Welcome to Marriage in God's Hands. 00:00:30.56\00:00:33.59 I am Alanzo Smith, the host of this program. 00:00:33.62\00:00:36.92 I'm June Smith. 00:00:36.95\00:00:39.44 And today we are going to talk about, 00:00:39.47\00:00:42.62 Families in Crisis. 00:00:42.65\00:00:45.43 But before we do so, we invite you to pray with us. 00:00:45.46\00:00:48.42 Our Heavenly Father, we thank You for Your mercies, 00:00:49.98\00:00:53.58 and for Your grace. 00:00:53.61\00:00:55.33 We recognize that sometimes our families are in crisis. 00:00:55.36\00:00:59.26 And Lord, we need You. 00:00:59.29\00:01:01.16 We ask that You'd bless us as we go through this discussion. 00:01:01.19\00:01:04.76 In Jesus' name, Amen. Amen. 00:01:04.79\00:01:07.90 We're going to start out by going to the story of Lazarus. 00:01:09.57\00:01:14.29 Indeed, that was a family in crisis. 00:01:14.32\00:01:18.24 It's recorded in John chapter 11. 00:01:18.27\00:01:22.10 When Lazarus took sick, his sisters sent messengers 00:01:22.13\00:01:27.43 unto Jesus and they said something like this, 00:01:27.46\00:01:30.06 "Lord, he whom Thou loveth is sick. " 00:01:30.09\00:01:35.23 And according to Ellen White and the Bible, 00:01:35.26\00:01:39.72 Jesus did or said nothing in three days. 00:01:39.75\00:01:44.41 Three days passed and He said nothing about it. 00:01:44.44\00:01:47.35 But after Lazarus' death, Jesus turned to the disciples 00:01:47.38\00:01:53.14 and He said, "Our friend Lazarus is sleeping" 00:01:53.17\00:01:57.13 describing death as asleep. 00:01:57.16\00:02:00.04 The disciples understood to some extent, but 00:02:00.07\00:02:03.50 they responded, "Well Lord, if he's sleeping he's doing well. " 00:02:03.53\00:02:09.39 It was like a denial of the reality. 00:02:09.42\00:02:14.48 And when Jesus realized that they were denying the reality 00:02:14.51\00:02:19.41 of what the situation was, He turned to them 00:02:19.44\00:02:22.55 and He said plainly, "Lazarus is dead. " 00:02:22.58\00:02:26.66 In other words, he's not sleeping as you think. 00:02:26.69\00:02:29.71 He is dead. 00:02:29.74\00:02:31.21 I want to focus on the response of the disciples. 00:02:31.24\00:02:37.01 Because it seems as if that's an act of denial. 00:02:37.04\00:02:41.13 I remember Elizabeth Kubler-Ross wrote about the first act 00:02:41.16\00:02:46.39 an individual demonstrates when there's a crisis. 00:02:46.42\00:02:50.36 Why do people deny when they're faced with a crisis? 00:02:50.39\00:02:55.21 Denial is what is referred to as a defense mechanism. 00:02:56.13\00:03:00.55 When one hears sad news, it could be perceived as a shock. 00:03:00.58\00:03:08.80 And that could throw you 00:03:08.83\00:03:10.98 in an emotional state of disequilibrium. 00:03:11.01\00:03:13.70 So what tends to happen is, the way God has designed us, 00:03:13.73\00:03:18.20 psychologically we say, "No this isn't happening. " 00:03:18.23\00:03:22.11 And it gives us time to absorb the shock. 00:03:22.14\00:03:25.65 So, there are several factors then 00:03:26.67\00:03:30.91 that influences your stability to face crisis. 00:03:31.51\00:03:37.73 Let us explore some of them with you. 00:03:37.76\00:03:41.42 For example, your emotional stability, your emotional state, 00:03:41.45\00:03:49.10 how secure you are as an individual will determine 00:03:49.13\00:03:55.57 how you can face the challenge of a crisis. 00:03:55.60\00:03:59.89 Another is what we call the severity of the event. 00:04:01.20\00:04:04.46 We live in New York City and I remember very well 00:04:04.49\00:04:08.96 the incident of 9/11. 00:04:08.99\00:04:11.04 And it was such a colossal problem that everyone 00:04:11.07\00:04:16.28 in New York, and I would dare say around the world, 00:04:16.31\00:04:19.35 in some way or form was affected. 00:04:19.38\00:04:23.44 So when you have a severe incident, the response will be 00:04:24.97\00:04:29.13 very different from maybe a local, 00:04:29.16\00:04:31.80 or even an issue that is personal. 