Welcome to
Marriage in God's Hands.
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I'm Willie Oliver,
Director of Family Ministries
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for the Seventh-day Adventist
Church in North America.
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I'm Elaine Oliver,
Willie's partner in ministry
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and a Marriage
and Family Consultant
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for the Seventh-day Adventist
Church in North America.
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We're delighted you've
taken this time to join us.
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God expects that certain
things should happen in marriage
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and only in marriage.
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Sexuality is
one of those things.
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And we're going to be
talking to you today about
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the truth about sexuality.
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It's meant for married people,
and God gave it as a gift to us
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for our joy, for our
good, for our growth.
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The wonderful thing
about sexuality that God has
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given us lots of
counsel about is that He
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expects that it's
something that would be unique
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to the marriage relationship.
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And that's what's so special.
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That He thought so
highly about marriage
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that He would
give this special gift.
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Keep in mind
though, that He expects that
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sexuality in
marriage would be respectful.
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That it would take into
consideration both parties
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and it would not be an act
that is self serving or selfish.
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Also the fact that sexuality
was meant to be beautiful,
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it was meant to be exciting.
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Because God didn't just
make it just for the sake of it.
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He didn't make it for
it to be a necessary evil.
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He was
intentional about sexuality.
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Giving it to marriage as a gift.
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And not only that, every detail
of sexuality that God designed,
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He did so on purpose.
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So that His plan of oneness in
marriage can come to fruition.
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Well like I said, there are so
many wonderful text in the Bible
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and we'd like to
start with Proverbs 5:18-20.
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It is obvious that God
was very clear and distinct
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about what should
happen in sexuality.
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First of all, He
wanted it to be a marriage.
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And then of course, He said
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"rejoice in the
wife of your youth. "
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When I think of this
passage, I think that God is
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specifically saying whoever
was the wife of your youth
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should still be your wife today.
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And that would make
sense, since in marriage
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God wants it to be forever.
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It says, "What God
has joined together,
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let no one separate. "
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So when God is saying, "rejoice
in the wife of your youth",
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there is an
assumption, someone would say,
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that you're no longer young.
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But you're still rejoicing
in the wife of your youth.
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Well that can almost be
said of me, and even though I
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don't want to say you're
no longer young, darling.
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I mean, we've been married
for almost twenty-five year.
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So I think we are no
longer considered youth.
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We're still youthful though.
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And I like to
believe that we're rejoicing
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because of God's goodness to us.
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I like to think so as well.
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There certainly are a lot of
instances where God shows that
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sexuality is to
play a very major role
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in the marriage relationship and
it's not to take a back seat.
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If He intended for it
only to be for procreation,
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He would not have given
us scripture that talks about
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the kind of relationship,
the type of sexual relationship
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a couple should have.
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Well, it's interesting
that the language scripture uses
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in this opening text
that we just employed,
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is very graphic.
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Some people
might be put off by it.
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But it reminds me
that God is a real person.
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That He's a real God.
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That what He did, He
intended for our joy.
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And what He did, He
was very explicit about.
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You know, everything
God has given for our good,
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Satan has come in and has
come up with a counterfeit.
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Remember, marriage is the
first institution established
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by God at creation.
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And then after
that, the Sabbath.
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And ever since the beginning
of time, Satan has been angry
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at marriage and at the Sabbath.
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Everything God gives
for our good, for our joy,
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he tries to denigrate it.
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Everything God
gives us to bless us,
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he tries to come
up with a counterfeit.
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But scripture is clear that
God intended for sexuality to
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be squarely
contextualized in marriage,
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and He wanted it to be fun.
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He uses the word rejoice.
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I mean to rejoice,
you have to be happy.
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To rejoice, you have
to be having a good time.
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To rejoice, you need to
be enjoying the experience.
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So obviously, God intended
for sexuality to be joyful,
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to be happy, to be respectful,
to be a building block
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for the marriage relationship.
