Welcome to
Marriage In God's Hands.
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I'm Willie Oliver,
Director of Family Ministries
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for the Seventh-day Adventist
Church in North America.
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I'm Elaine Oliver,
Willie's partner in ministry
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and a Marriage
and Family Consultant
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for the Seventh-day Adventist
Church in North America.
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We're delighted
you've joined us today.
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Marriage is one of those
circumstances, enterprises,
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that are challenging.
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If we're going to make
it, we're going to have to
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do it God's way.
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In fact, that's the topic
that we're dealing with today:
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"Marriage God's Way"
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Well certainly, marriage,
God created marriage for joy.
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And unfortunately, sometimes
we don't do it God's way.
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And when we don't do it God's
way, then our whole relationship
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goes awry and then we
sort of make up excuses
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as to why it's not working.
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And worse yet, we may even
decide to undo the relationship
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because we have
not done it God's way.
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So, God has a lot
to say about this topic
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and there's a verse found
in the book of Jeremiah 31:3
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that is very important,
and here God is saying:
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This text finds the
prophet talking about
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God's relationship to Israel.
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And Israel is
not at a high point
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in its relationship with God.
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In fact, this context
in Jeremiah finds Israel
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wondering away from
God, not doing God's will,
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not doing it God's way.
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And yet, God says to
Israel, "I have loved you
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with an everlasting love. "
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God's love is eternal.
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And even when we stray
from the path, He still loves us
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and He's wooing us.
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And He wants us
to come back to Him
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so that we may have the kind
of life He wants us to have.
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That's really excellent, and
I think in the text there are
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certain components that
we can glean from this text.
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And there are several areas that
we're going to touch on today
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that will illuminate this text,
and God's way of doing marriage.
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Well, if we're going to
do it God's way, and we're
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talking about
marriage, in that context,
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there are four
things that we want to do.
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There are four things
that we want to consider.
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One, covenant. Because
marriage is a covenant.
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Two, the whole notion of
grace. And grace in marriage.
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Empowering.
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How we empower one another
in the relationship of marriage.
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And certainly, intimacy.
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So four things we're
going to be talking about
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in this segment today.
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How we relate to God's
notion of covenant, grace,
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empowerment, and intimacy.
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Let's begin with
a text on covenant.
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Genesis 6:18 says:
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So here we see that
God is saying to whom?
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To Noah.
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"I will establish a
covenant with you. "
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You notice that this
covenant, God is the one who
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initiates the covenant.
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He's the one who
goes looking after Noah.
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Yes indeed, Noah
was a righteous man.
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But he was righteous because
of his relationship with God.
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And then God goes looking
after Noah and has a special
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work for Noah to do.
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When we look at "covenant"
in the Bible, we see that
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"covenant" comes from a Hebrew
word called "berith" which means
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agreement an arrangement.
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There are other words
in scripture for covenant.
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In the Greek,
the word "diatheke".
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It means the last
will and testament,
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a decree or an agreement.
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The word covenant is used in
scripture to describe marriage.
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So marriage is not only
a relationship between a
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man and a woman.
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Marriage is a covenant
between a man, a woman, and God.
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What is this covenant all about?
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It's about promise.
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It's about the fact that
I have decided to love you
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in sickness and in health.
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I have decided to
love you whether you are a
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good cook or not.
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I have decided to love
you whether you smile at me
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every day or not.
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So covenant has nothing to
do with the other individual.
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It has everything to do with the
promise I made to God about you.
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A promise I made to
you. A promise I made to God.
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And so if we're
going to keep our covenant,
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I need to keep my
promise to my spouse,
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regardless of what
happens, and to God.
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When I say,
"regardless of what happens",
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this is what I'm talking about.
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I'm talking about that
God expects us to be committed
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to each other.
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If we're going to do marriage
God's way, it means that
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we're committed in the
enterprise of marriage.
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Of course, that assumes
that you're in covenant with me
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as well and that
you're not beating me up.
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It also assumes that
you're not having affairs.