00:04:31.83\00:04:35.30 Another factor that influences one's ability to respond 00:04:36.11\00:04:40.82 to a crisis is the proximity of the issue, 00:04:40.85\00:04:45.50 the proximity of the event. 00:04:45.53\00:04:47.32 For example, even though 9/11 affected just about everybody 00:04:47.35\00:04:52.55 around the world, we who were living in New York, 00:04:52.58\00:04:56.62 we were affected more than, say individuals 00:04:56.72\00:05:01.10 living out in California. 00:05:01.13\00:05:02.55 In the context of, we were so close to the event 00:05:03.05\00:05:06.17 I can remember vividly, I was standing there in my living room 00:05:06.20\00:05:10.52 when I watched that plane. 00:05:10.55\00:05:12.10 And then when I had to visit ground zero and 00:05:12.13\00:05:14.80 go down there and be a part of that process, 00:05:14.83\00:05:17.15 that made the crisis more painful. 00:05:17.18\00:05:22.68 So the proximity determines how we are able to handle. 00:05:22.71\00:05:27.13 And of course, people who were even within closer proximity, 00:05:27.93\00:05:31.57 in Manhattan itself, had a different response. 00:05:31.60\00:05:35.16 They were physically impacted and had to be responded to. 00:05:35.19\00:05:39.08 Now, the level of support that one has, that a family has 00:05:39.11\00:05:43.80 when they're going through a crisis, 00:05:43.83\00:05:45.27 will also influence their response. 00:05:45.30\00:05:47.73 So there's a larger network of family and friends 00:05:47.76\00:05:51.02 that can fall in place and help to pick up some of the pieces 00:05:51.05\00:05:54.14 that allows an individual to deal with the crisis 00:05:54.17\00:05:57.27 a lot differently from somebody who might be isolated from 00:05:57.30\00:06:00.37 family or friends. 00:06:00.40\00:06:01.94 And you're problem solving skills. 00:06:02.54\00:06:06.11 There are some individuals who are able to 00:06:06.14\00:06:08.64 face a problem, handle it, and work towards a solution. 00:06:08.67\00:06:14.56 There are others who run away from their problems. 00:06:14.59\00:06:17.15 They run away from their fears. 00:06:17.18\00:06:18.67 The way we find ourselves dealing with issues, 00:06:18.70\00:06:25.27 how we address problems, determine how we are able to 00:06:25.30\00:06:30.54 manage them in the long run. 00:06:30.57\00:06:32.15 Add this to our personal characteristics, 00:06:32.66\00:06:35.30 there are some people who are, what we could identify as 00:06:35.33\00:06:39.32 panic stricken. 00:06:39.35\00:06:41.38 The slightest situation throws them into disequilibrium. 00:06:41.41\00:06:45.59 And there are other people who go through challenges 00:06:45.62\00:06:49.54 frequently and learn how survive. 00:06:49.57\00:06:53.63 And so, again, your personal traits, in a sense that 00:06:53.66\00:06:58.04 you are somebody who is willing to stand up to 00:06:58.07\00:07:00.44 the stress and challenges of life, 00:07:00.47\00:07:02.52 will be handled very differently than somebody who is 00:07:02.55\00:07:05.93 very weak and emotionally fragile. 00:07:05.96\00:07:09.34 So, when you are going through a crisis, 00:07:09.85\00:07:12.11 here are some of the characteristics that you 00:07:12.14\00:07:15.02 generally exhibit. 00:07:15.05\00:07:17.10 First of all is what we call shock. 00:07:17.13\00:07:20.74 It's like, "Oh my God. " 00:07:20.77\00:07:23.87 Or you say, "Wow, how am I going to manage?" 00:07:23.90\00:07:28.41 And you just loose all sense of reality 00:07:28.44\00:07:32.01 because you are so shocked, 00:07:32.04\00:07:33.37 because of the severity of the issue. 00:07:33.40\00:07:35.95 Or you get really numb. 00:07:36.39\00:07:37.85 It's almost like you're frozen in time. 00:07:37.88\00:07:40.00 Because you just can't believe that this 00:07:40.03\00:07:42.16 horrific experience has occurred. 00:07:42.19\00:07:45.59 Let me take you back to the passage we were talking about, 00:07:46.09\00:07:48.63 the Mary and Martha situation with the death of Lazarus. 