Welcome to
Marriage In God's Hands.
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I'm Willie Oliver,
Director of Family Ministries
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for the Seventh-day Adventist
Church in North America.
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I'm Elaine Oliver,
Willie's partner in ministry
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and a Marriage
and Family Consultant
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for the Seventh-day Adventist
Church in North America.
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We're delighted
you can join us today.
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God intends for
marriage to have purpose.
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In order for that to
happen, couples need to live
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their lives intentionally based
on the values of God's word.
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When we deviate from those
directives, we suffer the pain,
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the brokenness that it brings.
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Today we're going to be
talking on a topic we've titled,
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"Marriage with a Mission. "
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How we can stick to the
mission that God wants for each
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of us to have in our
respective marriages.
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Well, you know Willie,
mission statements are big
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in organizations today.
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Organizations are
living, supposedly, by
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their mission statements.
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And our mission statements
are usually based on our values,
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on our goals.
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You know, what we want
our company, if you will,
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to look like and
what it should stand for.
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So in the same way, God has
given us pretty clear directives
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on how we can live
our lives on purpose.
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How we can have our
marriages have a mission.
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So, I'd like to turn to
the book of Deuteronomy 6:4-9.
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What an awesome text.
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This particular text is
called the Shema in Hebrew
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literature and history.
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And the Shema literally
means "to hear, to listen. "
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And the person we're hearing,
the person we're listening to
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is Jehovah God,
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is Yahweh, the God
of heaven and earth,
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the God of
Israelites, the God of Israel.
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The God of those
of us who love Him.
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The Shema was, in fact,
Israel's mission statement.
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It was Israel embracing
their values, their mission,
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in life every day.
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Hear, O Israel, the
Lord your God is one.
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In the context of their
lives, living around nations
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that were
polytheistic, had many gods,
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Israel wanted to remind
itself day end and day out
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that they were monotheistic,
that they believed in one God.
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In the polytheistic arena
in life, they didn't know how
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to please their gods.
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You know, you'd please one god
and then the other god wouldn't
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be too happy, and you
weren't sure what was happening.
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It was pretty schizophrenic.
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Israel wanted to be distinct.
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They wanted to remind themselves
that they were children
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of the God of the universe.
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Behold, your God is one God.
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That was a wonderful thing.
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I like the fact that
God also says very clearly
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what we should be doing.
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That we should love Him with
all our hearts, all our souls.
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That everything that we
live for, everything that we do
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every day is driven by
this love that we have for God.
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And He's very clear, He makes
it very clear in this mission,
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He's telling us to listen.
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And then what
are we listening to?
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The fact that He needs
us to love Him every day.
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So every day when we
wake up, our primary goal,
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our primary
mission is to love God.
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Our sole purpose in
life is to love God.
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Indeed, and
there's more in the Shema.
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The Shema is talking about
leading your children to God.
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Socializing them, if you will.
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Teaching them about God's ways.
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Because children are sponges.
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They will learn as they hear.
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And they'll learn
through their senses.
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What they smell, what
they hear, what they eat.
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And so they want it to be very
clear that as they were living
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their lives on earth, as they
were negotiating life each day,
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they were doing so
instructing their children
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in the ways of the Lord.
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I find it interesting
that they were not leaving
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anything to chance.
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When you get up, when you sit
down, when you walk with them.
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Put it on your post,
put it here, put it there.
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Everywhere your children
were to go and were to listen,
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they were to be
instructed with the ways of God.
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That's our mission in life.
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For the Israelite, that was his
mission, that was her mission.
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And if we make the correlation
to the mission statements,
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you know, if we read
books, contemporary books
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on mission statements,
they are very clear to say
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that in order for
us to be successful
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with whatever it is we're
doing, that we need to put our
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mission statement
before us every day.
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We need to read it several times
a day, we need to be very clear.
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I've even read some books
where they say that if you were
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to be held up, you know,
accosted, you should be able to
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say your mission statement
with just on the spot like that.