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Because you're
covenant is with me and
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your covenant is to love
me until death do us part.
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So those are the things
that we want to be careful of
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and be mindful of.
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That while a covenant is
not just something based on what
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the other person is
doing, that both parties have
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responsibilities
in the covenant.
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So then, covenant is
about loving and being loved.
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It's an
unconditional commitment.
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It's a promise
that I make to you.
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When we get married, we
have a covenant, not a contract
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as is defined in secular terms,
but in the spiritual realm
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we're talking about a
covenant between three.
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A covenant
between you, me, and God.
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That's right.
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There's something else
about covenant that we need to
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explore and pay attention to.
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And that is the fact that
a covenant can be unilateral,
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a one-way situation.
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Or a covenant can be
bilateral, a two-way street.
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What is a unilateral covenant?
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Well, a unilateral covenant
is an immature covenant.
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It's an incomplete covenant.
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A unilateral
covenant says, I love you.
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A bilateral covenant says,
I love you and you love me.
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You know I think of, when I
think of a unilateral covenant,
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I think of when our
daughter Jessica was born.
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That was years ago now.
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I still remember
being in the hospital.
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Of course, we had gone through
Lamaze and done all of these
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wonderful breathing exercises
to learn how to have this baby
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come out with the least
effort and to do it naturally.
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And well, it didn't
quite go as we planned.
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You remember that.
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I remember.
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We were there doing breathing
exercises in the birthing room
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when all of a sudden you started
having dysfunctional labor.
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And before we knew it,
doctors were in the hospital and
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you were being taken
to the operating room.
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But all the work that I did
to see this baby come to life,
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I was not there.
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I sat in the birthing room
and then a nurse went by and
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she said, "Oh Mr. Oliver, you
just had, I think a baby girl. "
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And I thought to
myself, "There's a messenger
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without a message, not sure
whether I had a girl or a boy. "
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But then it happened.
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It was a wonderful moment.
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The nurse wheeled Jessica
into the room, in the warmer,
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and it was love at first sight.
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I looked at her
through the glass and
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I knew I loved this child.
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It was love at first sight.
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This was my
daughter and she deserved
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unconditional love from her dad.
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I was going to do
whatever I I could do that any
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daughter deserves, and that is
to be loved and to be cherished.
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But it was a one-way commitment.
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She didn't know who I was.
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She was on the
other side of the glass,
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she didn't have
much awareness of me.
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Somebody might dispute that and
say, well she knew who you were.
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Well, she wasn't
talking or saying anything.
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But as she grew and as we
related more to each other,
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the covenant became
a bilateral covenant.
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Not only was I loving
Jessica, but she was loving me.
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So when we look at
marriage, we need to recognize
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that we're talking
about a mature covenant.
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A commitment that a
husband has to his wife
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and the wife has to her husband.
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It's a two-way street.
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That's what God
wants in marriage.
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Well, another component of
the text that you mentioned
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is grace, and grace
is an essential component
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in doing marriage God's way.
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The book of
Ephesians 2:8-9 tells us:
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So grace is an essential
component in our marriages,
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in our family
life, in our parenting.
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And it's really essential that
we learn the whole notion of
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grace, what it means.
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The whole concept of
forgiving and being forgiven.
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And this is the way God designed
it so that so that we can live
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in an atmosphere of grace.
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Our relationships will
thrive a whole lot better
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where grace is present.
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Our children will
feel a lot more nurtured
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if grace is present.
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And we will see that our family
relationships will go a lot
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smoother when grace
is present in the home.
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The opposite side of that
is when our family relations
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are based on law.
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When family relations are based
on law, perfection is demanded.
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And it's important that we make
clear here that we're not saying
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that there be no law.
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But we're saying that it
be an atmosphere of grace.
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What is an atmosphere of grace?
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An atmosphere of forgiveness.
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An atmosphere of
understanding that we have
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fragile human
beings in this relationship
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who are imperfect and they're
probably going to make mistakes.
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And if we accept the fact that
they'll probably make mistakes,
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it is easier to come to
grips with the fact that we
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are going to forgive each
other in this relationship.
