.
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What does it mean to you?
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Well, you know, we looked it up
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and some of the
meanings of the word
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in the original language
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are things like
this, to cling, to stick.
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To hold, to cleave
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and I love this
one, to follow hard.
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Oh, wow. To follow hard.
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If you're going to
follow hard after your spouse,
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that means you're going to say,
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"We're
together, no matter what."
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It makes me think of
something that David Ring said.
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And David Ring is
motivational speaker,
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he's a wonderful Christian man,
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who has cerebral palsy.
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And so, he talks
about his marriage.
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He's married to
a beautiful woman.
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They have I think four
children or something together.
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Yeah, he says, "I've told her,
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if she ever leaves,
I'm going with her."
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I think that's how
it ought to be, right?
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If you leave, I'm going with you
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is that you're just
stuck with me no matter what.
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And again, that means
that I'm going with you,
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but I'm going to do my
best to make this a situation
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that is so attractive for you
that you'd be nuts to leave me.
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I'm going to do my best
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to make this
marriage so attractive.
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And have, what we
have together so good
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that you don't want to leave.
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But still that follow hard,
I think that's what it means,
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it means that I'm
going to follow in such a way
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that we're going to work
hard to make this thing doable.
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That's right and
we're tied together.
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And then the third part says
that "We should be one flesh."
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What does that
mean to be one flesh?
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You know, I think it says,
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"That we're going
to have an intimacy.
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That is going to be
a closeness of hearts.
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It's going to be physical,
it's going to be emotional,
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it's going to be spiritual.
We're going to be one."
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You know, one of the
things that you hear a lot
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nowadays is the term soul mate.
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And I think everybody wants
to have a soul mate, right?
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They want to have that person
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that their
hearts are just close.
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And as my dad used to
say, "They see eye to eye."
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Eye to eye, that's
what your dad said.
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Eye to eye, but, you know, what,
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what is going around in popular,
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popular culture today
is a little bit different
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I think than what God
had in mind by one flesh.
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Because there's this idea
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that there is
some ethereal person
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out there somewhere.
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Someone chanted evening,
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I'm gonna meet that person
across a crowded room, right?
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Yes. Yeah.
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And then suddenly we will click.
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And if I can just
find that one person
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it's going to be great.
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In fact, I looked up soulmate,
in the urban dictionary.
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Now, the urban dictionary is...
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A real source, right?
A great authority, right.
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But I looked it up, and
here's what people think of
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when they think of soul mate
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according to the
urban dictionary.
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"It's a person with whom
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you have an immediate connection
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the moment you meet.
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A connection so strong,
you're drawn to them in a way
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you have never
experienced before.
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As this
connection develops overtime,
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you experience a love so
deep, strong and complex,
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you begin to doubt that
you have ever truly loved
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anyone prior.
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And your soul mate understands
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and connect with you
on every level every way.
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You have a sense of peace,
and calmness, and serenity
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when you're around them.
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And if you're not around them,
you cannot possibly be happy.
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You know my question... Amazing.
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Amazing. Amazing.
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My question is, can we
ever find a human being
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that would measure up to that.
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No.
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Or could we possibly...
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I mean you're close
but not, yeah, come on.
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Can we possibly
expect one single person
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to bear that much responsibility
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for our happiness,
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another person to
bear that responsibility?
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No.
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So, I think we get mixed up
on what soul mate really is.
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A soul mate is someone
with whom you make a choice
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to be one.
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And that's the key here, I
think is making the choice.
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I have the opportunity
to choose to become one
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with my spouse.
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I've chosen to
become one with you.
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That means that we have
chosen to be soul mates.
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Doesn't mean that
we're perfect in every way,
00:09:06.31\00:09:08.11
we're not perfectly matched.
00:09:08.14\00:09:09.71
But we have decided to have
00:09:09.74\00:09:11.48
as close to a
perfect marriage as we can
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because we've decided
that we are going to connect
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in every way possible
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and have one focus,
one purpose for marriage.
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And I think choice
is a key word there
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because we can choose
that, the reason we know that
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is because the people to
whom the Bible was written,
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then the audience at the time
were all in arrange marriages.
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They didn't go out and
find that person in a crowded--
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across the crowded room.
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A crowded room, yeah.
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They did not, they
were in arranged marriages.
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Their parents basically
said, "You will be married."
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And yet the Bible
says, "Those two can be one."
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They can be one flesh
that Genesis talks about it,
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it's talked about
throughout the Bible.
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So, two strangers
basically coming together,
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and now the Bible says,
"You're going to be one flesh."
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So, how do you make that happen?
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You choose.
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You make it happen by
the choices that you make.
00:10:00.23\00:10:01.86
And you also add someone else
to this mix and that is God.
00:10:01.90\00:10:05.17
God is going to
help you make this,
00:10:05.20\00:10:06.53
this something special.
00:10:06.57\00:10:08.37
Let's take a look at
another passage of scripture,
00:10:08.40\00:10:10.37
it's found in Ephesians 5:25.
00:10:10.41\00:10:13.58
And tell you what,
00:10:13.61\00:10:15.88
we can read it from
a paraphrase version
00:10:15.91\00:10:18.98
or maybe I can use
00:10:19.01\00:10:21.12
the New American
Standard Version.
00:10:21.15\00:10:23.08
Yeah, I like some
of the things here
00:10:23.12\00:10:25.05
in the paraphrase.
00:10:25.09\00:10:26.42
Okay. Go ahead with that.
