Welcome to
Marriage In God's Hands.
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I'm Alanzo Smith and this
is my dear wife, June Smith.
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June is a professor
at Long Island University
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and I'm the Family
Life Director for the
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Greater New York Conference.
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We have an important topic that
we want to talk about today,
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Talking to Your Child About Sex.
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Now I must admit that
this is not a topic that
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parents too often get involved
in, yet it's such a necessary
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and important topic.
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Why is this so?
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I'm sure you'll agree that we
live in a very sensual society
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and that our young people
are confronted with decisions
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that they must make
daily about what to do
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as it relates
to their sexuality.
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We live in New York and
frequently visit the schools,
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but work dominantly with
families that have children
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who are involved sexually,
who are sexually active
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at very young ages, and parents
who are unable to address
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the issue because
they don't know what to do.
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They don't quite
understand it themselves.
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So we're going to try
and see if we can help you.
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First, we want to break it
down and we're going to look at
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different age categories
and help you to understand
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what's going on in a
child's mind as it relates to
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the child's sexuality.
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Let's start from the very
beginning, 18 months to 3 years.
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What's happening at this stage?
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It's important that we
start here because sexuality
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doesn't begin when the child
gets to be the adolescent and
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begins to confront those issues.
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The moment of birth,
even, the child in the first few
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years of life begins
to have certain needs;
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the need to be
cuddled, the need to be touched.
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This whole attachment
that eventually leads to
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intimacy in the adult
years or young adult years
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begins at this stage.
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So that if this
relationship with the caregiver,
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predominately the parents, are
not establishing a healthy way,
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it will affect the way
the child's sexuality is
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acted out in the long run.
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So at the first, I would say
3 years of life, the bonding,
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the attachment, the cuddling,
you know, all of that nurturance
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is so important in
securing the child.
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Isn't this the time, the stage
too, when they give attention
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to genitalia...
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I always have some
tongue tie on that one.
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...and self pleasing?
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The child is curious at that
point, and as they get older
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going into 3 or 4 years,
and they begin to recognize
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that their
genitalia is what it is.
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And sometimes they are curious
and they will ask questions
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about their body parts.
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Yes, it is very normal.
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You know, parents,
when this is happening,
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please don't get
flustered and frightened.
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This is a normal progression
of the development of the child.
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Well, let's look at 3
year olds and 4 year olds.
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Because this is the
age of curiosity now.
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They become
curious, as you said.
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They begin to further
explore their body parts.
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They begin to touch themselves.
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They begin to want to know
where babies came from even.
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And these are just age
appropriate conversations
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that parents should have.
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That parents should explain
to them that this is where,
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you know, that babies
come from mommy and daddy.
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You don't have to
tell them more than that.
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When they get older then you can
progress with more information.
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You know, it's
strange, I remember when I was
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a kid way back, I don't remember
what age but I was young.
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And I did ask my mom
that question, but you don't
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want to hear the
answer she gave me.
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She told me I came by
plane, a plane dropped me off.
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Now we have long passed that age
and what we're saying to parents
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is that, be honest,
be truthful, be upfront.
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Just be age appropriate how
you carry on this discussion.
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Now as a child gets
older, say in going to 5 and 6,
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they begin to
model adult behavior.
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So it's not unusual to
find them playing house.
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Playing, you know,
the boy acting dad.
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And if it's just two sisters
or more, one will be the father
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and the other
will be the mother.
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And the whole idea is,
they see these role distinctions
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and they begin to play
this out in their relationship.
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And that's the stage where you
observe to see whether they're
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interpretation of
the roles are even clear.
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And you might use it
as a teachable moment.
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And you do have
gender socialization here
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and gender identity.
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Because girls stay with
girls and boys with boys.
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And the girls don't
want the boys to come over,
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and the boys, you
know, it's like "whoa".
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It's amazing how the next
stage, though, is played out
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where the direct
opposite happens.