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We're going to grow together and
we're going to give each other
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support and the
benefit of the doubt.
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I love the fact that we
usually use the definition
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of grace being unmerited favor.
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It is something
that we don't deserve.
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And so often in our
lives, we think we deserve
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to be treated a certain way.
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And quite frankly, we
don't deserve anything.
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But God gives us grace
every day in our lives.
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And so when we create an
environment where grace is
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present, our children, our
spouses will feel so much more
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nurtured, so much more affirmed.
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If we have grace in our home,
and also we want to be sure
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that we are not
demanding this grace.
00:11:47.99\00:11:51.63
Right? Because it
is unmerited favor.
00:11:51.66\00:11:54.26
It's not
something that we deserve.
00:11:54.29\00:11:56.23
That's correct, and
there's something else
00:11:56.26\00:11:58.19
that goes along with this grace
00:11:58.22\00:11:59.82
and that is when you
have grace in the family
00:11:59.86\00:12:02.55
it doesn't mean
that there are no rules.
00:12:02.58\00:12:06.98
It doesn't mean
that there are no laws.
00:12:07.01\00:12:09.46
It doesn't mean that
there are no boundaries.
00:12:09.49\00:12:11.47
To be sure,
there are boundaries.
00:12:11.50\00:12:13.51
Because in every
love relationship,
00:12:13.54\00:12:16.27
there is responsibility.
00:12:16.30\00:12:17.77
I love you, you love me.
00:12:17.80\00:12:20.10
There are boundaries.
00:12:20.13\00:12:21.13
You know, not anything goes.
00:12:21.16\00:12:23.60
But we do it out of
love for each other.
00:12:23.63\00:12:26.55
We don't do it because
it's demanded of each other,
00:12:26.58\00:12:29.12
we do it out of
love for each other.
00:12:29.15\00:12:31.62
It's the same thing with God.
00:12:31.65\00:12:32.80
With God, we're saved,
not because we do stuff.
00:12:32.83\00:12:37.39
We don't keep
the law to be saved,
00:12:37.42\00:12:39.36
we keep the law
because we are already saved,
00:12:39.39\00:12:42.16
because we have a
relationship with God.
00:12:42.19\00:12:43.91
So to in marriage.
00:12:44.21\00:12:45.91
We do things for one another
because of the relationship
00:12:45.94\00:12:48.97
that already has
been established.
00:12:49.00\00:12:50.89
So as we live from day to
day, and we think about doing
00:12:51.29\00:12:54.34
marriage God's way,
we want to keep in mind,
00:12:54.37\00:12:57.80
to have a covenant relationship
we want to keep in mind
00:12:57.83\00:13:00.86
to have grace in
our relationship.
00:13:00.89\00:13:02.98
Because that grace which
is unmerited will give us
00:13:03.01\00:13:06.78
the desire to do for each other
what otherwise would not happen.
00:13:06.81\00:13:11.25
We're going to continue
to talk about this some more.
00:13:11.28\00:13:13.24
But we're going to
take a break right now and
00:13:13.27\00:13:15.44
we're going to be coming back
shortly to talk some more about
00:13:15.47\00:13:18.99
how we can do
marriage God's way.
00:13:19.02\00:13:21.56
Stick around,
we'll be right back.
00:13:21.59\00:13:23.29
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Welcome back.
00:14:07.38\00:14:08.53
We've been talking about
doing marriage God's way.
00:14:08.56\00:14:11.24
And we've shared with you
some essential ingredients
00:14:11.27\00:14:15.42
to doing marriage God's way and
to having a wonderful marriage.
00:14:15.45\00:14:20.03
And some of those components
that we've covered thus far
00:14:20.06\00:14:23.43
are covenant, which is
a promise of bilateral,
00:14:23.46\00:14:27.19
hopefully mature, covenant that
we have in our relationships.