00:07:48.66\00:07:52.73 And show you the emotional response of these two sisters. 00:07:52.76\00:07:59.73 In verse 21 of the passage, when Martha saw Jesus coming 00:08:00.43\00:08:07.92 she went to him and she said, "Lord, if thou hast been here 00:08:07.95\00:08:13.88 my brother would not have died. " 00:08:13.91\00:08:16.26 She was shocked from the incident. 00:08:16.29\00:08:20.28 She was numb because of the sudden loss of her brother. 00:08:20.31\00:08:24.71 But the irony about it all, what happened here is that 00:08:24.74\00:08:28.53 her sister Mary made a similar response, as if to say that 00:08:28.56\00:08:33.13 the two sisters had planned it. 00:08:33.16\00:08:34.59 Because when you go to verse 32, 00:08:34.62\00:08:36.82 she says the same thing when she saw Jesus. 00:08:36.85\00:08:39.62 In verse 32 she says, "Lord, if thou hast been here 00:08:39.65\00:08:43.77 my brother would not have died. " 00:08:43.80\00:08:45.89 So we're talking about the emotional response 00:08:46.09\00:08:49.02 that one gives to a crisis. 00:08:49.05\00:08:50.93 It's shocking, it's painful, it's there. 00:08:51.33\00:08:55.84 Now we've been talking about the family's response to a crisis. 00:08:56.82\00:09:00.91 And we're saying there are emotional responses. 00:09:00.94\00:09:04.31 And now we're looking at cognitive responses. 00:09:04.34\00:09:07.62 There are times when one goes through a crisis that 00:09:07.65\00:09:11.54 cognitively, you just get confused. 00:09:11.57\00:09:14.30 You lose concentration. 00:09:14.33\00:09:16.22 You sometimes blame yourself that there's something 00:09:16.25\00:09:19.08 you could have done differently. 00:09:19.11\00:09:20.35 Or that you should have done to prevent the situation. 00:09:20.38\00:09:24.34 You begin to become irrational in the way you perceive 00:09:24.37\00:09:28.82 your realities here and the future that's ahead of you. 00:09:28.85\00:09:33.62 You sometimes have what we call impaired judgment. 00:09:33.65\00:09:37.36 Let's go back to our story and show an example 00:09:38.56\00:09:42.50 of an impaired judgment. 00:09:42.53\00:09:44.33 Verse 23 of the same passage we're looking on, 00:09:44.36\00:09:47.99 John 11, the story of Lazarus. 00:09:48.49\00:09:51.57 In verse 23, Jesus said to Martha, 00:09:51.60\00:09:56.70 "Thy brother shall rise again. " 00:09:56.73\00:10:00.52 That's an assurance. 00:10:01.22\00:10:02.48 "Thy brother shall rise again. " meaning, "I have the power 00:10:02.51\00:10:06.17 and I will do something. " 00:10:06.20\00:10:07.63 But because Martha's judgment was so impaired, 00:10:07.66\00:10:12.73 she could not understand the power of Jesus immediately. 00:10:12.76\00:10:16.97 She projected into the future and she was thinking of the 00:10:17.00\00:10:20.67 resurrection back at the coming of the Lord. 00:10:20.70\00:10:23.12 She says, "I know. " That's her response in verse 24. 00:10:23.15\00:10:26.75 "I know that he shall rise again in the resurrection. " 00:10:26.95\00:10:32.00 Had it not been for an impaired judgment, 00:10:32.03\00:10:35.89 she would have been able to say to herself, 00:10:35.92\00:10:38.23 "This is the Messiah, this is the Man who had been 00:10:38.26\00:10:41.50 healing sick people, opening the eyes of blind people, and 00:10:41.53\00:10:45.96 all of those things. He has that power. 00:10:45.99\00:10:48.69 Yes, He can do something for my brother. " 00:10:48.72\00:10:51.33 But again, her judgment was impaired. 00:10:51.36\00:10:54.23 Now we have looked at the emotional responses. 00:10:54.93\00:10:56.77 We're looking at the cognitive responses. 00:10:56.80\00:11:00.15 Now let's talk about some of the behavioral responses. 00:11:00.18\00:11:03.17 Ineffective communication. 00:11:04.18\00:11:06.17 When an individual is going through a crisis, 00:11:06.20\00:11:11.39 they don't communicate well. 00:11:11.42\00:11:14.36 They use words that suggest they don't care. 00:11:14.39\00:11:19.85 Or they become careless. 