Welcome to
Marriage In God's Hands.
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I'm Alanzo Smith, an
Ordained Minister of the gospel.
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And I'm June Smith.
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We're both licensed
Marriage and Family Therapists,
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and licensed
Mental Health Counselors.
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We're here today to talk about,
Rebuilding the Family Altar.
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But before we do so,
June, won't you pray for us.
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I invite you to pray with us.
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Father, we thank
You for a new day.
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We thank You for the sacrifice
You made to give us salvation.
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As we establish our homes, we
ask that You will give us wisdom
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so that we can
follow Your divine plan.
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In Jesus' name, amen. Amen.
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Rebuilding the family altar.
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Rebuilding.
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The assumption is
that in some families,
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the altar has been broken down.
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But do you know why I know
it's not just an assumption?
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It's because I know for a
fact, as I relate to people
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who know Jesus, people who love
Jesus, people who have family,
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but they don't have
the family altar erected.
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And some admit, "We once had
it but it is now broken down. "
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There's a passage in scripture
that I want you to read with us.
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It's to be
found in Joshua 4:1-2.
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There are three lessons
that we want you to learn
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from this story in Joshua 4.
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The role of the Spiritual Leader
in the home is diminishing.
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Talk to us about the
Spiritual Leader in the home
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and does this
have to be the husband?
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Because there are home
where we have that challenge.
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Whoever is the
head of the household.
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So if it is a single
parent family or a dual couple,
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a couple where both
parties are in the home,
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then where the
father or husband exists,
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he is expected to be
the Spiritual Leader.
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But if it's a single
home, the person who is
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head of that household
should be the Spiritual Leader.
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But yes, someone must
assume the responsibility
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to establish a
spiritual environment.
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The way things are
happening in our society today,
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if the home is broken,
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then obviously
society will be broken.
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If society is broken, then we
see all the maladapted behavior
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that is going on.
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So, it is important for us to
establish at the very beginning
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the need for the home to
have the family altar erected.
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Notice what the text says.
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In every tribe, a spiritual
leader was to be selected.
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In the text, it says a man.
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But as we have
already clarified,
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we are cognizant of the
fact that there are some homes
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where they are single families.
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And in the case of a single mom,
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she would become
the spiritual leader.
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We're talking to
you husbands and wives.
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And we're saying, husbands, it
is your God given responsibility
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as the High Priest of the
home to command your household,
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to command your
home after righteousness.
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So, the
responsibility of the parents,
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or the head of the household,
is not just to provide
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financially for the
family, and to insure that the
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family is safe,
and all other roles
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that one plays in a family,
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but one dimension, and
one important dimension,
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is building a
spiritual environment.
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It is God's instruction to us.
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Yes.
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What does it mean when you
say, "command your household
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after righteousness?"
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Simply put, it means that
you have to say like Joshua,
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"As for me and my house,
we will serve the Lord. "
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In other words,
commanding your household
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after righteousness,
as a spiritual leader,
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you have to say, "There are
some things that will not happen
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in this home. "
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When Friday evening
comes and the sun is set
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and the Sabbath
hours start, in my house
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the television will not
be running, regardless of.
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There are certain
things that will not happen.
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That is to say, the
television for secular programs.
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This lovely, beautiful
3ABN program, sure it is fine.
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And we hope you're
watching it, you need to.
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But we're talking
about secular activities.
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Command your
household after righteousness.
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There are certain things,
that as a spiritual leader
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it's your duty to see
that it's done in your home.
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I think another role that
the spiritual leader plays
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is ensuring that they are
developing and maintaining
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a structure for
spiritual activities.
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For example, you talk
about Friday evening at sundown,
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the family knows this
is the end of the work week
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and the beginning
of the Sabbath hours.
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And if the family
is meeting for worship,
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then that's a part of
that family's structure.
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And if the family altar
is established in that home,
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then there ought to
be a regular time when
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every member of
that family is aware
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that this is
when the family meets.
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So everybody gears their
activity towards that event.
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Another aspect of this
process would be to encourage
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Christian education.
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It is part of the
spiritual commitment,
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it is part of that
spiritual high priest role
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to encourage
Christian education in the home.
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Especially in this day and
age, and the secularization
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of the curriculum.
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We have to try our best to
give our children the best.
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I think it appears
like a simple thing.
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But church attendance, I find
especially among adolescents
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and young adults, in
many churches is a challenge.
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So you have the
children that parents take
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because they're young and
they have very little choice.
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And the older
members of the family that
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regularly attend church.
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But we seem to be
loosing the young adults
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and the older teenagers.