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So then, we can glean
from scripture that God is
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pretty positive
and enthusiastic about
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sexual
relations in the marriage.
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Indeed, and He
expects it to be good.
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You know, it's not
a half-hearted notion
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or half-hearted gift.
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It's a real gift.
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The problem is that, as I
said earlier, every time God
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has given humankind
a gift, something good,
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in fact something very
good, as He spoke about marriage
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in creation week,
Satan always tries
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to come up with a counterfeit.
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And we see that happening
today in the proliferation
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of electronic pornography
and also in the print media.
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That God intended for sexuality
to be a beautiful thing.
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Something that would
bring husband and wife together
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in oneness, not only physical
oneness but emotional oneness
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and even spiritual oneness.
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Because everything about
marriage is holy and spiritual,
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because God made it that way.
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God is spirit, and
everything He does,
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He does it out of a
spiritual perspective.
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So when we see what
has happened to sexuality
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in the secular world, we have
to know that Satan is around
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and well, and interfering
in the affairs of God.
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Pornography has come in to
distort, has come in to destroy
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the beauty of
sexuality in marriage.
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Many studies have suggested,
that have been done recently,
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that not only is this
proliferating in secular society
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but pornography is
also proliferating among
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people who call
themselves Christians.
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Christian
workers, Christian leaders.
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And it's a little scary.
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You know, where
are we going with this?
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That means that Satan
is so powerful in the way
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he has diverted our
attention from God's ideal.
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It's important for
Christians to recognize
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that if we're
going to do marriage,
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we've got to do it God's way.
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To do it God's way, we
have to rely on God's power.
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To rely on God's power, we
have to have a daily communion
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and connection with Him.
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And we certainly have
to be rooted in God's word.
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And Go, as we said earlier,
provides so much counsel for us
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on how to have sexual
relations, first of all.
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I mean, He doesn't
give us every fine detail.
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But just talking
about the respectfulness
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of the relationship and how
to stay away from immorality.
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And I think 1
Corinthians says it really well.
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1 Corinthians 7:2
where the Bible says:
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Elaine, I don't
know what you see here,
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but I see a number of things.
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One, I see that God is saying
that each man is to have a wife
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and each woman is
to have a husband.
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Clearly, men are to have wives
and women are to have husbands.
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I think that's
clear from the text.
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I see that, I see
that from the text.
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I also see from the
text that God is saying,
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because of immorality He
knows that Satan is in the land.
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He knows that sexuality
is such a wonderful gift
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that Satan will try to denigrate
it, that Satan will try to
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give it a new spin, one
that would not honor God,
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but dishonor God.
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Everything God has
given us to honor Him,
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Satan has come up with
something that dishonors God.
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So God is trying to protect us.
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He's trying to
protect us because He knows
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that even though this is a
beautiful gift and was intended
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as such, that it
could be misconstrued,
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And we could use it in ways that
are not going to be beneficial
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to our relationship.
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And it's so
powerful where it says,
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"each one should
have their own. "
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Each man should
have his own wife.
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Each woman should
have her own husband.
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So in other words, I belong
to you and you belong to me.
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And nothing else should
invade that relationship.
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God is very clear that anything
that deviates from a man
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with his wife or a
woman with her husband
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is contrary to God's plan.
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So God is clear.
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He wants people to know
that when it comes to sexuality,
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He made it to be
consummated in a union
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of one man and one woman.
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Why? Because when we come
together in sexual oneness,
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we in many ways become one.
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Physically one, but
also spiritually one.
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And also emotionally one.
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You know, women
understand this better than men,
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that for sexuality to be
meaningful and to be good
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you have to be
emotionally connected
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and spiritually connected.
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Sometimes we men don't
understand that very clearly,
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very easily.
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And the older I've become and
the more I've read scripture,
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and the more I've
studied this issue,
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I recognize how God wants us
to be kind and compassionate,
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and to be organically connected.
