Welcome to
Marriage In God's Hands.
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I'm Willie Oliver,
Director of Family Ministries
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for the Seventh Day Adventist
Church in North America.
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I'm Elaine Oliver,
Willie's partner in ministry,
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and a Marriage
and Family Consultant
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for the Seventh Day Adventist
Church in North America.
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We're delighted
to be with you today.
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In my work as
Director of Family Ministries
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for the Seventh Day Adventist
Church in North America,
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I often have to deal with
the whole issue of marriage.
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While it's most challenging,
it can also be one of the most
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rewarding enterprises that
any human can be involved in.
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I think we have
found that to be true
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in our almost 25
years of marriage.
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We know that even though
we're a couple in ministry,
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that marriage still
presents many challenges.
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And we are awed by the
fact that God has given us
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this wonderful gift of marriage.
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And given us an
opportunity to better understand
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His intention for marriage
and what it can look like,
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what it can be like.
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We're determined that we
are not only going to be married
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for a life time, but we're
going to be happy in marriage.
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And so, we hope that
as we share with you today
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that you will get a clearer
and a better understanding
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of God's plan for marriage.
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What a wonderful opportunity to
deal with the issue of marriage.
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Marriage is the first
institution established
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by God at Creation.
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And it's not an afterthought.
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It wasn't an afterthought
even though when you look in
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scripture you get the impression
that when Adam was naming
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the animals, he
arrived at the place where
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there was not one like him.
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But really, it was God's
intent from the very beginning
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for man to not be alone.
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If we go to the
Bible, to the book of Genesis
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chapter 2 and
beginning with verse 18,
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we see what the Word of
God has to say about this.
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And then on to verses 20-25.
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We want to share with you
this whole notion of marriage.
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What God intended.
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I love that text
because it talks about
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the most
beautiful love story ever.
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And yet, we know that
somewhere along the line,
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things went awry.
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And Adam and Eve suffered some
challenges in their marriage.
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Just like so many couples today.
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There's a wonderful quote that
we have found over the years.
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And it goes like this,
"Getting married is easy.
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Staying married
is more difficult.
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Staying happily married for
a life time would be considered
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among the fine arts. "
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Wouldn't you agree with that?
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Absolutely
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So this whole
marriage institution is,
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in order for it to be
wonderful, is it possible,
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I guess I should
ask, is it possible
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for it to be wonderful?
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Are we able as
couples to experience the joy
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and the oneness that
God intended at Creation
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when He created Adam and Eve?
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Well, it is possible.
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And at the same time, we have
to be mindful of the dynamics,
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those special
principles that God has laid out
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for marriage to be able to work
the way He intended it to be.
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So, should we take a look
at the reality of marriage?
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What is the reality of marriage?
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Well, here's the reality
of marriage that couples will
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naturally move
towards a state of alienation.
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I often say that you
have a husband and a wife
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in front of a pastor, a husband
and a wife to be, a couple.
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And the pastor has just
declared them husband and wife.
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They're walking
down the church aisle.
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And I usually say
they're heading for
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alienation and separation
unless they're intentional
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about connecting
with each other each day.
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People often say,
"Well we grew apart. "
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And my response to that is,
"We are going to grow apart. "
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And the reason we grow
apart is because we're human.
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And because we're
human and we have sinned,
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the Bible says that sin is
the transgression of the law,
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and this sin is a
reality that separates people.
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So, unless you are intentional
of connecting every day
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with your spouse
through the power of God,
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you're going to
be drifting apart.
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In my work, I
travel quite a bit.
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And I remember when our children
were much smaller, younger.
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I intended in my heart
that to be connected to Elaine
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and to be
connected to our children,
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that no matter where I
was, I would call home every day
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and speak to Elaine.
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So, how do you stay connected,
because nature hates a vacuum.
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And if you're not connected,
and if you're not in touch
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with each other
and with Jesus Christ,
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something is going to go awry.
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That's absolutely right.
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But what we want
to share with couples,
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with those of you
that are listening,
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husbands and
wives can become one.
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We can either choose
to live with what's wrong;
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we can go through life
with a lot of resentment,
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a lot of hurt, and a lot of
animosity towards each other.
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Or we can trust God,
we can rely on God's Word.
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Because He
certainly does provide
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a blueprint for us in marriage.
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And we can learn
how to love one another.
