Participants: Alanzo Smith, June Smith
Series Code: MGH
Program Code: MGH000052
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00:30 Welcome to Marriage In God's Hands.
00:33 I'm Alanzo Smith, an Ordained Minister of the gospel. 00:37 And I'm June Smith. 00:40 We're both licensed Marriage and Family Therapists, 00:43 and licensed Mental Health Counselors. 00:47 We're here today to talk about, Rebuilding the Family Altar. 00:54 But before we do so, June, won't you pray for us. 00:58 I invite you to pray with us. 01:00 Father, we thank You for a new day. 01:04 We thank You for the sacrifice You made to give us salvation. 01:09 As we establish our homes, we ask that You will give us wisdom 01:14 so that we can follow Your divine plan. 01:16 In Jesus' name, amen. Amen. 01:21 Rebuilding the family altar. 01:27 Rebuilding. 01:29 The assumption is that in some families, 01:34 the altar has been broken down. 01:37 But do you know why I know it's not just an assumption? 01:41 It's because I know for a fact, as I relate to people 01:46 who know Jesus, people who love Jesus, people who have family, 01:51 but they don't have the family altar erected. 01:55 And some admit, "We once had it but it is now broken down. " 01:59 There's a passage in scripture that I want you to read with us. 02:05 It's to be found in Joshua 4:1-2. 02:36 There are three lessons that we want you to learn 02:41 from this story in Joshua 4. 02:59 The role of the Spiritual Leader in the home is diminishing. 03:05 Talk to us about the Spiritual Leader in the home 03:11 and does this have to be the husband? 03:15 Because there are home where we have that challenge. 03:22 Whoever is the head of the household. 03:25 So if it is a single parent family or a dual couple, 03:31 a couple where both parties are in the home, 03:34 then where the father or husband exists, 03:38 he is expected to be the Spiritual Leader. 03:40 But if it's a single home, the person who is 03:44 head of that household should be the Spiritual Leader. 03:46 But yes, someone must assume the responsibility 03:51 to establish a spiritual environment. 03:56 The way things are happening in our society today, 03:59 if the home is broken, 04:01 then obviously society will be broken. 04:05 If society is broken, then we see all the maladapted behavior 04:11 that is going on. 04:12 So, it is important for us to establish at the very beginning 04:18 the need for the home to have the family altar erected. 04:25 Notice what the text says. 04:27 In every tribe, a spiritual leader was to be selected. 04:36 In the text, it says a man. 04:37 But as we have already clarified, 04:39 we are cognizant of the fact that there are some homes 04:42 where they are single families. 04:44 And in the case of a single mom, 04:46 she would become the spiritual leader. 04:50 We're talking to you husbands and wives. 04:53 And we're saying, husbands, it is your God given responsibility 04:58 as the High Priest of the home to command your household, 05:03 to command your home after righteousness. 05:08 So, the responsibility of the parents, 05:11 or the head of the household, is not just to provide 05:15 financially for the family, and to insure that the 05:19 family is safe, and all other roles 05:23 that one plays in a family, 05:25 but one dimension, and one important dimension, 05:30 is building a spiritual environment. 05:32 It is God's instruction to us. 05:36 Yes. 05:39 What does it mean when you say, "command your household 05:43 after righteousness?" 05:44 Simply put, it means that you have to say like Joshua, 05:52 "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. " 05:56 In other words, commanding your household 05:59 after righteousness, as a spiritual leader, 06:02 you have to say, "There are some things that will not happen 06:05 in this home. " 06:07 When Friday evening comes and the sun is set 06:12 and the Sabbath hours start, in my house 06:15 the television will not be running, regardless of. 06:19 There are certain things that will not happen. 06:21 That is to say, the television for secular programs. 06:25 This lovely, beautiful 3ABN program, sure it is fine. 06:29 And we hope you're watching it, you need to. 06:32 But we're talking about secular activities. 06:34 Command your household after righteousness. 06:36 There are certain things, that as a spiritual leader 06:39 it's your duty to see that it's done in your home. 06:44 I think another role that the spiritual leader plays 06:46 is ensuring that they are developing and maintaining 06:52 a structure for spiritual activities. 06:55 For example, you talk about Friday evening at sundown, 06:59 the family knows this is the end of the work week 07:04 and the beginning of the Sabbath hours. 07:06 And if the family is meeting for worship, 07:10 then that's a part of that family's structure. 07:12 And if the family altar is established in that home, 07:17 then there ought to be a regular time when 07:20 every member of that family is aware 07:22 that this is when the family meets. 