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Now, if you're a
spiritual leader in your home
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and your child; whether it's a
young adult, an adult, a child,
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lives in your home, it is
the responsibility of that
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head of household to
ensure that your family member,
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your child is attending church.
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So, whatever the barrier is,
or whatever the difficulty is
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that the child identifies, the
parents need to work with that
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child to encourage that child,
and to show them the importance
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of gathering with the
saints, and going to meet Jesus
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or God in the center of worship.
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We spoke earlier
about single families.
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And God bless
singles and single families.
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And we thank God for them.
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They have a
tremendous contribution to give
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to the church, to
society in so many areas.
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But I must make an
appeal to men and to fathers.
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I need you to
understand the significant loss
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that we're experiencing
in society among our youths
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and our children
when they do not grow up
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with their biological father.
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We thank God for those of you
who are acting as foster parents
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or step-fathers, whatever
the category or the case may be.
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But it is important
for children to have
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their fathers in the home.
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We're going to share
with you one or two statistics
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on this issue.
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And if you want to do
more research, you will see
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it's enormous the maladapted
behaviors that we're getting
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as a result of children
growing up without their fathers
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and someone to help to
command their household
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after righteousness.
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It is said if you
research the penal system,
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that the large
majority of young men,
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or children in
general but more so young men,
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who are incarcerated, come from
homes where a father is absent.
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That is a very
significant finding.
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It is also said that 40% of all
children go to bed each night
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without a
father present at home.
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And then, sadly,
children who grow up in homes
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where the father is absent,
are likely to drop out of school
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or are likely to fail.
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So, the importance of a
father cannot be overstated.
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Yes, and we're not in any
way saying that every child
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that grows up without his or her
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biological father
in the home will fail.
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That's not what we're saying.
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When the research says 40%
of children in the United States
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go to bed without
their biological father,
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and in every world that happens,
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it means that 60%
go with their fathers.
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And we thank God for that.
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The point we're making
is that 40% is too high.
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Again, we thank God
for you God fearing mothers
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who are doing your best
and have done a wonderful job.
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There are many individuals
who have been successful
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who grew up with
just their mother.
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But the ideal that
God has put together,
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the ideal is for
the children to grow up
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with a mother and a father.
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And when you're
made for family worship,
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it's a beautiful thing
when that boy or that girl
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can see his or
her father leading out
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in that significant role.
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Leading out in
that role as the leader,
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the spiritual
leader of the home.
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Because that will pay
dividends in times to come.
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That's important.
00:12:39.09\00:12:40.50
So, we're saying that
commanding our household means
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taking responsibility that
our children, that our spouses
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are following the divine plan.
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And that we are
trying to implant and restore
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the image of God in
the minds of our children.
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And that as parents,
as the adult in our homes,
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we're attempting to model what
our children should pattern.
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So, from the story of
Joshua, there are three lessons.
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The first lesson
is that every home
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should have a spiritual leader.
00:13:13.18\00:13:16.06
We have two more
important lessons to talk about.
00:13:16.09\00:13:18.90
And we don't
want you to miss it.
00:13:18.93\00:13:21.06
We want you to be a
part of this discussion,
00:13:21.09\00:13:23.88
a part of this process.
00:13:23.91\00:13:25.29
So, we're asking
you to stay right there.
00:13:25.32\00:13:28.77
We're going to take a
break but we'll be right back.
00:13:28.80\00:13:31.36
So, we want you
to continue to enjoy
00:13:31.39\00:13:34.18
our discussion together.
00:13:34.21\00:13:36.18
There are many "How
To" books available.
00:13:45.79\00:13:48.00
But there's one that's free
and perfect for every couple.
00:13:48.03\00:13:51.18
How You Can
Build A Better Marriage
00:13:51.21\00:13:53.57
Bible-based matrimonial advice
is given in a light-hearted
00:13:53.60\00:13:57.63
easy to ready manner for
those contemplating marriage,
00:13:57.66\00:14:00.30
newlyweds, couples
in their golden years,
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and everyone in between.
Call or write for your copy.
00:14:03.46\00:14:05.17
Welcome back to our
program Marriage In God's hands.
00:14:21.99\00:14:27.00
Our topic that
we're talking about is
00:14:27.03\00:14:29.69
Rebuilding the Family Altar.
00:14:29.72\00:14:32.25
And the first point we
made is that in every home,
00:14:32.28\00:14:36.59
there should be
a spiritual leader.
00:14:36.62\00:14:39.06
The second point that
we want to bring is that
00:14:39.09\00:14:42.04
everyone has a stone to carry.
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Read with me Joshua 4:5.