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We can learn how to love in the
way that God wants us to love.
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And I truly believe
that God intends for us
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to have great marriages.
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And He's given us
in His Word, concepts.
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And just whatever it is
we need in order to have
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the type of marriage
where intimacy can grow.
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So, tell us a
little bit about intimacy.
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Because whenever we
talk about intimacy and we
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say that we're going
to talk about intimacy,
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people are a
little confused as to what
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this intimacy looks like.
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Well, God is very
clear in the Word of God,
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in the book of Genesis 2:25.
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This nakedness that we're
talking about, invariably,
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people think that when they
read this text in scripture,
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that it's
referring to sexuality.
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That it's referring to a man
and his wife having intercourse.
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While that might be true,
it really goes beyond that.
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The whole notion of nakedness
means that there's nothing
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to hide, that what
you see is what you get.
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That the man and
his wife are so intimate
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in their
relationship with one another
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that they're open in
every facet of their lives.
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For example, this is
not only physical nakedness,
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it is spiritual nakedness,
it is emotional nakedness.
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If there's something in my
soul, there's something that
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happened at work
that I'm not happy about,
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I can come home and
talk to Elaine about that.
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There's an openness about
that, I can be vulnerable.
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Cry if I need to cry as a man.
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Invariably in our society, we
are afraid to allow men to cry.
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"Oh, that's not manly. "
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But the truth of the matter is,
that's why men die more quickly.
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Because they don't
release their emotions.
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There ought to be
someone, certainly your spouse
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that you can be open with.
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And I'd like to encourage men
to be open with their spouses.
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So here, when the Bible
says naked and not ashamed,
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it's talking
about nothing to hide.
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You're not doing something
behind your spouse's back.
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You're not trying to
in any way be deceptive.
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You want to be open.
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You want to be
spiritually connected.
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You want to be talking
about, you need prayer.
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And invariably I need
Elaine to pray for me.
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And I'm happy to share
with her, "Pray for me. "
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"You know, I'm not feeling
so strong today, pray for me. "
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So when the Bible speaks
about naked and not ashamed,
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there's a wonderful image
of having nothing between you.
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That's absolutely wonderful.
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I think Matthew 19:6 clarifies
this even more where it says:
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We're talking about
oneness. What is this oneness?
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What does it look like?
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How do we achieve this oneness,
and what does God intend
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for us when He says that
they are no longer two, but one?
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When we talk about oneness,
we realize that the whole
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theme of oneness runs through
the theology of the Bible.
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We see that God
the Son, the Father,
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and the Holy Ghost are one.
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It's one God.
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Three individuals, three
personalities, but one God.
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Also the Bible speaks about
Jesus and the church being one.
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It also speaks about marriage as
the quintessential relationship
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of oneness in scripture.
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What often happens
when couples have children
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is that they tend to
concentrate on the children
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instead of on each other.
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Not that you shouldn't
concentrate on the children.
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But you should
concentrate on each other first.
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Here's a reason why.
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The only relationship in
scripture where we're one
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with anyone else is marriage.
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Not one with my parents.
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Not one with my children.
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I'm only one with Elaine.
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So this oneness
is a special oneness.
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And it's God
ordained and designed.
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We should also talk
about the fact that when we
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talk about this oneness, when
we talk about coming together,
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about being married, that
God is talking about a covenant.
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He's not talking
about a contract.
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And we hear so many people today
talking about the contract.
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And whether or not the
deal is going to be broken
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if something happens.
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And that' not what God intended.
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God intended that we form a
covenant, a promise if you will.
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Just like He made a
promise to us, His people.
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And this relationship
is one that is spiritual,
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as you mentioned earlier.
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It's emotional and physical.
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So, it's not just the
benefit of the physical.
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Sometimes, young couples are so
excited about the physical part.
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But this is a lot deeper,
because truly, there is no
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physical, there's no
true physical relationship
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if there isn't the spiritual,
if there isn't the emotional.
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And that's what we
need to understand when God
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is talking about oneness.
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It's this covenant of
two coming together as one.
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We talk about it actually,
as a three fold relationship
00:12:06.51\00:12:10.46
where we have God, we
have the husband and the wife
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coming together,
understanding God's plan
00:12:13.29\00:12:18.04
for unity and marriage.
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That we join with
Him in this venture.
