Participants: Alanzo Smith, June Smith
Series Code: MGH
Program Code: MGH000077
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00:30 Welcome to Marriage In God's Hands.
00:34 I'm Alanzo Smith and this is my wife, June. 00:38 And we are a couple. 00:40 We want to talk to you today on, The Ambitious Request. 00:48 June, there's a story in the Bible that I'd like to use to 00:52 chronicle our discussion. 00:55 It's about this mother, Salome, who took her two sons to Jesus 01:01 and she made a request. 01:02 She said, "Grant that these, my two sons, may sit 01:07 one on the right hand, the other on the left, 01:11 in thy kingdom. " 01:12 That story is found in Matthew 20. 01:14 My question to you is, was this mother a selfish mother? 01:19 The quest that she went to Jesus and made, was she selfish? 01:23 I think not. 01:25 I think, in fact, she implied she only wanted 01:29 the best for her children. 01:30 Of course, she wasn't saying no one else should sit on 01:35 either side of Jesus. 01:36 But she wanted to ensure that her children 01:40 were in His presence. 01:41 Powerful. 01:42 So indeed, we say it's an ambitious request, 01:45 but it's a request that all parents should make and 01:49 should seek to make. 01:51 You see, if you notice, Salome did not ask, she did not say, 01:57 "Grant that my sons be given good wives, 02:00 or grant that they have a good education or a good job. " 02:05 As important as those factors are in the lives of a youngster, 02:09 this mother requested a best thing; she wanted 02:14 her sons to have Jesus. 02:17 She should be commended. 02:18 She should be. 02:19 You know, I watch many parents who sit with their children 02:24 in church or who's children are wondering around without 02:30 a relationship with church. 02:32 And you have to wonder whether the parents, whose children are 02:36 not engaged in some spiritual activity, are aware 02:39 of how important it is to introduce Christ to their child. 02:43 So like Salome, parents should want the best 02:49 for their children. 02:50 What would you consider some of the things 02:54 that a parent should really want? 02:58 I think the "best" means the best of everything 03:00 in all dimensions of their life. 03:02 So I would say most parents want their children to excel. 03:06 They want them to do well in school, they want them to 03:08 perform to the level of competences so they can become 03:11 efficient and capable people and take 03:15 their right place in society. 03:17 So they want good grades so they can qualify for the 03:19 best schools, get good scholarships, and all the 03:22 good things that come with that. 03:23 They also... 03:25 So nothing is wrong then for a parent to pray and ask God 03:29 to make their child or children socially fit and physically fit. 03:33 Nothing is wrong in asking for those things? 03:35 Those are good requests. 03:36 All of us would like for our children to be healthy, 03:39 to be well, to certainly be balanced socially. 03:44 So your child might be doing very well academically, 03:47 and even physically, but may not be socially balanced. 03:51 So they're isolates, they have no friends, 03:54 and they lock themselves away, etcetera. 03:56 So, no, you want your children to be balanced 03:58 on all these dimensions. 04:00 But above all, we're saying that among the requests that you 04:04 ask of God for your children, you should ask for them 04:08 to be spiritually grounded. 04:11 Because that's the key factor in their development. 04:15 Ellen White talks about restoring the image of God 04:20 in the minds of our children as one of the primary 04:23 responsibilities of education, and certainly of the home 04:26 where education begins. 04:28 So, yes, it should be every parents desire to make sure that 04:32 their child knows about Christ, understands what He 04:36 asks of them, understands the Biblical principles that 04:39 govern their life, and make sure that they are 04:41 following His footsteps. 04:43 One of the problems we have is that sometimes children 04:49 are with parents who are not setting a good example. 04:55 They live a certain way that does not model for their 05:00 youngster what true living should be. 05:04 For example, this young lady told me, and she was just 05:08 sixteen and she said to me, "When my mom goes to buy 05:13 her pills, she buys enough for both of us. " 05:19 Isn't that a sad story, a sad tale? 05:22 Unfortunately, some children learn bad habits 05:24 from their own parents. 05:25 And how tragic. 05:27 Because if there's one place you should be safe, 05:29 it should be with your own parents. 05:31 But as we know, there are dysfunctional families 05:34 and people who didn't learn how to be well themselves or 05:38 to behave in appropriate ways, and end up being parents, 05:42 then they're not going to have those values 05:44 to pass on to their children. 05:45 So we're encouraging parents to seek out the correct information 05:51 that will help you and equip you to be able to train your child 05:55 and to model for your child what is appropriate behavior. 