00:11:19.88\00:11:21.39 Or they just give up on life. 00:11:21.42\00:11:24.22 And when you're talking to them, they don't want to talk. 00:11:24.25\00:11:27.19 And they're just not there. 00:11:27.22\00:11:30.89 The stress is so great. 00:11:30.92\00:11:33.08 So that's one of them. 00:11:33.11\00:11:34.69 There's what we identify as regressive behavior. 00:11:35.39\00:11:38.16 That is, the person who before the crisis 00:11:38.19\00:11:41.56 was pretty much in control, who could get up and take care of 00:11:41.59\00:11:45.70 themselves and do what they had to do to survive, 00:11:45.73\00:11:48.39 now regressed to almost infantile behavior. 00:11:48.42\00:11:51.42 Where somebody needs to take care of them. 00:11:51.45\00:11:53.44 And they're almost like a child again. 00:11:53.47\00:11:56.42 And it's such a sad thing to watch. 00:11:56.45\00:11:59.94 Impulsivity. 00:12:00.54\00:12:01.55 Sometimes individuals who are going through a crisis, 00:12:01.58\00:12:05.68 one of their behavior response is that 00:12:05.71\00:12:07.63 they just act out of impulse. 00:12:07.66\00:12:09.53 They will just get up and go start shopping and 00:12:09.56\00:12:12.56 in one afternoon blow thousands of dollars. 00:12:12.59\00:12:16.40 They will just get up, jump on a plane and just fly somewhere, 00:12:16.43\00:12:19.95 leave their family, their plants behind, their animals behind. 00:12:19.98\00:12:23.11 Things like that. They just act on impulse. 00:12:23.14\00:12:25.96 It's just something that happens regularly. 00:12:25.99\00:12:29.23 Another behavioral response is that they withdraw. 00:12:30.03\00:12:31.95 They cut off everyone that could be supportive. 00:12:31.98\00:12:35.15 And they stay away from friends and from their co-workers, 00:12:35.18\00:12:39.73 or even church members. 00:12:39.76\00:12:41.35 This is exactly what Mary did. 00:12:41.96\00:12:44.05 Look at verse 20 of the same chapter. 00:12:44.08\00:12:47.46 Then Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, 00:12:47.49\00:12:52.08 went and met Him, but Mary sat still in the house. 00:12:52.11\00:12:57.61 She was withdrawn. 00:12:57.64\00:12:58.78 The Messiah's coming, the one person on planet earth that 00:12:58.81\00:13:01.73 can help her, there she was in her withdrawal. 00:13:01.76\00:13:05.31 She didn't want to face the world. 00:13:05.34\00:13:06.80 She didn't want to face anybody. 00:13:06.83\00:13:08.28 She didn't want to go out and see anyone. 00:13:08.31\00:13:10.41 She's going through a crisis. She wants to stay in her world. 00:13:10.44\00:13:12.97 She wants to stay by herself. She wants to lock herself 00:13:13.00\00:13:15.48 in her room. She did not want to. 00:13:15.51\00:13:17.79 Well, we're talking about crisis facing the family. 00:13:17.82\00:13:22.68 And we want you to understand, we have some others. 00:13:22.71\00:13:25.60 We want to talk about the psychological response, 00:13:25.63\00:13:27.70 the spiritual response, and some factors 00:13:27.73\00:13:30.30 that predisposes one to acute anger and stress. 00:13:30.33\00:13:35.42 Listen, we want you to be with us. 00:13:35.45\00:13:38.40 Don't go anywhere. 00:13:38.43\00:13:39.46 Stay there, we'll be right back. 00:13:39.49\00:13:41.76 There are many "How To" books available. 00:13:51.36\00:13:53.21 But there's one that's free and perfect for every couple. 00:13:53.24\00:13:56.45 How You Can Build A Better Marriage 00:13:56.48\00:13:58.94 Bible-based matrimonial advice is given in a light-hearted 00:13:58.97\00:14:02.85 easy to read manner for those contemplating marriage, 00:14:02.88\00:14:05.59 newlyweds, couples in their golden years, 00:14:05.62\00:14:08.52 and everyone in between. Call or write for your copy: 00:14:08.55\00:14:10.44 Welcome back to our program, Marriage in God's Hands. 00:14:25.49\00:14:30.13 We are talking about Lazarus, a family in crisis. 00:14:30.16\00:14:35.73 We have looked at some of the responses that families 00:14:37.43\00:14:39.74 go through. 