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At that stage, by the
time the child gets to be about
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8 or 9 years old, now they begin
to be a little more sensitive
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or there's an
affinity between boys and girls
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and they begin to notice that
they like to be in the presence.
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Cross gender socialization
is taking place at that stage.
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And they become
more self conscious.
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How they dress, how they appear.
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And don't you see also at
this stage they want some,
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kind of to be exclusive,
privacy, in getting dressed
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and things like that?
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That is very
normal. And rightly so.
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Now we move on because
the child is growing up.
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And I'm sure as you are
listening, we're going to
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touch at one stage or
another, if you have children,
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where your children are.
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The 10 to the 12 year
olds, now these individuals,
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this is where puberty begins.
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The age of discovery now.
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At this stage, it is where,
yes, menarche for girls begins
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and boys begin to have
nocturnal emissions, etc.
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And what tends to happen at
that stage is, it is critical
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that the parent
prepares a child for this
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so they don't get there
and wonder, "Oh my goodness,
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what's happening here?"
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The little girl should know,
this is what's going to happen
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and this is what
you do when it happens.
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And the little boy should know,
or the young man should know,
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this is what's
going to happen soon.
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So there should be no discovery,
you're saying, at this stage.
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There should be no surprises.
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Or surprises.
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The parents should
prepare their children.
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But what if I'm
uncomfortable, you know.
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Because you have to understand,
you have different parents.
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Some of them are young parents,
teenage parents, whatever it is.
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But what if I'm uncomfortable
myself to talk to my child?
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Can I make an excuse to
say, "Well, I'm better off
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not saying anything than
not to say the right thing. "
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If you're uncomfortable
talking to your child about
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their sexuality, then you might
want to give the child a book
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that they can read
that explains it well.
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Or you might want to
have somebody else speak with
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the child, maybe your
sister or an uncle or an aunt.
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Somebody who is an appropriate
person who should explain
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to the child what
is likely to happen.
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But we want to give
a word of caution here.
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Personally, we don't
like when parents give up
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their parental role.
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We would prefer if you would
go read a book, if you go ask
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some questions, practice in the
basement, practice on a chair,
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practice when you're
alone in the bedroom,
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what to say, how to say it.
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And then come and
talk to your children.
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We really don't like
when you have to give up your
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parental role
because that's your job.
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That's what you're to do.
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But we're saying, the least
of the two options would be then
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to get help
from a family member.
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But be very careful
who that family member is.
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Someone that you can really,
really trust and there won't be
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any repercussions afterwards.
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Yes, because as we know,
the world is not a safe place.
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And sometimes we place our
children in very vulnerable
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positions when we negate
our our role and somebody
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else fills that in.
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And sometimes children
get exploited in the process.
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Well, now we come to
the challenging age group
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where you reach 13
years of age and beyond.
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This is the age where
quite a lot of physical changes
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are taking place now with
the boys and with the girls.
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Let's talk with the boys
first and the physical changes
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that are taking place and
how they feel and how they act.
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Because you'll agree,
this is a challenging period
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for the parent now.
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This is usually
the difficult point.
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You know, that are lots of
other dimensions that we could
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mention, but we don't
want to make this too academic.
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So just to keep it simple, the
adolescent phase of development
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is where some people
describe as the crisis years.
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And that tends to
create conflicts in families
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because the little person
is shedding the child years
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and now emerging into this
new phase of their development.
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And at the same time
psychologically and emotionally
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that is happening, there
are physical changes occurring.
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And they don't
quite understand that.
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So they get caught
between being a child and
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being treated like a
child, but at the same time
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being expected
to be more mature.
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And that creates a
lot of trauma sometimes
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for the young adolescent.
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And the girls now, they now
start seeing some physical signs
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and they start
feeling like a woman.
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And they sometimes
have a change in attitude.
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But for the parent,
don't parents have to also
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grow and gradualize rules
and boundaries, and make them
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age appropriate so that what you
require of your, say 7 year old
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or 8 or 9 year old, now you
have a teenager, you have to
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change those rules and
make them still age appropriate.