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So do we as people of
God, do we as Christians
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know our mission statement?
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Do we know what it is
that God wants us to do?
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Do we know what
God's purpose is?
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And are we living that purpose?
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Especially as we talk
within the context of marriage.
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Does our marriage
reflect God's mission statement?
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When we interact with
one another, are we loving
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each other the way God loves us?
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That's what I think is
so powerful about this text.
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I think there's also some more
that we can glean from this text
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as we think about what it's
saying about when we rise up
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in the morning, we are
to think about what it is,
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our purpose is.
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So, to me that sort
of says something about
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family worship perhaps.
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That the first thing we
should do when we wake up
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in the morning
is have a devotion.
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Is to, however it
is we do it, we should
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first commit ourselves to God.
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One of the things that we did
very early on in our marriage
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is to start our day with God.
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And to make that time
to start our day with God.
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And when we had
children, it became a little
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more challenging.
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Right? Because children
have their own schedules.
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And I remember at
some point in our lives,
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if I were to be honest, where
family worship sort of got,
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sort of put in somewhere else.
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It was ad hoc.
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Sometimes we had it,
sometimes we didn't have it.
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We were too
busy, we were running.
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Ok we're having worship,
ok we weren't having it.
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Until we decided,
hey this has to stop.
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And we made a
commitment because we knew that
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our day was not going as well.
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Because we were not
integrating God first,
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we were not putting
Him first in our lives.
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And so, up until our
kids left, we made a decision;
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and we're sharing this with
everyone so that people know
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that in spite of the
fact that we have busy lives,
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that maybe both husband and
wife work outside of the house,
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that the children
have different schedules,
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some kids are
going to school at seven,
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some kids are going to
school at eight, some at nine,
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that we decided that we were
going to have family worship
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at 5:45 in the morning.
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There's also something
that I'd like to mention here
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and underscore it because
we live our lives under these
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false notions that because
we are leaders in God's church,
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that because we
are people in ministry,
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that we're actually doing that.
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We weren't people in
ministry all of this time.
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And it went by the wayside.
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It was ad hoc until we were
intentional about living out
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the mission that
God had given to us.
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So we want to encourage
you, if you're having difficulty
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with this in your
families, not to despair.
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God is a loving God, a forgiving
God, a long suffering God.
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And it's not too late to
determine what your mission is
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and pull it together
and live your lives each day
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based on that mission.
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You know what's wonderful
about it is that the Israelites
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repeated it every single
day so that they were reminded
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of what their
purpose in life was.
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Absolutely, and I think that God
is also giving us an opportunity
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to connect with each other.
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That when He says tell it
to your children, we have an
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opportunity to
connect as a family
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first thing in the morning,
sometime during the day,
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and also in the evening.
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There are also other
important values that we can
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get from the word of God.
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Proverbs 3:3-4 has this to say.
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What jumps out to
me is, "write them. "
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"Write them on the
tablet of your heart. "
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You know when you hear
something, you can remember.
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When you write it
down, ahh, if you forget
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you can go back
to it and read it.
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And God is saying write it
on the tablet of your heart.
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Why? So that
you won't forget it.
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If you're going to do things,
if you're going to be kind
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and truthful, it needs to
be something that's of value
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you live out
every day in your life.
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Absolutely.
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There's another text and
it's found in the book of
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Colossians 3:12-14, and it says:
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So what is God saying here?
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There's a litany
of values that are
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in this passage of scripture.
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Love, compassion, joy.
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The values that you
have that are a part of
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your mission statement.
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God has given in
scripture lots of information
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that as a people of God,
we can take, we can integrate
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into our lives so that
our lives in relationship,
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in marriage, in our families
can give honor and glory to God.
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And just in case we're
struggling with our values,
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you know, where do
these values come from,
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there's more in 1
Corinthians 16:14.
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Well, how about that.
00:12:00.81\00:12:02.04
"Let all that you
do be done in love. "
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We're talking about
love, the principle.