00:14:39.77\00:14:40.74 We identified the emotional, 00:14:40.75\00:14:42.93 we looked at the cognitive responses, 00:14:42.96\00:14:45.06 we looked at the behavioral responses. 00:14:45.09\00:14:47.19 Now let us identify some of the physiological responses. 00:14:47.22\00:14:51.25 Chest pains. 00:14:51.75\00:14:53.27 When a crisis hits you, sometimes your chest 00:14:53.30\00:14:58.93 tightens up and you feel it here. 00:14:58.96\00:15:02.13 Now, for whatever the reason, the pain is real. 00:15:02.16\00:15:06.22 Let no one deny you of that. 00:15:06.25\00:15:08.42 Some individuals have to go and seek medical help. 00:15:08.45\00:15:11.72 But that's one of the physiological signs. 00:15:11.75\00:15:14.23 Another is perfuse sweating. 00:15:14.89\00:15:16.93 People who get anxious and/or nervous 00:15:16.96\00:15:20.28 tend to respond by sweating. 00:15:20.31\00:15:23.03 I remember speaking to a woman who was actually in crisis. 00:15:23.06\00:15:26.08 And you could literally see the drops of sweat 00:15:26.11\00:15:29.31 falling from her palm. 00:15:29.34\00:15:30.72 I've never seen that before. 00:15:30.75\00:15:32.40 Dizziness. 00:15:33.32\00:15:34.41 You can become very dizzy. 00:15:34.44\00:15:36.88 Fainting spells attacking you. 00:15:36.91\00:15:39.72 There is want is called irritable bowels, 00:15:41.01\00:15:44.82 where the individual in crisis loses control of the bowel 00:15:44.85\00:15:50.84 and wants to go to the bathroom constantly. 00:15:50.87\00:15:54.71 There's also a spiritual response. 00:15:55.49\00:15:57.74 And one of them that a lot of people manifest is withdrawal. 00:15:57.77\00:16:03.30 Withdrawal from God. Withdrawal from church. 00:16:03.33\00:16:07.50 Withdrawal from praying or doing the things that you use to do. 00:16:07.53\00:16:12.23 That is something that is harmful. 00:16:12.26\00:16:16.07 If you're in a crisis, the last thing on planet earth that 00:16:16.10\00:16:19.36 you want to do is to withdraw from God. 00:16:19.39\00:16:22.68 Sometimes there is an over dependence on God as well 00:16:23.38\00:16:26.86 as a spiritual response. 00:16:26.89\00:16:28.39 Where the person feels so vulnerable that they 00:16:28.42\00:16:32.74 become almost fanatic in their religious experience. 00:16:32.77\00:16:35.93 And it's not that they genuinely are seeking God, 00:16:35.96\00:16:39.19 but they're almost afraid that if they don't pay this homage 00:16:39.22\00:16:44.81 to God as it were, that the same thing could happen again. 00:16:44.84\00:16:47.76 And so it could be a withdrawal as well as an over dependence. 00:16:47.79\00:16:52.63 We're talking about the spiritual response 00:16:53.53\00:16:56.54 that individuals sometimes give in a crisis. 00:16:56.57\00:17:00.24 There are times that people not just withdraw from God, 00:17:00.64\00:17:03.98 but they become angry at God. 00:17:04.01\00:17:05.63 "Has God forgotten to be righteous?" the psalmist asks. 00:17:05.66\00:17:09.92 Sometimes people become so angry at God 00:17:09.95\00:17:13.33 that they want to shipwreck their faith, 00:17:13.36\00:17:17.00 shipwreck their life. 00:17:17.03\00:17:18.54 The one being in the universe, in the heavens, that you cannot 00:17:18.64\00:17:22.80 be angry at is God. 00:17:22.83\00:17:24.64 Why? He's your Maker. He's your Redeemer. 00:17:24.67\00:17:27.32 He's your Sustainer. 00:17:27.35\00:17:28.65 And in Him you live, and move, and have your being. 00:17:28.68\00:17:32.96 You cannot be angry at God. 00:17:32.99\00:17:34.57 And He is your Friend. 00:17:35.30\00:17:36.88 The responsive anger, however, seems to be consistent 00:17:36.92\00:17:41.55 with what happens in the grieving process. 00:17:41.58\00:17:44.04 In fact, Kubler-Ross, who you sited earlier, 00:17:44.07\00:17:46.74 talks about the stages of grief. 00:17:46.77\00:17:49.06 And one of the stages is actually anger. 00:17:49.09\00:17:52.01 So it's not unlikely or inconsistent that a person 00:17:52.21\00:17:55.37 who is going through a crisis, 00:17:55.40\00:17:56.87 and is grieving and totally overwhelmed with the situation, 00:17:57.17\00:18:00.22 will get angry. 