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And it's not just singularly,
it has multiple layers;
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physical,
spiritual, and emotional.
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Because we are a
unit as human beings.
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Perhaps what we need to do
as Christians too, is not only
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revisit what God's plan is for
sexuality, but we may have to
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unlearn some of the
faulty notions that we may have
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learned growing up
in the church, or maybe
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what our parents taught us.
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We know for a fact that many
parents are very uncomfortable
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speaking with their
children about sexuality.
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And so what happens is
our children are getting
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their lessons on sexuality
from books or magazines that
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may not support
God's plan for sexuality.
00:11:42.56\00:11:45.75
Or on the street from
people who have no idea
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of what God's
plan was for marriage.
00:11:49.88\00:11:53.01
And so maybe we've had a taboo
on sexuality when clearly God
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is so enthusiastic and
excited about sexuality.
00:11:57.84\00:12:01.83
But we have put this cloud over
sexuality, in the church even,
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where too often it
become a burden, and it becomes
00:12:07.08\00:12:12.07
a source of conflict
for couples in marriage.
00:12:12.10\00:12:14.98
It's something that
you just hush about,
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you don't say very much about.
00:12:17.19\00:12:18.76
Let's see what else the
scripture has to say in the
00:12:18.79\00:12:20.89
book of Songs of
Solomon 1:16, it says:
00:12:20.92\00:12:24.42
This is God speaking, and
then there's another text.
00:12:32.92\00:12:34.47
And the other text is
found in Songs of Solomon 7:10,
00:12:34.57\00:12:38.41
and it says:
00:12:38.44\00:12:39.41
Clearly, from these
verses in scripture,
00:12:45.29\00:12:47.15
God knows what He wants
us to know about sexuality.
00:12:47.18\00:12:51.67
He wants it to be good,
He wants it to be joyous,
00:12:51.70\00:12:54.21
He wants it to be vibrant.
00:12:54.24\00:12:55.57
"Our bed is green.
" Not dry, it's green.
00:12:55.60\00:12:59.78
Well we have much more that
we'd like to say about sexuality
00:12:59.81\00:13:02.54
and we're going to be
talking more about it.
00:13:02.64\00:13:04.82
We're getting
ready to go to break.
00:13:04.85\00:13:06.21
And as we talk
about this, recognize that
00:13:06.24\00:13:10.73
God has a special plan for us.
00:13:10.76\00:13:12.58
And because of
this special plan,
00:13:12.61\00:13:15.04
if we are connected
with God's special plan,
00:13:15.07\00:13:17.80
it's going to be
good for our lives
00:13:17.83\00:13:19.50
and it's going to be
good for our marriage.
00:13:19.53\00:13:21.04
There are many "How
To" books available.
00:13:29.49\00:13:31.52
But there's one that's free
and perfect for every couple.
00:13:31.55\00:13:34.63
How You Can
Build A Better Marriage
00:13:34.66\00:13:37.03
Bible-based matrimonial advice
is given in a light-hearted
00:13:37.06\00:13:41.09
easy to read manner for
those contemplating marriage,
00:13:41.12\00:13:43.86
newlyweds, couples
in their golden years,
00:13:43.89\00:13:46.81
and everyone in between
Call or write for your copy.
00:13:46.84\00:13:48.98
Welcome back to our
topic on sexuality in marriage.
00:14:03.59\00:14:06.81
So thus far, we've been
talking about God's plan
00:14:06.84\00:14:10.13
for sexuality in marriage.
00:14:10.17\00:14:11.44
And one of the things that
you've brought out very clearly,
00:14:11.48\00:14:14.31
Willie, is that God
was exuberant when He
00:14:14.34\00:14:17.88
designed marriage and when he
gave us the gift of sexuality.
00:14:17.91\00:14:21.91
Sexuality then, becomes
one of the most intimate acts
00:14:21.94\00:14:27.47
of marriage, precisely
why God meant it specifically
00:14:27.50\00:14:31.05
for marriage and
for marriage alone.