07:24 So everybody gears their activity towards that event. 07:29 Another aspect of this process would be to encourage 07:34 Christian education. 07:36 It is part of the spiritual commitment, 07:39 it is part of that spiritual high priest role 07:44 to encourage Christian education in the home. 07:48 Especially in this day and age, and the secularization 07:52 of the curriculum. 07:55 We have to try our best to give our children the best. 08:01 I think it appears like a simple thing. 08:04 But church attendance, I find especially among adolescents 08:09 and young adults, in many churches is a challenge. 08:15 So you have the children that parents take 08:18 because they're young and they have very little choice. 08:21 And the older members of the family that 08:24 regularly attend church. 08:25 But we seem to be loosing the young adults 08:29 and the older teenagers. 08:30 Now, if you're a spiritual leader in your home 08:34 and your child; whether it's a young adult, an adult, a child, 08:37 lives in your home, it is the responsibility of that 08:42 head of household to ensure that your family member, 08:46 your child is attending church. 08:48 So, whatever the barrier is, or whatever the difficulty is 08:52 that the child identifies, the parents need to work with that 08:57 child to encourage that child, and to show them the importance 09:01 of gathering with the saints, and going to meet Jesus 09:05 or God in the center of worship. 09:08 We spoke earlier about single families. 09:13 And God bless singles and single families. 09:16 And we thank God for them. 09:18 They have a tremendous contribution to give 09:21 to the church, to society in so many areas. 09:26 But I must make an appeal to men and to fathers. 09:32 I need you to understand the significant loss 09:36 that we're experiencing in society among our youths 09:41 and our children when they do not grow up 09:45 with their biological father. 09:47 We thank God for those of you who are acting as foster parents 09:53 or step-fathers, whatever the category or the case may be. 09:57 But it is important for children to have 10:00 their fathers in the home. 10:03 We're going to share with you one or two statistics 10:06 on this issue. 10:07 And if you want to do more research, you will see 10:10 it's enormous the maladapted behaviors that we're getting 10:16 as a result of children growing up without their fathers 10:20 and someone to help to command their household 10:23 after righteousness. 10:25 It is said if you research the penal system, 10:28 that the large majority of young men, 10:33 or children in general but more so young men, 10:36 who are incarcerated, come from homes where a father is absent. 10:42 That is a very significant finding. 10:46 It is also said that 40% of all children go to bed each night 10:53 without a father present at home. 10:56 And then, sadly, children who grow up in homes 11:02 where the father is absent, are likely to drop out of school 11:07 or are likely to fail. 11:11 So, the importance of a father cannot be overstated. 11:17 Yes, and we're not in any way saying that every child 11:22 that grows up without his or her 11:24 biological father in the home will fail. 11:28 That's not what we're saying. 11:29 When the research says 40% of children in the United States 11:36 go to bed without their biological father, 11:39 and in every world that happens, 11:42 it means that 60% go with their fathers. 11:47 And we thank God for that. 11:48 The point we're making is that 40% is too high. 11:52 Again, we thank God for you God fearing mothers 11:57 who are doing your best and have done a wonderful job. 12:00 There are many individuals who have been successful 12:03 who grew up with just their mother. 12:04 But the ideal that God has put together, 12:08 the ideal is for the children to grow up 12:11 with a mother and a father. 12:14 And when you're made for family worship, 12:17 it's a beautiful thing when that boy or that girl 12:20 can see his or her father leading out 12:25 in that significant role. 12:27 Leading out in that role as the leader, 12:32 the spiritual leader of the home. 12:34 Because that will pay dividends in times to come. 12:39 That's important. 12:41 So, we're saying that commanding our household means 12:44 taking responsibility that our children, that our spouses 12:48 are following the divine plan. 12:50 And that we are trying to implant and restore 12:54 the image of God in the minds of our children. 12:57 And that as parents, as the adult in our homes, 13:00 we're attempting to model what our children should pattern. 13:06 So, from the story of Joshua, there are three lessons. 13:10 The first lesson is that every home 13:13 should have a spiritual leader. 13:16 We have two more important lessons to talk about. 13:18 And we don't want you to miss it. 13:21 We want you to be a part of this discussion, 13:23 a part of this process. 