00:18:00.25\00:18:01.94 But not every individual going through a crisis 00:18:02.44\00:18:06.61 demonstrates negative anger in the spiritual context. 00:18:06.64\00:18:12.40 There are some individuals, their crisis drives them 00:18:12.43\00:18:16.87 closer to God. 00:18:16.90\00:18:18.20 Their crisis drives them to the heart of God. 00:18:18.23\00:18:22.48 And so, they're able to find peace and comfort 00:18:22.51\00:18:27.00 in the midst of their storm. 00:18:27.03\00:18:28.57 The story we're looking at here of Lazarus' death, 00:18:28.60\00:18:33.44 here is the spiritual response of Martha. 00:18:33.47\00:18:37.97 In verse 22, after all the trauma, 00:18:38.00\00:18:40.20 and all that she was going through, her denial and etc, 00:18:40.23\00:18:43.38 she said in verse 22 talking to Jesus, 00:18:44.18\00:18:47.17 "But I know now that whatsoever You ask of God, 00:18:47.20\00:18:52.50 God will give it. " 00:18:52.53\00:18:53.95 In other words, she has gotten to the point in her faith 00:18:53.98\00:18:57.19 and in her experience where she realized that 00:18:57.22\00:18:59.95 "Yes, my brother is dead. " 00:18:59.98\00:19:02.30 "Yes this is a crisis for me and for my family. " 00:19:02.33\00:19:05.98 "But I can't turn away from the one source 00:19:06.01\00:19:09.19 that can help me most. " 00:19:09.22\00:19:10.67 So she goes to the Source and she appeals, 00:19:10.70\00:19:13.47 "But I know now, I know that if You ask God, 00:19:13.50\00:19:18.20 whatever You ask God, God will grant it unto You. " 00:19:18.23\00:19:21.37 It's like saying, "Yes, I need You to do something for me now. 00:19:21.40\00:19:25.24 Please ask God for help on my behalf. " 00:19:25.27\00:19:28.70 Now, let us look at some of the factors that predisposes 00:19:29.52\00:19:33.29 one to acute stress. 00:19:33.32\00:19:35.90 That is important. 00:19:38.19\00:19:39.32 Because depending on what the individual 00:19:39.35\00:19:44.10 has experienced in the past, your prior experience 00:19:44.13\00:19:48.26 with past stress will determine how you respond. 00:19:48.29\00:19:51.53 There are individuals who have the ability to cope 00:19:51.56\00:19:54.95 because they have gone through certain challenges. 00:19:54.98\00:19:58.87 And as a result, they have developed a coping mechanism. 00:19:58.90\00:20:02.39 Where as individuals who have been hit with a crisis 00:20:02.42\00:20:06.42 for the first time might not have the 00:20:06.45\00:20:08.57 coping mechanism with them. 00:20:08.60\00:20:11.26 Another is people or individuals who have had severe loses. 00:20:11.72\00:20:16.10 If you've had a series of crisis events, or other significant 00:20:16.35\00:20:21.99 loses in your life, then when another crisis comes, 00:20:22.02\00:20:26.18 you are really thrown for a loop. 00:20:26.21\00:20:28.74 So you could get into what we call acute stress. 00:20:28.77\00:20:33.81 This is the most severe form of stress now. 00:20:34.32\00:20:37.02 We're talking about what could drive one 00:20:37.05\00:20:39.64 into that deep end of stress. 00:20:39.67\00:20:44.69 Chronic medical condition. 00:20:44.72\00:20:48.29 There are times when, unfortunately and how sad, 00:20:48.80\00:20:52.63 the diagnosis from the doctor is of such that 00:20:52.66\00:20:56.40 there seems to be no hope. 00:20:56.43\00:20:58.54 Or it is of such that it's grave, it's bad. 00:20:58.57\00:21:03.75 And individual sometimes, doesn't take this too well. 00:21:03.78\00:21:08.49 And it drives them into deep depression. 00:21:08.52\00:21:12.58 So individuals who have had these chronic cases 00:21:12.61\00:21:16.46 sometimes go off into depression. 00:21:16.49\00:21:19.27 Another factor that predisposes one to stress is the notion of 00:21:19.95\00:21:25.48 what we refer to as family support. 