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Yeah, the rules have
to be age appropriate,
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and at all stages of
the child's development.
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But you also want to
know that sexuality is not
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something that is silent.
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You're constantly coming
into your sense of who you are.
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And the values you have
been taught within the way you
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socialize around, being
comfortable with your body and
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being comfortable with your own
sense of self and who you are,
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will weigh heavily on how
you perform, how you behave
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in an intimate relationship.
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And parents must understand
that at this stage now,
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to some extent, they're
loosing some control because
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peer pressure is taking over.
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And they will find that
their children are leaning more
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towards their friends and are
listening more to their friends
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than to them.
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And sometimes that
creates dissidence.
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There is a difficult state
that occurs where the parent
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is losing power,
and at the same time,
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the child needs the parent.
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So there's this dual
relationship that exists.
00:11:50.40\00:11:53.26
But the child is
still a child and you still
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need to be the parent.
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So although they act
like they're grown up and they
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know so much, they really don't.
00:11:59.70\00:12:01.35
They're only 14
or 15, or even 18.
00:12:01.36\00:12:03.78
And you want to give
them information, you want to
00:12:03.79\00:12:06.18
parent them, provide
the resources that they need
00:12:06.19\00:12:08.50
to gradualize and
grow into this young adult
00:12:08.51\00:12:11.91
where they're heading.
00:12:11.92\00:12:12.96
And make sure you
model appropriate behavior.
00:12:12.97\00:12:15.90
And this is the stage when
a teenager has an increased
00:12:15.91\00:12:20.04
interest in intimacy.
00:12:20.05\00:12:21.61
So that parents should
not surrender their right
00:12:21.62\00:12:26.48
to talk to their
child about sexuality.
00:12:26.49\00:12:29.76
Because at this
stage now, they want more,
00:12:29.77\00:12:31.87
they want to hear more, and
their friends are providing,
00:12:31.88\00:12:35.04
sometimes,
inappropriate information.
00:12:35.05\00:12:36.75
The reality is that the
adolescent age, the adolescent
00:12:36.76\00:12:40.14
is not necessarily
talking to the parent.
00:12:40.15\00:12:42.41
So hopefully, the
parent did the job before,
00:12:42.42\00:12:44.39
where the child understands
what's about to happen
00:12:44.40\00:12:46.82
and where they're heading.
00:12:46.83\00:12:47.96
So they are now able to make
right choices and good judgment.
00:12:47.97\00:12:51.73
We're talking about
talking to your child about sex.
00:12:51.93\00:12:56.12
We have a lot more coming up.
00:12:56.13\00:12:58.44
We want to share with
you some sexual myths,
00:12:58.45\00:13:01.09
and most of all,
what can parents do.
00:13:01.10\00:13:04.17
If you feel incapable, if
you're not able to handle it,
00:13:04.18\00:13:08.48
or you're having
problems, what can you do?
00:13:08.49\00:13:10.59
We're going to go into
those areas in our second part.
00:13:10.60\00:13:13.57
We want you to be with us.
00:13:13.58\00:13:14.60
We have some
exciting things coming up.
00:13:14.61\00:13:16.58
You will love it.
00:13:16.59\00:13:17.82
Thank you for watching and
remember, part two is coming up.
00:13:17.83\00:13:20.76
Don't go away, stay right there
because we'll be right back.
00:13:20.85\00:13:24.79
We'll be back.
00:13:24.80\00:13:26.12
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Welcome back to
Marriage In God's Hands.
00:14:05.99\00:14:08.78
Alanzo and I have been
talking about, how do you talk
00:14:08.79\00:14:12.00
to your child about sexuality.
00:14:12.01\00:14:14.43
Well, we have shared some
of the issues relating to the
00:14:14.44\00:14:19.20
child at each stage of
the development of the child.
00:14:19.21\00:14:23.71
Now I have some sexual myths
that I want to share with you
00:14:23.72\00:14:28.92
and get your reaction on it.