00:14:49.81\00:14:53.67
In this context, we're going
to use stones as challenges.
00:15:20.99\00:15:24.61
So, the instruction was for
everyone to take up his stone
00:15:24.64\00:15:28.74
and carry it, every leader.
00:15:28.77\00:15:30.62
And we're saying, every one
of us, we have a stone to carry.
00:15:30.65\00:15:36.82
We have our challenges to carry.
00:15:36.85\00:15:40.49
And families are not spared.
00:15:41.63\00:15:43.71
The reality is,
you wake up each day
00:15:43.74\00:15:46.91
and you put your hands in God's.
00:15:46.94\00:15:50.35
Because you don't know
what your stone will be.
00:15:50.38\00:15:54.23
We're living in a
time when economically
00:15:54.26\00:16:00.94
the economy is challenged.
00:16:00.97\00:16:05.72
And it is quite difficult
for many families to survive.
00:16:05.75\00:16:10.19
In fact, for the first
time in a very long time
00:16:10.22\00:16:13.58
in this American society,
there are families who are
00:16:13.61\00:16:17.88
losing their homes,
whose businesses have gone bad,
00:16:17.91\00:16:21.75
whose economic
situation is constrained.
00:16:21.78\00:16:25.22
And that's a stone.
00:16:25.25\00:16:27.31
That is a difficult situation
for a father, or a mother,
00:16:27.34\00:16:31.26
who has the responsibility
to provide for their child
00:16:31.29\00:16:35.27
or their family.
00:16:35.47\00:16:36.75
To recognize that
their resources are limited
00:16:36.78\00:16:42.75
because the economic
time is so difficult.
00:16:42.78\00:16:47.90
And we're saying when that stone
comes, you have to carry it.
00:16:48.40\00:16:54.13
And in order for you to
get the strength to carry it,
00:16:54.16\00:16:57.24
go back to the family altar.
00:16:57.27\00:17:00.28
Another stone that
families will have to carry,
00:17:00.31\00:17:04.37
some families
have, is the challenge of
00:17:04.40\00:17:07.67
a child doing drugs.
00:17:07.70\00:17:12.27
I've had the painful task
of working with youngsters
00:17:12.30\00:17:19.41
with promise who for some
reason, one reason or another,
00:17:19.44\00:17:23.47
have moved into this direction.
00:17:23.50\00:17:26.93
And this is
trauma on the family.
00:17:26.96\00:17:29.27
You also know in your
counseling experience that
00:17:29.30\00:17:33.38
We have dealt with
so many of these cases.
00:17:33.41\00:17:36.14
And this is
trauma when that happens.
00:17:36.17\00:17:38.31
Sometimes it's not
necessarily hard core drugs.
00:17:38.34\00:17:41.65
It could be alcohol, it
could be the use of tobacco.
00:17:41.68\00:17:44.71
All of those things.
But they affect the family.
00:17:44.74\00:17:47.78
And they affect the
functioning of the family.
00:17:47.81\00:17:50.16
You have those
challenges to carry.
00:17:50.19\00:17:52.88
We have to face them.
00:17:52.91\00:17:55.20
And we're saying, take
them back to the altar.
00:17:55.23\00:17:58.63
Rebuild the family
altar and take them there.
00:17:58.66\00:18:01.82
The notion of young women,
young girls getting pregnant,
00:18:02.85\00:18:08.59
or young boys
becoming fathers prematurely.
00:18:08.62\00:18:13.09
This is another stone that
many families have to carry.
00:18:13.12\00:18:16.92
And families become overwhelmed
with the anxiety and uncertainty
00:18:16.95\00:18:22.90
and the difficulty that
it presents for the family.
00:18:22.93\00:18:26.45
So yes, we have so
much to pray about.
00:18:26.48\00:18:30.04
Poor health condition.
00:18:30.87\00:18:32.60
There are some individuals who
are going through real sickness.
00:18:32.63\00:18:38.96
Sickness is not an easy thing.
00:18:38.99\00:18:42.45
I've had my share of it,
you've had your share of it.
00:18:42.48\00:18:46.00
We've gone through our storms.
00:18:46.03\00:18:48.28
Sickness is sometimes
frightening and scary.
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And the worse part of
it, I know of individuals who
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in their moment of sickness,
they've shipwrecked their faith.
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They stop praying.
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They don't want to go
to have worship anymore.
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Our challenge, as well
as our reaching out to you
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and our prayer to you is, no
matter what you're going through
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God is greater
than all your fears,
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and even greater
than all your pain.
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And we're saying, do not
break down the family altar
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as a result of that.