00:21:25.51\00:21:28.40 People who have a network around them, 00:21:28.43\00:21:31.64 who have friends or family that they can lean on, 00:21:31.67\00:21:34.89 that they can call, and that they think or believe will 00:21:34.92\00:21:38.69 come to their aid, are more likely to survive crises. 00:21:38.72\00:21:43.76 But when they are isolated from their family and friends, 00:21:43.79\00:21:47.40 then they're more predisposed to acute stress. 00:21:47.43\00:21:50.69 And if they are physically injured, 00:21:50.99\00:21:53.68 if you are physically injured by an event, 00:21:53.71\00:21:56.70 like you have an accident. 00:21:56.73\00:21:59.47 And that accident has left you incapacitated, 00:21:59.50\00:22:02.26 or whatever it is, some people don't take that well. 00:22:02.29\00:22:07.45 "I was an athlete, I use to run. And now I can't run. " 00:22:07.48\00:22:12.90 "I use to play a particular sport and now I can't. " 00:22:12.93\00:22:17.25 Something has happened and I'm not going to be 00:22:17.28\00:22:19.77 able to do that again. 00:22:19.80\00:22:20.79 ?And when you say, "You mean for the rest of my life, 00:22:20.82\00:22:24.36 I will not be able to walk again?" 00:22:24.39\00:22:25.99 Or, "For the rest of my life, I won't be able to sing?" 00:22:26.02\00:22:28.32 Or whatever the issue is, 00:22:28.35\00:22:29.71 that could drive one into acute stress. 00:22:29.74\00:22:33.10 Another is what we call, 00:22:33.91\00:22:35.88 impaired relationship with Jesus Christ. 00:22:35.91\00:22:38.63 Where your faith and your Christian experience 00:22:38.66\00:22:42.53 is compromised. 00:22:42.56\00:22:44.03 People who are not able to open their hearts to Christ 00:22:44.06\00:22:48.40 are likely to become vulnerable. 00:22:48.43\00:22:51.55 Because now they run away from God rather than running to God. 00:22:51.58\00:22:56.55 Sometimes you have family members and friends 00:22:57.42\00:23:03.20 who are going through this acute stress, 00:23:03.23\00:23:06.76 who are going through this crisis. 00:23:06.79\00:23:08.76 And you feel crippled, you feel helpless, 00:23:08.79\00:23:11.87 and sometimes hopeless. 00:23:11.90\00:23:13.27 Because you don't know what to do. 00:23:13.30\00:23:15.65 You say, "I'm not a professional. " 00:23:15.68\00:23:18.21 "I don't know what to do. How do I reach out?" 00:23:18.24\00:23:20.72 How do we reach out to individuals who are 00:23:20.75\00:23:24.27 going through these severe crises? 00:23:24.30\00:23:27.49 One of the most difficult conversations to have 00:23:28.19\00:23:30.56 or experiences to face, is when somebody is in a severe crisis. 00:23:30.59\00:23:35.61 What do you do, as you said. 00:23:35.64\00:23:37.47 And many people don't respond because they 00:23:37.50\00:23:40.59 don't know what to do. 00:23:40.62\00:23:41.73 So, we'd like to look at some of the guidelines 00:23:41.76\00:23:44.07 that one might use. 00:23:44.10\00:23:45.75 The first thing we would identify is, 00:23:45.78\00:23:48.08 you want to listen to this person. 00:23:48.11\00:23:50.40 Give them an opportunity to tell their story. 00:23:50.43\00:23:53.33 To just vent, to just talk about what has happened 00:23:53.64\00:23:58.80 from their perspective at least. 00:23:58.83\00:24:00.54 You don't have to comment. 00:24:00.57\00:24:01.68 You just need to listen to what they have to say. 00:24:01.71\00:24:04.15 You notice we didn't say pray first. 00:24:04.91\00:24:06.48 It's not that we're underestimating or 00:24:06.51\00:24:08.71 undermining the power of prayer. 00:24:08.74\00:24:10.89 But sometimes, notice I say "sometimes", 00:24:10.92\00:24:14.58 when individuals are going through a crisis, 00:24:14.61\00:24:17.48 prayer might not be the first thing you do. 00:24:17.51\00:24:20.64 Listen carefully. Listen carefully. 00:24:20.67\00:24:23.55 Prayer might not be the "first" thing. 00:24:23.58\00:24:25.88 You may approach the person and you may say to them, 00:24:25.91\00:24:28.60 "Tell me how you feel. " 00:24:28.63\00:24:30.70 Let them vent, let them talk out, 00:24:30.73\00:24:33.34 get it off. 00:24:33.37\00:24:34.87 Then you say, "I hear what you're saying. " 00:24:34.90\00:24:38.35 "I understand your situation. Let me pray for you. " 00:24:38.38\00:24:42.30 So, it's not that prayer does not have 00:24:42.33\00:24:44.40 the power at the beginning. 