13:25 So, we're asking you to stay right there. 13:28 We're going to take a break but we'll be right back. 13:31 So, we want you to continue to enjoy 13:34 our discussion together. 13:45 There are many "How To" books available. 13:48 But there's one that's free and perfect for every couple. 13:51 How You Can Build A Better Marriage 13:53 Bible-based matrimonial advice is given in a light-hearted 13:57 easy to ready manner for those contemplating marriage, 14:00 newlyweds, couples in their golden years, 14:03 and everyone in between. Call or write for your copy. 14:21 Welcome back to our program Marriage In God's hands. 14:27 Our topic that we're talking about is 14:29 Rebuilding the Family Altar. 14:32 And the first point we made is that in every home, 14:36 there should be a spiritual leader. 14:39 The second point that we want to bring is that 14:42 everyone has a stone to carry. 14:49 Read with me Joshua 4:5. 15:20 In this context, we're going to use stones as challenges. 15:24 So, the instruction was for everyone to take up his stone 15:28 and carry it, every leader. 15:30 And we're saying, every one of us, we have a stone to carry. 15:36 We have our challenges to carry. 15:41 And families are not spared. 15:43 The reality is, you wake up each day 15:46 and you put your hands in God's. 15:50 Because you don't know what your stone will be. 15:54 We're living in a time when economically 16:00 the economy is challenged. 16:05 And it is quite difficult for many families to survive. 16:10 In fact, for the first time in a very long time 16:13 in this American society, there are families who are 16:17 losing their homes, whose businesses have gone bad, 16:21 whose economic situation is constrained. 16:25 And that's a stone. 16:27 That is a difficult situation for a father, or a mother, 16:31 who has the responsibility to provide for their child 16:35 or their family. 16:36 To recognize that their resources are limited 16:42 because the economic time is so difficult. 16:48 And we're saying when that stone comes, you have to carry it. 16:54 And in order for you to get the strength to carry it, 16:57 go back to the family altar. 17:00 Another stone that families will have to carry, 17:04 some families have, is the challenge of 17:07 a child doing drugs. 17:12 I've had the painful task of working with youngsters 17:19 with promise who for some reason, one reason or another, 17:23 have moved into this direction. 17:26 And this is trauma on the family. 17:29 You also know in your counseling experience that 17:33 We have dealt with so many of these cases. 17:36 And this is trauma when that happens. 17:38 Sometimes it's not necessarily hard core drugs. 17:41 It could be alcohol, it could be the use of tobacco. 17:44 All of those things. But they affect the family. 17:47 And they affect the functioning of the family. 17:50 You have those challenges to carry. 17:52 We have to face them. 17:55 And we're saying, take them back to the altar. 17:58 Rebuild the family altar and take them there. 18:02 The notion of young women, young girls getting pregnant, 18:08 or young boys becoming fathers prematurely. 18:13 This is another stone that many families have to carry. 18:16 And families become overwhelmed with the anxiety and uncertainty 18:22 and the difficulty that it presents for the family. 18:26 So yes, we have so much to pray about. 18:30 Poor health condition. 18:32 There are some individuals who are going through real sickness. 18:38 Sickness is not an easy thing. 18:42 I've had my share of it, you've had your share of it. 18:46 We've gone through our storms. 18:48 Sickness is sometimes frightening and scary. 18:53 And the worse part of it, I know of individuals who 18:57 in their moment of sickness, they've shipwrecked their faith. 19:02 They stop praying. 19:03 They don't want to go to have worship anymore. 19:06 Our challenge, as well as our reaching out to you 19:11 and our prayer to you is, no matter what you're going through 19:15 God is greater than all your fears, 19:17 and even greater than all your pain. 19:19 And we're saying, do not break down the family altar 19:24 as a result of that. 19:26 Continue to take it to the Lord in prayer. 19:31 One of the most difficult challenges, I think, 19:34 is when the family is faced with a situation where one spouse 19:42 becomes unfaithful. 19:43 It creates an enormous instability for the family. 19:47 Not just the marital relationship, 19:49 but for the relationship between father and child, 19:52 or mother and child. 19:53 And that is a stone that many families carry. 19:57 But as you rightly said, regardless of the challenge, 20:02 God is your friend. 20:04 And He will never leave you nor forsake you. 20:08 Amen. 20:10 The painful feeling of rejection. 20:15 Sometimes you form a relationship. 20:18 And somehow, the relationship has all the promise 20:23 of a marriage, all the promise of a future, 20:28 and for one reason or another, something beyond your control, 20:32 the relationship went sour. 20:34 You feel rejected. 