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Continue to take it
to the Lord in prayer.
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One of the most
difficult challenges, I think,
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is when the family is faced with
a situation where one spouse
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becomes unfaithful.
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It creates an enormous
instability for the family.
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Not just the
marital relationship,
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but for the relationship
between father and child,
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or mother and child.
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And that is a stone
that many families carry.
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But as you rightly said,
regardless of the challenge,
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God is your friend.
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And He will never
leave you nor forsake you.
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Amen.
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The painful
feeling of rejection.
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Sometimes you
form a relationship.
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And somehow, the
relationship has all the promise
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of a marriage, all
the promise of a future,
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and for one reason or another,
something beyond your control,
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the relationship went sour.
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You feel rejected.
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Rejection is a painful feeling.
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And during those moments of pain
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and the feeling of
rejection, you may not feel like
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going to the altar.
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We're saying, yes, every
man has his stone to carry.
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And if that is your stone,
take it to the Lord in prayer.
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Every woman has
her stone to carry.
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Every child has
a stone to carry.
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So the family must be prepared
that regardless of the challenge
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we don't abandon our families.
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We don't run away
from our responsibilities.
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We, through the
mercies and grace of God
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carry our stones.
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We lay them, He says,
"Everyone that thirsts, come. "
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Bring your stones to the altar,
that's what that altar is for.
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From the story of Joshua,
we want you to understand
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that there should
be a spiritual leader.
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Let every man take out a leader.
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Select one from each tribe.
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There must be a
spiritual leader in the home.
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Secondly, each one
must carry their own stone.
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As they were going through the
crossing of the river Jordan,
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each leader was to pick
up a stone, take up a stone.
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Everyone has a stone to carry.
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And the third lesson
that we want you to learn
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from this story in Joshua is
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the need to pass on religious
instructions onto your children.
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Let's go to the word of
God and look at Joshua 4:6-7.
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Here we find in this passage
that the children of Israel,
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the leaders were to
take up these stones as they
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crossed over Jordan.
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And when they got over on the
other side in the Promise Land,
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they were to build an
altar, build a memorial
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so that in times to
come, when their children
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and their children's children
should ask their family,
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"What's the
purpose for these stones?"
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"What meaneth these stones?"
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then you will be
able to tell them about
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the goodness of the Lord.
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What God did in parting
the waters of the Jordan.
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How He sustained you
through the wilderness.
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How he sustained
them even while they were
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down in Egyptian bondage
and how He delivered them.
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The idea is that they were
to have religious instruction.
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And every family
has a story to tell.
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And Jesus, or God, is
asking us to do the same thing
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with our families.
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We want to position
ourselves to pass on our values.
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Let's look at some of the
values that we need to pass on.
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For example, we must continue
to instruct our families
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on the sanctity of the Sabbath.
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That's important.
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That is becoming
a real challenge.
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In many cities
where our families live,
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the structure of the work
situation presents a challenge.
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But families must
work hard by God's grace
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to keep the
sanctity of the Sabbath.
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Unequally yoked.
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We have to continue that message
not to be unequally yoked.
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It's God's word and
we must continue to teach
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those principles at the altar.
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A value I think that is critical
in our time is chastity.
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When you talk to young
people about being a virgin,
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they look at you as if, "What
planet are you coming off?"
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But the reality is, we
must encourage our children to
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save sex until marriage.
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Church attendance.
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We must encourage our family
to attend church regularly.
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So what we are talking
about are some of the values,
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the core values that
we must continue to teach
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at the family
altar to our children.
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Because look what
happened, the instruction was
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that they should teach
their children religious values.
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But by the time
we get to the judges,
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let's read that text
together, Judges 2:10-12.
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Look what happened.
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Wow.
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Now, do you know what happened?
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Israel failed miserably to
pass on religious instruction
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onto their children.
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So that when generations to
come, they did not even know
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about the Lord to the
extent of what He had done.
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And it reached the
sad state where they
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provoked the Lord unto anger.
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Can you imagine the
generation of the people
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whom God had blessed, and
provided for and protected.
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Their children reached
a stage where they were
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provoking God to anger.
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And that's why we
are encouraging you
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to keep the family
altar alive in the home.
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You must continue to
pass on religious instructions
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onto your children.
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We want our
children to be educated.
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We want them to be successful.
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We want them to
accomplish and achieve.
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And all of that is good.
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But remember, the greatest
thing that they can have,
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the greatest gift
that you can give them
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the gift of Jesus
Christ's spiritual value.
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So we thank you for listening.
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And we want you to understand
that God's greatest gift
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is His love to you.
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