00:12:06.51\00:12:07.98
We're talking about love that's
not just a feeling or fleeting.
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Love that's
permanent, that never ends.
00:12:11.41\00:12:14.67
"Everything that
you do," God is saying,
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"let it be done in love. "
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We've spoken about
submission in the past.
00:12:19.10\00:12:20.95
We've spoken
about how to negotiate
00:12:20.98\00:12:22.79
leadership in the family.
00:12:22.82\00:12:23.85
If we do it in love,
it's going to be fine.
00:12:23.88\00:12:27.09
Because love is like God.
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And then what?
00:12:32.15\00:12:33.13
Another text is found in
the book of Galatians 5:22-23.
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And it's a wonderful text.
00:12:36.74\00:12:37.71
They're fruit of the
spirit. Love, joy, peace.
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All of these are to be a
part of our mission each day.
00:12:53.62\00:12:57.76
God wants us to
reflect His glory.
00:12:57.96\00:13:00.72
And for us to reflect His
glory, we need to be reminded of
00:13:00.75\00:13:03.90
the values of
the Christian walk.
00:13:03.93\00:13:06.77
We hope and pray
that as we go through this
00:13:06.78\00:13:09.91
and the rest of this program,
you will be keen on the issues
00:13:09.94\00:13:13.94
of what your mission is in life.
00:13:13.97\00:13:16.42
What is your
mission in your marriage?
00:13:16.45\00:13:18.09
What is your
mission, what are the values
00:13:18.12\00:13:20.26
that you're living by?
00:13:20.29\00:13:21.40
As you zero in on them each day,
God will be able to bless you
00:13:21.43\00:13:26.09
and help your family.
00:13:26.12\00:13:27.30
Stick around,
we'll be right back.
00:13:27.33\00:13:29.55
There are many "How
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but there's one that's free
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Welcome back to our program
on "Marriage with a Mission. "
00:14:14.15\00:14:17.53
We've been
talking about God's plan
00:14:17.54\00:14:21.01
for our marriage, His purpose.
00:14:21.04\00:14:24.20
And we've spoken a
lot about how we are to be
00:14:24.23\00:14:27.87
in marriage, in our family.
00:14:27.88\00:14:29.49
Specifically the
concept of being loving.
00:14:29.52\00:14:33.23
And we looked at the
Shema and the fact that it was
00:14:33.26\00:14:37.66
Israel's mission statement.
00:14:37.69\00:14:39.56
Which is really fascinating
to me because we like to think
00:14:39.86\00:14:43.29
in our world today that
we have invented everything
00:14:43.32\00:14:46.29
and we think we're so creative.
00:14:46.32\00:14:47.86
But from the very
beginning of time, God gave
00:14:47.89\00:14:50.52
a mission statement to Israel
that they were to live by.
00:14:50.55\00:14:54.41
And we spoke about
the fact that it is about
00:14:54.42\00:14:58.02
loving God first and foremost.
00:14:58.05\00:15:00.39
And then passing on
that love to our families
00:15:00.42\00:15:04.25
and also teaching our
children about God and His plan
00:15:04.28\00:15:08.51
for our lives, and
His purpose for our lives.
00:15:08.54\00:15:10.85
So basically, what we're saying
here is that the whole notion
00:15:10.88\00:15:14.76
of mission statements is about
living our lives based on the
00:15:14.79\00:15:19.23
values that we have espoused.
00:15:19.26\00:15:21.03
We're Christians.
00:15:21.06\00:15:22.06
So if we're Christians, we ought
to live by Christian values.
00:15:22.09\00:15:24.44
If we're going to live those
Christian values, we need to go
00:15:24.47\00:15:27.76
to the world of God each
day where we find those values.
00:15:27.79\00:15:31.11
And what's
powerful about the Shema,
00:15:31.14\00:15:34.09
it's indicative of
what we ought to do as well,
00:15:34.10\00:15:38.12
and that is to do it every day.