00:12:19.84\00:12:22.76
Or I should say
adventure, because that's what
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marriage really is.
00:12:24.87\00:12:25.84
It is an adventure
and it certainly has
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been an adventure
for us in our marriage.
00:12:27.95\00:12:30.78
Indeed.
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When you speak about
covenant, I usually think about
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a promise that is made.
00:12:35.76\00:12:37.48
And this promise that's made is
not contingent on whether or not
00:12:37.51\00:12:41.45
someone did something for me.
00:12:41.48\00:12:43.19
The fact is, we make
a promise to each other.
00:12:43.22\00:12:46.77
And that promise we
keep, because we made it.
00:12:46.80\00:12:49.71
It's not based on what
the other person is doing.
00:12:49.74\00:12:52.06
It's simply based on the
fact that we made a promise.
00:12:52.09\00:12:55.01
And this promise in
God's will, is to be permanent.
00:12:55.04\00:12:58.93
In the book of Malachi chapter
2 and verse 16, God says,
00:12:58.96\00:13:01.72
"I hate divorce. "
00:13:01.75\00:13:02.75
He doesn't hate people
who have been divorced.
00:13:02.78\00:13:05.32
He doesn't hate
people who are divorced.
00:13:05.35\00:13:06.94
But He does hate
divorce because it's separation.
00:13:06.97\00:13:09.62
It separates people.
00:13:09.65\00:13:11.45
And God's plan for
marriage is that there be unity.
00:13:11.48\00:13:15.36
That people be together.
00:13:15.39\00:13:16.87
That they grow this
relationship together.
00:13:16.90\00:13:19.90
Not for a year or 5 years
or 10 years, but for eternity.
00:13:19.93\00:13:24.58
Well, in a little
while, we'll come back
00:13:24.61\00:13:27.63
and speak to you some
more about this oneness
00:13:27.66\00:13:29.64
that we're talking about.
00:13:29.67\00:13:30.64
Right now we're
going to go to break.
00:13:30.65\00:13:32.29
And stick around and stay
with us and come right back
00:13:32.32\00:13:35.46
as we continue with our topic
on the intimacy of marriage
00:13:35.49\00:13:39.25
and the power of one.
00:13:39.28\00:13:40.95
There are many "How
To" books available.
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But there's one that's free
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How You Can
Build A Better Marriage
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easy to read manner for
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Call or write for your copy.
00:14:05.15\00:14:07.02
Welcome back.
00:14:22.27\00:14:23.33
We've been talking
about the power of one,
00:14:23.36\00:14:25.32
intimacy in marriage.
00:14:25.35\00:14:26.68
We've covered so
far, the notion of oneness
00:14:26.71\00:14:29.65
and two becoming
one, and what God intends
00:14:29.68\00:14:32.41
for oneness in marriage.
00:14:32.44\00:14:34.52
We're going to continue
our discussion talking about
00:14:34.55\00:14:36.84
this mystery of oneness.
00:14:36.87\00:14:38.66
What exactly is this
oneness and how does it look?
00:14:38.69\00:14:42.65
We often joke around and say,
"Well, God intends for us to be
00:14:42.68\00:14:48.55
one, but which one?"
00:14:48.58\00:14:50.13
And in many relationships,
that's not a joke.
00:14:50.16\00:14:53.44
So we want to
explore this concept
00:14:53.47\00:14:57.25
of oneness and what it means.
00:14:57.28\00:14:58.71
And it certainly dissipates
any myths about the fact that
00:14:59.11\00:15:02.37
perhaps God wants one
personality to subsume
00:15:02.40\00:15:06.14
the other personality.
00:15:06.17\00:15:07.71
And that is definitely
not what God intended.
00:15:07.74\00:15:10.58
When God talks about us
being one, He certainly intends
00:15:10.61\00:15:14.52
as He understands that He
made us as such unique beings.
00:15:14.55\00:15:18.71
That we came into this
world with our temperaments
00:15:18.74\00:15:22.25
and our personalities.
00:15:22.28\00:15:23.62
And we bring that
to the relationship.
00:15:23.65\00:15:26.24
And we bring that
into this oneness.
00:15:26.27\00:15:28.12
But when we talk about becoming
one, we also need to understand
00:15:28.15\00:15:32.35
that God wants us to
understand that we have to,
00:15:32.38\00:15:38.48
I guess what we say is,
have a compromise of autonomy.