00:14:27.22\00:14:30.62
Also grace, and we spoke
about the fact that grace
00:14:30.65\00:14:35.28
needs to be present in
every relationship so that
00:14:35.31\00:14:38.77
our relationships are
in an environment where
00:14:38.80\00:14:42.71
all of us can thrive.
00:14:42.74\00:14:44.48
Husband and wife, children,
whoever's in that relationship,
00:14:44.51\00:14:48.20
can thrive in
their relationship.
00:14:48.23\00:14:50.19
Another ingredient
that we'd like to talk about
00:14:50.39\00:14:52.59
is empowerment.
00:14:52.62\00:14:54.27
And the Bible
also has some wonderful
00:14:54.67\00:14:56.82
counsel on empowerment.
00:14:56.85\00:14:58.60
John 1:12 says:
00:14:58.63\00:15:01.38
Yeah, you know, I think in
the King James version it says
00:15:12.01\00:15:15.02
He gave the power to become
sons and daughters of God,
00:15:15.06\00:15:18.04
or the children of God.
00:15:18.07\00:15:19.05
God wants to empower us
in all of our relationships.
00:15:19.08\00:15:23.71
And certainly He
wants to do some empowerment
00:15:23.74\00:15:26.06
in marriage as well.
00:15:26.09\00:15:27.95
And He wants us to
empower one another.
00:15:27.98\00:15:30.15
Because when we are in a
covenant and when we have grace
00:15:30.18\00:15:33.62
and when we empower one another,
we have the makings of an
00:15:33.65\00:15:38.21
excellent relationship.
00:15:38.24\00:15:39.67
Why? Because I want to
be in a relationship where
00:15:39.70\00:15:41.66
someone cares about me.
00:15:41.69\00:15:42.86
I want to be in a relationship
where that person is
00:15:42.89\00:15:44.57
affirming me, where that
person is showing faith in me
00:15:44.60\00:15:49.00
that I'm able to
accomplish things
00:15:49.03\00:15:51.10
And empowerment works like this.
00:15:51.13\00:15:53.04
Empowerment is about;
to serve and to be served.
00:15:53.07\00:15:57.75
It's a two-way street.
00:15:57.78\00:15:59.21
And we said that
covenant was bilateral.
00:15:59.24\00:16:01.44
A mature covenant was
a bilateral commitment.
00:16:01.47\00:16:04.49
So when we're in marriage
and I'm here to serve you
00:16:04.52\00:16:08.16
and you're here to
serve me, we're in a situation
00:16:08.19\00:16:11.80
where it's good for both of us.
00:16:11.83\00:16:14.29
We want to be here
because it goes both ways.
00:16:14.49\00:16:17.98
So empowerment, then, is
a very intentional process
00:16:18.01\00:16:21.51
of building one another up.
00:16:21.54\00:16:23.60
Building each other's
self-esteem, if you will.
00:16:23.63\00:16:26.56
Building in each other a
desire to serve one another.
00:16:26.59\00:16:30.45
So when we empower one another,
we give the other person
00:16:30.48\00:16:34.86
the right, as God said in the
Bible, in the word of God where
00:16:34.89\00:16:39.48
it said in John that we
have the right to be called
00:16:39.51\00:16:42.20
children of God.
00:16:42.23\00:16:43.22
And I love that.
00:16:43.25\00:16:44.22
It's so empowering
just to read that text.
00:16:44.23\00:16:46.34
What's different in the
Bible when we're talking about
00:16:47.14\00:16:50.26
empowerment to the
secular notion of empowerment
00:16:50.29\00:16:54.82
that we hear
thrown around in industry
00:16:54.85\00:16:58.68
is that, usually in the business
world when we're talking about
00:16:58.71\00:17:02.92
empowering individuals,
we're really talking about
00:17:02.95\00:17:05.70
empowering someone so
that we can look good.
00:17:05.73\00:17:08.58
It's talking about empowering
your co-workers, people who
00:17:08.88\00:17:12.94
work under you, so that
they can make you look good.
00:17:12.97\00:17:15.91
But that's not exactly
what scripture is talking about.