00:15:38.15\00:15:39.66
You know, to bring it
before our children every day
00:15:39.69\00:15:41.98
and every time we
get an opportunity.
00:15:42.01\00:15:43.80
Bring it up in conversation.
00:15:43.83\00:15:44.93
It really is saying we need to
talk about Christ to our kids.
00:15:44.96\00:15:49.19
So, do we wait until we
go to church for a pastor
00:15:49.22\00:15:51.83
to make an appeal, to
lead our children to Christ?
00:15:51.84\00:15:53.96
Well, certainly not.
We don't have to do that.
00:15:53.99\00:15:55.78
Mind you, it's a good think
if they respond to an appeal
00:15:55.81\00:15:58.64
when they go to church.
00:15:58.67\00:15:59.68
But we need to do
that in our own homes.
00:15:59.71\00:16:01.80
Family worship, bringing Christ
into the home every morning.
00:16:01.83\00:16:05.54
Why? Because He is
the source of our life.
00:16:05.57\00:16:08.60
He's the source of our strength.
00:16:08.63\00:16:09.80
He's the source of our joy.
00:16:09.83\00:16:11.42
He's the source of the stability
in our marriage, in our family.
00:16:11.45\00:16:15.69
And if we can start the
day, each day, with those values
00:16:15.99\00:16:20.34
in mind and live them
out, then we are more likely
00:16:20.37\00:16:25.69
to be strong, to be healthy.
00:16:25.72\00:16:28.58
And when we
have strong families,
00:16:28.61\00:16:30.41
we have more likelihood
that children will be discipled.
00:16:30.44\00:16:34.84
We have strong stewardship,
we have a strong witness,
00:16:34.87\00:16:37.90
we have a strong church.
00:16:37.93\00:16:39.49
And then we can
share the gospel with joy.
00:16:39.52\00:16:41.81
Why? Because it's in our hearts.
00:16:41.84\00:16:43.61
Because it's something
we talk about and live out
00:16:43.64\00:16:45.94
every day of our lives.
00:16:45.97\00:16:48.03
You know what's also so powerful
about that is the fact that
00:16:48.83\00:16:53.06
if we are looking at
it several times a day,
00:16:53.09\00:16:56.75
if we are writing it on our door
post, if we're putting it in
00:16:56.78\00:17:00.25
places where we can see
it very clearly, then we will
00:17:00.28\00:17:05.06
be Christ like, and we will be
great witnesses of God's love.
00:17:05.09\00:17:09.94
So we think that it's
really important that couples
00:17:09.95\00:17:13.59
have their own
mission statements.
00:17:13.62\00:17:16.05
Based, of course, on
the values of the Bible,
00:17:16.08\00:17:19.27
based on God's word.
00:17:19.30\00:17:20.60
And it's pretty easy
for couples or families,
00:17:21.01\00:17:24.90
but specifically in
marriage because sometimes
00:17:24.93\00:17:27.45
we don't do these things for
ourselves as a marriage couple.
00:17:27.48\00:17:32.38
So what do we want, what do we
want our marriage to look like?
00:17:32.41\00:17:36.33
So it's really helpful
if couples design their own
00:17:36.34\00:17:41.08
marriage mission statement.
00:17:41.11\00:17:42.73
What do we want our marriage
to say when people see us?
00:17:42.76\00:17:47.25
What do they think about us,
what do they think about God,
00:17:47.28\00:17:50.59
in essence, if we call
ourselves a Christian couple?
00:17:50.62\00:17:53.38
So as we start to
think about designing
00:17:53.41\00:17:55.91
a marriage mission statement,
we need first to look at
00:17:55.94\00:17:59.36
the four basic
needs that we have.
00:17:59.39\00:18:02.20
And we can start with
looking at the physical.
00:18:02.21\00:18:05.20
What are our physical needs?
00:18:05.23\00:18:06.88
What are our
social, our emotional needs?
00:18:06.91\00:18:10.40
What are our spiritual needs?
00:18:10.43\00:18:13.00
And what are our mental needs?