00:14:31.08\00:14:33.22
Because it gives us the
ultimate in understanding
00:14:33.25\00:14:37.58
the oneness that God
talks about in marriage.
00:14:37.61\00:14:41.16
We've been talking about
the fact that marriage is the
00:14:41.19\00:14:44.06
only relationship under
the sun where one human being
00:14:44.09\00:14:48.44
will be one with
another human being.
00:14:48.47\00:14:51.20
I'm not one with my
dad. I'm not one with my mom.
00:14:51.23\00:14:54.22
Certainly not with my children.
00:14:54.25\00:14:56.17
But I'm only one with my spouse.
00:14:56.20\00:14:57.75
And God intends
for it to be this way.
00:14:57.78\00:15:00.31
It's a holy thing.
It's a special thing.
00:15:00.34\00:15:03.09
And God creates sexuality as a
gift for people who are married.
00:15:03.12\00:15:08.47
So that they can
enjoy their marriage.
00:15:08.50\00:15:11.06
So that they can understand
what He means when He says
00:15:11.09\00:15:14.71
He wants them to be one.
00:15:14.74\00:15:16.33
And literally one.
00:15:16.36\00:15:18.30
In fact even the way God created
men and He created women,
00:15:18.33\00:15:23.04
He created them to be compatible
in the love making act.
00:15:23.07\00:15:27.92
That's why God says each
man to have his own wife,
00:15:27.95\00:15:32.00
and each woman to
have her own husband.
00:15:32.03\00:15:35.34
Not biased against anyone,
just biased to the will of God.
00:15:35.37\00:15:40.39
And if we are in God's
will, especially as it relates
00:15:40.59\00:15:44.14
to marriage and sexuality,
our marriage can be blessed.
00:15:44.17\00:15:48.28
We can have a great time, and
we can find a place to really
00:15:48.31\00:15:54.69
have joy in the relationship
that God has given to us.
00:15:54.73\00:15:57.58
Absolutely, and God is also
very clear that there is to be
00:15:57.61\00:16:00.96
mutuality in sexuality as well.
00:16:00.99\00:16:04.44
And in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5,
this is what He has to say
00:16:04.47\00:16:08.05
about mutuality
in sexual relations.
00:16:08.08\00:16:10.03
What's wonderful about this
text is that it's very clear
00:16:42.20\00:16:45.26
that it's not one sided.
00:16:45.29\00:16:46.93
God isn't saying that the wife's
body belongs to the husband
00:16:47.34\00:16:52.51
and ends there.
00:16:52.54\00:16:53.66
He also says that the husbands
body belongs to the wife.
00:16:53.69\00:16:57.89
And He's showing the
mutuality that He intends
00:16:57.92\00:17:01.59
for our relationships.
00:17:01.62\00:17:02.87
And that's very powerful because
I think it's become a little
00:17:02.90\00:17:06.38
distorted in the real world in
our lives where it's sometimes
00:17:06.41\00:17:12.05
a little one sided.
00:17:12.08\00:17:13.14
But God makes it very
clear how He wants us to behave
00:17:13.17\00:17:16.87
in marriage, in
sexual relationships.
00:17:16.90\00:17:19.98
Well, it goes right
back to Genesis when God made
00:17:20.01\00:17:23.11
Adam and Eve, and He
brought the man and the woman
00:17:23.14\00:17:25.49
and they became one flesh.
00:17:25.52\00:17:27.79
One flesh... imagine. One flesh.
00:17:27.82\00:17:30.73
What does that mean?
00:17:30.76\00:17:31.73
If they're one flesh,
then they are the same.
00:17:31.74\00:17:34.14
The same in that
they both have value.
00:17:34.17\00:17:37.89
They both have
regard, certainly by God.