00:17:16.12\00:17:19.18
And that's not the empowerment
that the Bible is talking about.
00:17:19.21\00:17:22.28
The Bible is talking about
power as a tool that we use to
00:17:22.31\00:17:27.02
lift somebody up,
the other person up.
00:17:27.05\00:17:30.35
Almost like the wind
beneath someone else's wings.
00:17:30.38\00:17:32.86
Absolutely, and in
marriage, we ought to be about
00:17:32.89\00:17:35.92
empowering each other.
00:17:35.95\00:17:37.08
For example, if your
spouse has gone to school
00:17:37.11\00:17:40.35
and wants to go back to
school because he or she wants
00:17:40.38\00:17:43.20
to get additional skills, to do
more with his life for the Lord
00:17:43.23\00:17:47.86
for example, wants
to go back to school.
00:17:47.89\00:17:49.77
Perhaps finish college
or get a masters degree.
00:17:49.80\00:17:52.28
The thing to do for the
other spouse is not to say,
00:17:52.31\00:17:56.49
"Oh, we don't have the time
for that or we certainly don't
00:17:56.52\00:17:58.66
don't have the money,
and we certainly can't just
00:17:58.69\00:18:00.92
get this family
into more debt. "
00:18:00.95\00:18:03.37
But empower your spouse by
encouraging that person to do
00:18:03.40\00:18:07.72
whatever he or she
wants to do to better himself
00:18:07.75\00:18:11.15
or better herself.
00:18:11.18\00:18:12.15
That's what we're talking about.
00:18:12.16\00:18:13.38
So a lot of it has to do
with encouragement as well.
00:18:13.88\00:18:16.59
Encouraging one
another, supporting one another.
00:18:16.62\00:18:19.52
So while we may not have the
finances for someone to pursue
00:18:19.82\00:18:23.74
their goals, we can talk about
how, perhaps, we can figure
00:18:23.77\00:18:29.33
out a way to make it
happen as opposed to putting
00:18:29.36\00:18:32.19
your mate down and
saying, "Well don't you know
00:18:32.22\00:18:34.14
we just don't have the
money to that right now. "
00:18:34.17\00:18:36.22
We can say, "You know, that's
a wonderful idea, you want to go
00:18:36.25\00:18:39.50
back to school, or you
want to pursue a new business.
00:18:39.53\00:18:42.42
Let's figure out a way
in which we can work as
00:18:42.45\00:18:44.49
a team to make this happen. "
00:18:44.52\00:18:45.92
Empowering is also about
finding the skills or the gifts
00:18:45.95\00:18:50.52
in your mate that he or she has
not found in himself or herself.
00:18:50.55\00:18:54.62
Empowerment means,
"Hey, you do that well.
00:18:54.65\00:18:58.89
Why don't you do it some more?"
00:18:58.92\00:19:00.37
Many times, there are
hidden talents in spouses.
00:19:00.40\00:19:04.22
One of them could be public
speakers, for example, where
00:19:04.25\00:19:07.07
someone is deathly afraid
to get up in public and speak.
00:19:07.10\00:19:10.18
And yet, God may have
given certain talents.
00:19:10.21\00:19:12.81
And that person gets
an opportunity to speak
00:19:12.84\00:19:14.93
and they did well.
00:19:14.96\00:19:16.46
And they might be nervous
and didn't think they did well.
00:19:16.49\00:19:19.43
Here's an opportunity
to say to your spouse,
00:19:19.46\00:19:21.80
"You did wonderfully well,
you should do that some more. "
00:19:21.83\00:19:24.99
You know, "You
do that excellent. "
00:19:25.02\00:19:27.48
It may be something
else like cooking a good meal
00:19:27.51\00:19:30.15
or fixing something, you know.
00:19:30.18\00:19:36.08
Fixing the washing
machine, for example.
00:19:36.11\00:19:39.21
I'm not very good at
doing stuff like that.
00:19:39.24\00:19:41.20
You know, I think you could tell
me all you want to tell me about
00:19:41.23\00:19:44.31
fixing machines and I'm
not going to do very well.