00:14:28.93\00:14:30.95
The first one says, sex
education and sexual knowledge
00:14:30.96\00:14:35.14
increases sexual activity.
00:14:35.15\00:14:38.24
That's actually a myth.
00:14:38.25\00:14:39.88
If you talk to your child
about sex, that's not going to
00:14:39.89\00:14:43.18
drive your child to have sex.
00:14:43.19\00:14:45.36
What you are trying to
do is to prepare your child,
00:14:45.37\00:14:48.55
to help them to
understand; what is sex,
00:14:48.56\00:14:51.42
that sex is a gift from
God, that sex is designed
00:14:51.43\00:14:55.71
for marriage, and
that the child understands
00:14:55.72\00:14:59.44
that they are a sexual
being, the they have urges and
00:14:59.45\00:15:03.12
hormones that will
create certain responses
00:15:03.13\00:15:06.16
and certain
feelings, and that they should
00:15:06.17\00:15:08.51
be prepared to handle this.
00:15:08.52\00:15:09.91
So like everything else
in the child's development,
00:15:09.92\00:15:12.68
you want to inoculate
this child with information
00:15:12.69\00:15:15.79
so that they can
behave appropriately.
00:15:15.80\00:15:19.07
Okay, here's another one.
00:15:19.08\00:15:20.37
If you tell your child
too much about sexual issues,
00:15:20.38\00:15:25.42
they will become confused
and they will get upset.
00:15:25.43\00:15:29.44
Now again, if your child
is younger than an adolescent,
00:15:30.04\00:15:35.51
you want to speak to
them according to their age.
00:15:35.52\00:15:40.20
So you don't want to
give them more information
00:15:40.21\00:15:42.16
than they can conceptualize
and that they can understand.
00:15:42.17\00:15:45.89
So if they ask questions,
use it as a teachable moment.
00:15:45.90\00:15:48.95
Don't tell them, "You
shouldn't be asking that. "
00:15:48.96\00:15:51.20
Or don't tell them, you
know, this is inappropriate.
00:15:51.21\00:15:54.72
Now if the child says something
that is clearly promiscuous,
00:15:54.73\00:15:57.52
you should use it as a
cue, because if your child is
00:15:57.53\00:16:02.60
young and they're talking about
sexual explicit information,
00:16:02.61\00:16:06.36
it is a sign that
this child could be exposed
00:16:06.37\00:16:10.25
to harmful
material like pornography,
00:16:10.26\00:16:12.99
or maybe even being molested.
00:16:13.00\00:16:14.69
So you want to be
alert to some of those cue's.
00:16:14.70\00:16:18.00
But if your child is
innocently asking you about,
00:16:18.01\00:16:21.14
you know, where babies come
from or what their genitals are,
00:16:21.15\00:16:24.54
etcetera, use appropriate
language and explain to them
00:16:24.55\00:16:27.91
in very simple terms, babies
come from mommy and daddy.
00:16:27.92\00:16:31.69
And when they're
older, you can tell them more.
00:16:31.70\00:16:34.00
And as they go to school,
they will learn about biology
00:16:34.01\00:16:36.75
and how their bodies work.
00:16:36.76\00:16:37.75
And it will all come together.
00:16:37.76\00:16:39.45
June, I hear you saying that
and I'm in agreement with you.
00:16:39.66\00:16:43.77
But there are some of our
listeners out there who feel,
00:16:43.78\00:16:48.13
honestly feel that they
should wait until their child
00:16:48.14\00:16:53.44
comes to them, then
they will tell them.
00:16:53.45\00:16:56.51
Well, you might think
that but the reality is
00:16:56.52\00:17:01.25
sometimes your child
will not come to you.
00:17:01.26\00:17:03.52
And what that does is
it predisposes them to get
00:17:03.53\00:17:07.59
information from
inappropriate sources.
00:17:07.60\00:17:10.36
Because they are going to
come up on sexual information or
00:17:10.37\00:17:13.87
information about sex
whether it is from the media,
00:17:13.88\00:17:17.11
or it is from their
friends, or other places.