00:18:13.03\00:18:14.72
That's how we can begin,
we can begin by writing down
00:18:14.75\00:18:18.21
the basic needs that we
have, perhaps as individuals,
00:18:18.24\00:18:23.58
and then put those
together as a couple.
00:18:23.61\00:18:26.28
And we can look at it together
and see what is it that we need
00:18:26.31\00:18:30.57
in this relationship for it
to be a successful relationship.
00:18:30.60\00:18:34.89
I think that as your
were speaking, Elaine,
00:18:35.09\00:18:36.41
you're not necessarily giving
these items in a priority list.
00:18:36.44\00:18:41.71
Because I would say that
the priority here would be
00:18:41.74\00:18:44.59
to look at our
spiritual needs first
00:18:44.62\00:18:45.98
since that's how we
want to begin our day.
00:18:46.01\00:18:48.46
Look at our
spiritual needs first.
00:18:48.49\00:18:50.28
So we're talking
about four different areas;
00:18:50.31\00:18:52.54
spiritual,
physical, social/emotional.
00:18:52.57\00:18:57.14
And what's the last one?
00:18:57.17\00:18:58.62
Mental. Absolutely, ok.
00:18:58.70\00:19:01.80
There's something else
that we want to do when are
00:19:01.83\00:19:03.90
in this process of working
on our mission statement.
00:19:03.93\00:19:06.35
And that is, well, we want
to think about our parents.
00:19:06.38\00:19:09.85
What happened in
our families of origin?
00:19:09.88\00:19:12.08
We can think about our dad, if
we were raised by two parents.
00:19:12.11\00:19:15.65
And certainly,
that's God's ideal.
00:19:15.68\00:19:17.28
If you're raised by two
parents, think about your dad.
00:19:17.47\00:19:20.60
What did he stand for?
00:19:20.63\00:19:22.29
What was he like?
What was he about?
00:19:22.32\00:19:24.15
What is the essence of
your dad dad that you want to
00:19:24.16\00:19:26.39
take into your marriage?
00:19:26.59\00:19:27.62
Think about your mom.
00:19:27.63\00:19:28.80
What was she like?
00:19:28.83\00:19:29.97
What did she stand for?
00:19:30.00\00:19:31.80
What do you most
remember her for?
00:19:31.83\00:19:34.21
And it doesn't mean
that she's now dead.
00:19:34.24\00:19:36.58
It simply means that you're
thinking about your childhood
00:19:36.61\00:19:38.81
when you were at
home with your parents
00:19:38.84\00:19:40.51
and what part of their
lives impacted your life.
00:19:40.54\00:19:43.91
So, these are some of the things
that we want to do as we are
00:19:43.94\00:19:46.64
beginning to form our own
marriage mission statements.
00:19:46.67\00:19:50.47
Start thinking about what
we want to bring in from our
00:19:50.50\00:19:52.89
families of origin that
was good, that was noble,
00:19:52.92\00:19:56.32
that was foundational, that
could really help us in our own
00:19:56.35\00:20:00.46
marital experience.
00:20:00.49\00:20:02.06
To have something good
that can represent Jesus Christ.
00:20:02.07\00:20:05.68
And as we look at our
past, we also want to look
00:20:05.88\00:20:09.38
at the things that we don't
want to bring in to our present
00:20:09.41\00:20:13.56
or to our future.
00:20:13.59\00:20:14.59
And that's a very powerful
notion because we do believe
00:20:14.62\00:20:18.15
in the power of
God to change our past.
00:20:18.19\00:20:21.43
Right? I mean, we
can't change the past.
00:20:21.46\00:20:23.15
But we don't have to
bring it into the present.
00:20:23.18\00:20:24.91
So as we're thinking
about, what are the good things
00:20:24.92\00:20:28.02
that we want to bring into our
marriage, maybe there were some
00:20:28.05\00:20:32.45
things that weren't so
good from our family of origin
00:20:32.48\00:20:35.55
that we don't want to bring.