20:36 Rejection is a painful feeling. 20:41 And during those moments of pain 20:46 and the feeling of rejection, you may not feel like 20:51 going to the altar. 20:53 We're saying, yes, every man has his stone to carry. 20:59 And if that is your stone, take it to the Lord in prayer. 21:05 Every woman has her stone to carry. 21:08 Every child has a stone to carry. 21:12 So the family must be prepared that regardless of the challenge 21:17 we don't abandon our families. 21:19 We don't run away from our responsibilities. 21:22 We, through the mercies and grace of God 21:25 carry our stones. 21:27 We lay them, He says, "Everyone that thirsts, come. " 21:31 Bring your stones to the altar, that's what that altar is for. 21:36 From the story of Joshua, we want you to understand 21:40 that there should be a spiritual leader. 21:42 Let every man take out a leader. 21:46 Select one from each tribe. 21:49 There must be a spiritual leader in the home. 21:51 Secondly, each one must carry their own stone. 21:55 As they were going through the crossing of the river Jordan, 21:59 each leader was to pick up a stone, take up a stone. 22:03 Everyone has a stone to carry. 22:05 And the third lesson that we want you to learn 22:09 from this story in Joshua is 22:12 the need to pass on religious instructions onto your children. 22:24 Let's go to the word of God and look at Joshua 4:6-7. 23:08 Here we find in this passage that the children of Israel, 23:15 the leaders were to take up these stones as they 23:19 crossed over Jordan. 23:21 And when they got over on the other side in the Promise Land, 23:24 they were to build an altar, build a memorial 23:28 so that in times to come, when their children 23:33 and their children's children should ask their family, 23:36 "What's the purpose for these stones?" 23:38 "What meaneth these stones?" 23:40 then you will be able to tell them about 23:43 the goodness of the Lord. 23:45 What God did in parting the waters of the Jordan. 23:48 How He sustained you through the wilderness. 23:51 How he sustained them even while they were 23:54 down in Egyptian bondage and how He delivered them. 23:58 The idea is that they were to have religious instruction. 24:06 And every family has a story to tell. 24:08 And Jesus, or God, is asking us to do the same thing 24:12 with our families. 24:14 We want to position ourselves to pass on our values. 24:21 Let's look at some of the values that we need to pass on. 24:23 For example, we must continue to instruct our families 24:27 on the sanctity of the Sabbath. 24:30 That's important. 24:32 That is becoming a real challenge. 24:33 In many cities where our families live, 24:36 the structure of the work situation presents a challenge. 24:41 But families must work hard by God's grace 24:44 to keep the sanctity of the Sabbath. 24:47 Unequally yoked. 24:48 We have to continue that message not to be unequally yoked. 24:53 It's God's word and we must continue to teach 24:56 those principles at the altar. 24:59 A value I think that is critical in our time is chastity. 25:02 When you talk to young people about being a virgin, 25:05 they look at you as if, "What planet are you coming off?" 25:08 But the reality is, we must encourage our children to 25:12 save sex until marriage. 25:15 Church attendance. 25:16 We must encourage our family to attend church regularly. 25:20 So what we are talking about are some of the values, 25:24 the core values that we must continue to teach 25:28 at the family altar to our children. 25:31 Because look what happened, the instruction was 25:33 that they should teach their children religious values. 25:36 But by the time we get to the judges, 25:39 let's read that text together, Judges 2:10-12. 25:44 Look what happened. 26:23 Wow. 26:25 Now, do you know what happened? 26:28 Israel failed miserably to pass on religious instruction 26:35 onto their children. 26:37 So that when generations to come, they did not even know 26:46 about the Lord to the extent of what He had done. 26:49 And it reached the sad state where they 26:53 provoked the Lord unto anger. 26:56 Can you imagine the generation of the people 27:00 whom God had blessed, and provided for and protected. 27:04 Their children reached a stage where they were 27:07 provoking God to anger. 27:09 And that's why we are encouraging you 27:11 to keep the family altar alive in the home. 27:14 You must continue to pass on religious instructions 27:19 onto your children. 27:20 We want our children to be educated. 27:23 We want them to be successful. 27:25 We want them to accomplish and achieve. 27:27 And all of that is good. 27:29 But remember, the greatest thing that they can have, 27:32 the greatest gift that you can give them 27:34 the gift of Jesus Christ's spiritual value. 27:38 So we thank you for listening. 27:41 And we want you to understand that God's greatest gift 27:44 is His love to you. |
Revised 2014-12-17