00:10:26.45\00:10:27.79
Let's start first of all
with the New American Standard,
00:10:27.82\00:10:29.16
this is a more
traditional reading of this is,
00:10:29.19\00:10:32.03
"Husbands, love your wives,
00:10:32.06\00:10:33.40
just as Christ
also loved the church
00:10:33.43\00:10:35.36
and gave Himself up for her."
00:10:35.40\00:10:37.33
Now, again that's,
that's the type of language
00:10:37.37\00:10:39.40
that we're used
to hearing with this
00:10:39.43\00:10:40.77
and that makes sense to me.
00:10:40.80\00:10:42.14
I buy into that but
there's a paraphrase of this.
00:10:42.17\00:10:44.87
Well, it's not
even a paraphrase,
00:10:44.91\00:10:46.24
it's a New Living Translation.
00:10:46.27\00:10:47.61
Okay, so it's a
looser translation.
00:10:47.64\00:10:49.51
And it's more in the
language that we would use today
00:10:49.54\00:10:52.71
it says, "Husbands, go all out
in your love for your wives..."
00:10:52.75\00:10:55.82
Oh, I like that.
00:10:55.85\00:10:57.19
"Exactly as Christ
did for the church."
00:10:57.22\00:10:59.09
And that really is
what this is talking about,
00:10:59.12\00:11:01.16
I'm going to go all
out in my love for you.
00:11:01.19\00:11:04.23
That means that I
have to go all out
00:11:04.26\00:11:05.89
in demonstrating to
you that I do love you,
00:11:05.93\00:11:08.60
that I cherish
you, that I adore you.
00:11:08.63\00:11:10.80
And then it says,
"A love mark by giving,
00:11:10.83\00:11:13.20
not getting."
00:11:13.23\00:11:14.87
We are very mixed up
on that in marriage today.
00:11:14.90\00:11:17.51
And I think that's
a lot of the reason
00:11:17.54\00:11:19.47
for many divorces,
00:11:19.51\00:11:20.91
because we come into
marriage feeling like
00:11:20.94\00:11:23.58
this is going to fulfill me,
00:11:23.61\00:11:24.95
this is going to give me
what I've been looking for.
00:11:24.98\00:11:27.32
I'm going to have my
vision met, my expectations met,
00:11:27.35\00:11:32.19
I will feel good
because of this marriage.
00:11:32.22\00:11:34.89
And we both do a lot
of marriage counseling
00:11:34.92\00:11:36.79
and when people come in,
00:11:36.83\00:11:38.16
they're usually
focused on their pain.
00:11:38.19\00:11:40.93
You know, he's
not doing this for me
00:11:40.96\00:11:42.53
or she's failing
to do this for me.
00:11:42.56\00:11:44.53
And we become very myopic,
00:11:44.57\00:11:45.90
we only think about
what the other person
00:11:45.93\00:11:47.50
is not doing for us.
00:11:47.54\00:11:49.20
But the idea of marriage
00:11:49.24\00:11:50.67
is for me to be focusing
on what I can give to you.
00:11:50.71\00:11:53.78
I'm going to go all out
00:11:53.81\00:11:55.61
in meeting your
needs in this relationship.
00:11:55.64\00:11:58.05
I want to go out and give to you
00:11:58.08\00:12:00.08
rather than keep a record
of what you're giving to me.
00:12:00.12\00:12:02.32
And it's a matter
of focus, isn't it?
00:12:02.35\00:12:03.69
It is.
00:12:03.72\00:12:05.05
It's a matter of saying
this person is my family.
00:12:05.09\00:12:08.39
You know, we know that we're
stuck with our blood family,
00:12:08.42\00:12:10.99
right.
00:12:11.03\00:12:12.36
And in a way I think,
00:12:12.39\00:12:13.73
sometimes we put our
spouse in a different category.
00:12:13.76\00:12:16.77
We have our family here
and then our spouse here.
00:12:16.80\00:12:20.34
But what we need to realize
00:12:20.37\00:12:22.00
is that our
family is our spouse.
00:12:22.04\00:12:24.81
This person will
be with me forever
00:12:24.84\00:12:27.14
and therefore I want to
make it the very best I can.
00:12:27.18\00:12:29.31
Adam said of Eve
"You are bone of my bone
00:12:29.34\00:12:31.68
and flesh of my flesh."
00:12:31.71\00:12:33.68
We share a common
blood system as Christians.
00:12:33.72\00:12:35.82
You and I both are Christians,
00:12:35.85\00:12:37.19
so we share a
common blood system
00:12:37.22\00:12:38.55
and that is the
blood of Jesus Christ.
00:12:38.59\00:12:40.36
We are in every sense family.
00:12:40.39\00:12:42.39
We are together
and God has ordained
00:12:42.42\00:12:44.39
that they should
be together forever.
00:12:44.43\00:12:46.73
And not just that
we're stuck with each other,
00:12:46.76\00:12:48.56
but we're going to
cleave to one another,
00:12:48.60\00:12:50.10
and follow hard
after one all hard,
00:12:50.13\00:12:52.53
and make this about
what I can give to you,
00:12:52.57\00:12:55.10
what you can give to me,
00:12:55.14\00:12:56.47
not just what I'm
getting out of this.
00:12:56.50\00:12:58.11
But what I give in order
to make you feel fulfilled
00:12:58.14\00:13:00.28
in this relationship.
00:13:00.31\00:13:01.94
Well, we need to
take a break now.
00:13:01.98\00:13:03.31
All right All right.
00:13:03.35\00:13:04.68
So, we're going to take a break.
00:13:04.71\00:13:06.05
We'll be right
back right after this.
00:13:06.08\00:13:07.42