00:19:44.34\00:19:46.27
But whatever your spouse does
well, empower them, affirm them.
00:19:46.30\00:19:51.62
Tell them that
they're doing well.
00:19:51.65\00:19:53.13
What it does, it creates an
environment that's a nurturing
00:19:53.16\00:19:56.34
and building environment.
00:19:56.37\00:19:57.57
If we're going to do marriage
well, we want to be in a place
00:19:57.60\00:20:01.29
where people appreciate us.
00:20:01.32\00:20:03.57
That's basically what it is.
00:20:03.60\00:20:04.72
I think this segment is worth
stressing, because I think this
00:20:04.92\00:20:08.64
is one area where we
really can degrade our spouse
00:20:08.67\00:20:14.50
or really put them
down without knowing
00:20:14.53\00:20:17.39
that we're putting them down.
00:20:17.42\00:20:19.16
And it's just so essential
that we pay attention to how
00:20:19.19\00:20:23.66
important it is
to empower our mate.
00:20:23.69\00:20:26.93
If your spouse is
thinking about pursuing goals,
00:20:26.96\00:20:31.70
about becoming better at
something that they're doing,
00:20:31.73\00:20:35.17
rather than saying, "Oh, you
know you're not good at that.
00:20:35.20\00:20:37.92
You know you've
never been good at that. "
00:20:37.95\00:20:39.47
And you may not even
mean to put them down.
00:20:39.50\00:20:42.49
You may even think
that you're helping them.
00:20:42.52\00:20:44.74
But in essence what you're
doing is you are deflating them.
00:20:44.77\00:20:47.89
So it's really
important that we consider this
00:20:47.92\00:20:51.78
a very, very, very
important ingredient
00:20:51.81\00:20:54.99
in doing marriage God's way.
00:20:55.02\00:20:56.57
Because this is
what God does for us.
00:20:56.60\00:20:58.53
And the same goes for
our children and I think
00:20:58.56\00:21:00.56
we should throw that in.
00:21:00.59\00:21:01.59
Because children will
rise to the occasion if we show
00:21:01.62\00:21:05.33
that we believe in them.
00:21:05.36\00:21:06.63
Absolutely, you know it's
also very interesting that
00:21:06.66\00:21:11.83
when we're talking about
empowerment, we see it as
00:21:11.86\00:21:14.68
the opposite of invalidation.
00:21:14.71\00:21:16.77
We've spoken about invalidation.
00:21:16.80\00:21:20.03
Invalidation when your
mate wants to do something,
00:21:20.06\00:21:23.16
or you take your mate for
granted, or you put them down
00:21:23.19\00:21:26.33
in subtle ways,
sometimes not so subtle ways,
00:21:26.36\00:21:29.17
it's the exact
opposite of empowerment.
00:21:29.20\00:21:31.38
So what God wants is not
invalidation, but empowerment.
00:21:31.41\00:21:35.11
He also wants us to
do that with our children
00:21:35.14\00:21:38.03
as you just mentioned.
00:21:38.06\00:21:39.43
But to create
that with our children,
00:21:39.63\00:21:42.30
we need to create an environment
between us as husband and wife.
00:21:42.33\00:21:45.89
When we have developed
that atmosphere of empowerment
00:21:45.92\00:21:51.19
it's easier to
empower your children as well.
00:21:51.22\00:21:53.45
Absolutely, another ingredient
that we're speaking about
00:21:53.65\00:21:56.67
in this way of doing
marriage God's way, is intimacy.
00:21:56.70\00:22:01.49
And we speak a lot about
intimacy and we've certainly
00:22:01.52\00:22:04.35
broadened the definition.
00:22:04.38\00:22:06.13
That it's not just
about physical oneness,
00:22:06.16\00:22:08.47
but intimacy is
about emotional oneness,
00:22:08.50\00:22:11.03
it's about spiritual oneness.
00:22:11.06\00:22:13.83
So intimacy, if you
will, is about closeness,
00:22:13.86\00:22:17.33
it's about oneness.