05:59 Another parent said, "I think my son is using marijuana. " 06:08 So when the question was asked, "Why would you think 06:12 such a thing?" her response was, "Because I am missing 06:16 some of my marijuana. " 06:19 Now you see what's happening there. 06:20 She would like her son not to use marijuana, 06:24 but she is using marijuana. 06:26 "Do as I say, but not as I do. " 06:29 That would be the adage that would apply. 06:31 That's an unfortunate thing. 06:33 Drug use in any form is destructive. 06:36 But to introduce your child to marijuana is unthinkable. 06:40 Now let's talk a little about marijuana and marijuana use 06:45 because this is happening prevalently in the society. 06:51 All classes, all levels. Just about everywhere. 06:54 I was so surprised recently to learn that as early as the 06:59 elementary school in some cities, you have little children 07:04 who literally are compensated to target their friends. 07:09 And they're paid and they take supply to their friends 07:15 and literally teach them how to use this. 07:18 And that becomes an underground market for people who 07:22 push drugs on children. 07:24 You know, as you say that, I have counseled and worked with 07:30 a lot of youngsters who are using or have used marijuana. 07:36 And I would say, June, about 80% to 85% of the cases, 07:43 these individuals declare that it was their friend 07:47 who introduced them to marijuana use. 07:51 As you can well imagine, peers have an influence on each other. 07:55 So if my friend is doing something, I am likely to be 07:59 drawn to that behavior. 08:00 Because they're likely to convince me of whatever 08:03 benefit there is to them. 08:04 So we need to have a counter argument where somebody else 08:09 is helping this child learn what is acceptable and 08:12 appropriate behavior. 08:13 It is said that in the United States of America, 08:16 marijuana is the most frequently used illegal drug. 08:24 That is sad. 08:25 Think about a young child putting that substance or 08:31 taking that substance as a source of 08:34 whatever it is that it does with them, a high that they get 08:37 from it or whatever it is that they claim they get. 08:40 It's just a very destructive thing for a child to start with. 08:42 In fact, it is said that marijuana use is 08:45 called a "gateway drug", which means it opens the door 08:49 for other hard core drugs. 08:52 And most young people who start using marijuana 08:56 will go on to harder drugs. 08:59 And the funny thing about it is that since 1991, 09:02 among 8th graders and 9th graders, 09:05 the use of marijuana has steadily increased. 09:09 You know what I find surprising? 09:12 That now in the political, and even medical arena, 09:15 they're making marijuana use legal in some states. 09:19 Well we're not going to go into that, but it speaks volumes. 09:23 But you can understand when a family... 09:24 I'm going to say, here's my experience. 09:29 A youngster sat in front of me and he was using marijuana. 09:34 So we're talking, we're working through the clinical issues. 09:37 And he looked at me and he said, "But Doc, why are my parents 09:44 so concerned about my marijuana use? 09:47 All I need to do is to leave and go to a place," 09:49 and he named the state where it's legal. 09:51 So we do have some problems, and one may consider; 09:55 I know there are arguments to and from, for and against. 09:58 And we're not here getting into the debates or 10:00 entering into the debate. 10:02 We're merely mentioning that sometimes that poses a problem 10:06 for youngsters in that they feel that, because it is approved in 10:10 some places for medicinal value, etcetera, etcetera, 10:13 therefore it's not that bad, so they can use it. 10:16 That's the point we're making. 10:17 We're not entering into the debate at all. 10:20 We just wanted to make that clear. 10:21 Anyhow. 10:22 Now how can a parent tell if his or her child 10:30 is using marijuana? 10:31 Or can they tell at all? 10:33 Is there anything, any sign? 10:35 There are so many signs. 10:37 One of the first things that you can tell is that you will 10:40 smell the substance. 10:41 You know that this is not a cologne. 10:44 And you should know that you should follow up this cue 10:47 to find out what is going on. 10:49 Other things that you will observe are the actual 10:52 paraphernalia that the child will have access to. 10:54 Many parents will locate this in their book bags or wherever they 10:59 put their stuff. 11:01 So they will have the things that they use to wrap 11:05 the marijuana, or whatever and however they use this drug, 11:08 you will find traces of that and observe the literal resources. 11:14 And I notice also that sometimes they hang with the kind of 11:18 friends who are also marijuana users 11:21 So sometimes, parents, you need to know who your 11:24 kids are hanging out with. 11:26 And sometimes when they say they are going somewhere, 11:29 you need to take a second look, sometimes you need to check. 11:32 Because, show me your company and I'll tell you who you are. 11:37 Sometimes they hang with the wrong crowd. 11:40 If you find that you're missing large sums of money, 11:42 or any money for that matter. 