00:17:17.12\00:17:20.10
So you want to make sure that
they have the right information.
00:17:20.11\00:17:23.90
And you, therefore,
want to have the discussion
00:17:23.91\00:17:27.46
at the different
stages of their development
00:17:27.47\00:17:29.63
so they can be prepared.
00:17:29.64\00:17:30.95
For example, as a girl
is coming into menarche,
00:17:30.96\00:17:32.89
you don't want to wait until
she starts to have her period
00:17:32.90\00:17:35.23
to say this is
what's going to happen.
00:17:35.24\00:17:36.55
She should know
what is going to happen,
00:17:36.56\00:17:38.42
how her body works,
because she's able to
00:17:38.43\00:17:40.51
understand that at that stage.
00:17:40.52\00:17:42.28
But that's not a conversation
you'd have with a 4 year old.
00:17:42.29\00:17:45.30
Now I'm a parent and I didn't
study or take any course on
00:17:46.63\00:17:53.93
sexual education
and anything like that.
00:17:53.94\00:17:56.91
So I don't have all the
answers, at least I don't think
00:17:56.92\00:18:01.24
I have all the answers.
00:18:01.25\00:18:02.69
But I feel that I
should have all the answers
00:18:02.70\00:18:07.62
before I'm in a position to
be able to speak to my child
00:18:07.72\00:18:12.17
and to answer those questions.
00:18:12.18\00:18:13.31
Is that a myth that I believe
I should have all the answers
00:18:13.32\00:18:16.73
before I can touch this topic?
00:18:16.74\00:18:19.30
In the first place, no
one has all the answers.
00:18:19.31\00:18:21.53
But you don't have to
wait until you think you know
00:18:21.54\00:18:25.14
what you need to know in
order to speak with your child.
00:18:25.15\00:18:28.62
In other words, you
should educate yourself.
00:18:28.63\00:18:32.18
Read as much as you
can, talk to people who you
00:18:32.19\00:18:35.13
think might know more.
00:18:35.14\00:18:36.14
But become knowledgeable
about the conversations
00:18:36.15\00:18:38.65
that you should have with
your son and with your daughter.
00:18:38.66\00:18:41.03
Because they do need to
hear mom and dad talk about...
00:18:41.04\00:18:44.71
And it shouldn't be
just coming from mom.
00:18:44.72\00:18:46.18
It should also
be coming from dad.
00:18:46.19\00:18:47.94
Mom's can't
prepare boys to be men.
00:18:47.95\00:18:50.82
And nor father's
prepare girls to be women.
00:18:50.83\00:18:55.93
Sometimes they have to do their
best based on the circumstances.
00:18:55.95\00:18:59.31
But that's why God gave
us two parents, and each one
00:18:59.32\00:19:02.12
has a specific role to play.
00:19:02.13\00:19:04.01
And we're talking about the
rule rather than the exception.
00:19:04.02\00:19:08.57
Okay, parents, I have to
commend those of you who are
00:19:08.58\00:19:14.33
doing a good job in
talking to your children about
00:19:14.34\00:19:18.35
sexual activities
and their sexuality.
00:19:18.36\00:19:21.46
It's important, it's vital.
00:19:21.47\00:19:23.43
As Christians, that's part
of your Christian obligation.
00:19:23.44\00:19:26.49
And so I commend those
of you who are doing it.
00:19:26.50\00:19:29.29
But I'm cognizant of the fact,
as a clinician dealing with
00:19:29.30\00:19:32.42
parents and children, I
am aware of the fact that
00:19:32.43\00:19:35.54
some parents are not
doing it, some parents are
00:19:35.55\00:19:38.35
intimidated, are afraid.
00:19:38.39\00:19:40.37
So we would like to talk
now to you, those parents who
00:19:40.38\00:19:43.93
are not doing it or
are afraid of doing it.
00:19:43.94\00:19:48.00
What can you do?
What can parents do?
00:19:48.01\00:19:51.44
And the first thing we want
to say to you is, don't panic.