00:24:44.43\00:24:45.74 But sometimes, prayer becomes more effective 00:24:45.77\00:24:48.56 when you allow the person to vent, calm down. 00:24:48.59\00:24:51.67 Then they can hear the prayer and it becomes more effective. 00:24:51.70\00:24:55.44 Another thing you might do is, in the crisis, there are 00:24:56.04\00:24:59.54 practical things that need to happen. 00:24:59.57\00:25:02.35 If it's a loss, as in a death, there's a funeral to plan. 00:25:02.38\00:25:06.47 There are other events surrounding the situation. 00:25:06.50\00:25:10.68 So the individual going through, or the family going through 00:25:10.71\00:25:13.50 the crisis, may need support in that regard. 00:25:13.53\00:25:16.78 Somebody to contact the people to make the plans. 00:25:16.81\00:25:19.70 To get the pastor to come over or whoever it is that 00:25:19.73\00:25:22.57 needs to be there to provide the kind of support. 00:25:22.60\00:25:25.30 Helping to transport people who are coming in town. 00:25:25.33\00:25:28.77 Just the practical mundane things. 00:25:28.80\00:25:31.14 We had a situation on my job recently, where one of our 00:25:31.17\00:25:33.55 colleagues lost her husband. 00:25:33.58\00:25:35.16 And there was nothing we could do. 00:25:35.19\00:25:37.83 And she was pretty affluent and didn't need financial resources. 00:25:37.86\00:25:41.59 But we took turns in just going to assist her with 00:25:41.62\00:25:45.55 much of the mundane things that she needed to do. 00:25:45.58\00:25:48.94 So that sometimes, is what might be helpful. 00:25:48.97\00:25:52.44 Another thing that we can do to help people to grieve, 00:25:53.35\00:25:55.33 is to provide an opportunity for them to reflect 00:25:55.36\00:25:59.22 on their significant other. 00:25:59.25\00:26:01.40 Allow them to talk and get it out. 00:26:01.43\00:26:04.42 Because it does help. 00:26:04.45\00:26:06.04 The story of Lazarus and his two sisters 00:26:08.56\00:26:12.03 is a story that helps us to understand that, 00:26:12.06\00:26:15.77 as families, we sometimes face crises, 00:26:15.80\00:26:19.45 and we have to go through our crises. 00:26:19.48\00:26:22.13 But it's also a reminder of, it does not matter 00:26:22.16\00:26:24.99 what the stress, what the issue, what the problem is, 00:26:25.02\00:26:28.83 that we can find help from Jesus Christ. 00:26:28.86\00:26:34.33 So we conclude... 00:26:34.36\00:26:36.16 One, families go through severe crises at times. 00:26:37.06\00:26:41.64 And these crises can render you dysfunctional. 00:26:42.34\00:26:45.92 They can cripple you at times. 00:26:45.95\00:26:48.07 Three, how we manage the crisis will determine 00:26:49.24\00:26:53.37 how we survive the crisis. 00:26:53.40\00:26:56.29 But like in the case of Lazarus and Mary and Martha, 00:26:56.49\00:27:00.77 don't you ever forget who Jesus is. 00:27:00.80\00:27:04.73 He is the Resurrection and the Life. 00:27:04.76\00:27:08.08 And the same Jesus who had the power to 00:27:08.11\00:27:11.32 go to that grave and say, "Lazarus, come forth. " 00:27:11.35\00:27:15.76 is the same Jesus that you and I serve today. 00:27:15.79\00:27:19.57 So whatever your situation, whatever your pain, 00:27:19.60\00:27:22.18 whatever your brokenness, whatever your crisis, 00:27:22.21\00:27:24.92 there is that Heavenly Father that you can go to. 00:27:24.95\00:27:29.44 And He will look at your situation, 00:27:29.47\00:27:31.55 and in His great love and infinite mercies for you, 00:27:31.58\00:27:34.43 He will say, "Come forth, come from your brokenness, 00:27:34.46\00:27:37.50 come from your pain, come from your anger, 00:27:37.53\00:27:40.13 come from your crisis. " 00:27:40.16\00:27:41.49 "Here is My love. Here is my peace. " 00:27:41.52\00:27:44.14 God bless you. 00:27:44.17\00:27:45.55