11:44 If you find your child with money that you can't 11:47 account for; you didn't give it to them, 11:48 you don't know of them getting it from a legitimate source, 11:51 or they're not working, then you need to find out 11:54 why do they need money as much as they do. 11:57 Because it could be that they are purchasing some substance. 12:01 Sometimes you will see red shot eyes. 12:05 Sometimes the child has difficulty remembering things. 12:10 And sometimes they go into terrible mood swings. 12:13 These can be indicators that suggest that the child 12:17 is using marijuana. 12:19 Their eating is another indication. 12:21 Sometimes they have no appetite. 12:23 They're always full or they might be chewing gum. 12:26 They do that many times to, I guess, clean their breath or so. 12:32 A child who was doing well in school, and all of a sudden, 12:35 they start being careless about their academics. 12:37 They don't follow up on assignments, 12:39 they're not interested in school and doesn't seem to be 12:42 motivated anymore about learning. 12:43 These are all signs that there could be something going on 12:46 in the mind of this child. 12:47 There also could be fatigue, and sometimes hostility. 12:53 These are all signs. 12:54 But, you know, we have a lot more to talk about. 12:56 As a matter of fact, parents, you might be overwhelmed 12:59 because you have a son or a daughter that's using marijuana. 13:02 We want to speak to you when we get back. 13:04 We want to tell you some of the things you can do 13:07 as you relate to your child. 13:09 This is a very important topic because we're talking about 13:12 the minds of young people. 13:13 We do not want to lose them, we do not want to 13:16 see them destroyed. 13:17 So, parents, we're going to do our best to see 13:19 how we can help you. 13:20 And young people, we're appealing to you. 13:23 Remember, marijuana is destructive 13:26 in all forms, in every shape, to your mind. 13:29 Stay away from it. 13:38 There are many "How To" books available, 13:40 but there's one that's free and perfect for every couple. 13:44 "How You Can Build A Better Marriage" 13:46 Bible-based matrimonial advice is given in a light-hearted 13:50 easy to read manner for those contemplating marriage, 13:53 newlyweds, couples in their golden years, 13:56 and everyone in between. 13:57 Simply call or write for your free copy. 14:11 Welcome back to Marriage In God's Hands. 14:14 Today we're talking about, Ambitious Desire. 14:18 You see, there is a story in the Bible that chronicles the 14:23 experience of a mother who requested that her two sons 14:27 should sit on either side of Jesus. 14:30 Unfortunately, not all parents have this desire 14:34 for their children. 14:35 So we are here to talk about some of the challenges 14:39 that other families have. 14:41 We have identified many of the problems, 14:45 and the number one that we highlighted was the 14:49 use of marijuana. 14:51 We showed the perplexity, the magnitude of the problem. 14:56 And so we asked the question before the break, 14:58 what can parents do. 15:00 And that's what we would like to share with you at this moment. 15:03 Parents listening to us there, they know their son or 15:06 their daughter is using marijuana. 15:08 Are they helpless or is there something that they can do? 15:12 Unfortunately, some parents feel helpless. 15:14 The last thing you want your child to do is to be involved 15:17 with drugs of any sort. 15:20 But if you find that your child is using or hanging with people 15:25 who use drugs, don't give up or don't sit dormant. 15:29 You need to be proactive and get your child into therapy. 15:34 While you do what you have power to do as a parent, 15:39 to monitor the child's life, to supervise every move they make, 15:44 to make sure you're regulating their access to cash, to money, 15:49 that they will use to purchase the drug, etcetera. 15:52 So you put whatever control you have in place while you 15:56 reach out and get the child treatment. 15:58 Now if your child has gone beyond the point of which 16:01 talking alone will help to deter them, 16:05 then you might need to get them into even detox 16:08 to get the substance out of their blood stream. 16:11 But you cannot not do anything. 16:14 Talking to your child about marijuana and marijuana use 16:19 is important. 16:21 You may have to do some research yourself. 16:24 You should have a little knowledge about the drug. 16:27 But you should take the time to talk to them and help them 16:30 to understand the danger of marijuana. 16:34 This is very important. 16:35 I also believe that a parent should remain active 16:40 in the life of their children. 16:41 You know, parents, sometimes you take things for granted. 16:44 You just assume that everything is going well with your child 16:49 and you leave them up to do their own thing. 16:52 And sometimes you just need to visit their room, 16:55 sit on their bed and just start talking with them. 16:58 And you would be amazed how they will open up. 17:02 And sometimes by not opening up, you can sense that something 17:05 is wrong, and it gives you an opportunity to 17:08 continue to explore. 