00:15:38.51\00:15:43.24
That we are no longer
operating just for ourselves.
00:15:43.27\00:15:47.36
So when we talk about
oneness, we are talking about
00:15:47.39\00:15:50.04
accommodating the other person.
00:15:50.07\00:15:52.42
So someone might say, "Well
does that mean that I have to
00:15:52.45\00:15:55.55
compromise on everything?"
00:15:55.58\00:15:57.01
"What if there's something
that I like, if I like red
00:15:57.04\00:15:59.55
do I now have to like
blue only because the other
00:15:59.58\00:16:02.14
person likes blue?"
00:16:02.17\00:16:03.14
And that is certainly not
what God is talking about.
00:16:03.15\00:16:05.77
Well, I find it interesting
that the whole notion of
00:16:05.80\00:16:10.65
accommodation and
the whole notion of not
00:16:10.68\00:16:13.53
being subsumed by the other.
00:16:13.56\00:16:15.38
And in our culture we like
to talk about the fact that
00:16:15.41\00:16:19.66
as men, we are the
leaders of our home.
00:16:19.69\00:16:23.73
And Christian men like to often
quote Ephesians, where it says
00:16:23.76\00:16:30.99
in Ephesians 5:22,
"Wives submit to husbands. "
00:16:31.02\00:16:37.24
And yet, that's not really
what the Bible is talking about.
00:16:37.27\00:16:41.90
When we look at scripture
and God's plan for marriage,
00:16:41.93\00:16:45.78
we see that this
whole leadership is
00:16:45.81\00:16:48.30
not necessarily being a boss.
00:16:48.33\00:16:49.69
This whole notion of
leadership is being a leader.
00:16:49.72\00:16:53.12
And a leader doesn't
need to set the law down
00:16:53.15\00:16:57.14
because you're actually one.
00:16:57.17\00:16:59.04
And if we're one,
then we are negotiating.
00:16:59.07\00:17:02.06
And we're talking together, we
are in contact with each other.
00:17:02.09\00:17:06.38
And we are
consulting with each other.
00:17:06.41\00:17:08.72
And we're not just
moving forward like,
00:17:08.75\00:17:10.47
"Well, the buck stops here and
I need to make this decision. "
00:17:10.50\00:17:13.04
If we look at verse 21
of Ephesians 5, it says,
00:17:13.07\00:17:17.50
"Be subject to each other
out of reverence for Christ. "
00:17:17.53\00:17:21.45
Indeed, what it's talking about
is the mutuality in marriage and
00:17:21.48\00:17:24.94
the fact that God wants us to
be partners in this enterprise.
00:17:24.97\00:17:28.26
There's something
else about this oneness
00:17:28.61\00:17:30.03
that I really enjoy.
00:17:30.06\00:17:33.32
And we find it in the book
of 1 Corinthians chapter 12
00:17:33.42\00:17:37.29
and also 1 Corinthians 14, where
it speaks about the body as one.
00:17:37.32\00:17:43.81
It's a unit and yet
it's made up of many parts.
00:17:43.84\00:17:46.21
And it uses the body as
a metaphor for the church,
00:17:46.24\00:17:49.59
for the body of Christ,
that we have different organs
00:17:49.62\00:17:53.89
with different
functions, and yet they're all
00:17:53.92\00:17:56.54
intricately united and together.
00:17:56.57\00:17:59.50
Let's say in marriage, husbands
have their roles to play,
00:17:59.53\00:18:04.50
and wives have
their roles to play,
00:18:04.60\00:18:06.60
and God has us
doing different things
00:18:06.63\00:18:08.61
but we're complimentary
and we're working together
00:18:08.64\00:18:11.63
and we're working as a body.
00:18:11.66\00:18:13.75
Have you ever been
hammering and all of a sudden
00:18:13.78\00:18:16.74
your hammer slips
and you hit your finger?
00:18:16.77\00:18:19.46
I usually say, "ouch. "
00:18:19.49\00:18:21.62
Of course, unless you're really
masculine and you just look.
00:18:21.65\00:18:24.51
But most of us say, "ouch. "
00:18:24.54\00:18:26.77
That's because
the whole body hurts
00:18:26.80\00:18:28.87
when a piece of the body hurts.
00:18:28.90\00:18:31.44
And this is what
God is talking about
00:18:31.47\00:18:33.02
when He's talking about oneness
and unity and togetherness.