00:17:37.92\00:17:41.59
So when God allows for
the apostle Paul to write
00:17:41.62\00:17:45.91
in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, that
there's mutuality in marriage,
00:17:45.94\00:17:50.58
certainly
mutuality in sexuality,
00:17:50.61\00:17:52.46
it says
something to us about God.
00:17:52.49\00:17:54.64
It says that God
wants us to have fair play
00:17:54.67\00:17:58.47
in our marriage relationships.
00:17:58.50\00:18:01.32
Invariably, sometimes
culturally, we tend to have men
00:18:01.35\00:18:06.36
in charge of women.
00:18:06.39\00:18:08.06
And right here, it clearly
shows that that's not the case.
00:18:08.09\00:18:12.29
That there is mutuality.
That it's a two-way street.
00:18:12.59\00:18:15.77
That the husband's
body belongs to the wife,
00:18:15.80\00:18:18.75
and the wife's body
belongs to the husband.
00:18:18.78\00:18:20.69
Why? Of course,
because they're married.
00:18:20.72\00:18:24.10
Because they're in
this unit, this holy unit
00:18:24.13\00:18:27.19
that God has devised.
00:18:27.22\00:18:29.04
I also like the fact
that it speaks about the fact
00:18:29.07\00:18:32.21
that we shouldn't
deprive one another.
00:18:32.24\00:18:35.23
In the world, many
times sexuality in marriage
00:18:35.26\00:18:39.55
is a power play.
00:18:39.58\00:18:40.89
Somebody is using
something for power,
00:18:40.92\00:18:43.89
to hold power
over the other one.
00:18:43.92\00:18:46.13
And in the vernacular,
in the common vernacular we
00:18:46.16\00:18:51.28
invariably hear about
women holding sexuality as a
00:18:51.31\00:18:55.43
power play over men.
00:18:55.46\00:18:57.54
"Well, if you don't do this,
nothing is going to happen. "
00:18:57.57\00:19:00.50
But that's not
what God is saying.
00:19:00.53\00:19:02.07
God is saying that
marriage is to be a relationship
00:19:02.10\00:19:06.38
of mutuality.
00:19:06.41\00:19:07.56
Mutual caring, mutual
love, respect, honor, and beauty
00:19:07.59\00:19:13.12
between a man and his wife,
between a woman and her husband.
00:19:13.15\00:19:17.46
Well, when we read the text
and when we see all that God
00:19:18.06\00:19:21.43
has planned for sexuality,
and He was very intentional
00:19:21.46\00:19:25.23
about it, it
was not by accident.
00:19:25.26\00:19:27.38
You said earlier about the
fact that He designed our bodies
00:19:27.41\00:19:30.77
just so, so that we
will complement each other.
00:19:30.80\00:19:33.49
So He's given us the gift
of sexuality, and I like to say
00:19:33.52\00:19:37.15
then it's a gift that
we give to each other.
00:19:37.18\00:19:39.82
It's a gift that
we give to each other.
00:19:39.85\00:19:41.85
And if we can get on the
same page and we recognize
00:19:41.88\00:19:45.70
that it's not a weapon, or
it's not a weapon of dominance,
00:19:45.73\00:19:51.01
then we recognize
that this is about us,
00:19:51.61\00:19:54.93
this is about our relationship.
00:19:54.96\00:19:56.59
About giving to each other.
What we feel for each other.
00:19:56.62\00:19:58.08
It's about giving and receiving.
00:19:58.11\00:19:59.94
And truly, it is better
to give than to receive.
00:20:00.54\00:20:02.85
And if we're both going
into the relationship that way,
00:20:02.88\00:20:05.53
then we both benefit greatly.
00:20:05.56\00:20:07.54
And you know, the other
thing that I want to stress
00:20:07.57\00:20:10.41
very clearly as we
have this conversation
00:20:10.44\00:20:12.53
about this topic, that
even though the word of God
00:20:12.56\00:20:15.68
is very clear about what
God intends for sexuality in
00:20:15.71\00:20:19.41
marriage, we need to be careful
not to ever use the Bible
00:20:19.44\00:20:23.38
as a weapon.