00:19:51.45\00:19:55.34
Stay calm, stay cool.
Be in control of yourself.
00:19:55.35\00:20:00.11
And just talk to
your child naturally.
00:20:00.12\00:20:03.05
And don't act as if this
is a crisis or this is some
00:20:03.06\00:20:06.33
hidden secret or some
mystery that you have to...
00:20:06.34\00:20:09.07
No, be calm in talking to your
child about their sexuality.
00:20:09.08\00:20:13.70
But in staying calm,
remember to be age appropriate.
00:20:13.71\00:20:19.50
That's important.
00:20:19.51\00:20:20.73
It is also
important to start early.
00:20:20.93\00:20:23.89
Start to have your
child understand what is
00:20:23.90\00:20:28.33
appropriate behavior at
each stage of their development.
00:20:28.34\00:20:31.55
So you teach them how to
protect themselves against
00:20:31.56\00:20:35.28
unwanted touches.
00:20:35.29\00:20:36.69
Anything that makes
them uncomfortable should be
00:20:36.70\00:20:39.03
something that they
should report to you.
00:20:39.04\00:20:40.76
You teach them the
appropriate language
00:20:40.77\00:20:43.48
to describe their
genitalia, for example.
00:20:43.49\00:20:45.45
So the child understands,
this is a natural normal part of
00:20:45.46\00:20:48.11
my anatomy, and it's okay.
00:20:48.12\00:20:50.08
I can talk about it.
00:20:50.09\00:20:51.22
So you should have
these conversations ongoing
00:20:51.23\00:20:55.04
and continuously so the child
knows, this is a normal thing
00:20:55.05\00:20:58.24
I can talk to my parents about.
00:20:58.25\00:20:59.50
And as they get older,
they won't be intimidated
00:20:59.51\00:21:02.00
to come with more
complicated questions.
00:21:02.01\00:21:04.56
And you know, as you
said that, parents should be
00:21:04.57\00:21:08.57
in touch with
their own sexuality.
00:21:08.58\00:21:11.52
Because if they're
uncomfortable with the word sex,
00:21:11.53\00:21:15.00
if they're uncomfortable
with talking about the issue,
00:21:15.01\00:21:18.30
and sometimes it's because
of how they were socialized
00:21:18.31\00:21:21.41
that creates this
level of discomfort,
00:21:21.42\00:21:24.80
if they are uncomfortable,
then it makes it more difficult
00:21:24.81\00:21:28.14
for them to talk
to their children.
00:21:28.15\00:21:29.55
So we're saying, parents,
that you have to get in touch
00:21:29.56\00:21:32.47
with your true
self and be comfortable
00:21:32.48\00:21:35.06
with your own sexuality.
00:21:35.07\00:21:36.51
And that indicates that you
should have appropriate display
00:21:36.52\00:21:40.84
of sexual behavior.
00:21:40.85\00:21:43.93
For example, a child
should observe their parents
00:21:43.94\00:21:47.56
holding hands or hugging
each other or kissing each other
00:21:47.57\00:21:51.41
in a way that is appropriate.
00:21:51.42\00:21:53.01
So the child knows this is
a normal thing that happens
00:21:53.02\00:21:56.35
between intimate partners
and that it's okay to see
00:21:56.36\00:21:59.85
mom and dad hugging.
00:21:59.86\00:22:01.53
Of course, you
should have boundaries
00:22:01.54\00:22:04.48
and there should be very
clear limits on the disclosure
00:22:04.49\00:22:09.07
and exposure to sexually
explicit behavior or material.
00:22:09.08\00:22:13.66
So tied to what June is saying,
parents, is that you should
00:22:13.67\00:22:18.93
establish
appropriate intimate boundaries.
00:22:18.94\00:22:23.75
There comes a time
when a father and daughter
00:22:23.76\00:22:28.89
should not be in
the same room dressing
00:22:28.90\00:22:32.29
or in the bathroom
doing things together.