00:20:35.58\00:20:37.29
And by doing that, we
become very intentional.
00:20:37.32\00:20:40.48
Because we know from research
that there are certain factors
00:20:40.51\00:20:44.62
that will help a
marriage experience,
00:20:44.65\00:20:48.75
that will contribute, let's say,
a marriage experience distress.
00:20:48.79\00:20:52.73
And if we are aware of certain
patterns, certain habits that
00:20:52.76\00:20:57.83
we had in our families of origin
then we can look at it and
00:20:57.86\00:21:02.56
say, you know,
we love our family.
00:21:02.57\00:21:04.36
Look at it objectively,
holistically and say,
00:21:04.39\00:21:08.80
you know, there
were some great things
00:21:08.83\00:21:10.64
about our family of origin.
00:21:10.67\00:21:12.79
But you know what,
there were also some things
00:21:12.82\00:21:14.85
that we didn't really like
and we don't want to have that
00:21:14.88\00:21:18.10
in our mission statement, in
our family mission statement.
00:21:18.13\00:21:21.40
I like the fact
that you brought that up.
00:21:21.41\00:21:23.31
You know, what do we include
in and what do we include out?
00:21:23.34\00:21:26.34
Well, I like to
encourage people.
00:21:26.37\00:21:28.23
Take any shape that you
like, like, if you like a
00:21:28.24\00:21:31.14
circle, well draw a circle.
00:21:31.17\00:21:32.41
If you like
squares, draw a square.
00:21:32.44\00:21:33.88
If you like a
triangle, just draw a triangle.
00:21:33.91\00:21:38.00
And write inside of
whatever shape you have drawn
00:21:38.03\00:21:41.97
the values that you want to be a
part of your mission statement.
00:21:42.00\00:21:45.61
And draw outside of that shape,
the values you don't want to
00:21:45.64\00:21:50.48
bring in to your own marriage.
00:21:50.51\00:21:51.98
The things that,
perhaps, happened in your
00:21:52.01\00:21:53.71
family of origin
that are not so good,
00:21:53.74\00:21:56.16
were not
foundational, did not bring joy,
00:21:56.19\00:21:59.17
were not instructive, did
not give honor and glory to God,
00:21:59.20\00:22:02.94
were not a good witness.
00:22:02.97\00:22:04.27
Leave those outside
and write them down.
00:22:04.30\00:22:06.19
Because you want to
be intentional about what
00:22:06.22\00:22:08.92
you're going to
leave outside and what
00:22:08.93\00:22:10.53
you're going to bring inside.
00:22:10.56\00:22:11.60
You want to know, when
those habits begin to crop up
00:22:11.63\00:22:15.92
in your marriage, no,
that's something that we decided
00:22:15.95\00:22:17.86
we're not going to do.
00:22:17.89\00:22:19.00
And that will be a visual
to help us to not do things
00:22:19.03\00:22:22.49
that will be harmful to
our respective marriages.
00:22:22.52\00:22:25.06
That is so powerful.
00:22:25.09\00:22:27.49
And even as I'm listening to you
speak, I'm thinking about the
00:22:27.52\00:22:30.74
fact, how we can reshape our
future through the power of God.
00:22:30.77\00:22:36.93
That God does give
us the power to move on.
00:22:36.96\00:22:40.28
So now as we're moving
forward with our developing our
00:22:40.31\00:22:44.02
mission statement, we also
want to think about our present.
00:22:44.05\00:22:48.23
What are the
attributes that we bring?
00:22:48.26\00:22:50.76
What are the strengths that
we bring to this relationship?
00:22:50.79\00:22:54.04
So that's something that the
husband, the wife, can sit down
00:22:54.07\00:22:57.36
and they can write down;
00:22:57.39\00:22:58.42
what are the strengths that
I bring to this relationship.
00:22:58.45\00:23:01.23
Perhaps I bring a
strength of kindness.