00:20:23.41\00:20:24.79
So, we shouldn't come to
our spouse and say, "Well look,
00:20:24.82\00:20:28.35
this is what it
says in 1 Corinthians 7
00:20:28.38\00:20:30.91
that you should
not deprive me. "
00:20:30.94\00:20:32.46
Because that's not
going to go over very well.
00:20:32.86\00:20:35.93
for sexual
relations in the relationship.
00:20:35.96\00:20:38.65
And at the same time,
the scripture is clear.
00:20:38.68\00:20:41.72
It says, "Do not
deprive each other",
00:20:41.75\00:20:43.49
I like what it says,
"except by mutual agreement
00:20:43.52\00:20:47.58
for a time, so that you might
devote yourself to prayer. "
00:20:47.61\00:20:51.62
Somebody might be funny
and say, "Well you know,
00:20:51.65\00:20:54.88
how long can you pray?
And it's by mutual consent. "
00:20:54.91\00:20:58.66
What I think God
is saying here is,
00:20:58.69\00:21:00.75
don't hold it as a
weapon over each other.
00:21:00.78\00:21:03.22
Talk about it, be on
the same page about it.
00:21:03.25\00:21:06.44
Be of one accord.
00:21:06.47\00:21:08.65
Be agreed on, and how
you're going to negotiate
00:21:08.68\00:21:12.27
the whole matter of
sexuality in your own marriage.
00:21:12.30\00:21:15.72
Why? So that one
person is not in charge,
00:21:15.75\00:21:18.06
or the other
person isn't in charge.
00:21:18.09\00:21:19.48
Or the other isn't holding
it over the other one's head.
00:21:19.51\00:21:22.35
But it's a togetherness.
00:21:22.38\00:21:24.07
Because that's what marriage is.
00:21:24.10\00:21:25.61
It's togetherness.
00:21:25.64\00:21:27.47
Husband together with wife,
and wife together with husband.
00:21:27.50\00:21:30.45
And it's just another
vehicle to the oneness
00:21:30.48\00:21:33.31
that God intends
for our marriages.
00:21:33.34\00:21:35.10
And so if we look at it in
that regard, then it becomes
00:21:35.13\00:21:38.20
a point of pleasure,
it becomes a joyous thing,
00:21:38.23\00:21:41.93
it becomes a fun
part of our marriage.
00:21:41.96\00:21:45.04
So we recognize that
this is not a burden,
00:21:45.07\00:21:48.94
but it is an enjoyable part
of the marriage relationship.
00:21:48.97\00:21:52.82
There's also something
else that it said in the text
00:21:52.85\00:21:55.28
towards the end
there in verse 5.
00:21:55.31\00:21:57.09
And it's speaking about
the fact you're going to agree
00:21:57.12\00:22:00.65
by mutual consent to stop
the sexual relations for prayer.
00:22:00.68\00:22:08.19
In other words, it's saying
life is not only about sex.
00:22:08.22\00:22:11.13
Life is also about remembering
that God gave you sex.
00:22:11.16\00:22:14.85
So you're praying to
God, you're thanking God.
00:22:14.88\00:22:17.24
And by praying and by
putting prayer in there,
00:22:17.27\00:22:20.13
it makes the whole context
of sexuality a spiritual thing.
00:22:20.16\00:22:25.64
Spiritual thing... God gave
it to us, so it's spiritual.
00:22:26.04\00:22:29.45
But there's something else.
00:22:29.48\00:22:30.66
You're doing it, and
you're coming back together
00:22:31.07\00:22:33.61
so that you're not tempted.
00:22:33.64\00:22:35.36
God knew that despite the
fact that this was a holy gift
00:22:35.39\00:22:39.79
that Satan would try to use it
as a destruction of humankind.