00:18:33.05\00:18:36.79
It's not a separation.
00:18:36.82\00:18:38.82
It is an organic relationship
where we feel together,
00:18:38.85\00:18:44.49
we work together,
we worship together.
00:18:44.52\00:18:47.32
So that as husband and
wife, we can be on the same page
00:18:47.35\00:18:52.21
and lead our children
to the kingdom of God.
00:18:52.24\00:18:54.82
That is so powerful, it's
just the whole notion of oneness
00:18:55.20\00:18:58.73
and how God has
laid it out for us.
00:18:58.76\00:19:01.64
But unfortunately, we understand
that in real marriages
00:19:01.67\00:19:04.86
there are certain obstacles
to enjoying this oneness.
00:19:04.91\00:19:09.31
And so we want to take a look at
00:19:09.34\00:19:10.96
what some of
these obstacles may be.
00:19:10.99\00:19:13.08
Because we believe
that if we can identify
00:19:13.11\00:19:15.90
where the challenges are going
to be, then we can understand
00:19:15.93\00:19:19.28
how we can offset them.
00:19:19.31\00:19:21.57
And then put our marriages
back on the right track
00:19:21.60\00:19:24.75
so we can have this oneness that
God intends for us to enjoy.
00:19:24.78\00:19:28.37
So one of the challenges,
one of the obstacles to oneness
00:19:28.40\00:19:32.50
would be what we
call defensiveness
00:19:32.53\00:19:35.04
and the fear of rejection.
00:19:35.07\00:19:36.55
As we become more
intimate with each other,
00:19:36.85\00:19:40.04
this is the
challenge of marriage.
00:19:40.07\00:19:41.82
The other person
knows us, probably better
00:19:42.12\00:19:44.59
than most other people.
00:19:44.62\00:19:46.44
And when Adam and Eve
sinned, what did they do first?
00:19:46.47\00:19:51.22
They covered
themselves. They were afraid.
00:19:51.25\00:19:54.32
So they covered up the
places where they were most
00:19:54.35\00:19:57.13
different from each other.
00:19:57.16\00:19:58.66
The idea of
covering up our differences.
00:19:58.69\00:20:03.56
And don't we do
that in marriage?
00:20:03.59\00:20:05.42
Because we know that the other
person knows us so well and
00:20:05.45\00:20:09.31
we have shared very
intimately with one another
00:20:09.34\00:20:13.10
our thought, our
emotions, our feelings.
00:20:13.13\00:20:15.66
When we experience some type
of distress in our marriage,
00:20:15.86\00:20:21.07
we begin to cover ourselves up.
00:20:21.10\00:20:23.23
We no longer
share with each other.
00:20:23.26\00:20:25.76
And that is definitely
an obstacle to oneness
00:20:25.79\00:20:29.33
because if we're no
longer sharing with each other
00:20:29.36\00:20:31.90
on an intimate,
on a close level,
00:20:31.93\00:20:34.29
talking about more
than just the weather.
00:20:34.32\00:20:36.95
And isn't that what
happens in relationships?
00:20:36.98\00:20:39.52
That once we start to go
down this road of covering up,
00:20:39.55\00:20:43.83
we do only talk
about the weather.
00:20:43.86\00:20:45.80
We only talk about
taking out the trash.
00:20:45.83\00:20:47.81
We only talk about
picking up the kids from school
00:20:47.84\00:20:51.35
or from their
after school activities.
00:20:51.38\00:20:53.10
And that becomes an
obstacle to oneness.
00:20:53.60\00:20:57.30
Well, one of the problems
is that you begin shutting down
00:20:57.33\00:21:01.16
certain parts of your marriage,
so that you don't talk about
00:21:01.19\00:21:03.59
them because you think
you have different opinions.
00:21:03.62\00:21:06.27
But instead of not talking
about them, what we've learned
00:21:06.30\00:21:09.79
is that every crisis situation
is an opportunity for growth.
00:21:09.82\00:21:13.80
It might cause a
little tension but as you talk
00:21:13.83\00:21:16.81
some more about it, and
as you work through it and
00:21:16.84\00:21:19.30
as you share with
each other intimately about
00:21:19.33\00:21:21.36
what's going on, there
is a tendency for us to get
00:21:21.39\00:21:24.75
on the other side with
a greater understanding
00:21:24.78\00:21:27.26
of where our
spouse is coming from.