00:22:32.30\00:22:35.97
There comes a time when
you have to be appropriate
00:22:35.98\00:22:39.17
in your
relationship with your child.
00:22:39.18\00:22:41.30
The fact that it is
your child, you should still
00:22:41.31\00:22:44.33
create boundaries.
00:22:44.34\00:22:46.07
And it's not appropriate
that mothers should be having a
00:22:46.08\00:22:51.03
shower with her son
beyond a childhood stage.
00:22:51.04\00:22:55.47
There comes a time
when that shouldn't happen.
00:22:55.48\00:22:58.85
Or sleeping with the child.
00:22:58.86\00:23:00.63
These are just things that,
you know, create situations
00:23:00.64\00:23:05.33
that could lead to other
kinds of inappropriate behavior.
00:23:05.34\00:23:08.97
So you want to start it early.
00:23:08.98\00:23:10.41
Get the child in a
separate space so they know
00:23:10.42\00:23:13.15
that they have their own
space and if anyone else should
00:23:13.16\00:23:16.31
intrude on them, then they know
to report it to their parents.
00:23:16.32\00:23:20.11
You should also establish
appropriate boundaries.
00:23:20.12\00:23:23.49
We're having difficulty
with children being molested.
00:23:24.45\00:23:29.92
Most times, they're molested
by some significant other,
00:23:29.93\00:23:34.38
someone they know.
00:23:34.39\00:23:35.46
Sometimes, someone
right there in the family.
00:23:35.47\00:23:38.07
So parents, you
have to be on guard.
00:23:38.08\00:23:40.90
It is your right and
your responsibility to create
00:23:40.91\00:23:46.22
the protection that is
necessary for your child.
00:23:46.23\00:23:49.91
So you must have adequate
supervision for your child
00:23:49.92\00:23:53.17
at all times.
00:23:53.18\00:23:54.25
Many children are
left to the media.
00:23:54.74\00:23:57.27
They are left after
school by themselves.
00:23:57.28\00:24:00.74
They watch inappropriate
material, whether it is on
00:24:00.75\00:24:04.38
HBO or wherever they
get this information.
00:24:04.39\00:24:07.25
And so parents must be vigilant
in screening the access to,
00:24:07.26\00:24:12.26
whether the computer or the
television, so that your child
00:24:12.27\00:24:16.52
is not taking in some
of that filth that exist on
00:24:16.53\00:24:21.09
some of these media.
00:24:21.10\00:24:22.32
It is just a very sad thing
to know that there's so many
00:24:22.33\00:24:26.05
predators, sexual predators,
that are available right there
00:24:26.06\00:24:30.15
in your house
through the computer.
00:24:30.16\00:24:32.65
And if you're not aware of that
as parents, it could be like
00:24:32.66\00:24:36.18
you're throwing your
child into the streets
00:24:36.19\00:24:38.05
or into a night club some place.
00:24:38.06\00:24:40.03
So parents really have to
work overtime to make sure that
00:24:40.04\00:24:44.47
they're safeguarding their
children against malice evil.
00:24:44.48\00:24:47.21
I have this question
that I want to ask you.
00:24:47.22\00:24:50.85
And I'm sure my listeners would
be interested in the answer.
00:24:50.86\00:24:54.53
Should there be sexual secrets
between a parent and a child?
00:24:54.54\00:25:00.02
There should be no secrets
between a parent and a child.
00:25:01.33\00:25:06.40
If a parent were to touch a
child in their private parts
00:25:06.41\00:25:10.96
and say, this is a secret
between mommy and her son,
00:25:10.97\00:25:14.61
or daddy and his daughter,
that is not acceptable.
00:25:14.62\00:25:17.37
And if you're a child
and you're being touched
00:25:17.38\00:25:20.35
or being molested in
any way by your parents
00:25:20.36\00:25:22.93
or anyone else,
that is not right.
00:25:22.94\00:25:26.58
That is not acceptable
and you need to tell somebody.