17:09 You know, that's a very good point, Alanzo. 17:11 Because sometimes we see, or we tend to think, 17:14 that there are "bad children" who take drugs, 17:18 or children with bad behavior, and they're defiant children. 17:22 But it's not so. 17:23 Even children who are doing very well in school, 17:27 children who you would never expect to be involved 17:31 in something like this. 17:32 If they are surrounded by friends who do, 17:34 they're just as vulnerable. 17:36 So, yes, it is critical that parents spend quality time 17:40 with their child and they know exactly what's going on 17:43 in the world of that child. 17:45 And you should get your child into meaningful 17:50 and productive activities. 17:53 Sometimes children have too much time on their hands. 17:56 Too much time to be idle, too much time just to be 18:01 doing foolish things. 18:02 They come home from school at any time, any hour. 18:07 They spend all these hours with their friends or somewhere else 18:11 and you have no clue as to where they are. 18:14 It is suggesting that the boundaries have been blurred 18:17 and the structures are not there in the family. 18:20 You need to help restructure your child's life 18:24 and take away some of the free time. 18:26 Let the child get a part-time job, go to the library and 18:30 do some research, get them involved in some sports, 18:33 activity, or something else. 18:36 Use up the time wisely with your child. 18:39 Don't give them so much free time on their hands. 18:42 Setting high standards and verbalizing it to the child. 18:47 So you need to help your child know, "I expect much from you. 18:51 I know you're capable and able. 18:54 And B's and C's and D's will not be enough. 18:59 You're capable of making better grades, 19:01 then you should produce that. " 19:03 So get your child to know that it's not enough to just 19:07 fool around, as it were, and go through life aimlessly. 19:12 But make them know the sky is the limit. 19:15 You expect that they will achieve to their 19:18 highest potential, whatever that is. 19:20 And support them to do that. 19:24 We have said it many times before, but it needs 19:28 to be repeated again. 19:29 Parents should never show favoritism. 19:33 We look at the story of Jacob and Esau where their parents 19:38 showed extreme favoritism to both sons and we see 19:43 the complications that created. 19:47 We're saying, parents, that sometimes a child will go off 19:52 in the deep end, sometimes the child will move in the area of 19:55 drugs and the wrong company and the wrong friends 19:58 simply because they feel excluded or not cared for 20:03 or loved enough. 20:04 If you show favoritism, it may be going well with the 20:07 favorite son or the favorite daughter, 20:10 but what about the next one? 20:11 Are you pushing them in the wrong direction? 20:14 Talking about children making mistakes, 20:16 there are times when they will make poor judgment. 20:19 They're not perfect, they're not even very wise, although 20:22 they think they are. 20:23 So be willing to redeem them, be willing to restore them. 20:28 If your child made a mistake, don't throw them under the bus. 20:31 Speak with them, re-establish the rules, and give them 20:36 all the support you can to get them back on track. 20:39 And by God's grace, they're capable of being redeemed. 20:43 Of course, you know you must pray for your children. 20:46 The family that prays together stays together. 20:50 Parents, there's power in prayer. 20:53 And I know you're saying, "But Pastor, I have prayed. " 20:56 I know you said to your elders, "I have prayed," and you have 20:59 asked others to pray for you. 21:00 But you can't give up. 21:01 It was Jesus who gave us the story of the unfortunate woman. 21:05 And He said in that story, "men ought always to pray 21:09 and not to faint. " 21:10 So as a parent, you can't afford to faint. 21:13 You have to keep praying, and keep praying. 21:15 But you know, as we look at all of these truancy behaviors and 21:20 the dynamics of what's going on with young people, 21:23 it seems to me that we can see how important 21:26 Salome's request was. 21:29 And that's why we call it an ambitious request. 21:31 Because here was she wanting the best for her children. 21:36 These days, you find parents, and nothing is wrong with that, 21:40 they want their children to become nurses and teachers 21:44 and lawyers and engineers and doctors and all of these. 21:48 And that's important. 21:49 And parents will go at length to help their children 21:53 get into these professions. 21:55 And that beautiful, that's commendable, parents. 21:57 But again, we must ask you the question. 21:59 Do you have the same desire and do you work just as hard 22:03 to see them making wise decisions about their 22:06 spirituality and their soul salvation? 22:09 You know, I think this is a good place to talk about 22:11 the need for Christian education in Christian families. 22:16 If you have your children feeding on a diet that is 22:19 going to create an appetite for unspiritual things, 22:23 then what's that about? 