00:22:17.36\00:22:18.40
So let's see what the word of
God has to say about intimacy.
00:22:18.43\00:22:21.51
In 1 John 4:18.
00:22:21.54\00:22:23.45
So what God's word is saying
again is that where there's love
00:22:37.04\00:22:39.48
there is no fear.
00:22:39.51\00:22:41.04
Invariably, people
are afraid to love.
00:22:41.55\00:22:43.90
In fact, when I was at
seminary, I read a book
00:22:43.93\00:22:46.89
by John Powell saying,
"Why Am I Afraid To Love?"
00:22:46.92\00:22:49.95
That was one of his titles,
and he had several titles.
00:22:50.97\00:22:53.59
But that was a great title,
"Why Am I Afraid To Love?"
00:22:53.62\00:22:56.16
And as I read the book, I found
out that individuals are afraid
00:22:56.19\00:23:00.16
to get into relationships
because they're afraid
00:23:00.19\00:23:02.54
of being hurt.
00:23:02.57\00:23:03.84
They're afraid of being hurt
because of what has happened
00:23:03.87\00:23:05.78
to them in the past.
00:23:05.81\00:23:06.78
Perhaps in their families
of origin where they trusted
00:23:06.79\00:23:10.52
a parent or they
trusted a sibling,
00:23:10.55\00:23:12.79
or something bad
happened to them.
00:23:12.82\00:23:15.43
They felt invalidated,
they were not empowered,
00:23:15.46\00:23:19.50
they were not built up.
00:23:19.53\00:23:21.11
And so, it's important
that we get to the place
00:23:21.14\00:23:25.08
where there is
intimacy, where there is love,
00:23:25.11\00:23:27.42
where there is
closeness so people feel
00:23:27.45\00:23:30.98
that they can love freely.
00:23:31.01\00:23:33.72
The Bible is clear that
perfect love casts out fear.
00:23:33.75\00:23:38.40
There's no need to be afraid
because when you are loved
00:23:38.43\00:23:42.20
it's going to be just fine.
00:23:42.23\00:23:44.30
There's another wonderful
text that we wanted to share
00:23:44.33\00:23:47.80
and that comes
from Genesis 2:25.
00:23:47.83\00:23:50.60
And so we see that from
very early on, God gave us
00:23:56.66\00:23:59.32
human beings the
capacity to be intimate.
00:23:59.35\00:24:02.31
From when He created
Adam and Eve and put them
00:24:02.34\00:24:04.83
in the garden of Eden, created
this very idyllic setting,
00:24:04.86\00:24:08.89
He gave them the ability
to be close, to be intimate.
00:24:08.92\00:24:12.54
And then we know what happened.
00:24:12.57\00:24:13.73
The first thing that
happened after they sinned
00:24:13.76\00:24:16.67
was that they
covered themselves.
00:24:16.70\00:24:18.52
And so there was a
barrier to that intimacy.
00:24:18.55\00:24:22.12
There was a barrier to
that intimacy between them
00:24:22.15\00:24:25.35
and between them and God.
00:24:25.38\00:24:27.69
Yes, I like the whole notion
of the context of the text.
00:24:28.09\00:24:31.64
The man and his wife were both
naked and they had no shame.
00:24:31.67\00:24:35.67
Adam and Eve both had
the ability to be themselves
00:24:35.70\00:24:38.69
and to not be self-conscious.
00:24:38.72\00:24:40.38
You know, to be just
who God made them to be
00:24:40.41\00:24:43.38
and to feel good
about themselves.
00:24:43.41\00:24:45.20
That happened and remained until
sin entered into the picture.
00:24:45.23\00:24:50.32
The moment sin enters
the picture, what happens?
00:24:50.35\00:24:53.41
They begin to hide,
they begin to be ashamed,
00:24:53.44\00:24:56.46
they begin to cover up.