00:23:01.26\00:23:06.16
A we should all be kind, but
maybe that is my special gift.
00:23:06.19\00:23:10.18
And I can put that down.
00:23:10.19\00:23:11.66
You know, perhaps I bring the
gift of being a good accountant.
00:23:11.69\00:23:17.17
And I can put that down.
00:23:17.47\00:23:18.81
A good administrator.
00:23:18.84\00:23:19.82
Anything, anything.
00:23:19.85\00:23:21.16
We can just bring and we
can put it down on the paper and
00:23:21.17\00:23:24.34
we'll write down, what
are the strengths that we
00:23:24.37\00:23:26.50
bring to this relationship.
00:23:26.53\00:23:27.56
Because every single
relationship has strengths
00:23:27.59\00:23:30.70
and growth areas.
00:23:30.71\00:23:32.11
And we know that when we
work with couples who are
00:23:32.14\00:23:34.76
experiencing distress, all of
the strengths go out the window.
00:23:34.77\00:23:38.18
And all we think about
are all the bad things.
00:23:38.19\00:23:41.49
But every single relationship
has some good things about it.
00:23:41.52\00:23:45.95
So even if we have people
out there who are struggling and
00:23:45.98\00:23:50.14
saying, "Well, there's nothing
good about our marriage. "
00:23:50.17\00:23:52.04
I'm sure that if you were to
sit down and just stop and think
00:23:52.07\00:23:57.47
about it, allow yourself to
consider what the strengths are
00:23:57.50\00:24:01.39
that you bring or that
your spouse brings to the table,
00:24:01.42\00:24:04.79
and write those down.
00:24:04.82\00:24:05.96
Well, I want to take some
time just to talk about those
00:24:05.99\00:24:08.21
four areas that
we spoke about before
00:24:08.24\00:24:10.60
in a little bit more detail.
00:24:10.63\00:24:12.57
Four basic areas
that we're going to do our
00:24:12.60\00:24:15.11
marriage mission statement on.
00:24:15.14\00:24:16.55
And we want to
start with spiritual.
00:24:16.58\00:24:18.75
What do we want to
do in our family to be,
00:24:18.76\00:24:23.10
to endorse the
spiritual side of our lives?
00:24:23.13\00:24:30.85
Well, one thing
we can write down is,
00:24:30.88\00:24:33.58
have family
worship every morning.
00:24:33.61\00:24:35.04
That's a value in
our home, that's a
00:24:35.07\00:24:36.57
part of our mission statement.
00:24:36.61\00:24:37.62
We're going to
have family worship
00:24:37.65\00:24:38.68
no matter what, every morning.
00:24:38.71\00:24:39.87
And you may decide you also
want to have it every evening.
00:24:40.27\00:24:43.06
So you write it in there,
the time, and it might be fluid.
00:24:43.09\00:24:47.30
As kids grow up and have
different times to go to school,
00:24:47.33\00:24:50.48
and different chores after
school, and jobs and stuff,
00:24:50.51\00:24:53.60
we can do it so
that it fits our family.
00:24:53.63\00:24:56.26
And we can adjust
it as we go along.
00:24:56.29\00:24:59.44
Write what we
want to do spiritually.
00:24:59.45\00:25:01.43
We want to go to church
together, we want to witness.
00:25:01.44\00:25:03.75
We want to be
involved in mission trips.
00:25:03.78\00:25:06.12
That's spiritual.
00:25:06.15\00:25:07.14
And then social.
00:25:07.17\00:25:08.75
What would we say
about social, Elaine?
00:25:08.78\00:25:10.71
Social and emotional.
00:25:10.74\00:25:12.06
You know, what are
our emotional needs?
00:25:12.09\00:25:14.14
We all come to the relationship
with different temperaments.
00:25:14.17\00:25:18.14
And we have different
social, emotional needs.
00:25:18.17\00:25:20.87
And we're putting those
together because often times,
00:25:20.90\00:25:23.26
our social lives are based
on what we need emotionally.