22:25 So I think it is one of the best things that parents can do, 22:29 to send your children, especially in the young 22:31 formative years of their life, to Christian schools 22:34 where their character is molded, where their minds are inspired, 22:38 and where their role models emanate the life of Christ. 22:42 And this way, you insulate your child against some of the 22:46 harm that they're exposed to in some other systems. 22:49 You can tell she's a product of Christian education. 22:52 And proud of it. 22:53 Well, thank God we both are. 22:55 The story is told of a father who heard his daughter cry out, 23:01 "Daddy, daddy, come quickly. 23:03 Stop this big cat from licking my face. " 23:09 So the father dashed to the room, but to his horror, 23:13 it was not a big cat. 23:14 It was a tiger that was licking his child's face. 23:18 He went back, got his gun, aimed, fired, shot the tiger. 23:22 It jumped through the window, collapsed in a pool of blood 23:26 on the outside. 23:27 Later on, they discovered that the tiger had escaped 23:31 from a nearby woods. 23:33 But the point I want to make, June, is this. 23:36 It must have been a terrible and a horrifying experience, 23:41 for any father, and for that father to see a tiger 23:45 licking his child's face. 23:49 It ought to be frightening. 23:51 I couldn't even imagine what I would do. 23:53 But the reality is, there are so many other things, 23:56 if you think about it, that your child, or a child is exposed to 24:00 that could be just as dangerous as a tiger attacking a child. 24:05 I can think of, for example, the porn industry 24:09 and the impact that has had on young people. 24:13 I'm so appalled to see that there are predators 24:19 so available and so accessible to our children. 24:24 And yet many parents are not even aware 24:27 that these things happen. 24:29 And we should give a word of caution to you young people. 24:33 Because sometimes you make the mistake of giving out 24:37 personal information over the internet. 24:40 You say to yourself, you're in a teen chat room 24:44 and the next person you're talking to is a teen. 24:47 Not at all. Not at all. 24:49 We have seen and heard of countless stories of adults, 24:55 predators, who go in these teen chat rooms only trying to 24:59 solicit sexual favors and to learn your way. 25:03 As a matter of fact, we have heard of cases where 25:05 youngsters have lost their lives because they went away with 25:09 someone they thought was their age group in a chat room. 25:12 So we want our children to be aware that you should never ever 25:17 give your personal contact information to anyone 25:20 you don't know. 25:22 It doesn't matter how much time you have spent 25:25 communicating with them and how they make you think 25:28 that they're safe and they're your friend and 25:30 they are who they say they are. 25:32 You don't know who these people are. 25:34 Stay away from those internet sites. 25:37 So we're saying there are some serious things that are 25:40 out there that are even worse than that of a tiger 25:43 licking a child's face. 25:45 We talked about the pornography and the internet use and 25:48 what it's doing to children. 25:50 We also have to talk about things like teen pregnancy. 25:55 You know, there's a strange statistic that is out there. 26:00 They say that teen pregnancy is on the decline. 26:05 But the correlation to that is that sexually transmitted 26:11 diseases, STD's, are on the rise. 26:14 So you see, it's not that youngsters are not more active 26:20 in sexual activity. 26:21 It's just that they are protecting themselves, 26:24 but they are still getting inflicted or infected 26:28 with these STD's. 26:30 That is such a myth, and yes, so many young people 26:33 are caught up with this. 26:34 I spoke to a young woman just recent who had never had 26:39 sex before, and she was lured by her friends to this experience. 26:43 And before you knew it, she found herself with an STD. 26:47 And she is devastated. 26:49 This is an STD that she will have for the rest of her life. 26:53 So we warn young people to stay away from those experiences 26:57 and follow God's instruction. 26:59 Abstain from sex before you're in a committed relationship 27:02 with your spouse. 27:04 Parents, Salome took her two boys to Jesus 27:08 and requested of Him, "Grant that these, my two sons, 27:14 may sit, one on the right hand and the other on the left, 27:18 in thine kingdom. " 27:20 We're saying, that was an ambitious request. 27:24 And that as parents, you must also make and have ambitious 27:28 requests and desires for your children. 27:31 You want to see them succeed. 27:33 You want to see them do well in school. 27:36 They have all the different things to make them happy, 27:39 but do they have Jesus? 27:41 Your son, your daughter, do they have Jesus? 27:44 Do you want the best for them? 27:46 Remember, the best is Jesus. 27:49 And you must do everything as a parent to see what you can do 27:53 to help your son, to help your daughter, 27:55 accept Jesus Christ as their Savior. 27:58 May God bless you as you try. |
Revised 2014-12-17