00:24:56.49\00:24:58.12
So when we talk about intimacy,
we're talking about a closeness
00:24:58.15\00:25:01.45
that God wants us to have
in our marital relationships
00:25:01.48\00:25:04.72
so that there can be a feeling
of freedom in the relationship.
00:25:04.75\00:25:10.53
Doing marriage God's way
then means that we create an
00:25:10.56\00:25:14.65
atmosphere of joy, of freedom,
of safety because perfect love
00:25:14.68\00:25:20.79
casts out fear.
00:25:20.82\00:25:22.82
So then we're talking about
also creating an environment
00:25:22.85\00:25:25.81
of trust, where
trust can flourish,
00:25:25.84\00:25:28.97
where commitment can flourish.
00:25:29.00\00:25:30.74
If there is not going to
be fear then there has to be
00:25:30.77\00:25:33.89
a certain level of
trust in the relationship,
00:25:33.92\00:25:36.42
and a certain commitment,
covenant, if you will.
00:25:36.45\00:25:39.39
So we see how all these
ingredients sort of intertwine
00:25:39.42\00:25:44.09
themselves into each other
00:25:44.12\00:25:45.99
because they
build on each other;
00:25:46.02\00:25:48.87
covenant, grace,
empowerment, intimacy.
00:25:48.90\00:25:51.73
Yes these four,
and they're wonderful.
00:25:51.76\00:25:53.84
And what I like to see as a
culminating piece of intimacy
00:25:53.87\00:25:58.23
is the whole notion
of unconditional love.
00:25:58.26\00:26:02.13
You're in this
place, you're in this love,
00:26:02.16\00:26:05.11
you're in this marriage.
00:26:05.14\00:26:06.57
and I know it's
going to be ok because
00:26:06.60\00:26:09.88
I'm loved unconditionally.
00:26:09.91\00:26:11.76
When I know that I'm
loved unconditionally,
00:26:11.79\00:26:14.38
even as a flawed human being, I
know I'm going to make mistakes,
00:26:14.41\00:26:18.09
but the fact that I'm going
to make mistakes is not that
00:26:18.12\00:26:20.87
big of a deal when I know
that I'm loved unconditionally.
00:26:20.90\00:26:25.23
And when I say "making
mistakes", I'm not talking about
00:26:25.26\00:26:27.50
doing things against my mate.
00:26:27.53\00:26:28.98
I'm saying, you know,
forgetting to stop by the store
00:26:29.01\00:26:32.24
and bring home rice
that you asked me to buy,
00:26:32.27\00:26:35.30
or sugar that
you asked me to buy,
00:26:35.33\00:26:37.04
or fruits that
you asked me to buy.
00:26:37.07\00:26:38.73
Something like that.
00:26:38.76\00:26:40.03
Or I missed an appointment.
00:26:40.06\00:26:42.73
My life got so busy and
I missed an appointment.
00:26:43.03\00:26:45.33
I know I'm not going
to be raked over the coals
00:26:45.36\00:26:48.01
because I'm loved, I'm special,
and you love me unconditional.
00:26:48.04\00:26:52.36
There's caring,
there's nurture, there's love.
00:26:52.39\00:26:55.22
Here's what Ellen White has
to say in the Adventist Home.
00:26:55.25\00:26:57.93
I love that piece that
Ellen White has written.
00:27:07.72\00:27:11.95
"One well ordered family tells
more on behalf of Christianity
00:27:11.98\00:27:15.39
than all the sermons
that can be preached. "
00:27:15.42\00:27:18.97
The promise of success is, "I
can do all things through Christ
00:27:19.00\00:27:24.52
who gives me strength. "
00:27:24.55\00:27:26.26
So I don't have
anything to worry about
00:27:26.29\00:27:27.84
but to trust in God.
00:27:27.87\00:27:29.38
As we try to do
family God's way,
00:27:29.41\00:27:31.90
as we try to do
marriage God's way,
00:27:31.93\00:27:33.58
we can count on the power of God
to help us stay close together,
00:27:33.61\00:27:37.86
love each other, and
bring honor and glory to God.
00:27:37.89\00:27:43.23