00:25:23.29\00:25:28.61
So, if we think it's
important for us to entertain
00:25:28.64\00:25:31.93
every Sabbath, that we
want to bring guests home.
00:25:31.94\00:25:35.16
Whether they're friends
or whether they're guests
00:25:35.19\00:25:38.47
to our church, that this is
an important value to our home.
00:25:38.50\00:25:43.03
And it's really important
what you were saying earlier
00:25:43.06\00:25:46.37
about the values, and I
sort of lost my thought on that.
00:25:46.38\00:25:49.83
But we can come
back to it later.
00:25:49.86\00:25:51.16
I like the fact what
you're saying about social.
00:25:51.19\00:25:52.93
Because being hospitable is a
value that leads to witnessing
00:25:52.94\00:25:56.83
and leading
people to Jesus Christ.
00:25:56.86\00:25:58.28
So that is terrific.
00:25:58.31\00:25:59.35
I want to go to the
third one and that is physical.
00:25:59.38\00:26:01.31
What are we going to do,
what is our value as a marriage,
00:26:01.34\00:26:04.42
as a couple, when it comes
to being in the physical realm?
00:26:04.45\00:26:07.63
Well, certainly,
to eat good food.
00:26:07.66\00:26:09.87
Good nutritious food that
is healthy and that is going to
00:26:09.90\00:26:13.35
help us to be strong and
give honor and glory to God.
00:26:13.38\00:26:16.47
What else? We want
our bodies to be strong.
00:26:16.50\00:26:18.40
Exercise, so we want to exercise
every day, and put that down.
00:26:18.43\00:26:21.59
Because many of
us as Christians,
00:26:21.62\00:26:23.57
we know about health, we know
about what God wants us to eat.
00:26:23.60\00:26:26.19
But we don't rest enough,
we don't exercise enough.
00:26:26.22\00:26:28.90
We're too busy and
we don't even understand
00:26:28.93\00:26:31.96
the whole notion of Sabbath.
00:26:31.99\00:26:33.19
So physical, what we want
to do, what are our values.
00:26:33.22\00:26:36.67
Write it down.
00:26:36.70\00:26:37.68
What we want inside,
what we want outside.
00:26:37.71\00:26:40.39
And as we move forward
with with that, we can put
00:26:40.42\00:26:43.65
together our mission statement.
00:26:43.68\00:26:45.02
And then the fourth
area, the mental area.
00:26:45.05\00:26:47.21
We want to learn, we
want to go to school.
00:26:47.24\00:26:49.79
We want our kids to read.
00:26:49.82\00:26:51.69
We want them to be
on the word of God.
00:26:51.72\00:26:54.13
So, that's so important.
00:26:54.16\00:26:56.12
We want to read God's word.
00:26:56.15\00:26:57.51
We want to build each other up.
00:26:57.54\00:26:59.17
And what's important, when
we write these things down,
00:26:59.20\00:27:02.10
then when we find
that we're getting derailed
00:27:02.13\00:27:05.09
in our relationship, we go
back to our mission statement
00:27:05.12\00:27:08.45
and it drives what we
do and how we interact
00:27:08.48\00:27:11.71
with each other in our marriage.
00:27:11.74\00:27:13.12
So, what it means then is that
as we deal with these issues,
00:27:13.52\00:27:17.66
and as we hone them
every day, more and more
00:27:17.69\00:27:20.86
we get closer and
closer to what we want to do,
00:27:20.89\00:27:23.77
and to what's important to
us and what's important to God.
00:27:23.78\00:27:26.92
As we strive each day
to do so, we know that
00:27:26.95\00:27:31.29
on our own we can't do it.
00:27:31.32\00:27:32.74
But here's the
promise of success.
00:27:32.77\00:27:34.63
We can do all things through
Christ who gives us strength.
00:27:34.66\00:27:38.42
And if we trust Him, our
families will be just fine.
00:27:38.45\00:27:43.19
God bless you.
00:27:43.22\00:27:44.65