00:22:39.82\00:22:45.99
And so He says,
come back together
00:22:46.02\00:22:48.18
lest you be tempted and fall.
00:22:48.21\00:22:50.67
Why come back together?
00:22:50.70\00:22:52.08
Well, because someone
might become careless and feel,
00:22:52.11\00:22:54.15
"Well you know, I
need to take a break. "
00:22:54.18\00:22:56.33
By mutual
consent, by mutual consent.
00:22:56.36\00:23:00.28
Why? So that
you're on the same page.
00:23:00.31\00:23:02.69
So that you are
together on this matter.
00:23:02.72\00:23:04.96
So that there's no
temptation and no immorality.
00:23:04.99\00:23:08.59
So that we can give
honor and glory to God.
00:23:08.62\00:23:12.41
Well, let's share some tips
that come from the word of God,
00:23:13.01\00:23:17.32
but we've presented
them in a way that is more
00:23:17.35\00:23:21.60
practical, I shouldn't say more
practical, because God's word
00:23:21.63\00:23:24.65
is very practical.
00:23:24.68\00:23:25.87
But perhaps our audience
can relate to the fact that
00:23:25.90\00:23:31.58
we've got to make the time.
00:23:31.61\00:23:32.68
And God is saying that very
clearly in that text I believe.
00:23:32.71\00:23:36.09
That we've got to make
the time for each other.
00:23:36.12\00:23:38.14
And we've said
this so many times
00:23:38.17\00:23:40.65
in so many of
our other segments,
00:23:40.68\00:23:43.35
where we've talked about
putting the relationship first,
00:23:43.38\00:23:47.24
making our marriage a priority.
00:23:47.27\00:23:49.61
And that's the only
way we're going to preserve
00:23:49.64\00:23:53.00
sexual oneness in marriage is if
we make the time for each other.
00:23:53.03\00:23:56.42
There's something
else we need to do on this
00:23:56.45\00:23:58.18
beyond just making the time.
00:23:58.21\00:23:59.72
Preserve the time from conflict.
00:23:59.75\00:24:02.63
This is not the
time to talk about
00:24:02.93\00:24:04.43
things that you don't like.
00:24:04.46\00:24:05.96
This is not the time to talk
about taking out the garbage.
00:24:05.99\00:24:08.38
This is not the
time to talk about bills.
00:24:08.41\00:24:10.17
This is not the time to
talk about the children.
00:24:10.20\00:24:11.87
It's a time to
engage in the gift of God.
00:24:11.90\00:24:16.18
So, protect the
time from conflict.
00:24:16.21\00:24:19.56
Let it be a Sabbath, a
time of sanctification.
00:24:19.59\00:24:22.81
for the relationship.
00:24:22.84\00:24:24.10
Remember also that improving
your spiritual and emotional
00:24:24.30\00:24:28.31
connection will also improve
your physical connection.
00:24:28.34\00:24:31.76
So it's really
important for couples to be
00:24:31.79\00:24:34.02
working all realms of oneness.
00:24:34.05\00:24:36.47
And the more we
spend time together,
00:24:36.50\00:24:39.00
the more that we
nurture each other,
00:24:39.03\00:24:41.18
the more our physical
oneness will be nurtured and
00:24:41.21\00:24:44.23
we will be greater
connected to one another.
00:24:44.26\00:24:46.38
Another point is to pay
attention to being affectionate.
00:24:46.41\00:24:49.59
Not only in the sexual
play but throughout the day
00:24:50.69\00:24:54.14
in your
relationship with your spouse
00:24:54.17\00:24:55.75
so that you really
have a good relationship.
00:24:55.78\00:24:57.59
It's not only about
being gratified sexually
00:24:57.62\00:25:00.86
but it's about
having a good marriage.
00:25:00.89\00:25:02.72
It's about really enjoying your
mate and respecting your mate.