00:21:27.29\00:21:28.74
And then we are growing
because we have gotten to know
00:21:28.77\00:21:33.13
more about that individual.
00:21:33.16\00:21:34.46
One of the other
obstacles in marriage is
00:21:34.49\00:21:37.28
wrong doing and selfishness.
00:21:37.31\00:21:39.71
We want to do it ourselves.
We want it to go our way.
00:21:39.74\00:21:43.81
And while we didn't pay
much attention to our parents
00:21:44.01\00:21:46.80
when we were growing up,
invariably we want to do it
00:21:46.83\00:21:50.06
the way the Oliver's did it.
00:21:50.09\00:21:51.28
The way my family
did it, that's the way
00:21:51.31\00:21:53.99
it's suppose to be done.
00:21:54.02\00:21:54.99
Well, the Powell's had their way
of doing it, and it's not bad.
00:21:55.01\00:21:58.63
But really, the
right way to do it
00:21:58.66\00:22:00.88
is the way the Oliver's did it.
00:22:00.91\00:22:02.30
That's the tendency we
have once we get married.
00:22:02.40\00:22:05.45
We want to be
the pre-eminent one.
00:22:05.65\00:22:07.94
And what we're
talking about here is oneness.
00:22:07.97\00:22:10.35
So instead of
doing it the Oliver way,
00:22:10.38\00:22:12.32
the way I was brought
up in my family of origin,
00:22:12.35\00:22:15.47
or the way the Powell's did it,
the way Elaine was brought up
00:22:15.50\00:22:17.94
in her family of origin, we want
to do it the Oliver/Powell way.
00:22:17.97\00:22:21.16
So we create a new reality
because there's a new unit.
00:22:21.19\00:22:25.48
We're married to each
other. We are a "one".
00:22:25.78\00:22:28.39
We are one and we are an "us".
00:22:28.42\00:22:30.70
And now it's a new reality.
00:22:30.73\00:22:33.06
I love that. Absolutely.
00:22:33.09\00:22:35.36
We have to understand, as
we've been talking about, that
00:22:35.39\00:22:38.53
it's no longer just about me,
it's no longer just about you.
00:22:38.56\00:22:42.24
But it is about the "us".
00:22:42.27\00:22:43.80
And it's worth
stressing again and again.
00:22:43.83\00:22:46.88
Because in marriage, we
can destroy our marriages
00:22:46.91\00:22:50.47
just thinking about,
"What's in it for me?"
00:22:50.50\00:22:53.55
"I know the best way. "
00:22:53.58\00:22:57.02
And I think it's
worth stressing the "us".
00:22:57.05\00:23:00.19
That we have a new identity.
00:23:00.22\00:23:02.42
Just like when
we are born again.
00:23:02.63\00:23:04.87
And we're reborn in Christ.
00:23:04.90\00:23:08.63
It's the same
thing with marriage.
00:23:09.03\00:23:10.73
And that's why God uses marriage
as a way to more clearly
00:23:10.76\00:23:17.00
illuminate when He talks
about His relationship with us.
00:23:17.03\00:23:21.82
That notion of
being one with us.
00:23:21.85\00:23:24.44
Another obstacle to oneness
is lack of understanding.
00:23:24.47\00:23:28.07
We think that because we
are Bible-believing people
00:23:28.10\00:23:31.55
that we read the Bible
every day, that we understand
00:23:31.58\00:23:35.82
how to do
marriage, how to be one.
00:23:35.85\00:23:39.11
Now clearly, and we've said
before that God does provide
00:23:39.14\00:23:42.34
a blueprint, but
sometimes we don't really abide
00:23:42.37\00:23:46.55
by the blueprint.
00:23:46.58\00:23:47.55
We don't do the things
that God asks us to do.
00:23:47.57\00:23:50.98
So just because we're
reading the Bible doesn't mean
00:23:51.01\00:23:54.44
that we are going to know
how to talk to one another.
00:23:54.47\00:24:00.72
So what that means then is
that we need to be able to go
00:24:00.75\00:24:03.19
someplace where
we can be taught.
00:24:03.29\00:24:04.88
Because the dynamics of
marriage don't come naturally.