00:25:26.59\00:25:30.85
Tell your pastor,
tell your teacher,
00:25:30.86\00:25:33.14
your counselor, someone.
00:25:33.15\00:25:34.89
But no one should be touching
you in your private parts.
00:25:34.90\00:25:38.63
And parents, this is what
you're to say to your children.
00:25:38.64\00:25:41.97
You're to let them know
that they are to have no
00:25:41.98\00:25:45.23
sexual secrets
between you and them.
00:25:45.24\00:25:48.10
When someone says to them,
"Okay, we're going to have this
00:25:48.11\00:25:51.17
secret between us and
we're going to do this,"
00:25:51.18\00:25:53.68
and they given them
cookies and what have you,
00:25:53.69\00:25:55.62
take them places, tell your
children, get it in their head,
00:25:55.63\00:26:00.67
everything you
must tell your daddy,
00:26:00.68\00:26:03.19
everything you
must tell your mommy.
00:26:03.20\00:26:04.95
There should be no secrets.
00:26:04.96\00:26:07.39
Drill that in them so that
they know, if anything happens,
00:26:07.40\00:26:12.43
God forbid, we don't
want anything to happen to
00:26:12.44\00:26:14.36
your children, but God forbid,
if something should happen,
00:26:14.37\00:26:16.99
they must know that
they are to come to you.
00:26:17.00\00:26:19.64
I think another important
thing is that it is still okay
00:26:19.65\00:26:22.69
to teach your child to abstain
from sex before marriage.
00:26:22.70\00:26:26.83
While it is true that a large
percentage of young people,
00:26:26.84\00:26:30.34
in fact now, it says it
begins in the younger grades,
00:26:30.35\00:26:34.43
it's not unusual to
have 7th and 8th graders
00:26:34.44\00:26:36.98
start becoming sexually active.
00:26:36.99\00:26:39.08
You may not necessarily
have intercourse occurring,
00:26:39.09\00:26:41.61
but you have all of
this other abnormal behavior,
00:26:41.62\00:26:44.35
whether it is oral sex
or anal sex or some of these
00:26:44.36\00:26:46.78
perverted things happening.
00:26:46.79\00:26:48.12
Young people, Christ
expects you to keep your
00:26:48.13\00:26:52.21
bodies as His temple.
00:26:52.22\00:26:53.74
And you might be going
to school where your peers
00:26:53.75\00:26:56.02
have an open market where
these things are happening.
00:26:56.03\00:26:58.89
It is not right.
00:26:58.90\00:27:00.44
And if that's going on
in your world, in your life,
00:27:00.45\00:27:03.48
you really need to
talk to somebody about it.
00:27:03.49\00:27:05.20
So we just can't
emphasize enough how important
00:27:05.21\00:27:09.14
it is to teach your child
that it is okay to be a virgin
00:27:09.15\00:27:14.54
and to remain pure,
and to stay faithful to God
00:27:14.55\00:27:18.42
until you're married.
00:27:18.43\00:27:19.72
Parents, re-enforce Biblical
teachings, Biblical principles,
00:27:20.05\00:27:26.21
in your children and
live those Biblical principles
00:27:26.22\00:27:30.48
that they can see.
00:27:30.49\00:27:31.82
Let them know that Timothy
says, "flee youthful lusts,"
00:27:31.83\00:27:36.30
that Paul says they're
to abstain from fornication.
00:27:36.31\00:27:40.12
And the Bible clearly states
the body is not for fornication.
00:27:40.13\00:27:44.16
We have to go
back to the basics.
00:27:44.17\00:27:45.92
We have to go back
to the word of God.
00:27:45.93\00:27:47.94
It is your duty to teach your
child about their sexuality.
00:27:47.95\00:27:51.55
But also put it in
a spiritual context.
00:27:51.56\00:27:54.87
That's what God wants you to do.
00:27:54.88\00:27:56.63
Happy parenting.
00:27:56.64\00:27:58.31
May God bless you; you and
your family, and your children.
00:27:58.32\00:28:01.69