00:25:02.75\00:25:05.87
And trying to make
your relationship good.
00:25:05.90\00:25:08.26
It's also important for us to be
able to communicate our desires.
00:25:09.14\00:25:12.73
To be able to
talk to one another.
00:25:13.14\00:25:14.75
To say what we
like, what we don't like.
00:25:14.78\00:25:17.81
And it's really important that
we're respectful of one another.
00:25:17.84\00:25:21.66
If someone says that they
don't like a particular act
00:25:21.69\00:25:25.52
then we probably should
not do it in our marriage
00:25:25.55\00:25:29.54
relationship, or any other
relationship for that matter.
00:25:29.58\00:25:31.99
And of course, part of the
marriage relationship is to
00:25:32.02\00:25:36.22
communicate to your
spouse that he or she is valued.
00:25:36.25\00:25:38.90
That you love them,
that you care for them,
00:25:38.93\00:25:41.40
that you appreciate them.
00:25:41.43\00:25:42.70
It's a part of the
oneness that God expects
00:25:42.73\00:25:45.62
to take place in marriage.
00:25:45.65\00:25:47.16
Value, appreciation.
00:25:47.19\00:25:49.13
And not only because you want
to engage in the sexual act.
00:25:49.16\00:25:53.00
But because you really care
and want to nurture each other.
00:25:53.03\00:25:57.66
We can also learn to be
passionate and creative.
00:25:57.76\00:26:00.83
And we can do that by reading
good Christian books on the
00:26:00.86\00:26:05.64
topic and there's
so many out there.
00:26:05.67\00:26:07.36
But especially the Bible.
00:26:07.76\00:26:09.14
When we read
the Song of Solomon,
00:26:09.17\00:26:11.55
it is very clear that there
are two lovers in this book who
00:26:11.58\00:26:15.18
love and appreciate each other,
and who respect each other.
00:26:15.22\00:26:18.81
And what I have always
found interesting in this book
00:26:18.84\00:26:21.69
is that they're not
just engaged in the act,
00:26:21.72\00:26:24.71
they're talking to each other.
00:26:24.74\00:26:26.35
They're sweet
talking each other.
00:26:26.38\00:26:28.16
They're being
affection with each other.
00:26:28.19\00:26:30.65
So there's so much that
we can glean from the Bible
00:26:30.68\00:26:33.43
on the topic of sexuality.
00:26:33.46\00:26:35.02
They're actually
flirting, aren't they?
00:26:35.05\00:26:36.77
They're
flirting with each other.
00:26:36.80\00:26:38.14
They're having a good time.
00:26:38.17\00:26:39.14
Absolutely.
00:26:39.15\00:26:40.27
And it's more than
just the act of sexuality,
00:26:40.30\00:26:42.11
but it's the act of being
married and enjoying your mate.
00:26:42.14\00:26:46.07
Absolutely.
00:26:46.10\00:26:47.07
What does Ellen White
have to say on this topic?
00:26:47.08\00:26:49.09
Ellen White in Happiness
Homemade has this to say.
00:26:49.12\00:26:52.25
So God wants us to do
marriage in a way that will not
00:27:15.30\00:27:19.41
only give us joy, but
bring honor and glory to Him.
00:27:19.45\00:27:23.53
For us to be able to do
so, we need to trust Him.
00:27:23.56\00:27:26.88
And so I am always
delighted that we have the
00:27:26.91\00:27:28.97
promise of success.
00:27:29.00\00:27:29.97
Philippians 4:13,
"We can do all things
00:27:29.99\00:27:32.72
through Christ who
gives us strength. "
00:27:32.75\00:27:35.25
And if we trust Him and
give our relationships to Him
00:27:35.28\00:27:38.87
and place them in His hands,
00:27:38.90\00:27:40.51
we're going to have a
wonderful time in marriage.
00:27:40.54\00:27:43.79