00:24:05.08\00:24:09.20
Even though we think, "Well this
should just come naturally. "
00:24:09.23\00:24:11.84
But it doesn't.
00:24:11.87\00:24:12.84
And so we want to talk here
as we come towards the end is,
00:24:12.87\00:24:15.62
how can we
preserve this oneness.
00:24:15.65\00:24:17.22
What kinds of things can
we do to have this oneness
00:24:17.25\00:24:21.00
in our marriages?
00:24:21.03\00:24:22.00
And one of the first
things we can do is by
00:24:22.01\00:24:25.01
being committed to
destroying the obstacles
00:24:25.04\00:24:27.99
in our relationships.
00:24:28.02\00:24:29.11
In the bible, in the book
of Colossians 3:19, it says:
00:24:29.14\00:24:34.04
It's so easy for husbands
and wives to have bad feelings
00:24:42.31\00:24:45.30
in their marital relationship.
00:24:45.33\00:24:47.25
And so what we
need to do is to destroy
00:24:47.75\00:24:50.29
these obstacles to oneness.
00:24:50.32\00:24:52.97
Being committed to
destroying every obstacle
00:24:53.00\00:24:56.08
in our relationship and
speaking kindly and gently
00:24:56.11\00:24:59.77
and nurturingly to our spouses.
00:24:59.80\00:25:03.82
We also need to be
more intentional about
00:25:04.22\00:25:06.47
improving as a spouse.
00:25:06.50\00:25:08.17
Yes, we do need to improve.
00:25:08.20\00:25:10.49
Often times, I say to
people that I find myself
00:25:10.52\00:25:14.56
praying for my husband.
00:25:14.66\00:25:15.68
And that's a good thing,
we should pray for our spouse.
00:25:15.71\00:25:17.87
But one of the things
that I've learned to do
00:25:17.90\00:25:19.69
is to pray and ask God to
help me be the kind of wife
00:25:19.72\00:25:23.79
that He wants me to be.
00:25:23.82\00:25:25.05
Help me to be a better person.
00:25:25.08\00:25:26.79
James 1:19 says it well.
00:25:26.82\00:25:28.92
I think that sums it
up when we talk about
00:25:42.41\00:25:43.95
being our best selves.
00:25:43.98\00:25:46.00
If I take the time to listen
to you then I actually benefit
00:25:46.60\00:25:51.64
because I have a better
understanding of who you are
00:25:51.67\00:25:54.45
and how I can be a
better spouse to you.
00:25:54.48\00:25:56.82
And one other way of doing that
is being dedicated to knowing
00:25:57.02\00:26:00.77
one's spouse deeply.
00:26:00.80\00:26:01.95
I hear often, people who
have been married for 20 years
00:26:02.75\00:26:05.68
or 30 years, and the
marriage is still rocky.
00:26:05.71\00:26:08.54
It's not going better.
00:26:08.57\00:26:09.54
That's because we've
lived one year 30 times over.
00:26:09.55\00:26:11.82
And what we need to
learn to do in marriage
00:26:11.85\00:26:13.65
is to grow every day.
00:26:13.68\00:26:15.12
And for that the scripture
says in 1 Corinthians 13:4,7,8
00:26:15.15\00:26:19.92
So we need to be dedicated
to knowing our spouse deeply.
00:26:37.56\00:26:40.19
And being kind about it,
and being intentional about it.
00:26:40.79\00:26:44.11
Because love never fails.
00:26:44.14\00:26:47.13
And we also need to
have a commitment to oneness.
00:26:47.82\00:26:51.66
Ellen White says it
well in Happiness Homemade.
00:26:51.69\00:26:54.65
Now the whole enterprise
of marriage is difficult.
00:27:17.22\00:27:19.06
It's hard stuff. But...
00:27:19.09\00:27:21.39
There's nothing more rewarding
than working together through
00:27:21.59\00:27:26.37
the Spirit of God to
bring ourselves in marriage
00:27:26.40\00:27:31.30
to be one with our mate.
00:27:31.33\00:27:33.42
It's God's plan.
00:27:33.45\00:27:34.62
And there's a promise of
success in Philippians 4:13.
00:27:34.65\00:27:39.00
And it says, "I can
do all things through Him
00:27:39.04\00:27:41.89
who strengthens me. "
00:27:41.92\00:27:43.20
God bless you and stay strong.
00:27:43.23\00:27:45.90